Princess Luna runs a Judge Judy-like show, but quickly grows ill as the show's popularity grows.
Luna starts up a Judge-Judy-like show. But, as time goes on she slowly starts to waste away from some unknown illness. Stubborn as she is, she won't allow it to keep her off the throne dealing with her duties as Princess. Will Equestria watch as she wastes away to nothing, on live television?
It was nearly midnight in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle had long since gone to bed. Early to bed, early to rise, after all! Spike, on the other hoof, had other plans. When the wooden clock hanging on the wall quietly struck 11:30pm, his eyes popped open. He’d been feigning sleep for almost three hours now, a rare feat indeed since it was hard to stay awake with one’s eyes closed. Twilight had bought his playing possum and gone to bed so… he’d had to lay still for a long, long while until the appropriate time.
Leaning slowly, the purple dragon lifted his head and peered at his mistress. She was splayed out on her back, as though embracing something huge that was laying atop her. The blankets were kicked to one side, for the summer night had stayed rather muggy. Trying not to chuckle Spike rose stealthy from his bed and carefully crept away. Gingerly closing the bedroom door, he went to all fours and down the stairs to the great room. Pulling open the door to Twilight’s lab, he slunk down into darkness. Clicking on the light, he pulled up a sitting pillow near the television.
Being a bookish sort of mare that coveted study and outdoor activities, Twilight had never had much use for her television. Since the invention was only a few years old now, it was still in black and white, and sometimes the channels didn’t come in properly. After she’d tinkered with it for a few days, she decided she’d learned everything she could from it and thrown a quilt over it to use as a side table.
Spike carefully stacked the books that had been on it to one side and pulled off the quilt. Plugging a spare refracting crystal into its power outlet (magic, not electricity, remember…) he turned the volume down as the machine whirred to life and bathed him in its strange snowy glow. Checking over his shoulder to make sure Twilight had not been roused, he grinned and rubbed his little paws together. The baby dragon had heard about a show recently. A very late-night show that wasn’t for foals or the weak of heart. And it starred none other than Princess Luna. He watched it every week when it came on, and he couldn’t get enough of it! Reaching up, he click-click-clicked the giant clumsy dial to find the right channel. When the image started skipping he fished the rabbit-ears out of a nearby closet. Leaning them back and forth with excitement, he finally managed to get the image to settle and come into focus. “Looks like I’m just in time!” he whispered. Backing up, he adjusted the volume so he could hear it, but not rouse Twilight. Running, he plopped himself down on his round little belly on the sitting pillow. Resting his chin in his palms, he kicked his legs excitedly as the music started up. The announcer, a deep-voiced stallion, spoke as the show started:
Dun dun dun duhhhhhhn! You are about to enter the Courtroom of Princess Luna! The ponies are real! The cases are real! And the rulings are final! This-- is Judge Luna.
A sharp, silvery sort of logo flew into view trailing stars behind it. Luna’s cutie mark exploded onto the screen, spinning before coming to rest on the right side of the logo. Shots of a busy Canterlot whipped past the camera, showing busy streets and chattering ponies. Then it panned up the palace, racing at warp speed through the hallways and towards the throne room. The doors dashed open to reveal a set of pews, two front tables, a high-seated throne and a series of guards. The massive clock on one wall read midnight.
“This is gonna be great!” Spike squeaked, trying to keep his voice down.
=-----=-----=-----=-----=
“All rise!” barked an armored Lunar Stallion. “The honorable Princess Luna, presiding!” His yellow, slit-pupil’ed eyes darted around. The ponies gathered in the throne room jumped from their chairs as the massive double doors came open. A tall, intimidating alicorn swept into the room. Walking at a firm and authoritative pace, she passed row after row of gawking pony subjects. Her mane was liquid starlight, her tail a sweeping trail of comet’s dust, and her silvery regalia a sparkling mass of cold steel. Her sharp, intelligent eyes swept back and forth as she walked at a decent clip down the aisle between the pews. Lunar Stallions turned in pairs, saluting her as she went by. She held her nose up, regal and serious. Stepping up onto the dais, she waited for her soldiers to arrange themselves. One remained near the throne while the others lined the walls, ten feet between each stallion. Nothing escaped their yellow eyes. Princess Luna came to the throne at last, turning and seating herself formally. “You may be seated!” barked the same stallion.
Luna picked up a scroll, studying the names and notes she’d made earlier. A couple of cameras off to the side turned on, and were pointed at her. The only reason she’d allowed them was because her court had an open-door policy. If other ponies wanted to see their government in action but could not attend, who was she to say no? Her only condition was that the cameras and crew made exactly zero noise during her proceedings. Because of this, she’d gotten rid of no less than seven camera crews before they’d sent one quiet enough for her liking. “Ahem.” Luna said, when she was ready at last.
“All parties in the matter of Quick Buck versus the Equestrian Welfare Board, step forward!” The stallion that was assigned to stand near the throne made a ‘come here’ gesture. A pair of ponies came into the throne room, one at a time, taking their places before the throne. There was a pair of tables in front of the throne at the base of the dais, to its left and right. The defendant went on one side, and plaintiff on the other. When both stallions had taken their place, the throne attendant turned, giving Princess Luna a thin folder of papers. “Your Majesty, this is case number 60659, in the matter of Quick Buck versus the EWB.” Murmured the stallion to Luna.
The dark alicorn took the folder, signing it briefly and setting it to one side of herself. “Thank you, Steel Wing.” She murmured, nodding that he could take his place to her immediate left. The stallion stood at attention, becoming a living statue unless his Princess told him otherwise. “Mister Buck, it is our understanding that you are sueing the Equestrian Welfare Board because you feel you qualify for their aid but they have stopped providing said aid in the past few months. You say this is because they have some personal bias against you and that you are not being treated fairly under Equestrian law, is this true?”
“Yes, your Majesty.” Quick Buck nodded quickly. He was a square-looking, stubbled stallion with a comic-book-like striking shape on his flank. Luna was thankful ‘Quick Buck’ was not as lewd or literal as she’d initially thought. Not that she would make mention of such things in her courtroom. She studied him for a moment. He looked a little laxing in the midsection and didn’t stand quite as straight as a few stallions she could name. His mane had been slicked back with simple oils and his tie was a bit lopsided. Probably a clip-on, under that white collar.
“And you sir, mister…” Luna paused to check her notes. “Golden Leaf.” She said at last. “You say that Mister Buck no longer qualifies for the aid of the government because of certain circumstances which came to light at the EWB. Is this true?” she asked, turning her royal gaze on the second stallion.
Golden Leaf nodded, prim and proper. “Yes, your highness.” He said. The golden seal on his flank said he was used to dealing with important papers, signing things and looking for discrepancies in contracts. In other words, he was an eagle-eye for the company he represented to make sure nopony cheated the system.
“Let us begin with you, Quick Buck.” Luna’s aqua eyes turned to the brown stallion. “How long have you been on welfare with the EWB?”
“Er, twelve years.”
“For what reason?”
“I have foals to feed!”
“Oh, I see!” Luna’s motherly face flitted across her features. For one stark and startling moment, she resembled Celestia and it was easy to believe they were twin sisters. “You come from a large family, and needed aid from the government in order to keep everypony fed and watered?”
“Yes.” Quick Buck nodded.
“What do you do for a living, Mister Buck?” Luna lifted a few sheets of paper, looking for his details page. It seemed to escape her for a moment.
“Er, I’m unemployed.” The stallion wilted, looking away.
“Oh, I see…” Luna said sympathetically. “Your foals must be in for hard times indeed if their father has no work to put feed in their troughs.”
“Tell me about it. And these cheapskates won’t give me a dime to support my family!” Quick Buck thrust an accusing hoof at Gold Leaf, whose face grew angry. “How do you sleep at night, huh?!”
“Why I NEVER--!”
“Shhh-sh-sh!” Luna hushed Gold Leaf, lifting her hoof. “We shalt get to thy complaints, hush for now, we beseech thee.” The princess turned back to Quick Buck, her smile growing milky and warm again. “How many foals are in such a family, sir?” she asked.
“Eleven, your majesty!”
“Eleven! My my!” Luna chuckled, making note of it. “All from the same mother, I assume? Your wife?” she asked off-handedly.
“Oh yes, of course! We’ve been married for fifteen years!”
“What does missus Buck do?”
“W-well she’s a nurse and a mother.”
“Quite the workload.” Luna commented. “I cannot imagine such a thing, even from the throne where I sit. Eleven foals and a full-time job, and a husband desperately wanting to provide for them as well… but no job for himself?” it came out like a question.
“Yes, your highness. Ever since I hurt my back all that time ago…” Quick Buck looked to one side again, turning his ears back. Luna’s eyes swept up and down his square-ish body. “Even with my wife being a nurse, it acts up badly now and then and I just can’t find something that suites me... I just wanna provide for me kids, but now not even the Welfare Board will!” he hung his head a little, and Luna quirked a brow. He shot a dirty glare at his opponent when a time had passed.
“I see, I see.” The night time Princess stroked her chin for a moment, thoughtful. “And now you, Gold Leaf. What have you to say about all this?” she turned her attention to the pony that was being sued.
“Your Majesty, the Equestrian Welfare Board provides monies, as you well know, to those that cannot support themselves. That means they’ve retired, or been hurt, or can’t work for some other reason.”
“I was in an accident and my back was thrown out of whack! I have hospital documents to prove it!” barked Quick Buck, pulling a little fan of papers from his saddlebag. Luna gestured, and Steel Wing went forward to collect them for her Majesty to see. The armored stallion turned and brought them up to her before returning to his post.
“Er, as I was saying.” Gold Leaf said. “After a certain amount of time has gone by our contracts expire and the family must fend for itself.” He paused for a time. “Or, under really bad circumstances, they can be extended. Mister Buck’s contract of welfare monies was extended… er…” he paused to check, “Over a dozen times. And over time he started claiming more beneficiaries.”
“My foals!” The poor stallion snapped angrily. “Don’t talk about them like they’re a statistic!”
“Silence.” Luna snapped at them both. “Fetch that contract for me as well, Steel Wing.” She gestured, and the paper was brought to her. “Mmm, yes I see. Monies to be paid monthly until you got back on your hooves… after catastrophic injury at a construction site, yes?”
“That’s right, your Majesty.” said Quick Buck, nodding that it was true. “I fell from really, really high up! Never been the same since.” He sighed. Luna nodded thoughtfully, studying the documents closely.
“Gold Leaf, what is the reason that the EWB started looking more closely at Quick Buck and his family?” Princess Luna said, looking over the lip of the paper at him. “Could thou not see that he was ‘down and out’ at the moment?” there were a few drops of poison in her words. “What could thou possibly gain from picking on him, huhm?”
“His contract is over twelve years old. When ponies stay hurt for that long without applying for disability, medical financial aid, tags for their wagons, or anything else…” Gold Leaf trailed off, providing a slip of paper for each item Quick Buck didn’t have, “It started to draw attention. Now, there’s only so many ponies watching over the EWB, but I happened to spot him and shut him down.”
“Why?” Luna pressed.
“He’s… not handicapped?” it came out like a question.
“Why do you think that?” Luna said, leaning forward.
“He didn’t apply for any of the benefits for handicapped ponies in any other department, and it sounded like a… well, a leech.” Gold Leaf said carefully, fixed under her majesty’s powerful gaze.
“That’s a dirty rotten lie!” roared Quick Buck. “I have a growing family! I have foals to feed!”
Luna straightened a bit, mulling their words over. “Thou say thy back is too weak to work, Quick Buck,” the dark Princess said pensively. There was a short silence, and a rather devilish smirk rose on one side of her muzzle.“…but strong enough to sire eleven foals?” her head swerved about to fix the stallion with a stern look.
“Well I… I… erm…” Quick Buck’s muzzle wrinkled and his face reddened in embarrassment.
“We art thousands of years old, and we have had many lovers.” Luna raised her voice a bit, tossing her mane. “And we can tell thee that no stallion with back problems so severe he could not work,” she paused to point at him with a gilded hoof. “Could possibly mount a mare and produce eleven foals! It isn’t done!”
“But… But I…!” Quick Buck’s face was as red as a cherry. Busted.
“Even something as simple as ‘would thou like hay fries with that’, would bring home a paycheck.” Luna went on, switching gears over to scold Quick Buck. “Any simpleton can do ‘would thou like hay fries with that’!”
“Th-that’s colt’s work!” Quick Buck blurted. “I have an education! A degree even! I graduated from college!” the stallion said, hunching defensively.
“Thou worked construction after college, despite thy degree?” Luna asked.
“I couldn’t find anything in my field in Ponyville or anywhere near where I lived.” The stallion said in a smaller voice.
“And your field was?”
“Microbiology…” he mumbled, red-cheeked.
“If there are no tiny things that need studying nearby, then apply thyself to something and put food on your foals’ table!” Luna barked, stamping a hoof. “You make a mockery of the Welfare system because you think certain jobs are BENEATH you?!” her voice was rising angrily, and a couple of the nearby stained-glass windows shuddered in warning. A couple of Lunar stallions reached up to keep them from shattering.
“B-but your Majesty! I went to school for a long time! I just got hurt early and have been waiting for the right job to come along for—!”
“A job so complex does not wander up and snap at thy backside, you lazy fool!” Luna was already shifting over into her angry mode. The ponies in the pews shifted a little fearfully. “The EWB was right to take you off of their programs. Thou likes nothing more than to stay home and make foals with thy wife. Get out of thy house! Get a job! Shovelling cow flop would be more bits than none at all!
“B-but I—!”
“Your case is dismissed!” Luna raised a massive hoof and stamped it on the lip of the throne. The crack resounded like an echo, and everypony flinched. “Thou may expect a visit from several government bodies, Mister Buck, in regards to the safety and welfare of thy eleven foals. Until then tell thy wife to keep her legs closed and her tail tucked!” the last barb stung badly, and Quick Buck sank behind the table miserably, mumbling to himself.
“Er, your Majesty?” ventured Gold Leaf.
“As the precise moment of his mending cannot be identified I cannot award you any damages, Gold Leaf.” Luna said, huffing as Quick Buck was escorted out by Lunar Stallions. “We are afraid the Equestrian Welfare Board will have to take the brunt for this case. But worry not. One less leech holding onto it will only make the system healthier. You are dismissed as well.”
“Yes, Princess.” Gold Leaf bowed low, not daring anything further.
“Stalwart Hide.” Princess Luna turned to another nearby guard. “Send word to the proper agencies. The household of Quick Buck is to be inspected for safety, financial stability, and anything else they might think of in regards to the eleven foals in the home. If they find it lacking, well…” Luna actually took a moment to sigh, looking troubled. “…Better they be in foster homes that can care for them, than in a home where their sire flat out refuses to provide for them.”
“Yes your Highness.” He turned to make it so.
“My judgement has been made!” Luna announced to the room. “Let the next case be brought before me!” The alicorn stamped a large hoof.
Cheerilee sighed in relief after the stampede of foals was gone for the day. Leaning back in her desk chair for a moment, she closed her eyes to rest them. Fridays were always a bit of a madhouse when it came to teaching elementary school. Foals were eager for their weekends, and sometimes looked at the clock more than her. Leaning for a moment, she peered into the bottom-right desk drawer. She sometimes had to confiscate things from her class. The odd bouncy ball here, a bag of chips there… why, once she’d confiscated a toy crossbow that shot squishy little bolts at other foals. What a day that had been! The mare leaned curiously this time around, though, because she’d caught her students with something strange during their math lessons.
It was a video tape. Snips and Snails had been talking in hushed voices with Featherweight, trying to get him to take it in the middle of class. Featherweight had seemed hesitant but interested. Cheerilee only prayed it wasn’t something foals needn’t be looking at. But, the black and completely featureless tape did strike her curiosity. Taking it in her teeth and going to the science closet, she pulled out the television that had been given to her by the school board in Canterlot. She’d used it a few times to show movies on the days before holidays, or even as a reward when the class was ahead of schedule in their lessons. Struggling with the energy crystal for a moment to power the thing, she pushed the tape into the VCR and tapped play.
Lines leapt back and forth as the strange device tried very hard not to overheat. It was new technology after all, and wasn’t quite stable. Cheerilee sat on her haunches, cocking her head as the sound caught up with the video. “What’s this…?” she mumbled to herself.
Dun dun dun duhhhhhn! Real cases. Real ponies. This—is Judge Luna.
A star-stangled logo flew across the screen, emblazed with the royal cutie mark before igniting into flames and exploding into stardust. Cheerilee stared, reaching into her saddlebags for the remainder of the lunch she’d not quite been able to finish during recess. She scratched her chin a bit, watching the camera fly through the palace, blast past a pair of double doors and into the throne room of Canterlot. “Huh!” the mare said, smiling. She’d never been to Canterlot, much less seen the throne room. This was kind of neat. “I wonder if I could use this for a lesson…” she crunched into a daisy and potato-chip sandwhich, eyes never leaving the screen. “The colts in my class were watching this…?” she mumbled, betraying the bad habit of talking with her mouth full.
=-=-=-=
“All rise!” barked a Lunar Stallion as Princess Luna swept into the room and mounted the dais. “Her Majesty Princess Luna, presiding!” The dark alicorn nodded once when she’d seated herself. “You may be seated.” Turning towards the Princess he gave her a folder. “Your majesty this is case number 86753, in the matter of Triage versus Boxem.” He leaned to mumble to her privately.
“Thank thee, Steel Wing. Where are my two parties?” Luna signed the folder then set it next to herself, looking curious. “I see no little ponies before me.” She craned her neck, finding both tables empty.
“They had to be brought in separately.” Steel Wing said a little darkly. “From opposite sides of the building. At different times.”
“That bad, huhm?” Luna sighed a bit. “Very well. Bring forth the first pony.” Steel Wing made a gesture, and the throne room doors were flung open.
A battered, broken-looking stallion tottered into the room. His front legs were supported by a complex, wheelchair-like mechanism while his back legs propelled him forward. One of his eyes had been blackened, and there was a smattering of tiny black marks across his barrel. Luna’s brow rose. What matter of catastrophe had befallen his poor creature?! He had to be helped through the little gate that separated the audience from the tables before the throne. He let out a little yapping sound when his wheels thumped the floor a little too hard getting over the lip, and the Princess winced openly. “Your Majesty.” He panted when he’d finally made it behind his podium table. He bowed as best he could, but even from on high Luna could see the pained quiver in his front end as he did so.
“Rise, my little pony.” Luna said with a little sound of sympathy. “Respect is no justification for self-inflicted pain. Tell us thy name and vocation?”
“Thank you.” He said in a small voice, offering up a weak smile. “My name is Roxem Boxem. I own a cherry stand and a few multi-story renting apartments in Ponyville.” He was a square-shaped thing, with stubble on his chin and a cardboard box on his flank. He looked well-built and rather tough… if not for the menagerie of injuries up and down his body. Clearly, he’d been trounced by the purest definition of trouncing.
“And what brings you to my court room today?” Luna said, tilting her head.
“I was assaulted and badly injured!” Roxem blurted the obvious. “I have medical bills and pain and suffering the other guy should pay for!”
“We assume though has all paperwork confirming injury and monetary loss?” Luna said, making a gesture to Steel Wing. The Lunar Stallion bowed and went forward. Roxem nodded until it pained him and he had to stop. Getting out a messy-looking folder, he gave it to the royal guard, who took it to her Majesty. Luna flicked through it. “Oh yes, we see… very thorough. Commendable.” The dark alicorn set it aside after almost a minute of scanning the numbers, doctor’s comments and such. “We wish we had more ponies with evidence so plain. Clearly, thou hast suffered a thrashing at the hooves of a vicious attacker! We shalt see justice this day, no doubt of it!” she nodded sternly, snapping the folder closed.
“Oh I hope so, your majesty!” the stallion said enthusiastically, energy flitting across his features until a bolt of pain went down his neck and he had to calm himself.
“It is our understanding thou art sueing for medical bills, pain and suffering, and so on?” Luna looked up after she’d shuffled a few papers. The stallion nodded once. “Very well, this seems rather cut and dry.” She turned to Steel Wing once more. “Bring forth the other party, please?”
Steel Wing gestured and two ponies came forward from the double doors of the throne room. The audience craned their necks, for one was a grown stallion and the other one was a frightened little foal. Both were lime green, both with earthy-brown manes, and both with casted-limbs on their flanks. The stallion with a leg in a cast on his flank, and the foal with a hoof in a cast. The foal tried to stay under his father’s barrel, whimpering a little. He didn’t like all the eyes on him, so many eyes! Shyly hiding under the table when they’d come forward, the little one had to be herded out into plain view. “Steady there, son.” Steel Wing came with a little box for him to stand on. The colt clambered up onto the it so he could be seen on the podium too.
“State your names and vocations, please?” Luna said, admiring the family resemblance. So rare it was, to share mane and coat color with a parent.
“Your Majesty,” the stallion bowed, “My name is Triage. This is my son, Splint. I’m a EMT, and my son is… er… in grade school.” He smiled a little awkwardly, which the Princess returned.
“How are thy grades?” she looked over at Splint.
“O-okay…” squeaked Splint, pressing up against his father some. The stallion put a comforting arm around his son, trying to help him stop shaking like a leaf in front of all the cameras and watching ponies. Poor thing. Luna promised herself to get through this quickly so the poor thing could go back to being a child and not wet himself from fear.
“Good. Education is important, little on. How old art thou?” she asked.
“I-I’m nine, your Highness.” Splint said.
“Nine! A very good age!” Luna said, smiling in a motherly way. “Let’s have all this be done, and thou may go back home to play, yes?” she said soothingly. The colt nodded eagerly, his eyes doe-like and soft. “Very good then.” The Princess leaned. “Now then, Mister Triage. Thou art being sued for assault by Mister Boxem due to…” she gestured at the stallion across the way. “Well, all of that. How does thou recall the incident? Perhaps thy medical knowledge helped thou trounce him in the most effective ways possible?” she frowned, ready to lay into the lime green stallion already.
“W-well no, you see...” the stallion hesitated for a moment, “I’m here to represent my son. He’s a minor, so he can’t be sued. I have to stand in his stead, according to my legal advisers.”
There was a long, long, awkward silence in the courtroom. Lunar Stallions murmured at each other. The camera crew looked back and forth, trying to figure out if that was really true. The audience gasped audibly and started to murmur and fuss rather loudly. “Order! ORDER!” Luna stamped a gilded hoof, startling everypony into silence. “Thou does know thyself to be under oath, right Mister Triage? Thou mean to tell us that thine tiny whelpling gave Mister Boxem,” she gestured to the stocky stallion across the way, “The thrashing of a lifetime?” Triage nodded mutely. “We doth not believe thou. Not for an instant.” She looked down at the colt with a rather troubled expression. “How dare thee bring thy youngling into such proceedings, spouting such drivel?!”
“It’s true,” said Triage as gently as he could. “Maybe we could give a demonstration?”
Luna considered for a time. Eliminate the impossible, and even the most extraordinarily unlikely was bound to be true. “Very well. Stalwart Hide, come forth!” she stamped a hoof twice. One of the Lunar Stallions standing next to a column startled forward at the sound of his name. Luna eyed him up for a time. He seemed to be approximately Boxem’s size. “Alright. Thou may make a demonstration of thy might upon my guard, little one.” She bade Splint.
The lime green little colt came forward, bending forward at the knees in a sort of bow. The Lunar Stallion cocked his head with a clank of his plate-like armor. The soldier was easily twice his height and four times his weight, helm included. Coming forward, he mumbled to himself about being careful with the kid and not hurting him in front of thousands of ponies. “Be careful, Splint! Not so hard this time.” Triage said, lifting a hoof. Splint nodded.
Luna leaned forward, eyes trained on the foal. “U-uhm, here I come,” Splint said softly. The Lunar Stallion nodded, waiting to see what the little ankle-biter could d----?!
LEAP-POW-TWIST-SMASH!
The audience was on its hooves, mouths agape. The Lunar Stallion hit the floor so hard he bounced off the marble like a chew toy, a piece of his armor breaking off and pin-wheeling out a window. Luna blurted a swear word in shock, which thankfully nopony heard. Stalwart Hide lay there in a twitchy heap, his eyes replaced with swirly-marks. “Order! ORDER IN MY COURT!” the Princess vibrated the windowsills with the Royal Canterlot Voice. Everypony startled back down into silence, seating themselves and mumbling. Clearly disturbed, Luna cleared her throat for a moment and fished for words. “Er… very well then.” She gestured to another guard to have the trounced one taken for medical attention. Suddenly all the little black marks on Roxem Boxem’s barrel made sense. They were buck-bruises. Dozens of tiny little buck bruises from the hooves of an innocent-looking foal.
“M’sorry!” blurted Splint as Stalwart Hide was dragged away. “Mommy says you’re only supposed to fight in self-defense or if somepony can’t defend themselves!” he sank to his belly like Luna might hit him for what he’d done.
“Thy mommy is a wise mare,” said Luna warily. “Please, return to thy father’s side.” Slowly seating herself again, the night time Princess completely adjusted the dynamics of the case. What could invoke the wrath of such a mousey child? She had to know more. “Mister Triage, please relate the entire story, from the beginning.” Luna gestured, taking deep breaths to calm herself.
“W-well, you see,” The lime green stallion said, “My wife and I are a team in world pony martial arts rings. She’s a champion competitor, and I’m an EMT for anypony that gets seriously injured during the competitions.” He paused to let that sink in. “She taught our son how to defend himself really early, but she might’ve gotten a little carried away.”
“Clearly.” Luna said, eyeing the foal. He had no bulging muscles nor deformaties of early-childhood extreme work-outs… yet somehow he’d flattened one of her royal guards by shifting his weight and laying into his face in the blink of an eye. “Thy son is clearly an excellent protégé.”
“The kid’s a frickin’ psychopath!” Blurted Roxem Boxem, who’d been silent up until then.
“We art speaking!” Luna snapped angrily, shushing Boxem with a pointing hoof. “Thy turn to speak comes later, hold thy tongue.” She said before turning back to the father-son pair. “Continue, we must know how this beating came to pass.”
“W-well you see,” Triage said. “My wife was told to take a year off from the competitions because of her blood pressure. Constant training and stress does terrible things to your body, after all.” He smiled a little bashfully. “So, we came to Ponyville to relax and enjoy some quiet. You know, let my son go to school instead of travelling with a tutor—let my wife breathe easy for a while instead of kicking flank from dawn to dusk—and I got a job at Ponyville General Hospital.”
“Mhm?” Luna said, scratching her chin as she did so. “And how did thou come across Mister Boxem?”
“He’s our landlord.” Triage said. “We only planned to stay in Ponyville for a year and a half or so, so we didn’t want to just buy a house and then sell it right away. Too much paperwork.”
“Renting would seem the wiser choice. And mister Boxem rented a home to you?” Luna confirmed.
“Yes.”
“And thou signed a renter’s agreement?”
“Yes.”
“And thou moved in with no issues?”
“Yes.”
“And thou lived there in the peace and quiet thou sought?”
“Yes.”
“Did thou have any troubles with Mister Boxem before this incident?” Luna looked back and forth between the two parties to study their reactions. Both parties confirmed that no, there had been no issues or trouble before this one. “Rather violent for a first argument, wouldst thou not say?”
“Yes, your Majesty,” Triage wilted guiltily. “I didn’t expect it either.”
“Did thou agitate or assault the child, Roxem Boxem?” Luna wheeled over to ask.
“No! I never talked to the kid at all!” Roxem said defensively, scowling.
“So tell us then, right to the point, why thy child came to destroy Mister Boxem.” Luna commanded, lifting a hoof towards the frightened foal. He hid under his father’s barrel, refusing to stand on his box anymore. He knew it, he knew he’d get in big trouble with the Princess!
“Well, there was a hiccup in the rent on the fourth month I was staying there.” Triage said. “Something about the paperwork at the hospital, checks were received a week late. Mister Boxem didn’t like that.”
“I have a zero tolerance policy for late rent!” Roxem Boxem scowled. “You don’t pay, you don’t live in my properties!”
“Sh-sh-shh!” Luna snapped, hushing Roxem. “Continue, Triage.”
“W-well, I came home from work one day, and Mister Boxem was waiting for me. He lives on the third floor of the building I live in. He was up on the balcony, you see—!”
“And he came down to let thou know thy rent was late and to vacate?” Luna wanted to know.
“W-well, he came to shove me up to a wall and demand my rent, yes,” Triage said in a small voice. Luna’s eyes roamed his features, then flicked over to Roxem.
“That’s a lie!” Roxem Boxem shouted. “A dirty rotten lie!”
Luna’s searing gaze snapped back to Roxem and she set him with a glare. “We hath bade thee hush twice now, Roxem Boxem. If we need do it a third time, thou shalt be out of my court on thy two-wheeled backside!” The stallion gulped, wilting some. The audience murmured nervously in the background.
“He came down from the third-floor balcony to yell at me and wanted to know where his rent was. He was waving our rental agreement around, and wanted to know if I wanted my wife and foal out on the streets in Ponyville.” Triage said, gathering his courage as he spoke. “He said in a little town like Ponyville, everypony knows everypony and nopony would take us in if it got around that I couldn’t pay rent.”
“I see.” Luna said pensively, rubbing her chin lightly. “And Mister Boxem was there to give you the chance to pay up, yes?” Triage nodded confirmation. “In his own way, no doubt.” Luna eyed the injured stallion. “How did thy son get involved then? If thou were just returning from work, surely he was not outside alone?”
“We live on the first floor, he must've heard us through a window.”
“That’s heresy.” Luna waved a hoof dismissively. “Come out, little one. Pray tell us what you saw?” she tried to put on a gentle tone, even in the heat of the moment in the case.
Splint stuck his head around the table, saying meekly, “It’s true, I heard the grown-ups shouting.”
“About what?” Luna asked.
“Money. Mister Boxem had my daddy up against a wall. He said he wanted money so we could stay in our home,” said the wilt-eared colt. The poor thing looked ready to have a heart attack.
“I see…” Luna said. The colt was too terrified to lie and she felt bad for it, but foals were more honest than grown ponies. “What happened next?”
“I thought he was gonna hurt my daddy,” Splint said softly. “And Daddy can’t fight, Mommy doesn’t let him. She says he’s a pussy in the ring.”
“Splint!” Triage barked, flushing red. “What have I told you about using that word?!” The audience burst into laughter. Luna almost startled into scandalous laughter, but lifted a hoof to hide a mild smile instead. She would have to tell Cellie about this one.
Luna stamped a hoof a couple of times to regain order, coughing a bit. “So thou leapt into action to save thy Daddy, then?” the night time Princess asked. The colt nodded. “That was very brave of you, but not a habit I hope.” The colt shook his head no. “First time, then?” The child nodded. “Let it be the last then, understand?” Splint nodded again, blushing. “So what happened next?”
“I jumped out the window where I was coloring on Mister Boxem’s back before he hurt my Daddy too badly,” Splint stared at his hooves, half-hiding behind the table. “He bruises really easy…” the colt trailed off.
“Thy Daddy, or Mister Boxem?” Luna asked before she could stop herself.
“Er… both.” The colt said in a mousy voice. The audience murmured with laughter.
“That’s— hahaha…” Luna stopped a moment to compose herself. “Forgive us. Continuing! Thou jumped onto Mister Boxem’s back. Then what happened?”
The colt was silent for a time, as though counting something in his head. “I poked his eye, dislocated his shoulder, broke his left leg, locked his front pectoral, rotated his barrel,” he paused for breath, “bruised two dominant ribs, and laid him on his back,” the child recited rather robotically. There was a long, awkward silence in the courtroom. Luna blinked a few times, not expecting such a cold and medical list. An elderly stallion near the back of the courtroom mumbled an impressed swear word, cocking his eyebrow. “N-not very hard! Honest! I-I was just scared for my Daddy!”
Luna very suddenly saw the dynamo of Splint’s parentage. A championship martial artist and a highly-trained medical professional. Combined, they produced a power-house foal that could destroy anypony with very little effort. Physical knowledge to know where to strike, and physical prowess to know how to strike. Positively vicious. Triage’s cutie mark may have been a leg-cast-for-mending, but his son Splint’s hoof-in-a-cast cutie mark meant BREAKING. Good thing he was so meek, and had such a tight upbringing for using his skills. The Princess of the night fought down a very real shudder.
Roxem Boxem raised a hoof, wanting to speak so, so badly. Luna turned, nodding to him. “Look. I just want what’s mine to pay for the medical bills! The kid admits it, plain and simple! He assaulted me from behind when I wasn’t looking and now I gotta wheel myself around for a few months! It’s embarrassing!”
“Thou went to menace Mister Triage for monies and were set upon for it, it seems.” Luna said a little acidly, her brow lowering.
“I didn’t do anything to that kid! I didn’t provoke him!” Roxem blurted.
“Thou provoked a rescuer to a non-combatative pony, an extension of Equestria’s ‘Stand Thy Ground’ law,” Luna said. “As this law is recent, I hope thou knows of it?”
“Er…” Roxem Boxem said, cocking his head with a frown.
“’Stand Thy Ground’ allows a pony to use force, even deadly force, when encountering impending death or impending bodily injury—without fear of being arrested for it.”
“But that means I could just beat on anypony that I think might hit me!” blurted Roxem Boxem in disbelief. “That’s outrageous!”
“Neigh. It is not a bubble that follows thou around. It only applies if there is no doubt, none at all, that physical injury or death will occur.” Luna gestured to the colt on the other side of the tables. “While a colt’s judgement is far below that of a grown stallion, the same rule applies. He judged thou a true and un-doubtable threat, then leapt upon thee to save his sire.”
“The little brat broke one of my legs!” Roxem said, temper flaring.
“And thou art lucky to be alive, if the armored royal guard he just crushed is any indication,” Luna smirked just a little. Roxem shuddered, knowing it to be true. “But, if you must know, thou gave up thy case the moment thou confirmed to placing thy hooves on Mister Triage.”
“H-hey! Ponies don’t respect ya if you’re meek and kind! Doormats don’t get ahead in life!” Roxem argued. “If I wanted my rent I had to show ‘em who was boss! I didn’t hit the guy, I just--!”
“Shoved him into a wall, threatening to slander him and his family if he did not pay you right then?” Luna said with a scowl. “Triage, where art thou living now?” she turned to the other stallion.
“Er… Ponyville Inn.” Triage mumbled, blushing embarrassedly. “Pending how this case goes, we might have to move to another town. We can’t afford it much longer, not even with the winnings my wife brought with us from the last martial arts tournament.”
“I assume Mister Boxem evicted you shortly after his thrashing?” Luna nodded sagely, and the stallion confirmed. “Fair enough, they are his premises and he cannot be forced to house you for any reason. He is a private business owner and may evict whom he pleases for any reason stated in his contracts. His zero tolerance policy for late rent stands just fine in mine court, as thou signed the lease stating thus.” Luna scanned the lease agreement in front of her, tapping the appropriate line.
“Oh, I-I’m not here to argue about that, I just came to fight for my son!” Triage said. “Please don’t punish him! He—he didn’t know any better! My wife taught him too much, too early! It’s not his fault!”
“We agree, thy wife taught him too much.” Luna said a little tartly. “However, what is done is done.” Roxem’s chest inflated. This was it, this was it! “Thou art correct, Triage, a child cannot be sued in any standing court of law. Especially not for something as simple as assault! Why, every schoolyard fight would turn into a fiery legal battle!” she snorted, rolling her eyes. “Therefore, my judgement falls onto you instead of your son.” Triage gulped, and Roxem leaned forward a bit. Luna considered for a time, reviewing the facts and documents in front of herself. She closed her eyes and heaved a bit of a sigh. “Roxem Boxem, thy case falls flat because thou assaulted Mister Triage first. While Splint’s reaction was above and beyond not only a normal response but MOST responses for ponies his age— I cannot within the law’s grasp grant you the monies you want for your medical bills.”
“What?!” Roxem gasped. “But--! But look at me!” he said, gesturing to his wheels and his bruises and his broken body. “I’mma mess!”
“Self-defense is rarely an ironclad defense, Roxem,” Luna said with a frown. “However, as I said, the moment thou placed thy hooves on Triage, you lost all garuntee of safety for thyself. He is entitled to defend himself, or to have another defend him if he cannot.”
“I didn’t rough him up!” Roxem said, aghast.
“Touching is enough.” Luna shook her head. “The moment something becomes in any way physical, most legal arguments like yours crumble.”
“W-wait! I caught the worst of this! You can’t just—!”
“Your case is dismissed!” Luna stamped a gilded hoof down on the marble floor. “Consider thyself lucky thy neck is in one piece, with such a destructive foal upon thy back,” she said a bit less gently. Roxem wilted miserably. “Perhaps thou shalt learn the foal’s lesson here: keep thy hooves to thyself!” Triage knelt down to embrace his son. They nuzzled affectionately as Roxem wheeled his way out, yelping a little when his wheels got stuck on the lip of the gate on the way out of the courtroom. “Triage!” Luna said, rising from the throne. He looked up at her, eyebrows up in mild fear. “Please put thy hoof down and allow thy foal no more combat training in the future, huhm? Leaving the catastrophic injury-causing to thy wife.”
“Y-yes your majesty!” Triage promised, blushing and nodding vigorously. Splint peered up at the Princess with large, innocent eyes as they stood there. “C’mon buddy, c’mon, we’re heading home…” he whispered to his son, trying to soothe him. He herded the little colt out of the courtroom, and the cameras followed them the whole way until they were out the door.
“My judgment is made!” Luna barked, seating herself again. “Let the next case be brought before me!”
The cutie mark crusaders were abuzz one Saturday morning. Applebloom’s chores were done, and she’d invited the girls over to show them something amazing. Well, the something amazing turned out to be a tiny, broken down TV/VCR combo. The stallion at the pawn shop had thrown it out since it didn’t work well enough to sell, and Applebloom had snatched it up when nopony was looking. How had she navigated through the entire town and back home with such a large, heavy, clunky thing on her back? W-well… well… that wasn’t important!
“This might be a great way for us to get our cutie marks!” Applebloom’s squeaky voice propelled her into the air for just a moment. “That guy just threw this thing out, maybe we can fix it and make it work again!”
“I dunno,” Scootaloo put her scooter in the corner, “Can you get a cutie mark for watchin’ TV or something? Doesn’t seem like much of a talent to sit someplace and stare at a magic box.”
“No no, I mean the fixin’ part! We could be cutie mark crusader TV repair ponies!” Applebloom said, gesturing. Scootaloo opened her saddlebag to get out her toolbox. She kept it to work on and maintain her scooter.
Sweetie Belle helped Applebloom ease the dented machine down onto its face. It had screws and other doo dads in the back. “Hmm,” said the little unicorn. Lighting her horn carefully, she took out her tiny little sewing kit. Some of Rarities habits had rubbed off when it came to curtains for the clubhouse, so she made a habit of carrying it around with her. “Let’s see what fits these.” She gestured to the funny screws in the back of the TV.
Scootaloo had already detached the lower portion where the VCR was, and was fiddling with it. “Hey, there’s somethin’ in there!” she pushed the little plastic flap inward to show them. The trio leaned over it. There was a black tape wedged firmly into it. “Hmm, lemme see,” Scootaloo got the skinniest tool she had and, after some careful wiggling and loosening a few more screws, pulled it out. “It’s a tape!” she announced, holding it up. Turning it sideways to read the label, she said, “Judge… Luna?” It came out like a question. She set it to one side.
Three hours later, with painstaking meticulousness, the three fillies took the TV apart and cleaned what bits they could bring free of it. Lining up a train of pieces to so they would remember what went where, they found the problem. There was a break in the wiring between the power crystal cufflink and the distribution box. You could plug in all the power you wanted, but it wouldn’t go anywhere. Sweetie Belle leaned into her tacklebox of sewing items, producing a long string of copper twine. Where did a filly get such things? Well shut up, that’s where. Cootie-head. With Applebloom holding the box and Scootaloo shining the flashlight on it, Sweetie Belle mended the wiring as best she could.
Wiggling with excitement, the fillies pieced it all back together to the best of their ability. The power crystal that had been lodged in it when Applebloom had found it was cleaned, shined, and then put back in the slot. Their faces lit up when it crackled to life, and they set it upright again. Its constant ‘shahhhhhhhh’ of black and white static wasn’t very entertaining. Just loud. The three foals turned the dials, wiggled the ears, and even hit it a few times. Nothing seemed to work.
“Oh wait, here let’s try this!” Scootaloo pushed the tape into the VCR, and the machine went quiet while it thought over what it had been given. A green arrow pointing to the right soon appeared, and the snow-show of static soon vanished. “Oooh,” the pegasus backed up. “Looks like we did it.”
Dun dun dun duhhhhhn! Real cases. Real ponies. This—is Judge Luna.
Their faces lit up. “Hey, it’s a tape about the Princess! She was here on Nightmare Night!” Scootaloo pointed as an explosion of stars on the screen heralded Luna’s cutie mark and an impressive logo. The three foals crowded around the TV to watch.
“What’s she doin’ on TV?” Applebloom wondered. The Apple family didn’t have a TV, she wasn’t sure she understood. “Isn’t she busy bein’ a Princess and all?” she leaned forward to whap the TV a few times when the picture started to skip. Thankfully, it relented to her and everything shifted back into focus.
“Well, it’s a recording. Like a camera, y’know? It just moves and talks,” Sweetie Belle said, reaching to turn up the volume.
“I know what a TV is, hay-for-brains!” The farm filly said resentfully. Sweetie Belle giggled good-naturedly. Scootaloo reached over into the snack stash that was hidden under the flood boards of the tree house. (It had taken days to attach a shoebox to the underside of the clubhouse and not have it fall off minutes later…) When all three of them had a candy bar in hoof, they settled onto their bellies to see what was happening.
=-=-=-=
“All rise!” An impressive-looking Lunar Stallion barked to the audience. Everypony stood, as did the ponies behind the cameras for the show. “Her Majesty Princess Luna, presiding!” The dark alicorn swept into the room, mounting the dais.
The moon reached its apex outside, casting a glittering beam of moonlight into the room. They’d left the lights much lower today, because her Majesty had been complaining of headaches. It wasn’t as good for the cameras but, well, the Princess said turn the lights down so they’d turned the lights down. Lunar Stallions were suddenly much, much harder to spot if not for their glowing yellow eyes. Dark fur, dark armor and silent posture made them look like hulking shadows of pony muscle and scowling faces. When Luna reached the throne, she turned daintily and seated herself upon it. When this happened, candles at every column, in every corner, and on either side of the throne ignited. This made it much easier to see, thankfully. Luna nodded once.
“You may be seated!” the same stallion told the audience. Everypony shuffled back to their seats, feeling the eerie quiet of the night time court when the lights were all but out. Turning with a folder under his arm, the guard cantered up the stairs to the throne to give Luna a folder. “Your Majesty this is case number 1017754 in the matter of Carrot versus Apple, parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready.” He bowed before her.
“Thank thee,” Luna said with a slight cough. “Forgive my shrill voice and squinty eyes this night, I have a mild cold. To your place, Steel Wing,” she gestured. He opened his mouth to object. “I am not so ill I cannot seat my flank on a throne and speak, thank you,” she told him before he could say anything. The stallion bowed again and took his place several steps down the dais and to one side. Stopping to blow her nose on a black hankie, she stuffed it away before clearing her throat to speak to the two parties before her.
To Luna’s left was a bright orange stallion with a stocky build. He had a green mane and a bushel of carrots on his flank. To Luna’s left was a bright red stallion with the same physique. Farmers, both of them. But the red one had a large green apple on his flank.
(“Oh mah goodness!” shrieked Applebloom. “Is that Big Mac?!”) (“Shhhhh!” the other two fillies shushed her.)
“Misters,” Luna paused to check the paperwork, “Carrot and Apple, we understand there had been some disagreement over the ownership and location of a grocery cart. One that is rather old and has sentimental value. This has caused some feuding between thy families and you would like it settled in our court." Both stallions nodded silently, bowing before her before the proceedings could begin. “Very well, we may begin. Mister Apple believes this cart was stolen, and Mister Carrot is here to defend himself on ownership.” Luna closed the folder and set it next to her.
“Uh, before we start your Majesty, lemme explain why I stole the cart.” The orange stallion said, shuffling through a little binder he’d brought with him. Luna blanched. The audience murmured. The red stallion across from the orange one looked over at him, dumbfounded. In shadow, more than one Lunar Stallion face-hoof’d. The camera ponies looked at each other.
Luna slowly turned her gaze, and Steel Wing felt her eyes on the back of his head. He turned, and she could see the muscles in his muzzle quivering as he tried very hard not to grin. “We swear, some days it doth be so easy…” she mumbled to Steel Wing. The Lunar Stallion smiled sympathetically. They’d dragged their sick Princess out of bed for this? Really?
“Ah, here it is.” The carrot-flanked stallion’s face lit up when he produced a slip of paper.
“I think thou hath already buried thyself, my little pony.” Luna snickered a little. “Unless that be a written title of ownership,” she raised her hoof, ready to stamp it and declare the case over, “We doth be ready to dismiss thee on the spot.”
Carrot blushed, “Er, sorry, poor choice of words. It is, actually.” The audience, the camera crew, and everypony else whewwww’d. That would’ve been a very short case!
Luna exchanged one more amused glance with Steel Wing before coughing a few times behind her hoof. “Very well, very well,” she gestured and the stallion went forward to fetch the paper to bring to her. What the Princess received was not a title, but a contract. “I the undersigned do hereby promise to give a full-size apple cart to one Long Carrot, if he should sell more carrots than I sell apples during the under-filled date. If the opposite be true, he is to provide me with nine barrels of carrots and a corked bottle of…” she mumbled down through the terms, then slowly lowered the paper. “This is a bet. The two of thee made a bet on who was to sell more apples or carrots.” Both stallions nodded. “Simple enough, though silly to place it on paper and make it legally binding…” she trailed off to see both stallions had signed and initialed everything properly. They’d been rather thorough. “What happened on this day?” she gestured to the paper.
“I won the bet.” Long Carrot inflated his chest, and the red stallion across the way scowled. “Carrots are bought in bunches anyway, so it wasn’t much of a competition,” He chuckled. “But at the end of the day Big Macintosh here wouldn’t give me the cart he promised me.”
“Why not? This is pretty plainly outlined in thy contract.” Luna turned to show Big Macintosh the contract. The red stallion shook his head vigorously, producing a folder and nosing through it. Taking a paper in his mouth, he offered it out. Steel Wing went to fetch it. Luna inspected it. It was the same contract, but the words ‘a full-sized apple cart’ were underlined in red. “Hrm. Interesting,” mumbled Luna. “Your case is that he took the wrong cart, without your permission, then?”
“Eyuup.” Big Macintosh nodded vigorously. Turning, he flipped through his folder again and produced a stack of photographs.” Steel Wing once again made a trip and brought them to Luna. She frowned, flipping through them. The first few were in black and white, showing a small farm with a stallion, a mare, a cart of supplies, and a pathetic-looking little shack. The next one had a bigger house, older stallion, older mare, a few foals… same cart. The next few were in color, though the stallion and the mare were replaced with an elderly mare, and there were more foals running about… same cart in the background. The next few pictures showed a rapidly growing family, house, and property. However, off to one side either in the picture or on the edge of it was the same (now kind of rickety) cart.
“I see,” murmured Luna. “Thy orchard was started from a pack of supplies brought in on this particular cart.” She looked over the contracts again, not entirely sure what to do about this. Clearly it was an heirloom, but with such a binding contract she could not… she paused for a moment, looking at the words underlined in red. “Hrm. A full-sized apple cart…” she said under her breath. She shuffled the papers to one side. “Tell me, Long Carrot, does this contract specify the cart thou took as your prize in particular?”
“Er, no I suppose not…” said Long Carrot.
“And was Mister Apple present when you took this cart?”
“N… no,” Long Carrot said.
“I see. Does your contract say that you could come onto Mister Apple’s property, select the cart you wanted, and leave with it?”
“W-well no, I just saw this one first. It’s the right size and make.” Long Carrot shrugged a bit.
“I see.” Luna steepled her hooves for a time, resting her chin on them. “Did Mister Apple confront you about taking this particular cart?”
“Oh yeah, he was over there everyday trying to take it back!” Long Carrot scowled angrily. “A deal’s a deal! I won our bet, its mine!” Luna’s eyes flicked over when she saw Big Macintosh flipping through his papers again and producing a pristine white paper. It looked like a flyer. “I won it fair and square, it’s in our contract!”
“Thou art technically in the right, Long Carrot, however,” she paused as the new paper was brought before her from Big Macintosh. “Your contract does not dictate beyond the size and measure of thy prize, not the particular prize to be won.” She turned to Steel Wing. “Take these to him, please?” she told her guard. The Lunar Stallion obeyed, taking the stack of photographs to Long Carrot.
Long Carrot looked down at the old photos, the new ones, and when he flipped to the last one he found himself looking at a flyer of some sort. It was from the local hardware store, and showed a picture of a full-size hauling cart. In the picture was drawn a picture of an apple, with a red crayon. “This is something else, though.” Long Carrot shook his head with a frown. “It’s not what I had in mi—”
“What thou had in mind is irrelevant!” Luna barked, before coughing a few times. “What is in thy contract, written and signed, is.” She had all the proper documents taken back to their owners as they spoke. “What we have here is a failure of specificity, several counts of trespassing, and minor infractions.”
“Tresspassing?!” Long Carrot gaped. “I came for what was mine!”
“Not just you, Mister Carrot, but Mister Apple as well.” Luna saw the startled expression on Big Macintosh’s silent face. “Yes you, Mister Apple. You trespassed onto Mister Carrot’s property to get your cart back. Several times, in fact. Yes?” she waited for him to nod in a humbled way.
“I didn’t trespass!” Long Carrot insisted.
“Yes, Mister Carrot, you did.” Princess Luna turned, gesturing to the contracts both stallions now held. “It is without a doubt that thou won the bet, but it is not your right to wander forth and claim thy prize. You’ll note the very simple phrasing says ‘I promise to give a full-sized apple cart’,” she made a sweeping gesture to Big Macintosh. “It is very hard to give somepony something if they are not present to do so, we would say.” Luna smirked just a little. Long Carrot looked to one side guiltily. “As you ventured forth and took something off of Mister Apple’s property without his permission, one might call you a thief, Mister Carrot.”
“What?!” blurted Long Carrot. “I’ve never stolen nothin’ in my entire life! My folks raised me right! That’s why we put our bet on paper to make it official!” he slapped the contract.
“Then thou needs to read thy binding papers more thoroughly before acting on them,” Luna gestured that he read.
“I won the bet, though!” Long Carrot pulled up his contract, leaning over it. “The cart belongs to me, so I went to go get it.”
“It says that Mister Apple will give thou a full-sized apple cart. This means he will come forward and produce your prize for you. It does not mean thou may venture onto his property and select something to your liking." Luna said a little more gently. “This is textbook trespassing and thievery, my little pony.”
“Oh mah stars…” Long Carrot was dumbfounded with himself, eyes wide and red in the face. He was so humiliated! What would his Ma and Pa think of him if they heard about this?! “I did. I really did steal it, didn’t I?”
“As there is a large apple orchard in the background of these photos, I am willing to bet there is more than one cart eligible to be thy prize. Mister Apple just does not wish for you to have this particular one. Now, we can easily see there is no malice on the part of either party here,” Luna gestured between the two farming ponies. “Both of you appear upright and honest in thy dealings. Mister Apple wishes to offer you a cart of equal size and type, new, as your prize for winning your bet. We think this is more than acceptable, given thy trespassing and the rather vague terms of your contract.” The dark alicorn cleared her throat again, trying to keep her voice. “Therefore, we command the following be done: Thou will return Mister Apple’s family cart tomorrow when you arrive home. He will, within thirty days, produce a cart of equal size and similar type to you like the one in the picture of that flyer. That will be the end of it. Understood?”
“Er, yes your Majesty,” Long Carrot said, thoroughly cowed at himself. “I… I’m sorry Big Mac. The Princess is right,” he offered across the way to the other stallion. The red stallion offered a peaceful smile, bobbing his head a few times. “I’ll swing by Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow with your cart, okay?”
“Yup.” Big Mac said happily.
“Excellent. Judgment for the plaintiff.” Luna said, stamping her hoof with a resounding echo through the throne room. “Let the next case be brought before m--- *COUGH COUGH COUGH*?!” she spluttered a little, leaning forward. “Ehh… a short recess,” she said, drooping. Steel Wing went up the stairs to guide the Princess off the throne and help her into her private chambers behind the seat of power.
Pinkie Pie was bored. Very bored. It was nearly midnight, and she was wide-awake. She wasn’t on a sugar rush, or a caffeine kick—it was just one of those nights. The sort of night where the warm summer night creeps into one’s room, makes it much too humid to sleep, and then stays there. The pink mare lay on her back in the dark, counting cupcakes as they jumped over an imaginary fence. She was nearing the four hundred mark when she turned on her side.
She couldn’t really go out, everything in Ponyville was closed. All her friends would be asleep. Even the Cake twins had settled down and curled up by this hour. Settling on her belly, the pink mare finally gave up and reached to click her bedside lamp on. She didn’t want to read, and she couldn’t really party-plan in utter silence either. Stretching a bit until she got a satisfying series of crackles from her back, she crossed the room to her little love seat and flopped into it. She pawed through a little stack of magazines until she came to a monthly TV guide.
Sugarcube Corner was popular enough, being a bakery in the center of town, that quite a bit of money flowed through the place. Pinkie, along with her room and board, was actually paid very well. She could not only cook, but she served as a party-planner, clown, entertainer, stand-up comedian, joke-teller, order-filler, flour-slinger, and quite a few other things. Even as new as televisions were, she’d been able to afford one. She thought they were exciting—in small doses. Something about them was off to her, but it didn’t hurt to watch now and then! Flipping open the TV guide, she wondered if anything interesting could possibly be playing at the midnight hour. “Hm…” she said softly, leaning and turning the clunky dials from where she lay. Her hoof had to stretch about ten feet to do this from the loveseat, but that wasn’t important.
Pinkie Pie click-clack-clack-clicked the rather loud dial around its rotation, checking her TV guide as she went. News. News. Documentary on fishing. Smooth Jazz with no picture. News. She frowned a bit. Nothing good on. She put her hoof on the midnight time slot, scanning down through the different shows and… what was ‘Judge Luna?’ Like Princess Luna? Turning over to the appropriate channel, Pinkie grinned when she saw the show was just starting up.
Dun dun dun duhhhhhn! Real cases. Real Ponies. This-- is Judge Luna.
Pinkie cocked her head, putting her TV guide aside and settling to watch. That looked like the throne room. Huh! This could be interesting! …or it might be super boring and she would fall asleep, which was what she was trying to do in the first place. Either way, it was a win-win sort of show. The frizzie-mane mare chuckled. This was a clever show, it just didn’t know it!
=-=-=-=-=
“All rise!” A Lunar Stallion snapped at the audience when the double doors of the throne room came open. A little filly in the front row looked around in confusion. The soldier zeroed in on her, clearing his throat. Her Daddy nudged her quickly, and she leaped to her hooves before almost face-planting on the marble floor in front of her seat.
Princess Luna walked slowly into the room, a bit less than her usual powerful sweeping. Perhaps she was still ill? Walking with her wings closed, she nodded to Steel Wing and went up the stairs to the throne. Seating herself, she sank into the pillow with a sigh of relief. She licked her lips for a moment, her eyes closed. Breathing deeply, she finally steeled herself and sat tall and regal as normal.
Steel Wing cantered up the stairs with his folder. He lowered his voice for privacy, “Your Majesty this is case number 11019 in the matter of Apple versus Whip. Parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready.”
“Apple? A truly prolific family, to see another so soon… thank thee, Steel Wing.” Luna nodded as the guard took his place to one side. She took the folder, signed it, checked the names, and set it next to herself. She looked down at the two ponies below. “Names and occupations, please,” she bade them.
“Ah’m Breaburn, yer Majesty. Ah come from…” he suddenly launched himself onto his back hooves, “A-aaaaaaa-puh-LOOZ-uh!” Then he settled himself back down again. A few ponies in the audience giggled at his accent and big cowpony hat. “I’mma orchard worker, and sometimes ah go out for diplomacy talks with the buffalo tribes. They’re onery sorts, y’know?” he gestured at nothing at all. Luna smiled a bit. Well, wasn’t he a multi-talented thing? Politics and farming both in one.
“I am Cool Whip, your Highness. I am a baker and I own a prestigious establishment right here in Canterlot.” The unicorn stallion across the way lifted his snooty little nose, tweaking his mustache. “I make wedding cakes and other large confections for important gatherings. I’ve also catered for a portion of the Grand Galloping Gala in the past.” He smiled a perfect, white-toothed sort of smile.
Luna checked her papers once more. “It is our understanding, Mister Breaburn, that thou art suing for discrimination against Mister Whip’s baking establishment. Thou went to purchase a wedding cake from him and he refused, and thou art suing because the wedding is for a… same sex couple?” it came out like a question. Luna looked up at him, arching a brow.
“Yes, that’s right.” Breaburn nodded. “Ah met this nice unicorn feller. He was on vacation from Baltimare for a few weeks and wanted to get some fresh country air an'… w-well one thing led to another an’… and he ended up stayin’ more than a few weeks an’—” his face was getting redder and redder as he fell to mumbling.
“We understand, we understand, yes.” Luna stopped the blushing, floundering stallion before he became too intimate with his details. “And thy… eh… companion and thou wish to be married?”
“Yes’m.”
“Two stallions?”
“Yes’m.”
Luna scratched her chin. Yes, she’d been told all about this by Tia, but she’d not yet encountered it yet on a personal level. Her guards were almost thunderous in their bragging about the mares that ‘loved the armor’ and ‘danced with the night’ and any other sort of suggestive comment. She’d not been close to a gay stallion before. There was nothing illegal or wrong about it, it merely started the Princess to have a case so suddenly about it. Very carefully masking her expression and putting her own reservations aside, the Princess took a deep breath and studied her paper. “Let us hear, thy argument then,” she said gently. “And do not think we do not know this is a sensitive topic to some. Be civil, both of you,” she pointed to both stallions in turn.
“He’s against gay couples and refused me a cake for mah special day!” Breaburn blurted.
“I have the right to refuse service!” barked Cool Whip.
“You’re just a hater!” The hat-wearing stallion shouted.
“And you’re a backward, stallion-smooching lunatic!” Cool Whip snarled.
Luna face-hoof’d slowly, leaning and fighting a growing headache. Steel Wing grimaced just a little, sighing on the inside. His poor Princess, she had to deal with the stupidest bullshit sometimes. Well, such was being the Princess, he supposed. Dealing with ponies like this was part of the job.
The Princess watched the two of them argue back and forth for a bit. Their faces kept getting redder and more furious, but for the moment she was willing to let them expel some of the negative energy. Nothing would get done if everypony was completely pent up with hidden hatred. Taking a deep and cleansing breath after perhaps a minute or so of their vicious arguing, she lifted a hoof and stamped it twice. “Silence,” she bade them. “Cool Whip, we will hear thee first,” she gestured. “Tell us what happened. How did thou meet Mister Apple?”
“I do run a rather upscale establishment, your highness.” Cool Whip said. “Five stars in Baker’s Quarterly, I’ll have everypony know.” He chuckled a bit. “As such, my orders are made by appointment only. Mister Apple here made an appointment, showed up forty-five minutes late, and wanted me to make a massive wedding cake for he and his… ehk…” he made a sickened face. “Beau,” was the word he decided on.
“And hath thou made cakes the size he asked for before?” Luna wanted to know.
“Oh yes, of course. The size of a cake is of no matter if structured correctly.” Cool Whip nodded easily. “I specialize in larger orders, remember, that means wedding cakes and feasts!” he grinned his most charming grin.
“What happened at this meeting, then?” Luna asked. “Was Mister Apple’s particular request beyond thy abilities as a master chef?” she pawed through the brochure that had come with Cool Whips papers. Why, most of the things on this menu were too expensive for the average pony. She found herself wondering how Breaburn had afforded such a cake.
“Mister Apple came, late as I said, and wanted the biggest cake I could muster.” Cool Whip asked.
“I have a big family! It would’ve been eaten! Easily!” Breaburn snarled. “Us Apples don’t waste food!” the brightly-colored stallion snorted angrily, getting more and more agitated.
“Silence,” Luna snapped, stamping a hoof. “What happened next?”
“When he was done telling me the dimensions, he started looking at decorations, which we of course supply plenty of.” Cool Whip made a high gesture, “You know, the little plastic stallion and mare you always see on wedding cakes.” Luna paused again. A thousand years ago, stallions paid dowries. Fancy cakes with figurines on top were not really a part of things. She fluttered her wings a moment to stretch them, losing a few feathers onto the throne in the process. She gestured that he continue. “Well, while I was making measurements for my supplies of coloring and flavoring, I saw he’d selected two stallion figures instead of a stallion and a mare. Which is completely ridiculous, as I’m sure you know?” it came out like a question expecting an answer.
Why that cheeky little bastard, thought Steel Wing. Forcing the Princess to comment on such a new and touchy subject as same-sex marriage was not only rude, but it was downright… downright... Ughhh! He didn’t even have a phrase for it!
The Princess saw Steel Wing give a mild shudder out of the corner of her eye. Frowning rather dangerously, the Princess of the night drew herself up. The cameras all zoomed in on her face as she spoke. “We would not assume to tell my little ponies who they may or may not fall in love with, Cool Whip. Love and marriage are not dictated by the diarchy, nor any of the powers under our hooves.”
“But it’s wrong!” Cool Whip said, red-faced. “And what they do is disgusting!”
“Thy opinion weighs little more than dust in this room, stallion.” Luna snapped. “The law crushes those that do not abide by it. Now continue with the facts, and merely the facts. Nothing more.” She snapped her wings out, threatening and dominant, before refolding them.
Cool Whip’s angry resolve cracked under the alicorn's and he cleared his throat a little nervously. “A-anyway, I told Mister Apple that my bakery would not be involved in making a wedding cake for he and… er…” he chose his words more carefully under Luna’s stern gaze, “For two stallions.” He said in a smaller voice.
“Sh-sh-shh.” Luna bade him without looking at him. “What next, Cool Whip?”
“He became belligerent and started shouting at me.” Cool Whip said, glaring over at him. “I had to stand there in front of all my coworkers and anypony that passed by our display window as he made a huge scene!”
“And then?”
“And then he said he was going to sue me and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.” Cool Whip said, shuffling the papers in front of him. “I have signed witness statements if y—”
“No.” Luna cut him off, shifting over to Breaburn. “Mister Apple, what do you say happened?”
“Well, Ah went to this shop in par-tik-oo-lar since mah fiancé had heard of it. And since, well, it’s gonna be our special day ah figured why not get the fancy cake from the fancy place he wanted, y’know?” Breaburn said. “Y’only get married once, y’know, may as well go all out.”
“How romantic,” Luna said in a neutral voice, nodding along with his words.
“Er, yes, thank you,” Breaburn blushed. “He takes real good care of me and—”
“The cake shop, Mister Apple. Skip forward to yon cake shop.” Luna bade him, trimming the fat of the story.
“Oh right. Uhm, well,” Breaburn paused to gather his thoughts. “My fiancé wanted a cake from this particular shop, since he’d seen it in a magazine ‘r somethin’. So, while he was home helpin’ with the weddin’ plans, I decided to come all the way to Canterlot from,” he braced and then flailed upright on his back legs, “A-aaaaa-puh-LOOZ-uh!”
Luna cocked her head. The audience giggled loudly. Did he do that every time he named his hometown? “Go on,” she bade.
“So Ah went and found this place, which took forever since Ah’m not real direction-savvy when Ah can’t see which way the sun’r’moon is goin’. Canterlot’s full of big buildings,” the country-stallion complained. Luna checked herself before she smirked just a little. Big buildings indeed! “So yeah, ah was late just like he says.”
“So that we agree on.” Luna said, checking them both for nods.
“But he was real nice, showed me this nice huge book full’a fancy cakes and so on,” Breaburn said, adjusting his hat. “And then ah got to go pick some figures for the top, like you see on all them wedding cakes, right?” he made a high gesture just as Cool Whip had done. “So ah got two stallions, one as me and one as mah fiancé, and he gets upset!” he made an angry gesture at the other stallion. “He says they don’t make weddin’ cakes for same sex couples! Ah’ve read company statutes! They ain’t allowed to do that!”
“Cool Whip, how many bakeries are in thy chain of stores?” Luna asked.
“Just the one, your Highness.” Cool Whip said. “It was my father’s, and his father’s before him.”
“A family business then. Admirable that it is doing so well.” Luna nodded. “Despite thy singular location, limited staff and resources thou art good enough to be widely renowned. That is no small feat.”
“They’re still anti-gay! That’s against the law, ain’t it?!” Breaburn complained loudly.
“The statutes you refer to do exist, yes, Mister Apple,” Luna said carefully.
“Hah!” Breaburn snarked at Cool Whip.
“However, those are for large chain companies. They often place those on their hiring slips to assure that they do not discriminate their employees for race, age, species, sexual orientation or religious background.” She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. “Mister Whip, who owns your establishment? Who signs the checks for the employees, decides what goes where, and so on?”
“I do, your Majesty.” Cool Whip said firmly. “I own the title, deed and the legacy that goes with it!” he stuck his chest out proudly.
“Very well.” Luna heaved a sigh that hinted that the case was nearly over. Shuffling the papers in front of her she straightened them and set them down again. “Mister Apple, we cannot under the authority of the law force Mister Whip to bake a wedding cake for you,” she said as Breaburn’s face fell. "If he were not the owner of the business thou may have had a case, but as he is, you do not."
“What?!”
“While he loses your bits and certainly a few customers with his decision, it is his decision to make. He owns the business, and is the top authority therein. To force him to perform a service with the business that he owns-- a private business, mind you-- is legally akin to slavery, which is illegal in Equestria we’re sure thou knows.” She gave Breaburn a sympathetic look. “Judgment is for the defendant.” She stamped her hoof to make it final.
Cool Whip turned on his hooves, walking smartly past the crest-fallen stallion and out of the courtroom. The audience murmured darkly at him. Luna turned her head and coughed fluidly, turning with a knowing frown towards the loser of the case. Then she retired to her private chambers behind the throne.
Breaburn stood there, ears down, his eyes brimming with tears. “T’ain’t right…” he mumbled. “T’ain’t right!” he bent forward, ducking his head so the cameras couldn’t see him cry. The audience murmured as they filed out for the night, and the camera guys started to shut things down and clean-up. “T’ain’t ri-hi-hi-hight…” he rubbed his foreleg across his muzzle. “Ah promised him a fancy cake from that fancy place… just for our weddin’… tain’t right…” his voice cracked and he fell silent, eyes closed as the tears slipped down his cheeks. “Ah promised…”
With the Princess gone, Lunar Stallions started filing out of the room as well. They had other duties to perform. Steel Wing stayed behind. Since Breaburn was still in the throne room, there had to be at least one guard present. The armored pony watched with a sympathetic frown as the hat-wearing stallion gathered his things and turned to trudge away. Then he was alone. The massive, high-ceiling’d room was rather intimidating when there was nopony in it. Like the ancient place was listening to everything that happened. Brr. Turning after he was sure he was alone, the guard mounted the dais and stood before the throne. Removing his helm, he set it next to himself in reverence to it.
There, in the seat of power, was a little hoof-full of dark feathers. Furrowing his brow, Steel Wing picked them up. Luna had only returned recently, but he’d been a guard for almost two decades. And in all the years he’d served Celestia as a solar guard, he’d never once seen her shed a feather. Not a single one.
Meanwhile, Breaburn emerged from the throne room, walked slowly down the hallowed halls of the palace and outside. Hanging his head when he emerged out into Canterlot, he sniffled loudly and rubbed the snot off his muzzle again. The one thing he’d promised to do for the wedding, and he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair! He trudged across the drawbridge and beyond the castle walls, stepping into Canterlot proper. He didn’t feel like stopping at an inn, how could he sleep now? Better to just get on the next train—*honk*.
The stallion stepped nose-first into somepony. He mumbled an apology, trying to step around her. The mare in front of him was sweaty, panting, and looked like she’d just run for miles to get there. His eyes trailed up her barrel. She had a leather bandoleer across herself, pouches stuffed with… cake mix? She had a sifting bowl on her head, a saddlebag stuffed with whisks and other instruments and an odd looking party-cart attached to her back by strong straps. “What’cha crying for, mister weepy pants?” It was a young and exhausted sounding voice.
“I… I uh…” Breaburn said, staring at her.
“We got a wedding cake to make!” she grabbed him up, threw him on her back then took off down the street like he and the cart weighed nothing. Breaburn clung on for dear life, holding his hat to his head. His ears perked and a goofy smile flashed across his face. Who the heck was this crazy mare?!
Rarity was wide-awake, well into the night. She’d been up designing dresses and had finished her order, but she was so thrilled with herself that she couldn’t sleep. One could not go from churning, full-pony-power forward to comatose in bed. She needed time to unwind. Stretching her aching limbs, she double-checked that her doors and windows were locked before heading into her living quarters upstairs. Hopping up onto her couch, she splayed herself out (in a very lady-like way, mind you) on her fainting couch.
Unbeknownst to everypony, Rarity was an avid TV watcher. She often found herself in front of it during the late nights she spent alone. Something about the glowing magic box and the stories it told just exhausted the poor unicorn. Who would’ve thought that ‘soap operas’ could be so entertaining? There was no singing involved, as she initially thought. Instead, they were tragic tales of love, loss, and simply devious plot-twists. Why, what other story could one name where a stallion could have a twin brother who had amnesia, who was also a doctor to deliver the foal of his ex-wife’s younger sister—only to fall in love with her under her stern father’s nose? It was simply heart-pounding! But still, it helped Rarity relax for some reason, in the evenings. She could barely move at all some nights after her shows were over. In fact, one scandalous morning she found herself lying flat on her back in the middle of the floor, pounding with a headache! She was thankful nopony had come across her looking like that, they would’ve gossiped all the way to Canterlot about it.
Reaching with her magic, Rarity ignited her horn to turn the television on and flip channels. But, there was no response. Huh. Sitting up a little despite her soreness, she cocked her head. “Is the power crystal bad already?” she groaned. “I swear, you eat them up like Spike does with gems!” Pulling herself upright with a toss of her mane, Rarity went to a decorative corner table and pulled the drawer open. Getting a small, board game-sized box out, she flipped the lid open. A small array of bright pinkish-purple power crystals greeted her. They’d come standard with the television itself, and the company always sent their customers more for free, but darn if they didn’t need changing every time you turned around!
Picking one up with her teeth, Rarity went to the side of her television and popped the little panel open. Reaching inside with her magic, she pulled out the old power crystal. Yep, it was as black as onyx. She shook her head a little as it came apart in the grip of her magic. The tiny motes drifted, seemingly of their own accord, out the window and into the night. Blowing the dust out of the insertion conduit, the unicorn leaned down with the fresh crystal and clicked it into place. Then she went back to her couch to settle. Flopping down with a relaxed sigh, Rarity lit her horn and flipped the TV on again. The clock struck midnight.
Dun dun dun duhhhhhn! Real cases. Real ponies. This—is Judge Luna.
Rarity paused. She’d not seen this show before. Hmm! Well, variety was the spice of life after all. She could catch a rerun of one of her soap operas another night. If Princess Luna had her own television show, surely it would be a good one. Smiling a bit, the pale mare decided to see just what her Princess was up to in the courtroom these days. The ladies at the spa would surely love to hear all about the alicorn’s exploits in the realms of law and justice!
The element of generosity laid her head down on the pillow of the fainting couch. She wouldn’t be awake for long. She’d only just turned the TV on, and she could already feel the light ache behind her eyes and in her horn. The power crystal panel on the side of the box hummed idly, bright and fresh.
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“All rise!” Steel Wing turned to bid the audience in the throne room. The ponies present did so as one. The show had been going on long enough, that they knew the drill by this point and there were no issues. “Her Majesty Princess Luna, presiding!” he gestured with a hoof.
Princess Luna walked slowly into the room, a midnight-blue cloak draped about herself. She looked ready to attend a funeral! A few ponies murmured as she went up the dais stairs. The light-blue of a normal pony’s tail flashed briefly under her cloak as she turned about. Settling with her garb about herself, covered from the withers down, Princess Luna sat upon the throne. She nodded once to Steel Wing.
The Lunar Stallion stared at her for a few long moments. What the heck was with the cloak-thing? It practically covered her up. She gave him a more stern expression and he jolted forward before she had to scold him. “Er… *ahem*… your Majesty,” he bowed before approaching and lowered his voice. “Are you alright? You look… odd.”
“Unlike our sister, we prefer to experience a range of personal fashion statements and designs,” Luna said a little snappily, turning her regal muzzle up and closing her eyes. She peeked at him with one eye to see if he’d bought that, then closed it again to continue looking regal. “Our case-file, soldier,” she said with a reaching hoof. Steel Wing looked hurt. She never called her Lunar Stallions by anything but name, individually. He’d only joined the night guard shortly before the show started and had been appointed the high honor but… being called plain-old ‘soldier’ kind of hurt. Seeming to catch herself, Luna gave an apologetic smile. “Steel Wing,” she amended, a little bashful.
Steel Wing gave a patient smile. Everypony had their off days and odd outfits, he supposed. Ah well. Clearing his throat a little, he double-checked his folder before giving it to her Majesty. “Your Highness this is case number 451208, in the matter of Rich versus Turner. Both parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready,” he bowed as he finished speaking and stepped away to take up his post. Steel Wing caught the eyes of a few Lunar Stallions as he did so. They seemed to have the same looks of concern as he did. Luna just looked weird in that cape… cloak… cowl… thing. Not that she needed to be naked all the time, it just looked strange compared to her usual silvery regalia.
“Introduce thyselves and thy vocations.” Luna commanded, looking down at the two mares before herself. There was a unicorn mare to her left, a unicorn mare to her right, and a stallion in a neck-cast to her right as well.
“I am Missus Daisy Buttercup Kansas Liberty Freemason Rich,” the mare on the left said over her half-moon glasses. She was an elderly thing with a grey bun on her head and horned spectacles. She had a tight-flank-librarian sort of look about her, and the lines along her cheeks and eyes told of a forgotten youth spent in stress of station. “I have no day job, as I am from a high pedigree that invests monies for the better future of Canterlot.” She said rather snootily. Old money then, Luna surmised as the middle-aged mare bowed deeply. Well, at least she knew her manners.
The mare to Luna’s right glared at her as she spoke, “I am Little Rich, Missus Rich’s daughter.”
“Why aren’t you over there with your mother?” Luna wanted to know.
“My coltfriend Timer Turner here can’t speak for himself, he’s still healing after what she DID to him,” she said nastily. Luna studied the mare. Yes, yes she could see the family resemblance. The same lemon-peach fur, the same striking green eyes. Her mane was lime green and reflected any light that touched it. A younger image of Miss Rich, to the letter. The Princess could see the fire of rebellion in her eyes, though, and waited to see what would happen.
“Come forward, stallion.” Luna gestured. The rather plain-looking young stallion sidled to his hooves from his bench to stand next to Little Rich. He was brown with dark-brown in his mane, and an hourglass was on his flank. He was an earth pony of no really interesting features. “Thou art Time Turner. What do you do for a living?” The stallion silently held up a little pouch. She gave a slight nod and he opened it to show her a pocket watch, an ankle watch, an alarm clock, and a clock meant to be mounted on a wall. All of which were missing a panel so he could show her the innards. “A clock-smith. Very precise work.” Luna hmm’d, nodding that she understood. “And you, Little Rich, what dost thou do for a living?”
“Nothing.” Miss Rich said. “Other than fool around with common stock!”
“Mother!” Little Rich squawked, red-faced.
“Why do we have the feeling Timer Turner’s loss of voice has to do with thee, Missus Rich?” Luna rubbed one of her temples in a sore way. She made a sharp gesture to one side. A Lunar Stallion jerked forward, putting out a few more candles. The room darkened a bit. He leaned to make sure that was enough. Poor Princess, those migranes were really getting to her these days…
“I can defend my property, thank you.” Miss Rich said rather snootily. Luna didn’t like her tone. “I went to Canterlot Law, I know perfectly well when I can become physical with somepony on my own property.”
“Is that so?” Luna said acidly. There was a certain ice to the Princess’ tone that said it was rhetorical. The old mare wasn’t about to put words into the mouth of royalty. “Let’s start from the beginning, then.” She made a gesture. “What is the relation here, other than mother and daughter?” she pointed to Time Turner, who turned his head and blushed.
“L… lovers, your Highness.” Little Rich managed, equally red in the face. “Time Turner and I started seeing each other after my mother hired him to do maintenance on the clocks in our family mansion.”
“Ah, a bit of an expert then, if thou art hired by such high society?” Luna offered humor to the mute stallion, but he could only nod weakly and offer a shy smile. There was a certain gentleness in his eyes that the night Princess liked. She could see in his face why Little Rich found him attractive. “And while thou were fixing clocks in the Rich mansion, thou came upon Little Rich and things went from there?”
“Yes.” Little Rich said, standing by her stallion and putting an arm around him.
“It’s improper!” barked Missus Rich. “Not only that, but it’s illegal as well!”
“Explain.” Luna furrowed her brow.
“It’s illegal for the customer of a high service to fraternize with the one they hire.” Miss Rich said. “That’s why doctors can’t date their patients and coaches do not date their players. It unethical!” she said firmly, stamping a hoof. “I won’t have my daughter running away with a clock-stallion that we hired!”
Luna thought for a time. “Thou means to tell me that Little Rich hired Time Turner, and not thee?” she said, pointing to the papers in front of the elderly mare. Steel Wing went to fetch them without even being asked. He brought them back to Luna, who fanned them out to see. “Let us see… there are sixteen months of appointments here, that’s quite a bit of maintenance wouldn’t you say?”
“Almost all of our clocks are heirlooms. Mechanical, and very old.” Miss Rich said with a rather proud smile. “They need skilled hooves to be kept in working order.”
“And Time Turner became said skilled hooves.” Luna eyed the appointments, the bills, and the amount of money changing hooves. “My my, quite a sum over the months. But with a service so specific we imagine it must be,” she flicked her eyes at Time Turner, who smiled despite himself. He was good at his job, sure, but a surgeon’s touch on an ancient clock didn’t come cheap. “And upon the seventeenth month, Missus Rich?” Luna enquired.
“I caught him with his hooves on my daughter in the backyard, under the hanging garden clock!” the old mare blurted, red in the cheeks. “It was a scandal!”
“Is this true?” Luna asked.
“We were kissing, is all!” Little Rich said defensively.
“Kissing doth not be illegal. There should be more of it, in our opinion.” Luna snarked just a little. A light chuckle rippled through the audience. She coughed for a few moments behind a hoof, leaning to one side. Straightening, she spoke again, “But please, let us address your woes,” the alicorn gestured. “Doctors may not date their patients because it is in their code of ethics. Coaches may not date their athletes because of employer-employee relations. Hiring a clock-smith is not the same.”
“We hired him! He shouldn’t be smoozing with my little filly!”
“No. Wrong.” Luna snapped. “You hired him, Missus Rich. You. Thine coin jingles in his pockets, not your daughter’s. Your name does not act as an umbrella for everypony involved in thy mansion.”
“It does!” argued Rich, stamping a hoof. “We’re of the Canterlot elite! We act as a house and we’re represented as a house.”
“A wise creature once told us, many centuries ago,” Luna quoted, “’A house divided against itself cannot stand.’ We can see that you and yours are well on your way to such a thing. We tell you once more, whether thou hath studied law or not, that what thou speakest of does not apply here, my little pony.”
“Well that’s just your opinion.” muttered Miss Rich, just loud enough to be heard as she looked away. Hush fell over the throne room. Luna looked up from the papers in front of her, eyes widened. Time Turner went as pale as a sheet. Every Lunar Stallion in the room wondered if the Princess might blast the mare into oblivion on the spot.
“…From what school does your law knowledge hail?” Luna whispered, wings quivering under her cloak.
“I-I-I studied at the Canterlot Academy of Law, your Majesty,” Missus Rich was backpedalling hard as she spoke, bowing deeply once more. Then again. Then a third time. But it was far too late for that.
Luna drew herself up, and each night guard in the room tensed. That was the posture she took for---! “AND SUCH A KNOWLEDGE IT IS, TO PROCLAIM THYSELF A BETTER AUTHORITY OF LAW THAN US!” the table in front of Missus Rich crumpled itself into a ball like it was made of tin foil, taking all her papers with it. Wood… shouldn’t have been able to do that. There wasn’t a single splinter, it just collapsed like a dying star. “WE ART THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD, AND WEAR THE CROWN OF THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY IN EQUESTRIA!” Luna stood from the throne, a small pile of feathers falling out of her cloak. “AND THOU *DARES* COME BEFORE ME TO QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT AND SAY ‘THAT IS YOUR OPINION’?!” tiles on the floor began to crack and float upward. They stopped anywhere from a few inches to a few feet off the ground. The throne room shuddered and the audience hung on for dear life, a few ponies shrieking in fear as they rushed for the door. Missus Rich cowered. Time Turner fell to his knees, holding his wrapped neck as Little Rich pressed fearfully up against him. “WE CRAFTED THE VERY HEAVENS YOU LOOK UPON IN OUR HOOVES! DOST THOU QUESTION THE DIVINE AUTHORITY OF THY PRINCESS IN HER OWN THRONEROOM?! DOST THOU QUESTION THE HIGHEST LAW ENFORCEMENT OF EQUESTRIA?!”
“I-I-I-I’m s-s-s-sorry!” Missus Rich sank to her belly, hiding her head under her front legs.
Luna suddenly coughed hard, very hard. Steel Wing turned to rush up the throne to her, but she bade him to stop with a hoof. The cameras stayed on the Princess as she took the time to recover herself. The ponies in the audience were frazzled, slowly making their way back to their seats. Huffing and puffing with exhaustion, Luna stamped a hoof a few times until there was absolute quiet. “What did she do to him?” she turned her searing gaze to Little Rich, who turned sideways to hide Time Turner behind herself. “Thy mother, what did she do to Time Turner when she caught thee kissing?”
“Sh-she told him to stay away from me, and a few days later when he didn’t… sh-she shot him with her horn. In the neck.” Little Rich said, shuddering. “The burnt skin, it… it smelled awful! I thought she’d killed him! That’s why he can’t talk right now.” She gestured to the white cast around Time Turner’s neck.
The dark alicorn took a closer look at Time Turner, who was peeking out from behind his marefriend. The poor stallion was shaking like a leaf. She could see from where she was that it wasn’t a neck cast, but a neck wrap. He’d been burned by an arcane bolt of magic from a unicorn horn. That didn’t burn like fire— that seared through the nerves and out the other side. His vocal chords must’ve been hit directly. Healing magic was not surgical enough to fix that. He would be mute for weeks, eating cold food to soothe the internal burns. He was lucky he hadn’t gotten hit in the face. Luna seated herself upon her haunches, coming down from her furious high. “Judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of five thousand bits,” she whispered. “That is all. Goodbye!” She stamped a hoof with authority.
Little Rich turned and kissed her stallion passionately. He whimpered and she quickly broke the kiss. His neck hurt him, so she kissed his cheek instead. The brown stallion smiled bashfully, leaning into her and careful of his wrappings. “Five thousand bits, sweetie!” she whispered. “That’s enough to pay all your hospital bills! And we won’t starve while I look for work in Ponyville!”
Time Turner nodded, looking gratefully up at Princess Luna. The alicorn had already vacated her throne, coughing heavily and moving towards her chambers to be out of sight. The camera crews started to shut down their things, taking their dull power crystals out of their cameras and coiling up their chords. What a heated case this had been! The ratings would be through the roof after a charged episode like this!
Missus Rich slowly toddled away, her whole body shaking. The Royal Canterlot Voice had not been focused with anger on a single pony in centuries. She could barely walk, and her mane was sticking out in all directions. Rattled, she escaped through the double doors of the throne room and to the nearest mare’s restroom. It had taken all her high-borne willpower not to pee herself in the courtroom.
Steel Wing was wandering the throne room, a few hours before that evening’s Judge Luna was to be filmed. The majestic hall was quiet as the grave and as oppressive as an old temple. Ruffling his wings a few times, he made triple-sure he was by alone. Checking that his armor didn’t clank too loudly, he went to the little sectioned off area where the cameras stood. Leaning up into one of the raised chairs, he seated himself and fiddled with one of them.
The back panel of the camera popped open, revealing the hollow inside. The tapes had been taken out of course, but the rest of the mechanics of the camera itself was still there. Perking his ears, he peered inside. The power crystal hummed idly, and he reached to pluck it out. Holding it in his hoof, he squinted. It was an ashy sort of grey, cracked and used-looking. Not quite dead, but far from its prime.
The soldier scratched the back of his neck, scowling. Luna had not started becoming ill until all this TV business had started. Being a Lunar Stallion, he’d of course decided to investigate. Leaning to one side and flipping the lid from a little box, he found an array of new power crystals lying in plush velvet. Awfully fancy for technical equipment, but they were pretty brittle.
Steel Wing winced when the crystal came apart in his hoof. He must’ve been holding it too hard. It burst into tiny little motes, disappearing into the air as he watched. Looking quickly around, he grabbed a brand new crystal and shoved it in the slot. It clicked into place, humming idly. Reaching back and forth, he fiddled with all the knobs and dials for a while, leaning around the camera and looking at the throne. A little red light flicked on, and he leaned to see. A tiny red spot had appeared on the back of the seat of power. Ah, that must’ve been a tracking light, so the camera pony would know exactly where the camera was pointed.
The Lunar Stallion turned it off with a frown, looking around himself. Hopping down from the raised seat, he gave the whole set-up another once over. Turning his ears back, he put a hoof on another camera, as though expecting it to be hot, or magical, with no pony operating it. The other Lunar Stallions were very concerned, they’d only known their princess for a couple of years, and they’d never seen a sickly alicorn before. Rumors were flying about, ponies talking about growth-spurts, plagues, wasting sicknesses and the like. Nopony had thought to connect her majesty’s sickness with the camera crew and all this television business though. Steel Wing turned back to look up at the throne, frown deepening even more. It couldn’t be much more than a hunch, but that was all that had changed in recent memory. He scratched himself nervously. TV was new to Equestria… but it was having adverse effects on the Princess, he knew.
=-=-=-=
Luna sat at her vanity, leaning on steepled hooves. Her eyes looked rather baggy, and the cloak strewn about herself covered her from the neck down. Her mane, once flowing with stars and the shimmers of the cosmos, had turned dull and pasty-blue. She looked like she had when she’d been freshly freed from Nightmare Moon’s influence. Small. Weak. Snuffing another candle so she was in near darkness, she gave a start when there was a firm tapping on her bedroom door.
“Just one hour till showtime, Princess!” A mare called. “Hope you’re all set!”
“Verily,” Luna called back, over her shoulder. She lifted the flap of her robes, revealing the slight lines of ribs emerging on her barrel and breast. She looked positively ragged. The dark alicorn heaved a sigh, feeling heavy and ill. Leaning forward, she rested her forehead on her ankles and moaned slightly.
The door opened. “Princess?” A Lunar Stallion said, sticking his head in the door. Luna grunted that she’d heard him. “Are you alright? Should I send for a doctor?” he sounded rather eager when he’d said that.
“Send for my sister instead.” Luna bade him. “We are clearly not well.” She saw the stallion smile at her command, nodding and turning.
“Aegis Shield.” The guard turned to a scrappy, long-legged colt sitting on a bench nearby. The squire leaped upright, wide-eyed and dancing on his hooves. “Go and fetch Princess Celestia, by order of her Majesty.” The guard said. The colt took off like a shot, his trainee bandanna flapping around his withers.
It was less than half an hour later when the daytime Princess came sweeping into the hall. Her mane was a little matted on one side, saying she’d been roused from bed. But, she was not one to deny her twin’s call. Celestia nodded to the guards as she walked past them, pushing the door open with her nose and entering.
“Luna?” Celestia whispered at the dark. The door shut behind her, and the white alicorn lit her horn to see better.
“Not so bright!” Luna rasped, rising from her vanity stool and shielding herself with a thinly-feathered wing. Celestia gasped, eyes widening. She lowered the light in her horn, coming close and rubbing her muzzle along Luna’s body. She looked awful! “I’m ill, sister, very ill…” Luna grumbled.
“What’s happened to you?” Celestia whispered, letting the velvet of her nose explore what her eyes could not see in the dark. Her younger sister whimpered a little, leaning into her.
Luna was missing a lot of feathers, her fur had lost its sheen, and her ethereal mane was just gone. A mortal mane and a rather sweat-smelling pelt replaced her normally radiant body. She looked like she was wasting away. The quiver in her long legs was telling, and the solar alicorn quickly took her to the bedside. “I’ve been feeling worse and worse these past weeks.”
“We must get you to bed, I’ll send for a doctor.” Celestia turned, flipping the covers back and pulling the sheets with her magic. Luna squeezed her eyes shut against the light, turning her head. The sun princess eased her sister down into the bed and pulled the covers up around her.
“We art ill, Tia, not dying,” Luna grumped a little, before breaking into a fit of coughing. Groaning, she turned on her side as he wings stuck out at odd angles. Horrifically, another feather simply broke off as she did so. Celestia winced, tucking her in more firmly so she wouldn’t twist and hurt her poor wings any further. “My court this night…” Luna breathed, looking up at her sister.
“Your court can wait, Lulu…” Celestia leaned to nuzzle her tenderly. She flicked a signal on the other side of the palace with alicorn magic. Doctors and nurses on call whipped into a frenzy, igniting their mobile hospital and rolling it down the halls of the palace to Luna’s bedroom.
“My little ponies,” Luna said, looking up at her weakly, “I can’t let them down, Tia, I can’t.” she lost her royal ‘we’ in her moment of weakness. Celestia continued to nuzzle her cheek and withers, closing her eyes as her eyebrows bunched together with worry.
“If… if I stand in your stead tonight, will you promise to stay in bed?” the white alicorn finally offered, trying to soothe her. Luna looked up at her as though measuring if she were telling the truth or not, then finally nodded. Celestia let out a relieved sigh as her sibling finally surrendered to relax and quiet herself.
The firm knocking on the door said the doctors had arrived. Celestia turned to let them in. She found the fanged Lunar Stallions sniffing them, patting them down, and intimidating them with their open bat-like wings. “Let them in.” Celestia said soothingly. The Lunar Stallions looked at one another, not sure if they should obey Celestia.
“Do it.” A deep voice floated over the crowd of ponies, and a few of them turned. Steel Wing, her Majesty Princess Luna’s bailiff, was walking down the hall. “She’s your Princess as much as Luna, why’re you hesitating?” he said sternly. The Lunar Stallions almost fell over themselves to obey. “Your Majesty, I apologize,” Steel Wing bowed and spread his wings upon the floor, submissive to the crown. “Princess Luna has been getting sicker and sicker, and it’s got everypony on edge.”
“All is forgiven. It is not every day an alicorn takes ill,” Celestia said gently. Her tone eased the tension in the room, just as it always did. The doctors and trio of nurses made their way into Luna’s bedroom, into the dark. After a time, Celestia heard her sister squawk when a light was shined on her so they could have a better look. “Soldier, I’ve promised to sit in Luna’s stead this night for the Midnight Court. Can you make preparations?”
“Uh?” Steel Wing looked caught off guard. “Er, yes. Yes of course your Majesty. I’ll inform the Lunar Stallion corps.”
“Won’t my guards suffice?” Celestia cocked her head a little.
“No solar guard has ever set hoof in the midnight court, begging your Majesty’s pardon.” Steel Wing said, a little miffed. “We’re just as effective, I assure you.” He bowed again, saluted, turned, and was away. “’Sides, your guards are all asleep this time of night,” he chuckled.
Celestia’s muzzle wrinkled in mild disapproval at his casual-speak to her. Perhaps Luna was a little lax in her discipline with her soldiers? Hrm, well—it was of no matter. It was just for tonight. Luna had promised just the one night, so if she was sick for a week, the Midnight Court would sit empty. Easy enough.
=-=-=-= Later that night… =-=-=-=
Dun dun dun duhhhhhhn! Real cases. Real ponies. This—is Judge Luna.
The music startled the solar diarch, making her look around a bit. The cameras turned, swiveling about and focusing in on the milky-furred creature. The audience murmured back and forth in confusion. The show was called ‘Judge Luna’, shouldn’t Princess Luna be up there being the judge? Ponies were exchanging curious looks, swapping rumors and scratching their chins.
Celestia sat on the throne in the dead of night, surrounded by candles and starlight and nervous Lunar Stallions. There was a good deal of tension in the room, seeing the white alicorn upon the obsidian seat instead of Luna. They didn’t like it, they didn’t like it at all. But, word had spread quickly that her Majesty was ill, and her sister had agreed to sit in for the Midnight Court.
A camera pony stage-whispered to Celestia from afar, drawing her eye, “We’re recording live in three, two…” he made a gesture and the red lights turned on. The white alicorn flinched a little, like she’d been struck. She’d not really paid much attention to the advent of television. Running a nation kept her busy, so she’d never had time for such things. Luna had delved into the TV world to gain public exposure so their little ponies would not fear her anymore. So, it was not surprising that Celestia’s first broadcasted words to the ponies watching all across the nation was, “Uhm…” There was an awkward silence, and somepony in the audience coughed.
Steel Wing saw Celestia’s plight and quickly wheeled around, folder under his arm. “Psst, tell them why you’re here,” he whispered.
“Oh? Of course,” Celestia cleared her throat. “I know you are all expecting my sister Luna, but she has taken ill tonight so I am sitting in her stead. I’m not used to the cameras and such, but I assure you all everything will be fine.” She offered her normal motherly smile, and the audience finally seemed to settle itself.
The Lunar Stallions posted near every column in the room eyeballed Celestia. It wasn’t that they didn’t like her, not at all. It just made them nervous to see anypony other than Luna on the black throne. It was like spying a sunflower in the darkest of abysmal caves— unsettling. But, they steeled themselves and assumed their normal posts to protect the Princess for the evening.
Steel Wing smiled, nodding his confidence to the white alicorn. Coming closer, he lowered his voice for privacy as the Midnight Court began. “*ahem*… Your Majesty, this is case number 1221141 in the matter of Mare versus Hooves. Parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready.” Celestia took the folder carefully, scanning the contents.
A mare from Ponyville was suing another mare from the same town. Hrm. The white alicorn looked up— then squinted into shadow. “Forgive me,” Celestia smiled a little bashfully. “I cannot conduct law in such darkness,” she turned idly, looking for a torch or something to light. Then, her eyebrows went up and she looked over her shoulder and out the grand window behind the throne. “Oh dear! My sister didn’t raise the moon!” she said. “She’s sick. I’ll do it, one moment…” Celestia closed her eyes and hunched a little, furrowing her brow in concentration. The moon was normally at its apex by that time of night, but it would be no big deal for the white alicorn to pull it into the sky.
The audience murmured with interest. Nopony had seen Princess Celestia raise the moon before. The sun, sure, but not the moon. (She’d always been very private about it during Luna’s banishment) The camera ponies gestured harshly to each other, zooming in and framing the Princess just right. Ponies would wanna see this, what a way to start an episode!
Celestia’s bountiful wings rose and she reared up on her hind legs, lifting her front hooves high. Her horn hummed, flaring with a powerful white light. The unicorns in the room shuddered, feeling her god-like magic wash over their senses. The silvery lip of the moon crested over the horizon, white and pure and… what was that noise?
The smell of burning plastic and a peculiar buzzing filled the air. The audience turned their heads, for the normally silent camera crew were hunching over their equipment in confusion. Pop! Crackle! Pop-pop-pop-pop---sssssssssizzle---
Ka-booooom!
Every camera and recording device in the room suddenly went haywire and blew out their back panels, knocking over a dozen ponies out of their high seats. Black ash filled the air and screaming ponies flailed about, holding their burned faces. Celestia froze, looking down just in time to see Steel Wing leap at her bodily. She yelped as she was tackled out of the throne and he kicked it onto its side, turning it into a shield.
Lunar Stallions leapt out of every corner, out of every shadow, dog-piling on the entire camera crew section. Hooves and sharp teeth and armor crashed back and forth as the whole room went into a frenzy of wild shouting and wrestling. “Stay down, Princess!” Steel Wing roared over the fray, covering her body with his own. After thirty heart-pounding seconds of battle, an inky calm settled over the throne room. Steel Wing peeked over the lip of the overturned throne.
Celestia lay still, ears perked. “What happened?” she whispered.
“Clear!” called one of the Lunar Stallions. Each of the camera crew ponies was laid out on his or her back, knocked out. They were covered with bite marks from the savage fangs of the Lunar Stallion Corps. The cameras and equipment had been smashed to little bitty pieces. The normally pristine-white marble floor was black with an ashy-grey substance. Bits of wood and twisted metal pieces lay in a wide-radius around them all. The grey ash refused to settle, but instead floated up and around the room like so much cloud. A few of them flapped their wings to herd the stuff out the windows before somepony breathed in something bad. “Area secured,” said the same soldier, saluting Steel Wing from where he stood.
Steel Wing nodded slowly, helping Celestia to her hooves. “It seems as though there was some sort of… eh, malfunction, your Highness,” he said.
“Is everypony alright?” Celestia peered out over the crowd to make sure nopony had been hit with shrapnel or something else of the sort. Everypony seemed okay. She breathed a sigh of relief, turning and lighting her horn to set the obsidian throne upright again. Luna would kill her if her black seat was scratched, or worse, broken. It seemed intact as well.
Steel Wing peered down over the mess. “Captain! Haul all of those ponies in for questioning. If there is even a slight hint of foul play, I want them all arrested and tried for treason!” he commanded.
“Yessir!” one of the more decorated Lunar Stallions bobbed his head. The Lunar Corps began gathering up their unconscious prisoners, sweeping the camera debris to one side, and bearing them out on pony-back.
Steel Wing wheeled back around, “Are you sure you’re alright, your Majesty?” he eyed her up and down as though she might have been caught in the explosion.
Celestia had a light sheen of sweat on her shoulders and haunches, as though she’d been running for ages. “Just… a little out of breath,” she panted. “Like I raised the moon three times instead of once,” she chuckled. “I’m just fine, I assure you.” She patted his shoulder, making the guard smile a little. The white alicorn suddenly remembered she had an audience, and a court case to listen to. “Ah… a short recess, my little ponies. Ten minutes, and I will return to hear your case.” She offered her most winning, if winded, smile and turned to exit towards the judge’s private chambers behind the throne.
A grey, wall-eyed mare was standing behind the defense table and looking around wildly. She’d not moved from where she stood during all that chaos, so she knew it hadn’t been her fault. “I just don’t know what went wrong…” she mumbled, her muzzle wrinkling in confusion.
Princess Luna awoke to a light knocking on her door. Turning tiredly, she gave a sort of croaking sound. The door opened and a stallion slipped inside. “Princess,” he whispered to the darkness, taking off his helmet and setting it on the floor near the door. The door closed behind him, shutting out the wretched light that hurt Luna’s eyes. “It’s me, Steel Wing,” he said, kneeling by the bedside and spreading his wings on the floor.
Luna lifted her head from the pillow, smiling tiredly. “Ah, hullo,” she said softly. “How are things? Did the midnight court go well?”
“It did, but that was last Thursday, your Highness,” Steel Wing furrowed his brow. “You’ve been sleeping for some time, ‘round the clock.”
“I have?!” blurted Luna, sitting up sharply. A pain rose in her head and she gave a feminine squawk of pain, holding her temples.
“Whoa-whoa-whoa, easy,” Steel Wing leaned up, wings closing as he eased her back down, “I’m no doctor, but I think you should stay in bed.”
“What’s happened?” Luna said as he fluffed a pillow for her. She turned on her side to look up at him. “Did my sister sit in for me in the Midnight Court? Did it go well?”
“Er… well, it went as well as expected,” Steel Wing lied. He didn’t want to worry his poor Princess while she was lying sick in bed.
“Thou has a bump on your head,” Luna commented, pointing at him with a shaky hoof. “Did something happen?”
Steel Wing gave a start, crossing his eyes and looking upward. There was a mild protrusion, square in the center of his forehead. “It doesn’t hurt,” he said, backing up a bit so she wouldn’t stare at him like that. He regretted taking off his helmet in front of her, but it was protocol. “There was a problem with the camera crew while Princess Celestia was sitting in for you, is all.”
“What happened?” Luna pressed, growing annoyed at his answer-dodging.
“Princess Celestia raised the moon, and the presence of so much magic shorted out the cameras. They exploded like fireworks and… well…” he smiled a little bashfully.
“My Lunar Stallions responded in kind,” Luna smirked just a little, “And with thou acting as bailiff, you must’ve tackled Tia right off the throne!” she made an o-shape with her mouth, then broke into giggles. Steel Wing blushed, looking to one side. “We wish we had seen such a thing… what’s this in my nose?” she crossed her eyes, finding a plastic line shoved into her nostrils. How had she not seen that before?
“That’s to help you breathe, Princess. You’ve been very sick, remember,” Steel Wing tried to soothe her. Settling onto his belly by the bedside, he offered her his most comforting smile. His armor clanked, pinching him in bad places, but he didn’t care. Recovering his helm after a few minutes, he answered all of the Princess’ questions until she was up to speed. Over an hour and a half passed.
Finally, the dark alicorn was satisfied and slowly sat up. She had better results this time, though she made sure to keep her blankets draped around herself.“I’m hungry,” Luna complained. “If I’ve not eaten for days, I should at least make my consciousness known.”
“I’ll send for a food trolly,” Steel Wing nodded dutifully, rising. The dark alicorn nodded once, but cocked her head when he paused. “Princess are you… are you shorter?” he gawked a little.
Luna blinked at him, then gave a start. Her mane had changed to its pastel-blue shape. No wonder her head was so heavy. It made her look much smaller. “Fetch us a small light,” she snapped, gesturing to the vanity nearby. “Quickly.”
Steel Wing wheeled around and returned with a lit candle and a hoof-mirror. When the light passed over his Princess’ features, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open a little. “What’s happened to you?” he whispered in awe.
Luna had reverted to her mortal, non-ethereal form. She was half her normal stature, and her mane and tail looked like a normal pony’s. While alicorns were far from the gods some ponies thought they were, the poor thing looked positively mortal. She gaped at herself in horror. She looked like she had when she’d been freed from Nightmare Moon’s influence. A sort of… sort of… teenage alicorn form!
“S-so… uhm…” Steel Wing fished for words, his gaze going up and down her several times. “Food trolly, right?” his ettiquite had vanished in his shock.
Luna was touching her face with a hoof, still wide-eyed at her image. “Food trolly, yes,” she whispered. “I shall need to recover my strength.” She set the mirror down, but didn’t rise from the bed. “We must have calories to burn, and vitamins to absorb.” She nodded firmly. “I have a court to attend.”
“Your Highness, that’s completely out of the—!” Steel Wing tried.
“Thou are my bailiff and my guard, not my nanny. Do as we command.” Luna said grouchily, glaring him down. He bowed his head, submissive to the crown as always. “Nothing will keep me from performing my duties, not even this embarrassment.” She threw back the sheets as Steel Wing retreated to the hall to do her bidding.
Turning, the bailiff seized one of the two Lunar Stallions standing guard at the Princess’ bedroom door. “This door doesn’t open. She doesn’t come out, and nopony goes in-- unless that pony happens to have a sun on her ass. Understood?” he scowled.
“Yessir!” the stallion barked, standing at attention and saluting.
“I’ll be sending two more to help you two stand guard here. A food trolly as well,” Steel Wing said over his shoulder. The Princess was getting weaker and weaker. Everypony would be on edge. Her Majesty’s safety was paramount in her time of need.
=-=-=-=
“All rise!” Steel Wing said to the ponies gathered in the throne room. Everypony stood as commanded. He liked that. He’d finally whipped them into shape, and now new ponies coming in new what to do too. The show had been going on long enough, they’d come to expect to stand when he said so.
Princess Luna, in all her half-sized glory, stepped into the room. She wore a long black cape about herself to hide her starkly showing ribs and frazzled fur. She’d done everything she could to restore her face and to have some ghost of her former radiance, but it only worked partially. She looked like a teenage filly with her mane pulled back in a ponytail, with a slightly shorter muzzle and her daintier crown perched on her head. Everypony could still tell it was Luna, but she just looked so odd! The audience murmured in confusion and mild fear, until the alicorn seated herself and turned her nose up regally. She nodded once.
“You may be seated!” Steel Wing made a motion so everypony could sit. They did, and he glared them into silence while they gestured at Luna with cocked eyebrows and frowns. Turning, the Lunar Stallion walked up the dais with his usual folder. He eyed the cameras, all pointed at her majesty like slender black cannons. They were making her weak, and he knew it. “Everything okay, your Highness?” he asked in a worried whisper when he was close enough.
“Yes, o-of course.” Luna leaned back in the throne, something she’d never done before, to prop herself up. Letting her cloak cover her like a blanket, she rested there for a time to heave a few labored breaths. “There’s just so many stairs up to this silly chair…” she complained at a mumble. Cocking her head and summoning up her incredible alicorn willpower, she reached for the case folder.
“Yuh…. Yes, of course,” Steel Wing said, his eyebrows drawing together with worry. “Your Majesty, this is case number 00495 in the matter of Dash versus the Equestrian Hoofball League. Parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready…” he let his sentence hang, like he wanted to say more. The poor alicorn was in a sorry state from her normal god-like radiance. She was just so stubborn! It drove every Lunar Stallion in the room mad that she was pushing herself like this despite her health. But when she set her mind to something… well…
Luna looked down, finding that she recognized two of the three ponies before her. On the left was a stallion with a referee’s whistle and stripes on his flank. On her right? None other than Rainbow Dash and a little orange filly with a purple mane. The cyan mare waved enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear. Luna cocked her head with a frown, wondering what had brought the element of loyalty to her courtroom. Looking down, she scanned the contents of the folder she’d been given. “Names and vocations, please.” she said to them all.
“Name’s Rainbow Dash!” the prism-maned mare stuck her chest out and flared her wings in an impressive athletic display when the cameras swiveled towards her. “I’m a Ponyville weatherpony, future member of the Wonderbolts!” she said, grinning.
“Current vocation.” Luna said a little snappishly. Rainbow Dash wilted. “Who is thy little follower?” she paused, turning to Steel Wing. “We feel as though we see far too many foals in this court.” She grumbled a bit.
“Oh, this is Scootaloo. I’m here to uh…” Rainbow Dash looked down at the paper in front of her, which was covered with loopy purple hoof-writing. She squinted and read in a robotic voice, “Represent a minor, as she is under the age of seniority and cannot represent herself in the court of law.”
“Fair enough,” Luna nodded, turning to look at Scootaloo. “Hullo Scootaloo, I am Princess Luna.”
“I met you on Nightmare Night!” Scootaloo’s tiny little wings buzzed, lifting her front half off the ground. “You were lots of fun!”
“Awwww--!” went the audience.
Luna chuckled a little, “Ah yes, forgive me. That night was long ago, I shall try to visit Ponyville again this Nightmare Night.” She smiled at the innocent little filly, who was bouncing on her hoofie-tips with excitement.
“You’re on!” Scootaloo chirped excitedly.
“And you sir? Name and vocation?” Luna turned to look at the defense, at the other table.
“I’m Close Call, your highness. I’m a hoofball referee for the minor and casual league players around Ponyville. I also act as the contest coordinator when we have them.” He was a clean-shaven, upright looking sort of stallion. He had a very masculine smile and a rather attractive jawline that made more than a few mares in the audience giggle with delight. Well, that and he had a very nice flank.
“So tell me then, Rainbow Dash,” Luna turned back to the cyan mare and the filly, “Why thou have brought a child to the midnight court, way past her bedtime, and in a town that is not her own?”
“We’re lookin’ for justice, Princess!” Rainbow said enthusiastically. “And we’re not gonna let some sexist organization get in our way!”
“Sexist?” Luna cocked her head. “In what way?”
“Scootaloo here--!”
“Stop,” Luna interrupted. “I will hear it from the filly’s mouth. If we are to talk about something that happened to Scootaloo, I shall hear it from Scootaloo.” The alicorn turned, offering a kind, if somewhat tired smile to the little orange filly. “Tell us what happened, little one.” She bade. Rainbow Dash grumbled a little. She'd just opened her mouth and now she was told to shut up? Lame...
“W-well,” Scootaloo blushed, her wings buzzing on her back when she was suddenly the center of attention. The cameras zoomed in on her while the audience looked on. “I won a contest that the Equestrian Hoofball League was having, and then they wouldn’t give me the prize!” her cute little muzzle wrinkled in anger, cheeks puffing out a bit. “All ‘cuz I’mma filly and not a colt!”
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Luna said to the foal, cocking her head. “Why would they do that?”
“I dunno!” squeaked the filly, her voice cracking in her distress. “It isn’t fair!”
“Of what contest is she speaking?” Luna asked Rainbow Dash.
“This one here.” Rainbow lifted off with such high speed that it startled every guard in the room. She rocketed towards the throne to give Luna something, but was suddenly stopped by a rock-hard barrier that was a Lunar Stallion.
Steel Wing no-sell’d her speed, jerking her to an utter halt halfway between her table and the throne. “Whoa-whoa-whoa there, missy. You just give me that and stay behind the table,” he said sternly. He’d not even had to take off from the ground to catch the flying mare. He’d just leapt from the stairs and let his sheer weight, armor and all, drag her back down to earth.
“Oop, sorry,” Rainbow smiled at the bulky stallion apologetically. “I just got excited.”
“Well you be excited behind the table there, thank you,” Steel Wing took her piece of paper, herding her back behind the plaintiff’s table. Turning about, he reported up the stairs to her Majesty with Rainbow Dash’s evidence. The mare huffed, rolling her eyes. Spoilsport.
“Thank thee,” Luna said in a reedy voice. Cocking her head, she studied the paper. It was a contest flyer for anypony under the age of fifteen to be a ball-colt for three games for a major league hoofball team. “Quite the prize!” Luna observed, smiling at Scootaloo. To win the contest, all you had to do was write a letter explaining why the Equestrian Hoofball League should pick you. It had to be hoof-written, with no help from your parents. Those were the only guidelines. At the bottom, it gave an address to send said letter, and a due date for all the contest entries. “Seems simple enough,” Luna nodded, setting the page aside. “And did you bring your letter with you today, Scootaloo?” the Princess asked. The filly nodded, smiling a little bashfully. “May I see it?” Scootaloo looked a little fearfully at Steel Wing, who started down the stairs at her. He was a big, intimidating thing in all the armor, from a filly’s perspective. “Don’t mind his teeth, he doesn’t bite little fillies,” Luna said, drawing a chuckle from the audience.
Scootaloo was very careful to stay behind the table on her box, hoofing the letter over to the Lunar Stallion. Steel Wing leaned and kissed her hoof sweetly, and Scootaloo cackled with girlish delight. The audience snickered with delight until he showed them his teeth. Lunar Stallions had pointed teeth to scare their enemies. Their magic armor made their chompers triangle-shaped. Hush fell over the audience while Scootaloo giggled.
Luna nodded to her guard when she received the letter. It was written on a foal’s school notebook paper in messy red crayon. The Princess studied the letter closely, reading it to herself. “Hrm…”
Dear Equestrian Hoofball League, I wanna enter your contest to be your ball-colt. I am twelve years old, and I’m supposed to tell you why I should win your contest. Well, my whole life ponies have been telling me I couldn’t do stuff. There’s a bully at school that says I’ll never fly since my wings are stunted. And I don’t get to go to parents night at school since I don’t got any parents either. I don’t even have my cutie mark yet, so whenever I try new things there’s somepony telling me I can’t do something when I fail. I wanna prove them wrong. Before I sent this letter, I told everypony I know I was gonna win this contest. I wanna show them that yes I can! ~Scootaloo, from Ponyville Foster Home #2
Princess Luna’s expression softened. “A wonderfully-written letter, little one,” she said in a somber way. Scootaloo smiled bashfully, nodding and buzzing her little wings again. Rainbow Dash smiled encouragingly. “So what happened next?”
“I got a letter back a few weeks later,” Scootaloo said, “I’d forgotten all about it!” she giggled. “But it was super cool! It was on thick, fancy paper and everything!” Rainbow Dash passed her the letter as she was speaking, and Steel Wing went to get that as well.
“Hmm!” Luna smiled, delighted at the foal’s energy. She received the letter from her guard.
To Scootaloo: You’re right, Scootaloo! That is an excellent reason to be our ball-colt! We’ll show all those neigh-sayers! Have your guardian sign the attached slip, and we’ll come by to pick you up on the date below. Congratulations, you’re going to be the ball-colt for the Cloudsdale Cloudblasters! ~Close Call, Equestrian Hoofball League Contest Coordinator
Luna nodded along, then put it down. “Then what happened?” she asked gently, pushing the paper aside from herself. She stopped to cough for a few moments, excused herself, then looked at the filly intently.
“They came to my foster home, and when they found out I wasn’t a colt they went away without me!” Scootaloo squawked, dancing around on her little box that helped her see over the table. “They said they wanted a ball-colt, and not a ball-filly!” she said, very upset.
“I see,” Luna scratched her chin. “Is that right?” she looked over at Close Call.
Close Call nodded a bit, “We weren’t tryin’ to be mean to the kid or anything, our contest was just worded around a colt winning. We’ve never had a filly win, and we’ve been running this contest every year for over sixty years!”
“And what oversight brought you to choose a filly this time?” Luna wanted to know.
“Sheer chance, I think,” Close Call admitted, looking to one side. “It’s hard to tell a pony’s gender by their name, sometimes. I mean, if you saw ‘Close Call’ on a piece of paper, I guess you couldn’t tell if I was a mare or a stallion.” He chuckled a little nervously at his own joke. There was a ripple of laughter in the audience.
“But for sixty some-odd years your contest has always chosen colts,” Luna nodded along with his reasoning. “Fair enough, but is that built into the contest itself?”
“Well, we don’t have any rules against a filly winning,” Close Call said hesitantly, “But all the contest rules and regulations say ‘colt’ and ‘he’ and ‘him.’” The stallion scratched the back of his head. “Legally speaking, we would be completely liable if a filly won and something bad happened to her.”
“There is no shame in covering thy backside in a legal fashion, Close Call, we understand thy logic,” Luna nodded patiently. “But you must answer our question. Can a filly never win your ball-colt contest?”
“W-well, its nothing against all the fillies out there, but its called ‘ball-colt’ since… well… ball-colt.” Close Call said, very aware of the glares he was getting from Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. “It was never in the works because we’ve never had one before.”
“Ball-colt is a title, is it not? A job title?” Luna asked.
“Yes, of course.”
“Titles are gender-neutral, my little pony. Even those containing genders in their wording.” Princess Luna turned to Rainbow Dash, “Did the contest runners try to make it up to Scootaloo at all?” she said very seriously.
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow Dash said blandly, “She won their contest and when they said she couldn’t win because she’s a filly, they sent her tickets to a bunch of games, a glove, ball, that sort of thing.” She looked to one side with a mild scowl. “But that didn’t really help. It wasn’t about the stuff or the prizes.”
“It was sayin’ I won and then sayin’ I couldn’t win cuz I’mma filly!” Scootaloo piped up.
“We understand,” Luna raised a hoof to stop their complaining. She turned back to Close Call, who had a confused look on his face. “What is it?” she asked.
“How can a title be gender neutral if it has ‘colt’ in it?” Close Call asked in earnest. Luna saw into his heart just then, looking into his eyes. This stallion was not here to defend the decision of his bosses. He was here to legally cover his backside like anypony with half a brain would. He wanted Scootaloo to win this, and he was looking for a way. The Princess smiled at his kind eyes.
“It’s very easy to explain,” Luna nodded over into the shadows, beckoning a guard forward. A Lunar Stallion emerged, chest out and nose up. The armored mare came and stood front and center, bat-like wings open. “This is Moon Drop. She is one of my knight-captains, a very high rank among the Lunar Stallions of the night guard.” The alicorn gestured at her, “And as you’ll notice, Close Call, she is a mare.”
“Er, yes I see that,” the stallion blushed a little. She did look pretty stunning in that armor, he had to admit.
“Do you know the proper honorific for a knight?” Luna asked.
“Sir?” Close Call said, cocking his head.
“And the proper honorific for a captain?”
“Sir?” Close Call said again.
“And the proper honorific for a stallion?”
“Sir again?” Close call blushed, feeling like a foal in school.
“Correct.” Luna smiled warmly. “Moon Drop is all three of those things. A knight. A captain. And a Lunar Stallion. All three of those are titles, with male connotations, but she is no less a mare.” The alicorn gestured that she could return to her post. Moon Drop bowed to her Highness, then made a show of winking at Close Call as she melted back into shadow. The stallion blushed, watching her go. “Do you understand now?” Luna asked.
“I think so, yes,” Close Call said. “We’re covered, legally, since ball-colt is just a title, right?”
“That’s right. Go in peace, my little pony.” Luna said with a smile, stamping her hoof. “Your case is dismissed, Rainbow Dash, an accord has been reached.”
“Does that mean I get to be a ball-filly?!” Scootaloo squealed from behind the table, bouncing up and down. Rainbow Dash chuckled, nodding.
“It sure does!” Close Call laughed. “I’ll see you on the field next week, slugger!” he turned on his hooves to leave. “Whew! I’m glad that mess is sorted out!” he was all grins as he trotted down the aisle and out of the courtroom. Luna smiled as Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo left happy as well. She wished she had more cases like this one. Standing sorely, she limped down the stairs with Steel Wing’s help and into the private chambers behind the throne. She was getting one of her bad headaches again, and needed some medicine.
=-=-=-=
In some shadowy place, a figure worked its evil plans. A large television screen was mounted on the far wall, bathing the otherwise dark room in its milky light. On a four-way split-screen, the figure watched episodes of ‘Judge Luna’. There were over fifty of them now, the show was turning out to be quite a smash hit. Why, even Princess Celestia had made a cameo appearance in episode 53. That had been interesting to say the least, even if that episode was all of two minutes long.
Turning and craning his head towards a high opening in his cave-like home, he watched a little trail of sparkling ash float into the room. Yet another used up power crystal had broken. They were ingenious, really. They powered televisions, and at the same time absorbed magic— trading one sort of energy for a few more useful sort. Ponies took them without question, just assuming they were already magic. But, much the same way a sponge absorbed water, the crystals did the same around unicorns and alicorns. He smiled, watching the dust pile up in a massive urn-like container made of glass. As soon as a power crystal had gathered all the magic it could, it would break or burst, and the dust would return to its point of origin— here.
Far, far beneath the palace in the forgotten crystal caves… it was the perfect hiding spot, really. Right at the base of the proverbial lighthouse, where nopony would look. And the magic-laden dust just kept piling up. Ponies all across the country were using this new invention, never stopping to ask about any side-effects or sicknesses they might suffer. Innocent, foolish creatures.
Sweeping his cape with a satisfied cackle, the figure mounted the stairs that swirled up around the massive urn. Taking his sweet time, admiring all the complicated runes, he finally reached the top and peered in. The average pony might assume they were looking at some sort of strange mix of explosive powder and silver glitter, but he knew better. It was magic. Pure, unfiltered, glorious unicorn magic. Well, unicorn and alicorn. Princess Luna’s reaction to the cameras had been far more effective than he’d dreamed. Sure, it had taken some months to weaken her to the point of illnesss, but… well there it was. All piled like a great big sandbox in front of him. He leaned down, then hopped into the urn. Laying on his back, he made a snow-angel, cackling madly the whole time.
Reaching into the powder and dust, he focused his magic. He willed the tiny motes together, pressing them into a long, slender structure. Smiling, he pulled an obsidian dagger from the pure magic that surrounded him. Dropping it, he watched it become dust again. Reaching, he formed a long staff with a pointed end. Dropping that too, he focused a bit harder, and formed a levitating platform. All it took was the right amount of concentration and will-power. It was simply amazing what pure magic could do with a mind strong enough to mold it. Leaning as his magical platform brought him to the lip of the urn, he stepped out again. Shaking himself off, he went back to the television to peer at her Majesty.
When Luna was at her weakest, the time to strike would be at hand. Now he just had to wait for the next few episodes of Judge Luna, and he would assassinate her on live television in front of all her viewers.
Princess Luna sat at a massive mahogany desk, wrapped in a thick blanket. On her head was a hot water bottle, in her mouth was a thermometer, and on her left hoof was a nurse taking her pulse. She shivered a bit, as though cold, despite all of her coverings. Her disheveled mane made her look truly pathetic, and a wild sneeze startled papers across her desk. “Bluhhh…” she managed, reaching and blowing her nose.
“Well your pulse seems okay, Princess.” The nurse said, setting the royal hoof down gently. “I don’t know what to tell you. You seem to have a common cold but… just… alicorn sized,” she offered, feeling lame as she said it.
“That would not explain my tattered mane and physique, hoofservant,” Luna honked bitterly, scrubbing at her eyes a little. A few flecks of crusty muck fell from her lashes. “I feel worse and worse each day.”
“Well you’re not pregnant--!”
“Of course I’m not!” Luna snapped, red-faced.
“I was joking, your highness!” the nurse said, smiling embarrassedly. “But we do have a lot to take into consideration. If we eliminate whatever impossibility, whatever’s left must be true, right?” she turned and picked up a tongue stick. Luna opened her mouth obediently, reading an important document as her private nurse checked her mouth and nostrils. “No discoloration, no labored breathing… you have normal cold symptoms, weakness…. How’s your appetite?” she asked, leaning into Luna’s view.
“Less than normal, but not absent,” Luna said, still studying her papers.
Growing just a little bit frustrated, the nurse pushed the paper down to the desk. “Your Majesty,” she said with measured patience, “You’ve halved in size and weight in less than a few months, and your mane no longer has stars in it. Could we pay a bit more attention to our medical needs so we don’t drop dead in the middle of the midnight court?”
Luna snorted a little, but obeyed. She had many responsibilities, but if she did drop dead that probably wouldn’t help. “Very well,” she finally sighed. “We shalt submit to a full physical. Will that make thee happy?” she smirked a little, teasing her.
“Yes,” said the nurse.
“We’ve known her symptoms for weeks, Nurse Tenderheart,” said Steel Wing from where he stood in the corner of the office. “What more can we learn from a standard physical?” the Lunar Stallion cocked his head at her, a tense frown on his face.
“Well we’ve already learned it’s not cutie-pox, hot flashes or a flesh-eating virus,” said the nurse ever-so-sweetly to him. “Why don’t you stick to hurting ponies and I’ll stick to healing them, soldier?” Luna’s brow rose and she fought down a cackle of laughter. Steel Wing looked thoroughly cowed, and closed his mouth. The balls on this mare!
“Heheh, don’t be too hard on Steel Wing,” Luna finally came to his rescue. “He is my most loyal guard, and is fretful as a mother hen in my time of illness.” She heaved herself onto her hooves. “But very well then. I will go to the medicine wing.” She nodded to Nurse Tenderheart, who looked delighted at the admonition. “Perhaps thorough scrutiny will reveal what is ailing me, now that it has become s-- *COUGH COUGH COUGHHH!?*…. So bad,” she rasped the last bit out. Nodding to herself, she pulled her comforter around her shivering body. Nurse Tenderheart took the thermometer and hot water bottle, putting them away in her medical bag. “Remain, Steel Wing, I shan’t be assassinated walking across the palace I live in.”
Steel Wing nodded obediently, saluting. The Princess and the nurse took their leave. When the room had quieted, the Lunar Stallion sighed aloud, staring at the spot of silver on the ground. It hadn't been there until Luna had coughed so badly. Was that... blood? Silver blood? This was getting intense. Looking around like he might be caught doing something bad, he checked that the door was closed. Slipping across the room, he leaned over the piles of papers on Luna’s desk. What was she doing that she refused herself rest? Surely it didn’t have to do with the Judge Luna show? She’d taken this past week off to rest and recover. The TV station had shown reruns, promising her return very soon. The dark alicorn felt very responsible, and didn’t like to see her work pile up.
The Lunar Stallion took off his helm, rubbing the knot that he’d gotten from tackling Celestia a while ago. Sweeping his bangs out of his eyes, he clambered up into Luna’s desk chair. Ooh, comfy! Chuckling a little, he looked around the room to see it from the royal perspective. Very nice. Coughing and remembering his place, he hunched over the papers all over the desk. It was covered with scribblings and scrawlings, but whatever she’d been doing, she’d organized into a grocery list:
-60659 (Quick Buck, hah! What a name!) Time? 6:06:59? I would be going to bed! -086753 (Triage and Splint, I must remember to recruit Splint.) Location. Latitude, Longitude. Yes! -1017754 (Heirloom Cart, what honest stallions--) 10-1-7-7-5-4 JAGGED. Jagged what? -11019 (Wedding Cake, prissy baker, I shall strike him from the Gala listings!) 1-1-0-1-9 ???? -451208 (Neck, must remember to commission Time Turner sometime) 4-5-1-20-8 DEATH!!! -00495 (Ball-Filly) 0-0-4-9-5 nil-nil-DIE!!!
6:06:59/Location/Jagged/Death/Die 11019 = ???
Steel Wing blanched, then his brow wrinkled upward. He could not let the other Lunar Stallions see this. Not anypony. It would cause panic. Carefully, he took the page from among all the rest, and stuffed it in the cup of his helm before putting it back on her head. Princess Luna was starting to see patterns, to become paranoid and delusional. Her sickness had reached her mind. He’d been handing her case files since the beginning of the Judge Luna show, and he would tell her any day that there were no such hidden messages in them. Why, according to all this somepony wished her a jagged death!
Poor Princess Luna was a mathematical genius, so it was no small wonder that she’d gone looking for things in the numbers around her. She’d designed the night sky with numbers, now she was divining messages out of case files? Pfft! Steel Wing knew that real court case file numbers were determined not only by their nature, but by their date, number of participants, and many other factors. They didn’t spell out death threats to her Majesty. Besides, there had been dozens of episodes of Judge Luna, why had she pulled this particular half a dozen?
The Lunar Stallion would not be telling his fellow soldiers, nor Celestia, nor anypony else, that Princess Luna’s mind was growing ill. Not just her body. Sticking his head out of the private office, he looked both ways. The coast was clear. He’d need to find some hidden place to burn all these mad writings. He had no doubt that Luna’s thorough medical exam would spot mental fatigue, but he’d be damned if all this was brought to light. Tucking his wings using one hoof and then the other, he galloped down the empty corridor with purpose.
=-=-=-=
Dun dun dun duhhhhhn!
Real cases.
Real ponies.
This—is Judge Luna.
Princess Luna seated herself on the throne, wearily taking the folder from a worried-looking Steel Wing. The stallion cocked his head, looking over his shoulder while she scanned through its contents. He found Nurse Tenderheart in the crowd. She nodded once, at the ready in case her Majesty collapsed in the middle of the Midnight Court. Coughing a bit, the dark alicorn directed her bodyguard to his usual standing spot.
“These are the parties in the matter of Trixie versus Heartstrings, parties have been sworn in you may proceed when ready your Majesty,” Steel Wing bowed and hurried away so he would be out of the sight of the cameras. He didn’t wanna be in front of them anymore than he had to.
When all was quiet and the audience ponies silent, Luna finally looked up from the papers in front of herself. “Names and vocations, please,” she bade the two mares in front of her.
“The great and powerful Trixie!” A mare with a pointed hat and a billowing cape announced in a stage-voice. She reared up, flailing her hooves as sparkles of magic fell out of her cape, popping on the floor all around her. “Stage magician, entertainer, and the most talented pony in all of Equestria!” she beamed, taking off her hat. She fished into it for a moment, pulled out a bouquet of flowers, and tossed them to Luna.
Steel Wing’s hair trigger pulled and he tackled the flowers to the floor, crashed into Trixie and bent one of her arms around her back. “You never, EVER throw anything at a Princess!”
“Steel Wing!” Luna stamped a hoof. “Twas merely flowers, be calm.”
The Lunar Stallion craned his neck, looking guiltily at Luna. “I-It could’ve just as easily been a throwing star, your highness!” he said, the bouquet smooshed under his great barrel chest along with the mare.
“Unhoof Trixie this instant, lest Trixie banish you to the nether where she keeps all her magic show props! There’s no air there, you know!” Trixie threatened. “AUUGH?!” Steel Wing shifted his weight harder at the threat.
“Threatening a soldier of the crown, that’s two weeks in prison if her majesty wills it!” Steel Wing snarled. Trixie howled and squirmed, belting swear words that justified the show’s late air time.
The armored stallion was suddenly lifted bodily by magic from Trixie and placed none-too-gently back at his post. “We do not will such imprisonment, my guardian. But we appreciate thy enthusiasm.” Luna said, looking at him warily. She coughed a bit more loudly as the magic around her horn sputtered out. “Flowers need not thy diving, but I shalt certainly breathe easier should a pony with a crossbow ever enter our presence.” There was a ripple of nervous laughter in the throne room. When one of Steel Wing’s wings hung loosely, he fixed it quickly with a hoof.
“Maybe the great and powerful Trixie should sue you instead!” Trixie barked, holding her bruised shoulder. “I have hundreds of witnesses for your assault.”
“Neigh,” Luna snapped at her when she was sure her bodyguard was back at his post. “He is technically in the right, O great and powerful Trixie,” she said a little acidly. “Tossing any item at a judge is considered a hostile action and can be punished by prison time.”
“Wh… really? They were just flowers!” Trixie flushed red.
“A pony once pelted my sister with a banana in the middle of his own case, to prove a point,” Luna confirmed. “Needless to say, this was precisely the wrong item to hit her with, and he spent a month in jail with nothing to eat except bananas,” she watched the stage magician go a little pale. “Now, if we may continue?” she waited for Trixie to nod humbly before turning to the plaintiff of the case.
“My name is Lyra Heartstrings. I’m a musician.” She bore her flank to show what she meant. Then she shut her mouth. Luna waited for more, but there was no more. The sick alicorn decided she liked her right then. Short and to the point. She wished she had more ponies like that in the courtroom.
“Very well then, Trixie and Lyra Heartstrings,” Luna paused to check her paperwork. “I understand that you hired Trixie for a bachelorette party, Miss Heartstrings? As entertainment?”
There was male murmuring in the audience as all eyes went right to Trixie’s flank. “Not THAT kind of entertainment!” the blue mare barked angrily over her shoulder. There was laughter and she blushed.
“We will have you thrown out for such disorder!” Luna said angrily.
“Sorry!” Trixie wilted.
“Not thou, them!” Luna gestured widely at the audience. “Not another peep, or I shall empty this courtroom until the case’s end.” There was hush over the throne room then, though many stallions were sharing smirks and gesturing a little. Sighing angrily, Luna closed her eyes and counted for a time. “As I said, thou were hired for entertainment.”
“Yes. The great and powerful Trixie was paid rather well for her magic show, props, food, and anything she asked for,” the powder blue mare said, cocking her head and taking her hat off. This made her look smaller and more humble, which was probably a good idea by that point.
“Why dost thou speak in the third person?” Luna cocked her head.
“Why dost thou speak in the majestic plural?” Trixie blurted before she could stop herself.
“We ART majestic!” Luna said angrily, leaning forward. The Lunar Stallions that dotted the room fidgeted nervously. “My mother and father are divine beings, thusly we art the same! Now, we shalt ask the questions henceforth, or I shalt award Miss Heartstrings the bits she wants and hear none of your arguments!”
“Sorry!” Trixie whispered, her eyes and pointed hat the only thing that could be seen from behind her little podium. “Trixie is sorry!”
“Good,” Luna sighed, holding the bridge of her muzzle to fight an oncoming migraine. “Perhaps short yes and no answers would be best.” She thought for a time, then spoke again, “Miss Heartstrings hired you to perform at a bachelorette party, yes?”
“Yes,” Trixie said.
“And she paid you?”
“Yes.”
“And you came and performed?”
“Yes.”
“And the show was satisfactory to said party-goers?”
“Yes.”
“No!” blurted Lyra. “No it wasn’t!”
“Sh-sh-shh!” Luna shushed Lyra, still examining Trixie. “What did you do during the show?”
“Magic.” Trixie stuck to short answers, as not to anger her Majesty any further. “Magic, music, and other tricks. On a little stage.”
“Very well,” Luna said patiently, “Then why, Miss Heartstrings, are you suing Trixie?” the dark alicorn wanted to know.
“Well, it was a bachelorette part,” Lyra explained, “And I wanted to hire some… w-well…”
“Attractive entertainment?” Luna put in for her, smirking a little.
“Yes, that’s right.” Lyra nodded. “I was getting ready to get married in a month or so, so I invited all my friends that would appreciate… eh, stuff like that,” she chuckled nervously. “But, I forgot to make reservations with the company beforehand.”
“Before-what?” Luna said, looking up from the papers she was studying while Lyra spoke.
“Er! Before-hoof,” Lyra corrected quickly. “So, after Trixie’s magic show, I sent her out to find a few… entertainers, and gave her some money for it.”
“Mhm?” Luna said, nodding that she was following.
“She came back with stallions, dressed as mares!” Lyra said angrily.
“Thou did not want male dancers for thy before-wedding party?” Luna asked.
“No! I’m getting married to another mare! I wanted female dancers, and I told her so!” Lyra pointed accusingly at Trixie. Trixie’s cheeks puffed out as her nose wrinkled while she stared very carefully at the ceiling. Luna snorted.
“Alright,” the Princess said carefully. “So you sent Trixie out, after her show, to find some female dancers for your party and she came back with stallions instead—wasting your monies. And you want said monies back.”
“I want all my money back, that was friggin’ embarrassing! In front of all my friends, too!” Lyra said, red-faced. Ponies in the audience were trying not to laugh. “It’s like I sent her out to buy peaches and she came back with bananas!”
That did it. Every single pony in the room, Luna included, burst into wild and uncontrollable laughter. Even the mighty alicorn herself was not immune, for she’d thrown her head back in a fantastic belly-laugh. Steel Wing was wiping tears from his eyes, leaning on the column next to him. Members of the audience had fallen out of their seats, leaning on each other and holding their sides. Lyra stood there, red as a cherry.
“A… ahahah… A most effective metaphor!” Luna confessed, stamping her hoof to try and gain order again. “A good metaphor indeed! *ahem*!” she coughed a few times, feeling worlds better than she had earlier in the day. “S-so as you were saying, they were dressed as mares?”
“Yes,” Lyra nodded. “I gave her my monies, and instead of coming back with mares she came back with stallions dressed as mares!”
“That’s… hard to do,” Luna observed. She turned to look at Trixie. “What does thou have to say about this?”
“Trixie was bribed on the way to the door,” Trixie admitted at last, snickering. “One of Miss Heartstring’s friends thought it would be funny to bring stallions dressed as mares to dance for us. She gave Trixie extra-extra monies, and told me to make it so. So, I did,” the stage magician cackled. “It took Lyra hours to notice!”
“It did not!” Lyra squawked.
“Trixie saw you receiving a lap dance, and you didn’t even bother to look down!”
“S-s-shut up!” Lyra said, red-faced. “I paid you to get mares!”
Luna shook her head, unable to stop smiling. Clearly there was no malice to be had here, and Trixie had basically just confessed. “So how did things pan out, Miss Heartstrings?”
“W-well I was enjoying myself, dancing, having a good time with my friends and all the music and stuff,” Lyra said, cocking her head as she recalled the memory. “Then I started spotting… well… bananas.”
“Ah,” Luna said gently. “And the proof was on the dance floor, yes?”
“No, just shaking around me,” Lyra shuddered. “I went to find Trixie and yell at her, but she’d already made her exit.”
“It seems like thou were the victim of a relatively harmless prank, my little pony,” Luna chuckled. “Though I cannot imagine a stallion slender enough to fit into a dancer’s dress, I suppose there is a calling for every sort of entertainment!” she grinned, but quickly gathered herself. “But, with bits changing hooves I’m sure the great and powerful Trixie will give thy monies back,” she looked over at Trixie as she spoke. “How much money did Miss Heartstrings give you to bring female dancers to the party?”
“One hundred and eighty bits,” Trixie said after checking the papers in front of her.
“And how much money did the prankster give you to bring stallions instead?” Luna smirked.
“Three hundred bits, and fifty more when I got back,” Trixie said.
“Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of one hundred and eighty bits.” Luna stamped her hoof. “That is all.”
“W-wait! She embarrassed me in front of all my friends!” Lyra said. “She won’t even tell me who paid her off. I want the money back from her show!”
“Did she perform her magic show at your party?” Luna stopped halfway between the door and the throne.
“Yes.”
“Then thou art not getting her monies. Tell thy future wife this story when you are safely married. It will be a good one.” Luna smiled, “Perhaps thou would do well to not have such… entertainers, at your gatherings from now on, huhm? Judgement stands.” With that she swept out of the room.
“Poop,” mumbled Lyra, standing on her hind legs and folding her arms. Trixie was chuckling wildly, and made sure to pass out business cards on the way to the door. Hidden in the audience, Bon Bon was all smiles, leaning comfortably back in her seat.
Princesses Luna and Celestia sat in the White Room, a dining room just for the two of them. A long and intricate table was between them, with the sisters sitting at either end. Sharing a long meal (Luna’s dinner and Celestia’s breakfast) was something they always tried to do whenever possible. Their idle conversation halted, however, when a scroll burst into existence on Celestia’s morning paper.
“Ah, something from Twilight Sparkle,” the white alicorn smiled pleasantly, sipping her hot tea. Lighting her horn, she lifted it up and broke the seal. “Dear Princess Celestia,” she read aloud. Luna chewed quietly as she spoke. She did like to hear from the purple mare and her friends. “Today I learned that sometimes you need to just back off and do as you’re told by others. Rarity is still in the hospital,” the sun princess’ face fell into a worried expression. “—and the doctors are not sure what is wrong with her. She can barely lift a cotton swab with her magic, and she’s really pale and sweaty. I tried to research some healing magic to come to her room and help, but Nurse Redheart got mad and threw me out. I really shouldn’t try to practice magical medicine without a license. I might’ve ended up doing more harm than good. She was right. I’ll keep you up to date when anything changes. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Something has been ailing Rarity?” Luna asked.
“Yes, Twilight has been writing to me about it for some weeks now. Apparently the poor thing has been overworking herself, and she just collapsed one day.” Celestia shook her head with pity. “And to hear that her magic is so weak, how odd…” she trailed off to reread the letter again. “Being a seamstress, her magic is much more precise and powerful than an average unicorn, I can’t imagine what’s holding her down…”
Luna nodded mutely, reaching for a fresh-peeled orange with her magic. Her horn flickered a few times, and the fruit wiggled. But, it refused to come to her. She frowned, straining herself a bit. Celestia’s eyes flicked up and she quickly stopped. Pretending to be distracted, Luna fiddled with her tableware. When her sister went back to her poring over the letter, Luna strained again. Her magic was… impotent. Panic rising in her eyes, she wiped her mouth quickly and rose. “W-well I am off to bed, sister, I must still sleep away my own illness.”
“Luna? Is your magic okay?” Celestia said sharply, looking up from the letter.
“Ohhh-hoho yes, sister!” Luna lied, not wanting to worry her. “I am off to bed. I’m so tired! Could you lower the moon for me thank you goodnight!” she was out the door with that run-on sentence.
Celestia considered for a time, then sighed. Lighting her horn, she helped the moon the rest of the way down from the sky. Pink and oranges began to touch the horizon, signaling the coming dawn. Folding her wings regally, she finished her tea as she considered Twilight Sparkle’s letter.
“Your majesty?” a squire stuck his head sheepishly into the royal dining hall.
“Come in, don’t be afraid.” She told the colt with the bandanna around his neck. “You have a message for me?” she asked pleasantly, rolling up the letter and hiding it in her morning paper.
“Yes ma’am!” he saluted after he’d been allowed past the solar guards in the doorway. He galloped energetically up beside her, presenting her with a silvery scroll. “From the Crystal Empire! Sent via pegasus!”
“Thank you.” Celestia took it and undid the snowflake seal. It was from Princess Cadance. “Thank you,” Celestia said again. Plucking a blueberry muffin off the breakfast table, she offered it to the little messenger and then sent him on his way. Jittery little thing, those soldiers better not have been sneaking him caffeine again to make him run faster. Setting her face in a neutral from when she was alone, Celestia scanned the letter.
Dear Cellie, Shining Armor has taken ill. He seems exhausted all the time, and he collapsed today during PT (Physical Training) in front of his entire platoon. I’ve put a royal mandate down so he won’t leave our apartment, but I’m not sure what else to do with him. The poor thing just sits and watches TV all day, getting sicker and sicker. I’ve had him examined by the Crystal Empire’s best doctors, but, well, there’s nothing. He’s just wasting away. I don’t know what to do! What do you think? ~Cadance
Celestia frowned more deeply. Another sick unicorn, with no explanation. Not to mention symptoms very similar to Luna’s. Even if her baby sister tried to hide it, she could tell her magic was getting weaker. Whatever was affecting Rarity and Shining Armor was affecting Luna as well. Was it some plague? A unicorn plague? Such a thing was unheard of. Viruses were not magical in nature, they would not infect just one pony species and not the other two. If Luna was any example, other pegasi should have been molting and other earth ponies should have been feeling weak.
The solar diarch rose, taking her two letters with her and folding them under her wing. “Lion Heart. Sun Stomp,” she addressed the two waiting guards. They snapped to attention as she exited the dining room into the corridor. “I have instructions for both of you.”
“Yes, your Highness?” they said in unison.
“Send spies to the top ten Equestrian food companies. Wide staples like alfalfa and grain. Tell them to look for any negligence and to check for toxins. I want them undercover, nothing in the open.” Celestia said. “Also, do the same for Equestria’s three main waterways. I’d like samples of those as well.” Both stallions nodded as she spoke. “In addition, have the royal kitchens scrubbed down and the pantries restocked. Throw everything currently there out and burn it,” her voice was a bit more authoritative than normal, which turned their ears submissively back. “Close the palace to all public tours for the next two weeks. Non-employees are not allowed in during the day unless they are on official business.”
“What about at night, Princess?” Sun Stomp asked. “Princess Luna—”
“Princess Luna is very sick, and until I find out what is making her that way, we are on high alert.” Celestia interrupted. Both soldiers looked startled. If anything, Princess Celestia was eternally patient and never interrupted anypony. To see her break into somepony else’s sentence meant it was dire indeed. “You have your orders, gentlecolts.” The ivory princess turned, heading the opposite way down the hall.
Luna was sick, and she clearly had a further stage of whatever Shining Armor and Rarity had. She only prayed Twilight Sparkle would not catch it as well. But, at the forefront there was Luna. Celestia would not allow her sister’s pride to blind her anymore. She would have to step in and sort this out herself. Spreading her wings, Celestia lit her horn and burst into sparks, teleporting away.
=-=-=-=
Steel Wing paced in front of Princess Luna’s bedroom door, back and forth. The stress had really been getting to him lately. Luna had been connecting case files and writing messages that she’d found hidden in the numbers. She’d also doubled up her guards at all times. She really was expecting an assassination attempt, the poor deluded thing.
A mare came along pushing a cart of bathwater, humming to herself. She jerked to a halt when she found herself menaced by half a dozen Lunar Stallions. “Well boys, there’s usually only two of you,” she chuckled nervously. “But if you want to fight over the two biscuits I brought, you certainly can.” Her eyes darted back and forth while they stared at her with their intense golden eyes. A few lips curled, revealing the sharp canine teeth that Lunar Stallions tended to have. While Celestia’s guard armor made ponies white and strong, Luna’s guard armor made them ashy and vicious.
“We’ll take the cart from here, thank you,” Steel Wing jostled a couple of Lunar Stallions to one side so they didn’t try to pat the poor maid down or something. “Princess Luna is still sick, there’s more ponies on edge than normal.” He offered an apologetic smile. The maid shrugged, giving one of the soldiers a silver platter, and giving Steel Wing the cart. Then she turned to go.
While Steel Wing gently turned the cart around to take it inside, the other five Lunar Stallions leaned menacingly over the silver platter. They placed it on the ground like it might be a bomb, and lifted the lid. Sure enough, two biscuits loaded down with fine jelly. All five of them promptly bashed heads trying to take one. Steel Wing fought a laugh, rolling his eyes as he pushed his burden into the royal bedroom.
“Who goes there?” Luna said from her bed.
“The herbal bathwater you ordered, your Majesty.” Steel Wing stopped to bow. Lifting the afghan off the cart, he revealed a series of steaming buckets. Checking them for colored poisons or anything of the sort, he found them okay. “How are you feeling?” he lowered his voice a bit while the stallions in the hall played rock-paper-scissors for the biscuits they’d been given.
Luna grumbled audibly, but gave no answer. She always bathed and dried herself before bed. “Could you fetch my tub? The one in the bathroom is too big, there’s another in the closet.” She gestured a bit.
Steel Wing obeyed. Normally this would be a maid’s work, but with his Princess’ paranoia growing she would only see soldiers anymore. It was kind of sad, really, that only the clank of protective armor brought her comfort anymore. He only wished, truly wished, she would get better soon. Going into the walk-in closet he fished out the tub. Rolling it along (for no maid could mare-handle it onto her back), he put it near the bed and applied the breaks so it didn’t roll away. Going to the buckets of herbal water, he poured them in one after another. The tub was two-thirds full, steaming nicely.
Luna removed her regalia and crown, setting them on her vanity. Stepping gingerly out of her horse-shoes, she stood there on the other side of the tub. The Princess and the guard stared at each other. His eyes stared at her rather widely, for he’d never seen her Majesty without her crown and effects on. She was so beautiful… his wings sagged to the floor on either side of himself, as though brought limp by the very sight of her. “Will thou watch me bathe, then?” she quirked an eyebrow.
Steel Wing jerked around like he’d been slapped, “S-sorry! I’ll be in the hall if you need anything Princess!” He marched away like there was a stick up his butt, red in the cheeks. His wings dragged noisily upon the floor until he hurriedly fixed them back to his sides with a hoof. Luna smiled playfully at his back, shaking her head when the door shut behind him.
Gingerly, she stepped into the bath, laid on her belly and sank in. She moaned, laying her chin on the lip of the tub. A spasm started in her throat, and she tried to quell it with sheer willpower. But she couldn’t. “*COUGH-COUGH-COUGH---glack?! COUGH*-!” Her head whiplashed a bit and she looked in front of herself. There on the tile was a splotch of silvery blood. Alicorn blood. Whimpering a little fearfully, Luna wiped her lip with a washrag and sank further into her bath. She was starting to grow frightened. She wasn’t getting any better. Sighing and laying her cheek on the lip of the tub, the night Princess closed her aching eyes. She was so weak, she felt so weak and she didn’t know why. It didn’t keep her from running the Midnight Court, but… but… it became harder and harder to raise the moon each night. The powder blue of her mane was depressing. She missed her stars and swirling masses of hair. She didn’t even look like a royal alicorn anymore, wings and horn aside. She looked dusty and unremarkable. Trembling a little despite the hot water, she lay there to soak and contemplate.
=-=-=-= The Next Night… =-=-=-=
It was time.
A dark figure swept back and forth, in the caverns of the underdark. Beneath Canterlot, he continued to work his plans. He could see the bags under Luna’s eyes. The miserable half-steps she had to make to mount the dais during the Midnight Court. The Princess looked positively bucking miserably.
Turning away from the split-screen of the massive TV, the figure mounted the stairs that curled up and around the massive glass urn. Up and up he went, sweeping past runes to activate them. The container was filled to the brim with the powdered black and silver magic. Luna’s magic. Magic from any unicorn dumb enough to sit in front of a TV for too long. Poor stupid Equestria. “Hahaha!” He finally indulged himself out loud, “Here, have this magic glowing box that tells you stories! Nevermind the power crystals, they’ll just drain your magic dry! Hahaha!” scratching himself in a rude place, the figure swept his grasp over the black powder heaped in front of him. “Time to die, Luna. The whole country is watching!”
The figure skewed a few runes to release the containment spell. The urn burst in all directions, sending shards of thick glass and black powder everywhere. The figure walked atop it all like a burnt desert, the hiss of the moving powder all around him. He went back to the massive screen, which was displaying a live feed. A new episode of Judge Luna was airing, and her Majesty was listening to a case right at that very moment. He looked upward at this ceiling, then closed his eyes to focus. The dark matter swirled around him in a slow, lazy tornado. It kissed his fur as he drank in its magic. It soothed him like silky blankets and he swayed back and forth with it. Rearing up, he thrust his limbs skyward, towards the crystal-marred ceiling. The room became engulfed in a black haze of swirling, dark powder. Saturated, the figure become a mist not unlike Nightmare Moon, and zipped out of the chamber like a possessed cloud.
=-=-=-=
“Cease thy whining, Market Share,” Luna said impatiently. “If you share the cart parking lot with another business and have no contract as to which spots are whose, then you have no case!” she snapped the folder closed in front of herself, setting it to her left. “Steel Wing, fetch her papers and renter’s license,” she gestured, holding the bridge of her muzzle to fight off a headache.
“Yes, your Highness.” Steel Wing cantered down the dais stairs, taking the plaintiff’s paperwork. He eyed the camera’s anxiously, unsure of them as he always was. He cocked his head a little as he glanced out the window behind the throne. The stars had suddenly been blotted out by some nasty-looking storm clouds. He didn’t recall any call for heavy weather tonight. Huh. Ah well, not his problem. The Princess was his responsibility, not the sky or the rain. Getting the desired papers, he turned about and reported up to the throne.
Luna took them with disinterest, studying them. She wished she had mares like the plaintiff battling for the cure to teat cancer, the stubborn bitch. She looked up again, for her guard’s shadow was still cast over her. “Back to your post, Steel Wing.” She bade, arching an eyebrow at him. He was looking past her, and up at the sky. “What is it?” she turned, looking out and beyond the balcony behind the throne. A great black thunderhead was moving directly towards the palace. Way too fast to be normal. Steel Wing’s wings flopped down from his sides and he shuddered a bit when they touched the floor. “Oh dear,” murmured Luna with a grouchy sigh. “Somepony send a messenger to the storm patrol, we’re not due for weather like that tonight, we’re s-!”
Steel Wing stabbed Luna in the breast with a black dagger, sprouted right out of his leg like magic.
Time stopped for a few long moments.
She turned back about, looking up at him. His expression was glassy, a glazed over sort of ‘not home’ face.
She slowly looked down at herself, staring at the fountaining blood as it spilled out all over her front and the throne.
Her eyes rolled into her head and she slowly began to fall forward.
Celestia arrived at Ponyville Hospital with a crack of teleportation magic. Nurse Redheart startled, looking up at her in awe. “Your Highness!”
“Unofficial visit,” the alicorn said to the nurse. “Please show me to Rarity’s room. I need to see her.” The Princess watched the medical mare bow, gesture, and then start down a hall. Celestia followed, a snap in her step. She flicked her gaze into each room as she went. Taking the number of patients into her head, just in that hall, she saw almost all of them were unicorns. “Tell me, what has so many unicorns in the hospital tonight?” the Princess asked, playing dumb to get information.
“We’ve had some sort of bug going around,” Nurse Redheart said worriedly. “It’s all unicorns too. Lots of reports of weakness, magical impotency, even fainting spells!”
“I see,” Celestia said gently. “I’ve already sent ponies out to several locations to search for the cause. You needn’t worry too much,” her tone was reassuring, but her eyes were not. She already had her suspicions, and a tummy bug was not at the top of the list.
“Do you think it’s a plague, Princess?” Nurse Redheart lowered her voice to a whisper.
“Of a sort,” Celestia admitted. “We’ll play it by ear for now, my little pony,” she whispered. “I know you can put on a happy face and keep morale up.” She smiled kindly at the nurse, nodding to her cutie mark. “And bless you for it.”
Nurse Redheart blushed, smiling a bit before coming to a stop. “This is it here. She doesn’t have a roommate, but… well it’s a good thing.” She rolled her eyes good-naturedly.
“Why is that?” Celestia asked, craning her neck a little to see into the room.
“The poor thing stays up every night watching TV. I’ve had to sedate her more than once just to get her to sleep a normal eight-hour track,” Nurse Redheart shook her head a bit as she spoke. Celestia’s face darkened a bit. “What’s the matter?”
“You have televisions installed here in the hospital?” the Princess asked, looking around warily.
“Wh… why yes. They’re good entertainment for ponies that are sick in bed and don’t need to be moving much.” Nurse Redheart smiled. “Not everypony likes the book cart, haha.”
“Shut them off,” Princess Celestia said, opening the door the rest of the way with her magic. “Get the hospital’s security staff together, and shut them all off.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command. Nurse Redheart bowed and scurried away. The white alicorn swept into the room, pulling the mint green curtain to one side. The sight before her was ghastly.
Rarity lay splayed on her back in the hospital bed, her mane a complete mess. She had sweat on her brow, and lines on her face. The pale, milky glow of the television Her blanket was tucked up to her chin, and her hooves were hooked over the lip of them. She was trembling weakly, but her eyes were glued to the TV screen with interest.
Now was a good time, before she was noticed. Celestia closed her physical eyes, and reached out with her alicorn might. She could view the world in a number of different ways with her magic. X-ray vision, heat vision, echo-location, magic radar, and many more. The alicorn stared at the room with her magical radars turned on. She gave a start. The twinkling, dust-like movement of a world made of blues and blacks was before her. Little sparkles of bright blue were flowing out of Rarity’s horn and towards the TV. They swirled around the strange box before disappearing into the little power compartment in the side. The power crystal hummed ominously, already a sickly dark blue. The Princess blinked a few times, returning her vision to the physical world. Sweeping into the room, the alicorn slapped the dial to turn the TV off.
“Why, Princess Celestia…!” Rarity said weakly. Her voice was a whispy little croak. “What a nice… a nice surprise…” she had to take separate breaths to finish the sentence. Celestia’s brow knitted with worry. The pale unicorn shifted sorely in her bed, moaning sorely as she turned on her side to rest her face in her pillow. She blinked rapidly, a tear or two escaping her eyes. The bright TV screen had made them ache. “You didn’t have to come all the… the way here to see… me…” the young mare looked like a sagging, half-dead flower when she spoke.
“Rarity,” Celestia came and settled onto her belly next to the hospital bed. “I heard you were feeling badly, so I came to see you. I think Shining Armor and my sister Luna have what you have.”
“Do they?” Rarity said weakly, her breaths reedy and light. “H-how… how terrible…” suddenly her eyes began to roll into her head. The heart monitor attached to her foreleg began to beep shrilly. Celestia startled as alarms started going off all around her.
The door slammed open and a trio of ponies rushed in. “Princess Celestia?!” they stopped to stare.
“See to her!” Celestia said urgently.
“I want fifteen magi-jules, two-way, simultaneous!” The leader of the three motioned the other two. They crowded around the bed and Celestia backed up. Their horns lit in unison. “Ready… clear!” Vreeee-BZZAP! Rarity convulsed, a line of spittle escaping her throat and dribbling down her cheek. The alarms continued. “Twenty magi-jules! Again! Clear!” They zapped her again. The poor mare thrashed like she’d been electrocuted.
“Her heart is failing! Magic and brain activity is fluxuating!” One of the assistants shouted, looking over his shoulder at the readouts of the machines. Celestia put a horrified hoof over her mouth. “Any higher and we could hurt her!”
“Twenty-five magi-jules!” commanded the stallion in charge. “If she flat-lines for too long she’ll be brain-damaged! She could die!” They crowded around her again, horns at the ready. “We have to get her started again! CLEAR!” Vreee-BZZAP! Rarity’s mouth went as wide as it could go, and her eyes screwed up in mortal agony. Her legs kicked like a frog in a science lab, hooked up to a battery.
Celestia looked at the TV. Then Rarity. Then the power crystal in its compartment. Then all the remaining pieces clicked into place. The exploding cameras. Luna’s illness. Shining Armor’s bad health. Rarity’s state. “Move, please!” The alicorn used her massive wing to sweep the three of them aside.
“You Majesty?!” they protested as the alicorn’s horn lit in a golden light. They shrank back in awe as she leaned over the dying mare and pressed her horn right up against Rarity’s forehead, at the base of her horn. “No! Not there! You could fry her brain!” the leader of the three medical ponies threw himself forward to stop her.
Celestia gritted her teeth in concentration. She opened her wings like massive, magic-gathering antennae. The TV mounted on the wall exploded, sending shards of glass and plastic everywhere. The power crystal within had blasted apart like a grenade. The white alicorn looked into Rarity’s skull, at the base of her horn, with her magical radar. She saw the carbuncle, and infused it with her solar magic. Rarity’s eyes snapped open and she gave a high shriek of agony. The carbuncle, the gem in a unicorn’s skull at the base of her horn, was the source of her power. Receiving a jumpstart like that was beyond painful— it was like the world was coming apart.
Finally, Celestia pulled away and Rarity went limp. The sickly mare lay there, breathing hard, covered in sweat. She shivered, curling up in a ball. The Princess turned to the three medical ponies.
“She’s… she’s back to normal!” One of them gaped at the wiggling lines on the machine readouts. “Better than when she came in! Amazing!” they turned and looked up at her reverently. “Princess what did you do? That was amazing!”
“I jolted her carbuncle directly.” Princess Celestia whispered, running a massive hoof down Rarity’s back to soothe her. “I want you to inform your staff,” she told them. “Anypony with similar symptoms needs similar treatment and--!”
“Princess Celestia! Princess Celestia!” Nurse Redheart tore into the room, accidently blasting a medicine cart off its wheels and into a nearby wall.
“What’s wrong?” the winded Princess looked up, rising to her hooves at last.
“It’s Princess Luna!” she said, shaking like a leaf as sweat travelled down either side of her face. “I was shutting off TV’s in each room, and I saw her show as I was reaching to turn one off--- she’s dead!” Nurse Redheart cried. “I saw her get assassinated on her own show!”
Celestia gaped. There was a three-second, icy-hot silence. The white alicorn whirled around. That TV was broken. She rushed to the next room, past a comatose stallion with a wrap on his head. She snapped a hoof up and turned on the TV there. The image horrified her. Luna lay limp on the throne in a puddle of silvery blood. “LUNA!”
=-=-=-=
The audience screamed. The Lunar Stallions gaped. The camera crew stared in horror.
Steel Wing stood over the limp Princess Luna, dagger in hoof, dripping silver. Royal lifeblood was dribbling down his front when he turned to face the rest of the room. He stood there with a glass-eyed stare, as though hypnotized and unable to process the world around him. Silver liquid dribbled down the black blade, pattering on the carpet around his hooves. Luna lay, tongue hanging limply out of her mouth, on her side on the throne. Her blood pooled around her, and was already starting a slow and horrific journey down the stairs of the dais. She shuddered and convulsed a little, her eyes rolled into her head as she lay there dying.
“Kill that traitorous fucker!” A Lunar Stallion jabbed a hoof forward. Armored ponies boiled out of darkness from every shadow, from behind every column, and even from the ceiling. Luna had doubled up her guards because of her illness, and half of the Lunar Corps was in the throne room to bucking murder Steel Wing. He stared at their oncoming rage and weapons and screaming fury with a blank expression. “Tear his fucking head off!” They pounced on Steel Wing from all directions, biting and stabbing and stomping on him. The pony was lost under the twisting, furious bodies that slammed into him like a ten ton cinderblock. The shriek of armor and weapons was vicious as the audience looked on in sheer terror.
Suddenly a garbling snarl resounded from outside, beyond the throne room. The voice rolled over the room like thunder. Everypony jerked about to see. The black thunderhead just outside the throne’s balcony had reached the railing. A swirling, frothing darkness melted onto the marble floor, filling the room. It covered the marble tiles like a fine mist, bathing the stained-glass windows in inky night. The stars seemed to go out as the throne room was cast into the belly of the unknown storm. Then, the metallic hoof-steps of the unknown approached from the double doors behind everypony. “That’s enough, my puppet. Vacate the throne for me,” He said.
“Yes Master,” grunted a barely-audible Steel Wing from under the pile of bodies and teeth and weapons. There was a rush of strength, and an avalanche of roaring Lunar Stallions. The soldiers tumbled over each other like so many flailing rocks, and a ravaged figure emerged. A mare in the audience screamed a blood-curdling scream and fainted. The pony that emerged from the pile of soldiers was missing half his face, a wing, and most of his armor. His body was tattered with bite-wounds, torn muscle and punctures from many spears. Underneath? Black crystal. Steel Wing was but a fleshy shell for some horrific monstrosity underneath! The abomination stepped smartly over the tangle of Lunar Stallions, stomping whenever one tried to latch onto him. With a perfectly blank expression the bizarre creature mounted the dais and shoved Luna’s limp body off the throne. The alicorn rag-dolled all the way down the stairs, landing in a heap on the floor. Then, Steel Wing turned and stood to one side of the throne.
“Good. Well done.” The voice finally became real when its owner emerged from shadow. A black stallion with flaming eyes and silvery armor. He climbed the stairs slowly, savoring the ascent, and sat right on the throne, right in the pool of Luna’s blood. “For the second time on a throne of blood I greet you, Equestria!” said the black pony, eyes flashing towards the cameras. “I am Sombra, and I am your new king!” he flashed a fang-filled smile. Ponies in the audience gaped at him, cowering in their seats.
“Get him!” The Lunar Stallions untangled themselves at last, and took to the air. Suddenly, thunder without sound. A concussive force blasted the air so hard the fabric of reality shuddered. Soldiers splatted against walls like flies, crumpling down to the marble floor in bloody heaps. The audience cried out as one when their pews were overturned, flinging ponies from their seats. Only the camera crew had been spared.
Sombra chuckled, pawing at his broken horn. “You’ll have to pardon my lack of accuracy. I was dismembered not too long ago, and alicorn magic is foreign to me.” He scowled down at the limp form of Luna as he spoke. “Now then, to business.” He stamped a hoof twice. Black shadows rolled and swirled in all directions, covering the windows and the balcony. Then, with a sound of drawing swords, crystals sprouted from everywhere! Like a nightmarish garden of springing weeds, they covered every opening, every crevice and every surface until the room was sealed. The columns were wrapped in them. The stained-glass windows blasted out as they grew out through the openings. Everything was cast into darkness, ponies panicking and flailing around in the pitch black of it all. Sombra stomped twice once more, lighting a crystal or two on each column. Suddenly the throne room resembled a dark, cultish sort of hideaway where nasty rituals could take place.
Steel Wing looked around, his mouth falling open a little. What was all this?! King Sombra looked over, flicking his eyes at his puppet. It really was difficult, wielding all that alicorn magic all at the same time. He hardened his grip over his golem, and the glassy-eyed expression returned. He’d not programmed that stupid hunk of crystal with real feelings so he could get cold hooves at the last second. He was an animated tool, and he would stay that way.
“Put Luna behind the defendant’s podium, slave,” the black stallion bade his puppet.
“Yes Master,” said Steel Wing robotically. Another mare shrieked when his other wing simply broke off, sending feathers everywhere. As it clattered down the steps the skeleton underneath glittered into view. No wonder nopony had ever seen him fly on the show. He was too heavy! Even when Rainbow Dash had tried to approach Luna he’d merely jumped to grab her, not flown. More than one Lunar Stallion cursed himself at the revelation. Whoever heard of a Pegasus that didn’t fly?! Steel Wing waded through Luna’s blood and picked her up around the middle. Walking with unnatural strength in his back legs, he deposited the limp alicorn behind the podium meant for the defense.
“Sit her up, now,” Sombra chuckled. “I can’t see her face.”
“Yes, Master.” The puppet droned, leaning and propping Luna upright. She small and weak was she, her head was barely tall enough to be seen over the podium. When she refused to sit upright, the fake pony set her chin on the podium instead. There she stayed. Steel Wing turned and went back to his post near the throne. He was smeared with her Majesty’s blood.
“Wake up, you dark-hearted bitch!” Sombra snapped, his horn-stub igniting. “It takes more than a sharp piece of metal to kill your kind!” an arching blast of magic snapped across the room like lightning. Luna shrieked, suddenly animated and awake again.
“Ohh! Oh gods!” she clutched at her breast, leaning over herself and pressing hard at her wound. She spattered silvery blood all over the table and marble floor around her. Her hemorrhaging had slowed while her alicorn physiology tried to keep up. Her weakened state had not helped, but even at her lowest the dagger had not slain her. It didn’t stay the white-hot agony, though. She clutched at herself, whimpering in pain and hunching pathetically. The silvery magic of her blood was clotting itself, but not very well. One more serious wound like that, and she really would die.
“Not quite gods, but not quite ponies either. As I’ve proven before,” Sombra smirked, throwing his chest out a bit. The fire around his eyes flared, and he licked his lips.
Luna looked up at him, and shock raced across her pale features. Then fear. Sweet and delicious fear. “Sombra!” she whispered in disbelief, pupils turning into pinpricks.
“Yes. Me.” He said. “Just you and me. The crystal walls will hold Celestia at bay until I’m done with you. They absorb magic, after all,” he gestured around the room. Luna looked around in horror at the fragmented, crystallized room. What had he done to her palace?!
“Y-you…” she tried to rise, but the wound in her breast was too much and she fell to her knees. She coughed rapidly, spattering the table with something sticky.
“You what? Fiend? Madpony? Villain?” he snapped angrily. “No different than you, Princess Luna. You stole a country from me. And now,” he gestured around himself. “We’re going to court for it.”
“You’re mad,” Luna spat, little sparks of defiance in her eyes.
“And you’re a thief! You stole the Crystal Empire from me!” Raw, powerful magic blasted across the room again, like a livewire of lightning. This time he held it so she could savor the pain. Five seconds was an eternity under his fury. Luna’s body convulsed back and forth. Her scream was absolutely heart-wrenching, and it tore at her throat. She hit the ground in a smoking heap. The Princess whimpered, her long legs bicycling wildly. Ponies in the audience hid themselves in the pews, terrified beyond all rational thought. “Now then. I’ve waited a thousand years or so, let’s stop trading clichéd lines.” He lowered his brow. “Slave, begin the proceedings.”
Steel Wing shuddered a little, his eyes flicking around. Then he turned to do his Majesty’s bidding. “Yes, Master.” He droned, walking forward at an even pace. “All rise!” he raised his voice and somehow kept it completely flat. Ponies stayed in the pews, shaking and huddled together like terrified foals. “…all rise!” Steel Wing repeated like a robot. Nopony moved. They were too scared.
“RISE!” Sombra’s roar concussed the room, shaking the foundations of the mountain Canterlot was built on. Ponies yelped, mewling and shivering to their hooves. They couldn’t look up at him, they were so terrified. They had to lean on each other to stay standing, and he could see them shaking like leaves. Good. Fear was a form of respect.
"His Majesty King Sombra, presiding." Steel Wing checked to see Sombra was in the throne, then turned back to the audience. "Be seated." The bailiff gestured lightly and the ponies hid themselves again, barely brave enough to peek over the lips of the pews to watch.
A folder lay on the steps where Sombra had conjured it. Steel Wing picked it up, flicking his crystalline eyes down as he mounted the steps. “Your Majesty, this is case number 00001 in the matter of King Sombra versus Princess Luna. Both parties are present, you may proceed when ready.” His flat tone was soulless. Sombra took the folder and nodded him away. The puppet turned and took up his regular post near the throne. The King smiled, displaying all his fangs as Luna glared up at him.
Celestia arrived from on high, having gone super-sonic between Ponyville and Canterlot. The explosion of displaced air made ponies across the city flinch, and sent insects skittering in circles as their brains scrambled. The alicorn Princess’ hooves snapped down to the stone, where she landed alongside a group of soldiers just outside the palace.
“Your Highness! Thank goodness you’re safe!” A soldier thrust his helmet off to salute her. “Some sort of crystalline structure has enveloped the throne room! Even the windows and doors are completely sealed off. What should we do?”
“There are hostages inside, captain,” Celestia said, walking quickly across the drawbridge and into the courtyard. She glanced up to see countless armored pegasi heaving and bucking at the black structure. It was no good. Even the strong, dive-bombing ones could only strain against the mountainous growth. “My sister is inside as well,” she looked down at him.
“Princess Luna?” he said, looking up at the palace fearfully. “What should we do?” he asked again. “If there are ponies inside, we can’t very well just blow it open like a collapsed mineshaft.”
“I agree,” Celestia murmured, studying the geometric chaos that had jutted out of her home. “It’s completely sealed from the inside… has anypony tried teleporting in?”
“Er, yes, actually,” the captain said with a troubled frown. “The best we got were a few broken muzzles. It was like they’d galloped straight into a wall, trying to teleport in.”
Celestia took a deep breath to steady herself. “We can’t break it, we can’t teleport in, and we can’t blow it up… what does that leave?” she closed her eyes and bowed her head for a time, thinking. Soldiers rushed to and fro all around her. The palace was being rapidly evacuated, as well as the streets around it. Royal guards, both solar and lunar, were rushing innocent ponies to safety and out of the reach of the odd black structure.
“We hope somepony inside has a plan, and keep working out here in the meantime,” said the captain, donning his helmet with a serious expression. “I’m going to send a few groups into the waterways, your Highness. Maybe there’s a pipeline or something we can burrow up through, directly through the palace itself.”
“Alright,” Celestia said, nodding. Spreading her wings, she flew around the palace to the far side of the intruding crystals. Landing neatly in the palace gardens, she made sure no innocent ponies were around to be harmed. Nodding to herself, she reared up on her hind legs and ignited her horn. All the fury of the SUN!
=-=-=-=
Sombra gave pause when the room gave a mild vibration, as though somepony had set off fireworks nearby. He smirked a little, “Try though they may, there’s no way in, I’m afraid.” He resettled his focus on Luna.
The poor alicorn was splattered with her own blood, confined to a teenage-like form, and looked to be on the edge of death. It didn’t keep the fire from her eyes, or the sneer from her lips, though. “You’ll not escape alive. Attempted assassination is a crime punishable by-!”
“By death? Just like the forceful unseating of a monarch?” King Sombra snapped. “You’ll speak when spoken to, or I’ll hold you in contempt.” Luna snorted, not amused by his clown-shoes stab at being a judge. “Or rather, I’ll hold them in contempt.” He gestured to the audience of innocent ponies, and the limp soldiers splayed out all over the room. “You’re in no shape to fight me, nor defend them.” Luna’s eyes narrowed defiantly, but she soon hung her head. “Good girl.” He ran his tongue over his left-front canine with a chuckle. “Now then. Princess Luna, you are being charged with the unseating of a monarch, the unlawful repossession of the Crystal Empire, and the unlawful imprisonment of a pony without trial or due process.” Luna could only quirk an eyebrow at his complaints. “Neither Equestria’s laws nor the laws of any other nation dictate the Crystal Empire. It is against statute 3009 dash 2 dash A3. ‘No country may puppet its laws unto another nation, nor interfere with its form of government or legislative system.’” Sombra flipped a few papers over as he spoke. He’d prepared for this! “How do you plead?” he flicked his gaze at her.
Luna stared at him, dumbfounded. “You took over and enslaved an entire nation! My sister and I could not sit idly by while you-!”
“How do you plead?!” Sombra snapped, stamping a mighty hoof down to silence her. “On the charge of unseating a ruler, how do you plead?” he gestured to the audience behind her with his stump of a horn. Alicorn magic burbled in the air around him, Luna could feel it.
The Princess couldn’t believe this circus. On her own throne no less! But she could do nothing at the moment. She was too weak, he was right. Hopefully Tia had been roused and was trying to get inside to aid her. She could only pray. Until then, she would have to play along. “G… guilty I suppose. My sister and I struck you down from your throne of lies and violence.”
“On the charge of unlawful repossession of a nation, how do you plead?” Sombra asked, carefully going through procedures (though he knew only a few of them).
“Not guilty.” Luna said.
“Why is that?!” Sombra snapped angrily, looking up.
“After we sealed you beneath the ice, the Crystal Empire vanished under your curse. We would not have had the opportunity to take something if we didn’t know where it was.” Luna smirked.
“…fair enough.” Sombra scowled. This bitch and her logic. This bitch and her… her LOGIC! It made him furious, but he was too busy enjoying himself to linger on it. He flipped over another paper.
“On the charge of unlawful imprisonment of a pony without trial or due process, how do you plead?” Sombra’s tone dared her to argue with that one.
“Unlawful? No. Due process? Perhaps guilty, yes.” Luna was scrubbing at her chest wound. Her alicorn physiology was desperately trying to knit it. But, her lack of magic and weakness was making it hard. The illusion of godhood to other ponies was often cited by alicorn ‘immortality’, when really it was all potent magic. A body that could heal almost instantly would look immortal to a passerby. “But as they say, all is fair in love and war. There are no laws when one nation attacks another.”
Sombra cocked his head with a scowl, “The court recognizes a plea of guilty from Princess Luna,” he told the puppet that used to be Steel Wing. The crystal-golem-pony nodded twice, but said nothing.
“I had freshly conquered the Crystal Empire, it’s true. And all is fair in love and war,” Sombra brushed the fur on his chest a bit. “However, nations change hooves all the time throughout history, by the blood of many. There was no logic in your attack on the Crystal Empire other than a personal vendetta against myself, the king.”
“Equestria-!” Luna began.
“Equestria has not attacked another nation in over a thousand years, and those attacks were merely to carve out her borders!” Sombra interrupted. “And in that millennia of complete peace time, you thought it right to turn and attack a nation that had just changed rulers. Neigh, all-but-assassinate it’s new ruler?”
“Something about a nation rising on the backs of slaves really brushed our mane the wrong way.” Luna said acidly, glaring at him from under her eyebrows. “And if it meant destroying one pony to save millions… so be it.”
“Cow flop,” Sombra snapped. “A nation freshly emerged from complete political uprooting needs cheap labor to rebuild what it once had. But you and your sister would not have it, because things were not done the way you would have done it.”
“There is a difference between cheap labor and slavery,” Luna shot back.
“What do you think I found in the coffers of the Crystal Palace, mere days after I destroyed the royal family, huhm? Mounds of gold? Stocks and bonds? A dragons horde? IOU’s from other nations?” Sombra clenched his teeth. “Neigh! Little more than three seasons worth of tax money and the title to a few thousand miles of tundra. When I took over the Crystal Empire, it was economically dead from resisting me!”
“Whose fault is that?” Luna whispered. A crackle of blinding lightning arced across the room, blasting Luna onto her back. Feathers went in all directions and she spasmed on the marble tile. Her screams were torturous and her hooves bicycled in the air.
“The court has granted permission to treat the accused as hostile. Set her up again,” Sombra snapped to Steel Wing.
“Yes Master,” droned the golem-pony, walking quickly and easily forward. He stepped on a fair number of unconscious Lunar Stallions while crossing the platform and toddling down the stairs. The tink-tank-tink-tank of his crystalline hooves was a little disturbing. He walked over bits of broken armor and stone, stepped in a bit of Luna’s blood, and his tail dragged over the debris. Leaning down with an expressionless, half-ripped off face, he turned Luna over. She looked up into his eyes, and for a split second they locked gazes.
Sombra waited patiently while Steel Wing brought Luna to her haunches behind the podium again. He watched his puppet lean down to spread her hooves properly, then rested her chin on it so she could be seen. Steel Wing turned, looking up at his Majesty for approval. Sombra nodded once. Steel Wing’s hoof rotated ninety degrees and he nudged the Princess as though to rouse her, then returned to his post.
Luna fidgeted, then finally lifted her head. She shuddered, very near the end of her strength. The room hummed again, and Sombra looked towards the ceiling. She looked too. The stalactites of black crystal hanging from the ceiling were waggling, making a sound like a wind-chime. Tia was trying to get in. No other creature was so mighty.
“As I was saying,” Sombra smirked. “There is no rebuilding a nation without monies, which I didn’t have. So, they could work or they could die when we ran out of food and fuel,” he shrugged a bit. “I do not care what messenger reached you saying what a mean ruler I was, I did what was necessary to rebuild my new empire. With slaves as needed.”
“My sister and I saw the state of things when we came to stop you,” Luna said weakly, lifting her head at last to look at him. “Misery and chains and sadness abound.”
“Funny how nations look bad only a few months after they’re conquered,” Sombra snorted. “Equestria should really go to war sometime. Taste it like every other nation has. Your country is fledgling when it comes to time, despite its ageless rulers.” The black stallion turned and flipped through a few more papers. “Now then, as you have pled guilty to… well, one and a half of the three crimes I have brought forth,” he smiled like he was being very fair to her, “We’ll discuss your punishment.”
“Punishment?” Luna said. “Art thou judge, jury, and executioner as well, Sombra?”
“King Sombra,” he corrected. “And yes, in the worst ways.” He conjured a great, black book from nowhere at all, his broken horn lighting. “The punishment for imprisoning a pony without due process in MY Crystal Empire is five lashes.”
“Five-- what now?” Luna stared.
“Well it couldn’t be death, or I would run out of soldiers rather quickly,” Sombra told her matter of factly. “Whenever you take over a nation, you have to destroy whatever rebellion remains. But if you jail a random pony who’s minding his own business, well…” he shrugged a bit. Luna stared at him, unsure of what to think of that. “Do you have any idea how many ponies I captured, tortured, and brow-beated in the months after I took over the Crystal Empire? I had to keep my soldiers in line so they didn’t just arrest anypony that sneezed at them.” He laughed at his own joke. “Unlike you, Princess Luna, who charged in horn blazing and sealed me in the ice for a thousand years!” Sombra roared angrily. His temperament swayed back and forth so wildly Luna wondered if he might be pregnant.
“I…see,” The Princess said carefully, tilting her head in confusion. A layer of Sombra’s ‘paper thin evil’ reputation fell away. It disturbed her, and blurred the lines of history just a bit. She didn’t like it.
“Therefore! Five lashes!” Sombra stamped a hoof to make it official. “My whip, slave,” he gestured to Steel Wing.
“What, now?!” Luna said, eyes wide. “What of my other charges?”
Sombra leaned and took the handle of the whip in his teeth when Steel Wing offered it to him. He set it down briefly so he could speak, “He who gives the punishment swings the whip, Princess. One thing at a time.” He smirked with all his fangs, then walked slowly from the throne. His hooves sounded forceful and metallic as he went down the stairs and across the defendant’s table from her. Luna’s eyes turned into pinpricks as he lifted the whip and unfurled it. “Will you turn and bear it with dignity? Or shall I pin you with your royal hiney in the air like a foal?”
Luna felt the tug of powerful alicorn magic on her ankles and thighs. She looked around fearfully. “Don’t touch my Princess!” a Lunar Stallion broke from the limp rabble to tackle Sombra, teeth flashing like a beast. Steel Wing stood motionless, as though stunned.
Sombra turned, eyes wide. His newly gathered magic coiled on instinct. Thunder without sound concussed the air. A shapeless, choking force grabbed the leaping stallion out of the air—shook him like a rag doll, then flung him to the far wall over a hundred feet away. He hit with a cry, spittle flying from his mouth. He slid to the floor, motionless, moaning pathetically. Sombra panted a little, as though he hadn’t been expecting such force out of his own magicks. He finally smiled again, trying not to slather down his front fangs like he sometimes did. Licking his two front teeth, he started past Luna, “The punishment for attacking the Crown is death!” he said. “Slave, fetch him to me,” he told Steel Wing.
Steel Wing flinched like he’d been slapped, jolting into movement again, “Yes Master.” The golem pony stomped past the terrified audience to the back of the room. He collected the soldier on his back and brought him forward to his Majesty.
“Wait,” Luna said. Sombra looked over, halfway through a spell that would turn his whip into a beheading sword. “Enough I-I…” she lowered herself to her belly, submissive. “I will bear my punishment, and more. Please, just don’t hurt my little ponies.” She said quietly. Her eyes were soft with tears. The sight of her subjects suffering at her behest, it had finally broken her. “Please,” she leaned her head down, as though to present the crown on her head.
Lured away from the soldier by the much tastier offering, Sombra leered at the Princess. “Very well. Try not to swallow your tongue, then.” He lifted the whip with his magic. “Drop him,” he said over his shoulder.
“Yes Master.” Steel Wing eaaaaased the limp soldier to the ground, letting him slide gently to the floor. Then he straightened up again, stock still.
Sombra lifted the whip, unfurled it, and let it fly behind himself before dashing it forward.
WHUP-CRCK!
Ponies across Equestria who were tuning in watched in horror. The ponies in the audience couldn’t look, and held each other. The soldiers strewn around the room could only twitch when they heard her cry out raggedly. Luna clenched her teeth, tears sprouting and going down her cheeks. Sombra lifted the whip again.
=-=-=-=
Celestia stared where she’d blasted, over and over, with the pure tectonic force of a pony that could move the sun. The crystal, which had been black as night, had blushed to a lighter shade of purple and pink. “It’s just the opposite,” she whispered. “The power crystals in the TV’s would turn black when given magic, but… these turn pink. Which means…” she suddenly smiled. “They’ll disperse.” Turning, she took wing to gather as many soldiers as she could. They still patrolled the castle grounds and nearby streets, looking for ponies that needed help getting away. She brought all the unicorns back with her, carried by eager pegasi. “Everypony line up!” Turning, she lit her horn. A great and golden ‘X’ appeared on the crystal where she’d been fruitlessly blasting for the past ten minutes or so.
“Unicorns up front, move move move!” Shining Armor had appeared out of the fray. “Line up! Ten ponies to a row, I want everypony else out of the way! Secure the perimeter!” he shouted orders while galloping to stand next to Celestia. “Your Majesty,” he bowed briefly, his Spartan-like helmet fluffing fur at her. “We’ve tried concentrating fire before, nothing has worked.”
"I thought you were deathly ill, Shining Armor." Celestia gave an earnest frown, remembering Cadence's letter. "When did you arrive?"
"W-well, not nearly as sick as Luna, My wife can over-exaggerate." Shining Armor tried to wave it off, but when Celestia frowned more deeply, he broke under the pressure. "Cadence doesn't know I gave her the slip! Please don't tattle! I couldn't just sit back and watch, so I teleported here! I came to help!"
“A greater captain, there is no other," Celestia smirked, "But you still need training in your husbandly duties."
"Ahem!" Shining Armor flushed, coughing loudly. It was light and airy, like an oncoming illness had struck him. Cadence had spoken like he was dying but... Celestia saw the quiver in his back legs. He was putting up a front. She sighed a little. Anything, for crown and country, it seemed. Even though he was technically the prince of another country right now he--! "How can we get in? We concentrated fire earlier!" he said very, very loudly.
The white alicorn shook her head. Silly stallion. His wife would kill him. But that was for later. "Well, you have an alicorn to help you now, Shining Armor,” Celestia smiled gently. “I believe there’s a threshold to be overcome. After that, whatever magic hits the crystals will help break them apart.”
“I can conjure about 4500 magi-jules,” the white stallion said, furrowing his brow worriedly. His horn lit and he blasted the high crystal wall. There was no effect. “How much do we need?” he asked her.
“We’ll have to find out.” Celestia said, tossing her mane. It was rare to see Celestia in such a battle-worthy mood, for she’d pushed her mane back so she can see better.
“You heard her Majesty!” Shining Armor shouted to the gathered troops. “I want full output from everypony here!” he took off his helmet to free his head and horn from the weight. The gathered ponies did the same. “Dig deep, remember your training and don’t cross the streams!” He furrowed his brow to lead them, sparkles and bits of light gathering to his cause. The whir of magic in the air grew and grew until it was almost deafening. Over fifty unicorns had gathered just from Celestia’s brief sweep of the castle grounds. “Er, your Majesty?” Shining Armor asked out of the side of his mouth while everypony was concentrating.
“Yes?” Celestia said, already focusing to follow suite with the soldiers.
“How many magi-jules can you put out?” he whispered curiously. “Us soldiers get measured once a month, but… I was just wondering, before things get crazy.” He offered her a coltish smile. The solar diarch saw the charming young stallion Cadance had fallen in love with in that honest smile.
Forty-nine unicorns raised their horns as one, brilliant beams of every color lancing forward into the side of the palace. Celestia smiled rather mischievously. She raised her horn, and her arcane beam dwarfed all of the others. Burning, frothing, swirling solar magic. “Oh my little pony… I bury the needle every time.”
Celestia and fifty unicorns stared up at the crystals surrounding the palace throne room, and the wing around it. Shining Armor swore under his breath. “Nothing,” the white alicorn whispered. “Not even a blemish!” The massive black monstrosity that had sprung out of the ground was unmoved by their combined might. It had turned pink and splotchy in a few spots, but even as they watched they only faded back to black again. “It’s like its rejecting us entirely…” Celestia squinted with her magical radar tucked over her eyes. The gigantic crystals had not filled up with magic and turned to dust as she’d thought. “What’s different about these, then…” she trailed off, caressing their dark auras with her own. Her feathery, psychic touch probed back and forth like surgeons hands and she found something familiar in them. “This feels just like…” she looked startled.
“What is it, Princess?” Shining Armor looked up.
“Now I know where all of Luna’s magic has gone,” Celestia whispered, her eyes softening. “Sombra knew I would be quick on the uptake to break in. He’s using Luna’s magic to power these crystals.”
“He’s what?!” Shining Armor gaped up at her in shock.
“Luna has been wasting away doing her TV show as I suspected. All that magic didn’t just disappear. It was harvested, and now it’s being used to keep us out.” Celestia said, sitting on her haunches slowly. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Begging your Majesty’s pardon, but aren’t you more powerful than Luna? Can’t you break through, especially with us here to help?” The white stallion asked, frustrated at the lack of progress thus far.
“Luna and I are two sides of the same coin, equal in powers both political and magical,” Celestia said with a patient smile. “Though that is flattering, thank you,” she snickered just a little. “But Luna’s magic is not the only magic in there.”
“Who else is it?” Shining Armor looked up. “Is it Sombra? Is he strong enough to hold back all these ponies, if Luna’s magic is cancelling yours out?” He could only try to fathom such a powerful unicorn. Shining Armor was no small potato when it came to magic. 4500 Magi-jules was enough to blanket a city with a shield and keep out a Changeling Army. How much would it take to keep out an army of war trained unicorns?!
“No, I think not,” Celestia said. More pieces were falling together in front of her, and the picture was simply breath-taking. “It’s everypony’s magic.”
“Everypony’s?” Shining asked, looking up at the palace.
“Everypony that watches TV anyway. All the unicorns.” Celestia almost smiled at the brilliance of it all. “Sombra must have been gathering magic for months, just for this. Luna’s magic to counteract mine, and the magic of the viewers to counteract the royal guard.”
“But civilians aren’t trained in battle magic,” Shining Armor cocked his head.
“No, but tens of thousands of unicorns can easily out-magic a paltry fifty,” Celestia said. “Sombra must’ve invented television and then sold the idea with his power crystals… his plan was much more complex than I thought,” she whispered. “Every unicorn watching TV helped with their own magic, even if they didn’t know it.”
“But that means—” Shining Armor whispered.
“That means there’s no getting inside until Sombra lets us,” Celestia hung her head.
=-=-=-=
Luna’s knees had long given out. Five lashes for unlawful imprisonment of a pony, and then ten more for an attempt on the king’s life (done by the other pony, for whom she’d stood in his stead). She lay there, bleeding and covered with red hot little welts along her back and rump. It was an effort just to breathe.
Sombra dropped the whip next to her, where it disappated into nothing. Turning, he walked regally back up the dais. He flicked a bit of Luna’s silvery alicorn blood from his cheek. “Your punishment has been given. Your crime will be expunged from your record in ninety days,” he said, striking something off of a paper in front of him. “Set her up again, slave, I tire of her rag doll act.”
“Yes M-Master,” Steel Wing toddled forward, and Luna met his eyes a second time when he was setting her up once more. She leaned on him heavily, her muscles screaming in hot pain. She could feel the drip of her blood from her ribs, down her sides, to drip off her under-carriage. The sunken-ness of her eyes was really starting to show. She looked at the golem pony with a mix of interest and bald curiosity. Strange creature, to be living right under her nose. She touched his face just once, but he gave only the mild reaction of pulling away. She watched the strange puppet-pony return to his post by the throne.
There was a long silence. Luna stared up at Sombra, and Sombra down at her. “Commendable,” he said after a moment. “Lesser ponies would be screaming and swearing at me by now. I sent many to their deaths for their defiance. Yet here you remain, level-headed and silent.”
“We are an alicorn,” Luna hissed in pain, trying to find a way to stand that didn’t involve the stretching pain on the many welts decorating her body. “We can bear all the world upon our shoulders.”
Sombra smirked a little, “I know. That’s why I brought you so low before striking. Otherwise you wouldn’t feel the pain. Your ilk can walk through a geyser of lava like dragons, there would have been no point just sauntering into the throne room to declare war on you.” He flipped through the papers in front of him. “Now then, the court recognizes the full cooperation of the accused, despite initial hostility,” he nodded over to Steel Wing. The golem-pony nodded once. “Therefore, sentencing will be lenient for further crimes.”
“What further crimes?” Luna wondered. Had the lashing, on national television, not been enough for him.
“You wrongfully imprisoned a pony, without trial or due process. For that you got lashes.” Sombra said, cocking his head at her. “For attacking the Crystal Empire, MY Crystal Empire, and unseating its ruler? There’s further punishment to be had.” A sadistic smile rose on one side of his mouth. “And its far worse than a whip’s sting, I assure you,”
“You mean to rape me, then?” blurted Luna, going straight to the darkest corners she could imagine.
“Please,” Sombra rolled his eyes. “I am a King, not some one-dimensional villain,” he shuffled through his papers, turning a few pages in the black tome in front of him. Luna surmised it was the Crystal Empire’s legislative dogma… probably written by Sombra himself. “Besides you’re too skinny and tall for me.” He said out of the side of his mouth.
“What?” Luna leaned, having not heard him.
“Ah, here it is,” Sombra arrived at the page he wanted. “’Under the rule of King Sombra, monarch of the Crystal Empire,’” he read aloud, “’The punishment for unseating the Crown of the Empire… is death.’” He flicked his slit-pupil’ed eyes up at her. That wasn't lenient at all! Luna was not surprised, but it didn’t keep the pale and oily look of despair from her face.
The room shuddered again, more firmly this time. Celestia and her forces were giving it their all. But with Luna’s magic and the magic of every unicorn in Equestria that had ever watched TV shielding them, they were not getting in. Sombra checked the ceiling briefly, silent, then seemed satisfied. Everything was holding just fine. Even of the great white bitch rallied all of Canterlot’s unicorns there would still be no getting in. Steel Wing looked from Sombra to Luna, silent as everypony studied the ceiling.
“Dost thou think to emerge alive from this?” Luna said a little haggardly, walking out from behind the defendant’s table. Steel Wing jittered a little, ready to pounce on her if she approached the judge of the court. “Kill me, and all of Equestria will be after your blood.”
“I trounced an empire hardened by the tundra and beset by blizzards. Alone.” Sombra set his law book aside and rose. Slowly, regally, he walked down the stairs. His red cape rippled around his hooves like liquid velvet. “Do you really think bright, sunny, virginal Equestria will be able to stand up to me?” he asked her. “Look into my eyes and say so.”
“Yes,” Luna’s voice quavered a little. She didn’t sound so sure, and in her sorry state it made the lie more obvious. “You are nothing but a terrible legend from centuries ago. Everypony will fight you.”
“And everypony will lose. Again.” Sombra snarled angrily, his brow lowering in his steely resolve. “Seizing power is what I’m good at!” He raised his voice and flung his billowing cape from his back. He turned sideways with a smirk letting Luna, the cameras, and the audience see. On his black-furred flank was a golden, jeweled crown that was broken in half. Luna couldn’t help but stare. It had never really occurred to her what Sombra’s cutie mark might be. ‘Being Evil’ was the easy answer but really, when he’d been a little colt he’d figured this out? How? Under what circumsta--!
“Now then,” Sombra interrupted her thoughts with a frown. “Upon your knees. You stand no taller than a mortal pony now, and you’ll not be any taller when you’re dead.”
“No,” Luna said defiantly. “Not until you let my little ponies go.” She nodded towards the audience and the camera ponies.
“There’s no letting them go,” Sombra threw his head back to laugh. “Equestria is mine now. They’ll be my subjects when you’re dead.”
“Celestia—!”
“Celestia will be no match against your magic and the magic of everypony else in the country, harvested to my use. How do you think I took over the Crystal Empire?” he smirked. “I killed all the royals and harvested their powers, one at a time. Each building on the last until there were none left.” He leaned up, into her face until their muzzles were almost touching. “And with the power of two alicorns under my sway, Equestria is mine.” He put a powerful hoof on her shoulder and, with some strength, forced Luna to her knees before him.
The Princess of the Night looked up at him, defiant tears in her eyes. She would not look away. She would not let him break her will. Her body. Her health. Her country. But not her will. Her Highness stared death in the face. She heard the whir of gathering magic. She saw the flickers and flecks of black gathering to his horn.
Sombra backed up a few steps, charging his horn with all the fury of a goddess and her country combined. His long, bizarre tongue came out to lick at his canines. He grinned at her from under his eyebrows, his outline aglow with dark magicks.
Steel Wing slowly went down the stairs of the dais, standing some paces away in case somepony should try to interfere. He swept his gaze over the audience, watching the ponies hold each other and weep. The camera ponies seemed comatose, able to do little more than stare and point their cameras whenever somepony was talking. The smattering of Lunar Stallions that were still conscious nursed broken bones and concussions. All was well.
“And now, Princess,” Sombra whispered to her, his horn aglow with everything he could give, “Face justice for your crimes.” Rearing up with a triumphant whinny of fury, the black stallion slammed his horn against hers. Black, oily magic leapt forth to engorge her body. Her eyes turned into pinpricks. Her muscles seized up. She could hear herself scream, the pain was too great. The high-pitched whine in her ears sounded like… like a television, when you first turned it on. That little ‘wiiiiiii’ that was in your inner ear before the sound kicked in. She hunched forward while Sombra pressed her down. The cold touch of the marble on her nose was icy and confusing compared to the world-shattering pain that was already scrambling her brain in directions she never knew possible. Tears rained out of her eyes as even her tail lashed wildly about.
Steel Wing watched with a blank face. “Ahhh! Oh gods! OH GODS!” Luna convulsed like a frog wired to a car battery, screaming and tearing at herself in wild, feral agony. Steel Wing looked from the Princess, to Sombra, to the cameras, to the audience, to the fallen Lunar Stallions. “Help me! Help meeee!” the stench of burnt flesh began to get stronger. The golem pony looked at the floor, as though deep in cosmic ponderings. “Mother! Mother-rrrrrr!” Luna bayed, curling into a ball before spasming out to her full length again. “Mother-rrrrr!” Another arc of black magic whipped violently up and down her frame, sending her hooves flying in all directions as she lost complete control of herself. Steel Wing cocked his head, looking at the ceiling. Something was touching his mind, and it wasn’t Sombra. The black stallion had let go of him from the moment to focus everything he had on Luna.
“Die,” Sombra whispered, gritting his teeth in concentration. The alicorn body would not break so easily, even as weak as it was. He had to give it everything he had to make the heart finally give out. “Just die,” he soothed, pressing harder and harder. He placed a powerful hoof on Luna’s shoulder, holding her down as he fried her with her own magic. “It’ll all be over when you die.” Steel Wing blinked a few times.
“Thank you, Steel Wing.”
“Steel Wing, fetch her contract.”
“Steel Wing, aid me.”
“Steel Wing, return to thy post.”
“Wilt thou watch me bathe, Steel Wing?”
“Good work, Steel Wing.”
“Forgive my bailiff, Steel Wing.”
“Steel Wing!”
“Steel… Wing,” the golem with half a face whispered. “Steel Wing.” Suddenly he came back to himself. With all the concussive force of a ground-zero clap of thunder the puppet slammed himself into Sombra with all his might! The death spell misfired, trails of black lightning streaming across the room and blasting columns into ash. Luna flopped limply down like a rag doll. The audience threw themselves under their seats, screaming in terror. Steel Wing carried his master like a hoofball player’s ball, listening to him roar and writhe until they met the black and glassy surface of the wall. The golem kept going. He had no muscles, no pain to stop him from pressing forward. How? Well... ponies say that only diamonds can cut diamonds, and Steel Wing was made of the same stuff. Sombra’s bones began to break as the two of them smashed out of the barrier, into open air! They fell five stories to the courtyard below.
=-=-=-=
“Princess Celestia!” An armored pegasus swooped down from on high. “There’s been a breach! A breach in the courtyard! Two ponies just blasted their way out and fell to the cobble!”
Celestia snapped her wings open, launching herself skyward as her soldiers stampeded in the same direction. “Secure the walkways!” Shining Armor could be heard far below. The white alicorn powered forward, not caring at all who she left behind. She landed hard, at a gallop, afraid of what she might find.
Sombra lay, twisted bones well beyond death, on the cobble. A silent puddle of red grew around him, and he did not move. His crown had slipped from his head, and lay to one side of him amongst the shards of black crystal debris. It was as though he’d been thrown out of a window.
The second figure made Celestia flinch back. He was an ugly, misshapen, crystalized thing. Strips of raw flesh hung from him here and there, and the beads of his eyes were nothing more than black diamond. The stubs of wings on his back bled some sort of grey powder. He was struggling to his hooves, muttering and twitching incoherently.
Ponies suddenly flooded the courtyard as the crystalinne pony found his legs, tottering back and forth. “What is that?!” Somepony shouted at the abomination. “It’s a monster!” Somepony else shouted.
Celestia stared as the strange creature teetered back and forth. She could see the massive cracks in his legs, along his barrel and in his face. Some sort of fleshy shell had been over him, but it was all but gone now. With a mix of pity and revulsion, she watched him try to stand over and over. Bits and chips of his legs kept coming off like so much slate stone. “What are you? Who are you?” she whispered, opening her wings in case it attacked.
It turned slowly, quivering all over with structural weakness. It made clinking sounds all over when it moved, like somepony was grinding glass with a mortar and pestle. “My name is… my name is…” he could speak, but it was broken and craggy. It gave up telling her his name when his front legs snapped off like brittle icicles. He fell forward onto his belly with an audible whimper, shaking like a leaf. “H-Help Luna...ah…” It fell face first, shattering into a million pieces like so much glass. Celestia stared for a long few moments, then quickly took wing.
The crisp dawn was a cold one for all of Canterlot. News had spread like wildfire that Princess Luna was in the hospital, hanging on by a thread. Ponies gathered in droves around the hospital holding candles, mounding flowers against the outside walls, and eagerly watching all the windows in case an alicorn should wander by.
Celestia had gently lowered the moon, sent the sun upward, and had forsaken the rest of her royal duties since then. The world could wait when a goddess lay dying. Now and then the solar diarch would glance out the windows and the crowds and crowds of eagerly waiting ponies. They looked so frightened. She could understand it. Luna and Celestia were the two things in the world that never changed, never faltered, never moved. They were the rocks of the grand kingdom they’d built centuries ago.
A worn paperback novel lay on a sitting pillow next to Celestia, but she could not concentrate on it. Her gaze kept sliding to Luna. The layers and layers of gauze around her rump and midriff hid the whipping welts. Seventeen stitches had been laid over her breast where a knife had been plunged between her ribs. She had an oxygen mask pressed over her muzzle, which rhythmically fogged with her labored breathing. She was worse than a mess. If Luna was anypony else, anypony else at all, she would be dead. Not even Celestia was sure she could survive such a beating after being ill for so many months.
Sombra’s plan as Machiavellian—slow, careful, and complete. Thankfully he had let go of his puppet-golem pony long enough for it to question why it had to take orders. Celestia felt no love for the strange, artificial pony, and had had the pieces swept up and placed in a crate for study. The black stallion had created new magic, perhaps Twilight Sparkle would like to study it or some such later.
Celestia put a gentle hoof over Luna’s, hunching and looking at her tiny face. Not even Luna’s whispy alicorn mane remained, she’d been so weakened. The day Princess had, of course, sent orders to the four corners of the nation that all televisions were to be destroyed. Entire platoons had been deployed to towns to hunt them down, smash them, confiscate their crystals, and relay medical information for any sick unicorns. It was quite an undertaking. All of Equestria had been played for fools.
Leaning, Celestia stroked her poor sister’s brow as she lay there unconscious. The doctors weren’t sure what to do other than dress her wounds and give her bed rest. Until she woke up, if she woke up, there was little they could help with. Alicorns didn’t get sick. Alicorns didn’t get poisoned, or beaten down, or harmed. They were supposed to be immortal. They had no context to work with other than a normal unicorn’s, and that wasn’t enough. “Oh Luna,” Celestia whispered, bowing her head. “If only I’d been faster, or realized sooner. It was right under my nose the entire time.” She flinched when a nurse entered.
“Pardon me,” the brown stallion murmured softly. He made his way across the room, checking the chart on the bed. He offered Celestia a pained, trying-very-hard sort of smile. She knew the poor thing didn’t know what to say. Leaning, he checked the hanging vitamin bag. They’d been giving Luna fluids since she’d gotten to the hospital, praying nature’s call might wake her. Celestia studied the bandaid on the stallion’s flank as he moved quickly and gracefully to see to Luna. He scribbled a little on a chart, leaning and checking her wraps, stitches, and machine-fed patterns. No changes thus far, but it had been less than a day. “Your majesty,” he bowed, turning to let her be alone with her sister once more.
Celestia offered the warmest smile she could conjure, then settled back to her sitting pillow next to her sister. “I’ll not leave your side, Lulu, I promise,” she whispered softly. Then, like a great white swan, she tucked her head under her wing to see if she might find sleep. It took ages, but she managed a light and fitful rest. Outside, Equestria held its breath.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Many days later… =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Even weeks later the newspapers flew off the stands as more and more details began to emerge. Ponies traded rumors about the health of the Princess, guards constantly having to assure citizens that she was still alive. They traded rumors about Steel Wing, the not-pony monster that had shown up in the Midnight Court. They whispered fearfully for their Princess’ health, holding candlelight vigils and even standing in the rain when it came. The newspapers didn’t help:
Princess Takes the Whip for Equestria!
Judge Luna Judges King Sombra!
Golem Guards Ponies: Mere Mares or Mammoth Myths?
Princess Luna Still Comatose, the Wasting Disease that Shocked Celestia!
All of them were decorated with violent scenes of Luna’s broken body, the palace in ruins, and blurry shots of a golem-pony smashing through a wall. Canterlot all but shut down in the rebuilding efforts.
Unicorns gathered in droves not to break the massive crystal structures, but to move it. This meant destroying a few walls of the castle, but they soon found the strength in numbers. Gathering from all over they heaved at the impossible weight to lift it away. Royal guard stood arm-in-arm with noblepony who stood arm-in-arm with the common unicorn. Even Celestia called it a miracle as they moved the massive piece of black rock off the mountain, into the valley below, and then dropped it in the Everfree Forest where it wouldn’t cause any harm. Some ponies speculated its evil magic might spread through the forest, but Celestia assured them it wouldn’t. After all, if one dropped a shield in the woods, it would not get up and start hurting animals. That was the sort of magic at work here.
As soon as the intruding crystal was gone rebuilding efforts were underway. If nothing else the ponies of Equestria adored the Royal Palace. It was part of the Canterlot skyline after all! Monies, workers, and supplies came pouring in from all sides to aid in the rebuilding efforts, and soon the palace was surrounded with scaffolding and working ponies. They swarmed over the structure like so many brightly-colored ants, clearing away debris and making ready to start anew with stone and metal and glass.
Celestia would not be pulled from her sister’s side, though, outside of complete necessity. Ponies got into the habit of sending Royal paperwork and the like to the hospital. Celestia was given a little collapsing desk so she could read and do a little bit of work while she waited for Luna to make even the slightest sound. Otherwise, she would see nopony.
She watched the fur grow back around Luna’s stitches, and even saw the medical ponies change her bandages several times over. The welts and lacerations slowly began to recede into scars. When Celestia asked about them, the rather embarrassed doctors told her she would probably have them for the rest of her life. But, since her fur was dark and the scars faded, nopony would see unless she outright shaved her rump. (That had gotten a rare smile out of Celestia.)
Meanwhile, the medical staff installed a feeding tube, kept Luna on watch at all times, and even had a pony to come in and help her stay clean. It was a little bit amusing to see Luna get her mane washed and styled while she slept. It was all very painful for the white alicorn to watch, but slow and steady progress was being made. Even if it was one point on one chart each day, Celestia felt good about it. Luna’s brain activity was normal, and her bodily functions were fine, she just… didn’t wake up.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Many Days After That… =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Luna’s eyes snapped open when she felt a cold rag pressed on one side of her face. She gave a loud, mare-ish shriek and sat bolt up as the oxygen mask came tumbling off of her face. The stallion-nurse whinnied wildly, cartwheeling backward over himself as all four legs bicycled into the air. The rag went flying. “Where are we?! What is-?!”
Celestia’s desk overturned itself as the alicorn ran it over, “Doctor!” she cried. “Doctor! She’s awake!” Luna looked up at her trembling sister with a sleepy-eyed expression. “You’re going to be okay, Luna. I promise.” She hugged her as gently as she could, tears suddenly rolling down her cheeks.
“Mrrrph-mrm-uhrm,” Luna said into Celestia’s breast, squirming on the hospital bed. A trio of medical ponies piled into the room, running over the poor nurse in the process. The dark alicorn was surrounded instantly, being poked and prodded and asked if her pinions hurt. Luna looked around blearily, not sure what to make of much of anything around her. “Tia?” she said in a small voice.
“Let her be for just a moment, she’s only just awakened,” Celestia said gently.
“How long…?” Luna said, touching her forehead and furrowing her brow.
“A little over a month, sister.” Celestia said softly, settling on her belly next to her. “You’ve had surgeries, stitches, bandages, and so much more…” she bit her lip a little. She watched Luna slowly trace a hoof over the knife wound in her breast. The stitches were still there, black and shiny like a beetle’s back. Then she saw her lip begin to quiver and she hugged Luna again.
“Sh-sh-shhhh… it’s alright, you’re going to be alright.” Celestia said, curling her wings around her sister in a wing-hug as well. They nuzzled tenderly, Luna’s cheek resting on Celestia’s chest. “Can she be moved home? To the palace?” she asked the doctors.
“If you take a full medical staff with you,” the doctor told the Princess, cocking his head in an unsure way. Celestia made a face.
“We could not take so many ponies from the hospital, we’ll stay here,” Luna whispered, lying back against her pillows. Seeing her sister’s look, the Princess of the Night smiled weakly, “This bed is just as comfortable and—” Her stomach burbled, turning and frothing on itself. “Restroom!” she whined, clutching at herself. Celestia helped Luna to the little sideroom. As soon as they emerged, “We are hungry,” she said. The doctor’s smiled. That was an excellent sign on the road to recovery.
=-=-=-=-=
Two and a half months after her admittance to the hospital, Luna emerged of her own willpower. Celestia walked next to her in case she might fall or strain her legs so much. The dark Princess had lost a bit of weight and was a little on the skinny side from lying in bed all day. “Are you sure you’re ready, Luna?” Celestia said softly. “You can stay another week if you like.”
“Neigh,” Luna said softly. “I belong out there, with our little ponies,” she smiled affectionately as the double doors opened. A roaring, cheering crowd was there to greet her. The shorter of the two alicorns smiled shyly, almost hiding under Celestia’s extended wing. The Princess of the night looked to one side when her sister gestured. The flowers and get-well-soon cards were still mounded around the hospital. The bouquets had spread their seeds and pollen, and had erupted into a vast garden of wildflowers. Luna smiled again, somewhat shyly. She hadn’t known so many would care when she was so sickly. It filled her heart with joy.
“Princess! We’re so glad you’re better!”
“Princess Luna! I can’t believe you stood up to that Sombra guy all alone!”
“Princess, look this way!”
“Princess Luna’s back!”
The crowd was pushed back by armored ponies of the royal guard, both solar and lunar, to make way for the two Princesses. An enclosed chariot awaited to take them both home. When the door closed and the crowd of happy ponies was muted, Luna looked at Celestia. “What became of Sombra? And Steel Wing?” she hadn’t thought to ask, having been so busy recovering and trying to knit for so long.
“I sent King Sombra’s remains to the Crystal Empire,” Celestia said gently. “Cadance promised to bury him on the tundra so he wouldn’t be disturbed.”
“Why?” Luna said, frowning.
“Well, legally speaking he was the King of the Crystal Empire for a time,” Celestia admitted. “It seemed only fair he be buried there.” Luna was silent for a time, then nodded her agreement. Vicious and evil though he had been in the throne room, he had not been wrong. Justice and vengeance were not the same, though, and that had been his downfall. Well, that and trying to kill her and usurp control of Equestria. Luna harbored no sympathy, but in her heart of hearts she did not deny his half-legal reasoning. There was a line, though, and he’d crossed it. “As for Steel Wing,” Celestia said softly, cocking her head. “I had to ask a lot of ponies plenty of questions to find out about him.” Luna touched her stitches sorely, frowning and lowering her gaze. “It wasn’t me he guarded, Luna, nor me that he betrayed and stabbed in the chest,” the white alicorn lit her horn. A rather large urn that clanked with shifting, broken glass inside levitated out from under the cushioned seats. “But it was not me whom he saved, either. I could not decide what to do with him.”
“He was some sort of golem, yes?” Luna leaned and pulled the lid off the bulky urn, looking inside. “Can he be restored?”
“Maybe, I don’t know,” Celestia said. “I’ve never seen an artificial pony before. It was new magic.” Both sisters looked at the broken, shattered bits of Steel Wing glittering before them. “Do you want to bring him back? He almost killed you, Luna.”
“I don’t know,” Luna admitted softly. “He saved me as well. I would be dead if not for him,” she murmured, staring intently at the shards before closing the lid again. “It would take ages, and magic quite powerful to put him back together and animate him the way he was, with all his memories.” She sank back into her chair. “I am still recovering, sister, I can do no such thing.”
“Then I leave him in your hooves,” Celestia said, gently setting the urn next to Luna. The palace could be seen slowly coming into view outside the chariot. “We’re almost home,” she smiled.
Luna nodded, eager to rest in her own bed. Her TV show Judge Luna was over, more than over, but the palace still called. When she was back to her full strength, she would sit on the throne and continue to hoof down justice.
=-=-=-=
The mane six stood huddled around Spike, who looked positively ill. He’d been haulking and groaning and holding his belly for almost twenty minutes now, and they weren’t sure what to do. To be honest, the poor thing looked constipated. “H’oh boy…. H’oh boy here it comes *BRAAAAAPPP!!!*” Everypony backed up when a massive shape of fire blasted out of Spike’s mouth. It swirled, frothed, then poof’d into a big wooden crate. Spike moaned dizzily, then flopped over on his side. Fluttershy and Rarity leaned over him worriedly.
“What’s this?” Twilight Sparkle stared. “The Princess should know better than to send packages through Spike, they give him tummy aches!”
Rainbow Dash zoomed over, checking the tag, “Eh, it’s from Princess Luna,” she pointed with a hoof, turning it over to show them. Sure enough, the night Princess’ spidery handwriting was all over the label, tag, and shipping information.
Lighting her horn, Twilight took the envelope attached to the side and unfurled the note, “To Twilight Sparkle. I’ve a bit of a puzzle for you,” she read aloud. “Please be very gentle with him.”
“Him?” Applejack wondered, waiting for Twilight to nod so she could pry the box open. A bit of grunting and earth pony strength later, the wooden planks had been pried open and the straw tossed aside. “It’s an urn,” Applejack made a face. “Ah hope you ain’t learnin’ how to bring dead ponies back to life, Twilight?”
“I don’t think so,” Twilight said, coming close to take the lid off. Hundreds of crystal shards glittered at her when she did, and she pulled a photograph from the top of the pile. “Huh,” she mumbled. It was a picture of Steel Wing and Princess Luna, doing the Judge Luna show. There was a big red arrow pointing at him. On the back, in a few short sentences, Luna tried to explain. Twilight’s eyes were getting wider and wider as she read. Pinkie fished into the urn and got a disembodied hoof out. She gave it a hoof-bump, giggling loudly before dropping it back inside. Now it was only a matter of time and magic.
