A Lost Entity

by malfarious

First published 18th of March, 2012

Lost in uncertainty can this pony remember his own past?

A pony who lost all memory, everything he knew is all gone now he must remember the lost memories. There are somethings better left unknown and maybe he forgot his memories for a reason should he really try to remember the past?

Amnesia

Drip.... drip..... drip....The soft patter of a faucet leaking sits in the back of my mind or is it actually there? "Am i dreaming?" I ask aloud unsure of my surroundings. I am in a shack I think, the place is run down and the door is halfway across the room. I look to my right and i see a huge gap in the wall of the house. "That must be were I came in" I thought aloud. I cautiously walk a step towards it to exit this eerie building. As I take the step I turn around without thinking and continue surveying the area. "Hmm there must be something I need to do here at least subconsciously I know that. I look to my left and I see that there is a single door half open. I look straight and there is the kitchen and behind me the exit where the door used to be. Uncertainty fills me up as I slowly walk towards the door the anticipation building with each step I take. The dripping of the faucet becomes intensely loud as if it were building with the tension in the room.Suddenly every move I make is so much more slower and I can feel my hoof move ever so slightly. Paranoia works its way into my body burying a seed of worry into my mind. Causing me to over think and over react over the slightest detail. I can sense a sudden change in the atmosphere and I stop moving hoping to avoid whatever this dreadful feeling is. A minute goes by and whatever is there is still watching me. I cant see it but I just now that its there looming over me. My eyes sweep across the room looking for this ominous presence that has gotten me so scared and riled up. Sadly I can't find it no matter how hard I peer around the shack.

Then in a picture fills my mind of an old mare sitting in a rocking chair, behind her is a barn and beside the barn an orchard of apples. I know this place and I have been here before and the old mare seems so familiar and her name is on the tip of my tongue. Then the orchard slowly fades away I start to panic and try to reach the old mare to warn her of the impending doom. As i run towards her she gets further and further away and soon she starts to fade away. Tears line my face and I don't know why, I don't even know this pony. Curiosity fills me as I return back to the shack. I'm standing in front of the door. " Yes i'm looking for something but what is it i'm looking for." I say to myself looking for something that stands out. I open the door and barge in to find a bed pointed my way broken in half and a dresser that looks brand new. I calmly walk to the bed and see the sheets torn to shreds then another image appears in my mind. This one is a little filly lying sick in the bed she has a fever and is burning up. The house is modest and doesn't have anything flashy really just plain and simple. I hear a pond very nearby. This place is somewhere very familiar I have been here many times. Then just like before the memory closes up on me and I am useless to do anything but watch in puzzlement as my memory is beginning to be ripped away from me. I close my eyes to hide the terrible sight form myself. I open them to find myself next to the dresser. A lone mirror sits atop the dresser it is cracked down the middle. I stare at myself confused. I have a black sleek body with blood red mane. I look away unconvinced of my own appearance. "Who am I?" Things are fading away fast. I open the dresser to find a journal lying there. Then another image appears in my mind. It is me sitting at a restaurant with the book in hand. I see a sign nearby that says " Welcome to Ponyville". No i shake my head. "What is this place??What is this supposed to mean to me?" The memory fades away and I can't see anything around me.

Darkness swarms around me blinding my vision so that I see nothing else. Then it turns inwards on me and i feel myself loosing grip of something precious that cannot be replaced. Choking down on tears im torn away from the light and the darkness invades my whole being. This feeling isn't natural and I no longer care where I am I just want this to stop. Its a dream I convince myself all a dream it cant be real. I rock myself back and forth in the feedle position trying to regain my sanity as its stripped from me. I can feel the darkness hitting me like a whip lashing back and forth holding no mercy. I scream outwards for help for comfort solace a savior anything that can wake me from my dream. Hope is futile for me as the pain continues wave after wave of unbearable torture i finally close my eyes through the pain and sleep.

My eyes open slowly unsure of everything around me. I try to grasp my surrounding but I dont remember where I am. I sit up with a frown looking around the cavern. I slowly look around me for something familiar anything at all. All I see is darkness and a small dim of light at the edge of the cave signaling the open world. It gives me some reassurance that not all is lost and that I still have a chance of escape in case im in danger. Then out of the corner of my eye I see the darkness shifting and turning. I turn quickly to see the shadows dancing about the cavern wall with anticipation almost. Thats impossible though shadows dont express emotions are feelings I must not be fully awake I tell myself. As I pull the blankets over me I close my eyes firmly shut to blink away my fear that my subconscious insists is real. I feel the blankets being torn from my grasp and I look up to see the shadows looking down at me with a playful grin. Wait!!! I swear its grinning at me but that just isnt possible..I stumble backwards away from whatever it was that was hiding in the shadows. My teeth chattered and my legs wouldnt support me it felt like my hooves would fall of at any minute. "wha- wha- you- you- you just cant...but its so...what is going on with me first the dream now you...please spare me I didn't do anything " I stammered nervously onwards when it suddenly hit me I didn't even know my name.

A look of utter disappointment and loss crossed my face as i thought about my predicament. How could i not know my name??

Hope

An internal clock ticks on inside of me. I look at the outside of the cavern hopefully. My eyes filled with excitement as the outside light pours in little slips in the cavern. My heart jumps a beat as I put my hoof in the light. My mane rustles as a strange sensation of warmth enters my body. This warmth feels so much better than the dark cavern that I live in. It makes me feel pleasant as warmth travels up my body getting colder and colder as it travels up my leg. I then see a shadow move behind me and startled I jump at the sudden movement. I turn to see a huge shadow stand before me and pushes me gently away from the sun.
“The light hurtsss ussss. Stay away from the light we cannot protect you there our influence liessss in shadowsss and darknesss.”
The huge shadowy figure doesn’t seem to move its move or even have one for that and body seems limitless as it doesn’t seem to begin or end but somehow I can clearly see it as one might see a tree.
“What are you?”
“We are your guardian your protectorssss. We live to serve you...”
A sullen silence passes as I just stare at the essence before me.
“What are you?”
“We are you and you are us. We are the darkness and you are thoughtssss. We the shadowssss and you the consciousssss.”
“I don't understand I must be hearing you wrong. I don't even know who I am. Do you know who I am?”
“We cannot sssay…”
“Wait what!? You know who I am yet you won’t tell me!!!?? I demand that you tell me this instance!!!!”
“We cannot sssay it is forbidden to tell you who you are…”
“Who forbade you!?”
“You…”
An awkward silence crept over the room as I stared in clear disbelief.
“I forbade you from telling me who I am??”
“Yes you were explicit in when you said that you were to figure out who you were and that we were not to tell you of anything including…. Forgive us… We can sssay no more.”
My anger was rising at this point boiling to a teeming point of almost exploding. I quickly regained my calm and mastered my temper. I looked at the figure and then I wondered what to call it.
“What is your name?”
“We are called Chronic”
“Ok then Chronic what are we doing here in this cave?”
“ I cannot sssay…”
“Hmmm okay then where are we supposed to go??”
“I cannot sssay”
“Okay…Then, what is it I am that trying to accomplish??
“I cannot sssay”
“Fine…is their nopony else to help us??”
“I cannot sssay”
“Your not very helpful are you??”
“ We are sorry that we are not of assistance with your questions.”
“ Humph I bet you are”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“ Say something already!”
“ How did you sleep??”
“ I can’t remember a single thing about myself or what I'm supposed to do and you’re as useless as a doorknob without a door! But I slept fantastic so great that I can’t remember a single damn thing so yes I slept like a dead log!” I turned away my face full of contempt and anger. I can’t be seen breaking down I have to keep my composure. I breathed in and out very slowly regaining my rationality. I had to go over what I knew. “ I know that I am a earth pony and I do not know my name. It seems that my mane is black and I awoke here in this cave. I have no previous memory of anything before I awoke. I am accompanied by a shadow that appears to serve me. Is it a friend or an enemy? He must know something about me before I awoke. I do not think trusting him is a good idea. However I may have very little choice but to trust him. I turn back to him and I look at the outline of him. I can’t see his face but it doesn’t look like he has one.
“Chronic you say you serve me yet I am you.”
“Yesss we do there are many things left unanswered and many more questionsss growing.”
“So for every question I have there are many more that I have yet to think about?”
“Indeed”
“Then what is it that I need to ask?”
“The right question.”
“What are we?”
“We are the harbingersss of doom the ever living sentient being. We are
The dark.”
“Where is our next destination then?”
“Remember your dream… The old house isss the place where you will find many of your questionsss answered.”
“The old house how could I forget? We must leave at once and find this place, time is of the essence.”
“It is not advised to trek outwards carelessly when we have a map to guide us to the destination. Do you know where the place is?”
As I close my eyes I try to visualize the entire scene and I recall the dresser and the picture and then I suddenly remember the sign. “Ponyville, that is the place we need to go I am sure of it.”
Chronic grabs the map and puts it on the table and marks where we are and draws a line to our destination. “We are in Murkwood right now. It is a long journey to Ponyville. First we must go through the infamousss Murkwood forest and then we must walk through the Valley of Misfitsss and after that we must go beyond the frozen tundra of Windigosss. We will rest in the town of Jinx before moving on then we should be fine after that to Ponyville. The last obstacle would be Everfree Forest and that’s, more sssafer then the other placesss we must go through.”
“Hmm we have a long journey in front of us. Well then best to pack now then, the sooner we leave the better.” In my mind I thought. “I’ll trust you for now but I will be aware if you try anything to me.”
Though I mistrusted Chronic I knew he was my only hope to regain my memories. My only hope...

The Jump

The day begun with a feeling that I could not describe. I set off, I mean we if you could include Chronic as a person, We set off on a journey to find the house in my dream. It was vague and I could barely keep the image in my mind when so many other questions plagued my mind like a fever. I could feel Chronic hovering behind me silently but I couldn't see him. Still somehow I just knew that he was there watching me with great persistence as if it was an honor to watch me or something. He creped me out at best. Still he was the only one with the answers I desired. Yet he wouldn't answer them which just made me mad. As we continued to walk we heard a huge crash to our left. We looked and saw a giant like beast standing on his hooves stomping on a bush of poppies while a group of wolves surrounded him as if they were going to eat him. \
"It appears as if that minotaur is being jumped by wolves. It's not safe to trek that ways. It might be better to continue onwards and let them solve their own matters."
" Hmm you may be right. We're not looking for trouble just for the way to Ponyville. "
As we continued on I couldn't help but feel that Chronic kept getting closer to until I couldn't feel him anymore. I thought it was just me but just as I shook off the wariness I bumped into a strange like tree in front of me. I fell softly on my hind and looked up to see that the tree was actually a strange wolf tree. Fear pumped into my veins as I realized that the creature looking down on me wanted nothing more than to eat me. As I stared into those hollow yellow eyes my demise became so clear.
"I'm going to die right here before even knowing who I am?" I thought aloud.
" No that is why I am here to protect you. Even from nasty Timber Wolves."
As soon as Chronic said those words the wolf dove down with his claw to get me and I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to bare the agonizing death as if closing my eyes would stop it all. As I opened my eyes I saw Chronic stretching outwards from my shadow his hand on the other side of the wolves chest. A strange sap like liquid flowed freely from the wolf's wound. It struggled pathetically one last time before the creature let out one last sickening howl for help. It was the last thing the wolf did before Chronic lopped off his head with his bare shadowy hand.
" I do believe that howl was a cry for more to come, time is of the essence. So please allow me to shadow jump."
"Shadow jump what's that?"
" No time to explain"
As Chronic removed his hand from the wolf it let out a small whine that almost sounded like a whimper of resignation. Then it dropped to the ground of the forest to never breathe again. As I almost felt bad for the wolf I heard the snarls of the other beasts coming to get us. Chronic went back to my shadows and I heard him say
" Forgive me but I must take over briefly. "
"Wha-"
Suddenly I was cut by a overwhelming sensation of the wind pressing against my mane. The trees whizzed by as I looked to my side. I could barely feel my body but it felt as if I was on a roller coaster. Suddenly I felt sick as if my insides were trying to keep up but could not. I struggled with the urge to just heave in mid jump when suddenly we stopped. I couldn’t hold back anymore as my body jerked to a stop I spewed out the vomit I was holding back. The taste was terrifyingly horrid and I couldn’t stop puking my guts up. After what seemed like forever my stomach finally settled.
"Uhh."
"Forgive me but we needed to leave before the situation elevated any further. We are both in a weakened state until you can restore your power to its former glory."
"Restore my power? Do you mean that I could do more than that running thingy??"
" It is called a shadow jump not a running thingy, and yes you could do much, much more than that it is why you were the le-" Chronic bit his tongue before anymore could be said.
" Why I was the what? What were you going to say? Tell me."
"It was nothing we should move on to catch as much ground as possible. We may already be near ponyville."
"What that’s not possible in order for that to be possible we would've had to travel through 10 days of journey."
"Hmm that seems about right we were going quite fast and I'm surprised you held it together as long as you did."
Exhausted I went to the nearest tree and sat down. " Well you go scout the area and I'll just try to regain my lost strength."
"Very well I will be back." With a whoosh Chronic was gone.
I looked around to find that I was in a totally different part of forest indeed. It was very dark and the trees looked as if they were dying if not already dead. "This is the Everfree forest. I'm sure of it. I said aloud almost reassuringly. Somehow without Chronic I felt cold, empty almost. A small gust of wind brushed against my shoulder and made me shiver. I shook violently and looked at my surroundings more carefully and saw that there was no light in this forest just darkness as if it was night. Was it? I couldn’t tell it seemed like the sun nor the moon seemed to reach in the forest just a thick dark fog surrounding it. The fog gradually descended downwards around me. Through the fog I could see shadowlike figures all around me. My vision began to haze as I heard them speak all around me.
"protect him as one of our own."
"He was the one who created us."
"No fools he gave us life anew"
"He is our leader, we serve him till death."
"We are already dead but how is he alive again?"
Silence fools he can hear us."
A silence followed shortly after I began to have a headache that made it nearly impossible to think. " Who are you?" I finally managed to say. As I tried to see them better in the fog I made out that they were slowly backing away from me. " Wait, answer me who are you? Who am I? What is in ponyville? Answer me damn it!!" As I tried to stand up I faltered and fell back on my knees. " Answer me." I said pitifully. The fog lifted and they left with it. As I kneeled their anger filled my body. A few minutes later Chronic returned.
" Ponyville is a few hours walk from here. Are you okay? You look as if you have seen a ghost."
" Glad to see your timing is terrible as always Chronic. Let us just hurry on to town so I can find a bed to sleep on and get answers. I don’t care what I have to do to remember, I will destroy anyone in my way."

The Meeting

Rage and determination began to fill my body. I looked up at the trees in the way of the stars and the moon and decided to get a better look of the sky. As I climbed up the tree I concentrated hard on the task. The tree was dead and more likely to snap, however the tree was surprisingly strong. I reached the top and was met with beautiful stars that adorned the night. It was a sight to behold I withheld my breath in awe of the beauty of it all. The moon was full tonight and gave off a shine that seemed to fill me with joy and hope.

" Chronic what is responsible for creating such a beautiful night?"

"Hmm, ohh that would be Luna, I believe. Yes she and her sister Celestia are tasked with raising the sun and the moon. They are sister's or so I have heard. They are the monarch's in charge of Equestria."

"Equestria?? Where is that?"

" That's right no memories. Umm well Equestria is the continent we are on now so we are in Equestria which is their kingdom. A bit unfair if you ask me, Two monarchs ruling over a civilized race it's like they uncivilized people seeking someone to take away all their problems so they don't have to deal with them. They look to Celestia as if she were some God or something. If only they knew how wrong they were."

"What do you mean? She isn't God or whatever you called her? It would make sense, I mean it must be pretty taxing raising the sun everyday." Chronic just snorted with disgust.

" No she is far from that, the only god would be... Excuse it is not my place to say. My belief's should not be pushed onto you."

"Meaning you know but you can't say hmm?" With a nod of his head it confirmed my suspicions that he knew a lot but could tell me very little. " When shall I find the answers I seek?" I said more to myself than to anyone. Than a realization struck me. "Chronic what happened to your lisp?"

"As you get stronger so do we. The lisp is gone due to your rising strength."

"We haven't done that much though, so how can we be getting stronger?"

"Your subconscious is starting to remember little facts that you once knew like for instance how did you know the moon was the moon when you had never seen it before?"

"I guess, I just knew." Satisfied with my answer Chronic slicked back into the shadows. I looked back towards the sky and the moon and became engulfed with the scenario. Then I felt my body sinking into the tree and thought nothing of it and closed my eyes. When I opened them I found myself standing in a vast space of darkness.I looked behind and saw a strange thing standing on two legs. He sort of resembled Chronic in a weird way. I looked to him confused" Where am I?" I asked more than lost.

"Who are you?" It asked hopeful for an answer. It didn't seem to have a mouth but it's eyes were unnerving seeing how that was the only thing on it's face. It wore strange clothes that made it look even scarier. I suddenly realized it asked me a question.

" I-I don't know. Don't you?" I was doubtful of asking but i needed answer,

"Nope, pretty sure I'm dead and that this is the first time meeting you, ever."

"You, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be guarding the tome?" Chronic appeared out of nowhere and sort of startled me. I hoped that it hadn't noticed. Clearly Chronic did by the side glance he gave me.

" The Darkness! Our Creator it cannot be you?" The what now? He couldn't possibly be talking about me.

"Chronic, what the hell is he talking about?"

"Urr, well you see, this is quite awkward myself to not be able to answer you. I can only confirm that what he says about you is true. I cannot tell you anything, he on the other hand can."

"Sir, whatever you are tell me who I am." I would finally have answers. I didn't know whether to jump for joy or go and hug it so i remained still.

" This is no joke? Forgive me, of course it isn't I am just a little amazed to see you again. You have taken on a different form since last we met. It has been eons since our last meeting. I am one of the four Guardians that are given the task to protect the tome and its locations whereabouts. You gave me and my family this responsibility."

"The Garden is safe correct?" Chronic budged in insistent on an answer.

"Well no it isn't a unicorn found his way there and escaped back to his homeland where I followed to which he turned me mortal and then I was assaulted by an army of tree wolves of some sort."

"Ahh you must mean the timber wolves. I see and you have died hmm? That won't do."

" I still have questions for him Chronic. Tell me what is your name guardian?"

"I have no name only a title that me and my family share. We are called the Faceless Ones."

"I see, you also called me The Darkness, is that my name?"

"No, it is a title like mine. However in the tome it may be written in there of your name. I am unsure of where you might find the way into the Garden unfortunately. I am sorry I couldn't be of more assistance."

"No you have been of plenty of help already. I only wish to reward you for your help. Chronic is there something we can do for him?"

"Of course he is under your direct power should you will it I can give him back his life and something more maybe? An enchanted sword would not be unreasonable."

" Well then don't keep him waiting. He has a mission to accomplish let us not keep him any longer." As soon as I said that a dark glow took him away from where he stood. "This is very good I now know that I am the Darkness. Did i make many other things as wee?"

"You created the world we live in. Equestira would be nothing were it nut for you." A sense of pride welled up in my chest as I realized that everything living owed its breath to me.

"So I am like God?"

"No you are the Darkness, the creator of worlds and much more. You are stronger than just a God."