> The Plot Thickens
>  by improvhour
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Praline Whimpers
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


The Plot Thickens
Chapter One: Praline Whimpers


It was an average day in Equestria, and Celestia was bored. Her young protégé Twilight Sparkle was coming for a visit, and she was searching for an old book of spells. At that moment a handmaiden wandered in with a jug of cream and some scones.
“Your scones, my Lady.”
“Oh don’t be so formal Praline, you know I let you call me Celly.”
“B-but my Lady, I’ve been told by Royal Pain that I must never-“
“But he isn’t here right now, is he? In fact, we’re all alone.”
Celestia smiled. Toying with her servants was one of the few pleasures she allowed herself.
“Well Milady, I must be off-“
Celestia turned to the mare. She was a petite creature, with fur the colour of hazelnuts and a mane of silken white. Celestia pointed a hood towards the bookshelf nearby.
“Before you go Praline, I require your assistance. There’s a book I’ve dropped beneath this bookshelf here, and I need your help reaching it. I’m a bit... large to reach it, but a slender little thing like you should have no problems.”
Celestia’s eye grew wide as Praline Whisper began to crouch under the bookshelf. She decided to have a little more fun.
“Praline dear, you don’t mind if I use your flank as a stepping stone to reach the highest part of the bookshelf while you’re down there, do you? There’s another book up there I could use as well.”
“W-well, if you must your majesty...” Praline said, blushing deeply.
As Celestia placed a hoof on Praline’s flank, she gasped.
“What’s the matter, my servant? I merely require your assistance for a brief moment.
She slowly climbed onto Praline, who began to reconsider as the weight of her royal highness began to become apparent.
“Your majesty, I’m not sure I can take your-“ she paused. The term ‘weight’ seemed like the sort of word that would see her spend the rest of her life in the dungeons.
“–your Magnificence!”
Celestia stifled a laugh. This was the most fun she’d had all month.
“My ‘Magnificence?’ Well yes, the weight of the crown is a heavy burden to bear, but it has it’s upsides...!”
The weight bearing down on her was bad enough, but the friction of her Highness against her own body was maddening. She bit her lip and searched for the book, her mind racing with thoughts which were entirely inappropriate.
Celestia however was planning her next move. A few seconds later she ‘slipped’, her large frame touching the soft velvet body below her. Had she not cast a spell at the last second it was quite possible that her delicate servant would have been crushed.
“Oh my! Clumsy me!” Celestia giggled. She was taking care to have her fun slowly... she needed to savour it, because moments like these were so rare.
By this point Praline had dropped any pretenses of duty, and was simply caught up in the gentle, hypnotic swaying of the pony above her. The dance was a slow one, but gradually became more intense as the feelings of ecstasy raged within , a storm within her mind. The very air around the two began to crackle and vibrate with latent sexual magic.
“Did I ever tell you about my last handmaiden, Caramel Kisses? She wrote my speeches for me. She was quite the writer; she could wrap her words around a sentence in so many ways...”
“P...please Celestia, tell me about her...!”
“Well, she would write these tiny little sentences, like nibbles, and then finish with a great big BITE!”
The bookshelf collapsed around them, the resulting mess leaving the two covered in the jar of cream that Praline had been carrying.
“Your Majesty, a thousand apologies!”
“Hmph, what a shame to waste such rich cream,” Celestia said. “well? What are you waiting for? Help me take care of this!”
“But your majesty, I don’t have a towel!”
“Oh, but you have something so much better...” Celestia smiled, sticking out her tongue.
“...what?”
“This is the finest imported cream, Praline. It would be a shame – no, a sin to waste it. You aren’t going to commit a sin in my presence, are you?”
“No milady.” Praline looked away, blushing.
“Well then...” Celestia said, presenting her sizable plot, drenched in cream, to her servant.
Praline trembled slightly with anticipation. She had always wondered what Celestia tasted like. She had assumed strawberries, and perhaps a slight vanilla aftertaste. As soon as her tongue caressed that porcelain flesh she was hit with a bolt of white hot nirvana. She was a supernova, a star made flesh, and though it should have burned, it only tingled, but intensely.
“Be grateful Praline, for today you sample the infinite. Does it please you?”
But Praline could only mumble a response, her tongue too numb to manage anything more.
Celestia smiled. She hadn’t done this in far too long, though sadly Praline was not quite as adept as Caramel Kisses had been all those years ago. Clearly, she needed some instruction.
“Praline, let’s -urgh!- play a game of hot and cold. The hotter you get, the closer you are to… the gates of paradise.”
Celestia assumed the moan she heard was an affirmative and continued.
“Cold, warmer... warmer...cold again... col- ah ah ah HOT!”
Praline had closed her eyes by this point, decided to go by her other senses. She could tell that she was doing a fine job the warmer her tongue became, but she had to take it slowly. Like licking a flame, but without the pain, she felt that going too hard too fast with her Highness could destroy her very being.
“Yes... yes that’s right, you’re doing very well Praline. Most ponies think they can just rush into these ttttthhhhhhhhiiiiiinngs! But you’re smarter than that, my soft little Praline Whisper... you know that you’d melt like butter if you went too fast with a goddess, don’t you?”
So the rumours were true; she was divine. In the sack, at least.
Praline stopped, exhausted. She looked Celestia over, her job done– or so she had thought. As she turned to leave she heard Celestia speak.
“You missed a spot, Praline.”
Praline closed her eyes, once more returning to the furnace, she went deeper and harder than ever before. Her nose flashed red hot as she licked furiously, and her fear grew as the pain almost began to overtake her pleasure. She needed to end this.
“...Yes, you’re warmer, warmer, I think that this isYESSSSSSSSSSSS” Celestia shouted, and a wave of energy was sent rippling through the room. The energy was like a orgasm throughout her entire body – no, her entire being was caught up in it;  in that moment she was Celestia’s, in mind body and soul, and the very world around them seemed to become silent at the culmination of their moment of carnal celebration.
As the two lay there, Celestia used her magic to take the book she wanted from the top shelf. Praline looked at her incredulously.
“Oh yes, I forgot I could do that!” she laughed.
> Twi Curious
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter Two: Twi Curious 


Twilight Sparkle was nervous. Even though she had recently become a princess she hadn’t seen Princess Celestia in almost a month, and she was afraid that her latest letter had been a bit underwhelming. She had been so desperate for a lesson to write about that she had ended just writing the first thing that had come into her head.
As she approached the castle doors she heard the guards whispering about her.
“I’m telling you man, she’s taller.”
“Yeah, and dat flank… are all alicorns like that?”
“You know it man, I know I shouldn’t stare at the sun but whenever Celestia’s not looking I try to sneak a peek!”
Twilight suddenly cast a spell on the two. They wouldn’t be staring at her mentor’s behind again in a hurry, not when just thinking of her rear would make them tapdance involuntarily on the spot from now on.
“Twilight, my former pupil, come in! Would you like a scone?”
“No thanks Princess Celestia, I was actually just here to talk about what my royal duties would be from now on?”
Celestia smiled slyly, before taking the same book she had been reading before from a nearby couch.
“I must say, I found your last letter quite… insightful.” Celestia teased, before summoning the letter.

“Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned the most important lesson of all; don’t leave things in the fridge. Also, Friendship. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

“I had a slow week?” Twiilight grinned, sheepishly.
“Well anyway Twilight, I was wondering if you could help me with a little spell I’m working on… a spell to improve the royal assets.”
“You mean a spell that will help with the countries’ finances?” Twilight asked. She had never heard of such a spell before, and the idea excited her.
“Yes, well, it would be a boon to the country, in a sense…”
Twilight poured through the book, quickly finding the spell.
“This doesn’t look so hard, the words are weird though… why can’t you read it yourself?”
“Because this particular spell has some very… intense effects on the body of whoever it’s being cast on. I wouldn’t be able to speak the words because of the sensations the spell brings.”
Twilight blushed. She had heard that some spells caused pain or pleasure to whoever they were cast on, and had been meaning to try out a certain spell of that kind herself one day. Unfortunately she had yet to find an excuse to get Spike out of the house for a few hours so she could practice it.
“Wait, you want me to cast it on you?”
“You don’t mind, do you Twilight?”
“Of course not, now let me see” Twilight said, started the incantation. It was easily the strangest spell she had ever read.


"Flanks of all shapes and all sizes,
Prepare for some big surprises,
For as I chant this wicked words
You flank, it swells and rises!"



“Oooooooohhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhh…”
“Are you alright Prin-“
“-KEEP GOING DAMN YOU!”
Twilight paused for the briefest moment. Was it her, or was Celestia’s flank getting bigger? Regardless, she resumed the spell, not wanting to upset her teacher.



"Now you’ll stand out from the crowd,
Booty big and Cutie Mark proud,
Though you think this spell a friend
Your ass expansion will never end!"



“Dear sweet sunrise, my flank! It’s beautiful! Grow my darling, rise up like the first fledgling shafts of wheat in the summer- OHHHHHHHHH!”

Twilight’s jaw hit the floor.
“Princess Celestia, I can’t stop the spell! How do I reverse it?”
“You don’t, you silly girl! I’m going to spread myself across this land, so all can witness my bountiful glory!”
Twilight ran as fast as she could. She could hear the sounds of the castle walls crashing down around her, and when she turned Her Toyal Highness was enormous. Celestia thrashed about on her back, moaning and sighing, and the sight left Twilight more than a little aroused.
Damnit Twilight, now is NOT the time!
Summoning the best doctors in Equestria (and her friend Zecora), Twilight brought the group back to where Celestia now lay, fast asleep.
The head doctor placed a stethoscope against Celestia’s rump.
“Yep, she’s alive all right. She’s really been going at the cake though, huh?”
“This isn’t the time for jokes doctor, what’s wrong with her?”
“I’ve only seen this spell once before, I believe we’re dealing with the “Gluteus Maximizer”, a spell designed to induce enhancement of the, ahem, ‘plot’.”
“Can it be reversed?”
“Only through the collection of a second copy of the spell. Each version of the spell is different, so as to prevent multiple users from abusing it’s powers. Once a version of the spell is used, it becomes powerless. You’ll need to find a second copy.”
At this Zecora smiled, pulling out a scrap of ancient paper.

“This is a piece; six parts remain,
I tore it up, to prevent other’s pain,
for know this Twilight; yes, this spell
is known for never ending well!”

Twilight took the map piece.
“Alright, so where are the rest of the pieces?”

“I left one in the griffon’s keep,
Another in the mountains deep,
A third I kept quite close to home
A fourth where dragon’s like to roam
A fifth I kept up in the sky,
But for the sixth… someone must die.”

“Wait, what? Where’s the sixth?”
Zecora turned away from the group, ashamed.

“To mortals that piece is now lost
Hiding it took a terrible cost
To reach it take’s one’s final breath;
I left it in the hands of Death.”

The doctor coughed.
“This is all very well and good, but Her Highness is still growing, albeit at a far slower rate than before. I’m afraid that if the spell isn’t reversed soon, we’ll be up to our asses in, well, ass.”
“Damnit, what would you do Princess Celestia?”
Celestia responded by starting to snore loudly. The very earth shook slightly with the sound.
At that moment Princess Luna arrived on the scene. She seemed exhausted and more than a little frustrated.
“Princess Luna! Where have you been?”
“I used a sleeping spell to knock Celestia out- well, technically it was a swimming pool full of scotch, but it took ten unicorns to lift it so that should still count. Anyway, I’m here to make sure she stays asleep for as long as possible.”
Princess Luna’s horn started to glow, and a bubble of energy enveloped Celestia; her snoring slowed, as if time itself was slowing down for her and her alone.
“What should I do, Princess Luna? I need to find six scattered pieces of a spell to fix this!”
“Listen, I’m a little busy over here, ok? Just use friendship or something, that’s your thing, right?”
Twilight then had a genius plan.


***  


“Alright gang, do you know why I gathered you all here today?”

“Because Celestia has a flank for days, and it just won’t quit?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Not just for days, Dash. If we don’t reverse the spell soon the ass shall last forever!”

“Eternal Flank? Good heavens!” Rarity chimed in.

“But how did this happen?” Fluttershy asked.

“Errr… we don’t know.” Twilight said, her eyes turning toward the floor. “But the important thing is that I have a job for each and every one of you. Listen up girls, here’s the plan:

-Rainbow Dash, you head to the Griffon kingdom and ask about for the whereabouts of the spell piece. Try finding Gilda, I know you two still aren’t on the best of terms but she’s the best chance we’ve got of finding that particular piece.

-Fluttershy, you need to fly to the mountains in the north. There is a cult of batponies up there that protect the second piece in a cave somewhere. Find the cave, and charm them into letting you take the piece.

-Applejack, supposedly there’s a piece of the spell buried somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres. Supposedly Big Apple, one of your ancestors, left instructions to finding it in his Will, try starting there if you can find it.

-Rarity, you need to head to Mount Infernus, the home of the dragons, to try and forge some kind of deal with their king for the fourth piece.

-I’m going after the fifth piece myself, somewhere up in Cloudsdale.

Pinkie Pie could barely contain her excitement.
“Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh! I can’t wait to hear what I’m gonna need to do, I’m just DYING to find out!”
Twilight turned towards Pinkie, with an expression of deadly seriousness.
“No Pinkie, you aren’t. I don’t care what it takes, I swear on Celestia’s ever expanding empire that no pony is gonna die here.”

“So, are there any questions?”
“Yeah, do I really have to talk to Gilda? I’d rather deal with Sunbutt eclipsing the world-“
“Batponies? Twilight, are you sure that’s a good idea? The last time I dealt with bats I…”
“Big Apple? He was the black sheep of the family, we try not to talk about him…”
“Yes darling, and why of all fillies are you asking me to deal with a dragon? They have such terrible taste in interior decorating…”
“Yeah, and what am I supposed to do, make balloon animals ‘til you guys get back? This is no fun at all!”
Twilight could take no more. 
“ENNNNNNOOOOOOUUUUGGGGHH!”
The group froze.
“Listen, I don’t have time for this, and neither does Equestria. Maybe you want Princess Celestia to sit on you and everyone you hold dear, but I don’t, and if you don’t go do your jobs right now I’m going to go Lesson Zero on your asses, now MOVE!”
The group immediately headed off, and Twilight herself slowly rose into the sky.
“I hope  this works…” she said.

*** 

Meanwhile, the pair of guards from before were tapdancing against their will outside of Celestia’s room. They had been doing so for hours.
“Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!”
> A Griffon's Pride
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter Three: A Griffon's Pride



“I can’t believe I gotta do this… and all because of Celestia! Why can’t she keep her big butt out of my personal life?”

Rainbow Dash arrived at the gates of the Griffon Kingdom. It was a series of elaborate stone buildings carved into the side of a mountain, and most of the place was completely unreachable without wings (or serious determination). It was an impressive sight, and the strength of the stonework had seen it stand proudly against countless invasions for over a thousand years. Though Dash could have flown over the gates, she decided to avoid causing an international incident. This time.

“Hello? Could somebody let me in please?”

“What’s the password? Gilda chose it this week, if you need a hint.”

The guard clearly recognized Dash’s voice. She sighed, knowing what to expect.

“Griffons rule, ponies drool…”

The gates slowly swung open, revealing a homely little town. Griffons cared more for practability than design, so the whole place felt like it was from the days of knights and flagons of mead… just the thought of a nice glass of ale made Dash lose track of her goal, and so she set out for the tavern that was nearby.

The bar had a damp smell to it, but the rich aroma of booze (amongst other things) kept the place bearable. A group of griffons sang loudly in the middle of the room, as one danced on the table. Rainbow Dash had to hold back her laughter; griffons weren’t known for their dancing.

“Dash? Is that you?”

Rainbow Dash turned and saw her old friend Gilda staring at her. For a second it looked as if she was going to hug her, but then her expression hardened.

“And just what the hell are you doing in my kingdom?”

“Your kingdom? You don’t mean…?”

Gilda grinned smugly.

“That’s right, I successfully led a rebellion against Stonebeak himself!”

The illusion lasted a few seconds, before Gilda was handed a mop and bucket by the tavern’s owner.

“Well “Your Highness”, your royal duties require your attention in the bathroom, one of our peasants has just finished being revolting.”

Gilda’s face was of rage, then resignation.

“Ok, so maybe things got a little worse for me after I got back… I got kicked out of the royal guards because I was still mad at your blue butt and couldn’t focus, so I got stuck on cleanup duty for this miserable place instead- and it’s all YOUR fault!”

“My fault? This is why I didn’t want to come here Gilda, because in the end it’s always somebody else’s problem with you! If you hadn’t treated my friends like they were losers-“

“Newsflash Dash, they ARE losers. Always have been, always will be. And you chose them over me. I don’t know why you’re here and I don’t care, I have nothing left to say to you.”

Dash’s face became resolute. She was going to have to use that.

“A duel I dare by tooth and claw, I invoke sacred Griffon Law.”

The whole bar fell silent. Gilda herself looked shocked beyond words.

Griffon Law was a means by which griffon’s would challenge each other, it was an ancient ritual used to settle disputes, and was rarely employed anymore. Its use had become something rarely seen and always remembered, spoken of in tales.
And here a little pony was using it against a griffon. This was unprecedented, outrageous, a sacrilege.

“Dash, this is sacred Griffon Law we're talking about here... fine. Name a time and place, and choose your weapon.”

Dash smiled. She had already figured that much out.

“Here and now. My weapon will be this.”

Dash slowly lifted the enormous mug of ale that was before her. Griffons were known for being heavyweights when it came to their drinking, but Dash was confident.

“Dash, are you nuts? You couldn’t win a drinking contest with an average griffon, let alone me!”

“Stop talking and start chugging!”

The first mug was intense, like diving into the cold, bitter ocean. By the end of her glass the world seemed a little warmer and softer than before, the chanting and hollering of the griffons nearby becoming Rainbow Dash’s battle cry. Gilda finished her mug and casually flung it at the bartender.

“Another!”

“Gilda, throw my mugs like that again and you’re fired.”

“Y-yes sir…”

By the third glass Dash was pretty sure the world was spinning, but despite gravity’s obstinate refusal to pick an axis she was still going. Gilda herself was starting to look a little tipsy herself, her plumage started to become ruffled.

“Are you sure you wanna drink keeping ol’ Rainboomie? Cause there’s no surrender in saying shame…”

The fifth glass had the entire bar in silence. Dash began to gently sway back and forth of the spot, and Gilda was whistling tunelessly.

“You know what Dash, I think I have another way we could settle this…”

Gilda slowly left the table and wandered up the stairs towards the inn’s bedrooms. As she gestured for Rainbow Dash to join her the hooting and hollering of the crowd reached new heights.

“You know, the last time I saw someone invoke Griffon’s Law this happened too!” One of the patrons said.

“Aye lad, it almost always does.” The bartender laughed.



***


Unlike the rest of the inn, the bedroom Gilda had chosen were luxurious; silk beds, soft carpet and paintings adorning the walls. Apparently a relative of Rarity had been there once many years ago and had refused to sleep in the room until it was “as fabulous as she was”.

“You know Dashie, I’ve always wanted to have a little tussle with you… you and that cute little rainbow butt of yours.”

Dash smiled. Maybe it was the booze, or the way the moonlight shone through the open window, but right now she just wanted to spend one crazy night with her friend.

“But aren’t you worried about your claws Gilda? I mean, they seem kinda sharp…”

“Oh, but I’m not the one who has to worry about them. Don’t worry Dashie, I’ll be gentle…” Gilda purred. “Now flip over and lemme give you a backscratch.

Gilda had to be careful, of course. Her claws were sharp, and she started slowly and softly. After a few minutes Dash yawned impatiently.

“Are you gonna sing me a lullaby while you’re there? Cause you’re putting me to sleep over here!”

“Alright, you asked for it! Let’s see how you like THIS!” Gilda laughed.

To the surprise of both pony and griffon Gilda’s claws weren’t doing any damage at all to Dash’s tender hide- in fact, she began to giggle uncontrollably instead.

“Quit it Gilda, that tickles! Heheheheheh Oohhhhhh!”

The second Gilda touched Dash’s wings the mood changed. Gilda knew that the underside of a griffon’s wings were an erogenous zone, and it seemed to be the case for pegusi as well.

“Oh wow, that’s amazing Gilda… oh, a little lower, a little faster…”

After a few minutes Gilda decided to move to a more traditional area to continue the foreplay, and flipped Dash over. She pressed herself against against Dash’s body, her hot breath still smelling of the ale from before. Dash looked into her amber eyes and kissed her tenderly on her beak.

“Funny, I thought kissing a beak would be cold and hard, but yours is kinda warm. I guess when we first met I felt the same about you in general.”

Gilda slowly grinded against the pony, her eyes never leaving Dash’s. She didn’t care about the competition anymore, just the warm dance they were performing together. Gradually the tempo increased, and Dash began to groan in time to the silent rhythm of the moment. Their bodies began to glow warm with the friction and passion of it all. Gilda's only regret was the same thing that had given her the courage to proposition Dash in the first place; the ale, which had left her too sleepy to really give her everything she had.

“I… need… to… ask… you… a… FAVOUR!” Dash said, exhausted.

“Yeah, I figured as much. You know what? Let’s call it a draw. We’ll settle this with a coin toss.”

“Isn’t that against Griffon Law?”

“As if I care about some stuffy old tradition” Gilda said.

She took a coin and tossed it into the air. By the time it had rolled under the bed the two creatures above were too busy kissing passionately to notice they hadn’t even bothered deciding who was heads and who was tails.

When the lurid pervert of a sun rose to spy on the two, Dash held Gilda in her arms. Gilda had been crying.

“Why did you choose them over me, Dashie?”

“I didn’t want to, Gilda. You made me choose.”


***


That morning Gilda saw Rainbow Dash off at the gates. She seemed happier than she had been in a long time.

“You make sure you come back someday, Dash! The next time we meet I’ll be the ruler of the Griffon Kingdom for real!”

“I promise, Gilda. And thanks for everything.”

“No Dash, I should be thanking you. I blamed you for everything after I blew you off at that party… I may still not like your friends, but I like you. Come back anytime.”

Rainbow Dash waved as she tucked the scrap of spell piece into her bag. She flew off into the deep blue sky, her task accomplished.

“Thanks Dashie,” Gilda whispered.