> Time and Again > by Craine > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > "Time and Again" > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack was a morning pony. It stood to reason, of course. The farm life had little need, or tolerance, for late risers. For years, nigh her entire life, Applejack had a before-sunset body clock. Her eyelids would rise before the sun did. Her mind would brighten before the sky did. And she would thrust out of bed refit and recharged. The morning routine was a staple for Applejack; nothing came before it. She’d tie her mane and tail. Brush the morning grime from her teeth. Wolf down a home-cooked meal like a champ. Give her hooves the old spit shine, and challenge the day with her chest thrown out. That morning, Applejack stared at the ceiling until the sun rose. As she lied awake, Applejack frowned up at her room’s white ceiling. For the life of her and everything she loved, Applejack couldn’t remember what she did last night, In fact, she couldn’t remember anything from last night. A small smile crept on her face, shamefully recalling what too much hard cider did to ponies. Applejack was no alcoholic. Drinking responsibly was a virtue she cherished. Of course, that virtue was easier to uphold without a ruthlessly, hyperactive, party-animal marefriend. Pinkie Pie always found some way to turn a baking day, or virtue, for that matter, into more hard cider. Too much hard cider, in Applejack’s case. She smiled wider at those thoughts and sighed, reassured that all was well. But when Applejack leaped from her bed to begin her routine, all was not well. After all, Big Macintosh didn’t greeted her with sad eyes. Not usually. Applebloom didn’t run to her forelegs, burying her muzzle into her like they’d never see each other again. Not usually. Those were weird enough. But seeing Granny Smith awake at that hour? All was definitely not well. That morning, Applejack’s routine was stumbled and unfocused, her breakfast uneasy and awkwardly silent. Big Mac simply stared at his plate, Applebloom pawed at her food like she’d never seen a pancake before, and Granny Smith… she just stared at Applejack. A sad, longing stare. If it hadn’t disrespected age-old family ways, Applejack would’ve thrown her napkins to her plate and left without another word. Instead, despite her doubts of ever getting an answer, she asked what was wrong. They all hesitated. When Applebloom shot an unsure glance at her brother, Applejack frowned. Applebloom only did that when she tried to keep quiet about something. If not for the solid knocks at the door, Applejack would spare nopony from her myriad of questions. She hurriedly trod to the door, but when she opened it, nothing made sense anymore. It was Rainbow Dash. At six in the morning. Applejack knew all wasn’t well, but right there, gawking at the latest riser in Equestrian history, she knew something was terribly wrong. “Mornin’, AJ,” Rainbow greeted with a transparent smile. “How’d ya sleep?” Applejack stopped an automatic response. She wasn’t ‘fine’, and she didn’t pretend to be. “Rainbow Dash, what’s goin on?” she demanded. Immediately, Rainbow’s smile cracked. And Applejack caught it. “W-what do ya me—“ “No. Don’t gimme any of that,” Applejack snapped. “You’re never up this early.” “I… Well… Applejack,” Rainbow stammered, staring at everything but the other mare. “We all agreed not to tell you, but—“ “Tell me what?” Applejack stepped forward. Rainbow stepped back. “So many times,” Rainbow mumbled, her voice cracking like a frozen lake. “I… I can’t do this anymore.” In that moment, whatever inconceivable force holding Applejack’s hooves released her. She reached forward and captured Rainbow’s shoulders with near-crushing force. “Rainbow. Tell. Me. What.” Rainbow sneered back. The athlete may have hated being handled, much less yelled at, but Applejack could see the tears welling in those dejected eyes. Rainbow shrugged off her friend’s grip, and turned away again. “I can’t… I won’t do this to you anymore,” Rainbow declared, her back now completely turned. “Follow me.” Fortunate that Rainbow uttered those words when she did, lest Applejack have took her lasso and bound her to a tree until every question was answered. As Rainbow sauntered away, Applejack glanced back at her family, mutely requesting permission. Applejack was many things, but she wasn’t rude. With a sad nod from Granny Smith, Applejack hesitated. She expected a sharp curse be thrown at her for not finishing breakfast, followed by a drawled lecture, of course. Instead Applejack received that same longing stare from her elder; like she’d lost something she’d never have again. Applejack shook away her jumbled thoughts and hurried toward Rainbow Dash. Yes, Applejack agreed to follow the Pegasus, but she wasn’t quiet. “Rainbow?” Applejack’s voice was gentler than earlier. When Rainbow didn’t respond, Applejack walked closer. “Sugarcube, talk to me. Where are they others?” Rainbow looked at her. Well, tried to look at her. If she hadn’t glanced at the grass every so often, she might’ve succeeded. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?” Applejack’s ears flicked at Rainbow’s sharp gasp. And when the young flier stopped walking and broke her eyes away completely, Applejack was free of all doubt; something was terribly, awfully, horribly, unspeakably wrong. Applejack’s tidal wave of questions was dammed in her throat when Rainbow pointed forward. Applejack’s eyes followed. There, standing on one of Sweet Apple Acres many, many hills, was a stone. Applejack’s sense of decency was all that kept her from yelling ‘Damn vandals!’ If anypony knew the Acres and what was or wasn’t there before, it was Applejack. She looked at Rainbow, an eyebrow raised. Rainbow didn’t respond, didn’t even look at her friend. Without another word, Applejack galloped ahead, questioning all the horrible thoughts now poisoning her mind, the icy fingers now crushing her heart. She reached the stone and thoroughly examined it; the shape, the size, the five bouquets of dead flowers, and the words carved on it. ‘Here lies Pinkamena Diane Pie. Faithful Subject. Devoted Daughter. Friend. Lover. R.I.P.’ These words made absolutely no sense. These words hacked away at Applejack’s strength, sunk her haunches to the grass, and burned a scowl on her face. She’d sat there for a long time. Just staring at the stone like it’d stole something from her Granny. Soft hoof steps pattered behind her, and suddenly, Applejack didn’t feel so hospitable. “This your idea of a joke, Rainbow?” Rainbow stopped dead in her tracks. Applejack’s scowl deepened as she read those carved words again and again; each time shot heat through her chest. “Y’all must be on somethin’ fierce. Pullin’ a prank like this,” Applejack said, her voice low and threatening. Rainbow had the audacity to walk to her, then to sit beside her. “It’s not a—“ “Where is she, Rainbow?” Applejack whipped her head to Rainbow so fast, her neck gave a twinge. Rainbow coiled back, shaking beneath the farmer’s penetrating stare. “She was in on it too, wasn’t she? Reckon I’ll give that mare a piece o’ my mind for this.” “A-Applejack…” Rainbow couldn’t hold her tears anymore. But she didn’t look away that time. “It’s not a—“ “Rainbow!” Applejack stomped a small crater in the ground. “You tell me where Pinkie is right now, or so help me, I’ll… I’ll…!” Rainbow simply sat there and wept. She tore her eyes from the angry farmer’s and onto the moldy tombstone. “I’m sorry…” Rainbow whispered. Were she a lesser mare, Applejack would’ve struck Rainbow down for her cruel lies. Applejack needed answers, and she’d obviously never get them from Rainbow. So she turned away and ran. She ran faster than her legs could carry her. So fast, the tiniest stumble would mean a broken face. But Applejack didn’t care. About her face, about her farm, about Rainbow’s desperate calls for her. She was sure her answers lied in Ponyville, and come Hell or high water, she’d get them. ********** Vibrant shouts. Distasteful curses. Shattering glass. Ponyville wasn’t really know for such disturbances. It was a peaceful place, a friendly place. A thick, lived-in town that knew little of dark days. In it, were ponies showered by life’s great fortunes. Each of them loving in their own way. Each deliberate in their good works. Each happy with life as they knew it… And then there was Applejack. By both infamy and cold hard fact, Applejack was Ponyville’s most upstanding citizen. Everything she did was for the good of her fellow ponies. She was unselfish. Tough, but fair. An inspiration to ponies that complained about their perfect lives. That day, however, nopony would even approach her. Which was reasonable. After all, very few ponies enjoyed getting trampled by a stampeding farmer. Even through her tunneled haze, Applejack could see and feel the stares. Few of them jumped back with hushed grimaces. More of them simply stared at her, no less different than Granny Smith had stared at her. Just as Applejack questioned the latter, she skid to a stop. Her breath was short. Her coat was slick with sweat. And her eyes were rampant with disbelief. Sugarcube Corner was gone. For several, long, agonizing minutes, nopony was safe. Those foolish enough to stare at Applejack were the first to be viciously interrogated. Then came the bystanders. Then the children. Most ponies answered her. And those same ponies were lucky enough to walk away with all their teeth. When Applejack’s warpath led her right to Carousel Boutique, the vibrant shouts, distasteful curses, and shattering glass followed her. Being a morning pony as well was Rarity’s only saving grace. “A-Applejack! What’s the meaning of thi—“ “WHERE IS SHE, RARITY?!” Rarity’s sense of decency took many blows that morning. Her front door nearly kicked off its hinges was bad enough. Applejack storming and stomping across her new carpet was even worse. Priceless antiques thrown and shattered against the walls nearly had Rarity reaching for kitchen knives. That, of course, was until the question sank in. “She didn’t...” Rarity whispered in dread. Applejack scraped at the carpet like an angry bull. “You too, Rarity?! Everypony’s been tellin’ me Pinkie’s dead! DEAD!!” she yelled. Rarity suddenly looked like she swallowed a snail, and her eyes swayed from the enraged farmer. “Oh, Applejack…” she whispered again, allowing her tears without a fight. “I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry…” Finally, after enduring more lies than she’d dare recall, Applejack lost it. She lunged forward and tackled Rarity to the floor, pinning her forelegs against the carpet. “It’s a lie, ya hear me?!” Applejack shouted. “I SAW HER YESTERDAY!” Again, Rarity turned her head away like it would repel the other mare’s wrath, struggling against that twisting, unbreakable grip. “Please…!” she cried. Immediately, Applejack’s eyes softened. The gravity of her own actions smashed into her like a speeding train. She fell back on her rump and stared at her own shaky hooves, then at Rarity’s falling tears. “I… Sugarcube, I didn’t mean it,” Applejack said, her hooves swimming fiercely in her mane. “I’m just so confused.” For a long, long moment, Rarity lied there, staring at her friend, shaking, forelegs curled over her chest. Finally, Rarity rose haphazardly to her hooves. “I suppose, then, it can’t be helped.” With a calming breath and flick of her glowing horn, Rarity levitated an old newspaper to her friend. Applejack’s blood froze in her veins. ‘SUGARCUBE CORNER SET ABLAZE! PONYVILLE’S VERY OWN, LOST!’ In that moment, gawking at Pinkie Pie’s picture on the headlines, everything was backwards. Every breath choked her. Every sound deafened her. Up was down. Stop was go. The sky was green. Apples were vegetables. Applejack read the blasphemous words on that newspaper. A kitchen fire out of control? Two earth ponies trapped inside? Dated back two weeks ago? The more Applejack read, the less sense it made, the sicker she became. “I came soon as I saw the smoke,” Rarity began. “When I’d arrived… Sugarcube Corner was burning. All of it. Ponies were screaming, saying you and Pinkie Pie were trapped inside.” Rarity paused, waiting for it to sink in. Applejack lifted her confounded eyes to Rarity, and the unicorn continued. “I called for Rainbow Dash, screamed for her, but… I had to get to you two,” Rarity shivered at the memory. “I jumped into that fire and I found you both trapped behind burning wood. I saw you standing above Pinkie Pie. You protected her, Applejack. Burning rubble fell on you, and Pinkie yelled at you so much to find a way out while you could. But you didn’t move.” Rarity paused again and saw Applejack’s tears. She fully expected an enraged outburst from the farmer, but it never came. Applejack just listened. “I used my magic to move the barricade, but… but I was too late,” Rarity’s voice weakened, scratching and squeaking against her throat. “Something big fell from the ceiling and… and it hit your head so hard, I thought—“ Applejack stroked her skull without realizing it, vividly sifting through every image Rarity described. “I finally got to you both, and shielded us from the fire with my magic. But the smoke… so much smoke.” Rarity’s voice became forced, like she tried to push toxic fumes from her lungs with every word. “But… But why don’t I…” Applejack fell short, raking every corner of her brain for the memory told to her. The memory she couldn’t see. Rarity slowly approached the farmer. With a gentle hoof, Rarity futilely wiped Applejack’s tears and pressed her forehead against hers. “When Rainbow Dash arrived, she used a twister to extinguish the fire and allow our escape. We got you to the hospital in the nick of time, darling. You were out for days.” Applejack could only shake her head against Rarity’s in the wake of so much information, her tears falling harder. “But when you woke up, you… you didn’t remember anything. The fire, the smoke, none of it. At first we all thought it’d come back to you in a few days, but… Applejack, you’d woke every morning since that day with no memory of it. Further still, you… Oh, gracious! You’ve forgotten every day after that as well!” Still, Applejack shook her head. “Pinkie Pie… what happened to her?“ She tried and failed to steady her voice. Honestly, Applejack was unsure whether she wanted to hear the answer or read it in the paper. Rarity pulled away from the farmer, her lip trembling. “Rainbow Dash exhumed her from the fire but there… there was so much smoke, Applejack. She… She didn’t make it.” Applejack’s blond mane curtained her eyes, her flesh stoic and still. “Rainbow said y’all agreed not to tell me any of this,” Applejack said, as chilled as ice. “What did she mean, Rarity?” Suddenly, any semblance of Rarity’s refined etiquette was thrown out the window. She may have very forgotten how to speak properly. “Well?” Though Applejack spoke softly, that one word carried the weight of an entire mountain range. By the time Rarity quelled her sputters, she realized she didn’t have an answer. Not a good one, anyway. “I… W-we just thought that… if you never knew—“ “I’d be happier this way…” Applejack’s voice sunk deep. Too deep. “That it?” “Y-yes. No! I mean, we… you… Wait! Don’t go!” But it was too late. With a brisk pace and a sturdy slam of the door, Applejack left a flustered Rarity to her muses. And the last of her expensive antiques tumbled off its pedestal. ********** Used to be, Applejack thought highly of her farmland. Every morning, she’d breathe its crisp, dewy scent. She’d savor every bristle of grass beneath her hooves. She’d drink deeply of Sweet Apple Acres’ every hill, every treetop, and every juicy apple, gleaming against the sun, ready to be harvested. That day, Sweet Apple Acres was dead to Applejack. Dead, all of it, dead. The trees, healthy and tall, were withered and black to her. The grass, soft and welcoming, was curly and brown to her. And the fruit, the very namesake in which her entire family thrived, was rotten and infested. Applejack, no less dead, walked through this wasteland. She’d only look up to see her destination; the hill that held Pinkie’s tombstone. The hill sat upon by another; Rainbow Dash was still there. Applejack had not cared for stealth right then. She walked up that hill, stopped beside Rainbow, and plopped down right beside her. They both sat quietly before the mossy stone, their eyes wet and sore. Applejack reached a hoof forward, grasping a withered flower with a feather-light touch. A stale, rank scent filled her nostrils, yet she was unbothered. In fact, she smiled, vividly recalling how often Pinkie gave her the exact same flower. How she’d smile with no shame whenever she accidentally ate one she’d offered. How her eyes always brightened, eager for approval, whenever Applejack inhaled one’s scent. The stale scent hit Applejack again, but she didn’t shy away. No. She brought it to her nose and sniffed. She saw Rainbow staring at her the whole time. Whether the Pegasus searched for words to say, or tried to figure out why she was sniffing dead flower, Applejack didn’t know. And rightly, she didn’t care. Her serene smile dropped as Rainbow spoke. “Applejack?” No. There was no chance in a frozen Hell Applejack would speak to this deceitful creature. “Applejack, say something. Anything.” Rainbow leaned toward Applejack, timidly reaching a hoof out to her. Applejack coiled away. “Don’t…” That tone—that venoumous bite—stung even on Applejack’s tongue, bitter to the taste. “Don’t ya dare touch me.” Rainbow slowly shook her head, staring into the eyes that wouldn’t meet her own, desperately searching for forgiveness, for anything that wasn’t resentment and grief. She failed. “Two weeks, Rainbow?” Applejack asked, her voice laced with even more venom. “Was this some sorta game to y’all? To let me run around the rest of my day’s like this?” No matter how little right she had of it, Rainbow bared her teeth, her frown chopped and twisted by chest-crushing guilt. “That isn’t fair! “Rainbow defended with a fresh stream of tears. “I… We wanted to tell you—we did tell you—but—“ “Shut up.” Rainbow drew back and gasp, staring at Applejack like she’d just slapped her with a cast-iron skillet. “You’re a damn fool, Rainbow. Selfish. Downright self-centered, the whole lot of ya.” Rainbow frown harder against her tears and choked on a powerful sob. “Stop it, Applejack! I’m one who saved your sorry flank!” she shrieked. Applejack laughed a cold, hollow laugh. Then turned to face the Pegasus completely. “Fat lot of good it did! Pinkie’s dead and, from what I heard, I won’t remember a word of this next time I wake up!” she shouted. Rainbow’s wings shot from her sides, and stood rigidly against the morning wind. “What do you want from us, Applejack?! Every day, we had to relive what happened! Every day, you’d say ‘Where’s Pinkie Pie?’, and we’d have to… We’ve ALL lost something in that fire!” she shouted back. Applejack ripped her glare from Rainbow and back to that awful tombstone. “That don’t make it okay, Dash! What, y’all expect me to just… roll over and take this?! To sleep at night knowin’ I’d forget?! That I’ll wake up every mornin’ not knowin’ that she… she…!” She couldn’t say it anymore, couldn’t even fathom it anymore. ‘Dead’ and ‘Pinkie Pie’ in the same sentence drove Applejack mad. Every woodland creature in the immediate area could attest that. Rodents skittered away, and birds took off when a shrilled, echoing, scream tore through the Acres. In an instant, Rainbow’s sneer vanished. Applejack’s hooves cupped over her heart like she’d been stabbed. Repeatedly. Rainbow could only watch, her own tears matching the farmer’s. Helpless. Desperate for a reprieve. Rainbow closed her eyes, and hoped she’d open them snugged in her cloud-bed, walled behind her cloud-room, built in her cloud-home. She did open her eyes. And right then, Rainbow knew this nightmare would never end. For anypony. Applejack scraped at Pinkie’s grave. With a powerful swipe, a crumbly chuck of soil flung behind her. Her other hoof mimicked the first. “Applejack! What are you doing?!” Rainbow shrieked. “It ain’t true!” Applejack raved as though Rainbow never spoke. “It ain’t true!” If Rainbow’s eyelids pulled back any further, her eyes would’ve fallen out. Her back-fur needled off her body, and she shot straight to her hooves. “That’s enough, Applejack!” Applejack ignored her, now digging furiously through the dirt. “I SAID STOP!!” And she did… when Rainbow tackled her off the hill. Many ungraceful tumbles followed. And it ended with a loud thud and Rainbow standing over a sobbing Applejack. Oh, the terrible things Rainbow wanted to say. The names she could’ve used, the flaws she could’ve exploited. But every thought that came to her crumbled one after another. Rainbow Dash was a winner, a champion. Her goals: put before even her baser wants. ‘Second place’: an elusive myth to her. Everything was a competition. Even the smallest, most menial things challenged her authority, and with extreme pride and prejudice, Rainbow would strike them down. But she couldn’t win against Applejack’s tears. She just couldn’t. “But I saw her yesterday, Dash!” Applejack wailed through her tears. “She was alive and kickin’! I couldn’t shut her up!” Her dirtied hooves clutched tighter over her chest, her sobs growing deeper. Rainbow couldn’t speak. What could she say? What, in all her infinite wisdom, could she say to stop those tears? An apology? A promise for brighter days? A reminder that she’d always be there? No matter how many times Rainbow considered those options, to speak a word of them would bring it all back where it started. A humble, dependable pony damned to an endless cycle. Finally, instinct shoved logic from the fray, and Rainbow’s body dropped onto Applejack. The contact left the farmer unfazed, still crying and shaking like she’d slept in a blizzard. Rainbow didn’t care. Rainbow had to take the pain away, had to be rid of those tears. Rainbow’s forelegs coiled around Applejack and squeezed. Rainbow’s head furiously dug into Applejack’s chest, bristles of orange fur assaulting face, catching her own tears. Applejack pulled her hooves from underneath Rainbow. They tangled around Rainbow and squeezed back, nearly crushing her skull like a watermelon. Rainbow didn’t care. She lied there upon Applejack. Shaking with her. Hurting with her. ********** EPILOGUE **********   Rainbow Dash wasn’t a morning pony. In the past, Rainbow tried and failed to be just that. Sunrise turned her head away and cocooned her in blankets. The led-weights hanging from her eyelids became heavier. And if the sun was anywhere but directly above the world, it was much, much too early. That was before Pinkie Pie’s funeral. Every morning since, Rainbow’s eyelids would lift without weight. Before sunrise. On this particular morning, Rainbow sat before a round marble table in Carousel Boutique, staring blankly at her cup of tea. Rainbow found herself visiting the Boutique much more often than before. Every morning, greeted with pearly whites and expensive perfume. Every morning, offered freshly made tea. Honestly, Rainbow hated the stuff, but in that moment, staring at the dark liquid rippling gently inside the mug was her only escape from Rarity’s unending stare. “Rainbow?” Rarity’s voice thrust into the silence like a sledge hammer to glass. “Darling, you haven’t said a word all morning.” “I shouldn’t have told her, Rarity…” Rainbow murmured. Those very words sunk Rarity’s eyes to her own teacup. “You… You had her best interest in mind, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity replied. Rarity’s every syllable were like boulders crashing against Rainbow’s defenses. Worse, those boulders had broken through. “No I didn’t. I… I used her, Rarity. But I didn’t mean to.” Rarity gave Rainbow an inquisitive stare. “Whatever do you mean?” she asked. Rainbow didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to relive the previous day any more than necessary. As her face twisted to a crooked sneer, however, Rainbow was assaulted by memory after memory; telling Applejack the truth, incurring the brunt of her wrath, enduring every shout and tear. On the last memory, a memory filled with orange lips and grinding hips, Rainbow felt sick to her stomach. “Rainbow…” Rarity whispered behind a dainty hoof. “Tell me you didn’t…“ Rainbow had never felt quite as small as she did right then. With a bitten lip, Rainbow’s eyes found everything but her friend. “I don’t want her to hurt anymore, Rarity.” “Oh, of course not.” Rainbow’s heart leaped at Rarity razor-sharp tone. “It’s not like she’d remember it, right?” In an instant, Rainbow’s defenses stacked themselves and stood proudly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded. “So that’s how this game is played, Rainbow Dash? Drive a damaged friend into the dirt and ‘uplift’ her every day?” Rarity’s suggestion cut through the bone. Rainbow’s hooves met the marble table so hard, both teacups nearly topple over. “Now wait a second! I… I…!” “Yes?” Rainbow’s words died right on her tongue. Even if they hadn’t, they’d have been pointless. Selfish. Stupid. Rainbow’s eyes returned to her cup, and found a thousand more reasons to hate the beverage inside. “I wasn’t thinking,” she said. “You most certainly weren’t!” Rarity practically jumped from her seat, now pacing wildly around her shop. “You selfish dolt! How could you! Applejack trusted you! Pinkie Pie trusted you!” That was a low blow. No, worse than that; Rarity reached deep inside Rainbow and squeezed the essence from her body. “I just thought… I thought—“ “You thought what?!” Rarity’s voice lashed at Rainbow’s ears like a whip. “That she needed somepony?! That you could take all the pain away?! Well, is that it?!” “I… I’m sorry.” Rainbow’s words felt as strange as the tears rolling of her face. Rarity paused and turned to the other mare, her eyes stern and cold. Rainbow summoned her strength, her very life energy to look at Rarity, her defenses crumbled once more. Vulnerable. Weak. Laid bare for Rarity to trample and spit on. Rarity approached her, and just like that, the unicorn’s face softened with tears of her own. “Sure as sugar you’re sorry.” Rarity strained against the tightness in her throat, and captured Rainbow in a crushing embrace. “You stupid, stupid mare.” Rainbow frowned against Rarity’s chest. She wanted to pry Rarity off, to curse her for the insult, or even bite her for making her feel so small. Instead, every word came out a sniveling apology after another. The front door swung open, and the two mares unlatched and dried their tears. With silent nods, Rainbow and Rarity sauntered from the guest room and into the front lobby to greet Rarity’s first customer. Only it wasn’t a customer. It was Applejack. Shaking like a leave in the wind. Eyes wide and bright with fear. “Where’s Sugarcube Corner? Where’s Pinkie Pie?” And My Heart Still Beats Your Name