Heartache
“Woo! These ponies are pretty good, huh Tavi?”
“I suppose so.”
“Huh? C’mon, don’t tell me you’re still not diggin’ these tunes?”
Of course I do Vinyl, though I’d never admit it straight to you.
“They’re quite good, yes.”
“I can hear the ‘but’ coming.”
“But… I’m afraid I still have yet to fully appreciate this type of music, I suppose.”
“Aw, C’mon! They’re great! These are the best ones so far!”
“Of course you’d say that.”
“Feh. You’re such a party pooper.”
Vinyl took another long gulp of her mug of beer, letting out another unrestrained sigh of refreshment and gratitude. Octavia meanwhile took a reserved sip of her glass of red wine, savoring the taste in her mouth before swallowing.
Wonderful as always, as to be expected from the Canterlot clubs.
Vinyl and Octavia were just two of many musicians and musical enthusiasts who had made the trip to witness Canterlot’s introduction to a new form of music. It had originated out of some rather dreary part of Equestria, one that Octavia couldn’t remember the name of right now, but from what she’d heard it didn’t sound like a place she’d like to live. Supposedly the area was very dank, high in humidity, with all manner of beasts in the nearby marshes and swamps that, from the sounds of things, put even the Everfree Forest to shame in terms of dread. What compelled anypony to settle there, and more importantly stay there, was beyond her grasp.
Surely smaller towns like Ponyville aren’t the kind of places for luxurious living, but one can become accustomed to their quiet and rustic charms. This place sounded like somewhere where a pony might be sent for exile.
Whatever the reason for staying there, the ponies who called such an uninhabitable place home seemed to have developed a rather interesting brand of music that had until now been largely unheard of to the rest of Equestria, especially in the upper crust of Canterlot. Apparently a certain musical connoisseur had been looking for something new and evidently caught wind of this combination of genres coming from this stick-in-the-mud town, and was determined to bring it back to Canterlot to see how it would be received. Four similar yet distinct styles of music: Jazz, Gospel, Rhythm and Blues (or as it was more commonly referred to as “R & B”), and Blues.
How that stallion had managed to get permission to allow these rough and tumble musicians to play in such a prestigious club as this one Octavia hadn’t the slightest idea, but word had it that Fancypants himself had taken a liking to their particular brand of instrumentation, and of course none would be willing to question him on the matter. Octavia herself had heard of the event a few weeks before but had had no interest in going until Vinyl caught wind and asked her to come along. Vinyl was looking for new inspirations to draw from and an entirely new genre of music was certainly promising for her. However she wouldn’t go unless Octavia went with her, insisting that it would be good for her as well, and also that it “wouldn’t be as fun without somepony she liked hanging out with.”
If only you knew, Vinyl… the mare thought somewhat dejectedly.
The two were surprised when they arrived to find that the exclusive club was allowing ponies from all walks of life to come and watch the presentation, not merely those with the clout and wealth to be living in Canterlot. It seemed the idea of excluding anyone from something as simple as music was an unheard of notion to these small-town ponies. To deny anyone the right to do was akin to not allowing someone to eat or drink, it was unthinkable and almost cruel, and had asked that anypony be allowed to come and go as they pleased. Some of the more conservative members of the crowd had taken that opportunity fairly early on, citing the performance as too lowbrow for their tastes before leaving, allowing anypony who wished to take their seat to do so. Not too long ago she might have left along with them.
As for the music itself, she had actually taken a liking to it. Though her personal preference was the harmonic tones of Gospel she had to admit there was a certain intrigue that Jazz held as well, especially when they seemed to “wing it”, as the term went. Though her classical training asked her to decry such improvisational music as nothing but a cacophony she had to admit there was a certain unmistakable charm that couldn’t be replicated in how the other band members could twist and turn the song into whatever they felt at the time without losing the other ponies playing with them. Though, if she had heard it but a year and a half ago she would’ve lacked the appreciation for such things, if it were not for the influence of a certain wild blue-maned unicorn.
Being around Vinyl’s brand of music for over a year had allowed her to see the order and even beauty in her chaotic music… usually. She still had trouble with dubstep, as for the most part and no matter how she tried she couldn’t hear that particular brand of music as anything other than loud cacophonies mostly based around brain-rattling bass. She had been able to learn to appreciate and, dare she say, like some of the techno and electronica that came from that turntable. Of course, it was the pony standing behind it, the pony sitting next to her, that she really had come to enjoy.
Just as she was thinking that the subject of her musings turned to look at her and she quickly looked at something else, anything else. She took a sip of wine while pretending not to notice the quizzical look Vinyl gave her out of the corner of her eye. The unicorn soon shrugged and went back to focusing on the performers. Octavia let out a quiet despondent sigh.
Damn it all…
As she took another sip she noticed what it was her eyes were now on, and a scowl came to her face. He was still looking at her. A stallion waiting with the other performers not on stage, the group that would decide to go up and play when they felt like it. However, he was different. He hadn’t played anything all night, just sitting there. Neither had he spoken to anypony, apparently being an outsider even among the raucous crowd. She wouldn’t have really cared so much if not that, after scanning the crowd for a few minutes, his gaze had rested solely on her the entire evening.
Or at least it seemed to be, what with his eyes obscured by simple reflective black sunglasses. The stallion was without a doubt a curiosity, his coat a deep midnight blue, dressed in a black blazer, white shirt, and black tie, all which looked as if he hadn’t taken them off in days. His mane was a slightly lighter shade of cobalt blue, cut at a respectable length of not too short and not too long, was wild an unkempt and mostly hidden by the black fedora with a white ring around it, held into place by his horn. The position he was currently sitting in obscured his cutie mark from her. Next to him sat a brown guitar case, seemingly put through as much trials as his clothes had over the years. She momentarily wondered if the guitar inside was still in a usable state. His expression was blank, almost lifeless, and his jaw was adorned with some stubble that some mares may have found rustically charming. She had to admit, he was handsome in a sort of unkempt way, but she had no interest in him.
Is that why you’ve been staring at me all night? Are you lovestruck with my appearance? Are you going to play a love ballad for me on stage? Well I’m afraid you’ve fallen for the wrong mare, because I’ve already fallen for somepony else.
As she finished that thought she turned to look at the unicorn, the object of her affection, sitting next to her cheering for the most recent performance.
If only I had what it took to show it…
It was by far the worst thing she could imagine, being so close to the mare she had fallen for and yet so far. How could she possibly tell her? What would everypony else think? What would she think?
By Celestia, why did I have to develop such a longing for this pony? As if being attracted to another mare wasn’t a scandal enough, but a mare who is my opposite in every way? She is from Ponyville, just a small town pony, and party animal who’s musical style would seem to those of my own class as though it was focused on how many noises could be played at once without causing an aneurism. If word got out that I actually enjoyed such things!
She took another sip of her wine, larger than usual, but relaxed as she slowly swirled it in her mouth, savoring the flavor and helping to calm herself down. She gulped and let out another sigh.
But it’s not really the music I like, is it? It’s the mare playing it, and how much she loves to play it.
It was Vinyl’s passion for her music that won over her appreciation for the more modern style, as well as the unicorn herself. It was that same passion she saw onstage that had kept her interest, for the most part. The idea of musicians playing in front of an audience, but not entirely for the audience, an idea that she had had to grapple with for a while before understanding. It was one thing to enjoy the applause of the crowd, but another to be able to put that same passion into performing when no one was there, when one was simply playing for oneself. The idea had helped her reevaluate her own methods, trying to “play with her soul” instead of merely her hooves. It was that passion she saw onstage now. It was that passion that she always saw behind her friend’s turntable.
The crowd began to applaud, snapping her out of her daze, and she instinctually joined them, although her own clapping hooves were much less enthusiastic than Vinyl’s.
“See! What’d I tell ya?” she exclaimed while nudging her in the foreleg. “These guys are great! I can’t wait to see what I can come up with after tonight!”
Octavia merely nodded before sighing again.
It is simply not to be, I suppose…
As the group began to walk off the stage something, or rather somepony, caught her eye. The same stallion that had been staring at her all night was finally walking onto the stage. It took him but a few moments to walk to the other side of the stage and seat himself on the piano stool that the club had provided.
Wait, he’s going to play the piano? Then why the guitar? Or was the case simply filled with something else?
Her thoughts were interrupted again when she saw him levitate the microphone stand over to him, setting it gently by his side and adjusting it so it was level with his mouth. The movement had pulled her eyes towards his flank and she finally saw his cutie mark: A simple quarter-note that still stood out due to its bright orange color. Before she thought anymore of it the crowd began to quite and she saw him looking right at her again.
Prepared to play a love ballad for me? She thought somewhat bitterly. Fine then. Let’s see how good you are. Maybe I’ll actually give you some applause if you don’t do too badly.
As soon as she finished that thought he turned his head towards the piano. From the furrowing of his brow she could tell he had closed his eyes and he then began to test the keys, playing a few notes as if to mentally catalogue where everything was. Then he began to play…
It was only after the song ended that Octavia realized that tears were streaming down her face. She had been crying with her face frozen in shock. She had first thought the words were somehow meant to garner sympathy for him, to make her love him through pity, but soon that idea left her. The words, the tone, they were all perfect, too perfect, to what she had been feeling just moments before he walked onstage. Almost as if it was played for her. As if it was made for her.
It can’t be. How could he possibly know? He couldn’t know! Nopony could! This had to be some kind of trick! It had to be!
That was what her rational thought told her, but a part of her didn’t care. The song made her heart heavy, and it seemed as though a lump began to from in her throat that threatened to choke her to death. And yet despite the heartbreaking lyrics, the slow and depressing notes of the piano, the stallion’s gravely and passionate, yet reserved voice, she felt… relief.
Relief that someone understood, that someone had experienced what she felt before. That those feelings of sorrow and hopelessness were not unique to her, but that somewhere somepony had felt these same feelings and written them into song.
The stallion unceremoniously rose from the stool and walked off the stage, not even bowing. The crowd was stunned into silence for moments until a slow and unsteady clap of hooves began. It soon became more confident and others joined. There were no cheers, but the applause more than made up for it. Within the crowd sniffles of mares could be heard, and stallions attempting to look masculine did their best to discreetly dry their eyes.
“Hey Tavi, you ok?”
Octavia turned to look at Vinyl, her glasses removed showing off her brilliant magenta eyes, the remnants of freshly wiped tears noticeable near their edges.
“Guess that one really got you, huh?” she said with a smirk.
It wasn’t until Vinyl’s gaze shifted to right in front their table, her eyes widening in surprise, that she noticed the overlapping voices nearby.
“Excuse me sir, but could you please tell us your name?”
“Please, 500 bits a night to come back! I swear, you won’t get any offer better than that, not anywhere else!”
“Did you write that yourself or is it from some local artist where you’re from?”
Octavia turned to find herself face to face with stallion from before, standing in front of her table, gazing straight into her eyes with those suddenly intimidating dark shades. His guitar case had been slung onto his back, showing he was ready to leave. The stallions and mares questioning him seemingly nothing but background noise to him, and they were for her as well.
The stallion took off his hat and held it to his chest before dipping his head down for a curt bow. He placed the hat back upon his head after rising and said only three words:
“You’re welcome, ma’am.”
And with that he casually walked out towards the exit, the stallions and mares now questioning her about his whereabouts, hoping she would be less tightly lipped than him. But to the earth pony it was all so much background noise. Her gaze followed the mysterious blue stallion towards the double doors, and only after he had placed his hoof on it to push it open did she even consider trying to talk to him.
“Wait!” she screamed as she hopped off her chair and galloped after him, the doors closing behind him. “Please wait!” she continued as they closed just before her hooves touched them. “How could you-!?” she asked pushing them open, only to cut herself off because of what she saw:
Nothing.
She exited the club and frantically looked around in all directions for him, even in the sky despite him not being a Pegasus. But it was no use, he was gone.
How? How could he know? How could he disappear? Who-no, what was he?
“Excuse me, but do you know that stallion?”
“H-Huh?”
Octavia turned to face all the ponies from before, their overlapping questions suddenly deafening to her ears.
“Hey! Back off her!”
The voice came from the blue-maned unicorn that had been her companion for the evening, and angry look upon her face. She had left her glasses at the table and her eyes almost shone with anger.
“She doesn’t know him, now give her some room!” she yelled while trotting towards them. “If you want to know about him so bad, find him yourselves!”
The other ponies had a multitude of reactions ranging from indignant to sheepish. Some courteously apologizing, others sticking their snouts into the air before walking back inside, but all of them leaving them within moments.
“Jeez, some ponies just don’t know when to let up, huh?” she said to her friend. “You ok?”
“Y-Yes,” the earth pony finally answered, shaken from her daze.
“You sure? You haven’t even wiped your eyes yet,” she commented, gently brushing her cheek.
The physical contact sent Octavia through a swirl of emotions, but it seemed that embarrassment won out among them. Her face flushed bright red and quickly backed away from Vinyl’s hoof.
“Tavi?”
“I-I’m sorry, Vinyl. I didn’t mean to… I just…”
Octavia couldn’t finish her sentence. To have the pony she pined for touching her so gently, even if it wasn’t meant to be in an affectionate way, still sent her heart aflutter.
“Um… ok?” her friend looked at her with questioning eyes. “Look, uh, I’m gonna head back inside, so you know where to find me.”
As she walked back inside the song began to ring in Octavia’s head once more. The part about missing a chance by being too shy.
No! I won’t let that happen! Now without trying! I can’t lose her now! Move, damn you! Tell her! TELL HER!
“Wait! Vinyl please wait!” she finally shouted before dashing over to her.
“Yeah? What is it, Tavi?” the unicorn asked, turning back to her.
“I… I need to tell you something…”
“Ok? Well, let’s just go back inside and-“
“No. Please, right here. Not back there where everyone can see,” the earth pony insisted, referring to how everypony was inside a this time of night.
“Huh?”
“Vinyl, I… I…”
Say it! Just say it! SAY IT!
“Vinyl, I… Like you.” Octavia said barely above whisper. Thankfully for her, Vinyl still heard it.
“Uh, I like you too, Tavi. I sure haven’t been roommates with you all this time just ‘cause-“
“No, not like that,” she groaned. “I… I like you,” she repeated, stressing the word.
Vinyl tilted her head in confusion for a moment before her eyes shot open in surprise.
“Oh. You mean… that kind of-“
“Yes, that kind!” Octavia interrupted.
“Oh, wow, um… I don’t really know what to say to that…” the unicorn responded, still looking rather dumbfounded.
Octavia’s head fell, as did her heart.
So it wasn’t meant to be after all.
“It’s… fine,” she mumbled.
“Huh?”
“I said ‘it’s fine.’ I understand.”
Octavia slowly walked away from Vinyl, away from the club, as more tears began to form in her eyes.
The song rang in her head again, almost being prophetic about only being friends.
And that’s all I’ll ever be, apparently.
“Wait!”
Octavia stopped, seeing now that Vinyl had cut her off.
“I didn’t give you an answer, did I?” she stated.
“Huh?”
“I didn’t say no,” she stated firmly.
“Wh-What?” Octavia’s ears perked as she looked to the unicorn, hope in her eyes.
“W-Well, ya see, um…” she began, the firm tone she had before already gone. “I-I didn’t say no, but I’m not sure I’m saying yes yet. I mean, um, I’ll admit I’ve never exactly thought of looking at other mares like that, but uh, I’ve kinda thought about you once like that, and so, um…”
“Y-You’ve thought about it?” Octavia asked in surprise.
“W-Well, um, ya see,” Vinyl began, her blush already showing though her coat. “There was this one time, about a few months ago actually, when I got back late from a gig and you were asleep on the couch. You were working on a song I think, and you must’ve burnt yourself out. I got you a blanket so you wouldn’t get cold, and after I put it on you I, uh… I k-kinda, um, thought you l-looked really c-cute. I-I mean, really cute.”
Vinyl looked away while scratching the back of her head, obviously embarrassed to having admitted any of this.
“So… where does that leave us?” Octavia asked.
“I’m trying to figure that out myself,” Vinyl admitted. “I mean, I like you Tavi, and I sure don’t wanna hurt you or nothin’. But I’ve never been with a mare before. I don’t know exactly whether I’d like it or not.”
“Then maybe we should find out. Now,” Octavia boldly suggested. She took a step forward, her face Vinyl’s. “Kiss me.”
“W-What!?” Vinyl stammered.
“Kiss me,” Octavia repeated, the determination and dead seriousness of her tone was evident.
“B-But I’ve never kissed a mare before!” Vinyl protested, her voiced panicky.
“Neither have I.”
“But I- You- Ugh, oh what the hay,” Vinyl stammered before closing the gap between them.
Despite the fact that she was asking for it Octavia was still surprised as how quickly Vinyl locked lips with her. Soon both their eyes were closed and they focused on the sensation. Octavia was surprised at how gentle Vinyl was being, what with her usual tendency to just rush in do things brashly. The kiss didn’t involve any tongue, but it was still long and passionate. After more time than they could tell, or even care, the link was broken.
“Uh… Wow,” Vinyl began, somewhat dazed. “That actually felt pretty good.”
“So… where does that leave us now?” Octavia asked, hoping the situation had changed.
“Um, I’m not sure really. I’m still not entirely sure on this whole thing,” Vinyl answered. Then she placed her foreleg around Octvia’s head and began stroking her mane. “But I definitely don’t want to miss my chance at something good,” she continued with a smile. “So, is it ok if we take it slow for a little bit?”
Octavia smirked at her. “You take it slow? In all my years I’d never thought I’d hear that.”
“Hey, this is new territory for me! Besides, you’ve had longer to think this out!” Vinyl complained.
The two shared a giggle after that before speaking again.
“Yes Vinyl, we can take this slow for a bit.”
“So then… what do we do now?”
Octavia pondered that for a moment before smirking.
“Well, the performances aren’t finished yet, and if I remember correctly neither of us had finished our drinks-”
“I finished mine,” Vinyl corrected.
“-And you happened to have left your glasses inside,” she continued. “Though I don’t mind you without them, seeing as how I actually get to see your eyes for once.”
Vinyl blushed at that. “Sounds like a plan.”
The two turned to head back inside, but then Octavia stopped for a moment, turning back to the empty streets.
You knew, didn’t you? Somehow, you knew. And you really did want to help. You did help. Thank you.
And with that she continued inside.