While in a state of depression, Deadpool discovers the wonder that is MLP:FiM. Intrigued by the show, Deadpool finds a way into the world of Equestria and decides upon himself that this is the solution to his bored life. What that means exactly...
After successfully completing another mercenary mission, Deadpool feels that he is living an unfulfilled life. As he flips through his television, he discovers a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Deadpool becomes instantly obsessed, and not long after, he starts comparing and contrasting the world he lives in today to the world of Equestria. He suddenly concludes to himself that Equestria would be a better place to live in...
After successfully completing another mercenary job and killing another president of Unimportania, Deadpool returned to his apartment and sat down bored in his chair.
He gave another sigh that was slightly louder.
After a pause, he reached for his remote and turned on the TV.
“And in recent news,” the television spoke. “Scientists have reached a breakthrough in medical advancements, having discovered the cure for-”
“SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!”
[What is it?]
Deadpool slumped in his chair. “It’s nothing...”
[Well if it’s nothing then I’ll just probably lea-]
“Nooooo~” Deadpool whined.
[Look. Arguing with your subconscious isn’t really an effective way to entertain yourself]
{In fact! It just shows how much crazier you are, you knucklehead!}
“But I’m bored~”
[Alright, let’s analyze this thoroughly. Why exactly are you bored?]
Deadpool always hated analyzing his problems, which is probably why he always hated mathematics or why he never bothers to go see a therapist. He slumped in his chair once again as he thought to himself why he was in such a rut. The day started out like any other day. He woke up (like always), got his mercenary job (as usual), went through hell and back to kill his target (nothing new), but otherwise it went successful (per the norm), so what was the problem? The day started out like any other day...
‘Like any other day’
It was at that point Deadpool realized everything.
“I realize everything.” said Deadpool.
[...]
{...}
[Are...Are you gonna tell us?]
“Why should I? You’re my subconscious afterall, so you should know already.”
{But let’s just say it for the sake of that one guy right there!}
“Oh you mean that one guy IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN?!” Deadpool dramatically pointed in no direction in particular.
{A little more to your left!}
“ANYWAY!” Deadpool organized his living room to look like a classroom complete with a blackboard, 5 rows of empty desks, an American flag, and a fern (to brighten the room, of course).
“Listen up, class! I’ve been at the mercenary game for many years now, and I’ve finally reached my mid-life crisis! Day in and day out it’s been- ‘BANG! BA-BANG, SLICE SCHLICK!’- and it’s come to the point where I’m sick of it all!”
{But we have all these shweet guns!}
[What’s the point? We prefer to use dual pistols, anyway.]
Deadpool waved his index finger. “Hey, you two didn’t raise your hands.”
[We’re sorry}
“I’ll see you both in detention.”
After dealing with his two terribly troubled students, Deadpool suddenly gave a triumphant pose and raised both his arms in the air.
“Alright! Now that I’ve realized my problem, the question now is: What am I going to do about it?”
Deadpool dramatically thrusted his pointer finger, again.
“I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’M GOING TO DO!” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deadpool flipped through the channels with his TV remote as he slumped back on his easy chair while eating a tub of chocolate ice cream.
[This is your answer?]
“I can’t help it! I’m weak...when the mood suits it!”
{Hey it could be worse. At least your not in a bathrobe to represent how sloppy and lazy you are}
“...” ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Deadpool flipped through the channels with his TV remote as he slumped back on his easy chair while eating a tub of chocolate ice cream while also wearing his bathrobe.
“Oh television, you always know how to cheer me up when I’m down.”
The TV displayed various shows that Deadpool hoped to entertain his boredom. In fact, some of the shows Deadpool searched shouldn’t even have existed in his universe, but then again who gives a crap?
“Cartoon Network presents: The Super Hero Squad Show!”
“Eh.” Deadpool changed the channel.
“Up next, Disney XD presents: Ultimate Spider-Man!”
“Ew.”
With each mediocre show appearing before him, Deadpool slowly rised out of his seat with each channel he flipped through out of frustration.
“We now return to the FX movie premiere of: X-Men Origins: Wolverine.”
“NO!”
Deadpool slammed on his remote.
“My Little Pony, My Little Pony...” the television sang.
“Oh. Heh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, eh?”
{A show about a bunch of Technicolor fictional ponies ought to be good, right?}
[At least it’s not an obligatory Marvel reference.]
“Well whatever it is, it’s my ticket to a busy afternoon,” Deadpool said as he made himself a bowl of popcorn. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11 episodes later
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap Up!
Let's finish our holiday cheer
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap Up!
'Cause tomorrow spring is here
Winter Wrap Up! Winter Wrap Up!
“ 'Cause tomorrow spring is here ,” Deadpool sang along.
Deadpool was certainly surprised. Despite the show’s premise, he actually enjoyed watching it. Even after a few episodes in he suddenly cared about these characters that were presented to him. He cared for the soft and timid Fluttershy, he laughed along with the oh-so energetic Pinkie Pie, he got fired up with Rainbow Dash and her attitude of awesomeness. Yes indeed, the Merc with a Mouth was becoming a brony.
[Oh dear, I think he’s far gone.]
{We went in too deep! Pull back! Pull back!}
“Hey, don’t insult me just because I like this show.”
[You do know what show you’re watching, right?]
{Yeah! My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Wait, isn’t that show for little girls?}
Deadpool was silent until he stood up from his chair.
“It doesn’t matter what the preferred demographic for this show is! All that matters is that if you enjoy watching a show, then you should watch it! So what if the show is about the lives of colorful ponies in a very merry-go-happy setting? So what if the main characters mostly consist of females? I’m sure many people will come into this thinking that this show is girly, stupid, cheap, for babies or an evil corporate commercial. In fact, I congratulate those who come in with an open mind because then they maybe in for a surprise! I can certainly attest to this, however: this isn’t your average show for little kids. It’s an intelligent show that takes it’s audience seriously and grown ups who do watch the show should do so without feeling embarrassed!”
Deadpool finished by making a triumphant pose.
[Who knew that fans of a show about ponies would be so vocal?]
{Eh, I think that’s just him being him}
Deadpool sat back down on his chair. “Y’know, the rest of the world can learn a thing or two from My Little Pony,” he said as he ate a handful of popcorn. “I mean, let’s face it: the world nowadays sucks.”
[That’s a blunt way of putting things]
“Not like Equestria, though,” Deadpool rested his arm on the chair’s armrest. “If I lived there, I would have the time of my life.”
[Uh-oh.]
{What is it?}
[I just read this fanfic’s premise.]
“Epiphany!” Deadpool shouted. “I’m going to Equestria!”
[Oh no.]
{Hey, don’t worry. It’s not like he has any way of getting there, right?}
“Double epiphany!”
In the past, there were a great many things that stood in the way of Deadpool’s goals, but he would find a way to get past them in the end. Even with how nonsensical his current goal was, Deadpool was so certain that nothing would get in his way even now.
However, Deadpool suddenly realized how ridiculous this whole thing was. He was struck with reality when he realized that it was impossible to transport himself all the way to
...
All the way to-
...
-to Equestri- Huh? Deadpool...? WHaT?! No wAiT! HeY! STop! WAAAAH!
AND SO DEADPOOL HAD THE POWERS TO TRANSPORT HIMSELF TO EQUESTRIA!
[Well that escalated quickly]
RELAX> THE AUTHOR’S FINE< HE"S JUST A BIT KNOCKED OUT>
[Can you cool it with the cap lock, please?]
CAPS LOCK? I"M JUST HOLDING DOWN SHIFT WHILE TYPING EVERYTHING>
{Besides, typing everything in caps shows how serious you are about something!}
“And now that that’s out of the way, onwards to Equestria!” I SAID ENTHUSIASTICALLY>
SO THEN I WAVED MY HANDS AND SHOT A BEAM AT MY TELEVISION< WHICH WAS A PORTAL TO EQUESTRIA> I THEN JUMPED INTO THE PORTAL>
BY THE WAY< I ALSO COMMAND THAT THE AUTHOR REMEMBERS NONE OF THIS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER>
Quick “Before you read” Note: The setting of Equestria takes place sometime in Season 3. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was rare for Princess Celestia to show up in Ponyville, but whenever she did, everypony knew that there was something important going on, and this time was no different.
A few days ago, a portal appeared above Ponyville which caused quite a stir among the townspeople. The princess soon heard the news about the strange anomaly and traveled to the town to try and find out what she could.
“My little ponies,” Celestia announced. “I understand that a strange portal has suddenly appeared above this very town.”
The various citizens of Ponyville gave murmured replies of concern in response.
Celestia continued. “Well I am here to say that I have sent in the Royal Guard to investigate, so there’s no need to worry!”
The citizens then gave a collective sigh of relief.
However, behind the crowd that was listening to Princess Celestia, a certain worried and faithful student of hers sighed, doubtful of the princess’ reassuring words.
“Something wrong, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “Don’t get me wrong, Rainbow, it’s not like I don’t trust Princess Celestia...”
Being her most trusted student, that was a guarantee, but Twilight still felt that there was something about the strange portal that she needed to see for herself. Twilight was always the curious type, and the current situation was definitely a contender for ‘curiousity peaker.’
“You wanna go look at that portal, don’t ya?” Rainbow Dash asked with excitement.
“Again, I’m not doubting the princess’ wisdom, but...yeah.” Twilight scratched the back of her head with her hoof.
“Then let’s go!” Rainbow Dash said right up in Twilight’s face.
“What?”
“I said let’s go!” Rainbow Dash was racing all around Twilight at this point. “Who knows what’s in that portal? I mean, it could be something that’s TOTALLY AWESOME!”
It seemed that the portal got the better of Rainbow Dash’s curiosity as well.
“Rainbow!” Twilight stopped her in her tracks. “I don’t want to go look at that portal just to satisfy my adrenaline. This is all for the sake of science!”
“Yeah, yeah sure,” Rainbow Dash waved her hoof dismissively. “For science and all that. C’mon, let’s go!”
Rainbow Dash grabbed Twilight’s hoof and ran towards the direction where the mysterious portal was floating over. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Both Rainbow and Twilight looked above as the portal was right below an empty field. Well, the field wasn’t really that empty anymore what with the princess’ Royal Guard scattered along it as they tried to investigate the portal. The two Elements of Harmony watched as the guards talked amongst each other.
“We could try to send in one of us to see where it goes.” One guard said to another.
“It’s too dangerous. There’s no telling where that portal leads.”
“Well what if we tie something with a string and send that into the portal?”
“That’s too vague. Even if it returns without a scratch we still wouldn’t know what’s on the other side.”
Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were hiding behind a tree as they listened in on the guards’ conversation. It appeared that the Royal Guard were at a loss of how to investigate the portal without taking great risks and it appeared that they were open to suggestions. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash had an idea.
“The portal is facing directly below us! How are we even supposed to know what the heck is on the other side?!” A guard finally snapped.
“Did somepony call for a daring, high-flying volunteer?”
The guards looked to see Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty, standing with a heroic pose next to the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle.
“Rainbow Dash? Twilight Sparkle?” wondered one of the guards. “What are you two doing here?”
“Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?” Twilight whispered to her friend.
“I’m getting us a one way ticket to that portal.” Rainbow whispered back.
“Wait a second...” One of the guards realized what Rainbow Dash meant when she said ‘volunteer.’ “You’re not seriously suggesting that you would go up to the portal-”
“That is exactly what I’m suggesting!” yelled Rainbow Dash. “Look, you guys need a way to investigate that portal, and I’m willing to fly up there and go check it out!”
“Seriously, Rainbow, this isn’t a good ide-”
Rainbow Dash immediately covered Twilight’s mouth with her hoof. “Don’t mind Miss Sparkle here, fellas. She’s just a little worried for her friend here.”
“Understandably so,” said a guard. “I, myself, don’t think sending you up there is such a good idea.”
“Well if you guys have a better plan than mine, then feel free to speak up.” Rainbow Dash waited to hear the Royal Guards’ response.
All of the guards looked at each other with troubled expressions. While it was true that they were with a lack of ideas, but even so they all felt that Rainbow Dash’s suggestion was out of the question.
“We appreciate your help, Rainbow Dash, but I think you should leave things to the professionals.”
Having handled that situation, the guards slowly went back to discussing amongst themselves what to do about the portal.
“Wait,” Rainbow Dash tried to get back their attention. “Really...I can...”
Unfortunately nopony was listening to her.
“It’s alright, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight tried to comfort her friend. “I didn’t really think they’d let us go through with it.”
Rainbow Dash was getting desperate. She really wanted to know what was on the other side of that portal, and time was running out.
“Uh, um...it’s Princess Celestia’s orders that I personally check out the portal!” she suddenly yelled out.
“What?” a few of the guards spurted out.
“WHAT?!” Twilight screamed out.
“Yeah...” There was no point in chickening out at this point. “The princess, um asked me to go investigate the portal?”
“She asked you?” a guard repeated. “But we never got the debriefing from her about that...”
”Will you excuse us for a moment?” Twilight addressed the guards.
Before they could respond, Twilight suddenly pulled Rainbow Dash to the side in order to talk with her.
“What are you doing?!” Twilight asked furiously.
“Look,” Rainbow Dash whispered. “This is our only chance to check out that portal. I thought you wanted to see it?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to lie in order to get to it!”
“Okay, I admit, that was a little extreme on my part,” Rainbow Dash looked at her friend regretfully. “But maybe, extreme times call for extreme measures, right?”
“Rainbow Dash. What about that portal is so important to you?” Twilight finally asked. “Why do you want to check it out so much?”
Rainbow Dash suddenly became silent. She lowered her head as she walked a few steps away form Twilight.
“I...” Rainbow Dash found it hard to speak.
“Rainbow?” Twilight stepped a bit closer to Rainbow Dash.
“It’s kinda hard to explain...”
“You know you can tell me anything.” Twilight tried to assure her friend.
Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before she spoke. “Alright. I’m gonna go out and say it...I’m in a rut, Twilight!”
“What?” Twilight asked confusingly.
“Look, I’m a pony of action and adventure! I have lived here in Ponyville for many years and nothing exciting ever happens. At least at a pace that I’d prefer.”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked again with confusion. “What about the time we fought Discord, or the time we fought Queen Chrysalis and her changelings?”
“Sure, those times were exciting, but really, I never felt that my life was in danger or anything,” Rainbow Dash tried to explain.
“Well I would hope not!” Twilight responded.
Rainbow Dash suddenly held out a book. “Twilight, you know the kind of pony that I am. Sometimes I think to myself what kind of life I would want to live. You want to know my answer? I want my life to be just like Daring Do’s. I want to explore far off places, facing challenges nopony would dare to face. I want everyday of my life to be a mystery, to have every second be a surprise. I’m just not getting that life by being here in Ponyville. This place is just to peaceful and predictable for my taste.”
“So what, you want to check out that portal so you can go through it and escape from it all?” Twilight asked with a hint of disdain from her voice.
“No, no!” Rainbow Dash tried to reassure Twilight. “I don’t want to just up and leave or anything like that. I just want to pop my head through the portal to see exactly what kind of world exists that I may not know of. Even getting a tiny glimpse of a whole new world is enough for me!”
Despite Twilight’s feelings regarding her friend’s actions, she somewhat understood her issues. As a true friend, it was her job to support Rainbow Dash in her time of need. Afterall, her rainbow-maned companion was feeling lost and unfulfilled, a feeling that Twilight herself felt at some points.
“Rainbow Dash, I understand how you feel, but going through some potentially dangerous portal isn’t the answer to all of this.”
Rainbow Dash lowered her head in disappointment. “I know...it’s just-”
“Hey! HEY! Something’s coming out of the portal!”
Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked to see that the voice came from one of the Royal Guards. He was pointing towards the sky and everypony looked up and saw that there was indeed some sort of figure that was falling out of the portal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “AAAAAAAA-argh- wait a sec- *cough* *cough* -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
Deadpool screamed as he was falling at high speeds towards the ground.
“Alright!” Deadpool said to himself. “Time to put my acrobatics training in action as I perform a couple of flips as I make like a cat and land straight on my-”
He immediately crashed into the ground, face first.
“Stuck the landing...” he said again to himself. “What would you rate that out of 10?”
[4/10]
{7 asses!}
Deadpool picked himself off the ground as he viewed his surroundings. “Whew, that was a heck of a trip, but it looks like I have successfully arrived in Equestria.”
One of the guards walked up to Deadpool and asked, “Who are you?”
Deadpool looked at the pony guard and replied, “My name is Deadpool, pony,” he said as he shook the pony’s hoof with his hand.
He suddenly turned towards your screen. “Satisfied, moderators? ARE YOU SATISFIED YET?!”
Deadpool started to notice that a bunch of ponies were all crowding around him.
“Oh no. My claustrophobia!” Deadpool thought to himself.
“Everypony, wait!” Twilight yelled.
{Hah! She said ‘everypony’!}
The crowd of guards turned to Twilight.
“Don’t be so hasty! There’s no telling what this creature is capable of.”
The guards suddenly realized Twilight’s point and backed away from the ‘strange creature.’
Deadpool gasped when he looked at Twilight. “Oh my goodness! Look! It’s Twilight Sparkle! Guys look, it’s Twilight Sparkle!”
{We think she is best pony!}
[No, we think that Pinkie Pie is best pony, since she most resembles us.]
“It can speak!” one of the guards shouted.
“It knows my name?!” Twilight shouted as well.
[Easy there, tiger. We can’t go around saying things like that anymore.]
“Hmm, you’re right.” Deadpool said to himself. “I’ll just have to cool it with the meta.”
Deadpool raised his arms to try and calm down the ponies. “Now, now everyone. Let’s all calm down a sec.”
“Every-what?” a guard asked.
“I know this may all seem strange and scary to everyone-”
“He said it again...” another guard inquired.
“...-but there’s no cause for alarm.” Deadpool did his best to calm their nerves. “As for who I am, you all may call me ‘God.’”
A Royal Guard stepped forward. “But...you said earlier that your name was Deadpool.”
Deadpool suddenly grabbed the guard. “THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THE MODS WOULDN’T APPROVE THE STORY UNLESS I WAS INTERACTING WITH YOU IN SOME WAYYYY!!!”
The ponies became shocked and afraid. Just a moment ago, the creature was trying to calm them down and now it was acting hysterical out of nowhere.
A guard leaped forward and confronted the red creature. “Stay back! Stand down or I’ll be forced to take you into custody!”
Deadpool kneeled down to the pony’s eye level. “Aww. Wook at it! It’s twying to thweaten me! You’re just so cute I could just eat you up!”
“IT EATS PONIES!” A guard yelled.
Suddenly most of the Royal Guard were in a scramble as they tried to run away from the creature.
Deadpool watched with curiousness. “Huh. Would I be crazy if I were to say that this was exactly how I thought my first outing to Equestria would go?”
[You’re crazy, anyway.]
“Fair enough.” replied Deadpool.
The situation got out hand. With all of this commotion going on Deadpool’s presence in Equestria would certainly be known by the other citizens throughout, which would cause even more of a stir. Deadpool needed to find a way to break the tension and there was only one way he knew how.
Deadpool grabbed one of his pistols and shot a Royal Guard. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The portal seemed farther than one would think, but nonetheless Rainbow Dash proceeded to fly towards it. She took her chance to escape from the guards and Twilight when they payed all their attention to that strange creature in red. Now was the time she needed in order to check out what’s on the other side of that portal.
“Just a little more...” she said to herself as she inched closer and closer to her destination.
One peek was all she needed.
Unfortunately, she was unable to reach her destination as she immediately stopped flying upon hearing a loud noise- a loud, ominous noise. She needed to go back.
“The portal’s gonna have to wait,” she said to herself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everypony stopped in their tracks as they witnessed one of their own fall to the ground from Deadpool’s weapon. They stood still and silent, in fear of provoking the hostile creature.
After a long pause, Deadpool finally spoke.
“Bang!”
He then placed his palm upon his forehead.
“Stupid, stupid!” he said to himself. “You’re supposed to say it as you take the shot!”
[...]
{O_O}
Deadpool looked to his text-boxed companions. “What?”
[Are...Are we allowed to do this?]
The merc stood silent for a moment. “Do what?” he asked. “Oh, you mean this?”
He raised his pistol and shot another pony.
“Bang! Hah, nailed it!”
The ponies proceeded to run in fear once again.
[Stop doing that!]
“What?” Deadpool asked confusingly. “Oh! No, you got it all wrong!”
Deadpool then addressed the panicking ponies. “Everypony! Everypony, it’s alright! They’re not hurt!”
The ponies stopped in their tracks again.
“What...What are you saying?!” Twilight asked, eyes full of tears. “Look at them! Y-You killed...”
“No, no,” Deadpool approached one of the fallen ponies and placed his hand on their chest
Twilight and the other guards looked closely and noticed that the pony was still breathing.
“See?” said Deadpool. “I just used my ‘Magic Sleep Spell’ to calm them down.”
[They’re actually tranquilizers, to those who are wondering]
{Hah hah hah! Classic.}
Again, Deadpool looked to his text-boxed companions. “What, did you think I would send myself to Equestria in order slay the pony population?”
[Does ‘Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe!’ ring a bell?]
Twilight gave a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness.”
It was at that moment Rainbow Dash returned to the group. “What happened? What’s going on?” she asked Twilight.
“Apparently we frightened this strange creature to the point where he casted his sleep spell on a couple of Royal Guards.” Twilight replied. “It’s interesting though. Do you think he used his sleep spell because of some sort of defense mechanism?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Deadpool replied back.
“Whether or not, we still need to know what to do with this creature,” said a Royal Guard.
“Why not just send him back up the portal?” asked another guard.
“Portal?” Twilight thought to herself. She suddenly turned to Rainbow Dash. “Is that why you weren’t here a moment ago? Because you went to look into the portal?”
“What’s the big deal?” Rainbow Dash wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. “I wasn’t able to get a chance to look into it anyway because I was worried about that loud noise I heard.”
Deadpool spoke up. “Oh, you mean this?”
He shot another Royal Guard.
[“STOP DOING THAT”} Everyone, even his subconscious, yelled.
“Okay...” acknowledged Deadpool. “...Bang.”
Twilight shook her head as she again looked to Rainbow Dash. “What you did was very reckless, not to mention dangerous! There’s no telling what’s on the other side of that portal.”
“I was only going to take a peek!” yelled Rainbow Dash.
The remaining Royal Guards started to find the situation a little uncomfortable. “Uh, hey, Twilight Sparkle?”
“What is it?” she asked.
“Listen, me and the rest of the guards are going to report back to Princess Celestia. In the meantime, I request that you and Miss Rainbow Dash stay here and guard the prisoner- I mean, creature.”
“Uh, sure.” Twilight replied. “I think that’s for the best.”
With a quick nod, the Royal Guards took their sleeping comrades and left to see the princess. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As time passed, the fields became silent as Twilight and Rainbow Dash sat apart from each other as they were keeping an eye on the creature known as Deadpool. Deadpool, himself, sat crossed-legged under a tree, bored out of his mind. While Twilight never averted her gaze on Deadpool, Rainbow Dash, however, looked to the sky and stared at the portal, wondering how long it would stay there.
“Don’t even think about it.” said Twilight.
Rainbow Dash flinched knowing that the statement was directed at her. “It’s not like I could, anyway, what with ‘Little Miss Paranoid’ ruining my fun.”
“There’s nothing fun about endangering your life. It’s a good thing ‘Little Miss Paranoid’ is here, otherwise ‘Little Miss Ignorant’ would kill herself by being ignorant,” Twilight countered.
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “That was a redundant statement if I ever heard one.”
“Well that’s how ignorant you are!”
“I didn’t ask you to be my conscience!”
“Well somepony has to be!”
Deadpool watched with interest as the two ponies were arguing amongst themselves. “Oh man, it’s as if I get a live showing of a genuine episode!”
{I’m not following the storyline, here.}
“Look it’s simple,” Deadpool explained. “Rainbow Dash is doing something reckless and Twilight Sparkle, there, is trying to prevent her from doing that reckless thing in order to protect her. Rainbow Dash, however, wants none of that and she’s all like, ‘Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout’, Twilight?’ and Twilight’s all like, ‘Oh no you di-in’t!’.
{Oh, ok now it all makes sense.}
“Remember what I said before?” Rainbow Dash continued. “I just want to see something new if only for a short moment!”
“I can’t risk you falling into temptation!” replied Twilight. “What would happen if you do look through the portal and you end up liking what’s behind it so much that you go through it?”
“Even if I do end up going through the portal completely, I’m sure I would find a way back after spending maybe a year or two...”
Twilight gasped. “I can’t believe you’re even considering abandoning your friends just so you can get your quick fix of adventure!”
“I said I would come back!” Rainbow Dash replied. “Besides, we don’t even know what’s behind the portal in the first place, so maybe I wouldn’t even like what I see behind there.”
“Oh I highly doubt that!”
Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked to see that it was Deadpool who spoke.
“A girl like you, Rainbow Dash, would absolutely love the world that I came from,” he said.
Rainbow Dash immediately ran to Deadpool. “Really?” she asked with excited curiosity.
“Look, ‘Deadpool’, was it?” Twilight approached the two. “I’m sure you mean well, but I think it’s best that we don’t provoke Rainbow Dash.”
“Aw, c’mon~” Deadpool whined. “Isn’t it better this way, though? That I tell her what it’s like in my world rather than she go up there herself, putting her at risk?”
Twilight bit her lip. “Well, I suppose it is safer this way.”
“Sweet!” Deadpool yelled in triumph. “Alrighty, Rainbow Dash, listen up, cause I’m about to implode your mind!”
The next few minutes were nothing short of amazing for Rainbow Dash. Deadpool told of tales of adventure where there were actual super heroes in his world and they fought actual super villains. He told tales of a man who was bitten by a spider and ends up obtaining the abilities of one, he told of a man who was able to fly around in a suit made of iron, a man who had a flaming skull for a head and rode around in a motorcycle, a man that could turn into a green hulking beast just by becoming mad!
“And then you got me!” Deadpool pointed at himself. “Wade Wilson, The Merc with the Mouth, The Guy Who Won't Die, The Regenerating Degenerate, and The Crimson Comedian, aka DEADPOOL!”
It took some time before Rainbow Dash retained her composure to speak. “That. Is. AWESOME! You’re basically living an adventure everyday! Like, one day, you have to fight this bad guy, but in the next YOU COULD BE SAVING THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ WORLD!”
“Something like that,” Deadpool pondered.
“That is awesome! You’re awesome! YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS AWESOME!”
Twilight was starting to get worried. “Well, Rainbow Dash, now that we had our fun, we can forget all about that portal now, right?”
“Are you kidding?!” replied Rainbow Dash. “In fact I’m more tempted than ever to go into that portal!”
Twilight raised a hoof to her face. “This is exactly what I was afraid of,” she turned towards Deadpool. “I knew telling her about your world was a bad idea.”
“Hey it’s not my fault I’m so awesome,” Deadpool replied. “Actually...yeah it is...because I am that awesome.”
“How did you even get here, anyway?” asked Twilight. “Specifically, how did you manage to go through a portal from your world and send yourself all the way here to Equestria?”
“Oh well, that’s easy. I sent myself here!”
“You what?” asked Twilight astonishingly.
“Yeah, it turns out I was getting bored of my world, so I wanted to try something new and made a portal that ended up sending me to your world.”
Rainbow Dash took note of what Deadpool said.
“You have that sort of ability?” Twilight asked again with astonishment.
Deadpool scratched his cheek a bit. “Well...yes and no, so to speak. I have what you call...’situational powers.’”
“Situational powers?” Twilight repeated.
“Yeah, watch this!”
Despite Deadpool’s enthusiasm, he was unable to create this so called ‘situational powers’ he spoke up. Having come up with no result, Deadpool ended up having to-wha? Deadpool? ARGH GAHDJSBK-
AND SO DEADPOOL HAD THE POWER TO DO WHAT HE WANTS>
[*sigh* Here we go again.]
SUDDENLY TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAD BUNNY EARS FOR EARS>
“What are you talking about Rainbow Da...” TWILIGHT FELT HER EARS WITH HER HOOVES AND SHE NOTICED THAT HER EARS WERE INDEED BUNNY EARS> “Aah! What, but...how!? What kind of magic is this?!”
After Deadpool demonstrated his situational powers to Twilight and Rainbow Dash, he turned things back to normal and returned authority to where it belonged.
“So basically, you have the powers to control time, space, and reality,” Twilight said still in somewhat disbelief.
Deadpool scratched his cheek. “It’s complicated. It’s not really my main staple, if you catch my drift.”
[Be careful, though. We’ve never abused this sort of power this frequently at any other time.]
{That’s because fanfics give us more freedom to do crazy shit!}
“Otherwise,” Deadpool continued. “I’m just your regular friendly neighborhood mercenary, or as I like to call it, ’cleaner of the gene-pool.’”
“What’s a mercenary?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“A guy who does cool stuff for money,” Deadpool explained. “It’s a dangerous life, sure, but someone has to do it.”
“Wow~” Rainbow Dash said awestruck.
“Oh brother,” Twilight said as she rolled her eyes. “Wait a minute. Didn’t you just say you came here because you were sick of your old life?”
“Yeah. Sure, living in my world, everyday’s pretty much one excitement after another, but after a while you just get sick of it all.”
“Boy, do I know how that feels,” Rainbow Dash mumbled. “What I wouldn’t give to live your life...”
Twilight quietly looked at Rainbow Dash. Deadpool took note of Twilight’s sad expression and as much as he’d like to help Rainbow Dash with her wishes, having her go to his universe would be more dangerous than anyone would have anticipated.
“Uh well,” he stammered. “I mean, Rainbow Dash, you wouldn’t want to live in my crummy old world.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t?”
It was Twilight’s turn to take note of Deadpool’s actions.
“Pshh, yeah, why do you think I left my world in the first place?” he continued. “Sure you got people like me running around, but the rest of the folks livin’ there are morons! It’s wasn’t fun at all.”
“Oh...” Rainbow Dash said sadly.
Deadpool couldn’t help but sadden at Rainbow’s expression. Twilight noticed this and silently approached him.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You did the right thing.”
Despite Twilight words, Deadpool still felt a little guilty for crushing Rainbow Dash’s hopes and dreams. He walked towards Rainbow Dash. “Hey, it’s not all bad, right? You must’ve had some fun adventures here.”
“Yeah, but they’re too far in between each other for it to mean anything,” said Rainbow Dash.
Twilight sighed to herself. There was no getting through to this pony.
Deadpool thought to himself for a moment. “Tell you what. Why don’t we go on a little adventure? The two of us!”
“What?!” asked both Rainbow Dash and Twilight.
“It makes sense! You want to have an exciting adventure, and I just want to hang around here. We call that a ‘win-win’ in my world!”
“Heck yeah!” Rainbow Dash yelled out.
[What time is it?]
{ADVENTURE TIME!}
“Now wait a minute, you two!” Twilight shouted. “Let’s not be so hasty...”
It was too late, though. Both Rainbow Dash and Deadpool took off like a rocket to go on their non-specified adventure.
“Wait!” Twilight shouted again. “We were supposed to...stay...here.”
Again, it was too late.
“Oh sweet Celestia, this does not bode well,” Twilight finally said to herself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “This is going to be so cool!” Rainbow Dash said as she flew around excitedly. “What do you think we should do first?”
“Sorry, Dashy, I’m not exactly familiar with your world,” Deadpool replied. “What do you usually do for fun in Equestria?”
“Dashy?” Rainbow Dash repeated.
“Yeah, I said a thing,” Deadpool replied. “Now it’s your turn to answer my question.”
“Oh, uh well...” Rainbow Dash stammered. “My friend Pinkie Pie usually plans some fun parties.”
“That’s nice...if we were going to a party,” Deadpool snapped his fingers repeatedly. “Adventures, Dashy. Get with the program.”
“Well, in my Daring Do books, she would go venture through ruins to find some ancient hidden treasures!”
“Good. Then let’s go look for a good ruin.”
Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah...uh Equestria’s not really the home of many ruins, if you know what I mean.”
Deadpool sighed. “Okay, then how about any dangerous creatures we can fight. You got any of those?”
“We got dragons,” Rainbow Dash said.
“BORING!” Deadpool yelled.
“Really?”
“Do I look like a knight in shining armor?”
“No, you look nothing like Shining Armor.”
“I-wha? Nevermind. No dragons.”
“How about Timberwolves?”
“Bigger.”
“Diamond Dogs?”
“Lame!”
“A Hydra?”
“I said no dragons.”
“Are Hydras dragons?
“I don’t know!” Deadpool shrugged.
Rainbow Dash shrugged too. “Well I can’t think of anything else! Equestria’s not really a dangerous sort of place to live in. Why do you think I’m so bored here?”
“Great...” Deadpool said sarcastically. “C’mon, there has to be at least one other dangerous creature around. Something really badass; something that no pony would dare to face!”
Rainbow Dash pondered for a moment. “I guess if you’re looking for a creature that nopony has ever fought before...I guess that would be an Ursa Major.”
“An Ursa-what?” asked Deadpool.
“Ursa Major," Rainbow Dash responded. “One time, this pony named Trixie boasted on how she defeated one that was attacking Hoofington. Turned out she was lying and she never even fought an ursa before.”
“Hmm, a bear, eh?” Deadpool thought to himself. “Always wanted to wrestle with one of those.”
“But even if we were trying to fight an ursa of any kind, they’re not exactly hostile creatures!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Pffft. No problemo,” Deadpool said as he started looking towards the sky. “Hey! Author dude! Give us a hand with this, why don’t you?!”
Rainbow Dash became confused. “Uh, Deadpool, what are you doing?”
[He’s using his situational powers]
“Gah!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “Who said that?”
{We’re the ghosts of your recently deceased parents! OoOoOoOoOH!}
“Don’t mind them,” Deadpool said. “They’re just my subconscious.”
“O-Okay...” Rainbow Dash said reluctantly. “Why am I hearing them, exactly?”
“I made it so you can hear them. I thought it would be funnier this way.”
{And he’s right!}
[Hysterical -_-]
“And...do they always appear in these white and yellow boxes?”
“Oh, we’re actually making note of that?”
[Who knows? Maybe specifying our physical appearance will come in handy later.]
{I smell foreshadowing!}
Rainbow Dash shook her head in even more confusion. “I have no idea what you guys are talking about.”
“Neither do we, sometimes!” Deadpool responded. He gestured for Rainbow Dash to follow him. “C’mon, we got a big fat bear we need to fight.”
Twilight sat under the tree where Deadpool used to be as she looked up to see that Princess Celestia had arrived and was addressing her.
“Princess Celestia, you’re here!” Twilight immediately stood up and adjusted herself appropriately.
The princess nodded her head in response and looked around the area. “I was told by the Royal Guards that a strange creature fell from the portal and that you and Rainbow Dash were keeping it here.”
“Uh that’s right,” Twilight stammered a bit. “There was indeed a strange creature that came from the portal...”
“And...?” Princess Celestia said as she raised an eyebrow. “Where is this strange creature...and Rainbow Dash for that matter?”
“Yes...well, um...funny story actually,” Twilight said nervously. “You know how you always tell me the importance of friendship?”
“Mhmm?” Celestia acknowledged.
“Well...it just so happens that Rainbow Dash actually befriended the strange creature...and now the two went off to have an adventure together,” Twilight smiled sheepishly.
“Ah...I see,” the princess did her best to keep her composure after hearing that. “Well, it’s nice to see that you and your friends are incorporating my teachings...”
There was an awkward silence between the two.
“Look, Twilight,” Princess Celestia decided to break the silence. “I must be completely honest when I say that we need to find this strange creature and Rainbow Dash as soon as we can.”
“Princess?” Twilight didn’t like the sound of Celestia’s tone.
“Twilight, this type of scenario has never happened in all of Equestria history,” Princess Celestia said as she looked to the sky at the portal. “I’m worried what the future may hold due to these circumstances.”
“But the creature that fell from the portal...he didn’t seem dangerous when we talked to him,” Twilight glanced away for a moment. “A little weird, maybe, but he seemed nice enough.”
“I’m not talking about the creature, Twilight,” Celestia said more seriously.
“You’re not?”
The princess shook her head and then gestured towards the sky. “Look up Twilight. That portal is a gateway to an unknown universe, and it just spat out a creature from said universe.”
“I’m afraid I don’t follow, princess,” Twilight said still confused.
"It is unnatural for two different universes to combine. I’m afraid if the portal and this strange creature were to remain in Equestria, then it would cause great disharmony for our world.”
“D-Disharmony...?” Twilight struggled to repeat.
“Indeed, my student,” Princess Celestia looked down and closed her eyes. “If we don’t turn things back to the way it’s supposed to be and soon...I feel that a great disaster is going to affect our world. One of which being...”
Twilight managed to figure out where Princess Celestia was going with this. Her eyes widened in horror as she finished the princess’ thought.
[To answer your question, no it’s not easy being a subconscious. Especially since there are two of us with different personalities.]
“Sounds rough,” said Rainbow Dash.
{Ooh, ooh! Do YOU have subconscious voices in your head, too, Rainbow Dash?}
“Kind of...” Rainbow Dash frowned.
“Muy interesante!” Deadpool said. “Spill the beans, gurl!”
“I-I’d rather not.”
“Mmm,” Deadpool stopped in his tracks and glared intensely at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash sweatdropped. “It’s...personal?”
“Alrighty,” Deadpool dropped his demeanor and proceeded to continue walking.
“Phew.” Rainbow Dash wiped the sweat off of her brow. “So, uh, where exactly are we going anyway?”
Deadpool raised his index finger. “Not ‘where’ are we going. ‘When’ are we going.”
“What?” Rainbow Dash asked confusingly.
“Because we’re already here!” he said as he gestured towards their destination.
Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks as she followed Deadpool’s gesture to the small village of Hoofington.
“Hoofington?” Rainbow Dash became a little bewildered. “How in Celestia’s name did we get here so-”
[Situational powers.}
“Right...right,” despite the explanation from Deadpool’s subconscious, her own subconscious started to set a few alarms. “So wait...if we’re here...”
“That’s right!” Deadpool said enthusiastically. “Remember when you said that Tricky tried to pass off a story saying she defeated an Ursa Major in this very town? Well that’s exactly what WE’RE going to do! Only this time, it won’t be a hoax!”
“You mean Trixie?” Rainbow Dash corrected.
“Silly pony, those are for kids!” Deadpool replied.
Rainbow Dash ignored that last statement and immediately went straight to the point. “Wait, Deadpool. You aren’t going to have an Ursa Major try to attack the village, are you?”
Deadpool looked at his wrist. “And cue Ursa Major in 3...2...” he pointed to behind Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw exactly what she was fearing: A very angry Ursa Major running straight towards the town.
“RAAAAAWRRRR!”
“Uh...I don’t know about this, Deadpool,” Rainbow Dash said worriedly. “This might be too much even for the both of us!”
“What?” Deadpool raised his brow. “Just a moment ago, you were raving on and on about having adventures and facing danger. Well it doesn’t get anymore dangerous than this!”
Deadpool jumped towards the rampaging ursa and landed on its head. The Ursa Major stopped in its tracks as it tried to pry Deadpool off of its head.
“I mean, look at the size of this thing! If I were to go in its mouth, I bet it could chomp me right in half! Hey, Dashy, bet you five bits it can do just that!”
“What?! No, Deadpool!” Rainbow Dash tried to stop Deadpool while avoiding the angry Ursa Major.
It was too late, however, as Deadpool positioned his lower body to go inside the mouth of the ursa. “Whoa, look at that! Y’know, your mouth could be like a cave for bears in my world to live in!”
{It’s like a bear...within a bear! BEARCEPTION!}
[NO! That’s not how that term works! It would still be called ‘inception’!]
Rainbow Dash tried her best to approach Deadpool without getting hit by the rampaging ursa. “Deadpool, you need to get out of there before-”
Suddenly, the Ursa Major chomped down and bit off Deadpool’s lower body.
“DEADPOOL!!!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she watched the whole scene in terror.
With a loud thud, Deadpool’s upper half fell onto the ground as well as his lower half. Rainbow Dash stayed in shocked silence, afraid to move; afraid to do anything. After some time had past, the Ursa Major proceeded to continue walking towards Hoofington, but Rainbow Dash didn’t care about that. She merely stared at the remains of what was her new friend.
She slowly approached Deadpool’s body. “D-Deadpool...?"
There was no response.
“Oh no...” tears started to form in Rainbow Dash’s eyes. “Deadpool, I’m so sorry! This is all my fault! If I wasn’t so caught up in living the dangerous life...I should’ve listened to my conscience! I should’ve listened to-”
“Rainbow!”
Rainbow Dash looked to see that both Twilight and Princess Celestia had arrived on the scene. Twilight noticed the remains of Deadpool on the ground.
“What happened?!” she practically screamed out.
Princess Celestia placed her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Twilight,” she said. “Tend to Rainbow Dash. I’ll take care of the ursa.” She then flew off to subdue the rampaging bear.
Twilight winced as she looked again at what used to be a live creature named Deadpool, who was now laying on the ground in two separate pieces. She then turned to Rainbow Dash and she noticed her frightened and confused expression.
“Rainbow...” Twilight started.
However, before she could continue, both Rainbow Dash and Twilight squealed in fright as they saw the upper half of Deadpool’s body move slightly.
“Uuuugh,” they heard the body murmur.
Both Rainbow Dash and Twilight screamed again.
“Hey hey HEY!” Deadpool yelled as he covered his ears. “What’s with all the screaming and the yelling and the loud noises!”
[We’re chopped in half; we don’t have a hangover]
“Who said that?” Twilight asked as she looked around for the source of the voice.
“You just gestured to all of me...” Deadpool said.
{Well, technically only HALF of us.}
Deadpool raised an eyebrow. “The other guy said something like that, too. Is this something you two came up with to mess with me?”
“No, Deadpool,” Rainbow Dash caught his attention. “You’re literally chopped in half!”
Deadpool looked behind him and noticed that his lower body was completely gone and was actually a few feet away from him. “Huh. Would you look at that...”
Twilight started to become hysterical. “B-But, this is impossible! This defies all known concepts of survivability! Logically speaking, you should be dead right now!”
“Oh yeah, didn’t I mention?” Deadpool said casually.
“MENTION WHAT?!” Twilight yelled.
Deadpool scratched the back of his head. “I kinda also have the ability to regenerate my body and stuff.”
Rainbow Dash stood frozen in disbelief. “So...you can’t, like, die or anything?”
“Well I can’t die from losing any body parts, that’s for sure.”
{Even the most important one! *wink*}
[You’re sick, you know that?]
{What? I’m talking about the heart.<3}
Ignoring his subconscious, Deadpool continued. “That’s where the name ‘Regenerating Degenerate’ comes from.”
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. She didn’t unintentionally kill anyone afterall.
“Seriously, where the heck are those voices coming from?!” Twilight asked.
“Oh, I made it so that you guys can hear my subconscious,” Deadpool said as he started to gather his lower body.
“Oh? How did you manage to do that?”
The three looked to see that the voice came from Princess Celestia. Behind her was the Ursa Major, tied up and unconscious.
“Whoa,” Rainbow Dash said in amazement.
Deadpool gasped. “It’s Princess Celestia!” He turned to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. “Guys, guys, look! It’s her! It’s Princess Celestia!”
Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow. “So I take it, this must be the strange creature that caused all this ruckus?”
Deadpool, having now reattached his lower body to himself, fidgeted nervously. “Well, I- you see, your highness...I was merely...that Ursa Major...”
“It’s my fault, Princess Celestia,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“Rainbow Dash?” Twlight asked confusedly.
Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before speaking. “Yes. I was the one who wanted to go on this big adventure. Deadpool only wanted to help, so he made the Ursa Major attack the village so we could fight it, and things kinda got outta hand and I...I’m so sorry!” She bowed her head in shame to Princess Celestia.
In response, the princess sighed and placed her hoof on top of Rainbow Dash’s head. “Please, don’t do something like this, again.”
Rainbow Dash looked up to see that the princess was smiling gently. “W-What?”
“I can’t imagine what would happen if I were to lose any of my subjects,” the princess continued. “You are forgiven, Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow Dash became wide-eyed. “R-Really?” a smile started to form on her face. “Th-Thank you! I promise, I won’t be so reckless next time!”
Princess Celestia quietly chuckled while Twilight smiled in relief.
“Aww! This really is like an average episode!” Deadpool squealed in delight.
The princess suddenly turned towards him. “Now as for you,” she said in a slightly more stern tone.
“Don’t smite me, your Godliness!” Deadpool flinched.
“Relax,” Celestia said. “I’m not going to punish you for anything. I just need your cooperation.”
“Cooperation?” Deadpool repeated. “Yeah, I can do that.”
“I need you to answer a few questions for me, if you please. The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance if we’re not careful.”
Deadpool nodded his head.
“My faithful student, Twilight, has told me you possess these ‘certain powers’ that enable you to bend the very fabric of time and reality, am I correct?”
“Oh, my situational powers? Yeah, I have those.”
Celestia became very worried. “Well, if that is correct, then you possess a power similar to that of a most powerful being, and one of the most dangerous creatures in all of Equestria: Discord.”
Deadpool stared at Princess Celestia. “...Who’s that?”
[WHAT?! Aren’t we, like, big pony fans or some shit like that?!]
“I only watched up until episode 11! After that, I made the portal to go here! Wait...the show was still going on during all that? How much did I miss?!”
{Well according to the episode guide, we only watched 11 episodes out of an overall 65}
[And apparently, we’re still in the first season out of a total of three.]
“I MISSED THAT MUCH SINCE THEN?!” Deadpool started to become hysterical. “Time, went by so fast...wait. How long was I gone?! How much of my life has been wasted away from going into that portal!? WHO AM I?!?!?”
{OUR NAME IS SLADE WILSON AKA DEATHSTROKE}
“AND WHAT WAS MY FAVORITE TYPE OF FOOD?!”
{I THINK IT WAS ITALIAN- NO, IT WAS MESOPOTAMIAN!}
“No...that I can never forget...” Deadpool said silently. “Burritos...tacos...and (say it with me, folks) CHIMICHANGAS!”
“Please focus, Mr. Deadpool!” Princess Celestia snapped him out of his little episode.
“Oh, right, my situational powers,” Deadpool became calm again. “If you want, I can demonstrate for you like I did with those two there.”
Princess Celestia looked to Twilight and Rainbow Dash, wondering if Deadpool demonstrating his powers was a good idea.
“It’s probably the only way you’ll ever believe him,” Twilight said in response.
“Very well,” Celestia said. “You have my permission to show us these ‘situational powers’ of yours.”
“Alrighty! Y’hear that, author man? Might as well make yourself scarce!”
Unfortunately this time, Deadpool found himself unable to successfully demonstrate his situational powers.
“Hah! Says you!” Deadpool said confidently. “He always says these sort of things...Now watch this!”
There was a long pause as the three ponies watched Deadpool do nothing. Deadpool as well noticed this and became slightly confused.
“Uh...heh. I would usually take over...right about now,” Deadpool looked to the sky. “C’mon author man! We’re on a tight schedule here! How else are you able to proceed along with the story?!”
Well, suffice to say, I was able to continue this story ever since the start of the last chapter.
“Whoa there...” Deadpool raised his hands defensively. “You’re getting kind of meta with your descriptions there. That’s kinda my job.”
No, your job is to obediently follow my orders as I am your master. I give the orders, and you follow them. Watch:
Deadpool punched himself in the face and proceeded to roll around in the dirt afterwards. “OW! Whoa, whoa WHOA! What’s going on?!”
Establishing my authority, Mr. Wilson.
“Deadpool, are you okay?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Who is he talking to?” Princess Celestia added.
Oh, how rude of me. How do you do, Princess Celestia? I must send my regards to Miss Sparkle and Miss Rainbow Dash as well.
Princess Celestia froze in fear. “Wait...that voice...”
Deadpool picked himself off the ground. “Now that you mention it...it does sound kind of different than from what I remembered.”
“Deadpool,” Twilight said in a bit of shock herself. “You don’t understand...that voice...it belongs to-”
Twilight shut her lip before she could continue.
“MMMPH?!” she stuggled to let out.
Now now, Twilight, I believe it’s more appropriate if you let the man himself give the introductions...or rather, the Draconequus.
“Hey there folks. Deadpool here, and I know you’re thinking: ‘Hey, why are we back at Deadpool’s apartment, and why is he sitting in his chair wearing a smoking jacket and holding a rectangular whats-a-ma-thingus in his hand?’”
[To be fair, they weren’t really thinking that until we set up the scene for them.]
“Well, my fine readers. We’re having a little aside to the main story for a moment so we can discuss something important.”
{Ooh, ooh! Is it cancer awareness?}
[It would be relevant to us.]
“What? No! It’s my new game that’s coming out soon: Deadpool the Video Game! Which releases June 25!”
[So, not only did we invade and endanger all of Equestria by awakening Discord, we’re interrupting the story and wasting everybody’s time for some shameless advertising?]
{Wait! Say ‘everypony’, so the mods know we’re still relevant to ponies!}
“It’s not shameless! There’s, like, barely any advertising for this game, so I thought it would be fair if the audience hears it from the man himself!”
[The site is called ‘fimfiction’, not ‘deadpooltalksabouthisownmerchandisefiction’.]
“Okay, you want relevancy? Fine! Hey folks, here’s a little fun fact: My upcoming game is developed by High Moon Studios, who in the past made the Transformers games that everybody likes, and Transformers is a property of Hasbro, who ALSO own the My Little Pony franchise. BOOYA! We just went from DP to MLP!”
[Speaking of which, we should probably get back to the story.]
“Alright, fine! Back to our randomly scheduled story. Just a reminder to you guys, though. Deadpool game comes out June 25!”
{And also a reminder that Deadpool is currently wearing a smoking jacket! Isn’t that just a silly image?!}
[Did we ever address the ‘rectangular whats-a-ma-thingus’ in his hand from the beginning of this scene?]
“It’s a book, okay?”
[Why are we holding a book when we’re talking about a game?]
“Fine, I’m holding the case to my game! GOD, EVERYONE’S SO PICKY TODAY! J-JUST, SCENE CUT!” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “DISCORD?!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “Where are you? Get out here so I place my hoof right up in that smug little face of yours!”
My, such language, Rainbow Dash. You’re certainly quite ferocious considering you were cowering in fear in front of the Ursa Major only a moment ago.
Rainbow Dash flustered in anger. Guess all that bragging really was all for naught.
“You’re no different yourself, Discord,” said Princess Celestia. “You can taunt us all you want, but you’ve yet to show yourself.”
Indeed, princess, but my reason for shadowing my appearance is not because of cowardice. Isn’t that right, Deadpool? After all, it’s thanks to you I was able to obtain such a power.
The three ponies turned to Deadpool. “What does he mean by that?” Princess Celestia asked.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-”
[It’s a little complicated to explain.]
“You are his subconscious, right?” Celestia asked.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash answered. “He has two of them, and that one is his ‘rational’ one.”
{And I’m the dragon!}
[Please ignore that one.]
“Noted,” said Princess Celestia. “Seeing as though your other two selves are...”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-”
{ON TOP OF OL’ SMOKEYYYY}
“...disinclined,” she continued. “Would you please clarify for us as to what Discord was referring to?”
[Well, ultimately, he’s referring to our situational powers]
“You mean you’re ability to alter reality itself?” Twilight stepped in and said. “Discord already obtains that ability. Why would he want to steal your powers?”
[You see, our reality altering abilities differ from that of Discord.]
“Please explain,” said Princess Celestia.
[Um, right. How should I put this...? Let’s say, hypothetically, that our lives are like a story from a book or a work of fiction...hypothetically.]
“That was a redundant statement, but okay,” Princess Celestia concurred.
[Alright, now let me put it this way. Our situational powers work as if the one who is using it becomes the author of said story and they are now able to control everything that story entails.]
{Pfft. Why’d you say hypothetically? That’s basically how things are now.}
[Would you be quiet?!]
Princess Celestia was deep in thought. “Let me get this straight. What you’re saying is that not only is Discord able to bend the fabric of reality, but he is also able to control us as well?”
[He can pretty much control everything...]
The princess rubbed her temples while the other two ponies looked at each other worriedly.
“This is bad,” Twilight said.
[Not only that, he’s also omniscient and ubiquitous and can probably hear what we’re saying.]
Guilty as charged.
“So why are you still toying with us, Discord?” Rainbow Dash yelled. “Why don’t you just destroy everything and be done with it?”
‘Destroy everything’? Is that what you expect of me, Rainbow Dash? Oh dear, I’m afraid I’ve let my aggressive nature get the better of me during our last escapade together. I’m not some brute that wishes to take over the world. You see, I thought I made it clear in that I seek one thing and one thing only...I’m sure at least one of you can finish my thought.
“Chaos...” Twilight said.
Ah, well done, Twilight Sparkle. I can see why Celestia puts much of her faith in you; you are quite intelligent.
“So what exactly is your plan, Discord?” Princess Celestia finally asked.
Well, that’s the thing. This power that I am currently possessing is quite unstable. I could easily mess with the four of you and have myself win instantly, but alas I would be disrupting the flow of the story.
A light bulb flashed above Deadpool. “That’s right! HAHA!” he pointed at the sky. “You may possess the greatest power in all of the universe, Discord, but there are rules that must be followed!”
“Rules?” Princess Celestia questioned.
{Boy, there is a lot of exposition in this chapter, isn’t there?}
[Shh, quiet! The audience will need this information in the long run.]
“I’ll try to explain this as simply as I can,” Deadpool started.
That won’t be a problem for you, Wilson.
“...ANYWAY,” Deadpool continued. “Rule #1: Thou shalt not abuse the powers of situations if it disrupts the momentum of the situation!”
[Going back to the story analogy, you can’t use the powers if it breaks away from the actual story.]
{Which means we can’t magically teleport to a land of copy paper and sad clowns if that wasn’t the author’s original intention!}
“Rule #2!” Deadpool continued once more. “Thou shalt must keep the situation flowing.”
[Basically keep the story going.]
{Otherwise, we’re gonna go nowhere and the readers would be really pissed off! *gasp* We might even get disliked!}
“Bite your tongue!” Deadpool yelled at his subconscious. “I don’t think my heart can take having another one of those.”
And then there’s Rule #3...
“Ah yes,” Deadpool smiled. “The most important rule. Rule #3: Thou shalt finish the story the way the creator intended.”
[So no matter what Discord does to us during the middle of this story, he must follow the correct ending.]
“And if I know anything,” Deadpool added. “This ‘story’ will leave with a happy ending! So too bad, Discord! The heroes will win in the end!”
Rainbow Dash rubbed her head. “This is all making my head hurt.”
“I have to agree with Rainbow,” Twilight said. “Are you following any of this, Princess Celestia?”
The princess stood silent as she watched Deadpool talk to the sky. Twilight wasn’t sure at the time, but she could’ve sworn that the princess was smirking a bit.
“I have a hunch of what Deadpool is talking about.” Celestia finally said.
Twilight groaned. “Ugh...why do I get the feeling that this is something Pinkie Pie would understand?”
Now that we all had our fill of information, let’s continue our little story, shall we?
“Pfft, if you say so,” Deadpool said with a touch of confidence in his voice. “Doesn’t really matter what you do, since we’ll still win in the end.”
The night is young, Mr. Wilson, and so is this story. Besides, you may find that it may indeed matter what I do...”
“Hah, yeah right, what could you do that would hurt me?” Deadpool said with more confidence. “I’m the Regenerating Degenerate. Healing factor, baby! I’ve been through all kinds of painful scenarios and even if you did take away my healing powers, you can’t even kill me cause...y’know: My Little Deadpool: Friendship is Deadpool. This is kinda my spotlight.”
Let’s not be so arrogant, Mr. Wilson. After all, this isn’t a one-man show. You are sharing the spotlight with somebody, or rather...some ponies.
At that moment, Princess Celestia lost her wings and unicorn horn. “Ah!” she squealed in surprise.
“NO! What are you doing to one of my beloved characters?!” Deadpool screamed in anguish.
I just thought it would be fun if Celestia was brought down to normal. Experience the life like that of her subjects whom she is always so eager to protect.
Rainbow Dash gasped at the princess’s new form.
“Your highness!” Twilight yelled. “Y-You look...”
Princess Celestia noticed that her powers were gone, her height was lowered to the point that she was at eye-level with Twilight, and that her mane was considerably shorter. Discord had indeed brought her down to mortality in every sense of the word.
“This is certainly a setback...” Princess Celestia said.
“You monster!” Deadpool yelled. “Do whatever you want to me, just leave them alone! LEAVE ‘EM ALONE!”
But Deadpool, you said yourself that attacking you would end up being a fruitless endeavor. I’m only following the next logical step.
“You want satisfaction? Fine! I’ll humor you! I’ll scream in pain all you want! My cries of anguish can arouse anyone!”
[Ew...]
Hmm. You have a point. It would be nice to hear Deadpool, the insane character who’s unaffected by most things, submitting to my will.
“Exactly! Not many people can accomplish that!”
Why don’t I do both, then?
Both Deadpool and Rainbow Dash suddenly fainted.
Twilight jumped in surprise. “Rainbow Dash?! Deadpool?! What happened?!”
“Relax,” Princess Celestia said as she checked for Deadpool and Rainbow Dash’s pulse. “They’re still breathing.”
Deadpool suddenly moved and showed signs of waking up.
“Rainbow Dash, are you okay?” Twilight asked her friend.
Deadpool groaned and rubbed his head. “Ugh...that sucked...wait, ‘Rainbow Dash’? I know it’s only been a day since we met, Twilight, but I think it’s kinda embarrassing mistaking me for Dashy.”
Twilight suddenly stepped back and did a double-take. “R-Rainbow Dash...?”
Deadpool facehoofed. “Alright, let’s just go ahead and settle this.” he pointed at himself with his hooves. “I’m Deadpool, okay? Maybe you’re a bit flustered with all that’s happening and all, but let’s keep a calm head and not lose our mi...”
He finally looked down to notice that he had hooves.
“...i-i-i-i-i-I-I-I-INDSSSSSS?!”
Rainbow Dash woke up as well and rubbed the back of her head with her hands. “Uh...why do you guys seem shorter?”
Deadpool swiftly switched his gaze back-and-forth between his newly acquired cyan hooves and his old body which was now occupied by the owner of the body he is in.
“W-W-What’s going on?” Rainbow Dash stuttered. “W-Why am I seeing myself right there and...”
Similar to Deadpool’s reaction Rainbow looked down to see her strange new appendages.
“W-What is this?!” she wiggled her fingers. “And what are these weird wormy things attached to my hooves?!”
“THIS IS SICK AND WRONG!” Deadpool yelled. “I know I always said I wanted to be in a woman’s body, but c’mon...THIS IS A HORSE!”
“And I’m a...a...” Rainbow Dash stopped mid-sentence. She hadn’t really figured out what type of species Deadpool was.
Both Twilight and the downgraded Celestia stood back in awe as they watched the scene before them.
“N-Now, let’s not panic, everypony,” Twilight tried her best to calm the two.
Deadpool turned to face Twilight. “Oh sure, that’s easy for you to say. Gee, Twilight, it sure must be hard for you since you’re not switched with someone else’s body OF A DIFFERENT SPECIES! Or, or maybe I should feel sorry for you since you didn’t lose all your powers and now look like a normal earth pony!” Deadpool pointed at Celestia for that last remark. He looked at the hoof he was pointing with. “I miss my fingers...”
Twilight scowled. “Look, I’m sorry I can’t relate to how you’re feeling right now, but--”
“Pfft, it’s not like you would turn into a human anytime soon...” Deadpool looked aside.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“I said I need to make an aside for a moment, will you excuse me?” Deadpool wandered off and looked at no one in particular.“Hey, fellas, just a quick note. To those hardcore Deadpool fans who are familiar with my voice over work, here’s a thought: You are now imagining Nolan North voicing Rainbow Dash. Have fun.” Deadpool walked back over to Twilight...and tripped in the process.
“Deadpool!” Twilight helped him regain his bearings. “Are you alright?”
“I am disliking this very much!” Deadpool yelled.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed. “I don’t know why people insist on making crossover fics where their favorite characters turn into ponies. Realistically, it would be a traumatizing experience, both physically and mentally.”
Deadpool nodded his head.
“Thank you, Dashy. Ya see, Twilight? Sometimes you just need to buckle down and--wait, waiwaiwaiwait.” He turned to Rainbow Dash. “What did you say?”
Rainbow paused for a moment. “I...I honestly don’t know. Why did I say that?”
{Uh-oh! Because we’re in Deadpool’s body now, we’re starting to get his insanity!}
“Y-You sound just like me!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Rainbow Dash, who are you talking to?” asked Twilight.
However, Deadpool had an idea of what was happening. “Oh no, since we switched bodies, Dashy must’ve claimed my subconscious as her own! Their speakers also probably turned off as well, so we can’t hear them now.”
[We need to switch back and fast, before we lose our minds like Deadpool.]
Rainbow Dash‘s eyes widened. “You?! You’re the rational one?!”
[Makes sense since I was your original conscience before all of this.]
“Great...” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“Okay okay, let’s sum up what just happened here,” Deadpool approached Rainbow Dash and used her fingers to count out his points. “So basically Discord has total control over everything in Equestria, Rainbow Dash and me switched bodies, Celestia’s been diverted into a regular ol’ earth pony, Applejack’s in a coma, Rarity’s being held captive by Mexicans, Fluttershy’s in the nuthouse, and Rainbow Dash is dead.”
[Disregard everything he said after ‘Celestia’s been diverted into a regular ol’ earth pony.’]
“Yeah, I figured,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
[...Especially the part where he said you were dead.]
“I get it!”
[........Cause you’re not dead.]
“Shut it, you!”
While Rainbow Dash was arguing with her subconscious and Deadpool was busy rambling nonsense, Twilight shook her head. She looked to Celestia and noticed that she was deep in thought.
“Your highness? If I may ask, are you adjusting well with your new form?”
The princess lightly chuckled. “Thank you for your concern, my student. You need not worry as I am quite comfortable despite Discord’s tampering.”
Twilight chuckled a bit herself and sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof.
“Something the matter, Twilight?” asked Celestia.
“Oh, uh well...if I may be straightforward for a bit, princess, I’m just not used to being at eye-level with you. I mean, I always looked up to you...in more ways than one.”
The princess chuckled once again, this time a bit more lightheartedly. “Well, since I am in this new form, perhaps we should interact more casually with each other.”
“W-What?! But your highness, you’re a princess!”
“Is that so?” Celestia said with a hint of sarcasm. “If I recall correctly, the current princesses of Equestria are alicorns.”
“Y-Yes, but--”
“And alicorns have both wings and horns,” Celestia looked around her own body. “Twilight, do I have wings?”
“W-Well no--”
“How about a unicorn horn, certainly I have that.”
“Technically you did--”
“How about both? As of now, do I have both wings and a unicorn horn?”
“N-No...”
Celestia suddenly wrapped her foreleg around Twilight’s shoulder. “So I guess I’m not a princess anymore, am I?”
“P-Princess!”
Celestia smiled. “Call me Celestia, now.”
“B-But...you can’t just simply--I mean--I can’t...” Twilight stammered.
“It’s alright, Twilight. I understand this will take some getting used to.”
Twilight removed herself from Celestia’s grip. “Regardless of what you are now, your highness, Equestria still needs a ruler.”
Celestia looked up at the sky. “It will be fine. The sky’s getting dark and soon my sister will take my place in the throne.”
“Princess Luna?”
“Indeed. Equestria should be safe during that time.”
“And then when it becomes morning again...?”
“Hmm, I’ll have to send a letter to my sister saying that she’ll have to take my place; like I did with her in the past.”
“But what if Discord tries to do something to Princess Luna as well?”
“It’s like Deadpool said. If his powers do indeed work like an author writing a book, then Discord can’t derive away from what he’s already tampered with. The moment Discord interacted with us, he’s forced himself into following our actions.”
“Wait, if that’s true, then he’ll have a chance to affect others with his powers if we interact with anypony else.”
“We’ll have to be careful then, if we don’t want anypony to be caught in Discord’s line of fire.”
“Which reminds me, why isn’t Discord doing anything to us now? He hasn’t even said a word since he switched Rainbow Dash and Deadpool’s bodies.”
Celestia thought for a moment. “Hmm, if I know Discord, I imagine he’s inactive because he’s ‘sitting back and enjoying his work’, so to speak.”
“You mean he’s just observing us?”
“Mhmm. Not only that, I believe he is also being held back a bit from the limitations of his powers. After all, there’s only so much you can do to somepony before it just becomes ridiculous.”
Twilight was certainly impressed. “Wow, you seemed to have grasped all of this better than I have.”
“No need to give me so much credit. At best, my explanations should be considered as assumptions.”
At that moment, Deadpool and Rainbow Dash finally regrouped with the two ponies.
Deadpool was the first to speak. “Hey there, fillies, what’s the haps?”
“Evening, Mr. Deadpool,” Celestia greeted. “Me and Twilight were merely trying to get a better understanding of how Discord’s new power works.”
“What, my explanation didn’t make things clear enough?” Deadpool questioned.
“To be frank...not in the slightest,” Celestia said bluntly.
Deadpool became dejected. “Well dangatang...”
“I’m going to tell them, just hold on a bit okay?!” Rainbow Dash suddenly yelled.
The three ponies looked at her confusedly.
“Uh...it’s my subconscious...” Rainbow Dash reddened in embarrassment. “She wanted to say that it’s getting dark soon and we should find a place to stay.”
“Well I’m sure the good ponies at Hoofington should allow us some shelter,” Celestia noted.
“Heh, speaking of dark,” Deadpool said. “Isn’t your once evil sister now in charge of the night, my good princess?”
“Funny you should mention that,” Twilight said. “The princess and I were just talking about her just a moment ago.”
“Please, just refer to me as ‘Celestia’. The both of you.” Celestia looked at Twilight in particular.
“Hey, if you’re gonna be all casual now, I’ll call you whatever you want,” Deadpool said nonchalantly.
Celestia smiled. “You see, Twilight? Deadpool’s got the right idea.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. She kind of wished that Discord would’ve done something to her as well, so that she didn’t have to be the only sane pony in all of this.
“Relax, Twilight,” Deadpool said. “I don’t know why you’re always acting so nervous in front of royalty. Not too long ago, you tore Princess Luna a new one when she was Nightmare Moon.”
“T-That was different!” Twilight exclaimed. “Princess Luna wasn’t herself at the time...and I did not ‘tear her a new one’, it was the Elements of Harmony that saved the day...and how do you know all of this?”
“Does it really matter anymore, Twilight? I’m in a horse’s body. Does anything matter anymore?”
Twilight’s eye twitched. She slumped to the nearest corner she could find. “I’m sorry I was ever born...”
Deadpool slumped next to her. “Me too...”
Rainbow Dash followed. “There must be something wrong with us...”
Celestia shook her head as she watched the scene before her. “I guess we’ll still need some time adjusting to these new developments.” She rubbed her temples.
“Rainbow Dash, you do realize what you look like, right?” Twilight did her best to calm her friend. “We can’t risk the good citizens of Hoofington to go into a panic because of them seeing such a strange creature. No offense, Deadpool.”
Deadpool brushed it off. “None taken. I am quite strange.”
{More like batshit insane!}
[Hey! Watch your language, young lady!]
“You can’t just scold the other subconscious!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
Twilight eyed Rainbow. “...Not to mention you’re having some issues with the voices in your head.”
“I’m not having issues,” Rainbow Dash replied.
[It’d be best if you just lay your issues out right now, Rainbow.]
“No pony asked you,” she replied again.
“What was that?” Twilight asked in a more stern tone.
“I wasn’t talking to you!”
Twilight flinched. “S-Sorry! How was I supposed to know?!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Nevermind. Just go.”
“Must you always be so stubborn?”
Unfortunately, Twilight’s question came with no response.
Though it wasn‘t in her best interest to do so, Twilight became spiteful. “Hmph. So much for ‘loyalty.’”
Rainbow reacted as one would expect. “What’s your problem?!”
Twilight upped the momentum. “MY problem?! Here I am, trying to be as helpful as I can under these circumstances and you’re just pushing me away!”
“No, here’s what you’re trying to do: You’re trying to satisfy your big ego by thinking you’re some kind of messiah helping me with my issues!”
“I-I don’t have a big ego! I genuinely want to help you, Rainbow. We’re friends!”
“Yeah well no offense, ‘friend’, but I prefer to be alone right now.” Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and looked away from Twilight.
“You...I...I’m trying...and you’re...GRAH!” Twilight gave up. “There’s just no getting through to you!”
Rainbow Dash remained silent.
Deadpool approached Twilight. “Uh, Celestia’s probably waiting for us in the village, so we probably shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. After all that’s been going on these past few hours, I just need some downtime.”
As Deadpool escorted Twilight to Hoofington, he looked to Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, Dashy, I’ll bring you food and some blankets when I get the chance!”
“Appreciate it!” Rainbow Dash responded.
“Pfft. Of course, if I had said that, she’d probably spit at me,” Twilight muttered.
“Now now, we’ve all had a long day.”
“I guess you’re right.”
Twilight looked back to see Rainbow Dash still sitting silently and refusing to even look in her direction. She sighed in regret as she walked into the village of Hoofington. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celestia was the first of the group to enter Hoofington. She looked around and noted that it was quite a small village with only a few structures made for the public. The rest were pretty much individual homes. Luckily, she was able to find a place to stay for the night.
“Pri- Uh, I mean Celestia!” she heard Twilight’s voice behind her.
“Hello, Twilight. So did you tell Rainbow Dash the bad news?”
“Yes, but...she didn’t take it very well,” Twilight responded.
“Hmm, that’s unfortunate,” Celestia said. “Maybe I should talk to her?”
“I wouldn’t if I were you,” Deadpool came into the conversation. “I think she’d rather be alone right now.”
Celestia made a worried expression. “I suppose. I’ll be sure to make it up to her somehow.”
Twilight looked away and grunted. “Anyway, I managed to find us a place to stay for the night,” Celestia said as she pointed to their destination.
Twilight and Deadpool looked to the building that the princess was pointing to. The sign read, ‘Twice’s Bed and Breakfast.’
“Ooh, a nice good ‘ol fashioned bed and breakfast!” Deadpool said excitedly.
“Twilight, why don’t you and Deadpool go ahead and check in?”
“Sure, but what about you, Celestia?”
“I’ll meet up with the two of you eventually. I have other business I need to tend to.”
Twilight nodded her head in agreement as Celestia walked off in her own direction.
“C’mon, Twilight!” Deadpool was already at the door.
“Be right there, Deadpool!”
Deadpool and Twilight walked inside the building and were greeted by a female pony with what appeared to be a bed for a Cutie Mark.
“Hello there, and welcome to Twice’s Bed and Breakfast, where you get twice the service for only half the price!”
“Geez, can this pony be anymore like an advertisement?” Deadpool whispered to Twilight.
Twilight quickly hushed him in response.
“My name is Twice Nightly and I am in charge of the night services. How may I help you this fine evening?”
“Uh, hello. I’d like to check in a group of three to stay for the night.”
“Very good, ma’m. Please follow me to the reception desk to work out the transaction.”
The pony named Twice Nighty led Twilight and Deadpool to the reception desk.
“So, uh, ‘Twice’s Bed and Breakfast?’” Twilight started to make conversation. “Is that a family name?”
“Why yes it is,” Twice Nighty responded. “You see, I share this business with my twin sister, Twice Brightly and she’s in charge of the morning services.”
“Ah,” Twilight said. “So that’s why you made a Bed and Breakfast.”
“Oh for Bea Arthur’s sake, this is so stupid...” Deadpool muttered.
“I heard that,” Twice Nightly said.
“Well shit,” Deadpool replied.
“”Apologize!” Twilight shouted.
“No no, it’s alright,” Nightly continued. “It’s actually an honor to be servicing you.”
“Um...what?” Deadpool asked confusedly.
Twice Nightly blushed. “It might be a bit unprofessional for me to be saying this but...I’m actually a big fan of yours, Rainbow Dash.”
“Um................what?” Deadpool repeated.
“Just play along,” Twilight whispered.
“Oh, oh yeah! Rainbow Dash. That is indeed who I am. Otherwise, why would even refer to me by that name? ‘Cause obviously, I am the perso-PONY you think I am.”
Twilight facehoofed while Twice Nightly stared at him with slight confusion.
Deadpool cleared his throat. “Anyways...so how did a pony such as yourself come to discover the greatness that is I?
“Well, you may not know this, but I was a witness to one of your amazing ‘Sonic Rainbooms.’”
“Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom,” Deadpool suddenly sang.
“And ever since that day, I became a major fan of yours,” Twice Nightly continued. She suddenly approached Deadpool and nervously looked at him dead in the eye. “U-Um, just for the record, I truly believe you have what it takes to become a Wonderbolt!”
Deadpool backed away from her close proximity. “S-Sure, whatever you say, ‘Twicey’”
Twice Nightly became flustered once again. “T-T-Twicey?!”
“Yeah, I said a thing,” Deadpool said.
The innkeeper pony’s face became even more red as she hid herself behind the reception desk to hide her embarrassed expression.
Deadpool and Twilight looked at each other confusedly.
Twice Nightly took a deep breath and eventually regained her composure. “Ahem, so...it was three that’s staying the night, correct?”
Before Twilight could respond, she was interrupted by a cheering crowd that was located in the side of the room. Deadpool looked at the area where the crowd was.
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” he shouted. “Is that place what I think it is?”
“‘That place?’” Twice Nightly repeated. “You mean the bar?”
Deadpool became dumbfounded. “B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B--”
“Well yes,” Nightly responded. “Do they not serve it where you come from?”
Twilight rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, you see I live in Ponyville.”
“Ah, one of the clean areas.”
“Holy shit, what are we waiting for?” Deadpool suddenly grabbed Twilight and started to run towards the bar.
Twilight immediately dragged herself out of his grip. “Will you calm down, Dead-D-Dash...Rainbow Dash...Will you calm down...Rainbow Dash?”
“Nice save there, Sparkletron,” Deadpool said sarcastically.
“M-Miss Rainbow Dash,” Twice Nightly looked at Deadpool in surprise. “I never knew you were a partaker in alcohol.”
“That’s because she’s no-MMPH!” Deadpool immediately covered Twilight’s mouth with his hoof.
“Listen, Twilight, I beg of you. You cannot ruin this for me!”
Twilight once again escaped from his grip. “Geez, what’s the big deal? Why do you want to drink so badly?”
Deadpool leaned in closer to Twilight so that he could be in whispering distance. “Look, back in my old body my healing factor prevented me from ever getting drunk off of alcohol. Now that I’m not in my own body I have a chance to experience it once again!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Is that what this is about? Why in Celestia’s name would you want to get drunk, ever?”
“Have you ever gotten drunk?”
“Of course not! As Celestia’s faithful student, I must keep a respectable demeanor.”
“Well that’s your problem. I’m about to go get wasted.”
Deadpool started to walk towards the bar once again until Twilight stopped him. “Hold on for a second! May I remind you you’re in Rainbow Dash’s body? How do you think she would feel having her body used like this?”
“Pfft. C’mon, Dashy would probably do the same thing if she was here.”
Twilight sighed. “Y’know I would’ve disagreed with you, but concerning her actions in the recent past, I’m inclined to agree.”
“So can I go drink?” Deadpool asked excitedly. He dropped to his knees. “Pleeeeeaaaase! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine. Just try to be responsible.”
“Yeah yeah. Um...can I borrow some bits?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. She grabbed a few bits and handed them over to Deadpool. “Here.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back outside of Hoofington, Rainbow Dash wandered around bored out of her mind. She spent most of her time studying her new body, trying to get used to it. She managed to get used to walking with two legs instead of four, but as of now she was trying to figure out how her new appendages worked. She kept flexing her hands, wondering why her upper appendages were different from her lower ones.
She sighed. “Deadpool’s sure got some weird hooves. What did he say these things were...’fingers?’”
{Psh. More like...’hoof wormies’!}
“I know, right?” Rainbow Dash said to her subconscious. “And look how his species stands! I never understood why some creatures stood upright like this.”
[Well not every anatomy has to be like ours]
“Well yeah, but still...this is so surreal!”
Her stomach started to growl.
[Heads up, we’re getting hungry]
“Gee, ya think so?” Rainbow said sarcastically. “What gave it away genius?”
[I’m just saying, we should probably start getting some food before this becomes more of an issue]
“Relax, Deadpool should be here any minute bringing me some food.”
[What about Twilight?]
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “What about her?”
[She’s also looking out for us, in case you forgot]
“Oh really? ‘Cause recently she’s been a real pain in the butt.”
[Does that mean you’re just gonna completely abandon her?]
“If she apologizes then I’ll consider forgiving her.”
[But why should she need to apologize? What would she apologize for?]
“I dunno! Being a complete nag, for one. Maybe for always breathing down my neck!”
[You know she’s only looking out for our best interests]
“Stop saying things like ‘our’ or ‘we’! You’re not a part of me.”
[Seeing as I’m now part of your subconscious, I’d say I am indeed a part of you]
“That doesn’t mean I have to listen to you...” she muttered.
[You’re right...it doesn’t]
Rainbow Dash kneeled down and began to lay on the grass. These turn of events have taken quite a toll on her and she was starting to feel the weight of it all.
My my, looks like the Miss Loyalty is feeling a bit betrayed.
“Ugh...finally decided to join in, Discord?”
There’s no need for that, Rainbow Dash. I’m merely an observer as my new powers demand me to be.
“Yeah, well can you observe somewhere else? I want to be alone now.”
Tsk tsk. As much as I’d like to fulfill your wishes, I simply cannot do that.
“Wait, 'fulfill my wishes’? Since when did you start looking out for my best interests?”
Since now. I already switched your body with that ghastly mercenary, so there’s nothing more I can do to you that would entertain me, so I’ve decided I want to help you.
“Help me? What could you possibly help me with?”
Well, I know that you’re feeling some animosity to your good friend Twilight Sparkle.
“...”
Er, a strong feeling of dislike.
“Oh....whatever.”
Now, Rainbow Dash, you know you can’t hide things from me. After all, there are still some things I am able to do.
While hesitating for a brief moment, Rainbow Dash decided to confide in Discord. “Look, it’s just that...she’s been on my case an awful lot recently and it’s getting on my nerves.”
Indeed. Miss Sparkle does have a tendency to pry into other’s situations.
“Hmph. Y’know what it is? It’s probably because I told her back then that I was starting to get sick of my usual life and wanted something different.”
Ah, so you originally imparted your private matters to Twilight?
“Yeah, and ever since then, she thinks she can come into my life and try to fix things herself. She didn’t even try to support me! In fact, she practically made a list of all the negative things of me trying to seek a life of adventure.”
[To be fair, she did make some valid arguments]
“Of course you would take her side.”
[I’m taking the side which is rational, and Twilight’s reasons were rational]
“What does she know?”
It’s a shame to see such a strong friendship go downhill.
“I’m the Element of Loyalty for Celestia’s sake! I’ve been with her through thick and thin, and the moment I needed her loyalty, she completely betrays me!”
[She never betrayed us! You know her concerns for us are genuine!]
“Stop. Saying. Us!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “You are not me! This is not what I want to think!”
[I am your subconscious! Whether you want to think it or not, these thoughts are lingering in your mind!]
“Just shut up!”
Ooh, such fury. Sounds like things aren’t looking so well for you, Rainbow Dash.
“No kidding. You want to help me? You can start by getting rid of these voices in my head.”
Ooh, sadly I cannot do that.
{*GASP* Even me?}
“No offense,” Rainbow Dash said.
{Oh, that’s okay then}
[*sigh* The sad part is, that statement was probably genuine]
{Of course it is! What...is it not okay?}
[NO! She needs us!]
“No I don’t! I’d be better off without you!”
[Is that right? I can recall a time when the voices in your head actually saved your life]
“Yeah, right. When was there ever a time when you actually helped me?”
[When Deadpool brought in the Ursa Major]
Rainbow Dash suddenly became speechless.
[You’re always complaining about wanting to have a grand adventure and face incredible dangers, well at that time, Deadpool brought about one of the biggest dangers in all of Equestria. However, you weren’t excited at all]
“S-Stop...” Rainbow Dash struggled to say.
[It was too much for you to handle, you knew it was too dangerous even for you]
“I said stop...”
[In fact, you were scared!]
“I SAID STOP!”
[If it wasn’t for me, you would’ve been dead!]
“I SAID STOP IT, TWILIGHT!”
Rainbow Dash immediately covered her mouth. There was a stunned silence.
Well well well. This is an interesting twist.
Despite Discord’s words, Rainbow still held her mouth shut.
All this time the rational voice in your head was Twilight’s? So why is it not your own voice, then?
No response.
Ah, not to worry. I can deduce this on my own. I assume it is because you yourself are not a very rational pony, so you can’t hear the rational side of your consciousness in your own voice, so as of now, you’re using Twilight to be your responsible side because you consider her the most responsible.
Again, Rainbow Dash gave no response, but she lowered her head with a sense of guilt.
Twilight rested her head with her elbow as she watched Deadpool chug another mug of what he called ‘sweet drunk-inducing nectar’.
“Y’know, Twilight?” Deadpool slurred his words. “I don’t care what anypony says. I think you should be able to go to the ball.”
Deadpool became drunk quite a while ago and Twilight finally became desensitized by his drunken antics, so she humored him. “Thank you very much, Rainbow Dash,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m sure my stepmother was just wrong when she forbade me to go.”
“Damn straight,” Deadpool said. “You go to that ball and you fall in love with the fairy god prince and you leave your glass slipper there so that he can slay the dragon with it and you’ll end up in Wonderland and live happily ever after.”
“Gee, that’s nice of you and all, but what about your happily ever after?” Twilight asked with a dull tone.
“Don’t worry, Twilight,” Deadpool wrapped his forearm around Twilight. “I can live on as one of your mice companions. Just don't forget to use your third wish to set me free."
Twilight sighed. “...I’ll be sure to do that, Rainbow Dash.”
Deadpool looked around. “You keep call me Rainbow Dash, but I don’t see any Skittles here!”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Deadpool started to laugh. “You’re funny, Twilight. You-You’re a funny...thing. The things that you say make you entertaining to my humor sensors.” His laughing turned into snickering.
“What?” Twilight asked.
“Twilight...hey Twilight...” he snickered again.
“What,” her question became a statement this time.
“You’re a horse.”
Twilight glared at Deadpool.
“You’re a horse,” he repeated.
“Well I’d prefer it if you called me a pony, but that statement is indeed factual.”
Deadpool snickered some more. “Look it chu. You have a big horse face!”
“You’re a horse yourself, y’know,” Twilight pointed out.
“...That’s...That’s not whatcha sup poster say...”
“What?” Twilight was starting to get annoyed.
“Your asposed to say ‘No I’m not’ an den neigh.”
“Neigh?” Twilight repeated.
“C’mon, Kira Buckland!”
“That’s not my name!”
“Okay okay, Rina-chan. RINA-CHAN KAWAII-DESU!!!”
“STOP TALKING, YOU PUPPET!”
“My, you two seem to be lively this evening,” Twilight heard a voice say behind her. She looked back and noticed Celestia was standing behind her.
“Celestia!”
Celestia immediately shushed Twilight. “Shh! Please don’t call me by that name anymore.”
“What...?” Twilight questioned.
“Look, in this form I’m in now, we can’t use my real name. Some pony will recognize me and then question my appearance.”
“So...if we can’t call you Celestia, then what should we call you?”
“I thought about it ever since we entered Hoofington and I think I’ve come up with an appropriate name.”
“Ooh, you should call yourself Cinder......Cinder....Cinderella-- Hey, Twilight, I don’t care what anypony says. I think you should be able to go to the ball.”
“What’s the name?” Twilight asked curiously while ignoring Deadpool.
“Sunset Overdrive,” Celestia said.
Twilight and Deadpool paused.
“Holy shit, that is a badass name,” Deadpool broke the silence.
“Well I can see the Sunset part of the name,” Twilight said. “But ‘Overdrive?’”
Celestia-or rather Sunset Overdrive- merely blinked and smiled innocently at Twilight.
Relax, Rainbow Dash, so what if one of your subconscious is in the voice of the pony you absolutely despise at the moment? It doesn’t make you any less pathetic than you already are.
“Pfft, like I need to be hearing this from the likes of you!” Rainbow Dash said to Discord. “Say whatever you want, Discord, but there’s no way you’re going to break me down like last time!”
Discord sighed.
Rainbow Dash, were you not paying attention to what I said earlier? I want to help you this time.
She looked at her current state. “You’re doing a great job,” she said sarcastically.
Never look a gifted pony in the mouth, Rainbow. Soon you’ll realize I’m actually doing you a favor.
“Jeez, just get to the point already!”
Rainbow Dash, do you realize whose body you’re in?
“Pfft, duh. It’s Deadpool’s.”
Exactly!
Rainbow Dash just stared in confusion
With the victor comes the spoils, Rainbow Dash, and that includes the benefits of Deadpool’s body.
“Wait...what’re you trying to say?”
Do you remember your scuffle with the Ursa Major a while ago. Think back to how you felt during that time, and then think about how Deadpool felt at that moment!
Rainbow Dash’s eyes suddenly widened in response. “He was practically invincible...”
Yes, yes! And now you have access to his invincibility!
“I’m...I’m invincible?”
Ladies and gentleponies we have a winner! Not only is she the fastest pony in all of Equestria, she is also now the most powerful creature in the world!
Rainbow Dash paused as she looked down at her hands, trying to process this whole scenario. “...Yeah right,” she finally said. “I get that I have a healing factor, but I doubt that I’m the most powerful creature in all of Equestria.”
Tsk. You’re breaking my heart, Rainbow Dash. Here I am, trying to support you in your time of need, and you’re just pushing away all these factual statements I’m making about you.
“Pfft. Since when have you been honest with anypony?”
Hmm, I suppose you have a point. Tell you what, instead of relying merely on my words, how about I offer you a chance to see for yourself how powerful you are.
“...I’m listening.”
Please refer to the handsome fellow to your right.
Rainbow Dash followed Discord’s instructions and noticed that the tied up Ursa Major from earlier was still there and asleep.
Now, Deadpool had the right idea when summoning an Ursa Major, but why don’t we add a little 'Discord Flair’ into the mix?
Suddenly, the Ursa Major was wrapped in a dark cloudy aura. It suddenly woke up and growled as it started to grow larger in size. Its claws became more fearsome and its eyes glowed red.
“D-Discord! What the heck are you doing?!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
IT’S BIGGER
The Ursa Major started to swipe at Rainbow Dash as she dodged the attack at the last second.
IT’S BADDER
Once Rainbow recovered, she tightly gripped one of Deadpool’s swords that was attached to her back.
BUT WILL IT BE ENOUGH TO DEFEAT THE GREAT AND POWERFUL RAINBOW DASH?
The giant bear roared in anger at Rainbow Dash, but she stood her ground as she finally pulled out both of Deadpool’s swords.
“Alright then...” she said with a stern tone. “Let’s dance.”
“Hey, where you guyzzz go-wing?” Deadpool said as he stumbled towards Twilight and ‘Sunset’ who were about to leave the bar.
“We need to decide our next course of action, Deadpool,” Twilight said. “Me and, uh, Sunset are going to our rooms to plan things out.”
“Ooh, lemme go wif u!” Deadpool slurred out. “I iz good wif da plans and the making of dem.”
Sunset approached Deadpool. “Look, Deadpool, you’re not really in a ‘focused’ state, so I think it’s best if me and Twilight do the planning ourselves, for now.”
“Whaaaaaat?” Deadpool said. “You’re talkin’ nonsense, you horse. I can- I can do....the things. In fact, I drunk better when I’m think!”
Twilight and Sunset merely looked at each other.
“Okay,” Deadpool said with a more serious tone. “Maybe I am a bit drunk, but trust me, girls, I’m still focused enough where I can- BLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-
Deadpool started vomiting.
“-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! OH GOD! MY THROAT IS BURNING! BLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-”
Twilight and Sunset backed far away from Deadpool as they stared wide-eyed at the scene before them.
-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! SERIOUSLY, IT’S ON FIRE! IT’S LIKE I SWALLOWED SATAN AND HE’S MAKING A SPICY ENCHILADA IN MY THROAT HOLE WHILE HE’S BLENDING IT WITH GARBAGE AND HOT PEPPERS AS HE’S HAVING A FIESTA DURING THE HOTTEST DAY IN THE SUMMER!”
The other ponies in the bar looked on as well. “Jeez, what a lightweight,” one of the ponies said to his friend.
A few moments later, Deadpool stopped vomiting and held his stomach. “Uuugh....my tummy hurts....” he said as he finally fell unconscious and collapsed on the floor.
“Deadpool!” Twilight and Sunset yelled.
Twice Nightly quickly came onto the scene as she saw an unconscious pony laying in a pile of vomit.
“What happened?!” she said surprised.
“My friend, Rainbow Dash, drank to much and knocked herself out,” Twilight explained.
“Oh dear!” Nightly said worriedly. “Don’t worry, I’ll take her to our medical room.”
“And what should we do?” Sunset Overdrive asked.
“Please, please,” Nightly said calmly. “Go about with your business and I’ll have your friend healed in no time.”
“If you say so,” Twilight responded. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deadpool groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. His vision was blurry at first, but he soon regained his sight. The first thing he noticed was that he wasn’t at the bar anymore. The second thing he noticed was that the night manager of the inn was there as well, smiling sweetly towards him.
“Oh my god, a horse!” Deadpool finally said. “I mean, uh...what happened?”
“Well,” Nightly scratched the back of her neck. “You kind of threw up back at the bar.”
Upon recollection, Deadpool facehoofed in shame. “Oh...right.”
“But don’t worry!” Nightly reassured. “It’s not as bad as you think.”
“Uh, by any chance, I wasn’t vomiting in a helicopter-like motion, was I?”
“Um...no?”
“Oh okay, that’s good,” Deadpool sighed in relief. Soon afterwards, he developed a rather guilty look on his face. “Gee, I sure made a mess of things at your establishment, haven’t I?”
Twice Night blushed as she looked away from Deadpool. “I-It’s no problem. W-We get all kinds of ponies here at our Bed and Br-Breakfast!
“Yeah, but I’m kinda like...your idol, right?”
“T-That’s right, I’m a big fan...y’know, ever since I saw you do your Sonic Rainboom...”
“I believe we’ve been over this before.”
“Yes! Forgive me, I’m repeating myself. I’ll just leave you alone now-”
Deadpool stopped Nightly in her tracks by tapping her lightly in the shoulder.
“EEP!” Twice Nightly cried out suddenly.
“Hey, hey!” Deadpool cried back. “Relax. I may be somepony you look up to, but I’m a regular pony nonetheless, so you can quit with the formalities.”
“I-I’m so sorry,” Nightly nearly had tears forming in her eyes. “It’s just that I never expected to meet you at all in my lifetime. You don’t know what it’s like to meet a pony you hold in high regards.”
“Yeah...I wouldn’t know anything about that...” Deadpool said nervously.
“It’s just that...” Nightly continued. “...for all my life, I lived in this boring old town and basically watched as everyday passed right by me. Other than this inn and my family, I have nothing else going for me. So when I saw you...when I saw you perform such a feat that I didn’t think could be possible...it gave me hope that maybe if a ‘regular’ pony such as yourself can do that, then maybe someday I could do something just as amazing.”
Deadpool silently stared at Nightly. “Damn...I’m sorry, I didn’t know...”
“Ah! Excuse me! I just went all emotional so suddenly. Please disregard what I said! I don’t wish to be a burden to you!”
“Now, now no need to take it back,” Deadpool said calmly. “We all have our dreams that we wish to accomplish. There’s no fault in simply believing in them.”
“M-Miss Rainbow Dash...”
“In fact, I support you 100%!” Deadpool suddenly grabbed both of Nightly’s hoofs. “Twice Nightly, keep on believing and I know someday you will do something so amazing that life will be worth living...twice!”
Twice Nightly stared agape at Deadpool, astonished at the words coming from her supposed hero.
“See what I did there?” Deadpool said. “At the end, with the ‘twice’? Your name’s ‘Twice’ Nightly. Yes? No? Maybe?”
It took a moment, but Nightly did indeed respond...just not in the way Deadpool expected.
Twice Nightly suddenly jumped at Deadpool and locked her lips with his.
Deadpool looked around the reader’s computer screen. “Ah, I remember this site. As always, the artwork in the banner is top-notch. Heh, I suppose 5 months can pass by just like that, right guys?”
....
“Guys? Hello? Anyone?”
...
“GUYS?!”
...
“WHERE IS EVERYBOD-” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight woke up with a yawn as a new day began. She got up from her bed and gradually stretched herself awake. As Twilight regained her senses, she looked around the room to see that Princess Celestia was still in her abnormal form. Sadly the events that occurred yesterday were not a dream, as she had hoped. Well this was certainly not the time to dwell on the past, Twilight thought to herself as she proceeded to walk down to the lobby.
As she went down, she noticed Deadpool was sitting in the dining area, already having breakfast.
“Ah, good morning Dea-uh-Rainbow Dash,” Twilight greeted.
However, there was no response from the merc turned pony. In fact, Twilight noticed he seemed rather fixated on his food more than anything. His whole body was shaking, and she could’ve sworn she heard him whimpering.
“Hey, uh, Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?” Twilight finally asked.
There was a long pause of silence before Deadpool finally whispered, “Please don’t call me by that name...”
“Come again?” Twilight did a double-take.
“I’m supposed to be Deadpool, but I’m in Rainbow Dash’s body...”
“Uh...huh, that’s what happened last night, Deadpool,” Twilight said worriedly.
Deadpool slowly picked up his coffee cup, trembling all the while. His arm didn’t stop shaking from when he took a sip to when he put it back down.
Twilight became uncomfortable and slowly leaned in towards the nervous pony. “Deadpool, seriously, is everything okay?”
Deadpool was about to open his mouth before somepony walked in and interrupted the two.
“Excuse me miss, but would you care for anything?” the pony said.
Twilight looked and noticed that the pony looked similar to Twice Nightly, and she looked down to see that the pony had a stack of pancakes for a Cutie Mark.
“Ah,” Twilight put two-and-two together. “Are you by any chance the day manager?”
The pony smiled at Twilight, “Twice Brightly at your service, ma’m! I’m sure you’ve met my twin, Nightly.”
“Yeah, me and Rainbow Dash got well acquainted with her, right Rainbow?” Twilight tapped Deadpool on the shoulder.
“NO I DIDN’T!!!” Deadpool suddenly stood up and accidently spilled his coffee all over himself. “AAAAAAAAH!”
Twilight winced. “Ooh, that’s gotta hurt.”
Twice Brightly quickly grabbed some napkins. “Here, let me wipe that off for you.”
It was at that point Deadpool saw the day manager try to wipe off the coffee that was currently all over his body. He quickly back-flipped over to the empty table behind him. “STAY AWAY YOU HORSE-FLAVORED TEMPTRESS!”
“Was it something I said?” Twice Brightly asked.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled. “She was just trying to help!”
“Your mother’s trying to help your FACE!” Deadpool yelled back. “You shall NOT touch this body of mine of which I am currently in of which doesn’t even belong to me ANY LONGER!”
Twice Brightly slowly turned to Twilight. “Is...Is she alright?”
Twilight looked away nervously. “Um, she just had a bad dream last night, is all.”
But before the day manager could respond to her, Twilight quickly grabbed Deadpool and ran outside of the inn.
“Deadpool! What in Celestia’s name is going on with you?!” Twilight demanded.
“Deadpool, in the last 20 hours of which I’ve known you, I can easily conclude that your personality is considerably more...”eccentric” than the average pony. However, I noticed that back there, your personality shifted to a 50% increase in eccentric-ness for some reason. Now tell me, what is the reason for this inconsistency?”
Deadpool paused and stared at Twilight dumbfoundedly.
Twilight sighed. “What. Happened. Last. Night?”
Deadpool’s eyes began to water once more. “I...I...I...I...I...I...”
“YOU WHAT?!” Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs, not even caring if there were any ponies in the area that could hear her.
“I swear to you, Twilight, I don’t even know what happened or how it did!” Deadpool frantically tried to explain. “It was like I was in some sort of trance and I had no control over my body!”
“Surely you would’ve had at least SOME control to stop yourself from....from...," she turned away in disgust. “UGH I can’t even say it! You’re sick!”
“I know!” Deadpool cried out. “I’m a disgrace as a human being! NO ONE SHOULD EVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE WHAT I DID!”
Twilight facehoofed. “If there was any other 'human’ that would desire to share your experiences, I would seriously lose faith in your species in its entirety.”
