I Should Have Never Bought That Pony

by Final Draft

First published 21st of December, 2013

Diamond Tiara is quite possibly the worst gift you could give your seven-year-old daughter. Too bad Discord has a "no return" policy.

Against better judgement, David buys his daughter a pony for Christmas. Too bad it was Diamond Tiara. She, like many other fillies and colts in Ponyville, was taken by Discord for his cross-dimension pony trade. Now she must convince David and his family to help her and the others get back to Equestria. Fortunately for her, David is more than happy to get rid of her. His daughter Tiffany however, is not.

I: Last Minute Shopping

It was Christmas time once again, and David had no desire to live. Well, he wanted to live, but if he could just be dead until the holiday season passed, that would be just fine with him. He didn’t HATE Christmas, per se, but the thought of spending absurd amounts of money to please others sat in his stomach heavier than a fruitcake.

Buying for his co-workers was easy: a handle of vodka, Season 5 of Breaking Bad, an “I’m with Stupid” shirt, but his family demanded more thought-out gifts. In particular, his daughter had always been hard to please. She was seven now and kept on insisting that she wanted a pony.

We live in New York; there isn’t room for a pony, honey. He’d tried to explain this to her several times in vain. She’d pout her lips, kick her feet, and whine for the rest of the evening. Even if they had enough room for a pony, he couldn’t afford to take care of it with his meager paychecks. As it was, they were barely scraping by in their 3rd story apartment.

His wife, Kristin, held a part-time job and looked after their daughter while he was away at work. Tiffany, his daughter, had just started 2nd grade and was beginning to understand the materialism of society. She was made fun of for her hand-me-down clothes and her lack of nice toys. David tried his hardest to provide a nice life for her, but she was still too young to understand. It seemed the only thing that would actually please her was a pony.

“I don’t want dollies! I want a pony!” Tiffany was screaming now, her face turning beet-red.

“I’ve told you sweetie, we don’t—”

“I WANT A PONY!”

The tenants of the neighboring apartment began banging on the paper-thin wall. Kristin looked to David, her eyes pleading for him to silence their daughter. He bent down and put his hand on the girl’s shoulder, but she swatted it away angrily. She cried louder and the neighbors began shouting through the wall.

In that moment of stress, David finally broke. “Fine! FINE!” he shouted over all the noise. “I’ll buy you a pony!”

Instantly, the girl’s fit was over, and she smiled up at her father. “Oh, thank you, Daddy!” she said, hugging his leg. Kristin looked to her husband, her eyes asking him what he was going to do.

“I don’t know,” he mouthed silently. What could he do? There was no way he could just buy his daughter a pony. In past moments of insanity, he’d actually run the idea through his head, looking for a way to make it possible. Each and every time though, it came down to them not having enough space, time, or money to raise one. And what if she outgrew the pony phase? What if it became like her old toys? Just something she played with until she tired of it?

Eventually, David looked down at his daughter and coaxed her into releasing her death-grip on his leg. “I love you sooo much, Daddy!” she said, smiling up at him innocently. She then ran off to her waiting collection of dolls to tell them all the good news about her pony.

Kristin walked over to David and pulled him into the kitchen, away from their daughter. “What are we going to do?” she asked, biting her lower lip and pacing. “We can’t lie to our daughter. At this early age, she may develop long-lasting trust issues!”

“Maybe…maybe we could keep one at the stables in upstate. Take her there every weekend to see it?” David suggested, but his wife shook her head. “Or we could name one at the Brooklyn Zoo for her, that way when we take her there, she can say that’s her pony.”

“David, you know she’s going to want to see that pony every day,” Kristin said quietly.

“What? So you want me to just uproot our life and move to some farm somewhere?” David asked angrily.

“I never said anything like that, David. I—”

“I’m going out for a drink,” he interrupted, grabbing his coat off the table. “I’ll think of something…maybe there are some life-like robotic ones at the toy store.”

He wrapped his scarf around his neck and opened the door to leave the apartment. Behind him, his wife and daughter watched with concern as he stood there. After a moment of silence, he shut the door behind him.

The streets were packed with last-minute shoppers and a heavy snow had begun to fall. He brushed elbows with the strangers, keeping his hands in his pockets as he walked; partially for warmth, partially to keep hold of his wallet.

The tavern he frequented was only two blocks from the apartment, so he was known as a bit of regular there. “Dave!” the bartender shouted after his favorite patron entered.

“Hey Mike, give me the regular,” David said, hanging up his coat and scarf. Tim and Bill (two of the other regulars who enjoyed their ale more than their home lives) were playing pool and watching the small color TV mounted to the wall. Aside from them, David was the only customer in the bar.

“Bit cold out there, isn’t it?” Mike asked, pouring David’s favorite IPA into a glass. Before he could answer, the door opened and a fierce northern wind blew inside. He and the others turned to see a walking bundle of coats, hats, and scarves walk in. “Well, that answers my question,” Mike said with a laugh.

David slowly drank his IPA, listening to the sound of the new customer removing his many layers. His glass was half empty by the time the new patron finally joined him at the bar.

“What’ll ya have?” Mike asked the gentleman, taking out a clean glass from below the counter.

“Gin and tonic, if you could, my good sir,” the stranger said smoothly. David discreetly glanced over to look at his drinking companion. The gentleman beside him was exactly that: a gentleman. He wore a cleanly tailored gray blazer with red trousers, a purple button up shirt, and a white tie. His hands were covered by elaborately stitched yellow gloves, not the kind for winter, but the kind for fancy occasions.

The stranger stroked the long, white goatee that extended from his chin and looked over to David. “And how are you this fine evening?” the stranger asked politely.

David looked up from his glass and into the stranger’s glaring yellow eyes. God, he must have liver failure, David thought to himself. Beneath the stranger’s eyes were dark circles, likely caused from a lack of sleep. “I’m, uh, I’m okay,” David replied, looking back to his glass.

The stranger raised one of his massive white eyebrows. “Now that doesn’t sound terribly convincing,” the stranger said. Mike brought over the man’s gin and tonic and placed it on the counter. “Tell me what’s on your mind, friend,” he said, picking the lime out of his glass and flicking it off to the side.

“Christmas,” David sighed. He didn’t really want to go into all his problems with a complete stranger, at least not before a few more drinks. Mike had already finished filling a new glass, and he slid it across the bar into David’s open hand. David took a sip and sighed again.

“Something tells me you don’t enjoy the chaos quite as much as I do,” the gentleman said.

David looked down into his drink and watched the suds swirl around. “Can’t say I’ve ever cared for it.” He reflected on his life for a moment before looking over to his companion. “Do you have any kids?”

The man laughed a deep, hearty laugh. “I have many, but none will call me father.” He downed his gin and tonic, placing the empty glass on the counter. “Why is it that you ask, hmm?”

“Well, you see, I’ve got this daughter. She’s seven, and—”

“Ah, ah, ah, stop right there,” he interrupted. “Did you make a promise to her you couldn’t keep?”

David looked at the yellow-eyed man in confusion. “Yeah…how’d you guess?”

“No guesses, my friend, only drawn conclusions,” he replied, picking the lime out of his new drink and flicking it like he’d done with the other. “So tell me,” he paused to sip his drink, “what did you promise her?”

“I know it was stupid of me, but I promised her a pony,” David sighed, downing his glass and waiting for a third.

“A pony! Oh, that’s just perfect for a seven-year-old girl!” the man laughed. “There’s only three days until Christmas, you know. Most places are sold out of ponies!”

“I was thinking I could get her a big toy one,” David replied, swirling his glass.

The man laughed and put his arm around David’s shoulder. “You know that won’t do! Your daughter is going to want a living, breathing, talking pony.”

“I heard the talking ones cost extra,” David joked. They both laughed and the man brought his arm back in. He reached beneath the bar and removed an expensive looking cane with a jeweled dragon head handle.

“I might be able to cut you a deal,” the gentleman said with a grin. His front left canine tooth slid over his lower lip, and David couldn’t help but think it looked like a fang.

“You just happen to sell talking ponies?” David asked with a laugh. The man nodded and stared intently into David’s eyes. “You’re joking, right?”

“No joke, my friend! Would you like to come see my wares?”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” David replied, waving his hands in objection. “Even if I got one of these ‘magical’ talking ponies, where—”

“Ah, ah, ah,” the gentleman interrupted, holding up his index finger to silence David. “The magical ones are even more expensive.”

Is this guy for real? For starters, he looks like a friggin’ cartoon character, and now, he’s promising me ponies that talk and do magic. I think he’s trying to con me.

The yellow-eyed man reached into his blazer and removed a handful of gold coins. He looked at them before quickly throwing them back into his pocket and digging deeper. “Haven’t had a chance to visit the currency exchange yet,” he said, noticing David’s stare. Eventually, he pulled up a large roll of bills and removed the band. He took out a one hundred dollar bill and set it on the counter. “His drinks are on me,” he said as Mike walked over.

David looked down at the bill, then up to his drinking companion whom he barely knew. “Thank you, uh, what did you say your name was?” he asked as the man stood up to leave.

“Here’s my card,” the gentleman said, reaching into his coat pocket once more and removing a 3.5 X 2 inch card. The only thing written on it, in gold letters, was “DISCORD.”

“Discord?” David asked, reading the card and looking up.

“At your service,” he replied. He stood up with his cane and walked over to his collection of winter wear. With one tap of his cane, the garments came to life and wrapped themselves around him. Or at least that’s what David thought he saw.

David rubbed his eyes and looked back down to the card in his hand. He flipped it over several times, trying to find hidden words or a meaning in the cryptic lettering. The door of the bar opened as Discord went to leave and David quickly jumped up from his bar stool. He grabbed his coat and scarf and ran out the door behind his strange acquaintance.

“Walk with me, talk with me, my friend,” Discord said, slowing his pace to match David’s. Together, they walked through the crowded streets of Manhattan, eventually turning down several sketchy back alleyways.

“Do, uh, do you have a care plan for the ponies?” David asked, stepping over mounds of garbage. “Like, do you have pens, or a track, or offer riding lessons, and do I have to pay for feeding and grooming?”

Discord laughed. “No, I have none of that, but these are special ponies! They learn to take care of themselves after a while.”

“Yeah, okay,” David replied skeptically, still feeling he was the butt of some great joke. “I can’t just keep a live pony in my apartment though!”

“Well sure you can!” Discord replied, opening a set of rusted double doors. David looked at the old building with unease. A single light bulb flickered in the dark hallway behind the doors.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the overwhelming desire not to disappoint his daughter, but David took a deep breath and walked into the dark building. Discord closed the doors behind them, turning several keys in the darkness. David stood shivering, listening as his thoughts began to get the better of him.

This is stupid. Even if this guy has completely normal, non-magical, mute ponies, you can’t afford one! They’re probably disease-ridden. And the problem still remains of Where The Hell are you going to keep it?! The apartment is too small! The landlord only allows SMALL pets. Ponies are NOT small! Tiffany is seven; she’ll get over not getting a pony! But Kristin will never forgive you if you do get the damn horse!

“Watch your step, and follow me,” Discord said, turning to David. His yellow eyes literally glowed in the darkness, and David began wondering if something had been slipped in his drink.

“Listen, Discord, I’m not sure Tiffany really needs—”

“Shhh,” Discord whispered as they reached the end of the hallway. “You don’t want to startle them.”

David stood quietly in the darkness as Discord fumbled with his keys. Over the sound of metal clinking together, he thought he could hear panicked whispers coming from beyond the door. As soon as Discord found the correct key and put it in the lock, the whispers stopped.

The tumblers fell into place loudly and the heavy metal door swung inward. David hesitantly stepped inside and looked around with his mouth slightly agape. The room was lined with metal cages containing brightly colored miniature ponies. They all looked at him with big, sad eyes as he walked around.

“If you see one you like, let me know!” Discord said, standing in the doorway so his customer was free to browse.

David couldn’t fathom what he was looking at. If they were animatronics, they were the best he’d ever seen. He put his hand into the cage of a small orange pony and tried to pet it. It scooted as far into the corner as it could go, closing its eyes in fear as his hand stroked its maroon mane.

“Are those wings?” David asked, pointing to the feathered appendages on the pony’s back.

“The flying ones are extra as well,” Discord said, stroking his goatee. “But that one can’t fly, so I could make a deal…”

David just shook his head in disbelief. He continued to pat the scared pony, marveling at how warm it felt, and how it shook each time his hand passed. It sniffed and a large tear rolled down from its eye.

“Does your daughter have a particular favorite color?” Discord asked.

“Pink,” David replied without hesitation. He stood up and the orange pony began (what sounded like) crying.

“Ah, she’ll be wanting a filly companion then! I have one in particular that I’d be happy to get rid of!” Discord said, walking to the very back row of cages. In the furthest corner was a pink pony with a little tiara atop its purple mane.

Filly…That’s female, David thought to himself. “Uh, not to be rude, but I thought you said these ponies could talk,” David said, looking Discord in his big, yellow eyes.

“Oh, they just get a little shy around new people is all,” Discord explained. “Why, this one usually never shuts up!” he laughed, pointing to the pink pony. The pony’s eyes welled up with tears and it scrunched its nose up in anger.

“Riiight,” David said, looking around at all the cages again. “So where did you get these? Did you breed them? Or are they futuristic spy robots from Japan?”

“I assure you, they did not come from Japan,” Discord smiled. “And these weren’t so much bred as…’hand selected’ by yours truly.”

“So the color is natural?”

“You are a very concerned buyer!”

“I’m not a buyer yet,” David said, correcting Discord. “So, how much bigger do they get?”

“Twice their current size, sometimes a little bigger,” Discord answered impatiently. David bent down and looked at the pink pony. It was no bigger than a small dog. Hell, he could probably convince the landlord it was a dog.

The pony looked very upset at David putting his hand in its cage, but it remained still as he pet it. “She’s perfect,” he said at last. Discord sighed in relief and took a large scroll of parchment from within his blazer. At some point while David was browsing, Discord’s winter clothing had wandered off, leaving him in just his suit.

“Now the part I’m sure you’re most concerned about…the bill,” Discord said, looking over his scroll.

“Just name your price and I’ll pay it,” David said, standing up, grabbing his wallet in the process. No matter how crazy this all was, he’d finally found a feasible way of getting Tiffany her pony.

Discord smiled, his fang exposing itself once more. “For you my friend, nothing,” he said.

“What?” David asked in surprise. He thought he heard an echo, and turned to see the pony looked just as shocked as he did.

“Just take good care of her, and give little Tiffany my best regards,” Discord replied, holding out the scroll and a quill in front of David. “Just sign this and she’s all yours. Then we can talk about my other services.”

David took the quill and didn’t bother to read over any of the document before signing his name. As sketchy as the whole situation was, Tiffany was getting her pony, and he would be the best father ever! He finished signing his last name and Discord took back the quill and parchment.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” David said, as Discord handed him the caged pink pony. “So… does she have a name?”

Discord looked into the cage with a sly grin on his face. The pony got right up to his yellow eyes and glared at him as he said, “I’ve been calling this one Fluffy.”

David turned the cage so the pony was looking at him, and it shouted, “My name isn’t Fluffy! My name is Diamond Tiara, and I wanna go home now!”

II: Layaway Plan

“Now, David,” Discord said, looking over the signature carefully. “How—”

“It really talked,” David said in awe, looking back at the little pony. It stared at him angrily, making a “scrunchy” face.

“I’m a deceiver, not a liar,” Discord laughed. “Now, David, have a seat.”

David turned to see a large mahogany table had materialized in the center of the room, with an expensive arm chair at either end. Discord sat in the one furthest from David. The strange salesman began laying out papers across the table. After a moment, he looked up to see David still had not taken his seat.

“Well, come now! We still have some work to do!” Discord shouted from across the table. David cautiously took his seat and set Diamond Tiara on the floor next to him.

“Where did—”

“Hold your questions until the end, please!” Discord said, interrupting David. “I have to ask you some of my own. Firstly, are you clear as to our terms and agreements?”

David saw the scroll with his signature sitting atop the pile of documents Discord had lain out. “Uh, can you give me a summary?” he asked nervously, struggling to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Oh, it simply states that this pony is now your property and responsibility. If anyone or anything from this world or another comes seeking it, it is your duty to ensure its safety. In no way am I to be held responsible for circumstances brought unto you.”

“Anyone or anything? This world or another? My God, are these alien ponies?” David asked, looking around the room. It would certainly explain their coloration and ability to talk.

“No, no!” Discord said, trying to ease his client’s mind. “They’re completely normal equines! They were raised less than five minutes from here!”

There weren’t any farms five minutes from Manhattan as far as David knew, but the thought of aliens made even less sense than an inner-city talking pony farm. “Okay, okay, but what other business do we have?” David asked impatiently. “I’d like to get home soon.”

“There’s no need to be in a hurry, Davey-Boy,” Discord said slyly, his yellow eyes gleaming out of his sunken sockets. “Tell me, what do you plan to do with the pony until Christmas?”

David looked down at the angry pony by his feet. She was sitting on her haunches with her front legs crossed across her chest like she was a pouting child. Hell, she even acts like Tiffany.

“You weren’t going to just keep her in the closet were you?” Discord asked with a look of disapproval.

“I, uh, hadn’t really thought of that,” David said, scratching his head. The pony looked up at him and quickly away.

“Oh, but you want little Tiffany to be surprised on Christmas morning don’t you? You see, for a marginal fee, I can play the role of jolly old Saint Knickerlass, I mean, Nicholas!” Discord corrected himself before David could question anything. His head ducked beneath the table and when he came back up, he had a Santa hat on. His yellow eyes and “fang” were extremely offsetting, and David was worried the man may scare Tiffany…and Kristin for that matter.

“Can’t I just…come pick her up on Christmas morning?” David asked.

“No, no, no,” Discord said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to make room for new stock, and quite simply won’t have the room for Fluffy until then.”

“Diamond Tiara!” the pony shouted from beneath the table. “My name is Diamond Tiara! How hard is that? Are you completely—”

Discord shook his head and smiled. “She’s charming, isn’t she?” he asked. “So, Davey, what’ll it be?”

David scratched his head and looked around at the cages lining the room. Every last pony was watching their transaction. Their big, colorful eyes stared, unblinking into his very soul. “How much is your Santa service?” he asked at last.

“Two hundred dollars is my standard fee, or 146 Euros if you prefer. 21,000 Yen, 122 Pounds—the choice is yours!” Discord reached into his blazer and removed several currencies from around the world, waiting to make change if need be.

“That’s outrageous!” David exclaimed.

“Says the man who just got a free pony,” Discord said, lowering his eyebrows and folding his hands. “Tell me, how much do you think I usually sell these ponies for? And what do you think it costs me to get them here?”

It had never occurred to David to think of that. “How much do you usually sell them for?” he asked.

“A lot,” Discord said flatly. “So if all I make today is twenty bits, it’s better than nothing.”

What kind of currency are bits? Must be Middle Eastern. I bet Discord is an Arabic name or something, David thought to himself. He slowly reached into his wallet and fished out ten $20 bills. It was probably the same amount it would have cost for a really good toy pony at the toy store anyway.

“Well, I really don’t have a choice,” David said, thumbing through the bills. Discord smiled and slid a scroll across the table. This time David read through it before putting his name. It was typical stuff (not responsible for damaged property, disgruntled neighbors, etc.) so David signed his name and passed it back with the $200.

“Excellent, now you may ask me whatever you have on your mind,” Discord said, double-checking both the signature and the money.

“Okay, first off, where did you get all these ponies?” David asked.

“We’re from Equestria!”

David looked behind him and saw it was the orange pony with wings that had spoken. “Equestria?” he repeated.

“Shut up, blank-flank!” Diamond Tiara shouted.

The two little ponies went back and forth for a moment, and David had a hard time understanding them. They spoke of Equestria, and Celestia, and other names he was unfamiliar with. The whole while, Discord just sat and smiled.

“What are they talking about?” David asked once the ponies settled down.

“Just petty pony things,” Discord replied, twirling his cane around. “Do you have anything else for me? I’d like to wrap this up so I may be on my way.”

“Uhh,” David hesitated. “What do they eat?”

“Apples, hay, cupcakes—you know, typical pony foods.”

“Cupcakes?”

“They like their sugar,” Discord said with a smile. He got up and walked over to David, bending down to look into Diamond Tiara’s cage. “You can ask your pony any question, really. I’d be careful of this one though…she’s a bit of a liar.”

He bopped his finger gently off her nose and she snapped at it with her teeth. “When my daddy finds out about this, you’re gonna be in big trouble, Discord!” the pony shouted in a shrill voice. Discord laughed and picked up the cage, sending the pony off-balance. She slammed into the bars and began whimpering, but not crying.

“I’m going to take good care of Fluffy here until Christmas,” Discord said, placing a “sold” tag onto the pony’s cage. “So don’t you worry about a thing!”

With the sale completed, and documents in hand, David thought he was finally free to go. He went to stand up, but had the head of Discord’s cane pressed against his chest. Its jeweled eyes looked up at David and reflected his face on each of its polished edges.

“A few thing before you go,” Discord said, sliding his cane off of David’s chest. “There are no returns. There are no refunds. For better or for worse, this pony is yours now…Merry Christmas.”

As Discord spoke the holiday greeting, he tapped his cane against David’s head. David’s eyes flew open and he nearly fell off his bar stool. He looked around, and found himself back at Mike’s bar. There were about seven empty glasses sitting on the bar where he sat and Mike came to take them away.

“Now that your nap’s over, I need you to get going,” Mike said, placing the glasses into a gray bin. He picked up a crisp $100 bill and tossed it under the till in his cash register.

David looked around at the dark bar, the only light coming from the fluorescent beer clocks, mirrors, and other memorabilia. He staggered to his feet and felt something squish under his boot. It was a wedge of lime. He looked back to the bar and saw two empty glasses set apart from his seven.

Wait, was that real? He reached into his pocket and felt around till his hand closed on a small rectangular piece of paper. “DISCORD” was written across it in gold lettering, and David knew it hadn’t been his imagination.

As David stepped out into the street, he drew in a breath of fresh air, and tried to clear his mind. Okay, so I essentially just bought a colorful talking pink pony for $200 from a yellow-eyed stranger. Now I have no idea where the stranger or the pony even is, and he has promised me Christmas Morning delivery. Seriously, how stupid am—

The streets of New York were never really “empty”, but there were infinitely less people out at two in the morning. Of course, that didn’t mean people paid any more attention to their surroundings. David had his thoughts interrupted when a hurried woman bumped into him. He was much larger than the woman, and she bounced right off of his chest. She dropped the box she was carrying and started panicking.

“I’m so sorry,” David apologized, picking up the box and trying to hand it to her. Whatever was in the box shifted its weight and began moving around furiously. He could hear a muffled voice coming from within, but when he tried to put his ear up to listen, the woman snatched the box from him.

“Be more careful next time!” she shouted, pointing her nose into the air and walking away. Typical New York broad. So high and mighty with her pearl necklace, designer handbag, fur coats, yada yada yada. But what was in the box? He thought he’d heard a small cry for help. No. It was late. It was his imagination.

After stumbling through the un-shoveled sidewalk for a quarter mile, David finally reached his apartment building. He kicked off his boots and trudged up the stairs to the third floor. The door had been locked, and he rummaged through his coat pocket for his keys; certain to make sure the business card was still there.

Inside the apartment was dark, and he carefully closed the door behind him. Tiffany had crawled up in bed with Kristin, leaving David no room in his own bed. He didn’t care. After the night he’d had, he was happy just to be home.

He tossed and turned on the couch until he found a comfortable position. After an hour, his vision began to blur and he let sleep wash over him. In the morning, he’d let Tiffany know Santa was bringing her a surprise.

It’d be just as much of a surprise to him if the pony actually appeared under the tree. Maybe he’d go out and buy a stuffed one as a back-up plan. Better safe than sorry.

David was awoken by his daughter jumping excitedly onto his legs. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus his vision on the blurred child long enough to stop her. “Tiffany, easy on Daddy!” he said, bringing his daughter in for a hug.

“Did you get my pony?” she asked into his ear.

He smiled at her and said, “I had a good, long talk with Santa last night, and he says if you’re good, he’ll bring you one.”

The little girl’s face lit up and she bolted off the couch and into the kitchen. “Mommy! Daddy says Santa’s bringing me a pony!”

Kristin poked her head out of the kitchen and smiled at her husband. “Is that why you were gone all night? Did you walk all the way to the North Pole just so our daughter could get a pony?”

“Actually, I met him at a bar. Turns out he really likes gin and tonic,” David replied. He stretched his arms over his head and listened to the cracks and pops from his over-worked body. The smell of pancakes wafted from the kitchen, and he turned to see Kristin walking out with a plate of them.

“Is Santa going to have room in his sleigh for a pony?” Kristin asked, setting the pancakes on the table.

“Uh, he’s magic, of course he will,” David replied matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, he’s magic!” Tiffany chimed in.

Kristin sat down and dug her fork into her pancakes. She was still under the impression David had simply spent the night at the bar. And she was mostly right. But she had no idea he’d actually put a pony on layaway. “Oh, David,” she said, waving her fork at her husband. “I’m taking Tiffany to my mother’s house today, so if there’s anything you still need to buy, you can do it while we’re out.”

He knew she was talking about a pony-like toy. “I think I’ll just start cleaning up around here. Gotta make room for that pony,” he said, taking a sip of coffee.

“Good idea,” Kristin said with a wink. Tiffany noticed nothing odd in their exchange and began squirming in her chair.

“I wanna go see Grandma!” Tiffany said impatiently.

“Alright, give Mommy a minute,” Kristin replied, hurriedly eating her pancakes.

David looked to his daughter and whispered sternly, “Be good today, or Santa won’t bring you your pony.”

“Yes, Daddy, I promise I’ll be good.”

“Good girl.”

After the ladies had cleared out of the house, David began pacing around impatiently. It was only the 23rd, and he was struggling to keep his composure. He was certain he’d met a man at the bar named Discord, and he was certain that man had sold him a talking pony. That man had a whole palette of colorful, talking ponies, locked up in a warehouse somewhere. There was absolutely nothing wrong, crazy, or sinister about it. Right?

“No, they’re just…genetically modified, that’s it!” David said, trying to rationalize. “I mean, science has come along way! I bet there’s something in the news about it!”

David grabbed the remote to his TV and pushed the power button. As if the broadcast had been waiting for him to tune in, a group of news anchors appeared on the screen, watching a colorful pony walk around their desk.

“Now, this is the must have toy of the season,” one of the male anchors said, “It typically retails for $500, but trust me when I say, it’s worth the money.”

The pony had near-fluid movements as it approached one of the female anchors. The woman reached out to pet the pony, and it responded by tilting its head. “I love you!” the pony exclaimed in a girlish voice.

“Now, the amazing part about these toys is they will actually learn and grow with your child,” the female anchor said, picking up the pony. “They can remember almost anything you tell them, and recall those facts when asked.”

“Oh, ask it what its name is!” a fat member of the news crew suggested.

“Little pony, what’s your name?” the female anchor asked.

“My name is Fluffy!” the toy responded.

The news anchors laughed together. “See, we gave it that name before the show, and now it only responds to Fluffy.”

“Hah! That’s it!” David shouted at the TV. Discord was just selling these toys, and put them in cages for show. And now David knew he wasn’t crazy.

“Uh, buyers beware though,” one of the anchors on the TV said, “We’ve gotten reports of people selling counterfeits. While they may look and act like the real ones, it’s advised you only buy from a licensed retailer.”

“Yes, it’s been reported people have paid as much as one thousand dollars for these imitations, but prices are typically around $200.”

David watched the screen until an Enzyte commercial replaced the news team. He wasn’t focusing on the picture; he was focused on his anger. He’d known he was getting conned. It just surprised him how good the con man had been. Maybe, if he could find that warehouse, he could get his money back, and go buy a real one.

“Good morning, David.”

David whipped around to see Discord standing in his living room. He hadn’t heard the door open or close after Kristin had left, and he looked to his uninvited guest with surprise. “Discord? What—how—where?” David stammered, failing to form a complete question.

“Easy, my friend,” Discord said, wrapping his arm around David’s shoulder. “You left in such a hurry last night that I never got your address. Can’t deliver a gift if I don’t know where I’m going!”

David shook out of Discord’s embrace and looked at him angrily. “You’re selling counterfeits, and I want my money back!”

Discord looked hurt at the accusation. “Where on this chaotic earth did you get an idea like that?”

III: With a Bow on Top

“You think I’m selling toy ponies? Don’t be ridiculous!” Discord laughed. He paced around David’s apartment, inspecting everything. “I would never sell anything but the most authentic of products!”

David rolled his eyes and shut off the TV. “You can drop the act,” he said, tossing the remote onto the couch. Discord was inspecting the small Christmas tree that decorated the corner of the living room. The salesman’s yellow eyes seemed to get wider as he looked back to David.

“Act? What act?” he asked sheepishly. “Do you really not believe me? Why, you seemed so enthused last night, I thought—”

“You got me drunk and convinced me a bunch of toys were real,” David said angrily, interrupting Discord. He took out his cell phone and began to dial the police station. “I’m calling the cops and they’re gonna bust up your little counterfeiting scheme.”

Discord crossed his arms, shook his head, and said, “Davey, just stop and listen to me.” He snapped his fingers and the phone in David’s hand turned into a banana.

“Hello? Hello? Manhattan Police?” David asked into the curved, yellow fruit. When he no longer heard the ring tone, he turned to look at the phone and flailed when he saw what it had become.

Discord laughed as the banana fell to the floor. “Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring…Banana Phone!” He continued to laugh and picked up the fruit. David watched as the strange gentleman peeled his “phone” and took a bite.

“What the HELL was that?” David asked, shaking and backing up from his guest.

“A children’s song from 1994; I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it,” Discord said, tossing the peel of the banana into the kitchen’s trash can.

David just looked at Discord in confusion for a moment. “What—No! Not the song!” he stammered, “the, the—How did you do that to my phone?!”

“Let’s just call it, ‘Christmas Magic’, okay?” Discord smiled with a toothy grin. “Back to business. Let’s say, hypothetically of course, Fluffy is not the pure bred talking pony I promised her to be. You are still under binding contract.” Discord reached into his blazer and removed the document with David’s signature on it. He waved it tauntingly in front of David, pulling back when the angry man grabbed for it.

Discord unhinged his jaw and crammed the scroll down his gullet. David fell back onto the couch as his knees gave out from under him. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and he looked to his left to see Discord sitting next to him.

“I assure you, she is what you paid for,” Discord said.

“Which is nothing, by the way,” an identical voice said to David’s right. He felt another arm wrap around his shoulder and he turned to his right. Sitting on either side of him now, was a Discord. They both grinned as David dove off of the couch.

David’s chest heaved and his heart pounded painfully within. “Okay, what the hell are you?!” David asked, standing in a defensive stance. The two salesman slid together to form a single being on the center cushion.

“I am Discord,” he replied. “Embodiment of chaos! Purveyor of ponies! And I will be delivering your pony tomorrow night…or sometime Christmas morning.” He scratched his head and snapped his fingers with his free hand. A little black book appeared in front of him, levitating at eye level.

“Yes, business has been good,” Discord continued. “I’m going to be very busy delivering all these ponies. But don’t you worry, Davey,” he said, dismissing the black book, “as my loyal customer, I will ensure your daughter gets her pony on time; even if you didn’t pay me quite as much as my other clients.”

David ran his hands through his hair, leaving it standing on end. He turned wide eyed to Discord and tried to speak. After several moments of stuttering and stammering, he managed, “So, I-I can t-trust you?”

Before Discord could answer, he burped and put his fist to his chest. There was a faint ringing noise coming muffled through Discord’s stomach. His cheeks expanded and his tongue unraveled, traveling the length of the living room, and he presented David his phone.

Through the saliva on the screen, David could clearly see his wife’s name and picture. He grabbed the phone hesitantly and Discord’s tongue raveled back into his mouth. David pressed the Talk button and held the slimy phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“David, I almost forgot to tell you! Jen and her fiancé are coming over for Christmas dinner. I hope that’s not a problem.”

“Right. Your sister? Got it,” David said rather quickly. He was keeping his eyes on his guest for obvious reasons. Discord just smiled and went back to examining the Christmas tree. He tapped on a few of the hanging ornaments, turning them into apples and oranges. What is with him and fruit?

“Everything alright, David?” Kristin asked.

“Uh, yeah, everything’s great,” David said, watching Discord take a bite out of one of the tree’s ornaments. “I’ll see you when you get home tonight, bye.”

He rather abruptly ended the call and looked to his phone.

“Where’s my phone case?”

“Oh, check the trash,” Discord said, popping an entire orange into his comically elastic mouth.

“Would you quit eating all my stuff?!” David asked angrily. He fished his cell phone case out of the garbage and popped it back onto his phone. His guest pulled ornament after ornament out of his mouth and hung them back on the tree.

“Sorry, sometimes I can’t help myself,” Discord said, taking his cane from thin air. He leaned on it and waited for David to say something.

Okay, first thing after Christmas, you’re getting a CAT Scan, David thought to himself. He rubbed his eyes, just to ensure his vision wasn’t deceiving him. Discord was still there with a big grin that stretched the entirety of his face. His large, white eyebrows bobbed up and down as he looked to his host.

David finally said, “Christmas. My daughter will get her pony and that will be the end of this, right?”

“From the sound of things, you don’t enjoy my company,” Discord said with big, sad, yellow eyes.

“Not particularly.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that, David,” he replied. “Because, of all my clients, I find you to be the most likeable.”

David was a little too confused to be flattered. “Why?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Discord said, walking toward the apartment door. “I’ll be sticking around to witness the New Years Eve chaos; we should have a drink before then.”

“You make good on your word, and I’ll buy the next round,” David said. Discord smiled, and with a wink of his eye, he phased through the solid door.

--

Kristin and Tiffany returned later that day to find David had cleaned the entirety of the apartment. The rug was vacuumed, the dishes were done, Tiffany’s toys had been cleaned up, and everything had a fresh, clean smell to it.

David came out of the bedroom with an armful of brightly wrapped boxes. He nearly dropped them when his leg was unsuspectingly attacked by his daughter. “Daddy!” she shouted happily, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

“Hey, welcome back! How was Grandma?” David asked, dragging his daughter with him as he placed the presents under the tree. With his arms now free, he picked up his daughter and gave her a proper hug.

“She’s still old,” Tiffany replied honestly, in the way only a child can. “And she only got me three presents this year. Last year, she got me four!”

David set his daughter down and waited for Kristin to set the three presents beneath the tree before taking her in his arms. “Did she at least thank Grandma this time?” he asked, giving his wife a kiss.

“With some coaxing,” she smiled. They turned to see their daughter re-organizing the presents so all the ones that were for her were at the front of the tree. Tiffany stepped back, sizing up her gifts with her arms crossed. Kristin and David watched as she counted the boxes over and over again.

“If you’ve been good this year, Santa will be bringing you some more,” David said, kneeling down to look at his daughter. Her face lit up and she put on the most innocent expression she was capable of. Of course, David didn’t buy it, but she was his daughter and no matter how much of a brat she’d been the ENTIRE year, he loved her.

The family spent the rest of the evening enjoying old Christmas classics: How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph, and David’s favorite: the 1991 version of A Christmas Carol. Even after the rest of the family had gone to sleep, David watched as Patrick Stewart, his favorite Scrooge, confronted the three ghosts of Christmas.

Once again, David found himself waking up on the living room couch. The VHS tape had reached the end and the VCR spat it out. David stared at the blue screen of the TV until his eyes adjusted. As always, the VCR was flashing 12:00. He only pulled it out of the closet once or twice a year, and had never bothered learning how to set the time.

He pulled out his cell phone instead, and blinded himself temporarily by looking at the screen. Every damn time, he thought to himself as he waited for his eyes to stop burning. Coincidently, the clock on his phone said it was 12:00.

A few seconds passed and his phone updated to show 12:01 A.M., December 24th. He just had to get through one more day, and Christmas would finally be upon him. The holiday madness would hit its peak, and it would be all downhill from there. That is, if he could survive dinner with his prissy sister-in-law and her hoity-toity fiancé. Tiffany getting her pony was suddenly second on his list of worries.

He stretched before getting off the couch and shutting off the TV. The only light left in the apartment was that of the Christmas tree, and he used it to navigate to his bedroom. Kristin was lying there alone, and David couldn’t have been happier to see his spot hadn’t been taken by his daughter. He stripped down to his boxer shorts and got in bed next to his wife.

She stirred a little as he settled next to her and she reached her arm over him. “About time you came to bed,” she said sleepily. He grabbed her hand and sighed before they both drifted back to sleep.

Several hours later, David awoke and found himself alone in the bed. Kristin always got up so quietly—and so early. David could have easily rolled over and gone back to sleep for a few more hours had his daughter not decided to jump onto the bed.

“Daddy, is it Christmas yet?” she asked, placing her face inches from his. She knew the answer, but felt the need to ask regardless.

“Almost,” David replied groggily. He felt the bed raise a little as Tiffany jumped off and ran toward the living room. She sat right in front of the tree and began shaking her presents one by one.

Kristin poked her head into the bedroom and smiled at her husband. “Breakfast is ready if you want some,” she said with a smile. David’s stomach answered for him with a loud rumble. She opened up his dresser and tossed him some clothes, leaving him to dress.

He walked to the kitchen and sat down in his usual seat. On the table in front of him there was a plate with the stereotypical eggs and bacon smiley face. It amused him, but not as much as destroying the face’s eyes with a piece of toast and spinning the mouth to form a frown.

“Stop playing with your food,” Kristin scolded him jokingly. She sat next to him and stared at him silently. It was that look that meant she was either pleased with him, or thought she may have a reason to be. “So, have you talked with Santa about the you-know-what?”

“I have,” David said quietly, not looking up from his meal. “I told you yesterday morning.”

“Okay, well, where is it?” Kristin asked, lowering her voice. Tiffany was still in the living room, listening carefully to the rattling noises her presents were making.

“Santa’s Workshop,” David whispered, taking another bite of egg and toast. Kristin scowled at his response and he smiled. He knew she wouldn’t believe him if he told her about Discord. He wasn’t even sure he was ready to believe it.

Kristin slid the morning newspaper over for David to look at. Hasbro’s new My Little Pony doll had an advertisement right on the front page. David looked at it and then up to his wife. She said nothing, but tapped her finger on the picture of the colorful pony, all the while maintaining eye contact with her husband.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up. “Thanks for breakfast,” he said, planting a kiss on his wife’s cheek. He walked off to the bathroom for a shower and felt her eyes on the back of his head. By the time his shower was finished, she was in the process of baking Christmas cookies to give friends and neighbors. Tiffany was right beside her, stirring a big wooden spoon around in a bowl of cookie dough. Neither she nor Kristin paid David any mind as he exited the bathroom.

Aside from last minute gift wrapping and baking, the day held no plans. That fact made the day drag by excruciatingly slow for David. He kept bringing his phone out to check the time, always disappointed to see a maximum of five minutes had passed since he’d last checked.

After all the baking was done, Tiffany and Kristin went into the bedroom to wrap more presents. Tiffany came out to join David on the couch after only a little while. David assumed Kristin was in the process of wrapping Santa’s gifts to the family, or gifts to herself labeled “To Kristin, From David.”

David got up to grab himself some eggnog, and as he opened the fridge, he heard Kristin whisper to him. He turned and saw Kristin beckoning to him from the bedroom doorway. With a quick glance to make sure Tiffany was preoccupied, David snuck into the bedroom.

“So,” Kristin asked, closing the door behind him, “did you figure something out with the pony?”

“Yeah,” David said, opening the carton and giving the contents a quick sniff. “It’s taken care of.”

“Well, what did you get? A toy? THE toy?” she asked, clearly referencing the MLP doll from the newspaper ad.

“Even better,” David said, taking a drink of the eggnog.

Kristin looked at him with one eyebrow cocked. “You didn’t buy her a real pony. Tell me you didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Are you crazy? How much did it cost? Where is it now? How are we going to take care of it? Where did you get it?”

The whole while Kristin shot questions at David, he simply smiled and drank from his eggnog carton. His lack of answers only made her tone and volume increase.

“Why?” she finally asked, running out of questions. “Just…Why?”

“Wait until you see her, then you’ll understand.”

“David, how much did it cost?”

“Only two hundred dollars, but it was mostly, er, entirely the delivery fee.”

“Delivery fee?” Kristin asked. “You aren’t having it delivered here, are you?”

David nodded. Kristin just threw her hands up in frustration. “Honey,” David said, putting a hand on his wife’s shoulder. She tensed up, but turned to face her husband. “I’m just kidding.”

An expression of mixed confusion and relief washed over Kristin’s face. “B-but, you did buy her something, right?”

“I bought her one of those fancy talking pony dolls, but the store was out of stock. She’ll be getting an IOU from Santa tomorrow, good for one pony. When the store gets them back in stock, it will be mailed here.”

David was amazed at how easy the lie came out. It did help he’d been working on it all day. Even the conversation leading up to it went mostly as he planned. One of the rare moments when a rehearsed conversation played out like he’d imagined it would. Kristin smiled and poked David in the chest with her finger.

“You’re getting coal for that one,” she said, laughing. “Making me believe you bought a real pony, shame on you!”

David laughed along with her and brought her in for a kiss. No mistletoe in sight, but they didn’t need an excuse. The bedroom door creaked ever so slightly and they turned to see Tiffany peeking in at them. A pile of unwrapped presents still sat on the bed and both parents tried to shield the sight from their daughter.

Kristin lunged for the door and Tiffany scampered back into the living room. While those two chased each other around the couch, David continued wrapping where his wife left off. His skills paled in comparison to hers, but after an hour, he’d finished wrapping all the gifts.

The clock on his phone displayed 6:00 and he wondered if Discord had begun delivering the ponies yet. Probably still too early, he thought. He cautiously opened the bedroom door and saw Tiffany and Kristin sitting on the couch watching Rudolph for the hundredth time. They both held mugs of hot cocoa, sipping from them occasionally.

David wandered into the kitchen and grabbed himself one of the broken gingerbread men Kristin had deemed unworthy of being put into a gift basket. He joined his wife and daughter on the couch, and tried to kill the time until Christmas.

At 8:00, they got Tiffany ready for bed and let her leave cookies for Santa and carrots for his reindeer. They ushered her into her bedroom and tucked her in for the night, knowing she would soon be up, peeking out her door. Not once had she managed to stay up late enough to see David putting out Santa’s presents, and Kristin usually had to go into her bedroom and put her back in her bed.

This Christmas, Tiffany made it until a little past midnight. Kristin went in when she was sure and tucked her daughter back into bed. She gently closed the door and gave David a nod before retiring to the bedroom. David watched his wife get into bed as he removed all the presents from the closet.

It took him three trips to get all the presents under the tree, in which time Kristin had fallen asleep. He stayed up a little later, nibbling on the cookies that had been left for Santa, and hoping “Santa” might actually show up.

An hour passed by without incident. David finished the last of the carrots and got ready to go to sleep. He gave the Christmas tree one last look before trudging to his bedroom and hopping into bed. As he drifted off to sleep, he could have sworn he heard the jingling of sleigh bells.

He and Tiffany were awoken in typical Christmas fashion, with their daughter jumping on the bed way too early in the morning.

“It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” she shouted over and over. When neither of them made any effort to get up, she began shaking her mother’s shoulder. “Presents, Mommy! Presents!”

Kristin looked at her daughter and yawned. “Okay, give us a minute and we’ll be right out.”

Tiffany bounded off the bed and ran into the living room. She sat down in front of the tree and began organizing her presents in the order she would open them in. With her mountain of presents set aside from the tree, only a few small boxes remained: the ones for David and Kristin.

Slowly, the parents got up and prepared for the morning activities. David threw on his bathrobe and stumbled barefoot to the living room couch. Kristin joined him moments later in her own bathrobe, putting fresh batteries in the digital camera.

She snapped a few pictures of her daughter waiting anxiously, and then turned to David. He was still half asleep, but his eyes were quickly looking over all the presents. There were none he didn’t recognize.

“Alright Tiffany, which one do you want to open first?” Kristin asked, turning back to her impatient daughter. Naturally, she picked out the largest present. “Tell us who it’s from,” Kristin said, taking another picture.

“To me, from Daddy!” she said, tearing away at the wrapping paper. While she opened her present, David went to the kitchen to grab some trash bags for all of the discarded Christmas wrap. He heard Tiffany finally reach the actual gift and waited for a reaction.

“What do you say, Tiffany?” Kristin asked as David returned to the living room.

“Thanks, Daddy,” she said half-heartedly. She pushed the E-Z Bake Kitchen to the side and looked through her presents for the second largest.

“Why don’t you let Mommy open a present now?” David asked, taking the camera from his wife. Tiffany sighed and tried picking at the tape on her gift without them noticing. Kristin looked under the tree and removed a small box that said, “To Kristin, From David.”

It was one of the few gifts he’d actually gotten for his wife, and she knew by the wrapping job it wasn’t one she’d bought herself. She slowly unwrapped the gift, and her eyes lit up when she saw the Jamb’s Jeweler’s box. David snapped a picture of that moment to save in the scrapbook.

He’d spent his Christmas bonus to get his wife a necklace with her birthstone set into 24k gold. The gift had sat under the tree for the past two weeks, and he wondered how many times she must have picked it up and shook it.

“It’s beautiful, thank you,” Kristin said. While they kissed, Tiffany finally decided she’d waited long enough to open her gift. The tearing of paper made them turn to look at their daughter. She had unwrapped a gift from Santa, but it wasn’t the pony she’d been hoping for.

“Wow, Santa brought you a house to put all your dollies in,” Kristin said with a bit of forced enthusiasm. Once again, Tiffany set the gift aside and looked for the next largest. This continued for the rest of the morning until only a few presents remained in her pile.

David and Kristin ran out of presents to open long before their daughter did. Kristin was wondering why David hadn’t given their daughter the IOU yet, and David was wondering where the hell Discord was. He nervously scratched the $1 scratch tickets from his stocking while keeping his eye on the door.

As the wrapping paper fell from Tiffany’s last gift, she looked up to her parents with tears in her eyes. “You said Santa was bringing me a ponyyyy!” she cried.

Before she could start bawling, David dove to the floor in front of the Christmas tree. “Did you check the way back?” he asked, looking up at his daughter. Her tears stopped and she instantly got on her stomach to look beneath the tree. To both of their surprise, there was a large box with a bow at the very back of the tree.

There was no way that had been there any longer than five minutes, David thought to himself. He had placed the IOU envelope, his backup plan, in that very spot when he grabbed the last of Kristin’s gifts moments before.

David reached out for the present and slowly dragged it through the bed of pine needles. When he got it out from under the tree, he, Tiffany, and Kristin looked at the unfamiliar box.

“Who’s that from?” Kristin asked, kneeling down on the carpet. To little Tiffany, From Santa Clause was written on a tag that hung from the bow. The box was wrapped with a bizarre apple wrapping paper Kristin didn’t recognize as one she’d bought. She looked up at David and he just continued to stare at the gift.

“To me, from Santa?” Tiffany asked excitedly. “It must be my pony!”

She lifted the lid off of the box and Diamond Tiara cautiously stuck her head out. Her eyes met with Tiffany’s and there was a brief moment where they stared at each other. David felt Kristin’s hand on his chest as she too stared at the little pony.

“IT IS A PONY!” Tiffany shouted, grabbing Diamond Tiara and pulling her out of the box. The pony flailed and resisted the little girl's hug. “YOU’RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE YOU!”

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to my wonderful editor! She had the edits done within an hour of me tossing 26 pages at her. And to all you readers out there, I hope you're enjoying the story so far.

Also Santa Clause is intentional. Discord is still a bit unfamiliar with human culture.

IV: You Get What You Pay For

“Let me go! Let me go!” Diamond Tiara said, trying to squirm free. Her attempts were futile and she finally allowed herself to be cuddled. That didn’t change her aggravated facial expression at all, and she stared up at David and Kristin.

Looks like I owe Discord a drink, David thought to himself. He watched as Tiffany swung her new pony back and forth, cradling it in her arms. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Immediately following that thought, Tiffany set Diamond Tiara down and the pony bolted from the little girl.

“Pony! Come back!” Tiffany shouted, giving chase. Diamond Tiara barreled past the bags of wrapping paper, knocking them over and sending paper everywhere. The little pony stayed well ahead of Tiffany and her eyes scanned the apartment for an exit. She spotted the door and galloped as fast as she could, her hooves making soft plodding noises on the carpeting. When she reached the door, she reeled back on her rear hooves and managed to turn the knob with her front ones. Before David or Kristin could react, Diamond Tiara had the door open and she ran out of the apartment.

“Daddy! My pony!” Tiffany shouted as David ran past her. He stood in the hallway and managed to catch a glimpse of the pony’s purple tail disappear around the corner. He sprinted to catch up; his bathrobe flapping behind him as he ran.

Okay, they can open doors and talk, looks like I got my money’s worth, David thought to himself as he made it to the stairs. The door had just closed and he yanked it open. A scream came from the bottom of the stairs and he looked down over the banister. His landlord had just jumped back after Diamond Tiara galloped past her.

David wanted so desperately to avoid her, but there was no time to take the elevator. He stomped down the stairs, stepping in cold puddles of melted snow, until he reached the bottom. Mrs. Stockhart was grasping her chest when David finally reached the bottom, and he hoped she wasn’t having a heart attack.

“What was that thing?!” Mrs. Stockhart shouted to David, blocking the door with her girth. He tried to pass, but she held up the shovel she had in her hands. All the shovels and bags of salt were stored in the stairwell, and she must have just gotten done shoveling.

“Nothing! It was nothing!” David shouted, squeezing past her.

Diamond Tiara ran through the crowded sidewalk, narrowly avoiding being trampled. She had no idea where she was or what all these creatures were, she just knew she had to get away. The creatures looked at her with curiosity and several tried to pick her up. She bucked her tiny little hooves to escape once or twice, sending a few of the smaller creatures into fits of tears.

She saw an opening in the crowd and galloped as fast as she could for it. There was a large, black clearing with none of the creatures, and she got to the middle of it. All at once, there were blaring horns and angry shouts as huge metal monsters rolled past her.

The exhaust from the vehicles burned her eyes and she rubbed at them furiously, trying to clear her vision. A yellow taxi cab was barreling toward her with its horn sounding, and she looked at it frightfully. Knowing she couldn’t run, she closed her eyes and braced for impact.

Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted up and cradled against something warm. David had jumped out into traffic and scooped Diamond Tiara up with one arm, and signaled traffic to stop with the other.

“Sorry! Sorry!” he shouted as he tried to navigate through the traffic jam he’d caused. People rolled down their windows and shouted at him while others just honked their horns. Freezing cold, half-naked, and clutching a pink pony in the middle of New York traffic. Exactly how I wanted to start off Christmas.

Finally, he made it to the sidewalk and looked down at the pony he held in his arms. She was shaking and still had her eyes clamped shut. Her little heart was beating twice as fast as his, which was impressive, because his was absolutely pounding against his chest.

“Are you alright?” he asked the pony.

She opened her eyes when she realized he was addressing her. Her blue eyes looked up at him angrily, and after a moment, she looked away. “I’m fine,” she said, shifting uncomfortably.

David adjusted his grip on her so it was more comfortable for the both of them. He carried her back to the apartment complex and was anything but excited to see Mrs. Stockhart waiting outside.

“I’m going to ask you again,” she began, “What is that thing?” She pointed a plump finger right in front of Diamond Tiara’s nose, and David prayed the pony wouldn’t bite.

“It’s, er, one of those new My Little Pony toys,” David tried to explain. He turned Diamond Tiara so she was facing him and he hoped she’d play along. “Little pony, what’s your name?” he asked.

Diamond Tiara just glared at him.

“I said, little pony, what’s your name?” David repeated through gritted teeth. When she still didn’t respond, David finally asked, “Is your name Fluffy?”

“No! My name is Diamond Tiara and you’re a big, stupid—”

David clamped his hand over her mouth and looked up at his landlord. Her eyes had gone wide at hearing Diamond Tiara talk. “That’s quite the toy!” she said. “You must have paid a pretty penny for it!” Her tone suddenly changed as she looked back to David. “You should have no problem paying rent on time this month, correct?”

It had never been a problem in the past, but she always acted like he was irresponsible with money. “It won’t be a problem,” David said, stepping around his landlord. He was still barefoot and his bathrobe was anything but warm, and he just wanted to get back to his apartment. Mrs. Stockhart’s eyes followed him as he made his way to the elevator.

Once back on the third floor, he found Tiffany and Kristin waiting in the hallway for him. His daughter ran up to him, trying to take Diamond Tiara, but David held onto her.

“In the apartment,” he said quietly. Kristin took Tiffany’s hand and they walked back into the apartment. David locked the door behind him and carefully set Diamond Tiara down on the couch.

“Pony, why’d you run away?” Tiffany asked with big, sad eyes.

“I don’t know who or what you things are! I just want to go home!” Diamond Tiara said, pushing herself away from Tiffany.

“David,” Kristin said slowly, “that isn’t a toy.”

“Yeah, I know,” David said, glad his wife was willing to accept the fact. He looked to her and she looked at him with a mixture of confusion and anger.

“Well, what is it?” she demanded.

“It’s a pony, duh!” Tiffany answered for her father.

Diamond Tiara had jumped off the couch and continued to stay ahead of the little girl following her. “Yes, I’m a pony, now leave me alone!” Diamond Tiara shouted.

“Why can it talk? Where did you get it? WHY IS IT PINK?”

Now David could relate when Discord said he asked too many questions. “You’ll have to ask Santa,” David replied. “I told Santa my daughter wanted a pony, so he brought her a pony.”

Kristin grabbed David by the arm and dragged him into their bedroom. The door slammed, leaving Diamond Tiara and Tiffany alone in the living room. Tiffany was too busy chasing her pony to notice the loud conversation taking place on the other side of the door.

“Can you please stop following me?” Diamond Tiara asked, growing bored of their game of “follow the leader.” The girl nodded and stood still. She had a big smile on her face and awaited Diamond’s next request/demand. Diamond Tiara looked at the creature and was amazed it had obeyed her. It simply stood there, playing with its blonde mane and smiling.

“Do you have a name, pony?” the girl asked. “My name is Tiffany.”

“Tiffany? That’s a weird name,” Diamond Tiara mused. This time, it was her who went on the approach. Still, Tiffany stood in the same place she’d stopped. Diamond Tiara got right up to her and marveled at her intricate fur. It was covered in cutie marks, all of which looked like little ponies.

“I told you my name, now what’s yours?” Tiffany asked as the pony walked circles around her.

Diamond Tiara wasn’t sure if she wanted to trust Tiffany just yet. She stopped in front of her and stared into her eyes. There didn’t appear to be any malice or ill intentions written on the girl’s face. Just as Diamond went to turn away, Tiffany reached out and picked her up.

“Put me down!” Diamond Tiara said, squirming in the girl’s embrace.

“Not until you tell me your name!” Tiffany replied, keeping a firm yet loving grip on the pony.

“Okay! It’s Diamond Tiara!” she shouted. Her hooves hit the carpet once more and she galloped to the couch. She jumped up and looked back at Tiffany.

“I love you, Diamond Tiara!” Tiffany shouted. The pony stuck her tongue out and made a gagging motion. The door to David and Kristin’s bedroom opened and they both came out looking flustered. Kristin approached Diamond Tiara and picked her up with absolutely no finesse.

She poked and pinched the pony, eliciting angry little yelps each time. “Ow, stop it!” Diamond Tiara cried.

Tiffany ran forward and tried to save her new best friend from her mother. “Mommy, you’re hurting Diamond Tiara!” she cried.

Kristin looked down at her daughter and then to her husband. “Diamond Tiara?” she asked. “Her name really is Diamond Tiara?”

“Yes,” David, Tiffany, and the pony all said in unison. Kristin just looked the angry little pony in the eyes and set her down. Diamond Tiara scurried behind Tiffany and used her as cover.

Kristin sat down on the couch and stared at the mess of gifts and wrapping paper still littering her living room. “Okay, so we have a pony now,” she said, laughing to herself. “A talking pony named Diamond Tiara.”

David sat next to his wife and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It’ll be no different than having a dog,” he said.

Diamond Tiara took offense to the comment. “So that’s all I am to you? A pet?” she asked angrily. She suddenly felt the warm embrace of Tiffany’s arms around her.

“No, silly. You’re my best friend!” Tiffany said, hugging Diamond Tiara.

“No. I’m not,” she said, breaking the embrace. She pointed her nose in the air and trotted off toward the dining room. She squeezed under the table and looked out at the family from between the chair legs.

After a few silent moments, Kristin and David finally got off the couch. They cleaned the mess in the living room quietly, only speaking when they needed. The whole while they cleaned, they could feel the pony’s eyes on them. Tiffany sat and played with her dolls, glancing over at the table every now and then. She was upset her pony didn’t like her as much as she did.

By lunch time, the apartment was presentable once more, and Kristin started setting up additional decorations. David looked at his phone and dreaded what would begin in five hours. His sister-in-law Jen and her fiancé Zack would be showing up, smelling of high society and Marlboro menthol cigarettes. And as always, they’d have gifts they wanted to exchange. They were never happy with what they got in return, and always said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

He sat down at the dining room table and started deleting all the generic “Merry Christmas” text messages he’d received. A low rumbling noise came from beneath the table and he lowered his head to investigate. Diamond Tiara was curled up in a ball with her back turned to him. Another low rumble came from the pony and he realized he hadn’t fed her.

“Hey,” David whispered.

The filly slowly turned over to look at him. She’d clearly been crying and her eyes were still red. “What?” she asked in a snobby voice.

“Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

“No,” she said flatly, and turned back onto her side. Her stomach rumbled again and she curled up tighter. David stood up and went into the kitchen. Kristin had set out a bowl of fruit on the counter and he grabbed a few apples from it. He returned to his seat and looked under the table again.

“If you change your mind, these are here,” he said, setting down the apples onto the floor. The pony didn’t acknowledge him and he sat back up straight. A few moments passed, and sure enough, he felt her stir beneath him and heard the crunch of an apple being bitten.

A few minutes later, she wandered out from under the table and looked around the apartment. She looked up at David, trying to measure his character. They stared at each other for a moment before Diamond Tiara gave up reading him. She knew that he'd bought her as a gift for his daughter like she was an object instead of a sentient being. But he’d asked questions—lots of questions—and seemed like he was concerned about her.

Tiffany was still sitting on the carpet with her dolls, and Diamond Tiara cautiously walked over. She sat down next to the girl and hoped she wouldn’t be scooped up like she had been a dozen times already. Tiffany kept her hands to herself and continued playing with her dolls; however, a huge smile had spread across her face.

“What are these?” Diamond Tiara asked, picking up one of the dolls with her hoof. They looked exactly like the creatures holding her captive, but much, much smaller. Before she could get an answer, Tiffany was scooped up by her mother. Yeah, not so fun, is it? Diamond Tiara thought to herself after seeing Tiffany lifted helplessly into the air.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up before Aunt Jen arrives,” Kristin said, carrying Tiffany off to the bathroom. The door closed and now Diamond Tiara was left alone with David once more.

Diamond Tiara looked at the toys and then to David. “What are these?” she asked, holding up the toy.

“Those are dolls,” David replied.

“I know they're dolls, stupid. I mean, what are they? What are you?"

“Oh, we’re humans.”

“Hu-mans?”

“Yeah, how did you not know that?” David asked. He figured a talking pony should at least be aware of the world around her.

“There aren’t humans where I come from,” she replied. “I want to get back there…”

The guilt started slowly creeping over David, but he tried to rationalize his decision. It’s just separation anxiety, all creatures get it. Soon enough, she’ll be happy living with us, and won’t remember or miss her past life. Oh God, I’m a terrible person. He let her words drift through the apartment, acting like they hadn’t bothered him.

A very painful twenty minutes passed before Kristin and Tiffany emerged from the bathroom. Diamond Tiara didn’t recognize her new “best friend” at first; her fur with the cutie marks had been replaced by a clean dress.

Thankful for some solitude, David slipped into the bathroom for his own shower. Kristin and Tiffany approached Diamond Tiara and looked at her carefully. She glanced between the two of them with uncertainty.

“What?” she asked after a moment.

“You need a bath,” Tiffany said. Before Diamond Tiara could even move, Kristin had picked her up and carried her off toward the kitchen.

As much as Diamond Tiara didn’t want a bath, she did need it. She’d spent countless days in that warehouse cage and she smelled of diesel after her morning escapade in traffic. Kristin carefully removed the tiara from Diamond Tiara’s tangled mane and set it on the counter.

“Stop! I can do it myself!” Diamond Tiara shouted as she was put into the sink. Of course, Kristin didn’t believe her, and turned on the faucet. The pump kicked in and a scream came from the bathroom.

“HOT! HOT! HOT!” David shouted.

“Oops,” Kristin said, quickly turning off the faucet. She’d managed to get Diamond Tiara’s fur wet enough to lather in some soap. The pony coughed and flailed as she was forcefully bathed like a foal.

“I hate you!” she shouted over and over again. The bath only took a few minutes, but to Diamond Tiara, it felt like an eternity. When Kristin went to rinse her off, the water that came out of the faucet was ice cold. Again, David screamed from bathroom.

“COOOOOOLD!”

Kristin took a towel and began drying the pony’s mane and fur.

“Mommy, can I help?” Tiffany asked. “She’s my pony!”

Kristin smiled down at her daughter and lowered the filly into her daughter’s arms. Diamond Tiara was shivering and growling insults under her breath toward the woman she now despised. The tall one. I don’t like the tall one, Diamond Tiara thought to herself, glaring at Kristin. This one and the stallion-like human are…bearable, she thought, looking back to Tiffany.

Tiffany brushed Diamond Tiara’s mane tediously for an hour while David and Kristin started Christmas dinner. They ran around, keeping busy while their daughter and her new pony watched from the living room.

The time passed by slowly and David could feel his anxiety kicking in. He glanced at his phone every five minutes and continuously made sure both his daughter and her pony were still getting along. He debated what to even tell the in-laws about the pony. Hell, maybe they’ll be jealous.

A knock came at the door at precisely 5:00 and Kristin rushed to answer it. David saw Diamond Tiara take a little start toward the door when it opened and he fixed her with a freezing glance. She sat back down and leaned her head against Tiffany’s leg.

Waiting out in the hallway was the company David had been dreading all day; Zack the fiancé, Jen, and Jen’s daughter from a previous (failed) marriage, Rebecca.

“Hi, how are you?” Kristin asked excitedly, giving her sister a hug. They looked so much alike, but Jen had clearly gotten all the family’s good genes. That is, with the exception of intelligence. She was pretty, but she wasn’t bright.

“I’m good, and how is my big sister?” Jen asked, pecking Kristin on the cheek.

“Good, I’m really good—and there he is!” Kristin interrupted herself to greet Zack. The big, blonde, pretty-boy from Boston towered over Kristin as he took her in his embrace.

“Look what Zack got me for Christmas!” Rebecca shouted. She pushed past the big man’s legs and presented something to Kristin. David couldn’t see what it was, but based on Kristin’s reaction, it was probably something obscenely expensive.

David just stood back and waited for them to file in. “Hello!” he shouted with a wave. They looked up at him and smiled awkwardly.

“Daviiid! How are ya?” Zack asked, stepping into the apartment. He took David’s hand in his own massive one and shook furiously. In his free hand he held a couple large gift bags and presented one to him. “This is for you, aaand this is for little Tiffany,” he said passing each of them a gift. As he handed Tiffany her gift, he stopped to stare at the pony beside her.

“This is Diamond Tiara,” Tiffany said, introducing her pony happily.

Zack looked up to David with his eye brow raised. “Heh, looks a bit like the one I bought Rebecca,” he said.

The little brunette girl strolled into the apartment with the gift that had amazed Kristin; a rather bemused looking orange pony with a magenta mane and little wings. The pony looked around until its eyes rested on Diamond Tiara.

“Diamond Tiara!” the pony shouted.

“Oh, hello Scootaloo.”

V: This Isn't a Game

“Look! They know each other!” Tiffany shouted. She picked Diamond Tiara up and brought her face to face with Rebecca’s pony.

“Ew, gross!” Rebecca said, turning away from her cousin. “Keep your dirty pony away from mine.”

“Did she just call me dirty?!” Diamond Tiara shouted, waving her hooves at the little brunette girl. Tiffany held on, but glared angrily at her cousin.

Zack put his hand on David’s shoulder as they watched the two girls interact. “So, how much did you pay for yours?” he whispered. “I had to drop two G’s.”

Two thousand dollars? David mouthed in surprise. Zack nodded and looked down to adjust his wrist watch (a Movado, of course). He looked back up and waited for David to say how much he’d spent on the pony.

“She was, uh, around that,” David said quietly.

“Come on, David. We’re both business men. Just tell me if it was more or less,” Zack coaxed. David looked around the apartment as if he’d find an answer written somewhere on the walls. He didn’t want to tell Zack he’d gotten the filly for free, because he knew exactly what he’d say.

“Oh, there must be something wrong with it.”

It was something he’d rather not think about, lest it actually be true. David looked in the gift bag he still held in his hands, and through the tissue paper, he could clearly see the Apple logo on a large white box.

“Girls, put down your ponies and let’s get ready to eat,” Kristin said, stepping between the two girls. She looked over at David and smiled, then turned to Zack and did the same.

“Princess,” Rebecca said, addressing her pony. “You stay away from that pony. We don’t associate with riff-raff.”

Eleven years old and already like her mother, David thought to himself.

The little pony snickered and nodded. Meanwhile, Diamond Tiara absolutely fumed and glared at Rebecca. Tiffany gave Diamond Tiara a sad look before going off to the dinner table.

David could still feel Zack’s eyes on him and he turned to the big Bostonian. “Less,” he answered at last.

Zack laughed and the two men went to sit at the table. The spread that Kristin and David had spent the day preparing was laid out on the table in a clean and organized manner. Zack and Jen took their seats and looked over it inquisitively, inspecting the food for flaws. Tiffany and Rebecca took their seats in the middle and started playing with their silverware. David stood at the head of the table and looked at his family and guests.

“Well, um, thank you, Jen and Zack, for coming over. It’s always a pleasure seeing you,” David said, raising his glass. The couple gave him a nod and waited for him to begin complimenting them in some way. Instead he said, “Okay, let’s eat,” and sat down.

“A bit lackluster,” Jen said, scooping mashed potatoes onto her plate, “But anything would be lackluster after the speech Zack gave last year.”

The speech where he gloated for twenty minutes and all the food was cold by the time it was over? Yeah, hard to follow that one up. David thought as he scooped stuffing onto his plate. He finished making his meal and looked up. Everything seemed fine, everyone was happy, the food came out good, and his anxiety slowly started to ease.

“So, Princess, how are you?” Diamond Tiara asked snidely. She truly didn’t care, but she felt she had to make conversation while the humans ate. From her spot on the couch, she looked down at the orange filly.

“Didn’t you hear? I’m not supposed to associate with riff-raff,” Scootaloo replied, smiling and turning her back to Diamond Tiara.

Diamond Tiara hopped off the couch and trotted in front of her guest. She was angry, but Scootaloo only found it entertaining. “Listen, blank flank, we’ve gotta get out of here” Diamond Tiara said quietly.

“Yeah?” Scootaloo asked. “Do you know a way back to Equestria?”

“Well, no, I don’t even know how Discord got us here,” Diamond Tiara grumbled.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” Scootaloo replied. “Besides, I kinda like Becky.”

The pink filly scoffed and jumped back up on the couch. “We’re just pets to them, you know,” she said, looking up at the dinner table. “I still don’t trust any of them.”

Zack cleared his plate for the third time and let out a contented sigh. “Kristin, the meal was excellent,” he said, rubbing his stomach; the buttons on his obscenely expensive Canali button-up shirt appearing under pressure.

“I’m glad you liked it, but I can’t take all the credit,” Kristin said, smiling to her husband.

“Well, then thank you, as well,” Zack said, nodding to David. All the plates were clear and Kristin stood up to fetch the cherry cobbler she’d prepared for dessert. “Why don’t we open gifts now?” Zack asked, looking around the table.

“Right, good idea,” David said, standing up to fetch their presents from the bedroom. He turned to see the two ponies in living room were staring at him. Their big, colorful eyes followed him as he walked across the carpet.

“I still don’t know what to make of that one,” Diamond Tiara whispered to Scootaloo after David shut the bedroom door behind him. “He acts like he cares, but I still don’t think I can trust him.”

“Is he the one that asked all the questions?” Scootaloo asked. Diamond Tiara nodded. “This one,” Scootaloo pointed her hoof to Zack, “only asked one question when he showed up.”

"What question is that?"

"How much do they cost?"

David stepped out of the bedroom and the two ponies stopped whispering. They looked up at him and waited for him to pass. He held three large gifts in his arms and he set them down carefully on the couch. With his arms free, he knelt down to address the ponies. “Are either of you hungry?” he asked.

A laugh came from behind David. “Are you really asking them if they’re hungry?” It was his sister-in-law, and she appeared to be on her fifth glass of wine. “You’re its owner. You tell it when to eat. It needs to learn a set schedule, or it will never obey you.”

That may work with a dog, but these are intelligent creatures. They can talk for God’s sake and I’m sure they can understand you, you insensitive bitch.

David bit his tongue, but before he could reply with something less insulting, Zack said, “Don’t worry about Princess; we fed her before coming over. You might want to set some newspapers down, because she hasn’t gone all day.”

“I know how to use a toilet,” the orange pony muttered. She looked up to David and then away quickly.

“David, leave the ponies be and bring the gifts over,” Jen said, sloshing a bit of her wine onto the table cloth.

David gave the ponies one last look before standing up and grabbing up the presents once more. “To Zack,” he said, passing him his gift. “To Jen, and to Rebecca.” He took his seat and began cutting into the cherry cobbler while his guests inspected their gifts.

“Oh, you should open yours first,” Zack suggested, setting the box on his lap. David looked at the bag he’d set next to his chair and picked it up by the handle. Zack watched patiently while taking bites from his dessert.

David fished through the tissue paper and pulled out the latest Apple Ipad. “Wow.” David couldn’t say much else than that. He had actually wanted one for quite some time, but wasn’t willing or able to drop the $500 on it. “Thank you,” he said, setting the box on his lap.

Must be nice to make six figures a year doing little to no actual work.

“Kristin, open your gift,” Jen said with a devious smile. She started filling herself another glass of wine and watched her sister over the brim while she drank.

Kristin reached down beside her and brought up the gift bag. She peered inside and rummaged through the tissue paper. “Oh,” she said. Her cheeks turned scarlet as she removed a box containing three hardcover books. “The Fifty Shades Trilogy, wow.”

“They’re amazing, you’ll love them!” Jen exclaimed. She laughed for a bit and kissed her sister’s cheek.

Tiffany looked around impatiently. “Can I open mine now?” she asked over the noise.

Kristin set down her new erotic novels and grabbed her digital camera. “Okay, you can open it now,” she said.

Without any hesitation, Tiffany reached into the bag and removed the gift. “A Nintendo Wii!” she exclaimed. She jumped up and down excitedly while her parents just looked to Zack. “Thank you, Uncle Zack and Aunt Jen!” the little girl shouted.

“You’re very welcome!” Zack said. He returned Kristin and David’s looks and lowered his voice. “We bought Rebecca the Wii U, so we figured; why not pass her old games on to her cousin?”

“You’re too kind,” David said flatly. “Well, it’s going to be hard to follow those gifts up. Why don’t you just wait until you get home to unwrap yours?”

*SLAM*

Everyone at the table looked up to see the bathroom door had slammed shut. Scootaloo still sat in the living room, but Diamond Tiara had disappeared. There was a long silence that was finally broken by the sound of a flushing toilet. The bathroom door opened and Diamond Tiara trotted out. She stopped when she saw everyone was staring at her.

“What?” she asked nervously. No one answered her question and she began to feel very uncomfortable.

“Did it just use the toilet?” Jen asked at last. “That is so disgusting!”

"Ew, your pony is so gross!" Rebecca chimed in, pointing to Tiffany.

Diamond Tiara ran from the confrontation and into David and Kristin’s bedroom. She dove under the bed and refused to even peek out at her hecklers.

"I'm not going in there after a horse did! It's probably destroyed!" Jen said, trying not to throw up.

“Maybe we should get going,” Zack said, standing up. “It looks like you need to deal with your daughter’s pet.”

Jen clumsily stood up and signaled for her daughter to do the same. Tiffany remained seated, clutching onto her game console like it may be taken away from her at any moment. Kristin and David looked at each other and Kristin went to block the door.

“Are you sure you have to go so soon?” Kristin asked, watching as they put on their jackets.

“It was nice, but we need to get going so Princess can take care of her business properly,” Jen said, eventually getting frustrated with her jacket's sleeve and allowing Zack to assist her. Rebecca picked up her orange pony and joined her mother. “Say goodbye to your cousin, Rebecca,” Jen instructed.

“Goodbye, Tiffany. Have fun with your dirty pony,” Rebecca said snidely. She looked down to her own pony and said, “Come on, Princess, let's go home where it doesn't stink.”

And with that, Jen, Zack, Rebecca, and her pony left the apartment. Tiffany stood up to join her parents and looked to them sadly. “Daddy,” she said, tugging at her father’s pant leg. “Did Diamond Tiara do something wrong?”

David walked into the bathroom and inspected it. Nothing was wrong; there wasn’t anything out of place, and everything was just as clean as when their guests had shown up. “No, she didn’t do anything wrong,” David said, stepping out of the bathroom.

He walked into his bedroom and peered under the bed. He could see the pony’s blue eyes staring at him angrily from in the darkness. “Go away,” she growled. “I don’t want any of you things near me!”

“Diamond Tiara, I—”

“Why do you bother calling me by name? All those others did was call me it,” she shouted angrily. “I’m just a pet to you!”

The shadows of Tiffany and Kristin moved over David as they stood in the doorway. Tiffany put down her gift and got down on her stomach to look under the bed. “Diamond Tiara, please come out,” she begged.

“No, go away!”

“David, I think we may have to get a kennel,” Kristin said, putting her hand on her husband’s shoulder. David just sat on the floor while the gears in his brain slowly turned.

What have I done? I bought a living, thinking creature and made it my pet.

Tiffany crawled on her stomach and toward Diamond Tiara. There was only so far the pony could go, and she soon found herself up against the wall. She contemplated bucking the girl in the face, but it wasn’t her she hated. With no more room to work with, Diamond Tiara could only watch as Tiffany got right up beside her.

“Do you want to play a game with me?” Tiffany asked.

Diamond Tiara scoffed. “What? Like fetch, or some other game you play with mindless pets?”

“No, like bowling,” Tiffany said, looking to her pony seriously.

“You have bowling too?” Diamond Tiara asked with one eyebrow raised. “Are you seriously going to take me to a bowling alley?”

Tiffany laughed, “No, silly! We’ll play bowling on the Wii!”

“What do you mean, play bowling?” Diamond Tiara asked, confused. “It’s just bowling. You can’t play bowing.”

The little girl left her confused pony as she shuffled out from under the bed. “Daddy, can you hook this up?” Tiffany asked, holding her gift up for her father. David was still weighing his moral conscience when his daughter presented the game console to him.

“What?” he asked, looking to his daughter.

“Hook this up, Diamond and I want to play.”

He took the box and opened it up. All the components, like audio/video cables, were included along with several games. “Uh, Kristin, can you handle this? I need to talk to Diamond Tiara,” he asked, handing his wife the box.

“My husband needs to talk to pink pony hiding beneath our bed,” Kristin said, analyzing her current situation. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

She walked out of the bedroom, followed close behind by Tiffany. David got onto his stomach and looked under the bed. Diamond Tiara was still bunched up against the back wall, and she turned from David.

“How did you know how to use the toilet?” David asked quietly.

The pony turned to look at him in disgust. “Are you really asking me that right now? What am I, a foal?”

“I’m not sure what you are,” David replied. “Just work with me a little, okay?”

Diamond Tiara scowled and looked away.

“That night I bought—er—that night Discord took me to the warehouse, you and that other pony mentioned something called Equestria.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Is that the ranch or farm you’re from?”

“It’s neither, but there are ranches and farms in Equestria.”

“Wait, are you from another world?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Diamond Tiara said, looking David in the eyes.

His gray eyes did not blink as he said, “I want to help you.”

The filly couldn’t tell if she heard him correctly. “What did you say?”

“You have a home, and it isn’t here. I want to help you get back,” David clarified. He reached his hand out toward the pony and waited for her response.

“You…” Diamond Tiara paused, “You aren’t serious, are you?”

David nodded and kept his hand held out. Diamond Tiara looked at it and then back up to the strange creature. Why would he want to help me? More importantly, can he help me? She hesitantly reached her hoof out and pulled back when it was millimeters from David’s hand.

“Leave me alone for now. I’ll come out when I feel like it,” she said, crossing her forearms and turning up her nose. “You should fix me dinner in the meantime.”

David stared at the pony in disbelief. Doesn’t she even want me to help her? He asked himself as he stood up. Kristin was staring at the TV in frustration as Tiffany waved a Wii-mote around. The screen was black and simply said HDMI 1 in the top left corner.

Without a word, David took the TV’s remote from his wife and pushed a couple buttons. The TV went from HDMI 1 to AV 1, and the console’s home screen appeared. He returned his wife’s scowl with a smug smile and went to clean off the dinner table. While Kristin and Tiffany calibrated the console’s motion controls, he set aside a plate of cherry cobbler for Diamond Tiara. Not quite a cupcake, but he’d see if she still ate it.

Kristin and Tiffany played a few games of Wii Golf while David sat at the table with his new Ipad. It was a good thing that Zack and Jen left before opening our gifts, David thought as he swiped his finger across the screen. Getting them gifts was a nightmare, because, really, what do you get the people who have it all? Zack will probably just throw the fancy cheese and smoked meat arrangement in the trash. Jen won’t even wear the blouse Kristin bought her. And if Rebecca is anything like her mother (and she is), she’ll get fed up with the mind puzzles and break them.

The bedroom door creaked open and Diamond Tiara stuck her head out. She looked out and watched as Tiffany and Kristin made swinging motions toward the television. The strange characters on the screen mimicked their behavior. Slowly, she walked into the living room and made her presence known.

“I would like to play bowling now,” she announced. Kristin was about to tee off and she jumped at hearing the pony addressing her. Her character on the screen flailed and sent the golf ball right into the rough.

“Yay!” Tiffany cheered. “Mommy! Let Diamond Tiara play!”

Kristin looked down at the pony and then to her controller. “How is she going to play without hands?” She lowered the controller and Diamond Tiara took it in her mouth.

“I think she’ll manage,” David said from the kitchen table.

Kristin stepped back to allow her daughter and pony to play the game. She sat down at the table with David and went to pick at the plate of cherry cobbler. David looked up from his Ipad and pulled the plate away from his wife.

“That’s for Diamond Tiara,” he said, looking back down at his tablet.

“David, you’re giving it too much freedom. You heard Jen; we need to be strict with it—”

“Her. She’s not an it, she’s a her.”

Kristin just stared at her husband, and he stared right back. “Okay, well where’s she going to sleep tonight?” David opened his mouth, but Kristin already knew what he was going to say. “She is not sleeping in Tiffany’s room.”

“Why? She’s her pony.”

“I don’t know if we can trust it.”

“SHE says the same about us.”

“Okay, David the Horse Whisperer.”

Author's Notes:

A week late, but better late than never. I missed a lot of sleep so this could be released tonight. If you happen to notice any typos or flaws, please leave them in the comments and I will address them in when I get home from work. As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.

VI: A Dealer of Simple Choices

“Five thousand dollars? Surely you’re joking!”

Discord looked to his client with mild annoyance. “Supply and demand, Jimmy. I have one pony left and you have come to me very, very late in the shopping season.”

“I told you before to call me Jim, and look, I have to get that pony for my daughter,” Jim said, reaching into his blazer pocket and removing his wallet. “I will give you twenty-five hundred for this pony.” He pointed to the cage containing the yellow filly, and it cowered in the corner.

“I find your offer insulting, and quite frankly, I don’t like you,” Discord said, crossing his arms and frowning at his client. “I’m sure your daughter can do without a pony, and I’m sure this pony could do without you.”

“I don’t have five grand on me! Will you take a check?”

“I will not,” Discord replied, keeping his arms crossed and looking away.

The man gritted his teeth angrily and held up his wrist, displaying the gold watch he was wearing. “Do you see this? This is a Rolex! It’s worth more than your life, and a hell of a lot more than that pony!” He threw the watch onto the table and it slid toward Discord.

Discord picked up the watch and looked it over carefully. During his time in New York, he’d seen several shady individuals pedaling the timepieces off for about ten dollars. As it turned out, they were counterfeits, and Discord got a great deal of satisfaction when he turned one vendor’s stock into live scorpions.

“So are you offering this up as payment?” Discord asked at last.

“Yes!” Jim shouted in annoyance. “Just take it and give me the damn pony!”

The salesman thought carefully for a moment. “I’ll reluctantly accept your offer,” Discord said, depositing the watch into his blazer and withdrawing a scroll. He removed a quill from thin air (though his client failed to notice), and quickly wrote up a variation of his usual contract. As he wrote, he looked to the caged pony and felt a bit of reluctance to sell it. The little, yellow pony did not deserve what he was going to be exposing it to. His hand scribbled furiously on the parchment, wording the terms and conditions expertly. Judging by his client’s demeanor and attitude, he’d likely not read it anyway.

“Okay, Jimmy, just sign on the line, and Daisy is all yours.”

Jim took the parchment and quill, and (as Discord had expected) signed it without as much as a second glance. “If there is anything wrong with it, you’ll be seeing me again,” Jim said with dark undertones in his voice.

“There is nothing wrong with her, and if anything does happen to her, I’ll be seeing you,” Discord said, matching Jim’s tone. His yellow eyes bore into Jim’s, eventually forcing the man to look away. Discord then looked the scroll over before tucking it into his pocket.

There were a few moments where neither spoke. The only sound came from Daisy the filly, whimpering in her cage. Discord bent down to look at her and found himself actually feeling regret. He’d come to this world to cause a little chaos, but he was hoping for better clientele to disperse the ponies too. I wish more of them could have been like Davey Boy…

Discord stood up and grabbed the cage’s handle. “Before you go, do you have any questions?” he asked, turning to Jim.

“Yeah, do you have a box or something for it? I don’t want to walk around New York with a caged animal, or I’ll have PETA on my ass in seconds.”

“Would you prefer a box with no holes?” Discord asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, that’d be perfect,” Jim replied, failing to pick up on the joke. Discord frowned and set the cage down on the table. He expected Jim to at least interact with the pony, but instead, he took out his cell phone and began texting. Discord sighed and fetched one of the large gift boxes he typically delivered the ponies in. With the box in hand, he removed his large keychain and unlocked Daisy’s cage.

“No, leave me alone!” she screamed as Discord put his hand into the cage. She pressed against the bars as far as she could go, swinging her hooves at Discord’s hand.

“Did that thing just talk?” Jim asked, looking up from his phone. “I thought you were joking!”

“There’s a reason they cost so much, Jim.”

After a brief struggle, Daisy was finally put into the box and Discord sealed it. Jim took the box and stared at it as it shook in his hands. “So, how much can it say?” Jim asked.

“She can speak quite fluently, but you likely won’t listen to her,” Discord said, setting the empty cage down. “You’re free to go now, ta-ta.” He snapped his fingers and the large metal door across the room flew open. Jim turned to look at it, and when he turned around, Discord and the table they’d sat at were gone.

Discord lurked in the shadows until Jim finally wandered out of the room. When the door slammed shut, Discord began pacing. “Well, step two is complete,” he said aloud. “I wonder which of them will be the first to break their contract. Will it be the sushi chef and Apple Bloom? Or will it be the car salesman and Snips?”

With another snap of his fingers, all the cages in the room disappeared, leaving it as it was when he found the place. He reached into his pocket and removed the Rolex Jim had paid with. “Nine PM on Christmas Day,” he said, strapping the watch to his wrist. “I think it’s time for a drink.”

Just as Discord turned to leave for the bar, he heard a racket in the back room. Panic swept over him after something glass clearly smashed against the floor. He didn’t even think to teleport; his legs were already carrying him to his destination.

The back room was where Discord stored various things the customers didn’t need to see. Things like bales of hay, wooden buckets for cleaning the ponies and their cages, and most importantly: the mirror. He flipped the light switch and saw a sheet-covered mass wriggling around on the floor. Luckily, the mirror that the sheet had been covering was not what had broken. On the floor, beside the struggling lump, were pieces of an empty bourbon bottle.

Discord approached the sheet and gave it a tug. Beneath it was the palest woman he’d ever seen. Her hair (an odd combination of blue, green, purple, and pink) stood up on end from the static electricity.

“Why, is that you Celestia?” Discord asked with a toothy grin.

The woman stared in confusion. Why did this human know her by name? Then she saw its yellow eyes and realization slowly crept across her face. “Discord,” she said, shakily standing up.

Discord looked at her in amazement and said, “Ooh, you’re taking bipedalism surprisingly well.”

“This isn’t my first visit here,” Celestia replied, keeping her eyes on the salesman. She teetered slightly and had to grab onto the wall for support. “Though it has been a while.”

“Ah, well, what brings you here this time?”

“I think you know why.” She took several clumsy steps toward Discord. “A few things have gone missing from Equestria recently."

"Such as?"

"Several fillies, colts, the mirror, and you. I had to investigate.”

“Just because I moved the mirror and happened to go through it does not mean I’ve been foalnapping as well. Does that really sound like my brand of chaos?”

“Do not try deceiving me, Discord. Where are the children and why have you brought them here?”

“How much time have you spent here, Princess?” Discord asked, walking away from his interrogator. “It’s wonderfully chaotic this time of year. These creatures practically worship their currency and they have holidays devoted to spending it on each other. Oh, the chaos it causes!”

“Answer me, Discord,” Celestia said impatiently. “Where are they?”

Discord ignored the question and continued on. “They go to such extremes to please one another, it’s absolutely absurd! There’s nothing some of them wouldn’t do for the perfect gift.”

“Tell me what you’re doing here, now,” Celestia said, her usual calm had been replaced with a smoldering anger.

“Do you know what little girls in this world want more than anything?” Discord asked, turning to Celestia. “It’s something their parents would do most anything for.”

“What would that be?” she asked.

“Little ponies.”

Celestia looked to Discord in horror. “You haven’t!” she exclaimed. “You’ve been selling the children to these creatures?!”

“Indeed I have,” Discord replied. “And I was hoping you were going to notice sooner, for the most important part of my plan involves you.”

Before Celestia could move, Discord summoned his cane and pointed it at her. A yellow aura enveloped her and she levitated toward the ceiling. “H-how are you able to use your powers?” Celestia asked through clenched teeth. Her body had gone rigid and she could barely move as she was held in the air.

“Did you fail to notice everything that went missing?” he asked, moving her back and forth with his cane. “A certain artifact once wielded by Starswirl the Bearded, perhaps?”

Celestia looked to Discord’s cane and recognized the jeweled dragon head. “What are you planning?” she asked.

“Well, I’m glad you asked, but I’m not much one for spoilers.” Discord grinned and gave the cane a quick, little twitch.

Celestia screamed as her body underwent a painful transformation. Wings erupted from her back and a horn protruded from within her hair. Her face began to elongate and fine, white fur grew from every pore. Her clothing disappeared and a long flowing tail grew from the base of her spine. When it all was over, she appeared in her true alicorn form.

“Let’s get rid of those, and these,” Discord said, snapping his fingers twice.

Celestia’s wings and horn disappeared with each snap of Discord’s finger, leaving her nothing more than a powerless, flightless mare. She breathed heavily and tears rolled down her face.

“Look at you,” Discord said, admiring the mare’s features. “I bet there’s a jockey out there that would pay big money for a steed as beautiful as you. But then, you’re not much of a runner, are you? Straight to the glue factory, then!”

“Please, Discord,” Celestia begged. “Don’t do this.”

He ignored her plea, spinning her around so he could continue inspecting her. “Princess, does your sister know where you are right now?” he asked. He brought her right up to his face so he could stare into her eyes.

“She does,” Celestia said, nodding weakly.

“Good, that’s very good.”

Discord laughed and spun Celestia around in the air, slowly increasing speed. “With you being the more level-headed sister, I needed to get you out of the way first. When your sister finds out you’ve been captured, well, let’s just say she may make a few hasty decisions.”

“Release me!” Celestia shouted with her eyes clamped shut. The spinning had reached an unbearable speed and she felt she may throw up.

Slowly, the spinning stopped and Discord brought her face to face with him again. “I’m afraid you’re not going anywhere,” he said coolly. With a snap of his fingers, Celestia again began screaming.

Her body began getting smaller as her age regressed at an alarming rate. Soon, she was nothing but a filly with a pink mane. Her golden tiara and horseshoes fell to the floor with a clang after she’d become too small for them.

“Aw, I forgot how cute you were back then, little Tia,” Discord cooed. “I’m half tempted to keep you all to myself!”

Celestia squirmed uncomfortably in the magic and Discord began laughing. Over the sound of his laughter, he could hear the sound of something banging. He stopped to listen and the noise repeated. Cautiously, he stuck his head into the other room and looked around.

The metal door vibrated as someone on the other side knocked for the third time. "Wait right here," Discord whispered to Celestia. He quickly levitated her into an empty cage and hid her beneath the sheet. “Coming!” he shouted, running to the door. The hinges creaked as he flung it open, nearly hitting the large man on the other side.

“Whoa, easy there,” the man said, stopping the door with his massive hand. Discord instantly recognized the man as one of his least favorite clients.

“Hello there, Zack,” Discord grumbled, and looked to his guest with disinterest. “What brings you back here so soon?”

Zack looked past Discord and into the empty room. “Don’t tell me you’re sold out.”

“I’m afraid I am, and besides, you’ve already bought one of my ponies. Why would you need another?”

The big Bostonian sighed and rubbed his neck. “Well, Becky loves the one I already bought her. The problem is, my brother-in-law bought one for his daughter. So when Becky saw that her cousin had a pony too, she didn’t feel special.”

“Tragic,” Discord mumbled.

“Look, if you have one in storage, or can get me one by tomorrow, I’d be wicked appreciative. You know that money isn’t a problem.” Zack removed his wallet and began flipping through hundred dollar bills.

Two ponies would double his chance of breaking a contract…But Celestia is key to the plan. I suppose I could trick Luna into thinking the US Government has her sister. In fact, that may cause even more chaos than if they actually did!

“I may be able to cut you a deal, Zackie,” Discord said, straightening Zack’s tie. “I have one pony left. A very special pony. She’s to be taken extra good care of, understand?”

“Yeah, got it. How much for it?” Zack asked, thumbing through his wallet.

“Nothing.”

Zack looked up in confusion. “Come again?”

“This one’s on me. Consider it a ‘buy-one-get-one’ deal,” Discord said, grinning deviously.

Zack shrugged and put his wallet away. “Okay, where is it?”

“One moment,” Discord replied, stepping backwards. He strolled across the room and brought one hand above his head. He snapped his fingers and the familiar mahogany table appeared in the center of the empty room. “Have a seat, please!” Discord shouted as he continued on.

“Where?” Zack asked. When he looked up from typing his text message, he saw the table waiting for him. He looked around curiously, not sure as to where the table had come from. Did this come out of the floor or something? he thought to himself, looking around for a seam in the concrete.

“You will not get away with this!” Celestia shouted as Discord carried her cage to the table. He set it down and Zack looked in at the filly.

“This one’s a lot cuter than the other,” Zack said. “No wings, though. I’m not sure if Becky will like that.”

Discord rolled his eyes and set a blank scroll of parchment on the table. “That’s unfortunate,” he mumbled, keeping his head down as he wrote. “So, who is your brother-in-law, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Uh, his name’s David,” Zack said after a pause. “If I can ask, how much did you charge him for his pony?”

“That’s confidential,” Discord said, continuing to write. He looked up after a moment and asked, “How is he?”

Zack scoffed. “No worse than usual, I guess.”

“And the pony?”

“Well, it shit all over the bathroom during his Christmas dinner, and that’s when we left.”

There was a pause, and Discord went back to writing. Celestia turned to look at Zack and tapped her hoof against the bars of her cage.

“You, human,” Celestia beckoned.

“Hmm?” Zack looked away from his cell phone and into the filly’s eyes.

“I demand you free me at once,” Celestia commanded.

“Hey look, it’s talking to me,” Zack chuckled, pointing at the pony. Celestia scrunched up her face angrily as Zack grinned and went back to typing on his cell phone.

After a few minutes, Discord finished the most devious contract he’d ever written. There was no way Zack could ever hold to it, but if he couldn’t take the time to read over it, he deserved the penalties. Hell, there's several reasons he deserves it.

“Right there on the line, Zackie,” Discord said, passing Zack the quill.

The tip of the quill hovered over the line as Zack’s hand remained still. Something in the contract’s fine print actually managed to catch his eye. “What’s with this part?” Zack asked, pointing to a phrase near the bottom.

Discord looked at it and laughed. “Oh, that’s just a joke!” he said, spinning the contract back around. “Just sign it so you can get back home, and I can go to the bar.”

“Yeah, I figured it was a joke,” Zack laughed. “I mean, how could you possibly turn ME into a pony?”

Celestia perked up and turned to look at the contract. “Do not sign that, human! Discord is not to be trusted!” she yelled.

“Is this one always this loud?” Zack asked, looking to the pony in annoyance.

“Please! You must listen to me!” Celestia begged.

Zack reached into his wallet and removed a hundred dollar bill. “Same deal as last time,” he said, passing the money to Discord. As he signed the document, Discord reached into his blazer and removed a large syringe.

“Time for a nap, Tia,” Discord said gently, moving the needle closer to the cage. With nowhere to go, Celestia tried desperately to avoid the injection by swinging her small hooves. Discord simply spun the cage around and sunk the needle into the filly’s flank.

She yelped out in pain, bucking her rear hooves against the cage. “My sister will stop you!”

Discord lowered his head to the cage and whispered, “It won’t be me she’s after.”

Before Celestia could offer any more to the argument, her vision began to blur and her knees buckled. She fought the sedative as best she could, but soon fell into a heavy sleep.

Author's Notes:

I have no words. Everything I needed to say is written above. I'm going to start working on the next chapter now.

VII: Handle With Care

*BZZZZ* *BZZZZ*

Kristin’s cell phone vibrated loudly on the wood table, and David glanced over as she picked it up. She read the text and a small smile spread across her lips. “The Fays have a kennel we can borrow,” she said, standing up. “I’m going to go meet Diana at storage, okay?”

“If you say so, honey,” David said, returning his attention to his ipad. He hadn’t liked the idea of a kennel, but his other option was to stay up all night and keep an eye on the pony. With his vacation over and work the next morning, he decided the first option was much easier.

As Kristin stood up, Diamond Tiara turned a small amount of her attention away from the TV. Tiffany was holding a commanding lead over the pony, so the game was of little concern to her. She watched from the corner of her eyes as Kristin put on a light jacket and got ready to open the apartment door. The second the lock clicked, Diamond Tiara dropped her controller and ran for it.

“Diamond Tiara! Where are you going? It’s your turn!” Tiffany yelled as the pony galloped across the living room. Then she noticed exactly where her pony was running, and she tried to run after her. “Mommy!” she shouted when she realized she wouldn’t catch up.

Diamond Tiara managed to slip past Kristin’s legs and into the hallway. Kristin dove and only managed to get a few pink and white hairs from the pony’s tail. Before either she or Tiffany could shout for David, he was already running.

At least I have clothes on this time, he thought to himself as he sprinted after the pink blur. Even with shoes on, he had a hard time catching up to the escaped pony. She stayed just out of his grasp until they came to the stairwell. He knew she wouldn’t be able to open the door and get through it before he caught up, so he eased up his pace slightly.

With all the worst timing in the world, Diana Fay happened to be coming out of the stairwell as Diamond Tiara approached it. The confused woman could only stare as David chased the colorful pony toward her.

“Shut the door!” David tried to shout, but it was too late. Diamond Tiara slipped though, nearly sending Diana tumbling backwards down the stairs. David had no time to explain or socialize, and continued pursuing the pony.

The stairwell’s first floor door slammed shut after Diamond Tiara pushed through it, and David shoved it open again. The pony looked back at him as she galloped toward the large glass doors that separated the lobby from the street. Just as she turned back around, she was mere inches from one of the doors. She went full speed through the glass, sending thousands of shards raining down on top of her. It wasn’t enough to stop her, though, as she continued out into the New York streets.

David continued running through the lobby, pulling at his hair as he looked at the damage. He tried not to think about the cost of repairs as he opened the intact door. A glistening trail of blood led away from the broken glass, and David followed it up the sidewalk.

He pushed through the throngs of drunks that were wandering the streets until he finally came to an intersection. The crosswalk light was blinking and he sprinted across with no time to spare. He could see Diamond Tiara occasionally, weaving between the legs of pedestrians as she navigated just ahead of him.

They approached another intersection, and David got held up by the dozens of people waiting at the crosswalk. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop Diamond Tiara. She pushed through the crowd of stationary humans with ease until she reached the crosswalk.

There was the blaring of a horn, the squealing of brakes locking up...And a thud.

After those noises, it was like all of New York had fallen silent. David pushed through the curious onlookers until he was in the middle of the intersection. The cars had gridlocked, and their doors were opening as the drivers got out, yelling at each other. In the center of it all was a small pink pony, no bigger than a stuffed animal.

David knelt down and picked up the limp body of his daughter’s pony, cradling it in his arms. Her bruised little body was still warm, but he knew she was gone. He’d lost pets before in similar accidents, but this felt much worse.

“Stand up, Davey Boy.”

The head of a cane rested against David’s shoulder and he saw its jeweled eyes glaring at him. Discord stood behind him with a somber look upon his face. David obeyed and found himself in complete darkness. The cars, the people, and the buildings were all gone. It was now just him and Discord in a void of nothingness.

“I-I’m sorry,” David whimpered, holding the lifeless Diamond Tiara closer. “I should have never bought—”

“There’s no room for excuses now,” Discord interrupted. He snapped his fingers and David’s contract appeared before him. They both looked at it as it unraveled, but Discord’s eyes broke away to look into David’s. “Don’t worry, I promise it won’t hurt.”

David looked from Discord and then to his contract. His signature at the bottom was glowing red, and the text above seemed to be on fire. Discord’s cane tapped against the last section, drawing David’s attention. “If this contract is broken, you forfeit ownership of your pony and are susceptible to penalties of both monetary and physical proportions. IE: Fines, fees, flogging, and…”

Discord grinned as David reached the last part of his contract. “Go on, read it for me,” he coaxed.

“And being turned into a pony,” David finished. No sooner had he spoken the phrase, his body went rigid and he felt himself being lifted into the air. Pain coursed through his body as his physiology began changing. His hands turned to hooves, his face elongated, and he felt his whole skeletal structure shifting inside of him. The whole while, Discord laughed and laughed as he pointed his cane at David, controlling the whole process.

When it was over, David was nothing more than a small, brown pony. He wriggled out of the clothes he once wore and looked at his hooves. Before he could even try to stand, Discord hoisted him up by the scruff of his neck.

“You should always read the fine print,” Discord said, tossing David unceremoniously into a metal cage.

“Please! It wasn’t my fault!” David pleaded, banging his hooves against the bars. “It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!”

“David, wake up.”

David’s eyes flew open and he saw nothing but darkness. Slowly, his vision adjusted to the darkness and he could make out the light fixture that hung above his bed. His heart was pounding in his chest and he brought his hands to his face. As he stared at them, moving every individual finger, another hand reached for his own.

Kristin wrapped her hand around his and he looked over. “Were you having a bad dream?” she asked softly. She stared at him through the darkness, giving a reassuring squeeze on his hand.

“Yeah, but it was just a dream,” David replied slowly. He glanced over at the alarm clock and cringed. There were only four more hours until his alarm would be going off, and he wasn’t sure he could even sleep after the dream he’d had. Kristin’s hand slid out of his as he rolled out of bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress for a moment before eventually going into the living room.

The apartment was dark and quiet; the Christmas tree was off, as were the video games. Tiffany was asleep in her room, a smile still on her face from the best Christmas she’d had. Her newest best friend, however, was still awake, and there was no smile on her face.

As David made his way to the kitchen, he heard an angry snort come from next to the couch. He stopped inches from the small, red kennel the Fay’s had lent them, and bent down to look inside. Glaring out of the darkness were two large, blue eyes.

“I hate you,” Diamond Tiara growled, keeping her eyes fixed on David’s. Getting her in the kennel had been like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Also, the peg had an attitude problem and liked to kick and bite.

“I’m sorry, look; can you just try to cooperate a little?” David asked quietly. “This is temporary, I promise.”

“Let me out,” Diamond Tiara replied angrily. “I have to use the bathroom.”

“That’s what the newspaper is for,” David replied, standing up.

“You aren’t serious, are you?!”

David cringed as the pony shrieked and the kennel shook. “Quiet down,” David shushed.

“I’ll do no such thing! You let me out right now or I’ll start screaming!” Diamond Tiara threatened. She took in a deep breath and got ready to release it in a blood curdling scream, but the sudden appearance of David’s face made her hold.

“Please, just stop,” David pleaded. The pony’s cheeks remained puffed out as she held her breath like it was a loaded weapon. “If I let you out, will you go back inside the kennel after?”

She shook her head left and right and continued to hold her breath. The pressure in her bladder was becoming unbearable and tears started forming in the corners of her eyes. Holding her breath only made things more uncomfortable and she was finally forced to exhale.

David watched as the little pony panted for air and fidgeted. “I’m only going to let you out if you can promise me you’ll go back in,” David said firmly. “It’s just for tonight.”

“Fine, I promise, just let me out,” Diamond Tiara said, now squirming with discomfort. David squinted at her, not even remotely convinced she’d obey him. She stared at him and then to the padlock on the kennel door. “Well, go on,” she said anxiously.

“I don’t trust you,” he said bluntly.

“Oh, come on! I promise! Just let me pee!” she shouted, shaking the kennel once more. She bit her lower lip and crossed all four of her legs. David stared for an additional moment or two before undoing the padlock to the kennel. The metal door swung open and Diamond Tiara sprinted out and toward the bathroom.

David stared at the bathroom door and awaited the pink pony’s return. He turned the padlock over and over in his hand impatiently as the minutes passed. Finally, the toilet flushed and the door creaked open. Diamond Tiara walked out and slowly approached David.

“Are you going to cooperate?” David asked, still spinning the padlock.

Diamond Tiara looked at the kennel and then up to him. “You promise it’s only tonight?”

“I’ll set you up something tomorrow,” David said. He kept eye contact with the pony until she finally sighed and trudged toward the kennel.

“You better,” she said as she settled down inside. David clicked the padlock back into place and walked into the kitchen. He filled a glass from the sink and downed it before he could let any of the “city-water-taste” hit his tongue.

As he walked back to his room, he gave one more look into the kennel. Diamond Tiara was curled up with her back against the metal grating. “Good night,” he whispered. The pony mumbled something in response, but it didn’t sound like anything pleasant. David shrugged it off and got back into his bed, trying not to look at the alarm clock. A twenty minute trip for a glass of water left him only three and a half hours to sleep; not nearly enough for his line of work.

--

“Wake up! Wake up! Let’s play!” Tiffany shouted into the kennel. She bounced happily as her mother knelt down and undid the padlock. The gate swung open and a groggy Diamond Tiara rolled out onto the floor. She glared with bloodshot eyes at the women that had disturbed her beauty sleep.

“I don’t want to play, and besides, you cheat,” Diamond Tiara said angrily. She stood up and tried to get the kinks out of her neck.

“I didn’t cheat,” Tiffany replied, stomping her foot.

“Then the game is broken, and I refuse to play it again.” The pony turned her nose up and trotted off to the dining room. “You, tall one, make me breakfast,” she said after scrambling onto one of the chairs.

Kristin looked at the pony in disbelief. “Excuse me?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow. Diamond Tiara sat on her haunches, and only her tiara was visible over the table.

“Apple pancakes, light syrup, and whole milk,” Diamond Tiara clarified.

“She’s just cranky ‘cause she’s hungry,” Tiffany said, tugging on her mother’s pants leg.

She looked from her daughter to the over demanding pony sitting at her dining room table. “She’ll eat what I fix her,” she said at last. Kristin walked to the cupboard and removed a cereal bowl, placing it on the counter. Next, she grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and washed it under the sink faucet.

Diamond Tiara watched and waited for Kristin to grab a frying pan or baking ingredients. The woman stood with her back turned to the pony as she carefully peeled the apple with a sharp knife.

“There you are,” Kristin said, turning around. She placed the cereal bowl on the floor and smiled warmly at Diamond Tiara. “Eat up,” she said, turning back around to wash off the knife she’d peeled the apple with.

Diamond Tiara remained in her seat and looked down at the bowl on the floor. The peeled apple sat perfectly in the center; a far cry from the breakfast she’d demanded. She looked up at Kristin and asked, “You’re joking, right?”

Kristin turned around, the knife still in her hand. “Ponies do not eat at the table, and ponies do not treat me like a servant.” She dried the knife off with a towel as she spoke, light gleaming off of its edge.

Diamond Tiara looked at Kristin with resentment, but found she couldn’t maintain eye contact with her. Tiffany sat on the floor beside the bowl and patted the floor, signaling for Diamond Tiara to do the same. The filly rolled her eyes and jumped down from her chair. As she walked toward the bowl, she looked away from the smiling girl sitting next to it.

“Where’s the other one? I demand to talk to him,” Diamond Tiara said, stopping inches away from the bowl.

“My daddy works today,” Tiffany replied. “Come on, eat so we can play!” she said impatiently. She wrapped her arms around the pony’s neck and forced her to sit next to her.

“Don’t touch me, and I said that I don’t wanna play!” Diamond Tiara shrieked and tried to push herself away. Tiffany’s grip on her was surprisingly strong for that of a seven year old, and Diamond Tiara eventually gave up. She looked to the apple that had been prepared for her and felt her stomach growl.

The apple wasn’t as bad as Diamond Tiara was expecting, but it wasn’t the breakfast she’d wanted either. Reluctantly, she ate it, and even more reluctantly, she followed Tiffany into her room. She sat on the floor of Tiffany’s room, listening to the drone of the vacuum cleaner on the other side of the door.

Kristin went about cleaning the apartment while Tiffany and her pony played in the other room. Pink pony hairs covered the apartment’s carpet, and the vacuum struggled to pick them all up. The joys of having a pet, Kristin thought to herself.

Suddenly, she felt her cell phone vibrating in her pants pocket, and she looked up at the clock. It was only 10 o’clock and she knew David wouldn’t be on break for another hour. She curiously took her phone out and saw it was her sister calling her.

“Hello?” Kristin asked into the phone. She shut off the vacuum and sat down on the couch.

“Sis! How are you?” Jen’s voice came loudly through the phone’s speaker.

“Good, I’m good, look, you aren’t upset about last night, are you?” Kristin asked, biting her lower lip.

“What? No, no! Everything was wonderful, you and David did a wonderful job,” Jen laughed.

She doesn’t remember anything. I bet she had a few more drinks after getting back to Zack’s, Kristin thought, knowing her sister all too well. “Good, I’m glad, and how is Becky?”

“Well, that’s why I called,” Jen laughed again. “She was wondering if Tiffany and her pony would like to come over for a little play date.”

Kristin didn’t believe what she’d heard. Rebecca actually wanted her cousin over? The last time the two had any one on one time, they had to be physically separated after a disagreement involving dolls.

“It would be nice if you came over for a little while, too,” Jen said, pulling Kristin’s attention back to her. “I’d like to discuss the wedding details with you, it’s coming up soon, you know?”

“Right, right, in May,” Kristin replied, vaguely aware of the date her sister had set. “Let me ask Tiffany real quick.”

She stood up and gently pushed the door to her daughter’s room open. Both Tiffany and Diamond Tiara were sitting on the floor staring into Tiffany’s doll house. They looked up at Kristin as she walked into the room and put her hand over the phone’s speaker.

“Honey, would you and your pony like to go to your aunt’s house to visit your cousin?” Kristin asked and waited for an answer.

Tiffany furrowed her brow and looked to Diamond Tiara. “What do you think, Diamond, should we go see Becky?”

“Is that the girl from last night?” Diamond Tiara asked, holding a doll in her hooves. Tiffany nodded and Diamond Tiara looked down at the doll carefully. “I think I’ll pass,” she said, tossing the doll over her shoulder.

“Yeah, we’ll pass,” Tiffany replied, tossing her doll over her shoulder, perfectly imitating her pony.

Kristin frowned and took her hand off of her phone. “Jen? Tiffany doesn’t really want to go…I can’t, David works today…I’m not going to pay a sitter…Really Jen?” After the back and forth with her sister, she looked back to her daughter. “Auntie Jen says she’ll take you and Rebecca out for ice cream.”

Tiffany was clearly excited, but she still decided to consult Diamond Tiara. “Do you like ice cream, Diamond Tiara?”

“I prefer frozen yogurt, and it better be good frozen yogurt if I have to put up with that little girl and Scootaloo,” Diamond Tiara stated, setting one of Tiffany’s dolls into a toy car.

“I think that’s a yes!” Tiffany said, nodding her head and smiling at her mother.

Kristin smiled back and said into her phone, “That did the trick. We’re on our way.”

“Not until I’m ready,” Diamond Tiara said, standing up and approaching Kristin. “I will not be called dirty by that brat again.” She pushed past Kristin’s legs and trotted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Kristin sighed and put her phone back in her pocket. She helped her daughter get ready and they patiently waited in the living room for Diamond Tiara to get done in the bathroom. It seemed like the shower had been running for an eternity before the knobs squeaked and the water stopped.

Another half hour passed, and finally, Diamond Tiara emerged from the bathroom, primped and preened. “Now, I am ready,” she announced. She looked up and saw Kristin holding something as she approached. “What’s that?” Diamond Tiara asked suspiciously.

Before Diamond Tiara could move, Kristin strapped a collar around the pony’s neck and attached a leash to it. The pony squirmed as Kristin held her still, the whole while, Tiffany just smiled at her.

“We’re going for a walk!” she said joyfully.

“Walk? I do not walk! Especially not led on like a house pet!” Diamond Tiara shouted, tugging at the leash. Her hooves just couldn’t seem to find the latch and she eventually gave up. “You will carry me, or I’m not going. Hmph.”

Tiffany gave the leash a gentle tug, but Diamond Tiara was firmly planted on the floor with her front hooves crossed. Kristin rolled her eyes and took the leash from her daughter. “Get up and be a good pony,” she said, giving a firm tug.

Diamond Tiara coughed as the collar tightened around her throat and she began being pulled across the floor. “LET ME GO!” she coughed out. Kristin ignored her and continued walking toward the apartment door.

“Mommy! You’re hurting her!” Tiffany cried, looking at her pony sadly. She tried to pull against her mother, causing her to stop. “I’ll carry her!” She put her arms around Diamond Tiara’s torso and hoisted her up.

“You can’t carry her like that all the way to Auntie Jen’s house,” Kristin sighed.

“But look, she’s not that heavy, see?” Tiffany said, swinging the very-unhappy pony back and forth. “Oh, I know!” she suddenly shouted, dropping Diamond Tiara unceremoniously to the floor. The little girl ran into her room and after a few moments, ran out with her My Little Pony backpack. “I’ll carry her in this!”

Diamond Tiara looked at the backpack and shuddered; both from the thought of being carried any distance in a backpack, and the soulless faces of the cartoon horses decorating it. “I’d rather walk,” she said, remaining seated on the floor. She had no say in the matter, because Tiffany once again picked her up and set her inside the backpack.

“See? Perfect!” Tiffany exclaimed. Only the little pony’s head stuck out of the backpack. After Tiffany had emptied the backpack’s contents on her bedroom floor, there left more than enough room for Diamond Tiara.

Kristin watched as her daughter struggled to pick up her backpack and sling it onto her back. “Honey, no, just let her out,” she said, seeing the bemused expression on the pony’s face as she swung.

Tiffany finally managed to get the backpack’s straps across both shoulders and she smiled at her mom. “Are you okay, Diamond Tiara?” Tiffany asked over her shoulder.

The pony shifted in the backpack, feeling like the bottom could give out at any moment. Kristin walked behind her daughter and looked at Diamond Tiara’s situation. They exchanged looks and Diamond Tiara said, “If your mother zips this up, I should be fine, oh, and she could take off the collar while she’s at it.”

Kristin zipped the backpack’s zippers right up to Diamond Tiara’s neck, but left the collar on. She passed the leash’s handle to her daughter and made sure her hand was on it tightly.

“Hold onto it tightly, just incase she tries to run off,” Kristin said.

“I won’t run off,” Diamond Tiara growled. “Let’s just go, this is embarrassing enough.”

“Good,” Kristin said, reaching into her pocket for her keys. She let her daughter out first and locked the door behind them. They made their way to the elevator and Tiffany rushed forward to push the button.

“Hey! Easy!” Diamond Tiara shouted as she was shaken back and forth.

“Oops, sorry, Diamond!” Tiffany apologized.

Oh, if Silver Spoon could see me right now, she’d probably die laughing, Diamond Tiara thought of her only friend. Well, her only friend aside from her “best friend”, Tiffany. Oh, and that smug, little blank-flank, Scootaloo—UGH!—when I show up toted around like a foal, she’ll probably have all sorts of comments.

Kristin held onto Tiffany’s free hand as they left the apartment building and stepped out onto the New York sidewalk. They quickly eased into the flow of the foot traffic and started walking. Diamond Tiara looked around at all the strange humans now surrounding her. Just like ponies, they came in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.

They bumped and shoved against each other as they walked almost mindlessly through the crowded streets. Several times, Diamond Tiara was pressed against the legs of the taller ones, but her angry shouts were lost in all the noise. She wished Tiffany would walk faster, or that they’d get to their destination soon.

Zack’s luxurious abode was on the western outskirts of Central Park: not terribly far from where David and Kristin lived, but far enough to justify only visiting once every so often. Jen was sitting on the stoop outside; Marlboro Menthol in one hand, and cell phone in the other.

Kristin and Tiffany carefully crossed the street from Central Park and Tiffany broke from her mother’s hand. “Auntie Jen!” she shouted. Diamond Tiara bounced painfully in the backpack as the little girl ran up the steps.

“Hey sweetie! One sec!” Jen said, taking one last drag on her cigarette before snubbing it out on the stone steps. “Love ya, babe, gotta go. Krissy is here,” Jen said into her phone. She smooched into the receiver and flipped the phone shut before turning her full attention to Tiffany. “Hey there, big girl! I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“You saw me yesterday, remember, Auntie?” Tiffany laughed and gave her aunt a hug. Kristin walked up the steps and stood next to her daughter. Her hands were buried deep in her pockets and her teeth were clattering.

“Sis, did you really walk here?” Jen asked, embracing her sister. “I would have called you a cab, silly! Come on in, you’re freezing!” Jen looked around for a moment, and asked, “Tiffany, where’s your friend?”

“She’s right here!” Tiffany said, turning around so Jen could see Diamond Tiara. The pony glared up at the woman, still remembering her outburst the night before.

Jen smiled brightly at Diamond Tiara despite the look she was receiving. “Oh, she’s so cute! Becky will be glad you brought her. She’s up in her room playing with her ponies right now.”

Ponies? As in, plural? Kristin thought to herself as she was led inside. The large oak door closed behind her, sealing out the cold December air. She looked around in envy at the house her sister lived in. Polished oak floors, crystal light fixtures, a full size piano in the entertainment room, an entertainment room and a living room; all the things the upper class get to enjoy while the rest barely get by.

“Shoes off, please,” Jen said, kicking off her UGG boots. “We just had the floors waxed.” Kristin and Tiffany obeyed, meanwhile, Jen sauntered over to the staircase. “Becky!” she shouted up the stairs, “Tiffany is here!” She looked back down and smiled at Tiffany. “You can just go right up—and have fun!”

As Tiffany climbed the stairs, Diamond Tiara rocked back and forth in the backpack. “You should let me down and take off this stupid collar first,” she said, dreading being seen in her current condition. She could already hear Scootaloo laughing at her.

When Tiffany got to the top step, she gently set her backpack on the floor and removed Diamond Tiara. Tiffany seemed nervous as she fumbled with the collar’s clasp, and it took her several tries to undo it.

“Come on, hurry up,” Diamond Tiara hissed. She tried to stay as still as possible while the girl worked. Finally, the collar slid off her neck and she rubbed at it where it had been. Tiffany put the collar and leash into her backpack, and just stared up the hallway. “Are we gonna go or what?” Diamond Tiara asked impatiently.

“I don’t wanna play with Becky; she’s mean,” Tiffany replied, looking back to her pony.

Diamond Tiara just rolled her eyes. “Then be mean back,” she scoffed. “Come on, I’ll show you how.” The door at the end of the hallway was slightly ajar and quiet conversation could be heard coming from within. Diamond Tiara trotted toward it with Tiffany right behind her.

She pushed the door fully open and looked into a room that reminded her of her own back in Equestria. Everything was in pink and white, from the wallpaper, to the bedding, to the carpet. And unlike Tiffany’s room, this one was much larger, and much more organized. In the center of it all, sat Rebecca and Scootaloo.

“Ah, I see our servants have arrived,” Rebecca said, looking to Diamond Tiara and Tiffany. She picked up a tea cup from her elegant little table and took a sip. “Princess, dear, shall I have them get you more tea?”

Scootaloo was sitting across from her, and she looked down into her untouched tea. “Uh, mine is still full,” she answered. “Can I get some apple juice instead?”

“I’ve told you, Princess, royalty only drinks tea,” Rebecca said, taking another sip from her cup. “Just add more sugar—Waitress! Two scoops for Princess!”

Before Diamond Tiara could disobey the order, the closet door in the far corner of the room slowly opened. A white filly with a pink mane trudged out and approached the table. Diamond Tiara didn’t recognize the filly as being from Ponyville, but she did seem familiar.

The filly kept her eyes down as she walked, an expression of agitation etched upon her face. When she got to the table, she raised her head and began looking for the sugar bowl.

“Wow, you have two ponies now?” Tiffany asked, looking at the little pony. The pony paid her no mind as it scooped two large spoonfuls of sugar into Scootaloo’s tea. Once the tea was fully solidified with sugar, the filly let the spoon fall from her mouth and back into the sugar bowl.

“Yes, and you only have one, so I’ll be choosing what we play today,” Rebecca replied snidely. The filly that was waitressing suddenly looked up and saw Diamond Tiara standing next to Tiffany. Their eyes met, but Diamond Tiara quickly broke eye contact, choosing to look at Rebecca instead.

Tiffany looked at her cousin angrily. “You always get to pick what we play.”

“That’s because everything you pick is stupid,” Rebecca shot back. “First, we’ll be playing Royal Tea Party. I’m the Queen and Princess is Princess. You and your pony are our servants.”

Her attention then turned to the white filly. “Introduce yourself then show them to the servant’s quarters.”

The filly sighed and turned to look at Tiffany and Diamond Tiara. “While it may not look it, I’m Princess Celestia, and if you follow me—”

“That is not your name!” Rebecca interrupted. “There is only one Princess, and that’s Princess!” She pointed to Scootaloo who shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She then pointed back at the filly and demanded, “Use your real name, now.”

The filly claiming to be Princess Celestia gritted her teeth and said nothing. Diamond Tiara looked at the filly skeptically, seeing no resemblance to Equestria’s noble alicorn leader. Why would an earth pony claim to be Princess Celestia?

Rebecca tapped her finger impatiently against the table surface. Finally, through clenched teeth, the filly mumbled, “My name is Miss Fluffypuff…and if you follow me, I’ll show you to the servant’s quarters.”

VIII: Re-Gifting

The little white pony peered through the slats in the closet door, trying to find an angle that allowed her a view of Rebecca and Scootaloo. Finally giving up, she turned to see Tiffany and Diamond Tiara were staring at her. She cleared her throat and straightened her posture, ready to address them, but Rebecca’s voice rang out.

“Servants! Your queen needs more cookies!”

“She can get them herself,” Diamond Tiara mumbled.

“Please, just play along for a little while, I think I am close to gaining her trust,” the white filly said, getting ready to push open the closet door. Something grabbed firmly onto her tail and began dragging her backwards. “Release me at once!” the filly squeaked after seeing Diamond Tiara latched onto her tail.

“Tiffany, hold her,” Diamond Tiara managed through a mouth full of hair. The little girl obeyed and lifted the filly from the floor like she had done to her own pony several times. The filly quickly accepted her fate and went limp in Tiffany’s arms.

Tiffany brought her up and actually began cuddling the pony. “She’s so soft!” she exclaimed.

“Please put me down,” the filly requested.

“Not until you answer some questions,” Diamond Tiara said, beginning to pace around the small closet. “Who are you and why did you say that you’re Princess Celestia?”

The filly rolled her eyes and replied, “Because I am. Now please, have this human put me down.” Neither Tiffany nor Diamond Tiara budged, and the filly sighed, “Discord did this to me. Please, believe me when I say I am who I say I am. I came here to rescue you and the others!”

Suddenly, the closet door flew open and the three servants squinted into the light. Standing there with her arms crossed was Rebecca, and her face turned red when she saw her cousin holding her pony.

“Put Miss Fluffypuff down, now!” she commanded. Tiffany obeyed and lowered the filly to the floor. “Now, come with me,” Rebecca said darkly, extending her hand toward her cousin’s.

Tiffany gave a nervous look back at Diamond Tiara and allowed Rebecca to escort her out of the walk-in closet. The door shut behind them, leaving Diamond Tiara and “Miss Fluffypuff” alone in the dark. Before either of them could speak, the door opened again.

“For treason, I send Princess to the dungeon!” Rebecca announced. An orange and maroon blur tumbled into the closet before the door slammed shut again. “This is the dungeon now,” Rebecca said from outside the door. She and Tiffany’s shadows disappeared as they walked away.

Scootaloo stood up and blinked rapidly, trying to get her eyes adjusted to the darkness. The first thing she could make out was the broad smile of Diamond Tiara inches from her face.

“So, do you still like Becky?” Diamond Tiara asked smugly.

----

“Miss Tiffany, please sit,” Rebecca said as sweetly as possible. She pulled a pink, plastic chair out for her cousin before taking her seat at the head of the table. Tiffany was visibly confused, but took her seat.

They sat in awkward silence until Tiffany finally asked, “Are we still playing Royal Tea Party?”

“Yes, and I’ve decided you’re a princess now,” Rebecca replied, taking a sip from her now cold tea. “So please, have some tea, but watch out, the last princess poisoned the cookies, which is why I sent her to the dungeon.”

Tiffany looked at the fancy tin of cookies, and felt her stomach growl. “Are we still getting ice-cream?” she asked.

“In a little while,” Rebecca said, setting her tea cup down. “First, let’s talk about ponies…your pony.”

“Diamond Tiara? What about her?” Tiffany asked.

“First of all: that is a stupid name,” Rebecca said, rolling her eyes. “Second of all: I want her.”

It took a moment for Rebecca’s words to sink in, and when they did, Tiffany just looked to her cousin in confusion. “You want Diamond Tiara? Why? You already have two ponies!”

“Because I only like one of them,” Rebecca replied, standing up. “The new one is mean and stupid; it can’t even remember its own name!” She began walking toward Tiffany and folded her hands together. “So I will trade you Miss Fluffypuff for your pony.”

Tiffany immediately began shaking her head in opposition. “No, Diamond Tiara is my best friend! I’d never trade her!”

Rebecca scoffed and sat in the chair next to Tiffany. “Best friend? Please. You can’t be friends with a pony. Give your pony to me, and I’ll be your best friend.”

“No,” Tiffany replied, standing up and walking back toward the closet. She was ready to open the door when Rebecca rushed in front of her, towering a full head taller than her younger cousin.

“How about we play a game?” Rebecca said with an evil smile. “The winner gets one of the loser’s ponies.” Before Tiffany could answer, Rebecca turned and flung open the closet door. The three ponies within jumped back in surprise and looked up with concern. “Ponies, we’re going to play a game.”

“W-what kind of game?” Scootaloo asked nervously.

“I’m very glad you asked, Princess,” Rebecca replied, putting her hands around the pony’s midsection and lifting the filly off the floor. She held the pony to her face and smiled the same evil smile she’d given her cousin.

“Girls? Are you ready for ice-cream?”

The shout echoed into the room from the stairwell and the girls looked at each other. “When we get back, we’ll be playing Island Adventure Resort on my Wii U,” Rebecca stated, dropping her pony and walking away. The filly landed on her hooves and scampered alongside the little girl.

“But I don’t know how to play that game,” Tiffany whined. She picked up Diamond Tiara (who at this point was accustomed to being hoisted without consent), and followed after her cousin.

Miss Fluffypuff trudged behind all of them; still not sure she’d convinced either of the ponies she was who she said she was. She was even less sure what exactly Discord had planned, but knew it went far beyond a few shady contracts.

The two girls and three ponies clambered down the stairs and found Kristin and Jen bundling up for the outside weather. Jen wore nothing but designer winter wear (all courtesy of Zack), the total price of which could have bought three months of groceries. She topped her outfit off with a Louis Vuitton cashmere beanie and then smiled at her sister.

Kristin got the overwhelming urge to smack her sister, but repressed it. Instead, she smiled back and turned to look at her daughter. “Put on your boots then put your pony on her leash,” she said, giving Diamond Tiara a smile that seemed genuine.

Tiffany set Diamond Tiara down and began putting on her rubber boots. She looked over at Rebecca, whose mother was helping her into her own designer clothing. When she was fully buttoned up, she looked like a miniature version of her mother.

The three ponies waited anxiously for the humans to bundle up. Cold temperatures bothered them far more than it did ponies. Kristin half expected her sister to dress the ponies up with little designer vests, or something frivolous, but all she grabbed next were the leashes and collars.

“Alright, let’s hook them up and go to Ben and Jerry’s!” Jen said with a giddy laugh. Scootaloo remained still as the collar was put around her neck, remembering what had happened the first time she’d tried to resist. Though Zack had been gentle about it, she feared what the giant was capable of.

Diamond Tiara hated it, but allowed Kristin to put the collar back on her. Tiffany lifted her into her backpack, and her mother helped her hoist it up. The pony peered over Tiffany’s shoulder and watched as Jen attempted to put Miss Fluffypuff’s collar on.

“No, I’ll have none of that,” the white filly said, turning from the collar. Jen proceeded to try harder, but the pony wouldn’t stay still.

“Miss Fluffypuff, stop being bad!” Rebecca said angrily, grabbing hold of the pony’s torso. The pony struggled, but could only watch as the collar clasped tightly around her neck.

Jen stood up and gave a gentle tug on the leash to make sure it was attached properly. She turned to her sister and said, “Zack thinks this one might be an Alpha, so we’re getting her spayed tomorrow. Take out the sex drive, and animals are much more obedient.”

Miss Fluffypuff’s eyes went wide and she crossed her rear legs protectively. “You can’t do that!” she shouted, but neither of the women seemed to hear her.

“We’re getting Princess spayed as well; you should think about having Tiffany’s pony fixed,” Jen continued.

Neither Rebecca nor Tiffany knew exactly what the adults were talking about, and nor did they care. Rebecca tugged on her mother’s free hand and managed to get her attention. “Can we go now?” she asked. “Tiffany and I want to hurry back and play more games.”

“Isn’t that sweet?” Jen laughed, looking to Kristin. She looked back down at her daughter smiled. “Sure thing honey, make sure you hold onto Princess’s leash tight, okay?”

Rebecca nodded and tugged Scootaloo forward. The large oak door opened and a cold wind whipped inside. The girls led their ponies out into the freezing city and waited for instructions from their mothers.

After Jen ensured the door was locked, she thrust her hands into her pockets and started shivering. “Okay! L-Let’s get g-going!” she said through clattering teeth. She waddled to the front of the group and wasted no time in walking up the sidewalk. The group followed her brisk pace, the ponies trailing behind, practically being dragged by their leashes.

“Princess, walk in front of me,” Rebecca commanded, tugging on Scootaloo’s leash. The filly coughed and reluctantly obeyed. Diamond Tiara felt superior, riding high and mighty from Tiffany’s backpack.

Right at the corner of Broadway and 104th street was the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Parlor; only two blocks from where Zack and Jen lived. The walk took less than five minutes, but when they reached the storefront, Scootaloo and Miss Fluffypuff were exhausted.

Rebecca and her mother wasted no time pushing through the double doors and dragging their ponies along behind them. By the time Kristin and Tiffany crossed the street and entered, the other two had already reserved seats.

“Thanks for waiting up, sis,” Kristin said sarcastically as she slid into the booth. Tiffany removed her backpack and set it on her lap as she took her seat.

Diamond Tiara looked back and forth, not seeing her fellow ponies. A sneeze from beneath the table made her look down, and she saw Scootaloo staring up at her. “Enjoy the walk?” Diamond Tiara asked smugly.

“Tiffany, put your pony on the floor with the others,” Jen whispered frantically. An older woman with glasses and a Ben and Jerry’s uniform started making her way over to their table (trying to force a smile even though she hated her job).

“Can’t she sit up here with me?” Tiffany asked, pouting her lips.

“Just do as Auntie Jen says, okay?” Kristin said, putting her hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

“What? No! “I refuse to dine on the floor with—Hey!” Diamond Tiara was cut short when the backpack slid beneath the table with her in it. She landed at Tiffany’s feet and glared up at the little girl. “Don’t forget my frozen yogurt!” she shouted up.

A pair of wrinkled, sagging legs in pantyhose walked up to the edge of the table and Diamond Tiara stared in disgust. “Good afternoon, I’m Linda, and I’ll be your server today,” the waitress said. There was the light metallic sound of spoons being placed followed by the sliding of menus across the table. “Do you know what you’ll be having today?”

“Cherry Garcia!” Rebecca shouted without a moment’s hesitation.

“Me too!” Tiffany said, and a moan of disgust came from Rebecca.

“Copy cat!”

The two girls went back and forth for a moment and the waitress let out an aggravated sigh. Diamond Tiara could see her foot tap up and down impatiently, sending ripples up her leg.

“Just a bottled water for me,” Jen said once the girls calmed down. There was a pause and everyone at the table looked to Kristin.

“Uh, can I just have a minute?” she asked, flipping the menu over and over again.

Once more, the waitress sighed, but Jen laughed, “Just get her a pint of frozen strawberry yogurt; it’s her faaavorite.”

“Sis, I’m trying to lose—”

“Two Cherry Garcia’s, a bottle of water, and a frozen strawberry yogurt; I’ll go put those right in for you,” the waitress interrupted. She quickly grabbed up the menus and walked away, not wanting to deal with the drama of customers.

“Hey! You forgot mine!” Diamond Tiara yelled out at the waitress. The pony climbed out of the backpack and contemplated running out into the crowded dining area to demand her frozen yogurt. The firm grip Kristin had on her leash was the only thing that stopped her.

Both Scootaloo and Miss Fluffypuff sat quietly on the dirty floor; the snow from the humans’ boots melting and forming cold, muddy puddles around them. Their leashes were tied in complicated knots around the legs of the table, discouraging them from escaping.

“That human; she likes you,” Miss Fluffypuff said quietly, looking at Diamond Tiara. “Do you think she can help us?”

“She’s, like, seven. She has even less power than we do,” Diamond Tiara said, rolling her eyes. She looked seriously at the filly and asked, “So you’re really Celestia?”

“I think she is, I mean, her cutie mark is this same,” Scootaloo whispered. She pointed her hoof at the sun emblazoned on the white filly’s flanks.

Diamond Tiara scoffed and turned to Scootaloo. “You’re no expert on cutie marks, blank-flank. Let me see.” She walked up to Miss Fluffypuff and stared at the filly’s flank, trying to recall the one time she’d seen the REAL Princess Celestia up close. The sun on the filly’s flank was similar, but she still wasn’t convinced.

“As powerful as you are, how did Discord do this to you?” Diamond Tiara asked skeptically. She took a few steps back so she could look at the filly’s face.

Shame swept across her face and she looked up to address her interrogator. “I was careless. I rushed in without thinking, because I feared for my subjects’ well being. It was clearly a trap, but I thought I could handle Discord’s tricks.”

“I guess not,” Diamond Tiara said without a hint of sympathy. “So then, Celestia, are you saying we’re stuck here because you messed up?”

The white filly’s expression changed from shame to anger in an instant. “Do not talk to me that way, child.” She stood up and approached Diamond Tiara, an air of authority surrounding her. “My sister will come to our aid; we just need to contact her before Discord does.”

Meanwhile, above the table, the humans were exchanging petty small talk, trying to kill time until their waitress returned. Tiffany and Rebecca refused to make eye contact with each other as their mothers spoke. Finally, the waitress reappeared, holding a tray with three pints of ice-cream and a bottle of water.

“Cherry Garcia, Cherry Garcia, frozen yogurt, and the water,” she said as she passed the tray’s contents out. “If there’s anything else I can get you, just ask.” The tone of her voice really meant, if you need something, bother someone else.

Kristin looked at her frozen yogurt and thought about all the calories it contained. Diamond Tiara had wanted frozen yogurt, she thought to herself. She gave a clandestine peek under the table, and then a light tug on the leash she still held in her other hand.

Diamond Tiara turned and glared, but her expression changed to mild surprise when she saw a pint of frozen yogurt being waved in front of her. Jen was busy texting, and Rebecca and Tiffany were too focused on their own ice cream to notice Kristin had slipped hers beneath the table.

Without a word, Diamond Tiara snatched the pint of frozen dairy and brought it to the floor. Celestia and Scootaloo looked at her in surprise (and with a hint of jealousy) as she greedily licked her treat.

“Those two act differently from the ones imprisoning us,” Celestia whispered very quietly.

“Ha,” Diamond Tiara laughed in between laps of frozen yogurt. “You should see the other one. He’s nothing like these two.”

“The one that bought you?” Scootaloo asked.

Diamond Tiara nodded. “Yeah, he seems alright, I guess. He told me he was going to help me get home, but I know he won’t.”

“Was his name David by chance?” Celestia asked.

Diamond Tiara stopped licking her frozen yogurt and looked to the filly with one eyebrow raised. “Yeah, why?” she asked.

“Discord mentioned him to Zack last night. It was…odd. It almost seemed like Discord was concerned, but the conversation was so brief, I couldn’t tell.”

“You probably imagined it; Discord doesn’t care about anypony or any human. That’s why he foalnapped us all and sold us here,” Diamond Tiara said with a shrug.

“I still think David might listen to Princess Celestia,” Scootaloo whispered.

“Whatever,” Diamond Tiara said. Suddenly, all the feet around the ponies scuffled as the humans stood up from their seats. “They’re leaving already? I’m not done yet!”

Jen peered beneath the table and smiled at the ponies. They looked at her with mixed reactions as she quickly untied the leashes and stood back up. She handed the ends of the leashes to her daughter and said, “Stay with Aunt Kristin, I’m going to go pay.”

Tiffany’s hands reached down until they made contact with her pony. A quiver of disgust went through Diamond Tiara’s body as she felt the sticky fingers of the little girl press against her fur.

“Ew, gross, gross, gross!” Diamond Tiara shouted, looking at the ice cream smeared face smiling down at her. “I’ll walk, just put me down!” She wriggled free and followed the leash to Kristin.

“Tiffany, let’s go get you washed up,” Kristin said, looking at her daughter and shaking her head. When Jen returned, Kristin handed her Diamond Tiara’s leash, and quickly escorted Tiffany to the washroom.

After a moment, they reappeared; the smears of cherry and chocolate washed clean from the little girl’s face. They left the busy ice cream store, catching many strange looks as they walked a trio of colorful ponies out into the city. Their trip back was just as brisk as the trip there; Jen leading the way with no regard for the ponies tethered to her.

She climbed up the steps and unlocked the door as fast she could manage with her shaking hands. As soon as all the ponies had scampered in behind her, she slammed the door shut and collapsed against it. “I need a cancer stick,” she said with a long sigh. And just like that, she flung the door back open and removed a cigarette from within her jacket. She plopped down on the cold, stone step, lit the cigarette, and closed the door behind her.

“Come on Tiffany, let’s go play that game,” Rebecca said slow and deliberately. She threw off her winter attire and waited at the foot of the stairs for her cousin.

“Mommy wants to get going soon, okay?” Kristin said as she helped her daughter out of her boots.

Tiffany looked at her pony with concern and then to her mother. “Can we leave now?” she asked, trying to prevent her mother from helping her with her coat. Her cousin glared at her from the staircase.

“Auntie Jen and I still have to discuss one more thing first,” Kristin explained.

Tiffany sighed and reluctantly followed her cousin up the staircase. Once back in the pink room, Rebecca shut the door and grinned. The three ponies sat together, watching and wondering just what was going on.

“So here’s how it’s going to work,” Rebecca began, “We’re going to play Island Adventure Resort.” She walked over to her large, flat screen television and turned it on with the push of a button. The screen lit up and displayed the blank HDMI channel until Rebecca turned on the game console next to it.

“But I don’t know how to play,” Tiffany repeated, but her cousin ignored her.

“We’ll play fifteen turns, and whoever wins gets the loser’s pony.” She opened a drawer on her television cabinet and removed four strange controllers with screens on them.

“Wait, hold on,” Diamond Tiara interrupted. She stepped forward and stood next to Tiffany defensively. “I’ll not be betted off like some cheap carnival prize!”

“Be quiet, pony,” Rebecca said, sliding two of the controllers across the carpet. “I make the rules. You and Tiffany will face off against Princess and me.”

Diamond Tiara looked down at the strange controller and then back up to the little girl. “So if we win, you lose Princess?” she asked.

Scootaloo quite liked the idea, but Rebecca shook her head angrily. “No! She’ll get Miss Fluffypuff, but I’m not going to lose!”

“Then Miss Fluffypuff has to play instead,” Diamond Tiara demanded.

Rebecca looked at her cousin’s pony angrily and clenched her fists. “Fine,” she said, tossing a controller to Celestia. “But I’m still not going to lose.” She then glared at Celestia and clarified, “We’re not going to lose.”

The disc inside the game console started spinning and the colorful title screen of Island Adventure Resort filled the television. Tropical steel drum music played as Rebecca began setting up the game. The ponies looked at their controllers with fascination when the screens on them suddenly lit up.

“Is this going to be like that stupid bowling game?” Diamond Tiara asked Tiffany.

“I don’t know,” she replied. Her lip began quivering and her eyes began sparkling. “I don’t want to lose you, Diamond!” She began sobbing silently and wiped her nose.

“Gross, stop it,” Diamond Tiara said, looking at the girl with a mixture of disgust and pity. She had no strong feelings for Tiffany or her family, but the thought of being trapped with this evil little girl was unbearable. She slowly put her hoof out and touched Tiffany’s shoulder. “We won’t lose,” she assured her.

Celestia stared at her controller as Rebecca went over all the controls and the function of each button. When the girl finished, Celestia looked up and nodded with determination. “I fully understand, and shall not disappoint you,” Celestia said.

“You better not,” Rebecca growled, finally starting the game.

A colorful island appeared on the television and the individual game controllers. Four little people stood on a large square at the base of a volcano, each with an indicator above their heads. Instructions appeared, but Rebecca rapidly pushed a button on her controller, making the text scroll by illegibly.

“That all looked important,” Celestia said quietly.

“Be quiet, Miss Fluffypuff,” Rebecca growled. A spinning die appeared above the character labeled P-1 and Rebecca pushed a button on her controller. The character on the screen jumped and stopped the die on a six, then proceeded to move forward six squares.

“Oh, so this is like Mario Party?” Tiffany asked excitedly. Her father had a box full of old game consoles in storage that he liked to take out every now and then. Tiffany’s favorite had always been a video game titled Mario Party, where you roll dice and race around a game board.

“No, this is nothing like that,” Rebecca said as if she had been personally offended. Her turn ended and Player Two’s Turn appeared on the screen. “Okay, hit A,” Rebecca instructed Celestia.

Celestia obeyed and her character stopped the spinning die on a 1. “Is that good?” she asked, looking to Rebecca excitedly.

“No,” she replied bluntly.

Both Tiffany and Diamond Tiara managed to roll 5’s and their characters progressed up the volcano. As soon as Diamond Tiara’s character stopped, Mini-Game appeared in bold letters on the screen.

“Okay, listen to me Miss Fluffypuff,” Rebecca said sternly. “We need to win all the mini-games. So don’t screw this up.”

Thousands of balloons flew across the screen and when they disappeared, the four characters were standing in a shooting type gallery. A ten second timer appeared and slowly began counting down.

“What do I do?” Celestia asked.

“Shoot the balloons, aim with the controller, hit A, and don’t miss,” Rebecca instructed, lifting her controller up from the floor. Tiffany mimicked her cousin, but the two ponies just looked at their controllers in contemplation. Diamond Tiara tried lifting and holding the awkward controller, but it simply slid out of her hooves.

“This is even dumber than the bowling game!” she complained. She looked over and saw Celestia supporting the controller out in front of her with her tail and getting ready to push the buttons with her hooves. As the timer hit 0, Diamond Tiara managed to get in the same position and aimed at the screen.

Balloons floated up and instantly started popping as Rebecca and Tiffany shot at them. Diamond Tiara eventually got the hang of it and managed to pop a few balloons. Celestia was mashing furiously on her controller the entire thirty seconds, and even for a few moments after the timer had stopped.

“I’m sure that was a flawless victory,” Rebecca said smugly, setting her controller down and waiting for the results to display. One by one, the scores rolled in from best performance to worst. Rebecca topped the board with forty hits and two misses, Tiffany at thirty hits and six misses, Diamond Tiara with ten hits and zero misses, and last place was Celestia with zero hits and one hundred and six misses.

“We win!” Tiffany exclaimed, looking at the combined scores.

“No!” Rebecca shouted. “That’s not fair!” She turned and physically slapped the white filly across the muzzle. “You’re stupid!”

The room went silent except for the obnoxious victory music playing through the television. Celestia slowly turned to face the little girl; the point of impact still stinging from the hit. “It is just a game,” she said calmly. “And I will play it how I choose.”

“You’re losing on purpose!” Rebecca shouted, pointing her finger in accusation.

“Tiffany! Time to go!” Kristin’s voice shouted from down the stairs. Tiffany looked at the door and then to her cousin who was fuming with anger. She didn’t dare move, but she didn’t want to stay either.

“You’ll stay until I win,” Rebecca commanded. She went back to staring at the screen and made her character roll the die. Once the character moved forward three spaces, she turned to Celestia. “Your turn,” she said with a glare.

“I’ll pass,” Celestia replied, sliding the controller away from herself.

Rebecca grabbed the controller and thrust it back at the filly. “You can’t pass, just go!” A vein started throbbing on the little girl’s temple and her face turned red.

Celestia simply crossed her hooves in front of her and put her nose into the air. “Then I forfeit,” she said to Rebecca’s extreme aggravation.

“You know what?!” Rebecca said, standing up and grabbing Celestia by the tail. She lifted the suddenly fearful pony from the floor and swung her toward Tiffany. “You can have this stupid pony! Princess is better than two stupid ponies anyway!”

Celestia was released mid swing and sailed into Tiffany’s waiting arms. “Thank you,” the pony said quietly.

“Now get your stupid ponies out of here,” Rebecca said, picking Scootaloo up and throwing her down at the tea party table. “Princess and I have important things to do.”

The orange filly looked at the others with fear and silently begged to be taken away as well. Rebecca proceeded to pass her the tin of “poisoned” cookies and waited for her to take one. Scootaloo had no choice but to play along and grabbed a sugar cookie between her hooves.

The sound of footsteps echoed outside the room as Kristin and Jen made their way up to check on the girls. Before Jen could open the door, Tiffany pushed it open and walked out with Diamond Tiara already on her leash.

“So, did you have a good time?” Jen asked, getting down on one knee to be eye level with Tiffany.

“Um, kinda,” Tiffany said shyly.

“That’s good,” Kristin said, already detecting her daughter’s displeasure. “Let’s get your things and we’ll go home.” She then looked down at Diamond Tiara, surprised to see her outside the backpack.

“I’ll be walking back,” the pony said before Kristin could ask. Kristin shrugged and walked down the stairs behind her daughter and pony. Tiffany carefully set her backpack down and put her boots and coat on.

“I’m so glad you could stop by,” Jen said, distracting Kristin with a quick embrace. Tiffany hoisted her backpack onto her back and waited for her mother to lead the way back home.

Kristin was released from her sister and looked at her with sisterly concern. “It was no problem, just, you know, be careful,” Kristin said. She then mimed out smoking a cigarette, and then rubbed her stomach.

“Yes, I know, I’ll quit!” Jen said, opening the door. “Just don’t tell Zack about the you-know-what!” She gave her sister a quick peck on the cheek and ushered her out the door.

----

Zack whistled casually as he made his way through the crowded parking garage. He fished through his pockets, finding his keys and pushing one of the buttons on them. The headlights of a silver BMW flashed in the distance and he began making his way towards it.

The car was perfectly centered between two parking spots, but Zack didn’t care. He hopped into the vehicle and started the powerful engine. His day was over, and he wanted nothing more than to go home and relax. He shifted into drive and carelessly sped through the dimly lit parking garage toward the exit.

A taxi cab had to slam on its brakes, but Zack got out into the New York traffic without a single problem. The blaring of the horn behind him was just ambient noise beneath the blaring of his radio. Zack stopped at a red light and drummed out the beat of the Foo Fighters song on his steering wheel.

“Don’t wanna be your monkey wrench!” he sang along. Suddenly, the radio station went silent and only the light crackle of static came out of the speakers. “The hell?” He fumbled with dial and couldn’t get any other station to come in.

“Hello Zackie.”

Zack’s head flew up and he saw Discord staring back at him from the rear view mirror. “D-Discord, buddy, what are you doin’ here?” Zack asked nervously.

Discord grinned and removed a scroll of parchment from inside his blazer. “Strictly business,” he said, unraveling it. He ran his finger along the words until he got to a part that was glowing red.

Several horns honked behind the BMW and a few cars swerved around. Zack realized the light was green and accelerated back into traffic. “T-There’s not something wrong, is there?”

“Oh, there’s plenty wrong, Zackie,” Discord said with an evil grin. “It would appear Becky has violated your contact; in several ways, might I add.”

Zack tried to focus on the road, but the man in his backseat had the majority of his attention. Horns honked again as he ran a red light and nearly took out several people crossing an intersection.

“Let’s see,” Discord brought the document in front of Zack’s face, obscuring his vision from the road, “It would appear your little step-daughter struck her new pony. If that wasn’t bad enough, she then gave that pony away!”

Zack ripped the contract out of Discord’s hands and threw it behind him. “Okay, so what do I owe you?!” He put his hands back on the wheel and narrowly avoided a parked SUV.

“You read the contract; you should know,” Discord said, raising his cane. The jeweled eyes of the dragon’s head gleamed as they stared at Zack. “In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a reminder!”

With those words, Discord tapped the cane against Zack’s head, sending waves of glowing magic across his body. His muscles tensed up and he fought to keep control of the vehicle. Suddenly, his foot smashed onto the accelerator and the BMW lurched forward.

“You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last, Zackie, my boy!” Discord shouted over the man’s screams. His yellow eyes spun wildly in their sockets as he laughed a hearty laugh. “Be seeing you!”

Zack looked back in his rearview mirror only to see the back seat empty. The BMW’s engine roared as he careened toward a crowded intersection, and he went to cut the wheel. The last thing he saw before the crash was a pair of hooves where his hands should have been.

Author's Notes:

So, sorry about the icecream parlor part. It was kinda filler, but I needed to establish Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo accepted the fact Miss Fluffypuff was really Princess Celestia. As always, you're gonna find some dialogue or phrasing that doesn't make sense. I just ask you could point it out in the comments so I can patch that up. My editor will be returning in two more weeks and I won't have to do it myself!

And now this is where things are really going to start picking up. I'll try to do new chapters every 2-3 weeks.

IX: As Seen on TV

David rubbed his eyes, trying to get them to focus on his computer monitor. He’d run the code before his vacation and it had worked just fine, but for some reason upon his return, it gave him numerous errors. The lack of sleep had put a toll on his usually keen troubleshooting abilities, and he finally decided to take a break.

He spun around in his chair and got ready to navigate the cubicle maze to the break room. As he walked, he listened to the rapid clicking and clacking coming from each of the cubicles. Judging by the sounds of it, several of the other programmers were encountering errors of their own.

Out in the quiet hallway, David gave a quick glance in each direction before taking his cell phone out of his pocket. Kristin hadn’t picked up when he’d called her that morning, and his phone displayed no new messages. He sighed and tucked it back into his pocket.

I hope nothing happened, David thought as he walked toward the break room. His dream had seemed a bit too vivid, and his mind kept going back to it. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize he was being spoken to.

“Uh, hello? Earth to David, you come in?”

David stopped walking and turned to see a tall African American man leaning against a water cooler. He held a brightly wrapped box in one hand, and a paper cup in the other. Both his eyebrows were raised as he stared at David, waiting for an answer.

“Oh, Mani, how’s it going?” David asked, shaking out of his stupor.

“Good, good,” the man replied. “You alright? You walkin’ like a zombie. Almost thought I was gonna have to go Daryl Dixon on your ass.”

Walking Dead reference—just laugh, David’s subconscious whispered. “Hah, no, I’m fine,” David chuckled, leaning against the wall. “Uh, have a good Christmas?”

“Was alright,” Mani replied, crushing his paper cup and tossing it into the bin. He then presented the gift he’d been holding to David and said, “I got you a little something.”

David took the gift and instantly knew that it was a DVD box inside the wrapping. “I left yours at my desk, gimme a sec, I’ll go get it,” he said, turning to go back up the hallway.

“Nah, worry about it later,” Mani said, putting his hand out to stop David. “You headed to the break room? I’ll join you.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” David said, turning back around. Together, the two walked up the still decorated hallway and toward the break room. The holiday decorations lining the hall had been set up by human resources in an attempt to boost morale in the workplace. All it really did was waste five hours of the HR department’s already unproductive day setting it all up.

The break room was decorated in a similar manner, and David got an urge to just tear it all down. He and Mani grabbed their usual seats right in front of the flat screen TV mounted to the wall. A couple other people in the break room were fixated on the TV rather than engaging in conversation.

David sat with his back to the screen and looked around for something to talk about. He didn’t really want to bring up his “pony problems” to Mani, so he resorted to small talk. “You’d think HR would have had these decorations down by now,” David mumbled.

“Yeah,” Mani pointed around at various ornaments, “Melissa loves setting this shit up, but she ain’t never want to take it down.” He then returned his focus to David and said, “She wasn’t in her office this morning. Guess she must have had a wild Christmas.”

“Yeah, probably,” David replied with disinterest. He didn’t care for his human resources manager all that much, although Mani had a bad habit of creeping on her.

“I heard her talkin’ last week that she bought her daughter—get this—a pony for Christmas!” Mani laughed and waited for David to join in. When all David did was stare, Mani just shrugged it off and pressed on. “So, what you get Tiffany for Christmas? No ponies, right?”

Mani started laughing at his own joke and David chuckled nervously, “Actually, yeah, a pink one that talks.”

“One of them new “Little Pony” toys, right?” Mani asked. “Those things are friggin’ expensive, I wouldn’t waste the money.”

The break room doors swung open and several of the other programmers trudged in. David was on the verge of telling Mani about Diamond Tiara, but he quickly lost the motivation with the threat of being heard by others. To make things worse, someone grabbed the control to the television and turned the volume up.

Mani’s attention quickly deviated to the TV behind David and the grin faded from his face. “Damn, that sucks,” he said, pointing behind David.

David turned and saw an NBC field reporter on the screen, with several crashed cars in the background. The banner at the bottom of the screen read, “1 dead, 3 injured in bizarre crash”. The newsroom anchor was still speaking when David started listening.

“—leaving one dead, and three in critical condition. Sarah Heiser is out in the field with more. Sarah?”

“Rick, I’m still here in front of Madison Square Garden where officials are still trying to figure out how a miniature horse got behind the wheel of the vehicle that witnesses claim caused the crash.”

Did she just say a horse caused a car crash?

Mani tried getting David’s attention, but David was too fixed on the screen. Men in police uniforms worked the scene as paramedics tended to the injured. The screen cut away to a witness being interviewed earlier.

“Yeah, I was standin’ right here when it happened, and, ya know, I go to make sure everybody okay,” the witness said, adding in hand motions for emphasis. “So I open the door, and there’s this little pony, I kid you not, a little pony, strapped into the driver’s seat!”

“And did you see anyone else?” the reporter asked.

“No, it was just the pony, and man, I ain’t never seen a pony like that ‘cept in the cartoons! It was bleedin’, but I swear it had red fur! And its hair was like, green or somethin’!

The camera cut back to the live feed where the reporter was standing next to a New York police officer. “I’ve been informed that the pony has been taken to a local veterinarian clinic while officials search for the owner. Standing here with me is Officer Kelley of the NYPD with more information on the driver.”

“The vehicle that caused the crash is registered to a Zachary Folsom, yet he was found nowhere near the scene after the crash.”

David’s jaw dropped and he felt Mani’s hand clasp down on his shoulder.

“Yo, ain’t that your brother-in-law?” Mani asked with concern. David’s lips moved but he couldn’t seem to form any words. He didn’t know what to say, so he continued listening to the news report.

“We’ve had reports coming in from other drivers claiming Mr. Folsom was behind the wheel shortly before the crash. There are also scattered claims there was a second individual in the vehicle that was not the pony.” A large picture of Zack with the NYPD’s contact information appeared on the screen. “If you have any information, don’t hesitate to call.”

David’s mind was going a mile a minute as he stood up and ran out of the break room. Zack. Colorful pony. Taken to vet. Second individual. The contract. Discord. He knew he had to get home and make sure both Tiffany and Diamond Tiara were safe. Kristin and Jen were probably already hysterical, making matters worse. There’d be investigators and reporters showing up, asking questions, poking and prodding, and if they found Diamond Tiara…

Mani and several others watched as David ran through the doors, fully understanding his concern. The room was quiet except for the continuing news broadcast, and most turned their attention back to it.

“Coming up after the break, we continue the trend with more equine news: Hasbro’s new My Little Pony toy reaches record sales, New York prepares its New Years celebration, welcoming in the year of the horse, and surprising video footage of a man stealing a girl’s pet pony right out of her arms.”

The last part of the previews showed black and white footage taken from a security camera of a woman and a little girl waiting to cross an intersection. With a three second delay between frames, a man ran up to the two and snatched what appeared to be a pony out of the little girl’s arms, and then ran off. Mani squinted at the screen and looked closely at the woman.

“Huh, that kinda looks like Melissa,” he said to himself.

-----------------------------------------

David pushed through the crowded streets as he tried to get home as fast as possible. For once, he didn’t care about how many people he bumped into, and ignored their complaints and insults as he ran past. His breath plumed out as he breathed heavily, the cold air burning his lungs. He hadn’t bothered going back to his cubicle to grab his jacket, and his collared shirt provided no protection from the elements.

The only thing he did have on him was his cell phone, and it started vibrating. He slowed his pace enough to slip his hand into his pocket and remove the phone before taking off at a sprint again.

“Hello?” he asked, even though he knew who it was.

“David, there was an accident! Zack—” Kristin’s voice came though the speaker but David cut her off.

“—has been turned into a pony, I know,” he said, dodging honking cars as he maneuvered through a busy intersection.

There was a small pause before Kristin replied, “W-what? No! David, he was in a car crash! Jen doesn’t know what to do! The police are asking all sorts of questions!”

A taxi came to a screeching halt inches from David and he slid over the hood before continuing running. “I’m on my way home; just keep Tiffany and Diamond Tiara safe.”

He ended the call and focused his attention back to his path. Zack’s contract—how did it get broken? Was it something he did? Or was it Rebecca? Or Jen? Wait… David slid to a stop and looked around. People stared at him as they passed him by, sure that he was crazy. What are they going to do with Zack?

He shook his head, clearing the thought, and continued on. Before long, the thought returned, however. What do you think they’re going to do with a talking pony? Will they let the press know? No, because some government organization will probably show up to keep everything hush-hush.

People moved out of David’s way as he stormed into the apartment building’s lobby. He mashed onto the elevator button and tapped his foot impatiently. The doors opened and he stepped inside, relieved that it was empty.

How many other people bought ponies? He thought back to the room full of ponies and rationalized there must have been at least fifty still in cages. Who knows how many of them he sold? And how many had he sold before that? There could be hundreds running around.

"Not your problem," the much more collected part of David's mind spoke coolly.

But it will be if the government or God knows who or what else start looking for them. I'm essentially harboring an alien!

"Calm down," the collected voice said over his frantic thoughts. "You have nothing to worry about. Just don't break the contract. Doing that would be far worse than whatever else could happen."

I don't know what's on the freakin' contract! David slammed his fist against the side of the elevator, leaving a dent above the button panel. The elevator slowed and the doors opened with a cheery ding. The hallway was empty and only the muffled sounds of someone's television set could be heard through the wall. David composed himself and walked hurriedly toward his apartment.

The door was unlocked and he let himself in. Kristin was pacing around the kitchen and looking at her cell phone. As soon as the door shut, she turned and gave David an exhausted look.

"They still haven't found Zack," Kristin said in despair.

"I know," David said quickly. "Have the police been here?"

"No, but they're still at Jen's," Kristin replied. "They keep asking her about the ponies. She thinks Zack bought Rebecca a third pony, and that's the one they found in his car."

"A third pony? What do you mean, a third pony?" David asked.

"Tiffany and I went over to visit Jen today, and Rebecca had two ponies. I guess Zack bought her another one last night."

David looked over to Tiffany's door and saw that it was shut. "Did anything happen while you were over there?" David asked, turning back to Kristin.

She shook her head and looked back to her phone. "No, all we did was go to Ben and Jerry's for ice cream. We never even saw Zack, he was at work."

Through Tiffany's door, David could hear Tiffany and Diamond Tiara engaged in conversation. Occasionally, a voice spoke that he did not recognize, and he moved closer to listen. Kristin had continued talking, but David tuned out her voice to focus.

His hand reached for the door knob and slowly turned it. The conversation inside the room stopped as the door swung inward. Sitting on the floor was Tiffany, Diamond Tiara, and a little white filly. The unfamiliar pony looked at David with confident eyes, and stood up to greet him.

"Daddy!" Tiffany shouted, running past the filly, nearly knocking it over. Tiffany grabbed hold of David's leg and squeezed affectionately. "Look! I have a new pony!" She released her father's leg and quickly snatched the pony off the floor, cradling it in her arms.

"Pleased to meet you," the filly said, looking up at David.

Kristin walked into the room behind David, still talking, and stopped mid-sentence. "Tiffany! Is that Becky's pony?!" Kristin shrieked.

"Yeah," Tiffany said quietly. Her expression suddenly perked up and she smiled at her mother. "I won her!"

"We won her, thank you very much," Diamond Tiara chimed in, joining the group.

"For the record, I let you win," the filly said.

Kristin and David looked at their daughter in disbelief. David quickly turned his attention to his wife and asked, "How did she get her back here?"

"In my backpack!" Tiffany answered proudly, pointing to the My Little Pony backpack on her bed.

"Please, it's aside the point," the filly said, getting everyone's attention. "My name is Princess Celestia, and I need your help."

"Hold on, first things first," David said, "my brother-in-law is a pony now! Let's focus on that!"

The room went quiet and Kristin looked at her husband like he was crazy. "What? What are you talking about?" she asked.

"His contract was violated," Celestia said calmly.

Kristin looked at the filly as if she had forgotten it could speak. "You're serious? That pony in the car crash was Zack?"

"Crash?" Celestia asked, tilting her head.

A loud knock came on the apartment door and David turned to Kristin. They waited a moment and another knock sounded, followed by, "NYPD!"

"Hide the ponies, I'll answer it," David whispered. He closed the door to Tiffany's room behind him and slowly crossed the living room. Just as the officer on the other side of the door got ready to knock a third time, David opened the door.

"Hello," a gruff looking police officer said. He stood a full head taller than David, and was about twice as wide. He flashed his badge and asked, "Are you David LeCompt?"

"Yes, that's me. Is this about my brother-in-law?" David asked, not wanting to draw things out. "Because I haven't seen him since last night."

"You're aware of the accident, I assume," the officer asked, peering into the apartment.

"Yes, it's terrible. If he didn't drive like such an ass--"

"Is your wife home?" the officer interrupted.

David looked back at Tiffany's door and saw that it was still closed. "Yes, she's in with my daughter right now."

The officer remained quiet and stared at the door for a moment. "May I come in?"

"Do you have a warrant?" David asked almost immediately. No! Stupid! Wrong thing to say! What do you think this is, CSI: NY?! David clenched his teeth and listened to his angry thoughts scold him.

The officer's brow furrowed, and he asked, "Do I need one?"

"No, no, please, come in!" David insisted, laughing nervously as he stepped out of the officer's way. The officer looked at him suspiciously before entering the apartment.

"Mr. LeCompt, are you aware your brother-in-law bought ponies for his step-daughter for Christmas?"

David offered the officer a seat, but he ignored it and walked slowly around the apartment. "Yes, Rebecca had one with her at our Christmas party last night."

"Did he tell you where he bought it?"

"No," David answered.

"I see." The officer turned to look at David. "The pony that was in Mr. Folsom's car matches the description of one that was stolen late last night. There aren't many red and green ponies in New York city, I can assure you."

The door to Tiffany's room opened and Kristin walked out, shutting the door behind her. She made eye contact with the officer and smiled as she casually walked over to David.

"They think the pony in Zack's car was stolen," David said, leaning to whisper into Kristin's ear. He was still trying to process the words through his own mind. He knew that the pony they found was actually Zack. Could it be that the theft of an identical pony was coincidence?

Kristin had had a hard time with the existence of talking ponies. The thought of her brother-in-law being turned into a pony was more than she could actually believe. The idea that it was simply a talking pony that Zack had stolen was much easier to digest. Even better if the pony hadn't actually talked.

"Zack stole a pony?" Kristin asked with genuine surprise.

"It looks like it," the officer replied. "But until we find him, nothing is sure." The officer walked his way back to the apartment door and turned to Kristin and David. "One last question before I go, and this is completely off the record," the officer lowered his voice and his expression changed to uncertainty, "the pony he had with him last night -- did it…talk?"

Kristin and David looked at the officer, slightly confused. "Um, uh, no. I mean, a talking pony? That's a bit weird, wouldn't you say?" David chuckled.

The officer laughed, but he was still clearly concerned. "Yeah, it's just…when I pulled that pony from the wreck today, I swear it said something." There was an awkward silence following the officer's comment. Suddenly, he stood up straight and his hardened expression returned. "Thank you for your cooperation."

And with that, the officer left, closing the door on his way out.

Author's Notes:

After a very VERY long wait, I offer you this new chapter! I have a laptop now, so I can type wherever and whenever I please. Once I have my own place to live, which may be the end of August, you can expect regular updates.

X: Instructions Not Included

"So you're a real princess?" Tiffany asked excitedly.

Celestia nodded as she took another bite from her apple. She'd not eaten during her time with Rebecca, and made up for it by consuming every apple David had to offer. David was at the other end of the table scrolling though news articles on his iPad, trying to find the veterinary clinic Zack had been taken to.

While Celestia ate, Tiffany ran a brush through her pink mane. "You humans are far kinder than the ones I spent the last day with," Celestia said, finishing her apple. "Yet still I wonder…"

David looked up from his iPad to see the filly looking at him with narrowed eyes. He could feel her judging him, trying to get a feel for his character.

"Why did you purchase one of my subjects from Discord?" Celestia asked slowly.

Diamond Tiara, who had been sitting off in the corner of the apartment, suddenly perked up. Because he's an idiot, she answered in her head. She must have thought the phrase so loudly that David actually heard it. He looked over to Diamond Tiara to find she was glaring at him.

"I, um, I know now that I shouldn't have," David tried explaining. He looked back at Celestia to see she still had her eyes narrowed. He hadn't answered her question.

Kristin looked up from her phone to look at her husband. She'd known him ten years and he'd always done things she didn't understand. But there was never any ill motivation behind it all, and this time was no different. "It's because he loves our daughter."

The ponies turned their attention to Kristin and her face grew red. "That is a noble reason," Celestia replied, her expression softening a little. "I know your world is different than ours, and here we are merely viewed as pets, or possessions."

"But we're not," Diamond Tiara stated, stepping forward. "And we have families too, you know."

"Yes, I know," David sighed, putting his head in his hands. "I want to help, but I have to get my brother-in-law before anything happens to him."

Kristin cleared her throat loudly, but didn't look away from her phone. She still didn't believe Zack had been turned into a pony. The thought was crazier than the talking ponies currently sitting before her. Maybe I have schizophrenia, she thought. I have been under a lot of stress, maybe I'm just imagining this. These are just toys, that's all.

"That one that bought me, Zack, has been turned into one of us, almost like a symbol of karmatic fate. But Discord isn't known for bringing justice to the unjust; his only entertainment comes from chaos."

"Who exactly is Discord?" David asked, the question having bothered him long enough. "He's clearly not human. Is he really a pony, err, Equestrian, like you?"

Celestia took a deep breath and sighed. "He hails from Equestria, but he is certainly not a pony. He is the living embodiment of chaos, and up until recently, he had been reformed.

"My sister and I fought him long ago to bring order to our land, turning him into stone using relics called The Elements of Harmony. Many years passed, he broke out, and some of my brightest students turned him back to stone. I knew that I could find a use for his powers, so I released him and asked my students to reform him.

"This went well up until recently. He gained possession of some powerful artifacts which he used to come to your world."

"So he's like Loki?" David asked. Celestia tilted her head inquisitively, not recognizing the name. "Oh, never mind. Do know why he's here selling ponies, or turning the people he sold them to into ponies?"

"I know neither, but it is all part of his plan," Celestia sighed. She lifted her hooves to look at them. "Apparently trapping me in this form was also part of his plan."

Tiffany was growing restless listening to her parents talk with her ponies. All she wanted to do was play, and they kept talking about stuff she didn't understand. She stopped brushing Celestia's mane and walked over to Diamond Tiara.

The filly watched as the little girl smiled and sat next to her. "Oh, hi," Diamond Tiara said, looking away. She felt Tiffany scuffle across the floor and plant herself behind her. The brush made its way through her mane once or twice before it got caught, tugging painfully at the roots.

"Oops, sorry," Tiffany apologized, feeling the pony flinch. She worked through the knot and went back to brushing. "So, what are we going to do tomorrow?" She ran the brush through a few more times before Diamond Tiara answered.

"I don't care what you do, but I'm not doing anything." Diamond Tiara stood up and walked toward the couch. She pulled herself up onto the cushions and looked down at Tiffany. "Now that Celestia is here, maybe I can get home. I'm already sick of this place."

Tiffany frowned and stayed sitting on the floor. "But I don't want you to go. You're my best friend, remember?" Her eyes got big and wide, beginning to sparkle as tears formed.

Diamond Tiara let out an agitated groan and rolled her eyes. She found that she didn't hate Tiffany as much as she thought she would. After seeing Rebecca and how she treated Scootaloo and Celestia, things could be worse. And the other two, David and Kristin, stupid as they were, it was clear they were trying to make up for it.

"Yeah, we're friends," Diamond Tiara said at last. "Just find something fun for us to do tomorrow. No more of those stupid video games, though."

Tiffany rubbed her nose and smiled at her pony. Suddenly, Celestia hopped up on the couch next to Diamond Tiara. The conversation with David and Kristin had finally ended, and both adults stood watching from the kitchen. Their arms were crossed and they whispered to one another, but kept their eyes focused on Celestia.

"Young one," Celestia said, addressing Diamond Tiara, "were there any unicorn fillies or colts in the group that Discord brought you with?"

"A few, why?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"There is a spell I can hopefully teach them that will allow me to contact my sister. We just have to find them."

David stepped forward and the ponies turned their attention to him. "And a spell to help Zack, right?"

"That is what we agreed, yes," Celestia said with a nod. "Have you had any luck locating him?"

David turned back to his iPad and shook his head. "No, every article is just focusing on the crash, and where Zack might be. They don't even know he's the pony they dragged from the wreck, but who would?"

The clock in the dining room chimed, indicating it was already 7 PM. Kristin glanced at her phone for the millionth time and finally stuffed it into her pants pocket. "I'm going to check on my sister," she said, grabbing her jacket and walking toward the door.

"Kristin," David said, grabbing his wife by the arm. "I need you here."

"My sister needs me right now," Kristin said, gently easing from David's grip. "I'll pick up some apples on my way back, just in case you get turned into a pony while I'm gone."

David stared at the door for several moments after it had slammed shut. His wife's parting statement played through his head on loop while he stood there. She honestly doesn't care. Am I being punished?

"Daddy?" Tiffany tugged on her father's pants leg and looked up at him. "I'm hungry."

------------

…to dispatch…confirmed casualties…lots of blood…pony…pony…pony…

"No…I'll…paaaaaaay…pleeeeeeasssssse…"

…hello…talk?

"Help…me."

His plea echoed through the darkness, unanswered. Surely he was dying, and there wasn't anyone or anything that could help him. The owner of the voice he'd heard had simply left him to die. He tried calling out again, but all that escaped was a weak gurgle. A moment or two passed, and just as he was about to give up, he felt himself being lifted up, higher and higher.

What he could only assume were the hands of a giant had wrapped around his midsection and lifted him into the air. He did not try to resist as the hands carried him away into the darkness. He was not carried far before the hands placed him down onto a hard, metal surface.

He tried to move, to turn and look at the giant that had carried him, but his body ignored his commands. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his neck, followed by a warm, tingling sensation. The warmth flooded his brain, and soon sleep over took him. It was a deep sleep, and he was sure he would never wake from it, and had it not been for the pain, he wouldn't have.

It started in his legs and traveled to his chest, and then his arms. Nothing felt right, like his bones had been shifted and fused together in a different shape. He tried moving his fingers, but the signal from his brain never reached a destination. The same strange sensation occurred with his feet, and he started to panic. He found he could move everything up until those points, and began flailing.

The pain was unbearable, and he felt he may die from it alone. Amidst all the pain, he felt a jab in his neck, and the tingling warmth overtook him again. He went into an even deeper sleep, and this time when he awoke, he was being carried by much gentler hands. He didn't even care where they were taking him, so long as the pain stayed away.

But the hands only carried him a short distance before he felt a cold, damp surface beneath him. The hands released him, leaving him to lie wherever they'd left him. He wanted to call out, but felt that it would do no good. Wherever he was is where he was going to stay.

The young veterinarian looked over her notes as she struggled to compile her report. Her boss had performed the entire procedure while she took notes and handed him anything he needed. She'd been there for a year, and still had yet to even dirty her scrubs. A knock at the office door made her look up to see the head veterinarian smiling at her.

"Hey, Sarah, are you going to be okay to lock up if I take off?" The man already had his coat on and his keys in his hand.

"Yeah, after I finish with this report," she replied, holding up an x-ray to closer examine it.

"Alright, oh, and good job today. Not often we see something like that, huh?" the vet asked. Sarah shook her head, and scribbled something into her notes. "Have you checked on the little guy since you put him in his cage?"

"No, I'll do that when I'm done," she replied, flipping to the next x-ray. Her boss stood in the office doorway for a few moments, hoping the conversation would keep going. She ignored him, focusing on her work.

"Right, um, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yup."

The door to the office finally closed and Sarah listened as her boss exited the building. "Hope-less," she said, enunciating each syllable. She closed the manila folder of x-rays and stood up to take her phone out of her pocket. It was already a little after eight and her attention was waning.

She took the time to reply to a few text messages then sat and waited for replies. She'd managed to tell her boyfriend about the pony the NYPD had brought in, and had received his response, "LOL NO WAY R U SRS? SEND PICS!" He wasn't going to believe her if she didn't, so she sighed and turned in her chair.

Sarah stood up and flipped the light switch to the kennel area. The clinic had a rule about taking pictures in the kennels, but it wasn't like her boss would find out. She went through the door and the smell of bleach reached her nostrils. Up until Christmas, the room had smelled of piss and been full of barking dogs. However, because of the city's animal population, they had to euthanize all un-adopted animals on Christmas. Now, there was only a single animal in the room; a bandaged up, green and red pony.

The pony was lying on the floor of its cage exactly where she had left it after the operation. At first, she thought it might have died, but its chest was still going up and down slowly. She knelt in front of its cage and put her hand through to try and touch it.

"Hey there," she whispered. Her fingertips barely reached the pony, and she managed to give it a little prod. The pony stirred, and rolled over to look at her. Its eyes were the biggest, bluest eyes she'd ever seen, and she could see how much pain the creature was in. "I just wanna take a picture, okay?" she asked as if the pony would understand her.

It continued to stare at her through half laden eyes, as if it was only half awake. The lens of the cell phone's camera auto focused as Sarah got ready to take the picture. She looked at it on the screen to make sure she had as much of the pony in the shot as possible before snapping the picture. The flash of the phone went off, causing the pony's eyes to open wide.

"W-what's going on? Where am I?"

Sarah slowly lowered her phone and looked at the pony. "Did…did you just talk?" she asked, looking at the pony. Its eyes had glazed over again, and it stared right past her. "Hello?" she repeated, waving her hand in front of the pony's face.

Suddenly, the pony sprung up onto its hooves before collapsing in an instant. It cried and screamed and made all sorts of other horrible noises as it flailed on the floor. Sarah retracted her hand from the cage and went to go get a sedative from the cabinet in the corner of the room. She flung open the cabinet and grabbed a syringe off the top shelf.

"Easy little guy, stay still," she said, fumbling with the latch to the cage. As soon as it was open, she knelt on the floor next to the squirming pony. She set her phone down and removed the cap to the syringe using her teeth. She placed her hand on the pony's back to steady it as she lined up the needle.

"Don't touch me! Just get away!" the pony shouted, flailing and thrashing. This time, Sarah couldn't deny the pony had said something, and she backed away from it as fast she could. It stopped spasming long enough to turn and look at her. The big, blue eyes were bloodshot and full of tears, and its teeth were clenched together.

Thinking quickly, Sarah grabbed her phone and hit the record button located on the camera screen. She tried to steady her shaking hands as she faced the camera toward the pony. It swung its hoof out angrily, then recoiled in pain.

"Can you understand me?" Sarah asked as clearly as she could.

"Yes, I can friggin' understand you!" the pony spat angrily. Its voice cracked like that of a prepubescent boy, and it began moaning. "What's going on? Who are you?"

"You, were, um, you were in an accident, and I'm--"

"My car! Please tell me my car is okay, I--AHH!" The pony convulsed and began breathing rapidly. "Tell. Me. What. Is. Going. On!"

"Take it easy, little pony, you're hurt really bad," Sarah said, trying to reach out and comfort the pony, but it swung at her again.

"Pony, what do you mean…" the pony trailed off as its eyes focused on its hoof. "Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhh!" it screamed, over and over. It flailed wildly and Sarah had to back up to avoid being hit.

The syringe was still lying on the floor and she picked it up with her free hand. "Please, let me help you," she said, inching toward the furious colt. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, she sunk the needle into the pony's neck and injected the sedative.

"I want my lawyer! I…want…my…"

The pony collapsed and remained lifeless on the floor. Sarah sat in the corner of the cage, her heart pounding in her chest. Was that for real? Like, seriously, did that just happen? She stood up and stepped cautiously around the unconscious pony. It didn't budge even after she managed to lock its cage. She exited the room, shut off the lights, and ran back to the office. Her hands were still shaking as she threw her phone onto the desk.

It talked. It talked like a human! And it didn't know it was a pony! A loud buzzing noise made Sarah jump out of her chair and she had to refrain from screaming. Her cell phone's screen lit up and a message displayed briefly before the screen went dark. She picked up her phone and swiped the screen to see the video she'd taken had reached the maximum allowed length and had stopped recording.

She had video proof of what had happened. But who could she show? The police? Her boss? Fox News? Did she have to show anyone at all? She started by watching the video for herself, just to make sure she hadn't imagined the whole thing. The video played out exactly as she remembered it happening, and when it finished, she watched it again.

Then she remembered her boyfriend was still waiting for her to reply, so she attached the video to a text message and sent it to him. While she waited for his reply, she walked back into the other room to look at the pony. It was in the same spot she'd left it, breathing quietly.

Never mind the video, what should I do with the pony?

"Nothing," a voice in Sarah's head whispered. She looked around the empty room, not sure the voice had actually come from her imagination. "It's the police's problem, not yours. I'm sure the pony will be just fine."

But, what if--

"What if the pony is really a human that was turned into a pony? Oh, come now, don't be silly." The voice in her head no longer even sounded like her own thoughts. "Just take that video and do what you feel is right."

Sarah's phone began vibrating and she looked to see she'd gotten a reply from her boyfriend. "THAT WAS CRAZY! OMG IM UPLODAING 2 YOUTUBE!"

"See?" the voice said calmly. "Someone will see the video and know what to do! It's not your problem!"

"Yeah," Sarah said, turning from the cage and shutting the lights off. "It isn't my problem."

XI: Black Friday

"Oh what the Hell is this?"

David stopped and stared at the mass of people surrounding the NY General Animal Hospital and Shelter. They had signs and banners, and chanted angrily while they waved them around. At the front of the crowd were several members of the NYPD, preventing access to the animal hospital. The officers stood resolute as the crowd writhed and seethed with anger.

"What's going on?" Celestia asked. The filly had her head poking out of Tiffany's backpack along with Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara looked less than thrilled to be in her current situation.

"There's some sort of rally or something going on," David answered. He took Tiffany's hand and said, "Stay close, I'm going to figure out what's going on."

As David approached the crowd, a member at the back happened to turn and look at him. She raised her sign higher and shouted, "Ponies are people! Free the talking pony! Ponies are people! Free the talking pony!"

David backpedaled from the woman who looked like she may swing the sign at him to keep him away. Pinned to her winter jacket was a bright yellow pin with the letters P.E.T.A. printed on it in blue letters. Looking around, David saw every other member of the crowd sported the same pin, and some even had P.E.T.A. embroidered on the backs of their jackets.

"Oh, not PETA," David mumbled under his breath. He retreated back to the opposite side of the street to think out his next move.

Celestia once again popped out of Tiffany's backpack. "Who are those humans?" she asked, looking across the street.

"They're the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals group," David answered.

"Oh, they sound like good people. Are they here to help?" Celestia asked optimistically.

David only sighed. "Maybe it's the media, but I've only ever heard bad things about PETA." Speaking of the media, standing off to the corner of the crowd was an NBC field reporter and a cameraman filming everything. The reporter paid David no mind as he pushed past by standers and stood behind the cameraman.

Over all the noise, David was able to hear the reporter as she spoke into her microphone. "--where hundreds have gathered after this video went viral late last night." There was a lengthy pause where the reporter stood still and said nothing. "As you can see," the reporter continued after some time, "the video shows the pony taken from that bizarre crash that occurred yesterday. While some are claiming this is all an elaborate hoax, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals organization is taking this very seriously."

"Ponies are people! Free the talking pony!"

The chant went through the crowd in unison, and they waved their banners rapidly.

"The pony is being held here, at the New York General Animal Hospital and Shelter, where that video was filmed. The doors remain locked and guarded by police officers, and only people with seriously injured pets are being allowed in at this time. Hoax or not, law enforcement remains on site until the pony is taken to a different location, or claimed.

"The search for the pony's owner, and for the man accused of stealing it both continue, but both have taken a turn for the strange." The reporter paused for a moment before saying, "Thanks, Rick."

The cameraman held up his hand and then lowered it, indicating the feed had been cut, going live to a different reporter covering the investigation. No longer on the air, the crowd settled down a bit. The morning chill seemed to take the energy out of them as well, causing them to bunch together more tightly for warmth.

David stepped out of the way as the cameraman and reporter made their way back to the news van parked on the corner of the street by several police vehicles. This is bad. Very bad. Millions know now. The government is probably going to get involved soon! And then they'll be looking for other talking ponies, and they'll find me, and take Diamond Tiara, and I'll be turned into-

"Daddy?"

David had been so preoccupied by his thoughts that he almost forgot Tiffany was with him. "Yes, what is it, sweetie?" David asked, looking down.

Tiffany had taken Diamond Tiara out of her backpack and was cradling the little pony in her arms. "I think Diamond Tiara is sick," she said, holding the pony up for her father to look at.

"What are you t-t-talking about?" Diamond Tiara asked, her voice quivering a bit as she shivered. "It's just c-c-cold out here, I'm fine."

There was nothing apparently wrong with the pony, but he wasn't a vet, so there was no way he could be sure. And that's when he got the idea. They're letting people with sick pets in! I could bring Diamond Tiara up, get in, get Zack, and get out! I just have to get past…PETA…twice.

"Keep Celestia in your backpack," David instructed, taking Diamond Tiara from his daughter. "I think we're going to have to take Diamond Tiara to the vet."

Diamond Tiara's eyes went wide and she pushed her hooves against David's chest. "Wait, I'm not sick! Put me down!"

"Shhh!" David tried to silence the pony so he could explain his plan. "Just don't talk and act sick. It's the only way we're going to get in."

The pony stopped her fidgeting and crossed her hooves across her chest. "So you're just going to carry me out here? In the open? In front of all these humans?"

The tightly packed crowd of P.E.T.A. members still stood in front of the animal hospital, raising their signs and chanting. If he could just get past them, maybe he could find another way out once he had Zack. "I know what I'm doing," he replied slowly.

He didn't know what he was doing. His brain was functioning at half its usual level. The two hours of sleep he'd gotten were only enough to keep him upright and coherent. He'd spent the majority of the night waiting for Kristin to come home from her sister's, only to wake up alone. Whatever he was doing at this point was purely instinct.

He grabbed his daughter's hand with his free hand and used his shoulder to edge into the crowd. "Pardon me, excuse me," he said as he pushed passed several P.E.T.A. members. Some got out of his way, others simply grunted as he made them move. They didn't know who he was, or why he wanted to the front, but none seemed interested in stopping him.

That was until one of them caught a glimpse of what was cradled in the crook of his arm. "Hey!" a man with a FUR IS MURDER shirt shouted. "Hey, put that pony down!"

Other members of the crowd looked around until they saw David trying to squeeze past. More and more of them caught sight of Diamond Tiara and began shouting. David tried to move faster, but the people in front of him began turning around to investigate the commotion. As soon as they saw the pony in his arms, they made an effort to stop him.

"Move! She's sick!" David shouted, elbowing a man that wouldn’t move.

"It's your fault!" someone shouted amidst the commotion.

David was in the middle of the crowd now, and people on all sides seemed determined to stop him. His grip on Tiffany's hand was beginning to weaken as the crowd pushed and pulled against them. Diamond Tiara looked out in horror as people made wild grabs for her. She wrapped her hooves around David's bicep, trying to anchor herself to him.

The crowd clawed and reached for the pony, certain that freeing her from this man was the right thing to do. They pulled at his hair, clawed at his flesh, grabbed at his clothing, but he still pushed forward.

He could see the big letters of the animal hospital only feet away, and he readjusted his grip on Tiffany's hand before giving a final push through the crowd. He nearly tripped into the police barricade as he emerged from the crowd. They were still behind him, shouting and grabbing at him, but he was more focused on what was in front of him.

Several police officers stood around behind the barricade, looking at the crowd with disinterest, until the commotion near David caught their attention. "Hey, settle down there!" a vaguely familiar voice shouted.

David's heart sank as he saw the police officer that had visited him the night before approaching the barricade. He hoped the officer wouldn't recognize him, but he had no such luck.

"Mr. LeCommpt?" he asked with the same, familiar gruff voice. His eyes scanned over David, looking at the scratches on his face and the blood trickling down from his hairline.

"Ahhh! Daddy!" Tiffany screamed as she was pulled back into the crowd.

"They have another one!" an angry voice shouted.

David turned to see Tiffany's backpack being torn open and Celestia being ripped out of it. "Hey, put her down!" he shouted, charging at the man and woman holding his daughter. He slugged the man in the face as hard as he could, and the woman let go out of fear.

Tiffany picked Celestia up off the ground before anyone could grab her and she ran to her father. At this point, the police officer had crossed the police barricade and pulled the can of pepper spray off of his belt.

"Enough!" he shouted, waving the spray bottle threateningly. The P.E.T.A. members backed away from David and Tiffany, but continued hurling insults and threats at them.

"Ponies aren't pets!" they began chanting as David was pulled behind the police barricade.

"What are you doing here?" the cop asked, eyeing both Diamond Tiara and Celestia. Both ponies were physically shaken from the ordeal, and Diamond Tiara didn't even need to act sick to raise concern. Her hooves were still wrapped around David's bicep in a death grip, and she shook all over.

David held her up to show the officer. "She's sick, and I need to get her in to the vet," he explained. She helped out by making a sick coughing noise that David couldn't tell was fake or not.

"Where did you get these? They aren't yours, are they?"

Crap. David hadn't thought that through. Would it be better to lie, or to tell the truth? Well, only some of the truth. The officer didn't need to know everything. But before he could open his mouth, Tiffany grabbed the police officer's arm and gave it a small tug.

"Please, my pony is really sick!" she said, making the most heartbroken face she could at the officer.

The officer looked at her and then back to Diamond Tiara. "This is your pony?" he asked. Tiffany nodded. "Don't you people know a city is no place for a pony?" the officer asked, looking to David with annoyance, but it passed as he began leading them toward the front doors of the animal hospital.

David knew he wasn't in the clear yet. Surely the officer wanted to know where he'd gotten the ponies. The automatic doors of the animal hospital opened and they stepped into the deserted lobby. No one stood behind the reception desk, and most of the lights were off.

"Just ring the bell, they're out back," the officer instructed. "Once your daughter's pony is admitted, you and I need to talk." He maintained eye contact with David as he walked backwards and out the automatic doors.

David's heart was pounding. He'd managed to get into the animal hospital, but how he was going to get out was still a mystery. There were no laws prohibiting owning ponies, but he felt like a criminal, and he'd just put himself into the hands of law enforcement. They were going to want to know where he'd gotten the ponies, why he hadn't said anything the night before, if they could talk…

*Ding! Ding!*

Tiffany had run up to the reception desk and hoisted Celestia up to ring the bell when she couldn't reach it herself. She lowered Celestia back to the ground and approached her father. "Daddy, how is Diamond Tiara?"

"She's fine, we just need to keep up the act a little longer," David replied, prying the pony off of his arm. "Here, you hold her."

Tiffany took Diamond Tiara from her father and squeezed her tightly. "Yay! Don't worry, Diamond Tiara, you're gonna be okay!"

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I know. Put me down."

From the shadows behind the desk, a pretty, young girl in light green scrubs walked out. "Can I help you?" she asked nervously. She addressed David, but looked over the desk and saw Tiffany and the two ponies at his feet. "Oh no, not more ponies," she said with a hint of fear.

"Please, can you--"

"They talk, don't they?" she interrupted. "They look like the other one."

"Listen, I need your help, and I need you to believe everything I'm about to say," David began, but a shadow behind the girl made him stop. A tall man in a white lab coat walked out and stepped in front of her.

"Sarah, go wait out back," he instructed, looking only at David. "Can I help you?"

Back to plan A. "Yes, my daughter's pony is sick, and we're not sure what's wrong with her," David said, collecting himself.

The veterinarian peered over the counter and surprise flashed across his face upon seeing the two ponies. "Well, we've been having plenty of experience with the equine lately, I'll just need you to fill out these forms and I'll admit her." He passed David a clipboard and a thick stack of papers before disappearing out back with his assistant.

David looked at the stack of forms and sighed. I don't have time for this, he thought, looking around in annoyance. Maybe I can just sneak back there and grab Zack. But then the police will be looking for me. I have to do this smart, come on, think!

"You appear to be stressed," a gentle voice said. Celestia looked up at David with concern, and her ears folded back. "I know he is your family, and I can understand your struggle to save him. Possibly, I can help?"

She can sneak through and find Zack while I keep them distracted, he reasoned. But what if there are more people working? A place this big surely has more than two employees. "Can you go find where they're keeping Zack?"

Celestia nodded and stealthily made her way behind the reception counter. David sat with Tiffany and Diamond Tiara and just made scribbles on the blank lines of each form. He was sure they wouldn't read them anyway.

A few moments later, Celestia returned and hopped up on the chair next to him. "Through the doors, down the hall, first left. I couldn't look to see inside, but judging by the screaming, he's in there."

"Oh God, they're already experimenting on him!" David said, assuming the worst. He tossed aside the clipboard and stood up. "Come on," he said, grabbing Tiffany's hand. Celestia and Diamond Tiara galloped behind him as he ran behind the reception counter and threw open the double doors.

There was a long hallway that had several doors on the right, but only one on the left at the very end. David's shoes were still wet from the melted snow he'd walked through on the way there that morning, and they squeaked loudly against the linoleum floor.

He tried to control his foot placement, but his hurried pace made it impossible to be silent. The muffled screams of what sounded like a young boy could be heard throughout the hallway, and David knew it was Zack. He made it to the door Celestia had indicated and flung it open.

The room was full of empty cages and smelled of bleach and ammonia. In one of the cages was a bandage covered red pony with a green tail. It was screaming and crying incoherencies while rolling around in what appeared to be a puddle of urine. Sitting just outside the cage was the young female veterinarian, and she was holding her cell phone pointed at the pony.

The girl gave a jump when the door slammed open, and she dropped her cell phone. David was able to look at the screen and see she'd been recording a video. Other than her, there were no humans in the room, especially none torturing the pony. "You're not supposed to be back here!" she said, reaching for her phone.

"What are you doing, recording this?!" David asked, grabbing the phone before she could. "You put a video on the internet last night, didn't you?"

"Yeah!" the girl shouted, standing up angrily. "I have to let as many people know about this as possible!"

The pony in the cage stopped screaming and looked at the human confronting the bitch that had been filming him. He recognized him, and almost couldn't believe how happy he was to see him. "David! David! It's me!"

David ripped the SD card out of the girl's phone and stuffed it into his pocket before tossing the phone back to her. "There's better ways to help those in need!"

"Did it just call you by name?" the girl asked, not even concerned with the lecture. "Does it know you?"

"David, please, you gotta get me out of here!" the pony shouted. "Come on, it's me, Zack!"

"Shut up for five seconds, Zack," David said. That was a phrase he'd wanted to say for years. All those long winded holiday meal speeches, all the boring Red Sox game recaps, all of his investment mumbo jumbo--just shut up!

Zack remained quiet as David kept his eyes on the girl. He crawled to the edge of the cage for a better view, and saw Tiffany, her pony, and (shockingly) the pony he'd bought Rebecca on Christmas.

"This is my brother-in-law," David calmly explained, "and he's coming with me."

"Y-your brother-in-law? So he was human?" the girl asked shakily. "W-what happened?"

"It's a long story, but listen, you have to let us out of here."

"You're going to let us out of here, or else we'll turn you into a pony next," Diamond Tiara said, going up to the already frightening girl and snarling. It was completely unnecessary.

She held her cell phone up as if it would defend her, and she backed up against the bars of the opposite cage. Celestia pulled Diamond Tiara away and they awaited David's next command.

"What's the easiest way out from here?" he asked. The girl raised her hand shakily and pointed at a door in the back of the room. "Tiffany, take the ponies and make sure that way is clear, and you," David glanced at the girl's name tag, "Sarah, I need you to open this cage for me."

Celestia took lead and escorted Tiffany and Diamond Tiara to the large metal door at the back of the kennel area. It led to a back alley that was littered with snow covered debris. Down one end of the alley, taxis and other cars could be seen zooming by. "This way is clear," Celestia shouted to David.

The whole while this had gone on, black, unmarked vans had pulled up to the animal hospital, and men in suits filed out onto the sidewalk. The crowd of P.E.T.A. members watched as the men made their way toward their group, and they held their ground.

"The government doesn't care about animal rights!" and similar shouts directed at the suit clad men came from the crowd. This didn't phase the men, as they pushed through the crowd single file. When they reached the police barricade, all they had to do was hold up their badges, and the officers gladly stepped aside.

Once inside the animal hospital, the men removed their sunglasses and looked around. At that moment, the head veterinarian had just walked into the lobby to check on the man that had entered with the two ponies. He was quite shocked to see nearly a dozen men in identical suits all staring at him.

"C-can I help you?" he asked. He already knew what they wanted. They were probably some covert government organization in charge of covering up stuff like this. They'd either pay him off or kill him to keep him quiet while they took the talking horse back to Area 51 for experimentation.

Of the dozen men in the lobby, there was one woman, and it was her who stepped forward. "Where is the pony?" she asked in a polite yet monotone voice. Everything about her was all business--no makeup, blonde hair done up in a tight bun, eyes as cold as a New England winter, and a body that offered nothing for a man to enjoy. Had she not spoken, she could have passed as one of the dozen men in the room.

"Ah, yes, the pony," the veterinarian said with a nervous laugh, "right this way if you'll follow me." He had no desire to play games. The sooner this was over, the sooner he could take his hush-up money and move to The Keys.

He held one of the double doors open, and waited for the group to file though, but only the woman stepped forward. She walked past him without a word and waited for him to lead her down the hallway. He gave one glance at the group of suits still standing in the lobby before letting the door swing shut.

The screaming had stopped, and he assumed Sarah must have sedated it. Hopefully the fact it was unconscious wouldn't be a problem. "We've been keeping it right in here," the veterinarian said, approaching the door to the kennels. The woman said nothing as she followed behind.

He turned the knob and held the door open for the female agent when suddenly she drew her gun. The action was so fast, he didn't even realize what was happening. On the other side of the door was a man with cuts and scratches all over his face standing over Sarah, who looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Oh shit! David, behind you!" Zack shouted.

"Don't even move," the woman said with her gun pointed at the back of David's head. "Who are you? Are you with PETA?"

David had his hands in the air and stood completely still. "My name is David LeCommpt," he said. At the end of the room, he could see Tiffany and the ponies poking their heads in from the alley way. He mouthed silently for them to run, knowing if they were caught it would be all over.

Celestia tugged Tiffany away from the door and it shut without anyone inside noticing.

Author's Notes:

I'm not slowing down until this is done. I have everything where I want it, and the next four chapters are going to blow you away. So, keep reading, let me know what you think. I love the feedback, although I may not often comment. I enjoy watching you all make your own conjectures.

XII: Never Trust a Salesman Part 1

"All right, quiet on the set!"

A small camera crew stood around, waiting for filming to resume. They stood just outside a ring of General Motors vehicles where lights had been set up strategically around the showroom floor, amplifying the gloss of the 2014 floor models currently occupying it. The boom operator adjusted his microphone higher, after accidentally letting it dip during the last cut.

The cameraman focused the shot and ensured the only things visible were the cars and the large "Potamkin Manhatten" banner in the background. Once he was sure everything was perfect, he hit record and shouted "Action!"

There was a slight pause before a short, pudgy sky blue pony in a suit cantered out from behind the wheels of a Cadillac Escalade and began approaching the camera. "Hello there," the pony spoke in a high, scratchy voice, "I'm Snips with Potamkin Manhatten, and I'm here to tell you about our year end sales event!"

Bruce DeFranco stood behind the cameraman with his arms crossed and a large grin on his face. As the colt went through the lines and recited the gimmicks, Bruce sat back, praising himself on his investment. Talking Ol' Yellow Eyes down from $7,500 had been a challenge, but if he could talk a single mother of two into a brand new Buick, he could do anything.

"--and we'll snip another .25% off your interest rate!" Snips continued. The dealership's advertised interest rates were written on large pieces of construction paper and dropped down from above the colt. He scrunched up his face and the horn protruding out of his brown mane began to spark. A clean cut went through each of the three papers, sending their lower halves drifting to the floor.

A friggin' magic pony. And all I needed to do was shell out five G's and sign that bogus contract. Of all Discord's clients, Bruce DeFranco was one of few who took the time to read the entire contract, and he did so three times. He'd even had the gall to ask for some changes to be made.

"Brucie," Discord had said with more than a hint of annoyance, "the terms are non-negotiable. I'm just trying to protect my investment as much as you are yours."

"Please, D, I'm a salesman too," Bruce had said, leaning back in his chair, "your contract is a trap, a proverbial black hole. I sign this and there's no way out."

"This is a binding contract, yes, but if you follow the guidelines then you have nothing to worry about!"

"Yeah, let's talk about those guidelines." Bruce brought up a pen and began circling certain phrases on the parchment. "Natural death…not covered. I don't care how magical this thing is, it's gonna die sometime. I want this part removed."

The pupils of Discord's eyes constricted, leaving his irises great, angry orbs of red in the sea of yellow. He snapped his fingers and the text vanished from the parchment, but Bruce simply moved his finger onto the next part.

"No resale? Come on, D, what if I want a newer model?"

Oh the look on his face! Bruce's smile had practically reached his ears. After several more adjustments, he'd finally signed the contract and had his own copy tucked away in his briefcase. A rookie like Discord should stick to peddling fake Rolex's under Queensboro Bridge.

"--and remember, when you need a new car, think Potamkin!" Snips finished, looking right at the camera.

Bruce stepped out from behind the scenes and shouted, "And cut!" The crew clapped politely for Snips' performance, and the young colt basked in the attention. "Snips, you were great, "Bruce said, bending on one knee to be more level with the pony.

"You really think so, Mr. DeFranco?" Snips asked excitedly.

"Please, call me Bruce." He smiled and then turned to look at the camera crew. "I want that video edited and put on the five o' clock spot on all the major channels for tonight."

Several members of the crew nodded in acknowledgement and set off to perform their specific duties. This commercial would be seen all across New York, and people would flock to the dealership. That's just how advertising works; you have a talking animal, and bam, people want your product. The talking dog commercial they'd tried out the month before had increased average sales by ten percent, so imagine what a pony would do.

"Alright, someone get Snips to his cage. He's got a lot of reading to do tonight," Bruce said, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and making his way toward the door.

"Uh, Bruce!" Snips shouted. One of the assistants had already started removing the blazer of his little suit, and he tried to break from her. "You said the cage was temporary, remember?"

Bruce stopped and looked down at the fat, little colt at his feet. "It is temporary," he assured Snips with a smile. "You just keep up the 'volunteer work' we agreed on, and you'll have your very own trailer behind the dealership."

"Y-you promise, right?" Snips asked with a stutter.

"Snips, if it's one person you can believe, it's a car salesman. Now go start practicing your lines. We have three more commercials to film before New Years, and then we can start getting ready for President's Day!"

The assistant that had been helping Snips get out of the suit led him back to the center of the showroom where she'd set out garment bags for the outfit. Bruce chuckled and stepped through the automatic doors and into the dealership's parking lot.

Snow had begun to fall and a few inches had already accumulated on the cars parked outside the dealership. One of the city's youths Bruce had hired under the table was hard at work keeping the cars closest to the street clean. The young boy ran back and forth, running the makeshift snowbrush over the hoods and windshields of the parked cars.

"You're doing a fine job, Miguel!" Bruce shouted with his unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. "Make sure you get the headlights!"

Miguel looked up and nodded happily, knowing that if he did a good job, the car salesman would give him money to buy his sister some food. He ignored the cold in his hands and feet and ran from one car to the next, running the brush along the front bumpers and headlights of each.

Bruce flicked open his Zippo and lit the end of his cigarette, taking a long drag and holding it before exhaling. The cloud of smoke hovered in front of his face for a moment before dissipating around the falling snowflakes. He took another drag and while he was holding it, a hand clasped down hard onto his shoulder.

"Brucie, Brucie, Brucie. Don't you know that smoking is bad for your health?" a sly voice whispered in his ear.

Bruce coughed and sputtered as the smoke escaped his lungs, burning his eyes and nose. He turned around and saw Discord, standing there with a wide grin on his face. "Dying from a heart attack is bad for your health too! Sheesh, give me a warning or something next time!" Bruce coughed, reaching down into the snow and retrieving his cigarette.

Discord leaned on his cane and waited for Bruce to fully recover. His eyes were as yellow as ever, and his gaze deviated from Bruce, to the cars, to the boy cleaning them, and back. A large smile remained on his lips, as if he found all of his surroundings ever so entertaining.

"So, I imagine you're here to check up on me or something," Bruce said, regaining Discord's attention. "You think I've already done something against the contract, don't you?"

"Oh, I would know if you've done something," Discord replied, standing up straight and twirling his cane. "I'm actually here to purchase something from you."

"A car?" Bruce asked with a laugh. Discord nodded. "You want to buy a car? When you have that hocus pocus bullshit?"

Discord nodded and his smile only got larger. "What do you say, Brucie? I sold you a pony, now you sell me a car?"

Sure, why not? Bruce thought to himself. I can probably get a rich prick like Discord into an Escalade. "Alright, D, how about we go inside and look at the floor models first? Maybe grab a coffee?"

"I was already in there," Discord said over his shoulder. "Didn't really like the looks of those ones." He twirled his cane again as he walked away from Bruce and out onto the lot.

Already inside? I sure as Hell didn't see him.

Miguel had just started cleaning the headlights of a 2013 Chevy Corvette that had been on the lot since the prior year, when Discord sauntered over. The boy tried to work faster and avoid eye contact, knowing that Bruce didn't like him being seen by the customers.

"Excuse me," Discord said, addressing Miguel. "Do you think this looks better in red, or blue?" Discord tapped the head of his cane against the roof of the car twice; the first time, turning the car from gray to red, and the second time, from red to blue.

The boy's eyes lit up in amazement, but Bruce stepped forward and began pushing him off the lot. "Vete!" Bruce shouted, guiding Miguel to the rusty Walmart shopping cart he always pushed around. "Que no vio nada! Comprende?" Bruce asked, reaching into his wallet and removing a ten dollar bill, then thrusting it into the boy's hands.

Miguel looked at the money, and then craned his neck to look around Bruce's legs. Bruce turned around to see Discord repeatedly tapping his cane on the roof of the car, turning it from hot pink, to arctic camouflage, and everything in between.

Bruce left Miguel with his hard earned money and ran back to Discord. "Hey!" he shouted, grabbing hold of Discord's shoulder. "You can't be doin' that!"

"Why not?" Discord asked, tapping the car one final time, turning it back to its original gray. "If you don't have it in a color I like, I'm not going to buy it."

"No, I mean you can't do your friggin' voodoo out here in the open!" Bruce was already frustrated with Discord, and wasn't sure he even wanted to sell him a car.

"I just wanted to know what your young associate thought."

"The kid doesn't even work here. You address me with your questions, okay?" Bruce let go of Discord's shoulder and straightened his blazer.

Discord looked out to the sidewalk where Miguel was still watching from. "It looked to me like he was working. I even saw you pay him."

"He volunteers--it's completely legal," Bruce growled. "Now, can we get back to business? Do you want to check out the Corvette?" He tapped on the roof of the gray car, half expecting it to change colors.

Discord stroked the pointed beard attached to his chin and peered inside the car's window. "May I take it for a drive?"

Bruce looked up at the large snowflakes falling from the dark clouds above. "You want to drive in this? Are you sure? I mean, we can reschedule you a test drive for a nicer day."

"My schedule is pretty solid until New Years, Brucie," Discord said, looking at the Rolex on his wrist. "And unless I'm wrong, the weather isn't going to be too good after that."

"Hey, you're the boss," Bruce sighed, figuring it was easier to just let him take a lap around the lot than prolong their encounter. "There's a $200 security deposit, and I need your license. I'll do the paperwork, grab the keys and temp plates, we'll cruise around, I'll give you the skinny on the car, and maybe after that we'll head into my office and sign some papers."

Discord held up a key with the Chevy logo on it and let it hang in front of Bruce's face. "How about you just give me the skinny?"

To Bruce's complete bewilderment, Discord clicked the unlock button on the key, and the lights of the Corvette flashed. "W-wait, hold on!" Bruce shouted, but Discord had already seated himself in the sports car. Bruce hurried to the other side of the car and wrenched the passenger door open.

Inside, Discord was looking around at the dashboard and center console, testing the automatic locks and power windows. As soon as Bruce was seated next to him, both doors of the car slammed shut. Discord continued inspecting the interior, peering into the glove box for something he just wasn't finding.

"Discord," Bruce said nervously, keeping his eye on the key still dangling from Discord's left hand, "we can't go anywhere until I have your license and get the temp plates put on. I'm sure you understand the importance of proper documentation and legal procedures."

"Yes, yes, Brucie, in due time," Discord said with disinterest. "Tell me about the car."

A feeling deep in Bruce's gut told him something wasn't right, but he'd be damned if he lost a sale. He just had to treat Discord like a regular, unknowledgeable customer. "Well, first off, what made you want to buy a car?" Bruce asked, more politely than the first time. "I mean, if I could teleport anywhere I wanted, a car is the last thing I'd buy."

"I saw an interesting film the other night," Discord replied, adjusting the rearview mirror. "It was all about this amazing car and the problems it caused."

"What was it?" Bruce asked, only half interested. Herby? Cars? Transformers? Oh God, hopefully he doesn't mean Christine. The last thing I need is this freak bringing a bunch of MY cars to life to kill people.

"Back to the Future," Discord answered. "This thing can go 88 MPH, correct?"

Crazy son of a…"Hah, it can do double that, but the standard model doesn't come with a 'Flux Capacitor'. What it does have is a 6.2 Liter V8 engine, voice activated navigation, and a seven speaker sound system. Just hand me your license and we can test some of those features out, I'll even waive the $200 deposit."

The windshield was already covered in snow, and Bruce was feeling less and less like going for a test drive. Even more so when he heard the next words from Discord.

"Oh, I don't have one," Discord chuckled. "How hard can it be to operate one of these anyway? All I have to do is put this in here and turn, right?" He inserted the key into the ignition and turned it, just like he'd seen in the movie. Only, unlike in the movie, the car didn't make a satisfying rev.

Bruce reached over and removed the key from the ignition. "It's a manual transmission, you have to push in the clutch," he explained, tucking the key into his pocket. Discord looked at him in confusion, and then down at the three pedals on the floor. "Yeah, the left one," Bruce said, pointing down.

"One more try!" Discord insisted, materializing the Corvette's key in his hand and sticking it into the ignition again. The car's massive engine jumped to life to Bruce's horror, and Discord smiled deviously. "Ooh, I like the way that sounds!"

"Stop! Turn it off!" Bruce shouted, his heart beating painfully in his chest. "You don't have a license, you don't know how to drive, we are NOT taking this out on the road!"

"Roads?" Discord asked slowly, looking over to Bruce with an amused expression on his face. "Where we're going, we don't need roads." Plumes of smoke rose up outside the car's windows as jets of fire erupted from beneath the wheel wells. The passenger side's seatbelt extended and snapped painfully against Bruce's chest, keeping him trapped in the car.

The third and fourth story windows of the surrounding buildings bobbed up and down outside the passenger window. Bruce assumed the Corvette must have been hovering about thirty feet off the ground, and God knows how many people saw it.

Discord looked around, somewhat disappointed. "Bruce, why aren't we going anywhere?"

"D-d-did you put the p-p-parking brake down?" Bruce asked. His eyes were clamped shut and his fingers were digging into the arm rests of his seat. He hated heights, he hated flying, and he hated himself for getting into a car with Discord.

"This thing here?" Discord asked, pulling on a lever above the steering wheel. A spray of blue liquid coated the windshield and the wipers whipped back and forth, clearing the snow.

I'm gonna die, Bruce thought, keeping his eyes closed. "It's the one in the center console, right by the shifter."

"Ah, got it!"

The car lurched forward, and the engine quickly reached its maximum revolutions in the first gear. "Shift!" Bruce shouted. "You've gotta shift or you’re gonna stall it!" The sound of the engine stopped abruptly and Bruce's stomach rose up to his throat.

"Oops, what did I do?" Discord asked without a hint of panic in his voice.

Bruce made the mistake of opening his eyes and saw the ground quickly approaching the windshield. "Shift into neutral, push in the clutch, and restart the engine!"

Without hesitation, Discord obeyed, and the car's engine roared back to life. The nose of the Corvette hovered just above a parked car before slowly rising back up. "Hmm, this is a bit tricky," Discord said.

"Bring us back down, I'll drive us back," Bruce commanded, not sure if Discord was even capable of the simple task.

"No, no, no," Discord said, waving his finger disapprovingly at the suggestion. "I'll get the hang of this."

I'm a car salesman, not a driving instructor, damn it! Bruce looked out his window and debated if he could survive a fall from his current height. Judging by the way his seatbelt continued digging into his chest, he wasn't going anywhere until his "customer" was done with his joy ride.

They flew around the city, narrowly avoiding the sides of buildings as Discord continued learning the arts of turning and shifting. The people on the city streets below were mostly unaware of the sports car flying overhead in the midst of the winter snowstorm, but those that did take notice quickly began snapping pictures with their phones.

"So, how do you like it so far? Think you could see yourself owning one?" Bruce asked, feeling more at ease. It was a feeling that wouldn't last.

"Just one more test," Discord said, turning onto a large strip of road. They had made their way back onto 11th Avenue and suddenly Discord punched down on the accelerator. "Hold on, Brucie!" Discord shouted. "This is gonna get heavy!"

He shifted into fifth gear and the tachometer fell to the left, then quickly started climbing back to the right. Discord had begun to laugh, and he took his hand off the shifter to tap the dashboard. A panel that had not existed there spun around, revealing a board with three digital counters on it, all featuring different dates and times.

Bruce instantly recognized it as the one in the DeLorean from Back to the Future, and started shaking his head in opposition. "No! Where, err, when are you taking me?!"

"To the future, Marty!" Discord shouted, pushing several buttons on the board. The digital display labeled "Destination Time" changed to January 1st, 2014, 05:00. The speedometer was quickly approaching the magical speed apparently needed for time travel, and electricity began surrounding the car. Bruce was screaming and holding onto his seat for dear life as the car broke through the fabric of time and came out five days in the future.

"I didn't bring you here so you could cover your eyes the whole time," Discord laughed. "Come now, look at the wonderful chaos you and your people brought upon themselves."

Below the car, people crowded the streets, running and screaming in mass hysteria. Colorful horses in gold armor followed in their wake, their eyes scanning the crowds. Armed New York police officers emerged from the crowd and took aim at the strange equines. Before they could even pull the triggers, a magical aura enveloped their weapons and flung them into the air. In the group of horses were several unicorns, and their horns glowed as they used their magic to deprive the officers of their firearms.

"What's going on?" Bruce asked, looking down in terror. The horses looked a lot like the ones Discord had been selling, but much bigger. These must be their parents.

"Political dispute between two nations," Discord replied casually. "Certainly nothing I'm responsible for." He let Bruce stare out the window as he continued driving through the darkened city. All the streetlights were out, and the only light came from the fires that had started in the confusion. There was one part of the city that was lit up far brighter than the rest, and that was where Discord was heading.

Rockefeller Center was at the center of all the madness, and a blinding light illuminated the early morning sky. As the Corvette drew closer, Bruce could see a formation of armored horses standing around the source of the light. A large, crackling portal had opened up in front of the center, and more of the armored horses were filing out.

"I love it when a plan all comes together," Discord smiled, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Plan? What plan? You said 'you weren't responsible for this'," Bruce said, using air quotes. "How did me buying a pony lead up to this?!"

Before Discord could answer, a massive, dark horse with wings and a horn stepped in from the city and approached the portal. "FIND MY SISTER!" the horse bellowed. "AND FIND THE ONE NAMED DAVID!"

Author's Notes:

Potamkin Manhatten is a real dealership, but they don't actually have a lot outside. Everything is indoor showrooms.

Que no vio nada! Comprende? You didn't see anything. Understand? (If this translation is wrong, please inform me.)

I have no idea how to drive a manual transmission. If someone could point out my mistakes, that'd be great.

And this is only part one!

XIII: Never Trust a Salesman Part 2

Several of the armored horses spread their wings and took to the skies, barely noticing the flying Corvette. Bruce cowered in fear as they flew just inches from his window. Discord maneuvered the car away from the center and back into the city.

"Now, what I'm curious to see is the long term effects of all this," Discord said, waving his finger around. "They say you're not supposed to know too much about your future, I suppose, but—"

"Please," Bruce begged, "can we please just go back to the present? I'll let you keep the car!"

Discord's eyes lit up. "Well, that's a very generous offer, Mr. Brucie. I don’t suppose I could get that in writing?" He snapped his fingers and a thick envelope with the Potamkin logo appeared before him. "Just tell me where to sign."

Bruce looked at the envelope and then to Discord. "You planned this, didn't you?" he asked angrily. "Is this some kind of immature payback? I show you how a true salesman does business and you throw a fit?"

"Come now, Brucie," Discord laughed. "Why would I ever use such underhanded tactics?"

"Because you're a lunatic!" Bruce shouted. He snatched the envelope out of the air and took a pen out of his pocket. "Don't think you've won because I'm giving you this car. My lawyer and I are gonna have a long chat when I get back, and you bet your ass I'll be coming after you."

"You put far too much faith in your legal system," Discord laughed. "By the time you get me in court, Earth will already be ruled by colorful, talking ponies!"

"Yeah, I don't think so, buddy," Bruce scoffed as he scribbled his signature on each of the papers he'd removed from the envelope. "Didn't you see part three of Back to the Future? See, the future isn't written. When you take me back, I'm gonna make sure none of this shit even happens."

"Hey! Don't spoil it for me!" Discord whined. "Part Three isn't on until tonight!" He swerved the Corvette around the Empire State Building, spiraling up the sides until he reached the top. Bruce was pressed back against his seat as they rose, trying to keep his writing steady.

When Bruce finished adding his signature to the last page of the contract, he thrust it into Discord's face. "Sign on the X's and then take me back." He crossed his arms and looked at Discord impatiently.

"Not without reading it first," Discord grinned, flipping the first page.

"Are you serious?" Bruce exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. "All the rates were filled it when you poofed it here. You already know what it says—just sign the damn thing!"

The Corvette soared over the New York skyline as Discord ignored Bruce and read through the thirty-two page contract, adding his signature where needed. He steered with his knees, narrowly avoiding the tops of buildings, only adjusting the wheel when Bruce would shout out a warning.

Finally, Discord added his signature to the final page of the contract and passed it back to Bruce. "Well, that should all be in order. Just give me my copies and we'll call it a day." He handed the papers and pen back to Bruce and went back to steering the vehicle.

Bruce flipped through the pages and tore off the yellow and pink copies, placing them into the envelope like he would with a normal client. "There, you happy now?" Bruce asked, closing the envelope and tossing it into the glove box.

"Very happy, thank you," Discord smiled. "Well, I suppose we should be getting back now, shouldn't we? Oh, wait! There is that one other thing."

Bruce blinked rapidly and clenched his fists. "What other thing?"

"Do you have your contract on you by chance? The one from our other transaction?"

"No, it’s in my briefcase at the dealership…why?" Bruce asked warily.

"Don't worry, I have the original," Discord said reaching into his blazer. The parchment unfurled, and at the very bottom, a line of text was glowing red. "Oh, it seems we have a little problem, Brucie."

"What the hell do you mean?" Bruce asked, grabbing at the contract only to have it yanked away at the last second.

"Upon the completion of this transaction, I—that's you—agree to refrain from further transactions with this merchant," Discord read aloud. He smiled and turned to look at Bruce. "You just sold me a car, Brucie."

"Wait, no, no, no!" Bruce shouted, pointing his finger inches from Discord's glaring yellow eye. "That meant I couldn’t buy anything from you! No more ponies—from you!"

Discord laughed a hearty laugh and reached for his cane. "That's not how my lawyer interpreted it!" A miniature version of Discord about six inches tall appeared on the dashboard and cleared its throat. It wore a blue suit and had a pair of glasses on which it took off before speaking.

"The contract clearly states the two parties are not to engage in any transactions; either purchases or sales," the tiny Discord explained in a high pitch voice. "Bruce Defranco sold my client a car, and that, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is where he broke the law."

A tiny jury composed of Discords, all male, but some dressed in drag, appeared on the dashboard as well as a judge and bailiff. "We find the defendant guilty, your Honor!" a member of the jury shouted.

Bruce stared in disbelief at the gathering of Discords. 'Judge' Discord raised his gavel and brought it down, shouting, "Guilty!" and a cheer went through the jury.

"No! This is stupid!" Bruce shouted, sweeping his arm across the dashboard. The little Discords were swept aside and screamed shrill, little screams.

"Oh, you didn't wait to hear the penalty," the full size Discord said. He sighed and snapped his fingers, causing the little court assembly of Discords to disappear. "Well, you read the contract, so you already know what happens now."

Before Bruce could react, Discord brought his cane up and bopped him on the head with it. His muscles tensed and his body began convulsing violently. "You…can't do this!" he shouted through clenched teeth. Within seconds, he was no longer human.

Discord lifted the pony Bruce out of his suit by the scruff of his neck and laughed. "I hope you've learned something today, Brucie, but even if you haven't, we still had a good time!"

"Change me back, now!" Bruce shouted, his voice that of an angry child.

"Oh, trust me, you're going to want to stay in that body. Things are going to get…heavy," Discord said deviously. He reached to his left and opened the door to the Corvette, thrusting Bruce out and holding him in mid air.

"Please! don't do this!" Bruce begged.

"I'm doing you a favor, Brucie! You're a pegasus now! Go, join your brethren in the revolution!" And with that, Discord released his grip on the pony's scruff. The little pegasus disappeared into the night sky below the Corvette, and Discord closed his door. He pressed the accelerator to the floor and pushed a few buttons on the time circuit display, smiling to himself.

The Corvette left a trail of flames in the sky as it tore through time, sending Discord back to December 27th. Snow was still falling from the sky and Discord navigated carefully back to the car dealership. When he landed, he grabbed Bruce's copy of his contract out of his abandoned jacket, and walked into the dealership.

"Hi, can I help you?" a young saleswoman asked as Discord entered.

"Yes, can you file these for Mr. Defranco?" he asked, handing her the papers. She looked at them in confusion, and then to the strange man that had given them to her. A grin was plastered on his face that made her feel uncomfortable, but she nodded.

"Y-yes, I'll do that," she said, looking uneasily into Discord's eyes. "W-where is Mr. Defranco?"

"Said he had a flight to catch," Discord replied. His tone made the woman feel even more uncomfortable and she broke eye contact to look down at the papers in her hand.

"That's…odd. I could have sworn—"

The dealership's automatic door slid open as Discord walked back out into the parking lot, leaving the woman standing there in silent bewilderment. He walked back to the car to see the little Spanish boy from before looking at the car as the layer of ice coating it flaked off.

"Ah, I'm glad you're still here," Discord said, approaching the boy. "I'd still like your opinion on the color."

Miguel stared at Discord, too afraid to move. Discord failed to notice however, and began tapping his cane against the car. The ice disappeared off of it, and the gray paint turned red.

"Red?" He tapped the car again. "Or blue?"

The boy didn't answer, so Discord cycled through the colors again. When he still didn't receive a reply, he reached into his jacket and removed a hundred dollar bill. He held the crisp piece of currency up for the boy and repeated his choices once more. Finally, with shaking voice, Miguel replied, "R-r-red."

Discord smiled and handed the bill over to the kid. "I completely agree, but it's missing something." Miguel took the money and ran from Discord, fearful that the man may take the money back if he stayed too long. Discord paid him little mind as he ran off, more focused on his new car.

His mind went back to Bruce and his panic about taking the car on the road without following proper procedure. There's something it needs to be street legal…Oh yes! A plate of some sort! He tapped his cane on the car's bumper and a porcelain plate appeared where the license plate should have been.

"Odd law," Discord mused. "Their whole legal system is odd…and so delightful to exploit." He looked around, making sure no one had seen him talking to himself, and then got into his new vehicle.

---

Discord walked into the Jade Garden and was immediately greeted by a pretty Chinese woman. "Ah, Mister Discord! So happy to see you!"

"And the same to you, Miss Xue," he said. She rushed forward to take his coat and he slid his arms out of it. "I'll be sitting at the bar, as per usual."

"Very good! Enjoy!" she said with a bow.

Always so eccentric, Discord thought as he walked to the bar. The bartender, a Chinese man dressed in traditional clothing, gave Discord a nod and immediately reached for a bottle of Johnnie Walker Scotch whiskey. Discord smiled as he took his seat and awaited his drink. He glanced up at the three television's mounted above the liquor cabinets. One was showing public access cartoons, and the other two were on commercial breaks.

As if the bartender had read his mind, he grabbed a remote control and changed the channel of the television closest to Discord. "Thank you, Mao," Discord said as the channel stopped on the FX network. "Part Three starts in—" he checked his Rolex, "—ten minutes."

The bartender nodded and placed Discord's drink in front of him. "Anything else for you?" he asked in perfect English. Discord shook his head and picked up his glass.

"Got all I need right here," he said, raising it happily. Mao nodded and went back to wiping down the counter. While he did that, Discord reached into his blazer and removed an accordion folder. He undid the clasp and set it in front of him. "You don't mind if I take care of a little business, do you?"

"Made more sales, have you?" Mao asked, eyeing the folder.

Discord shook his head, removing a piece of parchment with glowing red lettering. "All the presents have been delivered and I'm good for another year," Discord grinned, setting down the parchment in front of him. "Now it's back to making my list, and checking it twice—I've got to find out who's been naughty, and who's been nice."

Mao stood very still, sweat starting to form on his brow. "Have you had some naughty ones already?" he asked, trying to see the name on the contract Discord had placed under his drink.

"Oh yes, quite a few," Discord replied, removing another contract. This one was devoid of red lettering and he set it on his left. "How is little Ai Kay," he asked taking out another contract and setting it on his left.

"She's good," Mao replied, adjusting the collar on his Jacquard jacket. He cleared his throat and added, "So is the pony."

"Is that so?" Discord asked, holding up the contract he'd just removed from his folder. The lettering of a large section was glowing red, and he held it up for Mao to see. His face turned white and he nearly collapsed, but Discord simply lifted his glass and placed the contract under it. "That's good to hear, because little Rebecca and her father aren't faring so well right now."

He leaned down to look at the red section of the contract. "Oh yeah, my hands were tied with that one, but, he should have read the contract."

There was a small commotion from the seating area of the restaurant, followed by the laughter of two children. A little Chinese girl and a yellow filly with a big, red bow took turns chasing each other around the legs of the empty tables. What few customers there were in the restaurant watched in fascination, and even smiled at the sight.

Mao had looked away from Discord to make sure his daughter wasn't disturbing the customers. Just as he went to shout to her, Discord held a piece of parchment up to his face. "It seems that you're still in good shape, Maui," he said, placing the contract on his left. "The first customers are usually the best."

"I asked that you don’t call me that," Mao said. It agitated him, but the relief he hadn't violated his contract calmed him down. "But, um, thank you."

Discord sipped his Johnnie Walker and continued sorting through the folder until he had all the contracts separated. "Hmm, only three so far," Discord said, looking at the contracts on his right. And I had to force all three of them…this is taking too long.

"That's good, right?" Mao asked. Before Discord could answer, Ai Kay ran over to the bar laughing and hid behind her father's legs. The pony chasing her went to follow, but came to a dead stop upon seeing Discord sitting at the bar.

It took several steps back and retreated into the dining area. Ai Kay ran out from behind the bar and went to look for her pony, still laughing. As she ran into the dining area, the laughing quickly stopped.

"And now, an FX feature presentation of Back to the Future: Part Three, brought to you by—"

Discord looked up at the television and smiled. His biggest guilty pleasure of being on Earth was definitely television—the second biggest was alcohol. Business could wait while he indulged in both. He tapped his finger on his empty glass and Mao began filling him another.

"Ah, look," Discord said, pointing to the screen. A pudgy unicorn in a suit stood under a banner with Potamkin Manhattan written on it, and Discord laughed. Mao squinted at the picture on the screen and just shook his head. He finished pouring Discord his drink and walked into the kitchen, leaving the crazed salesman to himself at the bar.

Just as the commercial finished, the five o' clock news fanfare played on one of the other television screens.

"This is Fox News at Five, live with your breaking stories. Tonight—"

"You're going to let us out of here, or we're going to turn you into a pony next!"

Discord's neck turned so fast that his head swiveled a full three hundred and sixty degrees. He'd recognized that obnoxious voice as the pony he'd given to David. The screen showed shaky camera footage of Diamond Tiara staring deviously at the screen before being dragged away by Celestia. The subtitle at the bottom said, More strange footage of talking ponies.

"—what appeared to be a clever hoax has now launched a federal investigation after this incident happened earlier today.

Several pictures of a bruised man that Discord immediately recognized as David flashed across the screen. They showed him in handcuffs being placed into the back of a police van, apparently yelling at the officers. The preview continued with a male voice over.

And authorities have captured this man after he broke into the New York Animal Hospital earlier today with that talking pony. There's also reason to believe he was involved in that fatal car crash yesterday that killed one and left three injured. All this and more to come, tonight."

"Live, local, and dependable: Fox News."

Davey boy, you're my hero! Discord thought as the screen went to commercials. Oh, and let's see, that was little Celestia with you, oh, this is perfect! So if I'm correct, you went to help your dear old brother-in-law, you met Celestia, probably made a deal of sorts, and then you and your pony cavalry rushed in to save the day.

"Wait," Discord said aloud. He shuffled through the pile of contracts on his left, looking for one in particular. When he found it, he was disappointed to see none of it was glowing red. "They got you, but not Fluffy?"

And where did Celestia wander off to, I wonder. I mean, I suppose it doesn't matter where she is until her sister shows up, but I'd like to know until that happens. He finished off his drink and began rubbing his temples. It'll all work out, he assured himself.

Fox News resumed with three reporters sitting behind a desk in the news room. On the table was one of Hasbro's new My Little Pony dolls, and it faced the camera as well. "Tonight's big story is about ponies," one of the two male anchors said with a straight face. "They look just like this," he picked up the doll and held it with both hands, "but they can think, feel, and even talk. We're not sure where they came from, but we may know why they're here."

The same clip from the previews played for the at-home audience, showing Diamond Tiara looking angrily into the camera. "You're going to let us out of here, or we're going to turn you into a pony next!" she shouted. The screen paused, leaving the pony with a look of Schadenfreude* on her face.

And that's why I gave the bad one to the good one.

"This video was taken from within the New York Animal Hospital earlier today, when a man and his daughter apparently ran in, demanding the pony that had been taken there the night before; the same pony involved in that fatal accident yesterday, and seen in this video."

Another shaky video played on the screen, showing a red and green bandaged pony screaming at the camera, demanding its lawyer. The feed cut back to the news room and the female anchor continued speaking.

"It is now believed that this pony is in fact Zachary Folsom, the owner of the car that the pony was found in. Sounds crazy, right? Listen to this."

The screen showed more of the shaking footage from within the animal hospital. All the screen showed was blurred movements across the floor as the phone was handled haphazardly. Subtitles appeared at the bottom as a boyish voice spoke followed by David's voice.

"David, please, you gotta get me outta here! Come on, it's me, Zack!"

"Shut up for five seconds, Zack...This is my brother-in-law, and he's coming with me."

The three reporters in the news room looked at each other before they all started speaking at once. They went back and forth about hoaxes and conspiracies, ultimately settling down to return to the scheduled broadcast. The female anchor cleared her throat and straightened the papers in front of her. "No matter what this is, authorities are asking for any information you may have about these talking ponies, or any others."

The few people in the restaurant had their eyes glued to the television as the broadcast aired. One woman gave her husband a nudge and then made a head gesture to one of the empty tables. Beneath it was Ai Kay and her pony enjoying a plate of cubed pineapple. The man took the hint and stood up, taking his cellphone out of his pocket as he walked to the bathroom.

And this is how it begins. Within a few hours, these contracts are going to start lighting up like Christmas lights. Thank you, social media.

Discord threw all the contracts back into his accordion folder, slid a hundred dollar bill under his empty glass, and left the restaurant. He could catch Part Three another time, he supposed. There was far too much to do now that the ball was rolling. He hopped into his Corvette and fumbled for his keys.

A knock on his window made him jump and drop his keys on the floor. Staring in at him was a New York Police officer with a snow covered mustache. He knocked again when Discord only stared at him blankly. Then the officer held up Discord's plate.

After failing to roll down the Corvette's power window, Discord reluctantly got out of the car. "What are you doing with my plate?" Discord asked with mild annoyance.

"You a comedian?" the officer asked with a thick Brooklyn accent. "Cause this is funny. Illegal, but funny. I'm going need to see your license and registration."

Author's Notes:

*Schadenfreude - taking joy in the anguish of others.

A few edits may need to be made, but I always appreciate your feedback.

XIV: Assistance Required

Diamond Tiara trudged through the dirty snow that covered the alleyway, barely keeping her head above it. "What's taking them so long in there? It's cold out here!" she shouted, finally climbing up onto a discarded cardboard box. The wet cardboard sank beneath her weight, crumpling to the ground. Diamond Tiara closed her eyes and took a deep breath before shouting, "Tiffany! Pick me up! I want to go back in the backpack now!"

"Please be quiet!" Celestia hissed. "Something is happening."

Tiffany picked up Diamond Tiara as instructed and walked over to the door Celestia was peering through. "Is it my daddy?" she asked, peeking inside. Celestia tried to keep Tiffany away, but didn't react fast enough.

At the end of the room, Tiffany saw her father with his hands in the air while a woman pointed a gun at him. He looked scared, and his expression changed to fear as he saw his daughter looking at him from the exit. Several men in black suits walked into the room and one grabbed David, throwing him to the ground.

"Daddy!"

Celestia slammed the door shut, preventing Tiffany from running inside. "Go! Move!" the pony shouted, pushing against the girl's legs with her hooves.

"But my daddy—!" Tiffany shouted, reaching for the door's metal handle. She tugged at it, but it had locked from the inside.

"Tiffany, we have to get out of here!" Celestia insisted, trying to push the little girl toward the opening of the alley. "Please!" she begged.

Diamond Tiara hopped out of the backpack and began assisting Celestia in herding Tiffany away from the door. "Come on! Move!" she shouted. With their combined strength, they managed to will Tiffany to move where they wanted her to.

She stumbled and sobbed out of the alley, trying to look back at the door. "My daddy!" she cried. "We have to help my daddy!"

"It's too dangerous," Celestia said, continuing to push Tiffany. "It's no good if we get captured too."

They came out on the street unnoticed, several yards away from the crowd of PETA members. The ponies pushed Tiffany in the opposite direction, trying to get as far away from the animal hospital as they could. Once they were a fair way up the street, they stopped to look back.

The front door of the animal hospital opened and David was dragged out in handcuffs. Camera crews struggled to get the best shot as he was escorted into the back of a police van. "I'm under contract!" David shouted as he was forced into the waiting vehicle. "I'm under contract!"

The door to the van slammed shut and the police vehicle drove off, followed by several of the government vans and news crews. Tiffany wanted to chase after them, but her ponies pulled her into the shadows of an alley. Once the vehicles were out of sight, they allowed her to walk back onto the sidewalk.

"Who were those people?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"I'm not sure, but something tells me that Discord planned on their appearance," Celestia replied.

Tiffany sat down on the cold sidewalk and began sobbing into her arms. "My daaaaaddy. I want my daaaaaddy."

Celestia and Diamond Tiara looked at the little girl and felt a bit of shame. All she had wanted was a pony—a friend—and now she was being put through this. Celestia approached her while Diamond Tiara stayed back and watched.

"Tiffany, I'm sorry. We'll help you get your father back, but right now we need your help," she said softly. Tiffany buried her face deeper into the puffy arms of her winter jacket, refusing to look at the pony. "We need you to be a big girl, come on, get up."

Diamond Tiara pushed Celestia out of the way and shot her a dirty look. "Tiffany doesn't need to do anything. She just had her dad taken away from her—if anything, we need to help her."

"How can we help her?" Celestia asked defensively. "We're just strangers in this world."

"Yeah, and she's like, seven years old! She's just as helpless as we are!" Diamond Tiara replied. "Let's at least find her mom, or something."

Tiffany wiped away the mucus trailing from her nose and grabbed Diamond Tiara for an embrace. "I love you, Diamond Tiara," she said, rubbing her face into the pony's fur.

"Okay, yeah, that's enough of that, let me go," Diamond Tiara said, rolling her eyes.

"After we find her mother, we must find a unicorn and contact my sister," Celestia said firmly. "Now, Tiffany, do you know where your mother is?"

"She's at my Auntie Jen's," Tiffany replied, standing up.

"Oh good," Diamond Tiara said sarcastically. "We can go back and see Becky."

Celestia grimaced at the thought. "So be it. I feel like they’re going to be slightly more reluctant to help us, though."

Snow started to fall from the clouds above, and Tiffany placed her ponies into her backpack. She fell into the flow of foot traffic and tried to figure out where she was. At every intersection, she would stop and stare at the street signs, ultimately choosing whichever path more people took.

It was the first time Tiffany had been on the New York streets without either of her parents. She knew not to talk to strangers, and to always yield at crosswalks, but not what to do when she got lost. The further she walked, the more she felt she was going the wrong way.

Finally, she had to stop to rest, and she set the backpack down on the bench next to her. Diamond Tiara popped her head out and looked around in disgust. "Aren't we there yet?" she asked, undoing the zipper and scrambling out. Celestia climbed out as well and craned her neck over the back of the bench.

"I don't know where we are," Tiffany said, defeated. She began to pout, getting the attention of an elderly black woman. The woman shuffled over with her walker and looked at Tiffany through foggy glasses.

"Ya'll right, little girl?" she asked. She took no notice of the two ponies as she went to sit beside Tiffany. They scrambled out of the way and onto Tiffany's lap. "Oops, I didn't see your puppies there, I'm sorry," the woman apologized.

"They're not puppies," Tiffany wiped her nose on her sleeve, "and I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"No need to fret about me, child. I was just checkin' if you was okay," the woman replied with understanding. The old woman set her large handbag on her lap and began rummaging through it. "Let me see if I have any tissues for you in here," she said.

While the old woman searched for her package of travel tissues, Celestia crawled over Tiffany to address the woman. "Excuse me," Celestia said as politely as possible. "Do you think you could give us some directions?"

The old woman didn't even look up as she said, "I think I can. Where are you tryin' to get to, child?" Celestia turned to Tiffany and motioned for her to talk.

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," Tiffany whispered to her pony.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "We're looking for an ice cream place," she said, addressing the woman. She turned back to Tiffany and asked, "What was it called? Jen and Berry's?"

"Oh, the Ben and Jerry's? Why, that's just up the street here," the woman said, absentmindedly pointing a boney finger east while still digging through her bag. "Are you and your puppies going for ice cream?" She finally managed to find the tissues she'd been searching for, and she looked over to see the ponies staring at her. "They're cute, little things, they are."

"Yeah, thanks," Diamond Tiara said, taking the tissues from the woman and passing them to Tiffany. The woman stared blankly at the pony and watched as it hopped off the bench. "Let's go already," the pony said impatiently.

Tiffany quickly blew her nose, then scooped up the ponies back into her backpack. As she walked up the street the woman had indicated, Celestia poked her head out of the backpack to look at the dumbfounded woman. "Thank you for your help," the filly said before ducking back inside.

"We're not supposed to talk to strangers," Tiffany scolded her ponies as she walked through the crowded sidewalk.

"From what I've seen so far, that's good advice," Celestia replied, "but we cannot assume everyone has ill intentions."

"David's the only good one we've met, and look what happened to him," Diamond Tiara whispered so only Celestia would hear her. "I don't trust any of them except this one," she said, lightly prodding Tiffany's back.

The Ben and Jerry's that they'd been to the day before came into view, and Tiffany finally recognized where she was. The sun was starting to go down somewhere above the clouds, and the foot traffic began to dissipate. Snow collected on the sidewalk, and Tiffany trudged through it as quickly as she could.

She could see Central Park at the end of the street, and she counted the house numbers until she came to 115. The front light was off, and the curtains were drawn, giving the appearance that no one was home. Regardless, Tiffany ran up the steps and pounded her mitten against the door.

A few moments passed, and when no one came to open the door, Tiffany knocked again. "Auntie Jen! Mommy!" she shouted when still no one answered. Out of desperation, she tried turning the knob. Surprisingly, the door was unlocked, and the knob turned all the way in her hand.

She pushed open the large door and rushed into the hallway of the home. The lights were on, and the sound of a television echoed from the living room. Tiffany closed the door behind her and waited for someone to come greet her. "Hello?" she called down the hall. No one answered, so Tiffany assumed they didn't hear her over the television. She sat down to take off her winter boots, and the ponies hopped out of her backpack.

"So what's the plan now, huh?" Diamond Tiara asked Celestia. "Are we just going to wander the streets, asking strangers if they've seen any unicorns? Because if that's your plan, I'm just going to stay here with Tiffany."

"No," Celestia replied with indifference. "I'm going to ask one of these humans for help. I'm sure now that one of their own has been captured, they'll be a little more willing to help us."

"Don't be so sure," Diamond Tiara said out of the corner of her mouth.

Tiffany finished taking off her boots and stood up. "Mommy?" she called out again. There was still no answer, so she began shuffling down the hallway. The ponies followed her, listening to the sounds of the distant television. It sounded like a cartoon or a kid's show was playing from the sounds of the voices coming from the room.

When Tiffany rounded the corner, she expected to see her cousin on the floor with her remaining pony while the adults sat on the couch talking about adult things. Instead, she found the room empty, and the seventy-two inch television showing a re-run of Monster High. She stared at the screen and then looked around in confusion.

"No one is here," she said, looking back to her ponies.

"Maybe they're upstairs?" Celestia asked, but Tiffany shook her head.

"Auntie Jen never leaves the TV on, and Becky hates Monster High," she replied.

"Yeah, they’re gone," a familiar voice said from behind them.

Diamond Tiara, Celestia, and Tiffany all turned to see Scootaloo crawling out from behind the couch. The little pegasus filly was shaking and her eyes darted left and right as she cautiously left her hiding place.

"Yeah, we see that," Diamond Tiara said bluntly. "Where did they go? And why are you still here?"

Scootaloo put her ears down and looked at the floor. "I don't know," she replied. "These other humans showed up and started asking lots of questions. I hid in Becky's toy box and when I came out, they were all gone."

"I want my mommy," Tiffany sobbed. The three ponies looked to the little girl as tears began rolling down her face. "And I want my daddy, and I'm hungry, and, and—" her words broke down into incoherent sobs.

"Tiffany, stop it," Diamond Tiara said, putting one hoof onto the little girl's shoulder. She shrugged it off and continued crying. Diamond Tiara turned to Scootaloo and said, "Look, can we get her something to eat at least?"

Scootaloo nodded and ran off to the kitchen while Celestia and Diamond Tiara ushered Tiffany onto the living room couch. The television kept Tiffany's attention until Scootaloo returned with a box of Pop Tarts which she placed on the coffee table. "I've seen Becky eat these," Scootaloo said, watching Tiffany remove a foil wrapped toaster pastry from within the box. "She wouldn't let me have any," she added with some resentment.

"Let's let her eat," Celestia said, beckoning for the other two ponies to follow her out of the room.

"Wait, don't go," Tiffany cried. She carefully divided one of her two Pop Tarts into three even pieces and held them out to the ponies. "Stay and watch Monster High with me."

Without hesitation, Scootaloo grabbed one of the crumbling pieces of pastry and stuffed it into her mouth. She then hopped onto the couch and sat herself as close to Tiffany as possible. "You're waaay nicer than Becky," Scootaloo said, cuddling right up to her in hopes of getting another Pop Tart.

Diamond Tiara was disgusted by the act. "So, we're just going to sit and watch cartoons now? Not going to 'try to get home' or 'rescue the humans' or 'stop Discord'?"

"Everything in due time," Celestia said, opting not to eat the Pop Tart, but choosing to join Scootaloo on the couch. "We should wait here in hopes that someone comes looking for Tiffany."

Hours passed, and still no one had shown up to the house. Tiffany could no longer stay awake and drifted to sleep surrounded by the three ponies. "Oh, finally," Diamond Tiara sighed, prodding the little girl to make sure she was really asleep. "I can't take anymore of, well, whatever this is."

She grabbed the remote to the television and began skimming through the channels. Sitcoms and commercials flicked by as the filly went through the hundreds of channels, not really looking for something to watch, just enjoying the power of controlling the television.

"How can you even tell what's on?" Scootaloo asked impatiently. She made a grab for the remote, but Diamond Tiara pulled away.

"Oh, I can tell, and it's all garbage," she said, continuing to mash on the remote's buttons. Scootaloo made another swipe at the remote and instead fell off the couch and onto the floor. Diamond Tiara stifled a snort of laughter, trying not to wake Tiffany.

Celestia was staring intently at the screen as each channel flashed by when suddenly she shouted, "Stop!" Diamond Tiara was so startled by the outburst that she dropped the remote, which landed with a thunk onto Scootaloo's head. "Quick, go back two channels," Celestia said frantically.

Scootaloo rubbed her head and grabbed the remote off the carpet which was immediately snatched up by Diamond Tiara. She changed the channel back as commanded and was both shocked and disgusted by what she saw on the screen. "Oh, gross, is that Snips? Why is he wearing a suit?"

"This is perfect," Celestia exclaimed, jumping from the couch and pointing at the screen as if the other two fillies couldn't see it. "We've found our unicorn," she said happily. "Now, we just need to find this Potamkin Manhatten."

"Potamkin Manhattan is located at 706 11th Ave, open from nine to eight, come on down for a test drive today," a man's voice said quickly at the end of the commercial.

Tiffany had awoken from all the commotion and was rubbing her eyes. "What's going on?" she asked sleepily.

"Tiffany, do you know where 706 11th Ave is?" Celestia asked hopefully. Unfortunately, all she received back was a blank stare and the shake of the little girl's head.

"Ugh, did it really have to be Snips? He's so weird!" Diamond Tiara growled, shutting off the television. "I would have taken Sweetie Belle over him."

"You've got a crush on him," Scootaloo said coyly from under the coffee table. Diamond Tiara's face turned more pink than usual and she lunged at the pegasus filly.

"I do not!" she shouted, her voice cracking.

Celestia simply ignored the two and took a deep breath before turning back to Tiffany. "If you help us find our friend Snips, we'll help you find your father," she said gently.

"And my mommy?" Tiffany asked trying to hold back tears. Celestia nodded and was met with an embrace from the little girl. "Okay, I'll help," she said.

Author's Notes:

After a stupid long wait, here's the newest chapter. I had to reread the entirety of what was already written, and I still feel like my mind has erased some important ideas I'd had. Hopefully they come back to me, and hopefully I can finally put this story to bed.

XV: Breaking the Seal

Instilled with courage, Tiffany and her ever growing parade of ponies left the apartment and took to the streets. The snow on the sidewalk was now knee high for the little girl, but she trudged along, forging a path for the three fillies to follow. She approached the very first person she saw (a woman wearing several layers of clothing while she shoveled her steps) and smiled at her.

"Excuse me," Tiffany said politely, "can you tell us how to get to 11th Ave?"

The woman put her shovel down and looked first from Tiffany to the ponies. As confused as she was at the sight, she replied, "Uh, yeah, if you follow Central Park all the way down, it'll be about four blocks to the west."

"Thank you!" Tiffany said happily, turning to her ponies. "Come on, let's go!"

Celestia trotted along side the little girl and looked up proudly. "We're glad to have someone as brave as you helping us, Tiffany. Together, we'll rescue your parents and put an end to Discord's plan."

"And then we can all be a big family forever!" Tiffany replied, running up to hit the crosswalk button.

Diamond Tiara opened her mouth, but found she didn't know what words would be best to say. Her and the other ponies exchanged glances, all feeling the same way. They had no intention of staying on Earth any longer than they had to, but for the time being, they needed all of Tiffany's cooperation. Even if that meant letting her believe they were going to be her best friends forever.

The crosswalk light changed and traffic came to a halt at the intersection. Tiffany and the ponies scampered across and continued their quest without interruption. Central Park came to an end and they made their way west until the large Potamkin Manhattan sign came into view.

"There it is," Celestia said, running forward and stopping in front of Tiffany. "Now we just need to find Snips and convince him to come with us, yet I feel it won't be that easy."

"I'm sure Diamond Tiara can sweet talk him," Scootaloo said, making smooching noises and grinning. She quickly ducked the snowball hurled by Diamond Tiara and ran to use Tiffany as cover.

"That's not what I meant," Celestia sighed, watching the furious Diamond Tiara tackle the pegasus filly into the snow. "The human that bought him is likely going to have some objections to us. We should first find Snips, and then sneak him out."

Scootaloo threw Diamond Tiara off of her and stood up. "I'll go in! Stealth is my middle name!"

"I was thinking that we send Tiffany in first," Celestia said, looking at the little girl encouragingly. "She would raise far less suspicion, and once we know where Snips is, we can devise a plan."

Tiffany looked across the street at the dealership and then back to her ponies. "Can Diamond Tiara come with me?" she asked nervously.

"Oh, come on, you can do it alone," Diamond Tiara said, brushing herself off.

"Please?" Tiffany asked with a heartbreaking expression on her innocent face.

Even Diamond Tiara couldn't refuse a look like that and she let out a long sigh. "Uuuuugh, fine. Let me in the backpack."

Scootaloo and Celestia took to the shadows of an alley and watched as Tiffany scooped the pony up and walked across the street. She wasn't even at the door yet and she was having second thoughts. Yet, knowing that her parents—and her ponies—were counting on her, she pushed forward.

The automatic doors slid open and Tiffany stepped into a well lit showroom with several expensive looking vehicles parked for display. The front desk was empty and there weren't any other humans in sight. She stood idle for a moment, not sure where to go. There were a couple doors at the back of the room, so she made her way toward them.

"Do you see him yet?" Diamond Tiara whispered from the backpack.

"I don't see anyone," Tiffany said, trying the knob on one of the doors. It was unlocked, but it only led to a small bathroom. She turned the knob of the other door, found it to be unlocked as well, and a shrill, yet unmistakable voice came from within.

"—President's Day Sales Event! We'll be cutting—pause to cut banner—our interest rates by five percent!"

The voice came from a metal cage in the corner of the lavishly decorated office, and Tiffany walked over to it. She stared inside until the unicorn colt within looked up from the reams of paper it had been reading from. "Hi," she said, sticking her hand through the bars and trying to pet the pony.

"Ahh! Mr. Defranco! Help!" he shouted, backing up into the corner of the cage. Diamond Tiara jumped from Tiffany's backpack and immediately pushed the little girl out of the way.

"Snips! Shut up, you idiot!" she hissed. "I said shut up!"

Snips stopped his cries for help and looked out of his cage at the familiar filly. "Diamond Tiara, is that you?" he asked. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Ugh, I hate to say this, but we need your help," Diamond replied, looking for a way to open the cage. "Tiffany, check the desk, see if there's a key in it," she commanded.

The little girl nodded and pulled herself up into the leather chair that sat behind the mahogany desk. She began opening the many drawers of the desk, pulling out pens and business cards as she rummaged around.

"Look, can't it wait until after New Years?" Snips asked with a hint of apprehension in his voice. "We have three more commercials to shoot, and I don't think I'm going to have the time."

"What?" Diamond Tiara asked, taken completely aback. "You can't be serious."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, you know, lots of volunteer work to do," Snips replied nervously. He stood up and organized the papers he'd been reading from. "I'd love to help, but I don't think Mr. Defranco would like that."

"You're not staying here," Diamond Tiara argued. "Princess Celestia needs you to cast a spell so we can stop Discord!"

Tiffany walked in front of Diamond Tiara and dumped a pile of identical keys out of a small cardboard box she'd found inside the desk. "One of them might be it," she said when the filly looked up at her in disbelief.

"What do you mean Princess Celestia needs me to cast a spell?" Snips asked like it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "And how do you know? Have you talked to her?"

Diamond Tiara sat on the floor, trying all the keys on the lock, yet none of them even came close to fitting. "Yeah, Discord turned her into a filly, got rid of her wings and her magic, and now he's turning humans into ponies. So, if you're done asking stupid questions, help us get you out!"

Snips stammered and looked around, unsure what to do. "I—but—Mr. Defranco!"

The door to the office opened and Celestia and Scootaloo hurried in, quickly closing it behind them. "They’re here!" Celestia said frantically, reaching up and locking the door.

"Who's here?" Snips asked, struggling to look from his cage.

Celestia ran up to the cage and stared in at Snips. "Don't worry about that right now," she said. "We need you to cast a very important spell, but we can't do it here. Do you think you can get yourself out of this cage?"

"What? No!" Snips answered, starting to panic. "Wait, are you Princess Celestia?!"

The knob of the office door shook and was followed by a loud knock. "Open up," a calm, female voice said from the other side. Scootaloo joined Diamond Tiara in trying the keys on the cage while Tiffany continued searching the desk.

"Look at me," Celestia said calmly, trying to ease Snips. "What is your special talent?"

"I, I can cut things," Snips said sheepishly. Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo had gone through all the keys and jumped up to the desk to help Tiffany. Meanwhile, whoever was on the other side of the door had resorted to banging on it with something much stronger than a fist. Fortunately, the office was designed against intruders and the metal frame held strong.

"Good, that's good," Celestia continued. "Do you think you can cut through these bars?"

Snips looked at the wrought iron bars of his cage and then back to the unfamiliar filly in front of him. "I can try," he said. His horn began to glow and with all his might, he focused his magic on a single bar. A slice appeared at the bottom of it, slowly going all the way through.

"Yes, very good," Celestia said, watching the colt struggle. "A few more cuts and you'll be free."

A dent in the door had formed and was growing steadily as the pounding on the other side continued. Diamond Tiara, Scootaloo, and Tiffany had given up tearing the desk apart and jumped down to watch Snips.

The second cut went through the top of the bar and it fell to the floor. Celestia and Scootaloo cheered for him, but Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, great, he gets out of his cage, but we're still trapped in this room!"

Snips focused his magic even harder and two more bars fell, allowing him to squeeze out of the cage. A surge of confidence like he'd never felt before overcame him and he turned to face the back wall. "I'll get us out!" he said, lowering his head. The tip of his horn glowed vibrantly and a grid of slices turned a small section of the wall into cubes. He moved through it like it was packing foam, and burst through the other side.

Celestia, Scootaloo, and Tiffany followed him as he sliced his way through another wall, leading to an alley behind the dealership. Diamond Tiara just stood in complete awe until Tiffany crawled back through and grabbed her. They hurried through the snow and got as far away from the dealership as they could. Unmarked black vans had the place almost completely surrounded, and they were lucky to not be seen.

Central Park lie just ahead and it looked like a good place to go, even though the sunlight was waning. Completely out of breath, Tiffany and the four ponies ducked into the trees and sat in the middle of a small clearing.

"Okay," Snips said, breathing heavily, "who are you?" He pointed to Tiffany and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm Tiffany, and I love ponies," Tiffany replied, giving the colt a big smile. She reached out and pulled Snips in for a hug which he didn't object to. "You're a boy pony," she said with a giggle. Snips began to blush and broke free from the girl's embrace when he found Diamond Tiara scowling at him.

"So, uh, you needed my help with something?" Snips asked, addressing Celestia. He suddenly remembered that he was addressing royalty and bowed before her, burying his face in the snow. A muffled "your highness" could be heard.

"Yes, we need to contact my sister and let her know of Discord's plan," Celestia said, putting her hoof on Snips' shoulder. He lifted his head out of the snow and gave her a dutiful look. "Now, it's very simple. I need you to focus on three phrases whilst you cast the spell. It will open a window of sorts through which I can communicate. The three phrases are Equestria, Harmony, and Luna."

"Oh, that does sound simple," Snips said, ready to help, but Celestia was etching several patterns in the snow with her hoof.

"Excellent, now here's everything you need to focus on to cast the spell itself," she said, finishing up a complex series of symbols.

"Well, we're doomed," Diamond Tiara said, throwing her hooves up in defeat.

Celestia looked at Snips encouragingly, and he looked back down at the symbols in the snow. "Well, I'll try," he said. He scrunched his face in concentration and mouthed the three words as the light from his horn wavered. Sweat was pouring down from his mane as his eyes tried to follow the correct order of the symbols.

Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara huddled up with Tiffany for warmth as the snow continued to fall around them. They watched as the light from Snips' horn began to expand until it formed a blobby screen in the air. A fuzzy image with a dark purple splotch in the middle materialized on the screen, but vanished as fast as it had appeared.

"We were so close," Celestia said, running up to Snips and trying to steady him. The young colt was on the verge of passing out, but fought to keep his consciousness.

"I'm trying," he said, breathing heavily. "It's just…not as easy as cutting paper!"

"Just imagine that you're cutting a square in the barrier between worlds," Celestia said softly. "A barrier no thicker than tissue paper." The symbols in the snow had begun filling in with fresh snow, and Celestia carefully redrew them.

Snips closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "Just like paper," he said, exhaling. He opened his eyes to focus on the symbols again and continued mouthing the three words. The screen reappeared from his horn, and this time the purple blob became much more clear, forming the head of Princess Luna.

"Luna, it's me, Celestia," Celestia spoke into the screen. "I've found the children. Discord took them through the mirror into the human world."

Snips struggled to keep focus of the spell, but the screen had begun to fade. He grit his teeth and focused harder to stabilize the window. Blood trickled from his left nostril and his knees began to shake.

"Discord sold us to the humans as pets, but his plan is still unclear. I think he's trying to spark a war between our worlds. Please, sister, do not do anything rash! Find the one named David, he is the only one who can be trusted!

The screen disappeared and Snips collapsed into the snow. Celestia rushed to his side, followed by Tiffany and Scootaloo. Even Diamond Tiara approached, though she stayed behind Tiffany.

"He's fine," Celestia said, standing back up. "Let's just hope my message got through clearly."

---

"Now, officer, I really don't have time for this right now," Discord began as he was pressed against the hood of the Corvette and was put into handcuffs. "Ouch! Hey, those are a little tight!"

"Please do not resist arrest," the police officer said. "You're driving an unregistered vehicle with no license and no plates; I have to take you in."

Discord spun his head around a full 180 degrees and looked at the officer with his crazy, yellow eyes. "What would happen if I did resist?" he asked, tilting his head. The police officer was too disturbed to answer and he stepped back cautiously. He fumbled for his radio, but it fell into the snow

"L-look pal," the police officer said, trying to keep his eyes on Discord, "you stay right there, you hear me?" He started reaching for his gun, hoping that he wouldn't have to use it. He doubted a bullet would even do anything to the thing in front of him anyway.

A few pedestrians had taken notice of the situation and took their phones out to record. Discord stood up straight and spun his head back around. Next, he slipped his wrists out of the cuffs and rubbed the spot they'd been. He looked at the police car parked behind him and noticed the license plate mounted to the front.

With a snap of his fingers, a pair of orange New York license plates with CHAOS in black letters appeared in his hand. "So these are the plates that need to be on the car?"

"What? Are you a friggin' comedian and magician?" the officer asked with a laugh.

"I am many things," Discord replied, snapping his fingers again. The plates flew from his hands and mounted themselves to his Corvette. "Most importantly though, I am late. What were the other things you needed so we can hurry this along?"

"Your drivers license and registration for the car," the officer replied.

"Let me see yours," Discord said, holding out his hand. At this point, the police officer believed Discord really was a magician, and he was being asked as a volunteer from the audience. He removed his wallet, hoping to see that his drivers license had been replaced with one of the strange man, but he saw only his own picture staring at him.

Some strange force overcame the officer and he willingly handed over his wallet. Discord stared at the rectangle of plastic within for a moment and snapped his fingers, producing one of his own.

The officer took his wallet back as well as Discord's freshly materialized drivers license. If it was a fake, it was the best damn fake he'd ever seen. "So, err, Discord," the officer said, handing him the license back, "I suppose now you'll tell me this car is registered?"

"Yes, yes, everything is up to code," Discord replied rather impatiently. 2014 registration stickers appeared on the plates just as the officer looked down to make sure.

"Am I on TV right now or something?" the police officer asked, looking around as if he might see a hidden camera crew. "This has got to be a prank."

Discord opened the drivers side door of his Corvette and slid into his seat. "Yes! Yes it is all a prank!" he said, getting ready to close the door. "Now am I free to go?"

After a moment of difficult consideration, the police officer finally managed to say, "I, uh, I guess I have no reason to hold you. So, yeah, have a good night and drive safe."

With a sigh of relief, Discord said, "Thank you, officer. Have a happy New Year!" He closed the car door and started up the engine, threw it into first, and took to the sky. The police officer and crowd below stared up in awe, and a few even began clapping as if it had been a marvelous end to the performance.

He kept a tight grip on the steering wheel with one hand and ran the other through his hair nervously. I'm going to be late, he thought. Who knows how much this delay will change things?! The Corvette sped across the skyline, now mostly invisible from the snowfall.

"It's okay, everything is fine," Discord reassured himself aloud. "Compose yourself. You have a meeting with the Princess!"

After a short drive, he brought the car down in the alley leading to his base of operation. He climbed out of the car and looked around to make sure he hadn't been followed. There wasn't a soul around, so he proceeded to the large metal door.

Once inside, he locked the door behind him and walked across the empty room to where he'd been hiding the mirror. He took the sheet off of it and looked at his reflection. It was of his draconequus form, yet it mimicked all of his movements.

"Okay," he said, watching his reflection, "now the real fun starts."

He pushed through the viscous surface of the mirror and was transported back into the realm of Equestria. Several armored stallions were there waiting for him with spears pointed, and Discord opened his eyes wide with surprise. This was not the basement of Fluttershy's house where he'd left the mirror, no, this was somewhere in Canterlot castle—more specifically, the magical artifact vault.

"Princess Luna! Come quickly!" one of the stallions shouted. Discord looked around, trying to hide his grin as he got ready for his performance.

"Yes, Luna, come quickly!" he shouted, falling to his knees. "You must help me, dear Luna!"

The glorious dark blue alicorn stormed into the room and pushed past the guards. She levitated Discord up from his knees and pinned him against a wall. "Where is my sister?!" she shouted, glaring at him.

"Oh, it's terrible!" Discord sobbed. "Why, they've captured her—her and the children!"

"Who?" Luna demanded. "Who has captured them?"

Discord pointed to the mirror and tried to explain about the US government, but a strange, blurry screen formed between him and Luna. There was a voice coming from it, but it was faint, and too distorted to make out. After a moment, it got more clear, and the image of filly Celestia spoke through the static.

"—sold us to the humans as pets…plan is still unclear…war between our worlds. Please, sister…find the one named David…"

The transmission faded out and it left Discord face to face with Luna. She was visibly confused and kept staring not at Discord, but where her sister's face had been. "Why was she a filly? What did she mean, war? Who is David?!" Her eyes focused on Discord and she glared at him. "You! Explain!"

This was not something Discord was planning on. How?! How did she manage to communicate without her magic?! This ruins everything! He looked around, feeling the eyes of the guards digging into him. Think of something! Think!

Discord broke down into hysterical sobs and began pounding his fist against the floor. "Oh, it's all my fault!" he cried. "I tried to rescue them, but I couldn't!"

"Who captured them, and how?" Luna asked, showing no sympathy.

Sorry, Davey-Boy.

"A human. A human named David," Discord replied, standing up. "He was nice enough at first, but he used me to bring the mirror to Ponyville where he began foalnapping all the children! He even took the staff of Starswirl the Bearded! Oh, I tried to stop him, but my powers don't work in their world!"

"How did a human get into our world in the first place? You let it in, didn't you?" Luna accused Discord, jamming her hoof right into his chest. "And how did you get back through the mirror, but my sister didn't?"

"She made a great sacrifice so that I could get away, and I hid the mirror where no human would find it," Discord wept. "They're probably torturing her right now!"

Luna was livid now and her horn began to glow with magic. She turned to the guards. "We must go in and retrieve my sister and the children at once," she commanded.

"Didn't you hear me?" Discord asked. "Our magic doesn't work in their world. Not if you travel through the mirror anyway." Discord allowed himself to grin. "There is another way in, but it's a bit more…convoluted."

Luna halted at the mirror and looked at the human reflection of herself. The woman looked afraid, and maybe a little desperate, as she turned away. "Is this one of your tricks?" she asked, looking at Discord warily.

"Certainly not! I've been reformed, remember?" Discord replied, a small halo appearing above his head. "This is all my fault, and I'm looking to put it right!"

"Go on," she said after a moment. The guards looked at her with worry, but kept their mouths shut as they were trained to do.

Discord walked around the room of magical artifacts with his hands behind his back. After a minute, he came to a glass case containing two ancient coins. They both bore the same crude image of a unicorn head on all their faces. Discord opened the case and picked up the coins between his claws.

"These," he said, flipping one of the coins, "are the answer to our dilemma." The coin landed in his paw and he held it out to Luna. She had never seen the coins before and looked at it skeptically.

"If I bring one of these to the human world," Discord continued, "all I have to do is throw it into a fountain. Once the other one is thrown into a fountain in our world, it will open a portal between the two. You could send hundreds of troops through at once for the upcoming war, and they would suffer no adverse side effects."

"War…" Luna said quietly, taking the coin in her hoof.

"The humans have fired the first shots," Discord said. "Let's bring the war to them."