The lifeline of Sylpheed is long, and more likely won't end anytime soon, so what happens when he meets a creature that can actually cause him harm?
Sylpheed is an immortal god with nearly innumerable abilities and is impervious to any damage, but what happens when he finds a creature that can actually cause him harm? Follow him on his quest to learn why exactly this griffin can achieve what so many other creatures have failed to accomplish.
I know that the first two chapters are poorly written but that's honestly how they're supposed to be and the narration gets better in the third chapter due to a new narrator picking up the story (that will make sense soon enough)
The sky was blue, the grass was green, blah, blah, blah. Let's just skip the stupid introductions okay? We all know you're just trying to shove a story down their throats.
You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to use you in a story.
It's because I'm so lovable.
Uh huh sure you are, the lovable and unlikable asshole of a cat, Sylpheed.
Thank you, thank you. So where the hell are you posting this story?
FIMFiction.
Huh, never heard of that one.
Yeah, it's new...to you at least. And you're a bad influence ya know.
What, moi?
Yes you. You've somehow infected one of my other stories with...whatever the hell it is you do.
I am a liberator. I simply free them from their chains.
You know, a lot of dictators said that.
Bahh, screw you. So which story was it I screwed up? Was it that one with Lionel? Ooh, what about that one with Rache?
No, it was one on this site.
That makes no sense though.
It doesn't, yet that's what happened. It's gone whatever way it wanted to and now the fourth wall is gone.
Sounds like my kinda story.
Yeah Well you're stuck here.
Doing?
Well this is supposed to be a...shipping story...
You're shitting me! Whose relationship do I get to screw around with?
...
...wait...seriously!? You want to...hahaha, dude, you've got to be joking.
Oh come on, at least give it a try. You might like it after all, you've never been in a shipping story.
True...Okay fine, I'll concede to your will and let you write...
YAY!
IF!
Damn you and your conditions.
Okay, I'll concede to your will if you promise to not make this story end badly.
Since when have I-
No, just stop. There was that story with Jen, that other one with Rick, and I KNOW you remember Da-
HEY, THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!
You were in charge of the script.
I just...Okay, I give you my word that while I'm in control nothing particularly bad will happen.
Thank you. Now, I suppose it's time we got this show on the road, am I correct?
Yes, it's time.
Okay, so I suppose I'd better settle on a form of narration, shouldn't I? Eh, I'll just go with the classic first person. You know, how about we start this off on a fun note? The day had been relatively normal, well as normal as things can get around me (which isn't very, just so you know) and after a day of running around on impossible adventures (examples consisting of fighting off an army of cocatrices, traveling back in time to help Shakespeare get over writers block, and meeting up with a rather interesting stallion), I had finally decided to take a short break, finding myself hanging in one of the trees surrounding a little town named Ponyville. I had only been resting for a few minutes before I saw a shape flying out of the town at a rather alarming speed. Not knowing any better
(nice line there)
I floated up out of the tree, brushing a few leaves from my orange fur as I reached past the canopy.
I started floating off in the general direction of where the blur had gone, a general concern for whoever it had been
(ha, I highly doubt that)
"Damnit, do you want a story or not," I yelled, cutting off the narration.
Okay, okay, fine. I'm sorry.
"Who's there," a voice said from below the canopy. "I heard you so you might as well come down here and show yourself to me."
"Thanks a lot," I muttered.
Well you found her, that's a start.
I gave a small sigh and slipped in between the branches, as lithe as a cat (see what I did there) and after a few seconds I found myself behind a griffin who was still looking up towards the sky.
"Uhh, hi," I said awkwardly, having to hold back a laugh as she gave a startled shout and spun around to face me.
"What are you," she asked calmly, surprising me in turn.
"You're not going to flip out or anything," I asked, "I mean, I'm a giant orange talking cat."
Umm, Sylph, impossible things are the norm in Equestria.
"Oh," I said, trailing off and hiding a smirk with one of my paws as the griffin began to look around frantically.
"What was that," she asked.
Oh, don't worry about me, I'm just along for the ride.
"Along for the ride, what's he talking about," she asked.
"It's nothing special, just my own special peeping Tom," I replied, lazily floating in the air around her.
Well it's not like I can selectively choose what I see.
"Okay, how about this. We completely ignore that dick and go out on a date," I said, propping my elbow up on the air and settling my chin in my palm.
I was shocked for a second as my head snapped sideways, my cheek numb for a moment before becoming warm as the blood rushed through again.
Well what exactly did you expect? That's not exactly how you're supposed to talk to women.
"Well you're one to talk, I learned it all from you," I said.
What, name one time that I have acted like that towards a woman.
"Ohhhhh...mmmm, okay, you got me," I admitted, "but nonetheless, it's this kid's faul-"
I stopped as I turned back to where the griffin had been only to find nothing there.
Nice, you scared her off.
"Oh well, looks like we can't have a story," I said, moving to walk off and stopping as I felt some fluid run down my neck.
I lifted my paw up to the thin stream of whatever it was and picked a bit up on the pad on my foreclaw and lifted it up to my eyes to inspect it, freezing up once I recognized what it was.
Wait, how the fuck did she...I mean you're invincible for Grodd's sake!
"Yeah, no shit," I muttered, staring at the blood on my paw. "I'm going after her," I stated.
Are you insane! The one creature in Equestria who can apparently harm you and you want to head towards it!
I ignored the nagging voice of my creator and began to float again, rising above the trees and looking around for any sign of her. I took little note of how low the sun was and surveyed the tops of the trees around me, my eyes drinking in the last of the light and allowing me to pierce the shadows below the canopy top.
How do you even know she's still in the forest? She is a Griffin after all, she could be mi-
"Found her," I said as I spotted a flash of white feathers a few hundred yards away. "Sometimes I have to give you credit for these powers you gave me, they do come in handy."
Whatever he said was lost to me as I landed under the foliage, heading towards the griffin who was laying prone on the ground. I managed to take a few steps closer before a twig snapped under my feet and she turned around, aiming a gun at my face.
"Woah, calm down there...I honestly don't know what to call you," I said, giving a small smile.
Her name's Gilda, and shouldn't you be shitting yourself right now?
"Why," I asked, floating in front of the barrel of the gun as the griff-Gilda inspected me. "Maybe it's because of the fact that she's the only one that can hurt me?" I tapped on my cheek and when she caught sight if the now dry scar her eyes went wide with disbelief.
"Th-thst's not possible though," she said, pulling the gun a bit higher and cocking it.
"Uh, yeah, that's what we've been saying. You are the first thing to ever cause me physical harm," I said with a small smile. "Given the fact that my healing agents kicked in a few seconds ago, this should be gone in a few minutes."
"You...still have that," she asked, reaching out a claw to touch my cheek.
I pulled away from her touch slightly and gave her a confused look as I said, "Yeah, I got it like three minutes ago."
"No, no, no," she said, setting the gun down, "you got that-"
Her sentence was cut off as a couple of bullets came flying towards us, both of us hitting the ground quickly. I heard her mutter something about "those damn zebras" before picking up her rifle and firing off a few shots. After a few seconds of stunned silence I decided to help her, figuring that something shooting at us was definitely not friendly. I stood up and held out my two fore paws, firing out two streams of water that tore through the foliage in the direction of the bullets.
The bullets stopped coming and Josh said, "I still say you're OP."
"Wait...what," I said, automatically sensing the change in the narration...my narration for that matter.
"Dude, why the hell am I being narrated now," he asked, his voice becoming confused and questioning.
We were both interrupted by Gilda as she took my face in her claws and inspected my cheek. "Wound is only a couple of minutes old, but that's impossible, I gave that to you a year ago," she said, inspecting the cut closely.
"Okay, one, that was only a few minutes ago for me, two, how do you remember that? I can't even remember what I had for lunch last week," I said, making a joke as I tried to figure this out. "Wait, did you have anything to do with this," I asked Josh.
"What reason would I have for taking you a year forward in time," he asked, providing a key point to this.
"I honestly have no clue what's going on, but you seem just as lost as I do, so I'll explain. First off, the reason I can remember that is because Griffins have a perfect memory, happy? And second of all, it's been a year since you...did whatever you did, and since then Equestria has gone to war against the Zebras. The Griffin Empire has decided to help Equestria and so here I am."
I nodded and said, "Great, I get dropped right into a war again."
"I'm here to capture a shaman from the Zebras. I have to bring her back to the HQ and hand her over to the questioning committee so they can get the Zebras secrets," she said.
"Why are you telling me all this," I asked, "for all you know, I could be with the Zebras."
"But that comment right there let's me know that you're not...plus, you asked me out," she said, a small blush appearing on her features.
"Wow, you honestly are still on that, after a year? Not that I'm complaining," I said quickly, "I just think that as a respectable adult, you probably should have gotten over this a year ago."
"Oooh, looks like someone's getting a bit flustered," Josh said, thankfully from inside my head this time.
I shut my mouth and began to move deeper in the forest, hearing Josh ask from above us, "So who the f*** are-wait, what? What the h*** was that?"
"You're being...censored now. What the fuck is going on," I asked, realizing with surprise that I could still curse.
"This is all just confusing me even more," Gilda said, creeping onwards. "Lets just go get Zecora and get back to HQ."
I nodded and followed after her, the two of us trekking through the forest without incident. We reached a hut and Gilda held a claw up to her lips, signaling for me to be quiet and we snuck up to the doorway, both of us pushing in together, my fore paws on fire and ready to kill, and her rifle poised and ready to maim. What we saw was nothing like either of us expected.
Zecora was handcuffed to a bed with another zebras head between her legs.
"Kinky," Gilda said, making the two of them aware of us.
They stopped and the stallion shot up, bringing around his gun. Gilda shot him square in the chest and he tumbled over the back of the bed, leaving Zecora chained to the bed and squirming.
"Please-" she began, her voice cutting off as Gilda shoved a gag in her mouth, muffling her words into groans of unease.
"Nice, we got her," Gilda said, offering me a high five.
I completed the high five and gave her a smile, helping her settle the zebra on her back and walking out the door into the waiting arms of...whoever's side this was.
"Umm, Gilda," I warned, "there are a shitload of guards out here."
I didn't hear her in the hut anymore and I hesitantly looked into the hut through the now unhinged door, fully turning my head the moment I noticed something was wrong. Everything was covered in layers of dust. There were empty bottles on the desk and the floor was littered with trash. That was when somebody hit the back of my head and everything went dark.
Well, I pretended to be unconscious at the very least, the fact that I couldn't actually be knocked out posing a problem. I was a damn good actor though.
Umm, Sylph, not to worry you but something just happened.
What do you mean by something happened, you didn't push any buttons this time, did you, I thought bitterly to my author.
Umm, no? It's just that...the narrator's changed. It's switched from whatever it was to...Alpha 01010100011001010110000101101100.
I simply lay there as the guards or whoever they were carried me off to wherever the hell they were taking me, thinking about my situation and what the hell was going on. I jumped somewhere, or rather sometime, and not only once but twice, and now the narrator's done changed. And then there was teacher question I would refuse to acknowledge. Why could Gilda hurt me while nobody else had ever been able to accomplish so simple an act, not even these goons, one of whom had just hit me in the back of the head with something. Nothing was making any sense and it hurt my head. I let out a sigh full of my pent up confusion and instantly stifled it as we jolted to a stop.
"Seems like somepony's faking about their condition," one of the guards said, the voice female.
"I'm kind of immortal," I admitted, turning my head to face who had talked. "So may I ask who exactly is arresting me?"
"I wouldn't exactly call it arresting, I'd say something more akin to escorting with force," she said, giving me a small smile that flashed some moonlight off her fangs.
"I see, so where am I being escorted to," I inquired, awfully calm despite my situation.
It's the new narrator making you act this way.
"You're being escorted to Lieutenant Gilda of Princess Luna's Night Guard," she said.
"Right," I said, "and she knew I'd be here how exactly? Because I what to admit it but not even I knew I would be here."
"I'm not at liberty to reveal that information sir," she said.
"When did I become a sir," I asked.
"You were honorably knighted for assisting lady Gilda in her mission to obtain information that helped us win the Zebranian war," she said, making me pause before answering.
"I am extremely confused right now."
"Don't worry sir, your old friend can fill you in on the details when we get to the castle."
Okay, this just turned from weird to completely backwards. Here, let me try something. Narration Sequence Alpha 0100011101110010011001010110010101101110 Activate
I waited for something to happen and simply thought, Absolutely nothing happened.
Wrong, guess who's narrator now.
I dunno, who?
What I just put in was binary code for 'Green'. Before that it was 'Teal', which actually explains a bit and yet confuses me even more. I can only assume that before that it was 'Purple'.
What makes you say that?
It's...something that happened a few hours ago.
I decided not to ask anymore and simply laid my head back down, closing my eyes and waiting to reach the castle so I could see 'my old friend' who I'd only seen twice before and who still confused the fuck out of me.
"Sir Sylph. So the legends are true," a dark figure greeted me at the castle.
That would be Princess Luna.
"I'm surprised that there are legends," I admitted, now walking on my own.
"Lady Gilda told us a little about you," Luna said. "In fact, we thought her a bit mad."
"Well how long was I gone," I asked, fearing the answer a bit.
"From what lady Gilda says, one year to the date."
I felt a queasy feeling to trough my gut. "A y-year?"
"Yes, I realize that is is a long time, but don't worry, nobody holds it against you."
"'Holds it against me'? What is there to hold against me, something that happens at random and that I can't control?"
"No, you misunderstood me I just me-"
"Just...please take me to Gilda."
My escorts nodded and proceeded to lead me past Luna who had a crestfallen look on her face and I offered a small sorry as I passed her. I felt a small glimmer of something as she raised her head and gave me a small and forgiving smile as my escorts and I rounded the corner, arriving at Gilda's room a few silent minutes later.
I entered te room and within seconds a punch landed on my jaw. "That's for just disappearing on me back at Zecora's," Gilda said before pulling me into a hug.
"First, ow, second, why the sudden friendliness," I asked as I hesitantly returned the hug. "Last I checked you wanted, if not to strangle me, then at least to punch me repeatedly."
"A year can change a person's perspective on certain things," she explained, linking her claws behind my neck.
"Woah, woah, woah, slow down there," I said, dropping from under her claws and floating away in a short but quick burst. "What the hell's gotten into you?"
Must have been the old narrator, things have been off since he took over, even if it was for half a chapter.
He spoke out loud this time so Gilda could hear and she gave me a confused look, "Old narrator?"
"Well the first narrator got replaced by another one and then he got forcibly replaced by Josh," I explained.
"So wait, what does that mean," she asked.
"It means that you don't actually feel the way you think you do," I said. "Wait, Josh, as the narrator can you change the story?"
I don't know, maybe. Are we both thinking the same thing?
"Please tell me we're going to change her back to normal."
No, I was going to open a chain of restaurants in Equestria.
"Okay, okay, no need to get all sarcastic."
"But...what if I don't want to change," Gilda said.
Oh no, just another link in the chain of problems I'm creating.
"Gilda, this isn't you, trust me," I said, floating down to her and levitating a few inches off the ground.
"But what if I like being this way," she said.
"You mean false love."
"It's not false, you helped me, more than you know."
"Gilda...if you want to stay this way then I suppose that I can't ask you to change. Although, don't expect me to return your feelings."
"Okay then Sylph, I suppose that's fair."
So wait, we're just going to let her stay like this?
"Well we can't force her to change," I argued.
Well by technicality we cou-
"NO," I argued. "We're not forcing anything on anyone, especially not a friend."
"...thank you Sylph," Gilda said quietly.
"No problem," I said, floating around her and settling to her left. "So...what do you do here?"
"Nothing much actually, I just send out patrols and command Luna's Night Guard," Gilda said
"Sounds interesting enough," I admitted.
She was about to say something else but cut off as something crashed outside the door, causing the two of us to jump. I was the first to recover and dashed towards the door, lifting one hand and setting it alight, yanking the door open and preparing for something. Sitting outside the doorway in a heap were my escorts and Princess Luna.
"Why in the world were you guys spying on us," I asked, letting the flame go out and dropping my arm.
"We would never," Luna said, trying to hide a laugh and sound offended at the same time.
"Pff, whatever," I said. "You can't act as though royalty ar-"
That was when the crash we needed to worry about happened.