Stupid, lazy Spike is a typical stoner in ponyille. He has to deal with his crazy roommate, Twilight, his connect, crackhead Pinkie Pie, the pony he wants, Rarity, fellow stoner Rainbow Dash, and secret cockfighter Fluttershy.
Follow Spike as he goes day to day on dealing with ponies from ponyville and the quest to find the ultimate strain of his favorite happy plant.
Her white shiny coat sparkles in the sun. Her highly groomed mane flows in the wind. She is like an angel, not an inch of imperfection. The mare walks over to Spike eyes sparkling like the diamonds around her neck. She is face to face with Spike, he gulped loudly, for he has never seen such beauty this close to him before. Well maybe this one time he saw the most beautiful certain green plant, but this , this is different. He reaches out to her, until she spoke.
"SPPPPPPPPPPIIIIKKKKKEEEEE"
he stops reaching for her, oh god not this voice, he thought, my angel shouldn't sound like a certain hag I live with. Her mouth opens again,
"GOD DAMMIT SPIKE ITS NOON, WAKE THE HELL UP".
"Shit" said Spike as his eyes slowly opened, "Stupid purple bitch had to ruin another one". With a deep sigh he reaches for his jar of weed for a little wake and bake. His claws soon find nothingness and he suddenly goes into panic mode. "Fuck, how did i run out so fast?" he wondered, then it hit him. Rainbow Dash was over last night after work to have a little relaxation time. Of course she doesn't bring anything with her to contribute and being a freeloader that she is, smoked all of Spike's stash and went home. "Dammit, that stupid bitch, always smoking my shit." He had to think of a way to loosen up to deal with Twilight had her excessive need to please her boss. He looked around the room, he was pretty hungry and needed to find something quick to eat and ding he had an idea. Bong Water....he can use the water and ramen soup and maybe just maybe he might get some feeling.
He put his plan to work, he went downstairs with the bong and into the kitchen. he placed the bong on top of the stove and looked around for a pot. Once he did, he poured the water into the pot and blew out a breath of fire to ignite the stove. While he was waiting for the water to boil, Twilight Sparkle came down to see where her assistant was. "Well look what the dead cat dragged in, its past noon you know, you should of been helping me in the library" said Twilight. Shut the hell up you stupid cunt, thought Spike. "Yea I know, sorry about that, I had a late night and I will help you as soon as I get my grub on."
Twilight looked over at the stove and asked, "What did I told you about leaving your devices in the kitchen, and why is the water all black looking, and what the hell is that smell?" With a deep sigh Spike said, "I'll put it away don't worry and that is water from my bong for my lunch, I am making ramen soup and it doesn't smell that bad and for your information I am a life saver, recycling this precious precious water plus that technicolor succubus smoked all my shit last night and I something to get me by until I get my supply". "You got to be fucken kidding me." Twilight snorted, "Are you seriously using that dirty ass water for eating? It's not gonna work Spike, it's all ash and I'm pretty sure there is spit inside ." Spike grinned at her and replied,"It will work, you'll see."
Once the concoction was finished, Spike grabbed a wooden bowl poured the hot soup into it. It looked pretty good and the smell was not bad either. There was little black particles floating around, but he didn't mind, sure it might not be the gems he craves when he has the munchies, but his stomach was growling and he needed to calm it down fast and proving the bitch wrong will make this taste even sweeter. He grabbed a fork and sat in the living room to eat this lunch. "Alright, here goes nothing" said Spike. He devoured his soup in less than five minutes and proceeded to sit in the couch to see if it worked. After 15 minutes, he still felt nothing. Fuck i guess she was right, he thought, then he heard the screech from that pony he hated so much, "Spike, if your not too busy getting sooo stoned from your soup I could use your help in here". He groaned as he got up. But the second he got up he felt a warm rush from his feet to his head. He felt light headed and his eyelids started to get heavy. The colors in the room started to make him laugh. As he walked to the library, he noticed his toes and couldn't stop staring at them. "Man, I got some ugly ass feet" he started laughing at his comment and continued towards the library. Twilight had her back turned looking at some documents when Spike entered the room. Noticing this he stopped next to her and started to stare at her cutie mark. "Hey Twilight, you know that uh your cutie mark should be a dog not ninja stars?" She looked at him and sighed and looked back to her document, she knew he was quite annoying and a smart ass when he is like this but it was nothing she cant handle. "And why should it be a dog Spike, enlighten me." "Cause your such a bitch" Spike started laughing uncontrollably causing Twilight to get angry. So she kicked him as hard as she could and he flew across the room landing on the floor hard. Spike said weakly,"Stupid bitch" before he passed out cold.
When he woke Twilight was standing over him fuming, "Call me a bitch again, useless ass." She walked away as Spike got up he muttered "Bitch" under his breath. The room was spinning with colors which made Spike happy again. "Now will you help me send this letter out before I had you an ass whopping again?" Twilight said. "Alright alright." said Spike. "I need for you to send this letter out to Princess Celestia right away." Twilight said as she handed the letter to Spike. With one blow he sent the letter into thin air and started laughing again, "Hey look Twilight, I am like a magician look look poof." Twilight rolled her eyes and started to head upstairs, "Its late and I have to go to bed, goodnight Spike." "Goodnight Twilight." Said Spike as he started to head towards the living room. He sat on the couch and started at the walls, his thoughts were running a million miles an hour but it suddenly stopped when he realized he had to go to Pinkie's tomorrow and pick up his supply. "Fuck" is all he said as he passed out on the couch.
The next morning Spike woke up to the sound of Twilight yelling, this was a re occurrence in the tree house and one of the many reasons Spike needed his daily dose of THC.
"WHERE IN THE HELL IS THAT SPELL BOOK? I KNOW I LEFT IT HERE NEXT TO THE VOODOO FOR DUMMIES...DAMMIT"
Just pretend your sleeping Spike, she won't bother you if she thinks you are still sleeping he thought, but soon enough he felt a strange feeling in his stomach and he knew what it meant.
No no no no not now, especially at a time like this he tried to fight it by rolling over to his side, but the couch was so uncomfortable, he just couldn't find the right position to stop the acid building up in his throat. He sat up from the couch and soon the acid reach the limit and he released the biggest burp and with that a note from Princess Celestia. Ackk that tasted like shit. Twilight turned around in disgust at the sound of the burp then she gave the look of relief when she saw her assistant awake. Great, now I have to help her with finding her stupid book.
"Oh good your wake Spike, I need your help locating a book that I misplaced, can you help me?"
"Sure, but I hack up another letter from Princess Celestia, you might want to read it."
"Just put it on top of the table I'll get to it later once I find that stupid book."
"Alright, but uh they need to find another way to send these letters, I don't like the feeling of something long and circular coming out of my mouth plus I am tired of ponies telling me if I can swallow a banana."
"Spike I think your overreacting, there is nothing wrong with the way the Princess sends her letters. You should be glad, you at least you have a job you lazy ass."
"Yea but still,, I think she is kind of sadistic."
"Just be glad it's not coming out of your ass"
"Whatever, anyways, where was the last time you saw your book?"
"It was next to that book over there"
Spike went to the direction where Twilight was pointing at and started looking around. The place was a complete mess due to the panic attack Twilight had in search for the missing book. When he realized it wasn't there, he decided to look around the room. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his bong. Shit, she is gonna be pissed that I left this out, he thought. He walked over to the living room to put his bong away when he saw what he was looking for: the book. It was under the bong and he knew Twilight was going to get furious at him for using her books for a pedestal. He quickly grabbed the book and left it on the table next to the letter and started walking out the door. He certainly didn't want to be around when they have to put the books back in place.
"Hey Twilight, I am going out I left the book next to letter, I'll be back in a couple of hours."
"Thanks, oh wait can you help me wi-"
SLAM!
"I swear to smooze, I am gonna kill that dragon and turn him into a belt.
Spike walked out from the front step an onto the road leading to the busy town center. His eyes blurry from the sudden brightness, he continued walking trying not to bump into anyone while his eyes get accustomed to the sunshine. It was particularly busy today and being close to the weekend, the ponies of ponyville prepare for any family festivities they had planned. Spike entered the Cakes shop where Mr. and Mrs. Cake were tending to both the customers and their two small foals. He did a quick wave to the busy parents and made his way upstairs to Pinkie Pies residence. He heard commotion inside the place, it was Pinkie Pie singing, no shrieking, some sort of song and Spike knew she was high. He didn't have to guess what she was on and it was no secret either. There was no way a pony can handle doing party planning and Pinkie was no exception. But once she started hitting the crystal, she would have the energy of a two year old on a diet of pixie sticks. She would be like that for days. She would not sleep a wink, she would just jump around singing random songs and make cupcakes. Sometimes when Spike would stay up and smoke, he would see that crazy Pinkie running around outside claiming that the snail overlord was trying to rape her. He would tell Twilight about this, but Twilight would just brush off his accusations.
He knocked on the door as loud as he can hoping that she will realize that someone was outside. She opened the door with a great big grin and her face and body were covered in sweat. Her pet alligator was hanging upside down with tons of duct tape stuck in him.
"Hey Pinkie, whats up?"
"Oh hey Spike, nothing much, I was just singing to Gummy on the importance of trying. He just wont stick up to the walls, he is the weirdest gecko in the whole wide world."
"Pinkie, you cracked out idiot, he is a fucken alligator, not a gecko."
"Really, huh?"
"Man Pinkie, take him down from there, duct tape and scales don't mix I should know, this bitch I was seeing was into tying up and shit and she decided to punish me for one night.....but uh anyways yea you should take him down."
"Okie Dokie"
"While you are taking him down, can you sell me some herb? Rainbow Dash came over the other night and smoked all my shit."
"Oh yea about that, sorry Spike I don't have any."
"What do you mean you don't have any? Three days ago you had bricks coming out of your closet, what the hell happened? Did you have a sale or some shit and didn't tell me?"
"No no its nothing like that, you see, I owed some ponies some gems from the tweak I bought from them a while back and one night I came over their place to hang out and yea I might of smoked some of their stash that was intended for some other ponies, so I had to either come up with the gems to cover or give them the bricks so I chose the bricks and maybe some sexual favors that I am not proud of."
"What the fuck Pinkie, don't you know the first thing about dealing with drug dealers? DON'T SMOKE THEIR MERCH! BAD FUCKEN IDEA! Even a dumb fuck like me knows that! You know how hard it is to save this gems without eating it? At times, I literally had to decide to either eat or save for weed. I fucken eat currency you pink fuck. Now before I fucken stab you with my claws, when is the next shipment coming in?"
"Oh in two days."
"Ok, I'll be back in two days, but fuck Pinkie relax on the tweak, its fucken up your mind."
Spike walked out the door and bid his farewells to the Cakes downstairs and made his way outside. Fuck! fuck! fuck! what I am gonna do now? As he was heading towards his house, a silhouette from above came towards him in lighting fast speed with no slowing down. He started running, screaming when the figure tackled him to the ground and pinning him with no room to escape.
