Of Little Wings
He pressed the bundle closer to his chest as he inched on against the oppressive wall of cold wind, noting a tiny exhale of breath whispering into the air from the bundle. His breathing intensified and his stubby little wings beat until they ached, pushing him on through the sudden gust.
As he staggered onward, Snowflake found respite near a grove of oaks jutting out along the town’s perimeter. There the snow on the ground was thinner and the biting wind went around the staggeringly tall monuments of wood. It was darker too, and for that he was glad.
Blinking frost away, the massive stallion eyed Ponyville. Safe little Ponyville. His home, and Its home, maybe. In the town itself, nopony was looking his way. Most had gone into hiding as the sun dipped below the horizon and the moon began to climb into the sky. It was foolish to be out in this sort of weather.
Yet there he was, with It cradled in his bosom. This is wrong, all sorts’a wrong, he thought as he flew ahead with hunched shoulders.
He swung his head around, licking his dry lips as he looked towards the Everfree forest. Only the top of the spire-like trees were visible from where he hid, with the rest disguised by the hilly landscape.
Last chance, he told himself, gritting his teeth and puffing out his chest as if facing off with an opponent. I can still go back, yeah. But then I’d have to live with It. I can’t do that. Everypony says I don't know my own strength, and they're probably right. I’d hurt It. And the guys would never let me live it down. Last chance to turn around and stallion up. Last chance to ruin his life.
He grunted into the night air and slid out of the grove, careful not to move his forehooves too much lest the warm bundle he held begin to cry.
The wind had died down, but in its stead came a light snowfall, flakes like a thousand shooting stars tumbling from the heavens, moving to and fro on the merest hint of wind. The sky’s cold curtain came around, blanketing his large shoulders as he buzzed around a squat hill and made his way to the forest.
It’s not my fault. I never asked for this. He scowled down at the bundle, then snapped his eyes back to where he was heading. It’s Its fault.
And it’s her fault, too. She had made it. Stupid Berry Punch and her stupid cidery charm, she’s the one that seduced me, not the other way around. Despite that, it wouldn't have been possible without him, he realized. The thought sent a shudder down his spine.
Shaking the thoughts out of his lumbering head, the giant stallion gave himself another push, the jolt of speed bringing him into view of the little shovelled pathways leading to and from the town. He avoided them, instead plunging back over a hill, returning to the shadow's reign.
Yes, he had to get rid of It. Today was the day for that. No time like the present. He sniffled, then glared down at the pile of blankets nestled on his chest, as if blaming it for everything. His life was great before it came along. He was too young for it, too cool.
As he crested another hill, Snowflake looked over his shoulders towards the speck that was Ponyville, noting that the few brave enough to be out were but colourful blurs disguised by sheets of whiteness amid the lanternlight. He huffed, his breath turning into a puff of fog before his eyes. Now they won’t laugh at me or talk behind my back. Yeah. If they don’t know about It, then they won’t be able to do anything.
He had to go faster, before he got too cold. Turning, he took to the air on the other side of the hill and came swooping down, gliding on what little air his stubby wings could hold.
The Everfree loomed ahead, separated by a thin barrier of leafless apple trees and a clean cared-for little glade nestled upon a hill.
A cottage was there, he noticed as he approached. Warm yellow light poured out of shuttered windows and a single plume of smoke escaped the lone chimney.
The bitter air made him pause as he began to circumvent the tranquil building. I should be home right now. All warm and dry. But no! This thing just had to come along and wreck my night!
He glanced at the little house again. It’d be nice to be home, all cozy and warm. His route came just a little closer to it as the cold finally began to seep into his coat. As he drew closer, he saw collections of little birdhouses held onto the trees near the cottage by little more than rusty nails. Huts and little wooden homes sat here and there, covered in snow up to their low rafters. All around, however, the snow had been cleared and fresh food and grain lay heaped in waiting bowls.
Huffing to himself, Snowflake moved away from the little homes, wary of the beady eyes staring out from within. He didn’t want anything to see what he was going to do. If one pony sees It, they’ll all know. Then they’ll look at me, they’ll know about me. I can’t have that. Yeah.
The curtains of the cottage moved and the stallion froze, dropping down to hunker behind a snowbank. After a moment’s hesitation, he lifted his head up and glared through the snowfall towards the house.
A young mare was within, duster in mouth as she flew from one end of her house to the other, propelled by the beat of soft yellow wings. A few critters were lying here and there, some even helping with the simple chores, rhythmically moving as if to the tune of an unheard song.
Fluttershy, he thought. Or is it Flickerfly? Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Just a new mare that had moved in only a while ago. He looked down, noting for the first time that the blanket wrapped around his package had come loose.
A tiny, orange face was huddled against the blankets, shivering with eyes shut tight.Locks of purplish hair fell over her forehead, framing her face in soft colour.
As he reached down to replace the blanket, the filly sneezed, shaking in his forelegs until it settled back in place. “Shhh,” he whispered and she relaxed. He let out a nervous breath, afraid that it might make too much noise. He continued on.
Fluttershy wrapped a blanket around three small bunnies huddling together in a basket. Three little pairs of bunny eyes stared up at her, blinking sleepily as their long day finally began to catch up to them. “Good night, Peppermint. Good night, Mouse Ears. Good night, Angel Bunny,” she whispered to the three as she leaned over them and kissed them each good night. Soon, they were snoring.
Sighing to herself, Fluttershy looked across her little house. It was a mess. Dishes were piled up against books, which themselves spilled out of the bookshelf into the collapsed wood pile. Some of the fire’s smoke had seeped into the home, mixing the tangy odour of burning oak with the scent of animals. Critters rested throughout the clutter, chittering away in their own little tongues as they prepared themselves for sleep.
The cleaning would have to wait until morning, she decided as she crossed the room, picking up a fallen scarf as she trotted along. Stifling a yawn, she walked over to the window and slid the drapes open to stare at the blizzard outside, hoping that no poor critter was stuck out there instead of in the warmth of her little home.
Snow fell down in sheets, blanketing the land outside in thick layers. She almost shivered at the sight of it, only the warmth of her cozy home preventing it.
Tomorrow, she told herself, she would have to ask her little friends for help clearing out the worst of the snow to make the path to town passable. Then she could race to town and buy some last moment supplies.
She looked back at the bunnies when one snorted in its sleep, a warm glow of affection grew in her chest, spreading throughout her limbs and smothering the cold.Tomorrow would be another day spent with her best friends, making their lives merry and cheery, and there was nothing better in the world.
As she began to turn away, something moved outside. She stopped, narrowing her eyes to peer into the snow strewn darkness to see blur of motion crouching in the snow, the vague form of a white stallion.
Curious, she approached the edge of her window and tried to look closer. The stallion was holding a bundle in his hooves. As she watched, the whipping wind tore the top off the bundle, revealing a tiny orange face as the blanket flapped in the wind. Fluttershy put a hoof over her mouth in alarm.
With a determined stride, the burly stallion trotted towards the Everfree, exiting her sight once he crested a hill.
Her mind raced, analyzing courses of action even as she bit her lower lip and scanned her home. “That poor thing,” she finally whispered. “But, it’s with its daddy.... right? It should be okay.” She trotted away from the window, then paced back and forth. “I mean, maybe. Oh, but it’s so cold, and it only has that one little blanket.... I’d better go and help!”
Rushing across the main room, she picked up a scarf, wrapped it around her neck, and bolted out.
Snowflake approached the forest, the trees looming above him as the cottage's light faded. The moon's dim glow did nothing to smooth the sharp shapes and shadows of motion within the creaking woods. As he neared, branches snapped from the cold, the sound slicing through the muffled air, warning of an icy doom.
He was finally here. The stallion licked his lips, blinking back the snow buffeting his brow. He had to find a place for It, at least. Maybe I shouldn’t call it It. But... Yeah, her will have to do, it’s a little girl after all, right? Yeah.
He landed on his hind legs when he finally neared the very edge of the woods. He searched for a moment, gazing through the fog his every breath created as he looked for a place to put the little bundle. An alcove of tall stones surrounded by bushes jutting out of the woods seemed like a likely place as he trotted over, snow crunching underhoof.
Walking around thorn-ridden brambles and between the large bushes, he found a tiny spot where bare earth showed between blades of browned grass.
He bent over, gently placing the blanketed filly in the centre of the circle before standing over her. He looked down at the tiny shape, his immense head dwarfing the tiny filly's form. She sniffled.
This was it. Snowflake hesitated above her, then balked. Why am I hesitating? I’ve decided to do thi. It’s the right thing, right? His conscious assailed him, but he had chosen, and Snowflakes was a stallion of his word, even if that word was only to himself.
He stepped back, forehoof raising as he paused. Could he really do this? She’d be fine, probably. Maybe. Dammit. But I don’t want her! He shook his head, trying to banish thoughts that were boring into his mind. He was the cause of her birth, or at least, he took part in it. But I don’t have time for her, and I don’t want ponies to know. Maybe I could bring her to that little house? But I don’t know the pony there. No! I’ve decided, that’s that.
He took a step back, and bowed his head. “Goodbye.”
“Who are you saying that too?” a young, feminine voice whispered.
Snowflake’s heart skipped a beat and he spun around, turning to face an angel-like flurry of snow and mist. The mare shifted and in the waning light of the moon she came into focus. Fluttershy stared up at him, demure in her pose as she looked with wide eyes right at him. He saw first the blur of confusion, then the fire of recognition in those eyes. “Mister Snowflakes? What are you doing out here?”
“Nothing,” he said, too fast and loud.
She tilted her head to the side, trying to see behind him before he slid into her line of sight, but it was too late.
“Are you? Are you trying to,” she said, blinking at him. “Don’t do it,” she repeated, her voice just a little stronger. “Don’t you dare do something like that! Oh, oh if you’re trying to do what I think... Well, well, I’ll, I’ll hit you!”
Snowflake opened his mouth to speak, but only an unstallion-like squeak escaped. He swallowed, finding his voice at last. When he spoke the ferocity of his own sounds spooked him as it reverberated through the woods. “I can do what I want. It’s none of your business!”
She squeaked and took a half step back. Then her soft eyes shifted to the little bundle, frowning gently. Her soft eyes turned to the little bundle, looking towards it with sorrow and pity. The pity faded as she regarded him once more. “But, but mister Snowflakes, why?”
He sighed. “I don’t want ponies to know. It’s... it’s embarrassing. I’m not supposed to have a foal, I’m too young and it’s not normal and I don’t want to! And I like my life! I want to be a Wonderbolt, not a dad!” Why abandon the filly? Why not care for it? Why not watch over it? Why not be selfless for once? Why not allow it into his life? All questions he had asked himself over and over. "I... I... because... it's not me."
“But, she is... yours, right?”
He nodded, silent as the snow swirled around him. “Yeah, she... we made her, I guess.”
“What kind of monster leaves a poor defenseless foal to die in the Everfree Forest. Even a manticore cares for its young. I don't know you or your situation but there has to be a better way than this." Fluttershy stomped a hoof to the ground, almost wincing at the forcefulness of her own voice. “And, and just because you’re embarrassed? There’s nothing embarrassing about new life! It’s beautiful and awesome and incredible. Not embarrassing. The foal should be embarrassed that her dad is so careless!”
“But it’s so small. And I’m not, and I might hurt it. I might drop her or step on her or break her....” His voice trailed away into the darkness.
“And you’re not going to hurt her by giving her up?” Fluttershy whispered. “She’s going to die if you leave her here. You’re going to murder your own little daughter! And, and even if somepony finds her, she’s still going to be an orphan! I see it all the time. Poor little critters that just want a home and a little bit of love. It’s the saddest thing of all. And you want to do that to your own daughter? Because of such a stupid reason? You’re not going to hurt her because you’re big, you’re going to hurt her because you’re a big, careless oaf.”
Shame smothered his protests. He turned, ever so slowly, and looked down at the tiny form on the ground, watching as she moved about and finally managed to unroll itself.
Fluttershy moved up and walked to the filly’s side and bent down, oohing and ahhing as she unravelled the filly’s head and nudged her with the tip of her nose. “She’s adorable! Her mommy must be quite colourful, and she has her daddy’s wings!” The mare turned around, a as she looked to him. “And you’re afraid to hurt her?”
He shuffled his hooves about in discomfort. “She’s so small.”
“That’s no reason to be afraid. That's no reason to not love her. Snowflake. She’s not just yours, she’s everypony’s and she belongs to herself, too. You need to give her what she needs, even if it’s really hard.” Gently, Fluttershy placed a hoof on the filly’s head and began petting her lightly, the tiny creature cooing in response.
“Was that all?” Fluttershy asked. “You’re just a little afraid of what other ponies will think of you? That’s okay. It’s normal to be afraid. I’m afraid all the time. Mister Snowflake, you’re a big, strong stallion, and I’m sure you have plenty of friends. Ponies won’t give too you much trouble if you bring her back home. And you won’t have to change diapers forever.”
“But, but....” He began.
Fluttershy glared at him, a look that left no room for his squeamish attempts to escape.
Snowflake took a slow, careful step towards Fluttershy and the filly. “I just don’t want to hurt her, Miss Fluttershy,” he said to the younger mare. “I don’t think I’d make a very good parent.”
“But you’ll never know unless you try. Mister Snowflake, foals only want you to try your best.” She glanced beyond him, to the grey skies above.
She moved by him, the suddenness of her motion startling the stallion. “I’ll go wait over there,” she said, pointing at some vague location ahead of her. “When you’ve made your choice, I’ll be there, either way.” Slowly, she placed a timid, shivering hoof on his shoulder, betraying the nerves she felt. “This is your decision, Mister Snowflakes, you have to make it. I won’t tell anypony about this, if that’s what you want. But I won’t let that little filly for dead, either.”
After a few moments, he was alone, alone with the unwrapped filly, who was just beginning to shiver as stray drops of snow alighted on her over-large head.
He sat by her, looking down at her wide-eyed form as she stared back. Slowly, a smile creeped up along her face and she beamed up at him. His heart melted. She’s my filly. My child. I’m a dad, aren’t I? He hung his head. It’s my job to take care of her, isn’t it? My job to make sure she’s okay and to keep her out of trouble and to make her life good. Oh, Celestia, What was I doing? he wondered as he looked to the skies above.
The stallion bit his inner lip until he tasted the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. He was an idiot. “Miss Fluttershy,” he said.
“Yes?” the mare responded from beyond the glade.
“Will you help me? Or... or could you find help for me? Yeah, that would be nice, being able to keep the filly, and make her the raddest foal ever.”
“Of course I will.”
Fluttershy wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye as she watched father and daughter move away, the tiny filly clutched in his two massive forehooves.
The snow had calmed, as if the threatening storm had cooled down its fury. She watched as the two faded into the distance. Then, Fluttershy began to move towards home, an odd sense of accomplishment welling in her as she suspected that everything would be all right.