Bad Dreams
“No... no, not...”
Sounds of thrashing filled the small room, containing a smaller filly in her bed, trying to sleep. The moon high up in the sky provided light to the few observers who watched from the tree branches outside, ravens and owls who could find no better task than to watch the fearful pony roll about in her bed, her short legs flailing against some invisible terror. Seeing such a thing would inspire confusion in those outside her mind, but deep within her subconscious was something much more terrifying.
“Not this! Anything but this!”
It was the one thing she could never conquer on her own, even with months of preparation, years of study. It stood before her as a grand monolith, the one obstacle between her and a brighter future - though to suggest it were dark now would be incorrect. The filly in question? A unicorn striving for better things in her life, and to match the example set by her big brother, mother and father. The runt of the family who wanted to live up to her family’s legacy and become just as bright a star as those around her. Her name was Twilight Sparkle, and tonight, she was facing one of her worst fears: a surprise test.
All around her sat foals about her age, numerous colors seeming to blend in with each other in the classroom. A typical classroom that seemed all the more unsettling, considering the paper that sat before her. A fifty page essay detailing the sciences behind teleportation and levitation, and the nullification of physics through the conversion of mana or other such nonsense, words far too long for the filly to even begin to pronounce, let alone understand. And so she sat there, the ticking of the clock on the wall an ever-present counter to her doom, marking every second lost as she sat, sweated, held her head and pushed her brain to the limits as she stared at the mere title of the test.
The entrance exam to one of the most prestigious academies in Canterlot. A challenge she could never defeat.
A quick slap of a ruler against her desk snapped her out of her trance, and she stared up at the teacher, their illustrious white coat shining bright in the sunlight from outside, and her equally bright violet eyes staring daggers into Twilight’s own. Princess Celestia herself stood before her, the look on her face screaming annoyance for the filly’s supposed lack of preparation.
“Were you not ready for this test, Sparkle? I can’t say that after recieving such a bright resume from your parents, I’m all that impressed. Here you are, half an hour through your alloted time and you have not written a single letter! What say you to this offense?!” The Princess spoke with the authoritarian tone of a tyrant, looking down her nose at the child.
“I— u-um, uh, I-I tried m-my hardest...” Twilight squeaked, curling up in her chair as the horrific giggling of her schoolmates - harpies, the lot of them - pierced her ears.
“Your hardest is apparently not good enough, child. If you do not write something within the next five minutes, I’m afraid your chances at joining this school will fall to none. I pray you will not let your family down in this regard.” And with those words, the Princess strode back to her desk and sat down, the children immediately falling quiet as she scanned the room. “And any further giggling will be met with just as severe a punishment! Understood?”
A wave of quiet nods from the other kids answered their instructor, and they all set back to their tests. All except for poor Twilight, who simply carried on staring at the white paper in front of her. She wracked her mind for any kind of example, anything to write on, to expand on, but nothing came to her. It was just as blank as the paper on the desk, and that infernal ticking did little to put her train of thought back on track.
And before she knew it, five minutes had passed, and she heard the squeaking of the chair from under her instructor as it was pushed back. Every step passed as a thunderhead’s warcry, Twilight curling further in shame. And once the Princess had looked over the blank pages, a look of disappointment crossed her serious expression for a moment, before the few words that would seal Twilight’s fate passed her lips.
“It is obvious you are not good enough, Twilight Sparkle. You may leave.”
“NO!” The filly screamed as she bolted upright in her bed, panting as panic raced through her system. Sweat rolled down from her forehead, her cheeks burning with tears, and after a few moments, she could feel something warm around her midsection. She simply sniffled and placed her face in her hooves, sobbing. I... I-I can’t do it... every time I have this dream, it... it all ends badly! I-I wanna live up to Mommy and Daddy, to Shiny... b-but every time I try, I just... I just fail! The thoughts hurt just as much as her tears as the sobbing rolled into squeaks, and then wails. It rolled on for a good minute or so before a knock at her door interrupted the sorrowful show.
“Honey? Is everything alright?” The familiar voice just brought a pang of guilt to the filly’s heart as she stared at her hooves, and the darkness provided by them.
D-Daddy... probably heard me... n-now I’ve woken him up and ruined his sleep... She sniffled again, a shaky sigh falling out of her mouth as she just stayed there. “E-Everything... y-yeah, Daddy... everything’s alright...”
“Are you sure?” The question came with a vocal raise of the eyebrow. Twilight knew he’d simply come in and tell her that whatever was happening wasn’t true, and to go back to sleep, so he could go off and do his work at the office. More sobs answered the question as Twilight struggled to hold herself back, but ultimately couldn’t, and her fears came true when the doorknob turned and clicked, her father coming in through the open door. “Twilight...”
“I-I s-said everything’s fine... i-it’s... i-it’s just a nightmare,” she whispered before rolling back over, ignoring the wet spot on her sheets. “I’ll j-just... go back to sleep...”
“A nightmare?” Orion raised his eyebrow as he walked over to the side of the bed, placing a forehoof on it. “It must’ve been a bad one to shake you like this, honey.”
“It w-wasn’t... it’s alright...” The filly shook her head and closed her eyes, but the tears refused to stop rolling. “Just... i-it’s alright, Daddy. I d-don’t wanna take up your time...”
“Take up my time? Honestly, what kind of father would I be if I didn’t give my time to my kids?” Orion sighed and looked at the back of Twilight’s mane, patting the side of the bed. “C’mon, hon. Roll over and look at me...”
A few moments of deliberation from Twilight eventually came to that she couldn’t ruin his morning any further, and she rolled over and looked at him. Bloodshot eyes and cheeks stained with tears, and a nose caked with mucus obviously marked she was torn up over something. “Twilight... c’mere. Talk to me.” Orion moved up his other foreleg and opened them in a gesture for a hug, and after a few moments more, the filly moved over to her dad and placed her face against his chest, trying to wrap her forelegs around his torso. She didn’t quite succeed, but received a wrapping, warm hug from her father.
“I-It’s...” she sniffed again, shaking her head lightly. “I-It’s nothing...”
“Twilight, I know you’re a strong girl... it takes a lot to make you cry. Aren’t you the tough general who always bosses Corporal Cadence around?” Orion smiled at the analogy that his daughter could boss around her foalsitter. “Whatever this is, I want to help... but I can’t do much without you telling me what’s wrong.”
“But... I d-don’t... w-want to wreck your day...” Twilight’s hug tightened a bit before she tried to push away, but met the powerful wall of Orion’s forelegs behind her.
“You can’t... but if I don’t help you, I would have ruined my own day. If it’ll help, just tell me about your nightmare... or we can just stay like this for a while.” A knife of guilt cut Orion for a bit at his words; he wanted to be there much longer for his daughter, but he did also have early work that day. In a few hours, he’d have to get himself together, and time sacrificed here would mean time spent gazing off into space at the institute.
But what’s drowsiness compared to the sickness of abandoning Twilight?
“No... I-I don’t n-need help...” Twilight pushed again, but she found her own shoves were massively weakened, as if she subconsciously wanted to sit there. I d-don’t need help from Daddy... his work’s more important than me. I c-can beat this on my own... The thoughts felt as hollow as her words, however much she tried to believe them.
“Twilight, if you didn’t need help, would you be crying like this? It’s alright, honest. As if spending time with you is going to wreck my day, and I don’t want to see you like this...” Orion nuzzled his daughter’s mane, trying to show a bit of affection. I should be picking better words than this... but why doesn’t she want to talk to me?
“I-I’m just... sur-surprised, that’s all.” Even Twilight could’ve scoffed at the words that fell out of her mouth, if she wasn’t so busy choking on her own breath.
Orion sighed, leaning back to look down at Twilight. “Twilight... why don’t you want to talk about this?”
“I-It’s because I... I-I can do this on my own...” She coughed once or twice, rubbing her eyes with a hoof. I know I can... but... th-this nightmare...
“Honey... not everything can be done by a single pony. Wouldn’t it be kinda silly to think a single unicorn could build an entire city on their own?” Orion smiled as the quote reminded him of something. Grys wasn’t built by a single Gryphon...
“B-But this isn’t s-some city, Daddy... it’s j-just a dream.”
“Apparently not... just talk about it for a bit, ok? You don’t have to go into any details.” He placed a hoof on her mane and stroked it, the sobs calming down as his daughter visibly relaxed.
“Um... w-well... it’s th-this dream about t-tomorrow...” Twilight choked a little, trying to gather her thoughts.
Right, the entrance exam’s today... I booked the afternoon off so I could come and watch. Professor Key’s going to be on my case the entire morning... no, focus on Twilight. Focus. Orion remained silent as Twilight sorted herself out, expression remaining as gentle as he can manage.
“The entrance exam... a-and i-it’s gonna be this essay, a r-really long one. And... a-all the kids keep laughing at me, and P-Princess... C-Celestia... s-she’s...” New tears sprang from her eyes as the words died inside her throat, pathetic squeaks accompanying the river from her eyes.
“Are you worried you’ll fail the exam...?” Orion raised his eyebrow a little, honestly confused by that. S-She’s always been top of her class. Straight As, outstanding reviews! Her teachers would almost bounce around with glee as they talked about the lavender genius of their class!
“I’m... n-not w-worried about the ex-exam... i-it’s s-something Her H-Highness would say to me...” Twilight sniffed, looking back up at her dad’s waiting face. Of course I-I’m scared of the exam, but it’s just...
“Something she’d say? It’s nothing mean, is it?” Orion used as gentle a voice as he could, but the concern in it shined through in his face, brow curling a bit.
“J-Just th-that... y-you and Mommy g-gave her a r-really... good ‘r-resume’ or s-something about me... and wh-when that essay came up, and I c-couldn’t write a single word... s-she just, j-just...” Her forelegs wrapped back around Orion’s chest and she buried her face in his coat. “Just sent me out... a-and... I’d always be scared, coming home... y-you and Mommy, and Shiny, and C-Cadence... y-you’d all hate me...”
“Wh-What?” Shock crashed through Orion’s concern as he hugged Twilight a little more tightly. “T-Twilight, you know we’d never hate you... Celestia forbid we’d ever think less of you for failing a test!”
“B-But... i-it’s her school... ev-everypony who’s somepony goes there a-and it’s all the best education, a-and the best teachers, and the b-best students...” Her eyes screwed shut and she just sobbed, the fears coming back up in her mind. “D-Daddy, I don’t wanna fail... I... I d-don’t want everypony t-to think I’m some s-silly filly who g-got lucky on her assignments...”
The words brought Orion down to his own tears as well as he lifted Twilight off the bed and held her against him, chin propped up on his shoulder as he patted her on the head. “Twilight, you know we’d never do that... your mother and I are more proud of you than we could ever be. You’ve always had amazing marks in school, you never took on an assignment without all the heart and will you could muster... everything you’ve done has made me and Velvet so happy...”
“But... wh-what if I screw up? Wh-What if I forget? I’ve studied so hard, but the n-nightmares...”
“Twilight... whether you fail or not, you won’t be anything less than my prized daughter. Shining is so proud of you... he has dreams of being in the Guard, of being a great hero, and he still thinks that you’ll be something so much greater. This test won’t destroy your future, because you’re already on that road.” Orion’s hug tightened, sniffling a bit. “I could never think any less of you, honey... never. I’d be a horrible father if I let an exam change what I thought of you.”
“Re... really?” Twilight’s own sobs calmed down, but she still wasn’t convinced.
“Really. Twilight, you’ve done more in your short time in Equestria than I could have ever dreamed of doing in my foalhood, and that is a strong truth.”
“But. Wh-what about your degree? University and... a-and,” Twilight said, trying to think past the thunder in her head as she leaned back a bit, placing a foreleg around the front of her father’s neck. Her grip tightened only slightly to give it a soft hug.
“All through hard work, but I was much older. I was in my twenties before going to university and meeting your mother, and before all that was, admittedly, a lot of dead-end jobs and scraping money together. What you’ve done dwarfs my own efforts...” Orion chuckled. “Ten years old, and you’ve already outclassed your father, Twilight.”
“B-But...”
“Twilight, tell me something... how old were you when you learned teleportation?”
“Um... e-eight? I think?” With her mind swirling in the maelstrom of emotion it was then, it was hard for her to remember. I’m... pretty sure I was eight.
“I was seventeen. You learned a spell that I’d been trying to figure out for three years. Failure just... isn’t in the cards with you, hon. I know that no matter what you do, no matter what projects you complete, or what you learn, or what mistakes you make... you’ll always make me proud, and I’d have to say... I couldn’t be more proud to be called your father.” A grin crossed his lips as the words slipped out, a thin stream of tears rolling down from his eyes. “And that’s something I can’t begin to prove with a test or any kind of essay... there’s simply too many things to say, and I don’t have words great enough to describe it. Your mother feels the exact same way... you’d be surprised to see how much she cried when we saw that acceptance letter from the academy.”
“S-She cried...?” Twilight blinked. “I-Is... that good?”
“It’s very good. She was happy to hear you’d merely been accepted, Twilight. Just like you said, that school only has the best students, and for you to even be accepted for an exam is a great honor. And when you pass that exam in the morning, she’s going to be in tears again. Tears of joy, mind you. It’d be kinda bad if she started crying for something else, heh.” Orion’s grin fell to a smile, rubbing his cheek against Twilight’s. “Even your big brother shed a few tears.”
“S-Shiny?” Twilight’s eyes widened at the remark; Shining never cried, ever! Even when he bruised his knee last week, he didn’t shed a single tear!
“Yep, even your tough big brother broke down. Me, too. I guess what I’m trying to say is... Twilight... you can’t do much more to make us more proud. Simply being your family, me being your father, Velvet, your mother, and Shining, your brother... we’re all the luckiest ponies alive to have you with us, and for us to be with you. And no failed exam or test will ever change that.” He leaned back and stared into his daughter’s eyes, pride lit up in his own. “You’re destined for great things, Twilight. I’d like to see a single entrance exam change that.”
A few blinks passed on Twilight’s face as she simply processed what she’d heard. “G-Great things...?” The words seemed unbelievable to her. This single entrance exam would change her life! But, maybe it was just a branch in the road? And both roads lead to amazing futures? Would an entrance exam really change that? “Are... a-are you sure?”
“Why would I say that if I didn’t believe it, Twilight?” Orion’s eyebrow rose up. “It’s true, isn’t it? In eleven years, you’ve done more than I have in forty. You’ve got a very long life ahead of you, and I’m certain it’s filled with wonder... most days, I wish I had half your skill in magic.”
Twilight stared into her father’s eyes for a few moments before looking back down at his chest. He’s just trying to make me feel better... I’ll never be as good as Daddy. Or Shining... or Mommy. She sniffled again as her eyes closed, face twisting up in sadness.
“Honey... I’d never lie to you.”
“B-But I... I just...” She shuddered with another sob. “I d-don’t wanna disappoint you...”
Orion sighed at the words. What will it take to convince her? I meant every single word I said... I could never be less proud of her for failing a stupid exam. He hummed quietly as his mouth tilted up at the side, thinking. After a while of careful thought, he looked back up at Twilight and spoke, “Twilight, what are you afraid of? Is it just disappointing me and your mother?”
“D-Disapppointing... y-you, a-and Mommy, and Shiny, and Cadence, and... a-and... e-everypony else...” She rubbed her eyes with another hoof, her cheeks starting to itch from the constant flow of tears, her throat stinging from the constant crying.
“And why do you think you’ll fail? Just like you said, you prepared for a long time for this... months. You’ve never stopped studying.”
“B-Because... because I did fail a-an exam once...” Twilight’s heart crushed under the weight of shame, admitting her one true failure. The one thing that proved her own terrors, and spawned her string of nightmares; seeing that ‘F’ on her pop quiz a few years ago. Mommy and Daddy were shocked... I d-don’t wanna see that again...
Orion furrowed his brow a bit before the memory came back to him. That’s right... when she came home that day from school and gave us that test... oh Celestia... The epiphany hit him like a freight train, understanding lighting up on his face. Think of something to say! She’s worried about disappointing us, and back then... that was surprise, not disappointment! It was on a field she didn’t understand! That pop quiz wasn’t even marked! His eyes darted around a bit, trying to think of something to say. Oh no... c’mon, Orion, don’t fail her now!
The two stayed there for a moment as Orion brought Twilight back over to him, stroking her mane as he searched for something to say. The fear of losing this fight scared him a lot more than facing Key in the morning, than facing his wife and telling her that he couldn’t help Twilight with her nightmares. The two coupled together was crippling.
“T-Twilight... that pop quiz... we weren’t shocked or disappointed, honey.”
“B-But, I’d... I-I got straight As before that...”
“Straight As, yes. You were constantly at the top of your class, you always did perfectly on your assignments, and you’ve always impressed us with your marks. I... ohh, Twilight, I’m sorry... just, when I saw that mark, I was surprised. I d-didn’t know it’d have such an effect on you...” His stomach churned at the thought. B-Because of me... because of both of us, this nightmare started up... “Twilight... did this nightmare start after that...?”
“...Yeah...”
Twilight squeaked as the hug quickly tightened into a vice grip, loosening as she yelped. “S-Sorry, Twilight! Um... j-just, I... I-I don’t know what to say! I never wanted to give you this fear... but... it’s not one you should have, honey.”
“H-Huh?” Twilight blinked, surprised at the notion that she shouldn’t be afraid of pop quizzes and surprise tests.
“Twilight, you know that nopony’s perfect... you know lots of things, but that quiz was about something you didn’t understand, right?”
“Um... i-it was really hard, yeah... e-everypony did well, except for me...” She sniffled, waiting for her dad to start berating her.
“Even if others did well, you can’t expect yourself to do perfectly at everything. A test is merely a test of your current knowledge, and you walked out of that class with an A. Even if you mess up, you never give up, and you’ve always got your nose in a textbook or a novel, learning more about everything.” Orion hoped his words would help her, rubbing his cheek against Twilight’s head occasionally. “You never let a bad mark get you down, and you’re always inspired by good ones. Everything you do, you do to the best of your abilities, and I know that at the entrance exam, you’ll do just the same. Your best will always be enough, Twilight... and it’s far beyond what I could do. Even here.”
“M-My best will... always be enough?” Twilight stared off at the wall for a few seconds, an image of the angered Princess flaring in her mind. B-But, he said nopony’s perfect... how can I be good enough for everything, and that’s not perfection...?
“It will be, Twilight. Because everything you try, you always prepare for, and that preparation will carry you miles further than anypony else. I know you’ll do great on the entrance exam, and nothing will ever shake that thought...” Orion’s expression became more sympathetic as he turned his head slightly, looking over at Twilight. “And in the minimal case that you don’t succeed at this, then I’ll still carry you home with a smile on my face, because I know that with your academic record, schools will be begging you to join them for your continued learning. But marks aren’t everything... no matter what you do, I know you’ll always make all of us very proud.”
Twilight’s mind was simply blank. How could her mom and dad be proud of her if she messed this up? It’s only one test, but that test is going to be worth more than anything I’ve done... Her tears finally cleared, but she was still uncertain. “D-Daddy?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Um... i-if I do fail the test... what’s gonna happen...?”
“Nothing.”
Her brow furrowed at the single word. “N-Nothing?”
“Nothing. I’ll still wake up every morning, greet you the exact same way, and feel the same way I always have about you. I always have, haven’t I? Even after your ‘F’.”
That single truth lit up in the filly’s mind, a small spark in the darkness. “That’s... r-right, you’ve always told me ‘Good morning’, and made breakfast with Mommy, and helped me get to school...”
Orion grinned at his daughter’s change of tone. “And that’s never going to change, honey. Because you’re my brilliant little daughter who doesn’t let any kind of failure slow her down, no matter the challenge. And in the case that you do fail here, I know you’ll study up, and try again next time, because you won’t dare let this chance slip away, right?”
“...Right. I-I won’t... but—”
“No buts. Twilight, this is a test, and you’ve prepared so much for it... all you have to do now is believe in yourself, as we believe in you. I know you’ll do great... and that, someday, I’ll see your name up there, higher than my own. You look up to your parents and brother, don’t you?”
“Yeah... I do. A lot.”
“Then use this exam as a springboard, and show us what you’re made of, eh? I meant every word I’ve said, and that includes you having a bright future. You’ll continue to make us proud, no matter what you do... trust me on that.”
The spark grew into a small flame, slowly glowing brighter as her father’s confidence caused her own to swell, Twilight hugging Orion’s neck just a little closer. The angered Princess’ voice faded from her mind as the classroom came back to her. She looked down at her papers, and shifted through page after page, finding documented reports, thoughts, experiments... so many things she’d written down over the course of her life. She recognized the childish scribbles of her pre-school days, all the way up to her current writing styles - it hadn’t improved much over the years, but her language certainly had.
Graphs, numbers, tests, everything coupled together into a fifty page essay detailing the sciences she prided herself in, and fought to know everything about. And on the last page, below her conclusion on how teleportation affected the environment, sat a picture of her family, their smiling faces as they all shared a family hug a reminder of their pride in her, just as she felt pride in them. Tears hit the page below the picture, but no pain inspired them...
As they dripped past a smile on the lavender filly’s face, as the clock ticked away its last seconds on the exam time.