The first episode
The fanfiction you are about to read is a work of total fiction,. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the creators' imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locals is entirely coincidental. This story does not reflect the views or opinions of any actual person or pony seen in it.
...Anyway, it's either just CLAY or CARTOONS!
We see a ring in the middle of Ponyville as pictures appear with a man's voice speaking up,
"Two greatest fliers in the skies tries to down one another forever!"
"Five fillies will show the world that you're never too young to kick ass!"
"And two unicorns of the magic stage will make each other disappear...permanently!"
"Folks, it's mayhem and ponies on...."
The title of the show now appears onscreen.
CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH!
We now go to a booth where the one who spoke, Johnny Gomez, is at with his partner Nick Diamond. The first man spoke up, "Hello, folks! Welcome to Celebrity Deathmatch, the show where you folks watch celebrities beat the hell out of one another. I'm Johnny Gomez.'
"And of course, I'm the lovable Nick Diamond!" Nick exclaims with a grin. "Folks, we are broadcasting this fight live in Ponyville in the pony-like realm of Equestria! Humans have come here, gathering with ponies, ready to watch some of tonight's fighters throw down!"
We see folks either waiting impatiently for the fights to begin, talking or fighting with each other, even human on pony. Johnny spoke out, "The crowd is excited; hell I am too! For for the first time ever, we have ponies dishing it out!"
"Right; And joining us in commentating on these fights is the pink pony of laughter, the party mare herself, Pinkie Pie!"
"Hi!" An Earth pony with a pink mane named Pinkie Pie appears between the hosts, startling them. "Hey! Wow! This is a good view! No wonder you two guys like it up here every show!"
"Miss Pie, welcome to our show!" Johnny exclaims with a grin. "Hope you're excited about tonight's gore and violence."
"Yep! I love it, I love it! Of course, I ain't a fan of the gore! I was in 'Cupcakes' and trust me, folks, you don't wanna see it! Very mean and ugly and...well, trust me on this one! Luckily, no one on this show really dies! Check this out!"
Pinkie took out a sword and...cut her head right off, the hosts gasp as the said head rolls off followed by the body. Nick exclaims in shock, "Oh my god!"
"See?" Pinkie reappears, alive and well, making the hosts jump with a start. "Now you guys try!"
"No thanks! Unlike celebrities and ponies, we only have 1 life." Johnny said uneasily as Pinkie goes back into her seat. That pony is a strange one, especially when she came back to life just like that. "Anyway, we got three fighters with a bunch of ponies ready to throw down...well, a bunch of ponies and a griffin."
We see the match-ups as the hosts introduce them.
Fight 1
With the first two fighters, Pinkie exclaims happily, "Yep! In our first matchup, my goodie good friend Rainbow Dash AKA Dashie will take on her former friend, that super duper meanie pants Gilda the Griffin! One of these birds won't fly forever!"
Fight 2
With the next two fighters or groups, Nick explains, "Our second fight shows that even kids can kick ass, kill and get away with it, even in our school of pain! We got those lovable Cutie Mark Crusaders taking on their bullying bitches, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!"
Main Event
"And of course, there's our main event...or Mane event as one would also call it." Johnny chuckles as he introduces the fighters for the Main Event. "Twilight Sparkle, the student and niece-in-law of Princess Celestia, takes on the bragging unicorn with only magic to her name, Trixie Lulamoon, in a fight of magic. Only 1 unicorn will be left alive."
"Or left standing," Pinkie said with a grin back in the booth. "After all, celebrities can come back, right? That's why you have that time machine, right? Have you ever been killed before, guys? Huh? Huh? Is that why you're no longer stoned after that Medusa incident?"
"Let's...not bring that up again." Nick said uncomfortingly by Pinkie and her weirdness.
"And now, before we get to this storm, it's time we do some interviews with tonight's main event fighters." Johnny said to the audience with a grin. "We go to our reporter Tally Wong for the interviews."
"Uh, Johnny; Tally isn't here." Nick reminds Johnny awkwardly. "She didn't like ponies so the woman refused to come. Hell if I know why."
"Then who are we going to have to interview the fighters?"
"No worries, Johnny and Nick!" Pinkie exclaims with a grin. "My good friend Fluttershy is down there to interview Twi and Trixie! Take it away, Fluttershy!"
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In the locker room, a yellow Pegasus pony named Fluttershy speaks into the mike, looking shyly while saying, "Uh, hey there. I'm...Fluttershy, here to do the interviews. I'm here with my good friend Twilight Sparkle."
Fluttershy turns to a purple unicorn who smiles as her friend ask, "Twilight, are you ready to do some fighting or something?"
"You betcha; Violence isn't my thing nor is it killing...but the first time ever, I get to release whatever frustration and anger I got during my years of adventures on somepony who deserves it." Twilight said to Fluttershy with a grin.
"Oh...okay....uh...who are you releasing it on?"
"Trixie Lulamoon, of course!"
"That's the Great and Powerful Trixie to you, you frigging show stealer!" A blue unicorn snaps as she came into the locker room, much to Twilight and Fluttershy's notice.
"Oh, hey Trixie," Fluttershy said to Trixie meekly. "What's the odds of you...surviving tonight?"
"Surviving? Hell, Trixie's going to get payback on Twilight! She made a fool out of me!"
"Excuse me, but you're the one bragging, showing off and lying that causes Snips and Snails to release that Ursa Minor, remember?" Twilight points out to Trixie skeptically.
"Don't try to act nice to Trixie, Twilight Spark-ass!" Trixie scoffs to Twilight dryly. "Wait for the ring because I'm about to send you to Tartarus screaming and kicking!"
"Uh, excuse me. Another que..." Fluttershy was cut off as Trixie roars at her. The cute yellow Pegasus pony screams in terror as she runs away, "AHHHHH!'
"Bah. This is why Trixie rarely does interviews anymore."
"Yeah, so I see." Twilight remarks to Trixie with a frown. Her opponent is right though; the fight in the ring will decides everything.
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Back in the booth, Nick said in concern, "Thanks, Fluttershy; Poor girl."
"I know! That Trixie is super duper meanie! But she can be strong too!" Pinkie exclaims with a smile. "Have you seen those fan-fictions that she was in? Wow! But I wonder why she didn't show up again on our show. Fans were hoping to see her..."
"Calm the 4th wall breaking, Pinkie Pie! It's time for our first match of the night: Rainbow Dash vs. Gilda the Griffin!" Johnny exclaims as it's time for the first match.
"Yep; Long time ago, these two flyers were best of friends...until Gilda shows her true meanie side, being mean to the ponies, me, Fluttersjy and more! Dashie broke it off and now Gilda is out for blood!"
"Yeah, I hope so! Blood is what we're going for tonight, folks!" Nick exclaims with an excited grin. "I'm ready for these two flyers to rip each other apart."
"Let's go to the ring as referee Mills Lane is ready for action." Johnny said with a smile.
We go to the ring as both fighters are in the ring. The humans and ponies are cheering excitedly. We go to Rainbow's, a blue Pegasus pony, corner as Johnny is heard announcing, "Ladies and gentle-colts. In the rainbow corner, the Sonic Rainboom maker, the pony with looks that goes with her hooves, Rainbow Dash!"
"Love ya, Dashie!" A fan calls out to Rainbow who grins excitedly.
We go to Gilda, a frowning griffin, as Johnny introduces her, "And in the other corner, the rough griffin whose bullying can go even too far today, Gilda the Griffin!"
Some of the fans boo at the griffin, making Gilda scoff, "Kiss my tail feathers, you lame-os!"
The two fighters go up to Mills Lane, the referee, who spoke up, "All right, Rainbow, Gilda. Listen up! I want a good clean fight. Flying is okay but not away from Ponyville limits! And we don't do that love and tolerance bull crap here, understand; any questions?"
"Yeah, don't you need a rug to go with your head, baldy?"
"Don't get sassy with me, Gilda!"
"Oooh, good one, Mills." Rainbow chuckles a bit at Mills's comment.
Mills nods as he exclaims, "Let's get it on!" The bell rings as the referee moves aside. The first fight is underway.
"Ready to get killed, Rainbow Crash," Gilda asked cruelly as she glared deathly at her former friend.
"Excuse me, but I am not ready just yet. I'm ready...for this!" Rainbow exclaims as she suddenly buck-kick Gilda right in the face, sending her into a pole.
"Oooh; First offense by Rainbow; Gilda wasn't prepared for that!" Nick exclaimed. Rainbow flew up as she lands on the griffin's back. "Now the pony is hitting her like the Changeling Queen to Princess Celestia."
"Bitch," Gilda screeches as she grabs a taser and zaps Rainbow with it, sending her off her back.
"Ooh! Gilda has a taser from out of nowhere!" Pinkie exclaims as Gilda got back up. "Can she do that?"
"I'll allow it!" Mills barks, allowing Gilda use of the taser weapon, "Because in Equestria, anything goes!"
"Good, cause when this is over, I'm gonna make cupcakes out of her!" Gilda roared as she grabbed Rainbow and threw her to the turnbuckle.
"Gah; when in Tartarus did you read that story? I hated that!" Rainbow exclaims with a groan while recovering.
"Gilda flies herself at her opponent and..." Johnny said. Then Rainbow flew out of the way, causing Gilda to hit the turnbuckle with her head. "Ooh! Heads! Rainbow wins!"
"Now Gilda is chasing Rainbow like Spike is to Rarity." Nick comments in amusement.
"Or Derpy to a muffin," Pinkie exclaims happily. "Oh, BTW, folks; Derpy is NOT offensive to autistic people! I mean, come on! She is just goofy and lovable, not dumb and pathetic. I can be dumb, but not all that dumb and..."
"Pinkie Pie," Johnny and Nick exclaims to Pinkie in annoyance, wanting her to get focused right on the fight.
"Oh, sorry; Well, Dashie is flying into the air and..." Pinkie begins to say as she comments on the fight some more.
"Eat my cyclone!" Rainbow exclaims as she spins around Gilda, causing a cyclone to appear and for her to get sucked into it.
"Rainbow is sucking Gilda into the cyclone! Good strategy by the champion of a contest and..." Johnny said.
"But wait! Gilda's pulling her in!" Nick exclaims as Gilda pulls Rainbow right into the cyclone.
"I ain't going down alone, lame-o!" Gilda exclaims with a screech as she and Rainbow go back into the cyclone.
Soon, an explosion occurs. When all is clear, Rainbow and Gilda is still in the ring, standing but not dead yet.
"Wow, I haven't seen that much explosion since Sapphire Shores' latest hairstyle!" Pinkie squeals in delight while bouncing up and down. "This is so much fun, fun, fun!"
"You're going to Tartarus, Rainbow Crash!" Gilda snarled as she pointed a threatening claw towards Rainbow.
"Both fighters are not dead yet. Both are getting up...and Gilda strikes!" Nick exclaims as Gilda slashes Rainbow across the chest.
"Hey!" Rainbow exclaims with a shock at she saw the claw marks on her chest. "Damn it!"
"You think griffins have these claws for show? Give me a break!" Gilda scoffs as she slashes a bit of Rainbow's mane right off.
"My mane...MY MANE," Rainbow exclaims in shock and fury. "I have it combed and styled this morning...and you ruined it, you whore! That's it! YOU'RE DEAD!"
"Uh oh; Gilda went and cut through Dashie's mane! And now she's sick." Pinkie said as Rainbow looks like she's going to throw up, "Literally. What is..."
Suddenly, Rainbow puked up what appears to be a huge machine.
"Hey, how does she do that?" Nick asks in confusion and surprise. How did Rainbow puked up that thing? "Did she take lessons from Robert Downey Jr. and Christian Slater?"
"Well, Rainbow has some weird abilities, but that machine looks familiar..." Pinkie said puzzled.
"Uh-oh," Johnny said, noticing the mad look on Rainbow's face. "If Rainbow's doing what I think she's doing, we may have to warned uneasy humans and ponies to look away!"
"Oh my God," Nick exclaims in horror, realizing what Johnny meant. "Not the Rainbow Factory!"
"Hey, come on! That isn't fair!" Gilda protests to Mills at the machine. "That story isn't that good! That thing shouldn't even be here!"
"Miss Dash, do you got a permit to use that thing?" Mills ask Rainbow skeptically.
"Mills may have to disqualify Rainbow over the use of that machine." Johnny said, wondering how this would go down.
"Yeah, got it right here," Rainbow said, holding out a permit that is made in crayon and signed in blood by 'I.M. Awesome'.
Mills pauses then announces, "I'll allow it!"
"You old goat," Gilda shouted before she glared at Rainbow, "I'll make cupcakes AND a rainbow out of you; a BLOOD Rainbow, you psycho bitch!!!"
"Yeah...well, your bitchy mother is so fat, she has Chicken McNuggets." Rainbow taunts Gilda with a wicked smile.
"Oooh, a taunt by Rainbow has Gilda charging at her!" Nick exclaims as Gilda flies at Rainbow and slams her to the machine. "Looks like things are coming to a stalemate."
"Wait, Dashie has a trick up...well, she has a trick all right." Pinkie said, noticing Rainbow using a lower hoof to hit a lever.
Suddenly a crane claw grabs Gilda; she screeches as the thing then stuffs her right into the machine's opening. Rainbow smirks evilly while exclaiming, "All right, humans and ponies! I got one Tartarus of a surprise for ya! Time I show you out to make rainbows out of lame ass griffins; Ha ha ha!"
"Oh my God," Johnny exclaims as Rainbow turns the machine right on, preparing to make a rainbow…out of Gilda.
The crowd either looks away or looks on as a screaming Gilda was pulled right into the machine, causing blood and body parts to go squirting or flying right out onto Rainbow or some of the ponies and/or humans in the crowd.
"Wow! I didn't think griffins have red blood!" Nick exclaims in shock and amazement.
"But look!" Pinkie squeals as another opening came out of the machine: a rainbow appears as it goes into the sky. The crowd is awing at this sight. "Wow! It's a griffin rainbow; A griffin rainbow!"
"Ha! Welcome to the skies, Gilda! Hope you enjoy it before going to Tartarus!" Rainbow exclaims to her dead ex-friend with a smirk of victory.
Mills came over and hold up Rainbow's bloody hoof while announcing, "And the winner is Rainbow Dash!" The crowd cheers for the Pegasus pony who grins at her own victory over Gilda.
Back in the booth, Johnny exclaims in amazement, "Wow! Rainbow has triumphed over Gilda tonight...and we all learned a lesson: it's best to just make rainbows out of people you hate..."
"Or in this case, your former friends, ha ha," Nick exclaims with a laugh from his voice.
"Yep; oh, you boys want cupcakes?" Pinkie asks the hosts happily as she holds out a plate of cupcakes to them.
"NO!" Johnny and Nick exclaim in horror and disgust, much to Pinkie's puzzled state. They're not sure if the cupcakes are the real thing or made out of pony parts but its best not to ask.
"Oh, okay! More for me!"
Pinkie happily eats a cupcake. Johnny sighs as he turns to the camera, "Folks, when we come back, we got a 3 fillies on 2 as the Cutie Mark Crusaders takes on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!"
"That is if we don't lose our lunch first." Nick remarks, getting a bit ill from watching Pinkie eating for some reason.
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We go to the logo of the show as we overlook the crowd. An announcer voice spoke up, "This show is brought to you by..." A title appears with apples in some parts of it, "Sweet Apple Acres; Making the best Apple Cider and Zap Apple Jam for a lot of years."
We go back to the booth where the hosts are at. Johnny said, "Hello, everyone and everypony! Welcome back to Celebrity Deathmatch. I'm Johnny Gomez, here with Nick Diamond and Pinkie Pie."
"We did one amazing fight the last time you saw us!" Pinkie exclaims happily.
We see a recap of the previous fight as Nick's voice explains, "Hell yeah! In our first fight, Rainbow has fought off Gilda the Griffin. The nasty bird has an advantage earlier on. But as the Pegasus pony has shown here, the only thing Gilda is good for is a night at the Rainbow Factory!"
We go back to the booth as Johnny said, "We go down to Fluttershy who is interviewing the winner Rainbow Dash; Fluttershy?"
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Fluttershy knocks open on Rainbow's dressing room door as she calls out, "Rainbow! I'm here for the interview!" The yellow Pegasus pony opens the door and came into the room, "Rainbow, I...oh my!"
Fluttershy's eyes widen as she saw Rainbow in a bathrobe pouring wine into a glass. The latter yelps from seeing her friend making her exclaim, "Oh! Fluttershy; didn't hear you knocking!"
"Oh, sorry. Did I come at a bad time? Errr...I can come back later if..."
"Oh, well, this is a very bad time. You see..."
"Hey, Dashie, sugar cube," Applejack exclaims as she appears wearing a very sexy and interesting undies. "Come on, we y'all going 'ta do 'dis; an' what Fluttershy doing in here; Yew want a threesome now?"
"Err, well..." Fluttershy said with a blush but yelps as Rainbow pushes her out of the dressing room.
"Sorry, Fluttershy; Business! Don't bother me for the next 20 minutes!" Rainbow insists before closing the dressing room door. Fluttershy blinks as she heard her talking, "All right, AJ. Where were we?"
Fluttershy look surprised as Applejack is heard groaning, "Oh...oh, DASHIE, YES!" The yellow Pegasus pony blushes as she can hear noises of love and...very dirty fun in there, especially the use of foal oil being heard in there. "SCREW ME, BABY, SCREW ME!"
"Oh...oh my," Fluttershy said, blushing as she slowly leaves the scene. Sounds like Rainbow wants some alone time...with her romantic lover apparently.
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"Okay, thanks Fluttershy," Johnny said in surprise and disbelief. "Does that mean that..."
"Yes, I knew it! AJ and Dashie is an item!" Pinkie squeals in delight before speaking into a phone, "You owe us 20 bits, Spike!"
"Awww, damn it," Spike's voice is heard on the other end of the voice with a groan. He and Pinkie has a bet whether or not that Rainbow and Applejack were a couple...and the dragon of course has lost.
"Moving right along to the next fight: the Cutie Mark Crusaders vs. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon," Johnny said as we get to the next fight. "For a long time, the bullies known as Diamond and Silver has been teasing and causing trouble for the non-Cutie Marks known as Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo."
"The Cutie Mark Crusaders, those lovable fillies who always get into trouble while looking for their Cutie Marks!" Nick exclaims eagerly. "Of course, when it comes to confrontations with Diamond and Silver, none of them ever come closes to killing one another."
"Until the incident a few weeks ago that lands my poor pals into trouble. Here's some clips from Dashie's security camera..." Pinkie exclaims with a smile.
Clips
In the clips, we see the CMC going into a clubhouse where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are waiting. Apple Bloom remarks dryly, "Okay, what yew want 'dis time, Diamond Tiara? Yew normally wouldn't bring us over 'ta yer little tea parties."
"Oh, this isn't a tea party, Apple Bloom." Diamond remarks with a smirk. "This is an Apple Cider party!"
"Right, here you go." Silver said as she pours drinks into some cups, some weird liquid is seen from a bottle that is labeled 'Apple Cider'.
"Is that Apple Cider?" Sweetie asks the bullies in concern. "Doesn't smells like it."
"This is a new brand that my dad likes. Come on, live a little, have fun." Diamond Tiara remarks with a smirk.
"Well, as long as it's Apple Cider." Scootaloo remarks with a shrug as she and her friends took the cups and drink from it.
"Oh, wait. We need cupcakes. Silver Spoon and I will be right back. Help yourself to any Apple Cider that you want."
The two bullies leave the CMC to their drinking. None of them saw an evil smirk on Diamond Tiara's face...
A few minutes later...
"Damn! This is good stuff, bitch!" Scootaloo hiccups as she and Sweetie hug each other. Apple Bloom smiles in a drunken kinda way while hitting her head on the wall.
"Ah wonder when those two bitches are coming back..." Apple Bloom said with a hiccup. "They..."
Suddenly the clubhouse door is knocked down as some pony cops came in, one of them exclaims, "I knew it! Our tipoff is right. You three fillies are coming with us!"
"Huh? Why? We were having a fun party." Sweetie said confused, wondering what's the trouble is all about.
"Yeah...drinking alcohol!"
One cop removes the label 'Apple Cider' on the bottle, revealing the true label: 'Beer'! The three fillies gasp in horror upon realizing the truth. They were tricked!
"Awww, hell," The CMC groans in a drunken away as the cops took them away, arresting them for underage drinking!
End Clips
"After that, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow have to pay for their bail and the CMC are grounded for drinking beer." Pinkie explains. "Let's say that they were upset enough for them to be on the show tonight."
"Speaking of which, it's time to begin the second fight which is going to be good one." Nick said with a grin, "Especially how we did the ring."
We see the ring remade into a playground area as Johnny explains, "That's right, folks. We brought back the playground ring from the Macaulay Culkin vs. Haley Joel Osment fight so the fillies will fight in a familiar playground."
We see the CMC in one corner, sober and fighting mad. Pinkie announces, "And now, in the non-Cutie Mark corner, the quest finders, the trio of lovable fillies...the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" The crowd cheers for them.
We go to the other corner as a smug Diamond waited with a concern Silver. The fans boo as Johnny announces, "And in the snob corner, the bullying bunch of Ponyville School...Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!"
The five fillies came up to Mills who explains the instructions, "All right, fillies. My name is Mills Lane and I will be your teacher for this recess! The rules are simple: hell, there isn't any so get ready to kill each other the best you all can!"
"Wait until I break your hooves for what you and Silver did to me and my friends!" Scootaloo snaps at Diamond and Silver furiously.
"Oh, bring it, Blank Flank!" Diamond scoffs a bit.
"All right, let's get it on!" Mills announces sternly. The bell rings, the referee moves aside as the second fight begins.
"Let's get 'em, girls!" Apple Bloom shouted.
The three fillies put their hooves together in a team way as they cheered, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FIGHTERS! YAY," Then they all get in fighting stances.
"Silver, you take on the ground freak and the fashion weirdo." Diamond said to Silver while pushing her friends towards Scootaloo and Sweetie. "The last Blank Flank is mine!"
"What? Ugh!" Silver groans in despair.
"Looks like Diamond is letting Silver fight the other two while she deals with Apple Bloom." Nick announces as Diamond charges at Apple Bloom, the two throws hoof punches.
"Silver finds herself outnumbered...and Sweetie pushes her to the swings." Johnny announces as Sweetie pushes Silver to the spoon.
"Let's see if you can fly, Silver Spoon!" Scootaloo taunts as she pushes Silver into the air on the swing, sending her flying up into the sky.
"AHHHH," Silver screams before falling onto the sand.
"Anyone for a sandpony," Pinkie jokes a bit as Silver spits out sand...and some sharp jacks.
"Ouch!" Silver exclaims in shock and surprise.
"Oh, folks, we forgot to tell you: we took the 'pleasure' of hiding weapons in the sand. That's one way of bringing guns to school." Johnny explains to the viewers at home in amusement.
"We're gonna make you suffer, Blank Flank!" Diamond Tiara shouted to Apple Bloom as she glared at her.
"Ah must warn ya, Ah'm an expert at Kung Fu!" Apple Bloom snapped.
Diamond grabs Apple Bloom by the upper foreleg, smirking while saying, "Hey, Apple! Want me to show you a neat trick?"
Diamond rubs Apple Bloom's upper foreleg very fast until it catches on fire, she screams and run around like mad.
"Ooh! The Buffalo Arm Burn! A classic trick," Pinkie exclaims in amazement.
"Put me out, put me out; put me out!" Apple Bloom screams in terror while trying to put her upper foreleg that is on fire out.
"Apple Bloom," Sweetie cried in concern as she noticed it before she glared at Diamond while gritting her teeth.
Apple Bloom found a bucket of water and uses it to put her burning foreleg right out, making her sigh in relief.
"Thank Celestia." Apple Bloom mumbles a bit.
"Looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders is taking a step back," Johnny said.
"Right, Silver has found some bombs and..." Nick said as Silver throws some bombs that she found at Scootaloo.
The bombs explode, sending Scootaloo right into Sweetie.
"Ooh! Scootaloo on Sweetie! Now that's one idea for a lesbian pony pairing!" Pinkie squeals happily.
"Not sure if Apple Bloom would approve of it, Pinkie." Johnny commented.
"Git off, git off," Apple Bloom exclaims in embarrassment as she got Scootaloo off of Sweetie, "Ah swear; yew is embarrassing me."
"Why? Want one of them for yourself, Blank Flank?" Diamond taunts Apple Bloom in amusement.
"Shut up, yew," Apple Bloom shouted as she glared at the pink filly.
"Now the fillies are strategizing down there. Ooh, the three fillies are digging and found some bats and a sledgehammer." Pinkie announces as the CMC are carrying bats and a sledgehammer.
"And Diamond is bringing out a slingshot, using her favorite ammo: Silver Spoon!" Johnny announces as Diamond is pulling Silver Spoon back in the huge slingshot that the two has found in the sand.
"Wait, Diamond, let's talk about this." Silver said nervously. "Diamond..."
"Bitches, I'm taking your flank downtown!" Diamond taunts as she lets go, sending Silver right at the trio.
"Look out!" Apple Bloom shouted as she and her two friends jumped out of the way.
Silver misses and hit the slide, sliding right down it. She got up and groans a bit.
"Buck you, Diamond Tiara!" Apple Bloom screams as she kicks Silver right at Diamond, knocking the two friends into each other.
"Ugh! Can't you do anything right?" Diamond snaps furiously as she pushes Silver off of herself before the two bullies got back up.
"Now it's our turn!" Sweetie shouted.
"Who's up for Extreme Dodgeball?" Scootaloo said with a smirk as she picked up a dodgeball.
"Uh-oh; Looks like its dodgeball time down in the ring." Johnny announces as the CMC throws dodgeballs right at the two bullies.
"But Diamond isn't about to get hit easily." Nick announces as we see Diamond grabbing Silver, putting her in front of herself. "She's using Silver as a shield!"
"What a little coward!" Pinkie laughed.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch; stop it, ouch!" Silver exclaims as the dodgeballs hit her while keeping Diamond safe.
"All right, my turn." Diamond taunts as she grabs a water balloon and throwing it at the CMC, splashing them.
"Whoa, bringing a water balloon to a dodgeball fight, how..." Pinkie begins to say.
"OUCH, OUCH, OUCH," The CMC screams as they appears to be burning quickly.
"Ooh! That water balloon is full of acid!" Johnny announces in surprise as the good fillies quickly use the water bucket to clean the acid right off.
"Aww, too bad; you could've looked even prettier... with third-degree burns and lost limbs!" Diamond said cruelly as she laughed.
"Mills, Mills! Did you see what she did?" Sweetie calls out to Mills in a complaint.
"Sorry, Sweetie, it's Equestria rules, anything goes." Mills explains to Sweetie though he does pity her for what happened.
"Ha ha!" Diamond laughed rudely in a similar fashion to Nelson Muntz as she pointed a hoof towards the CMC.
"A call from Mills; Looks like nothing can turn things around for the CMC now," Nick said as the guys goes on.
"All right, Cutie Mark Crusaders, time we git...'de knives!" Apple Bloom exclaims sternly to her friends.
"Wait, you don't mean..." Scootaloo begins to gasp, realizing what her friend means.
"Yep," Apple Bloom exclaims sternly.
"What's going on down there?" Johnny asks puzzled. Sure enough, the CMC are shown holding knives, axes and...is wearing aprons.
"All right, time fer us 'ta get some Cutie Marks out o' these bitches!" Apple Bloom exclaim with a sinister look.
"Oh no; First Rainbow Factory...now Harvest," Pinkie exclaims in shock and alarm. "Diamond and Silver are in trouble now!"
"Ooh, I'm so scared!" Diamond said sarcastically.
"You should be since I'll make a beautiful fabric out of your skin!" Sweetie shouted towards the bullies menacingly.
"Gah! Not Dresses, too!" Pinkie cried in shock.
Silver Spoon took out a sword and steps in front of Diamond. Pinkie said, "Well, looks like Silver Spoon got a sword out. Now she's ready to fight off the mad trio."
"Good job, Silver Spoon. Now cut them into pieces." Diamond said sinisterly.
Silver Spoon looks like she's going to attack...suddenly the filly turns and cuts Diamond's front forelegs out. The bully screams as blood came out.
"Whoa, did you see that?" Johnny asks in surprise and shock. "Silver is attacking Diamond; she is turning on her own friend!"
"Hey, what are you doing?" Diamond asks Silver in shock. Her friend angrily cut off the other two legs, causing the bully to hit the ring floor.
"I'm tired of being bossed around by you, you bitch! From now on, fight for yourself!" Silver snaps furiously then turns to the CMC. "You can take her now if you like."
Diamond looks terrified as the CMC smirk devilishly then pounce right at her. The crowd gasps as the blank flank fillies rip Diamond into pieces.
"Oh, dear god," Nick exclaims in shock and alarm. "Diamond has been betrayed and now she is being ripped to pieces by the CMC."
"They have swallowed a lot of aggression over the years." Pinkie remarks with a shrug.
Soon, there's nothing left of Diamond Tiara but organs, blood and body parts. Apple Bloom grins as she held up the dead bully's Cutie Mark while asking, "Yew think 'dis looks good on mah side?"
"If we can glue it on," Scootaloo comments as she picks up Diamond's no longer beating heart. "Maybe we can sell these meaty parts to the slaughter houses!
"We can be Cutie Mark Crusader Organ Donors!"
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ORGAN DONORS! YAY," The CMC exclaims eagerly and happily.
Mills Lane came over and motions to the trio while saying, "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are the winners!"
The crowd cheers on as Silver said sheepishly, "Hey, girls. Sorry about before. Diamond forced me into setting you up. Is it all right if I hang out withyou?"
"Help me get the skin to my sister's Carousel Baroque and you got a deal!" Sweetie exclaims, holding up the dead Diamond's skin, making Silver smiles eagerly.
Back in the booth, Nick comments, "Well, the Cutie Mark Crusaders have come from behind, sort of, and win this fight, with some surprising help from a new friend."
"And wearing skin from ponies; Brrr, can you do that?" Johnny asks in concern at what he just saw down in the ring.
"Sure do! I wear pony skin all the time, see?" Pinkie asks with a smile as we can see her wearing pony skin, that looks...too real.
"Ugh! Okay, too much than we needed to know. Jesus!" Nick exclaims in disgust, wondering if this pink Earth pony is somewhere in her own head.
"Folks, when we come back from the commercial break, we got our Mane event as Twilight Sparkle battles Trixie Lulamoon!" Johnny exclaims to the camera as we go to commercial break once more.
--------------------
We go to the logo and the crowd overhead as an announcer spoke up, "This show has been brought to you by..." We see another title which has the moon and sun around it, "The Royal Sisters of Canterlot. Taking care and ruling Equestria for generations."
We then saw another logo with sweets and cupcakes decorating it. The announcer adds, "And Sugarcube Corner. We can make any sweet from cupcakes to chocolate bars! Don't mind the pink Earth pony!"
We go to the booth as Johnny spoke up, "Hey folks, welcome back to our show. I'm Johnny Gomez..."
"And I'm Nick Diamond..." A boy voice spoke up. Nick notices a little boy near Pinkie Pie, waving to the crowd. "...Junior."
"Nicky, I thought I told you to stay in the crowd. You can't bother daddy while he's working." Nick scolds his son with a frown.
"Awww, come on, Nick. Let him joined his daddy!" Pinkie exclaims to Nick with a grin. "Nicky here wants to get a better look of the ponies."
"Yeah! I wanna see the ponies, I wanna!" Nicky Jr. exclaims eagerly.
"Ugh, a boy like you...fine, just try not to fall." Nick groans in surrender. He loves his son but his clueless nature got to the father overtime, especially since it got worst after the divorce.
"Folks, if you're joining us, then we will give ya a recap!" Pinkie exclaims to the camera with a smile.
We see a recap of the previous fight as Johnny explains, "Last time, the Cutie Mark Crusaders took on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Both sides were eventually matched and it looks like the bullies have it in the bag. But as Diamond learned the hard way, better pick your friends wisely, especially during Harvest time."
We go back to the booth as Nick said, "We are almost to our Mane Event. And..."
Fluttershy peeks up, looking nervous as she asks, "Do I have to interview anypony?"
"Fluttershy? Why are you up here?"
"Don't make me do more interviews for a while. Please? The last two are both crazy and/or a-rousing. Can I stay here in the booth with you?"
"Oh wow, it's Fluttershy!" Nicky Jr. exclaims as he hugs and pets Fluttershy happily. "You're my favorite pony of all time! Can I pet you?"
"Nicky, Fluttershy is not a pet, she's a cartoon pony!" Nick scolds his son in annoyance, "Stop that this instant! You're going to scare her!"
"Oh, I don't mind. I love being humans' favorite pony." Fluttershy giggles. Nicky Jr. cheered as he pets the yellow Pegasus pony some more. Nick sighs a bit; Figures.
"Well, let's get ready for our Main Event. What can we say about these two unicorns?" Johnny asks as we go to the Main Event with the picture of Twilight and Trixie glaring at each other.
"Yeah; we got Twilight Sparkle, the student with a eagerness for learning against Trixie Lulamoon, the showpony who just loves to show off." Nick's voice explains to the audience.
We cut back to the booth as Pinkie explains, "The rivalry became in Season 1 when Twilight and Trixie first met. Trixie herself show off and humiliated some ponies like some of my friends, two dumb colts went and brought in an Ursa Minor. Twilight saved the town and exposed Trixie as a fraud. And while Trixie herself hasn't been seen since, the two unicorns have faced off in various fan-fictions."
"Wow; that is a big rivalry." Fluttershy said gently.
"And now, it's time for these unicorns to put their rivalry to rest once and for all." Johnny exclaims with a grin.
We go to the ring as Mills waits for the fighters to arrive. Johnny's voice booms, "And now...it's time for the Mane Event of the evening! In the purple corner, the Element Holder of Magic, the Celestia Niece-ia..." Twilight appears in a magic flash, smiling while waving to the cheering crowd. "...Twilight Sparkle!"
"Hey, folks! Glad to be here!" Twilight said with a nod.
"And in the blue corner, the showpony expert, the one-episode pony with magic to go with her name..." A puff of smoke appears as Trixie appears in her usual getup. "...Trixie Lulamoon!"
"It's the Great and Powerful Trixie, you human!" Trixie snaps to Johnny in annoyance. Some of the crowd boos at her. "Awww, boo yourself!"
The unicorns go up to Mills who explains, "All right, Twilight Sparkle, Trixie Lulamoon..."
"That's the Great and Powerful Trixie! I don't go by my last name here!'
"Whatever! I want a good clean fight. Magic is all right, but no sorcery, voodoo, dark arts, and any powerful spells like the 'want it need it' spell or any dumbass love poisons! And I especially don't want to see any of you two summon Discord or Nightmare Moon!"
"Ugh! Like I need any of those upstarts," Trixie scoffs to Mills in annoyance. "I got one upstart who made an ass out of myself as it is."
"Trixie, I'm sorry if your career was ruined but it is your fault for bragging and such." Twilight said, trying her best to apologize.
"Save it for your funeral, Twi-brat!"
"Now let's get it on!" Mills exclaims sternly to begin the Mane Event of the show.
"What? I ain't getting it on with her! I may be Great and Powerful but I am not a lesbian!" Trixie protests to Mills, despite some blushing from her face.
"I mean fight, damn it!"
"Oh. Oh, that's different then."
Mills move aside as the bell rang, beginning the Mane Event at last.
"Prepare to feel the wrath of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Trixie shouted at Twilight.
"Seriously; can't you ever stop talking about yourself in the third person?" Twilight ask, blinking her eyes.
Trixie chose not to answer. Instead she made fireballs appears and send them at Twilight.
"Eep; Never saw her do that before!" Fluttershy exclaims in worry.
"Yes, Trixie has been practicing for this fight for a long time. She must've picked up a lot of spells." Johnny exclaims in amazement.
"Like ones from her daddy, Smaug!" Pinkie announces happily.
"What the hell are you talking about, Pinkie Pie?" Johnny asks Pinkie Pie puzzled.
"Ooh, right. Those stories weren't made by JusSonic yet!" Pinkie exclaims in realization. "Well, still, read them when they come out. Those babies should be good like the fan-fiction that we're in right now!"
Twilight narrowly dodged the fireballs as she yelped before she said, "Hey, watch it, Trixie! Someone could get hurt with those things!"
"That's the point, faker!" Trixie snapped as she sent more fireballs at Twilight.
"Twilight is in trouble but Twilight has had enough!" Nick exclaims as Twilight uses her horn to send out a force field. "Twilight won't be able to keep that on herself for long."
"But what is she going to do now?" Johnny asks curiously as Twilight disappears and reappears behind Trixie, kicking her to the turnbuckle. "Oh, that explains it."
"You cheater," Trixie shouted to Twilight as she recovered. "I'll make you regret pulling that cheap shot!"
"You're the one who went crazy with those fireballs. And now, you forced me to do this." Twilight explains sternly as she made knives and needles, "Time for a little study to see what happened when you are injected with a disease!"
"Dear God! Now it's the Experiments of Twilight Sparkle! Is there no end to these grimdark fics madness?" Nick asks in shock and alarm.
Trixie yelps as she dodges the needles and knives thrown at her. Mills yelps as he almost got hit by a needle.
"Twilight Sparkle, you put those things away or I'm throwing your purple ass out of here!" Mills barks to Twilight in annoyance.
"Ugh. Fine," Twilight groans as she made the items disappear. "The grimdark thing isn't me anyway."
"Phew. I thought we were going into another insanity moment." Fluttershy said with a sigh of relief.
"Instead, I will do this." Twilight said as she made pies appear.
"Now Twilight is forcing Trixie to eat Canterlot cooking," Pinkie booms as Twilight throws pies at Trixie...which explodes sending her into the air.
"Yikes! Those pies got something in them!" Johnny exclaims as Trixie lands on the ring mat.
"Explosive pies! Very dangerous for your health," Nick remarked.
"Trixie is not going to stand for this abuse!" Trixie scowls as she got back up. "Now it's time for Trixie to pull out some magic."
"Trixie is pulling out the stops now. She is summoning a rope trick and it's tying up Twilight!" Pinkie exclaims as the rope ties Twilight, slamming her to the ring mat, "Holy cupcakes! Are we going to see some bondage scene?"
"Pinkie Pie, not in front of Nicky," Fluttershy exclaims to Pinkie in worry.
Trixie smirks as she stabs Twilight a few times with her own horn.
"AHHHHH," Twilight screams as Trixie stabs her some more.
"Ouch! Twilight is being stabbed by Trixie's horn!" Johnny said.
"That's how your bitchy daughter feels when you let Princess Celestia take her!" Trixie taunts Twilight evilly.
"What...WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Twilight exclaims furiously. She growls and suddenly, the unicorn breaks out of the ropes, turning into her rage mode. "DON'T YOU EVER BADMOUTH NYX AROUND ME AGAIN!"
"Whoa! What just happened here?" Nick asks in shock and alarm.
"She has just gone Carrie, but why?" Johnny asks in alarm.
"Come on, haven't you hosts read 'Past Sins'?" Pinkie asks the hosts with a scoff. "Twilight is the adopted mother of Nyx, the former evil of Princess Luna. And let's say this: never EVER get on a mother's bad side if you harmed Nyx physically, emotionally or badmouth the little filly!"
Twilight shoots fireballs at Trixie who dodges them quickly.
"Twilight is steaming mad!" Fluttershy exclaims. "And yet, she couldn't get a clear shot at her."
"Why is the pony on fire, daddy?" Nicky Jr. asks Nick curiously, not understanding what's going on.
"Eh, trust me, Nicky, I will tell you when you're older." Nick said. We see Trixie firing out fireworks at her, "Now Trixie is showing some showmanship or show pony ship!"
An explosion occurs as Twilight, out of rage mode, lands on the ring mat.
"Looks like this Carrie White has been whitened out," Pinkie exclaims as Twilight got back up. "But Twilight isn't down just yet."
"Not even your rage mode could mess with me, Twilight Spaz-le!" Trixie shouted with a cruel grin.
"Yeah, well, honestly, it makes me wonder how you even made it this far, Trixie Lulamoon!" Twilight snaps to Trixie right back.
"It's the Great and Powerful Trixie, stop using my last name, damn it!" Trixie snaps in frustration.
Twilight disappears and reappears behind Trixie. Now...she is making copies of herself?
"Whoa! Is this becoming the Changeling invasion all over again?" Pinkie asks startled.
"Twilight is pulling off some sort of duplication spell by making four clones of herself to fight Trixie with!" Johnny exclaims in amazement. "Is that legal?"
"I'll allow it. Since Miss Sparkle made copies of herself, technically, it's just one pony!" Mills announces, making the call.
"Fine, then I will kill them like one." Trixie scoffs a bit. She then fires a few lasers like mad. The clones and the real dodges as they hit their opponent like mad, trying to hurt her, firing bolts at Trixie.
The unicorn kills each clone until the last Twilight is now injured on the ground.
"Uh oh; the clone move appears to have backfired!" Nick exclaims as Trixie approaches the injured Twilight, "Looks like this is the end."
"Any last words, you cheating bitch?" Trixie taunts Twilight evilly.
"Yeah, look up!" A familiar voice calls out. Everyone and Trixie looks up and saw...Twilight in the air, her horn is glowing in a familiar mad. The blue unicorn is shocked.
"What? What the hell?"
"Hey, how did she...what the..." Fluttersky said in confusion. She and Nicky Jr. don't understand.
"Oh, let's check out the camera!" Pinkie exclaims happily.
We took a look at a hidden clip camera showing that from Twilight's last teleport spell, she hid above the stage, made a clone of herself to fight in her place, giving her time to perform this powerful spell.
"Wow! Looks like Twilight had her clone fight in her place!"Johnny exclaims impressed. "That's enough for the real one to get ready for...what is she doing?"
"The Unicorn Burst," Pinkie exclaims eagerly. "That spell that Twilight performed in 'Curse of the Demon Pony. It failed to defeat Boris but let's see what happens now!"
As Trixie notices the spell, she uses her magic to levitate herself to get out of the line of fire. But then the only remaining Twilight clone grabs her from behind, keeping them both in midair while the real Twilight prepares the spell.
"What are you doing?" Trixie ask the clone Twilight in horror. "Let go or the real Twilight will kill the both of us!"
The copy just remarks, "Hey, as long as the real one lives on, they will always be more of Twilight Sparkle."
"All right, Trixie, this is it!" Twilight sternly said sternly. She then fires the Unicorn Burst. Trixie gasps as the spell pierces through her gut and the Twilight clone.
"Wow! Look at that!" Johnny exclaims in amazement as he, Nick and Pinkie are studying the last move.
"Yeah, that attack went right through Trixie's gut!" Nick exclaims in amazement.
"And...IT'S HEADING RIGHT FOR OUR BOX OFFICE SPOT!" Pinkie exclaims in terror. Sure enough, the attack is heading right for her, Johnny, Nick, Fluttershy and Nicky Jr. They scream in terror and alarm.
Just then, Fluttershy grabs Nicky Jr. as Rainbow and another Pegasus pony named Derpy Hooves grabs Nick, Johnny and Pinkie, moving them out of the way in time. Twilight's attack pierces a hole from where they were & explodes outside a mountain.
"Well, looks like Twilight doesn't love Trixie anymore." Pinkie Pie said as she observes where the attack has struck, "Because mountains are crumbling!"
"Johnny, remember when I said, the day the Dolphins can win against the Packers is only when we're suddenly rescued by flying Pegasus?" Nick quoted to comment this thought that came to mind.
"Yes, I do seem to recall that." Johnny nod slightly in remembering an event like that.
"Well then it must be true as hell from where I'm standing." Nick shrug off his shoulders that if Pegasus saved their lives, then the rest of his quoted predictions may come true.
"Don't you mean flying?" Pinkie Pie interrupts to correct that term.
"Ugh, yeah, sure, flying. I guess." Nick struggle off in hearing that in realizing that they are indeed, still flying.
"Plus you also wagered 10 grand on that bet, Nick, during the commercial break." Johnny point out that Nick offered to pay big cash if he was proven wrong about what he rhetorically stated beforehand.
"Aw nuts, I thought you forgot that side bet!" Nick curse under his breath while reaching for his wallet to empty his pocket of dough to pay off Johnny he made the bet with.
In the ring, Trixie groans as she and the clone hit the ring. The blue unicorn stops moving as the real Twilight lands. Mills checks Trixie as Fluttershy announces, "Mills is inspecting the damage..."
Mills nods as he holds Twilight's hoof, announcing, "Twilight Sparkle is the winner!" The crowd cheers for the purple unicorn's victory over her opponent.
"Sorry, Trixie...maybe when you come back, you would be a better pony." Twilight said to the dead Trixie in pity and regret.
Back with the hosts, Johnny, once he, Nick, Fluttershy and Nicky Jr. is onto the ground floor, announces, "What a good fight! Twilight has triumphed over Trixie Lulamoon with something out of an Anime."
"Yeah, what a way to end the fights in Equestria," Nick said with a grin.
"Daddy, what about the ponies who got killed," Nicky Jr. ask his father in concern. "I mean, are they still dead?"
"Relax, Nicky. Thanks to some mystical magic in Equstria, anyone, pony or otherwise, when they get killed, go through a revival portal spell that allows them to live for another future Deathmatch." Pinkie said to Nicky Jr. with an assuring grin. "Kinda like there have been some famous Celebrities that were killed, but were strangely brought back to fight again; Right?"
"Well, right, that should work." Fluttershy said with a shrug.
"Well, this ends our show here in Equestria. We like to thank Pinkie Pie for co-hosting and Fluttershy for doing the interviews...well, sorta," Johnny remarks, thanking Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy for helping out in the show.
"Oh, oh, Johnny, Nick; in honor of this first Celebrity Deathmatch with Pony stars, I got out my party cannon!" Pinkie exclaims as she brings out her party cannon to celebrate.
Rainbow, Fluttershy and Derpy begins to get nervous. Nick blinks as he asks the ponies, "What's wrong? Johnny and I see nothing strange or wrong about this party cannon."
"Yeah...except Pinkie Pie upgraded her cannon from the Curse Pony story to which it has dial settings!" Rainbow exclaims in alarm. Johnny and Nick took another good...and saw that the cannon is marked to 'Stadium Blow Out'.
"Err, Johnny? I think we better..."
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Johnny exclaims in terror as he, Nick, Nicky Jr. and the Pegasi makes a run for it.
"EVERYPONY, ERADICATE!" Fluttershy exclaims in terror to the humans and the ponies. "PINKIE PIE IS ABOUT TO BLOW UP THE STADIUM!"
Quickly, everyone and everypony eradicate the the stadium, Johnny's group rush away as the stadium suddenly explodes in one huge explosion that compares to that to the one in 'Curse of the Demon Pony'.
"Well Nick, our first ever Pony Deathmatch was going to be a blow out!" Johnny exclaim from noticing the destruction of the first Equstria Deathmatch arena exploded up into smoke & rubble and on the first broadcast too.
"Right, too bad we never got wind of it actually blowing up in our faces afterwards." Nick remark off in seeing that the hosts never expected to ever get such an unforeseen event like this one to catch them by surprise.
"Aww, don't worry guys! A bit of paint, wood, & a few cash here & there, we'll be back in business in no time!" Pinkie Pie pop up to hug her hooves around the host to cheer them up, knowing that in a while, they'll have the Deathmatch Arena back up before they even know it to continue down this path...of merciless killings.
"Well, folks, that is our show broadcasting in Equestria. I'm Johnny Gomez." Johnny said to the camera to bring this episode to an end.
"I'm Nick Diamond here with my son Nicky." Nick said while patting the dazed Nicky Jr. on the head.
"And I'm Pinkie Pie! Saying Good Fight, Good Night," Pinkie squeals to the camera as the show comes to an end.
The End
As the credits roll, we can hear Nick spoke up, "Coming soon in a future Ponies on Celebrity Deathmatch episode! Iron Stallion vs. the Royal Pain! Spider-Mare vs. Psycho Pie! And Discord vs. Queen Chrysalis! It's coming soon!"
Cast list
Jim Thorton: Johnny Gomez
Chris Edgerly: Nick Diamond, Mills Lane
Andrea Libman: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy
Ashleigh Ball: Rainbow Dash, Applejack
Maryke Hendrikse: Gilda the Griffin
Michelle Creber: Apple Bloom
Clarie Corlett: Sweetie Belle
Madeline Peters: Scootaloo
Chantal Strand: Diamond Tiara
Shannon Chan-Kent: Silver Spoon
Tara Strong: Twilight Sparkle
Kathleen Barr: Trixie Lulamoon
Cathy Weseluck: Spike the Dragon
Brendan Mullet: Nicky Diamond Jr.