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Needing and Getting
By: MidnightDancer
Thock.
Applejack's solid buck was rewarded with a generous shower of apples, falling into precisely placed buckets around the tree. The farmpony allowed a small smile to grace her features, glancing down at the near-overflowing harvest. Green eyes swept the orchard, afire with the orange glow of sunset, and she felt a warm contentment settle into her breast.
Content. Something about that word niggled at her, tugging at her even as she tried to follow the calm stream of her happiness down. Hooves thudding the ground decisively, she shook her mane as she approached the next tree. Silly things, I reckon.
As she coiled her legs for the next buck, eyeing the tree's bark, she froze. There, in the bark of the tree was a shallow carving of a heart, with a crude chisel of 'AJ & RB' adorning the trunk. She hesitated for the briefest moment, eyes wide as this sudden metaphorical buck hit her heart instead of the tree. Furrowing her brow, she let out a primal growl as she recoiled her legs, bucking solidly against the carved declaration of love. The bark shattered, leaving only the living wood underneath, as a shower of apples thudded mutely into the baskets beside her.
Applejack barely noticed. She kept her back turned, trotting resolutely away, leaving only the shattered remains behind. Just as she did. Suppose that's fitting enough.
Heading back to the barn, she failed to notice her taciturn brother eye the tree she just attacked. He knew the tree, knew its significance, and just watched her leave. Sighing and kicking the remains with a hoof, he turned to follow her with a new determination.
He caught up with his little sister in the barn as she was rearranging the tools for the sixteenth time that month. Moving his ever present hay stalk from side to side, he mused on the best way to address... the problem. Watching her move the same wrench to six different places in her distraction, he heaved a sigh, rolling his eyes. Applejack whirled on him, eying him, and he could see even in the dim and dusty light of the barn that her eyes were damp and mouth set to keep from quivering.
"Applejack."
"Mac. You need some tools?" She turned back to them, kicking them gently with a forehoof. "I've been arranging the consarned things to keep them organized, but it's a bit of an uphill battle." A strong red hoof landed on her shoulder with a gentleness few knew the red giant possessed. Applejack glanced back again, oil on her face scarcely hiding her emotion. "Wh-what do you need?"
He smiled down at her, his eyes remaining stern. "Question is, sis, what do you need?" At her arched brow and furrowed lips, he held up a hoof. "You ain't been the same since Miss Rarity moved to Canterlot to sell her frou-frou fashions to them noble ponies. I know you miss her, but this is a bit much."
Stomping one orange hoof and sending up little eddies of dust, she glared back. "What am I supposed to do, Mac? I can't sit here and wait for her to change her mind and come back! That's gotta be bout the dumbest thing ever." Her voice lowered as she turned back to her tools, softening as she thought of the white pony that dominated her dreams. "I love her, Mac, I truly do. But that don't do anypony a lick of good if she don't love me back."
He simply watched his sister for a time, sharp mind working at a solution for his sister's woes. "But all this anger ain't healthy, AJ. She does love you, she's just got different aspirations and dreams than most country folk, and she's successful with her fancy clothing thing she does. I'd have thought you'd be happy for her, livin' her dream out like so many folks don't get to do these days."
Applejack's shoulders sagged, and a forehoof came up to rub her forehead gently. "I know, I know. I should be--need to be happy for her. She sends letters, and she's doing well up there, but that's different from bein' beside her and helping her. All I can do is just... sit, and wonder what she's doin', who she's with, how her day to day life is going, and just..." She pulled herself up straight again, turning back to her brother, deep green eyes finally spilling their tears. "It doesn't help, Mac, to just imagine how she's livin' up there. I wanted to be part of it, but... I just can't..."
"AJ," Mac murmured, taking her into his embrace finally. "I ain't so good at this stuff, but I want you to know that I'm your big brother, and I'm always gonna be here for you to talk to about this, alright? I know this ain't easy, and it's downright painful sometimes. But," he pulled back, tilting his little sister's chin up to meet her watery eyes with his own calm ones, "d'you really think she'd want you puttin' your life on hold for her? If she loves ya, she wants ya to be happy. If she don't, then she don't really care, and that's even more a reason to make yourself happy, don't you think?"
"But Mac, I... I still need her..." She hung her head shamefully, burying herself back into her brother's embrace. "M'so ashamed of that, after Ma and Pa, but I'm hung up over some stupid mare but I can't help it... for all the good it does me."
The workhorse stroked her hair stolidly, looking off into the distance as his sister's sobs slowly abated against his coat, content to just hold her and wait for the worst of the storm to pass. When they'd abated down to sniffles, he caught her eyes once again. "Applejack, y'all need to get washed up. Supper's in a few, and Granny ain't gonna be happy to know you were out here bawlin' over that mare again." He stroked her head one last time before disentangling himself from her limbs, turning back to the barn door with purpose. "C'mon, now. Y'need some rest before you make any hasty decisions."
Shaking herself off, she set all four hooves solidly beneath her, sniffling once. "You're right, Mac. I'll be in. Just... give me a moment."
"Course." The normally taciturn stallion turned, trotting off through the barn door to the homestead. Applejack followed, taking a detour to their water pump, letting the freezing water splash over her face and hooves. Heat from her face thus dissipated, she turned resolutely to follow his steps.
The setting sun splashed the porch and front entrance of the homestead in gorgeous oranges and reds, and Applejack couldn't help but smile at the lovely sight. Home. And family. This is where I belong. With renewed vigor, she climbed the porch stairs, waving heartily to the Apple family matron seated in her usual rocking chair out front. "Evenin, Granny."
"Child." Granny inclined her head slightly, a small smile playing at her weathered lips before dipping her head back down to regard the photo album she held in her withered hooves. "Saw you working awful hard out in them fields today. Sure there ain't nothin' on your mind?"
Licking her lips nervously, she regarded her grandmother's cool and knowing eyes nervously. She knew she couldn't lie. "Just... just some silly things, Granny. Nothin' too important."
Rocking back in her chair, the elderly mare eyed her granddaughter sharply. "That so? Seems to me you might've been pining over a certain white unicorn, if memory serves." She turned a page in the album, glancing back down as she waited for the response. This was the dance, Applejack realized, and she had four left hooves when it came to it. Cursed Element of Honesty.
Sighing, Applejack nodded. "Yeah. I suppose. Time heals all wounds though, as you say, Granny--I'm sure I'll forget in time." Smiling faintly, she peered at the album her grandmother held. A photo of a red-coated mare with a shock of blonde curls rested on the page, and Granny's hoof stroked it almost reverently.
"Child. Time can indeed heal most wounds. Crushes, setbacks on the farm, those accursed Flim Flam brothers and their doohickey they brought to town that time. Those wounds heal with time, and I know that as well as I know that fancy Princess is gonna raise the sun tomorrow, bless her heart. But, Jackie..."
She ran her hoof over the photo of the mare again, eyes softening. "Jackie, there ain't a damn thing stupider that you could do than try to forget a special mare when you love her. That's just settin' yourself up for failure, because it's impossible."
Scuffing a hoof against the porch, Applejack met her grandmother's eyes once more. "How can you be sure?"
A soft smile broke across Granny Smith's face, tinged with sorrow. "I know, Jackie, because it's been nigh on these sixty years, and I haven't forgot. Nor have I stopped lovin' her."
Silence reigned across the porch as the sun finished slipping below the horizon, the first twinkles of stars becoming visible to the east as the moon began to rise slowly. Applejack turned her face outward, facing the breeze, and making out the distant spires of Canterlot in the last flashes of the setting sun.
"Jackie. You can take your supper in your room tonight. I think you have a letter to write." Granny's eyes twinkled at her granddaughter knowingly, who nodded back, a bit of pink flushing her cheeks.
"I guess I do, at that. Thanks, Granny. For everything you do." The orange mare nuzzled the green one gently, and Granny waved her off.
"Go on, now. Time's a finite thing, and you're wasting it gabbin' at me."
"Yes, ma'am." Applejack dutifully trotted into the house, piling up her plate quickly and disappearing to her room. Nosing her door open, she moseyed to her writing desk, settling down with a bit of parchment and a quill.
Dearest Rarity...
Under Luna's moon, the matron of the family glanced back down at the book one more time. "My Apple Pie. Wait for me, will you? Won't be long now."
With a concerted effort, she shuffled her way back into the homestead, clicking the door behind her with the finality of a job well done.