Chapter 0
Somewhere, within the capitol of Canterlot…
“Twilight Sparkle, this is terrible!” Princess Celestia cantered around worriedly. Twilight just sat patiently, a clarinet floating steadily in front of her. “Did nopony get my summons?”
“Princess, I’m sure it will be fine,” Twilight Sparkle said amicably. The auditorium was, in fact, completely empty, save Twilight and the Princess. The decorations were in place for the first annual Equestrian Full Orchestra. Golden ribbons were everywhere, symbolic of the skill of musicians all across Equestria. It was all perfect, save for one thing.
“We can’t have a concert without the musicians!” The Princess fretted for the fifth time. Her wings were extended nervously. This was the first time Twilight had seen her mentor this upset.
Suddenly, the double doors to the auditorium swung open, admitting one midnight blue alicorn with a trumpet case floating next to her.
“The musicians have been doubled!” Princess Luna shouted joyously, trotting excitedly to the row directly behind Twilight. Luna appraised the smaller unicorn with a skeptical eye. “Twilight Sparkle, we did not know you partook in the musical world!”
“Well, not many ponies do,” Twilight said with a small shrug. “But studies have proven that intellectually gifted ponies often have an affinity for an instrument. So, while I was still a filly under Princess Celestia, she insisted that all the great music tutors discover what my own instrument would be.” Twilight brought the clarinet up to her lips and blew a few beautiful notes effortlessly. “They found this,” she concluded, smiling.
“We are quite impressed, indeed! Thou continues to be a surprise!” Princess Luna sat down, swiftly unpacking her trumpet and brought it up to her lips. “But, we can easily double your sound!”
“I’m sure yo-“ Twilight was interrupted by a series of loud tuning notes from Luna’s trumpet. Grinning, Twilight ducked behind her chair. “Holy Celestia, she IS loud…”
The Goddess of the Sun herself had gone back to pacing ruts in the stage. “We have ONE trumpet and ONE clarinet. That’s not an orchestra at all!” she had resorted to talking to herself. She looked woefully at the rest of the chairs. “This is going to be terrible!”
“Not if I have anything to say about it!” a voice yelled from the foyer. A rainbow-colored blur dashed by Celestia to come to a rest in the saxophone section. A smug-looking Rainbow Dash sat in one of the chairs, a saxophone assembled and sitting readily in her lap, reed sticking from her mouth quirkily.
“Twilight Sparkle, you we can believe, but the rainbow pegasus plays an instrument as well?” Luna inquired. “Forgive me if I sound incredulous.”
“Actually, Princess Luna,” Twilight said slowly as Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all entered the auditorium, “We all play instruments.”
“And I play the saxophone,” Rainbow Dash interjected, “because it’s, like, the coolest instrument out there! There are so many jams that a sax has a solo for, it’s, like, the best instrument ever!”
Rarity just huffed and sat next to Twilight, unpacking another clarinet. “Of course, Princess Luna,” Rarity said haughtily, “we don’t all share in Rainbow Dash’s opinion.” The pegasus had already started playing a bunch of random notes in an impromptu solo. Rarity just rolled her eyes.
“Pinkie Pie, while I appreciate the enthusiasm…” Princess Celestia, meanwhile, was apprehending a certain pink pony, who had appeared with the peculiar marching contraption she had used to drive the parasprites out of Ponyville. “There isn’t any piece that uses the harmonica in our music today. And you just can’t play the tuba and the cymbals at the same time.”
Pinkie Pie’s excited demeanor fell. She looked at her contraption, then shrugged, bucked it off (the cymbals and the harmonica seemed to vanish, and a tuba appeared near her chair) and smiled hugely. “Okey-dokey-lokey! It’s not like it matters anyway, because I love all of these instruments! I can easily just play one of them. Are you playing an instrument, Princess? Oooh, your sister is here, too. Oooh, and so is Twilight! Hi Twilight! And who else is showing up?” Pinkie Pie turned a quizzical look at the Princess, who had this hopeless look on her face.
“Pinkie Pie, why dontcha just leave the Princess alone and come warm up with us?” Applejack, who had a trombone case strapped over her back, pushed Pinkie Pie up to the stage, shooting an apologetic look at the Princess.
Celestia just smiled, and then felt a hoof tapping her side softly. She looked down to see a nervous looking Fluttershy with her flute case in her mouth. Setting the case down, Fluttershy said quietly, “Um, excuse me Princess, but where do the flutes sit?”
“Right in the front row, my dear,” Celestia said with a smile. Fluttershy just squeaked.
“The f-front row? Where everypony can see me…?”
“Don’t worry, little one,” Celestia said, gesturing. “I’ll be standing in the very front, and I’ll make sure to try and hide you from prying eyes. But you have to play your best!”
“Oh, I will, thank you Princess!” Fluttershy smiled hugely. Twilight shot a grateful look at her mentor as Fluttershy scurried to the front row, assembling her flute briskly and playing a few dainty tuning notes.
Pinkie Pie and Applejack, meanwhile, had both gotten situated in the back row on the left side. “Pinkie, ah’m tellin’ ya, ya need to get a music stand!”
“Oh, no I don’t, silly! I have all the music memorized!”
“We ain’t even got our parts yet!”
Rarity glanced at Twilight. “When does the concert start, dearest Twilight?”
“Seven o’clock tonight! Why?”
“Oh, good, so we have PLENTY of time to master this brand new piece,” Rarity’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
“Well, it is ten o’clock in the morning, you know.” Twilight said with a frown.
“And how long is it going to take for other ponies to show up, hmm?”
As if summoned by her words, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia both burst through the doors, wheeling cellos into the auditorium. Octavia had a dignified look upon her face, but Vinyl looked supremely excited.
“I thought she was just a DJ,” Rarity muttered into Twilight’s ear.
“So did I, until I stumbled upon the two practicing in the royal ballroom once,” Twilight responded. “They really are quite good.”
Rarity frowned. “We don’t even have a strings section. This is all set up for a wind concert only.”
Twilight chuckled and pointed below the stage. “That’s because the pit hasn’t opened yet. The royal orchestra was commissioned to fill the holes. Vinyl and Octavia are the only ‘freelance’ orchestra players that Princess Celestia.”
“Oh.”
As Vinyl and Octavia set up their cellos, the doors (propped open at this point) admitted a very classy-looking Big Macintosh, wheeling a proper tuba case behind him. Applejack looked up with a smile.
“Ah knew ah could count on mah big brother,” she said confidently.
“Oooh, I get company! Yay!” Pinkie said, clapping her hooves together. (Applejack had to dive to stop the tuba from smashing against the floor.)
“Big Macintosh, I didn’t know you played an instrument,” Twilight said. “I’m impressed.”
“Eeyup.”
Princess Celestia had begun to look more relaxed. “Okay, so that makes one flute, two clarinets, one trumpet, one trombone, two tubas, one saxophone, and two cellos. The royal orchestra should be here in about thirty minutes.” She looked at the percussion section, filled with beautiful drums, bells, and cymbals, and frowned. Nopony had shown up to be their percussionist.
“Hah hah! Our trumpet section is here!” Princess Luna threw a hoof into the air as the Cutie Mark Crusaders trotted into the auditorium, all wielding trumpet cases.
“Uh, girls? Where did ya’ll get them instruments?” Applejack said skeptically.
“They’re on loan from the school’s music department!” Sweetie Bell replied cheerfully.
“Yeah, we, like, all play the trumpet!” Scootaloo said. “It was tough at first, but we got really good at it!”
Twilight looked at Celestia, confusion etched on her face. “You invited fillies, Princess Celestia?”
Celestia gave Twilight a knowing look. “Just listen to them play,” she suggested. Twilight shrugged, resigned.
“Hit it, girls,” Celestia said. The three friends brought their trumpets up to their lips and let loose one of the catchiest tunes Twilight had ever heard. Pretty soon everypony had their hooves tapping along.
“Girls, that’s awesome!” Rainbow Dash yelled, holding off her music for a minute to listen appreciatively to the trio. Scootaloo beamed, Applebloom blushed, and Sweetie Bell looked very self-satisfied.
“Alright, we have a trumpet section,” Celestia muttered, turning away and muttering to herself again. “Now we just need…oh…”
As she was talking, eight ponies whom Twilight had no name for started streaming in, headed by Lyra and Berry Punch. Lyra calmly walked over to the harp stationed at the end of the stage and sat, waving a greeting to Twilight.
Berry Punch, however, was not as silent.
“Heya, Twilight!” she slurred slightly, nearly falling on said unicorn as she made her way to the third and final seat in the clarinet section. Twilight could smell the cider on her breath.
“Berry…” Twilight said softly, “Are you drunk?”
“Nahh, just a little tipsy,” the earth pony replied with her little slur. “Helps me play.” She brought out her reed and stuck it in her mouth, giggling slightly. Steadily, the other ponies filled in the sections, except for the saxophones. As the trombone and flute section augmented themselves with four additional players, Rainbow Dash looked around.
“Where are all the saxophone players?” She demanded, turning to Celestia. Celestia smiled that knowing smile of hers and gestured her head in the direction of the doors.
Rainbow Dash let out a small squeal. There, standing equipped with saxophone cases, stood the Wonderbolts, out of uniform.
“Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh,” the rainbow pegasus stammered as the Wonderbolts calmly walked up to the stage. Spitfire looked impressed at the sight of Rainbow Dash.
“Are you our section leader?” she said coolly. Rainbow Dash just stared at the leader of the most acrobatic and well known pegasus troop throughout Equestria.
“She is,” Celestia interjected, smile still glued to her face.
“Oh. Good on you,” Spitfire smiled as she and her two other Wonderbolts sat down and started putting together their own instruments.
“Earth to Rainbow Dash,” Applejack’s voice sounded in Dash’s ear. “We still gotta play, ya know.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, making a mental note to get at least five autographs. Celestia started to look more worried.
“Oh, no,” she whispered. The percussion section still looked woefully bare. “This is not good…”
“It seems our sister has forgotten to invite a percussion section,” Luna remarked coolly.
Twilight cast a worried glance at her mentor. Suddenly, a light bulb clicked on above the unicorn’s horn.
“Rarity, hold my clarinet,” Twilight said, and, without waiting for a response, vanished in a surge of bright purple light. Rarity fumbled with her own clarinet, attempting to catch Twilight’s before it fell. Thankfully, Luna caught it with her magic before it crashed to the floor.
“Oh, shoot. Am I late?” a voice came from the foyer. Cheerilee looked distraught as she hurried down to the stage.
“We haven’t started playing yet, Ms. Cheerilee,” Sweetie Bell offered kindly.
“Oh, good,” Cheerilee smiled and wandered up to the grand piano situated behind the trombones. “And girls, you know this concert doesn’t get you out of your homework,” she mentioned, drawing a collective groan from the trumpet section.
“Twilight Sparkle, where HAVE you brought The Great and Powerful Trixie in such short notice?” an annoyingly familiar voice resonated from backstage.
“Well, Trixie,” Twilight started.
“That’s GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie to you!”
“Right. Anyway, Princess Celestia and I need your help.”
“There was a brief moment of silence as Trixie pondered this. “What kind of help, Twilight Sparkle?”
“Well, you probably heard of the First Annual Equestrian Full Orchestra, right?” Twilight said.
“Of course Trixie heard about it! Trixie just…wasn’t…invited…”
“Well, how would you like to play in the orchestra?”
“M-me? As much as Trixie hates to admit it, she has little to no experience with any instrument that one has to blow into…the only experience she has is having had to play my own drum cadence into Manehatten once!”
“Trixie, would you like to play the entire percussion section by yourself?”
Another silence. “All by myself?” Trixie’s voice sounded shocked, and she fell out of third person.
“Yes, all by yourself. Surely the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie won’t have any problem handling that?”
“Of course not!”
And with that, an apprehensive Trixie and a very satisfied-looking Twilight trotted back onto the stage.
“Good thinking, Twilight,” Celestia nodded in approval. “But can one pony handle the entire section?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie can handle it all!” Trixie shouted triumphantly, all sign of apprehension gone, and levitated all the drum sticks, mallets, base drum mallets, and even the gong mallet into the air at the same time. The triangle, however, did not budge.
“Well, almost everything…”
Then, almost as if a writer knew this was going to happen and scripted the appropriate response, a confused looking grey pegasus mailpony flew in to the auditorium.
“Derpy!” Twilight said gleefully, clapping her hooves together.
“Oh, hey everypony. Sorry, I just got lost,” Derpy said, slowly and clearly.
“It’s no problem at all, friend,” Twilight said, looking hopeful. “We need your help.”
The pegasus brightened up considerably. “What do you need my help for?”
“Well, how would YOU like to perform in our orchestra?” Celestia picked up on Twilight’s plan and offered for her.
“Oh, Princess, I would be honored. But,” Derpy’s eyes crossed a little more as she frowned, “I don’t know how to play music.”
“That won’t be a problem, dear,” Celestia said kindly. “All you have to do is take this stick,” she floated the triangle stick up to the pegasus, “and use it to hit this triangle,” up flew the triangle, “whenever I point at you.”
“Oh, that’s easy!” Derpy grinned, taking the triangle and the stick and flying her way in a zig-zag pattern to the back of the band.
Celestia sighed, relieved, ignoring the protests of a few ponies as grey feathers landed on their music stands.
“Alright, everypony,” the Princess said, turning around, “please take a minute to loo-“
“Oooh, the gang’s all here!” a deeper voice said from the doors. A horrid screeching noise soon followed.
“Ugh, what is that sound?” Rarity clapped her hooves over her ears.
Celestia turned to see a floating accordion playing itself in the doorway. “What the…” she started, and then felt a feather tickling her check.
She turned back around to come face to face with Discord. “Hello, Celestia. Long time no see!”
Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Of course you would show up.”
Discord put a hand over his heart, a sad look in his eyes. “You wound me, Celestia,” he said. “I was just seeing if I could join you!”
“With an accordion?” Celestia snorted.
“It’s not just any accordion, it’s a DISCORDion!” Discord laughed at his own joke. “Surely you have room for one more player in your band?”
“Absolutely not.”
Discord’s features flashed with annoyance. “Fine,” he said, snapping his fingers. The accordion disappeared. “I guess I’ll just watch. I am, after all, a great patron of the arts.” And with that, he vanished, only to reappear in the balcony seats, a scarf wrapped around his neck, lensless glasses propped on his face, and wearing a shirt that said “I wore lensless glasses before they were cool”.
Celestia took a breath, but was interrupted by Discord again. “Hey, how do you ponies play instruments with hooves, anyway?”
All the ponies congregated together just looked at each other. “That’s like asking pegasus ponies if they have wings!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“Or why unicorns have horns!” Rarity threw in.
Applejack just shrugged, looking around. “Or why, uh, ponies have, uh, tails! Yeah, that’s right!”
“It just is,” Twilight concluded, shrugging. “How do we do anything else?”
Celestia rolled her eyes, then turned a smile upon the assembled ponies, motioning for quiet.
“Alright, everypony. Let’s begin.”