A Love Lost
The Ones We Love
The road to Sweet Apple Acres from Carousel Boutique had always been a long one, usually taking Rarity the better part of an hour to traverse. But today, the walk seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Stone roads turned to trails of packed dirt, and from that to soft soil, that gripped at the alabaster unicorn’s hooves as she walked. Being a mare of such refinement, normally she was disgusted by the clingy feeling of the softly packed earth; how it clung to her coat if she let her hooves sink too deep. But today, the dirt beneath her troubled her not, but instead kept her grounded, hardened her resolve not to turn back to the comfort of her home.
Not that she ever would turn back. Save for the fact that she was almost there already, to turn around now would make her a terrible friend. Her friend was in trouble, and it was her responsibility to help. She had made this walk once before, not just the walk to the orchard, for she had hiked her way to the farm dozens of times. But she had made the walk with the same goal in mind. Of course last time her friends stood by her side; Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Fluttershy, had made their way silently through the muck, each wearing a sullen expression. Except for the yellow pegasus, who sobbed uncontrollably, sniffling and wiping her eyes the entire time. Rarity didn’t blame her, who could blame her? They all wanted to cry, to collapse to the cold ground and release their anguish in a flow of tears. But Fluttershy was the only pony brave enough to do it.
This time, however, the dress-maker walked the trail alone, her decision to go left unannounced to the ponies she held most dear. They would want to follow her again; they were good friends that way. But she thought it best to be alone. They had all failed the last time, for in a situation like this, there is no strength in numbers, no security. Of course, with those mares around, she had felt a lot less nervous.
No Rarity, She chided herself. You mustn’t let your nerves get the best of you. You have to be there for her.
She knew she was right, she tried to focus on where she was, what she was trying to do. She felt the mid-morning sun spill on her from between the clouds that blanketed the skies quite thickly. The air smelled of growth and life, the way it always did for anypony who approached the farm. Although Ponyville was a small town, it created its own smell, the smell of the market place, of burning wood in the chimney’s as Celestia lowered the sun beyond the hills to the horizon. The scents of the town kept the odors of nature at bay.
Rarity used to despise the smell, she had stayed in her home to long, locked away with her projects and orders from clients that whenever the breeze blew in from the fields, she was compelled to shut the window, to prevent the ruthless assault on her senses. But of course befriending the town’s local farm-mare led to an eventual tolerance for the smell of soil and growth. In fact, occasionally, during the long hours of creating dress upon dress on the whims of needy and ungrateful clients, she yearned for that smell, the smell of freedom from the confines of her room. It reminded her of Applejack.
Today though, the scent carried little comfort, but instead only strained her nerves further. She couldn’t ever remember being so worked up about visiting a friend. She climbed the final small hill, from which Sweet Apple Acres was clearly visible. Even before that climb, she could already picture where each member of the Apple family was. Well at least the ones who resided at the orchard. She stood atop the hill for a moment, her eyes scanning over the seemingly endless expanse of apple trees. All her years as a seamstress had given her quite the keen eye, and sure enough, within moments she spotted a stocky red stallion, lumbering between the tree trunks, holding a large bucket in his mouth as he walked. A few weeks ago she might’ve walked down to Big Macintosh, and said hello. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist but he had a good heart. Many of the ponies in town thought the bulky stallion to be a simpleton, likely because of his quiet and reserved nature, but the ponies familiar with him knew, him the be rather thoughtful.
Though nowadays that side of Big Mac had become harder to see, for even as Rarity watched he stomped heavily over to a tree, tossing the bucket down roughly to the soft grass. He then spun around and wound up for a few long moments, before his legs shot out from behind him, striking the tree with a loud crack and a frustrated grunt. When he lowered his great hoof, Rarity saw a dent in the tree, easily visible even from her distance. Half the trees in the orchard were damaged because of his ruthless work; a few had even fallen down.
The red farm pony began to walk away before stopping, slowly turning to look up at the white unicorn. Rarity remained motionless, not even waving, just holding a steady gaze with the stallion. After a few moments, he dropped his head, and wandered further into the trees, and out of her sight. That was the first time anypony had seen him in days, all of his hours spent either out in the fields, or sleeping. He was angry, unsure of how to express it, so he just worked, day after day, harvesting the past year’s yield. He didn’t speak a single word.
Rarity heard another far off crack. She shook her head and descended the little hill. She knew Applejack’s brother would be working; he had been when all her friends came. And the unicorn was willing to bet she knew where the rest of the Apple’s were too. Her hooves carried her through the dirt all the way to the farmhouse, standing tall and silent like the tree’s that surrounded it. Usually the old farm house was the epitome of liveliness, with the resident family either working busily or playing vigorously, there was almost always activity on the farm. But in the past few weeks the atmosphere began to resemble that of a morgue. The air felt heavy and oppressive. Most of the curtains were drawn, except for a few on the lower level of the house. And sure enough when she approached the door of the farm pony’s home, through the window she could see Granny Smith, sitting in her chair, a box messily labelled “Photo’s” in old faded marker lay to her side. In her hooves she held a faded green photo album, slowly turning the laminated pages with a wrinkled hoof. Occasionally she would push her reading glasses up on her muzzle, but other than that the old mare hardly moved.
Rarity was hesitant to knock; she knew exactly what would happen when she did. It happened when they had all come to the farm last time, and it had nearly broken her heart. The door was almost certainly unlocked, and it hardly ever creaked, so sneaking in wasn’t out of the question. But that would be impolite, improper of her, to enter a home without anypony’s knowing. And what if she startled them? She raised a shaky hoof up to the barn door, gently tapping three times with her slightly muddied hoof.
The pale mare winced as she heard Granny’s gasp. Even from outside the house she could hear the mare scramble to get out of her chair.
“Applejack!” She heard her call in utter delight. “Applejack come downstairs, she’s here! She finally came back!”
The door swung open the reveal Granny Smith, a bright smile beaming on her face, her eyes sparkling. She was old, that was plain enough to anypony, but whenever she smiled the years just seemed to fall off of her. But as she opened the door for the unicorn, her smile faltered and fell almost immediately.
“Oh,” She mumbled quietly, her eyes drifting down. “Hello dearie.”
Rarity felt a pang of guilt in her chest, stealing away those few moments of happiness. The same thing had happened the first time and it hurt her deeply. Now, doing it a second time threatened to drive her to tears.
“Hello Mrs. Smith.” She said, keeping it short to hide the quiver in her voice.
“I suppose you’re here to see Applejack.” She guessed, still not looking up.
“Yes.” Was all she could get out. Granny Smith sniffed and stepped out of the way, allowing the unicorn to enter.
“She’s up in her room.” She spoke sullenly, walking slowly back to her chair.
Rarity swallowed.
“Thank you.” Rarity managed in a quiet voice, but the old pony paid her no mind, only sitting back down in her ratty chair and returning to her album. Her eyes gazed longingly into the book, staring at the captured images of her memories. A single tear rolled slowly down her cheek. The unicorn felt that she should apologize for what she had done. And for what Granny Smith had lost.
She felt such sorrow for the old farm pony it hurt, but when she opened her mouth, no words came out, only silence. She closed her mouth and cast her gaze to the floor. I shouldn’t pester her more than I have already. With one last sorrowful look to the pony in the chair, the white mare ascended the stairs in silence.
As she climbed it dawned on her just how silent the house had become. Save for the sounds of her own hoofsteps, and the muffled cracking noise that was made as Big Macintosh worked, it was deathly quiet. She stepped slowly, delicately, almost afraid to disturb the stillness that unsettled her so. It wasn’t very often that Rarity paid a visit to Sweet Apple Acres, but whenever she did, it was quite lively and loud. Even when she’d come here with her friends, there was noise in the house. The sound of crying.
Her ears lowered as she gazed up to the wall beside the staircase, once adorned with photographs. Now, only the shapes where the paint was still unfaded remained, like dark scars upon the house. She reached the top, trying to get her bearings, only having been upstairs once. It was dark, the only light came for a crack in the drawn curtains at the end of the hall. As she looked around the silent upper level, her heart jumped and her breath halted for a moment as her eyes settled on a small mass curled up on the floor.
“Applejack?” She whispered, horrified by the sight. She saw the outline of two ears perking up. The mass shifted and rose until it stood upon four legs. But it was far too small to be a pony.
“Oh,” Rarity sighed in relief. “Hello Winona.” Rarity used her magic to spread the curtain a little further. Light spilled into the hall, revealing a small brown and white dog. Upon hearing her name she walked over to the mare. Winona sat before her hooves and whined.
“It’s been hard on all the tenants of this house hasn’t it?” She spoke softly, scratching the dog behind the ears. Rarity had never been around the dog too much, but she had been well trained, and well taken care of. She looked sad, out of place. She gave Rarity a single sullen lick on her hoof; she did her best not to display disgust. Rarity had never seen the usually exited pup so still. She looked up to the door she had been laying before. It was shut tight like the others, but it was more than likely the room where Applejack was residing. She patted the dog softly before lifting herself up and walking to the door. The Apples’ pet didn’t follow, instead just curling up on the floor where she stood.
The unicorn took a few breaths as she grasped the doorknob with her magic. She braced herself for the reaction of her friend. She had come to help, but Applejack wouldn’t see it that way, Rarity knew that. The farm mare had been different since that day, she was no longer herself. But despite her lingering uncertainty, Rarity still found herself a little excited to see her friend again. The circumstances of the visit were less than optimal, but she hadn’t seen the orange mare in weeks, and although they tended to bicker, seeing the empty space where her friend used to be pained her deeply. She opened the door slowly, hoping not to scare her. She leaned her head in as it opened. There she sat, the element of honesty, in an old wooden chair, facing the window with her back to the door. Her tail and mane were still tucked into a pony tail, but she wore no hat.
She hadn’t seen this pony in days, she was unsure of what to expect, but she didn’t look too bad, all things considered. Her room was a different story entirely. Shelves had been violently emptied of their contents, bits of broken glass and snapped wood littered one corner of the room. Pillows had been messily tossed about, and her desk in the corner had been flipped. The only piece of furniture in remotely good condition was her bed, which remained unmade and untidy. Although the state of the room didn’t bother her half as much as what it meant. The last time she and the girls had come here, the room was still in decent condition. Applejack had gotten worse.
Rarity took a breath to calm herself, mentally preparing for the task ahead of her.
“Hello Applejack.” She said softly.
The orange mare showed no reaction, sitting so still, after a few moments Rarity began to doubt she heard her. But as she opened her mouth to repeat the greeting, she heard the farm pony grumble.
“So there was actually somepony at the door this time.” Her voice was low and monotonous. Yet it was such a relief to the refined mare to hear, it had been weeks since she’d last spoken.
“I’m terribly sorry for the distress I caused Granny Smith.” Rarity stammered out the apology.
“Don’t be, seems like every ten minutes she hollerin’ about somepony at the door, and half the time it’s nothin’.” She sounded frustrated, which didn’t surprise Rarity in the least. She took a few steps toward her apple bucking friend. The floorboards creaked beneath her hooves, but Applejack still didn’t stir. Daringly, Rarity carried herself a little further, so as to stand in front of her. Once Rarity was planted between the earth pony and the window she looked to her. Her head was hung low, her mane hung over one shoulder. The unicorn watched the slow rise and fall of her body with each breath. The orange mare showed no signs of acknowledgement.
“How are you feeling Applejack?” She inquired stretching out a hoof to touch her, establish a connection. But an orange hoof quickly batted her own away. Applejack looked up.
“The same way Ah’ve felt for the past eight weeks.” Applejacks voice was saturated in pain. Her eyes were red and bloodshot. Her face was quite pale, and she wore a hard scowl. Rarity gasped at the brutal look upon her friend.
“Why are you here Rarity?”
The pale pony wasn’t quite sure how to answer.
“It’s been so long since anypony’s seen you, and I thought you might want some company.”
“Do Ah look like Ah want company?” She seethed.
“No, but I do. We do, we all miss you terribly Applejack.” Rarity said softly. She let out a small shriek as the earth pony suddenly bolted up to her hooves, tossing the wooden chair aside.
“There y’all go again makin’ it all about you!” She pointed a hoof at the frightened mare. “Do ya wanna know who Ah miss Rarity!?”
Rarity remained silent; knowing full well who it was she missed. The orange pony’s eyes were full of fire, but as she looked into the scared eyes of the unicorn, the fury lessened. In the quiet she heard Applejacks breath lighten slightly, and she took a deep breath.
“Rarity, ya know why Ah’ve been gone, ya know why Ah’ve been shuttin’ everypony out lately. I just don’t want to be pestered right now. Ah want to be left alone. Ah want to mourn.” She sat on the floor and looked down.
“And you have every right to do that Applejack.” She moved a little closer. “I know you’ve suffered a great loss, but what you are doing to yourself is unhealthy.”
“Who are you to tell me how I should mourn the loss of my family?”
“I’m not telling you how to mourn Applejack, I’m telling you that shutting out your friends is the last thing you need during times of tragedy. I know-”
“No you don’t!” She shouted. “You don’t know anything, none of you! You don’t know what Ah’ve lost!”
“Applejack, I understand you want to be alone, but it’s been almost nine weeks-”
“She deserves a LIFETIME!” She screamed, getting back up to her hooves. She was tense, she looked like a caged animal, threatened, wanting to lash out. “Ya said it’s unhealthy, what Ah’m doing is unhealthy? Ah deserve it!”
The farm pony turned her back on her friend. Rarity took the chance to wipe her eyes of tears. She didn’t want Applejack to think she was weak.
“Applejack, what happened that day was not your fault, it was an accident.”
“Ah let her come up to the roof with me! Ah was responsible for her safety, and Ah failed her!”
“You let her come up there with you because she ASKED you to; you were just trying to be a good sister!” Rarity shouted now, deciding to combat her with volume.
“AH CAVED!” She stomped her hooves on the ground. “Ah knew she was too little, it was too dangerous, but she looked at me with those big beggin’ eyes, and Ah thought ‘what’s the harm in letting her come to the top of the barn, it’s just a little re-shingling work, she’ll be safe.’ But it was my job to keep her safe, and Ah didn’t. What happened that day was my fault Rarity.”
“It was not your fault.” She said, trying to level her voice.
“No, Ah can’t accept that. Somepony has to be at fault, and if it wasn’t me, that means it was her, and Ah can’t accept that.”
“I’m not saying it was her fault either Applejack! It was an accident; nopony could’ve seen it coming.”
Applejack paused looking down. Then, she locked her eyes with Rarity’s.
“What if it was Sweetie Belle, Rarity?” She said in a surprisingly low tone. The white pony found herself at a significant pause.
“I-I’m not sure what you mean.”
“What if it had been Sweetie Belle that I let up to the roof? What if it was her that fell, when Ah should’ve been watchin’ over her? Would it still be ‘an accident’? Would you still say Ah wasn’t to blame?”
Silence.
“Would you?”
Silence.
“Would you!?”
She wanted to say yes. She wanted to say that she wouldn’t blame her, that it would still be an accident. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t lie to her. If such a scenario happened, she would undoubtedly blame the pony who should’ve been supervising her sister. She opened her mouth, but again she could not summon the words, and Applejack walked out of the room, tossing a small end table as she passed it. Rarity followed, unwilling to let this drop, not now. She had to get through to her friend. The earth pony turned the corner and trotted down the stairs.
“Applejack, stop.” Rarity begged, but instead of heeding, the mare trotted faster. “Applejack please!”
The orange mare shot out the door, and Rarity followed suite, sprinting as fast as she could. It had gotten cloudier outside, the sky had become grey, and it looked like they were in for some weather.
“Applejack, please listen to me!” she breathed as she ran. “I know you want to blame yourself, and if it had been Sweetie Belle, I doubt that I would be the least bit forgiving, but that doesn’t mean that it would be your fault.”
The trunks of Apple trees blurred past them as they ran. Her friend looked as though she were slowing, but had no intention of stopping yet. Rarity was nowhere near the physical condition of the farm pony. She would tire out eventually. She had to make her stop.
“You keep acting like you want to be sad, you want to suffer to atone for an accident you had no control over. But I don’t think that’s what you want, you just want somepony to fight hard enough to pull you out, to make you believe that you are innocent, because you don’t believe it yourself.”
She was crying now, her lungs hurt, her heart ached, but the words she spoke were the truest she could muster, and she hoped that would be enough. Slowly, both mares decreased their speed, until they stood still, in the middle of the orchard, surrounded by the tall fruit bearing trees. The unicorn stood there, wordlessly, waiting for a response from her friend. The wind was beginning to pick up, confirming Rarity’s suspicions about the weather. But she paid little mind to it, focussing on her friend. Once again, she made an attempt to get close, walking slowly through the tall grass to comfort the grieving pony. But before she made it, Applejack finally spoke.
“Do ya know, how long it’s been since Ah had a full nights rest Rarity?” She asked, as though it were an everyday question. The refined mare shook her head.
“Me neither,” She let out a rueful chuckle. Rarity hadn’t heard the orange pony laugh in so long, she thought it would be pleasant, but the sound only carried regret. “But it must’ve been more than nine weeks ago.” She turned to face the alabaster unicorn.
“Every night Rarity. Do you know what it’s like to wake up every night, with your heart pounding, covered in cold sweats? Ah want to sleep so badly Rarity, but I can’t’ because every night I have the same nightmare. It’s like a curse, Ah can’t escape it. We climb up to the roof, everything is fine, but now, it’s like Ah’m on the outside, floating above watching both of us. Ah’m dippin’ my brush in the tar, layin’ down the shingles and Apple Blooms right beside me, tellin’ me ‘how high up we are’ and ‘thank you so much for taking me with you.’ And Ah’m quiet, Ah don’t even look at her Ah just keep working. Ah lay down another shingle Ah’m leaning over, Ah don’t see her walk away from me. She looks over the edge, she wants to see how high up she climbed, the way foals always do. She loses her balance, she starts dipping towards open air, she’s gonna fall.” Applejack sniffed and wiped her eyes. “And just for one second, it looks like she just might make it back, plant her little hooves back on the roof, and walk away. And then she falls.” Rarity listened transfixed. This was the first time Applejack talked about what happened since the hospital.
“That day, Ah had my back turned, I didn’t see until it was too late. But in the nightmares Ah see it all. Ah watch her fall, Ah watch her body when it... The Applejack on the roof only looks up when she hears the thud. Ah still remember the feeling, when Ah looked behind me, and she wasn’t there. In the nightmare, Ah don’t do anything, Ah just go back to the roof. But Ah swear that’s not how it happened. Ah never ran so fast in my life.
“When Ah saw her on the ground, just layin’ there Ah knew she was gone, Ah knew that she was already gone, but Ah ran anyway. Ah picked her up off the ground. She was still warm. She was so small Rarity. And Ah ran her to the hospital, as fast as Ah could, but it felt like Ah was just running through molasses, no matter what Ah did, Ah was still too slow. But in my nightmare, that doesn’t happen. The Applejack on the roof just keeps working, while Ah’m forced to look down on my sister’s lifeless body. Ah try to scream, but nothing happens. All Ah can do is look at her. Then finally everything goes dark, and Ah can’t’ see her anymore, and Ah think, ‘Thank Celestia, it’s finally over.’ But it’s not over, because in the darkness all Ah can hear is Apple Bloom’s voice. And she only say’s one thing Rarity.” She turned to look at her; the fury that was once in her eyes was replaced by deep cutting pain. And yet, no tears.
“Do you know what she say’s?”
The unicorn shook her head.
“She just keeps askin’ me ‘Why?’ Ah’m not sure what she’s askin’ exactly. Why did she fall? Why wasn’t I there to help her? Why was it her and not me?”
Rarity wanted to pipe up, tell her that such thoughts were dangerous and unhelpful, but Applejack put up her hoof to keep her quiet. “I know what you’re gonna say. Don’t worry, it ain’t like that. But Ah fight as hard as Ah can to wake up, and Ah try with all Ah have, not to fall asleep again, because hearing her voice again is just too much for me to bear.
“But the worst... the worst are the nights where Ah wake up, and Ah can almost believe that it was all just a nightmare. That if Ah walk into her room, Ah won’t find an empty bed, and she’ll just be sleeping there, havin’ sweet dreams that she’ll tell me about in the mornin’. But her room is empty, and she is gone, and I’ll never see her again, except in the memories of my mistakes.”
She looked down, silent as the trees, and Rarity took a moment to compose herself. Never had she felt such sorrow for another pony, let alone one of her best friends.
“Applejack, I can’t even begin to fathom the pain you have been feeling. You’ve lost so much, and you’ve been carrying all this crushing guilt.” She walked to her slowly. “You have to let us help you. We’re your friend’s darling, and seeing you in such agony is heartbreaking.”
“Ah’m sorry Rarity, but you don’t even know the beginning of heartbreak.”
“No I don’t, nothing even near the magnitude you have. But I am here for you.” Rarity had almost reached her, when she got up again and began to walk away.
“Rarity, Ah don’t want your help, or your sympathy, Ah just want to be left in peace.”
“There you go again, forcing yourself into some self-enforced solitude! You can’t keep doing this to yourself Applejack, you can’t keep making yourself suffer.” Rarity didn’t mean to raise her voice, but she had to make this pony see.
“Ah never asked for your help! Ah never asked for this to happen to my family! Maybe you’re right, maybe Ah don’t deserve the blame, but Ah just can’t see things your way Rarity! The fact of the matter is, Ah lost one of the ponies Ah love most in this world, Apple Bloom is dead and Ah just can’t find worth in anything anymore.”
“Please listen to me-”
“No Rarity you listen. Ah don’t want you here, Ah don’t need you here, and Ah want you to get off my property, now.” She turned her back.
The unicorn could hardly believe what she was hearing. She was being forced off her friend’s farm. For trying to help!
“You know that I’m right Applejack.”
“Now.” She repeated.
“You’ve always been a stubborn pony, but I never expected you to fight so hard to hurt yourself.”
“Now!” she said louder, her breath was getting heavier again.
“But what you do to yourself is affecting all the ponies around you, can’t you see? You’re hurting your friends, you’re hurting me, and your family is falling apart!”
“NOW!” She roared, turning her head to shout at her.
“Do you really think this is what she would’ve wanted you to turn into?” Rarity pushed harder, taking a risk. “Do you think this is the way to mourn her loss, to hurt all the ponies around you?”
Applejack spun with a fury. Her eyes were filled with pure anger as she lifted her hoof to strike her. She had never seen Applejack in such an unbridled rage; she had no doubt that her friend had every intention of hitting her. Rarity didn’t flinch, she didn’t even blink. Instead she just held a level gaze with her friend, preparing for the hit. Her orange hoof shook, but as they held each other’s stare, her anger cooled slightly and she lowered her hoof to the ground, with regret etched in her face.
“Just go.”
Rarity saw this was going to get her nowhere. Her friend wanted her gone, her friend wanted to hit her. Her friend wanted to wallow in her pity and continue hurting the ponies she loved. Fine. She had come here with the intention of trying to bring her back from the pit of despair she’d dug herself into, but now she seemed further than ever. She told herself she wouldn’t quit, that she couldn’t give up on her friend, but her options were running out. Rarity spun and walked back towards the trail, feeling a fury of her own taking hold.
“We are your friends Applejack.” She said, before she was out of earshot. “And we’ll always be there for you. No matter how hard you push us away.”
With that, the unicorn walked away, headed back to her home, feeling a failure to the friend she’d left standing behind her, alone. The first few droplets of rain fell onto her muzzle. It took all Rarity had not to turn around, not to try again. But as grievously as it pained her to walk away, she knew she had to, it wouldn’t do any good to continue to pester her friend.
The rain poured down harder, turning the topsoil into sticky mud. The white unicorn felt her hooves begin to stick and she picked up her pace. But just before she met the trail once more to leave the farm, she broke and turned to look behind her. It was difficult to see through all the trees, but behind it all sat an orange pony, her head hung low, letting the rain dowse her. Rarity finally let the tears flow freely as she walked the trail home.
She was almost glad it was raining as she finally got back to town. The smell of the farm left her, replaced by the smell of rain. The awful weather kept the townsfolk indoors, so they couldn’t see her in such a state. She felt so useless. Twice now she tried to save her friend from pain, but both times she failed, this time leaving her in solitude. What kind of friend am I? The unicorn inquired as she traversed the empty streets to her boutique.
Sometimes Rarity enjoyed walking in the rain; it was interesting to see the town so barren. The sky was grey and gloomy; the only signs of life in the town were the glowing lights in the windows of everpony’s homes. This is how it should have been when she died. She thought to herself. Both the day Apple Bloom fell, and the day her funeral was held were gorgeous days. Nearly everypony in town attended the funeral service. Ponyville was a very close-knit community, and a filly perishing so young was such a tragedy, many ponies felt obligated to pay their respects. But now most of the townsfolk had forgotten, going back to their daily lives, smiling feeling happy. But the ponies who knew her personally still mourned, still remembered that she was gone. No more would Apple Bloom run about the town, crusading for her cutie mark. No more would she charge into the boutique asking to play with her sister. Rarity reached her door.
“Sweetie Belle, I’m home.” She called, not expecting any response, just letting her know.
Oh Sweetie Belle. Rarity’s sister had taken the loss very hard, she dare guessed nearly as hard as Applejack. It had taken her days to stop crying, and even when she finally did, she hardly spoke. She hid away in her room most of the day, coming down only for meals, which she mostly she poked at halfheartedly. Their parents had thought she might be happier spending a few days with her sister, and Rarity held no complaints. The loss of Apple Bloom and the affect it had on Applejack, reminded her how much she cared for her own sister. Sadly, her visit didn’t have the desired result, as she still hid herself away in the room Rarity had prepared for her.
She might have forced her out, or tried to talk to her as she did with Applejack, but she still let Scootaloo in, which was better than nothing. The orange filly would come to her house sometimes, asking if she could visit with Sweetie. Scootaloo was one of the few ponies who didn’t cry at the funeral. She just stared, empty, her face void of emotion. Rarity never stopped her; she thought it was good for them to spent time together. The white filly hadn’t shut out her big sister entirely though, she always gave her a hug and a kiss before she went to sleep, which Rarity was quite grateful for.
Rarity walked into her kitchen with a sigh, and began warming a kettle for some tea. She sniffled and wiped her eyes a few times. Her kitchen was an absolute disaster, much like the rest of her shop. She had really let it fall apart; stacking dishes everywhere, only washing what she needed for meals. In other rooms, fabric and thread littered every surface, as she just set her materials down wherever she stood. She looked down to the floor, the only thing she made an attempt at handling, now ruined by her muddy hooves. I’ll clean up tomorrow. She thought, just as she had for the past few weeks. When the pot started whistling, she poured herself a cup of herbal tea that Twilight had gotten her hooked on. She especially enjoyed the beverage on rainy days, the days she liked to pamper herself as she worked. There wasn’t much else to do when the weather took a turn for the worse. After she drained her cup she walked back to her doormat, making more of an effort to get as much of the mud off of her hooves as she could. Usually she noticed when such an accumulation of dirt clung to her, but her mind had obviously been elsewhere today.
She climbed her own stairs once her hooves were in an acceptable state, aiming to take a shower to make herself proper again. As she turned the corner to walk into her bathroom, she glanced over to Sweetie Belles temporary room. The ornate wooden door was still shut tight, and all was quiet behind it. She entered the washroom.
Feeling the warm water run down her body had a slight calming effect on the mare, but it was still far off from setting her mind straight. She wondered what Applejack was doing as she rinsed out her hair. She hoped she and her brother weren’t still out in the rain, but it was entirely likely they were. She didn’t mean to raise her voice at her friend, she had never intended to become so frustrated, and she doubted Applejack did either. But they seemed to have that effect on each other coming to disagreements quite often. But it had never gotten so heated that one of them became violent.
Rarity could still see it in her mind’s eye, one of her best friends winding up to strike her. Rarity had poked a raw nerve, just as she had intended, but she never expected that outcome. Yet, despite their latest argument, despite the things that were said and the pain they had put each other through Rarity still wished she were here. Well perhaps maybe not in the shower with her, but with her in her home, where she could try to help her; try to bring her companionship after nine weeks alone.
She shut of the water, shaking slightly as the cold air made contact with her soaked body. She wrapped herself in a towel and stepped out of the shower. She cleaned the mist of her mirror and began applying her make-up and styling her mane and tail, more out of habit than out of a desire to look presentable. Once she was satisfied with her appearance she left the bathroom. She took another hopeful look to her sister’s room, but the door was still closed. She used her magic to levitate her towel into a hamper in the corner and crossed the hallway to her workshop. She sighed when her eyes met the clock, displaying that it was only two o’clock in the afternoon. She felt so drained and tired, as though she had been awake for days, yet she had only been awake a few hours.
She magically lifted some red fabric and thread over to her sewing machine, with little else to do. She had closed the doors of her shop for a little while, but she was still taking orders from clients. Just because she was grieving didn’t mean the rest of Equestria no longer required fine clothing. So she whiled the hours away as she had for many weeks; in front of her sewing machine, creating outfit after outfit with unending creativity and flair. When she glanced at the clock again, it was six thirty.
Dress making was a good way to pass the time, although she would have preferred a visit with her friends. But mid-afternoon was a bit late to show up on a friend’s door step demanding company, so sewing it was for today. Maybe she could visit with the girls tomorrow, it had been a while since they had all gotten together. Even longer still since Applejack had joined them. Rarity was beginning to lose hope. She promised herself she would never give up on her friend, but it seemed like that was where she was headed. She understood how deeply this loss had cut her, no matter how much Applejack insisted she didn’t. She knew things were never going to be quite the same, but she wholeheartedly believed every word she’d said to the farm pony that day, including that this was not the time to push away your friends. She powered down her sewing machine with a sigh. It seemed like a good enough time to start dinner.
She threw a quick dinner together, a nice leafy salad, nothing too extravagant, she was too tired, though she promised to make something better the next day. Maybe she would let Sweetie decide what she wanted.
“Sweetie Belle, dinner is ready!” she called, loud enough to be heard from upstairs. She was setting out the plates and filling their glasses with water as her sister came into the kitchen. Despite all that had happened today, seeing her sister again put a smile on her face. Despite her inactivity lately, the filly still didn’t look too ragged. Her mane still held its cute little curls, and she had been keeping herself very clean. Though her eyes were beginning to redden from so much time indoors. When she saw her big sister smiling at her she returned it half-heartedly, which was as much as the mare could hope for. At least her little sister gave an attempt at being sociable.
They sat down at the table.
“Where did you go today?” Sweetie Belle asked, as Rarity lifted some salad onto her sister’s plate.
“I went to have a visit with Applejack.” She said carefully. She didn’t want to mention the farm with her Sweetie in such a fragile emotional state.
“How is she?” She asked as though she already anticipated her answer.
“Not any better.” Rarity said, too tired to lie to her sister. “She’s still quite upset.”
“So am I.” Sweetie said quietly.
“We all are Sweetie. But I’m afraid it’s a little different for us. We have each other and our friends to help us cope. But Applejack just keeps pushing everypony away.”
The filly took a few bites of her dinner.
“I hope she feels better soon.” She expressed, as though the farm mares grief were an ailment, though Rarity couldn’t argue that it wasn’t.
“As do I.” Rarity said, unable to bring her stare above her plate.
“I would hate to lose Applejack too.” She took another bite of her salad. Her comment sounded so innocent, but it scared the mare more than she cared to say. “Thank you for dinner sis. I think I’m gonna go to bed.” She announced, bringing her plate to the sink.
“Alright Sweetie. Have a good sleep. I’ll see you for breakfast.” As her little sister walked by they pulled each other in for a hug and a kiss.
“I love you.” Rarity said as she released the embrace.
“I love you too. Goodnight.” She called back as she climbed the stairs.
“Sweet dreams.” The mare replied. She sat at the table for a few moments, lost in her thoughts. She looked out the window. Rain still hammered against the panes, though there was no thunder, which almost disappointed her. Sweetie Belle always came to her when the weather was stormy. Rarity packed up the leftovers and put them into the fridge. She stood up from her chair, planning to fall into her own bed and relieve her mind of all the issues the day had placed on her. But as she climbed up she heard a knock on the door. She turned to look at it. Who in their right mind would be out on a night like this? Unless it was somepony not entirely in their right mind. It can’t be...
Rarity trotted over to the door, not wanting whoever was outside to stand out more than they had too. She unlatched the lock and let the door swing open. Standing before her boutique, soaked to the bone and shivering violently was Applejack. The farm pony looked up when the door opened. Rarity was too shocked to say anything, she could only stand there, staring. She looked into her friends eyes, gazing into her own. All the rage and fury was gone replaced by sadness. Her old hat had returned to her head, pools of water dripping over the brim.
“Please Rarity.” She said through chattering teeth. “Please help me.”
Rarity didn’t hesitate, stepping out into the pouring rain and wrapping her friend into a tight embrace. Even through the heavy pattering of the rain, and the whistling of the wind, she could hear Applejack’s sobs. She pulled her into her home, levitating a towel over to dry off her friend. The orange mare had buried her face into her shoulder; her muffled cries tickled her neck. She rubbed the towel on her friend’s coat, saying nothing, trying to hold back tears of her own. She slid the hat off of her head and hung it off the wooden chair she had been sitting on a few minutes ago. She wanted to apologize for the state of her home, but she hardly thought Applejack would mind.
Once her friend was dry, she brought out a blanket from the closet, wrapping it around the stubborn farm pony, all the while she held her refusing to let her go after so long. With the mare tucked warmly into the blanket, she led her into the living room. She sat down on her couch and brought Applejack up with her. She buried her wet face into her chest, still sobbing relentlessly. Rarity ran a hoof through her mane. Her body was still damp, but the unicorn could feel her warmth soaking into her. She just sat there, wordlessly, letting her friend release the emotions she held in for so long.
Had it been like before, it would’ve broken Rarity’s heart to see Applejack like this, and though it definitely still hurt, she knew the farm pony needed this. After several minutes her ragged sobs began to calm.
“Why did this happen Rarity?” She asked. It sounded like such a childish question, yet she had no answer.
“I-I don’t know Applejack.”
“Ah loved her so much, and now she’s gone, a-and Ah just don’t know what to do. It’s not fair.”
Rarity fought desperately to hold her composure. So often Applejack had been the rock in the group, holding steady and strong, there for the ponies who needed her. Now, Rarity had to take up that role, and be there for her friend.
“No, it isn’t.” She said.
“She was so small.” She continued. “She had so much time ahead of her. And now it’s just... gone. She never got to find love or finish school. She never even found her cutie mark. She died, without ever finding her place in the world. Ah’ve tried seein’ things your way Rarity, but Ah can’t. Every time Ah think about her, all Ah feel is guilt, and Ah can’t stop thinking Ah’m the one who took all that away.”
Rarity swallowed. She looked upstairs, envisioning the room her little sister was sleeping in. She didn’t know what she would do if Sweetie Belle passed before she did.
“Applejack,” Her voice cracked. “Do you remember the day we first met.”
“Yes.” She said after a few moments of silence.
“My mother needed some apples for a recipe, but your stall in the market had closed early, so she sent me all the way to your farm to ask for some. I made the walk, and I was rather grouchy, and when I got to your farm, I saw you dragging a large bucket across the ground. I introduced myself and so did you. You gave me a warm welcome and always spoke with a smile. Do you know what I thought of you that day?”
Applejack shook her head.
“I thought that you were the most terribly rude pony I had ever met. You were very welcoming towards me, and you had no problems helping me. You even gave me those apples for free; just because you felt bad I had to make the walk out. But I was still very reluctant to ever come back.”
“Why?”
“Well, like I said, you had no problem helping me, when you were there. It seemed like every ten seconds you would stop me mid-sentence and run off into the barn, at the call of a crying filly. You must have done it at least four times, and I finally decided to follow you to see what was so terribly important. Of course, you hadn’t given me any invitation to come in so I looked into the window to see what it was that kept you from helping me. And there you were holding a little yellow filly in your hooves. She would smile and play with your pony-tail and you looked at her like she was the single most important thing in the world, and she looked to you the same. Each time you left she would start crying again, you were the only pony in that house who could calm her down.
“That filly was taken from us far too soon Applejack, but all her life you were there for her. All her life you showed her love, compassion and guidance. She always looked up to you, and she always loved you.”
Applejack was quiet for a long time. She had stopped crying, her eyes cast forward, seeming to look at something far off.
“You know,” She spoke finally. “There were some days where she felt like more than my little sister. Ah’d taken care of her for so long, some days she almost felt like a daughter to me. Ah kept her fed, kept her safe. Whenever she had a nightmare, I was there to comfort her until she fell back asleep. Rarity, my parents have been gone for a long time now. Ah loved them, but Ah learned to cope without them, and to live my life as best as Ah could. Now, some days, Ah try to think about them, and Ah can’t see their faces, or hear their voices, it’s gettin’ hard to remember them without the photos. And Ah’m so scarred that one day, Ah’ll try to remember the sister Ah loved so much, and Ah won’t be able to, she’ll just be a distant memory from a life Ah lived a long time ago. Ah don’t want that to happen, Ah don’t want to forget. It’s painful to remember her, but she doesn’t deserve to be forgotten.”
The orange mare looked up to Rarity, clutching her in her forelegs like her life depended on it. Her tears had left a stain on her chest.
“Applejack, the way you loved your sister, I doubt you’ll ever forget her.”
“Ah miss her so much.”
Rarity was searching for something to say, when the sound of small hoof steps reached her ears.
“Rarity?” Her sister called. “Is somepony he-” She stopped as she peered around the corner to meet eyes with Applejack. She continued down the steps, making her way slowly to the two mares.
“Hi Applejack.” She said in an unsure tone.
“Hey there Sweetie Belle.” The farm pony greeted the little filly. Rarity looked up in surprise at the return of her rather homely tone. It wasn’t happy or jovial, but for the first time in a while it didn’t sound like she was trying to push away.
“Are ya havin’ a sleep over with your sister?”
The filly nodded.
“Mom and dad let me stay over here for a few days.”
“Sweetie Belle.” Rarity interjected. “You should be in bed, and I’m not sure that Applejack-”
“No, no Rarity,” the other mare on the couch said. “It’s fine. It’s nice to see you again Sweetie.” She smiled. She was actually smiling.
“How’ve ya been.”
The little unicorn looked down.
“A little better since I came here, but... not good.”
“Trust me, Ah know.”
Sweetie Belle looked up for a moment, before galloping across the room and jumping up onto Applejack. She pulled her into a tight embrace, putting her little head on her shoulder, much like the farm pony had done to Rarity earlier. She was about to tell her sister not to pester the mare, but after a moment of shocked stillness, Applejack returned the hug.
“I miss her too.” Her little sister whispered between heavy sobs.
Tears began to spill out of the orange pony’s eyes.
“Ah know you do Sweetie, Ah know. But, you know, every day she would come runnin’ into the house, and all she ever talked about was how much fun she had with you and Scootaloo.”
The little pony cried harder.
“You were such a good friend to my little sister. Ah can’t thank you enough for that.”
“Nothing’s ever going to be the same, is it?”
Applejack closed her eyes.
“No, not quite. But, Ah think, we’ll all be able to pull through. Together.” She took a deep breath, and held the filly for a moment. Rarity might’ve felt jealousy once, at seeing Sweetie being so close to the pony she had once wanted to be her big sister. But she watched as they held each other and she knew they both needed this.
“I know that we can’t be sisters,” Sweetie cried “But we’re still friends, and I can be here for you.”
Rarity marveled at her sister’s maturity, even while she was sobbing. More so, her words seemed to break through so Applejack, who stared ahead with a surprised expression.
“Thank you Sweetie Belle,” Her voice cracked. “That means a lot to me.”
Slowly the two began to slow there tears, and the little unicorn let out a yawn. This seemed to break the orange pony from her trance-like state.
“Now,” She spoke up a bit too loud. “It’s gettin’ pretty late, and I don’t want you bein’ grouchy for Rarity tomorrow.” She chided jokingly to the filly, letting her slide back onto the floor. She nodded and walked to Rarity. The white unicorn leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead.
“Goodnight, Rarity.”
“Goodnight Sweetie Belle.”
She started to walk away, still sniffling slightly, when her ears perked up suddenly, and she turned and ran back the orange mare. She quickly climbed atop the couch and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
“Goodnight Applejack.”
“G-Goodnight.” She stammered.
The filly turned and ascended the stairs to her room. The farm pony cast her gaze to the floor, rubbing her hoof on her forehead. Despite herself, Rarity smiled, seeing something in her friend other than self-pity and fury.
“Hey Rarity,” She said suddenly after a long silence. “Thank you for coming to the barn today. For helping me.”
“It’s what friends are for.”
Applejack smiled again.
“What changed your mind Applejack?”
The pony she referred to gave her a quizzical look.
“I mean, why did you decide to come here, even after all that happened?”
Applejack sighed.
“You were right. You convinced me. It just took a while to get through my head.”
Rarity could tell from her distant stare that there was more to it than that, but after such a big move forward for her friends, she let the matter drop.
“Ah’m sorry. For being so stubborn, and for... for raising my hoof. That wasn’t right of me.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Rarity said, putting a foreleg around her friend. Already she was sounding a little better. Applejack let herself lay down again, resting her head on Rarity’s body once more, and she let her, relived the mare was finally willing to to let somepony touch her. They sat like that for quite a time, in complete silence, save for the noises created by the weather outside. The unicorn said nothing, she was sure Applejack would speak again when she was ready. And while she waited, she simply basked in the comfort of holding the friend she missed so dearly.
After a little while, the farm pony finally spoke up.
“Ah’ve been gone for so long. Do the girls ever talk about me?”
“Every day.” Rarity answered. It was true, each time she met with her friends, the only topic on anypony’s mind was the part of them that was missing.
Applejack sighed, and stood up.
“Ah best be gettin’ home now.”
Rarity stood as well and followed her to the door.
“Are you sure? It’s still pouring out there; you’re more than welcome to stay the night. I can sleep on the couch.” She felt terrible for making her friend go out in such weather.
The farmer grabbed her hat and set it upon her head.
“Thank you kindly, but Ah should go back. Ah’ll try and calm Big Mac down, and Bring Granny Smith back from wherever she’s gone. It’s been hard on her, outliving so many generations.”
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Rarity asked, not referring entirely to the weather. Applejack let out a long sigh.
“I don’t know. It really hurts, all the time, worse than any pain Ah’ve ever felt. Ah never knew it was possible to feel so… bad. But… Ah think you were right. Apple Bloom wouldn’t want me to suffer all alone. Ah don’t know if the hole in mah heart will ever get fixed, and Ah don’t know if I really want it to. But, I do want to see my friends again. Ah want to smile and laugh, and maybe get a bit of sleep.”
They met each other’s gaze again. Those green eyes weren’t quite the same as before, and Rarity suspected it would be a long time before they were, if ever. But for the first time since the tragedy, she looked ready to come back. To come back to her friends. To come back home.
“Ah’m sorry for dropping in so unexpected Rarity.” The orange mare expressed. The apology was rather late, but Rarity had hardly thought of her appearance as an intrusion.
“Oh, no need to apologize darling, I’m glad you came.”
Applejack gave a small nod before casting her gaze upstairs, where a little unicorn filly slept softly.
“You have a good sister Rarity,” She said, locking eyes with the mare. “Keep her safe.”
“I will.” She said, trying not to choke up.
“All right. Goodnight Rarity.”
“Goodnight Applejack. Be safe.” The unicorn opened the door for her friend, watched take a couple strong steps out into the rain. Just before she closed the door, she heard a voice call to her.
“Hey Rarity?”
She opened the door to look to Applejack, already soaked from the rain. Vast amounts of water spilled from the brim of her hat like little waterfalls, and mud had already begun to accumulate on her hooves. Rarity looked out to the farm pony, standing tall in the rain. She called out loud, to be heard above the rain.
“I... I’ll see ya’ll tomorrow.”