Behind Blue Eyes

by AribanDeTyral

First published

What happens when a changeling is forced to be her own pony? What pains and joys does she go through? Is a tragic monster really a monster at all?

Changeling. The word alone is enough to send ponies into a panic, and sew fear and suspicion amongst any herd. But just what is a changeling? Are they monsters? Demons? Or are they something at once far simpler, and much more complex. What does it mean to be a changeling? And what is a changeling to do when even she herself isn't sure of the answer?
These are just some past events in the history of an OC of mine. I've been considering writing them up as some sort of story for a while now, and I've decided that now would be the time. Expect them to be very disjointed, and not have any chronological ordering at all.

Memories 1

View Online

Behind Blue Eyes

by AribanDeTyral

She stood there, icy blue eyes trembling in shock as she looked at the scene before her. Splattered about the vacant lot, hidden amongst the towering apartments and office buildings, were the remains of some poor, unfortunate pony. She didn't even know what his name was. She didn't care. For her, it wasn't important if he had a wife or foals. If he was on his way home from work or from some dive bar where he flirted with every mare he wasn't married to. If he had hopes and dreams, she couldn't have cared less. All that seemed to matter to her at that moment was why this was happening.

"Mira.. Why... Why won't you feed?"

The changeling's desperate words caught the attention of the dark figure crouched amongst what used to be a pony. Slowly, a pair of eyes as cold as her own turned to look upon her. But these eyes, where her's held worry and fear, these harbored only some mad rage dredged up some someplace deep and cold. As the gore-splattered changeling turned to look at her former companion, she didn't see a hive-sister. She only saw something that wasn't herself. And that drove the tormented creature even further into the grip of madness and fury.

"Mira, please! You have to feed. What... What's wrong with-GHA!"

As the changeling tried to reach out to her former companion, she had less than a moment to act before she was attacked. Her worry and fear dulling her reaction time, she couldn't pull back fast enough to avoid the hoof that struck out at her. She could taste the coppery twang of blood in her mouth as her lip broke open at the blow. The shock at what just happened was almost too much for her.

It had all started out so simple. She wasn't a soldier, just a scout. Part of her was upset she wasn't to be part of the attack, the ones to bring the palace tumbling down and grinding resistance under her hoof. But part of her liked it that way. Out in the world, living by her wits. She got to see so many things. Do so many things. Be so many things. She had seen more than her fair share of battle before. It had thrilled her, made her blood rush in her ears. But it lacked the sense of being alive that being out in the world gave her. Knowing that she could be the one to bring her hive to feast when the time was right, it just made her adventures that much sweeter.

Then everything went silent.

The whispers were gone. The silent voice in the back of her mind, telling her this was what she was meant to do. That this was what she was hatched to do. That her hive, her family depended on her, trusted in her, loved her for what she did for them. It was all gone in an instant. A screaming, fading cry was the last she heard. Then the voice was gone, and she was alone in a dark, cold world of worry and danger.

Well, not quite alone. The others were with her, two of her fellow scouts. It couldn't last forever. They had each other, so the others wouldn't be far behind. They could wait, they could bide their time. The voice was never loud for them out this far. Always barely a whisper, but it would be back soon. It wouldn't leave them to their fate.

But it did. They were alone. And it became a terrible truth they couldn't bare. Specter couldn't take it. The silence, the cold, the loss of security. That rock was his release, his way to end the fear and panic that chased him behind his eyes. The other two couldn't let it get to them. They couldn't give in till the others found them. So they waited, and hoped. Waited and hid. Mira waited, and did nothing else. She knew the others would come soon. Knew all she had to do was wait, nothing else mattered. Not exploring. Not scouting. Not even feeding. She waited, and her hunger consumed her.

With a splattering of green blood spit upon the paving stones, the changeling looked up at the beast baring down upon her. She was all that remained of her scouting party. The last being she didn't have to hide herself from. And now she was little more than a rampaging monster, fueled by some terrible madness that had swallowed her up.

Slowly the changeling started to back away, never once letting her eyes leave her former companion. A pony would have said she was once her friend. Was that even the right word? Were they once friends? They were sisters, nest-mates. They had hatched together, grown up in the same nursery. They had been as close as two changelings could be. But now, nothing was left of her sister. It was a monster wearing her sister's skin, drilling holes in her with her sister's eyes.

Should she fight back? Could she fight back? Changelings fought amongst each other all the time, but not like this. This wasn't an argument over food, or over some insult. Even though Mira's eyes were as cold and featureless as ever, murderous intent was clear in her eyes. Not from anger or malice. It was an unwavering need to kill, and right now, that need was focused upon her.

But that focus shifted. She hadn't heard them, her fear and sorrow too great to see or hear anything but what remained of her sister. But Mira had heard them, her tattered ears swiveling a moment before she turned her gaze down the alley. Her stance shifted low, wings buzzing in agitation as her lips pulled back into a feral snarl. Something was coming. Or rather, someponies.

"M... Mira.."

The changeling whispered as she looked at her sister, glancing down the alley as she started to see the figures approach. A faint glow accompanied them, growing brighter by the moment. Her eyes shifted back to the crouched form of the insane changeling. Despite everything, she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave her sister alone, not like this. Even as more blood trickled down from where her lip had been busted open, Mira was the last bit of security she had. But she couldn't, she had to flee. She wasn't a soldier, she wasn't able to fight a mob of ponies and the beast that her sister had become.

One last trembling look was all she could spare to her sister before, with a leap and a buzz of her wings, she launched herself up into the air. Spiralling upwards, she landed and crouched behind the ledge at the roof of a building. There she watched, frozen with dread as she looked down upon her sister. The mad changeling didn't flee, for her everything was a threat to be torn apart, even if it was clear there was no hope of survival. And so the ponies found her.

They surrounded her, like a multi-colored tide. Shocked and horrified gasps drifted up to the hidden changeling as the ponies found the scene. The grizzly remains leaving little doubt in their minds of what had happened. She knew how ponies were most of the time. Knew how they treated each other. But this. Their own fear was driving them, the herd acting out of panic and desperation to protect themselves.

She watches as Mira snarled and hissed at them. Lashing out only to have the ponies jump back, then lash out themselves. Not with hooves or pitch forks. Not even with magic from the unicorns in the crowd. Jugs were thrown, bottles and jars. Lanterns of oil, splashed and flung at the enraged creature. It dripped from Mira's fangs, soiled her wings and mixed with the blood of the wasted stallion at her hooves. Up above, the hidden changeling's eyes widened. She wanted desperately to look away. To push this whole horror from her might. To not see what was coming. But nothing she could do would force her body to respond. She was trapped in this nightmare.

With a rush of air, and a flash of cruel light, torches were thrown in place of jars. The sound filled her ears, and her eyes watched the flames dance about as Mira screeched. Even as the fire covering her consumed what the rage inside hadn't already, she was still fighting. Still trying to lash out and destroy anything she could, anything that dared not to be her. Even as she collapsed, the madness wouldn't leave.


Her lips trembled as the changeling whispered that name one last time. As her sister, her last companion, fell to a smoldering heap, she finally found the strength to flee. Her cold eyes trembled, and the world seemed to swim before her as she tried to fly away from that horrible scene. From the sound of those screams. She couldn't say, even if she made yet another life for herself here, she couldn't take knowing what had happened. What fate had left for her here. Her apartment was close by. She could maybe take something, just a few things, no more. Her time as an actress here was over. The ponies who had become her false identity's friends would never know what happened to her. She'd just vanish.


It was still dark. The oppressive clouds overhead has given a brief shower. Just enough to make everything slippery and wet. No where near enough to wash away the dark smear that had marred the night. Nothing could remove what had happened, even if the pony keeping to the shadows wished it so.

With a sigh she looked down at her hooves, a puddle of rainwater just before her. The blue mare looked back at her with violet eyes, barely visible under a similarly colored mane. Slowly she closed those eyes, taking a moment to breath deeply and collect herself. She could feel the events of the night, the weight of everything pressing down upon her back like some horrible stone wanting nothing more to crush her into some sick smear.

But she wouldn't let it. She didn't want to give up, to let herself end up like the others. She had come this far, she could go further. She was on her own, but she had faced that before. Now, it was truly just her. Now, live or die, feast or famine, it was by her own hooves.

Opening her eyes, the pig-tailed pony looked across the street, the sound of a train whistle drawing her attention to the station just across the way. It was time to leave. Time to start a new life somewhere else. Somewhere far from the pain and gloom that would smother her if she stayed. Carefully stepping over the puddle, she made sure not to dirty her hooves, the stockings pulled up her back legs to her flanks one of the only two possessions she'd take with her from this city. Fillydelphia had been her home for a long time, part of her would miss it. But part of her was glad to be leaving.

It was time for her to move on. To go forth and not to look back at what her life was before, only to what her life might be at the end of the train tracks.

Soubrette stepped out of the shadows, and into the light.