The Kind of Day of Which I've Dreamed Since I Was Small
Sergeant Ferdinand Stronghoof strutted down the palace corridors, his head held high and a gigantic grin on his face. Sure such a posture was frowned upon in the guard as it wasn't professional, but to him he had every right to strut the way he did. Princess Celestia herself had asked Stronghoof to be the personal bodyguard of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza during the preparations of the upcoming wedding, and Stronghoof could not be more pleased. More responsibilities meant a higher chance of promotion, and that meant more money. With more money came some financial relief.
Well, he had to push those kinds of thoughts aside for now. He had responsibilities to attend to. The door the princess was getting ready behind was in front of him, and he took his position. He forced the stoic look all guards had on his face, and waited. The wedding as scheduled to start in ten minutes, so she would likely need to be escorted to the main hall.
As he waited, one of his subordinates trotted up and saluted him with a wing. "Sergeant."
Stronghoof tilted his head in a nod. "Private Swiftblade."
Swiftblade motioned over to the door. "Princess Cadenza in there?"
Sergeant Stronghoof stood a little taller and puffed out his chest ever so slightly. "Yes she is. It is my honor and duty to be her bodyguard for the wedding until such a time as the threat to Canterlot is defeated. I will be escorting the bride to the main halls for the wedding once she is ready."
Swiftblade saluted again. "Very good, Sergeant. I suppose I'll continue my rounds, then."
Stronghoof tilted his head in a nod, but before Swiftblade could depart, they heard a small commotion coming from inside Cadenza's room. Despite himself, Stronghoof tilted his head and extended an ear in the direction of the door.
"What's she doing in there?" Swiftblade asked.
"It sounds like she's dancing or something," Stronghoof replied. He nodded and straightened back up with a small smile. "I know how she feels. They day I married my wife has yet to be matched by any day I have gone through thus far." Stronghoof's smile faded, and he stood at attention again. "Listening in on Princess Cadenza isn't my concern right now. Continue your rounds, Private."
"Yes sir. I--"
Before Swiftblade could go any further, the sounds of singing came from inside the room. Despite himself, Stronghoof smiled again. It was quite heartwarming.
"This day s going to be perfect. The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small."
A small smile crossed Swiftblade's face as well, and he chuckled softly. "She really does love him, doesn't she?"
"I think so." Stronghoof leaned in next to the door again. "It's really touching to see such pure adoration."
"Everypony will gather 'round, say I look lovely in my gown, but what they don't know is that I have fooled them all!"
A breath caught in Stronghoof's throat, and he actually got out of his guard pose entirely and put an ear against the door. His gaze flickered over to Swiftblade whose eyes were so wide they threatened to overtake his face. "Did... did she just say what I thought she just said?" Swiftblade whispered.
"I think so." Stronghoof frowned. "But she's not saying anything right now. In fact, she's not even really moving. I don't hear anything."
Swiftblade trotted over to the door and leaned his own ear against it. "Maybe we're misinterpreting things. It's quite possible we just took this out of context."
"Yeah." Stronghoof scratched the back of his neck uneasily. "Context. I'm sure that's what it is."
"I could care less about the dress, I won't partake in any cake! Vows, well I'll be lying when I say: that through any kind of weather I'll want us to be together. The truth is I don't care for him at all!"
"... Private Swiftblade?"
"Yes Sergeant Stronghoof?"
Stronghoof straightened up and looked back at the door. "Can you think of any context for that?"
Swiftblade straightened up himself and shook his head. "Nope."
"No I do not love the groom; in my heart there is not room! But I still want him to be all miiiine!"
"Holy Faust," Stronghoof whispered. He grabbed Swiftblade by the shoulders. "Private, do you know what this means?!"
A look of uncertainty crossed Swiftblade's face, but he slowly nodded twice before shaking his head. "No, actually. I get that it's something bad, but I don't know why she would sing those things." Swiftblade glanced back at the door. "Is she singing anything else right now?"
"No, she's quiet for the moment." Stronghoof beckoned Swiftblade forwards. "That gives us enough time to get to the main hall."
"The main hall?" Swiftblade cocked his head slightly but followed his sergeant. "What are we going to do there?"
Stronghoof narrowed his eyes and began trotting down the hall at a brisk pace. "We have a wedding to stop."
Swiftblade opened his mouth as if to argue; to say that maybe the two of them were taking words like 'no I do not love the groom' out of context, but the thought entered his mind that something far more sinister was going on, and for the first time he began to understand what Sergeant Stronghoof was saying. He increased his speed and trotted up next to Stronghoof.
The two of them reached the main hall, Sergeant Stronghoof threw the doors open and trotted inside, Swiftblade in his wake. "Princess Celestia!"
The princess in question was standing in the front of the hall next to Captain Shining Armor and five of the Elements of Harmony. The expectant smile that she had been wearing up to that point faded, to be replaced with a small frown. "Sergeant Stronghoof? What is the meaning of this?"
"I have something that I need to tell you." He ran up to the front stage, lowering himself into a bow when he reached his princess. "It's about Princess Cadenza."
The crowd gathered for the wedding gasped, and murmurs went through the onlookers. Celestia's subtle frown deepened over so slightly, and her eyes barely narrowed. "What about Princess Cadenza?"
Stronghoof got to his hooves. "I was guarding her room as you ordered when Private Swiftblade and I heard her singing inside. At first we thought it was just happy lovey-dovey songs about how awesome it is to get married or whatever, but her lyrics became more... sinister."
"What do you mean?" Celestia asked.
"Well..." Stronghoof hesitated for a moment and looked back at Swiftblade. "I dunno, you were always the better singer out of the two of us. You remember what she said, right?"
Swiftblade's eyes widened, and he looked between Stronghoof and Celestia. "Uh... yeah, but I don't know if I--"
Stronghoof glared at Swiftblade. "Just do it, Private. Captain Armor's happiness and marital bliss, or lack thereof, is at stake here!"
Swiftblade groaned softly, but straightened up and did a few warmup exercises. "Okay. I think it went like this: this say is going to be perfect! The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small. everypony will gather 'round, say I look lovely in my gown. What they don't know is that I have fooled them all!
Celestia's small glare and frown faded away to be replaced by one of subtle confusion. "Sergeant, I appreciate you bringing this to my attention and I realize that the words sound ominous, but there might be some context you are missing."
"There's more," Swiftblade admitted. He cleared his throat. "I could care less about the dress, I won't partake in any cake! Vows, well I'll be lying when I say: that through any kind of weather I'll want us to be together. The truth is I don't care for him at all!"
Celestia's jaw dropped slightly, and she looked up at the door to the main hall. "Sergeant Stronghoof, how long ago was this?"
"Just a few moments ago, your majesty." Sergeant Stronghoof flattened his ears and walked over to Shining Armor who had been strangely quiet throughout the whole thing. "Captain Armor, I'm afraid I have some bad news: your fiancé is a gold digger. I think that she just wants you for your money."
"Money?" Celestia gave Stronghoof a bewildered look. "What money?"
"Doesn't the Captain make, like, six or seven figure paychecks?" Stronghoof scoffed. "I mean sheesh, how else did he land a princess that's openly singing that she hates him?"
"I'm unsure, unless..." Celestia turned her frown to Shining Armor and took a step towards him "I wonder..."
Celestia ignited her horn, and a bright golden glow washed over Shining Armor. The golden glow dissipated after only a few seconds but Shining Armor noticeably changed once it was over. Namely, he didn't stare straight ahead unblinking like a colt who saw his first pretty mare. It was almost like a switch had been turned back on in him, and he began blinking and shaking his head. "Wha...? Where am I? Is the wedding over?"
"I'm afraid so, Captain," said Stronghoof gravely. "We just found out that your marefriend only wants to marry you because of your money and... well, there might be a few other reasons, but mostly your money. She said something about 'no I do not love the groom, in my heart there is no room, but I still want him to be all mine.' Sounds like a mare after money to me."
Shining Armor frowned at Stronghoof. "What money?"
Stronghoof groaned and facehooved. "Dang. You really don't make that much money, do you?"
"What does that...?" Shining Armor looked over to Princess Celestia, a bewildered look on his face. "Can I please get an explanation of what is going on? Why exactly is Sergeant Stronghoof accusing my fiancé of being a gold digger?"
Celestia sighed as she jotted something down on a scroll. She rolled it up and used her magic to send the letter. "I'm afraid that the threat to Canterlot may have been more internal than I expected."
Shining Armor opened his mouth to respond, but he was cut off when the doors to the main hall burst open and Princess Cadance herself walked in behind the flower fillies who were happily tossing flower petals in front of the bride. Cadance had a frankly ominous smile on her face, and she hadn't stopped singing.
"Finally the moment has ariiived! For me, to be one lucky briiiide!"
She stopped singing and started silently walking down the aisle, the smile never leaving her face. Shining Armor cocked his head and leaned in next to Stronghoof. "You were the one guarding her, right? Has she been doing that for very long?"
"It's the strangest thing, sir," Stronghoof muttered. "She's been singing a few versed before pausing. She's silent for a few seconds then she starts singing again."
"Most bizarre," Celestia muttered. "I wonder if she's--"
"Mine. All mine!" said Cadance with a look towards Shining Armor. She took her position next to him and glanced between the guards. "You two are not supposed to be here! You're ruining my special day!"
"Yeah, about that..." Shining Armor frowned at Cadance. "I've been hearing about some of the things you've been saying, er, singing, and I wanted to ask you about them."
Cadance flattened her ears and bit her lip. "Can we discuss this after the wedding, Shiny? Ponies are staring."
"Stop!"
The cry rang throughout the main hall, and ponies turned to the entrance and gasped when they saw none other than a battered and bruised Princess Cadance standing next to Twilight Sparkle. The glared daggers at the one on stage, and stomped onto the stage. "You will not take my Shining Armor from me!"
Sergeant Stronghoof gasped and ignited his horn. One of these Cadances was a traitor, that much was obvious. There was a fake amongst them! However, as he looked between the two Cadances glaring at each other, he powered down his horn with a groan. "Dang it, I don't know which one to shoot."
"Shoot that one!" said both Cadances, pointing at the other.
"She's an imposter!" said the one in the wedding veil.
"She's a changeling!" said the one who had just burst in.
"A changeling?" Celestia's eyes widened as she looked between the two Cadances. "But that would mean." Celestia's eyes narrowed, and she flew up into the air, charging her horn as she did. Before anybody could react, Celestia shot a beam of pure gold magic at the first Cadance. Said Cadance ignited her horn, which was bathed in a green glow, but Celestia's attack came too soon and she was blasted back.
"How is Celestia sure she shot the right one?" Swiftblade muttered. "I mean, they both... oh."
Swiftblade's words died in his mouth when he looked where the other Cadance had landed and saw not a pretty princess that he would have asked Shining Armor for if he hadn't gotten there first, but instead something that looked like a larger, alicorn version of things he wiped off his boots after going through a swamp. He scoffed slightly and turned his head to Shining Armor. "I gotta say, boss: you really dodged a bullet there. That thing is uuugllly."
"She looks like my first wife when she gets up in the morning," Stronghoof agreed.
"What is she?" Shining Armor whispered. "More importantly, how did she get past my shield?"
The bug thing groaned and weakly pushed herself up to lean on one of her insectoid forelegs. "You are not as crafty as you think, Celestia!" it spat. "I was in here long before you set up your shield!"
"And now you have foolishly revealed yourself," Celestia snarled. She fired up her horn and fired another blast at the creature. "I shall protect my subjects from you!"
"As shall We, Tia!"
The room began filling with bat winged ponies, led by Princess Luna herself. The guards began herding the wedding guests out of the room, leaving only the guards, the princesses, the Elements, Spike, Shining Armor, and that thing on the floor. The bug looked rather uneasy at the prospect of being surrounded by several ponies who were quite angry at her, and she began trying to scoot away from them.
"What say you we just call it a day, yes?" She chuckled weakly as the group began to advance on her. "I've seen the error of my ways, of course. This isn't--"
The bug was cut off when the real Princess Cadance slammed her hoof on one of the hind legs of the creature. She pressed her other hoof down on the bug's chest, and leaned in with a fire in her eyes. "You tried to steal my Shiny away from me." Cadance's face twisted into a snarl. "He's mine."
Cadance fired up her horn.