Chapter 1
Blooddeath Celestio woke up angry. He always woke up angry, because his life was a meaningless hell, full of torment and agony.
Blooddeath Celestio's name wasn't always Blooddeath Celestio. Nopony knew his original name, because when he was a little foal, he killed his own name. Nopony knew why he did it, because he sure wasn't telling. He actually went under many names, the most frequent of which being "Typical OC Pony." Today, though, he was Blooddeath Celestio. He chose "Blooddeath" because of how much he liked blood and death, and "Celestio" because he was Princess Celestia's uncle.
The alicorn rolled out of bed, landing perfectly on all four hooves. Nopony was around to see it, but if anypony was there, they probably would have cried from the beauty of his maneuver. He looked back at his flank. Sure enough, there was an image of four hooves landing on a floor on it. All ponies have a cutie mark that denotes what field they're especially talented in. Blooddeath's special talent was everything. As such, his cutie mark changed according to what he was doing at the time, because whatever it was, he was the best at it.
Blooddeath knew that he had lots of very important things to do today. Like usual, he was in very high demand. Everypony needed him for everything, since he was the best at everything. To figure out who he would help the next day, he'd always put everypony's name on a dartboard the night before and throw darts at it. He made the darts from his own feathers, because the tips of his feathers were sharper than any known material, unless he wanted them to be duller. The luck of the draw had him going to help build a wall on the other side of town, reading stories to little foals, and working in a soup kitchen.
Blooddeath decided not to do any of that, because it all sounded boring, and none of those benefited him in any way. Instead, he decided to play video games all day. His two favorite games were Trot Trot Revolution and Guitar Hero, so he decided to play them both at the same time. He chose the hardest song on each one and got to playing. Like usual, he got a perfect score on the dance song. However, he did miss one note in the guitar song.
"Oh well," he said as he looked at his imperfect score. "Everypony has character flaws."
Blooddeath went on to play more video games for 20 hours straight. He switched to Call of Duty, but didn't feel like using the regular game controller, so continued to use the dance pad and the guitar. He called it quits after a match where he got 280 headshots in a row from across the stage. Setting the guitar down, he glanced at the clock.
"Oops," he said. "I spent the whole day playing video games. I wanted to do other things." So he lit his horn up and traveled back in time, back to the previous morning. Once he was there, he briefly considered doing those things he was supposed to, now that he had time. After a few seconds, he decided that they were still boring, and that he would rather visit his six marefriends.
Rainbow Dash was first on the list. Blooddeath flew as fast as he could to her cloud house, arriving there about four seconds before he left. He knocked on the door and waited for Rainbow to answer.
"Hey baby!" Rainbow said as she answered the door.
"Hello, marefriend number one," Blooddeath said. It was his special name for her. "Do you want to race?"
"Not really," Rainbow responded. "You always beat me."
"That's true," Blooddeath said. "We should make out instead."
After Blooddeath made out with Rainbow for 40 minutes, he decided it was time to visit Twilight. He teleported to the library and knocked on the door.
"Hello, sweetheart!" Twilight bubbled upon seeing Blooddeath.
"Hello, marefriend number three," Blooddeath responded. He was too good to visit his marefriends in numerical order.
"I learned something really new and interesting today during my studies!" Twilight said. "Did you know that most lizards rely heavily on body language, using specific postures, gestures, and movements to define territory, resolve disputes, and entice mates?"
"Of course I knew that," Blooddeath responded. "I know everything about lizards." As he said that, his cutie mark changed to a lizard. "Did you know that some species of lizards also use bright colors, such as the iridescent patches on the belly of Sceloporus?"
"I didn't know that," Twilight was forced to respond.
"Then you should study more," Blooddeath said, sounding angry. He sounded angry because he was incapable of being happy. "Now let's make out."
After his makeout session with Twilight, Blooddeath visited his four remaining marefriends and made out with each of them too. Fluttershy was next, and he had to help her tame a lion before they made out. For some reason it wouldn't listen to her, but it quieted right down when he looked at it. Rarity was much easier; her only problem was not having finished a dress. After he fixed all the stitches and put all the final touches on it, she was more than happy to make out with him. He then tried to figure out whether to go to Pinkie Pie or Applejack first. He eventually decided to kill two birds with one stone and throw the biggest party anypony had ever seen, all fueled by his invention of a new apple recipe that had never been seen before. It was all really easy for him, because his special talent was everything, and throwing parties and making apple recipes were part of everything.
After all the making out was done, Blooddeath decided to go home. It had been a very long day. A squad of poisonous snakebirds tried to kill him on his way home, but he wouldn't have any of that. He killed half of the squad with his laser eyebeams, while the rest of them fell to his amazing karate skills. He had invented his own style of karate years ago, and was the only pony with a black belt in it because nopony else could even do it well enough to get a white belt.
Once the snakebirds were dealt with, Blooddeath finally arrived at home. He was nearly ready to sleep, but stopped before getting in bed. He had gotten quite tired of the name "Blooddeath Celestio," so his final act before bedtime was to kill this name too, which he did by saying his name, then shrinking to microscopic size and cutting the molecules of air that had come from his mouth with a katana. This was the traditional way to kill one's name, after all, and since it was a tradition that he himself had set, he of course had to follow it.
"This was a long day for me," the nameless typical OC pony said. He laid down in bed and went into hypersleep, which is what you call it when you manipulate the world so that every minute you sleep counts as an hour. After all, a pony as amazing as him needed his beauty sleep.