> Cruises are Magic
>  by Chopstickman
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: all this stuff is very pony and very not mine. It belongs to Lauren Faust and the good people at Hasbro. 


Rarity was skipping along, a rare feat for a pony. Her friends watched in varying degrees of bemusement. One orange mare to be exact, was hardly amused at all.“Are ya gonna tell us wha’ ya brought us here for?”
With a twittering of laughter Rarity answered. “Oh Applejack, it is simply divine! I just got a letter from Fancy Pants! We’re going on a cruise!”
“Hey now! You said ‘e was married!”
Rarity giggled as her friends began to question the integrity of the seamstress. “I meant all of you! It’s the maiden voyage of the airship he built; I designed the interior. Besides he wouldn’t be coming anyway, it’s a singles’ cruise!”
Fluttershy nearly spoke up before she was cut off by a now quite indignant Applejack.
“You mean ta drag mah flank on some dumb flyin’ contraption on account ah ain’t knocking horseshoes wit’ somepony?”
Rarity sighed. “That is a tad more vulgar than I would have put it but yes. We are all single mares are we not? It will only be four days. And I know the farm isn’t too terribly busy right now”
The orange farmfilly grit her teeth. Rainbow Dash again interrupted Fluttershy before she could talk. “Yeah well that might work well enough for you but-”
“I think it’s a great idea!” 	Twilight excitedly clopped her front hooves. 
“Wait what? Twilight?” Rainbow's jaw hung slack as she gaped at her friend.
The brainy unicorn beamed. “It’ll be a wonderful opportunity to study the magic of relationships!”
Her five friends burst out laughing. Confused she blinked a few times before Pinkie hugged her. "Wait why is everypony laughing?" Pinkie wiped a tear from her eye. “That was a good one! I guess our super smart smarty pants can crack a joke!” Twilight rubbed her chin. “Joke? But I wa- YES joke. Of course it was. Heh heh” Her now bright red face did notheing to convince her friends of her sincerity.
Unheard by her friends Fluttershy grumbled to herself. “Just because I haven’t confessed yet doesn’t mean I don’t have somepony…”

A few days later after an uneventful train ride to Canterlot the (two time) saviors of Equestria made their way to the airship docks. Fluttershy looked warily at the vessel. “Oh my. It certainly is a big airship”
Rainbow Dash gave the daunting hulk a flippant look. “Bah. No way that thing can get any real speed. Trust me; I know speed”
A bout of aristocratic laughing broke Rainbow Dash from her train of thought. “I would certainly say so. Glad to see you could make it Rarity” The purple maned unicorn joyfully greeted the new arrivals. “Fancy Pants! So kind of you to invite me and my friends. And Fleur, you mane looks stunning! Did you have it done by..?”
The slight pink, unicorn draped over Fancy Pants’ back smiled warmly. “Yes, the very same. They do such excellent work, don't they?”
Applejack almost bit back her comment on how they could know what they were talking about without saying names. Almost. She did however do a nice job of hiding behind her hat. After a good natured chuckle the stallion set about to introducing himself. “Your friends certainly have their charm. But I believe proper introductions are in order. I am Fancy Pants, and this lovely creature is my better half, Fleur” She gave the Ponyvillians an airy wave. “Pleased to meet you”
The purple unicorn spoke up next. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia and Ponyville Librarian”
Shoving her embarrassment aside Applejack took her turn. “Ah’m Applejack, proprietor of Sweet Apple Acres, producers of the best apples in Equestria”
“And I’m Rainbow Dash! The fastest flier in all of Equestria! And ready to prove it!” Rainbow struck an awe-inspiring pose of radicalness to accentuate her statement.
The boundless bundle of pink energy was next in line. “I’m Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s Premier Purveyor of Ponyrific Parties! And since you probably won’t hear her, this is Fluttershy! She stared down a dragon and a cockatrice and once tamed a manticore, but don’t worry. She’s the timid one” Fluttershy hid behind her hair, trying to hide her indignation.  Fortunately the airship signaled for all passengers to board so further conversation was abandoned. Rarity led the pack, walking around as if she owned the place and took her friends straight to their rooms.
Rarity tossed her mane and smiled. “I think you’ll find the accommodations most accommodating. I did have a hoof in their design. The rooms only hold two poines each, but we do have three suites next to each other”
Pinkie excitedly raised a hoof. “Ooh ooh! I call Rainbow Dash! No takesies backises!” Rainbow was slightly less enthused, as her lightish red friend was perched on her multihued head. 
Applejack sighed. “Ah reckon Twilight would be a sensible option”
Fluttershy fidgeted. “Well Rarity I guess my decision is made for me” Rarity beamed. “Oh this will be a wonderful trip! This airship has two spas, eight restaurants, four gyms, a formal ballroom and numerous activities scattered about the main deck. We shan’t be bored at all”
A sudden lurch let the friends know the airship had left the dock. Almost immediately after they had dropped off their luggage Rarity had snatched up Fluttershy and was off to the closer of the two spas. Pinkie sprang into the air. “They have karaoke! And a rave later on tonight! Woo!” Twilight cocked her head at the exuberant party pony. “Pinkie, what’s a rave? I've neve-ack!” Twilight found herself being half dragged half carried down the hall. “C’mon Twilight! Time to learn that you can’t learn everything from a book! Onward to karaoke!”
Applejack and Rainbow just watched their nerdy friend be now mostly pushed down the corridor. The orange apple bucker turned to her companion. “Well seein’ as we’re all paired off, what tickles yer fancy?” Rainbow smirked. “If they got gyms, that means sports” Applejack returned the smirk. “Last I checked the score was still 35-34 in favor of yours truely”
Rainbow angrily glared at her friend. “No way! The Iron Pony competition put me way ahead of you!” Applejack pointed a hoof at Rainbow. “That still only counts as one” Rainbow responded through grit teeth. “OH you are in for it now!”

Apparently for Pinkie Pie, a karaoke lounge was tantamount to an open invitation to put on your own concert. Which she did. After a plethora of top twenty hits the party pony, through some inexplicable means, had her own original songs in the machine and was belting out the tunes to a very appreciative crowd. Twilight was aware that each ponies’ time on the mike was limited, but Pinkie had more than exceeded that limit. “Alrighty you party ponies! Last ones’ gonna be a duet with my friend Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight spat out her drink. “What! Wait Pinkie!” 
With the crowds applause and one or two of them pushing Twilight found herself on stage behind a microphone. Pinkie giggled. “Here’s the perfect ender! Just follow the words on screen!”
Twilight contemplated teleporting away as the music started.
Something bad is coming down, 
Have you heard the news?
Get inside, better run and hide, 
Nothing can stop the Smooze!
See the way it slithers forth
Spewing gobs of ooze henceforth
Pinkie pulled her mike away from its stand and pointed at Twilight.
Here it comes
Twilight gave into the music and pointed back at Pinkie.
Right now
They then slid towards each other, coming to rest back to back.
Nothing can stop the Smooze!
You can’t escape it,
You can’t escape it,
You haven’t got a chance!
Yeah!
That evil goo is a witch’s brew!
No matter what you do,
It’s gonna get to you!
OOOOOOO!
Anyone who tries to fight
Is guaranteed to lose!
You can’t win
Better pack it in,
Nothing can stop the Smooze!
Here comes the Smooze cruzin’ along
Singin’ its funky gunky song
There’s just no way to stop 
Our ooey glooey glop!
OOOOOOOOO!
When it come to witches brews,
Smooze is what we choose.
We wont’s stop
Nothing else can top
Our unstoppable 
Smooze!!
Smoooooze!
Nothing can stop the Smooze!
The pair was cheered off the stage with applause and none too few catcalls. In a completely different environment Rarity and Fluttershy were enjoying themselves. “I can’t believe how good this sauna feels” Rarity practically purred as she tossed a bit more water on the rocks. Fluttershy gave off a soft moan of contentment in answer. True the spa back home in Ponyville was nothing short of high quality, but this sauna. Fluttershy didn’t know what it was but something about it just gave it that extra… well, something. 
Rarity turned to Fluttershy. “Tomorrow starts the ‘couple making’ activities. I was going to bring Twilight with me on a walk through some ruins or some such. Would you like to come with?”
Fluttershy flinched. “I’m not sure. Why do they call it ‘couple making’?” Rarity sighed. “When you sign up for them you list your preference and then get randomly put together with someone of that gender. I know how you feel about Big Macintosh but this might be good for you. Think of it as practice”
The yellow pegasus looked pensive. “I guess it depends. I’ll have to see what else is going on” Gentle tones sounded an end to their time in the sauna. 

Elsewhere things were just heating up. Onlookers stood in awe as Applejack and Rainbow Dash stood on their hind legs and wielded paddles with both hooves in what had to be one of the most intense table tennis matches ever witnessed. 
“Ha! Take that!”
“Not fer long sugarcube!”
The game had started off innocently enough. Each with one paddle held in their mouths. Then when Applejack gained the lead Rainbow began to use her hoof, then things just escalated. The onlookers could scarcely believe the ball was still intact after all those repeated blows. The titanic clash seemed to remain at a stalemate, that is until the balance shifted in favor of the orange pony. Rainbow snorted at the gloating farmer. “Only one more point ‘til the match is mine Rainbow” The blue pegasus growled. “Not as long as I’m playing you”
In an ill advised move, Rainbow put a third paddle in her mouth. The climactic showdown that was the match point was finally won by the farmfilly. The pegasus collapsed theatrically. “NO! You are so gonna get beat tomorrow! Just you wait!” Applejack laughed. “36 to 34. And Ah’ll be extendin’ mah lead tomorrow”

Twilight had no earthly idea why Pinkie had wrapped fluorescent plastic and glow in the dark accoutrements all over her. “What is all this stuff for?” Pinkie shook her head as though she was explaining something obvious. “The rave silly! It’s really dark, loud and fun to dance in! Oh yeah, we’ll need some earplugs” The unicorn eyed her friend warily. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Pinkie looked Twilight directly in the eye. “Trust me Twilight. You will love this” As Pinkie led her to the ballroom Twilight felt absolutely ridiculous. Once she had entered that entrancing chamber of sound and energy all that changed. “DJ PON-3 IN DA HOUSE!!! WOOO!!!” 

Hours later Twilight was still buzzing with excitement. She was bouncing around almost as much as Pinkie. “Oh gosh that was so fun!” Pinkie nudged her. “Aren’t you glad I took you?” Twilight nodded enthusiastically. “Sure am Pinkie!”	The purple unicorn started to relate her dance experience to Applejack as she entered their shared room but the adrenalin wore off and she fell asleep almost instantly. Applejack scratched her head in confusion.
“Jus’ what in tarnation is that filly wearin’?”

Dawn cracked early for the ponies. Not that they bothered getting up until it was nearly lunchtime. They all gathered for brunch at the nearest restaurant. Twilight was, however, visibly sore from the night previous. Unlike a certain loud mouthed pegasus. “Today’s the day you go down ground pounder” Or the orange earth pony. “Keep talking like that an’ yer liable ta get’cher wings clipped” 
Choosing to ignore the competitors the other for ponies struck up a conversation about their plans for the day. Pinkie finished her drink with a loud slurp. “Anyone wanna join me with the bungee jumping?” Twilight turned a deadpan look to her vivacious friend. “Pinkie, this is a perfectly good airship and I have no intention of jumping off it” Pinkie laughed. “C’mon Twilight live a little!” The bookish unicorn decided to change the subject in a vain attempt to get Pinkie to stop pestering her. “At dinner yesterday Rarity mentioned a walk through some ruins. That should be very educational. And not physically demanding” The pink party filly made a gagging gesture. “Hello? Vacation much? This is no time for learning, this is time for fun!” With a perfect monotone Twilight responded. “I’m also going to be flirting with stallions” Pinkied nodded in approval. “Ah. That makes it ok”
“Ugh.” Once again Twilight was unable to overcome the barriers of Pinkie Logic. Rainbow Dash and Applejack excused themselves and trotted off for another day of competition. Pinkie was off to have fun in a possibly lethal manner. The remaining three made their way to the balloons that would bring them back down to the ground for a time. An attendant drew names out of a hat to determine who was matched up with whom. The pairs then boarded the balloons and descended. 
“How fascinating! This site is over 700 years old! The details preserved on the walls are just breathtaking!”
For all her earlier talk of flirting Twilight was very absorbed with the content of the hike rather than the company. In her favor she did direct most of her commentary to the stallion she was paired with. 
“Wow that’s um really neat”
Rarity rolled her eyes. Twilight’s partner was no mental giant. Her partner on the other hoof was stealing one too many looks at her hindquarters. True it was flattering at the beginning but a bit more conversation would be nice too. 
“SNAKE!!”
Twilight screamed and dashed behind Fluttershy. 
“Don’t worry. It’s just a garter snake. It can’t harm you”
“I’m still ophidiophobic!” 
The three stallions tried to laugh off the situation, but Rarity scoffed.
‘They all jumped back. Spike would have thrown his brave little self forward, to protect me. Wait, why am I thinking of Spike? I’m supposed to be looking for a coltfriend! Not reminding myself of that sweet little dragon!’

Rarity felt her irritation grow. Fluttershy all but brushed off her partner to pick up the snake and strike up a conversation with it. Back onboard the ship a certain game of air hockey was in a very similar position to a certain game of table tennis the night previous.
“Take this!”
“In yer dreams flyfilly!”
The click and clack of the puck mesmerized the crowd of awestruck ponies. Sweat flew as the determined competitors grit their teeth. Rainbow took to hovering at her end of the table. Applejack slammed a shot right into Rainbow’s goal. 
“All tied up sugarcube”
“And the next point has my name on it!”
Finally a winner was determined. Rainbow Dash raised her hooves in victory. A husky stallion walked up to her.
“You two really had it going on. Care to try my sport next?”
“Huh? Ace?”
The mustachioed stallion grinned. 
“Tennis anyone?”
On the tennis court Ace and his 70’s aficionado brother stood ready. Rainbow Dash and Applejack held their rackets. With a wordless cry the battle was joined. Back with Pinkie Pie she had moved on from the bungee jumping and found a desert bar. After an indulgent few hours Pinkie found herself joined by a certain yellow pegasus. 
“Hi Fluttershy!”
“Oh hello, Pinkie”
“Wow, you sound so depressed. Is there anything your Aunt Pinkie can do for you?”
Fluttershy leveled a glare that could blow the fluff off a dandelion.
“I’m one year older than you”
Picking up on her friend’s angered state Pinkie laughed and shoved a plateful of cake in front of her.
“Cheer up! This vacation is about having fun!”
“I’m not having any”
Fluttershy nibbled at the cake, not really hungry but wanting something. Then a certain item on the bar caught her eye. Twlight and Rarity were relaxing in the karaoke lounge. Rarity sipped her drink as a less than talented singer was on the mike.
“Well the cruise has been marvelous; shame I can’t say the same for the caliber of our fellow passengers”
“It’s not like I meant to talk so over their heads. I just want somepony I can talk to on an intellectual level”
“Darling you make it sound like you are trying to shoo them off”
Their conversation was interrupted by another passenger’s shout.
“I’ve had about enough of you Vinyl!”
“W-wait Octy-”
“Drop the stupid pet name already! I’m leaving!”
The white unicorn looked dejected as the grey earth pony stormed off. Rarity immediately got up and brought her blue maned friend to the table.
“Hey Rarity”
“Oh Vinyl what did you do this time?”
Twilight gasped.
“You know DJ-PON3?”
“Twilight, don’t gush. But yes. We were classmates at Ponyville Elementary”
Vinyl heaved a huge sigh. 
“I think I really screwed up this time. All I did was suggest we do something at the formal tomorrow, y’know, just for fun and add in an electric guitar or something”
“And being the high-class, high-strung Octavia you’ve told me about she took it the wrong way”
“C’mon Rarity! You’re one too! Can you help me?”
Rarity’s eye twitched at the slight, but she quickly smiled.
“I have just the thing. Twilight! It’s time for a makeover!”
The DJ’s protests were unheeded as she was levitated down the hallway. In another part of the ship Applejack and Rainbow Dash stumbled back to their rooms.
“That was crazy intense”
“You kin say that again sugarcube. Hoo! Even though we lost what a game!”
The two friends shared a laugh. Suddenly a crash alerted them to the presence of another. 
“YOU! I have… a thing! To say to you!”
An incredibly inebriated Fluttershy was slumped against the wall a pointing a hoof in Applejack’s general direction.
“I was brou- drag- here! To find a… date. All I wanted was to get BUCKED BY YOUR BROTHER!!”
Applejack’s face fell. Of all ponies she never would have thought she’d see the day when Flutttershy was drunk.
“Here in the ponyfeather pickin’ boat.. thingy. It’s all your fault! I could be screwin’ ‘im all night long!”
Fluttershy took a few loopy swings the Applejack, which served only to make her crash into the other side of the hallway. A sheepish Pinkie poked her head out.
“Sorry everypony! I guess she had too much”
“Pinkie! What were you thinking getting Fluttershy drunk?”
“Don’t worry Dashie! I stayed sober to keep her safe!”
The blue pegasus groaned. Applejack tried to back away from Fluttershy but the pegasus slumped forward, lying on her back and giving the farmfilly a bleary eyed glare. 
“I’d suck ‘im dry! You’d have to do ALL the chores ‘cause he’d be exha-worn out! From me! Doing me!”
“This is so sick and wrong. Somepony make her stop!”
“We’d break the bed with our mad love maki…iiin”
Sleep claimed Fluttershy. Pinkie giggled.
“Her snores sound like purring! She’s a kitty-pony! Or would that be pony-kitty?”
“Pinkie you are so random”
Rainbow shook her head and began the task of putting the lush in her room. 
“Hey Applejack, a little help?”
“Sorry. Just that bit o’ information is kinda disquietin’ is all”
“What? Knowing your brother turns on Fluttershy?”
“As Rarity would say, ‘Let us never speak of this again’”
“That’s a pretty good impersonation”
Pinkie laughed and draped herself over Applejack’s back.
“You should have been at the bar! Fluttershy gets pretty randy when drunk as was describing all sorts of dirty stuff! Like how she would-”
“Ah don’t need ta hear that Pinkie!”
In a secluded corner of one of the unspecified spas Twilight and Rarity converged over a still figure.
“Um, Rarity? Are you sure about this?”
“Oh course darling. I am a professional”
“So if you were going to be serious about giving me a makeover you would knock me out then wash my mane?”
“Oh you silly filly. You just stick to your books. Fashion is my life’s work”
Vinyl awoke feeling very refreshed. Rarity beamed at her.
“Just look at yourself! Exquisite!”
“Whoa. I don’t even recognize myself!”
Her mane was still electric blue but now was carefully formed and styled. The delicate touch of makeup and the sophisticated dress made her look like something out of a magazine.
“But will this really get Octy to like me again?”
“Oh, of course not! But it will disarm her a touch. You will have to do the rest with words”
Vinyl slumped. Twilight patted her on the withers. Rarity smiled.
“Don’t you worry. We will practice all night if we must!”
Awkward scene transition to the next day! Three mares lay about on lounge chairs beside the pool. Rarity, Twilight and the hungover Fluttershy had all donned swimsuits and were soaking up the sun. Rarity had outdone herself with their design; for herself a purple one piece that managed to be frontless and backless, a light green affair with darker trim for Fluttershy and a cute ruffled pink number for Twilight. Their friends were hard at play in the pool. Applejack, still wet from her last jump in the pool walked over.
“What are you three wearing anyhow?”
In a practiced move Rarity turned to her friend and lowered her sunglasses.
“They are called swimsuits”
“If so, why are’t ya swimming?”
“They are used for more than just swimming, dear”
Applejack narrowed her eyes at the fashionista.
“Sometimes it’s much more attractive to cover it up than to show it off”
“Whatever”
That said the orange mare made a running leap into the pool. Fluttershy cringed.
“It’s so loud. Why can’t I just go back inside?”
“Because. I brought you here so you could get some practice for flirting with Big Macintosh. Consider this punishment for getting drunk and ignoring my advice”
“I never should have told you about my crush”
Twilight stretched in a slightly exaggerated manner. Though her shades she could see some of the stallions turn in her direction. 
“This is actually kinda fun! Using these sunglasses to hide the fact we are monitoring how many reactions our poses get is quite a novel way to-”
“It’s too much like modeling. I hated modeling”
Hearty laughter broke up the conversation.
“Well well doth my eyes deceive me or is that Twilight Sparkle in the flesh?”
“Ugh. You”
“I’m so flattered you remember me”
“Get bent Pressed”
“Keep up that posing and something is going to get stiff instead”
Rarity giggled at the repartee as Twilight gagged.
“Come now Twilight. Introduce us to your friend” 
“He’s not my friend. He’s an annoyance”
The green unicorn crossed his forelegs over his heart theatrically. 
“Oh you wound me to the quick! Therefore I must introduce myself. Pressed Pants is the name, enchantings my game”
“You would happen to be…”
Pressed’s face fell and he waved his hoof dismissively. 
“Fancy Pants’ younger brother, yes. I don’t really fit in with those upper crust types. Spend most of my days in the armory”
“The armory? Is it perhaps part of your job?”
“That’s where my office is. Official Enchanter of Stuff or something to that effect”
Twilight groaned. He could be so normal until he stated having… fun. Rarity ignored her friend.
“And what would you normally enchant?”
“Ha. You don’t really think that there are that many white stallions without Cutie Marks around do you?”
“So their armor is enchanted? I never knew”
Suddenly a burst of pink happened.
“Hiya PP!”
“P-squared! About time you showed up. Hey Twilight would you believe we were the only two in line for bungee jumping? Crazy. So! Karaoke or pranking the crew?”
“Pranking! Let’s grab Dashie!”
“From a twosome to a threesome? You naughty filly you”
The party pony laughed as she led the unicorn to the pool. Twilight sighed.
“He seems okay. Why do you dislike him so much?”
“Well Fluttershy, to start with he is extremely illogical! And he told me I was cute!”
“But, um-”
“Over the school loudspeakers!”
Twilight grit her teeth in frustration.
“All he ever does is irritate me!”
Rarity brushed off the topic.
“It seems he likes you. Perhaps you are just embarrassed?”
“I do not like him!”
Deeper in the ship Octavia nursed a glass of refined spirits. It was a tad early in the day but that didn’t matter. She was a connoisseur, not an alcoholic. A rougish stallion plopped down across from her.
“Hey. What’s a pretty mare like you doing here?”
“Ignoring you”
“Ouch. You are brutal. What’s wrong with a simple conversation?”
“Fine. Entertain me”
“So… what kinda stuff do you like?”
‘An annoying DJ with no tact’ “If that is the best conversation you can come up with leave now”
“Whatever! I tried”
Octavia sighed. She contemplated leaving when Vinyl burst through to door.
“Octy! I’ve been looking all over for you”
“Vinyl… what are you wearing?”
Vinyl fidgeted nervously. Without her shades and in a frilly dress she felt a little exposed. Octavia looked closer.
“Are you wearing makeup? Did you lose a bet?”
“NO! I did this, well actually my friend Rarity did this, to try and make up with you. I’m sorry”
Octavia laughed and hugged her lover.
“You are a loveable idiot Vinyl Scratch”
A sudden explosion of cake batter above the wait staff ruined the mood.
“What in Equestria was that?!”
“If I had to guess Octy, someone just became the target of a prank”
Much to Twilight’s dismay the evening hours of the day saw Pressed join them at their table. She was unsubtly glaring at the responsible party, namely one Pinkamena Diane Pie. Pinkie ignored her completely and egged Pressed to reveal more about the School for Gifted Unicorns.
“So we all had this huge practical coming up. And just to spice it up we had to perform in front of the whole class instead of in private”
“Oooh! What happened?”
“We all waited for our names to be called. We had to blink from one spot to another, each marked on the floor. The first ones goes down, he doesn’t quite make it. But the next one winked perfectly; landing right on the whoopee cushion!”
“Oh that’s a riot!”
Their food arrived and Twilight tore into hers without any delicacy. Rarity was appalled.
“My word Twilight! No matter the circumstances a lady should act with decorum!”
A snort answered her. Pressed shook his head.
“She really hasn’t gotten over that” 
“Whatcha mean PP?”
“The one spell she never really got the hang of; the selfsame one I mastered”
“But her special talent is magic! How are you better?”
“The Come to Life spell”
Twilight was ready to start a lecture but Applejack interrupted.
“Not that ya mention it last Winter Wrap Up she tried something like that on one of mah snow plows. She lost control of it and incidentally doubled our workload”
“I’ve gotten better since then!”
Twilight started sulking. Pressed sighed.
“Look Twilight you need to let this go; it’s not that important”
“Yes it is! I know nearly every spell back and forth! Some I even know backwards! I will figure out your Rainbow of Darkness!”
“Fine, I’ll tell you how-”
“Not good enough! I’ll get to the bottom of this one way or another!”
Twilight stormed off in a huff. Rainbow Dash turned angrily on their guest.
“Just what do you think you-”
Wordlessly a streak of black burst from Pressed’s horn, enveloping a fork and a spoon. The magic soon faded, leaving a pair of dancing clothes pins.
“This is an example of what my spell can do. Manipulation of objects is my special talent; wand and marionette bar Cutie Mark, see? The final evolution of the Come to Life spell, what I call the Rainbow of Darkness, can transform any object into any form I choose and it exists to obey me. The only thing that can undo it is the same spell”
With a flash of black the spoon and fork became flatware once more. Rainbow quirked an eyebrow.
“So, the name?”
“It sounded cool” 
“Fair enough”
The rest of the table returned to their meals. Rarity sipped her glass.
“I suppose it is just like her to get so fixated of something”
“Like when she tried to figure out my Pinkie Sense!”
The final day of the cruise the six friends exited their rooms together. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were cornered by an amused Pinkie Pie. 
“Wanna play a guessing game?”
“Ah Pinkie? With all the stuff on this tub you want to play something we can do anywhere?”
“Sure to Dashie! And this is a special game! It comes with high stakes”
That caught the flier’s ear.
“What kind of stakes?” 
“Loser has to play a penalty game!”
“Ok you’re on! Let’s do this Applejack!”
Applejack was reluctant, but deiced to go ahead and play along. Pinkie giggled and started bouncing.
“All you have to do is guess what Fluttershy said when she was drunk!”
All non-Pinkie motion in the hallway froze. Then Fluttershy scrunched up into a ball of embarrassment. Rarity huffed at the proposition and Twilight suppressed a laugh. The two guessers looked as though they had stepped into something foul.
“Pinkie… that’s seriously not cool”
“Ah don’t wanna think ‘bout that!”
“Did she mention-”
“Ah said no!”
Applejack shoved her hooves into Rainbow’s mouth, determined not to hear what the pegasus would have said. Pinkie laughed a benevolently evil cackle.
“If you don’t guess you have to play my penalty!”
“All right. We’ll do it. Ah’d rather lose than play this game”
The farmfilly and weather girl found themselves on the stand in the karaoke lounge. 
“Aw man I don’t wanna be up here”
“You’n me both Rainbow. But Ah just couldn’t…”
“Yeah. Thinkin’ about that is just a little too gross”
They fiddled with the machine trying to pick a different song. Pinkie shouted from the front row.
“Moar singing!”
The pair gulped as the track started. They looked at one another uneasily.
Grundles good! Grundles good! Grundles good!
Grundles small, Grundles nice
Grundles also quite concise!
Grundles don't waste words!
Wasting words for the birds!
People stunned- often scared-
Meeting Grundles unprepared!
Grundles are misunderstood!
Grundles neat, Grundles gentle
Grundles sweet and sentimental!
Grundles hug you, never bug you!
Grundles good! Grundles good! Grundles good!
Grundles are misunderstood! 
Take a shot! Get acquainted! 
Grundles not as we're painted! 
Grundles love all and above all...
Grundles good! Grundles good! Grundles good!
Grundles good! Grundles good! Grundles good!
Raucous laughter erupted in the lounge. Loudest of all was Pinkie herself. Soon it became time for the airship to return to Canterlot. Bags were packed and everypony got ready to disembark. When the Mane Six trotted to the gangplank they were met with their new friend.
“Not you again. Haven’t you bothered me enough?”
“Not really no. But sadly for you there is only one way off the ship without the use of flight and or magic”
“Good idea”
Without pause Twilight winked down to the dock. Her friends shook their heads at the display. Pressed shrugged.
“C’est la Vie. Guess I’ll see you girls in Ponyville sometime”
“Sounds fun PP! We can throw a party!”
“I’ll hold you to it!”
Pressed threw his luggage in the air then used his signature spell to give it wings. He hopped on it and pointed dramatically.
“To adventure! Or Pony Joe’s! Whichever is closest”
As he flew off Pinkie gasped.
“We can have a welcome home party when we get home!”
Fluttershy looked puzzled.
“Um. Didn’t the vacation just end?”
“Not for Pinkie Pie! And by that I mean me!”