Or, How I Learned To Stop Hating And Enjoy My Little Pony.
This is a story about hatred; how it's born, how it grows and festers into a strangling vine, and how you kill it at the root. It's about how that hatred can change the face of a planet, and how, now matter what form it takes, and where you banish it, it always comes back. But most of all, it's about how you really deal with hate: By taking it by the hand, and telling it that, by hating, it knows what it means to love.
Across the Internet, there's a meme: Haters Gonna Hate.
Some website offers the following definition of a Hater: "A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Instead of giving acknowledgment in courtesy, a hater often pursues his/her point by exposing a flaw in the target subject…The hater doesn't really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch."
By that definition, I'm a Hater.
I fucking hate My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
I have no idea why.
By all means, I should be one of this shows biggest fans, which is saying something, despite a healthy portion of the fanbase being men over the age of innocence. This is shocking, since the show is directed towards little girls, but, after watching a few episodes, you can see why. It's beautifully animated, written, and acted out. The stories are fun, the jokes make sense and aren't too corny, and the characters are likable, since they're not constantly shoving friendship down the viewer's throat.
So why the Gak do I hate this show so much?
Every time I see, hear, or read something related to Ponydom, I get the urge to put my fist through a wall, vomit in the hole, and then take a massive dump down said hole before repeating the process. I enter a Karkat-esque madness, espousing nothing but pure, irreconcilable hate towards the franchise and it's characters. There's no reason, no sense behind-It just opens a fountain of Haterade in me that, if left uncapped, tends to end up with me flipping a table or doing something else stupid and violent.
But why?
I don't understand what triggers it. Normally, I can be respectful when it comes to another topic I don't like, but for some reason, Ponydom grinds my gears. Even the thought of the words My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic causes my skin to crawl. Just that last sentence made me cringe; that's how bad it is. There's no logic behind it-it's just hate. Pure, unadulterated, unquenchable, unfathomable, HATE.
I'm such a Hater. And the following events prove why that fucking Pony show has it coming from a mile away.
Don't believe me? It started like this…
~!~
Normally, when I wake up, it's to the buzz of my alarm clock, and my roomie grunting a query about whether or not I'm off to the gym. This is usually the case, since I wouldn't bother waking up before ten anyway. I'll take my head from my comfy pillow and egress from the warm, cozy bed I slumber in, cross the floor, put on my running shoes, and head to the gym.
The one time this didn't happen, I had the worst fucking day of my life.
First, I didn't wake up in a bed. I woke up on a cold wooden floor. There was a stink of chemicals in the air, but I don't have the scientific know-how to tell you which. Whatever they were they were toxic enough to make my waking eyes water, and I coughed.
But not out of my mouth. Out of a muzzle.
Yes. A muzzle. Not a human mouth. A horse-like muzzle.
My eyes flew open in horror and I tried to get to my feet. Oh, wait, I didn't have feet. I had fucking bizarre legs. Four of them.
'No", I thought, and, somehow, my thoughts snuck down into my mouth and started being audible. "Nononono. This isn't happening."
Oh, but it was. I stepped back, the clopping of my (Hnngh) hooves (God that hurts to say) against the hardwood floor the only sound. As the dark clouds of toxic crap around me began to thin, I could make out a dark blue nose, and I felt my wings extend in-
What the fuck.
WINGS?
WHAT THE FUCK? 'Fuck fuck fuck this isn't happening this is a nightmare yes that's what it is fuck WHY WON'T I WAKE UP WAKE ME UP SOMEONE WAKE ME THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!
I wasn't waking up. This was no nightmare. I looked around as the smoke cleared. I was hyperventilating at this point-My eyes were probably the size of dinner plates as I swung my new head around. Something was lashing against my face as I moved. Hair? Oh, right it was a MANE. As if this couldn't get fucking better.
There was a bucket to my left. I dived forward, stumbling as I tried to run on four legs, despite not even knowing how to walk like a quadruped. Which, if I was right, I really fucking hoped I wasn't…
I reached the bucket, and tilted that bastard to look me in the eye.
A pony with a dark blue coat, my eyes, and a mane of black that was only broken by a streak of dark blue looked horrified back to me, pupils shrinking in total terror as the reality of the complete fuckery I had just woken into settled in, kicking out the last vestiges of denial, and, with it, hope.
I was a pony. A My Little Pony.
I threw back my head, the bucket tipping onto the floor, and roared out a vehement and vibrant mixture of undying rage that rang off of the walls, reverberating throughout the building and compounding my rage.
Fuck my life. Seriously.
I lowered my head before I blacked out, gasping in horror as I looked into the puddle. Amidst the rippling water, that pony face stared back at me, aghast.
I felt violated. I was a pony-A MY LITTLE PONY. This shit doesn't happen, it just DOESN'T. This isn't a fanfiction. This isn't one of my stupid ideas that I spilled onto a page and that Kagetora no Tsume(A beloved critic of my work, bless her) will hate on me for later-This was HAPPENING. I was a PONY.
I needed to break something. I settled for the bucket.
I lowered my head, roaring in fury, and swung hard, the bucket flying across the room into a stack of books. They blasted apart like pins in an alley after a strike, flying every which way as I kicked and screamed out my rage.
I tore that place up. I don't know for how long I was at it, but, by the end, I looked around, my shoulders heaving and my head hanging low, teeth bared as I gasped for oxygen. Tables were flipped, books were wrecked, and I was sure I'd blown up something.
I wish I'd had a camera; I would look back on that moment with pride.
See, unbeknownst to me, I had just utterly WASTED the main room of a domicile that belonged to one (don'twanttotypethisdon'tmakemetypethis) TwilightSparkle (GAH), who shall hereafter be referred to as TS.
I can only bring myself to say something THAT stupid so many times, people. Even I have my limits.
I heard the noise of a book falling to the floor, and my head flashed around.
There she was.
TS was looking back at me, one leg reaching for the door, her size having bumped into a table and knocked a book to the floor. She'd been trying to escape, the bitch. But the look she was giving me would stay with me forever. No one has looked at me that way ever, and honestly, I hope they never will again.
It was terror like you've only seen in horror movies, or the kind you've felt when a knife-wielding psycho is inches away from spilling out your intestines across a dark alley at night, and there's no one around to save you. It's the terror that comes from having your life in danger, and you think, "This is it. I'm about to die". Your life plays out before you, and you want to scream, but the look conveys all that in a second.
TS was afraid. She was fucking right to.
"YOU!" I roared, and, faster than I've ever moved before, I had crossed the room and pinned her against the wall by her throat, a leg pressing her up against the wall as I bared my teeth in a feral snarl, a growl rumbling from my throat as I flared my wings (FUCKING WINGS WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO I HAVE THESE) in furious anger. "YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU!"
Her mouth opened hard for breath, but she squeezed out a rapid nod. I pressed a little harder. I wasn't scared-Every bit of fear and terror and violation had transmuted into a monstrosity of rage that took over every sense in my body, and controlled every motion I had, all of it focused on this terrified purple pony.
Someone pass me a Red Lantern ring.
"FIX IT!" I yelled, not sparing any space, "NOW!" I was vaguely aware of some sort of crackling behind my, the hairs of my coat (HNNG SO WRONG) raising, as if there was static in the air. Did I knock over a wire or something? Do they even HAVE electricity? Hell, I dunno.
TS gasped for breath. "I-I CAN'T-" She was wheezing now. I was probably killing her.
I didn't let go just yet.
"DO IT!"
"I CAN'T!"
"WHY!"
"I DON'T-" TS' eyes were rolling into the back of her head with every wheezed breath. "I DON'T KNOW-DON' T KNOW HOW!"
With a roar of frustration, I released her, the purple pony falling to the floor, gasping for breath.
I was gasping just as hard as I watched her. She looked at me after a moment, but didn't raise her head. There were some tears in her eyes, probably from what had just happened. It was night, I guess, because there was no light outside, just within. That's probably how I looked so ominous, casting a shadow over her as she lay there, helpless and trying to catch her breath.
My eyes watched hers for a trace of a lie, of deceit, something to feed my rage-No, my hope.
It never came.
I felt like I was going to vomit.
"You-You can't." I finally said after god knows how long. TS shook her head weakly in response, raising her head a little as she closed her mouth.
I brought my right hoof down, feeling it crash into the hardwood, and threw back my head in a roar again, and she ducked once more, covering her head with her hooves.
I drew this one out for a while, and I was vaguely aware of that static feeling returning, and then I saw them from behind my closed eyelids-Flashes of light. Brief, but brilliant, I didn't open my eyes to see what was causing them, or the noise of books flying and wood splintering around me. I drew out my grief and pain as long as I could in that howl before I felt my legs give, and my neck with it.
I just lay there, panting, and the small of burned wood caught my nose. I didn't care enough to look and see. I was drowning in pure misery and loss. Not loss like death, but the loss of control, of reality, of everything I ever had.
I opened my eyes and looked up at a terrified TS, who was looking back at me. I finally raised my head and took a look around.
Jesus Christ, did I do that?
I knew I'd trashed the place earlier, but with nothing that would have left books in half with smoldering edges. Nothing I'd done during my first moments of rage could have left scorch marks the size of car tires across the floor.
My head slowly turned back to TS. Her breath caught and I saw her eyes quiver in horror. Mine, though, were steady and set, though they were rimmed with a fair few tears that made their way down my cheeks. I was mad as hell, yeah, but, more than that, I was scared.
Finally I found my voice, and, despite my steady glare, which kept her pinned to the wall, I felt it shake in me like a rock in a landslide. "What have you DONE to me!"
She could only stutter in response, shaking from head to tail as she tried to speak. "I-I…I don't…"
"Don't what?" I growled. I was too tired to attack her again, too miserable. But I was still mad as hell, and I wasn't going to take this shit lying down. I raised myself off of my hindquarters and stood before her, feeling my wings (Geez that's wrong) fold to my side.
"I-I thought I was-"
"Was what? Spit it out, dammit!"
"You-You look-"
"WHAT?"
"You look like…Rainbow Dash…"
Pop quiz: Guess which pony I can't stand the MOST?
Maybe it's her obnoxious personality or something, but to me, Rainbow Dash is "The Pony That Shall Not Be Named". Hell, I can't stand most of their names, but for some reason, The One is at the epicenter of my hatred for the show.
Rage came back like it was a bad habit and I roared again, standing up on my hind legs and planting my forelegs on either side of TS' head, the latter giving a quick scream of terror as her pupils shrunk further. She was back in my shadow again, and her eyes were trembling as they looked back at mine. I don't know how I can glare at someone with tearful eyes, but I did it. "WHAT. DID. YOU. DO TO ME?" Each word escalated in volume until I felt them explode out of me, and I saw her eyes close tight, her entire body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
At that moment, I'm sure she would have rather been the leaf.
Her salvation came as someone kicked open the door, and we turned to see who had decided to trespass into TS' home.
I felt my stomach churn as more proof that someone upstairs hates my guts took a few steps into the room, gasping as she took in the damage before her green eyes finally landed on TS and I, the latter keeping the former pinned as my eyes narrowed in rage.
Applejack looked just like she always did-Hat, long mane, tanned coat-but gathering from the small puddle she was tracking, a storm was brewing outside the doors. Her mane was clumped and wet, but that didn't stop her from getting over her shock long enough to plant herself between me and the exit. "Awright, Dash, this ain't funny no more!" She snapped at me, and I felt a geyser of rage burst in me for a moment as I stepped down, planting my own hooves on the ground and letting my wings spread a little.
Not that I knew the first damn thing about using them. Seriously, they were wings. People don't have those; I wouldn't even know where to begin figuring these things out.
"I'm not Dash," I snarled, and I felt my nostrils flare. Applejack looked me over again, blinking.
"Naw, ya ain't," Applejack said, keeping her eyes on me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw TS sit up onto her hindquarters, wiping a few fearful tears from her face. Applejack didn't seem scared in the least, determined on staying between me and my egress. It was like a Wild West showdown, but without the awesome dusters and revolvers that would have made this shit cool.
That, and the fact we were both ponies kind of killed that.
"Sorry 'bout that," Applejack said, pawing at the wood, ready to strike, "But it don't help YOU none, pony. I ain't too fond of ponies who wreck mah friends homes and start hollerin' at em fer no 'parent reason!"
"Wow, listen to you, using all those big words," I snapped, lowering my head, "Now get out of my way." Fuck all this shit, I was leaving. I was mad, I was pissed, I was tired, and I was a PONY. I needed some TLC and a therapist, not a fight with the country bumpkin.
Applejack's green eyes narrowed. I'm not sure if it was the intelligence comment or just my bad attitude, but it certainly wasn't going to make her add me on Facebook. "Yer leavin' over mah smolderin' hat, mister!"
"That," I said, feeling a merciless sneer split my face, "Can be arranged." I moved like lightning, and heard the crack as I crossed the room in a few steps. Applejack's eyes widened and then shut tight as I barreled into her, swinging my weight into the pony. I heard her crash into a pile of books, but kept going.
I wasn't bout to drag this damn day out any more than I had to.
I got the feeling it was the early morning hours, those sorts of hours when people are out and about doing things they should or going to work extremely early. I couldn't tell, though-The storm that was raging overhead was pretty damn dark, blocking out any sign I possibly had of determining time.
I felt like it followed me all the way through the town, and into the woods.
I didn't even try flying-Like I said, I don't know the first damn thing about the use of wings. Not on planes, and not on ponies. Then again, my mind wasn't exactly pondering flight and trying to remember Da Vinci's machine and how it worked. It was buzzing like crazy, a haze of thoughts that formed into a second storm in my mind, loud enough to blot out the first.
Soaked to the bone and tired, I collapsed into a heap god-knows how later under a towering tree, but even it couldn't keep the rain off of me. My chest heaved and my eyelids drooped as my chest burned, my legs feeling like jelly. Tiredly, I curled up in a small ball, feeling something on my face that wasn't rain as the weight of my eyelids became too much for my tired body to stand.
The last thing I was aware of doing before darkness consumed everything around me with a roll of thunder was speaking one sentence to no one, through my chattering teeth, soaked coat, and aching muscles.
I bared my shivering teeth at the world and growled. "F-f-fucking Ponies." And fell into a trembling, rain-soaked sleep, thunder and lighting roaring overhead as I passed out.
They say Haters Gonna Hate. At that moment, I'd never hated anything so much in my entire life.
When I stress my hatred for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I often forget to mention the origin of my hate.
It's not predisposition of gender, where I hate it because it's for little girls and I'm a grown goddamn (Bat) man. It's not due to any dislike of the franchise, or the staff behind the show, or the network the show airs on.
In fact, I have no reason the hate Friendship Is Magic.
My hatred is empty and baseless, but it expands over the entire series like a dark blanket, making every little detail regarding the show trigger a wave of nausea in me like nothing has or ever will.
And THAT'S what I HATE.
I hate having an opinion with nothing to back it up, no reason behind it. It's IDIOTIC, and it's not the kind of guy I am. For example, if I met someone from a culture where the principal form of disposing of the dead bodies of your family was eating them, I wouldn't react to this with, "EW! GROSS!" I'd step back and wonder what the point of it is. In this case, you'd be taking in the loved one you lost, taking some fantastical part of them into you in the process so it stays with you forever.
But when it comes to ponies…
...I just don't fucking know, and it disgraces and shames me. That makes me frustrated, and that turns to fury. And, as Yoda said, Anger Leads to Hate.
He also said Hate leads to Suffering.
He was right.
~@~
I woke shivering and sneezing in the sunlight, squeezing my eyes shut as my brain went on a bouncing spree in my cranium.
My head was pounding as I opened my eyes, and I shut them tight in the sudden light of day. I groaned, and suddenly let a sneeze loose from my muzzle.
My eyes opened weakly as I checked to see if that was right.
Yep. I was still a fucking pony.
"Fuck," I growled out, shivering as I stood. I must have looked like Hell-Hair was clumped and damp in some spots, my whole body was trembling from being in the cold rain for however long I'd been sleeping, and I probably had bags under my eyes.
Shaking my head once, I looked around, taking in my surroundings. During the night, the storm had passed, and I could make out where I was easily, namely due to the expanse of ordered trees that went on for miles, bright red fruit hanging from the sturdy boughs.
Sweet Apple Acres.
God, I really WAS in a cartoon.
My stomach gave a rumble like a cantankerous lion and I looked down towards it. Of course, my new neck didn't exactly get me a good look at it, but I knew that I had to eat sometime soon.
Letting out another sneeze, I looked around with bleary eyes, squinting in the morning sun. It was just cresting the hills now, yellow rays spreading out over the orchard as I turned in place, getting my bearings.
Or, at least, trying to.
God dammit, why can't ponies have an internal compass like geese do! Those birds can find their way back to the same nesting site after YEARS of being away-Why can't I remember which way I came from in the middle of the storm last night!
Oh, that's why.
The weight of guilt and shame fell on me as I reflected on recent events.
I'd almost killed TS. Twice.
I'd wrecked her home.
I'd hurt her friend.
All because I'd been thrown into a panicked frenzy after being morphed into a Pony.
I mean, my reaction had been understandable, not to mention life shattering. Still, why did I run? Why did I attack her? Fear seemed to be the right answer. I'd attacked out of fear, like any animal does when torn from it's normal life and shoved into a new one. I'd lost everything in the blink of an eye, and been deposited by TS' hand-Er, hoof, sorry-into the one place I hoped never to be.
I felt like an utter ass.
TS probably would have helped me if I'd stayed. But I hadn't. I'd been so afraid, so bewildered, that I hadn't stopped to think about how to fix this situation. Instead, I'd gone on the offensive, shooting something bright all over the place as I'd screamed out my rage at fate for it's dirty, dirty play, and then fled like a felon into the dark of the night.
Blinking weakly, I determined which way the town was, and started off, still shivering a little as I kept my head bowed out of fatigue.
I had some SERIOUS groveling to do.
"Who's that?"
"Not sure. He looks a little ill, though-Maybe we better keep our distance."
"Check out the wings. What's a Pegasus doing just walking around?"
"Ugh, he looks like such a grouch."
"I think he heard you."
Damn fucking right I did. You were being so dam subtle, too.
Tearing my glare from the ponies that were chattering all around me, I kept on through the town, looking for whatever house was TS'. It was way harder than it sounds-Not only did all the buildings LOOK THE FUCKING SAME, but my eyes were squinting in the light, and I was having a hard time making out details. Add that to the fact that I still looked a mess, and I was pretty much lost and looking the part.
The worst part, though, were the whispers.
They were hardly whispers, but I could see pony after pony trade a look of caution and uncertainty as I stumbled by. I was a stranger in their midst, and they were probably more than a little wary of someone who did seemingly nothing but scowl and glare at each and every house that he passed.
I can hardly blame them. I'd probably react the same way if a girl went running down Main Street and burst into expletives every time she found a Mom and Pop shop.
What? There are A LOT of those where I'm from.
I didn't know how long I'd been walking before I heard someone gasp. I looked up, and had to squint as my eyes landed on a bright pink pony.
She screamed her lungs out, turned, and ran back the way she came.
Wait, wasn't that-
"Dash, darling! There you are!"
Oh fuck no.
My pupils probably shrunk to the size of a grain of sand as I heard the smooth, cultured voice drift through the air and loving dance into my ear. It was a voice I was really hoping I wouldn't have to hear.
Nononono. Please, please, God, if you're there, anyone but-
Rarity smiled dazzlingly at me as she opened the doors to her botique, her magic pulling the rug (Where the FUCK did that come from and why was it in the street) I was standing on towards her. I gave a yelp of shock as I was pulled into the doors of the store and thrown off, landing in a four-legged spread eagle on the floor.
My head reminded me it was aching as I gritted my teeth, hissing out a low "Goddammit" as I tried to massage my aching head.
Of all the Ponies, Rarity comes in at a close second behind The One That Shall Not Be Named in my extensive list of "Ponies I Hate". Objectively, she was lovely, talented, and enthralled with her work.
Subjectively, in my mind, she was a vain skank.
Seriously. No one should care that much about how they look.
"Oh!" I heard her say, followed by the click of the door shutting, "I'm so sorry! You look like a dear friend of mine, you see, and-"
"And," I growled loudly through gritted teeth, eyes flashing open and narrowing on the purple-maned pony, "I'm. Not. Her."
Rarity opened her nouth, but blinked, taken aback by my sudden hostility. Deal with it, bitch, you just dragged me in off the street and gave me a migraine. "No, but the resemblance is jus uncanny!" She sounded happy as she trotted over, examining me with a precise eye. I wasn't sure if she was checking me out or just inspecting to see if I was injured, but, either way, I really wanted her to fucking stop. Now would be good. "Would you happen to be her brother?"
"No."
"Cousin?"
"No."
"Boyfriend?"
"No!" Each word had escalated in volume and hostility until I finally snapped, standing in one smooth move and unconsciously spreading my wings out wide as I glared down at Vanity. The poor pony was a few inches shorter than me, and I was vaguely aware of a rumble from somewhere that wasn't my stomach. It sounded like thunder. "I'm not Rainbow Dash, I'm not related to her, and I'm not her boyfriend! So, if you'd just let me-"
I tried to leave right then and there, I swear to you. I knew what would follow would be incredibly unpleasant, and I didn't want a repeat of last night's events at TS' house. No, this grumpy sumbitch was going to play it smart, and walk right out the door.
At least, I tried.
"Au contraire!" A rack of clothes magically rolled into place between me and my egress as a few of it's friends suddenly appeared at my left and right side. I turned, baring my teeth and glaring at Rarity, who was too lost in talking to notice. "Look at yourself, you're a mess! I would never forgive myself if I let you walk from MY store looking so…so…" Oh, look, she noticed how mad I was. "Are you aware that you're crackling?"
I felt it before I noticed, but, yes, I was actually crackling with static. Or rage. At this point, I didn't know, and didn't care. "Get this crap out of my way," I snarled through gritted teeth, "PLEASE." I stressed the final world, making my statement sound a lot more imploring than intimidating.
Vanity blinked in confusion before she scowled back. "How-How rude! I'm offering to help you, and you assert that my lovely work is nothing more than-than-" Good god, they can't even bring themselves to curse?
"I'm asking POLITELY, pony," I growled, spitting the last word like it was poison, and I saw Vanity physically jump as I took a step forward. The crackling became more intense, small arcs of static electricity jumping from me to the metal of the racks of clothing.
And that's when the salamander attacked.
I don't know where the little fucker had been hiding this whole time. In one of the racks? The ceiling? Wherever he came from, Spike the small purple dragon, roaring something semi-threatening, was on my face and clawing at me like a pissed off alley tabby. Inch-long dragon claws dug at my face, and I felt skin break under the merciless carving as Vanity gasped, screaming for Spike to cease and desist. I gave a roar of frustration in response.
The blast that followed was like nothing I'd ever imagined I'd be capable of producing.
Lightning exploded from me with a roar of thunder that could have deafened a train. Spike went flying into Rarity, and everything else tilted over like a well-organized line of dominoes, racks of dresses and suits collapsing on each other in a cacophony of crashes that added to the fading roar of the storm.
I panted, eyes hot and furious as I glared at the recovering pair. Spike was on his feet first, standing between me and Vanity, while the latter was looking like she had just been on the receiving end of a hangover, rubbing her head with a hoofless leg.
Seriously, I HATE those legs. How do they even work?
Panting hard, I felt my wings flare, another Thundershock building up as Spike crouched, his claws ready. I didn't know if dragons bruised or not, but I was sure as hell about to find out.
"Now, that's quite enough!"
Wow.
Rarity could get LOUD.
Both Spike and I jumped as Rarity drew herself up, scowling at both of us as if we were nothing more than rambunctious kids. Spike, for his credit, seemed to relax, but I wasn't taking chances.
That, and I had no idea how to control fucking LIGHTNING. I mean, WOW, that had been the coolest fucking thing EVER, but I didn't exactly have "Magic And How To Not Waste Fuckers With It" in front of me.
"I've had quite enough of this enigmatic behavior from the both of you!" Vanity snapped, her head turning down to glare at Spike, who blinked in surprise. I didn't grin, I promise.
Okay, I lied.
"You should know better than to simply ambush someone, Spike!" Vanity began, but Spike held his hands (Er, claws?) up in surrender as she continued. "As noble as that is, I highly doubt he would have actually assaulted me in any manner!"
I snorted. "Are you kidding me? You had me cornered against a rack of suits and WOULDN'T LET ME LEAVE." I stomped my hoof, and there was an accompanying rumble of thunder. Ignoring it, I turned my eyes on the baby dragon. "You. Attacking me. Explain it. Now. Or this place goes up like a roman candle."
Rarity blinked. "A what?"
Spike, for the record, is a kid, with kid-like emotions and reactions. Despite that, the following moment forever reminded me that the kid still had some balls. Some.
Turning to me with a fixed glare, he leveled a claw at me and snarled, some strings of smoke curling from his nose. "Don't EVER threaten Miss Rarity or her work, Hatesteed! I'm warning you!"
Hatesteed? I blinked, feeling my face shift from fury to annoyed confusion. "What are you talking about!"
Spike blinked, his posture slumping as he kept a claw pointed at me. "You're the Hatesteed, right? A ponyfication of all the hate in the world? Twilight said you-"
"The HATESTEED?" Rarity said, backpedaling swiftly, a look of stunned fear in her eyes. I rolled mine, groaning as I brought a hoof to my face in annoyance.
…ohgodI'mactinglikethemnow SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
"Look, whatever she said," I growled out, stepping forward casually (Causing Vanity to yelp a little, which I took SOME joy in) and keeping my eyes on Spike, "I'm not the Hatesteed or whatever. I just…" I sighed, hanging my head a little as my wings folded to my sides.
That was still going to take some getting used to. Having an extra pair of limbs is REALLY unnerving, trust me.
"I just reacted really, really badly to waking up a pony," I said, looking back at a surprised Spike. "See, I don't REALLY look like this most of the time, I-"
"Whoa, whoa," Spike said, holding his puny claws up as realization seemed to dawn on his face, "So…You only reacted that way because Twilight turned you INTO a pony?"
I gave him a deadpan look, cocking an eyebrow as I replied dryly, "I think that was what I just said. Anyway, I-" Before I could even get a consanant out, the dragon had given a yell of horror and made a break for the door, leaving it to swing shut behind him with me and a semi-stunned Vanity amdist the wreckage of her shop.
I blinked. That little dude could sure move. "That lil' dude can move," I said.
"Y-yes," Vanity said as I hear her take a few tentative steps towards me, "He's…He's a baby, so he…The Hatesteed?" I turned to see Vanity's face pulled into a mix of horror and indignation. "Twlight, dear, what on Earth were you thinking?"
"Hey, imagine how I feel!" I said, turning and walked towards one of the fallen racks, nudging it with my head until it stood properly with a loud clatter, "I get stuck with all of YOU ponies by some fluke of misdirected magic!"
Vanity gave a huff from behind me as I heard her use her magic to right some of the other racks of clothing, the various suits and dresses shuffling as they fell together. "You continually insist you're NOT The Hatesteed, but you certainly have enough of a dislikable personality!"
I turned, a curse on my lips and my wings flaring, before I shut my mouth with a sigh. "Look, it's nothing personal. I just…I just don't get you or your friends, that's all."
Vanity, who had her back to me, turned and tilted her head.
I felt sort of shameful about hating her. She had been a lot more helpful to me than some of the others around here (I was vaguely away that there was at least one cut leaking blood down my face), and I'd been nothing but a goddamn grouch. Just like I had been at TS' the previous night.
I looked away, my mind bogged down with the name "Hatesteed" as I returned to flipping the racks right side-up, Vanity resuming her work shortly after myself. We worked for a few moments in silence before I stopped, reaching a suit that stood, unharmed. It was made for a massive pony, and the colors and stitches actually had a sort of glow to them in shadow. In the sun, every fiber and sequin seemed smooth as silk. "This is good work." I found myself saying, to my own shock.
Was I actually complimenting a FUCKING PONY?
"Oh!" Vanity said, looking over from across the store, "Oh, yes, I…I take pride in that particular vestment."
Before I had even realized that I'd said it, it was out. "Why?"
"I'm sorry?"
I turned to look at her, my face confused and brow furrowed. I probably still looked like a grouch, but one that was at least willing to ask questions and confront his own bias. "Why do all of this? It's CLOTHING. It's temporary, physical, feeding the vain parts of the soul." I looked back at the suit, scowling at it as if my situation was a result of some action it had taken in a previous life. "Why do all of that if, like people say, true beauty comes from inside?"
Not gonna lie: Corniest shit I've ever said.
Vanity walked up next to me as my confused eyes turned to her. Her face was pensive-Hard to imagine someone who was so focused on the physical to be philosophizing, but, hey, I was suddenly a fucking pony that stole Pikachu's powers. Who was I to talk?
After a moment or two, she answered, purple eyes looking up at mine. "It's true-Perhaps these suits and dresses won't withstand the passage of time. Some will be bought or rented for just one night, as well, but," She smiled a little, and I felt my eyebrow tip upwards, "For that night, or time, or moment, the beauty within is presented outside. Earlier you asked why I do this, and, frankly dear," she said, shrugging, "There's your answer."
…Wow, did I feel like an ass. I wasn't even sure what to say for a bit before the worlds made their way out of my mouth. "That's pretty noble of you."
Van-No, Rarity gave me a small smile. "Of course, dear. Now, let's get you cleaned up. Perhaps that will help with that cold of yours."
"Yeah," I said, my tone distracted as I watched the pony walk away. All this time, I'd seen her as shallow, but I'd been the shallow one. I'd just judged her on what I saw, but I never thought for a moment why she-
Wait.
Cleaned up?
Like…A BATH?
I jumped and recoiled, backing towards the door. "Oh-ho, I don't think so! I'm NOT about to let ANYONE give me a bath!" I accentuated this statement with a stomp of my hoof, a rumble accompanying it for emphasis.
The rumble was not thunder. It was my goddamn STOMACH.
I winced at how powerful that one had been. Looking down, I sighed. "Besides, I need to grab me some food."
Rarity raised an eyebrow as I kicked open the door with a sneeze. "You don't want to see a doctor first?"
"I need to talk to Applejack, too," I said with a growl, turning and walking out the door, "Why pay the pony twice in one day?"
You can't call yourself a man, if you're not willing to man up.
In my case, I couldn't call myself a pony if I wasn't willing to (Fuck, I'm really going to say this, aren't I?) pony up.
No pun intended.
My parents did a good job raising me. They taught me responsibility, self-reliance and self-confidence, and, most importantly, self-reflection. When I look at myself in the mirror before I go to bed (Which I was really missing at this point), I ask myself what my regrets are. I ask myself what I've done right and wrong today. Then, if I've a clear conscience, I lay my head down on my soft pillow, turn off the lamp, pull up the covers, and doze off to dream of whatever story my subconscious can concoct for me.
Man, I fucking miss my bed.
There's a Johnny Cash song that was inspired by a dream. "The Man Comes Around". Outwardly, it's a gospel song inspired by a dream the man in black had, where Elizabeth II called him, "a whirlwind in a thorn tree". Allegedly, that's what inspired him to write the song about Revelations, Judgement Day, and the wicked being sent to Hell.
I think I would accept that punishment over this one any day.
~#~
I might just be a masochist.
I had to be.
Why else was I going to do this? My hooves (fuckIhatesayingthat) made a quick pace across the down. I couldn't help but notice I was a little faster now. I still felt god-awful, but I had something kicked into me during the fiasco at the boutique. Maybe it was the shame of what I'd done the night before, or maybe it was a part of me that's far softer than the rest of me that said, "Give them a second chance. It's something you always ask for."
They weren't the ones who needed the second chance. I was. I had to apologize, make amends, and then get my (hopefully human) ass the hell out of Ponyville. There was a sense of foreboding in the air as I sped up to a brisk trot, and I knew the source.
Spike.
That little nut had flipped when he found out I wasn't the real Hatesteed, whatever that was. He'd called it, "the ponyfication of all the hate in the world". Hell, I felt plenty hateful: Enough to qualify as a Red Lantern and Sith Lord simultaneously. But I knew I wasn't the Hatesteed. I couldn't be. Could I?
In any case, his panic had let me deduce something; there was a rebuke coming on for me. TS must have been scared half to death by what I did, or even half-dead. And whom would she run to? Whose wings would she cower behind?
The answer was easy: The motherfucking Princess.
I felt a fresh surge of anger at the thought. That title had never made a damn bit of sense to me. She had to be a Queen, or an Empress. But, no. In order to sell toys, they called her "Princess", because all girls should want to be a pretty, precious, fucking princess.
There's only one princess I can respect, and her name is Wonder Woman.
In any case, on top of that punishment, I had to suffer something far worse than the wrath of a vengeful princess pretending to be a deity.
I had to suffer the righteous fury of a pony by the name of Applejack.
I had to be a masochist. I absolutely had to be.
It didn't take long for me to cross the town. Ponyville, while populous, is a modest place, despite the fucking cookie-cutter architecture and neon-colored ponies. Seriously, when God made this planet, did he just use the brightest fucking paints he could find for the ponies? The brightness and cutness still made my eyes burn. So, on top of whatever bruises Applejack was going to do to me, I had to see the doctor for eyedrops.
And then, I realized with a sinking heart, I had to find a way home.
The stall seemed quite crowded. I wasn't sure what it was usually like, but even I know a crowd when I see one. I slowed my pace, and stood at a distance. My ears tilted (FUCK THAT WAS WEIRD) forward, picking up as much of the conversation as I could.
"—lucky you didn't get killed!"
"Shucks, s'only a fracture. Doubt that varmit had the gumption t' try an' take me down!"
"Applejack, that was the Hatesteed. You know the history behind that maniac."
"Doesn't that make her brave, then? I mean, she took a beating for a friend. That's loyalty if I ever saw it."
"C'mon, now, it weren't that impressive. Feller looked right scared out of his hide, too."
My eyebrow twitched at that. Well, no fucking shit, Sherlock. You try waking up a different species, and then you tell me how terrified you are. Especially one with wings. Which I still didn't know how to use. And magic. Which again, I hadn't a clue how to use. I was lucky I hadn't reduced Happytown to a crater with a sneeze…
"Well, what do you think you'll do if you see him again? You can't exactly fight him like this."
"Uh…'Bout that. We maybe 'bout t' find out. Sis?"
My sight suddenly returned to the crowd. It had parted. Applejack's eyes were wide, seafoam green locked on mine. There was terror in her gaze, and trepidation. I could see a small red and gold shape slip behind her. Her little sister?
Then, her face shifted. Her eyes furrowed, and a hoof raised to lower the brim of her hat. Her eyes were screaming wrath and murder, promising pain and retribution. I would like to imagine mine were cold as ice, and calm as a paradise sea. But I knew that was a total load of ponyshit.
…Well, fuck, now I'm started to TALK like I'm one of them.
"You got some nerve in you, 'beast, I'mma give you that." Her voice was dripping with malice and venom. "Come for another whuppin?"
"You know what else you can give me, Jack-ass? A chance to explain myself! Don't' jump to conclusions and pretend you know what's what!"
…Is what I would've liked to say. But, unfortunately, my mouth makes a habit of speaking for itself when I'm not looking. I scowled, and my eyes narrowed. I felt a crackle run down my leg. "I'm sorry, who's the one here with the fractured bone? Or are you just upset that your ego got a little boo-boo?"
I'm a fucking idiot.
An angry snort left her nostrils, and she pawed the ground. "You better be watchin that wagglin' forked tongue of yers, Hatesteed. You ain't gonna be so smug when I'm through with you."
"Oooh, I'm shaking in my hooves." I extended a wing and shook it sarcastically. "See? I'm terrified."
Actually, I was. I was also coming to the realization that my mouth was going to a lot of trouble to make me sound as vicious as possible. I had to reign it in. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. "Look, I-"
WHAM.
The force of the hooves that impacted on my face must have been enough to crack bone. I felt my jaw shudder at the impact, along with the rest of my body. My head was pushed aside, as Applejack's rear hooves slammed into my jaw. Lowering them, she smirked.
But that smug grin faded fast. When my eyes opened, lightning was crackling down my figure. I could hear it, I could taste the ozone in the air, and I could see the fear in her eyes as I slowly turned to look at her. Again, I saw that look of finality in her eyes: She thought she was about to die.
Had it not been for the fact I was already fucking miserable, and a small voice in the back of my mind reminded me why I was here, she might have been.
I lowered my wings, and exhaled heavily, the crackling of static fading from my fur. Normally, I'd comment on how strange it felt to say that, but I was far too tired. My eyes opened again, to find her looking nothing short of confused.
And then, I did the most painful thing I have ever done to myself. I lowered my head, and said, "I'm sorry."
Let me take you through that. I was bowing my head to a fucking pony. I was telling her I was sorry. You could probably hear every bit of ego and dignity I had left in me from the fucking nightmare that was the past two days shatter a mile away. There is nothing harder for me than apologizing to someone I hate, even to someone who I hate with baseless prejudice. I'm not the kind of guy to turn the other cheek. I'm not the kind of guy who would apologize for anything, ever. But here I was. And it hurt more than any kick to the head.
Applejack stepped back, and looked me over. It was like she was seeing a whole new pony in front of her. It took her a moment to speak. In fact, the small crowd that had gathered in hopes a fight was dead silent. "Wha," She sputtered, "Wha'd you just say?"
My teeth bit my lower lip, and I looked back up at her, fire in my eyes. Hell, if I was going to apologize, I was going to do it my way: the right way. "I said I'm sorry! I'm sorry you wound up getting hurt because I was afraid. I'm sorry I gave you lip earlier. I'm," I sighed, looking down at my hooves, "I'm sorry."
Her hoof came up, tilting my head up by the chin. She looked me dead in the eye. I could see the calculations in the emerald eyes, the scales tipping one way, then the other. Then, she lowered it. "Land sakes," She murmured, eyes looking me up and down again, "You really are sorry, ain't chu?"
I sighed. "Don't make me say it again."
"I-I ain't," She said, shaking her head. I never thought I'd see Applejack end a confrontation this way. In the show, she was (though it pains me to say this) the only one I could respect. Honesty goes a long way with me. Honesty to others, and to one's self. Right now, she looked like she was fighting her own battle inside. One side of her wanted to bring the smackdown on my rear end, while the other wanted to forgive me.
Luckily for me, the other one out, and she nodded. "Yeah. I reckon I ought t'pologize too."
I shook my head. I was surprising myself with my honesty. My mouth was working on it's own today. But, at least it was being honest. "You don't have to."
"Nah," She said, and, to my surprise, I saw her smile a bit, "But I'm gonna anyway."
To my surprise, I smiled too.
Applejack's emerald gaze fell on the crowd, and her face turned serious. "If you ain't here to buy, clear on out!" They didn't need to be told twice. I gave her a thankful grin, and my stomach spoke for me. "Lookin' fer a bite, stranger?"
I grinned, and, to my own surprise, I nodded and replied. "Yeah, I 'reckon' I might be."
I had a new respect for Applejack. It took courage to fight, but it took an even greater courage to know when you should pony up (again, no pun intended), and say you're sorry. I wasn't used to it. But, if I wanted to do right by me, and by the way my parents raised me, I had to change that.
And, as I sunk my teeth into my first meal in twelve hours, and felt juice run down my chin, I gave a pleased sigh. Yeah, my ego was hurting, and so was my pride. But it felt good to be humble, for a change. And it felt even better to know I was being honest.
And, to be honest: That was the best fucking apple I've ever had in my life. Even if it cost me my pride.
They say no good deed goes unpunished. I'd like to think that's not true, but, unfortunately, I know better.
Good people suffer every day. You can extend a hand to someone, only to have it bitten or cut. Roadside help becomes a mugging, hitchhikers become serial killers, and an invitation to stay the night could end with you robbed blind.
Yes, there is such a thing as a bad person, and a good person.
I believe in the good ones because I hope they never have to know the world that way.
For once, I was being accepting and honest to some(pony) I hated. That was one hell of a good deed for me, and it was hard for me to do.
And that good deed didn't go unpunished for long.
~$~
"Yer kiddin'."
"Nope."
We'd carried on this conversation for at least half an hour. Applejack would still pause to sell apples to costumers who eyed me warily, but, for the most part, the pony and I were left in peace. I suppose if you've the reputation of the Hatesteed, you'll get you plenty of privacy.
But what was the Hatesteed's reputation, anyway? All I had gleaned from the ponies was that he had a similar rep to the Antichrist. I wasn't sure how I felt about being this world's Shadow Link, but I didn't have much choice.
"And then I saw you, and came to make amends," I concluded, swallowing down another juicy apple. When I reached for another, Applejack's hoof smacked it to the side.
"Well, that's mighty decent of you, but—Will you quit that?" She smacked my hoof (FUCK do I hate saying that) away again, as I, again, reached for another apple, "I'd rather you not eat me out of any more sales."
Har har. Do you know what I could do with that, 'sugar cube'? I scowled and rolled my eyes. "I'm still hungry."
"Partner, you've had nine already."
I blinked. That was a surprise. Had I just been grazing on them this whole time? "Seriously?"
"Sure as sunshine, sugar cube," She nodded, and nudged me away from her prized fruits, "Now, we got t' gets you t' Twilight's place. I reckon she's already written to the princess."
I grinned widely. Excellent! Finally, a way out of this wretched pastel pony world! Applejack, you will now and forever be my pony Jesus! "Sounds like a plan. Pretty sure Spike already warned her, though."
"Yeah. He did."
The voice that came from behind me made a chill run down my spine. I turned, and there she was. Hooves apart, purple fur catching the light, TS scowled at me as her horn crackled. Was that what I looked like when I did magic? More to the point, did she look that equicidal last night? I blinked, and turned to face her. "So, he filled you in."
She scowled, and I saw something cold flash in her eyes. Then, it hit me. A near-death experience can certainly change someone, but what could it have done to TS? She snorted, and started moving forward. "He told me the lies you fed him. Shame on you, Hatesteed!" She spat, fury burning in her violet eyes, "How could you lie to a baby?"
What the Hell.
What the ACTUAL Hell.
Applejack moved between her friend and me, giving her a once over. "Twilight, this ain't the-"
"I know what he's told you, Applejack," She said, her voice calm, her eyes with damning certainty, "But he's lying. He's the Hatesteed, no matter what he's said."
"How would you know!?" I snapped, pushing Applejack aside (I heard her wince as I nudged the rib I slammed her in the night before), "You haven't even seen me since I flipped last night! You didn't even mean to summon the Hatesteed or me, to my knowledge!"
And then it hit me. Realization swept over my face, and I started to laugh. Twilight scowled, and her horn glowed. "What's so funny, Hatesteed?"
"Oh, this is too good!" I roared, slamming my hoof down. Thunder rumbled in the clear sky, and I saw Twilight flinch ever so slightly, "You're scared of me."
"What?"
"You heard me, pony," I said, a dark grin warping my features. This was priceless. "You're scared to death of me. So scared, you can't even trust your friends." That seemed to strike something inside her. I saw her take a step back, and I took a step forward. I crackled, and lightning splashed across the ground next to her, to her left, then to her right, pushing her back towards an open square.
I heard Applejack call from behind me. "What in tar-nation—Both of you, cut it out! Hey!"
I didn't hear her. I was laughing again, and it was coming from another part of me, some part deep inside me I didn't even know was there. TS fired a bolt of magic at me, and lightning came down to block the shot. Another shot, another bolt.
There's a rule I keep: Reynolds 3:16; Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back.
With a damning bellow, I directed a lance of lightning at her side and pushed her down to the ground. I don't know when I learned to control lightning, but I didn't care. "You think I'm so good at deceit, I can make even Honest Applejack tell a lie! That I can turn your friends!"
"No," I heard her whimper, raising herself up again, horn sparkling with fresh magic, "NO!"
That was the voice of the TS I'd seen the night before, the one so scared, so frightened, so vulnerable and weak. The wave of magic slammed into me, and I stumbled, but all it did was feed my hate, feed my fury and rage. I crackled, and lightning slammed down behind her. She lurched forward, and her hear pressed to my neck, and I saw her recoil. TS collapsed on the earth, and I stood over her, smiling darkly.
"I'm stronger than you," I whispered, my smile suddenly fading, damning gaze never leaving TS, "I'm faster than you. I'm also not the Hatesteed. What makes you think you're in the right? What makes you think you can take me?"
I could see the way her chest contracted and expanded. She was trying to catch her breath. There was something in her eyes; a ruthless determination you can't do in animation. Was she always like this? Was TS always so unrelenting, so unyielding, in the name of friendship? "Well," She said, coughing slightly, giving me a grin of absolute triumph, "I really wasn't trying to. I was just stalling."
And then a shadow passed over me, and it hit me. Both the realization, and the beam of holy sunlight.
I read somewhere that a professional heavyweight boxer can hit with the same force of a speeding car. At that point, I felt like the car would've hurt a lot less.
It slammed into my side like a freight train, and I was thrown off of my hooves. I rolled and stumbled, dragging across the ground as I got to my feet, and shook the earth off. I looked up, and felt fresh hatred flood my veins.
Whenever people talk about someone or something divine, they mention resplendence. It is defined as "attractive and impressive through being richly colorful or sumptuous". There was nothing attractive to me about a pony playing Goddess, but I was sure as Hell impressed.
Her whole body seemed to shine, pure white fur glistening in the sunlight. Vast wings spread, dwarfing most small planes. Sunlight seemed to soak into her figure, and then erupt, as her horn glowed with her own potent magic. At her side, landing as she did, was her sister, the opposite. Everything about her was dark and mysterious, blues, purples, and blacks melting in and out with all the glory and beauty of the blackest midnight. Her eyes watched mine, and, instead of the righteous fury that was in her sister's gaze, she seemed sad.
I said earlier I couldn't stand the fact they were called Princesses, but, at that moment, I realized it wasn't about a hierarchy; It meant power.
"Celestia, Luna," I purred, and, I realized suddenly, my voice was changing. It wasn't my own. There was a sandy feel to it, as my tongue began to wag words I didn't mean to say. "So glad you made it. You almost missed Twilight being taught a serious lesson. You're failing as a teacher, your grace." I spat the words before my body crackled, and lightning arced through the air towards them. Twilight shouted, Applejack barked something at me—
And Celestia didn't even blink before the bolt crashed into a glowing golden shield, translucent, but strong. It shivered and rippled as electricity cascaded over it, and I watched with a mixed sense of idiocy and horror. I scowled, and snorted. "We sealed you once, Storm," She said, a look of pure hatred in her eyes, "And we will do it again."
Storm. Okay, that was new, and it made more sense. I narrowed my eyes, and, again, my tongue spoke without me, with words I didn't mean to say, in a voice that wasn't mine. "Oh? Being the protective sister you never were? My, how you've grown, Princess Celestia."
I saw Luna flinch, and Celestia's eyes flash. "BEGONE!" Her horn erupted a ray of golden light, and I readied myself to fire another bolt of lightning—
-And suddenly, the silhouette of Applejack was between me and Celestia. "Yer highness, hold on just a-…"
She didn't get to finish her sentence. There was a light like the sun had erupted in front of me, and, when I lowered my leg and looked, Applejack had been turned to stone.
There was silence, and shock on Celestia's face. TS was speechless, gaping with teary eyes at her friend's sacrifice.
And me…I was mad, far more furious than I'd ever been since I was dragged to this stupid fucking world. I roared righteous vengeance, and raised my head, directing a bolt of lightning out of the sky. It crashed down between the princesses. I didn't hear Twlight call of Applejack, or Luna call to her sister.
I was too mad to care, anyway.
A blast of golden light erupted the earth near by feet, and I blasted a bolt out like a Tesla Coil to the source. The world seemed to be muted, muffled like if someone had thrown a blanket over a speaker. I saw Celestia's lips make words, and felt my throat vibrate with a reply, but didn't hear it. Another bolt, and then another, and then another. Each one slammed into the Princess and made her stagger ever so slightly. Luna shot a bolt of darkness, I jumped to the side to avoid it, a golden beam touched to my right, and I jumped aside from that...
And then I wasn't moving. Purple energy seemed to be surrounding me, holding me in place. I looked around, and my eyes fell on Twilight, tears staining her coat as her magic kept me in place. Then, I saw her teacher land at her side, closer her eyes, and her horn glowed a brilliant light that could outshine the sun.
All I saw was another blast of golden light, and I didn't see anything else.
I don't mean a day where you don't have any hot water for the shower, or you have a car accident, or get fired. I mean the days where you have no hot water for the shower, get in a car accident, and get fired, before you get stabbed and mugged in a back alley.
Right now, that was the kind of week I was having. I've had worse times, of course. I've gotten low, and down on myself. But I learned a lesson from all that pain: When the world is trying to crush you, you have to be the person to pull yourself out. You can count on friends, but you always should count foremost on yourself.
I never thought that, for once, that lesson would do me more pain than good.
~%~
Sunlight made my eyelids glow a pale blue, and I opened my eyes, squinting in the sunlight. I was on my side, lying on a cold stone floor. I could feel the curve and rise of the stones under me, and I could also feel ache in my side.
But for a moment, in that second where we enter and exit the sleep of our ancestors, I could've sworn I was home, lying on my soft sheets, fan spinning above me, as sunlight flooded the small suburban room.
Shame it wasn't the case. I was ready to write this whole god-awful affair as a nightmare, brought on from too much Internet and beer. But, the ache in my side decided it was time to wake up, so it could level up, Poke'mon style, into sheer agony.
My wince was audible, a hiss passing my lips as I opened my eyes and lifted my head. I didn't know this place. There was a bed, but across the room. Aside from that one item, I was the only other thing in the room. A single window rained sunshine on my figure, and I looked over myself.
"Damn." Not only was I still a goddamn pony, I had bandages wrapped around my middle; bloody ones. Celestia had really given me a pounding. I made a mental note to do worse to her the next time I could…
But right now, I was nearly certain it wasn't within my abilities. I felt dry, thirsty, and starved. Licking my lips, I felt ample moisture. I was still full from Applejack's stall, so-
Oh, God, Applejack…
The day had finally come: I was worried about a pony.
I could still see the moment clearly in my eyes, and it haunted me as I closed them and lay my head down on the cold stone. I could see the flash of lightning, the beam of sunlight, and Applejack's form between, shrieking in pain as she was rendered to stone.
Yes, I hated ponies. I hated ponies with a passion. And now, I hated them even more.
There was a rustle at the door, and I started pushing myself up onto my legs. I could hear muffled voices on the other side, and, as I took to my feet, I turned my ears (And FUCK ME if I still wasn't used to that), and listened.
"So she'll recover?" TS's voice. I felt a fire erupt in my stomach. When I got my hooves-No, hands-on her…
"Of course. However, I would suggest apologizing to her when she does." The fire suddenly burned brighter. Celestia. "I understand your fears, Twilight, but you should know better than to mistrust a friend like Applejack."
I heard TS start slightly, and grinned with shadenfruedian glee. "But, Princess-" Celestia hushed her, and there was a pause before TS's hooves trotted off.
Then, the door turned, and flung open.
I had launched myself with such force, I was certain some barrier had to have been broken. However, the moment I did, and the door swung open, A beam of sunlight blasted me back into the wall, and I felt myself sink onto the bed again. Opening my eyes a sliver, I felt fresh blood stain the bandages.
Celestia stood there, in all her radiant glory, a look of pained fury on her face. It's the kind of look I imagine someone getting when a person close to him or her reveals themselves to be a psychopath, and the only person who can stop them is you. I sneered, and tried to draw up lightning.
Nothing came to me.
"You will find your magic will not serve you here," She said, as two guards entered at her flanks. Her horn glowed, and the door swung shut behind them.
I spit to the side, and looked up at the Princess with the kind of hate you reserve for racists and bigots. "What's wrong, your eminence? Afraid you won't be able to take a handicapped, wounded pony?" I huffed, and looked her sideways with a smug grin. "Some leader."
"Bide your tongue, Hatesteed," One of the guards snarled, stepping forward, "Or I will tend to it!"
A wing unfurled, and blocked his advance. "It's alright, Night Watch," She said, nodding to him, "Wait outside with Vanguard. I will be alright."
The knight opened his mouth, as if to protest, before shutting it, and shooting a glare at me. I stuck out my tongue childishly as he turned and retreated, his companion shutting the door behind them.
There was a tense silence, as Celestia watched me, and I, in turn, watched her. "I see you have aggravated your wound."
"Yeah," I spat, venom thick in my voice, "Good work with that, by the way."
Celestia sighed, and closed her eyes, wings rustling at her sides. "Hatesteed-"
I snapped before I could stop myself, moving off of the bed and slamming my head against hers. "CALL ME THAT AGAIN, PONY! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!"
Another blast of sunlight, and I felt myself rocket through the air into the bed. Snarling, I turned, nostrils flaring, before I felt heavy weights appear on my hindlegs. There was a clink, and I looked down. Magical cuffs, cast of golden magic, held me down, and I growled, looking back up to the Princess. "Get. Them. Off."
"Not until you calm down," Celestia replied, stamping a hoof as her eyes flashed dangerously, "After that, I will cease referring to you as the Hatesteed."
I huffed. "That easy, huh?" I took in a deep breath, and exhaled, glaring daggers at her. "Fine."
There was another pause as she moved forward, and then tapped the cuffs with her horn. They vanished, and I felt the weight at my legs subside. Kicking one to flex it, I grinned. "Much obliged."
"You're welcome."
I looked up at her. That voice had been somber, quiet, and subdued. She was looking at me with strange eyes. It was as if I was a puppy about to be put down, but Celestia couldn't bear to watch. I didn't like it. "Applejack. She's-"
"-going to be fine," Celestia said slowly, turning and walking across the room, looking out the window. Her voice was distant. She was thinking, intently, about something. Another pause, and she sighed heavily. "Whether or not Applejack and Twlight Sparkle's friendship will recover, however, is still left to fate."
"Yeah, well," I spat, "That's what you get when you're more willing to trust the Princess over a friend."
If the jab had hit Celestia, she didn't show it. Instead, she looked over to me on the bed. "You will need new bandages."
I looked down at them. The stain had doubled. "So I will," I said, sneering, "Are you going to play Nurse for me, Princess?"
She scowled, and I saw something dark, something powerful, flash in her eyes, before she buried it again. "Haven't you caused enough anguish, Stormmane?"
Okay, that was new. I blinked in surprise, and tilted my head. "I'm sorry?"
"You should be."
"No, I mean, who's Stormmane?"
Her eyes widened, and she looked me up and down. "Do you…Do you have a name?" I told her my name, and she frowned. "That is not what I expected."
"How do you mean?"
She looked as if she was about to reply, but then shut her mouth, and shook her head, turning for the door. "I will have someone come and re-apply new bandages, so you may-"
"Oh, no, you don't!" I had cleared the bed in one jump, and skidded to a stop before her. "I've just spent the last TWO DAYS as a member of a species I HATE, trying to find a way back home and figure out why I'm here in the first place! YOU OWE ME ANSWERS, CELESTIA!"
My voice had grown in volume by the end, so loud it was echoing off of the walls. As I caught my breath, I watched her eyes. Fear, anger, remorse, and judgment all passed through her gaze before she closed them, opening them again to reveal her calm, royal gaze. "I owe you nothing."
With that, she passed me by, opened the door, and stepped out, shutting it behind her.
I stood there, looking down at my shadow on the stone. Stormmane. Hatesteed. What the Hell did this mean? I moved to the window, and looked out, to try and clear my mind. I had a million questions, and no one to answer them.
I found my hooves pouring the ground with frustration, as anger and fury boiled inside me. No one was giving me any further clues. I was behind enemy lines, and at their mercy.
I closed my eyes and sighed. The wound on my side pulsed numbly, as my mind itself away from the injury, the oft wind and sound of clopping hooves and birdsongs drawing my thoughts elsewhere, to some deep part of my psyche…
You are the storm. You are the fury.
I turned my head around so fast, I winced from the whiplash. That voice had sounded like mine, but off, and it didn't have a source. I was alone in the room.
But it was right.
I furrowed my brow and moved to the door. I narrowed my eyes, and took a deep breath.
When I opened my eyes again, I felt a rush of energy, and heard the crackle of lightning filling the air. I felt like I was trying to run underwater, that I was moving, but not as fast as I should. I could feel whatever Celestia had put in place pulling at me, hard, but I pushed by it. I felt lightning rush along my figure, caught the scent of ozone, and lashed my head at the door.
A massive shaft of lightning blasted the door apart, and I felt like I had just breached the surface for a gasp of air after a long dive. Shouts echoed along the corridors as the two ponies assigned to guard my door snorted and poured at the stone, horns glowing.
I sneered, and charged.
If no one was going to answer my questions, then I'd find the answers myself, even if I had to take this city and burn it to the ground.
Damn, that's a good movie. No joke; It's hilarious, touching, but most of all, it's right. The movie follows a dad who is trying to cope with his daughter's sudden impending marriage. Now, by itself, I've seen parents lose half their minds to nostalgia and shock when marriage comes along, but when a sudden truth is exposed to you, you're pretty messed up. Just think: What if you found out tomorrow that something had been hidden from you your entire life?
Imagine what that would do to you. You would have to come to terms with years of life, an entire style of life, even, ending at once. Everything you know about someone or something comes crashing down with that single epiphany, that venomous truth, that leaves your nerves exposed, and your heart vulnerable to shatter. In the movie, the father eventually comes to terms with the suddenness of the wedding, the expenses, and the strangers who are now his family. It was probably the hardest thing he had to do.
It would have been a hell of a lot easier for me to do that, then face what I found in the bowels of that fucking castle.
~^~
"AFTER HIM!"
Oh, like hell they were going to catch me now. I sneered with dark glee as I blasted a pair of doors shot begin me, the lance of lightning fusing the metal rims to the doors together. I heard at least one of the guard who was chasing me slam into it, as another barked orders at his compatriots. For a moment, it looked like I was home free.
And then a pair of shadows flew over me, and I looked up through the sunroofs, scowling.
Pegasi.
One, then another, then another blasted by, their tails trailing storm clouds. Deep inside, some part of me wanted to call them frauds. I wanted to call them something far worse, but I was already pushing through the pain to run. My injury was burning now, and when I flared my wings, I nearly stumbled at the fresh jolt of sheer, blinding agony. "Alright" I hissed under my breath, skidding to a stop and pouring at the ground, "Come on, you ugly little pidgeons, let's go…"
I don't know if they heard me or not, but they certainly where onto me anyway. I saw the lead wheel back, her compatriots in perfect formation at her side, before they dived towards me. "Alright, Wonderbolts," Their leader called, her voice reaching my ears as they moved as one towards me, "Time to shut the Hatesteed down!"
I smirked, and fired.
Three bolts of lightning split the sunny sky as a roll of thunder shook the castle to it's bones. I heard the "Wonderbolts" cry out in pain, the sudden onslaught throwing them off course. One crashed into a wall, another spiraled off course, but their leader steeled her resolve, narrowed her eyes, and continued the lone dive.
The Force was strong with this one.
Time to think of a new tactic. I darted forwards, and she changed course. We were going to meet, one way or another. Furrowing my brow, I felt my throat dry out as I pulled the last of my energy out of whatever well was inside me, narrowed my eyes, and focused on the leader.
My body moved on it's own. I bent my legs and leaped, like I never had before, straight up at her, wings flaring. The pain was enough to make me cry out, white hot fire burning at my side, but it was worth it.
I have always dreamed of flying. It's been the little childish hope of mine, to know how it feels to be a bird, a plane, or even Superman. I close my eyes now and then and dream of feeling the wind on my face, screaming through the heavens, like none before me…and then, here, in a world I couldn't stand, I was living that little boy's dream.
For one moment, I was flying. I felt my wings suddenly take control and flare, shooting me forwards, faster than I had ever thought I could move. The Wonderbolt's eyes widened in surprise, and I had just enough time to savor that look of dawning comprehension before I slammed into her, and a bolt of lighting burst from my body. She was thrown back, as if she had been hit with buckshot, and as her wings flared, and she tried to stabilize herself, I dived down, back to the cobblestone, and landed with a clop of hooves and a rustle of feathers.
For one moment, I was full of childish glee, prancing on my hooves as I choked back a boyish giggle.
The next, I nearly screamed in pain, wincing hard, and glaring with slight fury at the bandages on my side. They were stained a deeper red than before, and I scowled and snorted. I shouldn't have rushed off. The breakout could've just as easily come after Celestia had patched me up, but I was in a hurry. I had to know.
I blasted a pair of double doors in front of me open with a well-placed bolt, and dashed through the opening. Once I was in, I didn't waste a moment before kicking the doors shut, and I felt a small glimmer of satisfaction as I heard something, or rather, some pony, slam into it. I laughed as I heard the lead Wonderbolt sputtering on the other side of the door. "YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER, HATESTEED!"
"WATCH ME!" I snapped, turning on the spot with a smirk, "IVE GOT EVERYTHING I NEED IN…Crap."
My mood shifted from smug to pissed in an instant. I gave a long sigh, and hung my head.
It was a library. The ceiling towered over me like a cathedral, with books lining every shelf. Total silence filled the room, same for the sound of the Wonderbolts outside. Everything was still.
And it was all absolutely useless.
Now, I love to read. I have no problems with books. In fact, I'm what you'd call a man of letters. But, at the moment, I didn't have time to stop and read The Cat In The Hat. I had to find Celestia, and make her squeal like a piglet.
Still, I mused as I took off at a slow walk through the towering shelves, maybe this would have the answer somewhere. Assuming no other ponies got in my way, there might even be a way out. I furrowed my brow, and began to race down the aisles, looking up at the signs that marked the genres. I had to admit, I was a little dumbfounded by, not only the sheer number of books, but also the fact these dumb animals had familiar genres. Sci-Fi, Fantasty, Fiction, Non-Fiction, Dictionaries, Biographies, Cook-books…It seemed like every last story or word ever penned was in this titanic library.
I grinned, and picked up the pace. That only make the odds of finding the truth climb higher and higher.
Finally, I reached the center of the library. A book stood on a lone table, a few others scattered nearby. I pushed a collection off of the side (Daring-Do And The Something-Or-Other, I wasn't paying attention), and looked up at the one book that was on it's end.
A History of Equestria: From Construction to Monarchy.
I smirked, and felt hope rise in my chest. "Jackpot."
"Ssh!"
I jumped and turned, flashing my head around, my figure already crackling. Who had said that? It certainly wasn't anyone I'd heard yet. "Who's there?"
"Ssh!" Again, it came, and I felt my temper rise. Thankfully, more followed this than just a damning shush. "This is a library, boy~ Shouldn't you be using your indoor voice?"
I turned, and looked up.
Floating over the table, sitting on what appeared to be a cloud of cotton candy, a dragon-like character grinned at me. Everything about him was mismatched: The legs, the tail, the head, the horns-All of it seemed to come from something else. Raising his lion's paw, he wiggled his fingers. "Hey there."
"Uh."
He roared with laughter, and I felt embarrassed. "HA!," He snorted, looking down at me like I was a court jester, "The Great and Terrible Hatesteed, at a loss for words. I have to say, I think I prefer you this way than all doom-and-gloom. Too cliché, even for me~!"
I had stopped listening. His voice was familiar. I blinked, and raised an eyebrow. "You sound like someone I know."
"Oh?" The dragon said, sitting up and smirking a snaggletoothed smile, looking at me now as if I had the answer to some ultimate question, "Who, my boy?"
I tried to think of how to phrase it. This strange creature sounded an awful lot like John de Lancie, an actor from my world. He ponce played a character named Q on Star Trek, but this had to be coincidence. I raised an eyebrow, and opened my mouth to speak, but then-
"Q, right?"
"What?" I stumbled back as the Dragon roared with laughter again, a chicken talon grabbing his belly, as his lion's paw slapped the cloud. It gave a squeal like a pig and popped, leaving the dragon to drop onto the floor across from me, still howling with laughter.
"Didn't see that one coming, did you, kid?" He finally said, resting an elbow on the table, and his other claw on his hip, "Oh, yes, I know exactly who I sound like. You, on the other hand," He said, waving his own dismissively, "Don't even know who you are."
I scowled. "I know who I'm not."
He smirked, and leaned over the table. "No, kiddo. You really don't."
There was a pregnant silence as we stared each other down. Him, with his cocky smile and a smug glint in his eye, and me, looking like I was about ten seconds away from reaching over the table and strangling him by his long, gangly neck. Finally, I broke it. "Who are you?"
"Why, I'm DISCORD!" He raised his hands, and somewhere, a crowd of millions began to cheer, as a giant neon sign appeared over him, buzzing his name happily, his face at the end, arrogant smile plastered across it.
I glared, but he didn't notice.
"Former ruler of ponydom," He purred, the sign vanishing into a swarm of what looks like butterflies with pig-like heads, "And lord of general Chaos and Mischeif. How do you do?" He offered his lion's paw to shake.
I looked at it for a moment before placing my hoof against his paw. "I-"
"-have no idea who you are, despite everyone telling you that you're The Hatesteed, or Prince Stormmane, or something, yes?"
I blinked. "Stormmane was a prince?"
Discord smirked. "Yes. And so were you." His claw poked me in the stomach, and the book flew open, pages flapping and falling open. A painting was spread across the page. I could see Celestia, Luna, and a third pony standing over the horizon. Behind Celestia, there was a brilliant sun, behind Luna, a gleaming moon, and the third…I narrowed my eyes to focus.
"Storm clouds," I murmured, before looking up to Discord, "Stormmane was a prince."
"That's what I said~!" He replied in a sing-song voice, and I rolled my eyes. "Sheesh, you're slow nowadays, aren't you? Is that the human side of you, or were you always so thick-skulled?"
Now, that made my eyebrows raise. "My human-"
"Yes!" Discord said, leaning over until his forehead was pressed to mine, "That delightful little ape you grew up as! The person you're so certain you really are. But is that right?" His brow furrowed, and his smile became a great deal more twisted as he continued, "Or are you a walking, talking lie? Is your whole life leading up to that moment Twilight Sparkle summoned you just a fabrication?"
"How did you-" A talon placed a pacifier in my mouth, and I gave a suck of indignation as Discord smirked.
"I'm a lesser deity," He said with a shrug, as I spit the pacifier out, "That, and news travels very quickly when the Hatesteed has a magical smackdown in the middle of a populous town with this nation's civic-minded co-rulers."
"You don't say," I growled, gritting my teeth. He was giving me more questions, and no way to get any answers. "What do you know about my life? The Stormmane? The Hatesteed? Why am I here?"
"Ah!" He replied, clapping his hands, eyes shining brightly, "The million bit question. Well, if you're so certain you want to know," He said, purring dangerously as a claw tapped the spread, "Then who am I to deny you the truth."
A wave of magic rushed from the place where his talon touched paper. I heard the strumming of a guitar as I opened my eyes, and looked in front of me.
I was standing amid a bank of fog, and a shadow began to loom out of the haze before me. Great wings spread out, larger than mine, as a horn and a mane of storm clouds, lightning flashing somewhere inside, emerged. I looked up, and my jaw dropped.
I knew who he was, before I even asked. "Who are you?"
He looked down at me with eyes of damning truth, before speaking, a roll of thunder accompanying his words. "I'm you."
It couldn't be. There was no way. Turning into a pony was bad enough, but to have been one before? To have a whole life I didn't remember? That was a truth that cut deep, and stung as it sunk in like a dagger on fire into my heart. The only thing I could manage to say was, "How?"
The towering pony looked down at me for a moment, and took a deep breath. Then, he began to sing.
"There was a prince in Canterlot They call The Hateful Son Listen to my tale, child, Of our long story begun…"
As he sung in a low, remorseful tone, the mist began to swirl, and in-between us, a small replica of Canterlot rose from the mist. An entire city stretched out below the castle, across the valley. Suddenly, I could see it all unfold. I saw a small Pegasus, much like me, looking up with a smile at gathering stormclouds.
"My mother was the lightning, My father, the wind and rain I was to bring prosperity, But I fell from grace one day…"
I saw shadows overcome the child, and his eyes slowly closed. When they opened again, he was in a sunny field, with what looked like a young Luna, standing with him. She lacked wings, but from the look in her eyes, just being around the young Stormmane made her feel like she could fly. All it took was a giggle from Stormmane and the three raced off across the expanse, giggling and playing.
"On the grounds of Canterlot With princesses, I did play But I was young and foolish From the narrow path, I strayed…"
I saw a great rebellion against Discord, and I saw him cackle as lightning blasted him into stone, before leveling an entire town with sheer fury. When the light faded, Stormmane stood in the ashes, looking distraught up at a furious Princess Celestia. Her voice took over, as Stormmane turned, and took off.
"Don't tell my baby sister, I did what had to be done, To end the gathering of the storm They call The Hateful Son…"
The next moment, Stormmane was alone, full grown, and still distraught has he glided through a storm. His voice returned, and I saw, in this younger Hatesteed's eyes, emotions: Regret, anger, jealousy, and revenge. When he opened his eyes, lightning flashed.
"Banished from my homeland, To darkness I did run I forged a tempest out of rage, The storm blacked out the sun..."
A cloud passed in front of my vision, and then I saw him standing with a towering figure, the storm still raging overhead. Next to him, A slender creature, pony-like in appearance, but with bug-like wings stood next to him, her horn mangled. She smiled a venomous grin as Stormmane approached the taller figure, and bowed his head. I saw emerald eyes glint, and a face lean out of the shadows: A unicorn, hair blacker than an abyss, cackled, and I saw darkness swirl around Stormmane.
"I filled my heart up with hate And tossed aside the crown And the only thing I dreamed of Was bringing Canterlot down..."
When the twister of darkness subsided, the Hatesteed I had seen loomed before my vision, his eyes flashing with anger. He roared Celestia's name over the storm, and the next moment, I heard screams of millions as a flood swept through the valley below Canterlot. I heard him cackle with sick hatred and glee as he took to the air, and realized that I was just like him. Earlier, I'd taken such euphoria in TS's suffering, but now, seeing him murder millions for revenge, and take flight for the sheer purpose of death and destruction…it made me a little sick inside to know that was part of my personality, too.
There was a crash, and I saw Celestia and The Hatesteed clashing in the skies overhead. There was a brilliant blast, and the next moment, I was back in the library, looking up at a stain glass window, depicting Celestia casting the Hatesteed down. I was reminded of the images of God damning Lucifer to Hell. I wasn't the pony Anti-Christ: I was their fucking Satan.
The doors flew open, and I didn't have to look around to recognize who it was. I cast one look back, and saw Celestia, flanked by Twilight and the Wonderbolts, come to a stop at the end of the aisle. Celestia's eyes widened, before her face changed to one of remorse. She stepped forward, and I looked back up at the stain glass. "I'm sorry, Stormmane."
I gave a weak laugh, and looked up at her. "You know what's strange? I don't remember any of this. This still feels like someone else's life. But, at the same time," I said with a heavy sigh, looking up at the glass again, "So am I."
Celestia closed her eyes, and I felt the gentle embrace of an unfurled wing, as her soft voice filled the air.
"You have one hoof in redemption, The other, a deep, dark place Will you rise above the shadows, Or fall to hate's embrace?"
I looked up at the stain glass, and, somehow, the words just came to my tongue. I was too numb to be scared, or to even notice.
"So this is how it all ends The story I begun, I'm stranded here to face my fate, As Canterlot's Fallen Son."
"Stormmane," She began, but I had a ready turned by back to her. I swallowed with damning certainty, and looked up at the stain glass one more time.
"I'm stranded here to face my fate As Canterlot's Fallen Son…"
Thunder rolled overhead, and for the second time, I broke down in the aisle, and wept. I wasn't the human who hates My Little Pony. I wasn't The Hatesteed. I wasn't Prince Stormmane.
Maybe a twister carved a scar into your town. Maybe a typhoon swept your town from the face of the planet, or maybe you were at the site of a terrorist attack. Maybe you've served in a war, and seen things no one should ever have to. Maybe something tragic happened to you, and you're still dealing with the repercussions.
The first time I ever went through something like that was during the bombing of the Boston Marathon. I've spent half my life in the Olde Towne, and I knew the street those bombs went off on. I'd walked the sidewalks by the trashcans that erupted into fire and shrapnel, and walked the finish line of the Marathon. To me, it was real, and it hurt. It took me a while to get over it.
It was nothing compared to getting over the thought that my life was a by-product of a civil war.
~&~
I sat on my bed in the tower, looking out at the world below. I could see rolling green forests and mountains, a train winding it's way up the towering spires, and ponies of various colors and tribes milling about. I rested my jaw on the window frame, and exhaled, hard.
Some part of me, the part that used to belong here, felt nostalgic. But what part of me belonged, and which part didn't? Who was I, now? Just a consequence of sins I never committed? Or a causality of a war I was never a part of? What were the odds of me, just some kid from a quiet life, being drawn in to some world that wasn't mine? Or was it mine?
I closed my eyes tightly and scowled with annoyance. The questions were throwing a riot in my head, complete with dubsteb music at full bass, and I was starting to get a serious headache.
There was a click at the door, and I looked up. A slender neck poked a warm-eyed face through, as Celestia looked at me. We were quiet for a moment, our eyes exchanging words we weren't sure how to say. Her mane flowed as she stepped inside, closing the door behind her. I noticed, this time, she didn't lock it.
It had been quiet at the castle since my breakout. Once I had recovered enough to leave, Celestia had called off the guards and led me back to the room. Some had brought me food, while I was gone. Celestia hinted that it was her younger sister, as the dandelion salad had always been my favorite.
With an empty stomach, and a full platter of food, I found it hard to turn down.
The minutes had turned into hours after Celestia left me to my food. I assumed she was literally and figuratively cleaning up the mess I made. I felt a little guilty, now, for welding the doors and leaving the guards little more than piles of pissed off bruises.
There was a silence as I turned, and she gave a heavy sigh. "I believe," Celestia began, joining me in the sun, "We have much to discuss."
"Yeah," I replied, my voice strangely hoarse. I cleared it, and nodded. "Yeah, we, uh…We do."
She nodded sagely, and walked to a chair, lowering herself into it. I climbed onto the bed, and flopped down, giving an exhausted sigh as my mane hung down over my face, forcing me to force a blast of air upwards to move it aside. Celestia stifled a giggle. I tried to appreciate the effort. "Where shall we begin?"
"At the beginning, I guess," I said, raising my head, "What I saw, I don't understand."
"How so?"
I nodded to her wings. "You and your sister didn't have those."
She looked to them, and a soft, sad smile crossed her face. "Some ponies are destined to become Alicorns-My sister, myself, yourself, and a few others are the only ones known to us. My sister and I were the first to transform."
"How'd you do it?" She smiled wider, and nodded to me. I blinked, and realization hit me. "Stormmane? He taught you how?"
"He was the first to believe it was possible," Celestia said, as I sat quietly, a rapt audience for her story, "Stormmane was enthralled by the power of weather. It was his ability as a Pegasus to shape the weather, but none could do it with such finesse or power as himself. As such, he took great interest in artifacts of power, as well as powerful natural occurrences. Much of what we know of meteorology comes from his learnings."
I frowned a little. "That doesn't explain how he-Er, I-figured out how ponies could grow more powerful."
I saw something like nostalgia flicker through her eyes. How often had she told this lesson, and now she had to tell it to the one who taught it to her? It had to be an odd experience, but I kept my muzzle shut on the matter. "He began to research theories of power, as well as practice. Cutie Marks, it seemed were the key."
I felt bile rise in my throat. I may be one of them, but for some reason, that term still made my "Eww"-ometer bump off the charts. "The 'Cutie Marks'?"
Celestia didn't stifle her giggle this time, and my eyebrow quirked in deadpan annoyance. "I'm sorry," She said as the laughter subsided, but I highly doubted she felt any regret for finding amusement in my clear disgust for cuteness, "But, yes. They appear as a sign of maturity, to show that a pony has discovered their special talent. "
"Like your sun," I supplemented, "Or mine…" I realized I had never actually cared to look at my mark. I looked back at it, and furrowed my brow. A storm cloud, with three lightning bolts erupting from it at the top and bottom, over a dark grey blotch, sat on my flank like it paid rent.
Like that wasn't foreboding. At all.
"Exactly," She said with a nod, smiling at my comprehension, "And you were the one to realize that the theories regarding further development were correct. Maturity and understand were the key to power, and once you discussed this with my sister, and myself, we set out to see what we had to understand. We discovered that it was our duty to protect and care for Equestria, but," She paused, her face falling, "It came at great cost."
I knew where this was going. "Stormmane used too much of his power. He understood his duty, but he didn't hold back."
Celestia nodded, and I saw some old hint at the furious mare I'd seen in the book appear for a moment in her eyes, before she pushed it down. "Prince Stormmane had gone to someone dark for teachings of power. That darkness took root inside him, and, eventually, in my sister. Even though we vanished Discord, he, to coin a term, got the last laugh. I was forced to drive you from your home, to protect my citizens and my sister from what you were becoming."
"Who was it?" I had to know who the dark unicorn was. The guy bled evil to me, and I'd felt more than rage in my stomach when I saw him, more than I'd felt at the sight of either of the Princesses, or any pony.
Well, save one, but she hadn't shown her face to me yet.
Celestia scowled. "King Sombra."
Hell, if that wasn't a villain name, I didn't know what was. The name stirred something in me, something angry and hateful. It reminded me of how I'd felt when I'd first arrived, roaring and stampeding in Twilight's library.
Yeah, I said her name. I say Voldemort's name, too, and that supposed to be worse.
"He ruled the Crystal Empire over a thousand years ago," The princess continued, looking out the window at the afternoon sun, hanging in the sky, "A move he made once Discord took over Equestria. His heart was black as night. There was no room for love or hate inside it, only a hunger for power, and a terrible fury for those who stood in his way."
"Let me guess," I said, following her gaze before looking back to her, "After you were done with Discord, he was next."
"Yes." She sounded oddly satisfied. "However, a short time ago, he returned from his banishment."
"Seems to happen a lot around here."
Celestia smiled slightly at the playful jab, and giggled softly. "It certainly does."
I raised an eyebrow. "What happened to him when he came back?"
"Twilight Sparkle and her friends," She said, shrugging with a coy smile, "They have become a band of heroes lately. When Nightmare Moon returned, they stopped her, and returned my little sister to my side. When Discord was freed to continue his chaotic reign, they put an end to his schemes. Now, we seek his reformation."
"And Sombra?" I asked, already feeling that I knew where this was going, "Is he being 'reformed' somewhere?"
"No," Celestia said, looking back to me, "I fear his defeat at the hands of the Crystal Heart has only furthered his resolve. Sombra can survive even through the smallest sharp of himself: Consequence of a dark spell, at the cost of his soul."
Why wasn't I surprised? I frowned and crossed my forelimbs in thought. "Why do I get the feeling this road leads somewhere? Specifically, why Twilight summoned me back here."
Celestia looked up at me. There was a pause, and then, she nodded. "I knew King Sombra had not been defeated forever. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are strong, but I can still feel his dark power gathering on the far horizons of my kingdom. My sister and I sealed him once, but, as you have realized," She said, smiling slightly, "A more permanent solution is called for this time."
Then it hit me like the grill of a train. "So you had Twilight summon me."
"I asked Twilight," She said, her smile fading, "To summon someone she believed capable of defeating Sombra, or, failing that, at least holding him at bay until the Elements of Harmony can defeat him for good."
The Elements of-Oh, right, those things from the first episodes. I furrowed my brow at her answer. "So Twilight chose to summon me, then."
"I did not expect you would be called forth," Celestia admitted, "but I did suspect it. With Twilight Sparkle, many great and strange things can happen. I believe, through her, the Elements reached out to you, and drew you home."
"But this isn't my home." I had been trying to find a way to say that since she had walked in the door, and suddenly, there was my fire. I was on my feet, glaring her down, an accusing gaze in my eyes, as the Princess across from me sat poised and patient. "This isn't where I belong."
"Stormmane-"
"What about me," I finally said, my voice booming over hers, though I didn't think I was up to shouting, "Why me."
There was a long pause, and I lowered myself down to the mattress. Celestia looked at me for a moment, and at first, I thought she was going to storm out. The next thing I knew, however, she was resting her neck against mine. "I'm sorry," She whispered, and I felt tears burn the rims of my eyes, "For that, I am truly sorry."
"How did it even happen?" I asked, almost pleading as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force down the tears that were threatening to humiliate me again, "How did all of this happen to me?"
"I am to blame for that."
I pulled away and looked at her in utter shock. Celestia looked calm, but regretful as she looked into my eyes and pulled back. "It was my own fury," She began, "My own hope that, one day, you could return, and redeem yourself of your crimes." Celestia paused, and then looked out at the sun again, watching it slowly approach the mountains in the distance, "Do you know what the relationship was between my sister and yourself?"
I opened my mouth to ask how I could possibly know, but then the answer came to me, from the same place the Hatesteed, or Stormmane, was sleeping inside me, the part of me that used to be him and knew it. "We were in love."
"Deeply," Celestia continued, nodding calmly, "As much as I loved my sister, I could see the darkness that Sombra had planted in you was also infecting her. To protect her, I met you at the head of your storm, the one you made that destroyed Old Canterlot."
I remembered the scene from the book; the flood and thunder sweeping a whole city below the mountains off the face of the map. I felt a pang of heavy regret, and looked down, studying the rough sheets of my bed. "We fought," I said, the memories appearing before me, like photographs in a room with flickering lights, "You won."
"And cast you beyond the rim of the world," Celestia finished, sighing heavily. "I have regretted it ever since."
"So what does that mean for me? The human side of me."
The Princess looked up, and I saw a damning certainty in her eyes. "It is as real as the Hatesteed. Somehow, my magic chose you as the vessel for Prince Stormmane, and you grew up as another part of your own life."
And then, it was time to ask the most important question. "Who does that make me?" When Celestia didn't respond, I grit my teeth. "Stormmane? The Hatesteed? Dammit, I hadn't a clue about them until I fell asleep one night in my bed and woke up a quadruped. I had plans, Celestia," I said, looking up at her with slight desperation, amid a whirlwind of confusion, "I had dreams that were mine, and mine alone. I wanted to work hard, find a bride, raise kids, then grandkids, then retire to Wyoming with the love of my life. I wanted to watch the open blue sky change from brilliant light to starry night for the rest of my life. And what happens now to that dream? To that plan? It's all out the window, because I was saddled with a burden I wasn't born to bear."
There was another silence, as my words hung in the air. My heart was pounding, and my throat was dry. Celestia finally spoke up. "You must truly hate us."
"Excuse me?"
"After all of this, and learning your heritage, being trapped to a destiny you knew nothing of, your hatred must have grown tenfold. And I am to blame." She bowed her head, before continuing, "I ask now for your forgiveness."
I was stunned into silence.
I had the answer. At last, I had the answer to why I hated this show. Because somewhere, deep inside, there was a part of me that wasn't pony or human, but some instinct, some memory that knew I was damned to this path. My whole life had gone by, with this anger in my belly, and I never knew the reason. I stumbled over my words, and finally, just closed my mouth, and hugged Celestia around the neck. "You've got it."
That seemed to be all that needed to be said, as I felt slender limbs embrace me. I sighed, and shook my head as I pulled out of the hug. "So," I said, focusing myself, "I'm here to stop this Sombra guy?"
"Yes."
I smiled slightly, and felt a fire rise in my stomach. It must have shown in my eyes, because a familiar look crossed the Princesses face, and she smiled in the same spitfire way. "When do I start?"
"Tomorrow," Celestia said, smiling widely, as she stood, "I hope you've enjoyed Canterlot so far, Stormmane. Your lessons here," She said, moving to the door, "Have only just begun."
