When Sirraf Anderhal a brilliant student within the mage academy of Renthoria grows tired of his instructors bull headed opinions on magic cans and cants. He decides to think outside the box. Now he is confronted with much more than he expected. Can Sirraf coexist with these peaceful denizens or will his existence threaten theirs?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm enjoying this please do go on.
OOh Final fantasy Crossover Please Continue I am super excited!!!
You need to go and edit your chapters, lots of grammatical errors in there.
2525422 yeah sorry about that this is my first story and i dont have any kind of proofreader so i kinda have to take care of it on my own. ill try to fix it when i have the time.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B3siua614ppGSndEaUZWWFUzaU0/edit?usp=sharing
I've made corrections to Chapter 1, Also, you should know that you didn't conclude the chapter, it just sort of.... stopped.
2526877 oh thank you. i could have sworn i finished that... ill fix it right away
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B3siua614ppGcUp2VG9JVzdHbWs/edit?usp=sharing
Chapter two's correction
By the way, could you reduce the number of times you describe something with 'red mage'?
The point is try and find a broader description of objects!
You've described Sirraf was a 'red mage' multiple times, plus there's red mage hat, red mage gloves...... next will be red mage boots, red mage cloak, red mage discount card, red mage cup holder and red mage groin protector........... er yes
2529964 Thanks again. also ill work on the redmage thing.
the magic incantations is getin annoying
What will Princesses and rest of Equestria think of him?
2532348 BURN THE WITCH! BURN THE WITCH! that about right?
Well, he took the invasion of his mind pretty well
to be honest i wasn't even going to introduce her yet but a comment on a previous chapter about how the princesses would react kinda got me thinking about it. It was a fun chapter to be sure.
Well I've been enjoying reading this so far. Besides Chapter 1, however, there's been a lot of grammatical errors. You should re read your work before posting. Also, have you decided on a permanent name for the story?
2537504 One thing I've got to point out for future reference, is to not have Sirraf as too one dimensional. So far, he's been seen as very easy going, he's been very calm, almost too calm, when he was attacked by Rainbow Dash and Luna. While he may not want to antagonize the ponies since he is the alien in their world, there has to be a point where his patience will run low. Cultural confusions, differences in opinions, constant awkward situations, insults (intended or not), general misunderstandings could all bring about a fresh perspective and flesh out his character and prevent it from being too bland. After all what is a story without conflict?
As you're writing, you should try and avoid what I call the "Barney and Friends Syndrome", where the main character constantly is submissive and accepts whatever happens to him and instantly forgives any wrongdoings done to him, which is then completely forgotten about. Human nature and logic would dictate that these misdeeds done to him would remain with him, and colour his future actions, perceptions and opinions. To simply forget would risk it happening again, and the cycle continues.
Hope my advice comes in handy in the future.
don't worry i am currently writing him that way to show that like his class shows he is versatile and adaptable, but i did plan to show that he was no pushover. he has his limits and the ponies and other creatures will see that. remember he has already shown that he can lose his patience and has shown his dislike of a set role in life. In fact the only reason he was so patient with Luna was the simple fact that it was his dream scape. in his mind he truly believed that there was nothing that she could do to him there. kind of like when discord thought the elements could do nothing to him.
There's red, blue, white and black: so where's green?
2538354 By the way, who did the cover art?
2545689 someone called ExMile. He does some pretty good work. red mages are my favorite classes in the final fantasy series (when they actually use classes) and i found this picture when i typed redmage into a google image search.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
2558216 thanks. admittedly i didn't really plan on writing a story to begin with. I need to sort out a few ideas though so it may be a bit before i release some more chapters.
2558638 That is a good idea, try to envision how your characters will be developed, try to explain the imagery, the emotions, descriptions more clearly so that the reader can see them more vividly.
you know... i just noticed something kinda funny. I cant come up with a solid title for this story yet, but i can come up with chapter names almost instantly.
Wow a tree house. maybe there are elves in this world as well.
I'm not sure I like the fact he has those anoying chants for his spells. The word Cura or Blizaga themselves are ok, but...
Also, your OC has the habit of talking to himself. Not a good sign. I think many would prefer it if those bits were his thoughts, rather than him talking.
Still, this story is just beginning and it has the potential to become something decent. I'll keep reading.
I was beginning to wonder when we would get an update..... and we get not one, but two!
world's
Sirraf's
space needed after shock
Let's
lying
Twilight's
Let's
Oh yeah!
one's
in an attempt
at a loss
leapt
he's
won't
he let his breath
dining
2634895 thanks. I'm trying to improve, but certain habits just die hard.
ponies'
raised his head
Pinkie just stared at him with a huge smile on her face and Applejack simply nodded as
its
couldn't
It's
At this
it's
The weakest version
it's much flatter
person's
It's, a while
it's
too
a while, it's
2634921 If you want, you could send your chapters to me to edit after you finish write them.
2634996 there fixed. Thanks once again. I'll try to keep that in mind next time i make a new chapter. Can't promise anything though lol.
I want MOAR!!!
Great chapter. Can't wait to see how ponyville react to him. Will they learn more about his world, the creature's in it, it's history, etc, as the story goes on?
Booya. Now I gotta break out FF1 advanced again. I've been needing an excuse to play it through again. BTW, which mage do you think I should have in my 4th slot?
#1. Warrior
#2 Red Mage
#3 Thief/Monk
#4-Black Mage or white mage?
how do you play that with a blade of grass?!!?!
I see he instantly forgives being impaled by Shining Armor.....................................
Ask for a duel with Celestia. Do iiiiiit.
Well, he just handed them some of his weaknesses on a silver platter, not a very smart thing to do...
2662153 technically she already had that information. He told Twilight how his magic worked so all Celestia had to do was put two and two together. If he lied she might have had a reason to turn on him in the near future.
2662188 I think one bone of contention is that he hasn't shown to have any real weaknesses as yet. Sure he gave them some information, and they've seen he has physical and magical limits, but so far he hasn't met or did something that would really trouble him. Don't want to turn him into Superman!
just like in game. the red mage has no clear weakness. he just isn't the best in any category. any weaknesses he has are gonna mainly be either emotional or psychological. like the fact that he wont have a friends blood on his hands.
farm2.staticflickr.com/1060/5124699989_a414738d44_z.jpg
Any reason the 'i's are not capitalized?
Other than that, this has potential.
2664409 I have a few bad writing habits. In fact when I started writing this response I almost forgot to capitalize the I.
Woah.. Lotta info for one chapter. I'm surprised rainbow doesn't fall asleep or the others don't have problems processing the info. Few things that I would nit pick- but it was presented well.
Hm.. Interesting scenario... Though I'm kinda wishing there was more from Princess Luna's point of view. It would be nice to see what drew her to him in the first place. Granted, Red Mage is the hero, but do let us in a bit more to the others involved in the story.
RM- REM Sleep
I see what you did there.
Whoa, updates have totally dried up!
2829153 heatwave. kinda taking all my creative energy.