Waffles or Cupcakes?
It was a normal day in Sugarcube corner - normal being that Pinkie was currently creating a maelstrom of diabetes-induced batter in the shop's kitchen. However, there was one thing slightly off about the picture... for today was the first day of Sugarcube Corner's newest employee.
And he was quite happy about this.
"WEEEEEEEEE! HEHEHEHE!"
"Super duper de duper, Gir!" Pinkie giggled, as Gir finished blending the crap out of a batch of batter (with a built-in mixing-blade in his head, of all things). "Looks like you've got it down pat! Now, let's review how to make a perfect cupcake up to this point!"
"We're making cupakes?!" he giggled.
"Yes, silly! What are the steps?"
He thought for a second, scratching his head. "Oooooh... you get eggs, then you get milk, then you get flower, then you pour the stuff in the little stuffs and it makes ALL THIS STUFF!"
Pinkie nodded. "You got it! Did you remember not to put the egg-shells in this time?"
Gir suddenly stopped, before leaping before Pinkie, throwing her a salute, and gazing at her with two, reddened, alert-mode eyes.
"Yes, sugar mistress! All eggshells have been terminated with extreme prejudice!"
"Hooray!" Pinkie squealed, gripping him in a hug.
"Can we eat all da little cupcakes now?" Gir asked, his eyes glowing blue once again. "Pleeeease?! Please please please pretty please with a piggy on top?"
"Nope! Not yet! We still have to bake them!"
"Ooooooh..."
Pinkie smiled. "Now, as I showed you... pour the batter into the cupcake holder..."
"Yes, cupcake overlord!"
"Great job, Gir!" Pinkie squealed, completely covered in batter as she patted Gir on his metallic back. "You got one-fourth of the batter in the tray this time!"
"Anything for mah new master!" Gir giggled. "Can we eat cupcakes and party now?! I waaantz to hug all the little ponies! Yes I do! Yes I do!"
She shook her head. "Not til the end of the day..."
"Dawww..."
She raised a hoof. "But just you wait, I have a super-duper-awesome welcome-to-Ponyville party planned for you!"
"Yaaaaay!"
She then gripped him in another hug.
"Awww, it feels just like yesterday when I found you by that glowing portal thing in the Everfree Forest..."
Gir blinked. "But it was yesterday!"
Pinkie ignored him. "I just hope nobody else came out of it... the forest is still dangerous even with the Tree of Harmony gettin' its groove back on."
The Everfree Forest.
Panting.
A heartbeat racing.
The rustle of brush...
"ACK! GET AWAY, HORRIBLE MONSTER! ZIM DEMANDS YOU CEEEEEEEASE!"
"Come back here my humanoid friend! In the Everfree Forest one can easily meet their end!" Zecora called, panting as she tried to catch up with him.
"KEEP YOUR HANDS- HOOVES-WHATEVER OFF ZIM, DEMONIC TALKING ZEBRA! Just when I thought the universe couldn't get any more HORRIBLE! YOU WILL NOT GET MY SQUEEEDLY SPOOOOOCH!"
"That is not why I am after thee! I just wanted to introduce myself with a spot of tea!"
"YOU WON'T POISON ME EITHER!"
She then chuckled slightly.
"Na - I'm sure it was just you."
"I'm sure toooooo," Gir oozed.
"Really?!"
He shook his head. "No - wait a minute - yes!"
Pinkie shrugged. "Good enough for me. Anyway - time for your next lesson - cooking without lighting the kitchen on fire!"
"YAAAAY! FIRE!"
"Nonono! Fire is bad!"
"Bad?"
"Mhmm! Bad."
"Dawww..."
Pinkie opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a terrible crash came from the lobby of the shop itself.
"Holy Cracker-Barrel!" Pinkie cried.
"Mmmm... crackers," Gir droned.
"Nono! It means something bad's happened!"
"YAAAAAY!" Gir cheered.
"That's bad, Gir!"
He blinked. "Oh."
"Come on!"
And the two sped to the front of the shop. They gasped. Lying on the floor was Rainbow Dash, who looked as if she had cracked the door open with her backside, and it was hatched shut.
"Oh no! Dashie! Are you OK?!" Pinkie cried, rushing to her side and helping her up.
"You look like you got hit by a coconut!" Gir screamed.
Rainbow gave a terrific groan. "Ugh... yeah... friggin' rogue breeze blew me in here. Barely managed to avoid the wall. My back hit your door pretty hard, though."
She then glanced over at her entrance-place to the shop, though luckily, nothing seemed to be broken.
"Awwww - I'm sooo sorry!" Pinkie frowned.
"I'm not!" Gir beamed.
She rolled her eyes. "Gee- thanks..."
"Really - are you OK?" Pinkie asked.
"I'll be alright," Rainbow grumbled, before glancing at the metallic robot beside her. "But hey - what's that thing doing here, anyway - and why are you two covered in batter?!"
"Oh, him?" Pinkie giggled. "He's my new assistant, of course! Don't mind anything he says, he's just a little... confused, sometimes."
"By that you mean all the time," Rainbow grunted, before lifting an eyebrow. "Wait - you mean he's helping you bake stuff? Cus with all the batter on you it looks like he tried to bake you."
"Pffft - don't be silly! He wouldn't try to bake a pony-"
"THEY NO TASTY!" Gir shouted.
"Uggggh - easy on the volume, little robo-dude," Rainbow muttered.
Pinkie gave her a concerned look. "Oi - are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"
"You might gots a concussion!" Gir grinned. "Lemmie poke your head to see!"
Rainbow gazed at him warily. "No, I'll be fine - thanks, though."
"Hmmm... well - at the very least, let me help you!" Pinkie beamed.
"I wanna help, too!"
Rainbow winced. "Er, no offense metal-boy, but I don't think there's-"
"Of course he can help! We just got done baking a practice-batch of cupcakes! Why don't you get us them, Gir?"
Gir gave her a salute. "By your will, cupcake overlord!"
And he scrambled off.
"That's creepy," Rainbow said, raising her eyebrows. "But kind of awesome."
"Isn't he?!"
"Er... yeah - complete, hopeless insanity aside," Rainbow coughed. "Um... no offense though, Pinkie, but I'm trying to eat healthy and if you give me free cupcakes... well... you know it might trigger my sugar-craving. Plus, I dunno about eating anything the robot-thing makes. Does it even have taste buds?"
"NOPE!" Gir cried, running back out of the kitchen with both a frosting holder and a trey of cupcakes. "I gots a big metal tongue!"
Rainbow nodded. "Fantastic."
"HeheheheHAHAHA!" Gir bounced, completely smothering the cupcakes with it.
"Ooooh, shoot!" Pinkie cried, looking at the clock. "I just forgot - I have an order of half-a-dozen of our specialty pies to make in an hour! IT'S TIME FOR SUPER-PINKIE MODE!"
Rainbow sighed in relief. "Heh - well... no time for cupcakes then, right?"
"Nope.avi!" Pinkie called. "You can help yourself and Gir will keep you company. You two should bond - I'm sure you'll like him once you get to know him!"
Gir nodded. "I SMELL LIKE GRAVY!"
The robot was busy rolling around in a puddle of frosting.
Rainbow glanced at him warily. "Uuuuhhh..."
By the time she could make an excuse to leave, Pinkie had already entered the kitchen.
"COME ON, RAINBOW! LET'SSSSS GET FAT!" Gir roared, before grabbing Rainbow before she even had time to react-
"WOAH! DUDE - HOOVES-ER-CLAWS OFF!"
And placing her at a seat.
She shook her head, bewildered. "Ugh - dude, you gotta not do that, and how in the world are you so strong for such as little-"
He was no longer by her, however, instead he was busy placing a near circle of cupcakes on a plate... before tossing them before her and helping himself to one.
"YAAAAAAAY!" Gir screamed
"Yay."
And so it began.
"No," Rainbow Dash said sternly, folding her arms at the plate of cupcakes sitting on the table before her.
"DOOO EEEEIT! FOR SCIENCE!"
She shook her head again, closing her eyes. "No."
"Pleeeeeease."
"No."
"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!"
...
"No."
"..."
Then, to Rainbow's horror, her own sense of smell turned against her. The steam rising off the cupcakes must have snaked into her nostril somehow, for only a second later...
She sighed in defeat. "Ugh... curse you, sweet-tooth. Alright, fine."
"SCOOBY-DOOBY-DEEEEEE!" Gir grinned, shoving a cupcake into her face, causing her to wince. "Eat it! Eat the cupcake!"
Rainbow took a deep breath. "... You're not giving me a choice in this, are you?"
"BY THE WINDS OF KOVATOR!"
She sighed heartily. "I'll take that as a 'no'."
And at that, as Gir watched with anticipation, she snatched the cupcake from him and brought it towards her mouth - drooling in a traitorous fashion.
"Here goes..."
And she took a bite.
...
She frowned in satisfaction. "Hey, that isn't too bad!"
"HOOOORAY! I MADE IT WITH MY SPECIAL INGREDIENT!"
"Huh, what was that?"
He leaned close to her, grinning like a mad-mare.
...
"BLEEEEEEACH!"
... Her eyes widened in horror.
"BLAAAAGH!"
Rainbow immediately spit the cupcake out of her mouth, gagging.
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"
As soon as he spoke, Pinkie burst out of the kitchen - gasping at Dashie as she began rolling on the floor - gagging still.
She face-hoofed.
Hard.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Dashie!"
And then glared at Gir.
"Ugh - Gir, how many times do I have to tell you not to call milk 'bleach!' It scares customers!"
He suddenly snapped into attention mode... and switching to a deep, manly voice...
"... But there's one thing they'll be scared of most of all."
"What?" Pinkie asked.
"In their tongue it's Dova-Keen, DRAGONBORNE!"
"Oooooooooh! ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?!"
He giggled, bouncing about the room.
"FUS RO DA!"
...
...
...
"... You really need to stop letting him roleplay with Fluttershy."
"CAST MAGIC MISSILE!"
"AAAAACK!"