> Game Night > by Sozmioi > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Twister! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am Omar Greene, computational biologist, amateur astronomer, and, ever since the multi-pronged crisis around the return of Nightmare Moon, princess Luna's advisor. If you think that last item rather odd, I agree. Let's just take it as given. If on the other hand you know all about that, there are a few additional details I can understand that you might want to know about, but they won't come up just right now. On the policy front, it was an easy job. We were both new enough to circumstances that when ponies came to present their cases, no one expected her to render judgement, just listen and orient herself. I took notes, and with her leave sometimes asked questions. Court typically lasted to 11, and from then on, princess Luna would stand on her balcony, staring out over the land, tending the dreamscape. But my job was far from easy - my main concern was getting Luna reintegrated to pony society and reconciled with her sister. She was very uncooperative in this regard. Yes, she had given the night sky a significant upgrade, including sending the moon up during the day. That had given her a temporary popularity boost for sure. But having the moon be more visible was a mixed blessing. The main drawback was that it highlighted to her how much lesser the moon was than the sun. The more Luna thought about that, the more she thought on how unnecessary she was compared to her sister. That in turn led to irritation, which made her less capable, aggravating the problem. I tried nudging, I tried reframing, I wracked my brain for additional strategies. I half-convinced myself things were doing better, for there were some limited avenues along which there were improvements. She had really beaten the air force into shape, and was making strides with the ground forces. I could go into detail on this, but it would be depressing, and really, this is about game night. So, I'll skip ahead to what got things moving. One evening, the moon was due to rise just before sunset. Rather than remaining on the highest tower after raising the moon, Luna flew down and away from her sister, who was already approaching to set the sun. Seeing that solidified in my mind that things were not getting better. I didn't think she had intentionally brushed her sister off. She was just too self-absorbed to notice. So, after court that evening, I asked her, "Princess, what do you think of inviting your sister to a private party this weekend?" She considered for a solid ten seconds before asking, "What manner of party?" "Some games. A bit different than the usual parties around here." "Game? We had thought thou wouldst notice that we are not hunters." "Not that kind of 'game'." I thought for a moment. "Games are special rules you can agree to follow for fun." "What is 'fun'?" This goes deeper than I thought. "A variety of joy. Fun things to do are difficult enough to be challenging but easy enough that it doesn't wear you out too much to do them. They can be unimportant. That's the idea behind games." "Ah! Amusements." Oh, phew. Just a language issue. She considered for another ten long seconds. "We suppose that under the circumstances, such are no longer unconscionable for us to partake in." ... Or maybe not just a language issue. "Excuse me?" The look she gave me hit me like a ton of orphans. "Before our imprisonment, Equestria was not safe. This palace did not exist. Nothing could be spared for us to consider such grand beauty, or for 'fun'." That must hurt too - for things to begin looking up only after she was gone. With a shake of her head to clear it, she said, "We approve thy proposal. Prepare an invitation to be presented at her breakfast next morn." I had half expected that she'd refuse, but perhaps part of her knew this couldn't go on. "I should invite her myself?" "Yes. We would not know what we were asking for." So I decided to attend princess Celestia's breakfast. Appearing after the start as a guest was my best chance to make the invitation without disrupting anything else. As I arrived, the looks from the several nobles around the table were very instructive, but for reasons pertaining to the details of politics quite aside from this tale. Celestia's face opened up in pleasant surprise at my being announced. "Welcome, Omar!" "Good morning, your highness. I offer an invitation from your sister, to join her tomorrow evening for a few hours of games." She had been drinking orange juice, and for a moment I thought we would witness a royal spit-take. A firm lip-clench put that fear hope fear to rest. After a few seconds, she replied, "Games! What an interesting idea. I suppose it was yours?" "Yes, your majesty, but she approves heartily." "I accept her offer. May I ask, who else is attending?" I hadn't considered that. I'd assumed it would be the three of us, but having been asked, I realized that would have sounded very very presumptuous. "I am, and you may bring any others you wish." "And may I also inquire, which games shall we play?" Yet another question I hadn't thought through because in the parties I was modeling this on, we'd just talk it over. "Yet to be determined. I know of many options; something mutually satisfactory should emerge." Celestia nodded. "Thank you for the kind offer. Please, enjoy your meal." I did, and it was very educational, again in ways that would be pure digressions. Over the next 36 hours, I tried to draw up a list of games that I thought would work. I didn't want anything too aggressive (Risk), complicated (contract bridge, inoculation), overly analytic (N-player chess variants), simple (war or parcheesi), or requiring impossible equipment (computer games were right out). What came forward? Lots of card games - Hearts, Oh Hell, Spades, Gin Rummy, Poker. Also, Settlers of Catan. I wanted more options. I was already writing a batch of letters to friends in Ponyville, and added questions about suggestions for games to the letters to Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle and Cheerilee (though in her case it stood a significant risk of being lost in the great length -- too much at once? I hadn't heard from her and that worried me more than a lack of response from the others worried me) - but realized as I was sending it that I wouldn't get the replies in time (I didn't know about Spike's connection to princess Celestia). That night I drew up the tiles and cards we'd need for Settlers, and while I was at it, threw together a stack of Carcassonne tiles. Still, I went to sleep that morning dissatisfied. My dreams were even worse. In one, Celestia brought Cadence and Twilight Sparkle and we played Axis and Allies, with the sisters as Axis. Luna was on Japan. She played perfectly, clearing Asia in a handful of turns and advancing on North America. But meanwhile, Celestia had taken the insane strategy of building bombers and one research roll... and got nuclear weapons. Luna's meticulous advances were overshadowed by Celestia's luck as she coasted to victory. I don't know whether Luna checked up on my dream. If she did, I imagine she was too confused to intervene. But if I never dream of Celestia in a Hitler mustache giving Cadence a noogie again, that's fine by me. The evening came - as it occurred, the moon was still nearly opposite the sun, but Celestia was to go first. She waited for her sister, and they flew down to Luna's balcony together. I was waiting, standing with a deck of cards. As they landed, Celestia gave me her best look of detached amusement; Luna looked awkward. I gave the deck a few shuffles. "Princess Celestia - did you elect to bring anyone?" She shook her head. "Did either of you have anything in mind?" Both shook their heads. "The main options I can think of are Hearts and Poker." After I spent a few moments describing each, Luna said, "Present thy most favored game." Of my list, that had to be Settlers. Before I was more than a sentence into the description, she stopped me once more. "Thou'rt holding back. What game is thy favorite? Which has brought thee the most joy?" Well, the most joy? Heh. But moving on... "That one thou dismisseth. What was it?" I locked eyes with her. No way I was getting out of this, so there was no need to drag it out. "By historical accident, it occurs that the game that has brought me the most joy was Twister." "And how does one play this game?" "There is a four by four grid of circles on the ground, one row each of red, green, blue, and yellow. Someone who's not playing uses a spinner, which selects a limb and color. The players must touch one of those colors with that part." I gestured putting my right foot on an imaginary spot. "You hold that until instructed to touch something else with the same part. You keep spinning until you can't do it any more without lying down." I put my left hand on another spot. "That's pretty much all there is to it." "Really." With a glow of her horn, a grid of lightly glowing dots appeared under me. "That's right. This position would be after spins of left hand blue, right foot red. Look... the reasons this brought me the most joy really don't apply to this situation." But already, Luna had conjured a spinner. "Let us see. Sister?" I looked to her in the hopes that this stupid idea would be quashed. But instead, she said, "This reminds me of a dance exercise. Very well." Resigned, I took the spinner, and spun. "Left forehoof green." They complied easily. "Umm, left wing green." Celestia, being at the right, gently placed her wing across her sister's hoof. "May we use the same circles?" "Yes, totally legal. And... right rear hoof red." The princesses examined their situation. Both had locked themselves into facing one way, by putting hoof and wing on separate green circles. And red was in front of them. Luna asked, "May we change which green circle we are touching with our wings?" I couldn't remember the rule, so I made it up on the spot: "You have to be touching a green circle, but if you can touch more than one, then you can use that to shift from one to another." Luna leaned close to the ground and dragged her wing across the stones, following my advice; Celestia moved forward, reaching far back with her left forehoof and wing, while her right rear hoof made it to a red circle. "Horn blue." Both were able to easily comply, as blue was in front of them. "Left wing blue." This was more compilcated; Celestia turned and reached under her body, while Luna ended up leaning quite precariously. "Horn red." Luna was facing entirely the wrong direction and could not reach back around; Celestia managed to get her horn onto the red circle behind Luna's rear hoof. "Time's up. Sorry." Once the sisters had shifted to more natural positions, Celestia said, "What an... interesting game. I do believe it is better suited to monkeys than ponies." "Regardless, sister, I wish to try again." I was a little surprised to hear Luna say 'I', but I realized that she was feeling unofficial at the moment and had dropped the royal 'we'. With an arched eyebrow and a tilt of the head, Celestia silently consented. Luna was aggressive this time, cornering Celestia. If she had been human, or even if she had had a shorter horn, she could perhaps have slipped under Luna to get that third-spin left forehoof yellow; as it was, she tried to reach over, but came off balance and ended up forcing Luna to the ground. "No pushing, princess." Irked, Celestia pointedly asked, "Yet crowding is acceptable?" "Quite. This is not a cooperative game. The score is 1 to 1." Her lips formed a straight line. "I believe this is a good time to change to something else. Hearts sounds lovely." Luna taunted, "To quit the field with no advantage is to concede." Celestia rolled her eyes. "Nothing stands on it." "If thou'rt victorious, I shall adopt the new form of speech for one week; if I am, thou shalt resume the old form for the same term." Celestia's eyes narrowed. "If this is what it takes to get you to drop that dialect, already outdated a millennium ago, I agree." I stood back, discreetly watching the results of my efforts as Celestia raised the sun. They seemed good so far - for starters, Luna was already in attendance, and stood close enough that their tails occasionally overlapped. Finished, Celestia said, "Thy moon complements the heavens; we shall miss it when thou anon returnest it to its accustomed place in the night." "'We'? And thou doubtest me overly formal." "I speak not only of myself, dearest sister." It was still a few minutes until the moon was due to set, but they just stood. Luna leaned her head lightly against her sister's neck. I backed off and headed down the stairs, satisfied. Just before I passed out of earshot, I heard, "Eight to three! Couldst thou not find in thy heart the will to let the matter be close?" I remained for a moment longer, and caught a tease in response, "Remind me, how many years hadst thou known when thy knees ceased to be raw from their bumping?" "Next week, card games." > Crazy Eights and Mao > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The noble continued, "And when thou selecteth thine policy..." Luna held up a hoof and declared, "Halt! Hold to thy more familiar forms of speech. First, 'thou' is singular, so my sister and I together would take 'you'; and 'thine' is as 'yours', not 'your'." She stood and approached him. "Second, if thou'rt using 'thou', thou certainly mayst not address us with it." She was nearly in his face when she finished, seemed about to ask a third question, but held back. 'And just why did you all start using these forms now?' Of course, the answer to that would have to be that her sister began doing it. Well, shoot. That kind of back-fired. She returned to her dais. To me, she quietly said, "I have given up. Elevated speech is a joke to all of them. It claims a respect I am not given. And they do not learn even from repeated instruction! Please convey to my sister that I release her from her promise." That didn't take long. It's only wednesday. She resumed the session. The jitters of the suitors increased, but otherwise it went smoothly. Getting Celestia to stop did not go so smoothly. I arrived almost at the end of her breakfast; as I awaited official introduction, I heard a countess saying, "... but it hasn't been working. What is thy opinion, your majesty?" "From what thou describest, thy course is correct; yet it has gone awry. When perplexed, I have found it best to check what I think I know. Hast thou asked those to whom thou directest thy aid the cause of their not accepting it?" The countess blushed. "I only asked in advance, your majesty. I apologize for bringing such an... incompletely mastered issue to thy attention." "'Tis the easiest sort." Well, that's different. Using thou with each other across barely-noble to senior princess. The last time I had been introduced at Celestia's breakfast, she had been pleasantly surprised; this time, she was unsurprised but no less pleased. "Welcome to our table! I discern that thou art not here solely for sustenance." "No indeed, your majesty; I have eaten. Your sister has released you from your promise." "Very well. Is that the entirety of thy message?" I caught that promise or not, she was continuing. And I couldn't explain the problem without making a scene. "Yes." After completing the brief formalities of my appearance, I stayed and listened to what remained of the meal. Celestia's continuing using the old speech, but without the same social rules such as 'not to superiors'. If only I'd moved quickly and set up daily meetings. Now Luna's upset again, and dollars to donuts she won't want to 'face her sister like this' which just makes it worse. Well, there's next game night. And Celestia requested card games. Hmm. That thursday evening, at court, Luna attempted to shift entirely to the new forms, but frequently slipped up. Other ponies made grammar errors, and one addressed her with 'thou'; Luna corrected them with obvious and growing irritation, but managed not to repeat her outburst. At the end of the evening, she was very frustrated and did not want to speak even to me. I left her and wandered towards the palace gate. Can't she see that they're not doing too badly considering everything? It's not so easy to follow the rules when... when...! My head snapped up. I knew what we were going to play. Diabolical laughter flowed freely. This abrupt display naturally attracted a bit of attention from the squad of guards I happened to be passing. It was subtle, but I was definitely their focus. I gave them a cheery wave, grinned, and moved on and out into the city. Friday evening, Celestia warmly welcomed Luna and me at the entrance to her outer chambers. I was briefly worried that she had invited somepony else, but she had not. Once we were in place, she said, "So, Mr. Greene, wouldst thou finish describing Hearts?" "Ah. Your majesties, I strongly recommend that we play two different games tonight." Celestia raised an eyebrow, but assented. Luna seemed content to go along with my suggestion. "The first is 'crazy eights'." I explained, assuming that Luna knew nothing of card-game conventions, providing demonstrations as appropriate with cards I'd prepped the top of the deck with: "You get seven cards to begin with; the cards you are holding is your 'hand' (though I expect you will be levitating them). Your hand is secret from the other players. The objective is to empty your hand by playing cards onto the discard pile. We take turns playing one card per turn, matching either value or suit of the card on top of the discard pile, or playing an eight. If you played an eight, you may set the suit for the next player to match. You may draw from the deck as much as you need or wish in order to be able to play a card. If the deck runs out, we shuffle the discarded cards as the new deck." Play passed quickly and mostly silently. On her third turn, Luna declared, "This does not seem particularly challenging." She began rearranging her cards into fanciful shapes. "It is a warm-up." As it turned out, Luna had been dealt two eights, and so she went out without ever having to draw (meanwhile, Celestia had had to draw ten cards to match a prince of clouds). I collected the cards and said, "Princess Luna, as victor, you are dealer. Shall I handle that for you?" Nod. "All right. We are now playing Mao. I am the chairman." I was about to deal as if Luna were dealer, but changed my mind as that would be a little too confusing. Celestia inquired, "And how does one play Mao?" I paused, looked to her, and deliberately handed her a card. "Second rule of Mao." In return I got a sharply raised eyebrow, but silence. After a moment, I resumed dealing where I had left off. "The session is now open." I turned over the top card of the deck - an eight. Looking at my hand, I declared, "Hearts." Celestia played the 5 thereof, and Luna took us into sickles with the matching 5. I played the 9, and Celestia followed with the Queen. That didn't take long. I played the 4 as Luna attempted to play the 2. She looked to me in confusion. "Is it not my turn?" I handed her two cards and returned her the 2. As blandly as possible, I said, "Playing out of turn, asking a question outside of a point of order." She did not pick the cards up. "What?" Another card. I mildly repeated, "Asking a question outside of a point of order." Silence. After a moment, Celestia hesitantly said, "Point of order." (as she said it, I quickly put my hand face down) "Whose turn is it now?" "Your turn." I handed each of them a card. "Looking at your cards during a point of order." Celestia lowered her hand and began laughing. Luna frowned at her. "But you played the queen, did you not?" Between giggles, Celestia said, "Put thy cards down, sister, ere he grant thee another card." Luna slowly gathered her cards and placed them in a neat stack. "Nonetheless, you played the queen." "And last game, didst not thou play an eight of clouds on a three of sickles?" "But..." She floundered. Celestia began to play a card (without even looking at it), but paused. "Hmm. It seems that if I play during a point of order I will eventually be violating the rule against looking at my cards during a point of order." I passed her a card. "First rule of Mao." "Ah, of course. What else could it have been? I declare the point of order over. Did that... never mind!" She picked up her cards and played a 3. Luna hesitantly picked up her cards and re-played her 2. I drew two cards and played the ace. "One is the loneliest number." I commented. Celestia hesitantly played the ace of clouds and replied, "I would think that any number sufficiently large that it cannot even be expressed would be even lonelier than one, which ponies use all the time." As Luna played a cloud, she asked, "But there are many such numbers - wouldn't that mean they have plenty of company?" I passed her a card, saying "Asking a question outside of a point of order", and played the queen of clouds. "But it had nothing to do with... grr!" She stood up. Celestia laughed again and said, "To quit the field with no advantage is to concede." Let's shut that right down. I carded her, and for the first time since the game began dropped my neutral demeanor in favor of admonishment, "Laughing at another player." Celestia's eyes flew wide open. Then she looked to her sister, closed her eyes for a moment, reopened them, and said, "My apologies. Point of order: dost thou forgive me?" Even Luna laughed at that. She sat down once more, replied, "Yes. This game is utterly appalling!" She began to pick up her cards. Before she got a glance at them, I concluded, "End point of order." And then we just sat there. Celestia looked at Luna expectantly, Luna looked at me, and I looked at the discard pile but kept my attention on them in my peripheral vision. Luna arranged her eight cards into a rectangle and put them directly between her mouth and my eyes. After a few moments, Celestia coughed. "Luna, if thou wishest to ask a question, thou mayst enter a point of order." Luna's hand collapsed into a single vertical stack. "That was not a question!" I figured enough time had passed, so I slowly began counting down, "Ten. Nine. Eight." Luna said, "Isn't... point of order. Isn't it your turn?" "No. Looking at your cards during a point of order. Four. Three." "End point of order!" She threw a six of diamonds down. With a tiny gasp she took it back and replaced it with a princess of clouds. I passed her the looking-at-cards card, and passed her another card. "Invalid play." With a sigh, she said, "I can accept that." I waited again. Celestia looked at me expectantly, then, realizing I wasn't moving to play, prepared a card. When I said, "Ten." she played a princess of diamonds. Oh yes! Perfect! Two consecutive princesses up front maximize confusion later. This is going to be a good game. Then I noticed the face on the card. "Point of order:" I said. "Is that you?" Celestia nodded. "Interesting. End point of order." Some time later, I ran out of cards. "The session is closed. I remain chairman. Celestia wins the round with five cards remaining to Luna's six. Shall we continue?" Luna offered, "Asking question outside of a point of order?" "We are not in session." "Ah. I think I can do this now." She put her cards on the deck, got up and stretched. How wrong she was. How very wrong she was. Celestia had expertly dealt and opened the next session. The top card of the deck was the princess of sickles, and I played a 4 on it, and by the time Luna got the ace of sickles down, she had quarter of the deck. And then she didn't make a 'one'-related comment and got another card. And that was before they hit the new rule for the round. "Court is now in session." Luna shuddered at the echo of the sessions just past. "I have an announcement to make. Over the past week it has become popular to attempt to use the second-person singular pronoun 'thou, thy, thine, thee' and attendant conjugations of verbs. While in modern usage it appears that this bears no claim of familiarity or status, I am accustomed to such implications. Therefore, it is my personal request that you not address me with 'thou', and that when using these words, you use them properly. I am arranging for a complete set of rules to be posted prominently to aid you in this noble effort." > Sardines > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sardines A wild continuity appears! Twilight Sparkle asked, confused, "Did princess Celestia really exclude you from a meeting she invited over two hundred other ponies to?" Luna laughed. "She described it as 'nearly as tedious as the Grand Galloping Gala'." This statement drew several little gasps. "This year I am exempt as I did not take their promises last year; but as I will take them tomorrow, I fear that I will have to attend next year. But until then, I am a free pony!" This wasn't, strictly speaking, the Royal Canterlot Voice. She was just being loud. We'd all had some drinks of Zebrican Quao to loosen things up. I wouldn't have touched it except Pinkie had calmly and seriously affirmed to me that it was all right. I'd never told her - or anyone here - that my family was none-or-way-too-much on alcohol, but, well, Pinkie. So she and I knew (I had experienced ample proof of Pinkie's reliability) that it wasn't alcoholic, and everypony else but Spike was getting drunk off of a convincing fake. Cheerilee had had an amount that would have been somewhat alarming if this were real. That, in a way, was a good sign for me. We'd had a bit of a promising start, but then she'd come back to Ponyville, her true home. She hadn't written back to my letters, but she'd shown up to this little gathering. And now she seemed irritated, but not at me. So if she's trying to get sloshed, at least she cares, some way or another. And given how we parted, it's not plausible that she's really really mad at me. Still, there was something up, and not being able to ask her about it was awkward. And so I praised Celestia in my heart when Spike coughed up a letter. He held it up for Twilight Sparkle to levitate; she opened it. "Re: Ponyville...." She looked up to me, even more confused. "It's for you, but I could answer this." Luna asked me, "Does my sister frequently send you letters?" "No, this is the first." I accepted the letter as Twilight went to a bookshelf. After reading the letter once, I groaned. Then I gave a dramatic reading: "Omar! What does the census say about its population level?" Lowering the letter, I answered, "Over niiine thouusand!" The strange looks showed that I had hammed it up just enough. Twilight read, "Nine thousand and sixteen, to be precise. How did you know?" "Princess Celestia spent a few days in my world, right? Well, she picked up a great deal of high culture from her adult hosts, and a great deal of low culture from their younger relatives and friends. And this is a reference to the latter. She has not up to this point indulged in shibboleth tennis with me. I imagine the tedium set her mind wandering. Likely she felt like there were over nine thousand nobles left." Spike asked, "So... should I take down a reply?" After a moment, I said, "Yes. Everyone, in order to give her a reply worthy of her question, I shall require your assistance!" Pinkie was eager and got the materials faster than I would have expected (I hadn't seen her employ super-speed since we'd first met, so I'd forgotten). Upon hearing my plan, Luna was not at all hesitant to join in, which helped the others get over their reluctance. And so, half an hour later, Princess Celestia received by postal dragon-fire a five by ten foot roll of baker's paper on which the ten of us had written, calligraphed, scrawled, sketched, painted, and stamped the text of her question and my answer (and in a few cases, the precise answer); this text was accompanied by a painting/charcoal sketch recreating the infamous scene with Celestia in the role of Nappa and myself as Vegeta (which really seemed backward, but she was the one who put their lines in our mouths). I had also thrown in a flying watermelon from the Demented Cartoon Movie, and a comparison of Trogdor to Discord. This delivery interrupted her meeting rather more than a simple scroll would have, especially since we'd rolled it up in the short dimension instead of the long. We never heard a complaint. "Well, that was... fun!", declaimed Luna, who had drunk the majority of the now-empty bottle and seemed to be feeling it a little. "I will take full responsibility for her likeness if she is displeased." Rarity said, "I shouldn't worry about that, dear - you did an excellent job!" She suddenly covered her mouth with a hoof. "Did I just call you 'dear'?" As she blurted out, "I'm so sorry!", Luna said, "Yes; may I address you similarly?" Rarity slowly closed her mouth. "Umm. Yes, you may, your highness." A silence settled again, and this time we had no additional fake booze to fend off our fears any harder than they were already fended. Applejack began fidgeting. I decided that I was going to 'be' even drunker than I ought to have been. So, I stood up and made an announcement. "Today is a special day - it is Friday! Now, for the last two weeks, we've had a little game night. Still a little early to call it tradition, but anyway. Just because we're not in our usual locale doesn't mean that we can't play something!" I sat down harder than I needed to. Pinkie said, "Oooh! Another round of Super Double-Annihilation Team-Hunter?" Rarity objected, "I told you, I'm never playing that again! And I don't care how many times you jump up and down. Or how long your hold your breath." Twilight added, "You'd just fall unconscious and start breathing again." Rainbow Dash added, "And we don't have enough ponies anyway." Pinkie suggested, "Then, Hide-and-Seek!" Rainbow Dash said, "No way. If you're hiding, no one ever finds you, even if we're all looking. If you're searching, you find us all right away." The other five native Ponyvillains (a much better term than Ponyvillian) nodded in agreement. I leapt to my feet once more and showed a fist melodramatically. "I know a solution to this problem!" Pinkie gasped. "Really? You mean I can actually play Hide-and-Seek again?" "Yes! Kind of! Don't play Hide-and-Seek. Play Sardines!" I turned around and caught each of them in the eye. "The rules of Sardines are simple. One person is the first 'sardine' and hides. Everyone else looks. When you find a sardine, you become one, also hiding. Game ends when everyone but one is a sardine. The sardines must all hide together, but they may move from place to place in one group." Twilight reasoned, "So, Pinkie will find the hider right away, but can only hide as well as that hider can. Elegant." Luna stood up next to me. "This reminds me of my childhood!" Pinkie said, "Ooh, you played hide-and-seek?" "We cowered together from the marauding terrors, and the stragglers would find us. Or not! This is a much happier time!" She swung the door open and stepped outside. "Citizens of Ponyville!" We looked at each other in alarm - she had pulled out Nightmare Moon's two-register creepy voice. "I will be playing Sardines and you are all invited!" She trotted back in and sat down. One of the pegasus guards who had pulled her chariot here stepped in after and whispered in her ear. After a moment the smile faltered. She replied, "How much?" He whispered in her ear again. "I will not make a habit of it." He stepped out, and the two of them flew up to perch on clouds and keep overwatch. Fluttershy suddenly loudly said, "Excuse me! Umm, aren't we kind of secret? I mean, the elements. Shouldn't we... not draw attention to ourselves?" Luna was about to reply when the first curious townsponies showed up. She stepped outside to organize the game, and we began to follow. Rarity halted in the doorway, eyeing my suit. "That attire doesn't appear suitable for a game like this, Omar." I looked down. She was right. Since taking on my new job, I'd gotten rather used to being dressed way up all the time. I shrugged. "Well, what am I going to do?" "Well, you could take it off." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "No, he hasn't got a... you-know!" I raised an eyebrow, but Cheerilee asked pointedly, "What is it you haven't got?" "I don't know. What is it, Dash?" "That flap thing that stallions keep their junk behind. He was just all hanging out." Now Cheerilee was upset with me. "You opened yourself to Rainbow Dash?" "No, I didn't open anything. There isn't anything to open, that's her point. I just thought if I was on the second floor that no one would walk in on me. So, I'm wearing clothing for this game, that's final." Rarity joked, "I could lend you the dress you wore last time." "No, thanks." Luna declared from outside, "Omar! I must hear about this later!" Facepalm. I'd left that detail out intentionally. But Cheerilee's eyes widened - she softly said, "And I thought she was loud because she was going deaf." "I heard that too!" Cheerilee called back, "I don't care!" That got some gasps from the others, but we could hear Luna's hearty laughter. We slipped out just in time to see who was the first sardine - an orange pegasus. The two dozen of us waited, hushed, while she hid. I heard one mare whisper to another, "I'm not sure how to feel about this." "I know, right? I came when I heard, but now I kind of can't leave. We're not supposed to play with princesses." "I think she's hiding in my house. I'll look there very carefully." "Good idea. I'll check mine." Of course Luna heard that, and gestured with her eyes for me to approach. She whispered to me, "This was a terrible idea." "I could have told you that, but you didn't ask." "I should have known too, but there's something in that Quao - nothing as tame as alcohol." That was alarming - did Pinkie lead me astray? "I must find how it is made. But, ah, why would you think this a bad idea? You opposed, even denied the 'difference'. Yet here it is, plain as night and day." "There may not be a 'difference' but there are power differences. When you come to Ponyville and say you're playing a game and that everyone can come, well, many will feel like they have to. The reverse is not so." Luna pouted. "That much we agree on. And I misused that power. Stupid. Hmm." "What?" "Can I make it work? If the game ends up worthy of a princess..." "Is it time yet?" asked one of the less-enthusiastic mares. Luna focused and her horn began glowing. A large number of mirror walls rose from the ground roughly three body-lengths apart, laying a loose labyrinth over the town. "Anypony you see walking through these walls is not playing and can only see faint outlines." Our inspection of these walls was cut short as mists swirled around, gathering a dense fog over the town in just five seconds. And to finish, a dozen fake 'sardines' appeared around us. "These are decoys. If you come within a head's length of one, it will vanish from your sight, but others may see it." The decoys ran off into the labyrinth. "If ever any of you give up or become afraid, say my name three times so that I may remove these illusions from you." Everyone suddenly had a new take on the situation, including the two hesitant mares I'd overheard. At Luna's "Go!", the crowd began moving at varying paces. Luna herself ran off nearly as quickly as Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight Sparkle barely moved, examining the mirror walls in detail. Some of us didn't move at all. "Luna Luna... ow." - "Give it a try! How often is something like this going to come up?" If those two are in, I guess it was a success. Once most of the others were gone, Fluttershy finally said, "Luna Luna Luna." and took a deep breath, visibly relaxing. "I don't think this is for me. See you tomorrow?", she said apologetically, and flew off towards home. After a minute, only Cheerilee and I were left. We both 'Luna'ed out of the game and proceeded to have an incredibly awkward conversation (btw, she had figured out that she wasn't really exactly drunk, but also that she wasn't exactly herself). Some of the least awkward moments: - "Most dating is a reductio ad absurdum proof that the couple is not meant for each other." - "That's like saying 'I love you iff a billion and seven is prime.'" - "That would be like saying 'I love you iff two billion and seven is prime.'" - "The experiment was a success: total failure!" - "For all X in that set: does X appeal to you?" - "Anyway, I hope we agree that XOR is not the right operation to use here." - "So steepest descent doesn't lead to immorality, but ideal projection does? That seems backward." (ideal projection is what ponies call Newton's method) When things get tough, we fall back on our roots: in our case, it was math humor. And it worked, kind of. We had no idea whether we could actually go interspecies, but we were going to give it a shot and not be offended if the other couldn't take it. And we were going to take it slow. Not the least because of the Quao. As we spoke, we idly watched the game proceed without interference from the mirror walls and fog. It was funny to see the mass of sardines huddle quietly with the searchers passing right next to them with only a faint outline between them. What was especially interesting was how the sardines seemed really afraid at the hoofbeats passing nearby. I'd never gotten that into the game. It seemed ideally suited to pony psychology. Their shivers led to Luna spreading her wings over the shivering ponies, comforting them. That actually got us to say 'awwww' at the same time, totally interrupting our conversation. We also saw some confused townsponies ask the mass of sardines what was going on. Once, Twilight Sparkle came across the rear end of a stallion who was standing through a wall talking with the sardines. Of course, by the time she made it to where they had been, they'd moved on. Eventually, Luna discreetly began removing mirror walls to make it easier to get around, and shortly everypony (and Spike) was a sardine. The maze disappeared altogether and we started afresh. For round 2, the two starting sardines were Rainbow Dash and Applejack because it seemed that, setting aside Pinkie (who couldn't be the starting sardine), they had made the first discovery simultaneously. To elaborate matters, it was decided that they would hide separately, and whichever of them had fewer sardines in their group at the end (or when the groups met) was the winner in their private contest. Several new townsponies joined, and only one left. He thanked Luna for the game and apologized that he was going to have to get up early; she replied that the invitation was not one which required a detailed explanation to decline. I understand where she was going with that, but it didn't quite come across well. Anyway, this time, Cheerilee and I stayed in; we dropped the conversation, but stuck together as we searched. Now our silence was comfortable - so comfortable that it took effort to remember that anypony not playing could see us clearly. At least, as long as we were in the square. Cheerilee found a decoy Rainbow Dash on our way off to the side, and I another. Once we were behind Sugarcube Corner, we had a bit more privacy, though we were well aware that it was deceptive - there were more walls out here. I sat down on a bag, then when it grunted, I realized it was a bag of Applejack. "Oh, hi. Sorry 'bout that." "Ssh." Cheerilee whispered, "Nice hiding place. I still can't see you." I added, "At least Pinkie went for Dash. Not that she counts." Cheerilee found another sack and slid in, and I sat on a box; she crawled onto my lap (she may be a pony, but she is a little pony - maybe 60 kilos, to my 70), and Applejack shuffled onto my feet. A mare walked right by us and didn't see us. Cheerilee shivered on my lap most endearingly. A minute later, a stallion came the other direction. And then Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, that same stallion, and Rarity came back the other way. Pinkie winked at us and kept walking. Once they were gone, Applejack whispered, "A tie. Blasted ties. At least we stayed hidden even from them." At that, Luna landed right in front of us. She leaned close to Applejack and whispered. "Thou'rt noisy as a mule." With her present, we could no longer hide quite as effectively. Close, though - Luna seemed to sink into the shadows deeply, though not so deeply that I suspected magic. The next few minutes were quiet, then all at once we got three new sardines - one couple walked by us and only noticed Luna as they began to turn. A few moments later another showed up and said, "I heard you from around the corner. If we went to the square's labyrinth, hearing wouldn't be worth as much." That seemed cogent, so we headed in. We shortly ran into Rainbow Dash's group. And again we were tied - seven and seven plus Pinkie. Rainbow Dash whined loudly, giving away our position. Luna took the lead, guiding us away, and we only picked up one more before slipping into a crack between two walls, then another, and into a small space. I was crammed between Cheerilee on one side and Rarity on the other. Once we were settled in, Luna gave Rainbow Dash a stern look and held a hoof to her lips. The intensity of her expression actually got my heart rate up a bit; Rainbow Dash practically wilted, but she did so silently. We could hear a pony right on the other side of that wall. And she was coming for us, coming around towards the entryway. It was as if it was a terrible thing for us to be found. Cheerilee shivered against me harder than before. With the ambiance, I wasn't too much steadier, but I put an arm around her. Luna again spread her wings, and the breathing calmed. The tension felt absurd as a perfectly ordinary mare made her way into the circle. And this repeated over and over until we were overflowing the space. I never expected it to be so tense - and it never had been, with humans. But packed in among herding-animal people, it was. When we ran out of space, we had to move. Then we ended up stretched out across the labyrinth on the way back to the starting point at the library, hoping that nopony would think to check there. As it turned out, Twilight Sparkle was sitting on the steps, reading a book about mazes. She looked up. "Hello! Did you know that... oh. Never mind." This larger space was not so well-suited to frightened huddling, and the atmosphere broke. By this point, I expect that Luna had begun taking down some walls outside of the sight of the players; she was certainly thinning the mist. Ponies began finding us faster and faster. And so we all ended up back where we started. After one last pony came in, Luna announced - reasonably quietly, I was impressed - "And that is everyone. Thank you all for coming; I hope you enjoyed yourselves?" There was a generally-satisfied rumble. "I am very glad to hear that." And then a stallion asked, "Excuse me, princess?" "Yes?" "Who was Nightmare Moon? Was she really you?" A pause. Outside of Ponyville, this was essentially common knowledge; she was a little surprised to hear the question at all. However, only the ponies of Ponyville had seen in her monstrous guise. "A spirit of evil infected me at a time I was specially vulnerable, and I transformed into what you saw at the celebration. With some outside help I expelled the spirit, and later on we destroyed it." Warmly, thankfully, she added, "It will not happen again." This was by far the most calm and assured she had been when issuing that particular claim. In a way, I finally got her that hug she needed. Maybe even literally. As for the rest of the weekend? Well, A) this IS mainly about game night, and B) we took it slow. (what, you thought I was going to say 'mind your own business' after everything else I've told you?) > Guess Who > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The wild continuity calls for help! A wild continuity appears! I laid out five applications in front of the princess. "I've narrowed it down to five candidates: Bill Toupeé, Ring Field, Table Turner, Teapot Dome, and Tammany Hall." I leaned forward. "I'm not sure what magic lies in a name, but those last three are rather suspicious." Luna's eyes glazed over, and she spat, "Names." It occurred to me that she had hardly ever said anypony's name in my hearing. "How many names do you know, princess? Of anyone you first met since you were in the moon." Luna thought for a moment. "You, Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee. Macidexia, Pearl. Spitfire, Wing Span. Steadfast, Polished Armor. Princess... all I can think is Miasma Credenza, but I know that's not it." "Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadence. And Twilight's brother is Shining Armor." "He's her brother?" "Yes. What's the name of the scion of the ancient unicorn royalty?" She closed her eyes and thought. "I can picture him, but I'm not sure of his name." "All right. What are his colors and cutie mark?" "He's white. Blue mane, and a crown." "Yellow mane and tail, and a compass rose. His name is Blueblood." Luna went on, "Our chamberlain is Pristine. Chanticheer. General Cherry. Queen Celeste and king Bubble, and prince R-something." "Those are general Chere, king Babar and prince Arthur. And if you remember them, you had better remember the old human lady with them." Luna sighed. "Does it matter? I do not think she will live to our next meeting." "She has access to radical life extension magic. She has appeared roughly seventy for around eighty years. And she can visit any time she feels like it. Her name..." "I get it!" I had not frayed her composure like that since she had been Nightmare Moon. I looked down at the papers. "I have an idea for game night. Just the two of us." "About names? You seem to know all of them. It won't be fair." "It won't matter. The game I have in mind shows you everything you need to know, but you need to pay attention to it. You will learn them, and it will be fun." She sighed. Letters went out. Records were checked. Questions were asked. Cards were made. I set up the trays in her outer chambers as customary; she woke late and came out with a yawn. "I am tempted to restore the moon to lying opposite the sun. I must rise at all odd hours." "Must you? I remember that the sun kept moving for a few days while Celestia was unable to do anything about it." "It was not shifting properly with the seasons. Moreover, It will be some hundred years before the moon has been properly trained in its course. And the effects of Discord linger." The idea that Celestia could handle the moon when it was to rise or set in the daytime occurred to me but seemed rather poor taste to suggest. "I see. Well. Today's game is 'Guess Who'. I have prepared identical sets of cards for one hundred ponies it would be good to recognize and know a little about. We each secretly pick one, and alternate asking yes/no questions to narrow down who the other's pick was. The questions should be about information on the cards." She examined them. "So many pictures, so fine, so fast - how did you get this?" "Photography? I was able to pull most of them from the archives. And there's a unicorn on staff who makes copies." Luna looked over the array, murmuring 'photography'. Then she looked up to me. "Are you sure this is going to be fun?" "We'll see. If not, it's still useful effort. You need to know many of these, and it would be good to know the others. I've made my pick; you may ask a question." "Male or female?" "Male." I answered. "Has yours ever been married?" She looked down. I'd laid out our trays randomly, and couldn't see hers very easily, so she could look at it all she wanted without giving its identity away. "Yes. Noble or common?" "Noble. Is yours a unicorn?" There were enough more unicorns present than either of the other types that this was not really a wasted question. She replied, "No. Is yours?" "Yes. Pegasus?" "Yes." I swept through the cards and turning those that didn't match. I was looking for a married pegasus. She continued, "Duke or higher?" "Lucky you - yes, and now you've got it down to just four. Is your pony's coat blue, green, gray, or white?" Either way, I was looking at a dozen ponies. "No. Is yours Duke Complex Cause?" Ah. She correctly figured I'd go for the one she'd most conspicuously missed recently. "Yes! Who was yours?" Luna replied, "Frozen Breath, one of the guards outside this door right now..." quieter, she added, "whose name I did not recall until I saw the card." She levitated his card up and read, "He is married to Dancing Leaf, also a pegasus, and has a daughter, Dandelion, an earth pony. His cutie mark is a gust of wind across a snowflake." We reset our cards and tried again. Then Prince Blueblood arrived. As proper as the announcement and request to enter were, it was nonetheless a serious intrusion. Luna stood. "Welcome, my nephew!" I suddenly noticed how well she'd been doing at using an indoor voice when with this she suddenly stopped. "What brings you to our chamber at this hour?" He blinked. "It hardly seems an inappropriate hour for you, dear aunt. Would you prefer three o'clock in the morning?" "This hour specifically. I mean to ask, what do you want?" Blunt. "A little bird told me that your advisor was gathering information about various ponies, noble and common. Some of my peers were... concerned and curious." "You do not have the power to converse with beasts." "I, ah, it is an expression referring to rumors. Rumors that are wondering just what he is doing." Luna stared at him. The silence grew uncomfortably long. Then she said, "I want to remember their names better. So we are reviewing." She added, "Would you like to join us, so you can reply to these rumors in full knowledge?" Luna conjured another set of cards and gave them to him (I was glad that I had left him out of the deck). "Pick one secretly. I have mine, so Omar, you may ask me." I nodded. "Is their cutie mark of something that occurs in nature?" "Yes... Prince, are you ready?" He hesitated. Princess Celestia arrived, unannounced, through the window. She walked up and kissed her sister on the cheek, accepted one in return. By the time she had sat down at her sister's right side, she had taken stock of the situation. "If you don't mind my momentarily interrupting your game..." Luna interjected, "You may join if you wish." "Thank you for the offer; maybe I shall. I came to ask about the music for the welcoming ceremony the tuesday after next. I had commissioned a suite of processionals, ceremonial interludes, and fanfares for you, so you would not have to wait to have something of your own. When things did not exactly go according to plan around your return..." she paused, slightly awkwardly. It was the first time I had seen her fumbling for words. She glanced at prince Blueblood. Luna suggested, "They weren't finished, because you thought I'd take a year or so to recover?" Celestia coughed. "Yes. So, for the moment, I propose that we look afield." She conjured a tray of small tubes. "Madame Flaubert left us this 'microfilm', on which is drawn, extremely small, what she considers her world's cultural canon. These have the music; perhaps we can find something." Celestia looked to her sister. Luna considered. "I would as you say like something of my own, and if the new music is poor, and the old music is out of date... yes, we can listen to foreign options." To me, she asked, "Her world is your world, is it not?" I nodded. "I presume you would like moon- or night-related music?" "If any exists." I laughed. "No fear of that. But I'm not very familiar with the sort of music that might be suitably... well. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata had better be in there." And I began singing it. I'm not that good at singing, and I'm nowhere near good enough at piano to have learned it properly, but I knew how to bang out the beginning. In half a minute, around when I got to the end of what I knew, princess Celestia had found the relevant item in the films. She projected the page onto the floor, and momentarily an invisible piano started playing it - not with a lot of expression, but accurately. She lay down and closed her eyes. Luna looked down at the game, and just began reading the cards silently to herself. A few phrases in, she whispered, "Have you picked someone, prince, or are you not playing?" Blueblood blinked at her in near shock, and shook his head. Luna then softly asked me, "Is the second letter of the name in the first half of the alphabet?" "Uh, yes. Why that question?" "It makes me read all the names again. That is the point, is it not?" "Ah." And so we continued the game, watched by an amused Celestia who was near-napping at her sister's side, and an irritated Blueblood. After three minutes, Luna said of the music, "Enough. I can see a place for this." Celestia concurred, "Yes! We are off to a good start. Any further suggestions?" I thought back to college days, with my classical-music-playing roommate. "Hmm. There are a ton of nocturnes of all sorts, but since they're buried inside other works, it's not so simple to find them unless that is very well indexed. If we had a computer, that would be simpler." "Thank you for reminding me!" Momentarily, Celestia summoned an iPad. I blinked rapidly - they'd only been out a few months, in a different world altogether with which we had no consistent trade, so I really didn't expect her to have one. Seeing my confusion, she explained, "Another gift, from prince Arthur. I have not thoroughly looked through this. I did find one promising title in its library: We Like The Moon." I gagged, my tongue fumbling in my haste to object. The result was a bit of a fortissimo 'Bleah!' That over-the-top response shattered Celestia's straight face, revealing the puckish grin behind. I sighed. "God, Celestia, you are such a troll. If you actually played that, she'd banish you to where the sun don't shine!" Luna found this exchange very amusing, but Blueblood's horn was sparking as he restrained himself from pulverizing me. Even so, he could not contain his words. "I say! This is the most egregious case of Lese Majeste I have ever seen! How do you countenance it?" Celestia's laughter subsided and she assumed mock seriousness once more. "He has been the absolute ruler of an entire cosmos larger than Equestria, which I suppose puts him above me in rank." Now that she was trolling him, I was ready to keep my face straight. And what she said was, I suppose, technically true, if 'absolute ruling' includes 'being the only living thing'. Blueblood began to have an aneurysm until he saw that Luna was suppressing laughter. Princess Celestia continued, with an openly silly tone, "Do you have any other musical suggestions, your imperial highness?" "Princess, please. I am not an emperor. Though I have discovered in the past few weeks that I am a pope whether I want to be or not, so I guess you might say 'your holiness'." Self-importantly, "Hmph! I do not use honorifics for Discordian popes." "Ah. Well, then." Blueblood's brain broke. "Dis...? If you accept that... could any of the extreme and unsettling facts about mister Green that I can present have any effect?" Celestia finally grew serious. "The joke was that everyone is a Discordian pope. But if you have any extreme and unsettling facts to share, I would be very happy to hear them." Luna added, "As would I." I added, "Same." Celestia interjected, "But first, music?" Off-balance, I said, "Buh. Ah, there was something by Britten, that was pretty good. Had to do with the ocean or something." As she began doing something complicated and magical with the microfilm, she said, "Go ahead." Blueblood coughed. "First and least seriously, he has on two occasions entered a house of ill repute." Oh. That. Luna asked, "House of ill repute?" "Prostitution." The heat fled the room as Luna said, "I do not know what methods of discretion my sister relies upon, but I had thought sending an intermediary to make my inquiries and arrangements at three o'clock in the morning would be adequate. I find any who obsessively watch the comings and goings to be odious in comparison with the trade itself." Blueblood wasn't really equipped to blanch, but maybe it was just frost forming on his face. I might have seemed the same; it certainly felt like it. For all that her voice was calm, this was the scariest she'd been since her Nightmare Moon days, and was the first time since then that she'd hurt me. Celestia had sat up, and after a few seconds the heat she had begun radiating overcame Luna's subsiding chill. Blueblood put that behind him and continued, "Were you aware that he has broken a geas?" We all nodded. Blueblood frowned. "Doesn't that mean he is both outrageously powerful and not to be trusted?" I shrugged. "There was some retroactive fudging around the rule boundaries. You see..." Celestia coughed, cutting me off. Maybe he's not cleared to hear about this? "Ah, what's your se..." Celestia quickly and sharply whistled the refrain from the song from the first South Park Movie in which Cartman tells another character to utterly cease speaking (using extremely vile language). I utterly ceased speaking, shocked at the implicit language more than anything else. Also shocked that she'd risk my not knowing it. Then I realized I really shouldn't have had to know it - she was obviously interrupting me. Then I was shocked that I'd even tried to ask him his clearance level, since Celestia surely knew it already. Blueblood looked to the princess, then back to me, then back to the princess. That something was secret was obvious, but hopefully it wasn't obvious that it was actually a national security issue on a clearance level he was apparently not even allowed to know existed. He took a deep breath, and presented the last point, sort of. "I don't suppose, at this point, that a massive array of circumstantial evidence suggesting that he was complicit in the invasion by the Vectorian Empire would have any effect on your confidence in him, would it? I ask particularly in light of their upcoming official visit, before which it is critical that we find any spies they may have?" The sisters looked to each other and shook their heads. Luna said, "If he had done nothing at either of two critical junctures, we would certainly have lost. The empress witnessed both, and she did not accuse him of being a traitor." "Ah!" He smiled, momentarily relieved more than irritated. "That... that would be an explanation I can actually bring to my concerned colleagues." His smile regained its gritted-teeth nature. "Thank you for your service, Mister Green." He nodded to Luna. "May I beg your leave?" She nodded, and he exited quickly. Once the door was shut, I looked expectantly at Celestia, who was once more rummaging with the microfilm. Fortunately, Luna asked what I was thinking. "What in the lowest pits of Tartarus was that about?" Celestia found what I'd mentioned and put it on. Then, she said, "In the old days, we were new enough that the royal line from which we borrow our authority remained relevant. It was expected that we might both eventually fall and so Equestria would be left to the old royal line until we returned. As I have persisted in surviving, their significance has faded. Doubly so with your return. And so he and most of the nobles cling to enforcing deference. And of course for them to demand deference for themselves, they must demand far more for me than I would ever wish. I have found it unprofitable to publicly conflict with them on this." She stopped there, inviting response. Luna reasoned out, "So whenever you get him in private, you needle him about it?" Celestia pursed her lips. "There is more to it than that. You are not aware of the full scope of his spying." With a glance my way, she said to Luna, "He knows more about Omar's personal life than Omar does. Their spies must not continue poking around Ponyville. I think you sent a clear message that will clear them away without revealing what else we actually need them to avoid." What is it that I don't know? Celestia stifled a yawn. "This is terribly late. Would you mind raising the sun for me in the morning?" Sweet! "Not at all, if you would take care of the moon next afternoon." "Certainly." They exchanged good-nights, and Celestia departed. Luna and I resumed the game. I was disturbed by Celestia's comment about my ignorance about my personal life. The music ground to a halt as Celestia turned her attention away. Luna said, "I think that was suitable." "What?" "The music." "Ah. Sure." "Thou'rt disturbed by what my sister said of Cheerilee?" I nodded. Did everyone know more than I did? She stared at me. "She had a most distinctive set of bad dreams recently. More, I will not say. I think it would be kindest to let her go." Well, I could kind of see that coming. A pity. She's pretty awesome. "Can I have the weekend to settle it in person, maybe, figure something out?" "Certainly." I went. As breakups go, this was in the top two. She'd simply decided she wasn't into humanality. Fair enough. Bummer.