Discords Discourse

by Cromegas_Flare

First published

Discord has a past, and he is going to tell the story in his own way.

Years back, far to many to count Discord was not always... Discord. No, he was a regular goat with a family and a love for pranks. He rants out his story for all to hear, just hoping to be understood, and maybe, just maybe he will have more friends.


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Days? Had it really been days since the travesty? So many to remember, yet too many to count. Let me tell you something right here and now because there is nothing worth hiding any more. It was all my fault; I could have stopped it, but didn’t. My life had been good, and was good. I kept myself blind to the danger and now have paid the price. Everypony is gone, at least the ones I care about. The ones that are left are crooks and not even worth calling a pony. Snakes have a better position in my list of trust than those beasts. Now all I can hope for is to make it to the land of Equestria, for it had been rumored that the land and ponies there had not been touched by my plague.

It started about three weeks ago, when I was in my lab with Doctor Apparatus. He had found the very code that could fix all our problems. It had taken some time to come up with the formula, but life had been too boring to really concentrate on the project. I worked a great many of hours into the work, but I also kept some time to myself and family. They were what mattered at the time, but now, nothing really matters. People need to know the pain I went through, but just to say that puts chills down my spine. I shall start with my family and move on from there; yes, that does sound like a good plan.

I had two daughters, and one son. It would be a lie if I were to say that they had it easy, because even they could not escape the social trauma. Something that you must know is that I am a goat, and so is my family. Yes I am smart, but that did not stop ponies from trying to stop us from achieving our goals. My son was young, my daughters were not so young, but still young none the less. They, like me, could not find any friends. Except for my son who happened to find a friend called Harmony. Harmony of course was only imaginary, and I knew that my poor boy would soon conclude that Harmony was only as real as an Homosapien. I will never have a chance to help him through that development now.

My wife had left a long time ago, not because she hated me or loved another, but simply because she was sick and no longer could stay. That is another story that shall be shared another time. Now I am going to tell you about Dr. Apparatus’s experiment. His goal was to make a source, or a field that could give anypony the powers of an Alicorn. At first I was skeptical, but then I warmed up to the Idea; that was my first mistake. I had never desired power of that level, nor do I want it. Now it is too late to fix that. He was a Unicorn, so he could whisk in a good amount of raw magic to power the machine. When we finally got it running, we decided to give a test run. According to our calculations and previous tests, the effects on a pony should have been temporary and would have worn off in time. There was however only one flaw with the arithmetic involved, and that was me.

We started up the machine, and prepared for the operation, if you could call it that. The target booth was being filled with energy that allowed the elements to fuse into the willpower of the brain. I know it sound a little odd, but that is the simplest way I could explain the process to you. Like I said before, all was going well until the static starting emitting from the couplers. I did not take too much notice at first, but then bolts of static became more intense. The process was meant to increase the powers of pony kind, but when the static charges hit me, it sent a feed back into the mainframe. Before I knew what was going on, the magic involved expanded and exploded across not just the whole city, but the whole Kingdom as well. I did not know it at the time, but that was the moment where my life would change forever, and my destiny was waxed with a spiders silk.

It took some time for me and Doctor Apparatus to wake up. I looked fine at the time, and so did he. I guess that ponies are boring like that, just staying to the same style. That was when he started yelling at me that it was all my fault and that a silly goat like me should never been near something so precious to pony kind. Least to say with his remarks I was shocked. Apparatus had never yelled at me before, and he was the closest thing to a friend I ever had, next to my wife of course, but that is different. After a few more words of disgust of not just my presence, but my very existence. His horn flared up and a blast shot out and hit me in the chest. I was sent flying, not just a few feet but out of the window and a crossed the city and into my home.

I don’t know how long it took me to realize that something was wrong, but it had to of been at least an hour. When I did come to my senses I realized what was wrong, my kids should have been home. After hours of searching I came a crossed no sign of them being around, so I went outside to try to find them. It was only a few minutes when I realized what had happened, despite everyponies believe on who I was and my intelligence, I was a rather intuitive goat. I had come to the conclusion that the blast had gotten rid of all the inhabitants of not only the city but the whole land. It was then that rage filled my emotions. The only thing that I could remember was suddenly being in front of Doctor Apparatus and turning him into a Bath towel. He deserved a more pleasurable punishment than death, and having him as my bath rag seemed right for the occasion.

Again, I don’t know how much time passed before the other thought passed my mind of how I was able to beat Apparatus so easily. He had much more power, and all I did was snap my fingers and ‘poof’ he was a towel. Something I would have to look into, but there is one thing I know for sure. Ponies are only good for lying and cheating and stealing and hurting one another. That is there natural state. It was that moment when I took the first shower where I knew my mission. To help Everypony to become the barbarians they really are. I now had the power to do so as well, why not have some fun with it too.

Two days ago, at least that is what I think it was, I woke up with a misshapen horn, I really don’t know how to describe it but when I used my new abilities to conjure up a mirror, all I could see was the back of my head. That was enough though because as I held the mirror backwards I could still see the new horn, it was how I should say, blue and jagged, and other than that I have to say I liked it. It felt right. I also lost a cloven hoof and was replaced by a manticore claw. I have to admit, if surprises like this keep happening, I am going to love every minute of it.

Today I found myself floating towards the land of Equestria, it was time to give the ponies there a slip of reality, and I should start with turning their fancy roads into soap. Yes that will be excellent, and entertaining to watch as I whiteness their own world get turned upside down! Oh, that is a great idea as well, I will have to remember that. As for right now, it is raining, and I am thirsty. I also have a sudden urge to have some chocolate milk.

What do you know? I snapped my new claws and now it is raining chocolate! I grab a glass cup and drink some milk into the cup. That action alone put me into the mood of having some cotton candy, I guess I will have to figure out what to do about that later, right now I have ponies to punish.

Past Trauma

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Past Trauma

Yes I know it has only been a few hours, but I finally found out what I could do to make cotton candy. I tried to just make some appear in front of me, it worked; Only to an extent though, you see, the pink fluff did not taste so good. I then tried turning the trees into chocolate trunks and the leaves into cotton candy. It also worked, but I thought as I turned the wooden trunks into chocolate. ‘Why not turn the clouds into cotton candy, and the trees’; instead, I did both, but the cloud change had been my favorite, even to this day. Oh my daughters would’ve loved that, especially the chocolate tree trunks.

You know that even to this day, I still think of them, my family. My wife had been kind and sweet and could turn my angry heart away. But then she had to get sick, and fall into her grave. Part of me is mad that she let herself die, and that she was selfish enough to do so. The other part of me is glad that she is out of her misery and all is well. Yet my heart will still ache, grieving her loss. Out of all the goats around, she held all the looks. She even made the slickest of pegasi look plain, she just had that look. It was hard though because even the ponies wanted her, not for her, just for her looks. Another reason all ponies should suffer, they only care for their own desires and have little wish to learn about others desires.

My wife she fought well, she was loyal to me and kept me safe from those ponies. She even taught my daughters how to do the same, bringing in the precious balance of kindness. Most of the time though, that was not enough. Ponies wanted us out of their town, saying things like ‘ we have no room here for your kind' and ‘go live in the dump where you belong, then maybe you will be some worth.' I took the insults well, but the second they targeted my family I fought back, lost every time too. No more.

It was not long until my thoughts turned back to the experiment that turned me into what I am now. Some changes had accrued from when I last looked into the mirror sideways, even as I rolled my eyes to the back of my head. They were yellow with a red center! My eyes changed color! Not only that I simply popped them out and put them back to where they belong, and it did not hurt one bit. Why were they yellow? Or more importantly why where my hooves now a Dragons leg, a lion's paw, and an eagle's claw? I started to recollect the events of the experiment and the purpose behind it and how it was to work. To increase ones powers they would immerse themselves into an alpha fluid. Then a field was to cover a select area and the sounding ponies energy would add to the alpha ponies will. I guess that is where it went wrong, yes Doctor Apparatus was much more powerful. There was just one problem with that. Where did all the other ponies go?

It should have only effected the ponies and no one ells, so why was there no sign of life? The template, had been designed to recognize only a pony's physical structure, so why was I changed with it as well? My first guess was because of the static breach in the couplings, but there must have been more to the story than that. The static, charged with magic that was continuously being fed by Doctor Apparatus.

On that thought, it hit me, when the static hit me and surged back to the system. It rewrote the codes to accept more than just a pony's energy. The sudden change being made by the unpredictable laws of magic, over loaded the radius to cover more than just our lab. It also probably rewrote the code to something that could have never written, and should never be written. That code took all the ponies energy, including their body, and shoved it into one body. My question is still how was I effected the way I was? That is still a mystery to me. It did not matter though, because at this point I was out of the old land and out into uncharted territory. It was glorious, I had to say that it was one of the most unpredictable and amazing places I had been to yet. The animals would fight each other and then find food for each other. It made no sense, that is probably the beauty of it all though, just the never-ending streak of being on your dragon toes. Now it's confirmed that any bit of art I make will not include rows of any kind. My past was never understood, and now I never want it to be truly understood. I just want ponies to at least hear my story and see if they can make sense of it.

It was not long into my journey when I came upon the rift, or the abyss; Either could work for what it truly was, for looking into the chasm was far more agonizing than hearing children scream at you when you are nothing but solid stone; The Darkness could eat you and leave your life behind, but for me it was kind; It saw that I had no life, that it was already taken; So it gifted unto me, that dreaded gap in the ground, an understanding; Not that I needed it of course, but even the Spirit of Chaos needed to know things, in order become a deity of unpleasant joy. As I stared into the Dark mists of vaporized licorice, an Idea came up into my head! All the ponies would have been fused into simple Apparatus. Seriously why did that pony think he was so smart, I did put all the work into the machine! But that is not important now, what is, is what exactly happened to the rest of life. If the ponies were in fact fused into one pony due to a pre-set code that malfunctioned into Chaos, then what if all other forms of life fused into me!

You should have seen me as my head popped of my body and shot up into the air like a firework and exploded like a sonic rainboom! Oh it looked so glorious, as my eyes were hanging from a tree like a bat monkey. If all the other non-pony animals were fused into me, that means I might be-able to bring them back! It also explained why I now look like a masterpiece of a multi-puzzle mishap, but whatever I like my new look. I think I do look quite dashing, no all I need is a rainbow mane, and I will be complete!

Now I'm torn though, I could go to Equestria on punish the ponies for their rude existence. I could also go back and see if I can reverse the damage, but I am going to need to talk to my towel. What to do? What to do? I know! How about both, and with a snap of a finger I became two Strong Hoofs! Wait no, I am no longer Strong hoof, I am Discord! I must thank the rift for the name, quite fitting given my state of ‘harmony'.

So one of the Discords went towards Equestria while the other me, or yes me as in I, not you. No myself was not part of this, he comes in latter when I remodel the Moon. So yes, this is going to be rather chaotic! Prepare for a ride my little ponies! And pop some more popcorn, for your lives will be upside up from here on out!


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It is an interesting feeling to fly both west and east at the same time. It is like doing a backflip sideways, you can hardly tell where you are going. I was determined though, so I did what any me else would do, I snapped my fingers and materialized out from a tree in Equestria, and turned into a chair in my old lab. I could tell you what I did at the exact same time, but to ease your minds, and I being reformed will tell you in bits. So where should I start? Well I think I will start here in Equestria.

It was interesting, coming out of a tree. Bark flaked off and melted back to me as I reformed my chosen physical appearance. Yes I was reformed back then too, don’t look so surprised. So back to where I was at, I was back to me, from the tree, and there was no pony to see.

The same was said in my old lab, in a flash I was back too. I and wanted to cry because there was no limes. I was in the mood for limes, so I remedied that and the other me in Equestria turned to the tree I once was and picked a lime from the oranges. The fruit soon made it back to me and I feasted on the doughnut within. Now that my stomach was full, I went over to the machine and started my work. I did know what I was doing as I took the mainframe, or the magical resilience that was within the circuits. I tried to start up the machine so I could see the data that was stored with in. But at last all I could do was achieve to have the lights turn on, and off, and on, and off, and on. You get the picture right? Despite trying to figure out how the machine worked with the box of lights, I could not access the main data within the core of the chamber.

I walked through the grass in the air, having the ground rise up to meet me. I even had the grass plow bubbles! That however was not important, not yet anyway. No I had to find a Unicorn to power the machine back home. It could not be any unicorn though, it had to be somepony that knew what they were doing. So I devised up a little test to find the right Unicorn, and oh was it a great test. I had them eat cheese, and the first one to taste my secret ingredient would have enough ‘sciencey’ knowledge to help me out, and maybe I won’t turn them into a bath towel but maybe give them the mercy of being my toothbrush. It was great really how things could roll into my will, so I popped up a circus cart and submarined my way into the nearest town. (There is no secret ingredient)

As I was looking through the lambratory, because I decided to have a bunch of sheep running around having a pillow fight with flowers. I found Doctor Apparatus’s old journal, so I quickly skimmed through it, and in about one hour I came across an entry that made realize that all ponies no longer deserve to be turned into items of toiletry but deserved the kind wrath I had to offer. That sick scum always hated my horns! He literally wrote that my horns were too long and had caused a heap of trouble in the lab. I’ll have to talk to my bath towel, but not today. My horns caused much more than a heap of trouble, they were the trouble. I really need to teach him how to correctly diagnose a situation in reality. It also turns out that we had a stash of popcorn in the basement, maybe that will come in handy latter.

It did not take long for the world to recognize that the way things run in my competition was difficult. Ponies would eat my cheese and would say silly things like the secret ingredient was milk from a milkweed. Some even went as far as saying that it was made from my own milk, I may be gross, but I am not that gross. I would use griffon milk from a fish first, before I use my own milk. Somepony got close to my ingredient, I could feel it. The stallion however could not guess and just said I used a pinch more salt. It was easy to get ponies to my little party, because I said that the reward for guessing correctly was an expense free trip to my exotic homeland. Ponies being the carefree creatures they are, looked at me and were all like, “a place where he is from must be good.” They wanted to go to a zoo! To look at things like me so they have something to talk about. Well with my plans I would be having the last word!

I got bored with sheep and flowers so now I had them shooting each other with icing guns. It was pretty fun to watch. If I don’t find a unicorn soon, I’ll probably die of boredom.

It was then that I came across the rulers of the land of Equestria, and they had called me to their royal court. They were not like other ponies in the land, or any other pony I have ever seen. No they were legendary. I have never met an Alicorn, and now I had two right in front of my face. The first called herself Queen Celestia, and the other called herself Queen Luna. As much as I wanted to test their powers right then and there, I decided to offer them the same challenge I offered to the other ponies. In an instant I materialized my cheese before them, and asked them to try it and see if they can guess my secret ingredient.

I was craving licorice, where could I make licorice?

I watched as the two sisters ate their snack, and every now and I overheard them talking, and chatting. Sometimes they would say things like, “It does taste good sister, we should be glad to have tried this” and the other would say “You are right, it does taste good, but I think it still tastes the same as the cheese in our royal pantry.”

Could I make Licorice from a twig? That might work.

“Sir Discord, We have found out your Secret Ingredient. Exclaimed the young and lush blue Alicorn of the night.” I waited for their guess to be announced, my family depended on it. The White Alicorn stepped up and spoke, “The secret ingredient is that there is none”

A licorice twig could always taste better, but it will have to do for now.

The cool fire burned in my head as all I could think was to get them to me with no time wasted. It must have shown, because even within my thoughts I noticed the concerned look on their faces. It was not a look that was relevant to my condition, it was a look that they knew how much danger they were now in. Even to this day, I don’t know how they knew. No warning had they attacked me, or at least attempted; Despite their efforts, I snapped my paws and they were back with the other me in my lab.

Candy could not have been sweater to be staring at my success, for right before me were two lovely alicorns. Sisters, yes they were sisters; it took a bit for my memories to combine with the split, but I had time on my side. Instantly though they tried to attack me, so I did what any desperate fool would do; mind you though, a desperate fool with power. I let my will creep out of my mind into theirs blocking them from moving. I needed to talk, and nothing would stop me from completing my goals.

I was hungry, much more hungry for things other than real food, no I needed entertainment. Now I must begin my reign!