I Want to Be Human
It was a normal day out in Ponyville. Actually, what could you even all normal between the market days, Scootaloo crashing into Bon Bon, random outbursts and parties by Pinkie Pie, and the increasing concerts that Vinyl has been playing at night? A normal day was a crazy day, and a boring one was the crazy day. Ponyville might be kind of a hick town compared to places like Manehattan, where my cousin lives, but it’s my hometown and it’s where my heart strings are connected.
So truthfully, it was a boring day in Ponyville. Me and Bon Bon were taking a leisurely trot out to Applejack’s to pick up some fritters for the weekend card party she was holding at Octavia’s.
“Do you ever miss Manehattan?” Bon Bon asked me.
That was a weird question. “Of course I do sometimes, that’s where I grew up!” I answered cheerfully. “But Ponyville is my home now, and I have an awesome roommate who makes some pretty great daisy sandwiches.”
Bon Bon rolled her eyes, but smiled at the same time. “Yes, I do, and you keep eating the all! It’s like you have a hole in your stomach, where does all the food go?”
I shrugged with a smug look on my face. “Who knows?”
She punched me playfully with her right hoof. “I would, you never put on weight no matter how much you eat.”
“If you went to half as many of Pinkie’s parties as I do…”
“Ha! Every time I go there, I eat my weight in cupcakes!”
All in all, a nice outing with my friend. Moving to Ponyville was hard for me, because there wasn’t too many bits to go around my family. My dad was a huge gambler and ended up spending it all in Las Pegasus, coming home empty-hoofed. Mom wasn’t too happy about that, and she ended up using magic to hide stashes so we could get by on food and rent. Pretty soon I started working and earned some of my own and ended up leaving Manehattan. Probably the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in some time, other than meeting Bon Bon and sharing her house. We sometimes joke that the only reason she needs me is because magic is the only way she can sweep out the top of the curtains and the attic without disturbing the fruit bats.
It was actually getting close to sundown, and Pinkie was throwing a “Very Merry Unbirthday” party for Matilda, whatever that was, so I decided to go. The minute I stepped through the door, I was greeted by a loud airhorn to the ear.
“Welcome to Matilda’s Unbirthday party!” Pinkie shouted happily, bouncing in front of me. “We’ve got music, cake, cupcakes, pie, pies that look like cupcakes, fruit punch, punch fruit, and all sorts of other goodies!”
I started bouncing with Pinkie when she said “pie.” Pie was my absolute favorite desserts. “Pies!? Pumpkin or Boysenberry?” I asked with a smile a mile wide.
“We’ve got both!” she answered. “You can even have pumpkinberry or boysenkin pie if you layer them.”
I squee’d, then I bounced over and started eating before I started mingling. Cheerilee was there along with Rarity wearing an amazing new party dress. Rainbow Dash was hovering above it all with a miniature storm cloud, sometimes sending somepony a little zap right in the plot, scaring the Nightmare Moon right out of them. Even with a full tummy, I could still dance to my jam on the floor, and I even got a conga line going for a while. Matilda and I started talking about different pony plays her and me had seen for a while, and I congratulated her on her birthday. It made me wonder if I was going still be pretty when I reached my later years in life and have that much energy. Maybe it was just a donkey thing and all ponies become like Granny Smith. Even if it was, being a pony, and a unicorn like myself, was unique, because we were the ones who would get cutie marks and our special talents, and nothing would make me change.
Speaking of unique. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, have you seen Pinkie Pie?” I asked, distracting her from tormenting Sweetie Belle with a bolt.
She looked around. “Huh, that’s weird, where’d she go? She never leaves a party like this.” She then shrugged. “Probably just making more sweets for us to eat.” She then flew away as she spotted Derpy talking to the mailpony.
I heard a faint noise above the party’s din and looking in its direction I saw Pinkie Pie going up the stairs in a Pinkie Pie fashion. I trotted over so I could tell her how great the party was. When I got up the stairs, though there was nopony there. The last door in the hall, I heard Pinkie’s voice.
“It’s okay, Pinkie, you know the drill….there is no one here to hear you cry…”
I froze, my hoof on the knob as I was about to enter. What was she saying? Was she okay?
“No, Pinkamena, you can’t even really cry…you see, this is all just a dream in digital…you kill a pony and they’ll just reprogram the system, won’t they? Eee, hee hee hee hee hee hee…!”
My heart started pounding and a bead of sweat rolled down my cheek. Had Pinkie Pie lost her mind? Quivering, I looked through the keyhole into an empty room that seemed to be tainted crimson, with Pinkie facing the wall.
“No, no, me, it’s okay, really. You just have a little better understanding of what’s going on. Ponies don’t need to know what’s happening…heh heh, w-who n-n-needs h-h-humans a-a-a-a-a-anyway?” She started violently shaking till she was almost hovering off the floor.
I tried not to gasp, but it happened anyway. Pinkie’s ears flew up and her head spun towards the door, the rest of her body still facing the wall. My hoof slipped and I tumbled into the room.
Pinkie stopped shaking when she saw me and bounced over to me. “Oh hi Lyra!” She smiled. The room got considerably brighter. “How come you aren’t enjoying the party downstairs?”
I shook my head. I must have been imagining things. “Oh, uh, I just wanted to talk to you, that’s all.” Silly me, Pinkie is a little weird, but she’s not insane.
“Oh, I see!” She grinned.
All of a sudden she started shaking again, and the room darkened once more. The door swung shut behind me.
“U-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-n-n-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g-h-h-h-h-h…!!!” she moaned, pulling her mane with her hooves. She suddenly reeled back, hindlegs planted firmly on the floor, eyes rolling in their sockets, her top half nearly parallel to the ground. She let out some sort of scream that no pony with a normal set of lungs could ever make, and it shook me to the point where my heart stopped beating.
“P-pinkie!?” I stuttered, gripped by terror. “I-i-is that y-y-you…?”
She grabbed me and stared at me, only inches between our eyes. Her eyes were now green and flooded with text or something, I couldn't tell.
“THE NUMBERS!” She shrieked in agony. “CAN YOU NOT HEAR THEM!? CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE HUMANS CHANGING THEM!?”
“W-w-w-what are humans!?” I was so terrified that was all I was able to say.
Pinkie twisted her head one full rotation and then said quietly in a quivering, scared voice. “Do you not believe in a power beyond that of which makes Celestia’s pale?”
“I…I…Pinkie, let me go!” She had me so firmly by the shoulders I thought she’d break them.
She breathed in slowly and heavily, then breathed out, “01001100 01001111 01001111 01001011!” she computed, and then a stream of green numbers torrented into my eyes.
[Somewhere else]
“Get up, you’ll be late for school!”
I was so disoriented, so tired, I didn’t want to get out of bed, but my mother told me to. I didn’t know how I knew it was my mom, but I knew it was her. I opened my eyes sleepily and looked at my hooves...
No, they weren’t hooves, they were hands. Almost like dragon’s claws, just not as sharp. What were hands? I knew they were for grabbing things.
I pulled the blankets back and almost lost my balance when I tried standing. Everything was blurred, but I could make out that I tripped on my shoes. Shoes went on feet. What were feet? Something like hind legs for humans, whatever humans were. I think I am a human. I stumbled around my room, grabbing my backpack and clothes and putting them on before ambling down the stairs to the table where mother had poured me a bowl of cereal. I sat down in the chair, which was weird because I wasn’t lying comfortably on it, but just doing so with my plot. I stared at the spoon for a minute before realizing I could grab it with my hands. I fed myself while my mom ran around the kitchen.
“Here, sign this for me. It’s so you can get into that tennis club you’ve been wanting to get into.”
I grabbed a pencil from my pack and wrote in perfect cursive my signature: Lyra Heartstrings. How did I do that without using my mouth like I normally did? Wait…why use my mouth when I had five perfectly useful fingers?
I was so sleepy. I felt like mom had got me up too early to do anything useful with my life. I walked into the living room and fell towards the couch…
[Ponyville]
“Hey, Lyra! Wakey wakey!”
I opened my eyes. I was lying on my back in the middle of Matilda’s living room carpet. Pinkie Pie was standing over me with a smile on her face. “Ugh, what happened?”
Matilda came over. “Oh, good, you finally woke up!” she offered her hand to me.
Wait. Her hoof. She offered me her hoof.
I took it with my hoof and stood up on all fours. That’s how I stand, right. “I’m sorry if I was a bother, Ms. Matilda,” I apologized.
Pinkie waved my apology away. “Oh don’t worry about that, you just partied to hard,” she said bouncing up and down.
That’s when I remembered. “Pinkie! Are you okay? What were those numbers you were talking about?” I asked feverishly.
She stopped bouncing and looked nonplussed. “Numbers? At a party? No, no, no, no, numbers belong in school, parties are for home.”
I must have been imagining things. I’m sure I wasn’t. “I’ll, uh, just be going now. Good party, Pinkie Pie.”
She smiled. “Oh, thank you, thank you. It wouldn’t have been a party day if it weren’t for Matilda. She’s the real heroine for being born on such an amazing day.”
“Oh, Pinkie, do stop,” Matilda chided, smiling.
I walked out of there and looked up at the bright blue sky. Not a cloud to block the sun. Rainbow Dash must have been working extra hard today. I saw a bench just outside the Cake’s bakery. I thought about that weird dream that I had. If it was a dream.
I trotted over, sat on it plot only, and looked at my hoofs. For a moment, I thought I could see myself wiggling my own fingers.
“I want to be human.”