Follow the adventures of young Sombra and Discord as they make their way through the mental institution they're forced to call home.
As a new patient joins NEMI (North Equestria Mental Institution) a young colt, Silas, begins to write journal entries of his life before his other personality, Sombra. The Doctors tell him this will help him be cured but he wonders whether it's just too late for him to be saved.
Diddy Discord, however, can't thank his new friend enough for being himself, as he struggles through the trials and tribulations of being 'mentally unstable' and moving away from all those who cared for him before entering the asylum.
My name is Silas. I am a young colt—but no more can be said of that anymore. I am a resident at the North Equestria Mental Institute (NEMI), with a severe case of Multiple Personality Disorder.
By order of my doctors I have been told that alongside the treatments I must write a journal of everything I can remember before I came here; even perhaps before I started having these problems. Hopefully if I write it down they can figure out why it came to me, of all ponies, and how I can get rid of him. I need to be rid of him. It’s super important. We can’t let him win.
So this will be my first Entry. But what can I remember about the beginning? I know stuff. I can remember stuff before Sombra, but it’s hard.
I definitely lived on a farm—that much I do know. Every morning I’d go down with my parents and help milk the cows. Then after all of our hard work we had a great breakfast of home-baked bread and home-made butter alongside a nice, refreshing cold glass of milk. We were happy; I’m sure of that. There was hardly ever a time when we didn’t smile. Even though I didn’t have many friends because we were so far away from the towns, I know I was happy.
There was nopony I loved more than my Father. He was great. I can still see his red, silky body and his brown mane. It had a flick at the front which I used to play with all of the time. It made Dad laugh. His laugh was beautiful—like a thousand tiny mice in the body of a large lion. If ever anypony heard him laugh they’d start laughing to, even if they didn’t understand the joke, which I hardly ever did being so young.
I loved my Mom too. She smelt sweet. Every morning she’d walk downstairs with an aroma of flowers flowing around her. I used to help her make perfume sometimes, out of the flowers in the meadow just near our farm. Great flowers of yellow and pink—a whole rainbow of colour right at our doorstop. And it all went towards making that gorgeous smell Mom had. I can’t remember a time were Mom wasn’t smiling in that old cottage.
The old cottage with the red walls and slated roof: our little palace out in the open where nopony could ever do us any harm. And we didn’t think that anypony would ever make us leave. It was our home forever; we belonged there as a family. My room was simple. There was nothing fancy about it, but it didn’t matter. I often didn’t spend much time in there anyway. I much preferred to be out in the farm doing some work, or down in the kitchen helping with the food supplies. You can say what you like but I’d argue that there’s nothing as good as grabbing your big old stick, pushing it into a large wooden bucket of milk and churning away until, by some kind of earth pony magic, it transforms into large lumps of the smoothest butter you could ever taste. It didn’t even need any salt; it was perfect just the way it was.
Strange isn’t it? How everything I can remember about that old place is always remembered in a positive way. You’d think there’d be some negative parts right? Well, if there was I can’t picture them at all. Although I suppose if you compare it to other memories, that was the best time I’d ever had and so could never be thought of badly. I miss it—I miss those days. The days before Sombra even showed up were all so wonderful I can’t even begin to explain. It was the farm that kept me going. I never did like staying still and doing nothing for a long amount of time. From half past five in the morning to six o’clock at night I was busy; running around like a mad hatter, as if the whole world depended on me to keep moving. I’m still like that now, only the Doctor’s don’t let me leave the Living Space most days. I can’t stand being locked up when I’ve always been so used to being outside in the fresh air. And when it comes to doing nothing I find it a horrible torture. It’s unfair that I’m no longer allowed to do things for myself, isn’t it? I hope so. Maybe they’ll let me do some more if I tell them that, though they probably would just leave me to do the same as usual.
What else do I remember about that time? There must be something. Oh yes, the cows.
There was this one cow I was closer to than anything. She was the leader of the pack: Maisy Moo (she named herself that. Not a clue why). She had a mass of fuzzy brown hair clinging to her forehead like a little brown rabbit peeping out of a magician’s top hat. Yes, and she could do magic tricks as well. Sometimes I’d go down and watch her in the field and she’d shout something really loudly to make the other cows jump and, hey presto, as soon as we all turned back to look at her, the large block of hay would have disappeared. That was some good magic, that. The other cows never looked as impressed, but I thought she was really talented.
Maisy used to love me coming down to see her every day. She taught me a lot about life and having fun, and in return I’d bring her some of the sweetest, freshest home-baked cupcakes you could ever find in those parts. Maisy was a plump cow, but she was sweet that way and just the way we liked her to be. Her milk was always the freshest and the best—she was always happy when I told her how brilliant it was, and happy to see me enjoying my drink. That’s why Maisy was so good.
But I don’t get it. If all I can remember back then was good why did this happen? Surely if I was happy nothing bad could happen to me right? I remember Petie saying to me once that he’d been okay before he moved in with his new Step-Father (who was actually his Uncle originally) and that’s when he’d started to feel his depression really kicking in. Maybe it was something later in my life then—maybe something after the farm had turned me into a monster. I don’t know—but I do miss that old farm.
I miss Maisy and Father and Mother. This hospital, despite how many ponies and other creatures are here, is lonely. You never get the freedom you had when growing up. Back on the farm I could sleep at night knowing I’d done a good job that day and that great days were to come. Here, I can’t sleep knowing that I’ve done nothing but sit around all of the time, and that tomorrow will be as boring and stupid as this one. There’s nothing for me here. Sometimes there’s fresh air but quite often there’s not. I just wish I could do something different you know?
Yes—I want the farm back. I want to go back to before Sombra. But that’s all I can remember.
Silas clasped the pen he was holding and looked down at the words he’d just written. He could feel his head burning in anger but fought against his embedded feelings. There was no way he was going to lose control; he was the pony in charge of his own body.
A pattering of hooves could be heard running down the corridor near to his room. A voice shouted through the area, “Slow down right now!”
Silas tutted and slid off his seat. He shut the book on the desk and slid it into the specially designed draw, ready for the next appointment. A knocking came at his door and a hoof turned the handle from the outside. A large mare, more rotund in figure than she’d care to be told, slid her body through the large gap. Her voice, loud and clear, sounded into the young unicorn’s ears: “Silas, it’s time to go to the living space.”
He smirked towards her and she clicked her tongue in annoyance.
“It’s good to see you too, Nurse Temple,” he said, his voice polite and his body-language careful and clean. She, he knew, was not the pony to get on the wrong side of. However, despite how kind he had tried to act, she only saw it as one more reason she and Silas would never see eye-to-eye.
“No sauce from you, young colt. Get going.”
His smile drooped and he wandered with the rest of the crowd slowly making their way out of their rooms at the same time. Along the way nurses and doctors stood around watching them with their eagle-hawk eyes, checking for any signs of trouble from the young patients. Silas just about caught a glimpse of the hateful suitcase holding, no doubt about it, many forms of tranquilisers to attack them with at any moment. He had a sudden memory of a few of his last stabs and grimaced before hurrying on into what the hospital called’ the living space’.
It was ironic that its title suggested such a thing as happy as life, because nothing in there matched that image. A drab dull grey colour clung to the walls, made of a material that Silas knew was unbreakable, no matter how hard you tried to escape. The tables and chairs were wrapped up in a material which was also unbreakable and soft for landing on, but unfortunately it too had that clinical ‘death’ sort of feel to it. Even the patients themselves seemed to lose their lives when entering the area. Seeing the contrast between the corridor and this one set of rooms in the young colts and fillies, was always startling to anypony new at NEMI.
You soon got used to the dismal atmosphere and became one of them, no matter how hard you tried to fight against it. Each one of you a slave to the existence enforced upon you. But you all knew that you had to be there in order to protect, not only yourself, but all those around you. It was one of the saddest but truest facts every patient in the institution knew. Over in one corner Silas spotted the ponies he spent most of him time with. They were laughing and giggling as if put in a spell. This wasn’t something usually seen in the space so Silas, his intrigue growing, walked over to the small crowd.
“Hi guys. What’s happening here?”
“Ne na nor ni nora,” came the reply. Silas smiled at Nana and she giggled.
“Nice to know,” he said. The others gave a laugh and Silas was surprised to see the twinkle in their eyes. “Seriously, what’s going on here?”
His eyes swivelled onto a young gryphon, about a foot taller than he was. The great hybrid stood above him with small eyes and a drooped mouth. “Petie?” he questioned. His friend gave a chortle, though his mouth remained a straight line.
“It’s nothing, Silas,” he was told, “it’s just that a new pony’s coming today and we’re all making estimates on who they’re going to be.”
“And?” Silas raised an eyebrow and crossed his two front legs, balancing in a dramatic fashion.
“I think it’ll be a colt with OCD,” said a blue-coated foal in the corner. His newly-washed mane stood up in a perfect fashion, not a hair out of place. Even his smile was symmetrical in every way. Silas nodded.
“Ruff,” stated a mare next to him in a custom-made hospital gown. Her eyes darted round, peering everywhere, whilst her nose quivered with all of the new smells she’d entered into. Silas turned to her translator, the pristine colt who had spoken before. Siren shook his head and smiled.
“She says that she thinks it’ll be a puppy that’ll play fetch with her.”
Again Silas acknowledged this with a nod.
“I hope it’ll be a gryphon with a bad past. Don’t get too many of those round here,” Petie said, and grimaced as he peered round the room. Every time he saw a pony he sighed before turning back to his group again. Silas gave him a pat on the back and an encouraging grin.
“What about you Nana?” he asked the other mare stood before him. Her eyes darted, as did her friends, but in a much more disorderly manner. She flinched, rather than scanned, yet still noticed what was happening with her close group of ponies. “Ticwala mi nacotier,” she stated with a serious expression.
“Well, if you’re lucky you might just get that,” Silas told her. She laughed again, clearly one of her favourite past-times.
“What about you Silas? What do you think it’ll be?”
His friends looked expectantly at him. He could have said so many answers at that point, but he didn’t want to; it wasn’t as exciting to him when another colt or filly moved in. It only meant another pony was in serious trouble and would come here to have some of their lives taken away too.
“I don’t know, Siren. ‘Suppose all I’m looking for is a new friend and a good laugh.”
It was a few hours later that the arrival came. By that point most of the residents had been sent to their own rooms again, but Silas had remained out, though he didn’t understand why. The Nurse that had so rudely barged through his door stared at him from the far end of the room, her suitcase ready should the time come when it was needed. He tutted and clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth. The chair he sat on creaked violently, his skin sticking to the horrible plastic chair-cover. By now he had become very bored and longed to be anywhere, even in his room if need be (although, he’d still have preferred to be outside in the green grass).
“Is there any reason I’m here, Nurse Temple?” he asked at his most polite.
The mare put a protective hoof over the top of the medical case. “No sauce from you Silas. Just sit there and wait for the doctor to come.”
“Which doctor, Nurse Temple?”
She appeared to become more stressed each time he spoke. “He’ll be here soon,” she answered sharply, and consulted the hourglass on the desk nearby her.
She doesn’t want to be here, thought Silas; can’t blame her really, neither do I. A loud thudding could be heard outside and both he and Nurse Temple jumped, the Nurse grabbing the case violently as she did.
Just as Silas was about to question again a large headed stallion with a white overcoat walked in and shouted in his booming voice, “Ah Nurse Temple, glad to see you have brought the colt here as promised.” The Nurse in question curtseyed humbly to the Doctor and blushed.
His voice even startles Nurse Foghorn, thought Silas with a grin.
The Doctor turned to him and he let his mouth drop again into a straight line. “Good afternoon young Silas,” he said to the colt, briskly walking over to where he sat.
“Good afternoon, Doctor Dove.”
“You remember Enderstorm right?” He pointed to a stallion in a red jacket beside him—the uniform of the orderlies in charge of the general care of the patient’s medicine etc.
“I do indeed. It’s a pleasure to see you again, Mr Enderstorm.”
Enderstorm shrugged and carried on staring into space with a roguish smirk. Silas tried to hide his fear but as he knew that Enderstorm was the main pony brought in to tackle a disturbed patient he struggled slightly with his nerves.
“Ah, he’s a good colt is Silas. Isn’t he Nurse Temple?” Dove didn’t give her time to speak before carrying on himself. “Yes, well Silas, we’d better get down to the crux of the matter. You’re such a good colt that we’ve decided who better than you to be in charge of looking after the newbie. A young colt he is, sort of, and he’s going to need somepony to take him by the hoof and lead him in the right direction in his treatment. You remember your own helper?”
“Foxglo—“
He was cut off by the stallion. “Ah yes, Foxglove was a good patient. Always trying to be helpful to all of the other ponies in care, very attentive. It was a shame the day that he—well—“
“The day he went insane and had to be put down for his own good, sir?” Silas added. Dove tugged on his collar and looked awkwardly about the room.
“Erm—yes—unfortunately.”
“Don’t worry, sir; I’ll happily help the new colt fit in.”
Enderstorm walked backwards out of the room whilst the Doctor gave a resounding, yet fairly out of place, cheer. Nurse Temple smiled at him in a way that could have made Silas physically ill.
“That’s great news my colt. Well, you can meet him straight away.” He heard a cough behind him. “Ah here he is; come along in young Dandelion.”
Silas turned to look at the entrance and no shock appeared in his eyes about what he saw. Dandelion was quite surprised when the young colt stood, walked over and shook him warmly by the hoof with a polite hello. This wasn’t something the young draconequous was used to. Most ponies didn’t quite know what to make of him at first, yet Silas seemed quite happy to treat him as if there was no differences between them at all.
“Well, we’ll just give you time to get to know one another. Enderstorm, why don’t you help Silas show Dandelion to his new suite, eh?”
The placid orderly nodded and lead the two colts out of the room and down the corridor. The Doctor shut the door behind him and Silas heard a giggle appear from Nurse Temple’s throat; something not often heard by the inmates.
As they walked Silas couldn’t help but notice, through the silence, the upset that appeared to be in the other creature’s eyes. He didn’t like seeing him so upset, though he was used to seeing the same thing when any other pony joined the asylum. It was a common sight for tears to be in the eyes of even the oldest, most experienced inmate, let alone a newbie. “I’m Silas by the way.” He held out his front hoof for the other colt to shake but it was left untouched. Dandelion merely gave a sob and turned away.
“Yes,” Silas continued, “I’ve been here for about a year now. There are some good ponies here. You’ll get to meet Petie, and Siren, and Nana, and Bow Wow—oh, and Rainbow Dragon, you’ll love him. He’s always up for a laugh is RD.”
Dandelion remained silent.
“So, Dandelion, where are you from?” he asked as nonchalantly as he possibly could muster. A quiet whisper answered in return.
“Diddy.”
“What was that?”
The other colt raised his head and spoke more clearly. “I’m Diddy, not Dandelion.”
“Okay, Diddy it is then. Nicknames are fun; I always wished I had a nickname.”
“Do you want one?” came the voice of the innocent new victim.
“Nah, I get called too many things as it is. Silas is about the nicest one I can ask for.” Silas gave him one of his famous grins and the other seemed to relax a little.
“I’m from Canterlot,” Diddy told him. Silas nodded.
“The capital, eh? Good place, great food. I’m from near the mountains originally; not really a good place unless you like to be lonely.”
Diddy smiled at Silas and the colt smiled back. A cough came from in front of them and they stopped walking. Enderstorm glowered at them from above and pushed open the door, leading to a small compact space very much like Silas’ own room.
Diddy stared at it in horror. “What’s this place?” he asked.
Silas noted his look and could see he wasn’t used to the bare minimal. It was always worse when they’d had so much before coming. “This is your room Diddy,” he told him, seeming much more happier than he felt. “Don’t worry, once you’ve made yourself at home you’ll feel a lot better.”
The other colt did not seem convinced, but before Silas could speak again Enderstorm gave another cough. “Oh, looks like the alicorns have spoken. I have to go back to my own abode now.”
Enderstorm tapped the draconequous on the back and pushed him into his room. Diddy looked timidly at Silas, who then shook his head in reply. “Don’t try to leave Diddy, it’s not worth it. I’ll see you again tomorrow and we can have a nice, long chat. I promise.”
Enderstorm didn’t wait for them to finish their conversation; as far as he was concerned it was already over. He slid the door shut and locked the new patient inside the safe room. Silas then had to follow him down the corridor to his own room, or else a punishment would have been waiting for him.
That night, it wasn’t just Diddy that couldn’t sleep—Silas too lay awake in the dark, pondering over the day’s events. He just hoped, beyond hope, that he could help the timid creature in some way. Yes, he hoped that he could.
Now, see, this is the kind of entry I didn’t want to have to do. I never wanted to look back and remember this day because it was quite hard on me when I was younger, and even now I don’t like to talk about it. Because of what happened on this day so much other stuff happened to me, not all positive, and I didn’t want to have to relive it; but the Doctors said they wanted to know everything about my past so I suppose I have to write it down and try to forget all over again for some peace of mind.
It was a cold night, I can remember that. The winds were battering at my window so loudly I thought the whole thing was going to come charging open. I’d been in bed for most of the moon’s movement and yet something woke me up. Some could argue that it must have been my inner subconscious (that is how you write that word right?) fearing something was going to happen which I needed to be awake for, but others could argue that that idea is just silly nonsense and there’s nothing wrong with the idea of a colt just happening to wake up when the wind was making too much noise. Still I have to admit it didn’t happen often, and it did just happen to happen on the very night I wish I had been asleep as long as I usually was.
I heard another noise through the wind. It sounded like the cows though I wasn’t completely sure. Fearing something might happen to the only friends I had I rushed outside into the paddocks searching for something to give me a clue. At that point, of course, fate decided to open the heavens and get me soaked to the skin, as well as making it even more difficult with a giant mist that seemed to be hanging everywhere making it virtually impossible to see.
My Dad could be heard somewhere calling to the animals. I could see his shadowy figure just in front of me running to and fro to help Maisy calm down the rest of the cows. Cows aren’t very good at not doing things in packs, so it was going to take a while. Back then I was young, but I still wanted to help so I can remember charging forward to my Father and asking him what to do. He seemed slightly surprised to see me.
“Stand away from them, Silas, it’s too dangerous,” he said to me. I didn’t move and my mane continued to get soaked. “What spooked them, Dad? What happened?” The rain, mist and wind didn’t help to make my very small, young voice any louder. That’s probably why he didn’t answer my question; that and he was too busy trying to calm the others down.
“Silas, get away from here.” My Mother ran up in her pale, lilac dressing gown and pushed me out of the herd. Then she turned and began to help Dad with the metal gate the wind had pushed undone. I was going to go back through the fence to try and see if I could do something when I noticed a large, green circle of smoke coming from the next field. Being a little colt, I was interested and followed it to where it should be.
That’s when I ended up in the flower field at night. I can’t help but think if I had stayed what happened next could have been stopped. I could have done something about it... But the truth is there was nothing I could do, and even if there was it’s in the past and I just have to live with that.
The green smoke had vanished again but at the corner of my eye I could just about see a small trail leading into a copse of trees. Entering this area I stopped, thinking I’d just heard some kind of chuckle. Most likely just my imagination running away with me in the dark; I know that now but I didn’t then. The noise made me jump but the outline of an eye made me more timid.
That was the time I heard the most horrifying noise I can ever remember. Just as I was about to confront whatever was in the tree a loud, high-pitched scream followed by a long and agonising crack came from the other field. The field where I had just left my parents to their work.
He was gone. My Father had tried to climb a pole to fix something at the top and prevent the farm being blown apart in the wind when his bottom hoof had slipped. From a great height he’d fallen and broken his neck. There was no blood, which is why I couldn’t understand my Mother’s fear and misery. She was crying constantly holding his numb hoof and rocking back and forth on the spot. Her beautiful gown was caked in mud.
I’d only just arrived back and that was the scene I was greeted to. There was no yelling about my disobedience; no smile for my arrival; no laugh from my parents’ throats; even the cows had fallen silent and looked around in a mollified way. Each one of them knowing the nightmare that had just happened; all expect me who was too young to understand anything. And now, come to think of it, I wasn’t really paying attention to anything else except the trace of green smoke whistling its way up the pole and off.
It was the day, or night I suppose, that I chose to forget... and was the start of my new life and my new nightmare. Still there was no Sombra, there was no real problem and other than the pain of burying my Father into the flower field round back with our closest neighbours near I don’t remember any issues with my own mentality. I was upset; and things could only get better from there-on-in.
"You'll get used to it, Diddy, I promise," Silas told the young colt as they both walked together into The Living Space. Diddy's eyes dilated in fright as he saw the cheerless atmosphere, complete with lifeless hosts, for the first time. This was a look that Silas knew quite well, and he wasn't quite sure what to say to make it seem any better. Nopony liked the place, no matter how long they'd been there-- and he didn't want to tell Diddy an outright lie. "It just takes some getting used to," he told his new friend.
Diddy didn't seem convinced. He clasped his claw over his arm and wouldn't let go, despite the fact Silas was tugging at the very same arm. Ponies of all different shapes stood around, lifeless and cold, filling Diddy's heart with an unfounded sorrow he'd only experienced a few times before in his life. "Are they dead?" he asked. His voice came as more of a whimper than anything comprehensible in a normal conversation. His voice only highlighted his alarm even more, and Silas had to turn away from him for a second to get the nerve to be as positive as he could make himself.
Diddy's alarmed expression only grew bigger when he saw how wide Silas had forced his smile; and forced it was, for Silas struggled as much as any to be happy in the situation. "Not dead, no; just, going through their own issues right now."
It appeared to be more than that to the young draconeqous. He looked worriedly at a young colt nearby banging his head on a large wall, whilst muttering angry words into the air. The other foals around him appeared not to notice, and nopony even attempted to help him in any way. Silas nodded his head and shouted, "How's the day going for you, Cheery?" The head-banging colt stopped, gave a groan and then went back to his first activity. "He's in a good mood today," Silas said with a chuckle. Diddy looked at him, appalled by his sense of humour, but Silas decided not to take much notice of it. "You'll get used to Cheery. He's a good one for games-- full of laughs. On a good day he's the life of the party. Speaking of which--"
Diddy felt a sharp tug on his arm as he was pulled towards a group of fearsome looking ponies in the corner-- if you could count them as ponies, that is. The gryphon colt seemed by far the scariest of them all. Silas introduced him as Petie, and Diddy looked for any sign of friendship from the bird-lion, but it was to no effect. The gryphon didn't show any sign of friendship to him; not even Silas got a word of welcome. Petie wiped his claws on his feathers and then collapsed down onto the floor, staring at the wall as he did. His lips tightened up, and Diddy flinched and moved backwards as his great long tail came close to hitting him on the snout.
A small hoof fell nearby to Diddy and he could feel a cold, scanning stare on his behind. He jumped and came face-to-face with a blue colt with wide staring eyes. The perfectly cut and set mane of this colt was the complete opposite of Diddy's own jagged brown spikes, and for a moment it was this one small thing that came into the young draconeqous' view most.
"You have a bit of dirt on your coat," Siren told him with a menacing glare. His eye flinched slightly, and Diddy shuddered.
"I've only just had a bath," he answered back.
Silas tugged on his arm and hissed into his ear, "Trust me, if Siren says you have dirt on you, you just have to believe him."
"Do I?" Diddy asked, concernedly trying to look behind at himself.
Silas gave a cheeky grin. "No, but Siren sees dirt when others can only see clean. Just-- don't let him try to fix it or you'll be here for hours."
A loud bark sounded in Diddy's ear and he jumped again. A filly in a large white coat stood panting beside him. She cocked her head to one side and gave a small whimper, before brushing her wet, slimy tongue against Diddy's cheek. Diddy rubbed his cheek, disgusted.
"No, bad dog," said Siren, hitting Bow Wow on the snout. She whimpered and quivered down to the floor. Diddy gave a giggle, despite his nerves and copied Siren. Bow Wow didn't find it as acceptable from him however, and growled ferociously at him. Silas just about managed to pull him away fast enough to avoid being bitten quite badly on the leg.
"She's like a dog, Diddy. She has to get to know her masters before they can control her."
The filly in question reached up her hind leg and scratched behind her ear, with a satisfied smirk as she did. Diddy stuck out his tongue and waggled it. She copied him, and barked happily.
"Good doggy," Diddy said. She barked again.
"Where's Nana?" Silas asked his friends, while Diddy played tug-of-war with Bow Wow (a game he was losing quite badly, it should be added).
"Language tests. They're still trying to get her to speak 'normal'," Siren told him, wiping his hoof accidentally over the soft material of the wall, and shuddering. "Horrible."
Petie said nothing, and Silas looked towards him. He could sense what was running through his mind; the same thing that was always running through his mind. There was no point trying to talk to him or console him in this mood. Talking might just make his condition worse, Silas knew, and it was a shame that none of the nurses or doctors ever seemed to realise that as well. Many an upset had been caused by their lack of understanding. Silas couldn't blame them. They only wanted to help, after all. At the end of the day Petie's depression wasn't their fault-- just like his faults weren't down to them. He felt sad to think of his own problems.
He sighed and looked back towards Diddy. The other colt was happily copying Bow Wow without a second thought, and was currently rolling around on the floor like a mad puppy. Silas smiled and sat down nearby.
'Only a couple of hours,' he thought to himself. 'A couple of hours and then back to the lonely plains of my own company. Worst of all-- it won't just be my own. It just won't be the ponies I want to be with.'
He looked across at the disgusted face of Siren, and then at the many different shades of sadness littered across this one room. If you didn't know better you could even assume Nurse Temple was a patient by her bored expression. Silas chuckled to himself and then closed his eyes.
'Maybe this colt can make it better,' he thought. 'Probably not, but it's a nice thought.'
Well, I suppose this is where it all kicks off. After my Dad died my Mother pretty much decided there was no point in staying on the farm. The farm had been my home ever since I was a baby foal, and it seemed strange to think I could ever live without it. However, Mother was desperate to leave. She had felt the crushing blow of my Father's death more than anypony else-- even more than me. Dad and her had always been so in love, even I knew when I was little, and so without him she felt like she had nothing left for her.
The only thing she had left was me, and she didn't want me growing up with only her there to talk to. It was okay when my Dad was there. It meant there was always the opportunity of bonding with another pony as well as her. But now, now it was just me and her. Even the cows had been given to a neighbouring farm to care for. The field where they lived had been damaged quite badly in the storm, so Maisy Moo had apologised to my Mother and moved on to another home. She cried buckets when she had to leave me behind, and gave me and my Mother the longest hug you could ever imagine.
But that just meant that, whilst my Mother was busy trying to sell the house, I was all alone to play with myself. Being a creative foal I decided I could do better than that, and worked hard to come up with an idea for a new friend. The blue smoke came past my eye just at that point, and I turned to look at my shadow stood on a box next to me.
"Hi there," I said to it. It copied my words, and I laughed. "You're funny," I told it, to which it seemed quite happy.
My shadow became one of the greatest friends at that point. It looked exactly like me, and loved everything that I loved. It was the greatest friend I could ever ask for, especially considering the sadness my family had experienced recently. I don't think I spoke to my shadow much after I'd left the farm. I found new ponies to speak to and new friends to make, and so I didn't need it anymore.
The only time I ever really played with him still was inside my dreams. And it was in my dreams that his name began to haunt my mind. Sombra was the nightmare monster of my dreams as soon as I'd left that farm. He was the one who ruined every happy thought I could ever have. It was my shadow that introduced him to me. We both feared him more than any other pony we'd ever encountered. My shadow and I only gained a stronger friendship by our fights against him inside my mind.
But when I first began to play with my shadow, Sombra was nowhere to be seen. It was just my imagination back then-- it was playing. It was only later that it became scarily real to me. I can't remember many of my dreams, but I know that was where he was first introduced. But like I said, those dreams didn't start until a bit later. I'd already left the farm at that point.
My shadow was my best friend in those times of loneliness. To some extent he's still the one colt I can rely on to keep me company. I know that, even when I'm locked into my room all by myself, he'll always be with me. They both will-- whether I like it or not. Either Sombra comes with that shadow, or that shadow comes with Sombra. Either way it's a possibility I never had one without the other.
Thankfully a much happier chapter was to follow the farm; when we moved to my Mother's own childhood home, and the place she cared for most: The Crystal Empire.
The wind whistled outside of Diddy's window, and, with a groan, he turned to face it. His sad eyes looked towards the heavy metal bars blocking him from the home he had once loved. The stars could barely be seen through the cloudy night, and Diddy couldn't see this as a good sign. If he had been able to see a star he could have at least had some hope that somebody was watching out for him, somewhere. But there was nopony. He was all alone, and it was all his fault.
A tear dropped down onto his cheek, followed by another. Before long great sobs were coming out of his mouth. He couldn't contain his horror any longer. Diddy had never been afraid of the dark, but now it seemed to be suffocating him. His breathing became raspy and hoarse. He had to breathe. He had to find some way of calming down. But he couldn't. Each breath made him more queasy than the last. The bars blocked out all light that could help calm him.
He was making so much noise that he didn't hear the loud click of the door, and the soft hoofsteps of a stallion walking up to his bed. Rainbow Dragon looked down onto the young draconeqous, and sat down next to him, wrapping his hoof around the shivering body of the young colt. Diddy didn't attempt to shake him off. It was comforting to know somebody was there next to him. His father used to rock him as gently as this stallion was now.
They gently rocked back and forth, Rainbow Dragon muttering kinds words in his ears, and Diddy's wheezing began to slow down ever so slightly. After a few minutes it was almost normal again, but he still felt weary. Rainbow Dragon quickly turned on his fire-fly lamp and placed it on the bedside table. He kept one hoof around the colt's shoulders, and reached for a tissue with the other. Diddy gave a valiant effort at blowing his nose, but the only thing that came out was a small streamer.
"Better be careful of that magic. You're a walking party bomb," Rainbow Dragon joked, and tapped Diddy under the chin. Diddy gave a watery grin, and a tear fell again.
"You okay, sport?" the stallion asked. His green eyes looked concernedly at the colt.
Diddy shook his head. "Want to go home," he said.
"Don't we all. But that's just not possible right now." Rainbow Dragon patted him on the shoulder. "I think I know something that might help though. Wait here." Diddy watched as he left the room, and sighed deeply when he'd gone. Tears began to fall again as he waited in the lamp-light. He looked to the sky. The bars on his window were still blocking it from him.
The door clicked again and Rainbow Dragon came sneaking through, followed by Silas.
"Couldn't sleep, Diddy?" Silas asked, coming over to his friend. Diddy shook his head and tried hastily to dry his eyes before the other colt could see he'd been crying.
"Thankfully for you, Dids," Rainbow Dragon said, standing opposite the bed, "neither can most ponies in the institution; Silas included. Maybe he could stay with you for the night; make you feel better."
"Is that allowed?" Diddy asked, in awe. He'd now rubbed his eyes so much that red sores were beginning to form around their edges.
"Not at all." Rainbow Dragon gave them a massive grin, and put his hoof to his lips. "But this can be our secret, right?"
Silas chuckled, and Rainbow Dragon's grin grew wider. "Well, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight guys. A pleasure to meet you, Diddy."
Diddy gave him a sorrowful goodbye, and watched as the stallion, with his lamp in hoof, walked out of the room and into the corridors beyond, locking the door firmly behind him. Silas stretched out on the bed, and looked outside of the window.
"Well, at least you've got a bit of scenery in your room. They wouldn't let me have a window-- or Petie for that matter."
"Why not?" Diddy asked. Silas shrugged.
"Too dangerous, I guess. We could do something stupid."
Diddy looked out of the window, and a cloud moved out of his view, leaving a small star in its place. He smiled and looked up towards it, and then sighed, remembering where he was.
"Rainbow Dragon once told me, you know, that it helps to think that the ponies you care about are looking at the same thing as you," Silas said, staring at Diddy. "Rainbow Dragon has a lot more wisdom than he lets onto. Him and Morning Glory are by far the best out of everypony here."
Diddy nodded, barely listening. "I deserve to be here, you know," he said, sorrowfully. "I did bad things."
"Didn't we all. Why do you think we all don't sleep at night? At night the memories of our past come back. Lack of medication, I suppose." Silas lay down on his stomach and looked around the room, before turning back to Diddy. "Trust me, some of the things I've done will be far worse than yours."
Diddy didn't seem very assured at his words, and Silas reached out his hoof and lifted it onto his friend's back. A caring tone came into his voice, different to his usual sarcastic style. "You know, the only reason you're here is because they don't believe it was your fault what happened. They want to help you to make sure nothing bad happens again. You-- and me-- and all the others-- we're good ponies. The main pony hurt by our actions, is ourselves. Think of NEMI as a hospital, fixing us-- not fixing any mistakes we might have made."
The two colts stared into the dark in silence for the rest of the night. Eventually Silas drifted off to sleep but Diddy stayed awake. He coughed slightly. But there was no point in trying to go get something to help his dry throat. He had no doubt he wouldn't even be offered one small glass of water.
My shadow friend disappeared for a while when the big move happened. Mother had previously lived in the Crystal Empire, before she'd married Dad. She was a crystal pony at heart, yet she'd never previously shown any need to move back. She was perfectly content with the farm before Dad died. I'd never even been to the Crystal Empire to visit, let alone to stay, but from this day on I'd practically always be living there. At least until I moved to N.E.M.I. that is.
I wasn't really that excited about moving to the Crystal Empire, though I wasn't scared about it either. I loved the farm more than anything, and to this day I still do, but there were memories there-- memories that, even when I was young, I could tell hurt my mother way too much. It was unfair of me to think about myself when she was so upset and downcast whilst we were there. All I wanted was for my mom to be her old, happy self again, and I thought (for some reason I can't explain) that moving back to her home town would help her in someway. All of her best friends lived there, and so would mine in the years to come.
Saying goodbye to the farm was an upsetting day. The cows had already been moved on to another farm, a few miles away, so I didn't have to suffer through the pain of saying goodbye to them at the same time. I wish I had though; a pep talk would be exactly what I'd need at that moment in time.
After saying my goodbyes, to my shadow as well, I went to find my mother. I found her huddled up in an old pile of sacks left over from the last time a storm came and we had to place them in front of the doors. It prevented leaks. It certainly wasn't coping with the amount of water dripping onto it now. Tears were freely flowing from her eyes, and they didn't seem to want to stop. I stepped forward to comfort her and she pushed me backwards. I stumbled and nearly fell onto my backside. She didn't flinch.
The carriage stood waiting nearby, packed with the bare minimal stuff we had. My dad's stuff had been chucked in the bin somewhere earlier that week. I'd tried to argue and tell her to take something of his with us, but she had simply pushed me off and told me to stop sticking my nose in her business. I think she was regretting saying that at this moment. Right now, she needed something of my dad's to comfort her. And apparently, I wasn't enough of his to count as something comforting.
I was only a young foal so I couldn't understand what was properly going on. I could never understand the scale of the situation, or how many problems were going to arise from it. When my mom turned to me and told me to shut my mouth, or else a fly would get in, I simply told her that it would be fun to see if you could hear the buzzing louder in your head if it did. She shrugged, and heaved herself up off the sacks.
With one last look she shoved me inside the back of the carriage, took hold of the reins and began to steer us away from home. The back of the carriage was closed tight, so all I could see was pitch black. All of my few belongings, my few comfort-items, were locked away in trunks. It was too dark to see them, so I couldn't get anything out. Every now and then I heard a sniffle from my mom, but for the most she stayed quiet. I never could figure out what she could have been thinking about, but given what was to come later I know it couldn't have been anything positive and good.
If there's one thing they teach us at N.E.M.I., it's that positive thinking will help us more in the long run than pesticides, pest control, spelling big words (you know what I mean, you're meant to be a doctor). My mom certainly didn't think that way back then. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. All I knew when we were travelling to the Crystal Empire is that the road was extremely dark (well, the carriage was anyway), and that it was also extremely bumpy. I kept being flung around on the wooden planks like I was in some insane game of piggy in the middle, and I was never being caught by anypony. They just kept dropping me, over and over again.
And then, all of a sudden, it got cold. And when I say cold, I mean freezing off your ears, mouth, eyes, backside cold. It was absolutely freezing. And the wind was howling outside the carriage. The sides of the sheets covering the top, and my sight at the same time, flung around fiercely. I had a few sharp smacks to the head and back whilst the wind was doing its angry dance against us.
The Crystal Empire's a strange kind of place. One minute you're absolutely fine, bored but overall okay-- the next you're absolutely freezing and just wish you could let it go, and not be so bothered by the cold outside (I really wished I wasn't as frozen a statue as I felt at that point)-- the next it feels like all you are is air. I literally felt like I'd suddenly just turned into a puff of black smoke and a head when we entered through the gates of the Empire. It's a magical feeling nopony could ever try to describe.
It made me feel joy I hadn't felt in a while. I was really excited about it. When we moved into our new house, I was still excited. When I saw other ponies and how much like my mother they looked with their gorgeous sheen (which my mother was beginning to lose at this point) I was excited.
This excitement wouldn't last forever though-- But it would last for a little while longer still. I still have plenty of happy moments left it my head. But then, that's for another entry, isn't it?
It was Diddy's second week at the Institution and so far everything had been rather run-of-the-mill. Everything had become, as the doctors and nurses wanted, routine. There was nothing exciting or new to come. No new ponies were going to show up and make everything different to the patients. It wouldn't matter anyway. Everything abnormal was as normal to the patients as harmony was to the ponies on the outside. As Petie later put it, the hospital forced harmony into a place that could never be harmonious. That was the simplest, truest fact of NEMI. Diddy understood this now just as much as Silas did.
Silas himself had remained subdued during the few days after Diddy had been introduced to his friends. Diddy didn't disturb his thinking, even if he believed it was strange for anypony to have such a serious face for so long. It reminded him of his marefriend's face when she was performing her royal duties. And by marefriend he, of course, meant a mare that was his friend. There wasn't any other underlying meaning to that phrase, despite what Siren and Petie seemed to suggest. Silas said nothing about their taunting, despite Diddy asking him if he believed what they were saying. After three attempts at getting his attention Siren pulled his hoof away and told him it was best to leave him alone. Silas would be back to normal soon, he knew. Diddy didn't quite understand how he could know that, but accepted it. There was a lot of stranger things in this place than Silas thinking after all. The pony in the corner was still beating his head against the wall, and now he was yelling as well.
It took five days before Silas fully came round, and when he did it wasn't something that Diddy was expecting. Silas was just returning from a therapy session with Doctor Ward and his face was darker than it had ever been before. His eyes were glassed over, and as Diddy went towards him to greet him Siren and Petie pulled him back. Both the colt and gryphon had noticed the red tint inside Silas' eyes, and knew that it meant trouble. Bow Wow howled miserably inside a corner, and Nana whispered nonsensical words into her ear to calm her down. The other patients fell silent and slid as fast as they could back into their holes. Each of them could feel the tension building up around the black colt's hooves and were terrified of it. The nurses and doctors weren't as adept at spotting the signs. Only ponies who were suffering through the same seclusion could understand what was about to come. Diddy would soon learn this.
Silas shook his head miserably and his barely tinted eyes streamed smoke into the air. His cutie mark, blue crystals signifying the importance of his background, turned a dark black colour. The soft tones that usually came from his throat turned a rhaspy, deep voice. He searched around the floor whispering for crystals. Diddy could barely hear him. He wanted to step forward and get closer but Petie's firm grip prevented him for moving. Silas looked so miserable and conflicted; Diddy wanted to help. He'd seen that face before. It was the same face he'd had when Blankety had died. When Blankety, his best friend, had been killed-- by him. Silas had told him it wasn't his fault, but he knew it was. Silas' face was reminding him of the pain he felt. It reminded him of how much he deserved to be here, suffering through the long nights alone.
But Silas didn't deserve the same. Silas was nice. Silas deserved to be free from punishment. He did, he did. Diddy knew it. He had to help him. Blasting Petie with a bright light Diddy slipped out of his grasp and ran forward. He grabbed a hold of Silas' hoof and looked him firmly in the eyes, but what he saw was not something he had first expected. The nice, honest Silas had completely transformed. With one push of dark magic Diddy was flung to the other side of the room. It all happened so fast, he couldn't even retaliate with his own magic. Thankfully the walls were so soft he wasn't badly hurt, and quickly got to his feet. He opened his fingers to act but Nana pulled him back down to the floor, shaking her head.
'Crystals,' Silas cried, running towards a crowd of ponies who'd stuffed themselves in a corner. Diddy heard hooves running frantically from the corridor and the nurses station. Silas was pulled away from the patient he was pummelling and stabbed in the side with a large needle. He cried and hissed, his magic dimming as Enderstorm and the nurses dragged him out of the room. His voice could be heard crying outside, and then nothing. It all stopped. Crysi, the patient he'd attacked, wiped the blood off of her face and joked:
"Well, I've heard of tough love, but even changelings aren't that bad."
Everypony laughed, awkwardly. All except Diddy. He couldn't understand what was funny about what had happened. Silas looked as if he was about to kill the young mare. If she had died, would they still have laughed? He said much the same to the others.
"Don't know. Maybe,' Petie said with a shrug. "You have to laugh, don't you?"
"If we didn't we'd be breaking the rules. We can't admit to sadness," Siren told him. "Just smile and wave, they always say. Smile and wave."
"But Silas--" Diddy stuttered.
Nana put her hoof over his lips and shook her head. "Eena petra ma Sombra, noee las Silas."
"She's right," Siren said. "It wasn't Silas. It was Sombra. You can't blame Silas for it."
Diddy scratched his head. "But that was Silas, wasn't it? He was the one who did it."
"Where you the one who did what you did, Diddy?," Petie asked him. "Because you might be a bad pony, but I certainly didn't want to do what I did."
"Why? What did you do?"
Petie shrugged. "Doesn't matter. It wasn't me." And with that he walked away, his head held up high, to see if Chrisi needed any medical help with her cuts. Not that he could help much, but he didn't want to carry on with the conversation.
"Don't mind him. He doesn't like to remember what happened," Siren told him. Bow Wow rolled on her back underneath him, and he scratched on her stomach, watching as her leg shook as he did. Diddy laughed.
"It's multiple-personality disorder," Siren continued. "That's what Silas has. Sombra's like another pony sharing his body-- and not a nice pony either. Oh yes, and Diddy--"
"Yes?" Diddy asked.
"You have feathers in your mane from the wall. Remove them, or I will."
Diddy quickly removed the feathers. Silas wasn't seen again that day, or the next day, or the next day.
Sombra came again. The doctors told me. He’d tried to hurt Chrisi. He’d hurt Diddy and Chrisi in the end. I just wish he’d stop—that he’d go away. I wouldn’t hurt anybody, not ever, so I don’t get why anypony else would. I don’t get why I would—why he would—why both of us would.
In the Crystal Empire I’d been so happy. I’d found a new home just as good as the farm I’d grown up on. Sure, it was alien at first, but I’ve always been quite good at fitting in with other ponies. Making friends was a special talent of mine. I was friends with everypony and cow on the farm, and when I moved to the Empire I was friends with a lot of them there. Not at first, mind you. Sombra wasn’t my companion there. He didn’t need to be, not even when we first arrived.
It was a hive of activity. Everypony buzzed around like happy little bees. They were so shiny—the ponies, I mean—that they could’ve blinded you by just looking at them. A few of them nearly did. I squinted as I looked outside the sides of the cart. The large palace was the most memorable part of all. It was made entirely of crystal, just as the other buildings there, but it was far more impressive. As we rode past I could see a Crystal-Pony with the unfortunate job of cleaning the outside walls. They slid quickly, sponge in hoof, down the walls and just managed to catch onto the ledge before crashing down onto the balcony. Nopony noticed it except me, not even Mother. Soon it would become just as normal for me as it was for everypony else. In fact, soon Sheen Clean, the pony who was tasked with cleaning the palace, would become a close friend of mine—somepony I saw every day when visiting the impressive building. But then, I’m skipping ahead a bit. I shouldn’t do that. The doctors want me to do this all in order, to organize it in my mind, so that they and I can understand exactly where my problem came from. Sombra can’t have just come from nowhere. There must be something in the Empire that caused it.
I don’t know what it could be though. There wasn’t anything in the Empire I didn’t love. Even my Mother seemed happier once we’d arrived. A smile spread over her face as she parked the cart in front of our new house. It looked just like all the others around it. Blue crystals made up the outer walls, a red crystal sat on top of the dark blue crystal door, spreading like an awning to protect us from the constant glare of the sun. It was warm and welcoming. I smiled at it, staring in awe at the beautiful gardens and wildlife growing around it. There were all sorts of animals frittering about behind the house; all just as colourful and crystal-y as the rest of the place. I looked at bushes of glowing fruit and licked my lips.
Mr. Ember, our neighbour, came out of his house at this point and saw me sitting there, mouth wide open. He smiled and walked over to me and Mother.
“You should eat one, son. They taste as good as they look,” he said. I looked to my mom and she nodded her head. I beamed and grabbed one of the berries of the bush. It was honestly one of the juiciest, sweetest things I’ve ever had in my life. It tasted like apples and pears and kumquats and cherries and every-other-fruit-you-could-ever-eat all rolled into one delicious package. Mr. Ember saw my grin and copied it.
“They’re good, aren’t they?” he asked. I nodded appreciatively, licking the sweet juice off my lips. Mother watched me but didn’t say anything. Her mind seemed to have wandered and she looked over at the house.
“Just moved here, have you?” Mr. Ember asked. Mother nodded her head and mumbled something. Neither me nor Mr. Ember could hear what she’d said. Mr. Ember decided not to push the conversation any further. It was obvious that all my mother wanted to do was to get inside.
“Well, just call me if you need any help. I might be getting on a bit but me and my wife still have some springs in our steps. I’m Ember, by the way.” He held out his hoof to me. I shook it, cheerfully.
“I’m Silas,” I said. He nodded.
“Well then, Silas, it’s great to meet you both. Enjoy the berries.” He winked and wandered off inside. He was always a fun pony to be around. There was nothing he liked more than having a laugh with a friend—I was his friend through all my time in the Crystal Empire. He cared about me. I know he did. Even if-- No, what he did was right—and it’s out of order anyway. I have to keep to the order it happened. I have to get rid of Sombra.
Anyway—moving on—it didn’t take long to unpack all of our stuff. I can’t give much detail on this. Nothing really happened except for unpacking—and that was just about as memorable as our packing before was. I don’t really remember any of it. Mother was still acting strange—I know that much—but at the time I was so focused on the Empire and our new home that I didn’t even think about it. It seemed strange to think that once upon a time Mother had actually left the Crystal Empire to marry Father. I didn’t know why anypony would ever want to leave a place as beautiful place like this—unless that reason was my Dad. My Dad was worth leaving anywhere. I missed him. I still miss him to this day. It’s hard to forget somepony as great as my Dad.
I wish Mother could’ve forgot him—even if I knew she never could. The memory of him pretty much ruined every happy thing that happened after his death. It tore her apart slowly. If anypony needed help it was my mother, but she never got it. Instead it was given to me. Why do I deserve more help than she got? I’m only as good as she was. And she was good, even if she didn’t always act like it. I forgave everything she did wrong back then and I still do now. She was good—As good as I am. I’m good, right?
Sombra... good? Is Sombra good?
Good Sombra? Sombra deserve crystals? Sombra take crystals? Crystals now? No crystals.
Rosen walked up to the front door of NEMI with the small crowd of visitors. She couldn’t wait to get inside. She was really looking forward to seeing Silas. It’d been a while since she’d managed to make it here to see him and she’d missed him. There was nopony better in this world than Silas and she knew it. She giggled in excitement; hoping nopony would notice her happiness. Everypony else looked so sullen and sad to be there that she felt it’d be rude to be happy in front of them. She didn’t want to make them even more upset.
But at the same time she just couldn’t hold it in. The Crystal Empire had been so boring without Silas there to play with. Her cousin Lilac was always such a busy pony that there was no point in asking her if she wanted to play a game. Not to mention Lilac was really boring in games compared to Silas, though she’d never say this to her cousin’s face. She wouldn’t want to upset her. That’s what she liked about Silas. She didn’t have to worry about upsetting his feelings. He wouldn’t mind if she told him he was the stupidest colt alive; he’d just shrug it off, laugh and pull on her mane. Silas could confront even the darkest of moods and make a joke out of it. Everypony came out of a meeting with Silas with a massive smile on their face.
It’s not like Rosen hadn’t met Sombra before. Of course she had—many times, but it didn’t stop her love for Silas; just like her work didn’t stop Silas loving her back. It didn’t matter how busy she was or how scary he was they were PFF’s (Pony Friends Forever) and they always would be. Why? Because each of them knew the real them, each of them loved the real them, and so each of them accepted the other them. It was hard not to when you had such a good relationship. You try being angry with somepony who’d gone out and made you a giant Crystal Berry Pie when you’d needed to be cheered up. It’d taken him three days but it’d been worth it. Their friendship had been cemented forever afterwards. Rosen knew from then on that no matter what pain Silas caused she’d always be there for him. Only one thing could stop her—but she didn’t want to think about that. He’d never do that to her. Not even Sombra would do that to her. Silas wouldn’t let him.
The orderly, Enderstorm, a really subdued pony she’d met before, came out and showed them all in. A team of nurses and orderlies stood inside, waiting. The ponies separated into their different wards and followed their guide/warden to their friends and family. Rosen tagged on to Morning Glory’s line for the foal’s ward. There were four other ponies along with her, all coming for various patients. Rosen spotted Petie’s mother in the crowd. She raised an eyebrow. Petie wasn’t going to be happy to see her. Morning Glory seemed to have the same thought.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Griffon,” she said to the sullen bird, “but, if it’s okay, Enderstorm will take you to your son instead.” Enderstorm came over and the now even more sullen lion-bird followed him. Best to keep Petie and her away from large crowds. There was sure to be a fight. Rosen didn’t think her visit would last very long, or be very productive. She knew Petie well enough by now to know how much he despised his mother.
The foal’s ward was a fair walk from the entrance. Rosen didn’t mind really; Morning Glory was a great pony to speak to. Both of them loved Silas and both of them liked to make ponies happy. Loved it in fact.
“How’s he been?” Rosen asked, hopefully.
“Not ready just yet,” Morning Glory said with a smile. “He’s doing great though. He’s even been given a job of his own.”
“Really?” They’d given him a job? They’d trusted him with a job? There was hope then?
“Yes, there’s a new foal—little sweetie, he is—and Silas is looking after him. Every foal needs a friend, especially in here.” Morning Glory’s smile never faded, no matter how sad the topic was. Rosen smiled back.
“Oh, well, Silas is great at being a friend,” she said.
“I know he is. Little Diddy’s doing a lot better with Silas there to help him. I’m so proud of them both,” Morning Glory said. She noticed the frowns of the parents behind them and said to them, “All of our patients are great friends. They’re as happy as can be with each other. Friendship is the most magical cure we can give them.” And with that final sentence some of the parents managed to smile back at her. Rosen grinned. Morning Glory could make even the most hardened heart feel happy. The patients would be lost without her, and so would the visitors.
“Rosen can vouch for me there, can’t you?” The nurse winked at Rosen and Rosen nodded her head.
“Oh yes, Silas has never been happier than when he’s with friends. He says it makes him feel like himself.” She didn’t want to have to lie and tell them that Silas had actually been Sombra a few times when he’d been with her. They didn’t need to know that Sombra wasn’t affected by friendship nearly as much. The only thing that could stop him was love—and friendship just wasn’t as strong. He was like the opposite of a changeling—he hated emotions and happiness. If he had it his way Chrisi, one of NEMI’S resident changelings, wouldn’t be alive. Her love got on his nerves. In this respect Rosen should’ve got on his nerves too, but somehow he managed to tolerate her. Rosen always assumed Silas got in the way of pure hatred directed towards her. Oh, she couldn’t wait to see him again.
Morning Glory and her group stopped in front of the ward door. Nurse Temple stood in front of it, a hoof held out in front of her.
“Silas’ visitor?” she asked. Rosen stared at her confused and put her hoof up.
“That’s me.”
“Very well. Come with me.”
Morning Glory shrugged at her when Rosen looked up quizzically. She had no idea what was going on. Something must’ve happened. She led the rest of the visitors inside the ward as Rosen followed the other surly nurse.
They stopped outside Silas’ bedroom door.
“I’m afraid he had an attack again right before you arrived,” Nurse Temple said, not even a note of sympathy on her face. Rosen had to try hard to not cry.
“He did?” she said, with a whimper.
“Yes. He’s not fit to be seen at the moment—or safe.” Nurse Temple looked to the bedroom door and opened it. “The doctor wondered if you’d be able to speak to somepony else instead.” Inside the room a small creature, rather a mish-mash of other creatures, sat on Silas’ chair. He smiled sheepishly at the small light blue filly standing in the doorway.
“This is Dandelion,” Nurse Temple told her. Diddy waved and Rosen waved back.
“You’re Rosen, Silas’ friend?” Diddy asked. She nodded.
“You’re Diddy, Silas’ new friend?” Rosen asked. He nodded. She knew most of the ponies in the ward by this time so it was a safe bet that the strange oddly-cute creature in front of her was the Diddy Morning Glory had spoken about.
Nurse Temple looked at Rosen with a stern expression. Rosen swallowed the fear she always felt when speaking to this particular nurse (she could never understand how Silas managed to be brave enough to answer back to her all the time) and smiled. “I’d love to speak to him,” she said. Nurse Temple nodded and sat down outside whilst Rosen went up to Diddy.
“You remind me of Tia,” he said, looking directly into her the eyes. She stared at him.
“Who?”
“My filly friend—or at least she was my filly friend,” he said. He looked sadly down at the floor. Rosen felt a pang on her heart and patted him on the shoulder.
“Well, I’ll be your filly friend now, if you want,” she said. He lifted his head and nodded.
“I’d like that.”
“But you know, if she really is anything like me she’ll be your filly friend for life.”
Diddy sighed. “I doubt it.”
“You’ll never know unless you to try. Ask her to come and visit you.” Rosen thought of how long it had taken Silas to write to her. He’d been really ashamed of himself after he’d been sent to NEMI—but, as soon as he’d had the courage, she’d come right away. She hoped the same could be said of Diddy’s friend Tia.
“Okay. I’ll try,” he said with a smile.
“And even if she doesn’t, I’ll still by your filly friend, I promise,” she said.
Diddy took a piece of paper and began to write his letter. Rosen helped him when he was struggling to find the words to say. Oh please come, she thought, seeing the joy on the small thing’s face at the thought of his friend. Please come. She knew how disappointing it could be not to see your friend.
I can’t believe I missed Rosen’s visit. It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen her. They should’ve let me see her. Sombra wouldn’t have hurt her. They didn’t have to worry about that. Rosen’s had to deal with Sombra more times than they have. She’s a pro at making me see sense and fight back against him. Then again, it’s easy to believe that she could. We’ve been best friends forever—Well, okay, not forever, but she’s been my best friend since my first day at the Crystal Kingdom’s school.
I can still remember my first day there. I stood there in front of them all, introducing myself to the class, the teacher stood next to me looking down at me with nervous eyes (she’d been told about my Dad’s death. Alicorn knows by who) and I’d seen her in the crowd. She wasn’t even sat on the front row, but it wouldn’t have mattered where she’d sat she’d have stood out no matter where she was. Her coat was shinier, her hair more relaxed against her cheeks, she smiled constantly, little dimples at the edges of her mouth. She was natural. She didn’t have to do anything to make herself look good, and she wouldn’t want to. She didn’t like to act fancy and put on pretensions. The other foals dulled in comparison to her.
I thought it was just me that felt this way, and I felt guilty. It was wrong of me to look down on my other classmates just because this filly seemed so perfect, even if it was true. Thankfully I wasn’t the only one that felt this way about her. Nopony in the class hated Rosen. As a matter as fact, nopony in the class hated me either—but that doesn’t matter right now. This first day was all about Rosen.
It didn’t take me long to figure out how popular this filly was. Even our teacher, Miss. Heartstrings, was in awe of Rosen. I couldn’t understand it. I mean, I knew that she was pretty—that was obvious from the start, but for a teacher to be in AWE of a student was a new one. Admittedly I’d never been to a school before and all I know of them were from books and stories my parents had told me about their schools growing up, but I knew it was odd. Even odder when I realised that, although everypony seemed to love her, they acted really robotic and unlike themselves around her. No pony acted as polite and well-behaved as the ponies I saw around Rosen. It drove me crazy.
Haha. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I was gorging my face on those crystal berries. You would’ve thought that I was enslaving ponies in each bite I took by the looks of them. Each one of them took dainty bites of their meals, and every one of them always offered their food to Rosen first to see if she liked them. I hadn’t offered any of my lunch. Mr. Ember had packed it especially for me: homemade crystal berry tarts, homemade crystal berry sauce and homemade crystal berry juice—along with the raw crystal berries I’d taken off the bushes near the house. Crystal berries were by far my favourite food by this time. They still are. I wasn’t even sat near to Rosen when I was eating. I’d made friends with a few of the other foals in the morning and I was telling jokes and laughing—when she came over with her own lunch. She hadn’t accepted any of the other foals’ food. It’s not like her own lunch-bag didn’t have enough as it was.
“Hi,” she said, showing me that big smile that I’d come to love over the years.
“Hi,” I said, through a mouthful of berries. “Howm’d y’doin’?”
“Fine, thanks.” She sat down on the ground next to me. The foal next to me got off of his seat and offered it to her. “No, I’m fine down here, thanks,” she said. He looked upset but sat down again anyway. “Silas, right?” she asked me.
I nodded. My mouth was still full. “Oo?”
“I’m Rosen,” she said. “I like your bag.”
I looked at my lunch-bag, a crystal box that Mrs. Ember had made in her workshop out of a few old books. I swallowed my mouthful of berries.
“Yeah, it’s really nice, isn’t it?” I said.
“Better than mine,” she said. Her bag was just behind her. It was a ginormous, jewel edged bag made of the softest fabric known to the Crystal-Empire. Expensive too.
“It’s horrible,” I said. The ponies around us gasped in shock. Rosen giggled.
“I know, right? My cousin said it was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen.”
“She might need to see a doctor,” I said, with a laugh. She laughed harder.
“Yeah, a witch-doctor,” she said. By the time the foals’ jaws had dropped to the floor.
“I don’t think even she’d be able to help her if she thinks that thing is pretty,” I said. “You want a berry?” I offered her my bag and she took one.
“Mmm... I love Crystal-Berries.”
“Me too.”
We smiled at each other and took a large bite of the berries. Juice dribbled down her face and a foal from the other side of the room walked over with a napkin. She shook her head.
“I can get it off myself.” She licked her lips and sucked on the bottom of her mouth. “So juicy.”
I licked my own lips. “The best thing I’ve ever had. We never had anything like these on the farm.”
“You grew up on a farm?” she asked, accepting another berry from me.
“Yeah, on the mountains. A long way, away from here.”
“What’d you do there?” Rosen had seen a few farms in her life, but she’d never seen what they did on them.
“Oh, you know, the usual stuff: milked the cows, picked the flowers, fed the chickens, sowed the seeds, harvested the grain. We ate everything we grew so had to work hard,” I said.
“Wow, that sounds awesome,” she said. “You should come pick crystal-berries with me and my cousin sometime. It’s fun.”
“Sounds great,” I said. “So your cousin does have some taste then?”
“Oh, Lilac can’t eat crystal-berries. She’s not allowed. Neither am I.” She came closer to me and whispered in my ear. “That doesn’t stop us though.”
“Why aren’t you allowed to eat them?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine anypony being forced to not eat something as beautiful as crystal-berries.
“They’re commoners’ food. We’re only meant to eat proper food.” She laughed. “It might be proper but it’s really boring too. I’d rather have crystal-corn and berries any day.” She swallowed another berry.
“What’s a commoner?” I asked.
The foal with the napkin hissed into my ear. “You are. She’s a royal.”
“What? What’s that mean?”
“Nothing,” Rosen said. She smiled and waved at the foal with the napkin. “I like you Silas, just the way you are. I know Lilac’ll love you too.”
I beamed at her and downed my bottle of juice. I knew what being a royal meant, I just didn’t care about it. Rosen was Rosen, and she knew Silas was Silas. We were best friends forever from that moment.
Diddy and Silas were happy. Today was going to be a good day. For the past two weeks they hadn’t suffered any kind of fit, they’d taken their pills when they’d been asked, they’d eaten all of the rotten sludge they’d been given at mealtimes (whether or not they wanted to) and now was the time to claim their reward.
N.E.M.I. had a policy, created by the doctors, that said that every patient will be rewarded for a prolonged amount of time engaged in good acts that benefit themselves and others. There were no two foals, this time round, that the council of doctors believed deserved a treat more than Diddy and Silas did. Nurse Temple had been the only one to argue against it. She believed that giving somepony like Silas a treat would just be a further excuse for his bad behaviour. But she had a hidden agenda when she said this—she wanted to repay Silas was always answering back to her. He was the only pony in the entire hospital who had the courage to stand up against anything she said. She hated that her power was lessened when she was around him. And the more he stood up to her the more other patients did too. It wasn’t fair.
Even now, as she and the two young colts stood in the kitchen she didn’t smile. She hated this. Morning Glory and Rainbow Dragon stood at the side, aprons around each of their chests and chefs-hats balancing on top of their manes. The two colts laughed to see them.
“You laugh now, but just wait until you get into yours,” Rainbow Dragon said. He came over and swaddled each colt in a large apron of their own. Diddy pulled a face.
“It looks like a dress,” he moaned. Morning Glory smiled.
“Well, of course it does, you’re both Princesses of the kitchen,” she said. Silas laughed and twirled his apron around in his hooves.
“Yep, definitely looks like something a Princess would wear,” he said. “And something Rosen wouldn’t be seen dead wearing.” Diddy had gone quiet on the mention of princesses and Silas had noticed it. He patted the draconequous on the back. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Tia will answer back soon,” he said. Diddy didn’t seem convinced.
“But—maybe she won’t,” he said, looking down at the floor. “What if she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”
“Of course she does,” Morning Glory said, stepping forward and rubbing Diddy’s head soothingly.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dragon said, coming up to him as well, “who wouldn’t want to be friends with you, little dude? I know my life’d be missing something if you weren’t there.”
Silas giggled and looked at Morning Glory. “He’s a bit over the top, isn’t he?” Rainbow Dragon grinned goofily and rubbed Silas’ mane.
“Love you too, little guy,” he said. Silas grinned back and pushed the night guard’s hoof away from his head.
“You’d better not do that. I don’t want Siren on my case again.”
“Ah, yes, you’re right.” Rainbow Dragon stuck out his tongue and whispered in Silas’ ear. “Best not annoy Nurse Tight-Hoof either.”
“So, let’s get to baking, eh?” Morning Glory said walking over to the kitchen counter-top in the centre. The others followed her; all except Nurse Temple who decided to watch from a Silas-far-away-and-so-safe distance. Diddy and Silas climbed the stools put there for the smaller ponies and creatures. The stools wobbled slightly but Rainbow Dragon managed to catch Diddy before he fell over.
“Better watch it. We don’t want a Diddy-Smoothie by the end.”
Morning Glory took all of the ingredients they needed out of the cupboard underneath her bit of counter. Silas looked greedily at the crystal-berries lying on the counter. He licked his lips.
“You got crystal-berries?” he asked. “How? The Crystal Empire’s ages away from here.”
“I went there a couple of weeks back to get them,” Morning Glory said. “When I had some free time. I didn’t want our Silas going without his favourite treat.”
“But that must’ve taken ages,” Silas said. “And how did you even know where the best place was to find them?”
“She got a bit of help from your friend Mr. Ember,” Rainbow Dragon told him. Morning Glory was blushing as she gathered up the ingredients for Diddy’s treat. Milk, chocolate and sugar all appeared next to the berries.
“Chocolate milk?” he asked, excitedly.
“Yep,” Morning Glory said. “We were told that was your favourite.”
“The cocoa beans are from a garden in Canterlot too. Thought it might make you feel more at home,” Rainbow Dragon added. The mention of Canterlot had a mixed reaction for Diddy—he was happy because he loved Canterlot more than anything (maybe not as much as his camping ground near the Everfree Forest, but still a strong second), but he also knew that everything bad that’d happened to him in the last year had happened in Canterlot. Ever since he’d left there he’d been a bit better off, even if he did miss his friends that he’d left behind.
Morning Glory sensed his feelings and quickly moved on to beginning to make the treats.
“Okay, guys, first we make the pastry for the pie,” she said. They got to work, the two colts doing most of the work by themselves and the adults stepping in occasionally to help them with mixing and rolling. Eventually they had a few tart tins lined with a layer of pastry and ready to go in the oven.
“I’ll put them in,” Rainbow Dragon said. “There’s nothing better than fire for a Dragon.” He winked and the two colts laughed.
Whilst the pastry blind baked, paper and beans covering them for the first part and then taken off for the last fifteen minutes, they made the filling. The colts measured out the sugar, the berries and a special secret ingredient that Morning Glory called ‘the crystal-love’ (that Diddy thought was just magic dust like that he’d seen in King Alicorn’s kitchens) and mixed it in a pan. They heated it over a burning fire, again Rainbow Dragon taking the lead on this part, and watched as the berries soon melted into the sugar and ‘crystal-love’ forming a deliciously pungent paste. This was then poured into the tart cases and was covered by a pastry lid to seal in the flavour.
Silas watched hungrily as they baked. He and Diddy were covered in all sorts of ingredients by this point; predominantly flour. The two adults laughed at the look of them. It really was good Siren couldn’t see them. Nopony could ever persuade Siren to come anywhere near the kitchen, even if they really tried.
“Right, chocolate milk time,” Morning Glory said, pulling Silas away from the oven. He groaned but followed her. He could smell the crystal-berry pies everywhere. He wanted to eat one now.
They threw the chocolate, milk, sugar—and magic dust (Diddy couldn’t understand why they’d called it ‘crystal-love’ before) into another pan. They heated it and watched at the chocolate, milk, sugar and dust melted into one. After the milk had turned a light brown and had started smelling good and chocolaty Morning Glory poured it into a jug and left it to cool. Now Diddy felt just as ready to drink as Silas did to eat.
They took the pies out of the oven carefully. Nurse Temple even dared to come closer to make sure they didn’t hurt themselves. Silas jumped when he saw her right behind him.
“Aw, I didn’t know you cared,” he said. She pulled a face and walked back to her corner.
“Okay, you know what we have to do now,” Rainbow Dragon said. The colts pulled faces at one another. They sighed.
“I suppose, if we have to,” Diddy said. The put the pies, the jug of chocolate milk, plates and cups on a trolley and helped push it down the corridor. Nurse Temple followed at a safe distance. Emblem was sat outside of the living space and opened the door for them. Morning Glory thanked him, and Diddy swore a smile almost came to his lips. Almost, but not quite.
“And chocolate milk,” Diddy added. A large crowd surrounded them, beaming faces everywhere. They poured cup after cup and cut slice and slice. Rainbow Dragon kept hold of the knife and kept at a safe distance from the patients. You could never be too sure what might happen. Petie had been banned from the kitchens ever since he’d threatened to stab himself in the neck with a fork. There’s no telling what he’d do with a knife.
“Thanks Silas, thanks Diddy,” Chrisi said, and other voices added their compliments. Diddy beamed. He hadn’t felt this good since the first day he’d met Tia. Silas was grinning from ear to ear. He’d done this a few times but each time it felt just as good. As good as the first day he’d met Rosen.
“Maybe Tia’ll write back soon,” Diddy said drinking a large glass of chocolate milk. Silas was on his fourth slice of crystal-berry pie.
“Yeah, I’m sure she will. Soon, Diddy, she’ll write soon.”
I still hadn’t met Lilac. It had been two weeks since Rosen and I had become friends and there had been no sign of her royal cousin. I’d heard plenty of stories by this time though: their late-night picnics, their sneaky visits to the crystal berry bushes just outside of the Kingdom, their mimicking of officials during meetings. Rosen made Lilac sound fun and I couldn’t wait to meet this rebellious Princess. The truth is though, although Lilac did do all of this stuff occasionally, she didn’t do it very often and was usually too hard at work to play with Rosen.
Rosen was okay with this. She enjoyed playing with me and didn’t feel the need to be with Lilac all the time anymore. Before I’d arrived Lilac was the only pony to treat Rosen like a normal pony, which was fitting since they were both in the same position. Both of them were treated like royals and both of them lived for the ponies that treated them normally. Lilac hadn’t found her pony yet and Rosen was worried that she might never find them. She felt sorry for her and I did too. I didn’t understand why being a royal should change anything. On the farm everyone and everything had been equal, and, don’t forget, some of my best friends had been the livestock (and flowers) that we had. There was no such thing as a royal in my old home on the mountains. The only information I had of them was from old pony tales.
I finally got a chance to see the princess when my mother was going away to spend some time with her friends. She’d been extremely quiet since we’d moved to the Crystal Empire. I’d been the pony to go and get the shopping and chat to the neighbours and cook all of the dinners (Mr. Ember was teaching me how to be a great little chef). As I watched my mom leave to go to her friends I heaved a sigh of relief. I hoped upon hope that this visit would be the making of her—that she would turn back into the same old mother I’d loved so much. It hadn’t been the same since father’s death between us. She barely looked at me and never said thank you to any of the dinners she cooked. She’d tried to look positive but I knew she wasn’t.
Unfortunately one thing my mom had forgotten about was me. She knew I was too young to look after myself, at least in the eyes of the other Crystal Ponies, and that if anypony found out about my alone time that we’d both be in big trouble. I tried my best to hide it. I had no idea how long she’d be gone (and I definitely wouldn’t have expected her to be away as long as she was). I could see ponies getting more and more suspicious the more days that went by.
After five days I tried to get in touch with my mom. The food was running out and I didn’t have enough bits to buy any more. As nice as Mr. Ember was I didn’t think asking him for more sugar would be a good idea. I’d already asked to borrow so many things already. He’d definitely have figured out something was wrong if I went over again. He’d stared at me strangely that last time I went. But try as I might I was hungry—really hungry, and honestly, really lonely to.
I went to the address in my mom’s diary. It was outside of the Empire, a day’s walk there and back. It was an old, abandoned barn covered in the snow and ice. But that was just it, it was old and abandoned. The only things living there were a family of cockroaches that had chewed through some of the wood and burrowed into the floorboards. My mother wasn’t there and I didn’t have a clue where else she would be. I could only go home and hope that she’d soon be back.
When I got back to the house I saw Rosen standing on the doorstep. She looked worried. I ran up to her, a giant grin spread across my face. It felt good to get out of the cold and back to the warm mug of chocolate that was friendship. She saw me and pushed my chest.
“So, there you are,” she said. “I’ve been worried about you. I haven’t seen you for days.”
“You saw me at school a couple of days ago,” I pointed out. It’d been the weekend when I’d gone to the house. School didn’t start again until tomorrow.
“That’s not the same. I wanted to tell you the news now.” She gestured her head, looking at the keys in my hoof. I knew she wanted to go inside but I didn’t want her to see my parent-less house just in case. I didn’t know whether I could trust her with that secret just yet.
“What news?” I asked.
“It’s about Lilac.” She frowned.
“What about Lilac?” I said, trying to ignore her glare.
“Erm...” She looked at the door. “Aren’t you going to go in?”
“But we were talking about Lilac.”
“So—it can wait until we get inside. I wanted to say hi to your mom.” Rosen had been waiting to meet my mom for weeks and I hadn’t let her. It’s not that I was embarrassed of my mom or Rosen; it’s just that I didn’t want either of them to feel jealous of the other. I was all my mom had left and I was Rosen’s first proper first. Okay, okay, they’re might’ve been just a bit of embarrassment too. I just wanted Rosen to meet the proper version of my mom, the one I’d told her about, and not this strange ghost-pony that’d haunted my house recently.
“It can wait,” I said. “What’s up with Lilac?”
Rosen looked disappointed. “Silas, what’s wrong? Why won’t you let me in?” Her eyes grew wider. “You’re embarrassed of me,” she said. “You don’t want your mom to see me because she won’t like me.”
“No, no,” I said, waving my hoof around. “My mom would love you. She really would. It’s just...” My stomach decided this would be the best time to announce its hunger. I prayed that Rosen hadn’t heard but I knew that anypony within a five mile radius would’ve heard it. She pushed my chest again.
“Why are you so hungry? Actually,” she thought for a second, “you didn’t have much for lunch the other day either. Oh, Silas,” she leaned closer in and whispered into my ear, “is your mom, you know, having a long sleep?” She leaned forward and wrapped her front hooves around me. “I’m so sorry. It must be horrible.”
“What? No!” I pushed her off me. I didn’t do it fiercely. I could never be fierce with Rosen. “My mom’s alive—at least, I think she is.” I sighed deeply and listened to the rumbling of my tummy. “She went away last week and I don’t know where she is, but---“ I lifted by head determinedly, “I know she’s coming back. My mom would never leave me forever. She loves me too much to do that.”
“Oh, Silas, why didn’t you say something?” She looked so considerate that I almost burst into tears. My mom used to look like that.
“I didn’t want any fussing,” I said with a shrug. “My mom’s a good mom, and I didn’t want anypony to believe any different.”
A spark came into Rosen’s eye and she jumped in the air in excitement. “Lilac!”
“What?” I stared at her, puzzled. She wasn’t fazed by it and grabbed my hoof, pulling me along the sidewalk so fast that I thought I was going to fall flat on my face more than once. She headed straight for the palace. Inside I was pulled into a room on the second floor where a pink and purple crystal pony sat on her bed, skimming through a scroll. Lilac looked up as we entered, startled by her little cousin’s happy face.
“Rosen? What’s up?” she asked. This didn’t seem like the way the princesses in my stories spoke.
“Silas,” Rosen shouted. “Silas needs a babysitter.”
“What!” I pulled my hoof out of her grasp. “No, I don’t. Rosen, I just told you—“
“You just told me you didn’t want anypony to think your mom was a bad mom, and she’s not, but you didn’t say a foalsitter was out of the question.”
I stared at her, confused. As confused as I was I think Lilac was even more so. Rosen hadn’t stopped smiling.
“Think about it, Silas, if you have a foalsitter then nopony can question your mom being away,” she said. My stomach grumbled again. “And you’ll be able to eat properly,” she added. “You can stay in the palace with me. It’ll be great.”
I thought about it, getting more excited at the idea. It would be great to stay with Rosen. We could play even more games than we already did. We could race around the palace and I could try to find her in a game of hide and seek. I figured there must be hundreds of hiding places in a castle as large as this. “That sounds great,” I said. Rosen squeaked with glee.
“Hold on, wait a minute,” Lilac said, coming forward. “I think you’re forgetting something.” She was grinning from ear to ear. She looked just as nice as Rosen had made her out to be.
“What?” Rosen asked. “You’ll do it won’t you?”
“Of course I will, but that’s not the point. You’ve forgotten about the Alicorns. They’re staying from today until next week, remember.”
Rosen peered round at me. “That was the news I was going to tell you.”
I nodded my head. I was disappointed that Rosen’s plan couldn’t be done. I didn’t even know who these Alicorns were. Rosen looked back to her cousin and put on her largest, cutest expression.
“You can still do it though, right? Miamore and Gallophad seemed like nice ponies. You said so. They wouldn’t mind Silas being with us as well.”
Just at that moment two older colts appeared behind me. The eldest, Miamore, was about the same age as Lilac. His younger half-brother, Gallophad, wasn’t that much younger. He was older than Rosen and me, anyhow (although, I found out later, that it wasn't by much). They weren’t crystal ponies though. Miamore was like nothing I’d ever seen before. He wasn’t Pegasus or unicorn, he was both. He was a half-breed, which meant—he was an Alicorn. He was a Prince Alicorn (Gallophad was just a plain looking Pegasus, though he had a bit of changeling in his blood as well). I’d heard about King Alicorn and his family. They were famous all over Equestria.
“What wouldn’t we mind?” Miamore said, wandering up to Lilac. Lilac’s cheeks had turned bright red and she was struggling to look at the young colt.
“We were hoping,” Rosen had gone unexpectedly shy, “if you’d be okay with it, that is—that is, we were hoping, would you mind if my friend Silas stayed with us for a while? He’s really nice. He really is.”
I felt the eyes of the Prince fixed on me. I felt plain and boring in front of him. I’d never felt so out of place in my life. Miamore looked me up and down, Gallophad joining him by Lilac’s side. Lilac had calmed down now and looked up at the Alicorn with admiration. I could tell there and then that she’d managed to find the friend she’d been looking for.
“How’s your imagination?” Miamore asked. I shrugged and gulped.
“It’s—It’s okay,” I stammered.
“Good, because, you know, all of my favourite ponies have the best imaginations I’ve ever seen—myself included.” He grinned at me and I smiled back. He wasn’t just an Alicorn, he was a pony too. I felt stupid for thinking otherwise.
“We’d love to spend time with you,” he said and Gallophad nodded his head in agreement. Lilac walked up to me and patted me on the back.
“Well, looks like you’ve got a foalsitter after all then. Shall we go and ask my folks?”
I followed her out of the room, Rosen cheerily trotting right behind, happier than I’d ever been. Staying at the palace with Lilac and Rosen would be great—but now I got to stay with Miamore and Gallophad—two ponies I’d become really great friends with. In fact, Miamore was my idol. And Sombra hated him for it.
Diddy was waiting by the door for a visitor. His first visiting day hadn’t gone very well. Rosen had been the only pony he’d seen and, although she was nice, he would rather have seen one of his old friends and family. But today was going to be different. Today was second time lucky and everypony knew that the second time was always the luckiest—despite what Siren had said about the third time being the luckiest.
Siren had already been taken to his room to have a conversation with his parents. They’d seemed like nice ponies, quiet but nice. They’d been very kind to Diddy and had given him some of the treats they had brought for Siren. Siren’s parents had good taste too. There was nothing better than chocolate milk-bottles to cure what ails you. Diddy sometimes wondered if he might have a tiny bit of an obsession with chocolate milk, but quickly shrugged it off. He couldn’t help if he liked it.
Other parents had stayed with their children in The Living Space. Bow Wow’s parents were oddly normal. They seemed to be chicken farmers as far as Diddy could tell. It was somehow ironic that they should raise chickens for a living and have a dog for a daughter. Nana didn’t have any parents so she was visited by an older sister and her husband. Nana didn’t particularly seem to like the husband and often went over to Bow Wow and told her to bark at him. The husband shuffled around awkwardly. He clearly didn’t want to be here. Diddy didn’t blame him. He knew by now that if Nana didn’t like you then nopony would like you. She was like a moral compass for the hospital.
Silas was talking to Rosen in a corner. There was another mare visiting with her this time. Diddy didn’t like to look at her. She was wearing a crown and royal emblem and it reminded him too much of Tia and Loony, his Princess friends from Canterlot. He supposed Loony must be over one by now—maybe even two. It had been so long (at least it felt like it) that he wasn’t even sure anymore. He couldn’t bear the thought that Loony should grow up thinking he was some kind of monster. She was like a little sister to him. Tia, however, wasn’t his sister. He could never see her as any other thing except his best friend. Yet, he knew she meant more to him than that. He just couldn’t quite figure out how to properly describe what she meant to him.
It wasn’t Tia visiting though. His mother was visiting him today. She’d promised to bring him some surprises as well. He couldn’t wait to see her.
She wasn’t his real mother, mind you. Diddy had had another mother before he’d come to Canterlot. He hadn’t really liked that mother very much. She was always cruel to him. Grain, on the other hoof, was always nice to everypony. There wasn’t one day that he wasn’t thankful for finding her. After he’d lost his father, and then his mother, he hadn’t known how he would carry on. He’d been at military school, training to be a guard like his father, and he’d made plenty of friends there, but still he couldn’t escape feeling lonely. It was on meeting King Alicorn that everything finally managed to click into place, and he managed to get the family of his dreams.
He had four brothers: three older and one the same age. Galloway was his favourite (he was the one that was the same age as him). He could be boring sometimes, he was all about following the rules and listening to the teachers, but he could also be kind of fun. And even if he wasn’t Diddy didn’t care. All that mattered to him is that Galloway, and the older three ponies as well, where his brothers. When he was with them he felt included in a way that he’d never felt before. Well, that’s sort of a lie. When he’d first gone to school as a foal he’d felt included, but that was all ruined by one pathetic little pupil—Diddy preferred to forget it. He preferred to forget him.
His mother hadn’t arrived yet. The nurses were watching him with interest. They’d never seen anypony with the condition he had sit still for so long. Morning Glory was waiting nearby. She knew Diddy more than anypony else on the staff, along with Rainbow Dragon, and she smiled to see him so relaxed. She liked it when her patients were happy or excited. It was what she’d gone into nursing for. She could still remember the visits she made with her mother to go and see her baby brother in N.E.M.I. . He’d had the same condition as Nana, in that nopony could understand what he was saying or doing, but Morning Glory had always understood him. The doctors trusted her with the patients because they knew she could understand them better than anypony.
She walked up to Diddy and sat down next to him.
“How’re you doing, Diddy?” she asked.
Diddy stared, unblinkingly, at the door. He was shaking with excitement. “I’m great. She’s going to be here soon.”
“I can’t wait to meet your mother, Diddy. From what you’ve said she sounds like a great mare.”
Diddy nodded. “She is. She’s the best. She said she’s going to bring a surprise.”
Morning Glory's smile grew wider. “And what do you think that’s going to be, I wonder?”
“I don’t know,” Diddy said. “Her being here will be great though.” He thought for a second. “Morning Glory?” he asked.
“Yes, Diddy?”
“Do you—Well, do you think Tia might’ve come with her? She did say it was a surprise after all and that’d be the best surprise of them all.”
He glanced at Rosen, Silas and Princess Lilac out of the corner of his eye. Morning Glory noticed it.
“It might be and it might not be. I’m sure whatever your mother brings you you’ll enjoy.”
“That’s just another way of saying don’t get your hopes you, isn’t it?” Chrysi asked mischievously as she walked past with her mother. Her mother had dressed up in her best disguise today. Diddy tried not to laugh as she pulled faces in Nurse Temple’s body. Chrysi’s mother was a lot of fun.
“My daddy used to do that,” Diddy said as Chrysi and her mother left.
“What did your daddy used to do?” Morning Glory said.
“He used to tell me not to get my hopes up in the same way you do—in a hidden, nice way.” Diddy fought back tears as he thought of his father. The avalanche of memories was crushing his head and he wanted to think of happier thoughts. “Mommy does the same—my new mommy I mean. The old one just used to tell me I was stupid for getting my hopes up.”
Morning Glory nodded. Diddy had never really spoken about his old family before. She knew he didn’t like to. He had been making a lot of progress since he’d arrived at N.E.M.I. .
She stayed with him whilst he waited. An hour went by and visiting hours were almost over. Most of the ponies had left or gone back to their rooms but Diddy had remained where he was, in front of the door. He knew his mother would never forget him. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Maybe, she was just tied up somewhere and was late.
Morning Glory looked anxiously up at Nurse Temple. Nurse Temple shrugged and looked at the clock. Silas was wandering back into the Living Space, having just seen Lilac and Rosen to the door. They’d promised that next time they’d bring some other friends of his and Silas was grinning from ear to ear at the thought. He saw Diddy’s focused face and sighed. Visiting hour was officially over now.
Silas patted him on the back. “Yeah, I know. Rosen’s sometimes late when she comes here.”
“She’ll be here soon,” Diddy repeated. The words were even beginning to mean nothing to him, let alone to the others. He already knew that she wasn’t coming. He just didn’t want to believe it.
It was two days later that her letter arrived. She’d actually given it to one of Galloway’s friends, Nocturn, to drop at the post office for delivery two days before she was expected but Nocturn had apparently forgotten. He’d remembered just in time for it to arrive late. Diddy had been locked in his room over those two days, worrying and panicking. The doctors had given him all sorts of medicines but had declared it no use. He had to spend some time alone to get over it.
Morning Glory wanted to deliver the letter herself but Nurse Temple got to it first. When Diddy heard it it made him cry harder, and Nurse Temple merely told him to get over it, there were other visiting days and other ponies to visit. But to Diddy there wasn’t. In his eyes his mother had been his last chance to prove that nopony blamed him for what happened with Blankety. He didn’t expect anypony to ever visit him again. He was alone and scared and being locked up hadn’t helped him.
Silas couldn’t do anything but watch. He wanted to do something and it was Siren that came up with the idea to write to Lilac and ask her to bring the special visitors sooner rather than later. Silas knew, if Diddy could just hold it out a bit longer, he was going to have the best surprise of his life. Just hold on Diddy, he thought. Just hold on.
I checked my house every day for a sign of my mother’s return. Days went by, followed by weeks, and there hadn’t been any sight of her. Lilac and Rosen kept their eyes open as well but, from my description, she could have just been any other crystal pony to them. But they knew that, to me at least, she wasn’t just any other pony. She might have abandoned me, she might have forgotten that I was suffering from the loss of dad too, but she was still my mom and I loved her more than anything in the world.
I’m not saying I didn’t love my new life in the palace. Rosen’s parents and aunt and uncle were usually busy so I didn’t have to see them very much (which is pretty useful when you don’t want grown-ups asking awkward question) and I spent all day, every day with my best friend. Rosen and I had been close before but it was at the palace our friendship really kicked into overdrive. We began to understand what the other pony was thinking or feeling before they had a chance to say it out loud. We began to see everything the same—and we began to see each other in a different way. Rosen wasn’t just my friend anymore. She was my life-saver.
This came in handy two weeks after my mother’s disappearance. I’d walked over to my house, as I did every day, but this time I had a different mission in mind. I wanted to see Mr. Ember about some crystal-berry pie. I hadn’t been able to get hold of crystal berries, or anything really that fun to eat, since entering the palace. Rosen wasn’t kidding when she’d said they had to sneak fun-foods in when they wanted them. Their food was horribly boring and healthy.
Anyway, I trotted up to my street and saw a big crowd gathered in front of my house. There were ponies in white coats, ponies in red hats, ponies in suit-and-tie with notepads and pens, and ponies wearing nothing at all. Mr. and Mrs. Ember were in the middle of the crowd talking to one of the suit-and-tie ponies. I sneaked forward, trying not to be seen. I couldn’t understand what was going on. “Silas, he’s about this high with a spiky black mane and green eyes,” I overheard Mrs. Ember say. I couldn’t understand what she was doing here. Usually she’d started work in the Library by now.
“And you’re sure this is his house?” the suit-and-tie pony asked.
Mr. Ember nodded. “Yes, he lives there with his mother—or at least, he used to, I suppose.” He looked up at my house. He looked like he was about to cry.
I heard footsteps behind me and jumped. It was Lilac. She was staring at me puzzled. She’d obviously seen the crowd. “Is that your house, Silas?” she asked.
I nodded and put my hoof to my lips. I pointed at the ponies and mimed pulling me away. Lilac seemed to get what I meant, though I don’t know how. I wasn’t a particularly good mime.
“Stay here until I tell you to move, okay?” she told me and then walked up to the crowd. The other ponies saw her coming and bowed their heads low to the ground, creating a path between them for her to walk to. The suit-and-tie pony was bowing as well and Lilac gave him permission to stand.
“Can I ask what’s going on here, officer?” she said, her voice the voice you’d imagine a princess’s should be—commanding but kind.
“Er- yes, your highness. I’m afraid the mare that lives here has been found in- well, in not particularly good shape, I’m afraid, your highness.” The suit-and-tie pony was bright red. He’d clearly never come up close to a royal before. He was treating Lilac the same way Rosen was always treated at school. I supposed she was used to it.
“Oh, where is she now?” Lilac asked.
Mr. Ember stepped forward. “They’ve taken her to the hospital, your highness. We were just trying to find out what had happened to her young son.”
Lilac smiled kindly at the older colt. Mr. Ember blushed. “Well, I can set your mind at ease about that. Silas is in the custody of my family, and has been since his mother’s disappearance two weeks ago.”
“You know the colt, your highness?” the officer asked, stepping back into the conversation again.
“He’s become a very close friend of my family,” she told him. It was my turn to blush. I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling inside my chest. It was nice to be included. “And do you know what his mother shall be free to leave the hospital?” Lilac asked.
One of the ponies in a white coat stepped forward. I later found out that his name was Steffi Scope. He was a nice, but blunt, pony. “She won’t be out for a while. She’s got a lot of treatment ahead of her.”
“Oh.” Lilac thought for a moment. “May I enquire as to what the problem is?”
“Ma’am, the mare was found purposely half-starved, believing that all she needed was crystals to survive,” Steffi Scope said. “Doctors believe that she has something we call ‘the downs’. She won’t be powering any crystal heart for awhile, I can tell you that.” He snorted as if he’d said something humorous. Lilac ignored him.
I think her original plan had been for her to go and see what was going on and then call me over, but she never did call me. In fact, she didn’t carry on the conversation much further from this point, and the majority of the rest she’d done in whisper so I couldn’t hear her. I was nervously watching behind a street-lamp. My mother? In hospital? What in the world was ‘the downs’?
Lilac came back to me and I looked up. “Okay, Silas,” she said, patting my on the back, “let’s go home.”
“Which home?” I asked, tears clouding my eyes.
Lilac didn’t seem to know how to answer. She’d only said home as a slip of the tongue because she was so used to it being Rosen she was dealing with. I wasn’t Rosen, and the palace wasn’t my home. I’d already had two homes, and now I was to have another.
We walked back to the palace in pure silence and then when we’d arrived back Lilac had sent Rosen to me immediately, demanding that she drop what royal duties she was doing and go play with me. Rosen was more than happy to oblige. She hadn’t liked doing her work anyway. It did help me put it out of mind a bit. But there was still that looming fear that somewhere out there, my mother was being kept away from me. And that night, in bed alone, I cried and cried and cried.
I understand what Diddy’s gone through, you see. I know I shouldn’t talk about other patients in these journals, but I can’t help it. Seeing Diddy waiting for his mother to come on visiting day just reminded me so much of this time—the time that my mother was lost to me. And the sad thing was, at the time, I wasn’t sure I was going to get her back. That’s why I’m determined—determined—that Diddy shouldn’t have that worry. If I’d have had a speck of my past to cling to it may have helped me with my loneliness. I’m determined that Diddy will have that speck.
And there’s nothing, or nopony (no, not even Nurse Temple) that can stop me helping him.
Silas and Diddy were sat on the floor of the Living Space trying to have a conversation with Nana. Siren and Bow Wow, the only two ponies who could really understand what the mare was saying, were away with their doctors for special testing and Petie was speaking to a counsellor about an incident the day before. This just left Silas and Diddy with Nana and they were more than happy to be there. Silas had always wanted to learn a bit of Nana speak. Her language fascinated him. Diddy was there more for the company than for actually caring. Ever since Visitors Day he’d spent a lot of time with the inmates of his new prison. He felt that he may as well bond with them since his old bonds were almost non-existent. The most he could get from the past was a few letters every now and again, which he always returned. He was still trying and failing to get in touch with Tia.
“What do you think of Diddy, Nana?” Silas asked.
The filly tilted her head. “Och, mya ti noda.”
“Noda—that means funny,” Diddy said.
Silas shook his head. “Actually, I think she means silly.”
“Aren’t they the same thing?”
“Peta ta melone, Sialca,” Nana said, pushing Silas’s chest.
He smiled and pushed her chest with his own hoof. “Er cooda ma teleca noda, Nana,” he said. The filly grimaced and shook her head fiercely.
“What did you say to her, Silas? She doesn’t seem to like it,” Diddy said.
Silas grinned from ear to ear (which is quite an amazing fete considering where he lived. Diddy could never understand how he managed to be so happy all of the time, bar Sombra attacks). “I have no idea. Something about carrots and cheese, I think.”
“Actually, what I think you said,” Rainbow Dragon said, walking up to them, “was that you wanted to marry the poor mare. I’ll leave you to assume which words meant what.” Rainbow Dragon was the most efficient pony in Nana speak in the entire hospital. He was even better than Siren, and nopony could challenge him on this title. Silas apologised to Nana, assuring her he didn’t want to marry her and wouldn’t any time soon.
“Ma noda parr teleca por, Discord?” Nana had shuffled closer to Diddy and he looked up at Rainbow Dragon confused.
“Who’s she talking to?” he asked.
“Discord—I think she means you, Diddy,” Rainbow Dragon said. “That’s her pet name for you as far as I remember.”
Nana was leaning on Diddy’s shoulder and Silas was chuckling at the sight of it. Diddy didn’t look very comfortable. “Is that me, Nana? Discord?”
Nana fluttered her eyelashes. “Ma noda telecona da Discord.”
“Yeah, Discord, ma noda da doda,” Silas said, now full on laughing as Diddy tried to move away from the filly. She didn’t seem to care about boundaries when Diddy was concerned. She wasn’t even this close with Siren and, as far as Silas was concerned, there were no two ponies closer than Siren and Nana. Unless you counted Siren and Bow Wow, or Siren and Chrysi, or Siren and Split-Ends (a tall filly with the wildest hair he’d ever seen). Actually now he thought about it Siren was close with a lot of fillies in N.E.M.I. . Strange.
“Yeah, how about we don’t call me that ever again?” Diddy said, annoyed, crossing his arms. “It makes me sound like a villain from a cartoon comic.”
“Well, I suppose since you’re clearly busy there’s no point of me telling you about the surprise waiting for you in the corridor.” Rainbow Dragon was holding in his own laughter. Diddy had thought it strange to be seeing him during the day. Unless it was a special occasion, like when the young patients got a special treat for good behaviour, he was on duty during the night-time. It must have been a very special surprise if he’d come in for it specially.
“What is it?” Diddy asked, looking up excitedly. Nana was very sad when he stood up to go and see. Rainbow Dragon stopped him before he got to the door.
“Now, you have to wait. It’s going to come to you.”
Silas hadn’t said anything about the surprise. He knew what it was and he knew how much Diddy was going to love it. He’d planned it himself, with the help of Rainbow Dragon and Morning Glory. He’d even got some help from Nurse Tempe, who today was wearing one of the cleanest uniforms he’d ever seen. She’d even done her hair nicely and had bothered to put some make-up over her bland grey coat. She’d never tried this hard when Rosen or Lilac had come, Silas noticed. Then again she wasn’t a crystal pony, so maybe it didn’t mean as much to her—not to mention they were friends with Silas, who was Nurse Temple’s mortal enemy (at least she acted like it to Silas).
Diddy hadn’t taken his eyes off of the door and others had begun to notice. Chrysi and her friends were giggling and gossiping in the corner, ready to tell anypony that missed it what happened. Nana was leaning against the padded-wall, muttering and mumbling to herself about ‘gresonia’ and ‘piricons’ (these were about the only words Silas really new for she said them every time either a new pegasus or unicorn arrived).
The door slowly opened and the foals and fillies leaned forward in expectation. Nopony was more excited than Silas and Diddy, each for entirely different reasons. To Diddy’s disappointment the only surprise he could see was Princess Lilac on a non-visiting day. He frowned and his face drooped. The Princess walked in and Diddy turned away. It wasn’t rudeness on his part. He still hadn’t got over how much she reminded him of Tia and that upset him.
Silas had stars in his eyes. Diddy saw them. Of course he’d be excited, he thought. This is more his surprise than mine.
“Come on, Diddy, take a look,” Rainbow Dragon said, urging him to turn back to the door. Diddy shook his head obstinately.
“I won’t.”
“Well, that’s a shame. We were rather hoping to speak to you,” said a colt’s voice coming in the direction of where Princess Lilac had been. Diddy recognized the voice and his head snapped round. He looked at the half-breed prince with tears in his eyes. And the prince wasn’t alone. As well as Lilac there was also a pegasus—a pegasus with a very stern, stressed smile. It didn’t look like he’d ever laughed in his life, but Diddy knew different.
“Miamore?” He looked at the prince. “Gallophad?” He looked at the pegasus. “Is it really you?”
“It is,” Miamore said with a grin. “It’s great to see you again, Diddy, you little bundle of fun, you.”
Tears were trickling down Diddy’s cheeks, quickly turning into a waterfall of happiness. He charged forward and threw himself around the necks of the two brothers. They hugged him back, all enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies. Miamore and Gallophad were just as glad to see him as he was them.
“You came. I can’t believe you came. Is Tia with you?” Diddy let go of them and ran to the door but there was nopony else there. Miamore pulled a face.
“Sorry, Diddy. I’m afraid you’ll just have to put up with us for the day.”
“I hope you’re okay with that,” Gallophad said. “We know we’re poor substitutes, but we did really want to see you.”
Diddy sighed but then smiled. He was trying to put on a brave face and Miamore knew it. All of the visitors knew that Diddy would much rather have seen Tia at the door than her two older brothers—as much as they loved him. Lilac understood that. Silas had acted the same when she’d come to visit without Rosen. It was hard for them, she knew. But, being royal you just couldn’t always afford to visit the ponies you loved. And being ponies, you didn’t always feel brave enough to visit the ponies that needed you most.
“Well, since we’re here, why don’t we do something together?” Lilac said. “I believe N.E.M.I. has arranged for a special treat due to our visit.”
Nurse Tempe came forward and bowed awkwardly, her face almost hitting the floor and her front legs buckling under her nerves. “Yes, your highness,” she said (Silas knew she was talking to Miamore alone). “We have some games and some sweet puddings coming for you, as per your arrangement.”
“Why, thank you,” Miamore said, helping her back up. She swooned lightly at the touch of his hoof. Silas almost puked. “That sounds amazing.”
“Chocolate milk and pie for everypony!” Silas screamed. Miamore and Lilac laughed; Gallophad giving a very straight-faced rendition of a chuckle.
“Chocolate milk and pie for everypony!” they screamed and cheers came through the Space. By the time Siren, Petie and Bow Wow arrived back all of the food was gone and the party was over.
Diddy slept peacefully that night, aware that, though Tia hadn’t come, there were still plenty of ponies out there who cared for him. Maybe being here wasn’t going to be a bad as he’d imagined.
It was great to see Miamore and Gallophad again the other day. They reminded me of better times. Times that Silas was always the one in control. Times that I had my freedom and knew that I was a good pony at heart. But what I also realised when they came was that I’ve finally remembered when I first lost control. I remember when Sombra came.
I don’t know why Miamore and Gallophad were the ones to remind me of it. They weren’t even there when it happened. In fact they’d just gone back home when he came, but somehow they made me remember. I can see that day as if it was yesterday.
My mom was still in hospital. She would be for a while but that’s not what mattered. The fact is at this point I hadn’t visited her in hospital yet. She’d only started her treatment two weeks before and the doctors had said she wasn’t to have visitors for at least a month, if not more. Kind of an ironic thing to say looking back on it. The doctors had said the same thing when I’d first come to NEMI. I suppose history was always doomed to repeat itself but I never could have seen this coming.
It was Rosen I felt most sorry for. If she hadn’t been there in those weeks I don’t know how I would have coped. Perhaps Sombra would have come earlier if I hadn’t been with her. Perhaps Sombra would have been more horrible and mean if I hadn’t been living at the palace with her. Her family treated me just like one of them. I barely ever saw her parents but it was okay because neither did Lilac or Rosen. Their parents were always busy doing some royal business or another. Rosen’s parents weren’t even proper royalty—or at least they weren’t the king or queen. Her dad was just the younger brother of the queen—Lilac’s mom. And yet somehow, and I don’t really know how really, Rosen was the next heir after Lilac. Her parents had made it that way—Lilac’s too. They’d all agreed that if anything were to happen to Lilac then Rosen would be their next choice.
Rosen hated the idea of being queen. She found it hard enough to be related to a princess, let alone to be one. Lilac didn’t like it either but she’d grown up with the title and was used to it. She would happily take over as princess, even if it wasn’t entirely her fairy tale ending.
Anyway, I’m skirting around the issue. I suppose it’s because I don’t like to remember it, just in the same way Petie doesn’t like to remember the first time he tried to kill himself or Bow Wow doesn’t like to remember the first time she caught fleas. They’re only imaginary fleas but they still annoy her like crazy. Actually, Diddy was telling me the other day about his life at home. It’s sort of strange how his mimics mine, isn’t it? Both of us lost our dads at a young age, both of us were forced to move from our homes near mountains to a big town/empire, and both of us made friends with royalty before ending up here. Diddy doesn’t even know what’s wrong with him, poor guy. I might not have completely understood why things were happening to me but I always knew that they existed. I was never blind to my faults like he was. It’s hard to not notice Sombra, even if I don’t witness anything he does. He leaves another destruction to show me that he’s been there. It’s like a calling card, or something. I suppose every villain needs a calling card.
Well, here goes I guess. I was at school when it happened. Rosen wasn’t there. She was with Lilac, representing the kingdom at a royal gala or something. Basically the usual tedious things she hated doing. I couldn’t go with them since, you know, I’m not an actual royal. Just because I’m best friends with a queen’s niece and living in the palace doesn’t mean that I’m not the son of a common farmer’s wife. And I’m proud to be as well, despite what happened to our relationship over the years. She’s my mother. I love her.
But it’s hard to show how good my mother was when Sombra gets in the way. I don’t even know what set him off the first time. Everypony was being especially kind to me in those days. They all knew what had happened with my mother and they all felt sorry about it. Nopony in the class was cruel or mean. There were no bullies to knock me down. The greatest bully was Sombra, actually, though I don’t know why he wanted to bully anypony.
What I do remember is talking to Cinders. He was a nice colt, sweet and kind but really quiet. His parents weren’t the richest in the empire and he often had to depend on others to give him lunch—not because he couldn’t afford it but because he always managed to lose it on the walk to school. He was very forgetful and spent most of his time looking outside of the clouds instead of listening to the lessons. He was great, he really was. Which makes what Sombra did to him even more inexcusable.
I mean, what had Cinders even supposedly done? Asked if he could borrow my crayons? It’s not his fault. He’d lost his a couple of weeks back and his parents didn’t have enough money at the moment to replace them. I had plenty of crayons. Lilac had given me some new ones when I’d moved to the palace. They’d used to be hers but she hadn’t used them for a few years so she’d given them to me. They weren’t even mine in the first place so why did it bother me to much that Cinders wanted to borrow them?
I have never been sorrier in my life than when I woke up and found Cinders on the ground in tears, blood running down his nose and eye. The teacher was cradling him back and forth and the other foals were staring at me in astonishment. I didn’t know what had happened. I’d just blacked out after he’d asked for the crayons. I’d been drawing on a piece of paper at the time—crystals, my mom’s favourite. Cinders could barely look at me—both because he couldn’t open his eye and because I’d clearly been the one to hurt him.
I found out what had happened later from Lilac. Because I didn’t have any parents for the teacher to go to she’d taken me back to the palace and explained the whole situation to the princess. She’d blushed and stumbled through her words so much you’d think that I hadn’t almost killed somepony. Lilac had said I wasn’t even close to killing him but I couldn’t be too sure that she was telling the truth. She was clearly concerned about me. The look on her face had said everything.
My eyes had turned red and green and I’d jumped forward and struck Cinders in the face. He hadn’t had enough in him to fight back. He’d just burst into tears and supposedly that just made me hit him harder. I growled and hissed as I struck out at him. The teacher ran forward and then—suddenly, without warning—I’d passed out and fallen onto the floor. That’s when I’d woken up again. That’s when Silas had come back. It was like I’d been in a long sleep.
Everypony reckoned that that was what it was. Everypony thought that I hadn’t slept enough and that and the stress of being away from my mom had just made me snap. I wasn’t sure about this explanation. Somehow it hadn’t seemed quite right—and, I suppose I’d been right about it. Sombra wasn’t just a lack of sleep, he was a monster. I hated him from that moment. Everypony else forgave me, even Cinders. He’d given me some of his sandwich the next day, a bright smile on his swollen face. Cinders was nothing if not forgiving, but I couldn’t forgive myself.
“Well,” Rosen had said when I’d told her about it, “at least you got something good out of it.”
“What was good about it?” I’d asked, confused and depressed.
She’d pointed at my flank and I turned to see three red crystals—the same crystals I’d been drawing to send to my mom at the hospital. It didn’t make me feel any better. From that day Sombra had marked me as his.
My cutie mark, my crystals, had trapped me and there was no way out of it from here on in.
Silas was in the living space talking to Siren. He looked to the door anxiously during random periods of conversation and Siren didn’t fail to notice it. To his annoyance every time Silas turned Siren spotted a piece of dust sitting on the top of his ear and it was bugging him like crazy. He was getting woozy just trying to fight off the urge to jump on his friend and give him a thorough cleaning.
“Silas, can you please stop moving?” Siren begged.
Silas looked away from the door and noticed how pale the colt had become. He looked like he was about to faint at any moment. “I’m sorry, Siren,” Silas said. “I just can’t help it. What if Diddy comes back in and I’m not there to greet him? He’s going to feel awful enough as it is without having anypony to give him a smile when he comes back in.”
“I still can’t believe he’s gone this long without having the treatment,” Siren said, flinching slightly as he caught a glimpse of the dust again. “I first had the shockers on my second week.” He shuddered as he remembered the tight straps that had cut into his body, holding him down on the table and messing up his perfectly symmetrical and brushed coat.
Silas shuddered as well. It was the electricity that he hadn’t liked. Every time he’d even had an inkling of thinking like Sombra they’d sent a zap into his brain, making him jump and sending him into screaming fits of pain. The sad thing was every time he screamed they saw that as another Sombra attack and shocked him again. It went on non-stop for half an hour. He hated it.
Petie walked up to the two colts. He had a large, goofy grin on his face—quite unusual for the usually dower gryphon. He’d just been having a nice conversation with Chrysi about comic-books and superheroes. They both had a love for them and Petie, whenever he was in a good mood, would go and talk to her. Silas could tell from his expression that the doctors had attempted to put him on stronger medicine again. They did this every now and again in the hope that it would help him, but in the end they always went back to the less affective ones. They didn’t want any of their patients to become dependent on the drugs. “So, what are you two cheeky chappies talking about then?” Petie asked. Silas weighed up in his head whether he should talk to Petie about Diddy’s treatment today. He still remembered what Petie’s reaction had been the last time he had come back from the Electric room. He’d yelled and screamed the place down, and attacked an orderly, and all in the defence of Silas—who was too far out of it to know what was actually happening. You see, Petie had had a really bad experience with the shockers. He’d had more treatment in this way than anypony else in the entire ward. Everypony often wondered why the doctors hadn’t given up yet. The treatment had only ever worked for a short time and whenever Petie woke up out of it he’d go on a mad rampage and become even more depressed than before. The problem was that Petie had got so used to having the treatment that he’d given up on believing he was ever going to escape it. There was no point trying to hide his fury or depression if he was just going to be electrocuted anyway. Siren didn’t think this through like Silas had been doing. He was still gritting his teeth from the dust on Silas’ ear and couldn’t focus on anything else. “Diddy’s having his first taste of the shockers,” he said. Silas watched Petie warily but his face didn’t change. Whatever the doctors had him on, it seemed to be working. “Ah, I remember those times. Poor chappie, he must be feeling awful right now,” Petie said. Silas had forgotten that when Petie was in a drugged up, happy mood he called all of the colts chappie and all of the fillies chappettes. It made him want to laugh which was, of course, Petie’s aim. When he was in a good mood he loved to make ponies laugh and, quite often in these moods, he was proved a clever comedian. “I suppose you know more than anypony what shockers feel like,” Silas said, dancing carefully around his words. He held his breath, just in case Petie should take this the wrong way and the drugs wouldn’t help. “I sure do, I sure do,” Petie said, shaking his head. “It’s like getting your talon stuck in a cloud filled with lightning—if you multiplied the strike by a thousand.” Silas was a unicorn, and Siren was an earth pony, so neither of them knew what it was like to get your hoof stuck in a cloud. What they really needed was Bow Wow, who was a Pegasus that just so happened to live permanently on earth. She might know if Petie’s comparison was correct. “How do you think Diddy’s going to take it?” Silas asked. Petie shook his head slowly. “Poor little chappie, doesn’t even know what’s wrong with him. How’s he supposed to understand why he’s being treated that way?” “You really think he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him?” Somehow this made Silas even more concerned about Diddy. He hadn’t even for a second thought that Diddy didn’t know his condition. Silas had known his before coming to N.E.M.I., but then again Silas had already dealt with mental health and hospitals before he’d moved into one. “Well, the majority of the chappies and chappettes in here didn’t know what was wrong with them until it was explained to them,” Petie said. “I know that I didn’t. I thought I was a perfectly normal gryphon with perfectly normal problems and perfectly normal reactions to those problems.” “Didn’t you attack your half-brother?” Siren asked, puzzled. He was playing with his mane, thinking that if he fixed himself it might make him feel better about not being able to fix Silas. “Yes, I put him in hospital, but that’s beside the point.” Petie sat down and leant against the wall. The drugs might have made him happy but they also made him tired and prone to exhaustion. He needed a break from being on his feet. “The point is that I didn’t know that there was anything wrong with that. I was too stuck in my condition to realise that hurting a baby, no matter how annoying his crying is and how much I hate his father, is just wrong.” “You know, Diddy killed somepony,” Silas said, sliding into the seat next to him. Siren refused to sit down. “That doesn’t surprise me,” Petie said. “We know from our experience by now that magic and mental health doesn’t mix. It never ends well. I mean, think about it Silas—what if any of these non-unicorns in here had been born magic?” They looked around the room at the strange mix of patients. There were all types of ponies there, from changelings to unicorns to crystal ponies to chimeras. Each one of them was suffering in some way and Petie was right, if any of them had been given powerful magic (at least the non-unicorns anyway) there was no telling how many problems they could have started. “If I was magic,” Petie said, “I would have killed my half-brother, my stepfather, my mother and probably me as well. Anypony that came after me would have been instantly dead. I wouldn’t let them come close to me.” “Well, I am magic,” Silas said, “so I can tell you now that it’s just like you say—except that it also isn’t.” Silas thought about it for a second. He thought about all of his friends, his family and all of the bad things that had happened leading to him coming to N.E.M.I. He thought about Cinders, the first pony he’d hurt. It hadn’t been magic that had hurt him, it had been Silas’ hooves bashing into his face—but still, if it had been magic it would have ended even worse than it already did. It definitely just wouldn’t involve a trip to the local doctors for stitches. “I was born a unicorn, even though my mum was a crystal pony. I never needed to use my magic, ever, so I never did. But Sombra was different. I think he wanted me to learn. I think he still wants me to learn—but I don’t really want to. I’m bad enough without it. I’d rather just stick to my hooves and live like an earth pony.” Petie nodded his head and his grin grew wider. “Just imagine what Siren would do with magic. Equestria would be germ-free and dust-free forever.” Silas laughed and felt a tug on his ear. He looked up to see Siren clinging to it and scrubbing it fiercely. He couldn’t fight it any longer. He’d just wanted to clean it so badly. Silas jumped to his hooves and tried to pull away. Usually he just let Siren finish what he was doing and move on but this time he was actually hurting him. Eventually Siren let go and Silas fell down onto the floor with a bang. “Sorry, it was bugging me like hell,” Siren said, blushing. The blushing was a good sign. It meant he was making progress with fighting his urges. At least he knew that he was wrong when he was doing it. Siren just about to tell Siren not to worry, even though there was a thumping in his head from how fiercely he’d rubbed, when the door to the living space opened. Diddy walked in and everypony turned to look. They didn’t mean to of course, but nothing really that interesting happened very often in there so it was a matter of instinct to look at everything vaguely new. Petie smiling had garnered just as much attention before Diddy. They quickly looked away again and Silas ran up to Diddy with a big smile. He didn’t feel like smiling and he knew that Diddy didn’t either. He was staring, pale-faced and with pale, lifeless eyes at a place just past Silas. Siren and Petie were walking up to greet him as well. Petie shuffled on the spot, feeling uncomfortable just staring at the draconequous. He wouldn’t have come up had it been anypony but Diddy or one of his friends. He would have just left them to their own problems. “How’re you doing, chappie?” Petie asked. Diddy’s mouth was constantly open, and he was drooling unashamedly onto his front. Siren was just about to reach forward to clean him up but stopped himself. No, he couldn’t do it. Not now. Cleaning wasn’t what Diddy needed. Instead he reached around Diddy’s shoulders and gave him a hug. Silas and Petie took their turn as well. Diddy just needed to know that they were there for him. Bow Wow and Nana would have been there too, but Bow Wow had been taken for a walk and Nana was having speech therapy in another room. Siren knew that Nana was going to be sorry she’d missed comforting Diddy. It was her latest dream to look after him. Diddy looked just as tired as Petie felt. He walked stiffly and slowly, the electricity still zipping through his brain and making him jump every now and again. Silas moved his shoulders around awkwardly. Seeing Diddy had reminded him of his last time on the table. There wasn’t anypony in the room who wasn’t remembering their last time with the shockers. No matter what happened you always remembered it—even if you forgot a lot of other things. “How many hooves am I holding up?” Siren asked Diddy, holding up his front two perfectly manicured hooves. He held them straight so that they were symmetrical. Siren had an amazing ability to remain steady and balanced through any kind of problem. Even a blizzard or a hurricane wouldn’t have knocked him off balance. Silas hit him in the side. Diddy was barely listening. There was no way he was going to be able to concentrate enough to count hooves. “Just sit down, Diddy.” Silas and Petie both helped to guide Diddy to the floor and leant him against the padded wall. Petie was feeling more and more uncomfortable the longer he stood around the zombified colt. He tilted his head, telling Silas that they should leave Diddy alone whilst he recuperated. He wouldn’t be able to comprehend that they were there with him for at least another hour, if not longer. Silas reluctantly nodded. He was close to shuddering every time he even thought about looking at Diddy. The three of them made to go and Petie suddenly came to a stop. Diddy’s paw had reached out and grabbed hold of Petie’s leg. He was holding it softly. Petie could have easily pulled away but he didn’t.
He looked at his friend pityingly. Diddy and him hadn’t been the closest colts in the hospital. Siren was Petie’s closest friend, actually, closely followed by Bow Wow and Silas. Even Nana was before Diddy and Petie and Nana didn’t always get along. But looking down at Diddy now Petie could feel something inside.
He’d gone to see Diddy at the door when he didn’t have to and didn’t want to. He’d suffered through remembering his many treatments with the shockers just to give Diddy a smile when he needed it most. He couldn’t leave him now. Being stuck with no memory was the loneliest part of N.E.M.I.. Diddy needed him now more than ever. He needed to be able to create a new memory to replace the ones that he was going to take a while to recover. On Petie’s first treatment it had taken him two months to remember that he’d once played with a girl-gryphon that he’d really liked. He hated that he’d forgotten the memory of her. It was one of the happiest memories he had.
“Actually,” Petie said, turning to Silas and Siren, “I think I’m going to stay here.” He unwrapped himself from Diddy’s paw and slid down next to him. Silas and Siren looked at each other, shuddered slightly, and then walked back and slid onto the other side of the floor next to Diddy.
It’ll only be a few hours, they thought. And what were a few hours for a friend.
My mom was in hospital for a few weeks before I got to visit her. The very idea of visiting her both frightened me and excited me. I wanted to see my mom again because I loved her, but at the same time I was afraid to see her because, I thought, that she would have changed being away for so long. There must’ve been something really wrong if they had to take her away from me and I knew it, even then.
Another thing that I think frightened me about going to see her was that she would see that I’d changed as well. Sure as Silas I was still pretty much the same. I still looked the same (bar my cutie mark, which I thought she’d be proud of), I still had the same sense of humour, I was still a kind and considerate foal—the only difference was that I was always on edge.
Ever since I’d attacked Cinders at school I’d been wary about what I did. I’d spend a lot of time outside, in the open air just walking all by myself to nowhere in particular. I found that it cleared my head and the further away from ponies I was the better it was for everypony.
I didn’t understand where this hatred had come from but I could feel it burning inside of me. I could feel that I was different deep down and nopony else could. I wanted to protect ponies from it. I wanted to save them from anything I might do.
Cinders hadn’t been the last incident of Sombra but, thankfully, there hadn’t been any worse than him. He usually came when I was alone. The only reason I knew that he’d come is because, although I’d feel like I’d been walking only about an hour or two, I’d find out that I’d been gone for anywhere up to half-a-day.
I didn’t know what Sombra had done during that time. I still don’t really know, but from what I’d seen him do to Cinders I knew it couldn’t be anything good. Plus, I could feel that he was bad. There was no good in him and because, at the time, I didn’t know that it was another pony inside of me I thought that I was the bad one. I thought I was the monster that could hurt others and that drove me almost insane with worry.
Still when the time came to go and see my mother again I’d made my mind up to put on a brave face and pretend that everything was alright. I didn’t want to add to her worries or set her back in her treatment. The faster she was better the faster she could come home to me where she’d be happy and I could look after her. As much as I love living with Rosen and Lilac I couldn’t wait to have my family back again. I needed a mother. I needed my mom.
The hospital sort of resembled N.E.M.I., except that it was far worse. I don’t know. There was just something about it. Everywhere I went sadness and unhappiness seemed to follow. There was an unbelievable stench of sick ponies—the kind of smell that you can always smell in graveyards, except a tiny bit weaker—and it was failing at being masked by all of the cleaning products the nurses and doctors smothered all over the floors and walls and—well, everything. From bedspread to toilet, it all had this horrid odour of hiding the truth from the visitors and patients. It was like they couldn’t accept what these ponies were going through and were trying to hide it from themselves.
I decided I didn’t like doctors as soon as I walked through the doors. It wasn’t like I had anything against them personally. A lot of them were really nice to me, as anypony would be to a small colt who’d come to visit his sick mother, but they just made me feel uncomfortable. These ponies, these ordinary ponies whose only difference to me was a bit more information and a fancy coat, these ponies were in charge of what happened to my mother. And in that way it was them that decided what happened to me. It didn’t seem right. I didn’t like how much power they had over me.
I suppose in some way that’s why I’m still uncomfortable when I run into Doctor Dove or anypony else wearing white and smelling of overpowering soap. I’m more relaxed now, and I can hide my fear (especially since I know that they’re only trying to help me get rid of Sombra and save the ponies I care for), but that doesn’t change my first impressions of them. The first impression is always a lasting impression no matter what you do.
My mother still looked exactly like my mother. I don’t know what they had her on, but it certainly seemed to be working. She was bordering on too relaxed and happy when I saw her. Her eyes were half-closed all of the time, her cheeks constantly flushed, and her smile never changing from its tight-lipped teeth-clenching position. She already looked like she’d died and moved on. She was an angel. An angel trapped on the earth and staring down at me as if I was a flower ready to be picked and smelt.
The nurse who came with me was called Nurse Tender Heart and she was one of the sweetest mares I’ve ever met. Unlike my mom she was like an angel who belonged on the earth—ready to protect, care for and look after anypony who needed her. I needed her, just as much as I need nurses like Morning Glory and night guards like Rainbow Dragon now. Without one ray of hope you’re kind of stuck and going nowhere.
Nurse Tender Heart helped me onto the side of my mother’s bed and then shut the curtains around us to give us some privacy. She said she’d go and see how Princess Lilac and her guard Sir. Centipede were getting along—and maybe give them a drink if they wanted it (they’d accompanied me since I was too young to go into the hospital alone). I could have all the time in the world to talk things over. However I couldn’t be too long because visiting hours only lasted for at most two hours.
I wasn’t there very long in the end anyway. I don’t think we even managed half an hour before my mom decided that she was tired and I was too uncomfortable to fight to stay.
She just wasn’t my mom in that place. She didn’t smell the same, she didn’t really look the same and she didn’t really act the same. Sure, she was nice and she’d always been nice but she was overly nice—if you know what I mean. She spoke in this simpering voice all of the time that sent shivers up my spine. It made me miss the days that she used to shout at me to stop wasting the seeds and to stop drinking the milk before she’d managed to turn it into butter. She might have been telling me off but at least I’d known how much she loved me. Now it seemed like a fairy or a breezy had jumped into her body and turned her into a sweetie-pie little chump. It was annoying. Really annoying.
The only amount of genuine thanks I’d been given was when I’d given her her present at the beginning of the visit.
When I’d been walking one time I’d stumbled upon a great pile of crystals and, knowing how much my mother loved them from our time on the farm (crystals had been all over the house to help my mother’s homesickness), I’d taken one especially pretty one to give to her as a surprise. I figured that, even though the hospital was as crystal as the rest of the Crystal Kingdom is, a small bit of crystal would take her back to how happy we were back at the farm. I figured it would show her just how much she means to me.
I was right. She nearly cried when she saw it and she gave me the most genuine hug I’d had from her in a long time. I just wanted to hold onto her forever, despite how clinical she smelled, and feel her love holding me closer and closer. It lasted longer than I probably realised. I felt like it was over in a matter of seconds, but in truth it went on for at least a minute, if not two or three.
She loved the crystal. She wanted more crystals. I wanted to give her more crystals and I could feel it inside of me that Sombra wanted to get more crystals to. It was sort of a blessing that, feeling like Sombra cared for my mom just as much as I did. I’m pretty sure he still does. Why else would he want crystals so badly? There was no other reason—except power and money, I suppose, but I prefer to think that it was love.
Before I left my mother hugged me again, but it didn’t feel the same as the first one.
‘I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ she’d said. ‘You’re the best little colt in the world and I love you more than anything.’
I’d nearly cried then but I was pushed out of the room by Nurse Tender Heart before I could. Mom really needed some sleep. I saw her crash out on the bed, her mouth wide open and drooling before I’d even managed to get out of the room.
Somehow I managed to hold my feelings in until Lilac and Centipede had walked me back the my room in the palace, but then, as soon as I’d made it to the side of my bed (and everypony else had left) I let rip. I cried and cried and cried. I still cry when I think about it. I can’t help it. It’s just the thought of seeing her in that place—and now, seeing me here now—it brings it all back.
I’m sorry. I just can’t write any more. I’m so, so, so sorry. I just...
