> What is love?
>  by little big pony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> A 'Yeti' drops by
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





You’d think having a job as a princess would be great. I mean, that’s what every little filly wants to do when they get older, and if you look at how good the job looks at a quick glance, it seems really simple. To be a good princess in the storybooks, all you need is to have grace, charm, and beauty, and you’d have a kingdom that would prosper for a thousand years.



It doesn’t help that Auntie Celestia makes it look so easy. All she needs is a kind smile and a few wise words to solve any situation. Or so it seems. I knew that if anypony knew about all of the behind-the-scenes stuff that aunty needs to do just to get up, just getting up in the morning, then no pony would want to be a princess. Heck, if somepony offered them the job, they would run away screaming.



I know all of the hoops that her and Aunty Luna have to hop through. Heck, I even need to jump through the same hoops now! I mean, wouldn’t it be easier for everypony if we made just a tiny change and executed all of the nobles? I-



Oh, where are my manners, here I am dropping all of this onto your lap and I haven’t even told you my name. Allow me to introduce myself; I am Princess Mi Amoré Cadenza. But you can just call me Cadence.



Please, please please just call me Cadence, my name usually makes ponies so intimidated and I just really don’t like it. I love my mom and dad and all but you should’ve tried to spell Mi Amoré Cadenza when you were a filly; it wasn’t easy, I'll tell you.



It wasn’t easy growing up as an alicorn either. While most fillies and colts were outside playing, I had to deal with nobles that tried to control me, an overprotective aunt that used every little opportunity to groom me for the throne, and the seemingly endless tide of teachers that taught me everything from magic to history to how to correctly use a salad fork.



You might not think it, but a salad fork is surprisingly hard to use properly…



But I’m getting off topic, you’re not here to hear me talk about salad forks, you’re here for something important, I’m sure, and we will get to it as soon as possible…



As soon as I finish venting; you don’t know how nice it is to have somepony to just talk to for a change!



Now, I can’t go saying that my life was bad; I had the best food, housing, and education that money could buy. It was just a little too…. Much.



You should have seen Auntie’s face when I asked her if I could get a job so I could pay for my own things! I really wish she would have let me apply for that job at Big Buck, but my babysitting job couldn’t have gone better! I got my knight in shining armor, and a country to call my own and everything!



Yay me…



It isn’t like Shiny and I are practically losing our minds trying to run the Crystal Empire, which is completely different economically, traditionally, and culturally than Equestria is. I mean, these crystal ponies think leaching is the most advanced form of medicine!



But I still can’t help but admire my little ponies. The crystal ponies, even after the rule of Sombra, are still a strong, hard-working group. You wouldn’t believe how quickly they’ve started to adapt to our modern way of life, and how they’ve embraced me as their ruler. I’ve never seen a harder working, or a more loving, group of ponies in my life. It makes me proud to call myself their princess.



So proud that I’m sitting here in my office going through mountains of paperwork that may or may not improve their lives.



“I wonder if I can get one of those stamp thingies with my signature on it,” I muttered as I did a little spin in my wheelie chair. With as much flourish as I could muster after ten hours of bucking doing this, I signed the next paper.



“And that’s all I’m doing for the day!” I muttered, reading the papers title. “‘The proclamation of the solicit overuse of ice cream and the consumption of such by the nobles’? What the buck did I just sign?” Reading down the paper a little bit I couldn’t help but feel my eye twitch. “…Did I just sign a law that controls the use of ice cream? What th-”



“Your majesty, your majesty!” I heard somepony shout from my door, which was followed by rapid knocking.



Ooh, maybe something interesting is happening! I gleefully thought as I hopped up from my chair and trotted over to my door. Hopefully this will get me away from looking back over my paperwork! Composing myself, I gently opened my door to see the panicked face of one of my personal guards, the very adorable and kinda awkward Flash Sentry.



“Cadence, uhrm, I mean your majesty, come quickly,” the stallion said with panic in his voice, “Prince Shining Armor has found a Yeti in the diamond district!”



I grimaced in disgust and confusion at the mention of Yetis. Large, hairy, three-eyed creatures that enjoyed cruelty and the arctic conditions outside my kingdom with equal measure, the ape-like demons were hated and feared by my crystal ponies for the part they had played in their slavery to Sombra.



Something wasn’t right though; the Yetis couldn’t pass through the barrier that the crystal heart provided, as with Sombra. “Are you sure, Flash Sentry?” I asked, fearing that the barrier was weakening.



The stallion scrunched up his nose, in that adorable way he always did when he was thinking hard. “…I don’t know your majesty,” he said slowly. “What we found really doesn’t look like a Yeti. I mean, it doesn’t have three eyes and it can talk and stuff like that, um, Ma’am.”



Resisting the urge to pinch the stallion’s cheek, I trotted past him. “Do the guards have the creature, whatever it is, contained?” I asked as I motioned for him to lead the way.



Trotting in front of me, I couldn’t help but notice Flash twitch nervously. “Um… kinda,” he said.



I raised an eyebrow as we exited the castle. “How do you mean, Flash?” I asked as he looked nervously looked back at me.



“I mean, we have it tied up and everything, but it’s really not happy,” he showed me his hoof, which had a rather nasty bite on it. “It’s attacking anypony that gets close to it and yelling mean things at us, your majesty. We can’t get close enough to move it.”



I frowned at the information as we walked down the sapphire district toward where most of the businesses were, going through an alleyway to get to the diamond district. “Why didn’t Shining just use his magic to lift the creature?” I couldn’t help but feel slight annoyance at how most of my guards were earth ponies and Pegasi. I really should of asked Aunty to lend me a few of her unicorn guards…



“Well, the Prince tried, but….”



“But?”



“He got a little too close and the creature kinda… head-butted him.”



I couldn’t help but snort. “The creature head-butted a unicorn?”



Flash nodded. “You should’ve seen it, princess, the prince got like three feet of air and-”



“LET GO OF ME FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”



We both froze as the force of whatever yelled resonated all around us. Looking up, my guard whistled.



“That’s him; boy, is he loud, huh?”



“I’ll say,” I said as we continued down the road. All around us ponies were poking their heads out of their windows and doors, looking around to see what was making all of the noise. Trying to lighten the mood, I asked, “Does it look anything like Princess Luna? Because that sounded like Luna to me.”



He didn’t laugh.



I was about to give him a real zinger, a dirty joke that Aunt Luna told me that involves three ponies and a shovel, when I spied a large group of guards circling something.



“Cadence!” Somepony shouted.



Looking around, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw my Shiny galloping toward me. Because of all of the work we were doing, me trying to modernize the country and Shining training my new continent of guards, we hadn’t really seen each other in over a week.



Nuzzling each other, I couldn’t help but eye the gauze wrapped around his head. “So, Flash Sentry says that you found a creature running around… and he head-butted you.”



My husband snorted, a hoof going to his horn. “Yeah, I found this Yeti-looking thing running around scaring ponies. It took five of us to chain the bucking thing up.” We both flinched as the creature all but roared, still trying to free itself.



Looking toward where the creature was, I squared my shoulders. “Well, I guess I better say hello huh?”



Before I could take a step forward Shiny blocked my path, shaking his head. “No, Cadence, that thing's too dangerous to get anywhere close to.”



“Shining,” I said as soothingly as I could, “I am a princess, and it is my duty to protect my ponies. Now, I’m going to go over there and have a nice little conversation with whatever that is over there; maybe enlighten it on why you don’t head-butt mare’s husband's.”



That got a chuckle out of Shining as I walked past him. “Fine,” he said, following me. “But I’m coming with you, that thing’s nuts.”



With a gentle smile, I waited for the guards to make way, and, throwing a wink Shiny's way, I walked toward a being that was on its knees, its eyes closed and a vein popping out of its head as it strained against the chains that were holding it down.



Well, ‘he’ isn’t a Yeti, I thought as I looked over the rather beaten-down looking being. He, and I’m sure that the bit of hair under his muzzle makes it a he, was hairless except a blond patch on its head and mouth.



You could tell that it had spent several days out in the outside tundra, his ears and even some of its claws blackened with frostbite. Luckily it was wearing clothes, though they were torn and dirty; he probably wouldn’t of survived the arctic cold outside my domain without the rags.



Clearing my throat loudly I looked down at the creature. “Hello,” I said with the biggest and most serene smile I could muster. “My name is-”



His eyes snapping open, revealing green eyes, the creature looked at me before groaning. “Shit,” he said, shaking his head, “You fuckers brought your freaky alien queen and she’s gonna eat me!”



“I’m not going to eat you!” I sputtered, “I’m trying-”



“You’re going to eat me or lay your freaky alien babies in my stomach and you’re going to make me a sex slave or something!”



“I-I’m not going to do any of those things!”



“Which is exactly what an alien dog thingy that lays eggs in a guy’s belly and it also has a fuck-ton of sex slaves would say!” He said, pointing a claw accusingly at me, his chains rattling.



Sputtering again I looked at Shining, who was all but growling at the creature. “Yeti,” he snarled, “Watch your tongue, you are in the pre-”



Silencing Shiny with a wing, I calmly walked over to the creature, who was staring up at me defiantly.



“Well, hurry up and get it fucking over with, but remember, I’m gonna give you the worst case of indigestion you’ve ever fuckin’ had,” he snarled, staring up at me with a furious look in his eyes.



He’s terrified, I thought as I leaned down toward the creature, who closed his eyes and squared his shoulders, probably waiting for his untimely demise. What a silly creature, didn’t he know ponies couldn’t eat meat?



He flinched as I gently nuzzled his neck in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. “It’s okay, nopony’s going to eat you.” I told him gently, using my magic to unchain him.



“Cadence, don’t-” Shining began, but I ignored him, looking down at the creature with a smile.



“Hello. My name is Cadence, Princess of the Crystal empire,” I said as the confused creature looked up at me.



With a baffled look the creature looked down at his claws, rubbing them with a grimace. “Ares,” he muttered after a minute. “My name is Ares. Thanks for busting me outta those chains. When I find that white fucker that-” he stopped, clenching his side in pain, “Boy, am I messed up, I think I have some broken ribs or something...”



He didn’t flinch this time when I nuzzled him, “Can you get up, Mr. Ares? We need to get you to the hospital. I’m sure a creature-”



“Human,” he said with a sigh, “And no I can’t get up,” He smiled bitterly. “The ol’ adrenaline seems to have run out.”



I shook my head and levitated him onto my back, motioning my guards to stand down, and starting toward the castle. “You know it would have been a lot easier if you would have just calmly spoke to my husband,” I told the human as I felt his forelimbs gently wrap around my neck. “He would have gotten you some help.”



The ‘human’ snorted. “Your husband’s that white fucker in the stupid purple armor?” Shining huffed but didn’t say anything as he followed us into the castle.



“Yes, he is. Why?”



“As soon as he saw me he started to scream something about a fuckin-”



“Do you always have to swear?” I interrupted, annoyed at Ares’s foul mouth.



I could almost see his little grin. "Sorry, I have a bad case of potty mouth; it always ran in the family."



“…Oh…  Alright…"



“Well, okay then. Now are you going to be quiet and let me finish?”



I snorted, “You know, most wouldn’t speak to a princess like that,”



This time I looked back to see him smiling. “A pretty pink princess, huh?”



I frowned. “Why are you making that sound like a joke?”



He sighed. “I’ll tell you the joke later, if this frostbite doesn’t kill me.”



“And why would your frostbite kill you, creature?” Shiny asked, now trotting side-by-side with me. “Yetis do quite well out in that cold.”



I felt Ares tiredly turn toward my husband. “First off, I’m a human, not a Yeti. I mean, you can see my ears and my fingers can’t you, Sweet Cheeks? There’s that fun stuff, then something out there bit me; that’s probably infected now,” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lift a hand. “Just look at these, as black as night; probably gonna have to cut ‘em off. I was out in that frozen hellhole for days with only a hoodie for protection; it’s a miracle that I’m still breathing.”



“So you were outside the barrier,” Shining said, accusingly. “What were you doing outside?”



I felt Ares lean himself onto me more. “Look Susan-”



“It’s Shining Armor.”



“Whatever, ‘Becca, all I remember was walking back to my dorm. I blinked and I was in the fucking arctic.”



“Language, Ares, language,” I chided gently as we turned the corner toward the hospital ward that was in the castle.



“So you aren’t from around here?” Shining asked.



“No Alice, I’d know if I lived around a bunch of alien dog-”



“Ponies; we’re ponies,” I corrected.



I felt Ares stifle a chuckle. “Ponies huh? I guess you kinda look like one.”



“You have ponies-”



“And we’re here!” I brightly said, looking up at Shiny. “Shiny, could you get Doctor Stitcher please?”



Grumbling, my husband did as he was asked, walking in a different direction as I carried the human into the empty ward and gently put him on a bed. Now, seeing the poor creature really up close with no fight left in him, he looked almost shrunken, his skin pale with bluish lips and bags under his eyes.



Placing a blanket over him I said, “Don’t worry, Ares, we have a very good doctor from Canterlot,” he snorted weakly, closing his eyes, but I just ignored him and continued, “She’ll fix you right up.”



“He attacked me,” Ares muttered tiredly. “That husband of yours took one look at me and charged me. As soon as I dropped him I had fifty of those armored horses--”



“Ponies,”



“--Ponies, sticking spears in my face and throwing chains on my back. I would have said something if they hadn’t attacked first.”



Frowning at that little bit of information, I gently nuzzled him again. “I’m sorry if-”



Ares waved my apology away. “It’s fine. Your guys attacked me, I probably gave your hubby a concussion; as far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”



“Are you always going to be difficult?” I asked with a huff, levitating a chair over to myself and plopping down.



Ares cracked open an eye to stare at me. “Don’t you have some princess shit to do, or something?” He said, ignoring my frown at his language.



With a dainty wave of my hoof I got comfortable in my chair. “Actually, because of you I don’t have to go over boring paperwork, and it’s nice to talk to somepony, even if it’s some odd creature that likes to talk,” I told him with a giggle.



The human snorted. “You should be thanking me for kicking your boy’s ass then.” He looked down at his blackened claws with a grimace. “It’s crazy, I can’t feel my hands but I can still move ‘em. It’s really gonna suck losing these fingers.”



I patted him on the side. “Don’t worry, we can fix those ‘fingers’. The doctor’s a unicorn, and she knows what she’s doing. If I had to guess you’ll be out in a day or two, then we can get you home.”



Instead of comforting the creature like I thought it would, it just made him snort. “Talking ponies, unicorns, and a super doctor that also happens to be a unicorn? I’m really not in Kansas anymore…” He looked back down at me. “Princess-”



“Please, Ares, you aren’t one of my subjects. You can just call me Cadence.”



“Whatever you say, Candy,” he said with a little smirk.“So, what is this place called again? The Crystal?-”



“I’m not going to answer your questions until you start acting a little-”



“Less like a dick?” Ares helpfully said with a grin, making my eye twitch.



“Not the language that I would’ve used-”



“Look, Candy, you don’t look like a babysitter, so-”



“Actually, I was a babysitter when I was younger.”



That caused the human to blink. “Really? Next you’ll tell me you were a librarian.”



I shook my head. “No, but my sister-in-law Twilight is.”



Nodding slowly, Ares closed his eyes again. It looked like he had fallen asleep in the silent, silent room…..



It wasn’t long before I finally snapped, “Weren’t you going to ask me a question?”



The human gave me a smug smile, his eyes still closed. “Oh, can’t Candy take a little bit of silence?” He asked teasingly.



I crossed my hooves. “Are all humans so talkative?” I snipped. “Could you just ask the question?” I exasperatedly said, Ares’s smile fading from his face.



Sighing, he muttered, “I’m sorry, Princess, I’m just tired. I'm a bastard when I'm tired,” He let out a little weak snort. “Here I am talking to some alien pony… Here I am poking fun at an alien pony, and all I can think of is how nice it is to be warm again.” He chuckled. “Boy, am I shitty ambassador for mankind,”



Keeping my thoughts about him calling me an alien to myself, I unfurled a wing and wrapped it around the human’s ‘hand’, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I think you’re doing a pretty good job; I mean, I was way worse the first time I-” I stopped as the heard the sound of multiple hoofsteps coming toward us.



“Well, it looks like the doctor’s finally coming!” I said as brightly as I could, tucking my wing back into my body and turning to see my husband and an orange unicorn walking side-by-side, three nurse fillies trailing behind them. “Hello Dr. Stitch!” I said to the rather stern looking pony that levitated a clipboard over.



“Dr. Stitcher, if you would, Princess,” The mare said in that professional, and slightly annoying, voice of hers. “Your husband has a mild concussion, by the way; please make sure that he doesn’t sleep tonight. Now, is this the ‘creature’?”



Without another word the doctor swept past me, looking Ares up and down, the human looking down at her with a small grin. “What’s up Doc?”



Ignoring him, the doctor brought the clipboard right to her face and started to frantically write. “Hm, it seems like the creature can speak; maybe it mimics ponies voices, like parrots can,” she muttered to herself.



“Yes he can,” Ares said, “So you’re a-”



“It appears to be a biped, hairless with five appendages at the base of-”



I cleared my throat loudly, “Um, doctor,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes when she huffed at me. “Ares here needs to be healed; I think your analysis can wait.” Canterlot ponies, I thought as the doctor rolled her eyes, walking over to the side of the bed to stare at Ares muzzle-to-muzzle.



Using a baby voice, the doctor said, “And what is the widdle-”



“First off, doc,” the human snapped, “your bedside manner fucking sucks. Secondly, get the fuck outta my face, your breath stinks. Third, and this is doctors in general, all of you fuckers are worthless. The nurses are the ones that do all of the work, and you dicks just write the prescriptions. So, to summarize everything, fuck you, fuck your lab coat, fuck that horn on your head, and, you know what? Fuck that ugly orange color you’re sporting there, sweetheart.”



Silence echoed throughout the ward, so I took a little opportunity to look at everypony's reactions.



Personally, I thought that the stuck-up Doctor deserved that, so I thought it was pretty good. Ares looked quite pleased with himself, despite still looking terrible. Shiny was grinding his teeth angrily; I think I need to speak to him about Ares… And finally, the nurses; all three were quietly giggling at their shocked boss.



Clapping my hooves together I said, “Well, doctor, Ares, you’ve met each other huh? Shiny, while these lovely mares help Ares, can I speak to you outside? We need to talk about a few things.”



Spinning around, I made my way to the entrance of the ward, my husband following as chaos erupted between Ares and the doctor.



Closing the door behind us, I turned to face my disgruntled husband. “Shiny,” I said, “Could you tell me what happened with you and Ares?”



He snorted, “I already told you Cadence, that thing attacked me,” He rubbed his head gently. “So now I have a concussion. That thing needs to get thrown into the dungeons.”



Feeling a headache coming on, I sighed before calmly saying, “Shiny, I don’t care who attacked who, you saw how he looked. He must have been out there for days and he was hurt and hungry, so I can understand why he would of done it. Did you hear him ramble? The poor dear must be terrified; that or he missed talking to somepony. I can also understand why you did it,” I nuzzled him. “When was the last time you had a good sleep?”



Shiny looked at me, letting out a tired sigh and slumping down. “I attacked him first,” he whispered in shame. “I thought he was a Yeti so I charged him…”



I laid a wing over top of him. “We’ll come back tomorrow, and you can apologize,” he nodded, standing back up. I gave him a sly wink. “You know, Shiny~” I purred, “The doctor said that you couldn’t sleep tonight, and I have just the thing to keep you awake~”



I’ve never seen a stallion’s face change from depressed to happy so fast as he sped away toward our bedroom. “ComeonCadenceletsgo!” He shouted over his shoulder as I giggled.



“I’ll be there in a second,” I called to him, trotting back into the ward to see Ares bathed in a magical glow, Doctor Stitch frowning in concentration as she healed him.



“Almost… there…” she grunted to the nurses behind her, each of the white fillies pushing carts toward the bed. “And, done.” Cutting the magic off she wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “Creature, you were quite injured,” she said to the human, who weakly snorted, his eyes closed.



“Step on a Lego, Doc,” he muttered, before struggling to open an eye to look up at her. “Am I supposed to feel like a bucket of smashed assholes right now?”



She grunted, straightening her lab coat. “The spell I used to heal you was a general regeneration 
formula, since I don’t know what the hay you are,”



“Not a doctor...doc, use the baby words,” Ares blinked, “Wait, you guys have magic?”



Rolling her eyes the doctor said, “Yes, we do have magic, Mr Ares. And to put it in a way you’ll understand, the spell forces your metabolism to accelerate your healing, which is why you feel like a ‘bucket of smashed assholes’, as you put it,” She motioned for the nurses forward and they swarmed the poor human, offering him food, extra blankets, or asking if the sweetie needed anything or if he was uncomfortable.



I couldn’t help but smile before turning around with a pep in my step. I had kinda finished my paperwork for the week, I had met and sort of befriended a strange creature, and it was because of the creature that I was going to have a little fun time with my husband.



All in all it turned out to be a pretty good day.


> You sure you guys aren't part dog?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, hello again, how was your night?

That's wonderful, and thank you for asking, my night was fine.

I’m sorry about bothering you with my little story the other day…

But…

Since you’re still here, would it be okay if I kept telling you it? I promise that it’s still really interesting; I mean it has an honest-to-goodness alien in it for crying out loud! I promise we’ll get to what you wanted to talk about the other day after I spin you my little yarn.

Now where was I?...



The morning after I met the alien known as Ares I was more tired than usual, the product of mine and Shiny’s little ‘stay up all night’ party. You’d think a concussion would slow a stallion down, but with Shiny, you would be wrong, Oh so wrong.

So as the two of us walked down the hallway to The Ward to see how Ares was faring I had a teeny tiny bit of trouble walking, something I’m sure Shiny was pretty proud of. My said husband looked over to me, a big smile on his muzzle, and said while giving me a gentle nuzzle, “Thanks for staying up with me, Cadence,” he tenderly rubbed his head with a hoof, “Staying up all night plus an alien staying a few doors down from us is a little much for anypony to deal with alone.”

A nuzzled him back, a mischievous smile on my muzzle. “Who wouldn’t spend the night baby-makin’ with a hot piece of flank like yourself?” I asked, enjoying his blush. Shiny was always easy to tease with a little dirty talk, something that I always liked to do to him when we were alone. What I also saw though that, along with the blush, was a little bit of pain on his face, and I knew it wasn’t because of his concussion.

You see, for many months now after we had gotten married, Shiny and I had tried to have a foal. It was something that the both of us wanted more than anything in the world and something we haven’t been able to do. Though it wasn’t for a lack of trying, I can tell you.

We tried different positions, eating certain foods, rubbing loads of different silly concoctions on ourselves, anything that could help us in any way but for some reason, Shiny’s seed never took, something that bothered us so much that we’ve been thinking about seeing doctor Stitch about it. In retrospect, that probably should have been done first.... I can still remember how bad those skunk berries smelled when I rubbed them onto my flank.

That smell still gives me nightmares.

With a gentler nuzzle I murmured, “Don’t worry, Shiny,” I said as soothingly as I could, “The baby will come at its own time.”

The stallion almost deflated at this, an unsure look on his face. “Mom and dad keep harping on me for a grandfoal,” he said, almost whispering, “You know how traditional they are. Dad told me the other day that we should've had at least two foals already.”

I giggled at that, Mr. Sparkle was always a joker; he was also the easiest Sparkle to get along with. Mrs. Sparkle was the one that you had to watch out for; she had hounded me about dating her son for months, even though I was a princess; she didn't think I was good enough for her 'special boy'. The hounding wasn’t as bad as the questions though, questions that I do not believe I will tell you for both our sakes.

She warmed up to me in the end though, kinda.

At least she doesn't glare at me when we're in the same room together... Often.

“Hey, as soon as we have the first one I’m sure I’ll be popping them out until we have a castle full of crying babies keeping us up all night instead of monsters or dark overlords or aliens," I said, getting a chuckle from him as we turned a corner.


“We could still ask the doctor to take some blood work…” Shiny mused, seemingly still worried, looking up at me with a little bit of concern on his face.

“If you want, Shiny, “I said, “We’ll just see how Ares is doing first.”

Shiny soured at the human’s name, making me roll my eyes. “I still think we should have put that thing in the dungeons,” he muttered angrily.

“Now, Shiny,” I chided, “Remember that he’s terrified about everything that’s going on and needs our help, so you be nice.”

Shiny snorted. “Can’t you just tell the princesses that we found an alien in our borders? Let them take care of him?”

I had thought about that the other day but neglected to send a letter yet because of a few things that worry me. Aunty Celestia and Luna, though very caring ponies, might not like the notion of an alien popping up in their niece’s country unexpectedly. The kind of not liking that involves alicorns in battle armor and wielding war hammers that could crush an alien in one swing.

Another good reason is because of my favorite sister-in-law, Twilight. The princesses might insist that she come to see him, along with maybe a legion of Canterlot guards. Just the thought of that little purple filly meeting a new creature, an alien, one that she can study and do lots of other sciencey things to, things that Ares probably wouldn’t appreciate, gives me the mental picture of my castle on fire.

The final reason was the simplest; I didn’t think the human was well enough to travel to Canterlot, if he would willingly travel to Canterlot at all, something that my aunt’s might insist that he do. Being exposed to the elements for as long as he was needs a bit of time for recovery, even if he was mostly healed with magic.

Was I making the right choice? Well we would find out after he recovered.

Shiny might be right after all and Ares was some super death alien that was sent here to destroy us all with his laser eyes!  But then SuperMare would-

Oh, hehe sorry, I’ve been reading too many comics lately. 


But, for now, I would keep Ares my little secret, at least until he got a little better or I couldn’t figure out how to get him home.

“Come on, Shining,” I said encouragingly, “We have an alien all to ourselves. Doesn’t that excite you just a little bit? Think of what we can learn from him!”

Shiny snorted again. “That thing’s dangerous, Cadence,” he said, “We should tell your aunts.”

I waved a hoof dismissively. “If we can’t figure out how to send him home or if he’s too dangerous I’ll tell them, but until then he’s our guest. We're two capable adults, I think we can handle an alien that's too weak to even stand up.  Now come on, let’s see if he’s awake yet,”

“Or if he's eaten anypony,” Shiny muttered, making me bump my flank into his as we entered The Ward, and as we walked over to where Ares's bed was I saw the most adorable thing I think I’ve ever laid eyes on.

There was Ares, still asleep from what I could tell, and for some reason, one of the nurses, also asleep, both holding each other. The mare was cuddled up against his side with a smile on her muzzle as the human held her, the two underneath a blanket.

I couldn’t help but let out a little coo. “Aww, look at that, Shining, that’s the cutest thing!” I looked down at him with a triumph smirk, “And you said he was dangerous.”

“I’m super dangerous,” Ares croaked out, his eyes still closed, the sound of his voice making me and Shiny jump. “I mean look at me, all muscle and piss and vinegar,” he finished by tiredly lifting up an arm and setting it down on top of the sleeping nurse. “Morning, Candy, Susan.”

“It’s Shining Armor!” Shiny hissed as Ares started to scratch behind the nurse’s ear, the mare happily sighing. “Why do you have that mare hostage?”

“For my evil plans to take over the world,” Ares murmured as we walked closer to his bedside. “As soon as I stop feeling so bad I’ll make her into a nuke or a machine gun or something.”

I blinked at the human, who had not even sworn once, something that I had thought was commonplace for him. “Ares, are you feeling alright? I thought the doctor fully healed you.”

“I thought I did too,” a voice said from beside us, Doctor Stitch seemingly appearing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Shiny jump that high ever, heck, I probably almost touched the ceiling myself.

“Sweet Faust, Doctor Stitch,” I said, a hoof going to my rapidly beating heart, “Didn’t anypony ever tell you that it’s rude to sneak up on others?”

Ignoring and brushing past us, the doctor carefully looking over the IV’s attached to the human’s arms. “Yes, yes, yes Mr. Ares, you are an odd one.”

“Don’t you have a golf game to get- Ow! Don’t pull that!”

I looked from Ares to the doctor, a look of concern on my face. “What do you mean Doctor? Did something happen with his procedure?” I really hoped that wasn’t the case, accidentally crippling Equestria’s first alien wouldn’t be good for anypony.

To my relief the doctor shook her head. “No, the procedure went perfectly, it’s just how his body went about the-”

“Christ, doc, quit beating around the bush and tell them before I pass out from boredom,” Ares whined quietly, the doctor giving him a dirty look.

“Mr. Ares's body here,” She punctuated herself by pointing at Ares with a hoof, “Is affected by magic far differently than the average ponies body. When I used my healing spell on him, instead of the magic instantly healing all of his ailments like it would a normal pony, the magic seeped into his body and through him very slowly.”

I blinked at that. “So…”

The Doctor adjusted her glasses before continuing, “So, Mr. Ares had the very unpleasant experience of feeling his body slowly fixing itself.”

Even Shiny couldn’t help but look a little concerned at that. “Ouch.”

Ares chuckled emotionlessly. “It hurt so bad I couldn't even scream.”

“When I found out what was happening I had to drain the magic out of the spell; If I hadn’t, he would of died from the sensory overload.”

Ares snorted. “You mean one of the nurses noticed me writhing around in my bed and told you.”

The doctor didn’t even blink as she ignored Ares. “So the human now has to naturally let all but his hands heal, that or until I can figure out a way to speed up the process without killing him.”

With that we all lapsed into silence, each of us thought over the gravity of what the Doctor said.

That is until Ares asked, “Hey, doc, you went to medical school right?”

The doctor blinked at the odd question but nodded. “Yes.”

“And I guess you know a lot about ponies right?”

“...Yes,”

Humming Ares finally opened an eye to look down at the sleeping nurse who was sleepily nuzzling him. “Alright, then you should be able to answer me this teeny, tiny question that I’ve been wondering since I’ve gotten a look at all of you alien pony thingy’s.”

We all leaned in curiously, “And that question is?...”

“Are you sure you guys aren’t part dog?”

I guess it was my fault thinking that the human was going to ask something important, but hey, I usually think the best about ponies.

“What?!” The doctor squawked as mine and Shiny’s jaws hit the floor at the insulting question.

The human shushed her, an irritated but tired look on his face. “We got some people trying to sleep here, Doc, use your inside voice.”

“How can you ask a question like that?! We ponies are in no way related to dogs!” The doctor whispered/yelled as Ares continued to calmly scratch the nurse’s ear.

“No need to get your panties in a bunch, I was just asking you a simple question. I mean, look at you guys, you're adorable and soft and furry, like a dog. I mean look at this,” he started his scratching lower and lower until he reached the nurses stomach, where he started to gently rub it. As soon as Ares continued his scratching the nurse let out an adorable little coo, slowly kicking her legs out from underneath the blanket as she cuddled closer to the smiling human.

“See? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…”

The doctor started to grind her teeth so hard I thought she was going to crack them. “We are ponies, not dogs, Mr. Ares.”

Ares smile grew a little wider at that. “Aw, is the widdle doctor angwy? Does she need a widdle belly scratch too?”

That was when I decided to step in; I didn’t want to see the first alien beaten to death after all. “Um Doctor Stitch?” I flinched when the mare's twitching eye turned toward me. Leaning I whispered into her ears about the blood work, not wanting Ares to hear.

She almost immediately collected herself, clearing her throat before saying, “Yes, of course, Princess, if you and Prince Shining would sit on one of the beds I’ll get everything ready.”

As she left I gave Ares a disapproving look. “You know if you keep that up she’s going to kill you right?”

Ares looked over at me as Shiny and I shared a bed right next to him, Shiny still looking upset. “Don’t worry, Candy,” he said as he hugged the nurse closer to himself, closing his eyes again. “If the doc wanted to kill me she could have just let her spell do it. Between you, me, and Tina over there,” Shiny snorted at this, “I think the doctor loves it.”

I shook my head as I stared concerningly at him. “Ares, let me be the first to apologies about what the doctor did to you, even if it was unintentional.”

Ares took so long to answer that I thought he went back to sleep. “You didn’t know your magic stuff would do that.” He lifted one of hands and wiggled his now pinkish fingers at me. “At least it fixed my hands,” he then dropped his limb onto the nurse, now playing with her mane.

“Creature,” Shiny finally piped up, “You didn’t answer my question.”

“And what question is that, Sadie?”

Shiny poked a hoof to the nurse, though Ares eyes were closed and he didn't see it. “Why do you have that nurse in your bed?”

Ares shook his head tiredly. “No idea, I just woke up and she was there. I must have snatched her up in the middle of the night,” he let out a quiet hum, “She is really warm though, really warm and soft, kinda like a big adorable teddy bear. And I am still cold. The way I see it, it's a win-win for the two of us.”

“You will let her go when she wakes up,” Shiny commanded.

The human snorted. “She’s been awake for the past five minutes, Elizabeth.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as the nurse stiffened, her white face becoming beat red as she tried to look like she was still sleeping.

“I could feel your heart-beat going faster, nursey,” Ares said, still playing with her mane, “You heard, Betty, you can go and leave me cold and cuddleless if you want to, I’m not gonna stop you. Heck, I don’t think I’m strong enough to stop you.”

“Stop teasing the nurse, Ares,” I said as the nurse buried her head under Ares arm, though she didn’t get out of the bed.

“Yes, mom,” He cheekily said.

“You know creature, for an ‘alien’ you seem to be taking everything well,” Shiny said almost accusingly as he glared at the human.

“Anna,”

“MY name is Shining Armor, Shining Armor,”

“And my name isn’t creature tough guy; you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. So as I was saying Susan,” He seemed to shrink a little bit, “Magic, alien ponies, Yeti’s? I promise you; if I wasn’t so damned tired right now I would probably be losing my mind,”

I clopped my hooves together happily. “Hey look at you, Ares,” I said, “We’ve been talking all this time and that was your first swear word!”

Shiny looked like he was about to say something about that when one of the other nurses appeared. “Prince Shining,” she said after bowing, “Doctor Stitcher, could you follow me, please? The doctor decided that it would be best if she had your bloodwork done in a cleaner,” she narrowed her eyes at Ares, who stuck his tongue out at her, “Environment.”

“Go, Shiny,” I said, giving him a nuzzle, “I’ll just talk to Ares until it’s my turn.”

“Aw, is Mary here for an STD test?” Ares asked, a big smile on his face as Shiny walked past him. “Hope it goes well.”

As Shiny went out of sight Ares looked at me and saw my scowl.  “Aw, come on, Candy, don’t give me that look; he’s too easy to rile up,”

“He’s trying to be nice, Ares,” I chided, getting off the bed and walking over to him. “The least you can do is try the same.”

With a sigh the human nodded. “You’re right, that was pretty shitty of me. I’ll apologize when he comes back out,” He smiled at my look of disbelief. “I'm not always a bastard, Candy. Look, I promise I'll make amends with your boy. So, how’s, Candy.” He asked, trying to turn the conversation.

I snorted. “Fine, thank you, Ares,”

“Good, good,” he murmured, shaking his head slowly.

I was about to continue the conversation when I heard what sounded to be a large mob of angry ponies outside The Ward. Oh crud, what now? I thought with a groan, turning around to see an actual mob of ponies, no joke, they had pitchforks and everything, coming towards us with what I guessed to be malicious intent.

As the crowd came within a hoof’s distance put myself between the mob and Ares, who had the common sense to fully cover the nurse with his blanket. Drawing myself up to my full height and giving them my best smile, I said, “Oh, hello my little ponies, might I ask what is going on here?” My ears flattened against my skull as dozens of angry questions were shouted at me until a mare broke off of the group and walked up to me, the group becoming eerily quiet as she cleared her throat.

Bowing, the mare said, “Your highness, we heard that a Yeti had entered the kingdom, we have come to slay it,” the group agreed with this, rattling their collective weapons. “You may be our princess, but we will not allow one of those creatures refuge here, not after what they did to us with the tyrant.”

Though my face showed serene figurehead-ness I was quietly screaming on the inside. “Now my subjects-”

“Give us the creature, princess!” somepony in the crowd shouted, the mob loudly agreeing with them.

“Candy, move outta the way for Christ sakes, I wanna see the pony mob,” Ares croaked out, the crowd jumping at the sound of his voice. “I’m not a Yeti you silly ponies. Oh, and please don’t kill me...”

“*Gasp* It talks!”

“Slay the beast while it’s weakened!”

“Kill it! Kill it with fire!”

“ENOUGH!” I roared, using the Canterlot Royal voice, my ponies shrinking under my now stern gaze. “Now listen here; Ares is NOT a Yeti,” I pointed a hoof at him, “Now, why don’t you all stop being silly and go say hello?”

The group of now nervous ponies huddled together, whispering to each other while they threw looks at me and Ares. Finally, all of the ponies nodded, making their way toward the human and dropping their weapons as I moved out of the way.

Ares watched in amusement as the group cautiously made their way over to him. The mare leader lifting a tentative hoof to poke at him. “…Say something creature,” she said as Ares cocked his head at her, “Prove to us that you were speaking earlier, it is known that Yeti's cannot speak the tongue of ponies.”

They all leaned in as he cleared his throat, “Look at you guys, all scary and adorable with your pitchforks and such.”

I snorted as the group jumped back again, only for all of them to start to start crowding the human, who slowly raised a hand. “Stay calm, stay calm,” he said, slowly reaching his hand out to the crowd, who watched the hand like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “I’m just gonna pet one of you, to show you I'm a nice and friendly guy, no need to beat me to death, there we go.”

He then very slowly reached out to play with a mare's ears, the mare looking panicked for a second before she closed her eyes and sighed happily, leaning toward his hand as the group gawked, though they didn’t move in any way to stop him.

Looking back to me Ares tiredly grinned, “I think this is the best life/death situation I’ve ever been a part of,” he turned toward the lead mare. “Miss, what's your name?” he asked, releasing the mare from his fingers, the mare letting out a little whine of dissatisfaction before she melted back into the group.

The entire group turned toward the mare, who whittled under their collective gaze before clearing her throat and saying, “I, creature, am Grape Vine.”

Humming to himself, Ares leaned his head back into his pillow and closed his eyes, “Well, it's nice to meet you Grape Vine and company, my name is Ares,” he stifled yawned, “Now I’m sure you have a whole bunch of questions, and I’d ab-so-lutely love to answer them all, but all of this excitement isn’t good for injured people, so how about I give ya’ll a reign check so I can get a little shut eye, eh?”

The ponies looked at the human, then to me. “That is reasonable, creature. Since we can see that you are not one of those creatures we will leave you to recuperate; we will be off then,” Grape Vine said, the crowd leaving The Ward quietly and calmly, just leaving me and Ares.

“Well, that went a thousand times better than I thought it was going to go,” Ares commented, seemingly surprised that he hadn’t been mobbed to death.

I nodded, giving Ares a gentle smile and walking back and sitting back onto my bed. “My little ponies really are more open-minded than many ponies I’ve known elsewhere.”

Ares groaned. “‘My little ponies’? Candy, for Christ's sake, you better not talk like that in public; that shit’s embarrassing and me and nursey are the only ones in here with you.”

I ignored the heat coming to my cheeks. “Shut up,” I muttered, throwing the pillow on my bed at him and growling as he laughed at me when I missed.

“Candy, I’ve seen blind kindergarteners throw better than you. Look at-” Ares then sat up and broke into wet, painful sounding coughing, causing the nurse, who had been still underneath the blanket the whole time, to throw off the covers and hop out of the bed, doting over the human, who tried to waved her off.

I drew closer to him, giving him a gentle nuzzle, noticing as I drew closer how pale and thin he looked. “Ares,” I said with concern, “Just calm down, you need to remember that you are nowhere near well enough to be jumping around like you are.”

“I’m *cough* not jumping *cough* I’m laying *cough*, Candy,” Ares rasped out as the nurse galloped away, muttering something about getting him some water.

“You know what I mean,” I chastised, gently rubbing his back with a hoof as his coughing fit ran its course. “You can be the big bad human when you’re all better, but for now you need to do what the doctor tells you.”

Ares didn’t answer me until the nurse came back with a glass of water, which he quickly snatched and drank in one go, carefully giving it back to her before falling back into the bed. “Piss on the doctor.”

“Ares.”

“Yes mom?”

I resisted, boy did I resist, the urge to facehoof. “Do I have to tie you down?” I growled as the nurse trotted away.

The human smiled at that. “You know, if I could think straight, I’d say something about that,” He sighed when I nuzzled him again. “Hey look, Mary’s back.”

I turned around, and smiled when I saw my Shiny along with the doctor, though I couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t heard all of the commotion that had happened. These rooms must be soundproof, I thought as Ares broke into another coughing fit.

“Mr. Ares, is there something wrong?” The doctor asked as she trotted over to the human, manually checking his temperature and pulse, frowning after she did. “Your core temperature is dropping again.”

The human hit his chest hard, trying to clear whatever was in his lungs. “Ya, I lost my cuddle buddy so I'm all cold and lonely now.”

“Oh, you mean Nurse Sweetheart? She rushed to find me. She said something about a coughing fit.”

Ares smiled as the Doctor fretted over him, pushing that little button that alerted the nurses that she needed help, you know the one. “Nurse Sweetheart? God, that’s adorable,” he said as he closed his eyes.

The doctor grunted as the nurses moved Shiny and I out of the way, throwing blankets over the human and checking his I.V.’s.

“Is he going to be alright, Doctor?” I asked as she brought out a big needle and flicked it with a hoof.

“Hum? O yes princess, as long as he’s close enough to equine anatomy that this wouldn’t kill him,” she casually replied as she pierced one of the humans I.V. bags and injected it with with whatever was in the needle.

“WHAT?!” I shouted, my wings flaring as the doctor chuckled.

“Just a little doctors humor to break the tension in the room, Princess, no need to be alarmed. I’m at least sixty-five percent sure that this wouldn’t kill him,” Dr. Stitcher said, all of us looking at her in shock  “This should stabilize him and clear up that cough.” 

I think Ares voiced what we were all thinking. “Doc, seriously, and I mean this with all my heart, fuck your doctors humor..”

Shining snorted, getting over the shock like the rest of us. “There’s the foul-mouthed creature I know.”

Ares looked at him, looking oddly guilty, “Look, Shining-”

“Oh, so the creature knows my name?”

Ares grimaced at this as I stayed quiet; they needed to settle this out themselves. “Look, I know we had a pretty rough start yesterday; I head-butted you, you tried to horn me to death, and some words were said. How about we bury the hatchet and start over,” he raised a hand toward Shiny, “Come on, I’ll even promise to keep down the language, what do ya say?”

Shiny looked at Ares then to me before grumbling, walking over and shaking the humans hand. “Fine.”

I smiled. “There you two go! You always complain about not having enough guy friends, Shiny. You spend a little more time together and I can tell the two of you will be the best of friends!” The two grumbled as they broke the hand/hoof shake.

I looked at the nurse beckoning me. “Well it looks like it’s my turn.”

Shiny nodded. “Alright honey, I think I’m going to go lay down for a while, My heads starting to hurt again,” he said, giving me a peck on the cheek and walking away.

As I turned to go with the nurse and the doctor I couldn’t help but notice the nurse from before hopping under the covers with Ares, the human smiling while he said, “Silly dog-ponies, you can't hide your pony-dogness from me."



…



Shining walked back to his room in a foul mood. He had a gut feeling that the alien was lying, that it was trying something funny, and that it should not be trusted.

“Sorry honey,” he muttered as he used his magic to levitate paper and ink over to himself. “But you are wrong.”



Dear Princess Celestia,
…
> Of letters and Playmare's
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello there again, now how about we get to what you needed huh? You’ve already been such a dear and I don’t want to take up any more of your time.

…Are you sure? The other day you didn’t look like you wanted to hear my little story at all....

Is this because you want to hear what happens to Ares when he meets my aunts? Yes, he does meet them.

Fine, why don’t you sit down and get comfortable then, because I’m going to tell you one of the most embarrassing and confusing situations that I have ever been in in my life…



So about a week had passed since the arrival of Ares and everything was going rather smoothly. My subjects had taken the news that they had an alien in their midst rather well, many even going so far as to all but forcing themselves into The Ward to speak or see him.

In all of the confusion I was able to finish all of my paperwork for the next few months, and I also learned that you really needed to look in the fine print if you wanted to keep the nobles from trying to pass any funny laws. I won’t go into specifics but the noble that wanted the monopoly on ice cream, realllly wanted it.

Shiny’s concussion had all but gone away and the best part of that was that the doctor had given him a stay of leave to, as she put it, “rest up”, so I had gotten to spend some much needed time with my stallion. Shiny seemed a little off though, he always seemed like he kept looking into my eyes like he was looking for something, and when I asked him about it he always changed the subject, which usually consisted of us talking about Ares.

Speaking of the human he was getting better remarkably fast as well, so much so that soon he was bothering the doctor to let him out of his bed, which she furiously refused until he had just gotten one of my little ponies, who had come to visit him, to get him a wheelchair, which he used to wheel himself out of the castle and into the market district.

How he had gotten past my guards I still don’t know and he wouldn’t tell me, simply saying, “It’s the ninja swag, Candy, the ninja swag,” What and the hay a ninja was I don’t know.

So after that little stunt he pulled, I did two things to keep Ares and the doctor from killing each other. One, I assigned Flash Sentry to guard him and to keep him out of trouble. Two, I usually tried to spend as much time with him as possible, usually bringing my paperwork with me so I could get some work done while I listened with half an ear to whatever Ares said about himself.

Some of it was just a bunch of silly stories about all of the things he did when he was little, a bit more than I would have liked was sad, and there was a lot that I was sure that he was making up. I mean, I know he’s an alien and everything, but giant machines that can carry hundreds of pony’s into the air, or a little thing that connects you to anypony in the world?

There’s no way that stuff like that exists… Right?

Ares couldn’t even tell me how they worked, so I’m inclined to believe that what he told me was a load of horseapples.

So like I said, everything was going fine…Until it wasn’t.

Let me explain.

So there I was, in my bedroom, snuggling with my husband in our bed, when I hear this pounding on my door like whoever was knocking was trying to break down my door.

“Who and in world…” I said as I got up and walked to the door, looking at Shiny before opening the door….

…To see an armor-clad Celestia and Luna glaring down at me. Oh crud, I thought as I was lifted into the air with a squeak.

“A-aunty's! What are you two-” I flinched as I felt them slide something onto my horn.

“Be still, niece,” Luna calmly said, looking at me with an expression that was mixed between anger and pity. “We are here to aid thee.”

I sputtered. “Aid me from what?! And did you put a magic blocker on me?!”

It was Aunty Celestia who answered me. “It’s for your and our safety. Shining Armor told us about the creature that arrived in your kingdom and that he suspects that it has affected your mind,” she explained, and I couldn’t decide whether or not to be laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation or screaming my head off. It didn’t help when Shiny looked solemnly at me.

“Don’t worry, Cadence,” he said, making my eye twitch, “If there’s anything wrong with that creature the princesses will put a stop to it and fix you.”

I ignored him, because if I looked at him a minute longer then I was going to really lose it, Shiny was soooo going to the doghouse for this. Grumbling, I rolled my eyes as I was levitated out of the room into the hallway to see it filled with guards and a certain purple sister-in-law of mine.

“Oh hello, Cadence! How are you doing?” Twilight cheerfully said, ignoring the legion of guards around us as I snorted.

“Fine, Twilight,” I said, glaring at my aunts. “I’ve just been jumped and gagged-”

“We did not gag thee,” Luna interrupted, but I ignored her and continued.

“-gagged me because they think Ares, somepony who can’t even walk right now, let alone mess with my head, is some world-conquering alien!”

At least aunty Celestia had the decency to look a little ashamed while Twilight gave a little nervous chuckle. “We’re just being cautious, Cadence,” she said as my aunts nodded.

“We will take in the measure of this creature,” Luna stated, her eyes hard. “If he is innocent and respectful toward us then all will be well. If not…” Her horn glowed threateningly, letting the rest sit as Celestia looked Shiny.

“Shining,” she said calmly, “Do you happen to know where the creature would be at the moment?”

My husband nodded. “Yes, it should be in the gardens right now with a Private Flash Sentry.”

It took more willpower than I care to admit to control myself as I took a shaky breath. “He. Ares is not an it,” I said without looking at him, “Aunty Celestia,” I said, turning toward the alicorn, “Could you put me down? I promise that I won’t try to take my horn inhibitor off; you can even have a guard watch me.” I didn’t want Ares to be too scared…Or do anything too dumb.

Boy did I hope that the doctor put something in his I.V. so he would be less…himself. Otherwise Aunty Luna was going to have some painful, violent words with him.

Aunty Celestia looked at me thoughtfully before gently putting me down. “Alright, Cadence,” she said as her horn glowed, encasing Twilight and Shining in a golden glow for a minute before disappearing. “Shining and Twilight should now be protected if this ‘Ares’ is able to manipulate someponies mind; they will watch you while we speak to him.”

It’s not like I have a choice, I sorely thought as we walked toward the guards, Aunty Celestia ordering the guards to stay where they were. Our little group would have stayed in silence if Twilight hadn’t broken it.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” She all but squealed, something I would have found adorable if I wasn’t so angry at the moment. “I can’t believe we get to meet a real live alien,” she turned toward me, a big smile on her muzzle, which made me smile a little as we entered the garden, to a not-so-hopeful sound.

“Come on, Flash, just look at this thing,” a voice that sounded a lot like Ares loudly said.

I could hear the rattle of armor. “No, you get that away from me you weirdo! I mean how can you look at that?”

“What? I asked for reading material and the doctor was helpful enough to provide it.”

“But it’s weird!”

“Well you’re weird, ya silly dog-pony.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“You stop yelling, I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you’re screaming at me like a nutjob.”

Ares is going to die, I thought as we finally spied the human, who was in his wheelchair, under a tree with a blanket wrapped around him. The closer we got the more tense my aunt’s became as I rolled my eyes at the display, squinting at the human and seeing the pair of IV’s that were always around him, along with a magazine that I couldn’t make out.

It was Flash Sentry, who looked really red in the face, who finally noticed us, the stallion quickly bowing, trying to keep his helmet from falling off as he said, “Your Highnesses, it’s really neat that your- I mean it’s an honor to be in your presence and-”

“That’s enough, soldier,” Shiny said as Ares looked up from his magazine to stare at our little group, cocking his head curiously.

“Morning, ladies,” he said, scrunching his face up in thought. “Or is it afternoon? Hey Flash, what time is it?”

The stallion looked up from his bowing to stare at the human in panic. “Ares,” he hissed, “You need to bow to the princesses!”

Ares stared bemusedly at him. “Flash, I’m in a wheelchair, please explain to me how I would do about doing that.”

“Well you can at least try!”

The human snorted, closing his magazine and putting it on his lap. “Put a sock in it and push me over to all of these princesses; watch the IV’s this time you dummy,” Grumbling, Flash got behind Ares and pushed him within hoof length as he stared at aunty Celestia and Luna intently.

“…So, what are you two the princesses of?” He asked, making the two blink.

“Pardon?” Celestia politely asked as she looked down at the human.

Ares waved a hand around. “You know,” he pointed over to me. “Candy over here is the ‘Princess of love’, so what are you guys?” Though my aunts couldn’t see it, I had my head in my hooves. He’s going to really die, I thought as I saw what the human had been reading.

Because Ares had somehow gotten his hands on what looked to be a Playmare. I’ll repeat that for you in case you weren’t listening, Ares, in front of the most powerful ponies in the world, had a smutty magazine sitting right on his lap unconcealed.

Thankfully though, nopony else had noticed it yet, so there was a chance I could snag it.

Finally, after looking shocked for a few moments, Aunt Luna said, “We, creature, are Princess Luna, ruler of the night.”

“I am Princess Celestia, the controller of the sun, Mr. Ares,” Aunt Celestia said in a slightly guarded tone, though she didn’t look as serious as before as the human looked at them slightly awed.

He leaned out of his chair a little to inspect the alicorns. “Your hair’s really neat; do you have some kind of antigravity shampoo or something?” He asked Aunt Celestia, who looked down at the human with bemusement.

I couldn’t help but grin a little as I saw Aunt Celestia’s face. Though she had the best poker face I’ve ever seen and it took a lot to rile her up, I could see the beginnings of an eye twitch as Ares continued.

“So, the princesses of the sun and the night huh, that’s really neat, way better than what Candy rules over there.”

I couldn’t help but squeak at that as I ascended on the human. “And what is wrong with being the princess of love?” I demanded as Ares snorted.

“You can’t rule an emotion, Candy,” the human argued as he poked a finger into my chest. “Even if you could, controlling love is dumb, you should be messing with madness or happiness or something like that. Look at the other princess,” he jerked a thumb toward my aunts. “Ruling the Night? That’s awesome,” he blinked slowly before looking back at me, frowning slightly.

“The doctor must have put something weird in my IV or something; I usually don’t ramble like this. You know she gave me a Playmare?” I swatted the smut away as Ares showed it to me, a sour look on my face.

“Playmare? What month is the edition, creature?” We all turned toward Luna, who was looking at the human straight-faced.

Ares looked at Luna before picking up the magazine and looking at the cover. “Eh… This month’s I think…”

Luna smiled, walking up to him and looking at the Playmare. “May we partake in the viewing?”

Ares shrugged, opening the smut back up and waving the princess closer, “Sure, but could you take that crazy battle-helmet off? It’s kinda throwing me off.”

Aunty Luna stuck a hoof into the air, “Huzzah!” She said before sitting behind the human and he cracked it open.

“Is this happening?” Shiny finally asked as I dragged a hoof across my face.

“Ares,” I asked, slowly. “Could you please tell me why you’re reading a magazine that’s made for mares?”

“Morbid curiosity,” he answered, turning the magazine and pulling out the elongated paper out. Luna gasp and Ares whistled.

“Jesus, what do you guys eat? You could knock a bitch out with that thing.”

“Oh my, he is… adequate, very adequate.”

…There’s no way this can be real. I’m sure if I close my eyes I’ll wake up in my bedroom, I thought as I calmly looked around, seeing a red-faced Twilight and Flash Sentry, an angry-looking Shiny, and Aunt Celestia who’s horn glowed gently, taking away Ares magazine.

“Mr. Ares,” she said slowly, walking up to the human, who looked up at her. “Do you know why we are here?”

“I couldn’t say, ma’am,” the human answered, looking into the princesses eyes. “I’m no private eye or anything, but the armor throws up some red flags.”

She smiled. “My sister and I are merely here to see because we received a letter that you might be controlling my niece.”

Ares looked past the princess to look at Shining. “Shining,” he said calmly, “I understand where you’re coming from, protecting your women and all, but in the interest of my self-preservation, go get fucked by the Kool-aid man.”

He looked at both Celestia and Luna as Shiny stiffened slightly. “So, you’ve seen me.”

“Yes,” Celestia replied, “But we haven’t seen you.”

That made him smile as he reached up and touched her mane. “That’s really neat,” he muttered, “You know, Princess, I’m gonna play with your ears before this is over, maybe make you or your sister my cuddle-buddy.”

The princess gave him a little smile as she slowly drew her head away from him. “Oh, really?”

“Yep, but if we’re going to do the whole cuddle thing I think I’m gonna gun for you, you look a lot warmer than your sister.”

“I am bigger.”

“You are… Celly,” We all stiffened at the name, “Are you messing with my head?”

She cocked her head at him, “What makes you think that?”

He scrunched his face at her, still not breaking their gaze. “It feels like someone’s clawing around up there. It might be me but I think it’s a little weird you’re looking deeply into my peepers, it kinda looks like you wanna make out with me.”

Before any of us could say anything Aunty Celestia raised a wing, still looking at the human. “You know, Mr. Ares, I think you’re a bit smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

“Whatever you say, Princess,” he answered, “You know I head-butted Shiny over there.”

“I know, he told us when he sent it in the letter.”

“Can I have my magazine back?”

“In a minute, I’m enjoying this little talk; it’s not every day that somepony talks to me like this.”

Ares shivered a little bit, pulling the blanket over himself tightly. “I don’t see why not, in fact, if I could get up I’d try to play fetch with you. Boy would you look adorable with a stick in your mouth.”

Luna let out a little giggle, “You are an odd one creature, but thou have good taste in literature.”

“Danke schoen, so what are you two gonna do to me? I’m pretty tired of this beating around the bush nonsense.”

Celestia hummed, “You don’t seem evil, Mr. Ares, so we will let you be, but I would still like you to come with us to Canterlot while we find a way to get you home.”

Ares hummed, “I’ll think about it if you let me see Shining’s letter, I wanna see what he wrote.”

The princesses looked at each other, and then at Shiny, whose shoulders squared slightly, his face a neutral mask. “We don’t see why not,” Luna said, clapping her hooves together. “Twilight Sparkle, could you bring the document?    

I watched as Twilight all but sprinted toward them, thoroughly confused as some emotions raged through me. One was embarrassment; I mean Ares was showing my aunt pornography for crying out loud! Then he’s telling them- nope, not gonna think about it anymore, nope.

Then there’s confusion about what was going on. Mindreading? Not seeing him? What were they talking about?

I couldn’t sort through my emotions for long though, because I heard, “You’re purple,” he told Twilight who was looking up at him mystified. The unicorn shook her head slowly as she passed him the paper.

“Lavender actually,” she corrected.

I smiled at Ares unease, “Are you okay, Ares,” I said almost mockingly as Ares stiffened.

“Shut up, Candy.”

Twilight cocked her head at him, “Mr. Ares am I doing something-”

“Nonono,” he said, waving her off, “It’s just that I get weird around purple.”

“You mean you’re scared,” I sing-songed, as Ares growled, not wheeling around everypony to get to me.

“Shut up and go make some love,” he snapped as I giggled. It was always funny to push the human's buttons.

“At least I’m not a gardener,” I said as he stiffened.

“I already told you Candy, I’m a tamer, protector, and shaper of various floras in areas that other people own.”

Twilight blinked, “But…That’s what a gardener basically does.”

Ares ignored her, looking oddly dignified in his wheelchair as he passed me what Shiny wrote. “You don’t look real thrilled at your kin being here,” he said, suddenly serious, “But I think I understand why Becca over there did what he did, so how about you go listen to what he says before you lose your mind on him.”

I blinked slowly at him. “…That’s oddly decent of you, Ares,” I told him, as I turned toward Shiny, who was watching us, “I’m mad, oh boy am I mad, but I’ll give him a chance to explain himself.”

Ares snorted as he adjusted his blanket. “You’re the one that made me promise to be nicer to the guy,” Ares said as he snapped his fingers as I giggled, “By the way, tell Isabella over there I’m going to keep calling him girls names because of this. There’s only so much of this buddy-buddy bullshit I can do when the guy does this.”

I frowned as he shivered again. “You shouldn’t have wheeled yourself over here, you’re still healing remember?”

The human nodded closing his eyes. “I shouldn’t be this fine after just a week,” he said quietly, “I still should be in bed; I think you’re magic’s messing with me.”

I gently nuzzled him, concerned, “Did you-”

“Tell the doctor? Yep, she’s looking into it. The bitch took about a gallon of my blood for testing,” he gently patted my neck, nudging his head at Shiny; “You’d better go talk to your boy while I try to get my Playmare back from your mind-reading aunt. Hey, Flash, get over here and wheel my ass back over there.”

As the stallion did what he was told I looked at the piece of folded paper still caught in my magic. With a simple flick of my magic the paper was opened,



Dear Princess Celestia,



I write this letter, firstly hoping that it reaches you in good health

I snorted at the cheesy beginning. “Why don’t you just go up and kiss her flank, Shiny,” I muttered as I continued reading,

What I ask of you is hard because shows you something that I rather dislike to admit, that there is something that I think I will not be able to handle what’s running around in the Crystal Empire at the moment. On August 16 of this year my soldiers and I stumbled upon a creature that resembled a Yeti, or that was what it appeared at first glance.

Though it pains me to admit it, without thought I attacked it, hoping to drive it away to keep it from hurting Cadence’s ponies. In the short skirmish I was injured but the creature was injured and-

“Yes, yes, where’s the important bit,” I muttered as I skimmed through the paper, my anger slowly rising. Wasn’t this our kingdom? I mean I’m trained to sense mind-control, and the only reason Chrysalis was able to capture me because she had thirty Changelings with inhibitors, so I think I’m able to take care of myself. Really, don’t give me that look, it’s true.

“Keep calm, Cadence, keep calm,” I now all but whispered as I continued to read,

I believe that this creature has done something to my Cadence. As I have stated before, though it was deserved on my part, this ‘Ares’ has a capacity for violence and it should not be ignored. Cadence, having been taught under you, should have at least put the creature under guard. But instead of using any caution she lets this creature alone under our own roof.

I know that I may sound a little bit silly but there’s something in this Ares's eyes, something angry and sad and dark and I do not think Cadence sees it, even if she is just being naïve. So I’m asking you-

One moment I was reading this… letter, the next it was on fire as I started to breathe heavily. I was the one in the wrong?!

What is the thing everypony is taught when we are little? To love and tolerate all, no matter what they looked like. Why shouldn’t I give some- somebody, somebody that’s hurt and scared and hungry a nuzzle and a helping hoof?

I took a few deep breaths and walked toward my husband, who looked like he was about to enter a battle. Battle wasn’t the right word though; a battle implies that he could win. Nonono, Shiny was about to have the very unpleasant experience of being part of an argument massacre. “Shiny,” I said, gritting my teeth, “Could I speak to you alone for a minute?...”

…

The two Princesses, unicorn, and guard looked at the human with an intense amount of concentration as Twilight frantically scribbled down notes, the mare red in the face as Luna cleared her throat.

“Could you explain the concept of these ‘dick pics’ again to us, Ares?” She asked, leaning her head into the humans hand as he scratched her behind the ear.

“Yes, Ares, it seems like an interesting concept,” Celestia said as she watched the human's hand move, Luna humming happily as he scratched.

The human nodded sagely, happy to teach, “Alright, Flash, Purple, front and center, I need you two to help explain this. Yeah, stand together, now,” The human gave Flash a nudge, “Let’s say big boy over here fancy's purple,” Celestia couldn’t help but smile as the  filly and colt blushed, avoiding each other’s gaze.

“So maybe the two talk a little bit and then one thing leads to another.”

“We are still with thee,” Luna stated as she all but put her head in Ares lap. “Scratch behind the ear harder, human, it feels divine.”

Ares complied, continuing his explanation. “Then Flash over there gets to thinking, ‘to hell with it, I want to have sex!’ so he takes a picture of his dick and sends it to Twilight over there,” the human shrugged. “What she does with it is her choice.”

Celestia hummed, “It seems like there is a lot that can go wrong with that.”

“Nay sister!” Luna said, sluggishly raising a hoof. “We find it an adventurous idea. In fact…” She blushed slightly, “We think we shall think of a way to introduce this to our ponies.”

Ares snorted, grinning at Twilight and Flash, who still wouldn’t look at each other, before looking at Celestia, who was calmly looking through his Playmare. “So Princess,” he said, “How long until you and yours plan on moseying home?”

Celestia looked up from the magazine, raising an eyebrow. “Eager to see us leave, Mr. Ares?”

The human grinned. “Nah, I just need to know how long I have to work you down. I already got your sister and I’m sure purple over there wouldn’t last more than five minutes. You’re the one that’s going to be difficult, but you’ll be begging ear rubs three days tops.”

The Princess smiled, cocking her head, “You make it sound like you do not wish to come with us.”

“I like it here. Besides, I think my doc would be pretty pissed if she didn’t win some award studying me.”


Celestia nodded, her gaze going back to the magazine. “We will leave in a few days, it has been a rather long time since Luna and I have seen Cadence, and I’m sure that Twilight wishes to catch up with her brother.”

“And you still wanna make sure that I’m not hurting anything,” the human dryly stated as he cradled Luna’s head.

“Do you prefer that I lie to you? I’ve only just met you after all and I’m still mildly concerned.”

“You do what you want, Princess,” Ares said as the two shared a knowing look. “And I’d be happy to answer any questions that any of you have,” he looked down at Luna for a moment. “But if you don’t mind, Princess Luna, I’ve got a little question for you.”

Luna looked up at the human with a bright smile. “And what is that, our human friend?”

“You’re royalty right?”

“We should hope so.”

“So why are you looking at pony porn?”

The Princess hummed, gently nuzzling the humans lap before replying, “Our sister wished us to preview some of today’s literature, so we chose this and some other of these magazines.”

The human, Twilight, and Flash looked over to the princess, who didn’t look up from the Playmare. “Luna asked me and I gave her this,” she shrugged, “I prefer Hustler myself but to each her own…”





 

> Arguments, Agreements, and Almost Forced Photoshoots
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After another hour or so of conversation, both of the alicorns made their excuses and left the garden to Ares, Flash, and Twilight, who had been uncharacteristically quiet in spite of everything, much to the two males concern….

Well, at least Flash was concerned

“Ares, I’m telling you that there’s something wrong with that mare,” he told the human as he slowly tried to wheel him away, Ares putting the lock on his wheelchair just to bother the stallion.

Ares shrugged, looking at the purple unicorn, who had her back to them and appeared to be muttering to herself. “Whataya mean, Flashy? Even though she’s purple she seems like a pretty stable chick; she doesn’t seem like someone who goes nuts on a dime.”

The stallion grunted when his hoof was slapped away from the wheelchair's unlocking mechanism, “But look at her hair now, it’s all messed up and I think she’s muttering to herself. That doesn’t look like sane pony behavior to me.”

Ares made a dismissive motion with his hand. “Women always do crazy shit like that; she’s probably on her pony period or something.”

“But didn’t you hear that snapping sound when the princess talked about reading Hustler, I think-” Flash froze, stopping his sentence as a super crazy-looking Twilight seemed to appear right in front of the two.

“What are you two talking about?!” She asked in a high-ish tone, her eye twitching slightly as Flash bravely cowered behind Ares’s wheelchair, the human raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing much, Purple,” he said calmly, like a man who was trying to calm one who was insane. “Say, you really don’t look so hot…. Are you alright?..”

Twilight’s whole body twitched as she took a few steps toward the human and stallion, both of whom backed up with her. “Fine? FINE? I’m just peachy!!” She said “I’ve just had to figure a few things out and draft some hypotheses when I heard you speaking with my teacher and I have to say, I think I’m enlightened!”

“....Well, that’s great, Purple… I guess…good for you?”

“You were right, Flash,” Ares whispered to the stallion, leaning down to him. “The bitch lost it. How fast can you lug my ass-” Flash yelped as Twilight teleported beside him with a pop, the stallion jumping into Ares's lap in fright.  

“The princess reads pornographic magazines regularly, therefore it must be alright to read such material out in the open as one would do with a book, not only for older mares but even fillies and colts as well,” Twilight said, spinning Ares around with her magic to face her. “And since she had confided that information to you there must be something special about you; there is more than meets the eye if you will.”

“Aha,” Ares said, gently picking up Flash from his lap and putting the surprisingly light Pegasus behind him. “That doesn’t make any sense at all and I don’t think I’m ready to eat the amount of crazy you’re dishing out right now so…” He tried to wheel away slowly, hoping that she wouldn’t notice until they were a good distance away, where when they would nope the fuck out.

Twilight continued like she hadn’t heard him. “So the only logical thing that can be concluded is that you need to be in a Playmare, or something along those lines. So that means, Mr. Ares,” 

With a burst of magic Ares was wheeled right over to the unicorn, Twilight all but shoving her front hooves into the humans lap, barely missing his nads as she brought her face so close to his that Ares that could smell her eyeballs. “I need to take naked pictures of you right away,” Twilight gave Ares the creepiest smile that the human had ever seen. “Well, let’s get started!”

…

I stomped toward my room with Shiny in tow, the stallions face an expressionless mask as I threw open my door, using a damping spell on it as soon as Shiny closed it. No need for anypony to hear what I had to say after all.

I turned toward him, trying and probably failing to keep the anger out of my voice as I said, “Alright, I was going to bring you here to yell at you for the next hour for how dumb you’ve been,” Shiny opened his mouth but I shushed him before continuing, “But, I think you should be given the chance to defend your actions.”

I snorted, waving a hoof around as I took a calming breath. “So, Shining, could you PLEASE give me a good excuse as to why you, a PRINCE and just as much as a ruler of this kingdom as me, would tell my Aunts that, Ares, who can’t even stand, is a danger to us?” I forced myself to sit down on my favorite calming beanbag chair. 

Hush you, bean bag chairs' have very calming properties, I think somepony did a science experiment on it a couple years ago that proves it. 

“Go ahead, I’d love to hear it.”

Shining looked a little confused that he wasn’t getting a dose of hell-hath-no-ness from me before clearing his throat as he slowly paced around the room, collecting his thoughts, if I had to guess.

“The first thing I was taught as a guard was not to judge a book by its cover, that everything, no matter how small or weak-looking, can be a threat,” he began, facing away from me. “Another thing I was taught was vigilance, something that I’ve found to be just as important if not more than the first.”

“I didn’t see it like that until our wedding, when that ‘bug’,” he all but spat out the word. “Captured you and took my mind. I was told of an impending attack on Canterlot and I laughed it off, ‘who would dare attack the seat of the sun?’ I thought to myself. But it did happen and we only survived by the skin of our teeth.”

Shining turned toward me. “I promised myself that that would never happen again. I was going to make sure that the human wasn’t a threat to you or our people, so I did what anypony would do.”

“By telling my Aunts?” I snarled, getting up and going muzzle-to-muzzle with him. “Because there was anypony that could have stopped what happened that day, and because Ares is a love sucking creature with an army at his disposal, right, Shining?”

He flinched at that, “Cadence, I-”

“You know, that’s even a pretty good reason to be worried, but to bring Aunt Celestia and Luna to help? Shining, this is our kingdom, we protect these ponies, we bare the weight of this kingdom on our shoulders, and you're not even giving us enough credit to take care of ourselves!”

Shining snorted at that. “Cadence, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but ever since we’ve come to the empire we’ve been asking the princesses for help,” I narrowed my eyes at that as Shining kept digging his grave. “I mean, what do you call Twilight and her friends coming to save us from Sombra?”

I swear there was steam coming out of my ears. “You know why they came to help us,” I spat. “But Ares? He's not an evil monster, heck, our magic usually hurts him, what could he possibly do to us?”

“WE DON’T KNOW!” Shining roared, startling me. “WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS CREATURE!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ARES!” I roared back, adding just a touch of the Canterlot voice. “SINCE DAY ONE YOU’VE TREATED HIM LIKE A MONSTER!”

“I know it in my gut that there’s something wrong about him,” Shining said, containing himself. “But with the princesses here-”

“They’ll make everything better, huh, Shining ,” I snapped poking his chest with a hoof . “Because we just can’t cut it, huh? Because I’m too young or too inexperienced to deal with anything remotely dangerous.”

At least he looked slightly guilty as I continued. “What was it that were told when we were in school, Shining? That we should love and tolerate everypony, to help anypony that’s hurt or scared or lost, even if they aren’t ponies. I’ve tried to live my life following those words, even if you might have forgotten them.”

“He’s admitted that he might not even be from this universe, Cadence,” he said, trying to defend himself. “We don’t know if-”

“You don’t know, you ignorant, irritating stallion,” I said, so angry that I had tears in my eyes. “Ares is many things, he’s a loudmouth, a jerk, and someone that needs to be smacked upside the head,” elsewhere, a certain human, who was wheeling for his life, scrunched up his face for a moment. “But he’s not villain material,” the same human now, for some reason, felt indignation. “For buck’s sake, he wouldn’t even hurt a fly. If you would have spent more than just two minutes with him…”

I looked up at Shining to see the coldness in the stallion's eyes and I couldn’t help but wonder for a brief, brief moment if this was the same stallion that I fell in love with and married.

“But he’s still a monster to you right? Some freak that needs to be locked up to protect me.”

I turned away from him as he snorted. “Why are you defending him?” He demanded, “You’ve ignored every warning I’ve-”

I picked an envelope from our table and threw it in his face. “Open it,” I demanded, wiping the tears from my eyes. “That’s everything that the doctor and I learned from Ares. Every question that he was asked was monitored with a truth stone, and he can’t use any magic whatsoever to alter the results. Look, Shining, see what makes the monster tick.”

Shining looked unsure as he opened the big envelope, looking at its contents as I sat right in front of him, continuing my little rant.

“Look at how the monster has a family that he wants to get home to, or how he helps his baby sister with her math homework after work, even though he can't tell the difference between addition and algorithm .”

Shining’s ears splayed back. “He could be using some form of magic that he-”

“Or if you read a little more you could see that the monster works for a little corner flower shop that his uncle owns. I know, it makes me shudder thinking how evil that is.”

“I am not going to apologise for trying to protect my wife from a creature we barely know,” he snapped as I let out a humorless chuckle.

“Your wife can take care of herself, Shining, and she thinks you shouldn’t think of her as your item.”

“Cadence, I didn’t mean-”

With a spell a pillow hit him in the face with a good deal of force. “Get out,” I snapped, biting my tongue to keep from crying. “Until you start acting like the stallion that I fell in love with, the kind stallion that also helped his little sister with her homework and who always gave anypony the benefit of the doubt, I don’t want you sleeping in here.”

His gaze hardened and he set his jaw as he levitated his pillow behind, walking to and slamming the door, making me wince just a little bit.

I looked angrily around my room, in the mood to break something expensive, when I heard a gentle but firm tap on my door.

“Cadence,” a voice that sounded like aunt Celestia said “Could I come in?”

For a moment I toyed with the thought of telling her no before sighing, “Please come in, Aunty Celestia,” I said, quickly making sure that my face was tear-free as the door opened, revealing my aunt, who was looking at me with her usual serene look.

Silently, she walked over to me, draping a wing over my shoulder and giving my cheek a gentle nuzzle. I leaned into her as we lapsed into silence.

“Would you like to talk about it?” She asked as I snuffled, trying not to cry in front of her.

I shook my head, “No, not really,” I said as we lapsed into another silence.

Finally it became too much. “Aunty,” I said “Does it get easier?”

She looked down at me with an eyebrow raised. “Humm?”

I leaned into her a little more. “You know, ruling, making sure that everything doesn’t go nuts,” I looked down. “Dealing with husbands.”

She chuckled at that, not saying anything as I continued. “I mean, Shiny didn’t even have enough faith in us to wait for more than a week before he basically tattled on me. He forgets that I was also your faithful student, so I’ve had to deal with a whole lot of crazy situations, some that could be considered crazier than what's happening now.”

Aunt Celestia chuckled again as I beat down a smile, feeling better the more I vented. “You made Twilight’s life seem boring,” she stated, making me roll my eyes.

“I mean, I kinda understand why he did it, even I’m still a little paranoid about the whole wedding fiasco and there is an alien in our kingdom, but doesn’t he remember that you got your flank kic-” I couldn’t help but grin sheepishly as Aunty Celestia cleared her throat, a deadpan expression on her face.

“We all remember what happened, Cadence, there’s no need to bring my performance against Chrysalis up,” she said, switching back to her motherly look, her wing tightening around me. “Keep going, I see that you need to let this all out.”

“But could you at least tell me where Luna was during the whole disaster?” I never did get the answer to that.... I mean  who doesn't see an invasion happening?

I think that was the first time I've even seen my aunt facehoof. “I was told she was in another session with her Psychologists, apparently she used a damping spell so they wouldn’t be disturbed,” She gave me a little shrug. “I would have been mad if that stallion wasn't doing such good work in introducing Luna to the present.”

I nodded my head and continued to vent a little. “The two of you saw Ares, you saw that there was nothing wrong with him, right?” I snorted. “I mean, he’s a gardener for crying out loud, and for some reason Shiny thinks he’s some world-destroying monster.”

“I’m sure Shining Armor was doing what he thought was right,” she said neutrally. “With Luna and I helping it would be all the easier in finding Mr. Ares a way home after all.”

“But the letter wasn’t about that!” I argued. “It was just about how there was this ‘creature’ that’s trying to turning me into its mind slave.”

“He was just worried about you, honey. You should be happy that you have a stallion that cares so much."

I grunted. “Ya, he cares enough about me to put somepony’s life in needless danger and make me look like a moron when in front of you guys. I mean, why am I the only one that's trying to give Ares a little measure of friendship and a shoulder to cry on?”

Aunty let out a quiet snort. “That stallion cries?”

I couldn't help but giggle. “He hasn’t for me,” I admitted, “But I can still tell that he’s scared about everything that’s happening to him.,” I sighed. “Aunty, I’m sure you’ve been married a bunch, do you-”

“Cadence,” she interrupted. “While it’s true that I have had my fair share of husbands, some of them good and some of them bad, and I can tell you with the utmost certainty that everypony’s marriage is different. Any advice I give you probably wouldn’t help you at all. Any problems you’re having with your husband needs to be sorted out between the two of you.”

I let out a sad sigh, just wanting to lay down and eat my feelings away after such a stressful day. “Okay, Aunty, thanks for letting me dump all of this onto you.”

Aunt Celestia gave me a little smile and a nuzzle before she got up and made her way to the door. “It’s what I’m here for, Dear,” she looked me in the eyes. “I can see that you are very passionate in helping this human by yourself, if you want Luna and I to leave--”

“No no,” I said unenthusiastically, rubbing my temples with a hoof. “I’m not going to turn you away from helping Ares just because I want to spite my husband. Besides,” I gave her a little forced smile. “Its been a while since I’ve seen you or aunt Luna or Twilight.”

She smiled at that, turning to leave as I looked around, oddly sad that I wasn’t able to rage-break anything. She might be right, I thought crossing my hooves. But Shining’s still in the doghouse until he stops being a bucker. 

With a flap of my wings I flew onto my bed and landed with a sigh as I buried my head in my pillows.  “I probably should go out and see what everyponies doing,” I muttered to myself. “I don’t want to appear as a rude houseguest and all,” I hummed thoughtfully, using a spell to cover myself with my blanket. “Eh, I’ll do it in an hour or so. Shining can do it himself if he wants to be useful.”



…


“Faster, faster, for Christ's sake, Flash, she’s gonna get us!” Ares yelled at the stallion behind him, who was trying to put as much distance between them and the crazy purple unicorn that was about ten steps away, trying to catch her prey for unspeakable science-y/naked things.

“I’mtryingbutshe’scheating!” The stallion answered as quickly as he could, dodging Twilight as she teleported right in front of them.

“Come back here!” The crazy mare roared, sending a bolt of magic their way and missing. “I only need Mr. Ares for at most an hour or two!”

“Piss off, Purple!” The human called over his shoulder as he held on for dear life when they made a really sharp right turn, almost smashing into Luna, who smiled when she saw the two.

“Oh, hello sir guard, human friend, why do thee seem to be in a hurry?” She asked, getting two grown men practically yelling into her ear.

“One at a time please, we cannot understand-”

“Oh, hello, Princess!” Luna watched with amusement as Ares and Flash rolled behind her when Twilight appeared. “Could I see Ares for a moment? He and I need to do a few things.”

Luna looked at the twitching unicorn for a moment, then at the cowering human and stallion. “May we ask what is going on?” she asked the human, who was eyeing Twilight warily.

“Purple over there lost her mind,” he said. “She’s trying to take naked pictures of me! You gotta help me, Princess!”

Luna just stared down at him, blinking slowly. “Why should we help thee?”

Ares blinked at the answer. “...What?”

Out of nowhere, what looked to be a slurpee appeared in the alicorns hooves as she sat on her rump. “We do not see a problem with what young Twilight is doing.  We are assuming that thou will not be harmed during the taking of these pictures so we do not see what the fuss is about.”

“What?!” The princess shrugged, taking a loud slurp of her beverage as Twilight grinned maddeningly at her.

Ares yelped as his wheelchair was bathed in a purple glow. “Excellent! Now come on, Mr. Ares, I need to see if I packed my camera.”

“Flash, help me!” The human yelled, looking around for the stallion to see him sprinting down the hallway. “Flash, YOU CUNT! QUIT RUNNING AND HELP ME!”

“Nope!” was the guardspony’s reply.

“YOU’RE THE WORST GUARD EVER! NOW COME BACK HERE AND BE CANNON FODDER SO I CAN LIVE!!!”

“Every stallion for himself, Ares!” 

As he was being dragged away the human cast one glance at his only hope, be it a doubtful one.

“Luna, come on, I’ll do anything if you save me from this purple psycho!”

Twilight giggled at that, sticking a hoof into the air. “For science!”

“PLEASE LUNA, IN THE NAME OF THAT IS HOLY!”

The princess looked up from her slurpy, a small smile on her muzzle as she asked, “Anything we ask?”

“Yes, yes!” Ares yelled, trying to put on his brakes on the wheelchair. “I’ll listen to your problems, I’ll take you out for a picnic, I’ll rub your goddamn hooves, just shoot her or something!”

The princess took a moment to think it over as the unwilling human and the crazy unicorn were about to turn the corner. “Oh, Twilight!” She called, trotting over to the unicorn, who had stopped in her tracks.

“Yes, Princess?” Twilight asked, still giggling as Luna came face-to-face with her.

“Young Sparkle, we have something that we need thee to do, something that is of the utmost importance.”

“And what is that, Princess Luna?”

Luna bent down to whisper into her ear, “Sleep.”

With that Twilight eyelids drooped as she tried vainly to stay awake. “What’s?...” Ares tried not to cheer when the unicorn slumped forward, Luna catching her with her magic.

“We think our sister will want to talk with thee, young Sparkle,” she told the unconscious unicorn. “While we do not see the harm in your shenanigans it might not be in good taste to have tried to strip Ares down to take pictures of him.”

Ares pumped a fist into the air as Twilight was teleported away in a flash of magic. “You really saved my bacon, Princess,” he told Luna who cocked her head at him with a confused expression on her face.

“...We did not save your bacon, we saved thou,” she told him, sitting on her rump in front of the human. 

“...It’s a figure of speech… Where did you get that smoothie? I mean it looked like it just appeared out of nowhere... and where did it just go?” a confused Ares asked.

The princess ignored the question as she slowly circled around him, like a shark would her pray. “Now, we believe that you owe us a debt.”

“I’m a man of my word,” the now uneasy human replied, hoping that he hadn’t just hopped into the fire. “So….”

He didn’t feel any better when he felt Luna’s breath on the back of his neck. “Yes, yes we do have something for you to do.” 

“Just tell me,” Ares meekly said, grimacing when Luna whispered into his ear. “Really? You want me to do that?”

“We could go and wake up young Twilight if you prefer.”

“… You planned this did you?”

Luna gave him a guilty smile. “We may have foreseen this happening, but it doesn’t matter human, we will see thee tonight!” 

Ares groaned as Luna was gone with a flash of magic, Flash poking his head out from the corner. “Did we win?”

The human turned toward him, putting his head in his hands. “Just get your worthless ass over here and wheel me around before I get up and throw you out a window.”

With a careful look around, the stallion trotted out from his hiding space, getting behind the wheelchair and wheeling the human down the hallway. “So where do you wanna go?”

“Just take me back to my bed.”

“....Ares, are you mad?”

“No, you shut your whore mouth, you don’t get to ask me shit after leaving me with purple madness and the weirdo princess.”

“...So you’re mad?” 

…


Shining walked through the halls in a foul mood, grumbling to himself as he looked for something to unleash his frustration on. I can’t believe I’M the one that got yelled at, he thought as he ignored the saluting guards that he passed. I mean, how am I in the wrong? There can’t be anything wrong with a stallion wanting to protect his mare from some creature that he doesn’t know!

And, for some reason, he was getting this odd feeling of guilt as he remembered some of the things that his wife had said to him. Though he didn’t tell her, the stallion really hadn’t liked the idea of going behind her back to tell the princesses about Ares.

But I had to. Even though I hate to admit it and she doesn’t want to hear it, we weren’t ready to deal with this on our own! I mean-

He stopped as he saw the main architect of his marriage problems being wheeled down the hall toward him. He couldn’t help but grit  his teeth as his and the humans gaze locked together. “Flash, stick your wings in your ears,” he heard the human say.

Flash Sentry looked a little confused. “What?”

“Will you be able to hear if you do it?”

“...Probably not, why?”

“Alice and I need a one-on-one and I’m sure you don’t want to hear it so shut up and do it.”

Now he’s ordering my soldiers, the captain thought as he trotted over, trying to keep the anger off of his face.

“Mr. Ares,” he said, trying to keep a civil tone. “You look like you want to speak to me.”

The human raised an eyebrow, motioning Flash to start pushing the wheelchair, his wings jammed ridiculously into his ears, with Shining following. “So you got your balls busted, right, eh Lilly?” 

Shining gritted his teeth at that. “My marriage is none of your concern, human.”

The human nodded, leaning back into his chair and closing his eyes. “Hey, I’m just trying to make polite conversation, you know, that’s what two grownass men do first when they need to vent some stuff out.”

Shining snorted. “I will not apologise for my actions. I thought you were dangerous and-”

“Made the worst marriage mistake of your life,” Ares interrupted, “Shit, I’m not married and even I know that the women is always right.”

“She was wrong about not telling Celestia and Luna about you,” he muttered as they turned a corner, walking back into the gardens. “Cadence and I don’t have the experience that deities that have lived for thousands of years have, I did the right thing.”

The human snorted. “Well, you should have just done some shit behind the scenes, like put a power collar on me or something, not make Candy become unsure of herself and making yourself look like a diltz.”

The unicorn turned to face the human, “I know that you are dangerous. When the princesses find that out then-”

“Then what, Gertrude?” Ares snapped, poking the stallion in his chest. “They’ll fucking take me away and you’re wife will forget your stunt and everything will go back to normal? What if that doesn’t happen ya ass?”

Shining looked unsure for a second. “We-”

“What if I’m just a normal guy? Are you willing to risk your marriage because of a gut feeling?!”

“Don’t tell me how to manage my marriage!” Shining snapped, his face touching Ares’s.

“Well, someone fucking needs to.”

Shining’s horn started to glow. “My Cadence’s safety means everything to me!”

“But her happiness doesn't?”

The stallion stopped, his anger draining away as he stared wide-eyed at the human, who crossed his arms. “What do you think your bullshit is doing to her, huh? Wanna bet me money that she’s in her bedroom crying right now?” Back in her room, a certain princess’s ears swiveled as she ate her tub of mint icecream.

Ares leaned back into his chair. “Look, you don’t like me and I think you should just hop on one, but how about we grit our teeth and at least try to be civil to each other while I'm here?”

Shining sat on his rump, a confused look on his face. “Why?” Was all he asked, hoping that the question was clear.

“Because I like, Candy,” the human replied, “She’s a nice girl and deserves a better fucker than you, now are you gonna shake my hand and man the fuck up or are you going to keep being pissy?”

A part of Shining wanted to tell the human to buck off, but all he could see was the tears in his wife’s eyes when he left. With a snort he offered a hoof, which the human took.

“I still don’t trust you, creature,” he told the human, less angry than when he started the conversation.

“Ya, well fuck you too, Velma,” Ares replied, “Now you apologise to Candy or I’mma get up and whip your ass.”

Shining grunted, getting up and leaving the human, “Bucking....” he muttered to himself, not seeing Ares giving him the finger.

“Fuckin’ putz,” he muttered as Flash took a wing out of his ear.

“Ares, are you done?” He asked. “Because this is starting to hurt.”

…

Later that night.


“I can’t believe I’m doing this… Why are you making nursey do this with us?”

“Do not lie, my human friend, we know that you enjoy this,” the princess said as she wrapped her hooves around the uncomfortable human, who had his arms around an uncomfortable nurse, all three of them in a super cuddle bundle on the human's bed.

“But you’re making it weird,” he complained as she nuzzled the top of his head, laying a wing over the three of them.

“We do not see how anything we-”

“You grabbed my ass.”

“...We will not apologise for that, we wanted to see how voluptuous you were and we were not disappointed.” 

Ares grunted, tightening his grip on the nurse, who was so red that her blush almost reached her chest. “It still makes this weird. Can’t you just get some stallion to do this?”

He looked up to see Luna looking away from him sadly. “We would, but we are rather feared amongst our ponies…”

She let out a little squeak when she felt the sensation of her ear being scratched. “You, scary? Puff. I’ve seen scarier kitty-cats.”

The princess couldn’t help but smile as she closed her eyes. “We thank thee, Ares.”

“Stop touching my ass, Luna.”

“...Thou cannot stop us, and, as they say, ‘Dat buttock though.'”

> Chess games and Reminiscing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Come on, Mr. Ares, you need to go lower,” I heard Dr.Stitch say as we all watched the human go through some mild physical therapy to regain some of the muscle that he had lost while he was confined to his wheelchair.

“I’m getting there, Doc,” he panted out, his face scrunched up in concentration.

It had been a week since my little spat with Shiny and, honesty, everything was going alright. My Aunty's, Twilight, and I had been going through the Crystal Empires massive library to see if there was any hint of a way to get Ares to his ‘United States of America’.

So far all we had gotten were a few false hopes and dead ends, but we were all optimistic.

Though I was still mad at him, Shiny was really trying to play nice with Ares. The two even started talking to each other, kinda. 

It still counts even if they glare at each other and their sentences usually consist of a snide remark or two. No, really, it does!

Ares grunted at the Doctor, his arms spread out wide for balance while he sunk down lower into what the doctor called a lunge, his face drenched in sweat.

He kinda looks like he’s in pain, I thought with some concern as he lunged past me so that I saw his shaking legs. Turning toward the doctor I said, “Doctor, maybe you should ease up on Ares a little bit, he looks like he’s going to throw up.”

“Nay, dear Niece!” Aunty Luna said as she munched on a bag of popcorn that she had gotten…... somewhere. “Our human friend can finish this!” I got a little uncomfortable when she licked her lips. “Besides, we always enjoy watching stallions sweat…”

The doctor looked up from her clipboard. “There’s no need to worry about Mr. Ares, Princess, he’s a big colt, he can deal with some lactic acid and sweating.”

Ares grunted again, showing the doctor one of his fingers, showing her that he could use a longbow, or at least that’s what he told me it meant when I asked him. “Doc, I’mma burn your house down you heartless, heartless bit-”

“Language, Ares, language,” Aunty Celestia said, her nose in one of the older tombs that we had found. 

“-Batchfull of ice cream,” the human finished, giving the doctor a glare before he looked over to Aunt Luna. “Um, Princess Luna?”

“Yes my human friend?”

“Why do you have to be creepy?”

I fought back a smile when Aunty Luna slowly blinked. “We do not see the creepiness in our statement. We were simply stating a fact.”

“...I can respect that,I guess, it’s still weird though.”

Luna shrugged. “We cannot say that we care. Now prithee, continue your working out so we may gaze upon your backside!”

The panting human’s face lit up in concentration as he lowered himself down as far as he could, his arms still spread to keep from falling over. “J-Just one m-more,” he grunted, slowly going back down and up before carefully slumping to the ground.

“That’s it, I’m done, Doc,” he said, taking off his shirt and wiping his face with it. “Ah Christ, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.”

“Ares,” Twilight said, looking up from her scribbling with an unsure look. “Would it be alright if I did a quick sketch of your—”

“Purple, if you get me a glass of water you can slap me and call me your bitch for all I care,” Ares gasped, laying on his back, flinching when Twilight let out a squee, disappearing and appearing a second later with a glass of water and hoofing it to him.

“Ares, are you alright?” I asked as Ares bumped the water onto his head with a happy sigh, Twilight’s magic gently grabbing one of his hands so she could better examine it.

“Eh,” he answered, looking down up at Twilight. “Now, you’re not gonna lose it again, are ya, Purple?”

Twilight blushed at that, looking away from him in guilt. “I really am sorry about th—”

She let out a little squeak when he bopped her on the nose tiredly. “It’s alright, just get on with what you’re doing while I glare at the demonic doctor over there a bit.”

For the first time since I’ve known her, Dr. Stitch snorted, making her way over to the human and poking him in various places. “I suppose that’s enough for today, Mr. Ares.”

“You are evil incarnate hiding in an adorable little body.”

I let out a giggle when the doctor bopped his nose. “And don’t you forget it,” she said, turning around and making her excuses to leave.

“I think she likes you,” Aunty Celestia said, not looking up from her book.

Ares snorted, slowly and carefully getting to his feet and popping what sounded like every joint in his body. “Whatever you say, Princess,” he muttered making his way toward her. “Say, Princess?”

“Hmm?”

“How about another round of chess? Come on, winner takes all.”

Aunty Celestia let out an unladylike snort, looking up at the human as we all suppressed groans. “Mr. Ares, do you really enjoy being defeated?”

Ares face scrunched up at that. “I wouldn’t lose so many times if you hadn’t cheated.”

Aunty Celestia raised an eyebrow. “That’s also what you said when I beat you at that game you introduced us to... what was it called again?”

“Liar’s dice… and you did cheat at that!”

“Though I do not agree with what you said I will fight to the death for you to say it.” 

“ What?Are….. you messing with me?” 

Aunty cracked a smile, closing the book and patting him on the cheek. “Of course not, dear, I would never do such a thing to anypony.”

Ares looked over to me, which almost made me lose it, but with willpower I didn’t know I had, I just shrugged. 

“Alright then,” he carefully said. “So how about that chess game?...”




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



You know the worst thing about watching a chess game? Other than the fact that you’re watching a chess game, the worst bit is when you know you can do better than one of the players playing. I mean, not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at chess; Aunty Celestia loves to play, so you kinda have to pick up on it.

Now, Ares wasn’t that bad at the game, but he took forever to make his move, just like he was now.

“Whenever you’re ready, Ares,” Aunty Celestia calmly said to the human, who was staring down at the chessboard like his life depended on it, his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.

He grunted, not breaking his gaze from the board. “Just give me a minute,” he muttered, making me groan.

“You’ve been staring at that board for the past five minutes,” I said in exasperation. “Just make a move!”

Ares looked up from the board at me. “I’m at a very important part of this game of the minds, Candy.”

“This is the sixth move, for crying out loud!”

His face scrunched up at that. “You don’t have to watch,” he told me, making a dismissive motion with his hand, his gaze going back down to the board. “Go on, I’m sure you have boring, princess-y things to do.”

My eye twitched at that. “Just make your move…bucking—”

“Language Cadence, language,” Aunty Celestia reprimanded as Ares finally moved his bishop. “You don’t need to put yourself down to Ares’s level,” she glanced over at him with a hint of a smirk.

Ares grinned at that.  “Hey, I haven’t said anything. Talk about being judgmental…..” I blinked when the human immediately moved a pawn when aunty finished her move, the older alicorn moving just as quickly.

“Trying to shake me up, Mr. Ares?” Aunty asked with a teasing tone.

Ares grunted, moving his rook. “Check,” he muttered, frowning when Aunty took the offending piece off the board. “Damnit… Well, Princess, my pa always told me that you need to always keep an opponent off balance.”

Aunty raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is your father a chess player?”

The human smiled, his eyes getting a far off look. “My old man would always go down to our local park and play whatever with all of the other old people. Chess, checkers, chinese checkers, croquet, stuff like that.”

“Oh?”

He nodded, looking around. “Speaking of family members, where the heck did purple and Luna go? Hey Candy, where did your dear hubby get off to? I’m beginning to miss his glare.”

“Shiny took them around the town to do a little sightseeing,” I said, grinning when I saw Ares tried to cheat when Aunty wasn’t looking by moving his rook, only for his hand to be smacked away with a hoof.

“Ya, my old man’s an odd one,” Ares continued, looking back down at the board. “Not as bad as my mom though.”

“Oh?” I said, making my way over to Ares side, and sitting down. 

“Yeah, she’s this tiny Polish woman that still has her accent from the old country. She's not great; always tries to poke her nose into other people’s business and tells them that they're wrong and she's right about everything.  She’s a crack a cook though, and for my dad that's what counted when they got married," he hummed thoughtfully, "If you see her ask her for her cookie recipe, those cookies will change your life, trust me.”

“Check,” Aunty said, Ares moving accordingly. “Go on, Mr. Ares.”

The human let out a little chuckle. “She was so bad with her nosing around that I had to move out,” he sighed. “God, I hated that woman. I couldn’t even be in the same room as her for more than five minutes without us fighting.”

Sadness started to grow in his voice as he continued. “My little sister’s in her spitting image, little pain in the ass- and my brothers- if they don’t quit dicking around, one of them’s going to jail...…” He sighed again, his shoulders sagging. “God, I miss them.”

One of Aunty’s wings stretched out and patted Ares on the shoulder soothingly while I wrapped a wing around his back. “We are trying our hardest to find a way to get you home, Ares,” she said in her motherly tone.

“Yes we are,” I added, “But for now you’re going to have to deal with us for a little longer,” He cracked a smile at that, looking at the board.

“Oh woe is me, I have to deal with you and your husband!” Ares bemoaned mock-dramatically, Aunty and I rolling our eyes at his antics.

“You know,” Aunty said, moving a pawn, “You and Shining Armor should do something together. I don’t think that the dislike the two of you hold for each other is particularly healthy, nor does it do anything positive for anypony.”

“That’s what I told him!” I said, snorting when Ares ruffled my mane. I batted his hand away as he stroked his chin thoughtfully.

“You know, I noticed that your little garden’s lacking a certain special something, Candy,” he said slowly.

“Oh, and what is missing?” I asked, really not liking Ares’s smile.

“Yeah, Penny and I could do that, along with that coward Flash…”

My eyes narrowed at that. “Ares, what are you talking about?” I demanded, the human ignoring me.

“It would be a pain in the ass to make though...Hum, I could probably just use smoothed crystals instead of stones…. Oh, and princess, mate in ten.”

I spun Ares around, “Ares Aullus Tarerian! You will tell me what you’re going to do with my husband!”

He looked at me in confusion. “That’s not my last or middle name, Candy. I don’t even think those are words.”

I huffed. “What. Are. You. Going. To. Do?”

“Aren’t you still mad at your hus—”

He stopped when I growled. “I may not be happy with Shining, but I don’t want you accidently blowing him up!”

Celestia moved another piece calmly. “Cadence, dear, I think you’re overreacting just a tiny bit. Ares may be speaking about doing something with Shining that pertains to his line of work.”

“Mind reader,” the human accused, moving another chess piece. “But yeah, I was thinking me, Alicia, and Flashy could make a Zen garden.”

He glanced up at my bemused expression and promptly waved it off, “I’ll tell you about it later.” He moved a pawn, looking at Aunty Celestia with a bit of smugness. “And that’s ‘mate.”

Aunty smiled at the human, clapping her hooves together. “Well done, Mr. Ares.”

He narrowed his eyes at that, leaning toward her. “You… let me win, didn’t you?”

The two stared at each other before Aunty shook her head, a smile still on her face

“…”

“…I thought that you deserved to win one, Ares,” Aunty finally said.

Ares opened his mouth wide, but I stopped what was probably going to be a pretty big rant by putting my hoof in his mouth.  “Calm down, Ares,” I told the wide-eyed human, taking my hoof out of his mouth. “Aunty was just trying to be nice.”

“I wasn’t going to yell!” Ares complained, wiping his mouth with a sleeve with a disgusted look on his face. “You didn’t need to do that! Christ, Candy, you walk on those! All I can taste is goddamn gravel and dirty now!”

I giggled, giving his back a little pat and summoning him a glass of water. “You wouldn’t have been so mad if Flash Sentry had done that,” I teased, Ares glaring down at me.

“If Flash would have tried that I’d throw him off the top of the castle,” he retorted sourly, swigging the water. 

Aunty cocked her head at the human. “Are you still upset with Private Sentry, Ares?” She asked, the human spitting the water on the ground.

Ares looked at her calmly. “I think you’ve known me long enough to know I would never hold a grudge. Even though Flash left me in the crazy hooves of purple and your sister, I will forgive him…”




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Flash opened his newspaper while he did his business, humming a merry tune in his bathroom. Though being the personal guard to a princess was usually unnaturally hard, one of the main perks of it was that Flash had his own room, and a very nice bathroom to go with it.

Still reading his paper, the stallion's hoof reached for where his toilet paper was, only for the precious substance not to be there.

Flash grunted irritably, reaching with a wing to open the bottom of his bathroom’s sink, looking and not finding one roll, to his horror.

“Oh, buck,” he muttered, putting his paper down and looking around his bathroom from his toilet to see a simple note right above the toilet paper compartment.




Where is your god now, Flash?




All throughout the castle, if you listened closely enough, you could hear a rather manly wail of anger and despair.


“ARRRRRREEEEEESSSSS!”




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



“What was that?” I asked, looking around. “Did anypony else hear that? The screaming?”

Ares looked suspiciously satisfied as he shook his head. “No, can’t say I did.” He tried to rise, only to fall back down into his seat shakily, Aunty and I regarding him with some alarm.

“Ares, are you alright?” I asked as he sighed, slowly nodding.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, looking down at the table. “It seems like the Doc put me through the ringer a little harsher than I had thought; I didn’t notice how sore I was…”

Celestia got up and walked over to Ares’ other side, giving him a gentle nuzzle on the cheek. “Do you need help, Ares?”

He grunted. “No, just give me a minute, I’ll be fine.”

“Ares,” she said gently. “Please, if you need help ask for it. Do not let pride get in your way.”

The human looked up at my aunt of a second, and I was afraid that he was going to tell her no, when he broke her gaze.

“…I don’t think I can get out of this chair right now,” he muttered, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

Aunty patted his shoulder encouragingly. “And that is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, how about I help you up, hmm?”

I couldn’t help but smile when Ares meekly nodded, the princess using her magic to gently pick him up and place him carefully on her back. He loosely wrapped his arms around her neck, kicking her sides. 

“Giddy up, Princess,” he muttered into her neck, Aunty and I giggling as we made our way of the gardens.

“You are lighter than you appeared, Ares,” Aunty remarked as we turned a corner.

I gave Ares a little teasing look. “That must be because you’re so much stronger than most ponies, Aunty; when I was carrying him he nearly broke my back.”

The human grumbled at that, kicking Aunties sides again. “Come on, Princess, let’s go to the kitchen. I wanna get a banana or something to help with this soreness.”

Aunty nodded, a small smile on her face. “I could go for a little nibble of something myself.”

My stomach rumbled loudly, Ares and Aunty Celestia looking over at me while my face got a bit red. “Um… I may be a little hungry too,” I admitted sheepishly, the two chuckling.

“Candy, you shouldn’t starve yourself like that; shit like that isn’t healthy,” Ares said. “You really should have said something earlier.”

“He’s right, Cadence,” Aunty said as I gawked at the accusation. I mean, I may watch what I eat but I don’t starve myself! “All you need is a little more exercise and your figure will be fine.”

IS SHE CALLING ME FAT?!, I thought mildly outraged as Ares nodded.

“Ya, Candy, all you need is a lap around the castle once or twice a day and you’ll lose that little belly.”

I was about to snap when they both grinned, me huffing at the rather mean joke. “That isn’t funny…” I muttered as the two chuckled.

“We are merely trying to involve you in our conversation, dear,” Aunty said. “You have been awfully quiet.”

Ares shrugged. “Not me, I just wanted to tease Candy. But now that you mention it, Candy does seem down in the dumps.”

I sighed at that as we made our way into the kitchen, Aunty helping Ares into a chair and the three of us ordering something to eat.

“It’s nothing…” I said, looking down at my glass, trying to sound like I meant it.

“Bull,” the human said, leaning on the table. “Come on, Candy, spill the beans and tell your uncle Ares what’s wrong.”

I snorted at that looking away. “Everything’s fine.”

I flinched when I felt Aunty’s wing on my shoulder. “I will not force it out of you, Cadence,” she said, “But I think that you will feel better if you tell us, or just me if you do not wish for Ares to hear.”

My mouth twitched when I saw Ares’ expression but I still sighed, putting my head on the table. “It’s just me and Shining,” I all but muttered, not looking at the two of them. “Whenever I try to talk to him, he just responds with this… cold voice.”

I gave the mares that brought us our food a tired smile. “Thank you.”

Ares took a big bite of his banana. “Well, you did send him to the doghouse. Give him a day or two and I’ll bet he stops being a baby.”

“Ares, dear, please do not talk with your mouth full,” Aunty said, talking a dainty bite of her daisy sandwich.

“Yes mom.”

Aunty ignored the human's comment, looking over at me with a warm smile. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about dear, it is-”

“It’s not just that!” I interrupted. “It’s that bucking blood test! I mean, how long can that take? What if there’s something wrong with me so we can’t-”

My head hit the table, me groaning, half out of frustration and half out of me being dumb enough to hit me head against a stone table. “I don’t know why this is stressing me out but it is!”

Ares let out a little chuckle. “You know, you and my sister would get along great, the two of you always freak out about things that you can’t help,” he sighed, looking over at Aunty as I glared at him.

“Hey Princess, when you get me back home do you think you might be able to make some kind of portal to my world?”

Aunty hummed, tapping her hoof against her chin. “I do not see why not; why do you ask, Ares?”

The human looked at her bewilderedly. “Are you kidding? I accidentally discovered a new world or universe or something like that. I might get a Nobel Prize or something!” He shrugged.

“I don’t know, but I kinda think you guys might do a little good on my Earth,” he gave me a little smile. “And then you can meet my kin, Candy,” he leaned back in his chair. “I can see it now, you and the other princesses all sitting in my Ma’s kitchen while she makes you perogies while my sister begs to do your manes.”

Despite my stress, I couldn’t help but smile at the image, though I didn’t know what a ‘pierogi’ was, Ares continuing. “Boy, I can just see my brother Jorge’s face when I bring you guys in the house,” he chuckled, looking down at his sandwich. “He’d shit his pants…”

When he looked back up at me as he took a bite out of his banana, I saw the sadness in his eyes, and I silently berated myself. Here I am freaking out over something so unimportant when Ares has no idea if he'll ever get back home to see his family and people again.

The human's sad look was gone in an instant. “Well, if it doesn’t work out for ol’ puss-in-boots, I could set you up with my older brother; he’s going to school as a dentist, so you know he’d be into it.”

Aunty chuckled and I couldn’t help but grin at that. “You could set him up with Aunty Luna,” I remarked, Aunty almost dropping her sandwich laughing, Ares joining.

“Then I’d kinda be royality, right?” Ares asked seriously. An image of the human wearing princely raiment appearing in my mind, and I’m sure Aunty’s too, so the three of us were crackling like hens, me pounding my hoof at the hilarity of it. 

After we calmed down I put my head on the table with a small smile on my face. “Thanks, Ares,” I muttered, “I needed that.”

I felt the human’s hand mess up my mane. “What’re friends for?” I heard the shuffling of chairs. “Alright ladies, I feel well enough to mosey on back to my bed or maybe to take a nice hot bath. And be sure to remember, Princess, our little wager that you just so happened to let me win.”

I looked up to see Aunty nodding at him, a big smile on her face. “Are you sure you will be alright, Ares?”

“Yep, no more horsey rides for me.”

“Then I will see you then,” Aunty took another bite out of her sandwich, turning to me when Ares made his way out of the kitchen.

I gave her a little smile, putting my head back down. “…Aunty, do you really read Ares mind?” I asked, Aunty letting out a lady-like chuckle at that.

“No, dear, when you get to be as old as I you are able to pick up on things other ponies usually don’t,” she looked at the kitchens exit, a big grin on her face. “It’s not mind-reading, but it’s usually more interesting than doing such dark magic.”

“Really?” I asked questioningly.

Aunty nodded. “Yes, for example, I can tell Mr. Ares and Private Flash Sentry are going to have a little heart-to-heart with one another quite soon.”




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ares made his way down a hallway carefully, wincing as every muscle screamed in protest.

“Maybe I should have let the Princess help—” he was interrupted when a Pegasus-shaped blur tackled him.

“I had to use my newspaper, you jerk!” Flash Sentry snarled on top of the humans chest, his eyes filled with anger.

Ares looked up at him, a defiant smirk on his face. “Where was your god, Flash?”

The guardspony gritted his teeth in anger, his eyes blazing. “IMMA BEAT YOU INTO A PULP!”

“COME AT ME, YOU CHICKEN-PONY!”




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I looked up from the table at Aunty Celestia questionably. “Did you hear that?  I asked. “It sounded like yelling…”

Aunty took a sip of her tea, a knowing smile on her face. “I cannot say that I did, Cadence,” she claimed, putting her cup down.

“Now, as I was saying, though neither Luna or I have tried to raise a foal for different reasons I really do not have any idea if you are able to do so or not. Honestly, I cannot imagine why it would not work, so I do not believe that you should have any problems if you keep trying.”

I nodded slowly, “Alright, thanks, Aunty,” I muttered, my heart still not really in the conversation. “Now I just need to make up with Shiny, and we can get to making a foal you can dote on.”

She smiled at that. “I’ll spoil them rotten,” she promised, getting up from her chair with me following.  

“Thanks for talking with me, Aunty,” I said gratefully. 

Aunty nodded. “Just go and speak to Shining Armor, Cadence. I am sure everything will be fine if you do.”

I was about to answer her when we turned the corner to see Ares and Flash Sentry rolling on the ground, the two in the middle of a tussle.

“Give up monkey, or you’re gonna need a better hospital after I’m done with ya!” Flash snarled while he lunged in and bit Ares’s arm, the human yelping before he punched my guard in the nose.

“Your mother was a chicken and your father smoked smarties you coward, I’m—OW, QUIT BITING!”

My eyes twitched as I watched the two roll around for a little longer before I separated them with magic, lifting the two to face me.

“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes…” I muttered, facehoofing. With a sigh I asked, “Ares, what did you do?”

“That bucker stole all of the toilet paper from my room!” Flash yelled, pointing at the human, who swatted his hand away.

“—I did not!”

“Yes you did you liar! I had to use my newspaper,” The two tried to swipe at each other. “The ink burned, Ares!”

I pinched the bridge of my nose with a hoof, using a smile spell to glue the two’s mouths shut. “Alright, Ares, Flash, I’m going to let you two talk this out in a second; Flash, you’re going first. Okay?”

Aunty smiled at my maturity handling the situation, though I was ready to give the two such a smacking. “Now Flash, please tell me why you attacked an injured person?”

The stallion glared at the human. “Ares over there thought it would be funny to steal all of the toilet paper out of my room.”

“And you had to use…”

The stallion blushed at that, almost making me laugh. “Alright, Ares, it's your turn to explain. Remember, you’re going to be a big boy about this, no swearing at all or I’ll believe Flash and paddle you.”

Aunty snorted at that as Ares eyes flashed in outrage. Now, don’t you look at me like that.

You know the old saying, you stick a dogs nose in its mess and you paddle a bad human…

You haven’t hear that one?

Hmm…

Anyway, with a spell Ares mouth was opened back up. “I didn’t do anything.”

“He’s lying,” Aunty said with the slightest of smirks.

“…Okay, so I’m lying,” he admitted, shrugging in the air. “But worse things happen to you for desertion in the militaries of my world.”

“But we’re not on your world!” Flash snarled, doing a bit more wiggling in the air as the human continued.

“Yeah, I think they might shoot you or something… I think. For some reason I distinctly remember something about beating a run-away to death.”

Aunty raised an eyebrow at that. “Is the human military system really so unforgiving?”

“I think so,” he frowned, humming thoughtfully, “To be honest with you Princess, I have no idea what they do. They might use soap in socks or something to beat people with. My military is kinda weird.”

I cleared my throat. “Anyway, what you did is not right, that goes for you too, Flash,” I said, using my full knowledge as a babysitter to guilt the two.

The human and Pegasus looked down guiltily.

“…I’m sorry for attacking you, Ares,” Flash muttered.

“Yeah, I’m sorry for making you wipe your ass with a newspaper,” Ares muttering back, the two shaking hands and hooves as I smiled, letting them go.

“Fantastic now-” I started.

“FUCK YOOOU, FLASH!” The human roared, tackling the pony, who roared with him.

“I’MMA BUCK YOU INTO NEXT WEEEEEEEK!”

Aunty Celestia gave me a little smile when the two started to roll around away punching and biting each other. “Boys will be boys,” she said simply, sitting on her haunches. “Now, I suggest you get comfortable and simply let these two tire themselves out…”






Later that night…




“And so my cuddle pile gains strength!” Ares crackled as he held the nurse, with Celestia and Luna on either side of him. “...But we may need a bigger bed if I get anymore of you.”

“Huzzah!” Luna said, wrapping her hooves around the human. “The snuggling has been doubled! …Though we must ask dear sister, how has our human friend obtained you for the snuggling?”

The sun monarch shook her head, a smile on her face. “Mr. Ares here won a game of chess and-”

The human scratched the nurse’s ear. “Now don’t lie, princess—you just want to cuddle, don’tcha?”

The princess chuckled , “It has been ages since I have slept with somepony like this,” she looked up at the nurse. “Is she already asleep?”

Ares nodded, slowly scooting away from Luna, who just simply scooted over with him. “Yeah, nursey is a quick sleeper,” he muttered, gently nuzzling into Celestia’s chest, the alicorn almost gasping at how cold he was.

Gently laying a wing over him the alicorn sighed, closing her eyes. “Good night, Ares, goodnight sister.”

“Goodnight, human friend, sister.”

“—Quit touching my ass, Luna,”

“…Nay, we can tell you are cold, and this will surely warm you up.”

“You are oddly cold, Ares,” Celestia observed.

“I think that staying out in that cold for so long messed me up, Prince- and now you’re touching my ass too.”

“Well, my sister is right—you do have a nice backside…”

The human grimaced when he felt two hooves somehow squeeze his ass. “You’re lucky the two of you are so warm…”
They both answered him with a nuzzle, the three falling into a comfortable slumber as a certain doctor triple checked a certain pairs bloodwork, frowning at what she saw…

> A Christmas Special: Huzzah to Diddling!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is not canon to the story! Just a little Christmas special with some horse sex.  Expect maybe OOC characters.



It was Hearth's Warming eve and all through the castle
The halls were covered in lights and tassel 
And as the Princesses laughed and sang
A certain humans merriment was put to shame
As thoughts of family and friends crossed his mind
Two princesses decided not to leave him behind
So with a giggle and a surge of pleasure
Ares troubles could no longer be measured





“Goodnight, Ares, Aunt’s,” Cadence said with a happy smile, dragging her half-asleep husband and Twilight out of the room. “And Merry Hearth’s Warming eve!” 


Ares gave her his biggest fake smile as the pink alicorn closed the door behind her. He closed his eyes when he heard the door close with a click, letting out a tired sigh as he thought over the days festive events. Keeping his eyes closed the human heard the crackling of the fire that was in the room, followed by festive smells that reminded him so much of home that it almost hurt.


You haven’t cried in fifteen years, He thought angrily to himself when he felt tears threatening to come to his eyes. Now you just keep being a big boy and-


“Is there something troubling you, Ares?” A calming voice asked gently, Ares sighing when he felt a wing tighten around him. “Are you cold? Do you want Luna or I to put another log on the fire?”


Ares cracked an eye open to see a big pair of purple eyes looking at him with concern. The princesses really do have some pretty eyes, he thought, giving the bigger alicorn a smile as he wiggled into her wing to get more comfortable on the couch that the three were sitting on.


“Yeah, I’m fine, Princess, I was just closing my eyes for a second.”


“Are thou tired, human friend?” Luna asked, carefully pressing herself onto the human’s other side.


“And you don’t have to call us both princess all of the time, Ares,” Celestia gently chided the human.


That made him smile. “Nah, I’m not really tired, just thinking, Luna.”


Both of the princesses shared a knowing look at that. “Thou are missing thy family?” Luna said, making it a statement, not a question.


Ares nodded slowly to himself, wiggling out from Celestia’s wing and looking around under the couch. “You know,” he said, dodging the question. “We have a holiday like this where I’m from, it’s called Christmas.”


“Yes, you told us.”


“Yeah I did, but what I didn’t tell you was that we give each other gifts when the season comes around,” he popped up with what looked to be two covered tin containers. “Surprise!”


The two siblings looked shocked for a moment, which was replaced with a pair of touched smiles when Ares shook the containers in their faces. “Ares,” Celestia said, bringing a hoof to her chest, genuinely touched  “You shouldn’t have.”


Luna cocked her head at her sister. “And why not, dear sister? We have never known thee to turn down confectionaries.”


Ares face scrunched up at that. “And how do you know that, Luna?”


The princess of the night’s gaze turned shifty. “...We may have seen thee making your cookies from the safety of a cabinet.”


The human took the news surprisingly well. “Alright, that’s creepy.”


The sun princess rolled her eyes, leaning up and giving the human a peck on the cheek. “Well, thank you, Ares,” she said, trying not to laugh at the red-faced human as she opened her container, then unleashing her laughter at what she saw.


In the little box were about two dozen cookies iced and shaped to look like her cutiemark. “Ours are shaped like our moon,” Luna said, already stuffing cookies into her mouth. “These are delectable, Ares,”


The human was quick to collect himself, spinning around and plopping down between both of the princesses. “Thanks, Luna,” he said, closing his eyes again. “It took me all day yesterday to make all of those damned cookies.”


Celestia hummed after she took a lady-like bite of one of her cookies, smiling at the flavor. “Oh, so you made them for others? Luna and I aren’t the only ones?”


Ares nodded. “Yeah, I made them for everyone, I even made a batch for Betty,” he shrugged, when the two gave him confused looks.“You should treat even your enemies as brothers on this oh holy of holy days.”


Celestia blinked at that. “That was rather beautiful, Ares.”


“I read that on a can of chew tobacco or something like that if I remember correctly..”


Both of the princesses snorted. “Thee really know how to ruin the mood, my human friend.” 


“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Luna,” Celestia said, re-wrapping a wing around the human when she noticed that he was starting to shiver.


“You should have told us, Ares,” she said, taking another bite out of her cookie. “We all would have gotten you something.”


The human waved her off. “That’s why I never told you. I usually don’t even like to get presents, I’d rather spend-” he stopped himself, looking down sadly. The two sisters looked at each other for a moment, both of them then gently nuzzling the humans cheek in what they hoped were soothing gestures .


The three stayed like that for a long while until Luna’s eyes snapped open, the alicorn all but hopping off the couch with a big smile on her face.


“We have an ideal!” She all but yelled, her horn glowing, and, before Celestia or Ares could say a thing, all three were gone with a flash. 

Celestia took the forced teleportation,rather well,  being quite used to things like that happening to her. Ares, on the other hand, wasn’t partially happy, his stomach quickly telling him that it was particularly upset.


“Sonofa-” he stopped, his cheeks bulging as his hands covered his mouth. Celestia winced when Ares raced around the room, which was followed by a door slamming and the human emptying his stomach.


The older monarch glared at her sister when she noticed that Luna had teleported them to her room. With a little thought of how to phrase herself so she wouldn’t seem like she was scolding her sister, she said, “Now, Luna, you shouldn’t have teleported Ares like that. Something bad might have happened to him.”


Luna’s giddy look was replaced with guilt, the younger alicorn look down shamefully. “Thou are right, sister,” she said. “ We should not have done that," She brightened considerably. "But we know how to repay Ares kindness!”


Celestia was about to ask her to clarify what she meant when they both heard Ares call, “Luna, you blue bitch,” he moaned. “You’re lucky I got to a toilet in time,” they heard the sound of him spitting. “ Do you have an extra toothbrush?”


Luna’s horn glowed briefly. “Thanks,” Ares called, which was followed by water running and teeth being brushed.


“Now, Luna,” Celestia calmly said, “Could you please tell me why we are in my room?”


Luna grinned as she levitated her and her sister cookies and placed them onto a counter. “We have told you, sister, we want to give our friend a gift, one that we think that we will all enjoy.”


The bathroom door opened, revealing a still slightly green Ares, who sluggishly walked over to and laid down on Celestia’s huge bed. “That wasn’t cool, Luna,” he muttered, finally taking stock in where he was. “Hey, where the heck did you bring me?”


Luna’s smile grew as did Celestia’s sense of foreboding when the younger princess levitated her tiara, chest plate, and shoes off. “We have decided what gift we will give thee,” she hopped onto the bed and trotted over to Ares, who looked up at her with a bemused expression.


“What do you-” Ares began before Luna pulled him up into a sitting position and sticking her tongue in his mouth.


Celestia gasped and Ares eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets as Luna had her way with his mouth, her tongue gently exploring and finally playing with the humans smaller tongue, silently grateful that he had properly brushed and used enough mouthwash. 


Deciding that the human probably needed to breathe, she broke the kiss, enjoying his panting and red-face.


“Thou are welcome,” she simply said, giving her slightly enraged sister an innocent look. “Is there something wrong, Tia?”


The older alicorn took a shaky breath, knowing that screaming wouldn't solve anything. “Luna, you can’t go around kissing ponies! I’m sure Ares didn’t appreciate that.”


Luna cocked her head questionably at her. “We simply wish to give our human friend his gift.”


“Which is?”


“We will diddle him, furiously,” Luna said with a nod, the human and white alicorn staring at her bewilderingly.


“...Then why did you bring him into my room?” Celestia asked, looking over to the red-faced human.


Luna giggled, plopping into Ares lap, the human yelping as she wiggled happily in her new seat. “We know that you also wish to thank our friend properly for his gift and his friendship, so we thought that you could also diddle him,” she hummed thoughtfully, “After us of course. We have some toys under this bed to relieve yourself during your wait.”

When did Luna put- Celestia sighed, not bothering to question her sister.

Luna turned around and looked into Ares eyes, seemingly staring into the humans soul, wrapping her hooves around him. “Sir Ares,” she said tenderly, almost whispering. “Thou are one of the few that we have the pleasure of calling a true friend. Now, we know thee might not know what to do and thee might be confused but,” she gave him a peck on the forehead.


“We wish to help thee with thou loneliness, a loneliness and sadness that we have also felt. Will thou let us?” She looked over her shoulder at her sister, giving her a little wink. “And maybe our sister will also join in the merriment?”


Luna watched with cautious optimism when she saw emotions on Ares and her sisters faces rapidly change. With a small grin, Luna tried to tip the balance a like more in her favor, gently nuzzling the human’s neck.


What the fuck is going on?! Ares thought in mild panic, his gaze shifting back from Luna to Celestia, a look of confusion and surprise that he was sure he had too had on her face. Luna sitting on his lap really wasn’t helping his internal battle with maybe or maybe not having sex with a pony, especially when she started to nuzzle and kiss his neck .  


Alright, think, Ares, think…. He internally shrugged after a little thought. It had been a while, and if he was taking the plunge by doing two princesses then he felt that that was a pretty damn good way to burst out of the horse-sex gate.


Meanwhile, Celestia was also having her doubts in the whole different species sex thing. Though the princess considered every creature in this land no different than her ponies, she had just never done it with any other species than a pony, so the idea seemed a little taboo.


Alright Celestia, the alicorn thought to herself as Ares looked into her eyes, confusion evident on his face. Let’s think about this rationally. Ares IS a nice young man, and he IS a rather good friend to you. And it HAS been a long time since you’ve… scratched any itches.


Mentally, the alicorn also shrugged, deciding to lay everything on the human. If he wishes to make love, then fine, she thought, her horn glowing gently as she grabbed a suitcase underneath the bed. Though I’m still a little leery about doing it in front of Luna...Or watching her do it….


Though of different mindsets and ages, Ares and Celestia came to the same conclusion at almost the same time, Celestia taking off her royal garments and opening Luna’s suitcase and Ares wrapping his arms around the princess of the night, Luna happily squeeing. Celestia let out a gasp of shock, her eyes widening when she opened the suitcase. 


“Sweet Faust on a pogo stick!” Celestia said, staring at the cases contends. “Even I’m not above bringing a toy when I’m away from home but this is a little extreme, Luna,” Ares and Luna looked toward the alicorn as she turned the suitcase around, revealing a sex toy wonderland.


Ares looked over at Luna, the alicorn looking at the two with a sheepish expression. “We… cannot explain…” she admitted as Celestia pulled out a comically large dildo, wiggling it around.


“Where would you even put this thing, Luna?”


“Are...those anal beads?” Ares finally asked, the human wondering what rabbit hole he had just fallen down into.


“...They are not for us.”


Ares scrunched his face up at that. “So you…”


Luna gave him a hopeful look, which he shot down with a snort. “No.”


“Are thee-”


“Yes, I’m sure, ain’t no one shoving something up my ass.”


The remark, though a little disappointing, gave Luna a bit of hope. “So,” she asked, almost slyly, tracing Ares shoulder with a hoof and wiggling a bit in his lap, and smiling when she felt something poking her flank. “Have thee decided to accept our gift?”


Though he still had his misgivings about everything, Ares nodded, playing with Luna’s mane. “I’m game, I guess,” he looked over at Celestia, an eyebrow raised. “What about you, sunshine?”


The sun princess snorted at the nickname, waving a hoof around and picking up a more moderately size viberator before setting it right back down, trying to calm her nerves. “I’m fine with it, Ares, as long as you are.”


The human sighed, looking up at Luna, who was grinning down at him with barely suppressed excitement. “Fantastic,” she said clapping her hooves together, her gaze becoming more lust-filled. “Then how about we begin?”


Not giving the human a chance to back out, Luna leaned down and brought Ares into a tender kiss, Celestia watching and silently cursing her slowly rising wings. She’s your sister! She thought outraged while Luna let out a rather throaty moan, the kiss becoming more lusty.You shouldn’t even be watching this!


That still didn’t stop her from watching thought as Luna slowly started to strip the human of his clothing, almost like a child would her present.


“Are thou getting excited, Ares?” Luna asked teasingly, trailing kisses and nibbles down the humans now bare chest, a red-faced Ares staring down at her.


He responded with a groan, his head hitting the bed when Luna finally stripped him down to his underwear, Celestia coming over to finally see her first human penis, said penis tenting from the humans undergarments.


The human opened his eyes to see both of the alicorns looking at his bulge with almost morbid fascination, Luna very slowly peeling off the garment to reveal Ares manhood, which popped up, throbbing proudly, the organ seeming to know that there were two mouths tantalizingly close to it.


“...It is different from a stallions,” Luna said, Celestia nodding absentmindedly at the statement.


“Yes, the head isn’t flat,” She gave Ares a sheepish look when she saw his indignation. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it!” She said. “It’s just different.”


Luna licked her lips lusty. “It is exotic,” she corrected, her horn glowing and encasing the humans member in a blue glow, Ares groaning when he felt a tingling sensation hit him. “We cannot wait to begin!”


Celestia gave her sister a little glare when she saw a burst of precum spurt  onto the humans tip, his cock throbbing harder. “Luna, what did I say about casting spells on Ares?”


The younger sister rolled her eyes, bopping the cock with her muzzle, giggling when Ares groaned again, his back arching slightly. “All we have done is make sure that our friend will be able to pleasure us both fully.”


“You gave me magic viagra?” Ares groaned, opening an eye to glared at the smiling princess.


“You do not wish to be the only one satisfied, do you, Ares?” Luna asked, beginning to gently stroke the human with a hoof.


He responded with another groan, this one sounding more irritated than lusty, Luna looking over at her sister. “Sister, do the wish for the first taste?”


The sun princess tore her gaze away from the cock to stare at her sister. “...You may go first, Luna,” she said, gently getting off the bed and making her way over to the suitcase. “These are all clean, right?”


“We do not keep our toys dirty, Tia.”


Celestia nodded slowly, her gaze going over the various toys and settling on a normal-sized dildo. Well, I should start as well, she thought, watching Luna plant a barrage of kisses on and around Ares tip, the midnight blue alicorn using her magic to keep the human from moving as she giggled at his struggles.


“Is the pleasure acceptable?” She asked, giving the cock a long, loving lick. “Thou’s seed is quite delectable, Ares,” she giggled again when Ares groaned. “It seems that we need to be careful with our fellatio, thou seem about to finish already.”


Ares gave her the finger weakly. “S-Shut- ugh!” Ares witty reply was forgotten when Luna popped his cock into her mouth, taking a few inches of him in and humming at the flavor, sucking him hard. Ares eyes almost crossed as pleasure racked his body at the warm, wet, and all around awesomeness that was the night princesses mouth.


Celestia licked a dildo absentmindedly, red-faced and with her nethers tingling as she watched everything unfold in front of her. 


There was no longer any rational thought in the older alicorn as she watched her sister take Ares to the base and coming up slowly, her tongue gliding around Ares cock as he tried to thrust upward, only lust.


“Ugh, Luna,” Ares panted, a slightly angry and lust-filled look in his eyes. “Please, just let me move!” 


The alicorn responded by giving him a wink and humming, making Ares head hit the bed again, his back arching. Celestia watched what she was doing and glared amusingly at her sister. So, you wanna be like that, Lulu? She thought, levitating another dildo from the suitcase.


Well, how about this?


Luna’s eyes shot open when she felt something rub against her wet marehood, coating itself with her lady cum, the alicorn releasing the humans cock from her mouth with a pop and looking over she shoulder at her grinning sister.


“Tia, what-”


Ares, seeing a golden opportunity since the alicorn released him from her magic in her shock, reached up and grabbed her horn at the same time as Celestia put the toy inside of her sister, Luna’s eyes crossing and her knees going weak at the dual sensations.


“Just trying to give Ares a fair chance, Luna,” Celestia said while a grinning Ares started to gently stroke her horn, the tip beginning to dimly glow.


“This is what you get for holding me down,” the human added, Luna looking at him, eyes narrowing.


“I-Is t-this how t-thou are g-going to be?” Luna stuttered, carefully grasping Ares member with her hooves and positioning the human’s cock upwards, giving it a lustful lick. “We w-will show t-thee our m-might.”


Celestia watched with fascination at the humans fingers, the appendages wrapping around and gently stroking her sisters horn. I wonder what else- she shook her head, beginning to drive the toy into her sister until it was a blur under her tail. Nono, I’ll let Luna have her fun first.


Luna closed her eyes, humming as she bobbed her head up and down Ares length, her tongue greedily licking any precum coming out of Ares tip. Ares gritted his teeth and stroked Luna’s horn faster, the human determined not to finish first. 


“Are you alright over there, Ares?” Celestia teased, the human biting back a moan.


“I-I’m f-fine,” he answered, noticing that Luna’s horn was beginning to glow brighter and brighter. “W-What’s-”


Luna eyes shot open and she groaned, her horn erupting in a colorful array of lights as she came hard, Celestia humming happily and continuing thrusting into her sister. The younger alicorn slumped down onto the bed with the human’s cock still in her mouth, just content to tiredly suck on him as pleasure continued to flow through her.


Come on! Ares thought, gently thrusting into the princesses mouth. You can last a little longer. C-come- Despite his best efforts, that familiar sensation was creeping up on him fast.


“Luna, I-I’m-” The alicorn looked up at the human -her eyes lighting up in realization- and she gave him a wink. Ares head hit the bed, biting his lip hard to keep moaning when the first spurts of come erupted from him, Luna happily swallowing the rather large load.


Luna took the cock out of her mouth with a happy sigh, the member still throbbing defiantly, and put her head on the panting humans abdomen. 


Celestia took the toy out of her sister and all but threw it across the room, ready for her turn with the human but her sister shakily got up and crawled upward on the human, his member rubbing against her slopping wet marehood, the alicorn bringing Ares into a kiss.


“Are thee ready, Ares?” She asked, using her magic to gently guiding Ares cock to her eager lips.


Ares responded by grabbing her rump and carefully lifting her up, the two moaning when Luna teased herself and the human by rubbing his tip against her button. 


“Just put it in!” Ares growled, beginning to gently lower her onto him, Celestia trying to hide her pouty face.


I want a turn… She childishly thought, crossing her hooves as Ares finally bottomed out, Luna using her magic to gently pick up the two and moving up the bed so the human could rest is back on the headboard.


It’s like a furnace,  Ares thought, playing with a moaning Luna's wings. 


“This is delightful,” Luna said, beginning to gently nibble the humans neck, Ares slowly thrusting into her. Soon all Celestia could hear were wet, slapping sounds and a gasp or two. Hurry the buck up! She irritatedly thought, scrunching her face up at the two. 


“We are almost there, Ares,” Luna finally gasped out  after what seemed like an eternity to the older alicorn.


Ares nodded, bringing her into another kiss. “I’m right around the bend too,” he said, grunting. “Where-”


“Inside.”


The human nodded again and increased his pace, Celestia practically chomping at the bite when Ares slammed Luna down onto him, the alicorns wings flaring and her horn erupting into another shower of sparks, Ares stiffening as the two came together hard.


Comeoncomeoncomeon! Celestia thought as she watched the two slump over with contend sighs, Ares tiredly pulling out, the cock glistening with various juices and still throbbing proudly.


Luna gave Ares a final kiss. “Did you enjoy you gift, Ares?” She asked, giving his cheek a nuzzle.


Ares chuckled. “Yeah, Luna, I can safely say this has been one of my better Christmas presents.” he told her, Luna smiling brightly.


“Good,” she turned toward her sister, Celestia almost waving her to hurry up so she could have her own fun. “It seems like our sister wishes her turn with you,” she said, leaning crawling down and giving his cock a quick licking. 


“There thou go, Tia, he is all nice and clean for thee,” The younger princess said, giving Celestia a little smile, patting the human on the stomach and crawling to a corner of the bed to give the two enough room.


Ares rested on his elbows tiredly, looking at the slightly now panicked-looking alicorn, who, with a red-face, almost slyly crawled up onto the bed and toward the human. 


Luna rolled her eyes at her sisters display, her horn glowing, Celestia being grabbed by her hooves with magic and forced to spread-eagle for Ares. “You may have your way with our sister now, Ares.” She said, ignoring Celestia’s squeak.


Ares stared down at the slightly shaking Celestia, who stared up at him almost fearfully. After a little thought the human sighed. “Luna, let her go,” though he couldn't see it, Luna’s smile grew as she let her sister go, Ares grabbing and gently rolling the alicorn on top of him.


“Let’s do this your way, Princess,” he said, giving Celestia a gentle kiss on the lips.


“A-Are y-you s-sure?” Celestia asked, her sister rolling her eyes as Ares tenderly stroked her side.


“Ab-so-lutely you can-” The human tried to say more but nothing came out of his mouth, Celestia beginning to smile widely. What the fuck? He thought, looking around in confusion to see if Luna was doing anything.


Why aren’t I making any noise? While he was thinking, looking away from the devious sun princess, he didn’t see a golden glow appear around his wrists and legs.


Ares let out a muted yelp when his arms were lifted above his head and his legs spread, the human looking up at a now grinning Celestia, who started giggling.


“I cast a little spell right outside your mouth that makes your voice go to such a high frequency that we can’t hear it,” she told him, giving his neck a playful nip. “I always prefer silent lovers over vocal ones,” she licked her lips eagerly. “Now it’s my turn~”


Oh shit, Celestia’s a dominatrix, Ares thought, flinching when the alicorn slowly moved downward, the humans cock rubbing against her ridiculously soft coat. She better not shove anything up my ass.


The sun princess hummed happily when she saw Ares making funny faces at what she was doing. “Oh, does that feel good?” She asked, giving his lower stomach a long, slow lick. “Well, colt, I think I’m going to take my time with you.”


Yep, definitely a dominatrix, the human thought, letting out a silent groan as another wave of pleasure crashed over him. Thank god I had a girlfriend like this, preparing me for crazy bitches in the bedroom.


Celestia giggled when she finally reached the promised land, Ares cock throbbing harder when he felt her hot breath on his length.


“Oh, someponies excited,” she said with a bit of amusement, “I guess I have to fix that~”


Now, Ares expected some more mouth happy-times, but what he got was the princesses long, flowing mane engulfing his cock, and, he could have been vocal at all, he would have screamed in pleasure.


The sensation, though almost mind-numbingly pleasurable, was pretty hard to describe, Ares trying and failing to thrust into the semi-transparent mane. The best way to describe it was if a warm jar of vibrating goo came to life and began stroking him from every side at once, 


With Luna, Ares probably had lasted about five minutes during oral. With Celestia and her freaky hair, Ares was at the finish line in under thirty seconds. 


With a silent moan and a hope that his cum was going to hit the smug-looking alicorn right in the eye, Ares came harder than he had that night, maybe harder than he ever had in his life, Celestia moving out of range as the cock jumped, sending spurts into the humans chest, legs, and even the bed.


The alicorn giggled again, her long tongue lapping up the mess that Ares made. “My my my, your spell is working marvelously, Luna,” she told her sister, who looked up and gave her a smile.


“We are glad to know our work is appreciated, Tia,” She said with a giggle as Celestia gave Ares tip a teasing lick, the alicorn then crawling up until she was sitting on the human’s chest, Ares eyeing her dripping wet marehood.


“See how wet you have me, Ares?” Celestia said with a throaty growl. “I believe that you should rectify that~”


With that the mare scooted up and all but buried the human’s face into her marehood, letting out a throaty moan when Ares gave her swollen lips a tentative lick. ...Not that much different from a woman's, he thought as the older alicorn started to grind herself into his face.


At least she taste better than most women I’ve been with, he smiled, leaning up and giving her button a gentle nip, Celestia’s eyes crossing as almost-forgotten sensations crashed over her.


“Right there, Ares,” she said, using a hoof to the back of the human’s head to push him deeper into her. 


Ares did as requested, letting his mind wander. Hum, you’d think someone as big as Celestia would be a little bit heavier, he thought, nipping the alicorns lips. I mean, her ass is pretty big without counting the rest of her… It should weigh at least a hundred pounds by itself.


“Harder, Ares, harder! Treat me like the dirty filly I am!”


But she has to only weigh like one-ten, maybe one-twenty, the human let out a little hum, further stimulation the alicorn. It must be magic, or maybe-


“I’m coming, Ares!”


Ares eyes widened as the alicorns stream became a tidal wave, Celestia cumming hard onto the humans face, Ares trying to lap everything he could.


Damn, he thought as Celestia slumped over beside him, a goofy smile on her face. I probably should pay more attention when I’m doing stuff like this.


Celestia gave the human a nuzzle, using her freakishly long tongue to give his face a few licks. “Thank you, Ares,” she said, giving him a peck on the cheek. “That was incredible,” Nailed it! Ares blinked when the alicorn gave him another lusty smile when she saw his still erect member.


“Hum, it seems like my sisters spell is still working,” Ares stared at her wide-eyed as she started to trail downward slowly, teasing him with nibbles and kisses. “Good~”


The white alicorn finally reached down to Ares manhood, pleased when she saw a bead of precum trailing down his length. “Oh, can’t somepony wait until I start sucking his big cock?~”


Oh shit, she’s a dirty talker too, the human thought as he stared down at her, the alicorn starting to stroke him with a hoof, causing Ares to let out a silent groan in pleasure. 


Celestia slowly brought her tongue out of her mouth until it was within a hair's breadth of his tip before bringing it back into her mouth, giggling when she saw the look on Ares face. “Now don’t be like that, Ares,” Celestia said, cupping the human’s balls with a hoof. “I just want you to beg for it.”


Smiling, she brought a hoof to her ear. “Come on, just say that you want me to do it and I will begin,” she tried not to giggle when she saw his pleading expression. 



“Alright, since you asked so nicely,” she said, lowering her head down toward his member, Ares watching wide-eyed.


Oh sweet Jesus, this is kinda weird, Ares thought as the alicorn gave his tip a teasing lick. 


Though pleasurable, having sex with Celestia was rather odd for Ares. Unlike Cadence, or even Luna, Celestia seemed the most like royalty, someone who you followed with pride, someone who practically oozed grace, not someone who did things like this.


To the human, it was like one of those fantasies when your school teacher wants you, or maybe a mayor… Ares really couldn’t think straight with a princess noisily blowing him.


“Oh, you were right, Luna,” letting go of Ares with a pop. “He tastes wonderful~” 


The alicorn went back to her dirty work with a gusto, wrapping her lips tightly around the humans cock and sucking him hard, not breaking his gaze as she slowly bobbed her head up and down his shaft. 


Come on, Ares, the alicorn thought, still enjoying his funny faces. Cum, let me taste your seed!


The alicorns skills, along with his view of Celestia around his shaft with her cheek shrunken in with her sucking and her lusty gaze finally put Ares over the edge, the human letting out a muted groan as the first spurt of his load hit the back of the alicorns throat.


Luna watched her sister continuing to bob her head, her lust re-beginning to surface. “Sister,” she said, making the older alicorn look up. “Could thou please let us use one of Ares hands? We wish to test them.”


Celestia let him go with a pop, she and the human panting as the sun princess gave her younger sister a wink, letting one of Ares hands free. “There you go, sister,” she said, beginning to crawl back up the humans body until her swollen lips were teasing his length.


“Ready, Ares?~” She asked, giving Ares cheek a nuzzle. The red-faced human nodding eagerly, bringing his hand over to where Luna was, the younger alicorn taking his hand with her hooves and guiding it toward her marehood.


“Put thine appendage inside us, human friend!” Luna said, almost using the royal voice when Ares used a thumb to tease her button, sucking a finger inside her, the alicorn wiggling her hips at the foreign sensation. “OH SWEET FAUST!”


Celestia grinned at that and began to gently lower herself down onto Ares, the two groaning when the human finally bottomed out. Ares head hit the bed and he closed his eyes as the alicorns insides massaged his member.


S-She’s to o-old to b-be this t-tight! The human thought as Celestia grinded her hips and gave him a lusty kiss. “Ohhhh~” The alicorn moaned, beginning to rise and lower herself onto Ares, the human thrusting a finger into Luna, both of the alicorns moaning.


I’m not going to l-last long, Ares admitted to himself, silently cursing the older alicorn for not letting him move, but he tried to persevere, sticking another finger into Luna, who happily screamed, “The penetration has been doubled!” Thrusting her hips in tune with the humans thrusts.


Celestia watched as Ares closed his eyes and let out a silent groan, smiling and beginning to increase her pace, almost slamming into Ares. “G-Getting c-close, A-Ares?” She asked, feeling the human throbbing hard inside of her.


Ares nodded, closing his eyes tightly and biting his tongue hard, trying hard not to cum so soon. But it was all for not, because, within a few more handfuls of thrusts, he was at the finish line.


The humans eyes shot open and Celestia felt her insides being coated with his sperm, the alicorn moaning loudly and continuing, her finish getting agonizingly close. “More, Ares, MORE!” She screamed, Ares cumming again almost immediately, to her amazement.


Just a little more… She desperately thought, her horn beginning to glow along with her sisters, Luna finally yelling, “We are cumming!”


Her horn erupted as she came all over the human’s hand, Celestia closing her eyes and slamming down on Ares one final time, the two cumming together. Three times? the older alicorn thought, slumping onto the humans chest. I must be better than I thought…


She looked down and saw that the humans member was softening, Ares panting like he had just run a marathon. Looks like the spell wore off, she thought, nuzzling the humans chest with a content sigh, Luna crawling back over.


“The diddling is complete,” she said, eyeing the human. “Tia, thou may have broke our human friend.”


Celestia’s eyes widened at that and she finally let her spell go, remembering that the human was still not in peak physical condition. “Oh my, Ares,” she said, her mind now lust-free, staring up at the human with concern. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”


The rather pale human opened an eye. “I’m *puff* okay *puff,” he said, Luna giving the sweaty human a nuzzle.


“Are thou sure, Ares? Our sister rode thee rather hard,”


Ares nodded tiredly, wrapping his arms around the two alicorns. Celestia’s eyes widened when she felt a hand grope her ass.


“I’d of appreciated *huff* if you two would have let me *huff* move,” he said, glaring at the two.


They giggled at that, both of the alicorns laying their wings on top of him as they snuggled against his sides.


“Thou loved it,” Luna said, giving his neck a nuzzle.


The three lapsed into a comfortable silence, Ares stroking the princesses sides.


Finally, Ares said, “Well, this is going to piss Sherry off, me sleeping with his monarchs.”


The three giggled at that. “And we will diddle more maybe?” she looked hopefully at the human, who hummed thoughtfully.


“...Sure,” he said. “As long as you let me fucking move next time.”


Celestia smiled at that, closing her eyes and nuzzling the nape of Ares neck. “It has been a long time since we’ve had a royal consort , Luna…”


The younger sister threw up a hoof in the air. “Huzzah! The diddling will continue.”


Ares and Celestia chuckled at that, the three closing their eyes and ready for a long night sleep.


“Are thou sure we cannot show you the pleasures of anal, my human friend?”


“Just go to sleep, Luna.”


“We will diddle that backside eventually, we will wear thou down; we swear it.”








The End

                                     



> What Goes Up Must Come Down
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“-And then we’ll have to put the request through a council of nobles, which isn’t hard to get approval if I put in a good word,” Aunty said to Ares as Twilight, Shiny, Luna, and I fiddled with the runes that we had made with chalk on the stone floor of one of the castles empty rooms.

“Then what?” The human asked, thumbing through a book with a hint of a smile on his face.

We had worked around the clock, and, with a bit of luck and a forbidden spell or two, we finally had the beginnings of a portal spell to get Ares home and maybe begin contact with the humans.

We had to hurry up and test it out though, Aunty Luna and Celestia needed to go back home in a few days, their work at home was piling up and they had already done more than enough to help. We all had multiple discussions about just taking everything to Canterlot and finishing the portal there, and, to be honest, I was seriously considering it.

Really, it wouldn’t even be that hard for me to arrange everything for a long stay at my old home, the Crystal Empire had a council that honestly could do what I did everyday, and it had been a while since I’ve been home.

We still kinda wanted to test out the spell though, or at least Twilight wanted to test it ‘for science!’…

But it was okay since Aunty Celestia had made sure that that all we were going to try first was a scrying spell to see if we found the right plane that Ares and his people lived in. Oh, and she was at least eighty-seven percent sure that the spell wasn’t going to blow up in our faces.

So I guess you could say that what we were doing was super-duper safe!

Not really though...

At least that’s a better percentage than you usually get for this sort of thing. I mean, this wasn’t just an average scrying spell where you’d just spy on somepony that you liked; we were pretty much tearing a hole through realities.

And yes, I’ve done that with a scrying spell…. Just like every unicorn mare has! Yep, we actually all do it, just trust me.

I was drawing the third circular runes and had about finished, but Aunties and Ares conversation was a little too silly for me to properly concentrate, something that you kinda needed for something this complex. 

“So if I get all of that done then what?” The human asked, sitting next to Aunty Celestia and playing with her mane while he read.

My Aunty sighed contently, lowering her head onto his lap to give him better access. “Well, after the nobles approve then Luna, Cadence, or I need to give it our blessing.”

“We would be happy to do so, human friend!” Luna said with a smile, looking up from her work. “As long as thou do something for us…”

The two rolled their eyes at her. “How about I introduce you to some of my more adventurous friends, Luna?” Ares said, Luna clapping her hooves together happily.

“Huzzah! We will diddle all of the humans!”

Shiny looked slightly disgusted at that, grumbling while he did his work.

Ares nodded at that. “Alright, and then I get the title?”

Aunty nodded. “Yes.”

“And ponies will have to call me by that title?”

Flash Sentry, who was standing beside the human, looking bored out of his mind, snorted. “I won’t be calling you the lord of the cuddles, Ares,” he said, Ares looking over at him.

You see? I told you that it was silly. I mean, the only time Ares ever did any cuddling was with that nurse once… I think.

“Oh, you will, Flash,” the human said with a little tease in his voice. “And before I forget, are you ready for later today, Flashy-boy?”

Flash sighed at that. “...Yes.”

Ares looked over at Shiny. “What about you, Velma? You ready for some heavy lifting?”

The stallion snorted. “Yes I am, human, though I still don’t understand why we need this ‘Zen garden’.”

“It’s for our ‘bonding’,” Ares replied, beginning to play with Aunty’s ears.

Shiny’s eyes narrowed. “Not for summoning more humans?” He asked, the rest of us rolling our eyes. 

“Yep,” Ares answered. “We’re making a garden that somehow teleports people. Aw shit, Mercedes, you got me. ”

Luna looked up again. “We have looked over those plans,” she said. “It cannot do that.”

Shiny’s eye twitched, and he was about to say more when I interrupted him. “...And done! All we’ll need to do is put some magic through one of the runes and a ‘window’ should open.”

I looked over to Aunty Celestia, who was laying down adorably with her eyes closed and a smile on her face while being scratched. “Aunty, could you come over here and see if everythings in order?” I asked. “This is your area of expertise.”

Aunty’s smile grew at that. “I don’t think anypony can be an expert in spells this powerful,” she said, “I’m just one of the most knowledgable.”

She cracked open an eye to up at Ares with.  “Ares, you need to let go of my ears for a moment.“she told the human, who let her go after a moment’s hesitation . “Alright, lets see here…”

She got up and started to slowly circle our work, her gaze slowly looking over every rune, looking for imperfections “Yes, the third circle seems to be right, as does the first… Hummm,” she picked up a piece of chalk, fixing an error she saw. “And that should be it!”

We all let off a relieved sigh at that, that thing had taken hours for us to do and I’m sure that nopony wanted to do it again.

Twilight clapped her hooves together eagerly. “Good! Now all we need is a little magic,” she turned toward Aunty Celestia. “Princess, may I have the honors?”

“Hang on!” Ares said, getting up and moving to a table, putting his book down as Flash walked over with him. “Just let me and Flash get ready for any magically related accidents popping off.”

Flash nodded, hoofing Ares a hard hat and a pair of safety glasses. “Ready, Ares?”

The human flipped the table on its side and the two got behind it, their heads popping up from the edge. “Ready, Flash.”

Twilight rolled her eyes at that. “There’s no need for that,” she said. “We’ve gone over the runes for over a week, there’s not going to be an explosion of anything silly like that… Or at least there’s a good chance that wouldn’t happen…”

“Says the unicorn that can put up a magical shield to protect herself,” Twilight huffed at that and we all giggled, all of us keeping a bit of magic in our horns in case something did happen. “Light’em up, Purple!” The human said, pumping an arm into the air.

Twilight snorted and the closed her eyes, concentrating her magic on the starting rune.

We all watched, all of us holding our collective breath, as the first rune sparked to life glowing in a purple, shimmering light, it starting a chain reaction which caused the others to go off.

Twilight smiled in triumph. “Everything seems to be going smoothly, “she muttered, mostly to herself, putting more magic into the runes. “Now for the next phase.”

Her horn glowed brighter, the runes starting to hum violently, the air starting to shimmer around the runes. “There’s the second step,” Twilight said, a bead of sweat starting to form of her forehead. “And now time for the final step…”

“That’s really neat,” I heard Flash say. “At least if this blows up the explosion will be awesome.”

“Yeah it will,” I resisted the urge to facehoof when the two high-fived.

Twilight grunted, her horn sparking with energy, and, with a tearing sound, she opened a hole in reality, a bright light blinding us all for a moment.

Now, I know that that seems like it would be a bad thing, but it really isn’t that big of a deal… in theory. If we’re right then all we need is a little magic to patch it up. The most simple way to explain it is like a tear on a shirt that you need to sew together. First you need a ‘needle’, or Aunty Celestia to use her magic to ‘sew’ the tear back together.

See? Easy as one, two, quantum, nuclear super-magic.

I blinked a couple of times. “Did it work?” I asked as the light started to dim.

“Pika.”

We all stiffened when we heard something talk, it sounding like we were hearing it under water.

Ares popped his head up from the table with his silly hard hat and goggles on, staring at the portal. “Is that?...”

“Pikachoo.”

He hopped over the table, wide-eyed and with a big smile on his face, making his way over to the portal. “Pokemanz…” He nearly whispered as the rest of us crowded around the portal.

My eyes narrowed when I saw a really cute little yellow rat-looking creature just sitting on a rock in the middle of a grassy field. “What and the hay is that?”

I turned toward Ares, who looked like he was about to hopped around in excitement. “Ares?”

“I wanna be the very best..” He began, all of us looking at him in confusion.

“Art thou broken, human friend?” Aunty Luna asked as Ares made is way closer toward the portal, a dopey grin on his face and his arm stretched outward. We all looked at each other in alarm, Twilight and Shining trying to stop him from getting any closer.

“Don’t, Ares!” Twilight said, latching onto his leg. “If you touch it it might send you there!”

“Like no one ever was!”

Shiny growled, trying to push the human back and failing horribly. “Princess,” he said to Aunty Celestia. “Is this the human’s world?”

“To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!”

Aunty, who was watching in amusement, shook her head. “From the look on Ares face I do not think so,” she picked him up with magic. “I’m sorry, Ares, but I cannot let you do that.”

The human struggled in the air. “NO! Come on, just let me in there for a few minutes!” He said, Celestia putting him on her back as Twilight cut the spell off with a sigh that sounded like one part relief and two parts sadness. I almost laughed when I saw Ares broken-hearted expression, but that would've been mean.

So I just giggled.

Hey, don’t look at me like that, you weren’t there.

“B-But, the pokemanz…” He whimpered, Aunty Celestia rolling her eyes.

“Was I right in that wasn’t your world?” She asked, looking a little more worried when she saw tears in the human’s eyes.

“No, it’s a made-up world where I’m from…” he sighed, looking away from us. “But I wanted to punch Ash so hard in the face…”

Aunty gave him a nuzzle, letting him off her back. “I’m sorry, Ares.”

He waved her off. “It's fine,” he didn’t sound like he meant that. “Just do me a favor and look at these worlds without me. Can you do that?”

Celestia hummed thoughtfully. “I believe so, all we’ll need is something that you brought with you from your world.”

Ares looked down, taking off one of his shoes and presenting her a sock. “Thank you, Ares,” she said taking the sock as Aunty Luna walked over, patting Ares on the back.

“Art thou okay, Ares?” She asked, Ares nodding.

“...Ya, I’m fine.”

“We believe that if you made out with us then thou would feel better.”

Ares snorted at that, standing up. “No thanks, Luna,” he looked toward Shiny and Flash. “Are you two ladies ready for some real work?”

Aunty waved a hoof dismissively. “You may leave, the only ones that really need to be here are Luna and I.”

Twilight but her lip at that, looking unsurely at Ares. “Ares, would it be okay if I watched you make this ‘Zen garden’?”

The human cocked his head at her. “What’s with the shyness, Purple?”

She drew a circle in the carpet. “The princess may have told me to ask you for permission whenever I want to study things about you since… my little incident.”

“We’re not going to be doing that much that’s interesting,” Ares told her. “Just a lot of earth moving, its going to be boring.”

I saw Twilight’s eyes glaze over slightly. “But I’ll be able to learn a thousand year old human tradition,” she looked up at him, her puppy-dog eyes on full blast. “It is an old tradition, right, Ares?”

Ares flinched, like I did every time when Twilight did that to me when I was her babysitter, muttering, “I think its older than that, but trust me purple, its not-” he sighed, covering his eyes with a hand. “Fine, FINE! Just stop doing that!”

My Aunt's and I giggled as Twilight let out a happy squee, tackling Ares into a hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

Our giggling grew when the human tried to wiggle her off him. “Purple, personal space,” he told the purple unicorn. “Besides, your bro looks like he’s gonna punch me in the mouth.”

Shiny snorted. “As you said, Ares, you, the Private, and I are going to bond making this ‘garden’,” he looked at me from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t think there’s a need for violence for anything you do… Well, you may need a smack in the head but its not my place to do it,” to my shocked delight, my Shiny smiled, Ares grinning back at him.

“Alright, good enough for me,” Ares said, poking Twilight in the sides, the mare squeaking and letting go of him. “Come on, Candy, you gotta come too, you gotta help us get ready.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “And why do you need me?”

“I’m guessing that you know how to do hair?”

“...Yes, why?”

“Just come on, I’ll tell you on the way.”

With that we all left the room, leaving a rather put out looking Aunty Luna and a smiling Aunty Celestia.

“We do not like that the human is playing hard to get with us, Tia,” I overheard her tell Aunty, who, even though I couldn’t see her, I could tell was smiling.

“I believe that you may need to up your wooing, sister.”

“...Thou art right, Tia; then we will be the first to have a human as a royal consort!” I giggled as she continued. “Our human friend can also diddle you, dear sister, if that is your wish.”

“Oh, well thank you, Luna.”

“Thou art welcome, Tia.”

“I was using sarcasm, sister.”

“.... Then we hope that thou step upon a colored cube made of hardened plastic, sister.”


Two hours later…


Now, I’m sure you’ve seen Zen gardens all around Equestria by now; for some reason they really caught on when they heard that I had one, and they are really pretty. It’s a simple design where all you need is a little bit of land, a ton or two of sand, and a few big stones and you have everything that you need.

Ares is right when he told me they were a tranquil place to relax; when you’re sitting on one of the stones and you’re the only one there… something happens to you, like all of your stress is just gone and the world seems to slow down.

That being said, and you might not think so, but they are bucking hard to build. Well, not difficult per se, but there’s just a lot of labor that goes into building one, especially one as big as mine. And the outfits don’t make it any easier…


“Ares!” Flash whined, fidgeting with is odd-looking dress. “This thing is itchy! And do we have to put our hair up into buns like this?”

Ares, who was also in what he called a ‘kimono’ with one of my mane extensions on his head and tied up into a bun, looked down at the stallion, a shovel in his hand. “Yes you do, Flash; now quit bitchin’, you big baby.”

Shiny wasn’t the happiest looking stallion at the situation that he was in, and I may be a little at fault with that. But he looked soooo cute!

“Cadence, please stop,” he said as I fussed with his dress. “I need to help Ares with this.”

“But Shiiiinnnnny!” I whined. “You’re so cute in this thing! Just let me go and get a camera, please!”

Ares chuckled at Shiny’s misfortune. “Candy, put your boy down, we have a shit load of work to do. You can fondle him later.”

With a teeny bit of disappointment, I let Shiny go, the stallion picking up a shovel and walking toward the human. “The Private is right, Are; do we really need to wear these?”

Ares nodded, putting his hands on his hips. “Yep, you see these things are gonna make our work difficult, sweaty, and all around awful,” he grinned. “But it’s tradition, so we gotta do it like this.”

Twilight, who looked from her furious notetaking, said, “So they wear these in your world?”

Ares shrugged, hefting his own shovel. “Yeah, I think so.”

I got up and cracked by back, making my way over to and sitting at the table that a servant had brought Twilight and I to sit at.

“Well, you boys have fun,” I told them, sipping a cup of tea. “Twilight and I will catch up, maybe talk about boys~” I smiled behind my tea when Twilight’s face exploded into a blush like I knew it would.

Ares walked over and patting her on the head. “Don’t let her get to you, Books,” the human told Twilight. “Go over there and tell her all of the ass you get from my boy Flash over there.”

Now it was Flash Sentry to blush, the stallion all but tackling Ares to the ground. “You shut your mouth, Ares!” The stallion hissed while we all laughed at him, except a certain husband of mine.

Shiny cleared his throat. “Can we please just start with this, please?” 

The human pushed Flash off him, rolling his eyes at my husband. “Oh, is Barbra impatient?”

“No, I just don’t feel comfortable with us talking about my little sister’s sex life,” Shiny calmly said, despite the smile that he was trying to hide. “You have a sister, don’t you, Ares? I’m sure that you wouldn’t appreciate us talking about her like that.”

Ares laughed at that, driving his shovel into the dirt. “My sister needs to get laid, Jennifer, I’d love to be able to talk about all the guys that I put in the hospital for trying to sling their shit at her.”

With that the three started digging out an area of about a hundred square feet, it all being about two feet deep, and Ares was right, it looked like it was bucking hard work. It didn’t help any that it was about eighty degrees outside, something which was odd for that time of year.

Twilight and I spend the hours catching up with each other, Twilight telling me about everything happening with her friends, and me telling her about how I was doing with Shiny and our kingdom, the two of us in the shade getting tired just watching the stallions work.

Their work really isn’t interesting enough to describe, it was just a bunch of shoveling and moving dirt, some of the grunting was interesting though, but when I commented that the three sounded like they were making a little song I was ignored.

“Ares,” I called after about five hours of them working. “Why don’t you come over here and get something to drink, maybe take a little break.”

Ares snorted, throwing another shovelful of dirt. “I’m fine, mom.”

“You’re still not completely well yet,” I told him, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. “I just don’t want you overexerting yourself.”

“I’m fine, mom,” he told me again. “Oh, and since I got your attention, can I get my allowance early this month, all of my other friends parents are letting them go fishing and I need some booze money.”

I giggled, saying in a motherly tone, “As long as you finish your chores then I don’t see why not, now come over here and talk to your mother,” I said, patting a seat right next to me.

Ares shoved his shovel into the dirt, panting slightly. “We should go and take a break anyways ladies,” Shiny and Flash looked enthused at that, the two dropping their shovels and trotting over to us, Flash practically ripping his sweat-drenched kimono and dumping a jug of water on his head after a servant had brought it out.

“Oh, sweet Celestia’s furry bal-” he began, stopping when he probably realized that using my aunt’s name in vain in front of us might not have been the best of ideas.

“Celestia’s what, Flashy-boy?” Ares said with a smile, cupping his ear. “Come on, finish that up.”

“I, um, what I mean was…”

I thanked a servant as she brought out a another jug of water and a few cups- the mare probably knew they would do something like that because, as everypony knows, all servants can see into the future- giving Flash a comforting pat on the back. “Don’t worry, Flash, I’m sure I’ve used Aunty Celestia’s name like that once or twice myself.”

I tried to grab the water but Ares intercepted me, dumping the water in his face, sighing as he also ripped off his dress. “Oh sweet Cadences-”

“None of that!” I shouted, my ‘babysitter face’ staring down the grinning human. “I’m not going to hear anything lewd with my name in it!”

“-Shining pink hair?...” Ares lamely finished, playing with the servants ears as he plopped down in a chair, the others following. “Sweetie, I’m sorry about making your life hard but could you get Matelda over there a jug?”

The human leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes after a now blushing servant left. “Man, piss on these kimonos, those Chinese are some hard little fuc-,” he saw my look. “Fudgsicles.” 

Shiny and Flash groaned in agreement. “Ares, are we almost done?” Flash whined. “Can we at least stop for the day?”

Ares scrunched his face up. “Hmm, we did do a lot… Sure, as long as we get up early to finish this thing. The sands somewhere around here, right?”

I nodded. “Yep, it came in the other day, along with the stones you wanted.”

Ares smiled. “Awesome,” he opened an eye, looking around. “Say, are the princess still cooped up in that library? I thought Luna would be-”

“Princess Luna, Ares,” Twilight corrected, looking up from her massive amount of notes, tapping her quill against her cheek with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Hmm, am I right in guessing that you have ball-and-joint sockets that connect your arms and shoulders?” 

Ares shrugged. “Purple, I have no idea. Now, as I was saying, you’d think Princess Luna would of loved to watch our sweaty asses do this all day.”


…


Celestia and Luna watched wide-eyed as they gazed into the odd sight that was in the ‘mirror’. For some reason, this world had a bunch of rather handsome-looking men dancing in speedo’s at what looked like a beach. In the background there was surprisingly fruity music playing from somewhere, the sight of everything that was going on in this world dumbfounding even Celestia.

“...Sister, may we-”

“No, Luna.”

Luna sat down on her rump and crossed her hooves, pouting, “All we need is an hour or so in this world! We have the power to return on our own if need be.” The princess of the night licked her lips. “Look, Tia, that gentlecolt is rubbing lotion onto his fellows!”

The older alicorn watched as one of the big, tan men frolliced along the sand beach, a big bottle of suntan lotion in his hand.

Celestia sighed, rubbing a temple with a wing. “No, Luna.”

“Thou art killing us sister! We will also bring one back for you and-” Luna squealed in delight at something that happened on the oddly homoerotic world. “Huzzah! Did thou see that, Tia? That man, as the fillies and colts say, took it like a champ.”


…


I shrugged, getting up from my chair and flinching at my popping joints. I’ve been sitting down for too long, I thought, looking toward Shiny. “Shining, why don’t you go get a shower and in a little bit we can get some dinner?” I asked.

Shiny nodded tiredly, and I could still tell that he was still a little mad at me by the slight narrowing of his eyes. “Alright, Cadence,” he said, not noticing that a jug of water was about to be poured into his head.

Flash tried to save his commanding officer. “Um, Cap-”


Splash!


Twilight and I giggled and Shiny let out a sigh as Ares dumped the jug of water into his head, the now-dripping stallion looking up at the grinning human. “You know,” he calmly said. “I’d be more upset if that didn’t feel so good. Still, you can go buck yourself.”

“I love you too, Jude.”


5 minutes later.


I wonder how I can get Shiny’s mind off Ares, I thought as the two of us made our way back to our room. Even though I’m happy to have him as a friend, Ares IS kinda putting a strain on our relationship. Maybe I can take him on a night out on the tow-

“Excuse me, Prince, Princess,” A voice said, interrupting me from my thoughts. Shiny and I turned around to see a very serious-looking Doctor Stitch standing there looking at us.

“Oh hello, Doctor, is there something that you need?” Shiny asked.

“You seem tense, Dr. Stitcher,” I added, a feeling of worry starting to gnaw at me for some reason. “Is there something wrong?”

My feeling of worry didn’t lessen when the doctor sighed, taking off and cleaning her glasses with a sleeve.

“The results of your blood work have finally returned. My apologies that it took so long, I thought it prudent to get some of the tests done again to see if the results were correct.”

My worry started to become panic as the doctor continued. “Now, one of the tests that I ran to see if there were any genetic complications that were getting in the way of either of you having children was a chromosome analysis, a procedure that we don’t usually do but I wanted to be thorough. Now, remember it’s not an exact-”

“Please, Doctor,” Shiny irritably said, “I’ve had a long day, could you please just tell us the results of the tests?”

The doctor flinched at that, taking a shaky breath. “You’re results came out negative on every test, Prince Shining. By all accounts you’re a perfectly healthy stallion that can have all of the foals that he wants,” I could feel my heart beating in my chest and my breathing was becoming ragged as the doctor turned to me, a look of pity on her eyes.

“By the blood samples that I took from you, Princess Cadence it also said you were a perfectly healthy mare,” I almost fell over in relief.

“But,” My relief turned right back to panic as she continued. “When I did your genetic testing I learned that there’s… something different about alicorns from ponies,” the doctor started to pace. “You’re so close to us on a biological level that I had to look again to see it, but when I found it, it all made sense as to why you haven’t been able to conceive.”

Shiny walked over and all but grabbed the doctor by the coat, a panicked look in his eyes. “Doctor, what. Is. Wrong. With. My. Wife?” He snarled, butting heads with the doctor.

Calmy, she pushed him away and made her way toward me and, putting a hoof on my shoulder.

“A pony has thirty pairs of chromosomes, at least that’s what scientists have been able to see with the technology that we have now, ” she said sadly. “The Princess has almost fifty from what I’ve seen with the equipment I have here… I’m sorry, Princess, but the chances of you being able to conceive are slim to none ….”


Thirty minutes later…


Ares sighed as he stepped out of the shower, rolling his aching shoulders. Man, I’m gonna be fucking sore in the morning, he thought, smirking slightly. Ha, no one can tell me not to cuss in my mind! Fuck Shit Cunt Ass! he shook his head, smiling.

Man, you know you’ve gone to a new low when you’re happy that you can swear to yourself…

“Well, I’d better get dressed,” the human muttered to himself, “The Princesses are probably gonna want to eat soon. We better not be eating cabbage soup again, or I swear to god I’m going to eat one of the cooks.”

Ares looked in the mirror that was in his bathroom, frowning when he saw his ribs sticking out. “Still too skinny. Gonna need some meat to fatten me up,” he arranged his hair a little. “Still gorgeous though.”

Chuckling, he dressed and made his way out the door, walked leisurely to Cadences and Shining’s room, while on the kinda long walk the human let his mind wonder.

We did a lot of work today, he hummed to himself. I’m even starting to grow on Matilda, just a little more and- Ares stopped when he heard crying.

“Is that… Candy?” 

He increased his pace, almost running as the crying increased in volume with every step he took, until he turned the corner to see a discomforting sight.

Both Luna and Celestia were by Cadence’s door, gently tapping it, Shining was sitting in the middle of the hallway with a thousand-yard stare, muttering to himself, there was even doctor Stitch there looking like she had killed someone’s puppy and was really sorry about it.

Needless to say, Ares was concerned.

Walking over to Shining Armor, the concerned human knelt down and said, “Shining, what’s going on? What’s wrong with you? And why in the hell is Candy crying?”

Shining didn’t even look up at him, his breathing ragged and his coat looking even whiter than it was. “I’ll never to able to hold a foal of my blood in my hooves…”

Ares started to lightly slap him in the face. “Hey, Shiny, ya gotta come back to the real world buddy,” getting more worried, Ares started to hit the stallion harder and harder until he felt a hoof on his shoulder.

“Mr. Ares, please stop hitting the Prince,” Ares turned around to see a teary-eyed Stitch. “He’s had a very rough day,” the doctor nudged her head and the two walked a ways away from everyone.        

“Alright, Doc,” Ares said, sounding calm despite how he felt. “What the fuck’s going on?”

“It really isn’t-”

The human leaned down until he and the doctor were touching noses, a fierce look in his eyes. “Doc, you’re gonna tell why Candy’s in her room, crying her eyes out with all of you here like someone's just kicked the bucket or I’m gonna eat you,” he bared his teeth at the now shaken doctor, knowing that it would unnerve the pony.

“I just told the Princess some horrible news,” the doctor said, keeping the tremble out of her voice. “It’s…”


One explanation and a hasty decision later.


“This is really, really stupid, Ares,” the human muttered to himself. “You goddamn dummy; I mean, you’re scared of heights!”

After the doctor’s explanation on what had happened, the human had walked over to the princesses to ask what could be done to get the princess of love out of her room, all three of them worried about a pony who had just been told that there was a good possibility that she wouldn’t be able to have children being by herself.

After putting their heads together, the three first tried to talk her into opening her door, then they tried to get Shining to snap out of it, i.e. Ares hitting him some more until Celestia made him stop, thinking that her husband might be able to talk to her, but the shock of the news kept the stallion in his shell-shocked state.

Not finding any good solutions that he felt would get the alicorn out of her room quickly, and fearing that since Cadence had stopped crying that she was about to do something everyone might regret, Ares decided to take matters into his own hands to help his friend.

And what was his solution? Why, it was going a floor above Cadences room and jumping out the window, hopefully hitting the balcony and not falling to his death, and somehow get her out of the room or tell her that the doctor, who herself said that genetic test weren’t all that accurate yet, could be full of shit.

There were a few problems with this plan though.

Since he was sure that either of the princesses would approve of this plan, Ares neglected to tell them what he was going to do, which meant that if he missed the balcony then it was a long way down to the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. Ares also had the slight handicap in that he was kinda, sorta, really scared of heights. The fact that it was windy out that day or that he was looking at a ten foot drop weren’t helping his fears any either.

So there Ares was, hanging out a window and trying to talk himself into jumping, the ten foot drop seeming about a hundred when he eyeballed it. 

“You can do this, Ares,” the human said, trying to pump himself up. “Your friend is down there balling her eyes out and maybe trying to kill herself. Her Aunt’s are just tapping the door and her husband is losing his fucking mind so you’re the only one that can do anything.”

He took a deep breath. “Now all you need to do is let yourself fall ten feet on a windy ass day and hit that tiny, balcony and- sweetOdinI’mgonnafuckingdieandIcan’tdothis!”

He all but scrambled away from the window, silently cursing his cowardice, dusting himself off and starting for the door. Maybe one of the Princesses will talk her into opening her door, Ares thoughts as his hand touched the doorknob. Or maybe Shining will-

Sometimes all you need to do is fake yourself out in order to defeat your fear, and that’s just what Ares did, spinning around and making a beeline toward the still open window. Before the fear could return the human swung both of his legs out the window, sitting on the frame, letting out a final battle cry as he all but threw himself out the window.

“FUCK ME!”


…


Have you ever felt so sad or angry or hopeless that you just feel hollow inside? Like there’s this hole in your stomach that feels like you could put everything in the world in it and you would still feel hollow?

If you have times that by a thousand, then another thousand, then you have the beginnings of how I felt.

I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the princess of love and leader of the Crystal Empire, would quite possibly never have a child because of something that I have absolutely no control over, and my husband, who was a perfectly healthy pony, would have to live with not holding a foal that we made together for as long as he lived.

Naturally, I was upset.  

I didn’t even let the doctor say anything else when she told us, I just turned around and slammed my door in her and Shiny’s face, using a spell to seal my door before I jumped on my bed and started to cry my eyes out.

The doctor telling me that I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids that wasn’t the worst part.  No, the worst part was the look on Shiny’s face when the doctor told us. I don’t think I’ll ever un-see that look…

I wiped the tears from my eyes and got up from my bed, ignoring my aunt’s calls as I made my way over to my table and eyed a pen meaningfully.

Well, will you look at that, Cadence, I thought sourly. You can’t rule your kingdom properly, you need other ponies to help you fight your own battle, and now you can’t even start a family with your husband.

I put my head down on the table, whimpering and closing my eyes, the tears starting to come back. It would have been better if you’d never been bo-

“FUCK ME!”

I spun around when I heard somepony yell, which was followed by a thumping sound a moment later.

“Urk- I did it!” A voice yelled from my balcony, which was followed by a pain-filled groan. “Oh sweet Mother Teresa’s gazongas, that hurt!”

My instinct to help whoever needed my help outweighed the cocktail of negative emotions that I was feeling, so I all but sprinted to my balcony to see Ares curled up in a ball, whimpering in pain.

“Ares?” I said, confused, Ares looking up at me with a weak smile, uncurling from his ball.

“Candy, I came-”

CRACK!

Ares head whipped around when I hit him with a hoof, the humans eyes widening as I stared him down, my eyes blazing in anger. 

Ares squeaked when my hoof came back to angrily backhand his other cheek.

“I SPEND MONTHS FIXING YOU UP AND YOU JUMP OUT A BUCKING WINDOW?!!” I roared, using the royal Canterlot voice, Ares flinching. “YOU’VE DONE SOME STUPID THINGS, ARES, BUT THIS, THIS-” I fought back a sniffle, tears coming to my eyes.

“...You could have died,” I whispered, looking down at the now red-cheeked human, who just opened his arms wide.

…


Holy shit does Candy hit hard, Ares thought as he opened his arms widen for the teary-eyed alicorn, who tackled him and brought him into a bone-crushing hug, which he took with grace, patting her on the back as she bawled like a baby.

“There there,” he muttered, thanking every deity he could think of that she hadn’t impaled him with her horn. “Just let it out, Candy,” He resisted the urge to roll his swelling jaw as the minutes flew by, until the pink alicorn was sitting in the humans lap with her muzzle in the nape of his neck, sniffling.

The alicorn finally looked up at the human. “Ares,” she finally said. “Are you alright? I’m sure a ten foot fall wasn’t good for you.”

Ares smiled at that. “I’m fine from that,” he said, the alicorn resting her head on his shoulder. “But you really shouldn’t have pimp slapped me so hard, you nearly took my head off.”

That didn’t get the smile from her that he hoped, and the two lapsed into silence again.

“I’m sorry, Cadence,” Ares finally said. “I couldn’t even begin to guess how you’re feeling right now,” he tightened the hug. “Someone else might tell that you need to be strong or some bull like that, but fuck those people.”

He got a weak snort for that.

“Most of the people that say that haven’t gone through what you and Shining are going through right now, so I’m just gonna sit here and you can cry on my shoulder or sock me again in the face until you want to do something else.”

That got him a nuzzle, the two once again lapsing into silence.

“Did the doctor say anything else?” Cadence finally said in a whisper.

Ares slowly nodded. “Yeah, I got her to explain to me that your whole genetic, science-y thing isn’t the most accurate thing right now because it’s in the super early stages, especially since she doesn’t have the best equipment in the world.

The pink alicorn took to that like a drowning man to air. “So, she might be wrong?” She whispered again, looking up at Ares with tears still in her eyes.

Not wanting to lie to her, Ares shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea, I’m not the one with a medical degree. But I think you should probably go to a hospital or lab where they know what they’re doing. I mean, between you and me, that doc you got out there is a quack.”

That got the smile he wanted, which was followed by a sigh.

“Is Shining okay out there?” Cadence asked, her voice getting a little bit stronger.

“He could be taking it better,” Ares said neutrally. “Everyone’s out there worried about you.”

Cadence started sniffling again, tears coming to her eyes. “And here I am crying like a fil-” Ares snapped her mouth shut with one hand, whipping the tears out of her eyes with another.

“None of that, now,” he sternly said. “That attitude’s for Debbie Downers, and you’re not a Debbie Downer, Candy, now just shut up and sit here a little while longer.”

That got him a grateful smile, Cadence wrapping her wings around him in a hug. Which would have been a tender moment if Ares stomach hadn’t rumbled loudly, mirth coming to Cadences face as the human looked sheepishly down at her.

“What? We haven’t had dinner yet,” he defended.

Cadence tried to contain a giggle, which grew to a chuckle, which then grew to a full belly-laugh, the two’s laughter echoing throughout the room.

It feels really good laughing right now, the alicorn thought with a smile on her face.

“You feel better, Candy?” The human asked the alicorn, who shook her head and sighed.

“To be honest, not really,” she admitted. “But being a crybaby isn’t going to help anything.”

Cadence looked into Ares eyes, her back straightening. “So I’m going to go outside, get Shining and help him through this, and get everything ready for a trip to Canterlot,” she gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I mean, Canterlot has some of the brightest minds in Equs, if there’s any group of ponies that can help me it’s them.”

Ares gave her a pat on the back. “You’re a better pony than me, Candy.”

The alicorn gave her friend a nuzzle. “You’re not a pony, Ares.”

He nodded sagely. “My statement is still correct.”


Later the next day…



Ares fell onto his bed with a tired groan. “Ugh, piss on building that garden by myself,” he muttered, not turning looking up when he heard a pair of hoofsteps following him into the room.

“Thou did not build it by theeself,” Luna said, taking off her chest plate and her shoes along with her sister. “We also helped thee.”

“You complained the whole time,” Ares said, crawling under the covers with the two sisters crawling under soon after.

The princess of the night gave her friend a playful nip on the neck. “Cur! Thou would still laboring if it were not for us,” she teasingly said, Ares moving her hooves away from more intimate places.

Ares looked over his shoulder at Celestia. “Did you help Candy get everything done, Princess?” He asked the older alicorn, who wrapped her hooves around him and brought his back to rest against her barrel.

“Yes, everything is ready for our departure tomorrow,” she said as Luna wrapped his front in her own hug. “Have you packed everything you need, Ares?”

The human nodded, closing his eyes. “Yep, I got my toothbrush and jammies and everything,” he lapsed into silence before almost whispering, “How’s Candy doing?”

The older alicorn smiled, nuzzling the top of his head. “She and Shining Armor are getting by, even I’m impressed with the strength she’s showing,” She looked down at him, frowning. “I’m sure your… actions the previous day helped her.”

“You’re still mad about me doing that, huh?” 

The older alicorn snorted.  “What you did was sweet, Ares, but it wasn’t the smartest or safest thing to do. I’m sure we would have gotten her out of that room with less extreme measures.”

“Nay, sister,” Luna interjected. “We find our human friend’s actions noble! We can only hope that we can have somepony that would do this if we ever fall onto hardship.”

“She’ll be alright,” Ares said, mostly to himself. “She’ll go to those doctors and they’ll fix her right up and she and Shining will have loads of kids…” He looked up an inquisitive-looking Luna 

“Oh, um sure, as long as I don’t have to do anymore heights I got you, Luna,” Ares told Luna, how almost hit him in the face when her hoof shot out.

“Huzzah, we will-” Luna stopped when the three heard a knocking on Ares door, Ares wiggling out of the sisters grasp, grumbling, and made his way to the door.

Opening the door he saw someone who he never expected would show up at his door. “Doc?” The human said, confused, as he looked down at the uncomfortable doctor. “Da hell are you doing here, its like two in the morning.”

“Hello to you too, Mr. Ares,” the doctor said with an eyeroll, adjusting her glasses with a hoof.

Ares flinched at that, still guilty about the other day. “Listen, Doc, I sorry about the whole teeth baring-”

The doctor waved the apology away. “You helped Princess Cadence, Mr. Ares, I will not fault you for getting a little aggressive.”

The human smiled at that, patting the doctor on the head. “Well, good, I didn’t want the gal that saved my ass pissed off with me,” he leaned on the doorframe, looking down at the now smiling doctor.

“Now, whaddya need, doc? You here to wish me a good one?”

The doctor returned to her usual neutral expression, and, taking off and giving her glasses a quick cleaning, she said, “Well, Mr. Ares, you know I’ve taken blood, hair, sperm, and skin samples from you as well as studied numerous behaviors that you-”

“What a second,” Ares interrupted. “When did you get my sperm? I don’t remember giving you any sperm.”

The doctor ignored the question, brushing past him and taking off her lab coat. “The point is there is one last test that I have been meaning to do,” she hopped onto the bed and sat between the two princesses. “I need to study your sleeping patterns while with others,” she levitated her glasses off her face and onto the nightstand.

“And before you ask me why I need to do this, you’re not the one with a medical degree and trying to explaining it to you would take too much time so come here,” she patted the bed. “Come on, we have some experimenting to do!”

A flabbergasted Ares looked at the doctor, blinking slowly. “....What?” He finally said, truly stumped.  

“We believe that the young doctor wishes to also sleep with you, human friend,” Luna said, a big smile on her face. “We condone this, human friend, this bed seems empty with just the three of us!”

The human and unicorn yelped when he was lifted into the air by Luna’s magic. “Huzzah, we are making all of the friends, dear sister!”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “There are quite a few different and better ways to make friends, Luna.”

“Thou may be right sister, but this way we are able to grope anypony we please without repercussions!”

> Away to Canterlot
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You remember when I told you the other day that Ares jumped out of a window? And that he said that he was fine after he settled me down?

Well… I didn’t find out until a little later that he had actually dislocated his shoulder and an ankle, which is kinda sweet when you think about it. I mean, how many mares can say that one of their friends had put themselves through bodily harm to help them?

Don’t get me wrong, what he did was stupidly dangerous, but it was at least sweet.

It also forced us to wait for almost a week for him to get better for our trip to Canterlot, not that the human insisting on finishing my garden helped his healing process any…

Those extra days were a Faust-send for Shiny and I though; it took almost two days to get Shiny out of his stupor and almost four days for me to force myself out of bed and get over my bout of severe depression so we could pack up.

And what did I think about my little trip to the capital of Equestria? 

Well, after a lot of thought and more than a bit of crying I decided to approach this is cautious optimism. I mean, my Aunties use magic to raise and lower the sun and the moon for Faust’s sakes! They have to be able to do something for me.

Enough of me being a party pooper, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about me being sad!

So anyway, after Aunty Celestia and I—or mostly Aunty—got everything in order, all we had to do was say goodbye, something that Ares needed to do in excess…


“Aw, come on, Nursey,” Ares said to one of the crying nurses that was latched into him. “Don’t go crying for little old me,” he wiped the tears out of the sniffling mares eyes, in a scene that could have been the ending of any romantic movie.

The nurse just whimpered, nuzzling into his neck and holding on for dear life as her fellow nurses tried to peel her off the human.

“Sister,” I heard Aunty Luna said from behind me. “We are certain that our train will be arriving soon, perhaps we should hurry these teary farewells along.”

Aunty Celestia let out a quiet snort. “I will not ask all of these ponies to just leave when they wish to wish Ares farewell,” she said. “Though I do find it odd that there are so many…”

She wasn’t kidding either, they’re must of been half of the Crystal Empire here specifically for the human, which wouldn’t have been weird if he didn’t know most of them byname. In fact I was almost a little creeped out by it, because I’m pretty sure that Ares had only left the castle a hoof-ful of times, so there wasn’t any reasonable explanation as to how he knew half of the nobility or why they treated him practically like family.

I really didn’t dwell on it too much though, just chalking it up to Ares being Ares and leaving it at that. 

After the nurses unlatched their now bawling sister, it was time for the final farewell-er, Doctor Stitch. I couldn’t help but smile at the doctor, who actually looked a little more emotional than she usually was, her lower lips slightly quivering as she looked up the smiling human.

Ares got down on one knee and opened his arms. “Hello there, doc,” he said, ignoring her sniffle.

The doctor cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses, trying to discreetly wipe her eyes. “Well, it seems like you are leaving, Mr. Ares.”

“Seems like it.”

“Indeed.”

I almost laughed when the two lapsed into silence with Ares arms still spread out for a hug.

“...Doc.”

“Yes, Mr. Ares?”

“The ol’ arms are getting kinda tired here,” he emphasized that by wiggling said arms. “Do you wanna hug or not?”

The doctor weakly snorted. “And why would I want a hug from you?”

Sighing, Ares got up, and, before the doctor could do anything, picked her up into a hug. The doctor struggled weakly before finally returning the hug. “I gotta say that I’m gonna miss you, Doc,” I heard Ares mutter, the doctor snorting again.

“Oh, really, Mr. Ares?”

“Yep,” he put her down and patted her on the head. “Next time I get banged up l think I know who to call.”

With that the doctor spun around made her way out of the room rather quickly as Ares turned back toward us, pulling his duffel bag onto his shoulder. “Alright, I think that’s everybody.”

“Great,” I clapped my hooves together and turned toward the large crowd of ponies. “Alright my subjects, if you could go…” 

Hey, don’t look at me like that! You try telling about two hundred ponies that they need to leave so you can go somewhere!

Thankfully, my ponies took the hint, quietly filing out as I turned toward Ares, ignoring Aunty Celestia’s disapproving stare. “Do you have everything, Ares?”

The human nodded, walking over to us and giving me a little scratch behind the ears, which made me growl, batting his hands away. I know that my last couple of days weren’t the best but he didn’t need to treat me like I was glass!

“Ya, I got everything, what about you Candy, Shining, Celestia, Luna, Purple, you got your toothbrushes and all of that junk?” He tried to ignore Flash Sentry’s glare. “*Sigh* fine, Flashy, do you got everything?”

Flash’s chest puffed out happily, which made me shake my head, a small smile on my face. “Yep, I have my armor packed and everything!”

Nodding, Ares let me start to lead all of us out of the castle. “Next you’ll want me to ask you how your day was, you pansy…”

“Now be nice, Ares,” I heard Aunty Celestia say as I led us to the crystal district, the main district of my city, which was the only way to get to the train station.

Hummmmm… I just said my city, didn’t I?


...Moving on.


“Why are you even coming with us?” Ares asked Flash. “I mean, don’t you have something to do here? Like guarding the castle?”

I looked back to see Flash hip check him. “I’m the princesses personal guard, Ares, I go where she goes,” he told the human. “Besides, what would you do without me?”

“I’d probably be safer…”

“Be nice, Ares,” I told the human as we made our way to the edge of city and to the green pastures that surrounded it. “This is going to be a long train ride and I don’t want anypony fighting.”

Ares snorted. “Flashy knows that I’m just messing with him,” He hummed thoughtfully. “Say, where is this train station of yours anyways?”

“It’s outside the barrier,” Shiny said, his voice stronger than it had been in days, though he still sounded a little bit emotionless. 

“Ares, what’s wrong?” Twilight asked with concern, which made me turn around to see Ares rooted to where he stood.

I saw something flash in his eyes for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Oh um, nothing, nothing, I’m alright,” he nervously laughed. “I guess that’s why you made me wear a coat!”

We all looked at each other, which made Ares stiffen, the human walking past me. “Well, come on! We have a train to catch, don’t we?”

“...Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked him, my gaze going to one of his hands, which seemed to be shaking slightly.

Ares nodded, and, with one last shared look of concern, we followed the human until he stopped at the edge of the barrier.

We all stopped behind him. “Don’t worry, Ares,” I said, making my way to his side and putting my hoof through the barrier. “You’ll be fine, the barrier wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Y-Yeah,” he said, looking out at the frozen wasteland. “I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine…”

“Are thou sure that you are well, human friend?” Aunty Luna asked, also making her way to human’s side with Aunty Celestia beside her.

Ares didn’t seem to hear her. “You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine…” He brought a shaky hand up toward the portal and put it through.

Only for him to yelp and fall back on his flank, his eyes wide with what looked uncomfortably close to fear as he tried to crawl away from the barrier, hitting Aunty Celestia’s barrel.

We all gaped, wide-eyed, at Ares, who looked like he was about to have a panic attack, breathing heavily and shaking as he muttered to himself.

...It’s the cold! I thought with some concern as we all circled the human.

I sat down and brought the shaking Ares into a hug, wrapping my wings around him tightly. “It’s okay, Ares, it’s okay,” I said as I nudged my head toward the barrier and Aunty Celestia nodded grimly, picking the two of us up as carefully as she could, thankfully Ares not noticing.

The now hyperventilating human, buried his face into my barrel, whimpering in a very un-Ares-like way. I tried to wrap the human in the tightest, warmest hug I could as Aunty floated us out into the wasteland, moving us as quickly as she could toward the train.

“We need to hurry, Princess,” I heard Twilight say as I continued to coo reassurances into the human ear. “It seems like he’s having a bad panic attack, if we don’t hurry he may go into cardiac arrest!”

My heart skipped beat at that, and I silently cursed myself for not guessing that surviving out in this frozen wasteland probably scarred Ares, but we couldn’t stop now, so all I could do was run my hooves down Ares back soothingly, hoping that he couldn’t feel the cold air whipping around us.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I heard hooves hitting concrete, which was followed by a rush of warm air as Aunty all but threw Ares and I into the train.

“Close the doors, close the windows!” Twilight said. “Cadence, let me see Ares!”

I obliged the purple unicorn, unfurling my wings and trying to let go of Ares, who tightened his death-grip around me to stop me from moving.

Twilight used a hoof to grab Ares chin and she forced the human to meet her gaze. “Ares, you need to calm down!”

Ares looked like he hadn’t even heard her, his eyes glazed over slightly. “The wind screams and the cold cuts like a knife,” he muttered, weakly trying to bury his face back into my chest. “I don’t want to be cold a-anymore.”

“You’re not in the cold, Ares,” Twilight said soothingly, her horn glowing gently. “You’re in the warm train.”

“T-The c-cold, I-I don’t l-like the c-cold.”

I swear that everypony could hear my heart beating as Twilight turned toward a very concerned Celestia.

“Princess, his heart is beating too fast, if he can’t calm him down he might die!”

Moving faster than I had ever seen in my life, Aunty Celestia roughly pushed Twilight and I away with her magic so she was face-to-face with Ares, her purple eyes gazing into his. “Sleep, Ares,” she said, her voice laced with magic as her horn glowed.

The humans eyes fluttered, and he slumped, still shaking, to the ground, Twilight rushing to his side a moment later and wrapping the pale human into a hug, which he subconsciously returned.

Aunty sighed and sat down calmly as Flash and Shining also made their way to Ares side.

“Hopefully he will be fine when he wakes up,” Aunty Celestia said as Aunty Luna picked Ares up and wrapped him in her own hug, pressing his back against her barrel, Twilight still along for the ride because Ares refused to let her go.

“I’m using a spell to slowly lower his heart rate, so his heart should be fine,” she said, grimacing slightly. “I should have known that something like this would have happened.”

I heard Flash gulp nervously, obviously distressed for his friend. Not that I couldn’t blame him, I was just about ready to have a panic attack myself. “W-What the hay just happened?” The stallion shimmered out.

I looked nervously at the human. “It looks like Ares got a bit more messed up than he was letting on…”

Aunty Luna sniffled a little, nuzzling the top of Ares head. “He made us promise not to tell you.”

We all looked at her as she continued to sniffle. “We have been forced to defend him from the same nightmares every night; dreams of cold and emptiness that almost forced us to tell you sister…”

Aunty Celestia let that sink in as my husband made his way over to Ares, a small smile on his face for some odd reason. “Huh, it looks like our knight in shining armor needs a bit of help,” to everyone’s surprise he gently nuzzled the humans face.

“He was probably messed up for months,” he continued, sitting on his rump. “But he didn’t want to tell anypony because all of the stuff he thought he was putting us through,” Shiny hummed calmly, his smile was growing.

“Well, Ares,” Shiny finally said to the unconscious human. “It looks like we’re the ones that need to help you this time.”

I don’t remember moving from my spot or all but tackling Aunty Luna off Ares or bringing the human into a teary-eyed, tight hug but when I blinked I noticed that all of that had happened.

“You’re going to be okay, Ares,” I told him, luckily not being impaled by Twilight’s horn because Ares still had his death grip on her. “You helped us and-” I sniffled, and tears threatened to spill out of my eyes, so I just nuzzled the top of his head until I felt a wing touch my shoulder.

I looked over my shoulder to see a sad Aunty Celestia and I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out my mouth. “Ifitwasn’tformethenhewouldn’thavehadtogothroughthisandhe wouldbeokayand-”

Aunty’s wing shushed me. “Cadence,” she calmly said. “None of this was your fault, even though this sounds heartless he should have told one of us that something was bothering him, but, since we know that he was scared by his time in the wilderness,” he eyes hardened and her back straightened. “We can help him through this; help him overcome his new fear.”

She leaned in to nuzzle his cheek. “Sleep now, Ares, because you and I are going to have a talk when you wake up,” she looked at him with her sternest expression before taking a step back.

With that we all fell into a nervous and slightly sad, but hopeful silence, until Twilight, who was wiggling in Ares’ grasp, muttered almost excitedly, “Even though I would have preferred for this to be done in a happier setting I’m happy that I finally get do this!”

Her eyes were filled with concern like the rest of us but I could see excitement starting to overcome it. “Just think of the thesis I can write on the properties of extraterrestrial hugs!”

Despite the heavy, almost scarring event that we had all just witnessed, I couldn’t help but let out a snort, which was followed by Aunty Luna’s giggle, and soon we were all laughing our flanks off at an image of Twilight levitating a forest’s worth of paper around her, writing down thorough notes while Ares held her.

...Well, everypony except Twilight and Ares were laughing, the latter having a good reason not to.

“...Why’s everypony laughing?” Twilight asked, a confused look on her face. “This could have serious academic consequences that can be beneficial to all of ponykind!”  



Hours later…



Ares woke to the sounds of a train in motion, which was immediately followed by a rather nasty bout of motion sickness. Ares weakly groaned, bringing a hand up to his face to rub his temples.

Oh, what the fuck happened? He thought to himself, keeping his eyes closed. We were talking about going to a train and then I got nothing…

He tried to get up when he noticed three things. Firstly, that he was in some kind of bed. Secondly, that for some reason, Twilight was snuggled adorably into his chest. Thirdly, there was some mysterious pony that was pressing himself/herself against his back with their wings wrapped around him and Twilight.

Alright, let’s see, Ares calmly thought, doing an experimental wiggle. Not big enough to be Luna or Celestia and too small for Flash soooo, He looked over his shoulder to see a certain pink alicorn with a hint of a smile on her face.

Hum, I must have lost it or something, the human thought, more than a little confused as to how events had let him to be in this situation but taking it oddly well. Well, better put everyone to bed!

Bringing a hand to his face, Ares extended his pointer finger and poked Cadence in the side, the pink alicorn giggling sleepily. Ares continued to do this until, trying to get away from the mysterious tickle monster, Cadence rolled over, freeing the human to do as he pleased.

Nodding thoughtfully he scooped Twilight into his arms and carefully got up and hopped over Cadence’s still outstretched wing, landing onto the carpeted floor as quietly as he could, finally taking in his surroundings.

It was dark in the train and he appeared to be in some sort of weird train bed section, comfortable-looking beds bolted to the floor littering the cab.

“Let’s see,” he muttered, hefting Twilight. “Where to put you…” With a quick looked around Ares saw that there were a load of empty beds so he did the responsible thing…

...By putting the sleeping unicorn into a sleeping Flash’s bed, a small smile on his face as he watched the magic happen.

Twilight, sensing that her human cuddle-buddy was gone, reached out to the closest snuggable thing, Flash Sentry, who also wrapped his hooves around her. The two let out a pair of happy sighs, and, with a giggle, Ares put a blanket over top of the two. 

“There you go, Flashy,” Ares muttered, nodding at his work. “Alright, time to get Candy to bed.”

After finding out where Shining was sleeping, Ares then made his way back over to here Cadence was, standing over the sleeping alicorn and tapping a finger against chin thoughtfully. “Now, how am I gonna get you out of this bed without waking you?” After a bit more thoughtful humming he shrugged.

“I guess I’m gonna have to just be careful lifting her up,” with that Ares gently reached underneath the alicorn to gently pick her up…

Only for him to be picked up by said alicorn, flipped onto the bed, and brought an almost bone-crushing hug. Cadence let out a sleepy sigh and Ares looked at the wall that he was now positioned at, wide-eyed.

“...So that’s what this feels like,” Ares finally said, trying to wiggle out of Cadence’s grasp. “Fucking hell, Candy, how and the hell does Shining deal with having his ribs almost broken every night?”

To his surprise, he got an answer. “For your information, Shiny loves my cuddles!” The now awake alicorn told him.

Ares looked over his shoulder to see a glaring Cadence staring down at him. “Huh, you’re mad…”

He felt her grip on him tighten in an almost angry fashion. “You’re bucking right I’m upset! You almost died from a panic attack!”

Ares hummed thoughtfully. “So that’s why I can’t remember what happened.”

Cadence angrily snorted. “You know, when most ponies are told that they almost died they take it a bit harder.”

The human shrugged. “Eh,” he expected a hoof being hit against his head and he got it, Ares rubbing the back of his head as the two lapsed into silence.

“You know, Shining’s probably not going to like that your-”

“He’s fine with it.”

“Oh…”

“...”

“...”

“So how far are we from Canterlot?”

“We have another day and a half until we get there.”

“Good, good.”

“...”

“...”

“Where is Twilight?”

“Oh, I put her to bed. I was about to put you in with your hubby when you jumped me, you know you—”

“I’m fine where I am, thank you.”

Ares put his arms up defensively. “Fine, fine, no need to be snippy.”

“...”

“...”

Cadence glared angrily down at him. “You should have told us that you were terrified of the cold.”

Even though he wasn’t looking at her, Ares squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze. “I didn’t know that I was going to lose my mind when I saw the tundra and—”

“Luna told us about your nightmares.”

Ares sighed. “...I didn’t think it was important enough at the time.”

He blocked the hoof hitting the back of his head this time. “You almost DIED! That has to mean that your psyche is pretty damaged!” She grumbled angrily to herself. “If you would have told us about the nightmares then we could have gotten you some help. For crying out loud Twilight’s read enough Psychology books to get a Ph.D. If you—”

“Alright, alright, for Christ’s sakes,” Ares interrupted, sounding irritated. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll go to a head doctor or something just quit yelling at me!” He snorted. “There’s other people sleeping and you’re here—” He stopped when he heard a sniffle.

He mentally groaned, patting the pink alicorn’s hooves. “Come on, Candy, don’t start crying.”

“D-Don’t you trust us enough to t-tell us when something’s wrong with you?” Cadence asked, really tugging at the human’s heartstrings and making him feel awful.

“You have all of that other stuff that you had to deal with,” Ares argued weakly. “I didn’t want to put anything else on your plate.”

“Friends tell friends when something’s bothering them,” the alicorn insisted, almost possessively hugging him. “You almost died trying to help me, why would you expect anything less from me?”

This time Ares groaned out loud. “You really know how to make a guy feel bad, you know that?” He told Cadence, who nodded angrily.

“You should feel bad.”

The two fell back into silence, Ares trying to wiggle out of the alicorn’s grasp and Cadence trying to strangle him with her snuggling.

“...”

“...”

“...How did everyone else take my freak-out?”

“Let’s just say that you’re going to get an earful tomorrow.”

Ares closed his eyes and Cadence finally drapped a wing over him. “You know ever since I’ve gotten out of that frozen hellhole I’ve had trouble sleeping alone?”

Cadence looked down at him, surprised but happy that he was talking to her about this. “Oh?”

Ares nodded slowly. “Yep, every time I sleep by myself I have a nightmare, and I usually wake up screaming and cold. Even when I was with that nurse I still have the dreams, but at least they aren’t that bad.”

“Then why do you sleep by yourself every night?”

Since ponies eyes weren’t as acute in the dark as humans Cadence couldn’t see Ares bewildered face as he looked at her. Really? He thought to himself. No one told her that I’ve pretty much slept with her whole kingdom? How doesn’t she know?

Despite everything, Ares grinned. Oh, I need to find some way to abuse this

“Don’t you think that it would be weird to just ask somebody ‘Hey, do you wanna hit the hay with me because if you don’t I’ll have night terrors?’” He couldn’t keep the smirk off his face. “I’d never cuddle ponies for no good reason.”

Cadence almost smiled at that.

Almost.

Instead, she smacked him upside his head again. “No ifs, ands, or buts, Mister, we’ll find somepony to stay with you at night!”

The human had to use all of his willpower not to laugh. “Alright, mom.”

Cadence did one jerky nod, wiggling around the bed to get comfortable. “Well, somepony needs to act like a mother to you since you act like you’re five!”

Ares smiled at that. “Well, goodnight, Candy.”

“Goodnight, Ares.”

“And under our moon no less.”

Cadence and Ares froze, looking up at the edge of the bed to see Luna looking back at them with a smile on her face.

She saw the looks of confusion on the two’s face and waved a hoof. “We mean that thou have restored thine trust in each other and have become closer because of this hardship,” her smile grew at the two. “We think it is noble of you to let other’s aid thee, Ares, there is no greater test of oneself than admitting that thou need the help of another.”

Ares looked at the alicorn, wondering where the hell all of that came from. “...Wow, Luna,” he finally said. “That was actually pretty deep…”

Luna shrugged. “We are very old, human friend, sometimes we cannot help but be philosophical.”

Cadence gave her aunt an uncomfortable smile, the pink alicorn finding it weird that her aunt had been watching them the whole time. “Well thank you for that, Aunty,” she said. “But I think we all need to get a little bit of shut eye.

“Wait!” The princess of the night said, looking at the human with puppy-dog eyes, her lip quivering. “Could we at least join in your cuddling merriment?”


…


I took a grateful sip of my coffee, trying to ignore the yelling that was coming from the cart over, really looking forward to finally getting off the train and sleeping in my old bed at the castle.

As I promised to Ares he did get a talking to, this punishment begin so severe that all of us—except Flash and Shiny, who both stood by as we yelled at Ares with no small amount of amusement—took our time in telling the human how bucking stupid it was not telling us.

My little yelling spree was the shortest, only lasting about three hours. Luna’s was a little bit longer, at almost four hours of using her Canterlot voice.

Twilight’s was the longest so far, apparently she had somehow made up a three-hundred clip powerpoint while we were all eating breakfast, her yelling at Ares lasting about seven, that’s right , you heard me, seven hours.

Aunty Celestia decided to wait for her yelling the next day, which leads us to right now.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT COULD JUST BE THROWN UNDER THE RUG! IN ALL MY YEARS—”

Shiny whistled, bunking a donut into his coffee. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the Princess that angry.”

Aunty Luna nodded in agreement, sipping her cup of tar. “Thou art right, sir Shining, we do not recall when our sister last raised her voice in such a manner.”

I shot Aunty Luna a look. “Aunty… How can you drink that?”

My aunt raised an eyebrow at me, taking another sip. “The better question may be how all of you can drink such weak coffee. A thousand years ago that swell wouldn’t even have kept a foal awake.”

“AND ANOTHER THING-”

Flash Sentry put his head on the table and groaned as a server poured him another cup of joe. “Princess, are we almost there yet?”

“Why, Private?” Shiny asked with a little tease in his voice. “We already had somepony look at that shiner of yours,” he looked over at a now red Twilight. “Twilly, you sure do hit hard for your size.”

She looked mildly guilty at that, forcing herself to look at the Private. “Um, look, Mr. Flash, I’m sorry about,”

Flash waved her off, trying to keep a blush off his face. “It is alright, Lady Twilight, I would have hit me if I did something like that.”

The two smiled and looked away at each other bashfully, which was so sweet that I almost cooed.

I was interrupted from poking fun at the two when Aunty Celestia’s yelling suddenly stopped, and then there was this really loud hump, all of us looking at the cab’s door with a little bit of concern.

“...Did the Princess just kill Ares?” Flash Sentry asked. “I mean, it’s just like the movies, shouting then… nothing.”

Twilight threw the stallion a glare. “The Princess would never hurt anypony!”

Aunty Luna looked at the door before taking another sip of her coffee. “Still, we should see what our sister has done to our human friend… after we finish our breakfast.”

We all nodded at that, and, after finishing an assortment of coffee, donuts, pancakes, and some very good hay bacon, we all lined up at the cabs door and opened it cautiously, mentally preparing ourselves for whatever Aunty was doing to the human. When Shiny opened the door we saw something that none of us were expecting.

Aunty had Ares in a teary-eyed death-hug, the human, who was starting to turn an interesting shade of blue, was trying to wiggle out of her embrace. The two were sitting in a corner and I’m pretty sure that Aunty was whispering motherly, protective things to him.

Frankly, I really had to bite back a laugh.

“Help...me…” Ares managed to get out as Aunty nuzzled the top of his head, her eyes closed.

Flash snorted. “You doing alright there, Ares?”

Aunty’s eyes snapped open and she looked at us almost embarrassingly. “Oh, hello there,” she finally said, Twilight clearing her throat.

“Um, Princess, I think you’re killing Ares,” the unicorn told her, Aunty Celestia looking down at a now deeper blue Ares, gasping before she let him go.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ares,” she said as the human hit the ground with a gasp. “I didn’t mean to get carried away!”

A gasping Ares crawled away from the mare. “Oh sweet oxygen,” I heard him rasp. “I wanna fuck you, marry you, and have your babies.”

Shiny went over and poked the curled up human. “Are you alright there, Ares?” 

The human looked up at the stallion. “By your wife's ass, Velma, it was awful,” Ares told Shiny, the two ignoring me stiffen. “First there was all of that yelling, then she hit me, then she tackled me muttering crazy things while she tried to strangle me!”

Shiny nodded. “Well, it’s your fault for not telling anypony.”

“I swear to god I’m gonna fuck your mother, Betty.”

Ares stiffened when he felt a wing touch the back of his neck, the human tackling the stallion. “Holy shit, she’s coming back to finish me off, Alicia. Forget about what I said about your mother, save me!”

Shiny rolled his eyes and looked over at me as I refurled my wing, a smile on my face.

Aunty Luna cleared her throat, stopping all of the nonsense in front of her. “Now that you are finished with our human friend, sister, thou should discuss what he should expect when he gets to our castle.”

Aunty Celestia blinked a few times, collecting Ares with a simple levitation spell, before nodding while we all ignored Ares making his protest at being held by her widely known.

For a little while at least, before I finally snapped, “Ares, will you be quiet?!”

The human squirmed harder. “She tried to kill me!”

I rolled my eyes at that, and Aunty gave the human her best puppy dog eyes, which made him flinch. “Ares,” I said. “If you don’t stop all of that nonsense then you wouldn’t be getting any breakfast.”

“...That’s cruel, Candy.”

I gave him a pretty steely gaze, pointing at Aunty Celestia. “Now, say you’re sorry to Aunty Celestia so we can tell you about Canterlot.”

“But she… fine,” he turned toward the still sad-looking Aunty Celestia, rolling his eyes and opening his arms. “Just watch the ribs, please.”

With an almost foalish amount of glee, Aunty Celestia all but tackled the human, her motherly nature showing through hard as she nuzzled Ares cheek.


Five hours later…


“—And after bowing to a Duke in at least a ninety degree angle the Barons-”

Something that many ponies know as common knowledge, my sister-in-law Twilight was a very well-read pony. What most don’t know was that she loved to teach what she knew, but sometimes that isn’t the best thing for her to do.

I don’t even think that she knew Ares was fast asleep with his head on the table while she continued what was a five hour lesson about every little think about our nobles, not that the rest of us were doing any better. Aunty Luna was curled in a ball snoring, as were Shiny and Flash, and even Aunty Celestia’s eyes were drooping every so often.

“And then that’s when it’s proper to kiss a Baronesses hoof and-”

What was the weirdest thing for me was how she got her hooves on a chalkboard.

Alright, I thought to myself, my hoof going up into the air. Enough of this.

Slam!

Everypony almost jumped out of their skins, expect Twilight, who didn’t even notice, all of them rubbing their eyes.

“Are we there yet?” Ares asked, looking around and yawning. “Shit, is Purple still talking?” Stretching his back, the human got up and walked over to Twilight, standing over the unicorn as she went on.

“Now remember, it’s two steps, not three, and-”

“Purple.”

“Because if you don’t then the countess will-”

“Twilight stop—” He sighed, facepalming. “Nope, I’m not going to do this…”

Twilight squeaked when the human spun her around and smooshed her face together. 

“Purple,” Ares calmly said. “Are any of the staff going to be afraid of me?”

“No,” Twilight automatically said with a little bit of difficulty due to her lips being mashed together. “The staff have been trained to see—”

“Yes or no, Twilight.”

“...No.”

Ares nodded. “Good, now, do I have to bow to the nobility?”

“Yes, but—”

“Do I need to be supervised whenever I go out?”

“Yes and—”

Ares let her go. “That’s all I needed to know. I can bullshit the rest.”

Twilight frowned at that. “But you just can’t do that! You have to follow the procedure that I’ve planned out for you!”

Ares shook his head. “Just let me work my magic, Purple, five minutes with me and I’ll have your ruling class eating out of the palm of my hand.”



…



Oddly, Ares didn’t react like most did when they looked upon one of the seven equine-made wonders of the world, I.E. with a look of awe. No, when Ares saw Canterlot he frowned and said, “Why is that city on the side of a fucking mountain? I’m not an engineer but that doesn’t seem right…”

Also, it was kind of odd that not one of Canterlot residents batted an eye when they saw a big alien monkey with a big blue mustache walking with us.

“There must not be a lot of fires here, huh?” Ares asked while he played with his new mustache, looking around at the stone buildings.

Aunty Celestia nodded with pride, smiling at all of the ponies that were bowing to us. “You’re right, Ares, there hasn’t been a fire here in over a hundred years.”

Flash looked at the human with a frown, a hoof going to his tail. “Ares,” he said, looking past the battalion of guards that met us when we arrived. “Did you really need to take half of my tail?”

“Though you do look dashing with it, human friend, we are also curious as to why you needed that facial hair,” Aunty Luna said while Ares played with the tip of it.

“I’m just going to tell one of the greatest lies that your nobility had ever experienced, “Ares proudly said while he eyed a guard that was by his side. “Say, Princess, are any of these guards not white clones?”

Aunty Celestia ignored that last bit. “And what lie is that, Ares?”

“Are you a guy or a girl?” Ares asked the guard before looking at my aunt. “Oh, um, you’ll see. When we see them just go with what I do.”

Flash shook his head, looking toward me. “Princess,” he said. “Permission to have a look around the town?”

I smile at him. “Go have fun, Flash,” I told the stallion, nudging my head. “Just make sure that you get back to the castle in an hour or two, it’s going to get dark soon.”

Flash nodded, saluting me before he took off with a flap of his wings as we made our way to another one of the seven equine wonders of the world, Canterlot castle.

Ares hummed, looking up. “Huh, there are a lot of windows… There shouldn’t be that many windows on a castle.”

Aunty Celestia snorted. “There’s just no pleasing you, is there?”

Ares wringed his hands irritably. “Castles are supposed to be death traps for an invading army, with dirty, grey walls and tiny windows,” he waved his hands at the white marble walls. “Not this!”

“He is right, sister,” Aunty Luna said. “We have told thou more than once about this very fact.”

Aunty Celestia was about to say more when we all spied a group of some of the most despicable, greedy ponies in all of Equestria, the Canterlot nobles.

Once again Ares was unimpressed. “Huh, so you guys really do wear clothes,” He turned toward Twilight. “Purple, is the clothes thing normal here or—”

“Aunty!”

We all cringed when we heard that arrogant, pompous voice that we all hated, the owner of said voice making his way over to our little group.

I couldn’t keep the frown off my face as I gazed upon my mortal enemy, a pony who had bullied me when I was smaller and who, discreetly, had a rather sizeable bounty on his head if he ever came into my kingdom, the insufferable Princess Blueblood, who, in a normal brown-noser fashion, ignored all of the ‘lesser’ ponies and made his way over to my Aunt.

“Oh, hello, Blueblood,” Aunty Celestia said, giving the colt a weak smile. “It’s...nice to see you again after all of this time.”

Blueblood beamed up at Aunty, ignoring all of our glares, before he turned toward Ares, who was still playing with his fake facial hair.

“...Am I right in assuming that you are the human that we have all heard about, Mr.—”

Where and the hay did Ares get the monocle? I thought as Ares gave the prince a deep bow.

With the fakest Trottingham accent that I have ever heard, the human replied, “Right you are my good stallion. But where are my manners?  I am Richard McRicherson, the Archduke of Shamalamadingdong!”

Everyone in our little group made this chuckle/snoring sound when Ares said this, Blueblood, oblivious to what was going on around him, gave the human his best smile, his eyes lighting up at the thought of another noble in his midst.

“Well, I must say that it is an honor meeting you; I am Prince Blueblood,” his chest puffed out when he said that, making he want to hit the stallion so hard that his smirk would fly off his face.

Ares gasped dramatically, falling to one knee. “My apologies, your highness,” again, all of us had to bite back laughter. “I did not know one such as yourself was in my midst, else I would have paid my respects sooner.”

Blueblood’s grin grew, waving the apology away. “You may rise my good, er, stallion,” Ares did so. “You’ll have to forgive me, sir, but I do not believe that I have heard of your kind before.”

Ares nodded, adjusting his monocle. “My people come from the far north, your highness,” the human lied. “I have been sent by her majesty to treat with your princesses for the benefit of our peoples,” He got down to bow to him again. “And I believe that I will also have the honor of treating with you, my lord.”

Rolling her eyes, Aunty Celestia discreetly kicking the human, Ares looking at her from the corner of his eye before getting up. “Though I would love to stay and chat, it seems that your princess has need of me, my lord.”

Blueblood’s smile dimmed a little at that. “Until we meet again then, good sir,” Blueblood tapped a hoof against his temple. “May I inquire as to what you are doing later? I’m sure that I could have a little soirée put together later tonight so you could get acquainted with some of the well-to-do ponies of this fair city.”

Ares sighed dramatically. “I do not know when I will be available, my good stallion, for my schedule is rather filled up, but I will make all attempts to hold you to that,” Ares snapped his fingers, a look of fake realization in his eyes. “Oh, and your highness, I have a servant boy with me.”

Blueblood nodded. “Oh?”

Ares make a disgusted grunt. “Quite, a boy that goes by the name of Ares, a commoner that carries my bags,” Blueblood nodded at this. “He also has the trouble of being a talker, so if you could, ignore him, I don’t—”

“No need to say anymore, sir” Blueblood said, waving a hoof. “I understand completely,” he snapped a hoof and turned around, his posse walking toward him. “Until we meet again my good stallion!” The stallion finally said, the nobility turning a corner, leaving us alone with our guards.

Ares sighed, ripping off the mustache. “Ow,” he said, looking at us. “Wow, I feel dirt now talking to that guy…” he smiled at us, something which I found hilarious, giggling to myself.  “So how did I do?”

Aunty Celestia snorted. “You’re ridiculous, Ares. All you needed to do was tell us that you didn’t want to talk to a noble and they wouldn’t have been allowed a hundred feet from you.”

Ares grinned at her, picking up one of the guards and holding him/her like a baby, the guard squirming in his grasp. “But my way was funnier!” He said, playing with the guards belly. “Huh, it looks like you are a mare….”

Aunty Celestia groaned, rubbing her temples with a hoof as Ares put the now red-faced guard down. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

Aunty Luna sat on her haunches. “We thought your disguise was clever, Ares,” she turned toward Aunty Celestia. “Sister, did thou see what your nephew ignore us, his better?” She snorted angrily. “Are we still forbidden from banishing that stallion?”

Aunty Celestia groaned again when Shiny finally said, “Ares, why did you just stallion-handle that guard? And why did you need that mustache for your… whatever you called it?”

Ares shrugged, eyeing another guard. “Because I wanted to know why they all looked the same and all the great leaders of my people have had mustaches, now,” he started for another guard, the usually stoic guardsponies taking a few nervous steps back. “Are you a boy or a girl?”


Canterlot marketplace, nighttime.


“—And then you’ll have to take a right and you’ll be in the office,” Twilight said as her and Ares made their way through the now dark city, Ares looking up at the stars.

“Purple…you know that you’re taking me to that head doctor tomorrow, right?” The human asked the unicorn, who had the grace to blush before composing herself.

“Yes…but what if the Princess needs me to do something else?” She asked with a stomp of her hoof. “What if you get lost and need to get there by yourself? What if—”

She stopped when they both heard the sound of glass breaking, the sound coming from a back alley.

Ares cocked his head. “Did you hear that, Purple?”

Twilight nodded, her eyes widening when she saw Ares walking toward the alley. “Ares, what are you doing?!”

Ares stopped and turned toward her. “Um, looking to see what made the noise,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What? No!” Twilight shook her head hard. “What if there’s a criminal back there?”

Ares rubbed his temples. “Twilight, does Canterlot have a high crime rate.”

“Of course not! There’s little of any—” She stopped, glaring at him. “That doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t happen!” She argued, Ares rolling his eyes and walking toward the alley.

“Come on, Purple, it might be a pony that’s in trouble or something,” not waiting for her reply he walked into the alley. “Adventure!”

Biting her lip Twilight went after him, her horn glowing slightly, ready in case something really did happen.

The two looked around the dirty, garbage-filled alley, Ares humming. “Huh, it looks like—”

“THE SCRUNCH!”

To her embarrassment, Twilight let out a girly scream, hopping into an amused Ares arms as a shadow loomed over the alley rather threatingly, which grew smaller as the alleys other occupant revealed themselves and made their way toward the two.

“RunAresrunwegottagetawaywegottagetaway!” Twilight shrilly screamed.

“Twilight—”

“It’sgonnagetus!”

“Twilight, its just a pony.”

“Ifwegetaway—” She stopped, looking up at him with confusion in her eyes. “...What?”

The human pointed at the pony, who was standing-on their hind legs no less- a few feet away from them. “Yep, just a pony, and she looks pretty smashed…”

Trying hard and failing hard not to blush she looked at this mystery pony, who was familiar to the unicorn. “...Berry Punch? It that you?”

The now named Berry Punch scrunched her face at the unicorn, drunkenly making her way to the two with a bottle in her hoof. “Is that you, Colgate?” she slurred. “I told you a hundred times, it’s not illegal to sleep in a fountain!”

Ares bit back a laugh, putting Twilight down and making his way toward the adorably drunk pony. “Wow, she smells like a brewery,” he said as the pony poked at him. “Did you say that you know this pony, Purple?”

Twilight nodded, a confused look on her face. “Yes, she lives in Ponyville, the town I’m from,” She took a step toward Berry Punch, who was trying to climb up the humans leg, muttering drunkenly to herself.

“Berry, it’s Twilight, why are you in Canterlot? And why are you in a back alley?” She frowned at the earth pony. “Are you even allowed to be away from Ponyville?”

Berry Punch drunkenly snorted, taking a swig of her drink. “Shut up, Colgate, I need to talk to the monkey for a second,” she hiccuped, motioning the human to lean down. “You wanna know something, monkey?”

Ares, trying desperately to hold back his laughter, nodded. “Sure silly pony, lay some knowledge on me.”

Berry nodded, almost falling over at the attempt. “The scrunch,” she whispered to him.

Ares looked over at Twilight questioningly before looking back down at the mare. “...Scrunch?”

Berry nodded again, somehow leaning forward on her hind legs and rubbing her temples with her hooves, scrunching her face harder than the human had ever seen a pony do. “The scrunch is everything, Monkey, it gets into your head, making you think crazy things, giving it power.”

Twilight scrunched her face at the mare. “Berry Punch—”

“THE SCRUNCH!” The mare screamed, pointing at Twilight, who just realized what she did.

“Humm,” Ares said, starting to scrunch his face and stopping himself. “Holy shit, I almost did it too,” his eyes widened as Berry Punch nodded.

Twilight stomped a hoof down, her face scrunching up in sheer bewilderment. “Now wait just a second—”

Ares pointed at her. “Look, Purple, you’re doing it now!”

“Just let the scrunch in monkey!” Berry screamed, dropping her bottle and pointing up into the air

“The scrunch is taking over my mind!” The human yelled, holding his head in his hands.

“ ALL HAIL THE SCRUNCH!” Berry yelled before slumping over, finally passing out, Ares picking her up and holding her like a baby with a chuckle, confusing Twilight and making a crazy situation even odder.

“...What just happened?” She finally asked, Ares making his way toward her and patting her on the head.

“The scrunch just happened, Purple,” Ares told her. “Come on, we’ll go to a late night store and get some shampoo for her,” he gave Berry Punch a sniff, his nose scrunching up at her garbage-y, alcohol-y smell. “We’ll dump her in a fountain, clean her, and get her a room in the castle,” he nodded to himself, patted the mare on the rump, and made his way out of the alley.

Twilight opened her mouth and closed it. “I’m not even going to question it,” she muttered. “There’s no need for a headache.”

Meanwhile, Berry Punch regained consciousness, the earth pony looking up at the sky with grim determination etched on her face.

“When I close my eyes I see the Lovecraftian horrors that corrupt mortal souls,” the mare whispered. “They invade our minds and whisper of our destruction, waiting for the day when they are set free. When that grim day comes I will be at the ready, to save equine kind in its greatest hour of need, but for now I wait…”

Ares looked down at her. “What did you say, Cutie?”

Berry looked drunkenly at him, scrunching her face again. “My mind is full of scrunch and I love it!”

> Give a little take a little
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever had that awkward breakfast where one of your family members had a little ‘fun’ and you got to meet the pony that they were with the night before?


Well, imagine that, except it was Ares bringing a back-alley pony back to the castle, that was what most of us were experiencing as we kept sneaking glances at this ‘Berry Punch’, who had her head on the table with a cup of tar like Aunty Luna had in her hoof.


Not looking up from my breakfast, I leaned toward Ares, muttering, “Where did you find this pony again, Ares?”


Ares leaned over with me. “Like I said, Candy, in a back alley in the middle of the night.”


I looked over to him, scrunching my face at him in irritation, which he found hilarious for some reason. “Do I need to go with you everywhere too?” I asked him. “It’s easy to see that you need two ponies watching you so you don’t corrupt the other with your nonsense.”


The human stuck his tongue out at me. “I love you too, Candy.”


Shiny took a bleary-eyed sip of his coffee. “If you’re going to announce your love to my wife, do it later in the day, Ares. I can’t defend her honor this early in the morning.”


Ares threw the stallion a wink before he started to rub the mystery pony’s back. “Are you alright there, Berry?”


The mare looked up at him before she groaned. “Awwww!” She said, her head hitting the table with a thud.


I heard Aunty Celestia choke back a snort. “It seems that young Ares finds the most colorful of my little ponies,” she said to Aunty Luna, who shrugged.


“We see nothing wrong with the mare,” she said, taking a sip of her tar. “If anything, the way our subject takes her morning beverage shows her merit.”


I heard Twilight cough awkwardly, getting everypony to look at her. “Well, as nice as...this,” she waved her hooves around, “—has been; Berry, do you happen to have a way to get back to Ponyville?”


The mare responded with another groan, Twilight ready to say more when one of Aunty Celestia’s guards walked toward her with a little unicorn filly in tow.


“Your majesty,” he said, the two bowing. “This filly has been looking for her mother and said that she may be in your company.”


The cute little filly looked up at Aunty Celestia, giving her the cutest little smile that I had ever seen. “Hello your Majesties!” She said, her voice cracking slightly. 


Aunty Celestia smiled down at her while the rest of us cooed at the fillies adorableness. “Hello, little one,” she said, the filly frowning.


“I’m not little…” she pouted, sitting on her rump and crossing her hoofs, which made Ares hold his heart, nearly falling out of his chair. “I got a train ticket all by myself to come to Canterlot to get my mommy and everything!”


She looked past Aunty to the hung-over pony, waving. “Hi mommy! I knew you’d be here!” She got up and showed us all her cutie mark, which was a pony-shaped black blob with a question mark right next to it. “It’s my special talent to find lost ponies,” she explained to us.


Aunty raised an eyebrow. “You came here all by yourself, little one?”


The filly got that adorable pouty face again. “Well… my other mommy Colgate came with me, but I found mommy first!”


Aunty looked at the guard, who nodded. “The filly speaks the truth, your Majesty.”


“Then why did this Colgate not come with—”


“Berry Pinch,” the filly supplied, Ares holding his chest again but this time falling out of his chair.


“—Berry Pinch?” 


The guard looked around nervously while Aunty took a sip of her coffee. “Well?”


“The filly was very persuasive, your highness,” the guard muttered while Berry Pinch nodded with a smile.


“Yep, I said I was going to cry if he didn’t let me go by myself!” She looked over at Ares, a look of worry plastered on her little face.


Ignoring the guard she walked around the table toward the fallen human, sitting on her haunches and poking his side. Looking over at me she asked, “Princess, is your pet okay?” Shiny, Flash, Twilight, and myself chuckled quietly at that as Ares looked up at the filly.


“Hey! I’m not her pet,” he said, sitting up. “I’m more like a bum that doesn’t leave her alone.”


The little unicorn gasped, looking up at him. “Oh, I’m sorry mister!” She squeaked, her ears folded against her head. “I didn’t know you could talk…I’m sorry…”


Ares smiled at her, patting her on the head soothingly. “No hard feelings, kid,” he said, the filly smiling up at him. “Now, how about you get your other mom and you can join us for a little breakfast?” The two turned toward the fillies mother, who was now snoring rather loudly.


“Then we’ll see if we can get your mom awake again, huh?”




An hour later…



“Bye mister Ares, bye Princesses!” Berry Pinch called while her mothers led her into the train, the blue unicorn named Colgate glaring at her wife, who ignored it.


We all waved back at her as the Train Conductor started to make his calls.


“You’re really something, Ares,” I murmured to the human.


“There’s no need to be upset, Candy, just because kids like me more than you and some of them want to sit in my lap while they eat doesn’t mean that you’re not special.”


“Go eat a bucket of horse apples.”


“Be jelly at my power, Candy.”


Twilight cleared her throat, magicking a clipboard and looking down at it. “Well, now that that’s over we really need to get you two to where you need to go,” she said to Ares and I, the two of us sharing a looked of mild dread.


My purple sister-in-law frowned when she saw our looks, huffing. “Come on you guys! If we don’t hurry we’ll be behind schedule!”


Rolling our eyes, Ares and I turned around, the human extending a closed hand at me.


“Have fun at the cooch doctor’s,” he said with a little tease in his voice.


I snorted, thinking about not giving him a hoofbump but deciding against it, bumping the humans fist. 


“Have fun with Doctor Mind Free,” I said, giving him my best unnerving smile. “I hear he’s quite the psychologist.”


Turning around and making my way toward Shiny, I ignored Ares as he said, “Wait a second, whataya mean, Candy? Candy?”


My smirk grew as Aunty Celestia threw a sly wink my way as we passed her, both of the princesses also getting ready to leave to do their duties.


That just left Flash Sentry. “Flash,” I called over my shoulder. “Stay with Ares, I’m sure that you don’t want to come with Shining and I.”


Thought I didn’t look back to see it, I’m sure that the stallion saluted me. “Yes, Cad—I mean your majesty!”


Smiling, despite the doubts, fears, and many other negative emotions that were starting to well up in me, I looked back at Shiny, and, seeing the same fears starting to present themselves on his face, I stop and grab his hoof, giving it a squeeze.


“Come on, Shiny, let’s get this over and done with.”


As if sensing my doubt, the stallion rallied his courage. “Don’t worry, Cadence, everything will turn out alright.”


I gave his hoof another squeeze, not commenting that he really didn’t sound like he meant that.


But what if it doesn’t turn out alright? I couldn’t help but think to myself. Can I let you live a life with a child-less immortal? Would you want to?



...



Ares walked down the cobbled streets, whistling a little tune as Twilight led him and Flash through the city to what Ares called, ‘the crazy part of town.’


Looking to his left and right, the human saw that every house was a business that had something to do with psychology.


Not able to stop himself, the human said, “Purple, are we there yet?”


Twilight, not turning around as she scanned the buildings’ signs like a hawk, said, “Well, if the directions I got the other day were correct then it should be right—there is is!”


The three stopped to look at the rather odd sign that was outside of an equally odd house, said building leaning dangerously to one side.



Dr. Mind Free’s Psychological Practice



The three frowned at the sign, which was just as tilted as the building.


“Purple,” Ares said, breaking the silence. “Are you sure this is the guy that I’m supposed to be going to?”


Twilight nodded slowly. “...Yes, the princess recommended this psychologist—”


“You mean head doctor?” Ares interrupted, making Twilight rolling her eyes before continuing.


“—Psychologists as one of the best ones in the city.”


“Princess Celestia recommended this stallion, right?” Flash asked. “It wasn’t Princess Luna?”


Twilight was about to reply when an alarm clock suddenly appeared in front of the three, and began to go off, scaring the pants off Ares and Flash. Twilight just gasped, picking up the two with her magic and racing toward the building door.


“We need to hurry!” Twilight yelled. “We’re going to be late for your appointment!”


“You had an alarm?” Ares asked as she carried him to the door. “..That’s weird, Purpl—urk!”


Luckily for Ares, as the human and stallion were tossed through the door, he was able to use Flash as a makeshift shield, the stallion grunting as his body hit the door, knocking it over and leaving the two groaning on the ground.


“Ares, you bucking bucker!” Flash snapped, quickly checking himself for injury and finding none.


The human rolled off his friend and onto the safe, soft carpeted ground. “Did ya think I was gonna take the hit, Flashy-boy?”


“That hurt!”


“Well, was me getting hurt going to solve the problem? If you’re going to be mad be mad a—urk!” Twilight, muttering to herself in panic, tried to hop over Ares and misjudging the distance, landing right onto his stomach, not missing a beat as she picked him up, the wind knocked out of him, and put him on one of the waiting rooms chairs and all but throwing Flash off the broken door and levitating it up. With a simple spell that was also fixed, Twilight taking a calming breath.


“Boy, that was close,” She said, wiping the sweat from her brow. “We were almost-” She stopped when he noticed that the human and Flash were glaring at her.


“Purple,” Ares wheezed out. “If you were a guy I’d punch you in the mouth.”


She cocked her head at him while she helped Flash to his hooves, a confused expression on her face. “Why, Ares?”


The human looked at her disbelievingly before wringing his hands. “What do you mean, Twilight?! You threw the two of us through a door!”


The unicorn blushed, her eyes widening when she realized that was what, in fact, she did. She opened her mouth to apologize when the three heard somepony clearing their throat. The three looked over to see a blue unicorn sitting behind a desk with a magazine held in her hooves, staring at the three with an almost bored expression.


“Do you have an appointment?” The mare asked as the three stared back at her with various levels of embarrassment.


“Yeah,” Ares sat before he got up and, clearing his throat, made his way over to the secretary. “I’m Ares Costelnock; I’m the doctor’s one-thirty.”


The mare raised an eyebrow, looking down at a clipboard before nodding. “Alright, have you been worked on by the doctor before?”


Ares shook his head at the mare, deciding not to comment on being ‘worked’ by a head doctor. “No ma’am, can’t say that I have.”


To Ares increased confusion the mare sighed almost sadly. “Well, Mr. Ares, just a fair warning, Dr. Mind Free’s a bit… energetic and different in his practice.”


“Okay…”


The mare gave him a little smile as she nudged her head at a door. “The doctor will see you then!”


Giving the mare a nod, Ares slowly made his way to the door, looking back at Twilight and Flash.


Twilight, seeing her friends misgivings, smiled. “Don’t worry, Ares, you’ll be fine.”


Flash nodded, walking over and sitting next to her, much to Ares amusement. “Yeah, don’t worry, Ares, if that doctor tried anything I’ll give him the ol’ one-two!”


Everyone in the room rolled their eyes at that, Ares slowly opening the door and poking his head through. “Doctor Mind Free?” he said, stepping through and closing the door, looking around the room.


It was basically like every crazy head-doctor’s office that Ares had ever seen on T.V., complete with one of those big sofa thingy's, and a few motivational posters and other calming things all around it. What it did not have was a pony doctor.


The human turned back through the door. “Hey, um, secretary lady? The doctor isn—”


“BOOO!” A voice shouted behind the human, Ares eyes widening.


Letting his fight-or-flight response take over, Ares spun around, upper-cutting his would-be attacker right in the jaw, finding out too late that it wasn’t some burglar or other criminal scum, but some white pony wearing a fancy coat.


His fist connecting with the poor stallions lower jaw, Ares lifted the surprisingly light pony into the air and up into the ceiling, the ponies eyes rolling into the back of his head as his horn stuck him into the ceiling.


Are fell back onto his ass, looking up at the now unconscious pony with more than a bit of alarm. Huh, he kinda looks like a piñata now, he thought as Flash bucked down the door, a concerned look on his face, with Twilight closely following.


“Ares, what’s going on?” The private all but yelled, his eyes scanning the room for potential enemies. “I heard so—” He stopped when he saw the pony sticking out from the ceiling.


“Flash,” Ares said calmly, looking over at his friend. “I think I just killed a pony….”


The stallion just blinked at the body. “How and the hay did he get all the way up there?”


“It’s not that high up,” Ares said, almost bashfully. “But I kinda knocked him u—”


The three gasped when the stallions eyes snapped open, looking down at the three as the secretary made her appearance, shaking her head at her boss.


“Sir, are you okay?,” She asked, the stallion rolling his jaw slowly before nodding.


“I think so, Lye Lane, but I could use a little help getting down…”


“Hang on there, doctor-man,” Ares said, grabbing the stallions sides and gently pulling him down. “I got you.”


The stallion looked at the human, seemingly noticing him for the first time. “Oh, hello there,” Mind Free said cheerfully as Ares put him down. “You’re the human that the princesses contacted me about!”


Ares raised an eyebrow as the stallion giddily hopped around the room. “Yeah…” For once, Ares really couldn’t think of anything to say. “So, Doc, are you okay? I did hit you pretty hard…”


The doctor nodded almost happily. “Yep, you really mashed my potatoes!”


Ares looked at the doctor, opening his mouth and slowly closing it, looking at everyone in the room to see if he was somehow being made fun of.


“Twilight,” he finally said. “I think the princesses and I need to have a little chat about-”


Everyone blinked as the doctor teleported behind Ares and wrapped a hoof around his shoulders. “Now!” the doctor said with joker-like grin. “How about we get started, Mr. Ares? You are on the clock after all.”


The human’s eye twitched dangerously. “Doc, I don’t think my body’s ready for this…”


The doctor’s smile only widened. “Too bad!” With a spell Ares was on the sofa, everyone other than the doctor was teleported out of the room, and the door was fixed. With a nod the doctor made his way over to his chair, hopping onto it and clearing his throat.


“Well, tell me, Ares, what seems to be the problem?”


…



Our Lord Star Swirl’s Medical Center 



Shiny and I looked up at the sign of this big, white building, our dread beginning to build up. Shiny was the one that tried to break the tension.


“You think they’d change the name of this place by now,” he tried, and failed, to say jokingly.

I just looked over at him, rolling my eyes, before I made my way through the slide-y doors. “Come on, Shining,” I said, looking at the map on the wall. “Quit messing around and help me find the way to get to the baby section of this place.”


Shining tried hard not to smile. “You mean the ‘department of experimental theories on conception’?”


I bit back a snort. “You sound like your sister,” I said teasingly.


Shiny snorted right back. “Well you sound like Ares,” he said, pointing at where we needed to go. “I mean, all you need to do is say hickey with every sentence and wear pants and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference!”


I refused to dignify that with an answer as we walked through the labyrinth of hallways until we reached a pair of big double doors.



Department of Experimental Theories on Conception



“Well,” I said stopping in front of the doors. “I guess I need to go through those doors and start this…”


Shiny gave me a reassuring nuzzle. “Don’t worry, Cadence, everything will be alright.”


I let out a sad sigh, sitting down on my haunches. “I don’t know, Shiny,” I said, my head drooping. “It’s not even the fact that I may be sterile that’s bothering me,” I told him. “It’s the fact that all of these studies and all of this nonsense might just be for nothing.”


Shiny nuzzled me again and I had to fight back tears. “What if I’m sterile, Shiny?” I almost whispered, kind of hoping he wouldn’t answer me.


His answer was another nuzzle. “Then we’ll deal with that if it presents itself,” he simply said before giving me a little smile. “Hey, at least whatever you’re going to go through is nothing compared to what Ares is dealing with right now.”


…



“A-And t-then she t-told me s-she didn’t l-love me!” Doctor Mind Free cried, burying his muzzle into a resigned Ares shoulder, the human calmly patting him on the back while the stallion began to openly weep.


“There, there, Doc,” Ares said. “Just let it all out.”


After a few minutes the stallion eventually settled into shaky breaths, Ares looking down at him with a raised eyebrow. “Feel better?”


Mind Free looked up at the human and smiled, sniffling and wiping his nose with a hoof. “Yeah,” the stallion said after he cleared his throat. “Thanks, Doctor, I needed that!”


Groaning, Ares all but shoved the stallion off him before putting his head in his hands. “I’m your patient you fucking putz!”


…



Oddly happy that Ares was probably having a more difficult time than me, I cleared my throat, straightened by back, and gently knocked on the door.


“Well, will you look at that,” I said, beginning to turn away. “It looks like noponies’—”


Did you know that, even if you’re a unicorn, it’s very unpleasant to be teleported by anypony else? I’ve never saw the practicality of the spell anyway; even after almost a thousand years after its creation, the teleportation spell still had a chance to phase you into a wall if you weren’t careful.


I mean, its almost just for show really, there’s nopony alive, including my Aunty’s, that can use it to travel more than ten miles at a time. So it made sense that all of this was made way harder for a unicorn when they teleported more than just themselves, such made it quite the surprise for me when Shiny and I were teleported into a bright room with three ponies in lab coats standing in front of us.


Still queasy, I did what any self respecting pony would do, I started yelling at them.


“WHAT AND THE HAY AR—urk! COLD, COLD!” In the middle of my anger rant, one of the mysterious ponies, a giddy-looking orange unicorn mare, all but picked me up and threw me into some kind of portable shower thingy, turning it on.


Sweet Faust, it was like I was in an ice cube.


“Good afternoon, Princess!” The mare happily said, shoving a bar of soap into my hooves. “I’m Doctor Scalpel, over there are my associates Dr. Holster and Dr. Hooves—say hello fellas!—we're going to be the ones that are going to study—er, I mean see if we can help you with your ‘problems’; if you have any that is.”


My eye twitched a little when the mare gave me a big smile. “Now, could you please take that lava soap and scrub yourself thoroughly? We need to get you squeaky-clean before we can start any of our test!”


Shiny, who looked so confused that he was just looking around the white, medical equipment infested room in bewilderment, so I wasn’t getting any help there.


Well, I cautiously thought to myself, giving the mare a weak smile as she put both of her front hooves out, obviously waiting for me to give her my crown and chest plate. She DOES have a lab coat on…


I think this ‘Dr. Scalpel’ had to bite back a squeal as I hooved over my garments to her and started to scrub my body.


“Oh, this is going to be great!” The mare said, magicking a clipboard over to herself. “I can’t believe I’m going to be one of the first ponies to properly study an alicorn!”


One of the doctors, a big, grey Earth pony with a blue coat on, cleared his throat irritably. “For Faust sakes, Scalpel, give the girl five seconds to think,” he said in one of the gravelliest voices that I have ever heard. “You’ll have all day to poke at her.”


With all of us watching, the stallion reached into a pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills, and, popping off the cap, swallowed a mouthful.


Shiny raised an eyebrow. “You have a doctor’s prescription for those right, Doctor?” 


The grey stallion looked down at my husband, raising an eyebrow himself. “Are you a guard, boy?”


“Ex-captain of the guard, yes.”


“Huh,” the stallion said calmly, putting his bottle of pills away in another pocket and patting it thoughtfully. “Then yes, Officer, I have a prescription for these pills.“ The stallion gave Shiny a hint of a smile. “I’m a doctor, boy, would I lie to you?”


…



After the crazy head-doctors little… ‘episode’, Ares was now laying back down in his sofa, his eyes closed and with the doctors secretary in his lap.


The doctor hummed thoughtfully, eyeing a clipboard as he sat in his chair. “Alright, Mr. Ares,” he began. “Now how about you—”


“Doctor Mind Free,” an annoyed secretary said, trying to stay irritated while Ares was stroking her back. “Do I really need to be here?” She bit back a happy sigh as the human started to play with her ears. “This is very inappropriate!”


The doctor looked up from his clipboard, an irritated look on his face. “Yes, Lye Lane, you need to be here,” he said. “What Mr. Ares and I are going to talk about will probably make him, and probably me for that matter, very uncomfortable. From what the Princess told me, Ares here is usually kept calm by holding another.”


“I’m right here, Doc,” Ares deadpanned, wiggling around the sofa to get a little more comfortable. “You don’t need to talk to me like I’m in the other room.”


Lye Lane cracked open an eye to glare at the Doctor while she tried to keep her head from resting on the humans chest. “So I’m just an over-sized teddy bear?” she demanded, internally cursing herself as her tail slowly wrapped itself around the humans leg.


The doctor nodded enthusiastically. “Yep, and if he loses it you’ll give me enough time to get away while he beats you to death with his super-ape strength!”


Ares shook his head as the secretary stiffened in fear. “Doc, I’m still here,” he said, gently petting Lye’s back. “Don’t worry sweetie, I’m not gonna do anything to you; unlike what Mr. Crazy over there says about me, I’m a pretty calm guy and I would never hurt a wo—er, mare.”


He opened an eye to glare at the doctor. “Now, Doc, are you going to start asking me things or are you going to keep scaring people?”


Seeing the human’s and mare’s glares, the stallion cleared his throat nervously. “Alrighty, Ares, I need you to tell me about your time in the Crystal Empire’s tundra.”


Ares stopped petting the secretary for a moment, something that wasn’t lost on the doctor. “Okay, how about we start with something simple; what were the sounds like when you were out there?”


Ares opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling as he carefully collected his thoughts, deciding on whether or not to talk about this at all. I’m not going to talk about this, he finally decided, starting to get up when he remembered something.


You almost died trying to help me, why would you expect anything less from me?


Despite everything, Ares let out a weak chuckle. Here I am bitchin’ about my problems when Candy has it so much worse, he started to pet the mare in his lap again. She’d kill me if I didn’t at least TRY.


With another shaky sigh, Ares closed his eyes again. “A lot of it was loud,” he quietly, the doctor leaning in with interest. “It was always windy, like windy enough that you had to really dig in your heels if you wanted to keep your feet.”


Lye Lane opened an eye to look up at the human, seeing his eyes glazing over slightly as his hand began to shake slightly, the mare looking at her boss with her ears splayed back.


The doctor ignored this, waving a hoof. “Keep going, Ares,” he said gently.


The two heard Ares gulp. “There must have been some funny-shaped mountains, because whenever the wind hit it sounded like s-screaming,” the human shook his head, a hand going to his temples as he opened his eyes to look pleadingly at the doctor.


“Doc, is it alright if we finish for today?”


Nodding slowly and looking up from his clipboard, Mind Free nodded. “Of course, Ares, we can stop now if you want to.”


Muttering his thanks, the human gently picked up Lye Lane and placed the mare on the carpet. Playing with her ears one final time, Ares got up and made his way to the door, stopping when he noticed his still-shaking hand.


Opening and closing his hand. He looked over his shoulder at the doctor and secretary, his eyes unreadable. “Same time next week, Doc?”


The doctor nodded, a dopey grin growing on his face. “Yep! I promise that I won’t try to scare you next time!”


That got the stallion a weak chuckle, Ares opening and walking through the door while the doctor put down his clipboard and began to rub his temples. “Well, that went better than I expected,” he said, rubbing his aching jaw.


“Thankfully I thought to put a protective spell on myself, otherwise Mr. Ares might have taken my head off…”


Lye Lane looked over at her boss, still annoyed. “Did you really need to act like a fool, Doctor?”


The doctor nodded. “Ares wouldn’t have had anything to do with me if I acted like a stiff upper-lipped busybody. So act like the fool I shall.”


The secretary rolled her eyes, making her way toward the door. “Well, if you want to look silly at least leave me out of being a teddy bear.”


“Admit it, Lye, you loved it.”


“...Shut it or I won’t get you any painkillers.” 


“...Yes, ma’am.”


….


Now, like most mares, I’ve been to the gynecologist. Sure, it’s a little weird the first time you go there—especially if your first doctor is a stallion- but it really isn’t that bad. You go there, get your hooves into those stirrups, and try not to groan as the doctor tries to tell you a very inappropriate joke to try to lighten the mood. After that, you can almost forget that somepony’s looking at your bits.


...Well, it would be nice if the doctors could figure out how to keep their hooves from getting so cold, but…


It’s still not that bad… usually.


When it gets bad is when there’s three ponies pretty much sticking their noses in you and muttering to each other while one of the doctors is being either creepy or weird.


“Do I detect a scent of rose water and lilacs?” I heard Dr. Holster—who was a gynecologist and had been one for the better part of thirty years, or so he claimed—say.


What would have horrified me twenty minutes ago, and it did when the doctors started complemented my on the health of my lips—and not the ones on my face if you were curious—only made me groan, putting my head in my hooves.


I saw Doctor Hooves hit the creepy doctor on the back of the head. “Hol, if you’re going to be a bucking weirdo, then go over there and check up on the blood work!”


Shiny looked up from his magazine to stare calmy at the stallion. “You’d better do what he says doctor, nopony would want you to accidentally have a chair broken over your head, would you?”


I was indifferent to the creepy doctor’s discomfort, the stallion taking the hint and making his way over to some spiny thing that supposedly separated all of the different parts of my blood.


I let out a shaky sigh as the stallion started to fiddle with the machine, looking down at the grumpy doctor gratefully. “Thanks doctor—epp!”


You know what? I take back everything I said about going to a bucking gynecologists! I mean could you at least WARN me before you start sticking things inside me?!


...To be fair, Doctor Scalpel was more of a scientist than a doctor, but still!


“Well, your vaginal orifice seems healthy and whole and your cervix is just like any mare’s,” I didn’t comment that she sounded disappointed at that. “So I don’t think your marehood’s the problem…”


Doctor Hooves snorted. “I told you,” he muttered, Scalpel ignoring him as she continued.


“So it might just be that you have something in you abnormal that resists a normal stallion’s seed.”



Hooves rolled his eyes when he saw the look I gave his fellow doctor. “Lady, you’re an immortal Princess with massive amounts of power that you can call up with a thought; there’s nothing normal about you.”


Shiny looked up from his magazine again, but before he could open his mouth the doctor stopped him with a look. “Boy, you can be the big-dick stallion with anypony else but me, so just keep looking at your—”


“Doctor,” I interrupted, irritated at the stallions attitude and trying to look threatening while my legs were spread so widely that I couldn’t possibly not look silly. “Have you ever been in the dungeons? I heard they’re awful this time of year; especially when somepony is mean to somepony else's stallion.”


The stallion just chuckled, pulling out his pills and taking another mouthful of them. “Alright, alright, I’ll be nice, no need to get snippy, girly.”


I gave the stallion a stern nod as the creep doctor Holster made his way back over to us with a worried look. “Um, Scalpel, is the Centrifuge supposed to be on fire?”


Doctor Scalpel’s eyes widened almost comically as she gasped, spinning around and almost knocking her fellow doctor over to get to the machine, which was indeed on fire.


“HOL, YOU BUCKING IDIOT!” The mare shrilly yelled, unplugging the machine. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?!”


The stallion shook his head insistently. “I didn’t do anything! I was just looking at the thing and it started to catch on fire!”


“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT IT OUT LIKE A NORMAL PONY?!”


“BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW IF THAT WAS PART OF WHAT THAT CRAZY MACHINE DOES!” The stallion yelled back. “I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU MAKE THAT THING OUT OF? PAPERCLIPS AND GUM?”


“YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH ABOUT MY BABY!”


“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU MEANIE!


I watched with a little concern as the machine kind of exploded, Doctor Scalpel throwing her hooves up in frustration. “NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!”


“WHAT I DID?!!”


Doctor Hooves, who had been watching the whole scene with barely restrained amusement, looked up at me while he waved a hoof in a dismissive motion. “Princess, go and take a bathroom break or something while the two dummies work this out.”


He hummed thoughtfully as I rolled off the cold table, wiggling the feeling back into my hooves. “Oh, and we’re probably going to have to take more blood since the machine’s on fire.”


I gave the stallion a slightly relieved look and nodded, making my way over to Shiny, who had risen from his seat and was making his way over to the small fire with a fire extinguisher held in the air with his magic.


“Shining,” I said, nudging my head at the mess. “Could you go and help them while I got to the bathroom and get some coffee?”


Shiny nodded, hefting the fire extinguisher with a determined look. “Could you get me something, Honey?”


“Sure.”


He gave me a smile and a nuzzle. “Thanks…. FOR THE PRINCESSES!” With that the stallion all but charged the fire, a smile tugging at my lips a Shiny accidently sprayed doctor Scalpel, Doctor Hooves falling to the floor in laughter while the mare sputtered.


“Why did Aunty Celestia send me to these crazy ponies?” I muttered to myself, opening and going through the areas main doors.


Shutting the door behind me and making my way to the closest bathroom to do my business, I let the little brave face that I had been keeping up for Shiny slip. I sighed sadly, staring at the floor and sitting on my haunches in the middle of the empty hall.


“Alright, Cadence,” I muttered to myself. “You probably have another three hours of this nonsense, so what do youreally want to drink?” After a bit of looking I found something that would probably be a better pick-me-up than just simple coffee; a Colta-Cola vending machine.


“Should I get a diet or regular?” I muttered after getting Shiny his drink. I couldn’t help but snort to myself; of course it was going to get the normal kind. My day had been pretty rough, and besides, diet colta-cola tastes awful.


Smiling at the sizzling sound the can made when I opened it, I took a sip, sighing at the flavor. “Ahh, I needed this,” I said, closing my eyes and sitting back down. Just then I had a little crazy idea.


What if I just left?


The thought made me open my eyes in shock, and I tried to shake the horrible, cowardly thought away, but it persisted. I mean, how easy would it be for me to just turn down this hall and walk out of the building?


I even knew a simple spell that I could disguise myself so I wouldn’t be noticed. It would be simple to just walk into the sunset and give up my crown and husband. Then Shiny could go and get married to a normal mare and they would have all of the kids that they wanted…


After a little more thought, this once horrible, cowardly idea started to seem like a pretty good idea.


At least until I remembered something Ares said.


“Most of the people that say that haven’t gone through what you and Shining are going through right now, so I’m just gonna sit here and you can cry on my shoulder or sock me again in the face until you want to do something else.”


Suddenly, I was deeply ashamed of my little ‘plan’. Here I was, with a bunch of people that deeply cared about me, and I was thinking about running away from my troubles like a little filly.


Well, I thought to myself, grimly getting back to my hooves. Enough of this cowardly thinking. It’s time to mare up and go back in there with those doctors and get poked at some more!


Giggling quietly at my awful pep talk, I made my way back toward the baby-making wing, humming a little tune. Even if this wasn’t going to work I was in it until the end, no matter what.




Canterlot Castle, Hours later.



“So how was thy examination today, human friend?” Luna asked Ares as she lead him around the castle, showing the human around while her sister was entertaining foreign dignitaries.


Ares looked down at his hand, opening and closing it before he looked over at the alicorn, giving her a weak smile. “It was a pretty good first day.”


“We heard that you almost beat the doctor to death when he frightened you.”


Ares snorted. “I only hit him once and it was an accident for Christ sakes. It was his fault for jumping out and scaring me.”


The alicorn patted her friend on the back with a wing. “Sir Mind Free was the doctor that we went to when… we returned home. He may seem energetic but we wouldn’t have prefered another.”


The two then went into a bout of silence, the only sounds were Ares footstep along with Luna’s footsteps, the two turning the corner.


“...Luna, does it get any easier?”


The alicorn, looking over at him with an emotionless mask, said, “Eventually, at least it did for us.”


Not wanting to ruin the mood anymore, Ares changed the subject. “So, where are you taking me, Luna? Some weird sex dungeon or something?”


The princess let out a snort, gently hip-checking her friend. “We do not appreciate your jest, young Ares!” She said with a bit of tease in her voice. “We are not taking you to a dungeon of any sorts. You, human, have the honor of seeing our bed chambers!”


Ares rolled his eyes. “—So a sex dungeon, then?”


That got him a playful whack on the back of his head as they came upon a big, golden door with an insignia on it. Luna, with as much flourish as she could muster, opened the door and led Ares into a dark, seemingly empty room.


“Welcome to our bed chambers, Ares!” Luna said, turning away from him so he couldn’t see her mischievous grin. “Oh, and Ares?”


“Yes, Princess?”


The princess of the night walked a little further away from the human, who seemed at ease in the dark, her smile growing as she resisted the urge to rub her hooves together manically. “Thou have seen our sister’s guards, but have thee seen ours?”


The human looked over at her, cocking his head curiously. “So, you don’t just have the white clones?” He asked, Luna not realizing that human’s eyesight in the dark was actually pretty okay.


Luna shook her head as dozens of glowing eyes appeared behind the human. “Nay, we have our own guard, and we would like you to meet a few of their number.”


With that, the lights were switched on, Ares blinking to adjust to the light while he calmly stared at the odd-looking ponies that had surrounded him.


They’re adorable, the human thought as the bat-looking ponies hissed at him, some of them getting into pouncing stances with their bat wings spread to make themselves look more threatening.


Needless to say, it didn’t work.


“Aw, look at you!” The human cooed—to the confusion of Luna and her guard, they were sure that he’d be running for the hills—making his way over to a batpony mare and picking her up into a big hug. “Trying to be scary and shit!”


“My lady, help!” The mare squeaked out as the human nuzzled her cheek with a huge grin on his face.


“Aw, look at your widdle ears! Who’s a cutie? You are, yes you are!” After putting down the thoroughly embarrassed mare, Ares looked over at Luna, raising an eyebrow.


“Really?” He said simply, which made Luna rub a foreleg sheepishly before crossing her hooves together in a pout.


“Do not judge us,” the princess of night said. “We scare all of our friends in this manner,” she frowned as Ares started to play with the batponies around him. “But it appears that you are fearless, human friend.”


By now the batponies were backing away from the human while he made his way toward them, flexing his fingers and grinning madly at them. They were saved when Ares stomach growled loudly, the human looking at it sheepishly.


“Huh, I guess I haven’t eaten yet….” he said, while Luna sighed in relief; now she had a way to save her guards from a tickly demise.


“Well,” the princess said, clasping her hooves together, getting Ares attention. “Then we will need to rectify thy hunger, human friend. Come, we will lead you to the kitchens!”


Giving the guard a meaningful look while mouthing ‘later’ to them, Ares made his way toward the door.



Twilight’s old room.


“Alright, Twilight,” Twilight muttered to herself while she was standing over a complex series that only the most knowledgeable unicorns could hope to guess at. “If you’re right, and you should be right, then this spell should be able to make Ares’ life a little easier!”


With a blush and a look around to see if there were any unfriendly eyes around, the purple unicorn magicked a pair of socks to her person and put them on.


“Think of all of the time I’ll save Ares if he can just magically teleport his clothes on!” 


Twilight had the idea the other day while she and the others had waited for Ares go get dressed. After thinking how bothersome the whole process must be to deal with all of the time, her thought was, 'why couldn’t she just make a spell that could put on and take off his clothes automatically so instead of wasting time putting them on, he could just instantly have his clothes on or off!'


All-in-all this was one of Twilight’s better ideas over the past few months.


It was in its earliest stages though, so the only part of the spell that she had was the clothes-removing part, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t test it.


“Alright,” the mare began, her horn glowing. “Now, I just need to put a little magic and—WOAH!”


As soon as her magic touched the runes they exploded almost violently, a burst of blue energy knocking the mare off her feet with an ‘OOF!’ The good news was that it worked, her socks were gone. The bad news was that the spell just kept going, causing Twilight to cringe.


“Well… it should only work on cotton, so it shouldn’t be that bad,” the mare muttered to herself as she got to shaky hooves. “And I didn’t put that much magic in it at all, so the spell won’t last that long...hopefully.”



Back in Luna’s room


“Come, Ares, if we hurry we may be able to partake in dinner!” I Luna said as she opened her door, Are slowly trugging toward her.


“I’m coming, you pushy mare,” he muttered, looking back at all of the batponies that were still in the room. “Hey, Luna--” he began, looking at the alicorn, not noticing a glowing blue barrier making its way toward him.


One of the batponies eyes widened when he saw it, and he turned around, trying to warn the human. “Sir, watch—”


But it was too late, the human’s clothes flying off while he started to look back at the yeller. Luna, having felt the blast, looked behind her to see Ares looking calmly down at his now naked form, ignoring all of the eyes looking him up and down.


“...The fuck happened there?” He asked, not bothering to cover himself and rolling his eyes when he saw where Luna’s gaze was. “Luna, my eyes are up here,” he said calmly.


“We are not looking for your eyes, human friend,” the alicorn said, not able to break her gaze. “...We must ask, did somepony rip thy sheath off, or are your kind born without one?”


Looking down at ‘Mr. T’ for a moment, Ares hummed. “Nope; no human, at least to my knowledge, has a sheath. Our stuff just wobbles around out in the open.”


“That must be inconvenient…”


The human shrugged, not noticing a batpony, the same one that he had picked up no less, sneaking up behind him. “It’s not that bad; you kinda just learn to live with it,” he smiled teasingly down at the princess. “You know, Luna, I’m surprised that you haven’t jumped me yet.”


This time Luna was able to look up at the human, a glare on her muzzle. Huffing, she said, “How could thou think such a thing, Ares?” She demanded. “We would never rut thee without permission!”


Ares was about to tease the alicorn more when the batpony, whose name happened to be Umbra, reached out with a hoof, grabbing the human and tugging on something that he’d rather not be tug.


“Diddle-iddle-iddle,” the mare muttered with each yank, while a now red-faced Ares hopped back in surprise with a squeak of anger.


“Motherfucker!” Ares snarled, backing away from the surprised batpony, who also started to back away when she saw the righteous anger in the humans eyes.


Looking around the big room, Ares noticed a magazine sitting on a counter. Picking up and rolling the magazine, Ares turned toward the mare, whose pupils shrunk when the now-grinning human started toward her.


“Pull on my junk will ya?” He said, ignoring Luna’s cries. “Well, if you’re going to act like a kid, when I’m going to treat you like a kid,” he slapped the magazine against an open palm. “Now, get over here.”


... 


I sighed as I made my way through the castles corridors, so mentally and physically exhausted that I had to fight to keep my wings from dragging across the floor.


“Thank Faust that’s over,” I muttered, looking over my shoulder to look at Shiny. “Shining, if I ask nicely will you go back to the hospital and beat those doctors up?”


Shiny tried and failed to stop his smile. “I’ll get around to it in a day or two,” he said, making me chuckle as we turned the corner to see Flash walking toward us with a big loaf of bread in his mouth.


My mood was instantly lifted when the stallion stiffened when he was us, trying not to choke on the bread as he saluted.


Shiny and I chuckled, Shiny levitating the bread out of the stallions mouth. “At ease soldier,” he said. “There’s no need for you to kill yourself.”


Flash instantly calmed down. “Yes sir, sorry sir; sorry Princess,” he told me, cocking his head at me sympathetically. “So how was your day, Princess?”


I sighed again, sitting on my rump and letting my wings droop in exhaustion. “Exhausting and kinda depressing,” I told him. “Right now all I need is something to pick me up; maybe something that’ll give me a little chuckle and-”


All three of us stiffened when a batpony ran past us screaming, a naked Ares—don’t ask me why, I still don’t know how that happened—in hot pursuit, waving a rolled-up magazine like a broadsword.


“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry!” We heard the mare scream, turning the corner. “Princess! Help me!”


Ares let out a battle cry that would have scared me if I didn’t know him. “Your princess can’t save you, and your resistance only makes me harder!”


I blinked as Shiny was bowled over by Aunty Luna, who was followed by a group of bat ponies, my aunt looking at the human with a mixture of confusion and mild anger. “ARES!” She roared, also turning the corner. “LEAVE OUR GUARD ALONE THIS INSTANT!”


My eye twitched as we were once again left alone in the halls.


“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!” I heard the human echo off in the distance.


Flash looked around before closing his eyes and sitting on his rump with me, outstretching his hooves. “Boy,” he said. “I really could use a million bits!” Shiny and I gave the stallion a deadpan look as he waited for his bits to fall out of the sky.


The Private opened an eye when Shiny cleared his throat, grinning sheepishly. “What? Can’t a guy hope?”


…


Celestia sighed as she took a sip of her tea, putting down her cup and giving the Minotaur ambassador a smile.


It had been a long day for both sides, but they had finally etched out the trade agreements and peace treaties that would help keep Equus peaceful for another hundred years.


“Well, Brozen Horn, that was a productive day,” the princess said brightly, the big Minotaur chuckling.


“It’s always a pleasure, Princess,” he said as a certain batpony, who was looking for a room to escape from certain human, decided to pick the wrong room. “And I mus—”


The two stiffened as the bat mare all but knocked down the door with Ares right behind her, the human tackling her.


“I got you now, dammit!” Ares roared, raising his magazine up to began to beat the mare.


The mare tried to cover her face. “Not my bread and butter!” She cried as Ares started to bring down the magazine of death, but she was saved when a blue blur tackled the human off of her.


“We will save thee, our guard!” The princess of the night said, biting the humans arm. “Have at thee, fiend!”


“Ow! No biting!” Ares yelped, whacking the princess with the magazine like a bad dog as the Minotaur ambassador and Celestia just sat there, one’s mouth hitting the floor and the other with her head in her hooves.


“Faust buck it…” Celestia muttered as the rest of the bat ponies made their way into the room, glaring at the human.


“For the princess!” The night guards roared, charging into the fray.



Later…



Have you ever seen a puppy that knew it did something wrong? It’d give you those big, sad eyes when it peed on your carpet? Well, that was how Ares looked as I glared up at him.


He was making it difficult though, because Ares had somehow gotten his hooves on an old-timey black-and-white prison outfit and cap, how he had gotten it, or how he had gotten all of the other ponies that were sharing the cell matching pairs, I have no idea.


Sweet Faust did they look adorable. Especially Aunty Luna.


“...Okay, I may have overreacted a little,” Ares began, making me snort and cross my hooves.


“Ares,” I said to the human like I would to a foal. “You’re lucky that the ambassador found your little stunt hilarious, or Aunty Celestia would have done a lot worse than throw you in the dungeons.”


“I got thrown in jail,” the human muttered. “People get butt-raped in jail…”


I saw Aunty Luna adjust her cap, crossing her hooves in a pout. “We do not understand why we are also under arrest. We were merely trying to save our guard!”


I rolled my eyes. “Aunty, couldn’t you just teleport if you wanted to? I mean, I’m sure that that the walls have some kind of magic to prevent that but you’re probably strong enough to still be able to teleport.”


It was Aunt’s turn to roll her eyes. “How do thou think we acquired this garb?”


My eye twitched while Ares smiled, patting my head though the barred walls. “I just thought we should play the part, Candy,” he told me. “Oh, and before I forget, could you get me a carton of smokes?”


I frowned. “I didn’t know you smoked, Ares.”


The human shook his head. “Oh, I don’t. There’ not for me, they’re for the prison boss,” he pointed at a pudgy little batpony how was sitting on top of a whole bunch of mattresses. “If I don’t pay him off he’ll shank me. Smokes are currency here in the big house ”


Even though I facehoofed I couldn’t help but crack a smile. No matter how ridiculous, this was still pretty funny.


Ares smiled back at me, putting his head through the bars to lean down at me. “So, Candy, how was your day at the cooch doctors?”


I snorted, looking up at him. “Awful, how was doctor Mind Free?”


The human’s smile lessened for only a moment but I still saw it. “Hard,” he said quietly, earning him a nuzzle to the cheek.


“It’ll be okay,” I whispered, wrapping my hooves around his neck with a bit of difficulty.


“You know,” I said after a minute or two. “You really helped me today.”


Ares broke the hug, squatting down to look up at me, an eyebrow raised. “Oh?”


I nodded and, to both our surprises I think, gave the human a kiss on the cheek. “Yes,” I whispered as the human’s face became increasingly red, which made a part of me start to worry. Maybe I pushed the boundaries just a little too far.  Maybe he didn’t think it 
was just a peck. “Something you said gave me a bit of courage.”


I blinked as Ares rose to his feet, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Yes, well, you’re welcome,” he said, looking everywhere but me. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got a prison term to carry out!”


Concerned, I tried to apologize. “Ares did I—”


He sighed, raising a hand to cut me off. “No-no, it’s fine, it’s fine. I was just being a baby,” he patted me on the head before turning around and making his way over the all of the bat ponies and Aunty Luna.


I raised a hoof to stop him, tell him I was sorry for… whatever I did, but for some reason, I stopped, now shaken by my actions. 


It was just a peck on the cheek, but for some reason, I felt oddly ashamed about it. What’s wrong with you? I thought, quietly turning around and leaving the dungeon. It was just a peck on the cheek! It’s not like you just rutted him! I mean, you’ve probably kissed him like a thousand times! ...Right?


But the feeling didn’t go away, which made me sigh. “Why did I even kiss him anyway?” I muttered, blinking at the light as I surfaced from the dungeon. “I mean, a hug would have been just as well…”


Now, for some reason, that feeling of guilt turned into something that I couldn’t identify, something that I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry about.



Later later…



Celestia made her way to the dungeons, a scowl on her face and keys in her mouth. I think I left them all in there long enough, she thought, making her way to where she had put them. Hopefully they’ll of learned a— The thought died when he saw the third most adorable sight that she had ever seen.


The whole little group was in a giant cuddle pile, Ares and her sister in the middle of all of the bat ponies, the two using some of the night guard as pillows while Luna was holding the sleeping human. 


The alicorn couldn’t help but let out a coo. “Where in the name of Faust did they get those cute outfits?” Celestia breathed, opening the door quietly and making her way toward her friend and sister, her earlier frown replaced with a small smile.


“I can’t stay mad when they look like that…” she muttered, navigating the labyrinth of curled up bodies to nuzzle Ares and Luna. 


With a quick look around to see if anypony was watching, the princess scooted her sister over to lay between the two, laying her wings on top of them while while she nuzzled the human again, who had started to squirm and whimper.


“Don’t worry, Ares,” she murmured, nuzzling his cheek. “Your nightmares won’t hurt you anymore.”


Little did she know that the dreams that caused Ares to squirm weren’t his usual nightmares. In fact, these dreams were actually quite pleasant. Wrong, but pleasant.



> Lakes and Tears
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you know that in Canterlot, there are a few secret lounging spots in specific places all around the city?



What most ponies don’t know about their capital city was that, Building Block, the mare that orchestrated the building of the city, was a very avid fisher, and it showed when she built Canterlot.



Aunty Celestia said the mare liked this weird hobby, not for the fishing per se, but  because she liked to just sit in a boat and listen to the little waves the boat made, so technically she was more of a wave-listener than a—oops, getting a little off track there.



Anyway, since Building Block helped build every street, alleyway, and walkway in this city-- which took almost sixty of the mare’s life-- she had decided to ‘secretly’ build a couple of artificial ‘fishing holes’ all around the city to help her relax in between construction periods. All of which were turned, over the centuries, into swimming holes that ponies would use to get out of the heat.



These little swimming holes were almost forgotten or paved over over the years since a lot of ponies don’t bother learning to swim, so the few ponds that survived the over millennia just stayed there in a state of disuse, waiting for somepony to do something with them.



Now, you may be asking yourself, ‘why are you telling me about these silly watering holes that nopony uses?’ Well, other than the fact that I personally think it’s an interesting little history lesson, I’ve been going to one of these little lakes since I was little.



This little lake was the smallest of Building’s creations, built on the east side of the city in the middle of a bunch of now-rundown buildings that can’t be destroyed because of some weird city-ordinance law, and it’s been one of my favorite places to go and relax for years.



When I was younger I learned to swim there, I would sit under a big maple tree that grew right next to it and do my homework, and it was even the place where Shiny and I first cemented our relationship.



So, after a few weeks of going to the hospital, I became very stressed with my stay in Canterlot, so I decided to go back to my little hidey-hole and just relax.



“Are you sure that there are fish in this pond, Candy?”



…Or least I was trying to relax, but Ares was making it pretty difficult.



I frowned at the human, adjusting my grip on my fishing pole. “Ares, will you be quiet?” I asked. “You’ve been complaining the whole time and—eep!”



Ares grinned as he rocked our boat dangerously, ducking under the flailing swing of my pole. He started laughing when he saw my terrified look, which earned him a hard shove.



“Take it easy, Candy,” the human said, adjusting himself in his seat. “You’ll scare the fish away…if there are any in this fucking pond.”



I huffed while Ares reached into the cooler we brought and pulled out an apple juice, frowning at the beverage. “We’re the only ones fishing in a pond that has no fish and you wouldn’t let me bring any alcohol,” he muttered, taking a sip of his juice. “You ponies really have a different take on fishing than humans.”



I snorted, looking around the still waters for any hint of a fish. “You’ll never get any alcohol while I’m around,” I told the human. “You’re hoof-full enough sober thank you very much, and you didn’t have to come with me.”



“Couldn’t we have at least brought someone else? I mean, it feels like I may as well just go clothes shopping with you and call it a day.”



I rolled my eyes, giving my wings a little flap in annoyance. “Just get me a juice from the cooler, for Faust sake’s. I already told you that the others either were too busy to join us or they can’t swim, so just sit there and drink your juice.”



Ares complied, and we lapsed into silence with just the sounds of nature surrounding us.



That is, until Ares decided to break this peace. Again.



“Candy, I’ve been meaning to ask; who’s this Faust chick you keep taking in vain?”



I blinked at the question. “Oh, um, Faust is the creator of this world and every living thing in it, if you believe in our myths, that is.”



The human hummed, dipping his rod all of the way into the water for a second before pulling it back out. “Well that’s pretty neat.”



I decided to keep the conversation going, mostly out of boredom. “Do you human’s have somepony like that?”



Ares nodded. “Yep.”



I waited for him to say more and facehoofed when he just looked at his surroundings. “Are you going to tell me about this creator?” I finally asked, exasperated.



He looked over at me. “Oh, yeah, If you want,” He cleared his throat. “Well, depending on who you ask, the thing that made everything could be just be a load of science-y stuff to a whole bunch of divine beings fucking with all of humanity for laughs.”



He shrugged, looking out into the waters. “I personally like one of the older descriptions of one of our supposed creators. Say, do you want a Colta-Cola?”



Interested in the conversation, I nodded, Ares handing me a pop and smiling with me while we opened the cans together and each took a big swig. “Keep going about your favorite god, Ares,” I urged the human, who shrugged again.



“Well, unlike most religions, there’s this one guy called God, who back in the day was kind of a bad ass.”



“How so?”



“A lot of people nowadays think of this god as a guy that loves you and all of that, but I like how the people in the old days portrayed him. Back then he wanted people to get by on their own and just worship him because ‘fuck you, if you don’t I’ll flood your asses’.”



I gasped at that while the human continued. “You see, a lot of people bitch when bad things happen to them, and they ask themselves why any god would let that this or that happen,” Ares took another sip of his pop. “Which makes this god more realistic than the lovey-dovey God that most people worship today.”



“I’m sure that an all-powerful being has better things to do than tippy-toeing with a bunch of his creations—if he exists—so he just gives us a few things to keep us going once in a while and pretty much ignores us.”



“And do you think a god like that exists?” I asked, not knowing about how I felt about the human’s gods.



Ares cracked a smile. “Candy, I’m fishing with a magical talking pink pony in a city on top of a mountain; I have no idea,” He snorted. “But Christ I hope not, ‘cause that guy’s a little too strict for me.”



I smiled slightly at that. “Thanks for your horrible view on theology, Ares.”



He cocked his head at me, his features suddenly turning angry. “Hey, I’m not a priest or anything like that; you asked me about who made us and I tried to give you a good fucking answer!”



I gave him a soothing pat on the shoulder with a wing. “Has the doctor been getting difficult?” I asked, Ares sighing while his shoulders sagged, looking at the floor of our boat.



When he looked like he wasn’t going to answer me I leaned over-- risking capsizing our boat-- and gave him a nuzzle. “If it makes you feel any better, Ares, my time at the hospital has been pretty rough,” I confessed, Ares looking up at me.



“It’s getting harder, Candy,” he muttered, taking his pole and setting it in the boat. “And I’m sorry about snapping at you like a five-year-old.”



I waved him away with a small smile on my face. “It’s alright , Ares, I’m pretty much used to you acting like a five-year-old anyways.” Though it was small, I got the smile I wanted as Ares snorted.



“Weeeeell fuuuccckkkk yooouuu tooooo, Candy,” Ares said, sticking his tongue out at me. This time he started to chuckle, and I couldn’t help but join him.



After we settled down Ares looked over at the side of the boat, frowning. “There’s no fish in this pond,” he said with a tone of finality that made me shake my head.



“Just keep fishing for a little longer,” I couldn’t help but gulp. “I have to go with Shiny and Twilight to see their mother in a few hours, so let’s just kill time this way.”



“Their mother, not your mother-in-law?” Ares asked, making me flinch a little bit. “You look like you’d rather do anything than that, Candy. What’s wrong with the Sparkle parents?”



I couldn’t keep my ears from folding against the back of my head. “Well…Shining’s mom doesn’t like me very much.”



I got a dismissive wave for that. “No mom likes their son’s other halves,” he said. “And she can’t be that bad, she’s Purples’ and Tina’s mom.”



He saw my look and rolled his eyes. “Hey, how about I just come with you?”



I looked hopefully up at him. “Are you sure that’d you want to?” I asked. “Because I promise you, you’re probably not going to enjoy it.”



The human just chuckled and gave me a pat on the head. “I’ll come if it’s okay with Purple and your hubby. If they say that it’s fine then I’ll lay the ol’ Ares charm  down on your evil step-mother.” I raised an eyebrow when he leaned down and grabbed both of the edges of the boat.



“But first,” I heard him mutter, my eyes widening when I finally realized what he was about to do. “Fuck this fishing.”



“ARES, DON’T YOU DARE—”



Splash!



The fact that Ares was able to roll the boat on the first try was actually pretty impressive—they're designed to be hard to roll over after all—but that didn’t mean I was the least bit happy as I opened my eyes in the water to look at the grinning human.



I couldn’t help but point a hoof at him accusingly, trying to convey my angry emotions underwater.



YOU BUCKER!! I just had my hair done the other day!



That was the first time I had seen anypony laugh underwater, Ares producing loads of bubbles as he held his sides.



I only made it worse when I started to lewdly gesture at him, the two of us continuing this little back and forth thing until we remembered that we had to breathe. With a few brief strokes the two of us reached the surface, gasping for air.



“Bwahahaha!” The human roared after he took a couple more deep breaths. “You should see your face, Candy!”



I let out a very un-pony-like snarl, splashing him. “You jerk! What’s wrong with you!”



Still, laughing, Ares swam toward the shore, me in hot pursuit, ready to beat some monkey flank down. Unfortunately for me, humans were apparently way better swimmers than ponies, so Ares, still laughing and dripping wet, crawled onto the shore first.



Looking at me while I was swimming toward him. “Aw look,” I heard him call. “Candy can float! Christ, I've seen rocks that swim better!”



With a mighty roar, I launched myself out of the water with a great, big flap of my wings, Ares yelping when I missed him by an inch, landing as gracefully as a soaking wet alicorn could in a situation like this.



“You’re going to pay for messing my hair up, monkey!” I snapped, a hard look in my eye as I slowly circled the human, who gulped nervously.



“Now, Candy,” he said. “Let’s all just calm down and—”



Pawing the ground, I charged, yelping when I was hit in the face with Ares wet shirt. I shook my head to try to wrench the bucking shirt off me while the irritating human held his sides in laughter.



“Oh, Jesus!” He rasped out behind me, falling to his knees in laughter. “I-I can’t b-breathe!”



With a spell, Ares shirt all but exploded off of my head and into oblivion, my gaze red at the edges as I looked around for my prey, and, finding him, I charged.



Here’s a fun fact; while Ares didn’t really seem like he would be, he was actually a lot heavier than he looked. The doctor’s said that he was just denser than regular pony’s for some reason, which was why he was able to pick ponies up so easily. This also helped explain why I, even with my super earth pony strength, had a little bit of trouble carrying him around.



So, with this in mind—or at least in Ares mind; I was a little too upset to think at that moment—when I was about to connect, Ares kept me from probably really messing the two of us up. As soon as I connected with his chest—with my horn moved away to keep from piercing anything, I may have been a little upset but I didn’t want to hurt my friend—the human rolled with my tackle.



Or at least tried to, since he didn’t take into account that I was moving pretty fast it didn’t go as planned.



So what happened, instead of me tackling the human into next week or Ares rolling the two of us to safety, there was somewhat a mixture of the two.



With a pair of grunts the two of us rolled, a little painfully I might add, into the tree, with me on top of the human. He gulped when I gazed down at him with a predatory look, tightening my rear legs around his lower midsection so he wouldn’t escape from my wrath.



“Now, Candy, let’s calm down,” Ares said, and I had to keep myself from rubbing my hooves together gleefully while I spread my wings, inching them dangerously toward his naked chest. “We can talk about this.”



I nodded, waving a hoof around. “Alright, let’s hear it, I haven’t heard a good begging in a while.”



I could see the human trying to contain a snort and biting his lip hard when one of my wings gave his neck a little tickle. “Come on, I’m waiting.”



At first the human tried to wiggle out from underneath me, and, having failed that, he scrunched up his face, trying to figure out how to get out of his punishment.



I tried not to giggle when he sighed, trying to give me his best puppy-dog eyes. “I got nothing,” he admitted. “But how about you look into that big heart of yours and see if you have any—” He let out this adorable little squeak when I tickled under one of his arms, trying to wiggle away from me.



“Can’t I at least pick my punishment?” he asked.



I hummed, tapping a hoof against my chin in mock thought. “Well,” I began. “Are you ticklish?”



I already knew the answer but it was pretty fun making Ares sweat a little bit.



“…Yes.”



I nodded, my wings dropping on either side of him, Ares flinching whenever my soft wings touched him. “Alright, and I’m sure that you’d rather prefer that I did something else to you right?”



“…Yes.”



The human tried to buck me off him when he saw the look in my eyes and the grin on my face. “Alright, sooooo…tickletickletickletickle!”



…What? Don’t look at me like that!


When you have experience in babysitting like me you learn that sometimes tickling is the only way to teach somepony a lesson.

I had to hold on for dear life as Ares squirmed and bucked—laughing so hard that he had tears in his eyes—trying to get away from my wings of torture. “Hahaha! LetmegoI’msorryI’msorry!” He yelled.

“What was that?” I said between my laughter. “I can’t hear you. You were what again?”

He tried, boy did he try, to resist saying sorry again, but I persisted. Squaring my jaw I continued my attack, using my forehooves to keep Ares arms from flailing around while the human started to turn a very interesting shade of red.

We locked gazes for a moment before I finally won. “I’msorryforgettingyouwet!”

“And you think that Cadence is the greatest,” I said, smiling smugly.

“And I think Cadence is the greatest!”

“And the prettiest.”

Ares was able to keep himself from laughing for a second to look at me with scorn. “What are you, five?”

That got him a frown and some more tickling. “Say that Princess Cadence is the best, smartest, and greatest princess,” I said with a fake sneer, not noticing that I had brought my face a little too close to Ares’s. “And you—“

I let out a little squeak when Ares lunged up a little bit to nip me on the neck, my head jerking back in surprise. This gave him enough leeway to flip me off of him and onto my back.

The two of us looked over at each other for what seemed like a ridiculous amount of time, Ares once red and laughing face taking on a more sinister look, which made me gulp.

Trying to sit up—it’s harder than it looks to roll around when you’re on your back and you have a big pair of wings—I gave Ares a shaky smile, realizing that the ball was now in the humans court.

With a quick roll the now grinning human was in a pouncing position. “N-Now, Ares,” I said, trying to sound calm and collected. “Just—eep!”

I tried to scramble out of the way of the pouncing human, and, more importantly his fingers, but I was too little too late, Ares holding me down with a hand to the lower stomach. I gulped when Ares tsked my, shaking his head.

“Oh, Candy,” he said. “It looks like you’re in a bit of trouble, eh?” For some reason it didn’t occur to me to use my magic, my gaze glued to Ares's hands, which were wiggling in anticipation.

I tried to put on a brave face, glaring up at Ares and trying not to giggle when he started to tickle my belly. “Now, Ares,” I said, in my best teacher voice. “You let me go this instant! You dumped me into the pond and I tickled you, so we’re even.”

An amused looking Ares raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

I nodded the best I could. “Yes. Now get off of me and get back in that water, you need to get all of the stuff that’s probably on the bottom of the—“

My eyes widened when I felt the human’s lips on my stomach, Ares sucking in a big breathe and rapidly releasing, giving me the first raspberry that I’ve had in years.

To my shame, I reacted negatively.

“Bwahahahaha!” I did my best to wiggle away, to get away from the tickling onslaught, but it wasn’t long before I was just as red-faced as he was before.

“Stopstopstop!” I yelled between laughs. “I give up, Igiveup!”

Thankfully, Ares took pity on me, letting me go and rolling next to me while the two of us caught our breaths.

“B-Bucker,” I rasped out, looking over at Ares, who just smiled at me.

“You started it,” he replied.

I just rolled my eyes, the two of us lapsing into a comfortable silence.

“...Candy?”

“Yes, Ares?”

“We’re soaking wet and it’s getting kinda cold outside.”

I gasped, getting to my hooves as quickly as I could, looking at the slightly shaking human with concern. “Oh shoot, Ares. We should probably get you warmed up before you catch a cold.”

Ares closed his eyes, smiling. “Oh shoot? Really?” he asked, making me flush slightly. “I know children that swear more than you, Candy.”

I ruffled my feathers irritably, placing myself in the way the wind that was starting to pick up so Ares wouldn’t get any colder; I didn’t want him to have another episode after all.

“Seriously, Ares,” I said. “We need to get you out of this—”

“You know,” the human said, interrupting me. “I think I’m actually okay with being a little cold like this.”

I cocked my head at him as he continued, laughing a little bit. “Huh, I guess that the doctor’s really helping me…”

I couldn’t help but smile as I sat on my rump, still slightly concerned about the human’s welfare. “Are you sure, Ares?” I asked. “I don’t want to take you to the hospital or anything.”

Ares opened an eye to look at me, the smile still on his face. “I think I’m fine, Candy,” His head rose up a little bit, his eyes scanning the area. “Hey, where did you put my shirt? I can throw it up on that tree and let it air-dry.”

Still smiling, I magicked his shirt—which was in rags by the way—over to him, Ares getting up and throwing his shirt and pants on the tree’s various branches before laying right back down, patting the space next to him.

“Come on, Candy, you gotta air-dry too.”

Rolling my eyes, I made my way over to him, laying down and laying a wing over the human.

“I still don’t want you to catch a cold,” I explained to Ares when I saw his look.

“…But, your wings are soaking wet.”

“I’m keeping you warm and helping my wings get drier faster." I told him, giving my wings a little flap to help them dry faster.

Ares snorted, and I could feel his arms starting to move around under my wing. “You’re going to keep the both of us wet,” he told me, his arms popping out from my wing as he gazed at my appendage.

“You know, Candy, your wings look pretty messed up,” I watched as he started to rearrange my feathers carefully. “You should probably preen them more.”

I rolled my eyes, letting the human continue with his rather relaxing preening. “Well, they would be alright if you didn’t dump me into the lake—“

“Candy, this is a pond; it’s too small to be a lake.”

I snorted, closing my eyes and sighing. “Just shut up and keep fixing my feathers,” I told him, flinching when he pulled one out.

The human looked at the feather carefully, showing me that it was cracked at the base. “And you said that you took care of your wings,” he said with a little tease in his voice.

I huffed. “Unlike some people I know, not all of us have hands to fix ourselves,” I shook my head a little bit to keep from dozing off. “Ares?”

“Yes, Candy?”

“How are you so good at this?”

I felt him shrug. “I saw Flash do it when we were up at your kingdom, and since he looked so adorable I offered to help out.”

I wiggled around to get a little more comfortable. “Yeah?” I muttered sleepily. “Did he tell you what preening another means to Pegasi?”

“Yep, he told me you either gotta be a family member, fuck-buddy—“

“Lover,” I corrected, snickering.

“—Lover, or a really good friend,” he finished, giving my wing a gentle pat. “Get up and switch wings, Candy,” he told me, eyeing my other wing. “That one looks a lot worse than this one.”

With a little bit of regret I got back up and made my way to Ares’s other side, plopping down next to him.

“And I guess you can add ‘if you have hands’ to that list now,” I told him. “You know, Ares, when we get you home and start communications with your world, you should really set up a shop to do this.”

“What? I’m not listed underneath the ‘really good friend’ category?” he asked with a little bit of tease in his voice.

I shook my head, swatting Ares’s side playfully with my tail. “Nope, but seriously, you really should set up something to help Pegasi with their wings.”

“Oh?”

I nodded slowly, a lazy smile on my face. “Yeah. It’s actually really hard for a Pegasus to get every little feather and you’re actually pretty good at this.”

Ares made some sympathetic noises. “Yeah, I thought this would be pretty rough for you guys,” he muttered, more to himself than me as he carefully ran his hand over my secondary row of feathers. “Especially you princesses; you gals have some big fucking wings.”

I heard him snort as he looked down at me. “Are ya asleep there, Candy?”

It was getting more difficult to get irritated at the human, so all he got was a content sigh. “It’s not my fault,” I argued. “This is relaxing! —And thank you for telling me my wings are big.”

Ares bit back a chuckle. “Oh shit, did I just ‘your dicks huge’ you?”

“…What?”

He waved my question away. “Never mind, it’s not important,” he patted my other wing, beginning to sit up. “That one’s done.”

I opened my eyes and refurled my wing, looking over the both of them to see if they were actually presentable while the human got up.

“Well, I’m still soaked,” I heard Ares say as I also got up, the human shaking himself like a dog to get some of the water off of his body. “Couldn’t you have just used some of your crazy magic to dry us off?”

I shrugged, hip-checking him and sticking out my tongue. “Magic doesn’t solve everything, silly human,” I told Ares as he reached up the tree to grab his clothes. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that we wasted enough time here. Now we can go get ready for war.”

My sour tone made Ares chuckle, walking over and patting me on the head. “Don’t worry, Candy, if I can come I’ll try to make this as painless as possible.”

The two of us turned toward the lake, and I couldn’t help but touch the top of my head with a hoof. “Ares?” I asked. “Did I bring my crown here and if I did, is it at the bottom of that pond right now?”



…



A ‘fun’ fact about Twilight and Shiny’s parents, Velvet Sparkle and Night Light, was that usually the two were some of the nicer nobles in the city. The two were responsible for more charities than I could count and I’m pretty sure that Velvet went incognito every weekend to go down and work in a soup kitchen.

So, like I said, these two were very kind, caring ponies, and it showed when they both saw Ares for the first time.

“Holy hay you’re huge!” Night Light muttered as Ares walked through the doorway, his wife nudging him hard.

Ares just looked down at the couple, a small smile on his face while the Sparkles hugged their children. While I got a friendly hello and a nuzzle from Night Light, all I got was a look from the mom, my mother-in-law, before she turned and led us into the moderately sized house.

“Well thank you, sir,” he said as the rest of us crowded into the Sparkles living room. “My mom would love to hear that; she always tells me that I need to eat more.”

To my surprise, Velvet giggled, walking toward the human and offering him a hoof. “Well, your mom sounds like a good mother,” she looked at all of us and I couldn’t help but notice that her warm smile turn cold when she looked at me.

“All good mothers have their baby’s best interest at heart.”

Ares took the mares hoof, giving it a gentle shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Sparkle. I can’t wait to eat all of your food.”

The mare laughed again, looking over at Twilight with a sly smile. “Such a nice young stal—“

“Man.”

“—Man. You know, you should really ask my daughter out…”

“MOM!” Twilight yelled, her face lighting up like a Hearths-Warming’s Eve tree.

Night Light chuckled, shaking his head as he made his way over to the human, poking his thigh. “Don’t tease the poor girl, honey; and besides, I don’t think Mr. Ares here is too keen on our daughter.”

To my horror, Ares patted the stallion, who was probably twenty years his senior, on the head like a dog. “How did you know my name, Mr. Sparkle?” He asked while he played with the stallion’s ears. “I don’t remember us getting into that part of the hellos.”

The Sparkles gave the human an apologetic look. “Word travels fast, dear,” Velvet said. “It was pretty cute how you got around Blueblood,” She patted his leg. “And you don’t need to call me Mrs. Sparkle, Hon. Just Velvet will do.” 

Night Light clapped his hooves together, stepping away from Ares. “Enough of this, we can chit-chat while we stuff our faces!”  

We were then led to the Sparkle’s giant dinner table, and promptly started to all but throw all of her food at us.

To my delight, this was actually one of the best experiences that I had had with Shiny’s mother. Because of Ares, the worst that I had gotten so far was a nasty glare or two from Velvet.

It was a really good idea to bring, Ares, I thought, smiling down at my plate-full of ravioli. If I keep bringing him with me then maybe Velvet will be able to carry a conversation with me.

This thought was promptly broken into a thousand pieces and melted down into nothingness when Night Light finally asked, “So, Ares, I haven’t seen a ‘hue-mun’ before, and I’ve been around.”

Ares nodded, swallowing another big mouthful of his food. “Yeah,” he said, taking a drink of his water. “We humans don’t come around here all that often, but the Princesses are trying to fix that.”

The stallion nodded. “So, may I ask how you came to meet my son and daughter-in-law?” Velvet frowned at that, her cold gaze turning toward me, me trying to shrink into my chair while Shiny and Twilight gave me sympathetic looks.

Ares either ignored or just didn’t see what was going on around him, answering the stallion, “Well, I lost my way up north a bit and Cadence and her hubby over there helped me out when I was in their kingdom and gave me a place to stay.”

“Is that so?” Night said. “It seems like you have an interesting story to tell my boy,” he took a sip of his drink, humming thoughtfully. “This wine is excellent; are you sure that you don’t want any, Ares?”

The human shook his head. “No thank you, I’m not really a wine guy,” He turned toward Velvet, giving the mare a big grin. “Mrs. Sparkle, you should really tell me how you make this ravioli.”

That drew the mare’s gaze off of me, Velvet giving Ares a bashful smile. “Aw, thank you, Ares, but this isn’t anything special,” she teleported another bowl of food over to him. “It’s just made with a lot of love.”

“And she gets the noodles and sauce from a pony down the street,” Night said, ignoring his wife’s glare. “She’s a nice mare, nam—“

“Anyway,” Velvet interrupted her husband, all of us hearing a thumping underneath the table, which was followed by the stallion’s eyes crossing in pain. “I haven’t asked yet, Baby, but how are you doing up in the empire?”

The mare continued, not seeing the look that Shiny and I shared. Pleasedon’tdothis! I thought to myself.

Shiny gave his mother a forced smile. “Oh, it’s fine mom. It’s just a lot of work getting the crystal ponies sped up to modern times.”

Velvet smiled, looking over at Twilight. “Night Light and I have been wanting to go up to the empire for a while now.”

Night nodded. “Yep, I heard that the crystal houses up there are something else.”

Twilight nodded happily. “Oh, it is something else, dad. When the light hit’s the castle at the right time the whole place just lights up,” I couldn’t help but smile when the purple alicorn adopted this dopey expression. “And the library that they have there,” We all chuckled when she shuddered.

Velvet looked back at Ares, and for a second I thought I was going to get out of this dinner with just a few nasty looks. “Well, Ares, you were a guest there, what do you think of the Crystal Empire?”

Ares hummed, throwing me a sly wink before he answered, “Well, the ponies up there are really friendly, but it’s a little too cold for my taste.”

Night scrunched his face up at that a little bit of information. “Is that so? Huh, then I don’t think that going up there would be for me,” he all saw our looks and shrugged. “What can I say? I can’t really take the cold.”

Shining nodded. “Well, Dad, the tundra that surrounds the empire will dissipate in a few years.”

I nodded, having finally worked up my courage to put in my two cents. “He’s right; the more that my subjects love and are loved, the more power the Crystal Heart has and the more that the barrier that surrounds the city grows.”

“It seems like I’d be a lot of work,” Night commented.

Night Light was about to say more when his wife interrupted him. “Speaking of which, Cadence,” she all but spat out my name, making me flinch slightly. “How have you been? Stealing my baby and ignoring my letters must be difficult.”

It was like somepony turned the eerie silence switch on, my eyes widening in shock and hurt while Velvet and Ares continued to eat calmly like nothing happened.

“My mom would have beaten around the bush a little more,” the human said after taking another bite of his food. “And she wouldn’t bring something like that up when she had company, but I guess telling someone that you hate their guts bluntly is alright too.”

Night Light, bless his soul, tried to stand up for me, looking angrily at his wife. “Velvet, do you really have to do this now? In front of a guest?”

The mare turned toward the stallion, her face as emotionless as ever. “Night, I can’t think of a better time than now; there might not be another time to save my baby from this mare.”

The stallion almost snarled, slamming his hooves onto the table. “Enough! I’m sick of how you treat our daughter-in-law, Velvet! She’s a strapping young filly who—“

“Must have used her mind-control magic to rip my baby away from me even when I told her that I didn’t want her a part of this family!” I bit back a sob, my tears hitting the table quietly.

Velvet cleared her throat, giving Ares a leveled look. “And I don’t hate her, Ares; I just don’t think she’s good enough for my son.”

“Shit, if I had a mom like you, then I wouldn’t return your letters.”

“My Shining deserves better than this upstart Princess.”

Ares snorted while I had to fight back my tears. “A princess and a great gal isn’t good enough for your son,” he looked over at Shining, who still hadn’t looked up from his food. “You know, Shining, now’s the time to defend your wife’s honor.”

“You wouldn’t understand, Ares, you’re not a mother.”

“I understand bitchy, child-controlling women just fine, thank you very much.”

Velvet continued like she hadn’t heard him, her cold, cold gaze turning toward me. “I think that my baby deserves a bright, pretty mare that can give him foals!”

Everyone in the room gasped while I swallowed a whimper, promising myself that I wouldn’t cry.

Ares face lost all emotion, but I could still see the rage in the eyes. “Velvet,” he said in a cold, angry voice, which almost forced the mare to look at him. “You can get away with that shit with your kids and husband, but you will not talk about Cadence like that in front of me.”

By now I had closed my eyes, tears starting to stream down my face. She’s right, I thought miserably to myself. I’m just— I stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder, which squeezed me reassuringly.

I opened an eye to see Ares standing next to me, giving me a smile. “Cadence here took me in, fixed me up, and had been one of the best friend’s a guy can ask for,” He leaned forward with his hands on the table, glaring at Velvet Sparkle, who glared right back.

“Now, whether or not you like her I could not give less of a fuck, but she is your daughter-in-law, and you will treat her with respect.”

The furious mare slowly got out of her chair, standing nose-to-nose with an angry Ares. “Get out,” She all but snarled. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“Honey—”

“Mom—”

“GET OUT NOW!”

I don’t remember being carried out of the house while all of the screaming started, but soon I was outside, crying my eyes out.

“FUCK YOU, LADY!” Ares roared while he carried me through the door, Shining and Twilight barely making their way through the door before he slammed it, gently putting me down and wrapping me in a hug.

“Don’t cry, Cadence,” he muttered while I continued to weep. “That bitch doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

I whimpered, nuzzling the human’s cheek while Twilight and Shining just sat there, not knowing whether to just sit there or console me.

“S-She’s r-right, A-Ares,” I all but whispered. “I-I’m j-just a no g-good f—“

He clamped my mouth shut gently, whipping the tears from my face. “Don’t listen to what that nag said, Cadence,” he whispered. “Shining should thank his lucky stars that he’s got someone like you.”

I sniffled and buried my face into the human’s neck while he picked me back up, tears still streaming down my face. He turned toward a very shaken Twilight. “Purple, after things calm down a little bit, tell your dad that I’m sorry for everything.”

They all flinched when a loud crash was heard inside of the house, which was followed by even more screaming. “He seems like a nice guy; I’d really hate for this to fuck up his life.”

I felt him pat me on the back while whatever my sister-in-law had said faded into the background, my hooves tightly gripping Are’s midsection. “Come on, Candy, let’s get you home and away from this. Shining, get your white ass over here and lead the way; I have no idea where the fuck we are.”

The minutes that followed were filled with my sobs and the human gently bobbing up and down as he carried me back to the castle. I think I had heard Ares tell Twilight to teleport there first to tell my aunt’s what had happened but I wasn’t sure.

“You’re okay, Candy,” Ares kept telling me over and over again while he used a hand to stroke my back. “We’ll just get back to the castle and get some ice cream; by tomorrow we’ll be laughing about this whole thing.”

I chuckled weakly at that, giving Ares a nuzzle. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Ares,” I said.

Velvet was right after all, no matter what Ares said. Shiny— I started to think, then stopping when I remembered how the stallion, my stallion, had just abandoned me, just let his mother say those horrible things to me!

Ares’s eyes widened when he felt my grip on him tighten angrily, his eyes flashing with realization. “Now, none of that, Cadence,” he murmured. “If you could see your boy you’d know what this is doing to him.”

“But he—”

He shushed me, and I could tell that we were making our way up the stairs. I counted the two hundred steps and I finally realized that we must have been going to my Aunty Celestia’s room.

You’d know that too if you were ever a filly that grew up in that castle and got bored easily.

Anyway, after a short walk I heard a door open and I was all but wrenched out of Ares arms into the white bosom of my Aunt, who then proceeded to wrap her wings tightly around me, which brought back my water-works.


…


Ares watched as Celestia comforted Cadence, the human running his hands through his hair as Luna made her way over to him and Shining, the princess looking like she was ready to tear into someone.

“Sir Shining, Ares, we believe that it would be best if thee let my sister, Twilight, and I comfort young Cadence,” Her eyes glowed white with power as she stared at the ex-captain, Shining swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Young Shining, it would be best if your mother was not seen by us for some time. Do We make ourself clear?”

The stallion could only nod, yelping when he was roughly grabbed by Ares and all but thrown out the door, an angry Ares in tow.

“She’s your wife!” The human snarled, Shining backing up to try to escape the human’s wraith. “And what do yo—”

Now it was Shining’s turn to be furious, the stallion all but ramming into the human’s chest, knocking him off his feet and into the wall. “I KNOW WHAT I DID!” Shining roared, butting heads with Ares. “I WATCHED MY MOTHER TELL MY WIFE THAT SHE WASN’T GOOD—” The stallion lost all steam when he said that, sitting on his rump in shock.

“—I just let her say all of those horrible things and I did nothing… How could I do that?”

For some reason, all of the anger left the human when he saw Shining’s utterly defeated look. Sighing and closing his eyes tiredly, he muttered. “This isn’t all your fault, Shining, I know what kind of mom you got.”

He let out a mirthless chuckle. “She loves you so much that no one’s good enough, and she’ll want to poison your love-life until you hate her for it,” Shining, still in shock and tears beginning to stream down his face, sat next to Ares, the two drifting off into a painful silence.

“…I bucked up,” the stallion finally said.

“That you did,” Ares agreed, his head gently hitting the back of the wall. “That was your mom, and you gotta respect her, but that mare in there is the one that you promised yourself to.”

“And I just sat there and let her get torn up and you had to defend her.”

“…You did,” the human finally said while Shining’s head hit the wall a little bit harder than Ares’s did.

Having ever been a part of something like this, the human honestly had no idea how to comfort or help the stallion, while Shining also closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face as regret, anger, and confusion racked the stallion’s body.

A pony who had also never been a part of something like this—Cadence was his first fillyfriend and he had wanted to keep it that way—had no idea what to do. Opening an eye, the stallion looked at the last person that he expected wanting to get advice from.

“Ares,” the prince finally said after he worked up enough courage. “What am—“ he sighed. “—What should I do?”

The human internally groaned, covering his face with his hands. Shining, I am NOT the guy you should be asking this, he thought, opening an eye to see the stallion looking back at him miserably.

He was about to tell the stallion what he thought but then he stopped, his mind working out on the best solution.

“…She’s not going to be happy, Shining,” he said after a bit of thought. “Trust me, I’m not the best guy for this kind of advice, but if you really want it, fucking…” he sighed again, smacking his head against the wall again.

“Why did your mom have to do that? We were having such a fucking nice dinner too…”

The two, not knowing what to say to each other, lapsed into another silence, the muffled sounds of talking and sobbing coming from the inside the room.

After what seemed like hours, the door opened, an upset Celestia making her way through the door with and equally downtrodden Twilight and Luna.

Faster than Ares could see, Shining was up, trying to make his way through the door only to be stopped by Celestia’s outstretched wing, the alicorn shaking her head sadly. “No, Shining,” she said. “She and Twilight told us what happened; I do not think she will want to talk to you at the moment.”

The stallion tried to argue. “But I’m her—“

“Shining,” Luna said, gently closing the door behind her. “Our niece does not wish to speak to thee at the moment,” When she saw the stallion’s look she leaned on to nuzzle his cheek. “Just wait for her to send for you, young Shining, she is hurting right now and we fear that thou may only make it worse.”

Ares, thinking that this wasn’t really any of his business--he was a friend, not family-- started to get up and make his excuses on leaving, only to be stopped by Twilight who waved him to lean down so she could whisper into his ear.

“Cadence wants to see you, Ares,” the mare said after sniffling, wiping her nose with a hoof.

The human blinked at that. “Why? She has a hus—“

The mare reached up and brought the human into a hug, nuzzling Ares cheek. Ares scrunched his face up at her uncomfortably while she gave him puppy-dog eyes.

I’m her friend, I’m her friend, he thought to himself, breaking the hug and walking toward the door, and, giving the small group an unsure look, he opened the door to see a sight that almost broke his heart.

The light was so dim that Ares could barely see Cadence just laying on her bed, her tail curled around her as she stared sadly at nothing. The alicorn was simply a mess, her make-up running down her face and her wings and hair messy. She was ‘naked’ as far as Ares could see, her garments discarded carelessly around the room.

And I just fixed those wings this morning, Ares thought, ignoring the alicorn for a moment as he made his way to the bathroom, grabbing a rag and wetting it before going back into the bedroom.

Trying to lighten the mood, Ares said, “Well, you’re a mess, Candy,” the alicorn didn’t comment as he hopped onto the bed and all but dragging Cadence toward him. He tsked while gently wiping the mascara from her eyes. “Why do you even wear this color? Pink and light purple really don’t look good for—”

Ares couldn’t help but let out a squeak when the alicorn all but pounced onto him, wrapping the human in a hug. Wordlessly, he just wrapped his arms around the alicorn’s barrel while she rested her head on his shoulder, sniffling quietly.

“Thanks for coming in here and trying to make me feel better, Ares,” Cadence whispered.

The human patted her soothingly on the back. “What are friends for?” he asked as Cadence broke the hug, looking at him with a small smile that really didn’t reach her eyes.

Trying to keep his smile up, Ares grabbed her face and kept cleaning her face up. “You’re lucky that you brought me in here; you don’t know what happens when you girls keep this stuff on all night,” He puffed out his cheeks comically. “Your faces swell up to hell and back. Doesn’t look good.”

Thankfully, the princess of love giggled at that before looking back down dejecting. “You’re always looking out for me, Ares, unlike my husband…”

Ares frowned, giving Cadence a stern look. “Now none of that, Candy, you should see how fucked up this is making your boy,” He patted her on the cheek. “You should really go and talk to him.”

The alicorn just whimpered and broke down again, sobbing, closing her eyes and leaning into Ares’s cheek. 

Sighing and a little bit confused, Ares wrapped the now crying pony into another hug. “You don’t need to do it right now,” he told her. “How about you and I take the day off tomorrow and go do something fun? Huh?”

Cadence just responded with a hug, wrapping her wings around him. Ares just simply picked her up and set her in his lap, gently rocking her back and forth until her crying stopped and it looked like she was asleep.

Luna better be on the ball with Candy here tonight, Ares thought as he tried to gently pry the mare off him. “Come on, Candy, let’s get you to bed.”

To his surprise, Cadence yanked him down with her, the two now nose-to-nose, a red-faced Ares looking at the sad princess. “Ares,” she whispered. “Please stay, p-please.”

He tried to say something, anything, but Cadence just nuzzled her cheek against his, and he just nodded nervously. “J-just—*cough*—just let me take my shirt off then and get under that blanket.”

Looking happier than she had been for hours, Cadence reluctantly let him go, Ares quickly stripping down to his skivvies and rejoining Cadence, who wasted no time wrapping her hooves and wings around the human, trying to get as close as physically possible to Ares as she nuzzled the nape of his neck.

“Thank you,” she whispered, closing her eyes and smiling while her tail wrapped around the humans leg. “And your idea sounds great; I could use a little vacation from my vacation.”

Ares wiggled around in his alicorn snuggle-prison, trying to get a little more comfortable. “Oh?”

He felt her nod her head sleepily. “Yeah, I can take you around—“ she yawned hugely, snuggling against him a little more. “—to see the town….. You know, you smell nice…”

Calmdowncalmdowmshe’smarriedshe’smarried!

Ares, still fighting his various emotions, just patted her back in reply. “We can do that, if you want.”

Cadence just nodded again, the two getting ready for sleep when Ares realized that he was missing something. “Cadence…. I think I left my shoes at the pond…”



> A vacation from the vacation
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleep really didn’t come to me that night, though it wasn’t for lack of trying on mine or Ares’s part. It was a restlessness that you’d only feel once or twice on your life that kept me up, trying to ignore the ticking of a clock as I listened to the human’s beating heart slowly thump in his chest.

Unlike me, the human had conked out a few minutes after I had turned off the lights, Ares oddly okay with me just laying on top of him with the blanket snugly over us.

He’s still really cold, I idly thought to myself, gently nuzzling Ares’s cheek while he gave me a quiet snort. I wonder if it’s because all humans have no fur or because of what happened to him.

My sleep-deprived mind started to wonder off.

Even if they are all cold, humans must be great just to hold like this, I wiggled on top of the human to get a little more comfortable, my wing tightening around his body. I mean, they’re way bigger than ponies, so even somepony like Aunty Celestia can be the little spoon if they want, and they’re arms are so much better in holding than a ponies legs.

I frowned, picking my head up a little bit to look around for that clock, which sounded like it was getting louder. 

Not to mention that they have hands, so they can pet you when you’re getting ready to sleep, and they can help you conk out even faster than usual. I hummed thoughtfully, closing my eyes. And—if Ares is anything to go by—they smell really nice… I wonder if I can find out what shampoo he uses then I can get Shiny to—

I stopped that thought, frowning angrily before I shook my head. Nono, none of that Cadence, I chastised myself. Shiny’s probably just as emotional about what his mother did as you.

Now I fought back tears. And you just kicked him to the curb and let yourself be a cry-baby. What kind of—

I let out a little squeak when the human jerked slightly when he let out a loud snore, almost knocking me off of him.

For a few minutes I couldn’t help but glare down in irritation at the human muttering, “You can’t even let me wallow in self-pity for a minute, can you?” I snuck my nose on the human’s face, for some reason expecting an answer.

“Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself?” I demanded in the harshest whisper that I could produce, getting a sleepy nuzzle from the human as an answer. I couldn’t help but giggle weakly, my tears quietly falling onto his chest as I laid my head back down and closed my eyes.

“Silly human, always trying to make me feel better, even when you’re asleep…” I muttered, humming again in thought before I giggled again. “Boy am I tired,” I looked around sleepily again. “I wonder how long I’ve been awake to be thinking like this.”

I snorted while Ares’s grip tightened around my body slightly. “Well, since you won’t let me be a baby, I guess I should tell you what we’re probably going to do tomorrow.”

“Or you could just go to sleep.”

I froze as Ares opened his eyes groggily to look up at me. “Candy, what are you doing up this late?” He raised his head up to look at something in the darkness. “It’s like three in the morning…”

I blinked, half in confusion and half in embarrassment. “O-Oh I’m sorry, Ares, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Though I couldn’t see it, I could tell that he was rolling his eyes as he sighed. “Did you even get any sleep yet?”

I laid my head back down on his chest, sighing sadly. “…No.”

I shivered a little bit when I felt Ares’s hand reach up and start to scratch my ears. “Come on, Cadence,” I heard him say almost desperately. “You need to get some sleep.”

“But I’m not tired,” I murmured half-heartedly. It was getting harder and harder to contribute to the conversation because the human was now gently running his other hand down my back.

I tried to squirm weakly as Ares pulled the blanket over the two of us a little more. “Too bad,” he told me, yawning hugely. “We both need to sleep; you remember what happened the last time you tried to stay up all night?”

Thank Faust it was pitch black in the room and my head was on Ares’s chest, so that the human wouldn’t see my blush. “It wasn’t that bad!” I tried to defend myself.

Ares just snorted, both of his hands going to my ears. “I mean, I understand getting loopy after not sleeping for two or three days, but someone that mutters to themselves after not sleeping for a day?” I looked up, and I couldn’t help but giggle when I saw what looked to be a grin.

My wings tightened around him. “Just be quiet…”

The two of us lapsed into silence, with him stroking my neck and ears while I wiggled on top of him.

Finally, I whimpered. “I don’t want to go to sleep, Ares,” I whispered, earning a tighter hug from him. “I don’t want to dream.”

Though I meant my words, that still didn’t stop my body from trying to drift off into la-la land. To my surprise I felt Ares lean down to kiss me softly on the forehead right before I drifted off. “Don’t worry, Candy, I’ll make sure that no mean old Mother-in-laws or monsters under the bed get you.”



…



To my surprise—I know, you’d think it weird that somepony who’s related to the mare that controls dreams would be afraid of them—I had one of the more comfortable sleeps of my life; I guess humans made very good beds.

My sleep was so good in fact, that the only thing that kept me from sleeping the day away was the rather loud sound of birds calling right out of my window, like they are known to do really early in the morning. While this didn’t really wake me, what Ares did to try to shut them up did.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Ares roared, all but throwing me off his chest, almost knocking me off the bed. “YOU—“

He stopped, blinking tiredly as I groaned irritably, putting my head in my hooves. “Wait, this isn’t my room…”

With a spell, the room’s blinds were closed, darkening my room again as I looked over at him. “Because you’re not in your bucking room,” I said, yawning before I picked myself back up and made my way to the human’s side, snuggling against him. “You know, I should throw you off the bed. I didn’t like the birds either but did you have to do that?”

Blinking a few more time, Ares looked down at me with guilt. “Oh shit, I’m sorry, Candy, I didn’t mean—“

I patted him on the side while he rolled over to look at me, the human wrapping me in into another hug, me humming in content.

“How was your sleep, Candy?” Ares quietly asked me while he started to play with my feathers.

I let out another happy hum, snuggling closer. “I’m still a bit tired,” I admitted. “If you don’t mind, how about we sleep in a little bit?”

Ares chuckled, patting me on the head. “You get up this early?”

“No, I usually get up earlier to do my mane.”

I guess he couldn’t resist messing my mane up a little more, earning a huff from me while I gave him a shove. “Stop that!”

That just got me another chuckle. “But you look so adorable with bed-head.”

“You’re not the one that has to comb it!”

Ares went quiet after that for a little while, the human continuing to pet me with one hand and fixing one of my wings with another, which made it harder to stay mad at him.

I wiggled closer to him, feeling slightly guilty that I had snapped at my friend, laying a wing on top of him. “…I’m sorry, Ares,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

The human rolled onto his back and picked me up, laying me on his stomach again. “I think you’ve earned the right to give me a few stern talking to’s,” he told me, closing his eyes, a small smile on his face. “You know, if you weren’t married already, people would think I was either your dog or boyfriend.”

I sputtered at that, heat rushing to my cheeks. “W-what are you talking about?!”

Ares looked down at me for a second, his smile getting bigger. “Well, think about it, you let me stay at your house, you feed me, and you take me places when you think I need exercise,” I felt him shrug while I struggled with the rising urge to slap him. “You even let me sleep in the same be—OOF!”



—Thud!



While I did in fact curb my slapping urge, my urge to teleport him off the bed snuck up on me.

Groaning, Ares’s head popped up from the floor, the human looking at me with a scowl. “You know, you’re real funny, you know that?”

With a little giggle, I levitated him back into the bed, once again using him as a teddy bear. “Not as funny as you, my little puppy dog.”




…




When I woke up again I noticed that I was alone in the bed, and for some reason, I couldn’t help but feel oddly lonely.

“Where did Ares go?” I muttered, shaking the blanket off my body and sitting up on the bed and stretching.

I got my answer when the door flew open, revealing Ares, freshly showered and dressed, towing a cart full of food.

When he saw that I was awake he gave me a smile. “I see someone finally woke their ass up!” he said while I yawned, rubbing an eye with a hoof.

“Yeah yeah, shut up,” I muttered, hopping off the bed and walking over to the human, eyeing the food on the cart hungrily. “What time is it and where did you get this food?”

Ares wheeled the food past me toward the table that was in the room, running his fingers through his hair before he pulled up a chair and plopped down. “It’s about nine in the morning and when I took a shower, I saw that this was outside your room,” the human answered me, shoveling food onto a plate.

I nodded walking toward my bathroom. “Alright, I’m going to get ready, don’t eat all of the food,” I told him, closing the door and looking in the mirror, frowning at how poufy my mane looked.

“Horse apples, Ares,” I muttered, turning on the shower and waiting for it to heat up. “This is going to take forever to comb.”

For some reason, as I muttered this, I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of me growing Ares’s hair with a spell just to do the same thing to him.

Since I was now alone with my own thoughts, I couldn’t help but think about what happened the other day, my ears splaying before I shook my head angrily.

No, I thought, grabbing a bar of soap and beginning to scrub myself with it. You’re not going to think about anything other than having a great time with Ares.

Nodding to myself I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of my human friend; there’s not a lot of ponies that would deal with an emotional mare and he really helped me sleep.

It’s almost like he sleeps with ponies all of the time…

I rolled my eyes at the thought, beginning to hum a little tune to myself, leaving my mind to think what the two of us were going to do.

Well, if he’s anything like Shining then he’ll like to—I stopped myself again, frowning and feeling guilty.

“I really should go and talk to him today,” I half-heartedly said, adding after some thought. “Nonono, you promised yourself that you were going to have a little bit of fun today, Cadence. No drama or crying, just some fun!”

With a determined nod I finished my shower and began my morning preparations. It wasn’t until I was halfway through with combing my mane did I hear the human yell, “Candy, are you dead in there?”

Gritting my teeth as the comb snagged a bit on tangled hair, I turned toward the door. “I’m fine, Ares, I’ll be out in a few minutes!”

I heard a groan, which was followed by the sound of a chair being moved. I almost jumped when I heard an impatient knock on the door. “Come on, Candy, you’ve been in there for like an hour!”

I rolled my eyes. “Just wait a few more minutes, you baby.”

“—But I have to peeeee!”

Grumbling, I put my comb down and trotted to the door opening it with a spell to see Ares hopping around like a little foal while he held his crotch.

Before I could get in a word, Ares bolted past me and shoved me out of the bathroom, all but slamming the door in my face.

“You’re such a baby,” I called to him, though that still didn’t keep me from smiling as I made my way to the food cart. “Hurry up and finish so I can keep combing this mess; you have no idea how hard it is to comb your mane and tail when it’s not wet!”

All I got was a happy groan, which made me roll my eyes again as I snagged a stack of pancakes and sat down, digging in.

While I was looking for where Ares had hidden the maple syrup the human opened the bathroom door, a content smile on his face as he made his way over to me with a comb in his hand.

I didn’t even look at him as I finally found the bucking syrup, shouting embarrassingly in triumph while I poured it onto my flat cakes of buttery goodness.

“Ares,” I said while I started cutting my food, not noticing that he was right beside me. “If we’re going to be out the whole day you’re going to have to be better about the whole bathroom thing,” I snorted quietly, shaking my head at having to tell an adult this. “I mean, I don’t want to have to rush you to the bathroom like a five-year-ol—eep!”

My wings flared out in panic as Ares picked me up, sitting in my chair and putting me on his lap while I glared at him in confusion and embarrassment, my cheeks a little more red than I would have liked.

The human looked at my angry expression with confusion. “What?” He showed me the comb in his hand. “I remember you complaining about getting your hair done, and since I’m pretty sure that I can comb your hair faster than you, I say we kill two birds with one stone.”

I opened my mouth to yell at the human but quickly closed it. “…That makes sense, alarmingly enough,” I muttered, wiggling in the human’s lap to get more comfortable while Ares started to gently comb my hair.

I felt the human shrug. “I just don’t want to wait five more hours for you to get ready,” he ignored my irritable snort as I started to dig in. “If you women have such trouble with the fucking stuff, then why don’t you just cut your hair short?”

“Because that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, and I know Twilight,” I said, popping a forkful of food into my mouth.

I bit back a grimace as the human grabbed a handful of my mane and started to all but rip my hair out.

“—Careful!”

Ares grunted. “Why do you think I’m holding your hair there? If your hair was a bit shorter then you wouldn’t have so many knots,” He patted me on the head. “And you’d look adorable with short hair, Candy”

I smacked Ares under the chin with a wing. “If you don’t stop talking nonsense then I’m not going to tell you what we’re doing today,” I tried not to yelp when my tail was grabbed. “Watch those hands when you’re down there, mister!”

The human quietly laughed as he began to comb my tail. “Of course mom, your bits are safe for another day.”

I facehoofed. “Just… just be quiet and hand me that jug of orange juice.”

Ares did as I asked, humming while he worked and I ate, the two of us falling into a comfortable silence.

“So, Candy, I have a question.”

“Hmm?”

“Now you don’t want to deal with all of the nobles and all of that, right?”

I nodded, taking a big gulp of my drink. “Yes, you’re right.”

“So how are we going to go out and not get swamped?”

I stopped eating, a small frown on my face. I honestly hadn’t thought of that.

“Well…” I thought for a few seconds before the proverbial light bulb lit up above my head. “Oh, I know!”

I closed my eyes and charged a spell that Aunty Celestia had taught me when I was little; a simple illusion spell. With a flash my horn was gone and I became a little smaller so I looked more like a normal pony.

Turning to look over my shoulder to look at the shocked human I couldn’t help but grin at him. “Well, how do I look?”

To my amusement, Ares opened his mouth and closed it, one of his hands going to the empty spot on my forehead. “That’s still you, right Candy? You didn’t teleport away and replace yourself with a maid to fuck with me, right?”

Rolling my eyes, I hopped off his lap before he could touch me, taking a few seconds to look over myself. “Yes, it’s me, Ares, I just cast a simple spell so I can go incognito outside,” I frowned. “And of course I’m still me! It’s not like I changed the color of my coat or anything…”

The human blinked owlishly at me before he wrung his hands. “I don’t know about magic!” he said, trying to defend himself while he got out of his chair and started to walk about me.

I huffed while he started to poke at me. “Will you stop that?” I snapped after the tenth poke, Ares ignoring me while he picked me up.

“But you’re so widdle now!” he said in a baby voice, bringing me into a hug. “You’re like a pink Twilight!”

I wiggled out of the human’s grasp, beginning to circle him. “Now, how am I going to make you look normal?” I murmured to myself. “I can’t use the same magic on you… so maybe I can just put horns on you cosmetically so you’ll look like a minotaur…”

Ares—though a usually ‘who gives a horse apple kind of guy—started to squirm uncomfortably after I circled him a few times.

“Um, Candy? You’re not going to do anything…unnatural to me, right?”

The human’s voice brought me out of the deep thought. “Hmm? Oh, you’ll be fine,” I assured, patting his thigh. “Would you do me a favor and sit down? I need to go and grab my make-up kit!”

While I trotted happily toward the bathroom, Ares looked at me with bewilderment. “The fuck you talking about, women?”



…



I know you might think that I’m a Tom-boy of a princess, one that enjoys mountain climbing and fighting bears, but—though I wouldn’t stop you from telling your friends that—I really enjoy the simple things like makeovers and going to the spa.

When I saw younger the maids of the castle got me hooked by painting my hooves and it only escalated as the years went by. Twilight would always look like a little beauty queen whenever I came to baby-sit and Aunty Celestia even had to order the guards to keep me from entering her room some day’s to keep from getting beautified.

Not that any of this was a bad thing—and no, it’s not a bad thing, so stop looking at me like that. I got so good at it that I could probably be paid to do it, which helped when I had to make Ares look like a minotaur.

At first I didn’t think it was possible; the human really didn’t want me to do it and I’m not a made-up artist, but I persevered.




“I feel silly,” Ares muttered as I led him through the city, a big smile on my face as I looked back at him. He looked so adorable with those little horns….

To both of our surprises, my little fixer-upper had worked really well! You only needed to squint a little bit to make the human look like a minotaur, not that anypony in Canterlot would notice.

The big bulls usually came up here to sell their wares, so I’ve seen a few, but like most of the ponies around here, I really haven’t seen enough of them to tell the difference between a human who had a pair of horns glued on his forehead, with a fake nose piercing and some minor body painting.

“Are you sure this is going to work, Candy?” the human asked, scrunching up his face. “The horns I understand, but did you really have to paint my face?”

I giggled. “Stop playing with those horns,” I told him. “You’ll break them. And yes, you needed that paint; what you ever heard of a peach colored minotaur?”

“You never know with this world,” I heard him mutter while he lengthened his stride until he was walking side-by-side with me. “This paint better come off…” He shook his head a little bit, looking down at me.

“So, Candy, you didn’t tell me where we were going.”

“I didn’t,” I agreed, looking innocently at him until he facepalmed.

“Could you fill me in?

I hummed in mock thought. “Welllllll, if you have to know, I’m thinking about taking us to the museum for a little bit and we’ll see where we end up from there,” I looked up at him. “How does that sound?”

He shrugged. “I could go for a little bit of culture,” he told me. “So is this one of those museums where they have dinosaurs, or the ones with just paintings and art and shit like that?”

The two of us ignored some of the ponies gawking angrily at the human for his potty mouth, Ares and I turning off the main street to a less crowded part of the city, the artisan’s district. Why they decided to put a museum there I have no idea, but it was a nice place to relax when there wasn’t some new art exhibit—that was when the nobles came out.

“I don’t know what the hay a dinosaur is,” I told Ares. “But the one I’m taking you to has a little bit of everything.”

The human scratched his chin for a moment. “Candy, I gotta ask you, and don’t take this the wrong way because I really do want to go, but why do you want to go to a museum? Aren’t your Aunt’s thousands of years old? I’m sure they throw history stuff at you all of the time. ”

I snorted in amusement. “My Auntie’s may be old, but they prefer living in the future; besides, if I remember correctly, the new exhibit for one of Saddle Arabian Pharaohs is still there!”



Hours later…



“Hehehe…”

“Shut up, Candy…”

“I will if you let me touch it.”

“You touch it then I’m going to eat you.”

“But you look sooo cute with it on!”

The two of us made our way out of the museum after an hour or two, having looked at pretty much everything that I wanted Ares to see. The museum was fun and all but it was nothing compared to what happened when we stepped out the front doors.

For some reason, and this still makes me smile just thinking about it, a group of fillies had decided to start to play with the ‘big scary bull-thingy’. Long story short, the kids put a top hat on Ares sometime in the middle of this adorableness and he couldn’t take it off, because if he did then the kids might cry.

So here was Ares—who was already dressed up as a brownish/greyish minotaur—looking so adorable that I couldn’t help but try to fly up above him a few times to try to snatch it off his head.

The human looked down at me with nothing less than glowering anger, which was ruined when he had to adjust his new hat. “You leave my hat alone,” he warned. “It’s mine.”

I hip-checked him playfully, giggling like a school-filly. “You’re ridiculous, you—” I stopped in my tracks, squinting at something off in the distance. I nudged the human, sitting down on my rump. “Ares, does that look like anypony we know?” I pointed at a familiar pony who was off in the distance.

The human leaned forward a little bit. “Is that… Purple?” He finally said.

I nodded slowly, standing back up. “Yeah, I think its, Twilight,” I muttered, nudging Ares toward the right side of the street so we weren’t in the middle of it. “I wonder what she’s doing out here all by herself…”

Ares shrugged, making his way toward the bookworm. “Don’t know,” he stuck a thumb at her. “You wanna go say hello?”

I smiled, nodding. It would probably be a good idea to see how she was doing… and, maybe she could tell me how Shiny was doing.

Slowly, we made our way to my sister-in-law, weaving in and out of the crowds, slowing down when we got within shouting distance. We both stopped to look at the little unicorn in confusion, Ares and I staring as we watched her fidget around nervously, looking around like somepony was about to jump out and get her.

Ares leaned down toward me. “What do you think’s wrong with her?” he asked, sounding confused.

I shook my head. “I have no idea,” I admitted. “But we should go over and see—”

I yelped as Ares clamped my mouth shut, the human staring intently at the crowd around Twilight, a small smile on his face.

“No, it can’t be,” he said to himself, ignoring my glare. “Flash, you dog…”

Squatting down to my level, the human pointed, letting go of my muzzle. “Look, Candy, a little to the left of Purple, who do you see?”

Shooting him another dirty look, I complied, muttering to myself, “Why did I have to make myself so short… alright, who are you—” My eyes widened when I finally saw who Ares was talking about. There, making his way toward my sister-in-law on shaky hooves and with a bouquet of roses in his mouth, was Flash Sentry.

“Do you see him?” the human giddily asked, my lips cracking into a big smile while I nodded.

“He must of finally got up the courage to ask her on a date,” I breathed, the two of us moving off the street toward an alley so the two wouldn’t see us. “Ohhhh! They’d look so cute together!”

The two of us were practically hopping in place in happiness. Ares all but picked me up and swung me around in his arms. “I can’t believe he finally did it!” he gushed. “All of that harassment worked!”

He sobered a little, putting me down gently. “He picked a hell of a time though…”

I saw his look and got up on my hind legs, wrapping the human up in a hug. “It’s okay, Ares,” I told him. “You’ve really made me feel better; Twilight needs something to help take her mind off what happened yesterday anyways.”

You should be there making Shining feel better, a voice nagged me in the back of my head, but I was quick to stamp it out. I’ll go see Shiny later, I silently promised to myself, giving Ares a smile despite my dampened mood.

“So you’ve been trying to take my job?” I said in mock anger. “I really don’t know how to feel about that…”

Ares snorted. “You’ve seen how your guard looks at her,” he said, trying to defend himself. “I just gave him a little…push.”

I raised an eyebrow, which the human pointedly ignored, Ares poking his head out from the alley to watch the two.

I was about to tell Ares to quit it and to give the two a little space, but after some thought my head was also poking out from the alley.

…Yes, I know I should have just got Ares and left those two alone, but you weren’t there! You didn’t see how cute Twilight looked when Flash gave her the flowers.

Oh, the blushing!

The two of us made excited noises as we watched the two shuffle around, red-faces and refusing to look at each other. After a minute or two of this, Twilight finally had enough, the mare looking up at the stallion and saying something to him.

My little guard just blushed harder, nodding at my sister-in-law, the two making their way down the street.

Ares nudged me, a big smile still on his face. “Come on, Candy, let’s follow them.”

I frowned at him. “No,” I chastised. “We’re going to do the adult thing and leave them b—eep! Ares, put me down!”

The human’s grip tightened around my barrel while I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, Ares carrying me out of the alley toward the two.

He shushed me, trying to make himself look smaller so Flash and Twilight wouldn’t see us. “Come on, Candy, adventure.”

“Bu—“

“Adventure!”

…

“…So why did you get Flash to take Twilight to the movies first?” I asked, Ares and I sitting in the back of the movie theater still watching my sister-in-law and my guard, Ares munching on popcorn.

The human bopped me in the nose. “Silly, Candy, the better question is how and the hell do you guys have movie theaters?” he chuckled quietly, ignoring the glare he was getting. “Not, that I’m complaining; I’ve always wanted to see a black and white movie like this...” He saw my irritated look, offering me the bag of popcorn.

“Oh, did you want some?”

Shaking my head, I took the bag off of him, catching myself before I was about to use magic on it; ponies might not think anything about a Minotaur in a movie theater, but they might start asking questions if they see a Pegasus using a levitation spell.

Muttering a thank you, I said, “We shouldn’t be stalking them…”

Ares leaned toward me, whispering since the movie was about to start. “We’re not stalking, we’re just seeing if Flashy boy has the skills that pay the bills,” He took the popcorn off of me. “And I told Flash to take her here first because they’ll have something to talk about while they’re eating dinner.”

I looked at Ares in surprise, that was actually pretty smart. “Where did you think of something like that?”

The human shrugged, wiggling around in his seat. “I’ve dated women, one of them was nice enough to help me through a date with her and I’ve kept doing what she told me.”

I smiled while Ares hoofed me a pop. “’You, nervous about something?” I teased. “I can’t even imagine.”

I got nudged for that. “It was my first date, and she was a looker,” he said, and I couldn’t help but notice a hint of red in his cheeks. “Of course I was nervous! Now be quiet and let’s watch this—whatever this is…”

“It’s called Silver Sings,” I corrected, my eyes glued on the big screen. “I’ve wanted to see this movie for weeks; the Crystal Empire really isn’t ready for things like this, so this is the first movie I’ve seen in a while.”

Ares hummed. “So Flashy took ol’ Purple to a chick-flick eh? Well, that’s not too bad, he just needs to stay awake for the whole thing.”

I rolled my eyes, not noticing that I was slightly leaning toward the human so I was pressed lightly against his side. “Alright, Mr. Love doctor,” I said mockingly. “You’ve been helping my guard seduce my sister-in-law, which is fine—Twilight needs a nice stallion in her life—but I have to ask, did you at least help him pick out a good restaurant?”

The human snatched the pop from my hooves, making a big slurp. “You’ll be seeing where they’ll be eating, Mrs. Smarty Pants, cause that’s where we’re going!”

“Will you shut your bucking mouth?” A voice behind us asked, making the two of us jumping slightly in fright. “You can talk to your fillyfriend after the movies, Bull.”

Ares looked back at the stallion, giving him a huge grin. “Hey, buddy, how about I talk to the pretty mare here and you keep blowing your boyfriend back there, how’s that sound, big guy?”

The stallion opened his mouth, then quickly closed it, Ares giving him an air kiss before he looked over to me with an eyebrow raised. “Some ponies, eh, Candy?”

For the rest of the movie, I had to keep my hoof in my mouth to keep from laughing whenever I looked back.



…



You know, for a second there, I thought Ares kind of knew what he was talking about going out with the fairer sex; not at my level of course, but still pretty okay.

That thought was systematically destroyed when I saw where he told Flash Sentry to take Twilight.

“You told him to take her to a diner?!” I quietly screamed at the human, who was calmly sipping an ice tea. “What’s wrong with you?!”

“What do you mean? It’s a place to eat isn’t it?” I demanded, risking a glance at the two, who were across the diner from us. How they hadn’t known it was us was a mystery.

“But it’s a diner!”

Ares looked around shrugging. “I don’t see the problem,” he said simply, making it very hard for me not to cause a scene.

I facehoofed, giving our waitress a smile as she took our orders, me getting some cheese hay fries and Ares getting pasta. “You don’t take a date to a dive like—“ I stopped when I saw a waitress look at us, the mare giving me an ‘I’m going to spit in your food’ look. “You take a date to a nicer place than this,” I finished with a whisper, leaning toward the human.

I just got a small smile. “And I’m guessing that he needs to pay for the dinner too?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose with a hoof, flagging down a mare so she could get me another drink. “What do you think?” I asked exasperated.

The human leaned back in his chair. “I’m making you pay for dinner,” he pointed out, making me stiffen.

“You don’t have any bits!” I thought about it for a few moments. “And this isn’t a date.”

“If you’d pay your guardsmen more he’d probably be able to afford to take her out to a swanky place.”

And now I felt bad, my ears splaying back in slight shame. “He gets paid very well thank you very much…”

Sighing, Ares sat up and leaned toward me. “Tell me, Candy, you’re the princess of love right?”

Ruffling my feathers in annoyance, I nodded.

“Alright, so then, would it really matter if Flash took Purple over there to a five star restaurant if she didn’t like him? I mean, if he had money, would she love him more?”

I blinked. “No.”

The human shrugged again, giving our waitress a big smile as the mare brought out our food, the two of us digging in before he continued. “It’s not where you are when you’re on a date,” he told me. “But if you and your date are having fun!”

He patted a waitress that was walking by on the head in a friendly manner, the mare smiling back at him before she looked at me. “Your coltfriend’s right,” she told me, ignoring Ares’s grin and my sputter. “If the company’s bad, it doesn’t matter where they take ya.”

She leaned forward to whisper into my ear. “I have to ask, how’s that Minotaur in the sack?”

“WHAT!” I roared, my face beet red while almost the whole diner turned to look at us.

The waitress, ignoring all of the stares, tried to prod me more. “Oh come on, we’re adults here!” She looked over her shoulder at them human, giving him a lewd smile, since returned with a wink. “Or is it that you haven’t home-runned him yet?”

“We’re not dating!” I said, controlling my volume this time. Unfortunately, Ares heard me.

“Oh come on, sweetheart,” he said, straight-faced, “There’s no need to be shy.” He scooted closer toward me, with the waitress in between us. 

“What do you want to know, Sweetie?” He asked the mare before giving me a look. “Candy here is a little shy.”

The mare looked over me with a critical eye. “Yeah, I can see that…”

“She’s a real screamer in bed, too.”

If I’d been drinking anything, the two would have gotten a little bath, the waitress smiling widely at me indignant mumbles of shock and embarrassment. “I can see that too…”

The mare was about to say more, but a loud cough turned her attention away from us to an annoyed chief. “Oh horse apples, I need to get back to work!” She gave the two of us a smile. “You two have fun on your date!”

Ares bit his knuckle hard as I threw him the glariest glare that I could muster. “If we weren’t in public I’d be beating your flank right about now,” I mumbled, my leg shooting out to kick the human’s knee, Ares’s eyes bugging out in pain for a few seconds. “But I guess that’ll have to do.”

Rubbing his knee tenderly, but with a huge grin on his face, Ares took a few more bites of his food. “I’m such a bastard,” he said, sounding terribly proud.

Grumbling, I eat more of my hay fries. “You’re a bucker too.”

He tsked me, leaning over to pat my head, which I took with all of the grace a princess should—namely, attempting to swat his hand off his arm. “It’s your own fault that you’re so thin-skinned.”

I was about to tell the human where he could shove his thin skin, when I heard somepony clear their throat, the two of us turning toward the pony who I feared would notice us, Twilight.

It took all of my willpower to keep my composure as the mare cleared her throat, turning to look at Ares. “Excuse me, Sir,” he politely said. “I don’t mean to do rude, but are you a Minotaur?”

Without batting an eye the human answered, adopting one of the worst Coltland accent I have ever heard. “Yep lass,” he said before he took a sip of his drink. “What kan I dure fur yer?”

Twilight blinked at the accent, giving him a big smile. “Well Mr.—“

“Longhorn lass,” the human said, stroking a mustache…that he got from somewhere…

I really need to talk to him about that…

“I really hate to take you away from your date,” Twilight said apologetically, giving me a smile. “But you aren’t like any kind of Minotaur I’ve ever seen.”

Oh buck, I thought to myself, internally panicking. She’s going to catch us! Quickly, I made sure my illusion spell was still working properly while I gave my sister-in-law a smile.

Ares, still cool as a cucumber, nodded and tipped his hat to her. “Aye, lass, yer correct in yer assumption, I’m a bit different from miah kin,” he nudged his head toward where Flash Sentry was sitting, the stallion looking nervously at his food. “But yer might wanna look after yer boy there instead of asking me questions.”

To my surprise, Twilight blushed hard at that, looking down at her hooves before muttering, “We’re just going out on a date…”

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I threw my two bits in, saying, “Well, Dear, that stallion seems nice.”

Ares nodded. “Aye, you two haven’t kept yer eyes off each other since ye got here.”

The unicorn blushed harder, squirming under our gaze uncomfortably. “W-Well, t-thank you, I’ve been having a g-great time with him t-today.”

The two of use smiled at that, the human nudging his thumb back toward Flash. “Then ya better get back to yer date, aye lass?”

Adorably flustered, Twilight nodded, mumbling something under her breathe as she made her way back to her table. Ares and I cooed when the two caught each other’s gazes, their eyes lightening up in that lovey-dovey way that just made you smile.

Ares nudged me. “Did you see what I did there, Candy?” he asked me, making me roll my eyes. “Am I the greatest, or am I the greatest?”

Eating the last of my food, I waved our waitress over, asking her for the check. “Yes, yes, Ares, you’re the best at horrible accents,” I said with sarcasm, getting a chuckle from the human. “How didn’t she know it was us?”

Ares shrugged, smiling at our waitress as I handed her a bag of bits, the two of us getting up and making our way out the door. “Maybe you’re really good at making disguises and I’m just awesome at my fuckery?”

I smiled, looking up at the sun—which was about to set—before muttering. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”


Mine and the human’s smiles grew as we started to make our way back toward the castle.

Ares finally broke our little bout of silence by saying, “Well, it looks like our day was a smashing success.” He nodded to himself as I looked up at him. “Yep, we had a fun day and Purple and Flashy can’t keep their eyes off each other.”

“All thanks to a monkey Minotaur that works in the shadows,” I said with a snicker. “I couldn’t have done a better job myself!”

For some reason, it kind of hurt when I said that, and it must have shown on my face, because Ares gave me a sad smile, nudging me. “Hey, how about we see if Purple lets Flash get to tier fifteen tonight.”



A few minutes later…



You know, being an alicorn who is also a very good flyer, I’ve never feared heights, but I can understand why other ponies that can’t fly would. Just think about it, falling and knowing that there’s no way to stop yourself so you’re just watching as you come closer and closer to the ground.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds terrifying to me.

So I naturally found it odd that Ares wanted to wait for Twilight and Flash to come back from their date on the roof of the castle.

“Why are we hiding up here again, Ares?” I asked the human, Ares looking up at the night sky as he laid on the roof.

“Luna does make a pretty night…” he muttered to himself before to pointed to one of the doors that we were adjacent to; Twilight’s room if I remembered correctly.

“That’s Purple’s room, i.e. where Flash is going to walk her to and where the magic is hopefully going to happen,” he told me as I sat down carefully on the slanted roof carefully, warily eyeing the edge. “We’re here, Candy, because these are front row seats.”

“We could have picked a safer place to be.”

The human shrugged, shivering slightly when the wind started to pick up. “You’ll catch me if I fall, won’t ya, Candy?”

He sat up to look at me with an eyebrow raised, me shaking my head and wrapping a wing around him so he wouldn’t catch a cold. “The fall isn’t that bad,” I told him jokingly. “If you fall, you’ll live.”

He nudged me, scooting closer to the edge so his legs were dangling, which made me try to force him back away from it. “Do you want me to test your theory there, Candy?”

He gave me a look that made me panic slightly. Stomping a hoof, I said, “Ares, get back from that edge right now!”

That only made his smile grow. “My lifestyle determines my deathstyle, Candy.”

When he leaned slightly off the edge I squeaked in panic, my wing tightening around the human’s body so he wouldn’t fall.

“Stop doing that!” I demanded, which got me a pat on the cheek.

“I’ll be fine, Cadence, just calm down and let’s stake these two out.”

Putting a spell on the edge of the roof that would keep the two of us from falling off, I snorted softly. “We should be getting ready for bed, not waiting for those two.”

Ares started to kick his feet in the air. “Aw, I thought you’d love something like this!”

My shoulders sagged slightly as I leaned against the human. “You can’t control something like this, Ares,” I told him. “If Twilight and Flash are meant to be they’re meant to be; anypony that tries to do anything will only hurt their chances.... And how do you know if we'll even hear them from up here?”

Ares nodded, humming. “We’re not really doing anything, Candy,” he said, “We’re just enjoying the night sky. If we happen to see anything weeellllll…”

I snorted softly--snatching Ares's hat off of him when he wasn’t looking and placed it on my head--and the two of us drifted off into silence for what seemed like hours, the only sounds were the crickets chirping.

“You know, Candy,” Ares finally said, looking up in the sky. “whether you think so or not, your boy Betty’s lucky to have you,” he didn’t see my look as he continued. “And I’m sure that you’ll fix all of the bullshit that’s going on between the two of you.”

I blinked back tears, nodding weakly. “Yep, I’m sure that I can fix this,” I muttered, not noticing that Ares was looking at me with concern. “I can get Shiny’s mom to love me, I can fix up everything, and, a-and—“

I sniffled, closing my eyes I leaned more on the human as he wrapped arm around me.

“Heyheyhey,” he said gently, wiping the tears out of my eyes with a hand. “You’re the Princess of Love, and I believe in you, Candy, so there’s no need to break out the waterworks.”

A warmth filled my chest—despite how horrible I was feeling—as I looked up to smile at the human, putting my head on his shoulder with a sniffle. “I just don’t know anymore, Ares,” I whispered. “I’m just starting to think that it’d be easier to just let Shiny go and get a better mare.”

I chuckled darkly when I saw his expression. “Some Princess of Love I am right?”

“Don’t put yourself down like that, Cadence,” he said seriously, me giving him a sad nuzzle as sadness started to fill me.

“He should go and find a normal, nice mare so he doesn’t have to deal with all of this,” I waved a hoof around. “He’ll have a happy mother, he can go back to being Aunty Celestia’s captain of the guard, and, if I really can’t give him kids, then he won’t have to live with a barren mare.”

I looked over at the human, feeling horrible that I had just unleashed all of that on him, and, judging by the various emotions that were raging on his face, I might have vented a little too much.

Before I could apologize, the human took a deep breathe while he looked at me. “Cadence,” he said calmly. “Whatever you think, you’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met, and whatever bad stuff that comes with you, would be a piss in the bucket when you compare it to all of the good stuff that comes with you.”

For some reason, I was blushing hard as Ares continued, the human looking up at the sky again. “Even if his mother hates your guts—hell, even if you can’t give him kids—Shining’s a lucky guy to get to say that he’s married to someone like you.”

He coughed, his back becoming red when he realized what he had said. “Or at least that’s what I think.”

I wrapped a hoof around the human’s shoulder, a big smile on my face despite my tears. “That was really sweet, Ares,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

I felt the human’s grip tighten around me as he looked down to give me a smile; for some reason though, it didn’t really look that happy. “What are friends for?”

I was about to say more when I heard a pair of hooves clopping down the stone hallway, Flash and Twilight appearing in our field of view a few moment later.

“I had a really great time today, Flash,” Twilight, who was rather close to the stallion, to my amusement and delight, said.

The stallion looked away from her, a blush making its way across his face. “Er, t-thanks, Twilight,” I heard the stallion say as he walked her to her door. “I had a great time, too.”

Twilight opened her door, turning back toward the stallion, the two refusing to meet each other’s gaze.

I frowned slightly, concentrating a spell for a moment, two little hearts shot out of my horn and slowly drifted down toward the two, connecting.

My little spell gave Twilight all of the courage that she needed. Quicker than I could see, she leaned over and gave the stallion a quick peck on the cheek, her eyes widening hugely and her face exploding in red.

“WellIhadareallynicetimeandIthinkweshoulddoitagainbutIreallyneedtosleepsobye!” The mare said a mile a minute in embarrassment before slamming the door in Flash’s face.

The stallion stared at the door for a few seconds before he touched the spot that Twilight kissed with a hoof.

Ares and I watched in amusement as the stallion slowly turned and started down the hall, clicking his hooves together before she started to whistle a happy tune.

Grinning, Ares rose. “Young love, huh?” he asked, stretching. “Well, now that that’s done, how about we hit the hay, Candy? I’m pooped.”

Nodding, I also got up, and we started to carefully make our way along the rooftop. “Yeah, I could use some sleep,” I admitted. “Today was pretty fun, but it was exhausting.”

Looking up at Ares fondly, I added, “And really, thank you, Ares, for helping me feel better.” I looked down, that funny feeling welling up inside me again as I forgot about everything that I promised to do today.

“Hey, Ares,” I all but whispered, the human looking back at me. “Could you do me a favor and… spend another night with me?” When I saw the human’s face become unreadable I added quickly, “Um, I mean, you don’t have to and—“

“I’ll stay with you another night if you want, Cadence,” Ares quietly, and, for some reason, emotionlessly, told me.

A bit of worry started to eat at me. “Are you sure? I don’t want it to be weird or anything…”

Ares waved that away. “I don’t think it’s weird, Candy, it’s just between friends, right?”

Smiling, I trotted past him, Ares giving me a sad look that I didn’t see before he followed.



Later that night…



Ares looked up at the ceiling, his mind racing as Cadence snored quietly, the pink alicorn subconsciously wiggling closer to his side with a little smile on her face.

Many emotions gripped the human, confusion, hurt, guilt, and even a little anger, but what spurned him most was another emotion, one that he pointedly refused to recognize.

At least that’s what he thought to himself.

Finally, Ares looked down at the alicorn, pain in his eyes as he muttered, “I couldn’t have just gone up and fucked Luna,” he snorted angrily. “Hell, Celestia would probably go out with me if I asked, but no—“

He stopped when he saw her shiver slightly. Shaking his head, he covered Cadence with the blanket that she had tried to kick off.

It felt like someone was twisting a knife in his heart when she sighed happily, her grip on him tightening. Hugging her back and with tears starting to form, Ares, the very sad and very confused human, leaned down and gave Cadence a light kiss on the forehead.

“—No, it fucking had to be you…”

With a final sad sigh and a prayer that Luna wouldn’t be messing with his dreams, the human finally drifted off to sleep.


> And the castle comes crashing down
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.”

―Amanda Grace. 




Once again, my morning alarm clock were the birds outside of the balcony, those irritating little things’ calls making me quietly groan while I sleepily nuzzled Shining.

“Bucking birds…” I muttered, wrapping my hooves around the big—and for some reason, oddly smooth—stallion, while I nuzzled his cheek.

Shining’s really warm today, my sleepy mind thought as I felt him stirring slightly. With a happy little hum I leaned up and planted a gentle but loving kiss on the stallion’s lips, rubbing our noses together while I slowly opened my eyes…

—To see that, not only was I not in my room, I hadn’t even kissed Shining. Though Ares looked a little grumpy while, in my surprise, I tried to wiggle out of his grasp in shock and embarrassment.

“It’s still sleepy time, Pillow,” the human murmured, his grip keeping me from wiggling away while it also brought me closer so his head was under my chin. “Stop trying to run away to Candyland…” He gave me another nuzzle while I, now fully awake, broke out into a full-body blush.

Almost instinctually, my wings re-wrapped around his body, Ares humming quietly in content as I looked down at him, my mind racing to come up with a reason as to why I was in Ares’s room.

It hit me like a ton of bricks after about a minute of thinking. Oh, we were watching Twilight and Flash and we had that thing yesterday… My tired mind chugged out while I sighed in relief. It’s just Ares, I just kissed Ares..… My eyes widened. Oh shoot! I KISSED ARES!

Now, you may be looking at me that like because I, a princess should be able to compose herself, especially if it was something as silly as an accidental kiss, but I was just tired okay!

Tired ponies aren’t the most logical ponies in the world.

…And that was the only reason.

The funny thing about that was, now that I think about it, since I didn’t want to awake Ares up, I was pretty much silently screaming and wiggling around while my wings held the human against my chest tightly.

Did I look silly? Probably, but like I said, I was tired.

Omigosh Shining’s going to be so mad and then Aunty Celestia is going to be so disappointed and—

This situation got even worse for my tired self when the human, disturbed by my silly wiggling, slowly started to wake up, Are’s eyes opening blearily to see me with my silent-scream face.

Rubbing his eyes with a hand sluggishly and blinking to wake himself up a bit, Ares asked, “The fuck is wrong with you, Candy?” I froze, my blush returning when I saw that he was awake. “You look like you’ve just seen some shit.”

Now that I realized that I looked silly at best and stupid at worst, I shimmered out, “O-Oh I just really needed to…go to the bathroom! Yes, The bathroom! I had to go to the bathroom and you wouldn’t let go!”

Tiredly blinking at me a few more times, Ares let me go while he yawned. “Alright, but you could’ve just woke me up; you didn’t need to just lay there holding it.”

I gave him my best big, fake smile, realizing that the two of us were practically touching noses. “Oh I didn’t want to wake you up!” I said a little too loudly.

“Okkkkaay,” he said confusingly, looking down for a second. “Go ahead then.”

I blinked. “Go where?”

“To… the bathroom?”

Blinking again, I nodded rapidly. “Oh yeah, Yeah, the bathroom!”

“Um, Cadence, your wings…”

Looking down, I noticed that I that my wings were, in fact, still around Ares. With a ‘eep’ I let go and kinda, sorta, fell off the bed with a thud.

“—Ow!” I groaned before hopping back to my hooves in a flash, giving a very confused Ares a smile. “Well, I’m just going to… I’llseeyouatbreakfastAres!” Doing the right thing, I spun around and promptly fled the room.



…



The human watched as his friend all but knocked his door down and galloped down the hallway with all the cares that a man that just woke up could conjure. Yawning hugely, he looked over at the clock that was in the room , frowning when he saw the time.

“The fuck is her problem?” he muttered, grabbing the covers and pulling them back up around him. “And why and the hell does she have to lose her shit at six in the fucking morning?...” Licking his lips, the human’s face scrunched up.

“AND, why and the hell do I taste cotton candy for some reason?” Faced with all of these questions, some of them important and some unimportant, Ares did the most responsible thing that he could think of.

“Man, why and the hell am I thinking when it’s six in the morning and I could be sleeping?”

With a little nod, Ares closed his eyes, not realizing what was going on in his pink friend’s mind.



...



Lye Lane looked over the previous patient’s form with a bored sigh, the mare chewing on her stale bubble gum while she eavesdropped on the yelling match that a married couple were having in the doctor’s room.

“Holy hay, those two are loud,” the mare muttered. “Why did the doctor decide to take up marriage counseling? He doesn’t even—“

“Secretary pony, I need to borrow you for a second.”

Before the Lye could look up she was lifted up and brought into the arms of a determined and almost haunted-looking Ares. “M-Mr. Ares?” Lye squeaked while the human offhandedly started to scratch her belly. “What are you doing here?!”

Ares rolled his eyes. “I need some advice and I figured that you could help me out.”

“I barely know you!”

Ares shrugged. “You’re a belly rub buddy, and belly rub buddies have to always help the guy that rubs their belly. There’s a law that says that somewhere.”

“Put me down right now!...And that doesn’t make any sense!”

Ignoring the struggling mare, Ares looked over at the door that led to the doctor’s office.  “The Doc’s got an appointment right now, right?”

Lye let out a relieved sigh, thinking that he was going to be reasonable and let her go. “Yes, Mr. Ares, he—“

She yelped again when Ares, still carrying her, all but kicked down the door, revealing a surprised Doctor Mind Free-- who was wearing those glasses with the big nose attached to it for some reason-- and a mare and a stallion, who looked at the giant monkey that was carrying a red-faced Lye Lane under one arm with concern.

Ares frowned as the doctor looked up him with a smile. “Oh Mr. Ares! What a surprise!”

Before the stallion could said more, Ares put Lye Lane down and picked the doctor up. “Sorry, can’t deal with your shit today, Doc, I gotta get some advice.”

The doctor gasped dramatically. “Then why are you here, Mr.—“

“Shush and go out for lunch or something.”

“But—“

“Shush!” Ares handed the doctor a small bag of bits. “Shoo!”

Taking the bag with more than a little confusion, the doctor left his office while Ares made his way back into the room.

The troubled married couple, who had watched the whole scene in confusion, finally snapped out of it, the mare looking up at the human. “What and the hay are you?”

Are looked down at the little mare-- ignoring the stallion, who was narrowing his eyes at him for some reason-- patting her on the head with a small smile. “I’m no one, random pony,” he told the mare. Grabbing Lye, he walked over and sat down in the crazy person’s chair/sofa.

“Haven’t I seen you before…?” The stallion asked, joining his wife in sitting right next to the human, who was looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought.

“I don’t think so,” Ares said dismissively. “Now how about the two mosey on—“

“Wait! You’re that minotaur at that movie theater!”

The stallion’s wife frowned. “And when did you go to the movies?”

The stallion stopped, looking at his wife sheepishly as Ares looked down at him. “W-Well you see h-honey—“

“Wait,” the human interrupted. “You’re that stallion that was blowing his boyfriend behind me and Candy.”

“WHAT!” Lye, Ares, and the stallion flinched while the mare’s mane started to smoke.

“H-Honey, just give me a second to e-explain!” the stallion said, backing away from his angry wife. “The minotaur’s lying; I just went to the movies with Ratchet and—“

Ares blinked in confusion. “Oops, my bad dude,” he said, grabbing the angry mare’s tail and bragging her into his lap. With a little shrug he started to play with her ears. “I just thought you swung that way cause you were sitting pretty close to that guy…”

The mare, who was trying to fight a losing battle against Ares’s fingers, muttered, “Slip, when this monkey thing lets me go I’m gonna kick you so hard in the nads that you’ll be walking funny for a week!”

The stallion started to swear. “But Bonnie—“

Bonnie tried half-heartedly to wiggle out of Ares’s grasp while the human looked at the two. “Wow, that’s a great relationship you two got there,” he muttered teasingly. 

The two stiffened while Lye covered her mouth with a hoof to keep from snorting.

Bonnie the mare found something in her that day, when Ares said that, that did two things.

One: she realized that her reasons for forcing her husband to go do these silly marriage counseling meetings really didn’t look all that justified when somepony—although Ares really didn’t mean to—was insulting her, her husband, and her marriage.

Two: that she had an ability that most mares didn’t; as in, if she got angry enough, she could ignore his powerful fingers.

“The buck did you say?” Bonnie snapped, Ares’s eyes widening in pain when he felt a hoof smash down on his boys. “I’ll have you know, monkey, that I love my bucking husband very bucking much!”

The human squeaked in pain as the mare pressed down a little harder while she looked into his soul with her big, anger-filled eyes. “Do. You. Got. THAT?”

“Yes, yes!” Ares squeaked, his voice higher than normal. “You two have a happy, loving relationship and you’ll be together forever! Please let my balls go!”

Glaring at him for a few moments longer she ceased her crushing , hopping off the sofa as Lye and the husband looked on in shock while Ares cupped his baby banks, rolling off the sofa in pain with a soft thud. “Oh sweet Jesus, I think you busted one!”

Ignoring him, Bonnie went to her husband and gave him a loving peck on the cheek. “Come on, Honey, let’s get out of here.”

Nodding slowly, Slip looked at Lye, then at Ares before he shrugged. While in one hand he was cringing internally and using his hind legs to protect his stallionhood, internally happy that he was getting out of this counseling thing early and that the human had been put in his place. 

“Alright, babe, let’s go home.”

As the two left, Lye called, “I’ll send you what you owe in the mail!”

Her secretary duties finished, she made her way over to the human to see if he was okay.

After all, they could be sued since he was injured on their property, so it was smart to be the caring citizen.

“Mr. Ares? Are you okay?” She asked while she gently patted him on the side.

Ares groaned, slowly uncurling from his pain-ball. “Just… give me a minute…”

The mare couldn’t help but smirk. “I would say this is what you get for poking the bear—“

“That wasn’t a mare, that was some adorable demon in a mare’s body!”

“—But I should at least thank you for helping them out… in your own little way,” Lye shrugged. “I guess that sometimes all a couple needs is a common enemy to help bring them back together.”

The two drifted off in silence after that, Lye watching as the human finally sat up and crawled up into the sofa/chair to look up in the ceiling.

Sensing that she was now needed for the whole talking thing, Lye made her way over to her bosses chair and sat down on it, quietly asking, “Ares, you had something that you wanted to tell me, right?”

The human slowly nodded, still looking pointedly at the ceiling. “Yeah.”

Lye scooted her chair closer to Ares, patting him on the thigh. “Just take your time, Ares. I may not be a psychologist but I can at least try to help you.”

He was silent for a few more seconds before he said. “Secretary pony—“

“Lye Lane, Ares,”

“Have you ever liked someone?”

“Well I ca--”

“ I mean… have you ever liked someone that also happened to be married? Not someone that was single...or--you know what I mean...”

The mare blinked at the question as the man rambled. “…What do you mean in ‘liked’, Ares?”

To her surprise, he growled, his eyes showing pain and worry. “We’re both adults here lady, you know what I mean!” His attempt to look fierce was ruined by the slight blush on his face, not that Lye was going to comment on it.

Thinking on her answer carefully, she said, “Honestly, Mr. Ares, I really can’t say that I have,” she hummed in thought for a moment. “Well…there was a lawyer when I was younger but…”

Ares waved her comment away before sighing. “I figured. You don’t look like the kind of person that’d be a piece of shit and ruin a relationship.”

The mare flinched at Ares’s angry tone, not saying anything as the human continued.

“You know, I didn’t even think about it until a couple days ago, and then it just…hit me I guess,” the human laughed bitterly. “It couldn’t really come at a worst time for her, I guess, which makes me feel worse.”

He finally looked over at the Lye with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve damn near ruined her fucking marriage by just staying around her and her husband while this poor girl’s going through some stupid bullshit because God’s a fucking dick…now I can’t stop thinking about how I could help her and her fucking husband throw in the towel!”

Thoroughly lost now, Lye tried to rein in the conversation. “Ares—“

“And it hurts me; it fucking hurts me to think like that! Those two saved my life; they bathed me, clothed me, and fucking fed me and—“

Ares, with tears in his eyes, finally stopped when he felt a confused Lye pressing her hoof against his leg. “Ares,” she finally said. “I’m honestly not really the pony to dump all of this on…maybe you should talk to the doctor when he gets back; he might know what to make of your situation…...Whatever it is.”

Even though she felt terrible saying it, she couldn’t bring herself to lie to the human. She was a pony that did the math for her boss’s business and made sure that ponies wrote everything correctly on their paperwork, not a pony that dealt with things like this.

It almost hurt her when she saw the flash of pain in Ares’s eyes before they went dead, the human quickly getting up and making his way toward the door.

“Yeah, you’re right; I’m sorry for that,” the human said emotionlessly, looking over his shoulder. “I just didn’t know what to do,” he sighed, his shoulder slumping in defeat. “I don’t even know why I came here…well, see you around.”

“Wait! Mr. Ares,” Lye called, her voice breaking slightly before she finally worked up the courage to say, “What are you going to do?”

Not looking back at her, the human smiled a sad little smile. “Nothing, absolutely nothing. Damn the hurt, damn those butterflies, damn love, damn everything; I’m doing nothing.”



…



The past week really wasn’t great, but Shining and I were trying our best.

The two of us just kinda refused to talk about what happened between his mother and I to keep things from getting worse, and it was working…... I even saw him smile the other day!

…Wow, that really doesn’t sound too great said out loud, does it?

—Anyway! Like I said, we were just taking baby steps to help get our marriage back in track, and after a careful few days the two of us thought we were okay enough to go back to the hospital today.

“So, Honey,” Shining said as the two of us ate breakfast sitting on our bed, me draping a wing over my husband’s shoulder. “Are you sure that you’re up for see those three weirdos today?”

I giggled, giving Shining a nuzzle before I popped some toast into my mouth, chewing with a thoughtful hum before swallowing.

“Yeah, I’m sure that they’ll be gentle,” I said while the stallion wiggled slightly under my wing hug; Shining always thought my wing-hugs were too itchy. “Besides, didn’t they tell us the other day that they had to tell me something important?”

Shining shrugged, drinking the last bit of his cereal-milk. “Knowing them, it’s probably something about how big your flank is and how it enhances your magical fields or some nonsense.”

I couldn’t help but look down at my bottom self-consciously. “It’s not that big…I mean, I know I haven’t been working out that much lately, but…”

I tried to keep the smile off my face as Shining’s eyes bugged out in his head when he realized what he said. “W-Wait, I didn’t m-mean—“

I sighed sadly, looking down and off to the side. “I’m sorry that I look so ugly to you, Shining…” I had to bite my tongue hard to keep from laughing at the look on his face as he shimmered out apologies and excuses.

Yes, that was a little mean, but you should never tell a mare that she’s getting fat. NEVER.

Eventually, I couldn’t help but break down into a full belly laugh, grabbing my husband and nuzzling his nose while he tried to wiggle away from me. “You should see the look on your face!” I giggled, giving him another nuzzle before I let the grumbling, red-faced stallion go, 

Shining hopped off the bed with a huff. “That wasn’t funny…”

I just grinned, hopping off the bed to join him with our bowls in my magical grasp. “That’s what you get for calling me fat,” I said smartly. “Now, come on, let me put these on the table and we’ll get ready to leave.”

Without waiting for an answer, I trotted toward the door-- putting the bowls down with a spell-- a grumbling Shining following me as I made my way down the castles corridors.

We both stopped when he walked past Twilight’s room.

I caught Shining’s frown, a knowing smile on my face. “I think Twilight’s responsible enough not to let Flash sleep in her bed after the first date, Shining,” I said to the stallion, my smiling growing with his frown.

“The Private better have the common sense not to, too,” he growled. “I already had a nice little talk with him on that subject, but that doesn’t stop everypony.”

I nudged him playfully. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad if Twilight had a little cuddle buddy. Not in a sexual way,” I quickly said when I saw Shining’s look. “It’s always nice to have someone to help keep you warm is all.”

The stallion snorted. “It looks like Ares’s finally got to you…”

I blinked in confusion. “…What are you talking about?”

It was Shining’s turn to look confused, the stallion blinking slowly before saying, “…You don’t know what I’m talking about? Seriously?”

“If I knew what you were talking about I wouldn’t be asking you now, would I?”

For some reason, Shining facehoofed. “You really don’t know that Ares goes around sleeping with ponies?”

I laughed at the silly stallions attempt at a joke. “Shining, I think I would know if Ares was some sort of cuddle-fiend!”



…



Twilight yawned, blinking as the sun just started to break the horizon. Usually, the mare would’ve been up hours ago to either start breakfast or to open her library, but she was in a bit of a pickle at the moment.

“Purple,” Ares grumbled, opening an eye to look down at the squirming mare. “Will you stop wiggling for Christ’s sake? Some people are trying to sleep.”

Luna poked her head over the shoulder of the human to look down at her, the Princesses’ mane frazzled with sleep. “We agree with Ares, Young Twilight, we have a few hours more until breakfast starts, so we’d appreciate it if you’d stay still,” the princess of the night looked all around her at the various assortments of guardsponies, maids, and even a noble or two, all of whom were nodding in sleepy agreement with their princess.

“Yeah, go to sleep.”

“Quiet wiggling, Emerald.”

“Could you move for a second, everypony? I really have to use the bathroom.”

Ares groaned quietly, his arms going around Twilight to bring her close to his chest, the human nuzzling the top of her head while careful to watch out for her horn. “Will you all shut up?”

“Sorry,” at least twenty ponies mumbled while a red-faced Twilight looked up at the human.

“Ares,” she said quietly. “I think this whole thing’s gotten way out of hoof. I’m pretty sure that this bed is one pony away from breaking.”

The unicorn felt him nod slowly. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Purple,” he said. “There is a point that I needed to stop this and I clearly passed the point of being reasonable,” though she couldn’t see it, Ares was smiling thinly. “But I kinda want to keep going to see what happens. Besides , if this thing can hold Celestia, this ol’ bed can hold at least thirty more ponies.”

Celestia, the princess of the sun, who was holding two of her guards like they were teddy bears in the same bed, opened a bloodshot eye to tiredly glare at the human. “Even though I don’t appreciate what you just said, Mr. Ares, I will not fight you on it.”

“But you can go buck yourself,” A maid helpfully added.

“Thanks, random pony.”

“You’re welcome, weird monkey guy.”

…


Shining raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you sleep with him the other week?”

Though I know he didn’t mean it like that I still blushed slightly, pointedly looking forward. “That was different…”

“Whatever you say, Cadence…” Shining muttered under his breath, sounding slightly angry, which I didn’t call him out on.

Shaking his head again, the stallion continued. “Anyway, where’s he been lately? Usually he’s with you or one of the princesses like some lost puppy,” he snorted good-naturedly. “Is he trying to play matchmaker for more ponies?”

He was right of course--not about the matchmaker part, I think, but about the him being distant-- for some reason, Ares was spending less and less time with me doing anything, and when we were doing something together he always had this weird, hurt look in his eyes, which made me concerned.

Over these past few months, Shining and I had helped and learned from Ares and in that time he had irritated, harassed, and all around made my way of life stressful and hectic. But honestly, he grows on you, and I can safely say that there’s nopony else I’d want to spend a day with just doing nothing with.

…Other than Shining, of course.

So when I saw that my friend was obviously hurting for some reason, I tried to do the right thing and asked him what was the matter, maybe try to bring a smile to his face, only for all of my attempts—and everypony else that I sent his way—to be either ignored or angrily told off.

Shaking my head of those and other…thoughts I shrugged, muttering, “Everypony’s been pretty busy lately, Honey. He just might have the time to see us.”

Shining nodded. “There’s that, but I think something else is going on with him.”

My eyebrows furrowed, sighing to myself before admitting, “Yeah I think something’s bothering him. I keep trying  to ask him what’s the matter but I get nothing; he’s just been so distant lately.”

The two of us shared a worried look before Shining muttered, “Did you know that he almost spends all if his time with the Princesses’ when they’re looking at all of those worlds now?”

“Maybe he’s homesick?” I said, not really believing it.

“Maybe…” Shining shook his head, nudging my side playfully. “Hey, how about we go out for a little fun before we go to the hospital and stop being all mopey?”

Despite myself, I giggled, nudging him right back. “Well, we do have a few hours to kill… How about we go necklace shopping?” Shining’s playfully fake groan almost made me forget about my hurting friend.

—Almost.


…


Ever since he was little, Ares really never watched T.V. When he was little that was because his parents couldn’t afford cable so, as he grew older, he didn’t really understand why people would just sit in front of a screen for hours and hours when they could go outside and do something

The only real joy that he got out of the thing was whenever he went to friends' houses and saw people fighting over a remote. Sure, it was a little shallow, but he always thought it was funny seeing grown men and women fighting over a small piece of plastic to change the thing.

Which was why he couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched Princess Celestia and Luna fight over who was going to be working the portal today, like two kids that wanted to pick the channel.

“But thou worked the portal the other day, sister! We demand that we work it on this day!”

“The last time you worked it, Luna, something tried to break through the portal!”

Though she tried to hide it, Celestia and Ares could see her blush slightly through her dark blue coat. “That…was not our fault…”

Ares shrugged to himself, kicking his feet in the air in boredom. “That world was pretty sweet, though.”

Celestia snorted, looking over her shoulder at the human in bewilderment. “Were we looking at the same world, Ares?”

A happier and less conflicted  Ares would have stuck his tongue at the mare, but all Celestia got was another lazy shrug. 

“That big wizard guy was throwing lightning bolts at that big fire monster while those giant troll thingy were attacking those soldiers. That was so awesome that if someone would’ve seen that back on my world they would've made a heavy metal album out of it.”

Celestia nodded, raising an eyebrow as the human rose to his feet, stretching. “Hey, while you two work out who’s messing with your rune-remote thing, I’m going to go and get something to eat.”

Without waiting for an answer, Ares made his way toward the door, the two alicorns exchanging worried glances before Luna said, “Sister, thou may cast the spells. We will accompany young Ares to acquire something to eat.”

Celestia nodded as her sister rose to follow the human. “While you’re in the kitchens could you get me something?” she asked. “I’m getting peckish as well.”

Muttering that she would do as her sister asked, Luna hurried to the door, opening it and all but rushing toward the human, who was looking down with his hands in his pockets.

“Wait for us, Ares,” the princess called, trotting toward the human, who gave her a small smile. “We wish to also get something to eat. The three of us have been at this for a while after all.”

The human couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about that. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” he muttered, half-heartedly patting Luna on the head as the two turned a corner. “I’ve been taking up so much of your time up looking through like a thousand worlds when the two of you could be doing something important…”

Luna responded by giving her friend a nuzzle. “Helping thy friends is important, Ares,” She told the human, looking up at him knowingly. “Thou know that my sister and I are happy to aid thee.”

Ares gave her another smile and a scratch behind the ears as the two made their way into the empty kitchens, Ares going into one of the cabinets and grabbing an assortment of snacks while Luna watched him slowly move around in concern.

“Ares, thou seem troubled with something,” she carefully said as the human looked over at her, his eye losing what little emotion that they already had. “Would thou like to speak of thy troubles?”

Sighing, the human made his over to the counter, hopping on top of it while the princess sat next to him. “I don’t know, Luna,” he lied, shrugging. “I guess I’m just feeling a little homesick.”

He gave her another smile, leaning down and picked the little princess up into a hug. “You guys helped bait it off for a while but not seeing your family for months starts to grind on a guy, you know?”

“So thy sadness doesn’t stem from young Cadence?” She asked, Ares stiffening slightly before he looked down at her.

Chuckling weakly, he muttered. “So you’ve been poking around my dreams again huh?”

Though Luna tried to keep a brave face for her friend, it almost physically hurt her to see the hopelessness in Ares’s eyes. “We have seen some of thy dreams, yes,” she whispered, gently nuzzling his cheek.

“And I hope you haven’t told anyone about any of those particular dreams; your sister doesn’t know about them?” Ares didn’t bother asking if she told Cadence, the pink princess would have confronted him about it already if she had.

“Thy dreams are between thou and I,” the princess calmly replied, looking up at Ares with those big, blue eyes.

“Good, we’ll keep it that way, huh?”

The princess gave him a sad smile, hopping out of the human’s grasp. “We would listen to thy troubles, if thou wish to tell us.”

Ares looked down at his hands before looking up at the alicorn. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered as Luna sat down in front of him.

“I’ve been keeping away from her so the feelings don’t get worse but I can’t stop thinking about her,” he put it head in his hands. “And every time I do I can’t help but remember that she’s married and I can’t help but feel worse about these feelings…”

Luna leapt up in the counter her draped a wing around him. “Keep going, Ares, you will feel better if you let it out.”

The human’s attempts to discreetly wipe a tear from his eyes was not brought up by Luna as he continued. “It's wrong, I know it is,” he muttered. “But why can’t I stop it…” Luna placed her head in his shoulder.

“I can’t joke this away, Luna, I can’t give it a smile and hope it’ll get the picture. Even though I want it to, I can’t laugh this doubt away…”

Luna held her friend and the two stayed there, the alicorn silently comforting her friend as he sniffled.

“We have no answers for you on this, Ares,” the princess murmured, giving him a nuzzle. “But what We can do is give you a shoulder to cry on if you wish,“ he grabbed his chin and made him look at her. “Just remember that.”

Giving the princess a smile, Ares nodded hopped off the counter, grabbed all of the treats and making his way out of the kitchen with Luna following.

After they left the kitchen, he wiped his eyes and said. “I’m sure that I’m just being a baby about this,” he waved dismissively. “All I probably need is a good lay and I’ll be over it.”

Though Luna didn’t believe that for a second, she was willing to humor him, giving him a lusty look and a bump with her rump. “Well, Ares,” she said in her sultry voice. “We would be happy to aid thee in that endeavour if you so wish~”

For the first time that week, Ares laughed, hip-checking the princess right back. “I just might be take you up on that, Luna,” he said with a genuine smile while he looked down the hall. “Not right now, but maybe eventually.”

With a smile of her own, Luna said, “We shall hold you to that.”

“Do you think that you’ll be able to find a way to get me back home, Luna, honestly?”

The question caught the princess off guard, and her mind had to race to give the fragile guy and answer. For a second she toyed with lying to him but thought better of it. It is bad enough that I cannot help him with his troubles, I will not tease him with falsehood.

She sighed. “Honestly, it seems as though there exist an infinite number of worlds to sift through; it could take decades or even centuries to find thy home.”

Ares’s smile lessened. “If you could ever find it,” he whispered, Luna patting him on the leg.

“Thou must not lose hope, Ares, we could find it tomorrow.”

She stopped when Ares halted in the middle of the hallway, the human looking out one of the hall’s many windows. “I’m stuck in the middle of a land full of ponies, I’ve fallen in love with a pony that happens to be married and I can’t deal with it like a big boy, and I wouldn’t do anything about it; no matter how much it hurts,” he chuckled darkly. “I’m running a little low on hope right now.”



…



“That necklace looks really nice on you, honey,” Shining said, eyeing my new jewelry, which was just a simple golden chain with a heart-shaped locket.

I gave the stallion nuzzle. “Well, you did pay for it, Shining,” I teased as we made our way toward the hospital.

Shining stuck his tongue out at me playfully, making me giggle. “And I had to pay for that on a captain’s salary!”

The two of us laughed as we made our way to the hospital, going through the lobby and toward the right wing of the hospital. “So what do you think they’re going to do to you today?”

I shrugged, smiling at a pair of nurses that we passed. “Probably more bloodwork,” I said sticking my tongue out in distaste. “Why can’t they figure out how to get the blood out of a pony in a way that doesn’t hurt?”

The stallion rolled his eyes as we opened the doors to the Department of Experimental Theories on Conception, or as I liked to call it, ‘the Tartarus zone’, to see something that was really disconcerting.

The three doctors were huddled together in the little office that held some of their more sensitive contraptions, the three stiffening when the door behind us slammed shut.

Doctor Hooves, looked at his fellow doctors and nudged his head in our direction before he opened the door and made his way toward us, with Doctor Scalpel following behind him closely.

While the doctors talking together was always kind of ominous it sometimes didn’t mean anything—I’m sure that they would have to talk about things other than doctoring; I like to think that they talk about puppies—but I could tell that something bad happened by the two’s expressions.

Doctor Hooves hid it the best, his look only slightly off from its usual grouchiness, but Doctor Scalpel looked like she had been crying, the mare’s eyes bloodshot and her cheeks slightly wet.

Confusion and more than a little bit of panic started to well up in me as Shining and I shared a look as the Doctor’s sat made their way toward the two of us, Scalpel sitting down in front of Shining as Hooves looked me up and down before nudging his head toward Doctor Holster.

“Come here, girl, we need to talk to you in private.”

I cleared my throat as calmly as I could. “What for, doctor?” I asked, that empty pit in my stomach getting bigger as the Doctor Scalpel sniffled, using a hoof to wipe the tears out of her eyes.

Doctor Hooves’ frown deepened. With another nudge of his head he turned around and started to walk toward the little office. “Hol and I will tell ya when you get in here.”

Shining tried to say something but the doctor cut him off, “Just stay here, Shining,” the stallion said quietly, my eyes widening in shock. Doctor Hooves never used Shining’s name before. “Scalpel will try to help fill you in; she’s never been good at this part of the job, bless her.”

Have you ever felt that continued pain of slowly trying to take off a Band-Aid? You know, you try to peel it off as slowly as possible to try to take the sting out of it but it only makes it worse and when you finally do take it off it seems to hurt more?

That was how I felt as I stared at the doctor, how was looking back at me with an emotionless mask that he barely seemed to be able to keep up.



She’s never been good at this part of the job…



I wasn’t stupid, I knew what that meant, and I couldn’t help but feel like a little foal for trying to keep hope throughout all of this. Just like a little foal I just didn’t grow up and just dealt with the fact that I wasn’t going to have kids of my own.

The little barrier that I had surrounded myself with for the last couple of days just crumbled all around me, and that little heart necklace felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, the little thing mocking me.

Quietly lost to my own thoughts as tears started to run down my face, I felt my body move almost automatically toward the also sad-looking Doctor Holster, who had what looked like a bunch of x-rays in his hooves while he stood by one of those light thingies that illumined x-rays.

I was wrenched out of my thoughts as Doctor Hooves held the door open for me, muttering, “Come on, lass.”

To his--and even my-- surprise, I leaned in to give the stallion a tearful nuzzle, which was my way of saying sorry. 

Here I was, wasting his time dealing with a lost cause when he could be helping somepony that could actually be helped. But no, I spent months wasting this stallion’s time and energy, and no—



I-I’m sorry, j-just give me a m-moment…



…Thank you, Yes, I’m alright, I’m alright.



Doctor Holster nodded his head at me in greeting as I made my way toward him, Doctor Hooves closing the door behind the two of us.

Deciding not to beat around the bush I said, “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

The two stallions stiffened slightly before Doctor Holster cleared his throat, putting up a bunch of x-rays that really didn’t mean anything to me.

“We ran every test that we could think of,” the stallion said quietly, almost hesitantly. “We tried to look at your biology from every possible angle, but your body’s just too…different.”

I felt a hoof touch my shoulder, Doctor Hooves looking up at me kindly. “Our fields of biology are just too new, Princess,” he said quietly. “With a lot of work we can synch up the chromosomes of everything from a gryphon to a zebra with a pony, but your DNA... it's like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Honestly, we could spend years studying your genetic make-up….”

He trailed off, me sniffling while Doctor Holster slowly walked over and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Princess, but there’s no way for you to conceive; at least until we figure out how to fix you.”

I closed my eyes, wincing slightly at the Doctor’s choice of words. I can’t be fixed… I bit back a sob, Doctor Hooves patting me on the back awkwardly. 

“That doesn’t mean that there’s no hope, Princess,” he said, though, to me, it really didn’t sound like he meant it. “We find new information every day about the equine body. Give it a year or two and we might be able to help you.”

Doctor Holster gave me the fakest smile that I’ve ever seen. “Or maybe Princess Celestia can let an archmage look at the Elements of Harmony. Maybe if we—“

The doctor yelped when I, sobbing, wrapped the stallion into a bone-crushing hug. Though I didn’t notice it, my necklace’s chain broke and the little pendant fell to the ground, smashing into a hundred little pieces. 

I was tired of the false hopes, of the sadness, and the second-guessing. My dark musings were right, and I couldn’t even begin to describe to you how much that hurt me.



…



Ares sat on the edge of the balcony that was right outside of his room, the human calmly looking out at the sunset, thinking about nothing and everything, until, shaking his head, he muttered, “Well, at least the sunset’s really pretty.”

Looking down, he was greeted with open air, Ares humming as he looked down at the landscape below. “Boy, is this dangerous,” he said with some amusement, wiggling around so he was more securely on top of the thin slab of metal that held him. “One wrong wiggle and splat.”

He shook his head, rubbing his temples with one hand while his other kept a tight grip on the railing. “It’d be a really nice view before the end of the fall though…” The human hummed again, kicking his legs in the empty air. “Thank god I’m too good-looking to even think about taking the dive…but it would be kinda neat to go out like this.”

Ares chuckled darkly. “Falling to your death as the only one of your kind on top of a magical, pretty princess pony’s castle during a pretty sunset...…even if it wasn’t an awesome way to go at least it’d be pretty…”

Snorting, Ares looked back into his room. “Maybe I’ll go ask Luna if she wants to go out for dinner or something….. Maybe I’ll just ask Celestia; she’s a more reliable sort of girl. Hell. I could ask that one maid that wouldn’t stop looking at my ass whenever I walk past her.”

He sighed sadly. “Or maybe I’ll just sit here and be a fucking baby for a few more days until I man the fuck up an—“

The human froze slightly at the sound of someone knocking at his door, almost falling off the ledge he yelled, “The door’s open!”

I wonder who that could be? He thought as he looked back at the sunset, once again making sure that he wasn’t going to be an asshole and fall off the railing. I wonder why I’m not getting yelled at whoever’s in the room yet? Maybe I should quit staring off into the distance like a space cadet and see who’s in my room.

Carefully looking over his shoulder, he blinked as he watched Cadence make her way over to him, and using her magic to make it a little safer for him and help to her sit on the railing, the princess hopped right next to him and staring silently at the sunset.

“Candy?” Ares said in confusion, sensing something was wrong. “Are you alright, there?”

For a few seconds, the human could have sworn that the alicorn hadn’t heard him, but then she said, in a warped version of her usual kind, happy voice, “Ares, have I ever told you what happened at Shining’s and my wedding?”

Ares raised an eyebrow at her. “I don’t think you have,” he said carefully, looking out into the distance. “What? Did you have an uncle pass out while your priest was making you say your—“

“Three days before our wedding, I was captured by a race called the Changelings and replaced by their queen, Chrysalis. On the day when I was supposed to be married, she somehow took control of Shining’s mind and came very close to taking over Canterlot.”

For the third time that day the human almost fell off the railing, the alicorn absent-mindedly catching him with her magic and putting him back where he belonged. “No shit,” he said in mild awe. “Well, that’s way worse than Uncle Phil’s wedding…”

Cadence continued like she hadn’t heard him. “I remember when she captured me. I was in my room looking over my new wedding dress, so happy that my special somepony and I were finally going to get married, when I heard a spell discharging.”

“ Somehow, probably using her shape shifting powers that all Changelings have, Chrysalis snuck into my room and took me by surprise.”

“This ‘Chrysalis’ seems like a bitch,” The human commented, wiggling closer to his friend in concern.

Cadence sighed sadly, looking down. “I’ll never forget how scared I was as she stood over me, looking down at me like I was the most worthless thing in the world. ‘Such a pretty little princess,’ she said to me while her body slowly changed into mine.”

Ares wrapped an arm around the alicorn as she sniffled, Cadence leaning carefully into his one-arm hug. “She told me that she was going to leave me to die in the Crystal Caverns….”

“Well, she didn’t,” Ares said lightly, gently patting her on the back. “You must have gotten free and kicked her ass, right? Now why don’t you—“

“I kind of wish that’s what would have happened.”

It wasn’t the statement that concerned Ares, it was just how casually she threw it out there like that she was talking about the weather. She didn’t sound angry, she didn’t sound sad, she just had an unsettling casualness about her that screamed pain and hurt. 

The alicorn looked over at the human, almost smiling at his shocked expression. “Yeah, I’m sure that there was moss and mushrooms down there so I wouldn’t starve,” She carefully blew a lock of hair out of her face. “And I remember it being warm so I wouldn’t have freeze to death in the winter so I probably could have spent years down there.”

Cadence chuckled darkly, closing her eyes as tears started to run down her cheeks.  “Then, when Twilight found out about Chrysalis, they could’ve just given me up for dead and Shining would have mourned me for a few months, maybe for a few years; he wouldn’t have to deal with...this...”

It didn’t take to genius to figure out that something bad had happened and that Cadence needed some kind of help, but Ares was silent, the human letting the alicorn vent while he tried to figure out how to help his friend.

“Everything would have been better. His Band-Aid would have been ripped off faster and cleaner and then he could’ve looked for some nice filly and the two would have gotten married and they’d of lived happily ever after.”

Cadence gave her friend a strained smile. “But nope, everything went ‘perfectly’. Twilight found me and Shining and I got married to live ‘happily ever after’, with the two of us staying in love forever and ever.”

“Something happened at the doctor’s, didn’t it?” Ares asked quietly, Cadence once again ignoring him.

The pink alicorn said looked at him, her eyes, filled with more pain than Ares had ever seen in another, all but burrowing into his soul. “Ares, could you please tell me what love is?” She whispered randomly before closing her eyes again. “Because I don’t think I-I’m doing it r-right.”

For once, the human couldn’t think of anything funny or witty to say to help his friend when she muttered this odd and out-of-place sentence. It’s that funny feeling I get when I look at you.

“It’s what you and Shining feel for each other, Cadence.”

It’s that feeling that hurts me, and a feeling that wouldn’t go away no matter how wrong I think it feels.

“I don’t know what happened today, but something obviously happened. It might look bleak right now; some bullshit happened, the doctor’s said this or that, but I know you still love your boy.”

Every day I can see how easy it’d be to break you and your husband apart. A smaller piece of me can see the two of us together, that smile on your face that you get when you’re happy while I kiss you. It’s that feeling I get when I see you laugh and I’m the one that made you chuckle…..

Resisting the urge to jump off the railing, Ares gave his friend a small smile, trying to stay strong for her. “Come on, Cadence, just tell me what happened so I can see if I can help you. Maybe we can talk to the Princess or—“

“ There’s a good chance that I’ll never have a foal.”

“…Oh.”

Whimpering, Cadence leaned her head on the human’s shoulder, whispering, “I can still see the look on Shining’s face…I s-saw something die in his eyes.”

Sniffling himself, Ares gave his friend a squeeze. “Come on, Cadence, everything will be alright, you just have to have a little hope,” he almost smiled at the irony as he said it, ‘hope’.

The alicorn finally broke down, knocking the two of them onto the balcony-- though either of them felt the pain of hitting the stone-- as Cadence wrapped Ares in her wings, the sobbing alicorn tightly holding him as he rubbed her back.

And it’s one of those few emotions that I’ve come of fucking, fucking hate.



…



Shining raced through the hallways, the stallion spurned on by panic and guilt while dark thoughts swirled around in his head.

You’ll never have a foal with your wife and—Angrily, Shining shook that thought from his head, almost bowling over a pair of servants as he searched for his wife. You heard the news and you just stood there like a bucking moron when she started to cry! The stallion thought while he kept his ears on a swivel. Oh, Cadence…

After what seemed like an eternity to the stallion, Shining finally heard the sounds of soft, muffled weeping. Skidding to a halt, the stallion pressed his ear against a door, listening closely. Is she in here? Straining his ears to their limit, the ex-guard captain heard what he thought was his wife’s crying. 

Beating down his feelings, he used shaky magic quickly open the door. Don’t worry, Cadence, I’ll get through this door and we’ll take a few seconds to calm down and I’ll make everything better and—

His heart skipped a beat when he opened the door to see Cadence with her hooves and wings around Ares, the alicorn weeping on his shoulder as he gently patted her back.

Fears and doubts quickly turned to anger as the stallion’s irrational, grief-stricken mind surveyed the scene. Despite himself, Shining couldn’t help but grit his teeth anger. There was the human again, like he bucking was every time, comforting his Cadence.

These angry thoughts started to shift into dangerous waters. This was Ares’s fault, everything was Ares’s fault!

His loss of sleep, the trouble that he and Cadence were having, all of his doubts, and probably what had happened between Cadence and his mother! All the work of this human.

Gently taking a few steps backward and closing the door, Shining slowly started to make his way down the hall, painful and angry thoughts shouting his mind.



Later that night…



I stared down at the human, who was nuzzling my neck with an adorable little smile on his face, feeling a mixture of comfort and…something else. The other emotion was a little hard to describe, one I don’t think I’ve experienced or, if I had, it was long enough that I’ve forgotten it.

My emptiness, sadness, and everything else was almost forgotten as I looked down at my friend. I sniffled sadly, leaning down to gently kiss him on the forehead; an action that I can’t defend or explain. With a sigh, I muttered, “Goodnight, Ares, thanks for keeping me from losing it, for making me smile, and just all around brightening my day.”

Nuzzling the top of his head, I couldn’t help but feel like I hadn’t said something as I drifted off to sleep, my wings wrapped around my warm, nice-smelling friend.





> Talks in the Moonlight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” 
― Neil Gaiman




The first thing that Shining learned to love; really learn to love-- at least as much as you could love something that was beaten into you-- was order.

Order kept the wheels turning, order was what everypony strived for. Order in life, order in the unit, order in the family, all of these things is what the stallion had, at least in his mind, failed to do over the last few months.

And now, what was Shining’s life? Chaos: the enemy of order.

His marriage was now in shambles, he wouldn’t be able to hold a foal of his own in his hooves, and worst of all he was doubting himself. Through all of that though, like any good soldier faced with an uphill battle, he tried to grit his teeth and fight the good fight with every fiber in his being, a tactic that had worked so well for him over the years.

A tactic that was beginning to fail him.

As where every soldier knows that chaos is the enemy, they also know, in the back of their minds, that a soldier can only be pushed so far before he snapped. A guard may have been made of steel, but he was not rubber, so under constant pressure he will eventually be worn down to nothing.

This very thing was—much to his quiet dismay—happening to Shining Armor, and with the chaos came confusion and fear and tiredness. Especially tiredness.

He was tired of the sound of ponies saying how sorry they were for him. He was tired of the princesses’ tearful looks and hushed tones; the hopeless, dull looks that Cadence couldn’t stop giving him; his sister’s and father’s crying; and even his mother’s sad, reserved looks. All of these things did nothing but rub salt in the wound, and he was about ready to break a pony’s snout because of it.

It didn’t help when he saw all of the care that Cadence was getting. Instead of dealing with her demons alone like he was, the pink alicorn was almost constantly fussed over and given affection; a tactic that seemed to be working for her. 

Though it shouldn’t have irked him that his wife was recuperating from their tragedy while he was still broken up about it, it was, and that hurt him even more.  

So he did what anyone would do in this situation: he retreated to his mind, preferring his quiet bitterness over the outside world—although, because of that, he found he couldn’t sleep.

She looks so peaceful, the stallion thought as he looked down at his wife’s slumbering form-- watching her chest slowly rise and fall. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she almost looked happy…

A thought came unbidden. When was the last time that I kissed her and said good morning?... 

Snorting softly, the stallion rolled onto his back to stare up at his ceiling, once again retreating into his mind to think. I wonder if she’s been having nightmares…nah, Princess Luna wouldn’t allow that. Knowing the princess, I’d say she was having one of those dreams that make you smile before you open your eyes in the morning…

Looking over back at her, Shining lifted a hoof and gently touched her back, the alicorn wiggling with a little frown on her face. I wonder what she’s dreaming about, then…

Shaking his head, Shining rolled out of the bed and made his way toward his bathroom, flicking on the lights. Blinking for a few moments to help adjust his eyes to the light, he made his way toward to mirror to stare at his sorry state.

Due to the last three days of sleeplessness, the stallion’s eyes looked bloodshot and his coat looked even paler than usual. He cocked his head at his doppelgänger for a few seconds before shaking his head and yawning, making his way out of the bathroom.

“I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight,” Shining muttered to himself after some thought, looking at his sleeping wife one more time before trudging out into the bedroom and into the empty hall.

Remembering his days as a private in the guard patrolling these very halls almost drew a smile from him as he made his way down to the gardens, inhaling the cold night air as he walked through the trees to see a sight that almost boiled his blood. There, sitting down and looking up at the moon, was Ares.

Through the moon’s light he was able to see that the human almost looked as bad as he did, his stubble unshaven and his eyes just as bloodshot.

“What and the hay is he doing here?” The stallion muttered to himself as he looked at him. For some reason, Shining couldn’t help but make his way over to the human, his anger evaporating the closer he got to him.

After getting within spitting distance of him, Ares finally noticed him, raising eyebrow before looking back up at the moon, Shining joining him.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Shining asked, mostly keeping the anger out of his voice as he stared up at that big rock in the sky.

“Nope. You?” the human answered, his voice emotionless.

“Nope.”

The two drifted off into an uneasy silence, Shining’s anger slowly starting to rebuilt as he sat beside whom he suspected was the main architect behind all of his misfortune.

Here was the creature that he twisted and warped everypony he loved into befriending him—including Shining himself. That thought made him smile grimly for a few seconds. This human was trying to steal his wife...and he almost thought of him as a friend, in his own odd, strange way.

Like every stallion that joined the royal guard, Shining’s education consisted of not just combat training, but training of how to know ponies at a first glance better than they knew themselves, so he was able to get into somepony’s mind when he took the time to do it. Unfortunately, that already included himself.

When faced with some horrible thing, the mind, to help decrease stress in the body, will usually blame their misfortunes on something, even if they in fact were the ones that caused it.

A stallion does not cheat on his spouse, he gets back at her for some little thing that she did. Which is what Shining now did, laying all of the blame on Ares.

“You did all of this,” the stallion finally said, no anger in his voice.

Ares leaned into the stallion, Shining leaning back as the human chuckled darkly. “I did something, Shining,” he said quietly, hugging his knees to his chest. “I don’t know what I did, but I did it and it really hurts.”

Shining all but growled, tears starting to stream down his face as he continued to pointedly stare at the moon. “Just shut up and look up at that bucking moon.”



~~^^**^^~~



“Adjust your aim fifteen degrees and you should hit one of them, Your Highness,” Flash sweetly suggested as he hooves me another water balloon.

I nodded, eyeing a group of nobles that were happily chatting below us, completely oblivious to the fact that we were on the roof ready to rain a “bad day” down upon them—AKA, with water balloons.

“Put your back into the throw, Candy,” Ares added before yawning, the human looking like he was trying to keep from falling asleep. “I scared off the last group and Flashy here throws like a girl, so you’re our only hope.”

Sticking my tongue out in concentration, I cocked my leg back and aimed for a vest-wearing pony that was wearing a golden monocle—the Duke of Sandwich, if I remembered correctly.

With a slight grunt, the three of us watched as the balloon sailed through the air and toward its intended target, Flash leaning forward and all but shaking in excitement.

“Come oooon, hit them this time!” I heard him mutter as the balloon, taken by gravity and the wind, started its downward arc…

And hit the dead center of the crowd of nobles.

Flash and I groaned in disappointment and I had to use an invisibility spell to keep the crowd from seeing us as they looked around, shouting for us to come out.

“Well, none of us can hit anything,” a downtrodden Flash said as his shoulders sagged. “And I really wanted to hit that Count…”

I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Flash, do the guard really do this sort of thing all of the time?” I asked the stallion, who couldn’t help but look insanely guilty under my gaze.

“W-well, um, we don’t do it all the time,” he said weakly. “I just—just thought with everything that’s been going on lately that you needed a pick-me-up Ares was hard enough to get to come with me, and when I tried to ask the captain—”

“He told you that he didn’t want to go, right?” I finished for him while I leaned over to nuzzle the stallion.

Flash just nodded and I sighed, forcing myself to give him a smile. “Well, thank you, Flash, that was really sweet of you,” I said, turning toward Ares, who oddly hadn’t said anything for a while. “Isn’t that right—”

“Zzzzz…..”

I stopped as I looked down at the human, who was fast asleep and somehow still sitting on the edge of the roof with a water balloon still in his hand.

Flash also turned toward the human, tsking disapprovingly when he saw his slumber form. “I was wondering when he was going to finally fall asleep,” he said as I wrapped a wing around Ares to keep him from falling off.

I sighed again, nuzzling the human’s cheek. “Ares and Shining haven’t slept in days,” I told my guard. And both are keeping their distance from me… “Auntie Luna told me that the two just walk around all night; I’m surprised that Shining hasn’t just dropped from exhaustion….”

I couldn’t help but grin at the stallion. “But I’m sure that my sister-in-law’s been keeping you up lately, huh?”

While I expected the stallion to get a little flustered—I was teasing him after all—but he exceeded my expectations.

I had to use my magic to keep him from falling off the roof in embarrassment. “P-Princess, I-I w-would never, Twilight and I—” he shimmered trying to get the words out while I carefully set him next to me.

He froze when I nudged him with my shoulder, a great, big grin on my face. “Calm down, Flash, I’m just teasing,” I assured him, Flash sighing in relief.

“We only went on two dates, Princess, I’d never do anything like that with Twilight already,” he told me, I guess still thinking I was trying to trick him.

I patted him on the back. “I know you wouldn’t, Flashie,” I leaned over to him, an eyebrow raised. “So you took her on another date, hmmm?”       

He gave he a hesitant nod, looking away from me with a small smile on his face. 

“Yeah…Twilight picked the place this time,” he quietly said, kicking his hooves in open air. “She was wearing a pretty blue dress and we went some weird little lake that was hidden behind a bunch of buildings…It was really, really nice…”

Aw, that’s really cute, Twilight, I thought. I didn’t think that you’d take him there...

“Oh?”

Flash nodded again, a blush creeping back to his face as he shyly tried to look at me. “Um, Princess, can I ask you something?”

A smile still on my face I nodded. “You can ask me anything you want, Flash.”

Since this little venture had honestly made me feel better than I had for more than a week, I thought I saw ready to deal with anything that the stallion was going to throw at me.

I was wrong.

“Princess, do you know what love feels like?”

I froze, my brow furrowing, pain starting to form in my chest as Flash looked hopefully at me. Do I know what love feels like? I think I do…

The stallion took my silence as encouragement to continue. “It’s just, that, I’ve really been feeling funny lately. I mean, I can’t stop thinking about her,” he gave me a small, dopey smile and his eyes glazed over slightly.

“I just want to hear her laugh; I want to see that little star in her eye when she succeeds at something.”

You can’t keep him happy, you’re no princess of love; how can you be when your stallion looks like he’s about to cry when he looks at you…

“I have a hard time sleeping, and, and she’s starting to get me to like reading, and I hated reading!”

I blinked back tears as the stallion pressed on, keeping that big, fake grin on my face before a little snore made me blink in confusion until I remembered that Ares was snuggling against my side.

I looked down at him while he nuzzled my side, muttering in his sleep while that odd feeling in my stomach started up again.

“--And don’t get me started on that weird stomach thing!”

I blinked when I heard that, my head jerking back to Flash. “What did you say?” I asked with a bit of worry, Flash blinking up at me in slight confusion.

“What was that, Princess?”

“About the weird stomach thing, what about it?”

“Oh…” I saw Flash’s internal struggle on how to put his feelings in words, and I let him work that out as I looked back down at the human.

“Erm, it’s just something that feels like butterflies flying all around in my stomach whenever I look at Twilight,” he finally muttered.

“—What do you think it means, Princess?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it, looking pointedly at the distant horizon. “I have no idea, Flash,” I lied calmly, staring at the horizon.



~~@@^^@@~~



“You know, I never liked being held while I was asleep.”

Ares looked over his shoulder at Shining, who he was back-to-back with, the two sitting out in the gardens again at night.

“Oh?”

Shining nodded tiredly while he looked off into the distance. “I would always either get too hot or too cramped; even when I was little and my mom was holding me,” the stallion had a bitter smile on his face as he leaned back harder into Ares. “Now that I think about it, she might be the one that made me dislike it.”

Ares hummed in thought. “When was the last time you’ve gotten any sleep, Shining?” he asked quietly.

Shining chuckled. “Probably about for as long as you, though I think I fell asleep in a closet this morning,” The two shared the kind of chuckle that only people that know hurt, confusion, and pain can share.

Wiping a tear from his eye, Shining adjusted himself until he was side-by-side with the human, both of them now staring at a tree that was being circled my fireflies for some reason. “You know, I can’t remember. Did anypony ask you what you were doing before you got here?”

The question befuddled Ares for a few seconds. “…You know, I really don’t remember getting asked that….”

“So what were you doing?”

Shining was answered with another little bout of laughter before Ares finally said, ”I was walking toward my brother’s dorm room to see how he was doing,” The human sighed. “It was my younger brother Alex. I remember that he was really nervous about the whole college thing and since everyone else was too busy I decided to go surprise him.”

Shining couldn’t help but snort in amusement. “You went to go see your brother?”

Ares shrugged. “I wasn’t doing anything crazy like trying to rip holes through the universe or anything if that’s what you were thinking,” he sighed. “I was just walking down some sidewalk, looking at some cute girl’s ass and then all there was was white.”

“Huh,” Shining muttered, the two drifting off in silence for a few minutes while crickets called to each other off into the distance.

“What were you doing before you saw my ass?” Ares finally asked while he fought back a yawn.

Shining shook his head. “I really have no idea,” he told the human. “But it almost seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?”

The two looked at each other with smiles. “You’re telling me. I was just a guy that worked in his dad’s flower shop. Now I’m—“

“A pony cuddling fiend that happens to be friends with some of the most powerful beings on this planet,” Shining finished for him, the two now laughing before the ex-captain looked down at the ground somberly.

“Back then I was a prince that was too busy to give his wife a kiss in the morning…Now…*sigh* I honestly don’t know anymore.”

Despite himself, Shining couldn’t help glare up at Ares, who was still looking at the tree. “You know, for a while I really didn’t like you,” the stallion said calmly. “And it wasn’t even because you attacked me—“

“You hit me first, big guy,” Ares corrected, getting a snort from the stallion before he continued.

“Cadence was always a mare that always cared too much, and she showed me that when we met you. She’d worry over you like a little filly even when she worrying about her subjects. You weren’t just some weird alien that probably needed to be neutered—“

“Well, fuck you too.”

“—She saw just another pony that needed help. Then the two of you became friends and I started to feel like you were slowly trying to take me out of the picture,” his mildly angry glare turned tired as he slumped weakly. “When the princesses said that you weren’t a danger I honestly didn’t believe them.”

“I thought you were doing something to their minds for the weeks…and then when the doctor told us that Cadence wasn’t going to be able to have kids…”

Ares still didn’t say anything, though if Shining bothered to look up he would have seen the pain in his eyes.

The stallion laughed bitterly. “I can still see how hurt she looked, like somepony just told her that she died! And what did I do? Just stand there like a foal while she all but galloped away. “

“Then Twilight told me that you almost killed yourself jumping off a ledge to get to her,” Ares looked down at Shining, who was once again sporting a small smile. “If I wasn’t so suspicious of you I would have wrapped you in a hug. You helped give me and my wife hope!”

Ares watched as Shining raised both of his hooves in the air and shouted the last word, scaring some of the local wildlife, before slumping back down to look at him.

“So, I’m I going to get a thank you now?”

“Nope.”

The human snorted, looking back at the tree with slowly narrowing eyes. “Is it just me hallucinating or are those fireflies singing?”

Shining perked up his ears, listening carefully. “…It’s probably just the lack of sleep.”

“God, I hope so, going nuts isn’t going to help anybody right now.”

“Ares, have you ever been in love?”

Whether it was the lack of sleep that made Shining ask the question, or if it was just simple curiosity Ares couldn’t tell, though he couldn’t help but feel like he just got punched in the gut. “No, never,” he answered after collecting himself.

Shining just looked up at him for a long moment before softly snorting, nudging the human gently with a slightly knowing look. “Liar.”

Ares didn’t say anything in response to that naked comment. It was a comment that held no malice, anger, joy, nor pleasure; it was simply a comment.

Shining just gave the struggling human another little shove before he looked up at Luna’s moon. “You know, Cadence always liked to talk about love at first sight when the two of us were little,” he smiled at the memory. “She was just old enough to start being a babysitter, and for some reason my mom and dad agreed to let her babysit the two of us.”

He laughed quietly. “I was so mad that they thought they didn’t think I was old enough to watch my sister. For weeks I was such a complete bucker to Cadence. I’d ruin the bathroom and she’d have to clean it up—stuff like that—but then she kind of grew on me.”

“She’s really good at growing on people,” Ares commented with a little smile of his own.

“As soon as she got her cutie mark, she’d bring over these weird love books that tried to explain love and stuff like that. One of her favorites was ‘The Aspects of Love at First Sight,” Shining’s look turned slightly distasteful. “I always thought that it was a load of horseapples whenever she brought it up.”

“True love is a load of bull,” Ares quietly agreed. “How can you instantly love someone you’ve just met?”

Shining slapped him on the thigh. “That’s what I told her! ‘How do you know if your ‘true love’ isn’t some kind of loony’ I told her.”

The two stopped to collect themselves for a second, each of them silently wondering where is was going, and each of them kind of already knowing the answer.

“Love’s like a seed,” Ares finally muttered, not able to help himself with the flower metaphors. “You have to watch it, let it grow, and hope that it lives for a long time so you can enjoy it.”

Now Shining’s chuckle was slightly bitter. “So someponies relationships can either be daisies or—”

“Catmint,” Ares offered to the struggling stallion, making Shining look up at him in confusion.

“Catmint?”

The human shrugged. “It’s kind of like a really small, colorful plant that people sometime use as hedges. They last like fifteen years if you don’t fuck with it…. Look, I’m tired; I can’t think of any good meaningful plants right now.”

“Oh,” Shining muttered. “Not one I would have used but okay, Mr. Gardener…daisies or catmint, daisies or catmint…. Well, it doesn’t matter, any plant will die if you don’t take care of it, right?”

Now knowing where the stallion was going with this train of thought, Ares held his silence, which didn’t help anything.

Shining just nodded slowly to himself. “Right,” he muttered, the word tasting like ash when he said it.



~~@@^^@@~~



Why the hay does Auntie Celestia put up with this? I thought as I sat next to the mare as two stallions were having a yelling match with each other.

“If you Cloudsdale idiots wouldn’t have dropped the bucking ball, my vineyard wouldn’t be in ruin right now!” A grey earth pony yelled at a weather factory official, the two’s muzzles touching while a whole line of ponies behind the two were quietly taking bets on if they’d break out in a hoof-fight or not.

I knew this little tid-bit because a bookie—one of the guards—had quietly asked if I wanted to throw in a few bits. Naturally, I quietly chewed the stallion out, telling him that this was a throne room, not some nilly-filly gambling den!

…At least until Auntie Luna bet fifty bits on the Pegasus, then I bet on the earth pony…

Not that much, just ten bits, so I really don’t think I deserve that look, thank you very much!

I mean, unlike the last ten things that we’ve had to listen to, this is kind of important, but couldn’t this be solved in minor court? Maybe I could tell Auntie Celestia about how the Crystal Empire’s judicial system works; it really is more efficient than this!

The Pegasus squeaked angrily, looking like he was ready to hurt something. “Well, if you weren’t such a lazy flank and turned in your request like everypony else, then your vineyard would be bucking fine, you bucker!”

I leaned toward Auntie Celestia, murmuring, “Shouldn’t you say something? At least to stop a fight?”

“She will do no such thing, dear Niece!” Auntie Luna hissed, overhearing me. “We need to see if there is a scuffle!”

I rolled my eyes as Auntie Celestia continued to ignore the two of us, the mare still staring down at the two with her usual motherly smile before loudly clearing her throat, the two stallions stopping in their tracks to look up at her.

“Tell me, my little ponies,” she said. “Which one of you is truly at fault here?”

The earth pony snorted, pointing at the other stallion. “It’s obviously him, your Highness! My property is ruined because of him!”

My Aunt raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And it isn’t because of your procrastination in filing those rain requests?”

The stallion opened his mouth, only for it to snap shut while the Pegasus beamed.

“U-Um, well y-you see, your—“

“Free Flyer,” Auntie said, addressing the Pegasus. “I would appreciate it if you’d send a few showers Wine Dine’s way, I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

The stallion saluted while the earth pony started to quietly grumble to himself, looking down at the ground childishly. “Don’t worry, Your Majesty, I’ll send the cry baby here a few storms.”

“You really are no fun, Sister,” I heard Auntie Luna say before a guard stamped the butt of his spear on the ground, finally singling the end of the day court.

As the last of the ponies left the room, I finally saw Auntie Celestia slump slightly in her chair and sigh in relief.

“Though I find all of my ponies precious, they do really seem to blow things out of proportion,” she turned toward her sister. “Tell me, Sister, is it this bad for the night court?”

Auntie Luna shrugged, hopping off her throne with the two of us following her. “Surprisingly, We seem to get the more sensible ponies, that is why we come to your court, Sister. The hoof-fights we have seen have been amusing—”

The three of us stopped in shock as we opened the throne room’s doors to see the unlikeliest of ponies, Velvet Sparkle.

The mare looked at the three of us with a sad little smile before turning toward me. “Cadence, Honey, would it be too much trouble if I could speak to you?”

I put a calming wing on Auntie Luna’s shoulder since she looked like she was about jump the mare, though, admittedly my mother-in-law’s was acting a bit off to me.

I turned toward Auntie Celestia. “Auntie, would you mind if—”

My Aunt nodded, giving me a sad little smile while wrapping a wing around her sister. “Of course, of course. Luna and I will be waiting for you in the kitchens. Come sister.”

Velvet ignored the princesses’ glares as best as anypony could as they walked past her before she trotted close to me, and to my surprise, hopping up and wrapping me into a hug before she broke down crying.

“Oh, Honey! You poor dear!” She cried as me, in shock and more than a little discomfort, awkwardly patted the crying mare on the back with a hoof.

Maybe the Changelings are trying to kidnap me again, I thought as I rocked Velvet back in forth, cooing calming things into her ear. If they are though, they must have picked the worst Changeling every, because this is NOT Velvet.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I carefully asked,” Um, Velvet,” I didn’t know how she’d take me calling her mom. “What’s wrong?”

The mare looked up at me with big, purple tear-filled eyes, nuzzling my cheek before she took in a shaky breath and looked down in shame. “I’ve come today…I’m sorry, for everything.”

My eyes widened in shock as Velvet started to trotted around me slowly. “I’ve known since before you got your cutie mark,” she smiled slightly. “I remember the first day you came to watch my little babies, you had this big bag in your mouth and you looked so happy…and when Night and I got back the whole house was such a mess…”

She laughed quietly, shaking her head. “I was ready to bend you over and spank you so hard that you wouldn’t be able to sit for week,” This time, both of us giggled. “And if the Princess hadn’t agreed to pay for the damages I probably would have….”

She looked over at me, wiping a tear that was falling down her cheek. “Somehow, the Princess talked us into letting you babysit again, then again, then again, until you were the only mare that I bothered to call.”

“Well, I was cheap,” I said with a weak smile. “How much did you pay me? Like ten bits and dinner, wasn’t it?”

The mare gave me another weak chuckle before she started to pace again. “I watched you grow up into in beautiful, smart mare that you are today, and I saw how you helped raise my kids. When Night and I weren’t home you helped Twilight with her homework and you kept Shining on the straight and narrow when the two of you were in school together. And when we were home, Night and I even helped raise you, the two of us teaching you things that those big shot ponies in the castle couldn’t.”

She looked down in shame while I walked over and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Everypony thought you were this perfect mare that could do no wrong, and I was one of those ponies, until Shining came into my room with a big smile on his face, telling me how he asked you—somepony who was almost my daughter—out on a date.”

Velvet started sniffling again, so I wrapped my hooves around her, magicking a box of tissues and offering her one.

“Thank you, honey,” she said before taking one, dabbing her eyes and blowing her nose before she started on her explanation.

“When my baby said that you had taken his heart, I couldn’t help but feel anger. Shining was my baby boy, I watched him grow up from diapers, I loved him and cared for him since he was in the womb, and there was you, trying to ‘take’ him from me.”

I nodded, slowly starting to understand what she was getting at.

This mare has been an awful pony to you for years, A small part of me thought. All you wanted to do was love her son and she hated you for it…

She looked up at me pleadingly. “I don’t know when I started hating you, Cadence, but soon you weren’t that perfect mare that I watched grow up from a little filly, you were stealing my baby, and I thought you used your special talent to do it.”

I flinched slightly at that. Oddly, that wasn’t as farfetched as it sounded. Like most unicorns—or alicorns in this case, but since there’s only three of us let’s just say unicorns—I had some…problems with my magic when I was little…

Let’s just say that I accidentally caused a little incest, and leave it at that.

“For years I thought I was doing the right thing,” Velvet said, interrupting my inner thoughts. “That keeping you from my baby boy would be better for everypony. So I was mean to you and I gave you the cold shoulder when you were just trying to make Shining happy.”

That last sentence hit me harder than the thought of her apologizing to me, but I was able to keep my composure as she continued.

“What I didn’t know was that I was slowly ruining my marriage and my relationship with my kids because of my hate…”

She sat down on her rump and bowed her head to me as if in offering. “Cadence, I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I’m not here to ask it, but I want y-you to know, that with all of my heart…I’m sorry…”

She doesn’t deserve forgiveness, the little voice said as I looked down at her. Just walk around her and let this mare stew.

To the mare’s surprise, I wrapped my hooves around her, tears streaming down my face. “I forgive you, Mom,” I whispered, nuzzling her cheek. Everypony deserves forgiveness, I thought as we cried together, holding each other like we were afraid that the other was about to fly away.

“But I think I need to tell you something…”

“What’s that, Dear?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I don’t know if Shining l-loves me a-anymore.”

Thinking that was different from saying it out loud, because voicing my fears almost seemed to give them life, and with that, it gave them the power to hurt me.

Velvet only wrapped her hooves around me tightly as the two of us wept in sadness and realization, understand and loss, pain and confusion.



~~@@^^@@~~



“You know, your mother came up to me this morning and apologized for being a bitch,” Ares told Shining as the two looked up at the moon from their new ‘meeting place’, Cadence’s hidey-hole/lake.

Shining nodded. “Yeah, Twilight told me. Did you know that Princess Luna’s been watching us sit together like this?”

The human snorted softly. “It’s always the blue, old-English talking people you have to worry about,” he said with some amusement. “They’re always the really, really smart ones.”

Shining smiled, sipping his coffee that Ares brought for the two. “Huh, is this from Pony Joe’s?”

“Yep, I figured if we weren’t going to sleep at night then we may as well get wired on caffeine,” Ares muttered, sipping his coffee distastefully. “God, I hate coffee…”

“Did you know that I almost hated my mother for years?” Shining said, ignoring the human’s comment. “All that the stuff that she pulled trying to rip Cadence and I apart,” he sighed, looking at the lake, which seemed like it was glowing. “But I could never really hate her…”

“Your mom’s just like thousands of moms, Big Guy,” Ares quietly said, staring intently at his coffee. “They ruin everything trying to protect their babies from monsters that don’t exist and become the monsters themselves.”

The stallion nodded, taking another sip of his coffee. “I heard from a friend that still lives two houses down from my parent’s house that my mom and dad were screaming at each other for days after we were there.”

The human looked down at the stallion, an eyebrow raised. “Oh?”

“I don’t know what dad did to get mom to see what she was doing wrong but he finally did…honestly, I don’t know whether to be happy, scared, or frightened about that.”

The two stopped what they were doing when they saw a big fish fly out of the water, wiggling in the air and snatching a firefly from the air, before it landed back into the lake with a splash.

Ares whistled at the sight. “Holy shit, there really are fish in this fucking pond.”

Shining’s knowing threw the human off as the stallion took a careful sip of his coffee. “…So Cadence brought you here?”

For some reason, this sounded like a trap, but, since he was tired, physically, mentally, and spiritually, Ares decided to answer.

“Yeah, she took me fishing when you all were out doing stuff,” was Ares’s careful answer. “I was ready to drown myself after the second hour though.”

Shining chuckled dryly. “Cadence didn’t take me out here until our fifth date, but I think she took Twilight here all of the time.”

Ares resisted the urge to add that Twilight was probably bringing Flash here for a little adult fun. If these little get togethers were less serious, Shining would’ve gotten that and more, but since this was two guys sitting around trying to get their feelings out while they fought off sleep deprivation, he was going to be serious.

…Though Shining couldn’t help but wonder why he picked that moment to snort in amusement.

“I’m sure that she just couldn’t think of anywhere else to take my ass,” Ares told the stallion, the two not really believing that, but Ares had to say it and Shining had to hear it, so it was said.

Shining snorted softly, cocking his hoof back and tossing his half-empty cup through the air and into the lake. “We each other’s first and last, Ares,” the stallion quietly said, looking down at his hooves. “So I always thought, privately, that it was weird Cadence got the cutie mark she did.”

“—Why?”

Shining leaned back on that great big old oak tree, looking up briefly at the old thing before he answered, “Like you said the other day, you need to let your love grow, because it was like a plant, right?”

The human nodded. “Yeah, that’s right.”

The stallion looked up at the human, his expression unreadable. “So we’re like gardeners then?”

Ares frowned. “…I guess…Where are you taking this, Shining?”

The stallion just sighed, still looking up at the stars. “Don’t worry about it, Monkey,” he almost affectionately muttered. “It’s just the sleep deprivation talking, making me way weird things.”

Shining got a nod while Ares closed his eyes. “Whatever you say, Velma,” the human muttered.

“Hey, could you do me a favor?” 

Ares opened an eye to look at Shining, who was pleadingly at him. “…Depends, I guess…”

“Don’t take this the wrong way because I might seem awful when I ask you this.”

“Shining, I’m tired; just tell me what the fuck you want so I can pass out.”

The human had to swallow when he saw the desperation in Shining’s eyes. “Could you keep Cadence company for a while?”

“…And where will you be?”

The stallion blinked back tears before he looked up at the moon. “I think I’m going to leave the city for a little while; to clear my head so I can…think.”

Shining almost flinched at the angry glare he got but he held himself together long enough to explain himself. “I know it makes me sound awful, but I’m tired,” he couldn’t help but whimper quietly. “I’m tired of all of this crying and the sleepless nights, and the drama. I know it’s selfish, but…”

Ares looked down at him as the stallion trailed off, Shining looking like he was about to break down.

He wants to run like a coward, was Ares’s first thought before he shook his head.

No, that’s not it… All of this bullshit is about to break him. Me coming into his life, his mother, Candy not being able to have kids…even the strongest people can take only so much and it’s just been one heartbreak after the other for him and Cadence.

Shining almost flinched when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, the human giving him a little smile as Ares continued to think.

Maybe he has someone to talk to out there that’ll help him like Cadence has; like a bunch of guards or something. A thought came to him. But how is Cadence going to take THIS though? It’ll seem like he’s leaving her…

“What about Cadence,” he asked, Shining tensing at the question. “I’m sure you know that you leaving isn’t the best thing for her right now.”

Shining nodded, his head slung in shame. “Trust me—me being here isn’t helping Cadence at all. It’s you and Twilight and the princesses that are helping her get up in the morning…”

“—That’s bullshit and you know it, Shining.”

The stallion kept his eyes closed. “I know it is,” he agreed. “But it feels like I just need a few days alone… Please just tell me that you’ll keep Cadence happy while I’m gone…”

I should hate you for this, I should pick you up and throw you in this lake, I should tell you no…. No… I should tell you how I feel about your wife and how much it’s fucking with me. You should be here to keep me away from her…

Ares beat down that thought, nodding his head at Shining. “If you’re really set on going then I guess I don’t have a choice, huh?” he said ruefully while the two closed their eyes. “But if you don’t tell her that you’re leaving—and why you’re going—I swear to God I’ll find you and drown you in this lake.”

Shining smiled at the threat. “Don’t worry about that,” he said before yawning. “She deserves that much if I’m going to be a baby.”

Ares yawned with him, the two starting to lean onto each other. “Damn right, you’d better.”

“—Ares.”

“What?”

“How about while you’re watching her how about you get that stick out of your flank and stop being mopey all the time?”

The last thing the two heard before they passed out from exhaustion was Ares snorting in amusement.



…



I watched as Shining waved at me and Ares from his seat on the train for its early morning departure, Ares patting my shoulder with a smile while the two of us looked on.

Aunty Celestia and Luna had made their excuses on not coming to see Shining off, and Twilight and him had a little spat over it, so she wasn’t coming to see him go.

A small part of me was kind of happy that Shining was leaving; I almost thought that it would help ease the hurt a little bit--even if I was really hurting as I watched him slowly make his way through the train.

“Well, now that he’s gone we can have that crazy party,” he said conspiringly. “I know a mare that’ll buy us a keg.”

Despite everything, I giggled while I wiped a tear from my eye. “I know a place that we can buy a bunch of pizzas for really cheap.”

The human leaned down and wrapped me his arms around me in a hug. “Purple probably knows a DJ, so this if you want we can have a pretty bumping party.”

I sniffled, rubbing his cheek with mine as the train started to pull away. “No, I think I’ll just spend the next few days with my best friend, eating ice cream.”

I felt fingers running through my mane soothingly. “Well, I hope you two have fun. Call me if you two want to do anything later.”

I nudged him as he carefully picked me up, carrying me out of the train station like a foal and probably through a crowd of gawking ponies. “You know you’re a jerk, right?”

“I’m your jerk, Candy,” he told me quietly, which made me feel a lot better than I’d like to admit.

I nuzzled his cheek again. “You know, I’ve missed you lately,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I’m so used to you making me smile or doing something silly that  it’s weird when you’re not doing it.”

My ears pinned themselves against my head at the human’s guilty look. “I’m sorry, Candy, I’ve been down in the dumps for the last couple of days,” I squirmed as he scratched my belly. “But I promise, I’m feeling better now, and I’m here for you.”

I smiled. “I know, Shining told me that you threatened to drown him if he didn’t come back,” I chuckled. “The two of us laughed even though we knew it wasn’t funny.”

“So, Shining told you why he was leaving?”

I nodded. “I understand why he did it,” I muttered. “Honestly, if anypony needs some time off, it’s him…”

“So you’re not mad at him?”

“Not mad,” I said. “I’m just a little sore, but I’ll get better,” I told him, opening an eye to see the bags under his eyes. “…When’s the last time you got any sleep?”

Ares stiffened slightly. “I got some sleep the other day.”

“You liar; you look horrible.”

The human snorted in amusement. “You really know how to flatter a girl,” he said before yawning. “You know, if you weren’t so adorable letting me carry you like this I’d drop you on your ass.”

“Liar,” I said again, nuzzling the nape of us neck. “You need to get some sleep, and I guess I have to make sure you do, huh?”

I felt him shrug. “Your husband made me promise to watch you, so I guess that’s right.”

“Then take me to my bedroom, we have some sleeping to do until tomorrow, then I’m sure you have something for us to do.”

“I miiiiight have something for us to do…”

I smiled. You don’t know how much that means me, Ares, I thought, How much all of the things you’ve tried to do to help me and Shining, I thought almost happily while my heart gently fluttered. “It’s going to be fun, I hope?”

My smile grew when I saw his toothy smile. “We’re learning how to make cakes from one of the royal bakers,” he said with pride. “I have a guy that knows a guy that knows a princess. The best part about that is all we need to do is give her a few cakes as a bribe!”

“Well,” I said with warmth as the human carried me into my bedroom, laying me down on top of it and placing me snuggly under the covers before joining me a minute later.

“I can’t think of anypony else I’d rather do that with.”

> Butterflies
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know that someone loves you when they always swallow. I always swallow for my women.

--Something a guy at a bar said to me that made me laugh so hard I almost threw up





Did you know that, for lots of ponies at least, there’s foods that you can eat that’ll make you have weird dreams? Stuff like licorice, cotton candy, or peas, the last one is what messes up Aunty Celestia, but the point is that these foods can make you wake up next morning thinking exactly what the hay did I just dream about?

...Oh? What’s mine? Well, the food that makes my dreams weird is hay bacon, something I had been having a lot of recently, so it was only a matter of time that I woke up in a cold sweat…





“Oh sweet Faust, keep that butter away from me!” I shrieked, almost falling out of my bed as my eyes snapped open, my mind going a mile-a-minute as I looked around, panting.

Oh thank goodness, that was just a dream, I thought relieved, falling back into my pillow.

I blinked in the darkness. “I have to stop eating hay bacon…” I muttered, my ears perking up at the quiet breathing beside me.

There, holding a pile of pamphlets like they were his favorite teddy bear, was Ares, his hair mussed up in beginnings of bed-mane. 

The sight made me smile, and I leaned over to carefully take all of the paper out of his hands. “Silly human,” I muttered, using a quick spell to pull the covers over him.

With a slight grunt, I threw the covers over my body and tried to go back to sleep, but like what usually happens when somepony tries to go back to sleep at night, I had to use the bathroom.

“Stupid dream scaring me,” I grumbled, shuffling my hooves toward my bathroom. “There’s not even a reason for those butter ponies to fly in the air like they did…”

… Like I said, weird dreams…

Anyway, after I took care of my business and got a glass of water, I noticed that Aunty Luna’s moon illuminated my bed well enough to see my sleeping friend, who had thrown off his covers on his upper body, giving me a good view of his chest and face.

I smiled, imagining how pretty those green eyes of his would be in this light before I blinked in confusion, a blush creeping onto my face.

Boy, I must be really tired… I thought before rubbing an eye and making my way back to the bed, crawling in. Ares and I should probably sleep in… We’ve been getting up early lately…

I closed my eyes, smiling when I felt Ares roll over and sleepily grab at me. “Aren’t I a better cuddle buddy than a bunch of papers?” I asked, slowly drifting back to sleep while I rolled around so I could nuzzle my friend’s neck.

At least, that was supposed to happen. 

What happened, as I rolled over with my eyes closed, was that I felt a pair of soft lips touch mine, along with a pair of hands sleepily pulling me closer to a warm body.

My eyes snapped open as a sleeping Ares continued the impromptu kiss, my mind blanking out for a few seconds.

...This is happening, I thought calmly/tiredly/in panic as I just laid there. I’m letting Ares sleep-kiss me…

I tried to wiggle away from the kiss but found that I couldn’t, the human’s arms keeping me in place for a few more seconds before, rubbing our noses together before muttering some nonsense, he pulled me snugly against his chest.

As I laid there, in my friend’s arms, staring at nothing and everything, I sighed, wrapping my hooves around him and giving him a nuzzle.

“I really hope you’re sleeping,” I muttered, not pulling away when he nuzzled me again. For some reason, the way I said that sounded wrong, but I continued. “Because if you’re awake and taking a pass at me, I’m going to remind you that I’m married…”

… Right?... 


@~~~@


Though the celestial sisters were legendary in regard to their kindness, generosity, and willingness to sit down and listen to any pony’s problems, there was one thing that they held almost above all other things, an event that you’d be hard pressed to take them away from for any reason.

Tea time.

Before Luna’s banishment, the two would drop everything that they were doing—within reason of course—and go into Celestia’s room for some Saddle Arabian brew, along with maybe a sandwich or biscuit., and just discuss the next hour away while drinking.

Even when her sister was enduring her banishment, Celestia kept up the vigil, going to her room at the same time, by herself, sitting on the same chair , and just letting her thoughts wander while she sipped.

Tea-time was a time of comfort, a time when you could just leave all of your daily troubles at the door and just have a decent cup of tea. It was theirs and theirs only, and that’s how they liked it.

Though Celestia was seriously considering letting Cadence in on their little get-together; if not for the company, she would be able to just sit down and tell her elders anything that was troubling her.

“Has the tea been tasting off to you, Sister?” Luna asked quietly, stirring more milk into her cup—like she always did—after taking a test sip.

The white alicorn blinked, looking up at her sister. “Oh, I’m sorry, Luna, I was a million miles away, what were you saying?”

Luna raised an eyebrow slightly but didn’t comment on that as she took another sip. “We asked if the tea has been tasting off to you lately,” She made a slight face as she swished the liquid in her mouth. “For some reason, it has tasted… off lately to Us.”

Celestia looked down at her kettle. “I could get one of the servants to bring another—”

“Nono,” Luna sighed, already weary about the hoops she knew she’d have to jump through so she could speak to her sister about what was happening. The princess of the night might have loved her sister but she really couldn’t stand how much she liked to beat around the bush. “It’s not a bad taste; it just tastes… funny to Us.”

The older sister just hummed thoughtfully, keeping her mask on as she thought the situation over and how she was going to address it. Tactfully, She thought, taking another sip of her tea. Luna may not like it, but one needs to be tactful when talking about other ponies lives.

As always, she was the first to make the first move.

“So, Luna, how has your night been lately?” Not the strongest, but it was just a probe; as all beginnings are.

Luna shrugged, reaching over and plucking a cookie from a tray. “It is fine, Sister, though our travels through the dream realm have been… interesting.”

It took all of Celestia’s willpower not to sigh. It seems that Luna is tired of my dodging already…

Even though Luna had kept her word with Ares, it really didn’t take that long for the princess of the sun to figure out what was going on; an immortal with several thousand years of experience could see a person’s emotions as plain as day if she bothered to look hard enough. Even if that person was an alien from another dimension.

In fact, Celestia might’ve been a little too adept at it, which was why the two sisters needed to have this little talk.

“Oh?”

Luna rolled her eyes, an action that was pointedly ignored. “Sister, could we please just speak of this? The two of us may need to intervene if—”

“We will do no such thing,” Celestia interrupted, gently but firmly, while refilling her cup. “It is for them to sort out among themselves.”

Luna snorted, setting down the cup roughly on the table. “If you wish neutrality, Sister, then why have thou been in the dreamscape?”

The elder alicorn flinched, her plan on talking to her sister in tatters. “Luna, I—”

“And why have thee peered into Shining and Ares’s dreams if you want them to ‘sort this out among themselves’?” Luna slammed her hoof on the table, almost knocking their cups over. “We must act! One word from you, Sister, one action, could solve this!”

Luna was about to say more but her sister’s eyes stopped her. There was desperation in them, desperation, fear, and even a little pain.

“I know, Luna, I could solve this,” the white alicorn whispered, looking down into her cup. “I could get Ares to leave the castle—maybe live with Twilight in Ponyville-- if I wished. I could order Shining to come back here to settle with his wife if I so chose,” For the first time in a very long time, Celestia slumped in exhaustion.

“But to be honest with you, Luna, I no longer wish to toy with anypony else’s lives--I’ve found that it disgusts me to shape one’s life like so much clay-- especially if that life is a friend’s…”

Without saying a word, Luna rose from her seat and made her way around the table, wrapping her sister in a wing hug. “Then we will not do anything if you wish, Tia,” she whispered, nuzzling her sister. “We will let them sort it out among themselves, even if We do not like it.”

The two stayed in the hug, trying to enjoy the quiet comfort, until Luna said, “Though, Sister, our plan still stands…”

Celestia snorted, rolling her eyes. “No, Luna, we are not going to make Ares our consort.”

“…But he has fingers and we have witnessed his—”

“No, Luna.”

“… We will still look through the archives for an immortality spell, Sister. Thou may not want fingers but we will not be picky if they are thrown our way.”



%$@@$%



“—And then you keep kneading the dough for ten minutes and we’ll put the bread back into the pan to let it rise.”

I sighed, rolling a slightly achy wrist while Ares and I listened to the royal kitchens head chef go on about bread-making. “And then we wait for an hour, right?” I asked, blowing a bit of my mane out of my face.

The chef’s smile was so wide I thought he was going to break his jaw. “Right you are, Princess!” he said cheerfully. “You and Mr. Are—” he stopped to look at Ares, who looked like he was asleep, his face pressed against is half-made bit of dough while he snored quietly.

“MR. ARES!”

With a surprised yelp the human was up, his eyes wide in panic as he grabbed his metal bowl. “You’re not gonna get me, you scaly fucks!” he roared, tossing the bowl as hard as he could.

Right into the chef’s face.

With a yelp the stallion hit the floor as Ares, somehow someway, slipped, also hitting the ground with a rather painful thud, the two groaning in pain as I also hit the floor, laughing.

“BRAHAHAHAHA oh sweet Celestia, I can’t breathe!”



*snort* I’m sorry, I was just remembering the look on Ares’s face.



I would’ve kept on laughing too, if I didn’t get a face full of flour.

“Ack!—what the hay?!”

Ares— who was now on his feet and had a big bag of flour in his hand that he had gotten from somewhere—looked down at me in irritation. “Watching folks get hurt isn’t funny, Candy,” he said with a little grin while he inched the top of the flour bag down at me.

My eyes widened. “Ares, don’t,” I warned, trying to wiggle away. “Don’t you—”

Whoosh!

Why I didn’t think he wouldn’t dump the stuff on me, I have no idea. Why I didn’t think to just use a spell to shield myself, I couldn’t tell you. But I knew what I was going to do as I looked up at him, my entire body white.

“I’M GOING TO BUCKING GET YOU FOR THAT!” I roared with a little smile on my face as my horned glowed. The look on Ares’s face as every bit of flour in the kitchen was teleported around me almost made me laugh.

Almost, I still had to enact by revenge.

I watched the human as he slowly backed away from me as I rose to my hooves, his hands making calming gestures. “Now, Candy,” he said soothingly as he tried to back toward the exit. “Let’s put that down. We don’t wanna piss off the Chef, isn’t that right, Chef pony?”

The chief just groaned as I shut the doors behind the human, the big, thick door making that satisfying thumping noise as they shut.

Sitting smugly on my rump I pointed toward him, making a come-hither motion. “Come on,” I said. “Just get over here and take your lickings like a stallion. I really don’t want to make that much of a mess with this flour.”

He just looked over at me for a few seconds, his mind churning. “Just one bag?” he said hopefully.

I hummed in consideration before nodding, and, with another spell, only one bag of flour remained. “Alright, just one bag, now get over here.”

With a sigh he took off his shirt and shoes and made his way over to me, squaring his shoulders and setting his jaw. He didn’t blink as I levitated the flour over his head. “Bring it.”

As slowly as I could, I turned over the flour, the white substance coming in bits at first before I jerked the whole thing on his head, the cloud of flour forcing my smiling self to back away from a coughing Ares.

“There, we’re even,” I said smugly, sitting on my rump and watching the human try to get the flour off his face. “Now, there’s your punishment for getting me and falling asleep in the middle of our baking lessons.”

“I’m the one *cough* that *cough* signed us up *cough* for this!”

I nodded. “You did, and that means you should at least be able to stay awake for the whole thing.”

Finally shaking himself like a dog—adorably, I might add—he finally got enough of the flour off his body to move around without making a mess—well, a big mess. Frowning,  Ares made his way over to the chef and gently picking him up.

“Let’s get this guy to the ward,” he looked down at his now ghost-like body with mild amusement. “Then we can clean ourselves up.”

Before I could say anything, Ares leaned down and grabbed a handful of flour and tossing it into my face. “Hey, do me a favor and grab my shoes, will ya?”he asked mirthfully before jogging away.

Coughing, I rasped, “Bucking bucking buck!”

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

I blinked, shaking my head hard to get the flour off of my body the best I could before I glared at Ares’s shoes. I should fill those things with flour, I thought before shaking my head and raising my nose in the air. I was a princess! I didn’t need to do petty things like that!

…So I filled his shoes with sugar.

Yep, putting sugar in your friend’s clothes isn’t petty; I just thought that he needed to be a little sweeter is all.

My noble task completed, I trotted out of the kitchen with a smile on my face, sitting on my rump to wait for my friend while I ignored the gawking ponies that passed me. You’d think that they have seen an alicorn covered in flour before, but I guess not.

Well, that was fun, I thought while humming a little tune before a worrying thought presented itself. Wait, why the hay was Ares tired like that? Didn’t the two of us sleep like ten hours today?

Even though it seems a silly little thing to worry about—ponies have trouble sleeping all the time—but, since Ares almost put himself in the hospital due to exhaustion once, it was a perfectly reasonable concern.

I keep making sure that he’s not walking around all night, so is he just sitting there, staring up at the ceiling?.... Or does he get up to look at all of those papers so we have stuff to do the next day?... I thought, shifting around in worry while I ruffled my feathers. The poor dear’s been working himself to the bone to keep me busy…

Which was true, for about two weeks Ares and I spent almost every waking hour together doing stuff; each one of these activities usually consisting of silly things. One day it was acrobatic swimming, another was extreme gardening—which was actually really fun since Ares knew all about it—stuff like that.

After finishing whatever activity we were doing that day, the two of us would shower and fall asleep—together since I really didn’t want to be alone—it was perfectly reasonable to think Ares might be working himself too hard.

Maybe I can set up something to help Ares rela—

“Candy, you alright there? You look like you’re having a stroke…”

I blinked in surprise and looked up to see a shirtless Ares looking down at me in mild amusement and concern. “What?” I asked slowly before shaking my head. “What did you say, Ares? I was a thousand miles away…”

He just chuckled, walking over and patting me on the head. “Nothing, Candy,” he looked around me. “Where did you put my shoes?”

I just quietly pointed back into the kitchen, my mind still milling on helping my friend. Maybe he just isn’t eating right… I don’t think those muscles on his stomach should be sticking out like th—

“Oh you bitch!”

I jumped when a shoe hit my flank, sugar flying everywhere as I looked over my shoulder to see Ares dumping the sugar out of his other shoe. “Do you know how hard it is to clean these things?”

I just groaned, trying to use a wing to get the smelly and sticky sugar off of my flank. “Alright, alright, truce, truce,” I muttered while he walked to my side to get his shoe. “If we don’t stop this right now one of the maids is going to kill us…”

The human looked thoughtful for a second before he offered a fist to me. “Alright, truce,” he said, accepting my hoofbump before the two of us started down the hallway.

“So where are we going to wash off?” I asked, frowning when I felt sugar slowly work its way under my wing. “Are we going to my room?”

Ares snorted. “You mean our room?”

I couldn’t help but blush slightly while I nudged him. “You don’t have to sleep there,” I said bravely, silently hoping that he wouldn’t do just that…. It would’ve felt wrong for nopony but me to be in my bed… alone.

I tensed when I felt a hand on the top of my head, but relaxed when Ares started scratching my ears. “I couldn’t do that to you, Cadence,” he said calmly while I snorted in irritation.

“You know, you don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass,” I said slowly, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. “It’s sweet that you’re trying to make me feel better, Ares, but if you’re hurting yourself to keep me entertained…”

Ares just scratched my ears again. “I’m not treating you like glass, Candy,” he said before smiling. “I’m the one that needs the support. I mean look at me; what am I going to do now for a job since I’m stuck here?”

He sighed dramatically, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile as he continued. “How can a guy be a gardener and make a decent living when you ponies use fucking magic to grow everything?! So I thought about being one of those activity directors; it’s a good idea for me to keep my opinions open.”

I had to cover my mouth with a hoof to keep from laughing. “An activities director?”

The human nodded. “Of course!... If Luna doesn’t get to me first…”

The two of us turned the corner, to the royal chambers for some reason.

Deciding to keep this silly conversation going, I asked, “What about Aunty Luna?”

Ares stopped, looking at me so seriously that I thought something was wrong. “That aunt of yours might be trying to make me her sex slave.”

I blinked before I bit my lip. “R-Really?”

Ares looked like he was trying hard not to laugh. “Y-yep, she even bought me spanks the other day, big, black, rubber ones with like thirty z-zippers.” 

For what seemed like hours the two of us just looked at each other, both of us trying our hardest not to laugh, until I let out a little squeak. Ares then snorted, and it wasn’t long before we were propped up against the wall, laughing until tears were streaming down our faces.

“Oh god, oh god, I can’t breathe,” Ares said, falling over. “I’m gonna throw up!”

The two of us laughed until our voices started to crack, that was when I was able to reign myself in. I smiled, wiping a tear from my cheek as I looked down at Ares, who was looking up at me with an eyebrow raised.

There’s that funny feeling again… I thought before walking over to my friend and giving him a nuzzle. “Seriously, Ares,” I said quietly. “Please don’t keep yourself up just because of something neither of us can control…”

He nodded while his smile dimmed slightly. “You don’t have anything silly like that to worry about, Candy,” he said while I picked him up with my magic and placed him back on his feet. “I’ve just been having a little trouble sleeping is all.”

Like you had the other week with Shining? I thought to myself, letting Ares lead me to Aunty Celestia’s room.

“…Ares?”

“Yeah, Candy?”

“….Why are you trying to break into Aunty Celestia’s room?”

Ares stopped fiddling with the door lock to look back at me before he shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. The two of us are just going to use the Princesses’ pool-sized tub to swim around a little.”

I hummed thoughtfully. “Alright… then why do you have a lock pick,” I thought about it some more. “Actually, where did you get a lock pick in the first place?!”

“You’re an accomplice to a break-in,” the human said simply while I gawked. “Now do me a favor and be my lookout, I think I almost got this lock…. Hard to do my ass…. Batponies don’t know what they’re talking about.”

I tried to pull the crazy human away from the door. “Ares,” I hissed, now conscious about us getting caught. “Stop that right now! We’re going to—”

Click!

“And there we go!” Ares cheerfully said, reaching up to open the door. It slid open quietly while he looked back at me with a mischievous smile. “Are you coming? Cause with or without you I’m gonna swim in this sweet pool-bathtub.”

Without waiting for my answer, Ares vanished through the room and into the dark room while I trotted in place in panic. Thatstupidbuckinghuman’sgonnagetusintrooooouble!

I bit back a yelp when I heard multiple faucets being turned on. “Ooooohh, I’m going to get into so much trouble for this…” I muttered, looking back and forth before running into the dark room and closing the door as quickly as possible. 

“Ares!” I hissed, squinting while trying to find the light. “Turn off that water so we can get out of here!” And then we’ll have a little talk about how and the buck you unlocked that door…

“Why are you whisper shouting?”

I struggled not to yelp when Ares materialized beside me, the human looking down at me with a slightly befuddled expression. “Did I leave my shirt in the kitchen?”

I ignored his question, instead glaring up at him and nudging my head at the door. “Stop messing around and let’s get out of here before—”

Click!

I froze when I heard the door behind us slowly start to open, panic welling inside me when I saw a white horn poke through. “Hello? Is somepony there?”

As quietly as I could, I hopped a few feet until I was by Auntie’s bed and hopped over the thing while I tried not to breathe too heavily. Oh please don’t find—

“Hello, Princess! How’s it going?”

I facehoofed. You’d think that somepony that know’s how to pick locks would know when to hide… I thought in irritation when, to my mild surprise, I heard my Aunty laugh.

“Hello, Ares,” Aunty Celestia said mirthfully. “What brings you to my chambers?”

Ares cleared his throat while I poked my head over the bed to look at the two. “Well, Cadence and I had a little food fight in the kitchens—”

“I heard. The maids are still cleaning it up,” Aunty looked up at him hopefully. “Might I ask where the treats you promised me are?”

The human looked at her with slight guilt. “Yeah… About that… I-I accidently conked the chef on the head and had to take him the hospital ward.”

Aunty gasped in concern while Ares reached over and started playing with her mane. “Oh my. Is he going to be alright?”

I couldn’t help but feel something while I watched the human play with my Aunt’s ears. “He’s fine,” he told her, bring up another hand to pet her neck, earning him a pleased coo. “They told me that he was just going to wake up with a headache.”

Aunty nodded her head slowly, a small smile creeping on her face while I huffed quietly. “Oh say, please keep doing that,” she murmured, one of her eyes slowly scanning the room. “Now, what were you saying about you and Cadence?”

“The two of us were just about to use that big ass tub of yours—”

“Language, Ares.”

“—For a swim. I heard that that was always the best thing for sore muscles,” Ares looked over at me. “Isn’t that right, Candy?”

My head almost ducked down when the two’s heads snapped to where I was, but I slowly rose from my hiding place to look at my aunt with an awkward smile.

“Oh, hello Aunty, hehe, how was your day?”

My aunt gave me a little smile before nudging Ares. “Ares, did you break into my room again?”

“…Yes, ma’am.”

“…Luna’s guards gave you another lock pick, didn’t they?”

“…Yes…”

Aunty Celestia snorted, using a spell to magick her regalia off her body. “Well, no harm done I suppose,” she told us, making her way to her bathroom. “Now, since this is my room, do you mind if I join you? It’s been a while since I’ve used my bath as a swimming pool.”

My aunt giggled foalishly. “To be honest with you; I never really thought of it being used like that before…”

A blush exploded across my face as the human shrugged. “If you want,” he looked toward me. “Is that alright with you, Candy?”

“W-well, um, I-I don’t—” I took a deep breath when Aunty and Ares looked at me in concern. “It’s just a little weird—”

“Weird,” Aunty Celestia said questionably. “Whatever do you mean, Cadence? We’re just swimming,” she looked over my flour-covered body. “...And maybe the two of you could stand for a wash…”

Ares patted my aunt on the head again—though he looked a little uncomfortable himself. “It’s not like I’m just going to rip off my clothes and jump your guy’s bones. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve done something like this before.”

I blinked slowly before sighing, while I ignored a slight bout of embarrassment. What are you freaking out about? I thought to myself, giving them a smile and starting to take off my horseshoes and crown. You’ve bathed with your Aunt before; this isn’t a big deal…

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said, trotting toward the bathroom. “I’m just being silly. Come on; let’s get this gunk cleaned off us.”

The two shared another look before Ares walked over to the bed and started to take his socks off, Aunty following me into her gigantic bathroom.

Because of a few spells that I couldn’t even guess at, Aunty Celestia and Luna somehow managed to fit a bathhouse in each of their bathrooms, it being taken up by a pair of the biggest personal bathtub’s that are probably in existence.

‘Why was the thing as big as a swimming pool?’ you may be asking yourself. Well, I think Aunty told me that it had something to do with her bathroom originally being somewhere where all of Canterlot’s nobles could relax and have a nice bath… And other slightly weird things. Orgy related things...

Luckily, it wasn’t that deep and the water was perfect as I slowly made my way into the crystal clear water, sighing when I felt the sugar and flour float off me.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Aunty Celestia asked me, slowly wading the water with a little smile on her face. “It may be a little behind the times but it’s one of the few luxuries in this castle that I actually enjoy.”

I giggled, wiggling around on the water. “Too bad we don’t have one back in the Crystal Empire,” I said, paddling around with a giggle. “I bet you float around this thing for hours, Aunty.”

“Cadence,” I stopped to look up at her when her tone turned serious. “What’s wrong, Honey?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, Aunty?” I asked.

The older alicorn walked over and draped a wing over me, nuzzling my cheek. “You just seem a little on edge, Sweetie.”

I leaned onto her. “I’m fine, Aunty,” I assured, looking over my shoulder to see Ares, in his shorts, whistling a happy tune as he hopped into the bathtub and started to swim around. “You should go ask Ares that question though,” I told her, concerning working its way into my voice. “I think he’s staying up at night again; he fell asleep during our thing with the chef.”

Aunty Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking at the human out of the corner of her eye. “Oh? I may need to have a little talk to him about that,” she tucked her wing back against her body and gave me another nuzzle. “Just enjoy the water and try to relax for a little bit, Sweetie. Do a lap or two; it might clear your head.”

I nodded before rolling onto my back, letting the pool’s gentle little waves carry me around while I groaned in bliss.

Ohhhhh this is really nice, I thought, splashing around. I should really open up an indoor swimming pool when I get back home…

I stopped at the thought for a second. Now that Ares had all but forced Aunty Celestia and Luna to stop looking for his world, where and the heck was he going to stay?

Well, with me of course! I thought almost instantly. It’s not like I can’t not have him stay in the castle with us… I’m sure the castle staff will lose it if he doesn’t come back with me…

I opened my eye when I heard water shifting around and, awkwardly paddling my way around, I saw Ares hugging Aunty Celestia; the alicorn’s wings wrapped snuggly around his body as she held him. That feeling started to well up inside me again.

“Don’t worry, Princess, I’m fine,” I heard Ares say. “It’s just kinda hard getting used to sleeping normally again.”

Aunty Celestia nuzzled him. “Don’t you lie to me young man.”

Even though this was starting to feel like a conversation that I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on, I listened anyway.

“I’m not, Princess, I promise,” he assured while she looked up at him, her eyes slightly narrowing before she sighed.

“Alright, Ares….”

The two held the hug a little longer while I slowly kicked myself toward them.

Ares looked over at me, smiling. “Aw, Candy, you look you adorable doggy paddling like that.”

I rolled my eyes while the human started to wash the grime off his body. “Shut up,” I muttered, ignoring my Aunt’s giggle. “Aunty, do you have any soap lying around?” Looked over my body. 

“This swimming is nice and all but I should probably get the sugar out of my coat before it gets lodged somewhere uncomfortable….”

Aunt blinked. “Oh, of course!” She said, her horn lighting up. “I’ll get us each a bar of soap.” A bottle of soap winked into existence beside me. Thanking her I snatched it out of the air, along with a rag.

The three of us lapsed into silence while we cleaned ourselves.

“Ares,” Aunty finally said. “Could you be a dear and wash my back? It’s always such a bother to do it myself..”

He shrugged, grabbing a rag she tossed at him. “Sure, just some over here, I’ll scrub you down.”

I watched in fascination while my aunt was scrubbed down into a soapy lather, the older alicorn smiling while Ares hummed cheerfully. “Do me a favor, Princess, and lift yourself up a little bit so I can get at your belly.”

She smiled before lifting herself on her back legs slightly. “Be careful down there, Ares, my stomach is very sensitive…”

Ares just snorted. “I’ll be careful, you baby…” He stopped to look over at me. “Are you alright there, Cadence?”

Weelllll, you’re scrubbing my aunt like she’s a big dog, but other than that everything’s great, I thought before blinking. “Yeah… I’m alright…”

Aunty Celestia opened an eye to look over at me while Ares continued his scrubbing. “Cadence, dear, why don’t you come over and let Ares get behind your wings,” she giggled when he hit a sensitive spot under her foreleg. “This actually feels really nice.”

I opened my mouth to tell her no when, for some reason, I stopped, nodding my head. “Sure… If that’s okay with you, Ares…” I murmured, slowly walking over toward them.

Ares looked unsure for a second before before gulping. “Sure…” he said after an oddly long time. “I’ll fix your guys’ wings too while we’re here if you want.”

I just blushed while Aunty hummed. “Washing, preening, you know, if you’re looking for a job, Ares, then I could set up a royal washer position for you.”

Ares quietly laughed, giving her belly a quick tickle before turning to me, a soapy rag in his hand. “I’ll think about it, Princess. As long as that sister of yours keeps her hooves to herself and the pay’s good.”

For a second, I thought he meant it, and, oddly, a feeling of body-freezing panic hit me. It must have shown on my face because Ares slowly reached up and played with my ears. “Jesus, Candy, there’s no need to freak out,” he said soothingly while I loosened up.

Oh thank Faust he didn’t mean it… Wait, why did I think that?!

“We’re just a bunch of friends showering together—like a sports team or a bunch of weirdo’s—and I have these here shorts on so just calm down and…”

I groaned as he trailed off, Ares slowly dumping some warm water on my back before he started to lather my back.

“There you go,” he said as I closed my eyes with a little smile on my face. “Now do me a favor and spread those wings for me, will ya?”

I did as he asked, smiling when I felt those fingers of his softly tickle my body as he ran them around in a circular motion, using one hand—the one with the rag—to soap me up, and the other to rub it in more.

Oohhhh~!

It was a difficult sensation to describe to you, mostly because I don’t have fingers, but imagine a bunch of really warm, strong feathers running all over your body. And it was, honestly, bucking awesome.

All too soon though, it was over, Ares taking a step away from me and saying, “Alright, there you are, Candy,” he said awkwardly, almost as if he was afraid, while I panted, my wings drooping into the water. “You can rinse off now if you want.”

I was about to tell him to get the buck back here when I noticed something rather…embarrassing… 

Well, you see… the hands and um… Iwasalittleheated!

Thank Faust that I was partially underwater or Aunt would probably be able to smell it… Though that didn’t stop a blush from exploding on my face. Just calm down, just calm down, I thought over and over while I clenched by back legs—my nethers tingling slightly-- trying to cool myself off while Ares started to preen Aunty’s wings.

“You need to keep those wings straight, Princess. Every time you fold them back up like that you bend those feathers there.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ares. I was just trying to dry them off quicker.”

The human hummed while I wiggled uncomfortably, taking deep, calming breaths. “Why don’t we get out of this tub then? I’ll dry you guys off and we can get back to that.”

Aunty looked up at him while I sighed in relief, finally calming myself down. “Wait, Ares, did you wash yourself off?”

Ares looked down at his still slightly dirty body.  “A little bit, but I could use a little more scrubbing. Just give me a seco—”

“Nono,” Aunty interrupted, levitating a rag over. “Let me; it’s the least I can do.”

…And now I was getting a little heated again.

What the buck is wrong with you?! I thought, prying my eyes from wandering over Are’s dripping body-- which was plenty visibly even with his shorts on. Ares is YOUR FRIEND and you’re MARRIED, you hussy!

“Cadence, could you please pass me some shampoo?” Aunty asked, almost making me freeze again. “I have it in that bin over there next to you.”

“W-What?”

Aunty and Ares looked at each other before the older alicorn nudged her head at the various soaps that were right next to me.

“Could you please get me some shampoo, I’m going to—”

“No, not shampoo,” I said instantly while I looked away from them. “Ares washed his hair the other day; just use soap,” still running on automatic, I looked over the soaps and magicked her one of the liquid shampoos.

“Here, this one will work,” I muttered still flipping out.

You’ve seen him naked like ten times! In fact, half of the castle’s seen him naked! Why are you acting like a filly in heat?

Thanking me, Aunty squirted a generous dollop of soap into her rag before looking back at Ares. “Alright, take those off,” she said, pointing toward his shorts.

For the first time since he was in here, Ares blushed, his hands going to his pants protectively. “Um… no thanks,” he said while cautiously eyeing Aunty Celestia.

She just rolled her eyes. “Stop being a baby, Ares, and just take those off. You know with those on that I wouldn’t be able to properly clean you.”

“My bits are there!” The human argued before narrowing his eyes. “Wait… you’re not Luna just trying some crazy thing to rape me, are you?”

Aunty just facehoofed. “Ares, now isn’t the time to be shy,” she said soothingly. “I’ve bathed Cadence over there, I’ve let my sister wash me like you just did, and I’ve seen more of those,” she pointed at his crotch. “Then you could guess at. So stop being a baby and take those off so I can properly wash you.”

Now, I know that Aunty didn’t mean any of this in a sexual way—She was probably just in motherly mode—but it was just so weird. I mean, I know ponies are usually naked and Ares would still be in his boxers, but....

Grumbling, the human did as the white alicorn asked, leaning over, red-faced, and pulling his shorts down and off and tossing them onto the ‘shore’, revealing boxers that may as well have not been there--for all of the concealing they did .

“There,” he said, spreading his arms while I gawked, slowly starting to back away in panic. “You happy now?”

I cleared my throat awkwardly while my rump hit the far edge of the bathtub’s wall. “Hey, Aunty, Ares,” I shouldn’t have said anything at all, because all I got was an eyeful when they turned toward me with questioning expressions. “I just remembered that I had something important to do,” It took considerable willpower to keep myself from looking lower in Ares’s direction. “So, sorry, but I have to go now.”

Celestia nodded. “Alright, Dear, don’t let us keep you,” she said while slowly rubbing Ares’s arm down.

With a final red-faced nod, I spread my wings and lifted myself into the air and toward the door.



@$~~$@



Celestia exhaled the breath that she didn’t know she was holding as her niece flew out of her bathroom. Well, that answers that, she thought calmly while Ares looked down at her in concern.

“What the hell’s wrong with her?” the human asked, lifting up his arms to let her scrub his underarms. “And quit scrubbing so hard; you’re gonna rub me raw.”

The alicorn blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry, Ares,” I wonder if public bathing really is something normal for humans or if Ares just doesn’t care… She blinked. No, he just cares if my niece is around, she corrected herself. It was true, as soon as Cadence left the once slightly body-shy and nervous human seemed at ease, he even went so far as to close his eyes while she scrubbed him.

“Turn around please.”

She scrubbed his back carefully, paying special attention to his neck and shoulders, but staying away from his anything below the belt--she still hadn’t figured out how to cross that bridge tactfully yet.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, she said, “Turn around again.”

“Why you didn’t get my front first the whole way is a mystery,” the human mused, doing as she asked.

The princess hummed a little while she continued, getting his chest and his stomach before gingerly going downward.

“Ares, could you--” she started awkwardly, eyes on his boxers.

He just sighed, yanking them down almost without a thought and tossing them away.

“Watch my boys,” Ares said calmly, still looking at the door. “You squeeze one of them and I’m going to drown you.”

The alicorn chuckled, getting the area before dropping the rag into the water. “Alright there, I’m done,” she said, making her way toward out of the giant tub with Ares following after he rinsed the suds off his body.

“Thanks for getting my back,” he said while she hoofed him a towel, a distant look in his eyes.

Celestia just smiled, trying to keep that mask that she had made herself the last couple of days on. “Thank you for washing me down, Ares,” she said, nudging his side. “And I’m sorry for pushing you so hard; I just wanted to make sure you were clean.”

And to see if Cadence is leaning toward where I think she’s leaning…

For a brief second, the alicorn couldn’t help but run an appreciative eye over her friend, over the muscles in his arms and stomach before looking at his flank.

A few choice words and I could fix this, she thought, watching him use another towel to dry his hair. A sway of the tail, a bat of the eyes, a choice word or two… And Ares would make an interesting mate…

For a brief, selfish moment, she imagined being held by her friend, the two of them sharing a bed together, those green eyes of his greeting her every morning...

Celestia blinked when she felt a hand pat her face. “Hey, Princess,” Ares said, making sure that his towel was wrapped securely around his waist. “I’m gonna go see what’s eating Cadence.”  

She just smiled lightly. “Aright, Ares,” she said, hopping up on her hind legs and wrapping Ares in a hug—much to his surprise. “You do that,” Awkwardly, the human patted her on the back.

“Are you alright there, Princess?” he asked in confusion.

That’s a very good question… She just nuzzled him. “I’m fine, Ares,” she nudged her head toward the door. “Now go and see if my niece is alright.”

Nodding, Ares walked quickly through the door while the princess used a towel to dry her mane. “Ares,” she called. “Don’t walk out without those clothes of yours.”

“Do me a favor and get those cleaned,” he called back, opening the door to see a pony that he really didn’t want to see at the moment.

“Oh…hello Dust Bunny…”

“Unnnfffff!”

Celestia heard him sigh loudly.

“Do we really have to do this here?”

“…But that flank though…”

The alicorn couldn’t help but giggle quietly when she heard Ares’s heavy footsteps echo off the hall.

“I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave!”



~~~@@~~~



I paced my room, trying to figure out what was going on with me today.

Alright, my heat isn’t due for a few weeks so that isn’t it…. Maybe I just really miss Shining and I’m portraying those feelings on someone else…

I hummed nervously, sitting down on my rump while I quietly panicked. But why Ares?!

Not knowing what to do this myself, I got up and started pacing again.

Sure, he’s a great stallion and he looks kind of cute and he’s—

I groaned, facehoofing. “Why am I even thinking this?” I said aloud. “I’m married… I’m married…”

… Was I now?

My blinked at the stray thought. Would Shining really want to have a mare like me after he came back from his soul-searching?

I slowly crawled into my bed, sniffling sadly while I grabbed a pillow and hugged it. I couldn’t help but think of how differently the stallion and I were back before we met Ares.

Were we really that different?... I had to say yes.

Was it better or for worse?... That was the question.

I continued to try to rationalize this.

Alright, think about this, think about this, I thought, closing my eyes. You—

I froze when I heard a knock on my door.

“Cadence, can I come in?” A muffled voice that I knew all too well said through the door.

My eyes snapped open. “A-Ares?” I said lamely before biting my lip in panic. Pleasedon’tcomein!

There was silence before I heard the doorknob turning. “Cadence, I’m coming in.”

For a brief second I was going to tell him to go, but something stopped me as Ares poked his head through the door with a concerned expression. “Cadence?”

I wiped my eyes and sniffled, giving him my best smile. “Yes, Ares?” I said a little too loudly; in that fake way where everypony knows that there’s something wrong with you but you still try to hide it.

Please just go, I thought, hugging the pillow tighter. …Please just stay…

I watched almost in panic as he slowly, cautiously made his way over to the bed—fully clothed now, thank Faust—before sitting down on the edge.

What happened after that was the oddest thing. He didn’t ask me if I was okay, or if I needed anything, he just sat there, looking down into his hands almost sadly.

“…I’m sorry, Cadence,” he said quietly, which made me raise my head up from the bed in confusion.

“For what?” I blurted out.

He just continued to look down at his hands, slowly opening and closing them. “For whatever made you flip out,” he waved his hands around. “I should’ve asked the princess to stop with that whole weird ‘stripping me’ thing, so i’m sorry for that…”

I didn’t realized that I had crawled out from my fetal position and made my way over to Ares until my wing was wrapped around him. “It’s not your fault...”

I couldn’t help but smile at his relieved look, Ares reaching under the bed to pull out a bunch of papers.

“You know,” he said before yawning. “There’s this really neat art thing that’s coming out tomorrow.

I blinked owlishly as he continued

“I was up last night and I heard a few ponies talking about it; I thought we could go see what’s going on there if you want.”

...He really HAS been staying up all night to look up things for us to do… I thought, confronted with how I felt about that.

“--Or we could go play putt-putt golf; there’s a really nice place down in the southern part of the city--”

He’s been losing sleep because he wants me to be happy…

“Or we could just go out to the lake and--”

I don’t remember bringing the human into a full hug, nuzzling his cheek, but there I was again, hugging my friend as that sensation that I was slowly starting to recognize resurfaced.

Ares patted me in the back. “Are you alright there, Cadence?” he asked me, though I ignored him.

We stayed like that until, with a little smile, I said, “Ares, you remembered when you offered to preen me in Aunty’s bathroom?”

Ares blinked before nodding slowly. “Yeah, why?”

I batted him in the head with a wing gently, the two of us chuckling, before I got up and offered him a wing while setting my head in his lap.

“Go on,” I said teasingly, closing my eyes. “Get to work.”

He chuckled and started to run his fingers through his wings, adjusting my feather slowly, carefully, and almost lovingly, making me sigh happily.

Here I was, lying in the lap of someone who, just a few minutes ago almost, made me have a panic-attack, and now I was as calm as can be.

Is this what you felt for Shining when you two were dating? I thought, trying not to fall asleep. …No, I don’t think so… It feels different, somehow…

I cracked open an eye to look up at my friend.

“Ares?”

He looked down at me. “Yeah, Cadence?”

I frowned at the use as my name. “First off, stop calling me Cadence!”

He grinned. “Alright Mi Amore Cadenza,” His grin only got bigger when I swatted him with my tail.

“Use that nickname that you’ve insisted on giving me,” I muttered. “You’ve used it so much that when you call me Cadence it makes me feel like something’s wrong…”

“I’m going to start using your full name then just to piss you off.”

I grumbled good-naturedly. “Ponies are usually only allowed to call me by my full name on my birthday,” I told him jokingly. “Aunty made it a law a few years ago; you could go to jail if a guard catches you.”

He chuckled before yawning again. “I’d be out within the week,” he said while I frowned at him, sneakily magicking all of his papers away.


“Hey, Ares,” I said, sitting up. “Could you do me a favor?”


The human blinked before smiling. “Sure, Candy, whatcha need?”


He yelped when I pushed him into the bed. Fighting a smile, I said, “Stop looking over those silly papers and get some sleep.” I saw the defiant look on his face. “If you don’t I’ll put a sleep spell on you,” I threatened, throwing covers over him.


“You’re going to get some sleep while I go get a little snack, okay?”


“...Okay…”


Smiling, I nodded before hopping out of the bed. “And if you get out of that bed I’ll know~!” I sung before trotting out of the room.



A quick sandwich later in the kitchens later…



You put the peanut butter on the bread and you eat it all up! I sang to myself as I made my way down the halls, a peanut butter sandwhich in my mouth. You put the peanut butter on the bread and you eat it all up! You put th--


“Oh, hello, Cadence!” A voice cheerfully said.


I turned around and smiled when when I saw Twilight trotting toward me. When she was within reach we shared a nuzzle.


“Hello, Twilight,” I said --after moving my little snack into my back--with a small sly smile while I looked around the little purple alicorn. “Where’s Flash?” my smile grew when I noticed her blush. “Off prowling, eh? Maybe looking for a certain purple filly?~”


I laughed when she nudged me, squeaking angrily.


“S-Shut up!”


While she was breathing heavily, I couldn’t help but notice that she was holding something in her magic.


“What’s that, Twilight,” I said, pointing at the little card. “A love letter?”


The unicorn flinched before hoofing me the thing. “It’s a happy birthday card, thank you very much,” she said. “It’s for Ares.”


I cocked my head at her in confusion. “...What about Ares’s birthday?...” I asked.


Twilight blinked before shaking her head. “Oh right, he wouldn’t have told you,” she almost muttered. “Ares’s birthday is tomorrow.”


And then there was a bout of righteous anger filling my body. “And he only told you?”


She blinked again. “Oh, he said that it was a cultural thing; apparently, human’s don’t celebrate birthdays!”


That’s a bucking load of horseapples if I ever heard it…


“I just thought that he’d like a little card,” Twilight gave me a smile. “I, um, have some very important… things to do tomorrow, so I won’t be able to give it to him, so I thought you could…”


“I’ll give it to him,” I heard myself say while I resisted the urge to grind my teeth. “And a bucking piece of my mind…”


Before Twilight could say anything else I walked away, ready to give a certain monkey-man a piece of my mind.


“Wouldn’t tell me it’s your birthday will you?” I muttered, my wings ruffling angrily. “After all you’ve done for me…”


I opened the bedroom door and stopped at what I saw, my anger draining away as I looked at my sleeping friend, who was hugging a pillow with a little smile on his face.


“...Awwwww,” I whispered while he quietly drooled on the thing.


Quietly making my way over to him, I put his card on the counter and started to take my regalia off. “How am I going to stay mad at you when you look at that?” I demanded before wiggling under the covers.


Almost as if sensing me, the human’s arms were wrapped around me as soon as my head poked out of the covers. Giving him a nuzzle, I whispered, “Well, Mr. Grumpypants, if you don’t want to tell anypony about your birthday, then I guess that’s too bad for you, because I know now.”


I leaned up and gave him a peck on the forehead. “I’ll make sure that you have the best birthday of your life.”


The sleeping human sighed, tightening his grip around me as I looked up at him.


… I shouldn’t… I thought, looking up at him.


I really thought about it, digging deep, deeper than I think I’ve ever gotten. After what seemed like hours I  leaned up toward Ares’s face, my nose brushing past his lips. After a little more thought, I leaned up a little more, planting a kiss on my friend’s lips, humming as I closed my eyes.


I didn’t think about the consequences, the bad things that may or may not happen, I just enjoyed the sensation of kissing someone that I knew cared for me more than he cared about himself. My heart fluttered, and the butterflies that I had ignored for days came back in full force.


An eternity later, I broke the kiss, placing my head on Ares’s chest and closing my eyes. 

“Goodnight… Ares…” I muttered. “You get a good night’s sleep. I have some thinking to do…”  

> Birthday Surprises
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blah, blah, blah, love quote
--George Washington






“…Hey, Flash.” 

“Yeah, Ares?”

Ares stood up from his seat—the cooler the two had brought with them for this fishing expedition—and slowly started to wiggle the blood back into his legs and ass.

“Have you even seen a fucking fish yet?” he demanded, before plopping back down.

Flash rolled his eyes and adjusted the fishing pole that he was holding. “You know I haven’t,” the stallion muttered, using a wing to snatch his hard cider from the bottom of the boat. “So could you quit being a baby and just sit there?”

The human grumbled, silently debating whether or not to roll the boat to get away from this hellish boredom. “Why and the hell are we even here?”

“Because you brought us here,” the stallion responded, his eyes scanning the still lake with eagle-like focus. “Just like I told you the last five times, you baby.”

Flash facehoofed when his friend tossed his pole into the boat and crossed his arms, much like a child would. “Why do I keep coming back here?” he said to himself. “Each time it just cements the fact that I hate fishing.”

“Because we aren’t allowed in the castle for a couple of hours,” Flash said, cocking his head to the side. “Did anypony say what that was about?”

Ares grumbled incoherently, grabbing his fishing pole again. “Nope, Candy just kicked my ass out and got the princesses to set guards so I couldn’t get back in…”

Flash nodded. “It was the same for me with Twi—” the guard almost stopped himself in time, almost saved his day from being ruined by teasing, but it was too late.

Ares grinned evilly. “Oh, ol’ purple’s already got you on a leash, huh?” he teased, enjoying Flash’s blush. “Well, hopefully she’s let you get to third base then.”

Flash’s eyes widened in panic, the stallion’s gaze going to the sun. “Ares,” he hissed, almost sounding scared. “Don’t say that around that,” he pointed at the giant orb before leaning toward the human.

“The princess can hear you!”

Ares just rolled his eyes. “She cannot, Flash, you superstitious ninny.”

“She can too!”

“Cannot.”

“CAN TOO!!!”

Flash put his pole down and launched himself into the air with a flap before flying right into his friend’s face. “And stop talking about what me and my fillyfriend do—and we don’t do anything, for your information-- in the privacy of our chambers.”

Ares grinned again. “So you two are bunking together now, huh?” he nudged the stallion, almost knocking him into the water. “I didn’t think you had—”

“If you say one more word I will drown you,” Flash threatened, trying to look fierce with a blush on his face and failing miserably. “I swear by all that is holy I will bucking kill you until you die!”

The Ares put his hands up defensively. “Alright, alright, I’m done, I’m done,” he assured, Flash flying back to his edge of the boat.

“Besides, you and Princess Cadence sleep together in the same room,” Flash said, grabbing his pole.

Ares nodded slowly, a far-off, contemplating look in his eye. “Yeah, I guess so…”

“How has the princess been doing by the way?”

The human’s grip tightened in his pole. “She’s been acting weird,” he said. “Like super weird…”

“How?”

Ares frowned, looking out into the water. “She’s been making us just stay in bed most mornings now, but she doesn’t look like she’s sleeping right, stuff like that,” he shifted in his seat. “Maybe she’s just sick or something like that…”

Flash nodded, a look of concern growing on his face. “Twilight told me the other day that Princess Cadence sent the captain a letter,” he said, looking back into the water. “Maybe she’s just stressed out about that…”

Ares nodded before throwing his pole into the water and grabbing the bait that the two brought. “Alright, enough of this,” he said, standing up and lifting the can of worms above his head. “If I have to do anymore fishing in this lake again, even for a second, I’ll lose my mind.”

Flash sighed. “…So, we’re done fishing?”

His friend nodded, cocking his arm back to throw the worms into the water. “Yep, the two of us are gonna go see what’s up, so why don’t—”

Ares and Flash froze as a giant, green tentacle shot out of the water and grabbed the worms, another tentacle patting the human in the head before shooting back into the water with a little splash.

Flash opened his mouth and instantly closed it, his mind trying to process just what happened. “What?... Ares, was that a—“

The human, his eye twitching, slowly looked at his hand before frowning and glaring at the water. Sighing, he threw up his hands in frustration. “Lake monster, fucking really?!” Roughly sitting back down, he grabbed an oar, ready to leave this madness behind him.

“Man, fuck you, Pony-god!”



@~~~~~@



“And that thing was just in there that whole time…” Flash looked up at his friend, who was handling the fact that he just witnessed a giant lake monster far too well for the stallion’s liking. “That thing could have eaten us!”

“That thing’s the reason why my fishing poles don’t stay in the lake; hell, it’s probably the reason that there’s no fish in there,” Ares grumbled. “I’mma go get a knife and made some sushi out of the fish’s ass…”

Flash nudged his friend roughly. “Ares,” he all but yelled. “We. Could. Have. Been.  Eaten! How are you not freaking out?!”

The human looked down at his little pony friend. “Because I have a whole bunch of deep shit that I have to get through right now,” Flash raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Some big monster isn’t even on my radar at the moment.”

“Oh… Do you want to talk about it?”

The human’s look softened for a moment. “No thanks, Flash, that’s nice of you but what I’m dealing with isn’t something bros can talk about together.”

Cadence wouldn’t stop looking at you when she thinks you’re not looking; that’s suspiciousness if I’ve ever seen it… she has to be doing something today…

Ares blinked, surprised at the thought.

…Wait, why do I care? It’s not like she’s doing anything that’d mess me up… Hopefully.

Flash opened his mouth to say more when saw his friend’s shoulders sag. Thinking for a second, he walked over and nudged him again. “Well, if you want to talk about it, you know who to talk to,” he said with a big, bright smile.

Ares smiled back, patting Flash on the head. “Thanks, Buddy,” he said, a bit of a pip in his step. “And if you need any sexual advice for you and your girl you can come to this guy.”

The human would’ve experienced the power that a pony can conjure up for a buck—especially if that pony is a guard—when a yell saved him.

“Ares, Flash, there you are!” The two looked up to see Twilight trotting toward them. “I’ve been looking for you!”

The little unicorn huffed irritably. “Weren’t you guys at the lake?”

Flash nodded. “We were, but there was this monster…”

The bookworm’s gaze turned confused as she looked at Ares, who shrugged. “There was this big tentacle thing that stole all of our bait,” he explained.

“…Really,” Twilight said after a moment. “And you two are okay with that?”

The two males shrugged as they walked past the unicorn, who followed them.

“It’s not really that big of a deal,” Ares said. “Whatever that thing was just took the bait; heck, I think it helped push us to shore when we were trying to get away.”

“…So there’s a friendly lake monster in the lake that I played around for years…” Twilight narrowed her eyes at the two. “You know, I don’t believe you…”

Ares nodded. “Alright…. Now why were you tracking us down?” he smiled before leaning down toward her. “Couldn’t keep your hooves around you boy, huh Purple?”

Twilight blushed, pushing him away. “N-No!” he stuttered, though that didn’t stop her from walking side-by-side with her coltfriend. “Cadence sent me to get you.”

“Why?” Flash asked, trying to sneak in a nuzzle that Ares pretended not to see.

Twilight giggled quietly, her face red while she nuzzled him back. “She doesn’t want me to tell you…”

The human’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything as they slowly made their way back to the castle, Ares so lost in thought that he didn’t even bother to tease the two little lovebirds and their almost constant touching.

Maybe she’s mad about what happened the other day with Celestia, he thought worryingly. Women are always pissed about stuff they say that they’re not mad about… I mean, what else could it be?

He resisted the urge to laugh as Twilight and Flash almost face planted into a wagon that was in the middle of the street, the two looking sheepishly at each other for a moment before continuing their lovey- dovey nonsense.

Was there something I set up with the cook that I forgot about?.. No, then she wouldn’t have told us to piss off this morning… A thought wormed its way into the man’s pondering head. She didn’t look at the medical papers, right? She wouldn’t know it’s my birthday…

Not that Ares hated birthdays or anything; he was just one of those people that never saw the point in celebrating one step closer to kicking the bucket. That and he never really liked cake—a fact that a certain princess was STILL upset about.

“…Ares.... Ares!” Twilight said loudly, snapping the human out of his thoughts.

Blinking, he said, “Hum, what do ya need, Purple?”

“I was asking if you got that card I got you for.... you know,” she said, deliberately not using the birthday word.

Flash blinked. “What card?”

Ares closed his eyes for a second and silently groaned. Purple got me a birthday card? he thought, wondering why he didn't get it. Man, fuck...

. “She got me a spa pamphlet, Flashy,” he lied. “I was thinking about going out and having a little relaxation day.”

The Private narrowed his eyes. “…Really?”

Flash’s friend nodded before starting to whistle a little tune, not convincing the stallion at all, though he didn’t say anything else as the three made their way to the castle.

Before they reached the doors, Twilight stopped Ares with a hoof. “Cadence wants you in the kitchens,” she told him.

He threw his hands up in the air theatrically. “Could you at least tell me what’s going on?”

The unicorn giggled slyly before grabbing her coltfriend with her magic. “Have fun~” she practically sung, trotting down the hallways with a wiggling Flash in tow.

“Twilight, please let me down!”

“Sorry, Flashy, I can’t; it’d ruin our dramatic exit!”

Ares watched the two until they disappeared down a corner and shook his head. “It’s just one of those days,” he muttered, slowly walking down the hall. “Flash didn’t even take any of this fishing stuff… dick…”

After a few minutes of walking back to his room and stowing the stuff away and getting  shirt, the human made his way toward the kitchens, that feeling of foreboding coming back when he saw that the kitchen lights were off.

“… This is a trap if I’ve ever seen one,” he muttered, slowly crouching down and poking his head through the doorway, trying to see into the darkness. “Are those batponies trying to jump me again?…”

Slowly, and keeping to the walls, Ares entered the room, his hands looking for the light switch.  Well, I don’t know how you got Purple into your scheming, Batponies, he thought as a quiet clank sounded off somewhere, singling that someone else was in the room. But I’m on to you, you adorable little bastards…

“Where’s that light?” he whispered to himself, his hands reaching away from the wall to try to find a table. “Do kitchen’s have a different light set-up here?”

Slowly, he shuffled forward a few feet, his hands clenching and unclenching in all directions, until he grabbed something.

A big something.

A big, soft, squishy something that squeaked in surprise when he grabbed it.

A big, soft, squishy something that sounded a hell of a lot like Cadence.

With a loud click the lights flooded on, blinding Ares for a few seconds before he was eye-to-ass with a very familiar tail and cutiemarks.

Ares opened his mouth while Cadence looked back at him, a blush exploding on each of their faces as they looked at each other.

Stepping away from his hands like they were on fire, Cadence cleared her throat, refusing to look at him while she said, “…U-Um...”

The human brought his hands down to his sides. “…Sorry, I was looking for the light and…” he trailed off awkwardly before the alicorn’s legs cocked back in a bucking position.

Aw fuck! Ares thought while a pair of legs slammed into his chest, knocking him through the air a few feet, lifting him off the ground, before he crashed, wheezing, to the ground with a crash.

Cadence’s eyes widened and she gasped, trotting in place in panic. “Omygosh, Ares I’m sorry, it was an accident and—”

The human just groaned and looked up at the ceiling as the hysterical pony trotted around him, her eyes wide in panic. Christ, she kicks like a hor—he stopped, smiling at the thought before, with all of the willpower in his body, rolled over on his side to see Cadence standing over him, still freaking out.

“You just grabbed my flank and I just kicked and IdidmeanitandIreallyreallysorryand—”

She stopped when Ares clamped her mouth shut with a hand. “Jesus, Candy, calm down for a second…”



…



I looked down at Ares as he let go of my muzzle, his hand hitting the floor with a light thump.

Boy did I buck up… I thought, my eyes slightly watering as I sat down next to my… friend.

“Are you okay, Ares,” I asked, sniffling slightly.

“…Yeah,” That was a lie and I knew it. “…Just… Give me a… Minute…”

“I’m sorry…” I practically whispered, leaning down to nuzzle him. “I panicked when you touched my flank and I had a little delayed reaction and—”

“I know… I know… Just calm down…” He said, trying to get up and slumping back onto the ground.

I stood up, using a spell to help him sit up. After taking a few more breaths, he looked up at me while I smiled weakly, “Happy birthday!” I said.

“Oh fuck you,” he rasped, dusting his pants off. “Who told you that it was my birthday?”

My smile dampened a little bit, and he rolled his eyes and patted me on the head. “I’m alright, Candy. Alright, how about we ignore me grabbing your ass and you kicking me, huh?”

I opened my mouth and closed it before nodding. “That’s probably the best thing we could do,” I said with a giggle, nudging him toward the table where his cake and presents were. “Come on; let’s start your birthday party.”

Rubbing his stomach, he limped toward the cake—which I spent the whole morning baking and icing—and picked up the little wrapped present that was right next to it.

He patted me on the head before hopping into the counter. “Aw, this is really sweet, Candy, you didn’t have to do this,” he looked down at his present while I blushed, thinking my little ‘plan’ over.

“It’s my best friend’s birthday!” I said. “In fact, I’m pretty mad that you didn’t tell me!”

Alright, you sent that letter to Shining, I thought to myself. You can tell Ares how you feel without looking like a whorse or a cheater or… I sighed, shaking my head with a little smile while I watched Ares rip apart his present’s wrapping like a foal.

You’ll figure it out….



…



God, does my stomach hurt… Ares thought as he tried to take off the clear tape that had insisted on covering every inch of his present. Nono, you be a big boy, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.

While he probably needed to go see a doctor—at least so the guy/gal could give him something for the pain—Ares couldn’t find it in his heart to do anything other than opening his friend’s present, the pink alicorn looking up at him with an adorable hopefulness that a man only sees once in a blue moon.

“Did you have to tape this thing up so much, Candy?” he asked while she smiled up at him, not saying anything .

I would’ve taken the present without a box… Ares thought when he finally ripped all of the stuff off. Putting the little box right next to his ear and shaking it. “Do I get a hint?” he asked.

The pink princess shook her head, a big smile on her face as she hopped up right next to him—almost closer than Ares was comfortable with.

She must just be excited about this, he thought dismissively, opening the little lid on the box and smiling at what he saw.

“Do you like it?” Cadence asked excitedly, bouncing around on the counter in barely contained glee.

Ares blinked, reaching into the box and pulling out a little crystal heart. “Huh… it’s a heart…”

The princess nodded, her expression dimming when she saw that he wasn’t as excited as she was. “Yep, it’s a tradition in the Crystal Empire to give someone a heart for their birthdays,” She looked down at the slightly glowing crystal.

“It’s for that special pony that you’d trust to give your heart to,” Cadence said, putting her head on his shoulder.

“….Really?”

The alicorn nodded. “Aunty Celestia said that it was a tradition all the way back to the founding of the pony tribes,” she giggled quietly when she saw the human’s confusion.

“A what now?” Are said, thoroughly confused. 

“One of Equestria’s founders, Princess Platinum, tired of the ponies of Equestria and their troubles, led a small group of her followers to a place she discovered as a child so they could live in peace,” Cadence said, trying to fully remember the story she was told as a child.

“The little group of ponies traveled all across the land until they reached a desolated wasteland of ice and snow, the lush landscape the princess remembered buried under the tundra. Apparently, the Princess’s old getaway had been stolen by the Windigos like her old kingdom had, and she despaired, weeping for her and her people.”

“The princess’s advisor, Clover the clever, a stallion of unrivaled wisdom---and somepony that loved the princess more than anything-- saw the unicorn crying and tried to do everything in his power to make her happy again."

Ares smiled. “The guy had it really bad for her then?”

Something changed in Cadence’s eyes. “That’s what Aunty said,” she said wistfully before continuing the story.

“Now, Clover knew that there was nothing that the princess loved more than gems, so, using all of his knowledge and power, he went down deep into the earth and pulled out a diamond of the finest quality. Night after night he labored over it, crafting it into a heart to try to show the mare how he felt.”

She sighed, placing her head back on his shoulder. “What he didn’t know was that some love that he felt for Platinum had gone into the heart, along with much of his power, so when the princess was given the heart--and the unicorn saw the love in the stallion’s eyes-- it glowed brightly when she realized that she loved him back.”

A very touched Ares looked back down at the little heart before wiping a stray tear off his cheek. “And they lived happily ever after, right?” he finished before wrapping an arm around the pink pony.

She nodded. “They used the power of the crystal to build a great kingdom, which they passed into their son, Sombra,” And he went and ruined everything, she silently finished while enjoying her half-hug.

“…I really don’t know what to say, Cadence,” Ares said in a choked up voice. “Thank you, honestly.”

Cadence smiled.

“This is way better than anything I think I’ve ever gotten for my birthday.”

The smile grew.

“I guess that’s why you’re my best friend, huh? You can think of stuff that gets me right in the ticker.”

As soon as Ares said ‘friend,’ Cadence’s smile was gone.



…   



…Really? I thought, while I looked up at the possibly thickest creature in the history of everything. Am I not making it plain enough? I mean, I lost sleep over this!

I frowned when he gently placed the heart back into the box before looking over at the little cake that I made him. “Well you look at that,” I smiled as he looked back at me. “Did you make that, Candy?”

Maybe humans do this sort of thing differently… Or maybe he just isn’t interested in me, I shook my head, pushing that thought away. Nono, don’t get your hopes down; you should probably test the waters out…

I haaad thought about just telling him about how I felt, and, more than once, was going to say that I like-liked him, but I could never do it. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try my best to see if my friend might have a little interest in me…

…I could sort everything out after that, and hopefully with him if this goes the way that I want it to.

“Do you want a piece, Cadence?... Candy? Cadarino? You alright there?”

I blinked, looking up at him. “Yeah, yeah, please,” I said, a little too fast for my liking. “I’d love a piece of your cake!”

He snorted in amusement and I flinched, blushing. Was it this hard with Shining when he asked you out?

A pang of guilt hit me when I thought about the stallion. He’ll be happier, probably happier than he’s been for a long time, if he finds somepony else, I thought while Ares slowly tried to wiggle off the counter. ...Though I hope he doesn’t take my letter too hard…

I don’t know if that I was feeling was right—if it was just a little childish thing that happened because of everything that happened—but something told me that I had to follow it… If that makes any sense to you.

Heck, it still doesn’t make any sense to me and I’m the one feeling it.

All I knew was that whenever I looked at Ares Costelnock, human, gardener, and my best, best friend, whether he was looking his best or looking his worst, I felt that horrible, terrible, treacherous emotion.

Love.

Liebe, amor, like-like, that lovey-dovey feeling, the goosebumps, love, LOVE, LOVE.

And I still didn’t know how I felt about it; even though I had been feeling it for longer than I cared to admit.

“Hey, Candy, did you put a knife somewhere?” The human asked as he tried to hide the fact that he was once again holding his stomach, which made me shake my head.

“Ares, lift up your shirt,” I said, hopping off the counter.

He looked at me in surprise before he scrunched his face up. “Nah, I’m good.”

“You’re still in pain, aren’t you?”

He didn’t answer me, just using a hand to grab the bottom of his shirt so I couldn’t pull it up.

With a little snort, I walked up to him and tapped him on the thigh. “Please, Ares,” I said quietly. “Let me see your stomach.”

“Candy, it’s not—”

“Please?”

“… Fine,” the man grumbled, wincing as he slowly lifted the shirt up to show a hoof-sized bruise in the middle of his stomach.

“How is it?” he asked me, while, feeling terrible, I sat down.

“You have my hoof printed on your belly,” I said sadly, sniffling while I looked away from him.

To my surprise, he just smiled, looking down at his bruise. “No shit?... Heh, neat,” he said in amusement, gently probing his belly. “It’s almost like in the cartoons.”

“Are you sure that doesn’t hurt?”

He nodded, waving me away. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I can hardly feel it at all.”

“And you’re not just trying to make me feel better by saying that?”

“Nope.”

I couldn’t help myself, I smiled, using a spell to magick a knife and a pair of forks toward him. “Alright then… Could I have just a little piece of cake please?” He just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings… I should probably get him something to help with that; it looks like it really hurts…

Ares nodded, cutting us a slice each. “So, where’s everyone else?” he asked, handing me my cake before going back to the counter and hopping up on it. “Is Luna outside right now in a huge stripper-cake ready to pop out and scare the shit out of me?”

I hopped right next to him, gently leaning in his side while I popped a forkful of cake in my mouth. “Twilight said that you told her that human’s didn’t celebrate birthdays.” I said teasingly, enjoying the contact.

“I knew it was a load of horseapples, but I figured that you didn’t want a party so it’s just me and you.” This cake is burnt, I thought after the second bite, panicked. Oh sweet Faust, THE CAKE IS BURNT!

I looked to the side to see that Ares had already finished his cake and was reaching for another.

Blinking, I said, “You like it?”

He smiled at me. “Best cake I’ve had in months.”



…



This cake is burnt, Ares thought as he smiled at the pink alicorn, who beamed up at him before nuzzling into his side. I think she even burned the icing… Can you burn icing? Do you have to cook it?

That still didn’t stop him from choking down two more slices—Cadence did make that cake and he couldn’t hurt her feelings. That look on her face was worth the probable stomachache that was in his future.

“I couldn’t eat another piece, Candy,” he said, desperately wishing that he had something to wash the taste of burnt cake out of his mouth. “You know, if you ever get tired of this princess stuff, you could always be a chief.”

The alicorn giggled, nuzzling his side. “Thanks, Ares, that’s a real relief; I spent the whole morning making that.”

Ares frowned, but wrapped his arms around the pony. What’s with her? He thought while she nuzzled his neck again. She’s really being clingy today…

“You know, I have another little ‘gift’ for you,” Cadence’s horn glowed, teleporting something in front of them that Ares had wanted for weeks, something that none of the ponies in the whole damned city would let him have, no matter how much be bitched and moaned.

Alcohol.

Alcohol that was just a big bottle of some fancy-smancy wine, but still sweet, sweet alcohol.

Ares opened his mouth and then closed it, the human trying to convey what he was feeling and failing. Lifting Cadence up and placing her lap, wrapping her in a hug, he said, “What about you saying that I wasn’t going to get any booze from you.”

Cadence giggled, wrapping her wings around him and putting her head in his shoulder. “I thought that you needed a treat.”

“You’re the best, Candy.”

She nuzzled his neck. “Thanks, Ares.”

“There’s… more, right?”

The alicorn almost fell over laughing, her hug tightening. “There’s more, I promise.”



…



I hugged Ares tighter, resisting the sudden urge to kiss his neck. Did he always smell this nice? I thought, nuzzling his neck, enjoying his slight shiver. I couldn’t help but giggle. Boy, I have it bad, don’t I?

It was like they always talked about love in the stories that I read when I was little; a love that I thought I knew about. I could almost relate with a changeling as Ares started to slowly scratch my back; if this was how it was, I could understand why it was so addictive.

It was something that made me feel safe, like as long as he held me there was nothing that could hurt me. It made me feel happy, so happy that I had to resist the urge the to wiggle my hoofs around in excitement. It was wholesome; it makes every other day that I didn’t know this seem empty.

Basically it was like thinking your whole life that you’re really good at something—and you love doing this something—but then you see it in its most perfect form; an apprentice seeing a master’s work if you will. Compared to this love, everything I had done and seen in the name of that emotion almost looked cheap.

I know I sound like I’m overreacting, that I’m probably blowing things out of proportion, but trust me, I’m not. In fact, I still don’t think I’m conveying it well enough to you.

“I love this,” I whispered.

Ares looked down at me, slightly breaking the hug a little bit. “What was that, Candy?”

Just tell him…. “Nothing,” I told him, giving his neck one final, slightly disappointed nuzzle before breaking the hug and hopping off the counter.

With a smile, I trotted over to one of the kitchen’s many drawers and opened it. “Now all we need it are two glasses and a wine open—”

I looked over my shoulder to see the silly man trying to get the cork off the bottle by using his mouth, an intense look of concentration on his face as he yanked at the bottle.

“Ares,” I said sharply, though I couldn’t keep that little smile off my face. “Don’t do that!”

Ares looked up at me, then eyed the bottle, before letting go of the cork. “…I was trying to open the thing….”

“No, you were trying to rip out your teeth trying to open that bottle,” I said, pulling out a little wine opener. “Just hoof that to me before you hurt yourself.”

“Alright, Mom,” he said, sticking his tongue out at me before tossing the bottle carefully toward me.

“Someone needs to keep you in line,” I answered playfully, snatching the bottle out of the air with a spell. “Now, I put a pair of wine glasses—”

“Wait, why do we need wine glasses?” Ares interrupted, hopping off the counter. “We can just drink out of the bottle.”

My eye twitched and it took a lot of effort to keep myself from laughing. Screwing the tip of the wine opener into the cork and twisting it until it reached its base, I said, “One, because we’re not savages,” With another spell the cork was off with a little pop.

“Two, because it’s unsanitary; now go and get those glasses, Mister,” I shook the bottle at him temptingly, hearing the liquid within splashing around. “Or you’re not getting any of this.”

Ares’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. “Where are the glasses, Fuhrer Candy?”

I smiled and pointed him to where they were before looking down at the bottle. “I really hope this is a good, year,” I squinted at the bottle’s name. “The stallion at the store said that this was a good year…”

I heard Ares snort. “Its wine, Candy, it doesn’t matter how old it is.”

I looked up at him with a frown, stomping my hoof. “Yeah it does! That’s how wine works, you have to age it a for certain time before you can drink it.”

He snatched the bottle out of my magic and poured me a glass. “Booze is booze,” he frowned. “Wait, you said that you bought this?” he looked around. “Doesn’t this place have a bottle or two of something lying around?”

I took a little sample of the wine, grimacing at the flavor. “Aunty Celestia doesn’t really like alcohol, and alicorns really have a hard time feeling its effects, so it’s not really in stock,” I walked over and nudged him. “And even if they did, I wanted to buy you this, not just go down to some wine cellar.”

He smiled, patting me on the head before pouring himself a glass. Lifting it up, he said, “How about a toast, Candy?”

I grinned, rising my glass close to his. “To Ares; a silly monkey man that I’m happy to have as a friend.”

He winked at me, tapping our glasses. “To Princess Mi Amore Cadenza; a great little pony that needs to stop being so pink because the color makes her look fat,” He laughed when I slugged him.

“You jerk I—”

He raised a finger, silencing me before he continued. “She’s a great person, a great mare, and one of the best friends a guy can ask for,” his smile lessened a little bit before he took a drink of his glass.

“May she always find happiness, may the sun always shine on her and never burn her, and may all of her dreams come true.”

He took a bigger gulp while I blushed, looking away from him while I took a bigger sip. I wish this stuff really worked on me, I thought while the human made a face. Then I’d stop blushing like a little filly…

“Is this blackberry?” Ares asked while he looked down at his glass. I nodded, refilling mine.

“Yeah; I thought at first to get the normal wine but I decided to try something new,” I made a little face as I took another taste. “I really don’t drink, so I thought this would be a little bit better than what I’ve had a few times, but I guess I was wrong.”

Ares waved a hand dismissively. “It’s fine, Candy; even if it tastes bad now the great thing about booze is that it gets better the more of it you drink.”

I giggled, finishing my second glass. “Too bad that I’m pretty sure that I can’t get drunk.”

I didn’t like my friend’s evil grin. “Now that, my dear Candy, sounds like a challenge.



Hours later…



“A-and schen thish said, cookishies!” an adorably drunk Cadence said before tripping over her hooves and falling with a thud onto the cobblestone street. While this would usually hurt the pink pony, a sloshed Cadence—given that special ‘not able to feel anything’ ability—just started to drunkenly laugh while Ares, who was also more than a little buzzed, looked down at her.

And she said that she couldn’t get drunk, he thought in amusement, trying his best to make his way over to help get her back up without falling over himself. “Come on, Cadence,” he said, surprisingly clearly. “Let’s get you back up; up, up, up!”

Not that it wasn’t as hard as hell to get her even the slightest bit drunk, though it was a lot easier when Ares had found a place in town that served whiskey by the barrel. After that it was just a marathon-like drinking game, Ares taking a drink whenever she finished six.

What he thought was just going to take an hour or two took about eight hours, the two spending that time trying to sneak alcohol into every public place they could think of or see. The movie theater was easy, as was the library, but the museum kicked them out when they saw that he and the princess had over ten bottles of beer and vodka hidden—not well—on their person’s.

If he was being honest with himself, Ares already knew that the next morning was going to be pretty rough, probably filled with headaches, a really bad stomach, and just all around pain, but, when he saw that his friend was running around, having a good time with that big, beautiful smile on her face, he knew it was worth it. 

With his help Cadence was able to get back on shaky hooves, her face red and her eyes dulled. “Thanksh,” she muttered, trying to take a step forward and once again falling onto the cobblestone street.

The alicorn looked over her shoulder at him and giggled. “Ouchsih,” she slurred. “I thinish you need to carry meish, Ares.”

I can’t understand a word you’re saying, Ares thought as he leaned down to pick the pony up like a child. “I’m going to carry you the rest of the way, alright?” he said, looking her up and down to see if she had hurt herself at all.

She giggled, nuzzling her head under his chin. “Okaish,” she muttered, wiggling around in his grasp, trying to get comfortable. “Mush little dogishy!”

…Still, can’t understand what you’re saying…

“Alright, Cadence,” he said, trying not to stumble around as his drunken mind struggled to remember which way the castle was. “Remember to tell me if you gotta throw up, kay?”

The alicorn just nodded, almost stabbing him with her horn, before she closed her eyes. “I’ll tellish you.”

“And if I’m going too fast for you, just tell me to slow down, right?”

“Alright.”

“Do you want me to get you some water? Its—”

Giggling drunkenly, Cadence leaned up and pecked him on the cheek. “Okayish, Ares,” she said, her face redder—from alcohol or embarrassment, Ares couldn’t tell—as she looked up at him. “Youish don’t need to beish so nice.”

If Ares didn’t know that dropping the pink alicorn probably would’ve hurt her, Cadence would have become very good friends with the ground as he struggled to keep walking, his mind blank.

She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk, he thought looking down at her, red-faced, while he struggled not to touch the place where she kissed him. Remember that she’s married, remember that she’s married!

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but let his gaze wander the alicorn’s body, that lithe, pink body, those beautiful, huge wings, that—

STOP IT! He thought before gritting his teeth, wrenching his gaze from his friend to the street ahead.

“Aresish?”

Ares almost stopped when he heard Cadence’s worried, almost painfully so, tone. Looking down he saw her looking up at him tearfully, her lower lip quivering.

Swallowing the lump in his throat when those big, sad purple eyes looked back into his, he said, “Yeah, Candy?”

The drunk pony looked unsure for a moment, and it was obvious that the little hamster in her head was running as fast as its little legs could carry it. After thinking whatever she was thinking for a few moments, she muttered, “Are weish friends?”

Huh, she’s starting to sound better, he thought, relief flooding his body. It must be that weird super alicorn metabolism of hers…

Giving the mare a little smile, he nodded. “Of course you’re my friend, Cadence,” he scratched her belly, getting a few kicks from the mare. “Friends help friends get trashed all the time after all.”

For some reason that didn’t get the smile that he wanted out of her, Cadence looking away from him for a second.

“Really good friends, right?”

The human nodded, his drunk mind not really noticing the really hopeful look that she was giving him. “Bestest, of best friends,” he answered, looking up to see that they were just about to get to the castle. “Why?”

She gulped before taking a shaky breath. “Ares, I need to tell you—”

Ares cocked his head down at her as she just stopped, her eyes widening. “A-Ares?”

“…Yes, Candy?”

Even in his drunken state, he could see the little princess starting to get a little green around the gills. “I think I’m going to throw up…”



@~~~@



A word of advice if you’re a mare and you decide to get drunk, really, really drunk; make sure that you have somepony that’ll hold your mane when your body decides that it doesn’t like all of the bad things that you forced inside it; because WILL decide to force it all back out.

“BRRRRAAHAHHAAH!”

“Just let it out, Candy, just let it out,” my drunk friend said as I emptied my stomach into my toilet, miserable as all heck.

J-Just let it be o-over, I thought, spitting into the dirty water before flushing. “…I’m okay….I’m okay,” I muttered, placing my head on the lid of the toilet as Ares’s started to rub my back.

“Did you get it all out?” Ares asked, almost keeping the slur out of his voice.

I nodded, feeling a heck of a lot better, though the world looked like it was spinning. “Yeah, the alcohol is almost out of my system,” I rasped, spitting again. “But it’s going to a little longer to get this bucking taste out of my mouth.

I looked up at him, seeing the human nodding slowly, his face red. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” He struggled to take his shirt off. “I’ll help you with a shower… You can brush your teeth, right?”

I frowned, trying to get to my hooves and falling over for my trouble. “…No,” I finally admitted while Ares sat roughly on his rump so he could take off his shoes. “I think I’ll need a little help,” I looked down, blushing. “…With this and the shower…”

Ares just smiled at me, his eyes slightly glazed. “Okie Dokie, Candy…. Just give me a second…”

I watched as he stripped down, my mind slowly realizing that a naked Ares was suddenly standing before me, turning on the shower.

I blinked before blushing lightly while I ruffled my feathers. He’s just trying to help you out, I thought as he gently placed me into the shower and hopped in himself. You control yourself.

“Thanks, Ares,” I muttered while the man fiddled around with my soaps while trying not to fall over.

He smiled hugely at me. “No, thank you, Candy,” he lurched dangerously and had to lead on the wall. With a simple, but dangerously shaky, spell, I helped lower him to the ground, the water pouring into his lap.

He leaned over and patted me on the cheek. “I had a reallllly great time today,” he looked thoughtfully for a second before giggling. “I got to watch my best friend drink enough booze to kill three men, and we got kicked out of a lot of places, so thanks.”

I smiled, giving my head a little shake. Poor Ares, I thought. You’re really going to feel this in the morning… I grinned a little, shakily walking over to him and giving his cheek a nuzzle. In fact, I think I’m going to feel this in the morning… alcohol’s really staying in my system… Did I really drink that much?

“You’re welcome, Ares,” I said before spinning around and plopping into his lap; something that seemed perfectly reasonable to my tipsy self.  

He just giggled again and slowly started to wash me while I leaned back and let him do it, all the while opening my mouth and letting the shower head’s water flow into it. Every few seconds I’d spit it back out to help get that acidy taste out of it.



@~~~@



I’m reallllly drunk, Ares thought as he gently scrubbed his friend’s back while she wiggled herself against his chest. I thought before that I was okay but I don’t think I am anymore…

Sighing, he closed his eyes, listening to the pattering of the water, the sound of his and Cadence’s breathing, and another tiny, tiny sound that he had to strain to hear and couldn’t immediately identify. 

With another goofy smile, he realized what it was. Heh, it’s my heart, he thought, beginning to rub his friend’s stomach. A small, sober part of him—the little angel-- was horrified that he was naked and in the shower with Cadence, but the drunken part of him—that little demon-- was happy for the comfort.

“Alright, Candy,” he said over the water, patting her back. “You’re all clean!”

Cadence looked over her shoulder, almost falling over in the process, a small pout on her face before she nodded. “Alright,” she said, sounding a hell of a lot more sober than she had when Ares had rushed her back into their room.

Expecting her to get out of his lap, Ares leaned slightly back, intent on giving her that little helpful nudge up.

Instead of that those, Cadence swung around, her muzzle practically touching his face, as she snatched the rag out of his hands.

“C-Cadence?”

The alicorn giggled, giving him a little nuzzle. “It’s only fair that I clean you, isn’t it?” A little uncomfortable now, Ares nodded slowly, looking away from the mare as she slowly started to scrub his chest.

Now, in his mind, he wasn’t bathing with his friend, he was bathing with Princess Cadence, the mare that he loved, and it took more than a bit of effort to keep himself from doing anything that he might regret.

This wasn’t helped by the alicorn herself, who was humming quietly while she scrubbed, sticking her tongue out in concentration as she wiggled around in his lap.

“Lift your arms, please.”

Just keep looking straight, the human thought, complying while he used a hand to steady Cadence, who almost, once again, stabbed him with her horn. And, Dick, seriously, you need to be cool right now; no popping up to say hello.

He couldn’t help but flinch when Cadence wrapped him in a hug so she could get at his back, the feeling of her wet, silky coat, the warmth of her body, and the way she nuzzled his neck as he scrubbed almost made him lose control.

Cadence giggled when he gave her a little peck on the neck, closer to tears than he had been in months. This has to stop, he thought miserably, sniffling quietly. I have to tell he—

“There we are!” Ares blinked when Cadence hopped-- barely wobbly at all now-- off his lap, using a spell to help him to his feet. “All squeaky clean!”

He gave her a huge, fake smile before patting her on the head.

“…Alright, let’s just get dried up first, huh?”

She smiled brightly, giving him a playful nudge before hopping out of the shower…

...And falling right on her face.

Ares couldn’t help but snort. “Still drunk?”

“…Still drunk…”


> Letters, Confessions, and This is Love
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Come on, Candy,” my friend said with barely a slur, slowly getting out of the shower. “Let’s get you dried off and put to bed.”

I nodded, letting him pick me up and carry me toward the towel rack. How much did I even drink? I thought as Ares struggled to get a towel off a wooden peg. I should’ve gotten better by now…

I ruffled my feathers, my horn glowing. “Wait, Ares,” I said. “You don’t need those; I can just use a spell.”

The drunken man looked over at me, concern evident on his face. “Are you sure you’re alright enough to use it?” he asked, stumbling over to me. “I don’t feel like being blown up today…”

I giggled, encasing the two of us in my magic, evaporating the water off our bodies. Huh, I feel a little less drink! I thought, herding Ares toward the bed after I got him a towel to cover his body. Maybe if I use more then I’ll be able to think straight…

“Ares, I’m gonna lift you up and make you float around the room for a little bit, okay?”

Instead of the questions that I thought he was going to ask me, he just shrugged, a drunk little smile on his face. “Alright, just don’t drop me. Or knock me into anything.”

I stick my tongue out in concentration, my horn glowing again, once again encasing the human in my magic. With a grunt I lifted him an inch off the ground and started moving him, Ares teetering like a little foal.

“Did I ever tell you that you were heavy, Ares?” I muttered, the haze that was surrounding my mind slowly lifting as the minutes ticked by. “Because, for someone your size, you are really, really heavy.”

He shrugged, tightening the towel around his midsection. “You’re the one that wanted to lift me,” He burped before closing his eyes, his face taking on a greenish tint. “Hey, could you do me a favor and put me down? My stomach really isn’t too happy with me right now.”

My eyes widened—I reaaallllyyy didn’t want to clean throw-up right now—and I carefully put him on the bed. “Oh, I’m sorry, Ares.” I apologized, crawling into the bed with him. “You’re not going to throw up, are you?”

He curled into a little ball, holding his stomach. “I don’t know,” he whimpered, closing his eyes. “But you better watch out in case I do.”

Ignoring him, I crawled closer, rubbing his stomach gently with a hoof while I nuzzled the nape of his neck. “You’re alright,” I whispered—feeling a lot better from my little magical stunt—pressing my body against his back.

“Just don’t throw-up, it’d ruin your birthday.”

He chuckled weakly, reaching behind himself and patting me on the cheek. “I don’t think anything could ruin this birthday, Candy,” He slowly uncurled himself from his ball and rolled over, practically touching our noses together, and gave me a hug.

“Thanks for today,” he said, nuzzling my cheek, making my heart flutter. “Really. You didn’t have to do this.”

I nuzzled him back before closing my eyes. “I was happy to do it, so next time just tell me when you have another one of these, alight?”

I felt him smile against my neck. “What? You haven’t already memorized my birthday?”

“My sober-self did, but drunk Cadence can’t remember anything right now.” Except how nice your hugs are…

He patted my back before spreading my wing, starting to preen it before remarking, “You know, you really do have the prettiest wings.”

I nuzzled him again before crawling on top of him—keeping my hooves wrapped around him-- and spreading my wings so he could get at them easier. “Thank you,” I murmured, trailing a hoof down his side.

His fingers traveled quickly and efficiently, despite being drunk—no doubt from all of the times I let him preen me—quickly straightening or pulling out any loose or damaged feathers.

I shivered slightly as he felt around my smaller feathers, just playing with them more than anything, my tail swishing against his legs in happiness.

“You know, I’m starting to get a little sore that you don’t have anything for me to preen, Mister,” I told the man before closing my eyes. “I feel like I’m making you do all the work.”

He bopped my nose before going to my other wing. “I’ll figure out a way to grow a pair just for you.”

I chuckled. “And then we’d go out flying together, huh?”

He shook his head. “Nope, I’m not a real fan of heights; they’ll just be for the whole preening thing,” he took his hands off my wings and put them under them, right back at the base of my wings joints. Giving me a little scratch, he sighed. “Alright, your pretty pink wings are all fixed.”

My grip tightened around him. “Thank you, Ares…” Just do it!

I looked up at him, a blush creeping over my face as stared into his eyes. I could see that he was still a lot drunker than I was; I guess that human’s didn’t have the same metabolism as alicorns--go figure. His eyes were glazed slightly, and his cheeks were a little red as he looked down at me.

Frowning, he asked,” Are you alright, Cadence?” I flinched at the use of my name. That flinch turned into a little smile when Ares used a hand to brush my mane away from my face. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

I gave him a fake little smile, my mind racing.

He’s drunk; you can’t take advantage of somepony that’s drunk!

…But he’s not a pony. He’s Ares; hopefully he’ll be your Ares.

I’m really scared though!

I’m sure everypony feels the same when they’re in love.

I don’t know if he’d even want to…

I closed my eyes and placed my head back on the human’s chest, my brow furrowed. I thought and I thought and I thought some more, finding that Ares was starting to run his fingers through my mane.

You’ll never know unless you tried.

But—

You sent your letter to Shining, you’ve spent days planning this, heck, you almost gave yourself alcohol poisoning, you need to at LEAST try.



…



At least Cadence looks a lot better than she did when I brought her in, Ares thought as he looked down at his friend, who looked like she was constipated—or she was really thinking about something; drunk Ares really couldn’t figure out which. He really hoped it was the second one though...

Hopefully the drunk fairy will do me a solid and make sure I don’t have a hangover… He snorted at the thought before starting to play with the pink alicorn’s hair. Yeah, and after that I’ll win the lottery…

Cadence opened her eyes, a slightly nervous look in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Ares…”

Ares looked down at her. “Yeah, Candy?”

“How drunk are you right now?”

The man hummed, scratching her back a little bit more with one of his hands. “On a scale of one to ten? Sixish, sevenish, I think. Why?”

The alicorn closed her eyes, shakily taking a deep breath before she looked back up at him. “C-Could you close your eyes for a second?”

Even drunk Ares knew something was up, but he did what he was asked. Maybe she’s—

He felt the mare shuffle upward, her whole body shaking, before she leaned up and gave him a peck on the lips.

Without a doubt, it was one of the most sobering experiences in his life.

With a panicked yelp, he shoved the pony off him, crawling away from Cadence like she was a radioactive Hitler-spider, as she looked at him in worry.

“Ares, what—“

Nopenopenopenope! He thought, accidently falling out of the bed with a thud, ignoring the pain as he continued to crawl away in absolute horror.

He whimpered when his back hit a wall, the human shutting his eyes tightly as he hugged his knees close to his chest.

Cadence had just teased him with what he wanted more than anything, something that he had lost sleep over; intimacy with her. It might have just been a simple kiss, a drunk little kiss, but it scared him so much that his chest hurt.

It was that kind of wrongness that almost felt right, but, since she was married and Ares didn’t really hate Shining—and even if he did, he knew he wouldn’t do something like that to a guy’s lady—it was wrong, very, very wrong.

She’s drunk, she’s married, Stop it, stop it stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopit!

“A-Ares?”

Ares opened an eye at the voice, and the hurt and fear the resonated in it. Looking around he noticed two things. One; that he had lost his towel with his little freak out, the cloth lying discarded on the floor. Two: Was that Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystal Empire, princess of love, and all around great mare, looked completely defeated.

Tears were running down her face, dripping down onto the bed, her lip quivering and her shoulders slumped as she looked at him. Those big, pretty eyes of hers looked at him in pain, something that cut him to the bone.

She took a little step forward toward the edge of the bed, fear working its way back into the human, forcing him to shut his eyes. For the third time in his life—because of all of the pain, so hurtful that it was soul-wrenching—he broke down and had himself a real good cry.



…



I looked down at Ares as he started whimpering, tears streaming down his face as he shook, confusion replacing my hurt.

“…Ares?” I whispered, quietly hopping off the bed while I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Ares?...”

He hugged himself tighter, like an animal that was cornered.

What’s….

I expected his eyes opening in surprise like they did, heck, I kind of expected the rejection. What I didn’t understand was why he was acting like I had just done something horrible to him.

…Maybe you did…    

“I didn’t tell him… I just kissed him...” I whispered, so quietly that Ares didn’t hear me. “That might be why…”

Gathering my courage, I ruffled my feathers and steeled myself before very slowly, and carefully, making my way toward my friend, ready to make this better, or possibly, if I wasn't careful, much, much worse.

“Ares?” Ares, look at me,” I said quietly, sitting in front of him. I leaned in to nuzzle him but stopped myself. “Ares, please tell me what’s wrong…”

He shook harder, shaking his head and shying away from my presence. “I-I  c-can—“ he whimpered while I wrapped my wings around him in worry.

“Ares, Sweetie, please calm down...” I nuzzled his cheek, trying to bring him back to himself. “Please look at me…”

It took a few minutes of coxing him before me looked up at me, his eyes red and miserable, making me feel horrible as I looked down at my friend.

“Ares, I’m sorry, it was just a—“

I squeaked when he picked me up, placing me in his lap and wrapping me in a bear hug, gripping me so hard that I was pretty sure that he was close to breaking my ribs.

Gritting my teeth, but with a little smile on my face, I hugged him back, whispering soothingly into his ear while he whimpered and shook; the man just a panting, shaking, sad mess.

“You’re married,” he said, his face buried into my chest.

I nuzzled the top of his head, wiggling around in his lap. “Ares, I need to tell you something. I—“

I stopped when he looked up at me, his eyes blazing despite the tears in them.  “Fuck it.”

“What—thmp!”

Almost faster than I could see, Ares grabbed the back of my head and forced it downward, crashing my lips into his. My eyes widened in confusion, gratification, which slowly turned into happiness as Ares shut his eyes and scrunched his face up..

It was a little more… aggressive than my little kiss, a little more needy, but I didn’t need to be a Changeling to know how much emotion that the man put in it. The way his lips captured mine, heck, the way they felt against mine… It was better than I dreamed, my heart thumping in my chest when I finally returned the kiss.

…Well, this is something… Was all I was able to think before Ares broke the kiss, the man setting me beside him.

I leaned back toward the wall. “Um….” I said, trying to think of something to say.

With a grunt, Ares hopped to his feet, walking over and grabbing his towel. “Well, this ruined the night,” he muttered, mostly to himself. “I just kissed a married horse--,” Well, buck you two, Mister! “--That I’m in love with because I’m a drunk asshole.”

I gasped at that as he turned back toward me. “Alright, Candy, I’m gonna go for a little bit,” he slowly made his way toward the door, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’ll probably go jump off the roof or something…. So, sorry about—“

He grunted when I barreled into him, the two of us tumbling around until I landed on top of the groaning man. “Goddamnit, Cadence,” he wheezed, closing his eyes. “Could you at least have the common courtesy to beat me to death after you let me drink a little more? I can still feel things…”

Ignoring him, and desperately hoping that what I had just heard wasn’t just drunk rambling, I pressed my nose up against his and mashed his cheeks together with my hooves, looking into his eyes. “Ares, did you mean what you said?” I demanded; hope growing in me as he tried to looked away, a blush on his cheeks.

“Do you really l-love me?”

He looked back up at me for a few moments before sighing. “…Yes…”

I resisted the urge to fly up into the air, spinning in happiness, instead just smiled down at him. “Are you sure? This isn’t just drunk Ares talking?” Please say yes, please say yes!

He gritted his teeth, that fire back in his eyes. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, I love you so much that it makes me feel like a piece of shit. I love you so much that my chest hurts whenever I look at you,” he growled, and tears of joy came to my eyes. “There, the cats out of the fucking bad…”

He looked away from me, not noticing that my wings were touching his shoulders. “And I just took advantage of your drunk pony ass…”

I wanted to lift him up and give him a wing hug and a kiss, to tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t have to look so sad or defeated, but I thought I’d take it slow.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed,” I said, shaking slightly in happiness as I placed the human onto my back and carefully made my way back toward the bed.

He tried to weakly wiggle off me. “No,” he moaned, looking at the door. “Just let me go out into the halls for a few minutes…”

“I’m not going to let you jump off the roof, Ares.”

I felt something wet hitting my shoulder as he snuffled. “But you hate me now, don’t you?”

If you mean that in the completely opposite way, then yes, I REALLY hate you, I thought before shaking my head. Now wasn’t the time for jokes! I needed to hunker down and get my stallion!

Gently putting him into the bed and under the covers, I crawled in and wrapped my hooves around him. “I don’t hate you, Ares,” I leaned down and rubbed our noses together, almost giggling when I saw the confusion in his eyes. “In fact, what if I told you the feeling was mutual?”

He blinked in disbelief before looking angrily around. “This is some bullshit prank by Luna isn’t it?” he asked while I nuzzled his cheek, grinning at the man’s silliness. “You’re married, you can’t—“

He flinched when I kissed his jaw, not breaking eye contact with him. “I let Shining go, Ares,” I told him, enjoying how soft his skin felt against my fur. “I told him that he deserved happiness with somepony else.”

I kissed away his tears as he looked down at me before lying back on top of him. “And I’ve been doing something thinking…”

I felt his shaky hands touch my back. “…Y-yeah?”

I nuzzled his cheek again. “Yep, and you know what?”

This time, my kiss was a little more aggressive; even more so than his—though I didn’t use tongue—my wings tickling his sides as he happily returned it. “I love you too.”

I grinned stupidly as his face light up before closing his eyes again. “Candy?”

“Yes, Ares?”

“My chest hurts.”

I paused, listening for a second to hear a very faint thumping sound. Cooing, I laid down onto his chest and closed my eyes as he held me. “My chest hurts too, Honey, but in a good way.”

I almost felt him smile weakly. “Honey?”

I nodded, nuzzling his chest. “Yep, I told you that I loved you, you told me that you love me, and the two of us aren’t sober enough to make slow, thoughtful decisions, so, before I wake up tomorrow I’m making you my special somepony.”

I felt him grab me under my front hooves and brag me further up his body. Opening an eye—a little more red-faced than I would like to admit—I saw Ares look down at me, fear in his eyes.

“Are you sure?” he whispered, his hands scratched my sides.

I nipped his neck playfully. “Yep.”

“And this isn’t some dream?”

I bit his nose, making him wince. “Ow!”

I giggled before kissing the little boo-boo I gave him. “Does that feel like you’re dreaming?”

I flinched when he bit me back. “Hey!” I cried, rubbing my nose with a hoof. “What did you do that for?!”

He snorted, keeping me from wiggling around, almost like he was afraid that I’d disappear if he let me go. “You started it…” he snarked before kissing my nose. “I’m still thinking that this is some weird drunk dream; at least wait a few days before you start biting….”

I sniffled--not able to keep up a strong front any longer-- wiping a tear from my cheek, so happy that I was pretty close to breaking down in tears. I can’t believe he loved me...Or loves me! I thought as the human—MY human now—started to stroke my neck.

This really couldn’t have gone any better!

With that really, really happy thought, I snuggled on top of my Ares and closed my eyes, getting ready to go to sleep so I could see what tomorrow was going to bring…



Trottingham, earlier that day…



Shining Armor couldn’t keep a small smile off his face as he watched thirty of his closest friends--that’s what they told him after he was nice enough to buy everypony in the pub a pint so he was sticking to that--singing and dancing like a bunch of foals.

Like almost every pub east of the city, this one was smoky, had bad lighting, and the tables and chairs looked like they were used as weapons more than once. This was a place where the first rule was to never order anything to eat. Ever.This was where the spirits were so strong and plentiful that you had to watch yourself or you’d be dancing on one of the tables like an idiot. Consequently, Shining was watching the stallion that had brought him where, his friend Shatter Shield, doing this very act.

In other words, it was one of the best places in the world for Shining.

It looks like I’m carrying him home… Again, Shining thought before taking another sip of Trottingham’s finest—or fine-ish, depending on how drunk you were–beer.

Not that that was a bad thing; if anything, Shining was really enjoying spending time with his old patrol buddies, raising a little hell and just having worry-free fun.

Even though it might have been a little selfish, the stallion honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had thought of his… wife.

Not that he could be blamed, weeks of pub-running and fun and games left him a little more blurry in the memory department than he cared to admit, but it still slightly bothered him.

Setting his mug down with a little sigh, he started to get up. “I better get Shield off that table,” he muttered to himself, weaving through the crowd of rambunctious ponies to get at his friend. “I don’t want him to start another drawl or any—“

“SHINING!”

Everypony in the bar stopped what they were doing to look at the now-opened door and the scrawny earth pony that was scanning the room with an envelope in his mouth. It was another one of Shining’s oldest, and possibly loudest, friends, another guard that had been assigned to this fair city, Stop Light.

Confused, Shining raised a hoof. “Stop, right here,” he called, the crowd politely parting the way for the small pony to get to him.

Muttering thank you’s and excuse me’s, Stop quickly made his way toward his friend as the bar started to pick right back up. Not at a level that would hinder Shining in anyway of course; the citizens of Trottingham were a courteous—almost in the extreme— bunch after all.

“Sir,” Stop began, Shining rolling his eyes. “I have a—“

Shining patted his friend in the head. “Stop, you don’t have to call me sir. We’re not on duty and I’m not your commanding officer,” he teased gently, getting a sheepish smile from Stop.

“Sorry si—er, I mean Shining, but you got this,” He hoofed him a letter. “It’s from Canterlot; the mailmare that brought it said that you needed to read it ASAP.

Shining looked down at the seemingly normal letter calmly, looking over the lettering, shape of the envelope, even its coloring, almost like he expected that it was going to explode if improperly handled.

“Thank you, Stop,” he said quietly, turning away from the stallion. “Why don’t you go get something to drink, maybe get Shield over there off that—“

CRASH!

“…Or could you see if the dummy’s alright? I’m just going to sit down and—“

Stop smiled. “I’ll see if we need to take him to the hospital… again,” shaking his head, the smaller stallion walked toward his fellow guard, a hint of a scowl on his face.

“Shield, aren’t you supposed to be on patrol right now?”

As Shining sat down at his little corner table, he heard a great, bellowing, laugh.

“Of course I am, Lad, I’m just helpin’ Shining here to relax is all!”

“Shield, stop drinking and go back to command!”

“Don’t you be tellin’ me what ta do, yer wanker!”

With a roll of his eyes, Shining wiggled in his seat--trying to get comfortable--setting the letter in front of him and picked up his beer. Taking a longer sip than usual, he just looked down at the little white envelope, quietly shifting around his thoughts.

You know what’s in there, he thought calmly. Just open the bucking thing.

His thoughts suddenly drifted to his mother and father as he picked up the envelope and carefully ripped it open. I should really send them a letter; see how they’re doing… Maybe I should send Twily one too…

With a spell, he lifted the letter out of its holdings, and, taking a calming breath, he opened it and began to read.



Dear Shining,






Firstly, I hope this letter reaches you in good spirits. (I couldn’t think of a good beginning, so there’s that) I’m doing well, and I really hope you are too…

Shining couldn’t help but smile. That was Cadence alright; she always had a problem with rambling in her letters’, especially if she was writing about something that made her nervous. Taking another sip of his drink, he continued to read.

Do you remember when the two of us were little and I’d bring over all of those little love books that I’d make you read whenever I babysat Twilight? All of those times that you rolled your eyes whenever I gushed about true love and how you and I were going to be together forever and ever?

Shining resisted the urge to just skip to the end, a knot forming in his chest as he forced himself to read.

For years and years I really, really believed in everything that was written in them, especially when I got my cutiemark for ‘love’. I believed that all I needed to do was a few things-- a few words, a box of candies, stuff like that-- and everypony could life together, loving each other, until they grew grey and died.

Unfortunately, I think I was wrong.

I had a lot of time to think about things with you and I apart. (And no, I’m not mad about that. You needed to get away and I don’t blame you) At first, some of the things I thought about really scared me.

Did we fall in ‘love’ because we didn’t know any better?

DId I deserve to be with you because of what’s wrong with me?

Did I really know about love?

For a while, until very recently in fact, I was really ready to lose my mind because of everything that was happening, but, fortunately, I had somepony to help me through all of that.

I know you really don’t like Ares….

Shining couldn’t help but snort. Why do ponies think I hate Ares? he thought, irritated. Sure, I don’t LIKE the guy, but he’s still kind of my friend…

But Ares, for a very long time actually, was one of the people that helped me get up in the morning. His jokes, how he helps ponies smile, his character, how he treats ponies the same, and--

...I’m sorry, this is getting a little hard to write so I’m just all over the place…

Shining could tell, the letter’s pages were wrinkled and tear-ridden and smudged.

I’ve gone through a mountain of paper and a bathtub full of ink trying to think of a way to tell you this properly, so that you wouldn’t hate me after reading this…

You know how Ares and I grew closer when he came to Canterlot, and I think you really didn’t like that, that you thought that he was trying to take you away from me? I think you saw everything he was doing to try to help us, so you started to get angry…

That fact that Cadence knew about that made the ex-captain flinch, but he couldn’t keep a little smile off of his face.

Not at him, but at yourself, though, as the months went by, you weren’t really that far off… I… Admittedly, started to feel something for Ares.

That fact that she said out loud--or on paper at least--didn’t bother Shining as much as it should have. In fact, it was almost a relief, a soothing, calming, relieving pain.

At first I was freaking out, I thought that I was a whorse, a cheater, just a bad pony, and I might be, but the feelings persisted and grew stronger over time.

Shining, for the longest time you were one of the only pony’s that I could really call a friend, and I will always love you for it. But just as a friend from now on.

I’ll completely understand if you hate me forever, if you and my Aunty’s and your father and Twilight never want to see me again. I think it might be a little rough for everypony for a little while and I’ll know it’s because of me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for it....

But this is something I think I have to do, I think I have to follow my heart on this, even if it ruins everything, even if Aunty Celestia and you and my subjects hate me. I think I have to follow my heart…

So, Shining, I set you free. Go and find a filly that you love and who makes you happy. I’d be happy to host your bachelor party, I’d love to see your kids when you have them, and I’ll support everything that you’d want, think about, etc...

I still have to tell everypony(including Ares; that’s not going to be fun) but I thought I’d tell you first, in fact I couldn’t think of anypony I’d tell first.




I’m sorry, I hope you’ll find it in yourself to forgive me one day,


Cadence




Shining took another calm sip of his drink before folding the paper, staring at the hardwood table in front of him as he thought over everything that was in that little tiny, small, giant, tremendous, powerful letter.

Shaking his head, he whispered, with a tear in his eye, “I already forgive you, Cadence… I hope that Ares makes you happy…”

“Shining, lad!” Shining blinked, looking across the pub to see his friends trying to wave him over. “Come over here! This filly has a story that ya need to hear! Funny as all hell it is!”

Shining nodded, wiping his eyes, a great big smile on his face. “Alright, give me a minute!” 

Looking at the letter one last time, he hopped out of his chair and made his way over to them, to laugh, to live, to have a damned good time.



Canterlot, the next morning.




When I opened my eyes I couldn’t help but wonder why and the hay the sun felt like it was trying to burn a hole through my head.

Then my head politely bucked me in the forehead, kindly telling me that I was very, very hung over. 

After that, my stomach decided to tell me that it really wasn’t feeling very well.

Oh, buck me! I thought, using a hoof to shield my eyes from my Aunt’s sun, which was trying its hardest to kill me. Ow, my head, ow, my head! Oh sweet Faust I’m sorry, please stop this horrible pain!

I whimpered, burrowing my head in Ares’s side to block out--

My eyes snapped open, and a blush, which also hurt for some reason, spread across my face when everything that happened the night before flash through my head.

Despite my ever-growing pain, I couldn’t help but lean up and peck Ares, my Ares, on the cheek, snuggling closer to him.

“Ares,” I whispered, nuzzling him. “Ares, wake up.”

I giggled when he tried to wiggle away from me, grumbling sleepily to himself. “Come on, sleepy head, it’s time to get up.”

He opened an eye, then immediately closed it with a groan. “Candy, why are you yelling?” he whispered back a me while I have him another nuzzle. “Why aren’t we--”

My human froze, forcing his eyes to snap open. My smile lessened when I saw fear. “C-Cadence, was I dreaming or--”

I leaned in and kissed him on the lips lovingly, Ares stiffening before closing his eyes and returning the kiss.

Using as much magic I could manage without my head exploding, I closed our bedroom curtains, enveloping the room in darkness.

With a happy little hum, I laid a wing over Ares and nuzzled the nape of his neck before whispering, “We’ll have to tell my Aunties'"

Ares nodded, his hand reaching down and grabbing my hoof, rubbing his thumb in circular motions around it. “We’ll have to tell everyone.”

“It’s not going to be easy, this isn’t going to be easy,” I warned, closing my eyes. “Some ponies really aren’t going to like this.”

Ares nodded again, looking down at me. “You’re right,” We lapsed into silence for a few minutes. 

“Do you care?” he asked.

I couldn’t help but smile. “No, I really don’t think so,” I opened an eye to look up at him. “Is it alright if we take it slow?”

He gave me that little grin that I loved before leaning down and kissing my forehead. “Of course, Candy. We’ll take it as slow as you want…”

I giggled and squirmed as he ticked my belly, wrapping his arms around me again. “But before we get up to greet this fine day, how about we sleep off these hangovers?”

I nodded, placing my head under his chin and closed my eyes. “Yeah, lets do that…” After some thought, I added, “I love you…”

My human’s grip tightened around me. “I love you too, Cadence. I really do…”








The End

> Author's notes
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

First off, I'd like to thank the people that shifted through my shitty grammar to help make this fic semi-readable. hs0003, khorne, Permanent Temporary, TheFimFicCritic, Procket12, guys, you are gods and it's great to work with ya.

Secondly, thanks for all of you wonderful bastards, all 1500 of you, for reading this thing, pointing errors, commenting, etc... I read everything you guys wrote.

You know, when I first started writing this thing, I really didn't like Cadence that much. She was pink, she was the princess of love, and she was pink, so a manly-man like myself just couldn't like her. 

And yes, like many, many of you, I hated, HATED, Shining Armor.

But now?...

If Cadence somehow magically appeared in front of me, I'd give her a hug... Hell, I'd pat Shining on the back and buy him a beer.

Like I said in my blog, this is pretty much the last REAL chapter, there's going to be a bunch of side ones, silly, sexy, etc, side chapters, but this story's getting that complete tag.

It was fun basically learning to write on the internet, and I'm probably going to do so for a while longer.

Also, if any of you guys want to chat, need while with a story(pitch it to me), want to edit, pre-read for me, just pm me, I will mail you back.

So, tell me what you think about this little story of mine(which I need to reedit the whole thing; I was reading some early chapters, I deserve every downvote I got because of all of the errors and more)


So, thanks for all the views, thanks for the laughs, thanks for the love, and keep in keeping on,


LBP.
































Oh, and before any of you fuckers' do it:


[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xhrBDcQq2DM]