how it all started
It's funny how you take the simplest things for granted, ain't it? Be it throwing away your breakfast because you made too much of it or even just throwing away a half eaten apple because yah don't like the taste of it. Now ah know I ain't the friendliest of ponies at times or the most honest ponies, heck by Celestia's faith I'd never be no element of honesty.
But there is one thing I know and that is I would do anything to help my family out no matter the cost. I've promised I would always be there for them no matter what happens. But due to me being captured and sold into slavery, it seems that I have failed to even live up to that promise, but that's just me ain't it?
Oh did ah forget to mention my name? Well you just say Jango - thats what my "slavers" call me. You know, trying to break me in like a good little mud pony I am? Well, that's what they call me “mud pony” or flat “head”. Never really understood why, you know? Is it because us earth ponies like to roll around in mud and just have a flat head? I bet you're asking yourself: why are earth ponies slaves now? Well, that's a funny story, but we'll get to that later, okay? Right now I think it's time to get into the story.
My name is Jango and this is how I ended up saving Equestria
The sound of leaves crunching underneath my hooves shook me from my thoughts. It was in the middle of winter right now and damn was it cold, even with my coat and this blanket on that our so gracious "slavers" gave to us to make sure their "stock", as we've been called, arrived to the market safely. I personally find that offensive, but last time I complained about it to the slavers, I ended up sleeping outside in the freezing rain. Lucky I didn't freeze to death. I'm sure it would've made them ever so mad, which would've been amazing to see if I wasn't dead .
But the worst thing of all was that I was chained together with the other earth ponies, so if one of the other captives kicked the bucket, we would have to drag him along until the slavers decided to free us from him ,which trust me when I say this was rare, I just think they don't get laid enough.
"How long left till we get there, Buttercup?" I shouted to the slaver on the left. She was a fairly slim unicorn, her coat was a nice pink and her mane and tail were a dark purple with red highlights and her cutiemark was a smiley flower how ironic. I honestly never understood the weird colours these unicorns and pegasi have. I admit us earth ponies have some silly colours from time to time, but I digress.
"However long it takes, mudpony!" shouted the slaver right to her, before Buttercup could respond. I think his name is Stargazer? Not really sure. The last time I asked him a question, I ended up tied up and whipped and not the good kind, let me tell you...
"Alright, keep your coat on. I was only asking" If I'm honest, annoying the shit out of them is most likely a bad idea, but it always counts as a small victory for me, even though more times than not I end up getting punished.
"What was that, flathead? Do you need another whipping to keep your mudpony mouth shut?!" Stargazer screamed as he rushed up to me and pointed his horn to my throat. "Give me a reason to gore you right now, I dare you, I double motherbucking dare you!" Okay, I admit if I was wearing clothing right now, I might have just peed a little.
But Before Buttercup could come break it up, a voice who I could only recall as a thick Canterlot voice spoke up from behind us.
"Oh excuse me fine Gentlecolts. I was wondering if any of you came from the Dodge Junction Plantation?" A purple unicorn, which surprisingly had a light grey tweed jacket on with a rather fetching grey bowler hat atop her head, the rest of her body was a lovely purple colour with a star cutiemark, her mane and tail were dark purple with a light red strip going though.
"I did" I blurted out before I could stop myself. Oh joy, I hope I have not just screwed myself over. I silently cursed under my breath "buck...."
She turned her head towards me with a smile on her face. Damn, if it was not the nicest smile I've seen for a while. "Oh good, what's your name, good colt?" the purple unicorn said with a smile.
"Blazing Sun, but most people call me by my nickname Jango" I replied.
"Okay Jango, my name’s Twilight Sparkle and it’s your lucky day. I have come into need of your skills. Do you remember the diamond dogs Rover, Phido and Banjo?"
A darkened expression crossed my face. Those... those dammed diamond dogs! I'll never forget what they did to my wife.... "Yes, I know who they are"
If Twilight saw my face change, she did not seem to care. "Good. That’s great news. And if I were to say that if you saw them again, you would be able to recognize them, yes?" She added with a sly smile.
I nodded my head thinking where this is going.
Twilight turned towards the two unicorn slavers and started to walk towards them. "Hello there, good ponies. I was wondering if I could purchase this fine pony, Blazing Sun here?" she said with an aura of professionalism.
"No sale! Now beat it, before I pump you full of lead" Buttercup said with a growl, levitating her shotgun up towards Twilight's face.
Undeterred Twilight turned her head towards Stargazer. With a smile she said "How about you, good sir? Surely you won't give up a good offer like this".
Stargazer though about this before replying with a smile "Seeing as you want this bucking mudpony so bad, no sale!" He said before letting out a laugh before starting to turn away.
"Oh, very well" In a matter of a seconds Twilight levitated her pistol into the air and aimed it point blank at Buttercups face and punched a hole through her skull with brain matter splashing all across the front slaves face, "Buttercup what did you d- " was all Stargazer could say before Twilight blew his horn off. "AHHHHHHH" was all he could scream before falling onto the ground, rolling around in pain.
"Now... do you have a bill of sale there, my good pony?" asked Twilight. All she got back from Stargazer was "Ahh, you bitch! You blew off my bucking horn" With a smile Twilight said "Oh, that’s okay. I always carry one around with me. One minute" before she started going through her mane. "Ahh, here we go" she said before pulling out a bill of sale and began filling it out, then placed it by Stargazers side.
"Now Jango, we best get going. Don't want to arrive too late to my camp now, do we?" she said with a smile.
Not sure what I just saw, I just nodded dumbly and started to walk towards her. "Excellent! Now about these fine colts here, you have two choices. You can either, after I unchain you, take Stargazer here back to town, so he can get medical attention - which is about 40 miles south of here - or you can take that shotgun, pump his head full of lead, bury him in a unmarked grave and head on over to Ponyville, where its far more friendly to earth ponies" She stated like it was nothing at all.
As I started walking off, I could hear behind me.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? YOU DAMN MUDPONYS! DONT YOU EVEN DARE COME----
BANG!
"Now Jango, what do you know about bounty hunting?..."