To Be A Dragon
It was another late night at Pony Joe’s.
I made a habit of stopping by whenever Twilight brought me to Canterlot. She used to take me every once in a while as a treat, but these visits were the only chances I had after we moved. The Cakes are great and I could never say this to Pinkie, but nopony makes desert like Pony Joe.
Anyway, it was one of those hot nights that I would have loved to spend relaxing under the stars with my friends. That was what we had planned, actually, but Princess Celestia summoned Twilight to the capital and we had to take off. That kind of thing happened pretty often after she became a Princess. I didn’t usually mind. It meant more visits to Joe’s.
On this particular evening, though, I was less than excited as I pushed through those big glass doors on the corner of Starswirl Street. Twilight had been in the palace for hours and I got bored. That was a problem. When I can keep busy cleaning or cooking or saving Equestria, I’m just fine. When you leave me alone I get to thinking, and when I get to thinking I usually end up needing to see Joe.
The place was empty that night. I was a little surprised by that, but when I glanced at the clock above the bar I understood why. It was half past twelve and the city’s respectable ponies had turned in for the night. Twilight had been busy longer than I’d thought.
Joe wasn’t there either, so I got up on a stool and waited. It was the same stool I’d sat on when Twilight brought me there for one of my birthdays so long ago. She had a huge test coming up the next day and she was so worried about it, but she put down her books and took me out anyway.
“Spike!” Joe came out of the back room, smiling. He was always glad to see me. Sure, we had that little incident on the train to the Crystal Empire, but we got past it.
“Isn’t it a little late for you to be out?” He had a point.
“Probably.” I sighed, leaning on the bar and resting my head on my claws.
Joe slid me a hot chocolate. “What’s got you down?”
“I’ve been thinking.”
He shook his head. “You gotta stop doing that, Spike. Every time you start you end up passed out right there-”he pointed to the floor next to my stool “-and I get an earful from Twilight when she picks you up.”
I chuckled. “That sounds about right.”
“Look, kid, you’re a baby dragon. You got no business thinking so much. I know fillies and colts your age who’ve had as many thoughts in their whole lives as you’ve had today.”
“So do I,” I muttered into my drink.
“And are they alone in a dingy doughnut shop sugaring themselves silly right now?”
I chuckled again. “Joe, this is Canterlot’s premier doughnut place and you know it.”
“That’s not the point,” he continued, dismissing my words with a wave of his hoof. “You oughta be doing kid stuff.”
“Like what? Learning to fly? Learning magic? Getting my cutie mark?” I laughed. “What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Kick back. Relax. It’s no good worrying all the time. Life doesn’t last forever.”
I looked down. “It does for me,” I said in a whisper.
Joe didn’t say anything for a while after that. He turned around and got a doughnut for me, then leaned against the bar. He was quiet while I ate.
Finally, he asked, “So that’s what’s bothering you?”
“Yeah.”
“Spike, you can’t dwell on-”
“I can’t do anything else!” I hissed, slamming my mug down. I looked him straight in the eyes. “I’ll be at your funeral, Joe. It may be six years from now or sixty but I’ll still be around. I’ll be at yours, I’ll be at Twilight’s, I’ll be there when they bury every single friend I’ve ever had. I’m going to dwell on that forever.”
That’s the price of being a dragon, something I’ll only ever talk about with Joe. Twilight knows, of course, but it’s easy for her not to think about it. She’s pretty busy, after all. As for everypony else, well, I’m not sure if it’s ever crossed their minds, and I’m certainly not going to bring it up. It would only worry them.
Suddenly, the walls of the doughnut shop felt too close. I needed to get out, get some air, clear my head. I needed something to do.
I put a few bits on the counter. “I’m sorry, Joe. I’ll get going.”
“You sure?” He looked concerned. “I can get somepony if you need anything.”
I ignored him and hurried out the door.
Outside I started running. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care. I just needed to stop thinking. Streetlights flashed past me faster and faster. Neon signs blinked and blurred together as I shot by. I rounded a corner and tripped, rolling into the street.
I didn’t get up. What was the point? There was no one else there. No one to run me over or pick me up. No one to even look at me. I was alone in the dark.
So I just lay there, breathing hard. I stared at the stars. It would be so easy, I thought, to follow one of them. I could just pick one and start walking. I could find a nice cave and a few dragon friends and start putting together some treasure. Maybe there’d even be a pretty dragon girl out there for me. We could have adventures and eat gems together and I’d never have to think about funerals again.
And my pony friends? They’d get by, I thought. They’d be a little sad for a while, but they’d be fine, right?
Wrong. That was a lie and I knew it. Fluttershy would fret herself silly and Rainbow and AJ would probably lead a search party after me. Pinkie Pie would be too upset to party and Rarity would sob and say it was the worst possible thing that could happen. And Twilight…
I had a pet phoenix once. I watched him hatch and grow and I took care of him and we were the best of friends. But when he got big enough, I knew that it was time for him to go back where he belonged. I tracked down his family and I let him go. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I couldn’t hurt Twilight like that. No matter how bad I felt, no matter how much I dreaded the future, I couldn’t do it. I knew where I belonged.
I got up. I didn’t look at the sky anymore. I looked for street signs and I started walking.
Half an hour later I was outside the palace. As I arrived I spotted Twilight coming out. She yawned and trotted over.
“I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long,” she said sleepily.
I shook my head. “No problem.”
“What did you do while I was in there?”
I hesitated. “I… took a walk.”
“That’s all?” She seemed surprised.
“Yeah.”
“Well, have you seen enough of the city? Are you ready to go home?”
I smiled up at her. “That’s the only place I want to be.”