> Re-Looting
>  by Grazy Polomare
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1: Old Friends.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time, there were three magical robbers. Well…not magical in the sense they were next-level mages. Think magical in the fact that not once in their career did they get caught. 

That...and they were pretty badass too, pardon the language.
 
There was Spotless. Boy was she a snake. Mischievous, sly, and a self-proclaimed smartypants, Spotless never left a...well...a spot. Despite her rather unfriendly nature, she was dependable, and down to earth loyal when it came to it. 

Then we had Alibi. If there was anything to be said about her, it was that she had a way with words. Although it was a shame she never put them to use more often. A shy one, Alibi was.

Finally, we had Archer. Archer had a bit of a temper, and sometimes spoke her mind more often than she'd wished. But she was observant and one heck of a shot.
 
Together, they pillaged and looted every privileged snob in the kingdom. You’d think that make them heroes like Robin Hoof. But they had other plans to invest in with their treasure. I mean, charity was getting donations all the time anyway. 
 
Then one day…all that changed.
 
Karma caught up, and boy was she pissed. By biting off more than they could chew, every law enforcement agency was chewing off their flanks. 
 
There was no escape this time. No remedy to repair the hurricane of minotaur dung heading their way. And then, right when justice looked like it was going to be served on a silver platter, they vanished out of thin air. 

Nothing elaborate mind you. Rather, their names, aliases, and crimes just stopped...well...appearing on the papers. They went dark, and never came back.
 
To this day, the mystery behind these three devious thieves remains just that. A story that guards tell their rookies to keep them awake at night.

Oh sure you have your conspiracy theories, local urban myths, and even reasonable explanations as to why the un-named group of bandits vanished. Some blame it on Discord, Celestia, a bad case of the flu, weird weather, dragons, a diamond dog deal gone wrong, Sombra, and even hidden changelings among us for the identities of said robbers.

But the truth is, they were just your average ponies. And sometimes an average pony has to do what what every average pony has to do.

Suck it up. 

Get a job. 

And get into routine.

 
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“Silverspeed? Silver!”
 
“Huh?” I was too entranced by the oatmeal in front of me to notice Mother from across the table.
 
With those cat-like glasses and her prim, silver mane, she looked every bit like a wannabe executive. Which she was, by the way. Unlike her other elitist snot-bag friends, she actually did work to get her bits in. 

She had this dominating nature about her that supposedly humbled the mightiest of competitors to obey her will. Once, some tycoon from Griffionia sold her twelve silver mines on a one-mine deal after a dinner with her.

And yet, staring into those stormy grey eyes, I honestly don't know what the fuss is about. To me, she looks more like an obnoxious pooch than some bloodthirsty wolf.
 
“You were dozing off again.” She stated the fact like it was some statistic affecting her family life. How many times could Silverspeed be half-asleep at the table? And that answer was dependent on how long I could tolerate her presence.
 
“Sorry.” I started to dig into my lukewarm breakfast, trying not to gag. It was like she was serving me paper mushed in with stale oats.
 
“Ahem.”
 
I made an involuntary groan. Honestly, the day hadn’t even started and she was in my mane. “Yes?”
 
Mother just gave me that look. That look that made you feel like you had done something wrong and you were too dumb to realize it yourself. “This is a table, not a stable, Silverspeed. Perhaps you should eat with more—what’s the word—dignity?”
 
Her eyes wandered off to the right, where my sister, Silver Spoon, was demonstrating the proper technique to sophisticated dining by spooning each tiny glob of oatmeal in her mouth. Sometimes, I wonder if she's some miniaturized clone or something. As if having one Mother was bad enough, I have to deal with two.
 
“You know, my technique helps me finish it faster. It’s a proven fact—“
 
“Not in this household.” Mother narrowed her eyes. “Eat like a lady or you can go outside and eat like a dog. Which way would you prefer, Silverspeed?”
 
The way that allowed me to shove this inedible piece of garbage down your throat.  I grabbed the petite piece of silverware, nearly crushing it in the process. As I lifted the pitiful chunk of watered oats to my tongue, I wondered if I was tasting her cooking. Knowing Mother, however, she probably had the maid follow some stupid recipe she concocted last night. Mother had a tendency to do that.

Nonetheless, I ate like a good little filly. For added effect, I even began to smack my lips. “So exquisite.”
 
Mother just nodded, as if I was some dog who’d finally accomplished an old trick. So much for complimenting the cook I guess.
 
After a minute or two of silence, Mother turned to Spoony, addressing her like she was part of the board. “Going with Diamond to school today?”

“Yes Mother,” Silver Spoon chirped eagerly. “Would it be okay if I hung out with her for a while after class? Her daddy got us tickets to the spa.”
 
Boy, could I use a spa treatment. Maybe a good massage or two in the back for my wings. The twins would offer it too, but I had to make the most of my free time. 

I couldn't tell if Mother had ever tried a massage in her life. Could certainly use one, but I wasn't asking her to join me anytime soon. “Sounds lovely, darling, I’ll have Silverspeed pick you up afterwards.”
 
I dropped the spoon, which caused a loud clatter on the marble floor.  “Actually Mom, I was going to go and practice by the range...” The sentence died in my mouth.
 
For a moment, it looked as if Mother was going to stand up and spank me. But I knew she was more refined than to resort to physical discipline. One of the perks of being brought up in a wealthy family is that they believe in capital punishment almost as much as they believe in charity.
 
“Really?” Her tone grew stern. “I figured you’d want to spend more quality time with your sister than have you toss those brutish arrows at hale bales.”
 
I gritted my teeth. She thinks that just because she's the one putting a roof over my head, that grants her the ability to walk all over my life. I may not be the perfect daughter, but she was far from being a tolerable parent. Sometimes, I wish I was with dad, then things wouldn't be this insane. But I wasn't with Dad. And right now, I'd be sleeping in a box if it wasn't for Mother.
 
So with a defeated sigh, I nodded. “What time do I pick her up?”

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 “Mornin’, Silverspeed.” Derpy waved at me from the office door
 
“What a wonderous morning it is, my dear.” I bowed. Sometimes, when Mother pissed me off, I had a habit of showing off my more…cultured side.
 
Derpy was already in uniform, her navy blue cap snugged tightly over a hoof-woven beanie. Gosh, Dinky could sure knit. Might have to start asking her for wing warmers sooner or later.
 
“Anything new today?” I asked, grabbing my own blue cap from a locker that was otherwise empty save for the uniform.
 
Derpy’s ears flopped. “Didn't you hear? Post Haste might be...leaving.”
 
A lanky stallion fresh out of school, Post Haste joined the postal force a few months ago. He was pretty diligent when it came to letters I suppose. And his arrival made me feel like a veteran member instead of some washed-up newbie from the rich-class, so I never had much of a problem with him either. Honestly, having a co-worker who could show up and get his part of the shift done was good in my books. "Why in the hay would he do that?"

"He was telling me he wanted to pursue his dream of raising bumblebees.” Bumblebees? I knew he wanted to be an independent business owner, but that just didn't seem to fit with me.
 
“Are we getting any replacements?” If Post Haste was missing, that meant more work for the rest of us. As it stood, our force stood at two right now. Ponyville may be a small town by most standards, but that didn't boost any confidence. Derpy could easily get lost if she was tired and right now, my social circle wasn't anything to brag about either. Mother made sure of that.

“Don’t worry.” Derpy handed me a muffin. “I’m sure he’s just kidding.”
 
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It appears Post Haste will no longer be working with us.” Paper Trail sat back against the swivel chair, the prescription glasses hanging loosely over his snout.
 
It took several deep breaths to control myself from flipping the table.
 
Of all the Discord-forsaken days he could choose, it had to be today? Hearths Warming season had rolled in, and that meant an even more hectic workload than usual. At this point, I might as well take a dip in Froggy Bottom Bog. It'd be quicker and probably less painful. Unless the hydra swallowed me whole, but it would still beat a holiday rush.
 
Paper Trail just shook his head. “Quite a shame really, I recall Post Haste coming here to deliver me the paper…” he droned on and on to the point where I had to start daydreaming to keep myself awake.
 
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a kind old stallion who’d been handling Ponyville’s mail since Mother was just a filly. But have him talk business, and you could put an army of hyperactive diamond dogs to sleep.
 
“And now, we must discuss who pulls the straw for this one…” Trails reached below his desk, pulling out the cup.

In the corner of my eye, Derpy’s left wing twitched. Celestia knows she probably drinks a whole pot to get through the day. Or at least, that’s how I see it. “Actually, I don’t mind taking it, Mr. Trails.”
 
Paper Trail gave me a quizzical stare. “The whole route?”
 
I shrugged. “I can manage.” That was a big fat lie but it wasn't like Trails was going to fight me on it. 
 
He slowly slid the cup back inside his drawer. “Well uh…alright then. Thanks, Ms. Silverspeed.”
 
With a quick nod, I dashed out the office, grabbing both mailbags as I went. However, just before I could leave I felt a slight tap on the shoulder. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Typical of Derpy to try and talk me out of a bad decision. It was nice though. If anything, it proved that Derpy could be a better mother to me than my own. It also helped that she had two daughters to boot. And if you'd ever seen Dinky, you'd know she'd done a good job under the circumstances.
 
“Eh, it was nothing. Besides, I’m more familiar with his route.”
 
I suppose I could have at least come up with a better excuse. We both knew Derpy was the veteran of the group, next to old Trail back there. But we also both knew that it was Hearth’s Warming Eve. Dinky would want to go shopping, and while Sparkler may be able to take over, sometimes it's better to let your kid know you're still there for them rather than stay away for hours on end doing work.
 
I could care less if I came back dead tired. Derpy, however, needed all the energy she could muster if Dinky wanted to do another baking session. Believe me, that little unicorn could open up her own bake shop and have it run 24/7. I'd made the mistake of baking with her one time, and had paid for it in muffins. Lots...and lots of muffins.
 
The day started off smoothly, save for the occasional complaint or barking dog. Thankfully for me, I'd become a decent athlete, so the extra load wasn’t nearly as bothersome as it would have been for somepony of Derpy’s physique, no offense to her. 

Still, by the time I was halfway through the route, I could already feel my wings cramping. So I decided to stop by one of the houses, for a quick a breather. Walking never hurt anypony, right?
 
“Hey, Silverspeed!” 
 
I looked up to see Carrot Top waving down at me from her balcony. Other than the few times we met in the market, I barely knew the mare. But apparently she knew my name. Well...I guess being related to one of the more famous ponies in this town helped, but still it was a little creepy. And Carrot Top just came across as one of those farmers you waved at but never really wanted to talk to unless you had an avid interest in irrigation, crop rotation, and the latest cross-breeds.
 
I mean, sure this was technically a tight-knit town. But honestly, the idea of having everypony know just about everything about you was well…disturbing. It was like having your social life posted on some billboard with your likes and dislikes on the side. Maybe this was why I didn't make many friends. Paranoia still followed me around wherever I went.
 
“Got your mail here, Carrot.” I held up a brown parcel.
 
“Oh, did Post Haste catch a case of the Flank Pox?” There was a hint of anxiety in her tone. 
 
“Nah,” I waved my hoof. Carrot let out a sigh of relief. “He just left.”
 
Well, apparently that was worse than being ill as her face contorted to a look of pure horror. “WHAT?!”  
 
I shrugged. “Yeah, turns out he’s pursuing his dream of becoming a bee farmer.”
 
“Well at least he’s doing what he loves.” Carrot dreamily stared into the town square. Did Post Haste forget to mention to me that she was harboring a crush? Not that it was any of my business. 
 
“Honestly, his timing couldn’t have been any worse,” I replied nonchalantly, a second before I realized I was speaking my mind. Sometimes, when I wasn't monitoring my own words, I'd accidentally speak out my mind on accident. It wasn't bad, but...well...I guess it was kinda bad.
 
Carrot Top clutched her chest, giving me a pitiful look. “Well, Silverspeed, doing what you want to do is one of life’s best fulfillments. In the end, it doesn’t matter when it’ll happen. Didn’t you have a dream job?”
 
Yeah, sneaking into a heavily guarded bank vault and making out with twenty grand in gold. “I don’t know, I never give those kind of things much thought.”
 
Carrot sighed. “Well, I bet you’d make a fine Royal Guard.”
 
Seriously? I didn't have anything against the guys in armor, but there were too many formalities and when push came to shove, all that training never worked.  “I don’t know about that.”
 
“But your cutie mark is a bow and arrow? Surely the guard could use a pony of your talents!” A pony of my talents is the exact reason guards were invented in the first place.
 
“Honestly, Carrot, I’m fine working as a mailmare.”
 
“Surely, you must at least give it a try.”
 
Alright, this whole pursue-your-destiny crap was getting annoying. Clearing my throat rather loudly, I held up the stack of letters. “Your mail, Ms. Top? I’ve got a lot of routes to cover for Posty and not a whole lot of time to do it.”
 
“Oh, right.” Carrot Top was starting to look like a tomato top. Perhaps I should steer clear of nicknames until her crush on Posty was over. “My apologies. I ought to be checking on my plants anyway. I’ll have my roommate pick it up for me.”
 
I watched her head vanish behind the curtains. “Shoeshine! Can you get my mail?”
 
Shoeshine? Well that's a funny name, almost exactly like...wait a second? 
 
The ruby red door swung open, revealing a sky blue mare with an ash-grey mane. Upon seeing me, she froze in mid gait, as if time had stopped. Meanwhile, Flashes of dark nights, piles of glimmering jewels, and outrageous bar fights filled my mind. No...it couldn't be.
 
“Sweet Celestia.” I muttered, my own eyes locked with hers.
 
For a moment, we were both just standing there, a porch’s distance away. It was like staring at an old ghost from the past. A ghost who had once been your friend before you stabbed them in the back and never made contact again. The kind of friend you didn’t want to see again for a million years after you were long dead and pushing daisies.
 
The kind of friend staring down at me right now.
 
“Hello there…Silverspeed.” She hissed my name with such venom it made me wince.
 
Snatching the stack of mail from my outstretched hoof, she reached into her saddlebags. “How much do I pay for services rendered?”
 
“Just a simple thank you will do.” I answered icily.
 
“Well then…thanks.” She flicked a bit into my mailbag. “I must say it’s quite a surprise to see you. Must be a Hearth’s Warming miracle.”
 
More like a message from Karma telling me she wasn’t done screwing with my life. “Always good to see an old friend.”
 
“Likewise.” She trudged off, slamming the door in her wake.
 
I wondered if Carrot was listening in on us. I wouldn’t suppose she’d assume much from our little conversation. Perhaps at the most just an old friendship that went sour.
 
And that in itself was an understatement. Shoeshine was my cohort in crime. At one point, I called her my best friend.

Right now, I'm pretty sure we wanted to beat each other senseless.
 
 
> Chapter 2: Sibling Rivalry
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day was a blur for me. I delivered my letters, ate a sandwich somewhere in between, and somehow made it back to the office to change out of my uniform.
 
Derpy must have already left, since the afternoon muffin tray was empty save for a few crumbs.
 
“Oh, Silverspeed.” Paper Trail was hobbling out of the office. “Your mother Silver Bells came in today. Wanted me to remind you to pick up your sister from Sugarcube Corner by five.”
 
Sweet Celestia, she treated me like a foal. Did she think I'd forget something as important as my own sister? Well…okay I’ll admit I almost forgot. But almost isn’t totally. And I totally didn’t forget to pick up my slightly bratty sister. It was a busy day at work after all.
 
“Thanks, I’ll see ya’ tomorrow, Mr. Trail.”

"Your mother is so considerate.” He had a dumb grin plastered on his face this time. Yeah, Mother thinks of her children so highly, Mr. Trail. I think she's more in love with the silverware then her own daughter. Maybe that's how she figured out what to name my little sis. Because clearly using an old saying was a lot better than listening to my Dad's suggestion. Jeepers, that name was almost as bad as Diamond Tiara, not that Filthy Rich had much going for him in terms of a family legacy. Although I'd never forget the day I heard her initial middle name. Diamond Stinkin Tiara Rich. Oh...and maybe a Dazzle somewhere in-between.
 
Silver Spoon was waiting by Sugarcube Corner as expected, her hoof impatiently tapping on the gingerbread encrusted wall. It appeared Diamond Stinkin Tiara must have run off with her Filthy Rich father. “Hey there, sis.” 
 
“You’re late.” Not even a simple hello. 
 
“No I’m not.” I gestured to the clock tower. “Mom told me to pick you up at five on the dot, right.”
 
Silver Spoon merely humphed like some pompous politician who didn't get her way. “Mother wouldn’t like to see you slacking off.”
 
“Slacking off? I just got off work.”
 
“Sure you did, Silverspeed.” Not ‘Dear Sister’ or just ‘sis’. Silverspeed. What was I, her maid?
 
“Well, how was school?” I decided changing the subject might lighten her attitude a bit. 
 
“None of your business.” She snapped.
 
Okay, I could tolerate Mother’s insults on a daily basis. But when my little sister started bossing me around, well…my seniority kicked in. “Hey squirt, maybe you ought to show your elder's some respect.”
 
Silver Spoon glared at me. “Was that a question?”
 
“No, it’s a command, Spoonie.” I smirked. 
 
That sure got to her. Her face was turning a deep crimson, probably because I said it out loud in public. Too bad Diamond Tiara wasn’t here to hear it.  “I thought I made it perfectly clear not to use that name. It sounds like hogwash.”
 
"Hogwash? Hogwash my flank. I invented and patented that name. The rights belong to me, Spoonie. And I can use it however I want.” I was really getting a kick out of it now. 
 
She let out a low growl that sounded more like a sick kitty than anything else. “Stop it, Silverspeed.”
 
“Why?” I knew I should stop. She was no longer blushing, and her right hoof was starting to shake. But I couldn't help it. My wings were aching and it wasn't helping that I was being lectured by a pompous little brat.
 
“Because I told you to.”
 
“So what?” I flew in front of her view. “Am I your servant now? Is that it? Have I lost the right to be your sister, Spoonie?”
 
“I told you to stop.” Silver gritted her teeth. 
 
“Are you Mother’s little princess now? Maybe I ought to have Diamond Tiara replace me—“ 
 
There was no screaming. There wasn’t even a whine. Just a grey blur followed by a sting across the cheek. For a moment, I just stood there, either too stunned or astonished to speak. The only thing I did notice was Silver’s eyes brimming with tears. “Silver…I…”
 
“No…” She stomped her hoof on the ground. “Stop…just…” Before I could stop her, she ran down the street, avoiding the concerned faces of the onlookers.
 
The sting was still there, as if reminding me of how much of a jerk I was. Only a few brave souls bothered to look me in the eye, their reprimanding stares condemning me. 
 
I could have chased her. Silver Spoon might be young and still brimming with boundless energy, but I had the advantage of flight. And yet, I couldn't. It was like some chain had grounded me, pulling me back rather than pushing me forward.
 
I just looked on, watching her fleeting form vanish in the sunset. To say I was happy or sad to see her go was rather difficult to pinpoint. For one thing, I still loathed her for acting like a spoiled filly. For another…I had antagonized her to the breaking point.
 
It was one thing to tease your sister. It was an entirely different thing to continue teasing just because it made you feel better. The former of which felt good, while the latter most likely led to a fight. I’d let my anger get to me and now any chance of me and Silver Spoon having a sisterly relationship had gone up in flames. 
 
Eventually, I just slouched my hooves and continued on my way, too depressed to see where I was heading. There would definitely be some consequences for my outburst. Maybe I should just stay at a motel for the night, and wait for Mother to chill down before I-
 
“Oaf!” Great, this day just had to involve one more incident before it could be over. Hastily rising to my hooves, I began to formulate some apology to whoever the unlucky fellow turned out to be. “Sorry ‘bout that—“
 
“Oh believe me, it was quite intentional.”
 
I froze, slowly lifting my head to see the sly grin of Shoeshine gazing down at me.
 
Was this entire day made to piss me off? “Hey, Shoeshine.”
 
With those piercing red eyes, you’d think she’s some kind of dragon in disguise. Believe me, I’ve had more than enough evidence to support this theory, too. “You look like Tartarus, wanna grab a bite?”
 
Oh sure, let’s talk within close proximity to forks and knives. I’m sure it’ll be a great get-together. “Actually I was just heading home—”
 
“Your mom can wait,” Shoeshine shoved me forward. “I, on the other hoof, cannot.”
 
Well that settles that. Sure I could probably have still followed through, but I wasn't anxious to get home. And Shoeshine would probably continue to pester me until I did eventually talk with her. So with a regretful nod, I followed her back towards downtown Ponyville. Since it was a weekday, most of the restaurants were crowded with workers getting off their shifts, enjoying a daisy sandwich or half-heartedly munching on some steaming hay fries. 
 
“Is there a reason—“
 
“Uh-uh,” Shoeshine held out her hoof. “We’ll talk when we sit.”
 
Typical Shoeshine to implore mannerisms after threatening me to dinner. Judging by the setting sun, Silver Spoon had probably reached home. And that meant Mother was going to have one heck of a ranting saved for me when I got back. Although I was debating if that would be a better punishment than dinner with my former compatriot in crime. 

We stopped by a little outdoor café marked by a giant carrot. It wasn't much, but it didn't look rundown. There was even a family eating here too. So it couldn't be that much of a sketchy establishment? Not that Ponyville had many sketchy establishments, save for Quills and Sofas or whatever the Flim Flam Brothers are selling these days. Taking a seat at the far corner, I gave a quick look through the menu before we flagged down the incoming waiter.

“What can I get you ladies?” He pulled out a notepad.
 
“I’ll have the special.” Shoeshine replied flatly.
 
“Give me a Sunflower Supreme with curly hay fries.” I hoofed over the menu, before adding. “And a mare-gerita on the rocks.”
 
Shoeshine gave a mocking gasp. “Somepony’s a little adventurous tonight, aren’t we?”
 
I snarled. “Shut it, Shoeshine. It’s hardly my first.”
 
“Nor your last.” She poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher. “So tell me now, what have you been up to you these last—how long has it been—three years or so?”
 
“Two years.” I corrected. “Although technically one since I’ve been here.”
 
“Oh yes,” Shoeshine mused. “I’ve been here for around two years since you left. Carrot Top has been teaching me how to become more agriculturally independent.”

I nearly gagged. If there was anything I remembered from our old days, it's that Shoeshine lacked a green hoof unless it was the spending kind. Sneaky, inconsiderate, demanding, she had a nasty streak a mile wide. Not really the traits you’ll find in your local produce grower. Although I suppose she was relying on that inner Earth Pony magic of hers to save the day.
 
“I’d figure a mare like you would want to live somewhere with more…” I looked around the place. “…style.”
 
Shoeshine narrowed her eyes. “Ponyville’s got all the flair I want. We’re host to the Elements of Harmony. We’re dead center in Equestria. It’s practically a no-brainer how important this town is.”
 
“Sure.” I chugged down the mare-gerita, letting the alcohol numb the ache in my wings. Doing an extra load put a lot more strain than I expected. I didn't need a lot to get drunk. Unlike Shoeshine, my body mass was significantly smaller so that I only needed a couple of drinks to put me out. You could imagine what this meant in a family of earth ponies who took drinking as seriously as they took business. 
 
“So what’s your business here in Ponyville? Silver mines, I presume?” Typical of Shoeshine to make it sound like I was the chairmare of Mother's company. That mare wouldn't trust me to do janitorial duty let alone hold a chief executive position in that Luna forsaken place.
 
“I work as a mailmare.”
 
“Can’t imagine it pays much.”
 
“It’s enough to get by.”
 
“And yet you still live with your folks? Too cheap to buy your own place?” Coming from a mare living with Carrot Top, I wondered what she hoped to gain by insulting my lack of bits.
 
“As if.” I settled the glass on the table. “There’s not a cent to my name that isn’t tied to them. And if I recall correctly, you’re not exactly living on your own.”
 
Shoeshine shrugged. “Rehabilitation hasn’t exactly been kind to me, Silverspeed. And judging by that scene with your sister, I’d say it hasn’t been all that pleasant for you either.”
 
That got my gears grinding. “So now you’re a spy too.”
 
“Not a spy, just a witness.” 
 
“It was just an argument.” 
 
“It didn’t sound like sibling rivalry to me.” I felt like I was being interrogated by a mare who already knew the answers. Shoeshine was just getting a kick out of this. 
 
“What’s it to you anyway?” I raised my voice an octave higher. “Why is my life so damn important that you need to know every single—”
 
“Hot plates!” The waiter slid our dishes in front of us with remarkable grace. “Let’s see, one Sunflower Supreme for the grey pegasus and a special for our returning customer.”
 
“We’ll continue this later.” I stuffed a hoof-full of hay fries in my mouth. For a good half hour or so, we devoured our entrees in silence. After the fiasco with Silver Spoon, I’d been too occupied to notice the rumbling in my stomach. Now, I was eating with gusto.
 
After a month of Mother's new diet, I’d forgotten how good greasy food could be. My family believed in refined organic waste as a meal and it had deprived my taste buds of the glory of food in general. I was surprised I still had tastebuds at all. I guess that gave me one point over Mother though.
 
Shoeshine ate like an animal, wolfing down her meal with such speed it was almost comical. She only waited until she was sated before wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Silverspeed, you know I care about you.”
 
I let out a deep, hearty cackle. “Like Tartarus you do.”
 
Shoeshine’s smiled was wiped clean off her face. Why was it that when she was being cynical, I was forced to laugh, but whenever I attempted to crack a joke, I was suddenly the bad guy. She looked as if I’d just called her mother insane. “I really do, Silverspeed.”
 
“And this is such a fine way of showing it.” I sneered. The mare-gerita hadn’t even kicked in and I was already losing my temper. 
 
Shoeshine crushed the mixed greens in her hoof, her face growing red with fury. “You’re one to talk!”
 
I continued to finish off my food. If I couldn’t fight her, I might as well ignore her before I end up making a bigger fool of myself.
 
The calm, cold composure was gone now. “What’s the matter? You forget about our promise? The promise you made to me? Do you remember anything in that thick skull of yours—”
 
I growled. “Can it, Spotless!”
 
She froze, a bewildered look on her face. It only took me a second to realize what I’d just called her. It was a name I hadn’t used in a while. A name I shouldn’t have used at all. “I...I mean…” 

Shoeshine just sat there with a satisfied smirk. “You started it, Archer.”
 
Oh how I’d like to smash her face on the table. I hated Shoeshine. I hated the way she looked at me. The way she talked to me. The way she tried to make me look like a bad guy when she wasn’t any better. The way she acted like it was the old days. Everything.
 
She waived at the waiter for the check. “It’s on me this time, Silverspeed. You may think it’s all in the past, but I haven’t forgotten. And I think you know it too.”
 
I finished downing my second mare-gerita, rising up to leave. “I’m not that mare anymore.”
 
She nodded. “Of course you aren’t.”
 
By the time I got home, the moon was already high up in the sky. Our two-story house still had the porch light on. Typical of Mother to be waiting for the chance to scold me on something I was already beating myself about. Deciding that facing my fate was inevitable, I went through the porch.
 
“You’re late, Silverspeed.” Mother was sitting on her armchair, bundled up in some sorry excuse for silk pajamas. 
 
“Yeah, had dinner with a friend.” If I had an alibi, Mother couldn’t say I was goofing off at least. She'd become rather paranoid that I'd go back to my old ways if I wasn't at home. It probably didn't help that I still kept my bow and arrows too.
 
But Mother just sort of sat there, as if unimpressed. Still, I suppose the answer was a bit vague. “And you were going to tell me…when?”
 
I shrugged. “We sort of bumped into each other.” Technically, that was the truth. Just that Shoeshine had intended it to be so.
 
“Well, maybe you’d like to talk to Silver Spoon about it next time.”
 
Here we go. The tidal wave of scolding was about to begin. I mentally braced myself for the outcome. “Mother I—”
 
“How dare you make her walk an extra block back home.”
 
“What?” Mother was concerned that I left Silver Spoon by herself for a few minutes? I'd practically left her daughter crying all the way back home? Either Mother really did care about nopony or I had just woken up from a bad dream.
 
Mother just shook her head, as if she was trying to explain ABC’s to an illiterate mule. “Silver Spoon told me you’d let her run ahead to make it home. But apparently in your haste to come back, you stumbled upon an old acquaintance and decided to have a jolly banquet without us.”
 
Silver Spoon lying to Mother? Had Shoeshine put something in that drink? If she did, I didn’t mind. It would numb the social degradation that came every time I had a conversation with this dragon. “I’m…is she still up?”
 
Mother just groaned, giving up any hope of making me understand why she was so pissed off. “She’s upstairs. I need to sleep anyway.”
 
I ignored her own spiteful comment, running up the stairs to see Silver’s door left ajar. Sure enough, the little filly was sitting by her bed, playing with a china tea set.
 
“Hey, Spoons.”
 
“I told you not to call me that.” Silver didn’t look up, but I could tell there was a hint of animosity in that tone. Best to tread lightly than.

Walking up the four poster, I decided to sit by the end. “Whatcha doing?”
 
“Pouring tea. What else would I be doing?” Her tone was sarcastic, but not enough to suggest she wasn't willing to talk.
 
I decided to lean over, taking in the waft of ice cold water in my nostrils. “Mhmmm…smells lovely, Ms. Silver Spoon. What tea is it?”
 
Silver just rolled her eyes. I had to admit that as bad as I’d felt about making her cry, making her pissed never got old. “Jasmine, Ms. Speeder.”
 
There we go. If she was throwing nicknames now, that could be a sign, right? “I adore jasmine. Such aroma is not familiar in this region.”
 
“Perhaps you’d like some?” Silver lifted up one of the cups. “It wouldn’t be proper of me to deprive you of such pleasures.”
 
I took the cup, downing the water in a very un-ladylike fashion. “Delicious. Needs more gin and tonic, however.”
 
Silver giggled. “If this is an attempt to express your appreciation you can—“
 
I reached over and locked her in a hug. She must have just taken a bath, cause her fur was as smooth as silk and slightly fuzzy too. Or maybe that was the alcohol kicking in. “I’m so…so…sorry.”
 
My little sis only gave me an awkward pat on the shoulder. “It’s…cool.”
 
I figured that I was strangling the poor filly by now, so I cut her loose, taking my position back on the end of the bed. “You're usually not one to lie.”
 
Silver Spoon just shifted a bit, avoiding my gaze. Now that I came to think about it, I'd never seen her this vulnerable. I was already laying a tentative wing on her shoulder, and she was actually snuggling next to it. “I guess…maybe…I felt it was partly my fault?”
 
“Really now?” I stood up. “That’s some big words coming from you.”
 
Silver Spoon dug herself deeper into the sheets. “It’s just…you were gone for so long.”
 
I nodded. “Can’t imagine it was easy.”
 
“Diamond Tiara kinda helped me get my hoof through the door. For the longest time, it was just me and her." I could say all I want about Diamond Tiara and my sister's poor choice in friends, but Diamond Tiara had probably taken over the role I was supposed to fulfill, even if she was a tad younger than Spoonie herself. "Mother didn’t put many restrictions on that. She was always talking about you anyway.”
 
Mother had talked about me? If she told Silver Spoon the truth...
 
“What did she say?” I asked, hoping Spoonie didn’t detect the hint of fear in my voice.
 
“Just that you left the family.” Spoonie sighed. “I mean…why? Was it because of me? Was it—“
 
“No! Never. It was never because of you.” I grabbed Silver in another hug. Boy, I should start using these more often. Reminder to also ask Silver what she used in the bathtub.
 
“Was it Dad?” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I know I was just a foal when he left but—“
 
I shook my head. “All you need to know is that your sister was selfish. She didn’t think about her family or her little sister. She was only thinking of herself.”
 
“But you changed, right? You’re not going to go and run off? Right? Silverspeed?”
 
I knew it was bad to freeze, especially when Spoonie was pleading with me. But, somewhere deep inside, I just had this nagging doubt that it wasn't so. That with Mother's constant insults and a life stuck as a mail pony, I wouldn't be convinced to run off again. 

“Of course, I came back didn’t I?” Somehow, that sounded like a lie rather than a reassuring statement. But I could worry about that later.
 
Spoonie smiled. “I guess I’m just not use to having a big sister. It feels so weird, like there’s a stranger who comes in this household everyday, eats our food, and sleeps in our guest bedroom.”

Well that pretty much sums up my presence quite nicely. “I guess I’m just getting use to the fact that I have a little sister who’s addressing me like a sibling instead of her butler.”

We both chuckled at that, probably because it was true. “We’re going to need to work on this whole sister-thingy, won’t we?”
 
“We’ve got a good couple of years to adjust.” I ruffled her mane, causing a little cry of indignation.
 
“Hey, I just washed it.”
 
I flashed her a mischievous grin. “I know.”
 
Before she could protest, I gave her a quick nuzzle on the cheek before I rose off her bed.

“Wait, sis!”
 
I turned around. Did she just call me ‘sis’? Now I was beginning to wonder if I’d picked up the right filly. “Yes?”
 
“I didn’t want to tell Mother, but—“ She pulled out a little notebook, flipping through the pages until she found it. “Well…since it’s Hearths Warming Eve and all…”
 
“Yes…”
 
Silver Spoon took a deep breath. “CouldyoubuymetheIron-Will-Sing-Along-Carol-Doll!”
 
“Umm…what?” She’d said the sentence faster than a chipmunk on skooma, which I would highly recommend seeing one day. Those animal activists can say all they want. Animals on drugs is darn right hilarious. Well, alright maybe it was wrong on some levels, but it wasn't like I was kicking puppies or anything like that.
 
Silver Spoon sighed. “Could you buy me an Iron-Will-Sing-Along Doll?”
 
So a present, eh? I must really be in the inner circle now if Spoonie was trusting me with this wish. “Sure, Spoonie, I’ll get it for you.”
 
She narrowed her eyes. “You need to stop calling me that.”
 
“When I’m dead, you can burn all the copies.” I chuckled. “All 989 of them.” 
 
“Grrr…you’re lucky that I’m nice.” She rolled over in bed, shunning me away with her mane. “Night, dear sister.”
 
“Goodnight, my sweet angel.” I closed the door, walking across to my own bedroom.

And sure enough, the monster was standing over the doorway, her hooves crossed and a stern look that made her slightly more intimidating than usual.
 
“You should really think about getting a new nightgown.” I suggested.
 
“I don’t know what your game is, but if you try anything with Silver Spoon, I swear—”
 
Was she seriously thinking I'd betray my own sister? Alright, I may still hate the little brat, but I didn't go back on a promise. “Don’t you trust me with anything?” 
 
Mother walked over, leaning into my ear. “You remember your place, young lady. It was because of me you still have a roof over your head instead of some iron bar—”
 
“I know, Mother, I know.” I shoved her away. “Trust me with this.”
 
“Oh, like how I trusted you to be a good little filly? Or how I trusted you to be a responsible mare when you grew up?" Really? Was she bringing this up again now? I was thankful Silver Spoon was asleep and that Mother had the common sense to keep her voice low. 

The fact remains that she may have control over me, but that didn't mean she had to taunt me. We'd made a deal that my past was in the past, and now she was using it as ammunition against me. “You know I'm your daughter too.” 

Mother seemed unfazed by my reaction. “So start acting like it.” 

Sometimes, I really wondered if there were any merit to those words. Was I supposed to act like her daughter or was I supposed to be her daughter? 
 
> Chapter 3: Holidays Smo'lidays
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning went by as routine dictated. Get up. Take a dump. Wash up. Eat breakfast. Get scolded by Mother for eating breakfast like an infernal jackal. Leave for work. Eat an actual breakfast at work. Cry inside for realizing you eat muffins 24/7. 

Wow, and they say mornings dictate the rest of the day.

Derpy was already in uniform, trying to balance a tray of steaming muffins on her head. At the very top of the tray was a tiny note scribbled in crayon that read 'Tank U' and even came with those cute little smiley faces at the end. 

“Dinky made those?” I snatched one of the confections. I'm not going to lie, it would've been insulting to me if Derpy didn't bring thank-you muffins. And judging by the note, I'd say her little filly was just as grateful. Or maybe Derpy and Sparkler forced her to do it. I'm not complaining either way.

Derpy just puffed her chest, showing off that maternal pride all mothers show when their daughters do something good. “Yep, Dinky kept badgering me to make them with her.” 

Soon, however, that grin was replaced with a concerned frown. “Is your back okay, Silverspeed?” 

If you could imagine a dragon rubbings its scales against your spine, you had a pretty good picture of my pain. Nonetheless, I managed a chuckle. “Good as a mule.”  

As if on cue, I felt a pain in the tender area of my wings. Derpy gave me that "parental-frown" she gives all her daughters when they lie to her. “Are you sure, Silverspeed? A pegasus should never risk-”

“No, it’s quite alright.” I tried to laugh it off, which came off as a cry. “Really. I’m good.”

“Okay…” Derpy narrowed her eyes. “But just to be safe, I think I’m going to see if Mr. Trails can split it for us.”

Well, guess there was no arguing with that one. Derpy may let most things slide, but if a pony was hurt, you stood a better chance convincing a Diamond Dog that gems were bad for him. 





As it turned out, the split hadn’t really solved my problems. I mean, sure I was carrying a lighter load, but now my wings felt tense. And to make matters worse, Carrot House was still on my list. 

As I approached the tangerine shack, any hopes of this being a routine drop off were diminished the moment I saw Shoeshine leaning over the fence.

“Well...well...well...look who the cuckoo dropped in.” Really, karma? I wasn’t that bad, was I? 

“Shoeshine, Carrot Top isn’t home?” I tried to sound casual, but I realized I sounded more like a pouty filly who didn't get her share of the cookie jar.

“She’s out back watering the carrots." She gestured to the little back door across from the kitchen, rolling her eyes. "Don’t know what she sees in that patch.”

I raised a brow. “Aren’t you her apprentice?”

Shoeshine waved me off. “Nah, I said I was curious, but...well...farming isn’t really my thing as I’ve come to realize.”

“Really?” So much for being the small-town farmer. Although I couldn't say I had much pity for her. She was still an obnoxious flankhole after all. "And your new calling is?

“A more reasonable job as a cashier at Barnyard Bargains.” The way she stated it, you'd think that it was as obvious as the sun. 

“You handling money?" I couldn't picture the two working out in anypony's benefit. 

Shoeshine snorted. "I'd have you know I'm very responsible. And with Barnyard Bash around the corner, I'm expecting a raise for my loyalty."

Something told me that she'd get that raise regardless of whether or not her manager thought it was appropriate. Still, Shoeshine stacking brooms on a shelf was hilarious. "And I'm sure you're quite helpful too. Oh excuse me Ponyville dropout, which aisle has the Zap Apple Jam?” 

The death glare she gave me was priceless. Shoeshine might consider herself to be an educated mare, but that didn't excuse the fact that she'd only graduated from a schoolhouse. "...Aisle 5."

"And the Iron Will Sing-Along Doll?"

“Iron Will doll? Why would you...oh wait don't tell me...Silver Spoon?” I felt my back go rigid. Any hint of annoyance vanished as Shoeshine's frown morphed into a wicked grin. "Silverspeed's planning on doing a little shopping, huh?"

“Shoeshine…” I addressed in a cautious tone. 

“Oh please, Silverspeed.” Shoeshine scoffed. “I’m not stupid, you know. I would never steal a toy just for you.”

I wasn’t convinced. "Shoeshine, you'd steal a paperweight if it was secured in Equestria's National Bank."

"Maybe for the bragging rights, yes." Shoeshine admitted. "But let's face the facts. Challenges are so much more delightful with company present."

“Cut it out.” She was trudging into dangerous territory. “I thought I made it perfectly clear last night, but so help me I’ll make it perfectly clear again. I’m. Not. Interested.”

Shoeshine just continued to smile as if I was some filly trying to please her. “I don’t think so.”

Oh, thank the fates that I have the patience of a goddess to stand this tick in my rump.“I think you better take this mail. Carrot Top might think you’re trying to seduce the mailmare.”

“Believe me—” Shoeshine grabbed the stack of letters “—I’m sure the allurement of a heist of any kind is seducing enough for you, Archer.”

“Who’s Archer?” I questioned curiously. Two could play at this game after all.

Shoeshine's tone, however, remained cheerful. “I suppose I’ve mistaken you for the wrong mare. But in any case, if you do make it past those throngs of murderous shoppers and manage to snag one of those dolls before being trampled in a stampede, I’ll say I was wrong and leave you be.”

I tipped my cap. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Miss.”

Shoeshine propped herself against the door. “I feel you’ll be needing it more than me.”





Sometimes, I really want to strangle that mare.

To say Shoeshine’s prediction came true was an understatement. It was like something out of the Great Exodus of Unicorns. The entire plaza was covered with shoppers eager to get their hooves on whatever materialistic garbage rolled off the shelf. 

I don't know if it was the desperation to snag my hooves on the doll before it sold out or Derpy's stories of roasted nuts and sales up to 60% off, but either way I found myself in the middle of this stupid social event.

At least we were bundled up in scarves and hoof-woven beanies from Dinky. Honestly, with that filly's baking and sewing, I felt almost jealous of Derpy. All Silver Spoon had to offer was whining. And occasionally being a smartypants, which was probably worse. 

“Can this line move?” I was tempted to fly up, but instinct told me that I’d probably get myself yelled at. That and my body didn't feel too good either. Turns out walking only serves to aggravate an injury. At least I was paying attention to my legs by standing in line.

Derpy was munching on a bag of roasted nuts, apparently oblivious to the cold. Noticing my shivering form, however, she tipped the bag to me. “Want some?”

“Maybe just a bit.” I snatched a couple steaming nuts, groaning in pleasure as I chewed on their sugar-coated goodness. Want to taste good food? Starve yourself in the cold for two hours and buy a bag of roasted nuts. They’ll beat whatever the matrons at Canterlot are serving these days.

“Alright, one at a time!” A uniformed guard was making his rounds, herding us like cattle about to be milked of our funds. 

Involuntarily, I skidded back a bit, avoiding my gaze with the officer. Some old instincts just don't die overnight I guess. “What are you buying, Derpy?”

“Oh, well, Dinky actually wanted a new sewing kit, so I’m getting her that. Kind of sad really. I was hoping she’d want some of those deluxe muffin trays. But maybe next year.”

I sighed. “Can’t argue with that. I was kinda hoping Silver Spoon would be asking for something other than this Iron Will Sing-Along Doll. Just hope I have enough bits for it.”

Derpy gave a hearty laugh. “It’s the Barnyard Bash, silly. You could buy out a shelf with two bits to rub between your wings.”

Normally, I’d try to say they were losing their money on some scam. But knowing Filthy Rich, despite his rather unorthodox means of attaining capital, I could safely say he was an honest salespony. 

Although, perhaps not the most organized. The moment we stepped into the warehouse-sized store, we were nearly trampled by a group of customers. After that, we decided to split up and cover more ground, promising to meet outside with our purchases. 

I know that we all get a tad bit greedy at times, but this was anarchy. No, chaos was a better description of it. Something I feel Discord would be proud of. Two mares were tackling each other over the last set of designer boots, while pegasi engaged in aerial battles over candle sets. And they called me a robber.

At last, I finally reached the toy section. Shoving my way past the crowd, I could already see most of the shelves were stripped bare of their contents. I counted down the numbers, praying that each empty shelf hadn't been labeled 'Iron Will Sing-Along Set'. Suddenly, a tiny yellow box appeared over the horizon. No, it couldn't be.

There was one left.

Not exactly a confidence boost, but I'd take what I could get. I soared past the unhinged consumers, shoving a few out of my way as I wrapped my hooves against that premium foiled wrapper. "Gotcha!"

"Not so fast!" A shrewd, squeaky voice echoed from behind. Turning around, I found myself face to face with a pouty, purple filly who looked just about ready to sucker-punch me. "That toy is mine!"

"Um, I'm sorry missy," I tugged a bit at the box, trying to get it closer to myself, "but I kind of got here first."

"No you weren't!" The filly narrowed her eyes, her wings fluttering just a bit more rapidly. "I was here!"

I shook my head. "Nah uh uh, I was here."

"That's a lie! This is a collector's edition and I've been waiting for this sale for two days!" She tugged the box back indignantly.

"No, it's mine!" I was pulling back with all my might, but this filly had an iron grip. I could hear the wrapper tearing apart as we continued in this demented tug-of-war. But before I knew it, the doll suddenly slipped out of the packaging, landing on the floor with a dull thud.

My opponent was there first, wrapping her forehooves against the minotaurs plastic body. "Yes!" 

For a second, everypony's eyes were turned on her. Some looked about her age, while others were a tad smaller. And the next thing I knew, the poor little shopper was buried under a dog pile.





Derpy was already waiting outside, a rather large box cradled in her hooves. “Did you get it, Silverspeed?”

“Well...you see about that…” I didn't want to tell her about the disaster that had occurred in Aisle 7, mostly because it wasn't my best moment and also for the fac  that I  managed to evade security before things really got bad.

“Oh no…” Derpy tucked her wings in.

“I can try again tomorrow, right?” 

“Yeah…” Her tone was tense. Not the best sign of confidence. "Ye-yeah. I mean, who needs that sale anyway. I mean, the store usually closes after this and re-opens umm...soon?"

With Hearth's Warming Eve right around the corner, that meant more shoppers and more problems. This was supposed to be the early bird sale, and look at how chaotic it got. I was pretty sure the majority of these customers had come from all over the world to catch a good deal. 

“It doesn’t matter, thanks for accompanying me Derpy." I tried my best to give a convincing grin. "Glad to see you got what you came for.”

Derpy smiled. “Well, thank you too, Silverspeed. Tell your family I wish them a Happy Hearths Warming Eve.”

“Will do.” 

I watched her fly off into the night, joining the hundreds of customers who’d made it out with their newfound loot. And here I was, standing like some schmuck on the street. An idiot who had nowhere to go now. An idiot who would return home emptied-hoof. And just when I was getting somewhere with Spoonie, I had to screw it up.

I wanted to smother my face with a pillow then set the pillow on fire and toss it in the searing flames of Tartarus for added effect. But seeing that this fantasy wasn’t coming true anytime soon, I did the next best thing.

I went to the range.

The range isn’t as much of a range as it is a stack of haybales I found one day and convinced the owner that I’d pay him extra to let me use his property. Finding the bow and arrow was the easy part. Ponyville had a surprising number of weapon shops in the area, but considering its rural background, weapon shops wouldn't be a surprise. Nothing fancy, mostly just a few vendors and guards trading off their old gear.

My hoof slid another arrow in, drawing the string back. Unlike goblins or diamond dogs, holding a bow as a four-legged equine proved to be quite difficult for most. Most of the time, many ponies would just use a stand and their mouth to tug the arrow. It was why the Guard preferred spears and law enforcement occasionally carried crossbows. Bows were considered a specialty weapon.

Anyway, the point is that shooting arrows was the closest thing I found to meditation. There was something stress-relieving about letting a projectile fly and hit some inanimate target a couple yards away. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes I pictured Mother and every other privileged snob in one of those hay bales from time to time.

I don’t know how long I was out there. Usually, firing bows at night was a bad idea since you never knew if you’d stuck some poor farmer out tending his crops. But I knew the owner didn’t rear his head this way at night and even if he did, I would see him. One of the perks of deciphering those bank codes under the moon’s light was getting accustomed to night vision. Of course, that didn't help too often in the day, and even now my eyes were straining to find a target.

“Nice shot.”

The sound caught me off guard. Jolting back, I let the arrow fly lazily in the air before coming down a few yards away from the target.

I snarled, turning to face Shoeshine, who was now laying back on a hay bale. “Have you ever heard of something called safety?”

Standing up, Shoeshine began to survey the battlefield. “I suppose, but knowing you, it doesn’t seem likely I’ll be injured, right?” 

I shrugged indifferently. “Accidents always happen.”

“I’d assume you’d want one to happen to me right about now, correct?”

“Why, Shoeshine, knowing you, I’d miss the instant I drew the string back.”

That got a cheerful giggle out of her. “You were never that good, were you?”

“And targets.” She added, prodding one of the hay bales. “Not really mobile, are they?”

This whole question and answer crap was getting on my nerves. “What do you want, Shoeshine?” 

“Figured that if you didn’t get the doll, you’d end up taking out your rage here.” Now she was a mind reader? Well, I suppose it’s partly my fault for being a tad too predictable in behavior. But you couldn’t blame me on that. There aren't many places you can look for that would suit a proper range. 

"Well you caught me, officer," I said, holding up my hooves in mock surrender,"I didn't get the doll, but I'll bet it’ll be one heck of a pay day for you.”

Shoeshine gave a hearty cackle which sounded more like a hyena. “Yeah right, the flow of money is paved with equal benefits.”

“Oh yeah?” I tilted my head. 

“Most of that money goes to that board of advisors. They trickle the wealth down, sure, but the rest stays on top. Typical business model if you ask me.”

“Tired of getting paid below the belt?” Shoeshine might consider herself an academic, but nopony started to talk business unless they had some business of their own to settle.

"I'm just saying that business isn't fair. Things happen, ponies lose money. They're crooks in suits, you know. And if a little money suddenly went missing, well...who'd know any better than an insurance company to resupply all its investors-"

“I’m not even going to repeat myself. I’m just going to load the arrow in.” At least this was one problem that could be solved with the flight of an arrow.

“Hear me out,” Shoeshine protested. I lowered the bow. This was only because she was a friend. I’d hear her out and then decline the offer.

Seeing the bow droop down, she continued. “Barnyard Bargains has been dropping in the stock markets as of lately.”

“Really?” I exclaimed. “So now you’re telling me we’re stealing from a sinking ship?” Okay, I should have said ‘you’re’ but it just came out naturally. It wasn’t like I was going to participate. I was beyond that now.

“And that’s where you’re wrong.” Shoeshine jumped off the hay bale. “You see, by robbing Filthy Rich, we will be inevitably helping him.”

Now I knew she was cuckoo. Well, I mean I knew for a while but this was definite proof that I could use in court. “I’m not following.”

“By making off with a pitiful amount of income from one of these holiday sprees, the insurance company would launch a full investigation, try to track down if any other money was missing. And who knows, they may find a certain board of advisors embezzling a certain amount of funds from a certain somepony and before you know it, everything is back to normal, if not better.”

“Shoeshine saving the company? This is rich.”

“Filthy rich in fact.” Shoeshine stated in a matter-of-factly tone. "And he isn't even going to give me a raise for this."

“Not like you're walking away without one.” Honestly, this was predictable to see her rob a store. But what really irked me was that she was trying to justify it. "Where's your proof?"

All of a sudden, a saddlebag materialized out of one of the hay bales as Shoeshine pulled out several sheets of paper. "See for yourself?"

They certainly didn't look like the kind of corporate intel that could be faked. Moreover, the figures were oddly disturbing. Not too noticeable to somepony who wasn't looking, but certainly odd.  "I don't suppose this was just hoofed to you."

“I have my methods, Silverspeed. Besides, it's enough proof to put the nail in the coffin. Only problem is of course allowing the proper authorities to come across it.”

“Okay, Robin Hoof. Say that this could potentially save the company. How are you going to pull it off?”

“Say what you want about Ponyville, it's no secret the security here is a joke. We're talking safe-and-dial type.”

Oh Starswirl's Beard, that was like stealing candy from a filly, something I wouldn't put beneath Shoeshine's own morals. “A safe-and-dial type security could still have some vigilant guards.”

She shook her head. “Security is a graveyard shift for most. This is Ponyville after all. Hardly the place of military-trained cops or Royal Guards patrolling the hallways.”

“So security is a bit rough. But then again, I highly doubt the worst thing Ponyville has ever experienced was a burglar stealing slippers.”

“With this kind of popularity, the Elements of Harmony attract all manner of criminal scum, Silverspeed.”

“No doubt in my mind you’re one of them.”

“Hey, I lived here before they came. Not my fault that this led to some hefty income to our business class.” Shoeshine was acting as if burglary was a burden placed solely upon her shoulders.

“What a saint you’ve turned out to be.”

“Hey, why should the rich have all the fun and leave the rest of us behind? I believe in an equilibrium system of economics.”

“Except unlike Robin Hoof, you don’t give back to the poor.”

“So? It’s not like they worked for it.” Boy, did I have to hoof it to Shoeshine for justifying why charity is a lost cause.

“Okay, so you have the motive and you have the means. But this sounds like you’ve been planning this for quite some time. If your intentions are truly good, why now?”

Shoeshine tapped her hoof thoughtfully on the bale for a bit. “Honestly, I guess it’s because I saw you.”

I knew I should run. This was it. The offer was coming. So far, Shoeshine had tried to woo me in with the reasons that it would be perfect and why it was worthwhile. But the truth was...well...I didn’t expect her to say that. It felt almost cheesy really. Too cheesy to be fake.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Listen, this isn’t a one-mare job. I mean...I guess with my expertise it is. But it would have been pointless. Just another tab in the paper. With you, however, at least I’d be doing it with a buddy.”

“Oh please.” I scoffed admonishingly. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You think that this whole best-buds argument is going to somehow convince me to join you on your little caper?”

Shoeshine just fell silent. I didn’t care though. The fact was that she used that word again. the same word she kept using again and again. It came in all types of forms. ‘Buddy’, ‘Friend’, ‘Compadre’.

I slung the quiver over my shoulder. “The thing is, Shoeshine. I may not like my life, but I sure as Tartarus am not about to screw it up again. And I think it’s high time you start thinking about yours too.”

I turned to walk away, but not before Shoeshine’s voice pierced the air. 

“I have, Silverspeed.”

Sometimes, you know you should leave but you stay anyway. For whatever reason, I didn’t move from my spot. 

“You know what I found out about my life, Silverspeed? After that golden age, it never got any better. I never relaxed in some chateau in the mountains or was whisked away by my magical prince. Oh no, I was stuck growing food like a peasant! Maybe that suits you just fine but can you really say that your life isn’t screwed up as it is? Look at you!”

I wanted to punch her for saying that. I wanted to stick an arrow in her heart or watch her melt away and leave me alone. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And the truth was because I couldn’t help but agree.

“Your family hates you. You work a lousy job like me. Before, we were big name criminals. We had it all. The wealth. The glamor. The anonymity so that we could walk around town feeling smug about ourselves without paparazzis hogging the corner. And now all we’re left with is anonymity! We’ve become background characters in a show that focuses on namby-pamby celebrities and news that covers self-confident jerks rescuing kittens!”

“And what’s wrong with being in the background?” I asked coolly.

“What’s wrong is that we had a taste of being in the spotlight. And you know that no matter how much we try, our lives will never get any better than that. We’re not the local townsponies, Silverspeed! We’re not some bystander on the street. Maybe in this town’s eyes, we are. But not in our eyes. Remember when me, you and—”

“Don’t use her name!” I shrieked. For a moment, I was scared I might have woken the farmer. But thankfully, the only sound we heard was the chirping of crickets in the distance.

“You can’t forget the past, Silverspeed. You don’t want to forget the past.” Maybe I can’t forget the past, but I can sure as Tartarus avoid it. I resumed my steady trot back home.

“By the way,” Shoeshine’s voice was no longer seething with fury. Rather, it was replaced by the same calm, cool demeanor she always wore before. “I know where they keep the new shipments for the next sale. In the Hearth' Warming Eve pandemonium, nopony’s going to notice a couple dolls missing.”

I continued to walk, never turning back. By the time I reached home, Mother was waiting by the porch light. “I thought I told you that I didn’t want to see that weapon in the household again.”

“It’s not mine,” I lied, “I was saving it for a friend.” 

Mother just stood there, her face masking whatever anger hid beneath it. “You worry me, sometimes. You think my kindness is just some sort of benefit. If it wasn't for me--”

I didn't even bother to listen to the rest. What use was it if Mother kept repeating the same feather-brained lecture? That I wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough for my family. I may not have been the best pony there was, but I'd try to be. Nopony's perfect, nopony can just change life at the flick of a switch. 

Mother didn't bother to stop me, and for once I had the night to myself. Pity that I wasn't getting any rest out of it. Still, the thought of Shoeshine's plan left a weird sensation in my stomach. 

What if Filthy Rich was in trouble? The guy was a decent buisnesspony, and it would at least get him looking through the distribution of wealth. No, I couldn't justify any form of thievery. Not after what happened last time.

Besides, it was too risky. Yeah, that's it. There's always a chance something would go wrong. Actually, there was a hundred percent chance that something would go wrong.

I rolled over in my sheets, trying to block the terrifying thoughts that kept screaming at me to listen. Some of them were memories. Some of them were fantasies. All of them tied to thievery.

“Hey sis.” It was enough to stir me from my mental barrage of conflicted emotions.

Turning around, I saw that Silver Spoon had snuck in my room. Darn, my sis had the hoofsteps of a ninja. “Whatcha doing this late at night?”

Silver Spoon seemed to be having some trouble since her shadowy form remained silent. I was almost beginning to think I had hallucinated the whole conversation when I heard her speak again. “Listen, I know it’s asking a lot but can you stop talking to yourself?”

“Huh?” I tilted my head. Talking to myself? What the hay was I talking about? 

“You keep saying that you want to do something, but that you shouldn't do something, but that you should. It's really starting to sound like your wishy-washy.”  Well thanks Master of the Obvious. And that was rather blunt for a filly who spent two hours debating over a pearl necklace.

“Well maybe I have a reason.”

"But it just sounds like it's really hurting you and all. I mean...I don't know...is it...like your job?” That was a weird question. I was expecting something a bit more personal, but maybe this was her way to get to know me better. Already, this conversation could be holding the record for the longest time we’ve expressed any words to each other.

“What makes you think that?”

“Mom sometimes talks like that when she's working,” Silver confessed. "Don't tell her though that I've been spying on her."

Well, as long as she keeps the spying to mother and not me. "My lips are sealed. Sister's honor."

That got a giggle out of her. "You're not so bad when you're actually doing your job."

"Is that so?" Good to know that at least Silver Spoon still liked me. Although I didn't exactly fess up to the truth that her toy wasn't coming this Hearth's Warming Eve.

"Mom thinks you're wasting your life." Silver's voice went back to a whisper. "I just want to know...did you ever...umm...try to be an archer? Is that why you were gone? To pursue a job in the military?"

Even now, she was still hung up on that. I'd want to tell her the truth. Really, if I could, it would solve so many problems. But the fact is, sometimes the truth doesn't solve any problems. Sometimes it just makes things worse. “I guess in a way I wanted to be an archer. But it just wasn't the life for me.” 

“You didn't like it?”

“Well...I mean...sort of.” Honestly, why couldn’t I say no?  

“What do you mean sort of?”

“I guess it was fun for a while.” It was still fun even as I thought about it.

“But why don’t you do it?”

“Cause it's wrong, Silver Spoon. What I did wasn't right.” 

“But if you liked it, even for a teeny bit, that means you’d still want to do it. Everything else just feels worthless.”

Jeepers, who was I talking to? Luna? Starswirl's religious sage? “I don’t know, Silver, it’s just...I want to be here for you. I can’t just go and do as I please. Family first, right?”

“I’m not saying you have to do everything, but sometimes, well...you’re just too depressing to hang out with.”

Well that was depressing. Being called a downer never really lifted the downer’s spirits. “I feel I’m fairly jolly every now and then.”

“Maybe you try to. But trying isn’t the same as being.” I watched her silhouette rise from my bedside. “I don’t know. Diamond always tells me that if it doesn’t make you happy, why do it?”

She scuttled off to her room and I watched the door slowly shut itself.

Why do it? The words echoed in my mind again and again. 

Why do it? Because I was scared? But that’s the thrill of it. Being scared during a heist always gives a nice adrenaline rush. Why do it? Because it could hurt somepony? Honestly, I can't remember injuring a pony who didn't go in expecting to get injured. It was a fact of life after all. 

But Silver Spoon. I couldn’t just let her down again. Yet, according to my sister, doing nothing pretty much downed her spirits more than it did to mine.

No, I couldn't try to justify it again. Nopony is born into this world as a criminal, and nopony has to go back. There's such a thing as changing. Sometimes you have to change yourself for the better. But what if I wasn't changing myself for the better?

Oh sure, before I was in more danger than I am in now. Before I had to deal with detectives and guards while now my worst enemy could be the filly in the back of the line. Yet, all those times I was in danger, I never felt I was in danger. That sounds pretty stupid, and I don't blame you for calling me out on it. But sometimes, it was fun to feel that danger. 

Maybe that's what I was missing all along.






I don’t know what drove me to get up from bed and walk all the way to Carrot Top’s house. Or what led me to bang on her door. But before I could stop myself, the lights flicker on followed by a loud yawn. When the door swung open, however, I was surprised to see Carrot herself at the door.

“Wha’ time is it?” She groaned.

Now you choose to answer. “Umm...I was wondering if I could talk to Shoeshine?”

“Hold on.” Carrot vanished back in the house. I don't even know if she realized how odd it was to see your mailpony at four in the morning.

After what seemed like another yawn followed by a clatter of pans, a disheveled, irritated Shoeshine was standing in the doorway. “What in the frick-frackin’ name of Luna’s great night did you need to knock on my door at four in the morning?”

“I was thinking about that offer last night.” I replied timidly.

“I thought you told me to shove it where the sun don’t shine. Or was it just me?” Shoeshine let out another yawn. I doubted she even knew what she was talking about.

“Perhaps for old time’s sake, I’d be willing to give it a go?” I sounded like a filly asking for an autograph.

Shoeshine just stood there, her expression not even changing a bit. “Okay. But can you leave now? This mare needs some undisturbed rest if she’s going to have any energy tomorrow.”

“Sure. Have a good night.” I smiled.

“Pretty sure it’s mornin’.” Shoeshine slammed the door. 

By the time I got back to my house, snuck through the window, and snuggled myself under the sheets, I realized just how  incredibly...undeniably...stupid that was.

And it felt great.

> Chapter 4: A Barnyard Bargain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember the Summer Sun Celebration, nearly suffocating in the crowds. By the time Celestia did show up, and raised the Sun in a graceful, fluid motion, Dad had put me on his back. I remember just sitting there, captivated like the rest of them, wondering what it’d be like to have that power. 

So in a way, watching that big fireball in the sky lighting up the white fields and frozen lake made me wonder how I had managed to wake up so early. Maybe it was the cup of coffee I snuck with me, or maybe it was just pure energy. Either way, I could feel that energy in my gut, pushing me forward, filling me with excitement.

Shoeshine looked just about the same as she had when I’d left her. Tired, frowning, and now holding a cup of coffee in her hoof. “Carrot Top left early to meet with her not-coltfriend so-”

“Wait!” I held the door open with my hoof. “Don’t you remember last night?”

“Last...wait…” Shoeshine’s eyes widened. “That wasn’t a dream?”

“Well-” I didn’t even finish the first sentence before I was yanked inside and suffocated by a hug. 

“We’re back in business, baby!” I swear sometimes, she holds back that kindness until she gets what she wants, and then literally kills somepony with it. Thankfully, Shoeshine had the sense to realize she had flung her cup of coffee across the hallway and set me down.

“Well buck me, can you pass me some towels?”

------------------------------

To say Carrot Top liked orange was an understatement. I’m pretty sure even your average foal could figure out the poor carrot-head was obsessed with carrots and the color orange. Everything was orange or yellow. If it wasn’t, there was something on it that dealt with carrots. “Hmmm, so I see your roommate has a nice decorator.” 

“I don’t see a problem with it.” Shoeshine pulled out a carrot from the fridge. “Want one?”

“Ummm, just a cup of joe for me.” At the moment, my stomach was feeling really queasy and while my back felt a little better, I still felt a sore in the back of my wing. “So you’ve got a plan?”

“Mhmm.” Shoeshine passed me a steaming hot cup of coffee. “You still take yours black, right?”

I nodded my head, smirking. “You remembered.”

“How can I forget?” Shoeshine chuckled. “You complained all night after that run in Trottingham. Nearly threw a fit when our fence offered you a cup of tea.”

“Heh, he was too uptight for my taste.” I chuckled, re-living that night in my head. “If I recall correctly, you were flirting with that banker.”

“Hardly.” Shoeshine moved to the couch, sprawling on her back and forcing me to sit on the carpeted floor. “He told me he was rich.”

“Isn’t that true love for you?” I took a sip, taking a moment to enjoy the strong aroma that came with freshly-ground coffee beans. In a way, between this and just talking with Shoeshine, I’d almost forgotten that I had a new life now.

I had almost forgotten that there was a time where I wasn’t making powdered coffee or sharing town gossip with a few pegasi I’d met on the weather team. That there was even a time where Shoeshine was actually cordial and not an uptight snob.

In a way, I could tell by her smile that she was thinking the same thing.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise.” That should have triggered an alarm in my head. I needed to know the plan ahead of time before I stepped into it.

“Come on, Spotless.” I nudged her. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

Shoeshine stood up. “Yeah, well I need to trust you first.” 

That felt like a slap to the face. Shoeshine’s smile vanished and the same accusing stare came back. 

“Really?” I rose to my hooves. “You think I’m trying to pull a sting on you?”

“Of course not.” Shoeshine replied indignantly. “But you weren’t exactly eager to start over either.”

While I did have to give her that, being called a snitch wasn’t exactly a heartwarming welcome. “So I guess that means I’m no better than a guard, huh?”

“Oh stop acting like some pariah. I just need to know for sure that you’re going to stick with me and not run off like some scared little filly.” Shoeshine smiled. “Think of this as a sort of probation. You meet me tonight behind Quills & Sofas and I’ll know you mean it.”

“I do mean it.” This was embarrassing. To think I almost fell for it only made me want to hit her more. “I’ll be there, but when I do, I want a full layout before we go in.”

Shoeshine nodded, her smug smile still plastered on her face. “Great! Bring an appropriate change of clothes and...maybe a bow as well.”

“A bow?” Sure, most places kept a guard or two in case of a diamond dog raid, but I highly doubted anypony would be at a store on Hearth's Warming Eve of all days.

“Yes, just the bow. We don’t need any arrows.” Well, I suppose until Shoeshine deemed me a loyal thug for her scheme, I was going to be kept in the dark.

“This plan better work.” I said, finishing my cup. “Or I swear rehabilitation isn’t going to be growing carrots in Ponyville.”

“Or shriveling up in the house of a corrupt businesspony.” Shoeshine smiled. “Speaking of which, wish your family a Merry Hearth’s Warming Eve from yours truly.”

-----------------------------------------

“Silverspeed! Does this dress show off my flank?” Silver Spoon rotated around the mirror, trying to tie the bow behind her back.

“Hang on, let me get that.” I walked over to her, and tightened the knot. In a way, the teal color matched her perfectly. “Also, it’s not like there’s going to be any colts there.”

“What?” Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow. “Is it wrong to look nice?”

Clearly, I would need to give her that talk one day. Mother might kill me, but I always say the sooner the better. Besides, it’d be better to hear it from me than Madame Cerberus in the next room.

“Don’t tell me you’re going in that.” Speak of the monster, and she’ll appear right over your shoulder. “You look like a dog.”

“Well, I actually thought I could rock the punk-star hairdo for a bit.”  To be fair, I only combed it a bit.

“If you want to start being my daughter, you’re going to get that hair straightened out.” Mother turned to the hallway, ringing a bell for the butler to come in. “Hayrold? Can you please fix this?”

Of course Mother didn’t consider me a Ms. or a ‘daughter’. No, I was about the same as a leaky faucet. Just something for the butler to fix. 

“Come, Ms. Silverspeed.” Hay replied in that old, dignified accent of his. “We mustn’t keep Mr. Rich’s carriage waiting.”

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised to find myself more attached to Hayrold than my own family. He’d always seemed to be in the family, and not once had I ever seen him shout. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d never seen his eyes either, since it was almost always covered up by those bushy eyebrows. But, I suppose he must have some eyesight, since he’d managed to hold this household in pristine shape with two brats running around.

“I don’t understand how you put up with her.” I muttered as he began to tie my hair back. “There’s probably a plethora of families in Canterlot or even Manehattan that would pay top dollar and probably treat you better.”

Hayrold simply chuckled. “Yes, but they aren’t Silvers I’m afraid.”

“Maybe that’s my point.” I felt the grip tighten over my hair for just a second. 

“Sorry, my hooves aren’t the same as they were before.” Hayrold apologized, his voice just as calm and reassuring as always. Still, I decided to table the conversation. 

--------------------

“My, what lovely daughters, Silver Bells!” Filthy Rich ushered us into his manor. Unlike ours, which felt more like it was made of marble and metal, the Rich Manor had a more earthy feel to it.

I suppose it went back to Stinkin’ Rich’s origins as a pioneer, setting up shop in a rural part of Ponyville with just a small wooden stand and Zap Apple Jam. Still, you could tell that those humble beginnings were pretty much stifled under the large painted portraits.

“Diamond!” Silver Spoon ran over to her friend. I never understood why Diamond Tiara had a well...tiara for a cutie mark. Silver Spoon told me once that it stood for leadership, but honestly the only thing I felt Diamond was leading was Spoonie herself.

Of course, Diamond Tiara’s stoic gaze instantly dissolved and the two were running around like the pair of school fillies they were. It made me smile a bit. Seeing Spoons and Diamond run up the stairs meant that they could be whatever they wanted to be.

I, on the other hoof, would have to play with the adults.

“Why Silverspeed!” Spoiled Rich, Filthy’s wife, called out. “You look absolutely elegant tonight. Looks like Silver Bells can teach an old dog new tricks!”

As much as I wanted to punch her face in, I knew Mother would clip my wings. So, instead I did what all rich snobs do. Accept the comment with a blush. “Oh, Mother can be very influential, you know.”

“I would sure love that kind of discipline on the school board.” Spoiled looked to my Mother, who simply smiled. “You know there’s an open position for the treasurer.”

“I’m afraid the company demands too much of my time, Spoiled.” Mother answered, although even I could hear the cold remark behind those words. “I’m sure you can fill the vacancy with somepony else.”

“Yes, well you know how my wife is.” Filthy chuckled. “Although I must say, you are looking quite divine tonight, Silverspeed.”

I did have to admit, that while the comments - fake or not - were being given, Hayrold had an artist’s touch. He’d manage to straighten out my mane into a nice updo and even added a silver band to add a little sparkle. “I’m just happy to spend a nice Hearth’s Warming Eve with Mother’s friends.”

“Speaking of which,” Spoiled Rich led us to the parlor. “How have you adjusted to Ponyville?”

I must have froze, because I’ve never seen Spoiled more excited in my life. Funny thing about the wealthy class is that anything interesting usually dealt with misfortune. Ironic, right? “Well you know, I’m still at the post office. But things are going good.”

“Oh, I see.” I nearly cringed at how fake her words were. It was like listening to a puppeteer at work. “I suppose not everypony is meant to run a company. But still, I’d figure your mother-”

“I’d rather have my daughters earn their positions, Ms. Rich.” Mother replied cooly. For a moment, everypony was silent. Even Spoiled, who couldn’t keep her mouth shut if her life depended on it, turned a bright red and nodded.

“I didn’t mean any offense, Silver Bells, I was just...surprised is all. I’m sure all of us understand how hard work pays off.” Speak for yourself, lady. Hard work doesn’t earn you bits. Playing smart, on the other hoof, does.

“I’m sure you do.” Silver Bells smiled. I was grateful that she’d save me from being embarrassed, but at the same time, Mother was just speaking for herself. She didn’t care about me. She didn’t care about Spoons. And if she had any room in that pitiful heart of hers, she saved it for her stupid company.

----------------------------------

It was tradition that the Ponyville schoolhouse threw on the Hearth's Warming Eve play. I remembered quite distinctly having to play an angry pegasus. I’d pouted the whole way through, and while some might call it good acting, it was really just a tantrum.

I didn’t come in with high expectations, or whatever expectations you had for a bunch of school fillies in cardboard cutouts. But even I had to do a double take at the costumes. They looked like direct imports from Bridleway. 

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara managed to sit in the corner, using me as their barrier between their parents. They were probably snickering at the losers that got dragged into this play, but honestly what could you expect from a pair of bullies?

On the other hoof, I could see Derpy closer to the front with Sparkler, the two silently cheering on Dinky as she hobbled over in her Chancellor Puddinghead costume. I don’t even think Mother was there for my play. Not that I really cared since the teacher had to drag me off the stage for throwing a tantrum.

I found myself actually laughing at a few of the lines, and even Mother, who should have been biologically incapable of having fun, managed to smirk at a few of the more clever taunts from Princess Platinum.

Watching this play always made me wonder why you’d form a new kingdom based on a few ponies nearly freezing to death. And how in the end, it was supposed to make everypony feel the sense of love and warmth that came with discovering the magic of friendship. I suppose all it takes is a malicious snow spirit to wake the masses up and settle petty differences. Although I doubt they could freeze Mother’s heart, considering how cold it already was.

--------------------------

“Hi Silverspeed!” Derpy waved at me, her wings nestling Dinky between her and Sparkle.

“That was great!” I smiled at Dinky. “You’re quite the actress, you know that?”

“Awwww t’anks Si’verspeed!” Dinky grinned. It was hard to believe she was the same age as Silver Spoon. Derpy said she had a slight speech impediment, although what exactly I wasn’t so sure. 

“Wow, I need to visit your stylist.” Sparkler stared at my mane. Wonder if it was for her or maybe somepony special.

“Sorry, Hayrold isn’t for sale.” I laughed. Although I could probably sneak him out. Maybe even make a lot of bits with a black market barber. “You guys open your presents yet?”

“Nah, Sparks won’t let me.” Dinky pouted. 

“You know Ma has a tradition to open them up tomorrow.” Sparkler rubbed her sister’s head. “After the fruitcake of course.”

“Does that also mean muffins?” Dinky asked wide-eyed.

“You betcha sis’!” Sparkler chuckled. “Hey did you hear, Silver? I got my letter from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns! Guess who's attending this year!”

“What? I knew I was standing next to a certified genius!” Honestly, I wasn’t even making an understatement. Breaking into a bank vault would be easier than passing those entrance exams, and the difficulty only increases with older unicorns like Sparkler.

“Mhmm, you’re looking at the new Starswirl the Beardless!” Sparkler chuckled. “You should have seen Ma when I broke the news! She couldn’t even speak!”

“I better see some postcards in my mailbag then.” I hoofbumped her before I turned to Derpy, leaving the girls to mingle with their fans. “I saw you cheering in the front.”

“Oh did you?” Derpy turned a bright red. “I mean, I was pretty loud. And that poor usher looked annoyed and…”

“Come on, it’s your daughter.” I patted her on the back. “That usher was way too uptight even for me!”

That got a giggle out of her. “You know, you should go caroling with me and the girls tomorrow! If you know...you’re not busy…”

“Are you kidding? I’d love to!” I wanted to kiss her hooves now. I’d trade my bow for a good excuse to leave Mother and her stupid Hearth's Warming Brunch. 

“That’s great! I always say the more the merrier!” Derpy grinned.

“Oh and congratulations!” I shook her hoof. “You must be really proud for Sparkler!”

“You heard?” Derpy sounded a little soft, which immediately rang alarm bells in my head. Derpy doesn’t talk soft, not unless she’s worried.

“Hey, this isn’t a time to feel down.” I put a wing on her. “You should be celebrating.”

“I know, and I did.” Derpy sighed. “Well...but you know...”

She’d fallen silent but I already knew what she was thinking. Derpy had come from a pretty rich family, and from what I could tell, her brother almost always looked out for her. But then again, she’d raised two foals by herself and paid for a whole house on a mailmare’s salary. If she did have any money from her folks, it was probably drained. And I doubted she was one to ask for more.

“Hey, ummm, if there’s anything you need, you know you can ask me.” I offered a wing to her. 

“Oh speaking of which!” Derpy pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, apparently forgetting the entire thing. “I know it’s not in time with Hearth’s Warming Eve and all but I figured you could still get the doll at a 25% discount!”

Wow, leave it to Derpy to make you feel like a million bits. Even now, she was still looking out for me, despite the fact she had a ton of financial trouble herself. I might not have a lot of friends, but I wouldn’t trade Derpy for all the friends in the world. “Aww thanks Derpy! Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve!” The family chirped in unison.

As I turned to leave, Dinky’s squeaky voice caught me. “Wait! Si’ver!”

“Yes?” I turned around. 

“Your friend wanted me to give you this!” Dinky passed me a small note. “She said it was a surprise! I like surprises!”

With the holiday spirit all around town, I’d nearly forgotten about Shoeshine. Taking the note, I found that it was only a reminder to meet at Quills & Sofa. “Thanks, Dinky.”

-----------------------------------------

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were locked away in their room upstairs and Spoiled Rich had dozed off on the couch, leaving me, Mother, and Filthy by ourselves to tend the fireplace.

“So have the costumes always been this good?” I asked Filthy Rich.

“Mhmm.” Filthy grinned. “Rarity donates them every year now. I can see why she’s the Element of Generosity.”

“Wow, I can’t believe she just...gives that all away.” I leaned back in the sofa. 

“You know, I always admired that in her.” Filthy Rich chuckled. “It’s a darn shame Diamond and Sweetie Belle aren’t close. It’d be nice to see how the young ones run their businesses, you know?”

It’s ironic that such a wise stallion could be given a name like Filthy Rich. Most ponies would stubbornly stick to the old ways, or whatever tradition had proved right. Filthy was always ready to take risks. In a way, he was kind of like me. Perhaps with a bit more legal leeway, but just the same. And maybe also a bit of an airhead, but that’s just my two bits.

Mother had already left, probably to fetch another bottle from the cellar. That was one thing about earth ponies I never understood. I was still teetering on my third or fifth glass of wine and they were already breaking in the hard liquor.

“It’s really great to have you back, Silverspeed.” Filthy stated rather softly. “I know your Mother already tells you that but I figured I ought to let you know. It’s good for Silver Spoon to have an older role model.”

“Wasn’t Mother enough?” I asked sarcastically, before covering my mouth.

Filthy didn’t seem to notice, or he simply ignored me. “You know sometimes I wish me and Spoiled had an older daughter. Somepony to watch out for Diamond.”

“I don’t know, I think Diamond’s pretty head strong.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, I suppose so, but still.” He turned to look at me. “I worry about her at school.”

Honestly, I wanted to tell Filthy right then and there that his little princess was fine and that if anything, he should be more worried about the unfortunate victims that dealt with her on a daily basis. “I’m sure Mother’s the same with Silver Spoon.”

“Hmm, suppose so.” Filthy nodded. “Still, I guess I’m just worried about her future. What kind of legacy I’m going to leave her.”

“I dunno, Barnyard Bargains is a pretty big inheritance.” Most fillies would probably be happy getting a comfy job or working as a farmer.

“Hmmm, Barnyard Bargains ain’t the same as it use to be.” Filthy sighed. “Too much red tape. Too many agendas. The board in Canterlot sent me a letter today asking if they could change the name to Equestria Bargains. Something about quality and marketing.”

Wow, and while I thought Filthy’s role as the owner would settle any disputes, I’d forgotten that he has to listen to a board of investors as well. Furthermore, what’s worse is that he sounded like he was actually considering it. I couldn’t imagine what kind of turmoil you’d have to be in to actually re-name your own company, or rather how little control you actually had in the first place.

“I dunno, I think most ponies want that rural, home-on-the-range product you always manage to make,” I said to reassure him.

“Granny Smith doesn’t think so.” Filthy Rich took a swig from his cup. “And I agree with her. It’s like we’re becoming something that we’re not.”

“Isn’t change a good thing though?”

“Only when you feel like you’re not forcing yourself to wear a mask everyday.” It almost sounded like Filthy was speaking from experience. And in a way, I wished it was that easy. Sometimes, wearing masks saved you from the awful truth. Sometimes, masks liberated ponies because nopony needed to know who they were.

“Guess we all wear masks one way or the other.” What was with everypony being my personal therapist today? And why on Equestria was I getting the shrink and Shoeshine was off gallivanting with her carrot fetish? Not that she has one, but you can never be too sure with that mare.

“I know your Mother hasn’t trusted you yet with her company but you’d be surprised how much of her I see in you sometimes.” Now I knew Filthy had to be drunk. I wasn’t nearly as heartless as her and I would never treat any of my family, not even Silver Spoon, like a stranger off the street.

“We lose sight of ourselves with all this money.” Filthy finished his glass. “We lose sight of how to lead for our fillies and colts. That’s why I think you’d make a good role model for Silver. Your Mother is too old for Silver Spoon. But sisters tell each other things they’d never tell their mothers. You remember that and you’ll see.”

I think I already am, Filthy. I think I already am.

-----------------------------

Sneaking out of the mansion wasn’t nearly as hard as I’d imagined. The windows weren’t locked and Filthy wasn’t the kind of guy to employ an army of security guards at the gate. So all I really did was fly out.

I’d nearly fallen the first time, mostly because my left wing started to burn. But other than one close call, I’d made it to my house. It took me a while to find the old gym clothes I’d used before.

Slipping on the black hooded sweatshirt, I found a set of socks and an old ski mask in the attic. Not exactly a ninja suit, but I wasn’t robbing a diamond factory. No, I was just robbing from a family friend on Hearth's Warming Eve. Isn’t that the best way to show your holiday spirit?

Contrary to what I’d told Mother, I kept quite a few bows in an old tool shed in the next house. Nopony used it, and most of these bows were trophies for me. Most of them came from guards, but a few had belonged to a couple of mercenaries. High quality materials, and say what you will about mercs. They treat their weapons better than they treat their mothers.

I ended up sliding the brown Diamond Dog short bow over my chest before flying off to Quills & Sofas. Unsurprisingly, Shoeshine was already waiting, a pair of nightvision goggles in her hooves. And I thought I came overprepared.

“Well well, looks like you really did mean it.” She smiled. “Did you enjoy the play?”

“It’s gotten better.” My eyes noticed a small black duffle bag. “Are those the tools?”

“Tools of our trade.” Shoeshine slouched it over her back. “Hey, if we get there early, think we can snag some Carrot Crumbles?” You know, there has to be a medical report somewhere that states eating too many carrots is bad for you.

“You remember your promise to me?” I pulled out my bow. “I help you, you get me my doll.”

“Yes, yes, cause you’ve been such a good little filly for Celestia.” Shoeshine chuckled. “Come on, we can cross through the woods. Filthy always makes sure to plow the snow so we won’t have to worry about any hoofprints.

We made our way to a stand of trees behind the big red barn, taking cover. A dim yellow spotlight seemed to be the only illumination save for the moon. I could make out a storage cart that was parked by the warehouse doors.

“Alright, let’s see these blueprints.” I pulled up my ski mask. 

“Of course,” Shoeshine shuffled through her bag, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. 

“What the hay is that?” I asked, pointing at a scribbled drawing of somepony’s house.

“Umm, the blueprints?” Shoeshine sounded like she was talking to a foal. Honestly, I was pretty sure a foal could draw better than that.

“This isn’t a blueprint! It’s not even a drawing!” My voice rose.

“Shh!” Shoeshine slapped me across the head. “You wanna get caught? I had to make a drawing from scratch.”

“What about the documents?” I asked. “You couldn’t get some blueprints or maybe a key?”

“Well...I mean…”She twiddled her hooves. “I may have...sort of...borrowed them from a guy who knows a guy and I may or may not have slept with a guy that knew those guys through a-”

“You mean to tell me you haven’t even seen the safe?” 

“I know there is a safe...within the building…”

“Oh Starswirl’s Beard,” I facehoofed myself. We were going in blind, but what’s worse is that I was about to follow her into it.

“Give me a break,” she admonished. “I was prepared for this scenario, which is why I brought these!” Digging through the bag, she pulled out a couple of violet...lolipops by the look of it.

“Is that candy?” I asked. As if Shoeshine wasn’t enough of a filly with that map, she brought candy for our time in jail together.

“You idiot, these are sleep arrows, sleep-ows?” 

Now I was confused. Sleep-ows were usually black market-quality goods, and they also looked more like an arrow and less like a candy-colored plunger. “Where did you get this?”

“Oh, a local zebra here makes all kinds of potions.” Shoeshine scoffed. “Just webbed together a little story about insomnia and she made me a baker’s dozen!”

“And then you made them into a glorified water balloon?” I sighed. “Do you even know how to make a sleeping potion into a vaporous gas bomb?”

“Have a little faith, okay? I followed a recipe at the library.” So now the library was in on this? I wondered if Shoeshine had also checked out Burglary for Dummies.

“I’m beginning to understand why you were so secretive in the first place.” I stood up. “A pair of teenage colts could have pulled a better plan with half the resources.”

“Hey! You can’t back out now!” Shoeshine grabbed me. “Besides, you wanted this doll! There’s no other way you’re going to get it!”

“Yeah but I think going to jail isn’t exactly a great present either.” I retorted. “You don’t even know if the door is-”

Suddenly, I heard a clang and immediately jumped inside the bush, peering through the branches to see a uniformed guard standing outside the corner. It looked like he was enjoying a cup of something, or maybe he just wanted to stargaze.

I don’t know exactly what happened. My hoof just grabbed the lollipop, nocked it, tugged the string back to my snout and then let it fly. The thing whistled through the air before hitting the guard square in the chest, where it exploded in a fine glittery cloud.

The guard jumped back a bit, reaching for his radio before stumbling face forward into the snow. 

“Wow…” Shoeshine murmured. “I made a perfect-”

“Shut up.” I crept forward, slinging the bow behind my back. “I’m going for his keys.” 

I wasn’t expecting much, but I wasn’t taking any chance that a second guard might show up. Grabbing the ring of keys, I passed them to Shoeshine. “I’m getting this doll.”

“Nothing like a determined big sister,” Shoeshine chuckled. “So if that chatty secretary was right, the safe should be...here on the second floor.

The side offices looked more like your typical hallway, with most of the doors either locked or closed. Shoeshine took the lead, referencing that stupid drawing of hers every now and then.

Twice she’d led us into a bathroom, and I swear I lost count of how many times she tried to lockpick a janitor’s closet.

“Today would be nice.” I hissed. 

“Shut up.” Shoeshine played with the bobby pin. “They make this look so easy in the arcade...just a little.” 

With a click, the door opened and I could see what was probably the office of Mr. Filthy himself. A nice big armchair with a full view of the Ponyville market below. I could see a variety of photos of Filthy and his family, and even a few of Silver Spoon. Wow, I’d be surprised if Mother even kept a picture of me in her bedroom.

“See, what did I tell you?” Shoeshine pointed to a large, iron black box. “Lock-and-Dial safe.”

“Great, how long do you think it’s going to take you to crack it?” I asked.

“Well coming from an experienced cat burglar such as myself ummm…” She began to play with the knob, before pulling out a small manual from her dufflebag. “Was it right first or left?”

Well, at least I was right about checking out Burglary for Dummies. “Maybe you should check his desk and see if the password is 123.”

“Hardy har har.” Shoeshine planted her ear near the metal door. “I think I got through it.”

“We’re wasting time.” I muttered. Thankfully, we hadn’t run into anypony else, but that guard could wake up any second now and every creak and crack from the building was putting me on edge. “Where’s the doll?”

“First floor, check the bright yellow box in Receiving, Isle 5.” Shoeshine muttered. “Now please leave me alone. I need to concentrate.”

Typical. Shoeshine never lost her mean streak. To be fair, I would have helped her but my mind was still trying to recollect any tricks on breaking a safe. To be honest, we were out of practice and I was scared we were going to make a rookie mistake.

Heading back downstairs, I found a small door that led to the warehouse. Surprisingly, it was ajar. Grabbing my bow, I loaded another arrow in.

I expected to see another guard, but instead I found well...Filthy himself hovering over a shipment of...Iron-Will-Sing-Along Dolls?

“How about a carol! Tis the season to get jolly fa la la la la la LA TAKE THAT!” The electronic voice echoed through the warehouse.

“What the hay?” I muttered under my breath. Filthy playing with filly toys? To be fair, everypony had a secret or two but stumbling on a pony you knew while trespassing was just well...embarrassing. 

Worse yet, I couldn’t just sneak past him when he was literally digging through the dolls I needed. 

I suppose I’m thankful that my career never really crossed paths with a pony I liked. I also guess it helped that I didn’t like too many ponies. But seeing Filthy here was making me sweat. If he caught me…

“Sorry, Tiara’s Dad,” I whispered apologetigcally, before letting the arrow fly. 

The poor entrepreneur let out a shriek of surprise before toppling over and into the box of toys. For a second, I froze, waiting for the sound of hoofsteps to come. 

“Alright, Karma, please don’t grill me for this.” I leaned over, trying to find a box that wasn’t bent or destroyed. 

That was when I heard it. A shout and then a dull thud followed by some hoofsteps. I grabbed my bow, pulling the string back and waiting patiently.

Suddenly a black blur toppled over the door and I let the arrow fly. A cloud of blue dust evaporated into the air, settling right over a suddenly very drowsy Shoeshine.

Well it appeared Karma was going to grill me. “Of buckwheats and pancakes.” 

I rushed over to Shoeshine, pulling her up. My so-called expert’s tongue was sticking out and her eyes were lazily looking at me. “Wow, what a rush, huh?”

“You bucking idiot, what happened?” I asked.

“Nut’in.” Shoeshine nodded. “Just you know...a couple of guards might be coming our way…” 

“Fantastic” I dropped her body on the floor, ignoring the mumbling from Filthy as I dug through the toys and grabbed a random box that felt flawless. I couldn’t check for quality, but it was either that or jail.

Flipping Shoeshine’s body over, I opened up her bag to find two large burlap sacks and a few envelopes. Throwing the doll in, I zipped up the bag and carefully leaned Shoeshine against my wing.

“Agh!” I screamed, falling over. My wing felt like it had just come off. I couldn’t walk, let alone fly. Worst yet, the sounds of hoofsteps were getting closer. 

I pulled out an arrow, even though I knew they’d probably knock me out before I could take a shot. 

What a way to end a Hearth's Warming Eve.

I was an idiot. An idiot for thinking that this plan would work. An idiot for thinking I could just get back into this life. An idiot for thinking I could fix things by going back to the past.

I heard a mumble from behind me and saw Filthy cuddling next to one of the Iron Will plushies. “You’re a great role model…” he mumbled.

Sure he was probably talking about the doll, but somehow the pain in my wing vanished. After all, how could I come this far and fail now? Right when Silver Spoon had trusted me, when Filthy Rich’s company needed me. Even Shoeshine, as bad as she was, trusted me with her idiotic plan.

And I couldn’t let them down now.

---------------------
“Alright.” I kept Shoeshine leaning against my right wing. “Try to keep up and don’t say a word.” 

Shoeshine just nodded under the mask. “Mhmm...sleepy time for Shoey!”

“Yeah, if we get out of this, we can sleepytime all day.” I muttered, slipping on the night goggles as I crept out into the hallway.

Sure enough, two security guards and even a lanky royal guard stood in front of me, their flashlights and spears drawn.

“We’ve got you red-hoofed!” The royal guard stepped forward. “Stop in the name of the law.”

Well I misjudged security by a bit. Hopefully, I didn’t misjudge my plan. 

“What say you in your defense?” He walked forward.

“I have a bomb!” I screamed, pulling out a blue orb.

“What?” The guard stepped back, while the two rent-a-cops dropped their flashlights and headed for the door. “You’re insane!”

“You wanna bet?” I cackled. “I’ll blow this whole barn to kingdom come!”

“Wh-why?” The Royal Guard stuttered. “What kind of lunatic blows up a department store?”

“The kind that didn’t get her Zap Apple Jam return exchange!” I howled back. To be fair, Barnyard Bargains had a terrible Return-Exchange system and I’d lost a pair of slippers through their shipping service.

“Let’s calm down alright?” The guard asked steadily. “Nopony has to get hurt.”

“It’s too late. I’ve already clicked the detonator.” I threw the bomb right at the trio, causing them to jump and shield their eyes from the inevitable explosion.

So when they got a magic puff instead of a fiery boom, their faces were less than amused. 

The Royal Guard was trying to balance himself on his spear. “You petty…thief…”

“And a Merry Hearth's Warming Eve!” I smiled, limping my way through the snoring sentinels as I triumphantly marched my way out of the office. 

-------------------------------------------------

Shoeshine barely managed to stay on my side, and to be honest the snow had gotten deeper. Still, I wasn’t dumb enough to run back to Carrot’s house. Thankfully, Filthy’s store was just on the outskirts of the market, so that meant a road that was recently plowed. And just like that, any courageous guards willing to follow me would find themselves following a dead end.

Thankfully, it appeared that I’d encountered the last of the backup, which meant all I had to do was drag Shoeshine back to her place and call it a night.

Of course, in a perfect world, I would have two functional wings instead of one. But considering the odds I’d just faced, I think I was lucky enough to be walking in the first place. 

“Hey, did we do it?” Shoeshine slurred. “I was about to warn you but you shot me!”

“Consider that payback for treating me like a foal.” I replied curtly, although I couldn’t help but grin at how loopy she was.

“Ya’ know, I was going to like...tell you Archer.” 

“Mhmmm.”

“I really like you…” She tried to move to my ear. “Like...a lot.”

“Are you sure this was a sleeping potion?” Honestly, I felt like she was more drunk than tired.

“I dunnooo, I just told her I needed to…” Shoeshine’s voice trailed off, and once again she was snoring like a manticore.

Carrot Top’s house was buzzing with activity. Normally, I’d be concerned, but taking off our ski masks, I knocked twice on the door.

“Huh’ who’s this?” Carrot Top was leaning lazily against the wall, a mug of cider in her hoof. “Oh Silverspeed! Speedy, where’s my Shoeshine?”

“Sorry, had one too many.” I lobbed Shoeshine in, keeping the duffle bag strapped over my shoulder. “Tell her to meet me at my house in the morning, okay?”

I doubted Carrot Top would remember, but there was always a chance, and I figured it was better to say it now than regret it later. 

-----------

I’d been forced to climb my way in through the kitchen window, before throwing Spoonie’s present at the gift pile before rummaging through the fridge for some cider and an ice-pack.

My wing had numbed out by now, but I’d feel it again tomorrow. I might even have to call in sick. Wouldn’t that be a great vacation?

As I climbed back into bed, I could make out the sun rising over the hills. It was funny how I’d seen two sunrises in a row. In a way, I suppose it was the sign of a new year. A new union.

A new life.

“Merry Hearth’s Warming Eve.” I chuckled. 









> Chapter 5: Pinot Noire
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The great thing about the holidays is sleeping in. That and Mother being civil. I think the latter is actually what makes holidays so jolly.

Anyway, I yawned at the clock, and realized that all my gifts had been left at the bedroom door. Wow, talk about a butler delivery service. I was just thankful these guys didn’t work for just anypony or I’d be out of a job.

I found quite a few gifts. There was of course a gift from the Rich family, although it appeared all of them had been signed and wrapped by Filthy himself. 

Thinking of last night made my heart do a little twirl. I’d pretty much shot the father of my sister’s best friend and host to this year’s Hearth's Warming Eve. I don’t even think the Grinch could beat that kind of holiday jeer.

Going through it, I found a small bag signed by Mother and sure enough found a mug from her work. I suppose she figured I routinely smashed these things on an annual basis but then again I couldn’t argue. They made great re-gifts and even better targets.

“Silverspeed!” My sister chirped, running down the hall with what looked like a junkball of newspaper. “Happy Hearts Warming! I saw your present!”

“Oh really?” I grinned. “Betcha ya’ didn’t think big sis’ would get it!”

“I mean, I did sort of think you’d get it.” Silver Spoon turned red. “But I didn’t think you could actually get a limited edition Iron-Will-Sing-Along Action-Figure-Karate-Chop Doll!” 

Boy, that was a mouthful and that sounded awfully specific. “Oh really? I had like no idea…”

The thing looked a little...strange to be honest. I mean, every filly needs her doll but this minotaur looked a bit...bulkier than the others I’d seen.

“Ummm, Diamond was like so jealous!” Spoon hopped up and down. “She couldn’t believe it!”

Pulling back the string, the doll gave what was probably a karate chop followed by some garbled static. The joy on Spoon’s face became concern. “What? Is it broken?”

“Here, let me take a look.” I took the doll, examining the back for any scratches or tears. It looked alright, but with my luck, I’d probably grabbed a doll in the reject bin. So much for getting the cream of the crop.

“Can you fix it?” Silver Spoon hopped up to her tippy-hooves. Seeing her with those puppy dog eyes made me break into a cold sweat. If I said no, my budding relationship might sink. 

“Pssh, of course.” I waved my hoof. “It probably just needs some...fixing…”

“You’re the best big sister ever!” She squeezed my foreleg, completely ignoring the fact that I was turning red. “I’m going to brag to all my friends that my big sister can get her hooves on exclusive-”

“Hey hey let’s not be too vocal!” I covered my sister’s mouth. “Just think of this as our little secret, okay?” I didn’t need that kind of publicity, and if anypony put two and two together, I’m pretty sure I’d still be in a dungeon next Hearth’s Warming.

“Oh?” Silver Spoon tilted her head. “Okay! Sister Secret locked up in the Sister Exclusive Vault!”

And just when you think you’ve got some alone time with your bratty little sister, her bratty little friend shows up from behind the door. “I still can’t believe your sister got you that doll! My Daddy hasn’t even come back for hot chocolate!”

Filthy Rich not coming back? I knew he was fine when I left him, which meant he must still be at the store. It’d probably be good to check just in case. I’d been in such a rush to leave that I’d forgotten about him and all his guards. Leaving a door open at this time of night, I could only hope they hadn’t frozen themselves.

“Oh Silverspeed?” Spoiled Rich came up the stairs. She definitely seemed a little worried, which was surprising since I figured she could care less about her husband. But then again, she was probably worried about her allowance from Filthy.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming!” I smiled. “I loved the new platinum watch you gave me!”

“Oh?” She looked a tad surprised; probably had expected Filthy to have gifted me some left-over mittens or something. “That’s great to hear! It’s really just the least we can do after all.”

“I heard Filthy is still out?” I asked curiously.

“Oh yes, one of his security guards came back to tell me he’s fine, but such an awful thing happened,” she stated. “Apparently some low-life attacked him! On Hearth's Warming Eve of all nights!”

Well, I guess low-life was a slight downgrade from what she usually called me. Still, I acted just as surprised. “Oh Sweet Celestia! Is he alright?”

“Thankfully, those ruffians just knocked him out, but still you can only imagine what they must have done!” Spoiled looked like she was going to faint. 

“I’m sure they’ll catch them.” I smiled reassuringly. “Do you know where Mother is?”

“Oh Silver Bells went out to the store to check up on Filthy.” Oh dear, if Mother was investigating, I wondered if she’d suspect me. Surely, she wouldn’t think I’d have the gall to rob a close family friend, and especially a friend I actually liked. 
“I see, well I better-”

“Oh that reminds me!” Spoiled raised her hoof. “Your friend is at the door! Wanted to see you! She sounded very cordial. Is she from Canterlot?”

From that description alone, I already knew who it was before I opened the door. “Glad to see somepony caught up on their sleep, Shoey.”

Shoeshine looked only slightly irritated, which I suppose was the work of the good ol’ holiday cheer. “You shot me.”

I wrapped a hoof around her. “Come on, let’s turn that frown upside down.”

“Then you took my bag.” Her voice was low, but I couldn’t help myself. Seeing Shoeshine this irritated meant she was embarrassed. And that was worth exploiting.

“Your roomie was throwing a party, so I decided to keep it here for you.” I poured her a mug. “Hot chocolate?”

“Why thank you?” Shoeshine snatched the mug, before flinching after the first sip. “Gah! That’s hot!” 

By this time, Spoiled had come down with my sis and Diamond, although it looked like they were more keen on finding leftover hayfries then interacting with us. Or maybe Shoeshine looked pissed enough to scared Spoiled away. Either was fine by me.

“Aren’t the holidays just wonderful?” I could tell Shoeshine’s frown was slowly dissolving. It looks like chocolate does have a calming effect on the mind.

“Alright alright, I’ll let you off the hook.” She headed up the stairs. “After all, it’s the holidays, right?”

“Mhmm!” I led her toward my door, making sure Spoiled and the two brats were still chatting downstairs. I’d stuffed the bag under my bed and thankfully, Diamond’s butler hadn’t made up my room yet. “There you go, all your precious loot.”

“My babies!” If there was one thing that’d brighten up Shoeshine’s day, it was bits. Lots and lots of bits and jewels. “Awwww, Momma was scared she lost you!”

Sure, some of you might think it’s odd to have a pony talk to a bag of bits like they were her own children, but you’ve never met Shoeshine. As soon as she steals it, she treasures it like a foal. Honestly, it’s probably turned off a lot of potential suitors. I certainly know it’s garnered her a few rumors in the black market.

“Alright, quit being weird.” I smacked her over the head. “What the hay happened?”

“Maybe if a certain somepony hadn’t decided to wander off on her own, I wouldn’t have been jumped by a guard!” She did have a point. Usually backup stayed with the safe-cracker, but I needed that doll fast and Shoeshine was excruciatingly slow.

“In my defense, your plan was formulated on a pile of crayons and scratch paper!” I crossed my hooves. “I didn’t know if I’d get a chance!”

“And then I came to warn you but you decided to shoot me instead!” Shoeshine facehoofed herself. “I can barely remember, but was Filthy Rich behind you?”

“Ummm, yeah...maybe in front of the dolls so…”

“You shot him?” Shoeshine’s eyes widened. “Like...he didn’t see you, right?”

“No of course not, but…”I scratched my head. “He was playing with the dolls.”

“Well to each pony his own.” Shoeshine dug through the duffle bag, pulling out her book.

“Don’t you think some librarian might find it suspicious you checked out a Burglar’s Manual?”

“Hardly, I bought these in Manehattan.” Shoeshine tossed me a bag of bits. “Besides, it was pure genius of me to turn that sleep potion into a gaseous weapon for yours truly.”

“Yeah, I suppose it has its uses.” I laughed a little. “You should have made them into bombs instead.”

“A bomb?” Now I could tell she was getting lost. 

“Yeah, I needed an avenue to get away. So I...threatened to blow up Barnyard Bargains.” Gosh, that sounded stupid. Still, it did work last night so I couldn’t complain.

“What?!” Shoeshine fell back, laughing like a hyena. “I can’t believe they believed you!”

As much as I wanted to hide that fact from her, I couldn’t help but laugh as well. “Yeah! You should have seen his face when I threw it!”

I tried my best to imitate the look of sheer anger and fatigue. “Meddlesome...foals…”

“Oh stop it Silverspeed!” Shoeshine was rolling on the floor. “First you shoot me and now you’re telling me I missed out on the action?”

“Hey, my sister thinks I’m the coolest thing since Sapphire Shores.” I giggled.

“Well my dear friend,”  Shoeshine pulled out a pile of bits, “it appears the spirits of Hearths Warming Day want us to celebrate our hard work with a trip to the tavern!”

“Really now, you wanna get drunk this early in the morning?” 

“Or we could sing carols with all the other ponies.” Shoeshine smiled. “Which do you prefer?”

-------------------------------------

“I hate you, Silverspeed.” Shoeshine grumbled, burying her face in the book as I tried to hold back my laughter.

To be fair, I’d made a promise to Derpy to go caroling tomorrow, so I didn’t drag her to this just because I wanted to do it. Although, I wouldn’t deny that singing to a family that had worked their way through another year left a warm spot in my stomach. Maybe it was just the spirit of the holidays.

Even Shoeshine, who still looked annoyed, didn’t bother to break up the group or sing off-key. In fact, maybe deep down she was enjoying it too.

By the time we finished, I’d stopped by Derpy’s house for some fresh-baked goodies from the kitchen of Dinky Hooves. Everything from banana nut to fruitcake to even moist dark chocolate brownies littered the small wooden table, which already looked like it was on the verge of collapsing from the sheer weight of baked goods.

From the hoof-made carpets and decorations to the big, cozy arm-chairs, I always felt that Derpy’s house was just rich with warmth and joy all year round. 

Her guests were ponies from all walks of life. Mr. Trails was nursing a cup of tea and even Post Haste had showed up, promising to give all of us a taste of his first batch of honey. Meanwhile, Shoeshine was trying to balance a plate of cookies and eggnog.

“Thanks again for letting me bring her.” I’d decided to lean on the counter, watching Derpy pull out another batch of muffins. “You and the girls were great today.”

“Awww, you’re always such a sweetheart!” She was wearing a pink apron that looked liked it’d been stitched by hoof. “Dinky and Sparks love having you.”

“I’m surprised, you know...considering.” Considering that my little sister teased Dinky to no end. I’d tried to knock some sense into her, but it wasn’t like I could do much. And Mother only cared if a teacher was involved, which left me with few options.

“Oh I know but you’re one of the nice ones.” Derpy smiled. “Dinky wouldn’t make you all these cookies otherwise.”

Wow, I really wished more ponies would grow up like that: ignoring the background and just hitting on the pony themselves. Most of the time, I figured I was somewhere between accepted and reclused. On one end, a lot of the low-earning folks ignored me because of my Mother, while the rich class admonished me for the same reason. You can imagine how finding somepony like Derpy was a beacon of hope for a normal life.

“Hey you know, I think you’re going to like the gift I got you.” I reached down, digging through my saddlebags to find my share of the bits. “I know it isn’t much but-”

“Oh Silverspeed, you have a heart of gold!” Derpy’s smile could make a heart melt. 

“Awww it’s nothing, besides I got a little something for Sparkler to help pay for some of those tomes.” I remember the time I had to steal two of them from the Restricted Section. Believe me, those books are guarded better than the crown jewels.

“Oh that’s not necessary.” Derpy shook her head. “Sparkler’s got a scholarship and my brother said he’d cover the rest.”

“Really?” I was a bit surprised Derpy had told her brother. In fact, I was surprised the school was covering Sparkler at all. “Last I heard though…”

“Oh I’m sorry! I should have told you! I was just...well with Sparks right there I didn’t want her to feel like I was nagging or anything…”

There was certainly something nagging her right now. Placing my wing over her, I flashed her a reassuring smile. “Is there some kind of trouble?”

“Oh no, not trouble but…” Derpy sighed. “It’s just...with Sparkler moving to Canterlot and all...that means she’d have to leave Ponyville.”

I wanted to crawl into my wings and hide there for the rest of winter. I’d been thinking the problem was with the bits when in fact Derpy just wanted Sparkler to stay here with family. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Don’t worry yourself, I try to make it look like I can run a day without her but sometimes it’s so hard to figure out all the bills and Sparkler’s really good at math. And then she’s always home to foal-sit Dinky and...and...I didn’t want her to hear all of this because I know she’d stay behind.

Derpy sighed.  "But this is a great opportunity and I know how much she’s been wanting to go to this school and…” I grabbed Derpy in a hug, letting the tears soak into my chest rather than the muffins. 

Sparkler was technically adopted, but Derpy had never acted like she was and honestly I think she treated her adopted daughter better than most parents treat their biological ones. 

“You know Dinky’s pretty smart and you know I have your back when you need it.” I smiled. “If you want, we can go hunt for some foalsitters next week.”

“And you still ask why Dinky loves you so much.” Derpy laughed, rising back to her hooves as she got the muffins. “You know, I think you’re the best co-worker a mailmare could ever ask for.”

If only you knew who the lucky one was. 

--------------------------------

 As it turned out, Shoeshine actually knew Derpy from a few parties back. So what a pleasant surprise to find out, according to Shoeshine at least, that one of her old buddies had come back to live in Ponyville.

I was just happy she didn’t try to make out with more food. But I suppose even a scumbag like Shoeshine wouldn’t rob Derpy Hooves. 

“Do you know like everypony in Ponyville?” I asked curiously.

“Mostly everypony but well...let’s just say I’m a mixed reputation mare.” For some reason ‘mixed-reputation’ sounded more infamous than just a few likes and dislikes.

“Maybe you should try to be more charming.” I nudged her. “And maybe you shouldn’t cut in lines anymore.”

“Derpy told you that?” Shoeshine turned to me, her face red. “In my defense, I was just trying to get the rum cake before it ran out!”

“You cut Fluttershy in line.” I shook my head. “And then you got shouted down for it. That must have been embarrassing.”

Shoeshine just continued to trudge through the snow. “It was just that stupid Iron Will and his self-help assertive panels. Give the populace a macho minotaur and all of a sudden they have all the confidence of a rookie guard.”

“You mean the one that actually tried to tackle you in Las Pegasus?” I giggled. 

“If I remember correctly, you were tackled too.” She turned back to face me. “If it wasn’t for…” 

“Well I certainly hope you have a good alibi.” Mother’s voice pierced the air. I turned around and saw the monster marching right up to us. The way her eyes looked over at my wings, I wondered if she suspected something. Honestly, the job was rushed and while I managed to get us out of an immediate lock up, I failed to clean up. 

“What are you talking about?” I decided to play dumb. Sure, Mother might not be as fooled as everypony else, but I wasn’t going to sell myself out either.

“Apparently a few delinquents decided to do a little holiday shopping at Barnyard Bargains.” Mother narrowed her eyes. “The funny thing about this town is that as foalish as the crime was, the perpetrators not only knew how to crack the safe, but also managed to overcome security and a Royal Guard.”

She looked over at Shoeshine. “A friend of yours?”

“Yeah, just came back from Derpy’s.” I answered.

“Uh-huh, just thought you should know.” She leaned into my ear. “Because when I find out—and I will find out— my punishment is swift and final. I don’t give second chances often, Silverspeed.”

It took all the willpower I could muster to stay put. Mother was basically threatening to throw me into a cell. At this point, I was walking on eggshells. “I hope they catch them.”

“Canterlot’s finest is on the case. Shouldn’t be too long before they track down the thieves.” Mother’s eyes darted to my cutie mark. “You wouldn’t happen to know anypony that uses a bow and arrow now...would you?”

“Why?” Play it cool. Mother couldn’t pin it on me if she didn’t suspect anything. I was already berating myself for forgetting about the arrows.

“Just trying to connect a clue is all.” Mother smiled. “Silver Spoon showed me your present today.”

“Wasn’t easy to get, I’ll tell you that.” Well I wasn’t lying. I had to drag that toy and Shoeshine while avoiding any potential witnesses and covering our tracks. All in the middle of the night when the temperature was practically freezing.

“I underestimated you.” Mother said those words with...a hint of approval? Even Shoeshine did a double-take.

“I guess I can still surprise you, eh Mom?” I chuckled.

“Stay safe.” Mother brushed past me. “Wouldn’t want those ruffians hurting my daughter, now.”

“Yowsa.” Shoeshine walked over to me as soon as she left. “I always knew your Ma was tough but that was something.”

Right now, I was a mix of pissed, surprised, and maybe even happy. Perhaps confused was the best way to describe it right now.

“Hey Shoeshine?”  I looked up, smiling sweetly.

“Yeah?” 

“Where’s that tavern?”

----------------------------

“I swear to you! Pinot Noire is a real thief!” Some purple mare was pleading with the bartender, a rather nice-looking stallion who didn’t seem all too happy that his current companion at the moment was a drunk.

“Don’t worry, that’s just Berry Punch, the local drunk.” Shoeshine tapped the mare on the head. “Why are you pestering the bartender?”

“I saw her again!” Berry Punch grabbed Shoeshine. “Pinot Noire! The famous wine thief! She’s here in Ponyville!”

“Okay, Berry, I think you’ve had enough.” Shoeshine brushed past her, flagging the bartender down. “Get me and my friend here two mugs of Sour Smiths!”

Within seconds, two frothing mugs slid down to our stools. The tavern seemed like a cozy place, with its weathered wood and fireplace giving a nice, antique feel to the place. Perhaps the most modern addition to this establishment was the music box and microphone.

Funny enough, there were a couple of griffons sitting in the far table, apparently arm wrestling with a stallion. Never did understand why that was a thing. Hooves and talons almost always ended up with one getting clawed and the other sore.

“To the future of Barnyard Bargains!” Shoeshine lifted her Sour Smith. “And to old friends.”

“To old friends.” I smiled. My mind went off to my other partner in crime. What had happened or where she’d gone? Was she sitting in a dungeon?  Had she escaped from a dungeon? Even then, I still wondered. Maybe not knowing was what made me more tense.

The great thing about taverns are that everypony drops their high and mighty attitude the moment they step in through the door. It was a place to drop your worries, laugh, cry, and maybe even dance.

Sure, we’d kinda mouthed the carols with Derpy, but as soon as we slid the bits in the machine, I’m pretty sure any sober patron covered their ears as we sang every Hearth’s Warming song from the good old retro days to Sapphire Shores.

Eventually, some stallion or maybe a mare dragged us off stage and we were outside and waddling through the snow, laughing at something about a bugbear and a dragon going to Trottingham.

“I think somepony wants your autograph!” Shoeshine pointed ahead. “Looks like they-”

A dark shape suddenly engulfed her, before she toppled forward on the ground. 

My gut did a twirl as I raised my hooves. The houses looked unfamiliar. Where was I? I tried to think, but my mind felt hazy.

“Come out and fight!” I swung a hoof. 

But something grabbed it and then I felt a sharp pain in my neck.

--------------------------------------------

Normally, I wouldn’t advise walking home alone at night. In fact, walking home while inebriated was a great way to get into some trouble. But seeing as it was the holidays, I’d figured all the thieves and cutthroats, or whoever was considered a mugger in Ponyville, would be doing the same.

So to find myself tied to a barrel of what smelled like apples made me wonder why I never seemed to listen to my own advice. Still, I did feel a lot more sober and Shoeshine, who was across from me, certainly looked both alert and very pissed off.

“Where are you?” She yelled. “You think a small-time punk is going to get the drop on me you-”

A caped figure suddenly landed between us. To be honest, she kinda looked like that costumed hero a while back. Mare Do Well was it? 

Just imagining some lunatic vigilante running around foalnapping ponies was frightening enough. But this mare didn’t look like the hero, save for the hat and cape. I could make out a set of goggles, or perhaps glasses. On top of that, the suit itself looked more like a crimson red.

Whoever this nutjob was, it wasn’t the Elements of Harmony. 

“Forgive me for being rude.” The mare pulled out a bottle of...wine? Who the hay would foalnap us? And why did she sound like a Canterlot noble?

“I’m going to count to three before I scream.” Shoeshine narrowed her eyes. 

“Please do.” She gestured to the room, which looked like a warehouse. “These walls are quite soundproof. And honestly...if anypony comes to help you, I’m afraid you’ll be arrested for trespassing.”

“We’re tied up here!” Shoeshine lifted her hooves, her eyes widening. “Wait what?”

I tugged at my restraints, and realized I was also free. “What the hay?”

“A little concoction I mixed up.” The stranger replied cooly. “Sure you feel tied up...but you are quite free, my new friends.”

Reaching below to her satchel, she pulled out a notebook. “The famous Spotless and Archer, am I right?”

It was one thing to hear Shoeshine say it, and often with a smug smile on her face. But this stranger, with her high-class accent and rather flamboyant execution, somehow pissed me off.

I lifted my hoof to throw a punch but before I could I lost all sense of feeling in my body. “What the buck?” I fell face forward.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t move too much if I were you.” The stranger shook her head. “Oh, where are my manners? Pinot Noire, at your service.” She even took a low bow, like this was some sort of sick performance.

“Pinot…” Shoeshine mumbled. “I’ve heard about you! You’re that wine thief from Canterlot!”

“Wait, you know this mare?” I asked.

“Not exactly…” Shoeshine chuckled nervously. “I mean...sometimes I visit the black market from time to time. I enjoy being updated on current events you know.”

“And I just love being complimented by a fellow professional like yourself!” Pinot clopped her hooves like a filly that was getting candy. “Oh this is just fantastic! I’ve always wanted to meet you two! You really inspired me to pursue my dreams, you know!”

“You sound like you’re the same age as us.” I replied irritably. Honestly, it irked me to be called out by my nickname and not even know the pony across from me. That and she sounded like she came from money. Call me a hypocrite, but I never liked thieves that came from rich families. 

“Yes, but you were the real thing back in the day!” Pinot pulled out an old wanted poster. The picture wasn’t really a mugshot as it was a sketch of three mares, all clad in cloaks and one of whom was aiming a bow. “Mine’s a genuine!”

Starswirl’s Beard, she was obsessed. My eyes were looking for an exit, but it appeared Pinot had covered all the doors with barrels. So much for a quiet night out.

Meanwhile, Shoeshine just stared blankly at the poster. “You...oh well that’s...ummm…cute.”

“Archer, Alibi and Spotless! The Tri-City Trio!” Pinot pulled out a few glasses, expertly pouring her bottle. “Although I don’t see Alibi.”

“She’s busy with another project.” I lied. “Listen, how did you find us?”

“Find you?” Pinot Noire chuckled. “I practically knew you back in the day! Sure it was a while back and faces all mesh together sometimes, but I knew the voices! And that robbery at Barnyard Bargains? How many ponies use a bow and arrow?”

Despite all the weapon shops in Ponyville, I always kicked myself for using a weapon that was considered exotic. If a guard wanted evidence, all he’d need to do was look at the back of my flank. Still, with all the griffins and other creatures that came into Equestria, could you really use a cutie mark as the only piece of evidence?

“Yeah well...still seems like you were going on a hunch.”

“Maybe,” Pinot Noire admitted. “But I was right, wasn’t I?”

Part of me wished I’d just played dumb and pretended not to know anything. Honestly, it was embarrassing to be outsmarted by a thief that practically admired you. On top of that, if this had been a setup, I could be facing time in a cell right about now.

“You could have just asked.” Shoeshine grumbled. “I may have even considered giving an autograph.”

“But I thought you liked the idea of danger!” Pinot Noire sounded hurt by the answer, nudging her notebook forward. “Normally, I work alone, but with you girls and me working together, I can’t see how we can fail!”

“Listen,” I stood up, balancing my hooves on the barrel. “I really appreciate the offer but we’re not interested.”

Pinot Noire took a few hoofsteps back at the comment. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” I replied. “Now if you please-”

“You know,” She interjected. “I was just thinking how embarrassing it’d be for me and all of your fans if somehow...your identities were...tipped off to the guard?”

I nearly crushed the barrel. “Did you just threaten me?”

“What? A loyal fan like me?” Pinot Noire held her hooves up. “I was just stating that hypothetically, such a thing could happen and I’d hate to see talent wasted.”

“Cut the scam, I know what you’re getting at.” Shoeshine stood up, smiling broadly. “You thought about this for quite some time. And I’ll admit, I was surprised to find out you were stalking us.”

“Stalking is a strong word.” 

“I don’t sugar-coat, honey.” Was she really considering this? Shoeshine never acted this sultry unless she was interested. “The thing I like about this business is trust.”

Pinot Noire was backing up. “Of course.”

“Without trust, there is no loyalty. No loyalty means no honor and when I meet ponies that have no honor, I don’t feel loyal and when I don’t feel loyal...” She walked right up, so that she was snout to snout. “...I don’t act trustworthy either.”

Judging by the way Pinot was shaking, I’d say she got the point. 

“Spotless, play nice,” I broke in, separating the two. “Now that we’ve understood each other, how about this plan?”

“Yeah...the plan...of course! Of Course!” Pinot hurried to the glasses, before passing one to me and Shoeshine. Considering what I’d heard earlier, I didn’t bother to drink. Shoeshine sniffed a little before taking a tentative sip.

For a great planner, there were times even I wanted to smack Shoeshine for being stupid. Still, she hadn’t passed out yet so perhaps I’d re-think it.

“Have you ever heard of the Flim-Flam Brothers?” Pinot Noire asked.

Shoeshine chuckled. “Who hasn’t?” 

I had to agree with her, considering how many times they came to Ponyville to try and kick the Apples out. To be fair, I’d just come into town and the cider tasted pretty good for a couple of amateurs. It was only after they tried to settle in that the quality started tasting like mush and Spoons nearly choked on a pebble.

Needless to say, they didn’t last long and from what I’ve heard, they’re still scamming ponies with their products. Not that I’d call them scam artists. After all, some of that stuff does work if you consider the science of placebo effects.

“Well I heard from an indirect source that they might have stumbled upon the Late Griffonia General Von Tartberry’s cellar!”

“You mean the one that tried to overthrow the king in a coup?” Shoeshine asked.

“The very same,” Pinot Noire pulled out a portrait of a very stern-looking griffin. How many pockets did she have in that suit? And how did she fit a bottle and all her posters? “He had an excellent taste in rieslings! In fact, some of the best, most aromatic rieslings were made in his vineyards!”

“Yes, he was also a dictator and considered a threat to Equestrian security.” I answered. Dad had told me a bit about the griffins, and Tartberry was one of the few he recalled from his days as a colt. Back then, things like Discord or Nightmare Moon were still just campfire stories. 

“True, but you can’t deny the monster knew his way around wine.” Pinot Noire finished her glass. Seeing that, and for the fact that I was parched, I decided to take a little sip myself. 

“How can you even be sure that this is the real deal?” Shoeshine crossed her hooves. “Flim and Flam would have advertised this right off the saddle.”

“That’s just it, they haven’t even carted the bottles into Canterlot! Which can only mean they’re planning to sell it under the table to some nobles! After all, everypony knows a Tartberry Reserve could go for a king’s’ ransom!” Pinot Noire sounded too enthusiastic.

“You sound like you’re one of them.” I chuckled.

“Well, without revealing too much, I do find myself in those social circles.” Pinot Noire waved her hoof. “But honestly, it would be a waste on them! Nobles could never appreciate a fine riesling, and it’d waste away in some cellar never to be found again.”

“And you’d appreciate it better?” Shoeshine raised a brow.

“I have a lab where I could study the ingredients! And reverse engineer it! I could recreate that refreshing, satisfying nectar that was Tartberry’s Private Reserve!”

“So much for a king’s ransom…” Shoeshine grumbled. “Do you even know where it is?”

“I heard it was in Canterlot.” Pinot Noire tapped her hoof. “But if we intercept the smugglers after they have smuggled their loot, we could all make a killing on the profits.”

A trip to Canterlot? For one thing, I had my job to think about and going to Canterlot would raise red flags with Mother, who was already suspicious as is. “There’s no way I could travel. My boss would think something’s up.”

“I’d love to quit Barnyard Bargains, but even my roommate would ask questions.” Shoeshine admitted.

“I’m sure you could come up with an excuse!” Pinot Noire picked up her bottle. “Although it’s a shame you don’t have Alibi to help you! I heard she was the best at that sort of thing.”

“Hey…” I felt my vision grow cloudy. “You didn’t drug us again…”

“Well...technically I drugged all of us!” Pinot Noire answered triumphantly. “I just happen to have a an immunity to most poisons…”

“Poison…”I mumbled, before falling face forward onto the floor.

I really need to stop drinking.








> Chapter 6: Lyra Heart-Stings
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t even remember how we got home, but I do remember waking up to the strong scent of alcohol and Shoeshine’s snores. I just wish I’d also forgotten the part where we got tricked into joining some alcoholic lunatic on a quest to acquire more alcohol.

“Mmmm…tell me more...tell me more…” she sung softly. Shoeshine always had the unique ability to dream in a musical format, complete with dancing donkeys and maybe even a hydra.

“Just my luck.” I rose up, stumbling my way to the kitchen. Carrot Top was already awake and flipping what I could only describe as a distinctively orange pancake.

“Mornin Silverspeed! I figured you two were out late so I cooked up breakfast!” Carrot Top passed me a cup of coffee. “You two have fun?”

If you consider getting drugged by the same thief twice in a night, I suppose I’ve had better. Although it was a little heartwarming to hear I had fans in the criminal underworld.

“From what I remember…” I chuckled. “You celebrate with Post Haste?”

“Oh him?” Carrot Top shook her head. “I’m sure Shoeshine told you about my crush, but I’m long done with mailponies. I met this really nice....”

I tuned out the rest of her speech and decided to focus on getting some grub in my stomach. How in Equestria was I going to explain my absence to Mother? On top of that, I had to make sure she didn’t connect me to Barnyard Bargains, assuming Pinot Noire didn’t just give my name to the guards anyway. 

Why did I go back? I could be spending this morning sleeping in my own cozy bed, worrying about the next delivery or some other mundane thing ponies worry about. Instead, I’d just walked back into the mess I’d gotten out of.

“I hope those pancakes are for me.” Shoeshine’s voice trailed from the room.

“I figured we were sharing with Carrot.”  I passed her a cup. “I hope you still remembered last night.”

“Oh yes, we made a new friend, Carrot Top.” Shoeshine chuckled. “I think she’s from Canterlot. Very energetic. Know anypony like that?”

“No, I’m afraid you’d have to ask Lyra ” Carrot Top just shook her head. 

“Lyra?” I took a sip.

“Oh don’tcha know? Lyra Heartstrings is that musician—”

“Lyra Heart-Stings is too busy hanging out with her cool friends.” Shoeshine interjected. “And we don’t need to worry-”

“Now that’s hardly fair, considering how much Lyra still asks about you.” Carrot Top crossed her forelegs. “And Bon Bon is the most patient mare I’ve ever-”

“Mhmmm, and Lyra must be so understanding, right?” Shoeshine took a swig from her cup before plopping down on the sofa. “You can pretend we’re still friends but I think I’ll stake my claim with Silverspeed here.”

Now I could tolerate a lot of Shoeshine’s attitude, but for one thing she hadn’t even said thank you and for another she was dodging the question. “Why don’t we meet her together, Shoey?”

“Are you serious?” Shoeshine raised a brow. 

“Come on Shoeshine, it’d be good of you to have some quality time with her.” Carrot Top protested. “You can be so grumpy in the morning.”

Grumpy was one way of putting it. Shoeshine was a jerk almost all year-round. And to be honest, the fact that anypony would want to friend somepony like her always got me thinking.

Sure, I was her friend, but only because of the circumstances. 

-------------------------------------

To be honest, I was expecting Shoeshine to drag me back home. Instead, she followed quietly behind, not even making idle chit-chat. It was...creepy. If I wasn’t sure, I’d almost say she was a changeling.

Carrot Top seemed to notice as well since she turned to me with an uneasy smile. “So how did you know Shoeshine? Like...before?”

“Oh, we met in Manehattan.” It was around the time I was just picking up the trade. Before, I’d just been scraping bits from a few pickpockets, or con artists every now and then. 

“Really? What was it like?”

“Big city. Lot of competition.”  Back then, cat burglars were haughty socialites that often bragged about their latest jewel heist. For petty thieves like me, getting a job was about as likely as pulling off a heist. So at the end of the day, your best ticket to getting a job was stealing the item before the fence even asked for it.

“Ahhh, so you and Shoeshine must have worked together, right?”

“Yeah, we sort of met at the interview.” Shoeshine didn’t bother to confirm it. She was too busy staring at some empty wine bottles by a trash can.

In truth, I’d been slipping my way through a penthouse window, trying to locate a set of pearls. I’d heard a shout and nearly shot a pony I would later learn was named Shoeshine.

To be fair, we were both green and when we figured out that we’d tried to rob the same house, we decided to split the bits. As it turned out, Shoeshine was an excellent planner but when it came to working locks, I had a hollow hoof as they called it.

“She always did have a Manehattan personality to her, you know?” Carrot Top giggled. “But I guess that explains quite a bit.”

We didn’t even reach the door before a mint-green unicorn swung it open “Carrot Top!”

“Lyra!” Carrot hugged her. “I know it’s been ages but this is Silverspeed-”

“I know you!” Lyra gave me a good look over. “You were at Derpy’s last night, right?”

“Yeah,” To be honest, I wasn’t paying attention to all of Derpy’s guests. But I did recall seeing her with somepony else talking to Derpy. “I’m her co-worker. You must be part of her route.”

“Mhmmm.” Lyra looked over my shoulder, her grin vanishing. “Shoeshine?”

Shoeshine narrowed her eyes, and honestly I was wondering if she was going to punch her. “I see you’ve been doing well for yourself.” 

“It’s been a while. Carrot Top was worried-”

“Carrot Top didn’t convince me to come here.” Shoeshine laid a hoof over me. “Silverspeed’s an old friend and she was...curious.”

“Oh cool!” Lyra didn’t look too dismayed, but even I could sense the tension between them. “Anyway, why don’t you come inside? Bon Bon is making some peppermint patties in the kitchen!”

“Too good for carrots now, are you?” Shoeshine plopped herself on the couch. 

“Hardly, I still keep a cake in the fridge” Lyra hopped onto a chair, sitting in a rather unusual position with her back against the rest. I wasn’t weirded out, but well...I also couldn’t help but stare.

I’d heard of a few ponies sitting like that, sometimes referred to as a ‘human’ position, whatever that was. “So anyway, I heard that you’re friends with-”

“Was.” Shoeshine hissed the word. 

Lyra dropped her head at that comment, and I couldn’t help but feel a tad sorry. Shoeshine was being especially venomous and Lyra didn’t seem to have a clue as to why that was. Maybe she was stupid.  But she looked pretty happy to be catching up..

“I used to live with Carrot Top in Ponyville.” Lyra chuckled. “Shoeshine came a few weeks later and we were roomies for a while until I met Bon Bon.”

As if on cue, a mare came from the kitchen, balancing a tray of peppermints on her head. “Hey Lyra can you…”

“Sure thing, Bon Bon.” Lyra lifted the plate with her magic, setting it down. Shoeshine leaned over and sniffed at the confections with a disapproving huff. 

“Oh Lyra, you should have told me we were having guests!” Bon Bon turned red. “I was just expecting Carrot Top-”

“And I suppose expecting two more was overwhelming?” Shoeshine stood up. “I’m so sorry I can’t fit into this little picture of yours.”

Turning to me, Shoeshine tossed me a peppermint. “Come on Silverspeed, we’re leaving.”

She didn’t even wait before marching out of the living room. I quickly rushed to my hooves and ran after her, Lyra right behind my tail.

However, Shoeshine was already galloping down the street. I would have left her to her own devices, but at the moment I was too pissed off with her attitude to just let this slide. Lyra must have had the same thought because we both went after her.

Shoeshine’s pretty fast when she wants to be, but it wasn’t hard to keep up with her. By the time we caught up to her, she was at a park bench, burying her face in her hooves.

“What the hay, Shoeshine?” I yelled, running up to her. “You can’t be civil for ten seconds?”

“Civil?” Shoeshine looked up, and that’s when I saw that her eyes were red and streaming tears. “I’ll tell you civil!”

She turned to Lyra, before suddenly slapping her across the cheek. There was no warning, and Lyra fell back, her hoof nursing the red area. 

“Shoey, what’s the matter?” Lyra looked just as confused as I was. Shoeshine never got this angry, not even with me.

“Oh you never did get it, did you?” She rolled her eyes. “You really are an idiot sometimes.”

“What are you talking about?” Lyra stood up. “I’m the unreasonable one? You cut me off the moment I moved out! Didn’t even have the gall to answer my letters or my knocks!”

She shook her head. “I did everything I could, Shoeshine. But sometimes, you can be a real jerk and it pisses me off that you always want to be the victim.”

Shoeshine just ignored her, continuing to cry into her hooves as Lyra tried to avert her eyes from the onlookers passing by. For once, I wasn’t the center of some Shoeshine dilemma, but even I was feeling a bit anxious. This wasn’t her at all.

Lyra merely shook her head. “I’m sorry, Shoeshine. That was uncalled for. I’m just...it’s just so frustrating, alright? I think you and Bon Bon would be great friends if you gave it a try! She can impersonate all sorts of-”

“I don’t care.”  Shoeshine marched off. At this point, there was nothing that could reason with her. 

“Come on.” I took Lyra’s hoof. “You look like you could use a hayburger”.

----------------------------------------------

“So you’re originally from Canterlot, right?” I asked, munching on a steaming pack of hayfries. “Why the move?”

“I guess I wanted something new.” Lyra sipped her smoothie. “Carrot Top offered me a place to stay and I found a small musical assembly that could get me gigs.”

Turns out Lyra attended The School for Gifted Unicorns before dropping out after repeated attempt to prove Starswirl the Bearded was in fact an alien. With no degree, she spent most of her time playing for events and honing her skills as a musician.

All in all, I actually liked how setback she was. She seemed fairly relaxed, and the hayburgers certainly brought her cheerful mood back after Shoeshine’s outburst.

“What about you?” Lyra questioned. 

“Me?” Well other than being a cat burglar, bank robber, former fugitive, and underworld expert... “I’m just a mailmare.”

“Heh, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s not exactly as exciting as playing an instrument?” 

“I dunno, I always thought it’d be cool to do what Derpy does. Meet and greet ponies everyday. I guess, you just gotta do what you wanna do in the end.” 

“Heh, you know we’re hiring.” I chuckled. 

“Really?” Her eyes widened. “I’d totally pay you back. Do you work on the Weather Team too?” 

That was a bit off-topic. Working as a mailmare ensured you had just enough time to sleep and maybe do chores. Sure, there were a few days that I could theoretically have volunteered to go on, but sometimes a mare needs a day for herself.

“Ummm...not really.” I mumbled

“Oh, that’s cool too. I'll tell ya' this much, life in Ponyville really beats that magic school trash.” Lyra chuckled. “I remember when Twilight Sparkle was just another student with Moondancer. Heck, Twinkleshine and Minuette visit me here all the time. Though I guess it does pay off since Lemon Hearts holds some serious government clout. Can't blame her though, what with all the talk of Tartberry Reserves and whatnot.”

I froze, my body rigid. “What did you say?”

“Serious government positions?” Lyra tilted her head. "If you want I can-"

“You mean...” My heart was racing.

Lyra chuckled. “It's not that important. Well technically, Lemon Hearts is like an event planner and inspector but-”

“Sorry, umm, I need to find Shoeshine.” I stood up. “Sorry to leave you on such short notice.”

“Was it something I said?” Lyra tilted her head. Honestly, if I had any time, I would have told her some reasoning for my exit but this wasn’t just big news.

This was Huge Bucking News.

I’d probably knocked enough times to break down Carrot’s door before she opened it. “Silverpseed? Did Shoeshine come back yet?”

“What? She’s not here?”

“No,” Carrot Top shook her head. “Honestly do you-”

“Hey,” Lyra was panting across the fence. “What gives?”

“I need to find Shoeshine right now! Where would she go?” My eyes were scanning the houses, looking for that annoying blue speck.

 I suppose my tone was a lot more uptight and businesslike when I panicked because both mares took a few steps back.

“Well, I don’t...maybe the park?”

That couldn’t be. I’d just left Shoeshine there, but perhaps she’d stayed longer? I didn’t even bother to see if the two were catching up when I flew towards the park. By now, most of the fillies and colts had gone home, with only a few stragglers staying behind to watch the sunset. 

I began to dig through the bushes, and even turned over some rocks. Where would she go?

It wasn’t until I turned around and saw Silver Spoon that my questions began to truly pile up. “Sis, what’s going on?”

“Mother wants you back now, it’s an emergency.”

“What do you mean?” Did Mother find out? Did Filthy Rich put two and two together?

It wasn’t until I followed my sister home did Carrot Top and Lyra spot me. Although this time, their faces were filled with worry. 

“I just checked with Bon Bon, she hasn’t seen anything.” Lyra shook her head.

“And Medley told me her weather patrol didn’t spot anyone leaving town that matched her description.” Carrot Top answered. Although to be perfectly fair, Shoeshine would disguise herself if she truly wanted to vanish.

Mother was waiting at the porch. If she was surprised to see the extra company, she didn’t show it as she pointed to a rather crude drawing on our porch.

Or rather, a pawprint. A dog’s paw to be fair.

“Diamond Dogs?” Carrot Top gasped. “I don’t-”

“What’s it say?” I interjected. 

Mother held up the note.

“Blue pony for gems”