> Mean and 'Mena > by Obselescence > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Introspection > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - “I, Pinkie Pie, am a loser.” There, I said it. Are you happy? Whoever you are? Wherever you are? I hope you’re happy. I just want you to be happy. All of you. What a mess this dame is. Sittin’ there, Mopin’ at a party. Her own party. Can’t even have any fun. Won’t even take any cake. What kinda scum does this to a gal? Ups and leaves her split like a flint? “What’s that, Rocky? Did you say something?” “I said you ain’t a loser, Pinkie. There ain’t anything wrong with youse. It’s them that’s wrong.” “Them?” “Zem.” And zat eez all Madame Le Flour will say of zem in polite company. “Them.” Your old friends. The ones you used to have. Toots, wake up and smell the pumice. ‘Fore it pummels ya. They left ya. Tossed by the wayside. How clear do I gotta make that? What do I gotta say to convince youse that they were never no good in the first place? Ain’t my name Rocky, or ain’t it? Trust me. “I trust you, Rocky.” No. I don’t trust him. He’s a plenty good friend. The best stack of rocks I’ll ever find. But my other friends were better. I liked them more. I want them to say I’m not a loser. “I trust you, Rocky. But my parties aren’t... They’re not good enough...” Not anymore. Not for them. “Says who? "Says who, huh? Tell me. Take a load off. Rocky’s here.” Indeed, as well as zee Madame. She eez here also. We are here for you, Miz Pinkie Pie. “So tell me, toots: Says who?” “Says them.” “And what of zem? Zees party eez good. I like zees party. Does my word not count for somezing too, eh?” “It does, Your words mean a lot to me. It’s just they don’t like my parties. And their words mean a lot too.” Again with the ponies. Again with the ponies! Dame gives me a headache. Have some punch, ya crazy broad. It’s a party. Act like it. “I want them to, y’know, to like me again. Like they did before.” “I’m your best friend now. You don’t need nuffin’ and nopony else.” “I guess...” “But surely you jest, sir Rocky. Eet eez I who am her best friend now.” “So I’m your best friend, ignorin’ Biscuits there.” Cheeky rockhead! Zee nerve! Zee stony nerve! Why do I not leap from my seat and topple him? Eet eez beyond me. Eef Miz Pie could just reach me over and knock zee rock zhere... Ah, zhank you, Miz Pie. for doing zat for me. You are a true friend. I spit on zee rock! “And zat eez Madame Le Flour to you!” Ow, my head. Don’t worry, Pinkie. Know you didn’t mean nuffin’ by it. The sack, though... "I'll call ya Biscuits. Like what you're gonna be when I’m through with youse.” “Outrage!” “Guys, guys. Let’s not fight over me.” I try to stop them. Put them on opposite sides of the table. Build Rocky back up. Give Madame Le Flour a look. “I don’t want to lose any more friends.” Oh, zat will not happen. “We will not leave you. We love you, Pinkie.” “Yeah, I ain’t goin’ nowheres.” Maybe the sack might. But not ol' Rocky. Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, and Fluttershy, and Rarity... They’d said that too. They’d said they wouldn’t leave me. Not for anything. “I’ve been told that before...” “But we mean it.” “Yes, yes!” “Not like those others.” “No, not like zem.” “How do I know that?” “It’s simple, doll. We like ya. They don’t. Who else do ya got? Who else do we got? Look at me: I’m rocks. Where am I gonna run off to?” “Since you put it like that, I guess...” I swear, this mare needs some sense pounded inta her. What do I need? A sign? Hmph! Zee rock, with hees, how you say? Bluntness. Eet eez no way to treat a delicate flower like Miz Pinkie. “Darling, relax. We are going nowhere. We owe everyzing to you! And you alone! As well as zees magnifique party! No?” “You really, really, think it’s great?” “Better.” “Certainement! Een fact, might I sample a slice of zat no-doubt sumptuous cake?” Oh, of course, Madame Le Flour. Anything for you. Best friends do these things for each other. Don’t they? “Have as much as you’d like. My other friends... My used-to-be friends... They aren’t going to want it. They’re not coming to this party anyway...” Bravo, applause. Girl gets it at last. "You don’t need them, toots. You don’t need any of them. Not to have a good time. This is a party. You gotta live it up." Can’t weigh yourself down, with all these regrets. Not when you got new friends like us. Better friends. Like us. “Oh, I am so pur-roud of you, Miz Pinkie! You are finally learning to let go!” “Letting go? Well, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” “C’mon, Pinkie. Ya got it in ya to drop ‘em. Drop ‘em.” Drop ‘em. Drop ‘em like a sacka flour. Ya got it in ya. What if I don’t want to— don’t want to let go? “Eet really eez for zee best. Zey were not treating you...” Maybe my old friends don’t like me anymore... Miz Pinkie, are you leestening? Leesten to us. We know what eez best. To ease your pain. Eef only you would leesten. “Dearie?” But can’t I still like them? Can’t I? Can’t I? I don’t know... I want to. They aren’t— They weren’t so bad. “I think we’re losin’ her, Biscuits.” “So eet seems.” “Maybe we might need some back-up.” “I zuppose... you are correct.” Ah! A boor zee rock eez. And yet, not as dumb as zee brick. Do not worry, Miz Pinkie. We shall help. Just can’t stand it... Why do they hate me and my parties? What did I do? What could I have fixed? Done better? “Miz Pinkie!” I don’t know what I can do to do better... “Miz Pinkie!” “Hey!” Oh! Rocky. Madame Le Flour. I’m so sorry. I should have been listening. I should have— should have... “Listen: me and Biscuits have been talkin’ it over...” “And we zeenk zees party...” “...Is bad?” Oh for the love of—! You’re killin’ me here! Don’t you get it? The parties were never the problem. You were never the problem. It was them. It was always them! We’ll get you straight yet, toots. “Non! We zeenk zees party, eez most wonderful.” “Thank you, I guess...” “But perhaps, more friends...? To celebrate zees occasion? Gummy’s after-birzhday is only once a year, you know.” “Friends? I don’t have all that many more friends...” Not since I lost all of mine. I still have... No, wait. No I don't... “I know a guy. A good guy. Tall, dark, and turnip. You’ll love him.” “And Sir Lintalot! He eez zee most perfect guest. So suave! So chivalrous!” “I guess it couldn’t hurt.” “That’s the spirit!” “Oui, oui!” “I can go and get them if you want. I’ve got some invitations left.” Invitations for my old friends. For Twilight and Dashie and all the rest. But maybe... maybe I do need some new friends. Couldn’t hurt? But— “You promise you’ll stay here, right? “You won’t go anywhere?” “Ain’t got no place to go.” “On my life, Miz Pinkie. We shall stay put. “Worry not, Miz Pinkie. We will do all we can to help make zees party grand for you.” “And only you, toots.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This party looks like it might be a good party. Maybe a great one. And with Mr. Turnip, And Sir Lintalot, And with the party hats... Maybe now it’ll be the party my friends deserve. Maybe. Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe But now to be the best party host I can be so my new friends won’t want to leave. Like all the ponies did. Smiles and punch all around. They settle in on their stools: Rocky, and Madame Le Flour, and Mr. Turnip, and Sir Lintalot, and Gummy. They look... happy. They look happy. To be here. At my party. “Thank you all so much for coming to this after-birthday party! “It means so much to Gummy...” And it means so much to me. And me. And me. It’s so good to have friends again. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -