When a newly reformed (and very bored) Discord is offered a chance to rule Equestria, the God of Chaos must make a decision. Betray the ones he cares about, or join the ones who accept his true self.
When Discord uncovers a plot against Equestria, the Spirit of Mischief must ask himself some important questions. What does he want in life? Can a being of destruction truly be reformed? And is someone like him capable of love?
Being the ruler of an empire had trained her to deal with almost any situation with a calm and collected attitude. From civil unrest, maniacal 3rd world dictators, or her bratty nephew Blueblood, the Sun Goddess made sure to never let her true irritated emotions show.
However, even Celestia had a breaking point.
Discord's face sat mere inches away from hers. He was to her side, and Celestia could only see what he was doing out the corner of her eye. Discord wore an obnoxiously smug grin, that Celestia found unbelievably annoying. Occasionally, he would let out a sigh and rustle Celestia's mane with his breath.
"Celesstiaaa," called Discord, making sure to stretch out the syllables of her name. "Watcha doin'?"
The princess's eye twitched, "The same thing I've been doing for the past 3 hours." she answered annoyed.
The thing in question was sorting through military paperwork. Equestria was executing operations against the Changeling Empire and Celestia had to sign off on every single command and order.
Truthfully, Celestia hated the paperwork more than she hated the actual war.
Discord teleported onto a nearby chair in front of Celestia, "I'm bored," he whined. "Entertain me Sunny Butt."
Celestia cringed, she hated Discord's nickname for her.
"How about you find something to entertain yourself?" suggested the Sun Goddesses through clinched teeth.
Discord sighed and rolled his eyes, "I could..." he began.
"If you would get rid of this leash!" he said pointing to his ankle. A small metallic device was strapped around his deer leg. If he was a certain amount of miles away from Celestia, the draconequus would receive a nasty shock.
"I'm sorry Discord, but you can't be trusted." said Celestia rising from her throne. "You're still on probation."
"Probation?" asked Discord in false surprise. "What in Equestria would I ever do to deserve something like that?" he asked innocently. Celestia began out of her throne room and down a hallway, Discord floated beside her.
"Well just last week, you tried to bake my sister into a pastry." she answered bluntly.
"Oh, that?" asked Discord as if the incident was unimportant. "I just wanted to make some moon pie, is all."
Celestia felt a smile forming on her lips, but quickly dismissed it.
She turned towards Discord, "Well thanks to that stunt, Luna will smell like marshmallows for a month."
Discord pouted, "When did you become so uptight about everything?" he asked. "I remember a Celestia who would much rather explore the Everfree Forest than go to an etiquette lesson. I miss the good ol' days."
Celestia stopped dead in her tracks and gave Discord a cold glare, "There never was any 'good ol' days', Discord." she said menacingly. "The only reason that you're not still trapped in stone is because your powers can help my citizens."
The goddess leaned closer towards the chaotic spirit, "Make no mistake, we're not friends, our relationship is strictly professional."
Discord raised a brow, "Really, Celestia?" he asked unimpressed with her strong words. "You and I both know that isn't true."
He gave a glare of his own, "Or is that the excuse you've brainwashed yourself into believing?"
Celestia's frown deepened, "Hold your tongue Discord!" she warned.
Discord leaned away with a satisfied smile, "Now now Celestia, no need for such strong emotions." he reprimanded.
Celestia said nothing, but turned her head away as she continued down the hall. Discord had a way of getting under her skin and she hated the mind games he played.
The draconequus was a master of words.
"Anyway, we still haven't solved the problem of me being bored." reminded Discord.
Celestia sighed in annoyance, "You want something to do? Help me welcome the new member of my personal guard."
"You mean that Flash Sentry guy?" Discord groaned. "The guy has the personality of a doorknob."
Celestia walked into the Royal Dinning Room. An elaborately decorated table housed all of the Princess's favorite sweets.
"Well unless you have a better idea-" she began.
Discord suddenly teleported in front of her. "Actually, I do have a better idea!" he proclaimed. With a snap of his lion paw, a crudely drawn blueprint appeared.
"This here is Chaos Mania!" he proclaimed proudly. "A 65 acre amusement park of my own design! Now, if you'll look her-"
"Absolutely not." deadpanned Celestia.
Discord rolled his eyes and vanished the blueprint away. "You're just a big ray of sunshine aren't you Celestia?" he asked sarcastically.
"Princess!" a voice suddenly called. A newly coronated Twilight Sparkle walked into the hall and towards Celestia.
"Twilight!" exclaimed Celestia. "You're here a bit early for our weekly meeting." she said.
Twilight gave a rather bashful look, "Well I wasn't sure if a princess should be extremely early, or fashionably late. I tried to contact you for help, but you must have missed my letters! I'm not sure how, figuring I sent 36 of them! So anyway I tried to see if Cadance knew anything, but she seemed rather annoyed that I woke her up at 3 in the morning! So then-"
Celestia put a hoof to her student's mouth to end her rambling.
The goddess sighed, "Twilight, you really have to learn how to calm down." she scolded. "You've yet to receive any official duties, yet you're more stressed out than Luna was when she first came back."
Twilight blushed, "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I guess I'm just still adapting to all this."
Discord suddenly teleported in front of the purple princess. "Well if it isn't Twilight Sparkle!" he exclaimed."
The Spirit of Disharmony gave the Alicorn a once-over. "Hmm..." he said, putting his talon to his chin in thought.
"You look...different. But I can't quite put my paw on it." Discord conjured a magnifying glass to further examine Twilight. "New haircut?" he asked.
Twilight rolled her eyes. "No." she deadpanned.
Discord continued his investigation. "Oh, I know!" he proclaimed. "You're wearing contacts."
Twilight shook her head.
Discord squinted hard at her. "Have you gained weight?"
"Enough, Discord!" yelled Celestia, ending his guessing game.
Twilight merely sighed, she fluttered her wings in front of the draconequus.
"Oh, yes!" shouted Discord in fake shock.
"You're an Alicorn now." He glared at Celestia, "Perhaps I would've know that if I was invited to your coronation."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Discord, you weren't invited because I thought you wouldn't be interested." she explained. "The ceremony was long and boring."
Discord teleported back in front of Celestia. "You're talking to the guy who spent 1,000 years with a nothing but a view of a garden." he pointed out.
Celestia turned her attention back to Twilight. "Anyway, since you're here we'll start early." she said.
The Sun Goddess's horn started to glow. "Earl Grey, would you please prepare some Green Tea for me and Princess Twilight?" she asked.
There was a static noise. "Right away ma'am!" responded a voice from seemingly nowhere.
Celestia smiled, her horn stopped glowing.
Discord gave Celestia a look. "Do you really use your magic to ask your staff to do stuff you're to lazy to do yourself?" he asked. "You're the worst kind of pony, ya know?"
Celestia ignored Discord's judging.
By the time Celestia's Royal Tea Maker arrived, the two Alicorns were far into their discussion about the ongoing conflicts. Earl Grey drew the attention of Celestia.
"Excuse me Princess, may I serve you?" she asked. Celestia smiled. "Certainly, Earl." she said.
Discord, (who when Celestia and Twilight began their conversation, conjured a floating mattress for him to sleep in), opened his eyes. The draconequus watched the server pour the tea. Using his magic, Discord flung the teacup out of Celestia's reach, and onto the floor below.
"Discord!" yelled Celestia. "What has gotten into you?"
Discord kept a still glare at Earl. "Get away Celestia, that's not Earl Grey." he said in a deathly serious tone.
Celestia looked at the now shaking server and back at Discord. "This is not the time to be playing games Discord!" she shouted.
Discord rose from his bed and teleported towards Celestia. "Get away from her, now." he said sternly. He started to walk towards the mare.
The draconequus flashed a smile. "I must say, your impression of Ms. Grey is spot on." he complemented.
"W-What are you talking about?" she asked nervously. She turned towards Celestia. "Princess! What should I do?"
Celestia rose from her seat and blocked Discord's path to the mare. "What are you doing?" she asked.
Discord rolled his eyes. "This isn't your tea server Celestia, it's an imposter."
Earl cowered closer to Celestia. "No I'm not my Majesty!" she cried. "I'm the real Earl Grey."
Celestia frowned. "Exactly what makes you think that she's an imposter?" she asked the draconequus.
Discord teleported closer to Earl. "Well for one..." he started. He pointed towards the mare's flank.
"Earl has 4 tea leaves as her Cutie Mark. She only haves 3."
An awkward silence filled the room.
Celestia took a step back. "I...I don't understand." she said.
Early Grey looked around the room nervously, before suddenly flashing an evil grin. In a green flash, Earl's light yellow coat turned into black rubbery skin. Her light sapphire eyes turned into giant blue orbs and black fins appeared along her back.
Discord smiled, "And the truth is revealed." he said.
The changeling flashed it's razor sharp fangs. "Count your blessings Celestia, you shall pay for your war crimes!"
Celestia snapped out of her shock. "Guards! Guards!" she cried.
In an instant, two Royal guardspony tackled the changeling and began to wrestle on the ground.
Celestia turned towards the still smiling draconequus. "Discord, go to your room!" she commanded.
Discord narrow his eyebrows. "For what?" he asked. "In case you didn't notice, I just saved your life."
"We don't need you in the way." said Celestia. "This isn't up for debate." The Alicorn's horn began to glow, Discord's ankle restraint started to beep.
"Celestia, you better not teleport me-" Discord began.
His commanded was quickly ended once he suddenly found himself back in his familiar cell. Discord sighed in annoyance, he could take the short leash Celestia had on him, but her giving orders like a parent were irritating.
Discord surveyed his bleak cell. The room was smaller than he would've liked, only hosting a bed and a toilet for the spirit to use. The size wasn't what he hated about it though. No, it was the room's unbearable blandness. Every part of it was grey, not even a speck of color to decorate it. Being confined to a boring room was perhaps the worst punishment he could face, that and being turned to stone anyway.
The draconequus slithered into his bed, custom built to accommodate his slender body. He had just rested his head against the pillow, when suddenly a voice called out to him.
"Daddy!"
Discord opened one of his eyes, only to be attacked by a ball of pink and purple.
"OOOF!" Discord grunted as the fuzz ball landed on him. He shook off the pain to study his attacker more carefully. The assailant was a filly, her pink coat and purple hair accommodated her large spiraled eyes.
“Screwball?” asked Discord. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be staying with Auntie Flutters and Uncle Macintosh.”
Screwball tightened her hug around Discord’s waist. “Auntie Fluttershy went to sleep. Screwball sneaked out, went to see daddy!” she said.
Discord sighed before smiling, his little creation never ceased to impress him. The filly must have traveled miles to Canterlot and somehow snuck into the heavily guarded castle. Her magical ability rivaled even his.
Screwball released Discord from her death hug. “Screwball sad, why can’t she live in Castle with mommy and daddy?” she asked, her bottom lip poked out.
Discord’s smiled dropped, “Who is mommy?” he asked.
“Mommy is Sun Goddess!” she exclaimed happily. “Mommy and daddy love Screwball forever!”
Discord smiled again, he nuzzled her mane affectionately. “Daddy does love Screwball.” he said. “For now and forever.”
The two spent a couple of hours talking and playing. Discord figured he would let the filly spend the night with him rather than send her back to Ponyville. When it was time for sleep, Discord gathered his pillows and placed them at the foot of his bed. Screwball curled onto the pillows, and prepared for a night’s rest.
KNOCK KNOCK
Discord looked towards his door, he never got any visitors, especially not at this hour. He teleported towards the door.
“Who is it?” he sung.
“Housekeeping.” answered an unfamiliar voice.
Discord raised an eyebrow. “Well in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in the position to open any doors.” Celestia had placed a magic lock that forbade Discord from leaving the room
Suddenly, a large magical blast took the door of its hinges. On the other side stood a abnormally tall unicorn mare. Her green eyes stared deviously at Discord, as if she was stalking him for dinner.
“Ooops.” said the mare sarcastically, strolling into the room.
Discord chuckled to himself. “You must be very powerful to be able to blast open a magically protected door.” he complimented. “But I must ask what the reason for this intrusion is.”
The mare was taken aback by Discord’s response. “Y-You don’t seem the least bit startled at my forwardness.” she said.
Discord gave a hearty laugh, Screwball jumped from her pillow bed and climbed onto Discord’s back. The filly eyed the strange mare with suspicion.
“Who is this weirdo lady, daddy?” she asked.
“She’s a Changeling my dear.” said Discord. The unicorn mare gasped in disbelief, before giving an evil smile. In a green flash, the unicorn mare revealed her rubbery skin, long flowing green mane, and jagged horn. Her wings buzzed as she flew closer towards Discord.
“My, my, no wonder you were able to spot that assassin earlier.” she said.
“It wasn’t that hard.” said Discord. “Many ponies underestimate my observant nature.” He looked the Changeling up and down. “So you must be the Chrysalis I’ve been hearing so much about. I was much more familiar with your mother, Queen Thorax.”
Chrysalis snarled at the mention of her mother. “She lacked the will I have at providing for my children.” she said in her echoey voice. “I’m also not one for signing treaties.”
Discord put a claw to his chin. “Oh yes, I remember those treaties. Prevented a war between the Changelings and the Gryphon Kingdom if I’m not mistaken.”
“What it did was force my people to give up our lands to those barbaric savages!” Chrysalis spat. “My mother was nothing but a coward, it is because of her that the Changeling race starves.”
Discord yawned, failing to feign interest in Chrysalis’s tale. “I assume you didn’t risk getting caught in the palace of the kingdom actively looking for you to talk about parental figures.”
Chrysalis scoffed. “You’re right, I’m here to offer you an opportunity of a lifetime.” she said. She begin to circle Discord. “After my...disappointing failure at the wedding, I realized that I alone didn’t possess the power to help my people. I was out of ideas until, he came back.”
“Sombra.” said Discord. “I hate to burst your bubble Queeny, but Sombra was defeated by the Elements.”
“His magic is still strong. I’ve sent many spies to research ways of resurrecting him. One of them recently made a breakthrough. An ancient incantation cable of embodying a spirit. When it is completed, Sombra will return at his full power.”
Discord remained silent for a moment. “Exactly pray tell, does this have to do with me?” he asked.
Chrysalis raised a brow. “Sombra and I will bring destruction on to Equestria when he returns. In it’s ashes, there will need to be a new ruler.” Chrysalis walked back to directly in front of Discord. “I can think of no better ruler than you.” she said.
“Me?” Discord asked, confused. “Why take over Equestria to just have me rule it?”
“I have no need for this land.” answered Chrysalis. “I simply wish to take my revenge on the Griffons. To retake the land my mother lost for my subjects. Sombra will have the Crystal Empire and you can have Equestria.”
Discord regarded her offer. “Hmm...let me think about it. No.” he said plainly.
Chrysalis hummed to herself. “I’m offering you the opportunity to be a king, and you give it up to be Celestia’s pet? Perhaps I misjudged you Discord.”
Discord gave a nasty scowl. “I’m nopony’s pet.” he said. “I’m choosing the life I live and no one else.”
“Oh really?” asked Chrysalis. She motioned a holed hoof at Discord’s ankle brace. “I suppose you’ll try to say that this isn’t a leash?”
Discord opened his mouth to respond, but he found himself with nothing to say. Celestia had complete control over him. She controlled where he went, she controlled what he ate, he couldn’t even leave his room without her permission! Discord had thought he had chose to be reformed because it would be better for him in the long run. But did he just do it so he wouldn’t be turned to stone? Did he even have a real choice?
Chrysalis, sensing his mental distress, smiled. “I have no need for an answer now, please take your time on the matter.” Chrysalis turned towards the giant hole in the wall. “But I must warn you. Refuse my offer and you’ll be destroyed along with with Equestria.”
She smiled, in in a green flash returned to her unicorn disguise. “We’ll be in touch.” she said, turning down the hallway and disappearing from sight.
Screwball came off of Discord’s back. “Screwball doesn’t like weird bug lady, daddy.” she said.
“So let me get something straight, Discord,” Gleaming Shield questioned, circling around the draconequus. “You have no idea why a giant hole was blasted in the wall of your cell.”
“For the millionth time, yes,” lied Discord. “And I thought you unicorns were supposed to be smart.”
The guardspony had created a makeshift interrogation room in Discord’s cell.
“YOU’RE LYING!” yelled the guard, slamming his hoof on the table in front of him. “I know you have something to do with this.”
Discord leaned forward in his chair. “Oh do ya now? Well unless you have proof, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
The hazel coated stallion’s eye twitched. “I am the new Head Captain of the Royal Guard. It is bad enough I had to deal with an ASSASSINATION attempt today. I do not need some has-been freak mucking things up-”
Discord suddenly shot to his feet with fire in his eyes. He snapped his lion’s claws.
“W-What did you just do?” asked Gleaming Shield. “I can’t move my body.”
“You know what I love most about having the powers of chaos?” asked Discord, ignoring the guard’s question. “I can do almost anything I want with it. Like perhaps make an annoying guardspony see his worst fear.”
Gleaming Shield started to levitate into the air. “Hey! Stop! Put me down!” he cried.
“What’s wrong? The big bad Captain of the Royal Guard afraid of heights?” mocked the draconequus.
“Discord! Release him.” commanded a voice. Celestia walked towards him with an angry scowl plastered on her face.
Discord rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers again. Gleaming Shield began to quickly fall towards the ground. The stallion braced for impact, only to stop suddenly about an inch away from the ground.
“Hey...I’m oka-” Gleaming Shield’s statement was cut short as he fell the other inch, landing on his face.
Celestia shook her head in frustration. “Discord, I’m only going to ask this you once. What is the meaning of thi-”
“Mommy!” cried a voice. Celestia was nearly tackled as Screwball pounced on her. “Mommy is here! Screwball happy!” cried the filly.
Celestia looked down at the little mare clutching her neck. “Uhh...hi? Discord, why is Screwball here?”
Discord put on a smug grin. “She wanted to see her daddy and mommy.” he answered matter of factly.
Celestia forced and awkward smile to her face. “Well if you’d please ask her to unleash her death hug, I wish to talk to you in private.”
Discord nodded in approval. “Screwball?” he called.
The filly released Celestia and turned towards her father. “Yes, daddy?” she asked.
“Do you see that stallion over there?” Discord pointed his claw at Gleaming Armor, who was watching the scene with a nervous glint in his eye.
“The one wetting his armor?” Screwball asked with a hint of anticipation in her tone.
Discord nodded. “Show him your wrestling game.”
Screwball looked confused. “But he doesn’t seem to want to play.” she observed.
Discord chuckled heartily. “Well someponies just need a little push.” he said. “Go show him how fun the game can be.”
Screwball plastered a large grin on her face. “Okay daddy! Screwball loves the wrestling game.”
At superpony speed, Screwball pounced on the now screaming guard. She started to twist the poor stallion’s limbs in unnatural ways. Gleaming Armor began bleating like a goat, his eyes comically popping out of his head.
“You were saying?” asked Discord with a mischievous smile. Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Could you please take something serious for once?” asked Celestia. “It’s midnight and I have a lot to do in the morning.”
“Always thinking about yourself, aren’t you Celestia,” scolded Discord. “Not even bothering to say ‘thank you’ to the draconequus who saved your life.”
Celestia sighed. “Okay Discord, is that what this is about?” The ruler of Equestria took a deep breath. “Thank you. Now will you please tell me who blasted the whole in the wall?”
Discord chuckled to himself. “I have no idea.” he said with a straight face. Discord was no novice when it came to lying. The hardest part about it wasn’t the lying itself, but coming up with good ones to tell.
Celestia looked the draconequus up and down, before finally deciding to give up.
“Very well Discord, if you truly don’t know, you wouldn’t mind waiting around and keeping watch, would you?”
Discord cocked an eyebrow. “If you want, I suppose I could look around a bit.” he said.
Celestia nodded in approval. She turned to leave before stopping in her tracks at a realization. “Could you please tell our daughter...er, your daughter to stop mutilating my Captain?”
Discord smiled. “Screwball!” he called. “That’s enough of the wrestling game for now.”
Screwball was just in the middle of a Full Nelson when she heard her father’s voice. “Okay daddy!” she cried, releasing a now broken Gleaming Shield.
The poor stallion practically melted to the floor. “D-Doctor! I need a doctor!” he cried, a pool of tears collecting under his snot-ridden muzzle.
*****
Celestia slowly walked back towards her Royal Chambers
Only 5 hours before I have to raise the sun, and still no sleep she thought. The last day had been a hectic one and it seemed today would be just as bad. Following the assassination attempt, the Royal Guard had completely shut down the palace, and most of Canterlot. After a few hours of sweeping the area, Celestia was told the perimeter was secure. She was relieved, at least until she heard that there was an explosion coming from Discord’s cell.
The Sun Goddess furrowed her brow at his name. Discord. Did she honestly believe he could be reformed? She nearly had to use an Executive Order when she suggested the idea to the High Council. Celestia would look like a fool if she went back on it now.
The Alicorn sighed as she reached her Royal Chambers. Two guardspony stood watch. They saluted at the sight of their ruler.
“I take it that you’ve scouted my room?” she asked one of the guards. “I’ve had enough surprises for one night.”
“Yes your highness. We assure you your Chambers are secure.” promised the stallion. As hard as they try, numerous slip ups in the guard was causing all these problems. Multiple mistakes with changelings and other infiltrators nearly cost her the kingdom on numerous occasions. Even the Element of Magic, one of the key defenses of Equestria, was nearly lost because of an incompetent guard.
Celestia sighed, and shooed her guards away. She didn’t want any distractions about treaties or minor friendship threats to Ponyville for at least one night. Using her magic, she opened her heavy chamber doors and stepped inside. The room was dark, no candles lit. Before conjuring a light with magic and illuminating the room, Celestia first stepped out of her regal shoes. Once she was done, she kicked them out of the way and tossed her crown off onto a desk. It took a moment, but with her magic she finally released her royal choker’s hold and carelessly threw it on the ground.
Now onto preening. Celestia lifted a wing and began to inspect the feathers. She nibbled on them with her teeth, spreading her natural oils as per daily hygiene. Whenever she came across a loose or worn white feather, she would bite it and pull it out with hardly a wince. Once she was done, she switched wings and continued. Now finished, Celestia sighed as a new cool wing breezed through her preened wings.
Hygiene done, relaxation now. Celestia walked across the darkness to her vanity mirror and opened a drawer, lifting ten small objects with her magic. With practiced precision and focus, Celestia slowly curled her mane with curlers until her mane comfortably rested on the back of her neck.
“Ah…” Celestia moaned in pleasure as she plopped down on her bed. She may be immortal, but even immortals can be exhausted. Celestia’s head slowly fell onto her pillow.
“Oww!” called a voice.
Celestia’s eyes shot open, she was not alone in her room.
“Who said that?” Celestia asked.
“Behind you mommy.” said the voice again.
Celestia turned around to meet the spiraled eyes of Screwball. The Sun Goddess had opened her mouth to scream in surprise, but Screwball suddenly wrapped her little forelegs around the princess’s throat.
“Screwball is happy mommy came to see Screwball!” the filly exclaimed, tightening her grip.
Screwball released the Alicorn from her clutches. She began to jump up and down on the bed.
“Mommy’s here! Mommy’s here!” she cried gleefully.
Celestia was still busy trying to have oxygen return to her brain to address the foal. After a few deep breathes, Celestia turned towards her “daughter”.
“S-Screwball...how did you get in here?” she asked through clenched teeth.
“Screwball wanted to see mommy, so Screwball went to see mommy!” answered the filly, as if the answer was obvious.
“Well, it’s nice to see you too,” Celestia greeted the filly. Even if she wanted her rest, it was no excuse to be rude to the young Screwball. Despite her old age, Celestia still had a weak spot for children.
“Yay! Screwball likes mommy!” cried the ever happy Screwball.
There was that word again, “mommy”. Celestia had never bothered to think about the reason the little tyke called her that. She had always figured it was because she was the only thing close to a mother figure in her life. Still, the fact she addressed Discord as her father...
“Screwball...” called Celestia. “Why do you call me mommy?” she asked.
Screwball’s spiraled eyes featured a bit of confusion as she looked up at Celestia. “Because you are Screwball’s mommy.” said the purple filly. “Daddy told Screwball that you are.”
“But you know that I’m not you’re real mommy right?” asked the Alicorn.
Screwball twisted her head in confusion. “What do you mean mommy?” she asked. “You’re Screwball’s mommy.” Celestia saw tears beginning to form in the filly’s eyes.
“W-Wait Screwball, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” the Alicorn assured. Unfortunately the damage had been done. Screwball’s bottom lip shot out and began to quiver as she began sniffling. Celestia’s wings twitched in anxiety, she was a great ruler by most standards but never around children.
“Mommy hates Screwball!” Tears ran down her cheeks as Screwball began sobbing. Celestia tried to play damage control, tickling the filly with her wings and trying to lift her up with hooves, but Screwball rolled around on the bed.
As the filly continued to cry, Celestia began to sense a strange energy. An energy similar to the Chaos Magic Discord possessed, but different. This magic was more wild, not as controlled as Discord’s yet more powerful.
“S-Screwball, calm down honey!” exclaimed Celestia. The palace began to shake as Screwball’s sobs grew louder. The sheer amount of magical energy being produced by the filly was beginning to rip a hole in the fabric of the universe!
“I’m your mommy! I’m your mommy!” yelled Celestia. Screwball’s wails began to die down at the Sun Goddess's words.
“You are Screwball’s mommy?” she asked. Celestia nodded enthusiastically. The palace stopped shaking and Screwball’s chaos magic began to die down.
Screwball suddenly pounced on top of Celestia again, trapping the Alicorn in another hug. “Yay! Mommy loves Screwball again!” she cried, nuzzling the older alicorn.
Celestia sighed in relief, or at least she would’ve if Screwball wasn’t constricting her windpipe. Just as she began to turn blue, the Royal Guardspony protecting her room burst through her doors.
“Princess! We heard shouting coming from your room, are you in danger?!” one of them shouted. The rest panted, fearful for their monarch.
Celestia wiggled herself away from the anaconda vise, she looked sheepishly at Screwball. “Oh, just spending time with my daughter!” she said.
*****
Discord lazily floated through the empty halls of the palace. After tucking Screwball in, the draconequus mentally kicked himself for accepting the duty of keeping watch. He didn’t know how the guards could choose this as a profession. Keeping watch was boring! And this was coming from a draconequus that had spent a good thousand years frozen in stone.
Discord sighed. “Oh how I wish for some sort of interaction!” he exclaimed dramatically, fanning himself with a claw appropriately. . It was then when a peculiar smell hit his nostrils.
Discord sniffed the air once more. “Marshmallows?” he asked himself. A mischievous smile spread across his face. “Hello Luna.”
A dark mist began to form in the hallway. Soon, a figure emerged from the shadows. The Princess of the Night’s unamused frown conjured a smile to Discord’s face.
“Why do you walk the halls of the palace freely?” asked Luna. “Surely Celestia forbids such action?”
Discord rolled his eyes. “For your information Lu-Lu, Celestia personally asked me to keep watch.” The draconequus teleported behind the Alicorn. “Besides, even if I didn’t have permission, it’s not like you could do anything about it.”
Luna snarled as she backed away fro Discord. “I am in no mood for jests, Discord. If it had been me deciding your fate, you would still be encased in stone.”
Discord raised an eyebrow. “Yes yes, we all would like to live in a world of ‘what ifs’. What if I wasn’t a master of chaos? What if Celestia wasn’t such a prude? What if you hadn’t turned into Nightmare Moon and start a civil war?”
Luna growled as she stepped towards Discord menacingly. “I would never have done that if it weren’t for you!” she yelled.
Discord smiled. “Water under the bridge Luna. We both served our times.” he said.
“Water under the bridge!?” Luna asked angrily. “I suffered for your actions!”
Discord sighed. “No need to be so ang-”
TWHAP!
Discord found himself thrown to the ground by a strong hoof to his chin.
He looked towards his attacker to see Luna’s still angry eyes. The draconequus rose silently, a stern but not hostile expression on his face.
“I won’t pretend that I didn’t deserve that.” he said. “But don’t expect to get another hit that easily.”
Luna huffed. “Served you right. You show no remorse for my imprisonment.”
“I know, you’re the victim and I’m the big bad guy.” said Discord. “So if you’re done assaulting me, is there anything particular that you want?”
Luna turned her nose to the air before looking again towards Discord. “I know you have something to do with the recent events involving the assassination attempt.”
Discord flexed a bicep and grinned at it. “I may have stopped one or two… You’re welcome, by the way.”
Luna frowned. “This is not the time for jests, draconequus!” she snapped. “You were able to detect a changeling when others couldn’t.”
Discord rolled his eyes and dropped his arms, slouching dramatically. “It’s not that hard, buck! They always get the cutie mark wrong! Give me some credit, if you had powers over chaos you’d have an eye for detail too. Poor Celestia could use it, dear’s flanks really suffer from all that cake.” He unconsciously squeezed thin air with a paw.
Luna narrowed her eyes. “Do not believe for an instant I’ve given you the same trust my sister has. You’re still the still the same as you were before.” she said.
“Pft, please,” Discord scoffed, folding his arms as he did so.” At least I have friends now.”
“Pray tell,” Luna challenged, narrowing her eyes irritably.
“Well dearest Fluttershy and Ce- Eh, just Fluttershy I guess.”
“I had assumed friends meant more than one.” responded Luna.
Discord frowned. “Well it’s not like I’ve had a whole episode talking about my rehabilitation into society....oh, wait a second...”
Luna cocked her head. “We are not sure-nevermind.” She shook her head and muttered something about a ‘crazy pink pony.’
Discord ignored whatever thoughts he had and brought his attention back to the Princess of the Night. “Either way, I’m not the same as I was all those years ago.” He put an arm around Luna’s neck. “Believe it or not, but some people can change.”
Luna pulled away from the draconequus. “Consider me unconvinced, Discord. I will be watching you.” With that, the mist again reappeared and in an instant, Luna vanished.
Again alone, Discord continued down the halls.
“AAAAAAHHH!”
Suddenly, a bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the palace.
“Screwball?”
*****
Screwball studied her subject with the eyes of a master artist.
She levitated a mirror towards her, nearly screaming at what she saw.
“Does mommy like it!?” asked Screwball happily.
Celestia took a deep breath to calm herself down. When Screwball had suggested giving her a makeover, Celestia had only agreed to prevent a fit. The Ruler of Equestria had thought her mane would be manageable, that she would be able to recover any sort of mutilation Screwball committed. But this, this was something else entirely. This was beyond recognition, beyond salvation, beyond....anything!
Screwball noticed her mother’s distress. “Is mommy okay?” she asked.
Celestia’s eye twitched at the question. “O-Oh y-yes dear. Mommy is just so happy that she’s crying.”
Screwball clapped in excitement. “Yay! Now mommy looks pretty for daddy!” she said.
Celestia momentarily directed attention away from her hair. This had to have been the millionth time the filly made a reference to her ‘father’. There was absolutely no kind of relationship between her and Discord, Celestia didn’t know why Screwball had paired her and him up.
Perhaps Discord had been telling her that, he would do anything to annoy Celestia. But then again, why would he designate Celestia as the mother? Surely there had to be other contenders?
Celestia felt as though her questions would be answered as she sensed a familiar chaotic magic. This time however, it wasn’t coming from Screwball.
In a flash of yellow light, Discord appeared in the middle of the bedchamber.
“Now Screwball, I thought I told you no sneaking out after I....I...” Discord eyed Celestia. “Mother Faust, what happened to your mane!?” he asked.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Weren’t you just about to reprimand y-our daughter?” she asked.
“Yes but, it looks like your hair got into a fight with a manticore!” he exclaimed. Discord gave a sly grin, the corners of his mouth nearly splitting at the seams.
“Discord! Don’t you dare laugh!” warned Celestia.
“I...I...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” cackled Discord. “It’s just too much!” he laughed.
Celestia growled angrily. “This is not funny, Discord! I have a press conference tomorrow and my mane is ruined!”
“Oh cheer up Sun Butt.” said Discord, flicking Celestia’s nose. “It’s not that bad.”
Celestia leaned in closer. “Not that bad?! I’ll have to use focused magic to restore it!”
Discord also leaned in. “I’d say it’s an improvement.” he complimented. “It really brings your whole look together.”
The two had engaged in a stare down but a few inches away. Unbeknownst to them, Screwball had made her way directly behind Discord. The filly wasn’t going to let an opportunity like this pass her by.
“Somepony need a little push!” she said to herself. Placing two hooves on Discord’s lower back, Screwball pushed the draconequus forward.
The result was instant. The push quickly closed the distance between the two bickering parties. Before either of them had time to react, Discord and Celestia’s lips locked into a kiss.
Screwball put her forehooves together, closed her eyes, and smiled wider than ever. “Smoochums!”
For an immortal, the years pass like seasons. To the naked eye, it appears to linger forever before suddenly passing by. With a single step back does one realize how short time really is. For an immortal, forever is a long time. A very long time.
The kiss lasted an eternity to the immortals.
Only a single heartbeat broke their frozen state.
Discord opened his eyes, his mind slowly recognizing the fact that something was pressing onto his mouth. Something strange and alien. Something warm and moist. Something that tasted oddly like bananas. His blurry vision slowly recovered as a mare came into focus.
Celestia’s eyes were open in shock, staring into his. Her usual white visage was stricken with pink blush, her wings fluttering at her sides. If Discord wasn’t also on the receiving end of the shocking turn of events, he would’ve jabbed a joke at her. Instead, the two stared at each other, their lips locked together.
“...” Discord blinked. He may be a god of chaos, but even the concept of the opposite sex escaped him. There was turmoil, chaos afterward, and then came mares. Suffice to say, his mind was blank.
“...” Celestia blinked back. The Alicorn was never one to not have something on her mind. Alas, her brain was not in the state to process anything but breathing as she continued the lip lock.
Finally, Discord thoughts caught back up with reality. He silently pulled away from the kiss, still looking deep in Celestia’s eyes. Ignoring Screwball (who was deviously rubbing her hooves together to his side), the draconequus idly scratched the back of his neck.
He cleared his throat as a slight blush crept onto his face.
The sound woke Celestia from her shock. She looked around her bedchambers, refusing to again meet Discord’s eyes.
“Soooo....” Discord began, trying to break the awkward silence. “That happened.”
“Um...” Celestia opened her mouth to speak.
“Okaythanksbye!” Discord quickly snapped his fingers to escape, teleporting away.
Celestia blinked, trying to process the recent events as Screwball began bouncing in circles around her while singing.
“Mommy and daddy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-”
“Screwball!” Celestia scolded, using a wing to halt the pink filly’s frolicking. “That wasn’t very nice to do to… daddy.” A small shiver ran down her spine when she said that. It was one thing to allow Screwball to identify Celestia as her mother, but another to be associated with Discord as that. Parents. Together.
“But daddies and mommies love each other!” Screwball sat down as her eyes began to water. Celestia opened her mouth, but no words came out. There was no proper response to that. Sensing her hesitation, Screwball began to cry.
“No no no no no…” Celestia murmured as she sat down and picked up the filly in her fore legs, rocking her like she would a foal. Events seemed to be moving fast, but her maternal instincts kicked in faster than romantic angst. Screwball sniffed and nuzzled Celestia’s warm chest. “Don’t worry, everything will be alright.”
Screwball squeaked as Celestia tightened her hold, leaning down to kiss her forehead. Her mind raced, juggling between comforting Screwball and her own thoughts. She… she had never kissed anypon-anyone before. The last thousand years that had passed by left her in a position of Order, unable to take charge of her own life and find love. Though, as hard as it was for her to admit, another immortal would make the perfect mate for her.
But Discord? That seemed too much to handle, even for Celestia.
Either way, her first kiss had left her flustered beyond believe. Even if it was an accident, even if he was another species (technically), Discord was a good kisser. Heat rose to Celestia’s wings as she reminisced. She shook her head, plastering her wings to her side and banishing the thought. Discord was evil! Or, at least he used to be evil. She’d rather be with… with… Mr. Cake! Yes, Mr Cake was a thousand times the stallion than Discord! Every morning she would wake up to breakfast in bed, eggs and hay bacon with a fluffy muffin. Banana muffin, her favorite flavor.
Celestia licked her lips as she thought about it, still rocking Screwball.
Eventually however, the Sun Goddess sighed, why was she thinking about pastries now of all times? She needed to clear her mind, her body was sore from the stress of the previous night and needed rest. She gulped audibly, did she dare consider the possibility that Discord was… good? Screwball was a handful, and part of her knew she would need help raising her. No orphanage could contain her if Discord deviated and was imprisoned again. Even with Luna, Twilight, or Cadence she still couldn’t raise Screwball alone.
She needed a family.
The filly in question had fallen asleep in her forelegs, obnoxiously snoring with a line of drool dripping off her chin. Celestia smiled, she looked adorable when she was asleep. The Alicorn gently placed the foal on her bed, resisting the urge to collapse on it herself. With any luck, she could squeeze in later. She took a deep breath, trying to lower her rising blood pressure.
“Speaking of ‘rising’...” Celestia murmured as she turned around. It was time to raise the sun. Focusing her magic, she envisioned the Sun’s glimmering beauty.
Celestia rose from her bed and walked onto her balcony. She could she the Sun, her Sun shyly peeking over the horizon. As the fresh morning breeze sent shivers down her spine, Celestia focused her magic into starting the Sun’s orbit. It would naturally hover above Equestria, allowing the Alicorn to not worry about it for the rest of the day.
Celestia sighed, not that she was lacking stuff to do today. Her mane was an absolute wreck and would require a trip to her personal spa, that would take at least a couple of hours. Then there was that conference with the High Council...
Celestia’s eyes widened at the realization. Her mane would not be ready before the press conference began and she had already rescheduled it three times before! Perhaps Luna could go in her place? Her little sister needed more time in the public eye, this would be a great opportunity for her.
Celestia suddenly frowned. Luna stayed up all night dream walking and what not, Celestia barely saw Luna during the day. No she was definitely out, that only left...
The sun goddess sighed. “Discord...” she said disappointingly, ignoring the blush that had inexplicably found it’s way to her face. “Faust help me.”
*****
Discord paced back and forth in his cell, his claws on his face in distress. In all his many years of bringing chaos, he had never thought the act of touching lips would elicit such a response from him. It was just a kiss! Just a kiss and nothing more, an accidental one at that. One brought about by that devious filly Screwball.
The draconequus smiled, like father like daughter it seems.
Speaking of the filly, Discord realized he had again left her with Celestia. No doubt the little tyke was causing havoc, it was what she was made to do. And that was true in the most literal of ways.
Discord sighed, life was easier when he was still considered the “bad guy. It was better when his name was whispered in frantic whispers rather in loud jests from the royal guard, he had respect back then. Now....he was just Celestia’s pet.
Just what Chrysalis said.
Discord furrowed his brow, the changeling’s appearance couldn’t have come at a worse time. Exactly when the draconequus began to feel like a shell of his former self, she had to appear and make the situation a million times more complicated. Not to mention the fact that her offer as extremely tempting, the thought of the him regaining complete control over Equestria was extremely attractive.
And that wasn’t the only thing thing that was attractive about her Discord thought to himself. He quickly shook any remaining suggestive thoughts out of his mind, he’s had enough of mares on the mind for one day.
Giving a loud yawn, the God of Chaos slithered out of his room through the giant hall. He lazily floated down the hall, desperately looking for something to take his mind off of his predicament.
A little while later, the draconequus inexplicably found himself in the middle of the palace’s courtyard. The garden boasted a large garden, hosting a diverse variety of flowers. Small pink birdhouses were perched on the many trees, housing many of the flying friends that made the yard their home. Discord took a deep breath. The peace, the tranquility, the harmony, it was all just SO terrible.
He groaned, was this to be the rest of his life? Spending his time in this Tartarus disguised as an Eden until he withered away (which would probably be a long time putting his extreme lifespan in account).
“I just don’t understand why you constantly have to sneak me around like this.”
Discord’s eyes widened as he heard a distant voice. Nopony minus the occasional gardener ever entered the courtyard, it was primarily built for show. The draconequus slowly started to float towards the voice.
“It isn’t as simple as that! If the nobility finds out that I’m seeing you, I will be ruined!”
The God of Chaos stopped in his tracks. There was another voice, one that sounded familiar at that. Could it be who he thought it was? Discord arrived behind a large bush, he cautiously peeked over the hedge and towards the source of the voices.
His assumption was correct. Prince Blueblood; in all his douchebagginess, stood in the center of the courtyard. He looked nervous, frequently looking around to make sure he wasn’t being watched. Discord made sure his long and slender body was well hidden, an opportunity to get some dirt on Blueblood should never be wasted.
“Is that all you care about!? What about me Bluey? Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be snuck around?”
It was then when Discord noticed the other pony standing next to Blueblood, or more shockingly, the fact that it was a stallion. He was a meek thing, no bigger than your average mare. He sported a short brown mane and dull blue coat. The Earth Pony wasn’t much to look at.
Blueblood clicked his teeth in annoyance. “I understand it’s stressful, I really do.” He placed a hoof on the other stallion’s shoulder. “If I could have it any other way I would. But you know what would happen if the truth came out! I’d be the laughing stock of the whole kingdom!”
“Then go ahead and let them laugh!” shouted the Earth Pony defiantly. “If I meant anything to you, those damn nobles wouldn’t be able to bother you so much! Admit it, you’re ashamed of me...”
Discord felt his jaw slowly lower in shock. Was this truly what it looked like? Had he come at a bad time and taken the conversation out of context?
Blueblood gasped at the accusation. “I am not ashamed of you Sebastian!” the unicorn scolded. “You are the most important pony in the world to me! I...I love you.”
Sebastian gasped. Wiping a tear from his eye, he gave a sincere smile. “Oh Bluey! I love you too!” he said, wrapping his arms around the stallion. As the two leaned in for a kiss, Discord slowly slithered away, a sinister smile plastered on his face.
*****
Celestia’s heart pounded in her chest as she slowly walked down the halls. Why was she nervous anyway? She was simply going to ask Discord to attend the High Council Meeting in her absence, there was no need for her anxiety!
The Alicorn sighed. No matter how many times she told herself that, she knew it wasn’t the truth. She had every right to be anxious, especially after that...incident.
She kissed him, she kissed Discord!
Discord; the Master of Disharmony, the Bringer of Grief, the living embodiment of Chaos, Celestia’s greatest adversary to date! He was brash, he was rude, he was loud, he was (extremely) annoying, he had more ego than brains but only used the former. Yes the draconequus was truly a piece of work, and compared to the Royal Alicorn, was the opposite of all she stood for.
Celestia had kissed him...and she had enjoyed it.
The Princess stopped in her tracks, shocked that her mind would dare to suggest something so ludicrous. The kiss was an accident, a total and complete accident. No ifs, ands, or buts, about it. Besides, so what if she liked it? There was no possibility of a relationship with him anyway. Even in the small possibility he would want to be with her, the media would lay an egg.
Celestia smiled, she had finally found a valid excuse. She couldn’t be with Discord because society wouldn’t allow it...and because she didn’t have any feelings for him, that too.
“Something on thy mind, sister?” asked a voice.
Celestia jumped in the air in surprise, turning around to see who had snuck up on her.
“Luna!” Celestia scolded. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
The Princess of the Night rolled her eyes, not impressed with her sister’s exaggeration. “Thou shall have to forgive me. I’m used to creeping around, working when most ponies are asleep after all.”
Celestia sighed. “Yes, I know. What are you even doing awake, anyway? It’s almost noon.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “I am trying to do some research dear sister. Have you not forgotten that thou almost were assassinated yesterday? The castle has a powerful spell the blocks all changelings from entering the Palace, a spell only few know. Do you know what that means?”
Celestia nodded at her sister’s suggestion. “It means that somepony inside the Palace let him in.”
“Not just anypony...” Luna said. “This pony would have to be very close to you if he knows the spell. This isn’t just a rogue soldier, this is a full blown spy that may have critical information about Equestria we’re dealing with. Until this spy is identified, your life and Equestria’s security, are in grave danger.”
Celestia looked towards the floor warily. She hated the thought that one of her own personal guardspony was working against her. She had enough to worry about with Discord, but Treason? Such a serious issue would generate a new layer of stress for the Alicorn.
The Celestia look towards Luna with a stern expression. “Thank you sister, I’ll be on my guard.”
Luna nodded in approval and turned away to leave. She stopped after realizing something. “Oh, and sister?”
“Yes Luna?” Celestia asked.
“You may want to try a different mane style.” she said with a cheeky grin.
Celestia gave her sister a blank stare. “Very funny Luna.” she deadpanned.
The Princess of the Night gave a light giggle as she disappeared into a mysterious fog. No matter how high of an image other ponies held for Celestia, to Luna, she would always be her big sister.
Celestia groaned as she forced her mind to tune back to the task at hand. When Discord had first been reformed, Celestia placed a tracking spell on him to assure he wouldn’t try to escape. Conjuring magic to her horn, the Alicorn tried to locate the godlike trickster. She was more than surprised to find out that Discord was not only close to her, but moving rapidly towards her.
On cue, Discord floated lazily around the hallway corner. He was whistling with his head held high and a suspicious grin on his face.
His eyes widened as he caught sight of Celestia.
“Good Morning, Sunbutt! How are you this fine day?” he asked joyously.
Celestia raised an eyebrow, something wasn’t right. “What has you in such a good mood?” she asked.
Discord gasped in feigned offense. “Oh, what? Can’t a draconequus simply appreciate a beautiful day? You know, some of my feelings are actually genuine.”
Celestia shook her head and sighed. “Never mind that Discord, I need your help with something.”
Discord gasped and conjured a remote control with a shiny red button. At the press, an audience could be heard ‘ooooing’.
“The Royal Snob Celestia needs my help?” he asked sarcastically. “You must be in a desperate situation.”
“Will you be serious for once?” asked Celestia. “I need you to attend the High Council Meeting in my absence. It will take at least a couple of hours to get my mane back in a viewable condition, until then, I need you to take notes at the meeting.”
Discord yawned and conjured a floating hammock for him to lay in. “I don’t know Sun Butt, this sounds pretty boring.” With a snap of his paw, a glass of lemonade appeared. Discord preceded to eat the glass, leaving the yellow liquid floating in the air. “What’s in it for me?”
Celestia resisted the urge to grind her teeth in anger. She needed Discord’s help and she needed in now. The Meeting was about to begin soon, she couldn’t waste time arguing with the draconequus.
“Fine.” Celestia said. “If you go to the meeting, I’ll give you some free time.” The Alicorn sighed. “Free time without the ankle brace.”
Discord took on a mischievous grin at the sound of unsupervised time. “Very well, Celestia.” he said. His hammock and floating lemonade disappeared. “I accept your terms.”
“Good. But before you leave I need you to promise me something, Discord.”
“Yes, Sun Butt?” Discord asked sweetly.
“Please do try to behave yourself, this is going to be your first time in the public eye since your reformation. You need to make a good fir-second impression.”
Discord chuckled to himself. “Oh Celestia, what’s the worst that could happen?”
