Prologue: A Discourse on Equestrian Politics
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Prologue: A Discourse on Equestrian Politics
Canterlot Castle. The seat of power of Equestria. For over a thousand years the decisions made within its walls had effected the lives of everypony from Fillydelphia to Manehatten, Dodge Junction to Appleloosa and from Cloudsdale to Ponyville. Although Equestria may seem like an absolute monarchy to many outsiders, it is in fact a democracy based on the Westminstmare system of governance.
In Equestria, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the Co-Heads of State, with each holding the power to veto any act of parliament, a power that has never been used by either. The princesses alone form the Executive branch of government in Equestria. Beneath the Princesses is the Prime Minister, the leader of the largest party in the House of Commons. The Prime Minister mostly acts as a figurehead for the legislative branch of government and has little extraordinary power compared to his fellow MPPs. The 325 MPPs from across Equestria form the rest of the House. These 325 ponies create the laws that rule the land.
At a glance, anypony could be excused for thinking that Canterlot Castle is nothing more than the royal residence of the Princesses. But deep within the bowels of the castle lies the House of Commons. To reach the House, one must walk for what seems like miles from the grand entrance. Past the Royal Banquet Hall and through the hallways that the offices of the Equestrian Bureaucracy cling to. It is in these offices that building permits are processed, tax returns are filed and the trains made to run on time. To new MPPs, these offices may seem to simply be a burgundy blur as they race to the house. But the veteran members know that making friends in these offices is one of the single easiest things a pony can do to make their own job easier. Having friends in these offices can be the difference between a backbencher and one of the leading figures in the house. In some cases a simple note passed to the right staffer in the right office can propel a bill from being discussed on Friday at 4:45PM to being top of the weeks agenda. It is a parliamentary tradition to keep this fact a secret from the junior MPPs.
The Equestrian Parliament is unique in the world as it is perhaps the only power seat in the world not to have its own building. The other parliaments of the world are housed in their own magnificent buildings separated physically from the residence of the Head of State whether it be a President or Royalty. It has been said that the decision to hide away parliament was made by Princess Celestia herself to keep the Members of Pony Parliament from forming an undeserved air of greatness around themselves. To remind them that by constitution, they have but one duty in Canterlot, to represent their constituents in matters of Government. Some ponies however choose to believe that the house was tucked away in a attempt to keep it under wraps and to lead people to forget that they do have representation in government. But going by the latest voter turnout percentages that nearly touched 95% this seems to be lost cause.
Seemingly every pony in Equestria has an opinion on politics although it sometimes takes some prodding before some ponies are willing to discuss their views on things such as the controversial Carrot Tariff or Buffalo Rights. If Princess Celestia had once hoped to suppress the new-found democracy in Equestria her attempts had obviously failed. On election day there was talk that the voter turnout may have set new records as exemplified by the massive lines at almost every polling place in Equestria. By law, elections must be held at least once every 4 years and ponies were always anxious to exercise their right. As dusk fell across Equestria on election night the streets of every city, hamlet and village in the nation began to empty as ponies gathered in the bars and restaurants that the various parties had rented to celebrate what they each hoped would be good results.
Chapter 1: "A pony I can believe in."
In Manehatten the Equestrian Party had booked Madison Mare Garden for the main celebration. The party had won 3 elections in a row and not a single poll in the entire campaign had put them at less than 80% of the popular vote in this one. The Party's success over the years had been driven by their leader, Tholomeux Hugo. The Right Honorable Tholomeux Hugo was a grey Unicorn with a brown mane who came from a wealthy family of Manehatten bankers and politicians. His Great-Grandmother had been Mayor of Manehatten for almost 20 year, his Mother served as Chief Comptroller for the city for 15 years and his Father today owned one of the largest accounting firms in the city. Despite his family history which many in the party had feared would make him unelectable to anypony who didn't live in Manehatten; Tholomeux had found a way. His way with words and his reassuring tone of voice allowed him to broadcast a sense of comfort through every speech he gave and every editorial he wrote. Through the tireless effort of his campaign team to get Tholomeux into as many town squares and as many radio shows as possible he had been able to silence his critics and was now just 2 terms short of the record for longest serving Prime Minister in Equestrian history.
At just after 10PM a single aged Pegasus left from the office of the Elections Bureau escorted by 6 other Pegasi clad in blue and gold. For the past 3 hours election results had been pouring into the office from all over Equestria. In the sprawling concrete building they were tabulated and when the final results were known, a note with the results was written to the Princesses. As soon as the Princesses had been informed the full results could be released to the public. However the ancient election laws of Equestria prohibited the electronic or magical transmission of official results. As such, election night was the time to shine for the Equestrian Postal Service. To quickly spread the news across the nation, the Post Office had nearly every pony in its ranks on call to deliver the results. Over the years, election officials had streamlined this process. Each and every mail pony was given a sealed copy of the results and made to wait inside the lobby of the office which had been built exorbitantly large for just this purpose. Once it was confirmed that the Princesses had received the results they would be allowed to leave. It was quite a sight, several hundred ponies desperately fighting the urge to rip open their envelopes. Even if the results of this particular election could be correctly guessed by a boulder of low intelligence, it was the temptation of forbidden knowledge that kept each of them on edge. The minds of each of these ponies were saved when with a simple click the front doors unlocked and swung open. In about 30 seconds the lobby had emptied and nothing was left but a cold marble floor sprinkled with muffin crumbs.
The mood in Madison Mare Garden had been celebratory since the doors had opened almost 6 hours ago. Everyone in attendance knew that despite the neutral wording on each of their tickets, this was a victory party through and through. The stage at one end of the arena was covered in streamers and balloons all in the colours of the party: brown for the Earth Ponies, sky blue for the Pegasi and eggshell white for the Unicorns. Of course, above all of this, centered over the stage was a portrait of Princess Celestia. Tholomeux had spent much of the day in his apartment writing his victory speech and enjoying the closest thing to a day off he knew he would get in the next four years. He left the party with his escort of bodyguards at around 6PM, with the rush hour traffic it would probably take the carriage at least an hour to travel the 30 blocks to the arena. Tholomeux remarked to the bodyguard nearest to him "You know, if I actually had a choice in the matter, I'd much prefer to walk."
The guard replied in a flat tone "Sir, election laws require that you be escorted in a closed carriage for the dur-"
"I know damn well what the book says!" Tholomeux interjected. "I've done this three bloody times already!" he remarked as he turned to look out the window at the ponies on the street.
The carriage arrived at the Garden at 7:27 PM exactly. The Prime Minister was then escorted to the green room deep under the stands which were now packed with supporters. Despite the certainty of victory, electoral tradition dictated that any victory speech should not be made before the results are known. This was mostly to prevent a repeat of the famous "Dewey Defeats Trumare" fiasco that had concluded the 149th general election. At 10:36 PM a simple mailpony arrived at the party headquarters with a plain white envelope cliched between his teeth. This delivery set in motion a series of events that culminated with Tholomeux being told by his Campaign Manager "Two-hundred fifty six, eighty-four percent." This was the all-clear for him to take the stage. With the microphones of state radio awaiting him at the podium, Tholomeux took the stage.
The roar of the crowd was broadcast across Equestria and into almost every gathering place where a pony might be awaiting results. Victory speeches were not results and as such could be broadcast over the radio. In a perfectly timed maneuver, that could only be perfected by years of practice, Tholomeux signaled for the crowd to quiet, and they obeyed. He gave one last cursory look at his speech laying on the surface of the lectern next to a shimmering glass of water. He raised his head and began to address his supporters.
"So?" he asked "Anypony else getting a bit of deja-vu here?" a smile crossing his face. The crowd erupted in cheering. He smiled and allowed himself a glance of his prepared notes. "Four years ago I stood in this very spot and told each of you we had now have a chance to do something amazing. Today, I return to this spot, and I feel that I can safely say that we have. Who wants another 4 years of amazing?" Another cheer erupted from the crowd. Out of the cacophony of sound came the chant:
"Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!"
Another smile, even bigger than the last manifested its self on Tholomeux's face. Again he motioned to the crowd to quite their cheers. This time they quieted to a slightly higher volume than they had the first time.
"There are many people to thank tonight, too many for one speech. I'll try and keep it quick. To my campaign team, without them none of this would have been possible." Applause swept over the crowd. "My family, whom I love very much, for giving me the opportunity to become who I am today." Again applause rolled across the stadium. "But my biggest thanks goes out to each of you. Without the time and effort and yes bits, we would not be here tonight." This was the cue for the audience of 30,000 ponies to give their largest cheer of the night. They obligingly held up their end of the unspoken contract.
Looking at his notes Tholomeux grinned as he arrived at his favorite part of the speech. "There was a pony I met during the campaign, it was in Trottingham I believe, during a whistle stop on the campaign train. I had a chance to meet with residents and hear about their problems. He was a young Unicorn, I still wonder if he was actually of voting age, but he was there and had an excited look on his face that I just couldn't ignore." Tholomeux stopped to take a drink of water (and to allow the story to sink into the minds of his audience). He continued "I asked him the standard line 'Who are you planning on voting for this election day young stallion?' He looked at me with bright yellow eyes and replied 'You of course!' I returned his question with another question 'But why me?' The young Unicorn looked down at the ground and slowly brought his eyes level with mine, he looked in my eyes and said 'Because you're a pony I can believe in.'" Tholomeux took a step back from the podium as the applause rolled over him again.
Chapter 2: An Unlikely Winner
Across Equestria, millions of ponies had heard this story. At 325 parties across the country, the crowds had gone silent as ponies listened to their party's leader. The static induced by the radio broadcast added a small piece of atmosphere to each celebration. Perhaps no more so than to the party taking place in Ponyville. In the latest census Ponyville had finally become large enough to merit its own riding. In previous elections it had shared its riding with the new settlement of Appleloosa and ancient Cloudsdale. A new riding simply named "Ponyville" had been carved out of the electoral map for this election. Appleloosa had been added to the now Dodge Junction-Appleloosa riding and Cloudsdale had been stuck with Canterlot-South to form Cloudsdale-Canterlot-South. The campaign there between a Pegasus and a Unicorn had made national news due to the rumors of racial slurs and profiling being used by both candidates.
In the center of Ponyville, Sugarcube Corner had been rented out for the night by the Equestrian Party for the official Ponyville celebration. Being a new, unproven riding, with a even more unproven candidate, the campaign had been given limited funds, but being a smaller town it leveled out and they had been able to book the biggest venue available to them. Inside the bakery a radio in the middle of the head table had become the centre of attention. The crackling of the radio bounced of the exposed wooden beams and display cases. Here the ponies gathered to celebrate the victory of the Ponyville candidate Mareius Quill. Mareius was a young, brown Earth Pony with a golden mane. 4 months ago nopony knew his name, tonight about three more than that knew it. And yet seemingly half the town had turned out to celebrate his victory.
Party policy stated that no other candidate could begin their individual
victory speeches until Tholomeux has finished his. This also allowed time for the results to reach the local parties and prevent the "minor" taboo of giving a victory speech when you had in fact lost.
Over the crackling radio Tholomeux finished his speech as the Ponyville mailmare quietly entered through the door with the standard white envelope in her mail bag. Being such a small, and unproven riding Mareius had received almost no funding from the central party and had been forced to act as his own campaign manager, not to mention secretary, treasurer and just about every position under Celestia's sun. Mareius was huddled in the corner waiting for the speech to be over. Seeing the mailmare enter, he quietly trotted over to meet her and get his results. He took the letter which was addressed to himself and turned it over in his hoofs as the mailmare flew over to the food table laden with muffins and other sweets. Holding the white envelope between his hooves he carefully opened it. The letter was sterile in a way that only a government agency produce. Black block text on crisp white paper with a golden seal on the bottom right, signed by the Chief of Elections on the bottom left. Mareius quietly read the letter to himself.
"OFFICIAL VOTING RESULTS: PONYVILLE
MAREIUS QUILL - EQUESTRIAN PARTY 56%
FILTHY RICH - INDEPENDENT 25%
APPLE BUMPKIN - APPLE PARTY 15%
RAINBOW DASH - RAINBOW DASH PARTY 1%
SPOILED BALLOTS 3%
-----------------------------------------------------------------
100%
BY DECREE OF THE CHIEF OF ELECTIONS, MAREIUS QUILL IS HEREBY ELECTED AS THE SOLE REPRESENTATIVE FOR PONYVILLE IN THE PARLIAMENT OF EQUESTRIA."
"There it is" Mareius mumbled under his breath.
He was happy with result, but part of him wondered just how in Celestia he had ended up here. Mareius had quite literally stumbled into the nomination. There had been an entire campaign for the nomination. But on the night of the nomination meeting there had been mass confusion amongst the candidates. Mareius, who was attending his first party meeting in three years, was able to run from the floor and due to immense hatred between the other nominees he had somehow managed to win exactly 51% of the votes in the first round of voting. He hadn't really done it for any reason, if anypony on the campaign trail had bothered to ask why he was running he would have said "Because, I was bored in the right place at the right town."
For the entire campaign Mareius had received just over two-thousand bits to spend. This was one of the lowest amounts given to any riding. With 2,000 bits Mareius spent 200 in the first week, 400 the second week, 400 the third week and spent the remaining 1,000 bits on a full page add in the Ponyville Gazette that had run on election day.
Mareius was simply not a good speaker. He had no grand ideas, no overarching message, no coordinated marketing campaign, and a grand total of zero campaign staff. This was the complete opposite of his main opponent, Stinking Rich, owner of Rich's Barnyard Bargains. Stinking had everything a candidate could want, a knack for public speaking, name recognition, friends in high places and most importantly a huge bank account to fund his new found passion for politics. Stinking had chosen to run as a independent, mostly because it was said he couldn't stomach the idea of having to play by someone else's rules. By every single metric he should have been the favorite to win. But thanks to the Ponyville Gazette he didn't.
To most ponies in Ponyville, what was written in the pages of that paper were as good as the words of Celestia herself. Gabby Gums, the elusive gossip columnist for the Gazette had what Mareius could only imagine was a personal vendetta against the entire Rich family. Every weekday and Sunday for 4 weeks the pages of the paper would spout a new claim against either Stinking or his family. Stinking's daughter seemed to be target of the majority of the claims. Despite the seeming maliciousness of targeting a schoolfilly, it hurt Stinking. Every day when he faced the reporters he would not be asked for his tax plan was or what his plan was to fix Town Hall. he would instead be asked "Is it true your daughter has an entire closet filled with bunny costumes?" or "Is it true you purposely undercut your competition to monopolize the Ponyville marketplace?" Each minute he had to spend answering these questions was a minute not spent campaigning. And when he did get a chance to campaign, people just ignored him and kept asking the same questions about his family. Eventually it got to the point where Stinking called for a investigation. The investigation, funded entirely by Stinking, found no ties between Gums and Quill. The only evidence that turned up was a mysterious set of red and blue capes with gold lining. Whomever she was, Mareius knew he owed Gabby Gums a huge debt as she had single hoofedly won the election for him. All he had had to do was keep his hoofs clean and not say something exceedingly stupid. And besides, he figured that almost all of his votes would be won by Tholomeux and the central campaign.
Lost in his thoughts, Mareius had missed the second half of Tholomeux's speech. His consciousness returned to the present just as Tholomeux finished his speech with his trademark phrase "Never let anyone say you didn't try your hardest!"
With this the crowd again erupted and the first strains of the National Anthem began to play loud and clear against to noise. This was Mareius' cue to make his way to the front of the room and get ready to address his supporters. As the rousing number came to a end Mareius was near the front of the room, this was the easy part. The pink haired Earth Pony who had seemingly appointed herself MC for the night addressed the audience:
"Here he is! The man of the hour! The guest of honour! The Pony! Our Pony! Put your hooves together for the first EVER Ponyville MPP..." The pink pony quickly paused and glanced down at her notes "Mareius Quill!"
Light applause spattered the crowded room. If Marius had had any doubts that most of them had simply looked for whoever was from the Equestrian Party to mark their ballot, they were now safely in bed six-feet under. He walked up to the improvised podium which was little more than a re-purposed bakery counter complete with cakes and cookies lining the inner shelves. Mareius didn't plan on saying much but had still prepared a few notes.
"Good evening everypony!" he said with the tiniest hint of sarcasm. "I don't really know what to say so I'll keep this short. First, I'd like to thank each of you for your votes and your supp-" he was abruptly cut off by somepony near the back with a blue and pink mane shouting "I didn't vote for you. I voted for Tholomeux."
With the mention of the Prime Ministers name the crowd erupted with enough force to rattle the glass on the front of the numerous display cases around the store. "Figures," sighed Mareius as he tossed most of his stack of notes into the nearby waste bin.
"With myself and the rest of the Equestrian Party I feel that we will be able to bring real change to Equestria". Again a voice from the back called out. It seemed to be coming from the same pony the first heckling had come from but this voice was completely different from that one:
"Change! We don't want change. If we did we wouldn't have elected Tholomeux four times in a row!" Every head in the room nodded in agreement.
Mareius skipped to his last card without sympathy for the minimal effort he had put into preparing them.
"So good night everypony. I look forward to serving each and every one of you starting at nine o'clock tomorrow morning!" with this he stepped away from the crude podium and headed for the door.
As he walked through the room to the door ponies were considerate enough to give him plenty of room but in the entire walk across the room he didn't hear his name mentioned once in the snippets of conversations he picked up. "Could have gone worse." Mareius told himself has he headed for his apartment.
Tomorrow would bring a whole new set of tasks. He would need a office, a secretary, he'd have to start looking for a place to stay in Canterlot when Parliament was in session. As he flopped into bed he didn't even know where he was going to get the money to pay for the train ticket to Canterlot. The great "Pork Purge" six years ago had removed the subsidy on train tickets for MPPs along with a list a mile long of privileges the Tholomeux government had deemed "excessive". He had a feeling that a visit to the bank might be in the cards for tomorrow. That was another thing he realized as he reached for the light. To him it was no longer the Tholomeux Government, it was his government. With an exhausted laugh Mareius collapsed into his pillow and mumbled "Me! The government! Ha!"