Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
As soon as the King's visitors entered his throneroom, the enormous double doors behind them clanged shut. White winced at this as he stepped forward to introduce himself.
He bowed briefly, and then began, "Greetings, your Majesty! My name is White Noise, and I come to you as a humble seeker of knowledge. I am a magic scholar, specialising in communication magic, and I have been told that your Highness's great wisdom is the best possible source for the information I seek."
Sky and Sibwashie stepped forward as White finished speaking, taking his silence as a cue to bow themselves.
"These are my friends and travelling companions," White continued, motioning towards the bowing equines to his left and right. "They do not share my interest in magic, but I would not have made it here without them."
The King nodded slightly, and turned his eyes to Sky.
"My name is Sky Wave, your Highness," she said. "Being in your Highness's court and seeing your Highness face-to-face is an honour and a privilege that I never dreamed I'd have."
Again, the King nodded, before turning to Sibwashie.
"I bring warm greetings from the people of your Highness’s neighbours on a Zebrican plain
We have great respect for the dragons, and I am humbled to be allowed in their domain," greeted Sibwashie, glancing deferringly back at Venkra.
Venkra smiled warmly at the King. "Hey Uncle Kasdar. How's it going?"
White stopped himself just short of gasping in horror.
"I am very well. Thank you, Ms Venkra."
White nearly fainted. Dragons have very strange protocol, he thought.
The Dragon King lifted an enormous clawed hand – large enough to grab and squash a pony, Sky nervously considered – to signal that he was about to announce something of importance. A loud rumbling from his throat filled the room as he prepared to speak.
“Friends,” he began, “and I do call you friends for what you have done and what you shall do for my kingdom, it is good to meet you in person at last – at last, for I feel that you have longed for this meeting for many weeks now.”
White Noise’s thoughts honed in on a single word. “Friends”? Really? Why? This is incredible! If the King is calling us his friends, he’ll tell me about dragonfire for sure! Stay cool, White, stay polite!
“It is an honour to be in your court today, your Highness,” replied White, bowing so low that that ground muffled his words. “It is also perhaps too great an honour for your Highness to call us friends.”
Sibwashie nodded slightly and lowered his own bowing almost to White’s level.
"Pray tell us, oh King of dragons, what we have done to earn such praise
We would not want to wonder what we have done right till the end of days."
The Dragon King’s snout twitched into a faint smile, and small chuckle boomed from the corner of his mouth. He turned his great eyes to Sky, who shrank back slightly.
"As the king of the dragons, I am intimately concerned with their welfare,” he said, “and not just the welfare of all dragons as general measure, but the health and happiness of every one of my subjects – indeed, every member of my species! This is why I am the king of the dragons and not the king of Dragonia – I would not worry for the sake of rocks!"
The King blinked and swiftly raised his head up on his tree trunk of neck, nearly smashing his skull into the cave’s ceiling.
"Ms Wave," he proclaimed, his voice growing louder in volume and more solemn in tone. "thou hast forged a strong bond with our subject Venkra, daughter of Skandar in the treasury cave this day! By the power of your friendship, nevermore shall she succumb to the scaly temptations!"
Sky raised a forehoof in front of her mouth in shock. Venkra too was surprised, but only for a moment, as her surprised features soon relaxed into a knowing expression.
"Yes, my child," the Dragon King continued softly, lowering his head to peer down at Venkra as he noticed her face. "This little pony is the first non-dragon you have given some object of value to, out of concern for her and not for you. She is your gafcomp, and her existence shall be a ward to your greed."
Sky’s look of shock slowly turned into a look of shocked puzzlement, and then a look of pure puzzlement.
"Gafcomp?" she asked. "What’s a gafcomp? ...Your Highness?"
The Dragon King smirked. "It has been a long time since I last needed to tell anydragon – or anypony – the Legend of the First Dragon."
Taking a deep, slow breath, the King filled his lungs with air before carefully expelling it in a column of black flame. The column fed into a growing sphere in of black flame, suspended in the air above the visitors’ heads. Once all of the flame had been absorbed by the sphere, it started to change colour.
So that’s what black dragonfire does, thought White. Incredible.
Blurry blobs of different hues formed on the surface of the sphere, slowly becoming clearer and revealing themselves to be pictures. The pictures moved, and with the Dragon King’s booming narration, they told a story.
«-oOo-»
In eons past, when the world was young and those who would become its dominant creatures were only just beginning to think and to reason, there was much needless fighting. In those days, dragons, griffons and all types of equines shared a single island in the middle of an endless ocean, and each faction vied for dominance.
During the first decades, the factions were caught in frustrating stalemate. The griffons had their sharp and dexterous talons, the dragons had their magical fire-breath, and the ponies, zebras and others had great numbers and devilish cunning. Each group would attack another group, and losses would be thankfully light on all sides, but nothing would be accomplished. This was not to last.
When the dragons' caves became too small to sustain them, they dug and blasted away huge swaths of rock, going deeper and deeper underground in search of more space. What they didn't expect to find along with their new space was gemstones.
These stones were dismissed as pretty trinkets at first, after the brief consideration of using them as distractions in battle against the other factions. Having nowhere else to go, they were piled into one of the then–Dragon King's extra rooms.
In those times, a full-grown dragon was the height of two ponies standing on their hindlegs. When the Dragon King shot up in size to the point where he was unable to leave his chambers, his subjects were greatly shocked. The greatest doctors and magicians under the King's rule tried everything they could think of to shrink him down again, but he kept growing, up to the point where his great size stopped others from entering his chamber.
The doctors were relieved when he stopped growing at this point, but still found no way to cure him. Weeks and months passed, and the equines and griffons must have wondered at the sudden reclusiveness of their common adversary.
Eventually, the doctors and magicians gave up and stopped visiting the King. They made his firstborn son the new king and encouraged everydragon to forget about the old one.
Some months later, the ex–Dragon King arrived unannounced to a great banquet held in honour of the square metre of land that had been annexed from griffon territory that day. He was back to his normal size and looked healthy and well-fed.
At that feast, dragons ate gemstones for the first time and learnt of the effect that owning them had on growth. The dragons clamoured for the old King to be reinstated, but he declined, patting his son on the back and saying how much he looked forward to his retirement.
It was only after he died that his son put what dragonkind had learnt that day to use.
«-oOo-»
The pictures faded out, and the ball of flame turned black once more.
"Now I remember what black flame does!" Venkra cheerfully whispered. "It's too bad barely any dragons can use it – it would make plays so much easier!"
The Dragon King took a moment to breath in and out as his visitors politely waited. He then took a final deep breath in and expelled it in another column of black flame, which collided with the sphere and brought it back to life in a flicker of colours.
"Now, where was I?" pondered the Dragon King. "Ah, yes: putting knowledge to use."
«-oOo-»
A few weeks after his father's funeral, the Dragon King instituted a ban on the consumption of precious stones, while at the same time starting an initiative to find more. His subjects did not understand why these measures had been taken, but any who doubted the King's wisdom were soon reminded of the thirty square metres of land that had been won from the other factions during his short reign.
The miners worked diligently, and many gems were unearthed. These gems, along with the stockpiles that had already been collected, were distributed equally among the population, together with strongly worded instructions not to eat them under any circumstances. The dragons were bewildered, but grateful.
When they started to grow, they understood the King's plan, and whoops of elation echoed through the winding corridors of their cavernous home.
After some months of complete silence from the dragons, the equines had seen their chance and planned a raid on their caves. Great was their surprise when hoards of massive dragons – easily the size of six ponies each – burst out of cave exits that were too narrow to accommodate them.
What fighting there was was mercifully short. Those few equines who were too brave or too foolish to surrender immediately were crushed, and the rest quickly gave up and joined the dragons to successfully conquer the griffons, which they all had very mixed feelings about.
Flags bearing an image of a large, blood-red dragon were hung all over the island, and the Dragon King flew up to its highest peak to survey his domain. The leaders of the other factions had surrendered to him, and he wore their tiny crowns as rings on his claws. As he stood on the mountain peak, breathing in the fresh, cold air that was now his, every griffon, pony, donkey, mule and zebra on the island were being shackled and herded into their new lives as slaves.
«-oOo-»
The colours faded from the globe once more, and the Dragon King's guests looked up at him expectantly. If that is the end of his story, then it's the most upsetting story I have ever heard, thought Sibwashie. Although I can see why it might appeal to dragons – the more barbaric and power-hungry among them, at least.
"Fear not, my friends," assured the Dragon King. "This story is conventionally told in three parts – one every fifty years, when dealing with dragons. Bear in mind, also, that this is the summarised version."
The King blew another gust of black flame into the sphere, lighting it up for the final part of his tale.
«-oOo-»
It's all mine! thought the King. Everything as far as the eye can see... is all mine!
After he had stood on the summit for quite some time, the King finally flapped his wings and flew back down to the cave system where he knew his subjects would already be putting their prisoners to work in the mines. He was so busy thinking about how he would expand the dragons' gemstone-mining effort that he didn't notice the odd quiet that had fallen over the cave and was not disturbed by his status as the only dragon who wandered the rocky halls.
The King soon reached the mines, and was shocked by what he saw there. One of his subjects, a very loyal and hard-working dragon named Lyschek, was curled up in a corner, guarding a pile of gems much larger than what he had been allotted and cackling greedily to himself.
Despite the King's best efforts, Lyschek would not leave his corner, or forsake any of his treasures. When he began to grow, the King left swiftly, lest he be killed by his mad subject.
It was with a heavy heart that the Dragon King discovered that Lyschek's madness had not been an isolated incident. Formerly diligent and duty-bound dragons had lost track of their griffon and equine slaves in order to fight each other over the ownership of gemstones. Some lay guarding their spoils, and others lay impotently clawing at the ground as they shrank.
Knowing not what else he could do, the Dragon King flew back to the top of the mountain. When he looked out at the land once more, it was with great sadness, and boiling tears ran down his face.
With a flash of blinding-white light, an angel appeared before the King. She was shaped like a pony, but stood far taller, and had both a horn and a pair of wings. Her whole body glowed with light that obscured her features, and the King threw himself to the ground to avoid gazing upon her.
"Jhangren," she said, speaking the King's name, "you and your dragons have unearthed a terrible weapon and used it to balance the state of affairs on this island overwhelmingly in your favour. I could not stand by and watch such a thing happen, so I have cursed your people."
The King whimpered softly, but did not lift his eyes to face the angel.
"Henceforth, a dragon who owns too many gemstones will be driven to madness by a desire to have more," continued the angel. "Your species shall be defined by the greed you have shown in your conquest for this land. Dragons will spend their long lives in constant concern, always worrying that one more gold piece could be the difference between a niggling voice in the back of their heads and utter delirium."
The King sunk lower to the ground at this point, wishing that the earth would swallow him up.
"But," said the angel, softening her tone considerably, "I have provided a way for dragons to overcome this fatal flaw. If anydragon gives freely and kindly to a member of another species – be it a pony, camel, griffon or any among the sentient peoples – then their bond with that individual shall always be enough to overcome their temptations."
With that, the angel disappeared, and the King flew back down to the surface of the island. In the coming weeks, he stole and ate as many gemstones as he could, getting other dragons to help him as they were cured of their madness. With no further hunger for fighting and no love for the other factions, despite what the angel had told him, he had his subjects build great boats and before many years had passed, the dragons left that island behind them.
The King only told the story of the angel on the mountain with his dying breaths, for the curse he had brought on his species ashamed him so.
«-oOo-»
"When a dragon forges a bond with a member of another species, that individual is known as the dragon's gafcomp, which is the word for 'guardian angel' in the old language," said the King as his sphere of black flame faded out for the final time and collapsed in on itself. "You, Ms Sky Wave, are Ms Venkra's gafcomp, for she 'gave' you that golden chain – which is actually mine, and will remain mine, but the workings of such magic can be liberal with their interpretations of 'ownership'."
"Oh!" Sky exclaimed, "then you should have this back!"
She reached into her saddlebag and pulled the long golden chain out with her mouth, dropping it in a snaking heap in front of her. "It's suprising how light it is," she remarked.
"Yes, I have most of my treasure enchanted in some way or another," explained the King. "On second thought, why not keep the chain? I won't miss it."
"Thank you, your Highness!" Sky and Venkra said in unison. They looked at each other and grinned awkwardly.
"Thanks for saving me from my greedy dragon nature," Venkra whispered.
"Uh, you're welcome?" Sky whispered back.
While Venkra and Sky were whispering to each other, the Dragon King's eyes twitched from side to side and he put a clawed right hand to his chin, stroking it thoughtfully. He looked down at White's expectant gaze.
"Ah!" he cried, snapping his claws and lifting his head up to the ceiling once more. "Of course, that's what I needed to do..."
The King coughed and put on a serious expression. "Mister White Noise, thou hast travelled far to learn the ancient secrets of dragon communication and green dragonfire. We have agreed to disclose these secrets to thee, for we trust that thou wilt not misuse them. Listen closely!"
With this, the King's neck shot down and he brought his head to a hovering stop just in front of White Noise, who could feel his hot breath on his fur and couldn't decide whether he was more elated than frightened or more frightened than elated.
"You ponies are familiar with the statement 'friendship is magic', aren't you?" asked the Dragon King.
Remembering his discussion with Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville and feeling just a little bit sheepish for having laughed at her about the focus of her studies, White nodded vigorously.
"Ah, good. Princess Celestia has taught you well, then," the King continued. "You know, back when she was just 'Celestia the Alicorn', it was I who taught her that saying. She was a very independent young pony... as was her mother."
White's eyes widened. "You knew Princess Celestia's mother?"
The King chuckled heartily. "Since she was but a filly. I have walked this earth for twenty thousand years, and I shall walk it much longer yet. Now, watch!"
The Dragon King took a deep breath and expelled another spurt of black flame. Instead of forming into a ball, this flame formed a wobbly plain and lit up with colours that dimmed as it slowly dissipated. It lasted long enough for White to see himself on it.
White saw him, Sky and Sibwashie walking through the gate and into Dragonia. Another burst of black flame showed him the scene in Venkra's cave. A final blast reminded him of the ordeal in the treasury that had happened only an hour before.
"Black dragonfire allows me to see things," continued the Dragon King, once the last of the flames had faded, "things that should be far too far away for me to see, and things that happened in the distant past. I have watched you and your companions since you entered my country, and I paid close attention to your actions and words in the treasury room. You are already aware of the boost that your magic experiences when your friends need your help, and so you already know of the magic of friendship in that context.
"With dragons, there is a little more. Allow me to show you."
The Dragon King slowly slid his eyelids over his eyes and began to hum softly. White felt his horn light up involuntarily, and his pupils shrunk to pinpricks as he a powerful and unfamiliar presence enter his mind.
You are in luck, young unicorn! Your mind is already open to the magic of friendship that we dragons know so well!
You can do this too?!
Of course I can! And not because I am a king or a special individual, but because all dragons are capable of telepathy, and most dragons use it on a day-to-day basis. Why do you think it is that we have an old language to cherry-pick words like "gafcomp" from, but no new language to hide our thoughts from foreigners with?
Wait, but... that doesn't make sense! If all dragons can do this, then why couldn't I access Venkra's mind back in the treasury? Was it because she was insane?
Logical assumption, but no. Why? Because as experienced users of telepathy, we dragons naturally protect ourselves from the kind of interference that new telepaths perpetrate on those with unsuspecting minds unfamiliar with foreign thoughts.
So... Venkra was naturally blocking my, uh, "signal"?
Yes, but don't think that your plan would have succeeded had that not been the case. I suspect, from previous experience, that you have been able to manipulate others by planting thoughts in their heads. This is only an effective tactic because those people cannot fathom the existence of thoughts in their heads that are not their own, but we dragons are very familiar with such things.
I think I get that, but I have a question.
Yes?
I see that this is definitely a form of "communication magic", but what does it have to do with how green dragonfire sends messages?
Why, everything! Green dragonfire disintegrates objects, shoots them along the intangible bond everydragon has with everydragon else and recreates those objects at the other end of the line. That's why it requires two dragons, and why it is functionally instant – one cannot hope to measure friendship or love in miles or kilometres, now can one?
What about Princess Celestia? How does she receive messages?
After she unlocked her telepathy, I inducted her into the dragon network and taught her the spell she would need to recreate the messages on her end. She can't send messages on her own, of course – nopony can breath green flame!
Could you teach me that spell too?
I have already decided to. I shall teach you the spell I taught your Princess, and at the same time, I shall teach you to control your telepathy. Your mind is weary with the stress that comes with having such great power. I shall ease your burden, White Noise.
White's eyes shot open. A soft buzzing filled his ears, and he took a moment to realise that the Dragon King's head had left him. When the buzzing subsided, he heard the King conferring with his friends.
"– and we will be busy with that for quite some time. You three will wait outside the throne room until we are done and you are called for."
"Yes, your Highness," replied Sky.
She and the others bowed to the king once more and waved at White before leaving the now-open doors of the throne room, which closed swiftly behind them.
***
The atmosphere just outside the throneroom was tense. The two guards stood at attention outside the great doors, and Sky, Sibwashie and Venkra milled about awkwardly in front of them.
Sky was the first to speak. "So I guess I'm your gafcomp now?"
"Yeah, I guess," Venkra retorted.
"Uh, did I do something wrong?" asked Sky. "Is there something about me that isn't gafcomp-ey enough?"
Venkra's snout sunk into her claws, and an awkward silence filled the cavern for at least a minute before she replied.
"No, Sky," she said softly. "You're a nice pony, and I'm grateful that you... well... I guess I'm grateful that you almost got yourself killed in order to snap me out of my little spell. Yeah, that's what I'm grateful for. Sounds a little messed up, doesn't it?"
Sky dug at the ground with a forehoof. To Venkra, her silence said everything.
Venkra sighed. "I'm ashamed of myself for needing a gafcomp, Sky. Really, I'm glad it's you, and I'm glad that us being acquaintances – should I say friends? – will stop me from doing something like that again, but I shouldn't need it."
Venkra and Sky sat down face-to-face, and Sibwashie ambled over to them with a puzzled look on his face. He had been listening to their conversation.
"From what I can surmise,
A gafcomp is a great prize.
"Surely all dragons should have one to curb and soften their base desires?
Why do you live with this curse, when a friend is all its breaking requires?" he recited.
"Maybe if the world was perfect... maybe then everydragon would be big pals with their own pony or zebra or narwhal," Venkra snapped. "But that's not how it is! As things are, dragons keep to themselves. I am the nineteenth dragon to ever have a gafcomp, and it's a badge of weakness!"
Sky's ears drooped.
"Let me tell you about what's important in dragon society," continued Venkra. "It's size. The size of a dragon denotes how much they matter. Why? Because the more you hoard, the more you grow, and the more you grow, the more you want to hoard. Everydragon has a breaking point – a point where they amass enough treasure to have a completely overpowering desire to get more – a desire that clouds their rationality and makes them little more than beasts."
The next lines came as a soft whisper. "You've seen that happen to me."
Sky bit her lip.
Blinking the beginnings of tears out of her eyes, Venkra resumed talking at her normal volume. "A bigger dragon obviously has a bigger hoard, and if a big dragon with a big hoard is still sane and rational, they must have a lot of self-control. That's why the King is so massive – he has the greatest self-control of all of us."
"So... having a gafcomp means you don't need self-control to stop your greed?" Sky asked tentatively.
"Pretty much, yep," replied Venkra. "I must say, it's a relief to be rid of that little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me to ransack your saddlebags, but I can kiss goodbye to getting any respect... Not that any of this is your fault, Sky! Please don't think that!"
Sky thought that, but put on an understanding face for her friend's sake. "So, uh, is there anything I have to do to be your gafcomp? Do I have to, like, move to Dragonia?"
"No! No, of course not," Venkra gasped. "Sky, being a gafcomp doesn't even mean we have to see each other often! Just knowing that, uh, you're out there somewhere is enough to... woah, this sounds kinda weird."
Sky nodded. Dragons are so strange, she thought.
"Uh, you know, Sky, my father had a gafcomp in his twilight years," Venkra said, her face brightening up.
"Really?" Sky replied, perking up.
"Her name was Mary. We always called her his little pony friend, which annoyed her greatly, because she was a donkey. It was kind of funny."
Sky chuckled. "Is she still around?"
"Oh, uh, no," Venkra replied hastily. "She, uh, there was... there was an accident."
"I'm so sorry to hear that! What happened?"
Venkra bit her lip and rubbed the back of her neck. "It's not, uh, not something I really like to talk about. I'm sorry. I'll tell you... just not right now."
Sky didn't press the issue, but gave Venkra a sympathetic look.
***
White was seated on the stone floor, unmoving. His eyes were shut tight, and his horn was glowing. Concentrate... His ears perked up at the sound of a piece of parchment being incinerated. The glow of his horn dimmed as he focused his magic inward. A warmth in his stomach told him that he was succeeding.
Before his lesson from the King, White had cast only a few ambient spells for various classes, each for no more than an hour. He'd always been frightened that he'd cast one, forget about it, and have it drain all of his magic. But thinking back on his journey, he found that that fear didn't have much of a hold over him anymore.
BZAP! White felt his horn pulse. He opened his eyes to see an intact scroll hang in the air for an instant, and then plummet to the ground. A slight scent of smoke mixed with the smell of cut grass told him that his spell had succeeded.
Well done, White Noise, came a voice in his head. Open it.
White enveloped the scroll with his magic and unfolded it before his eyes. It contained a short message, written in painstakingly perfect calligraphy.
All dragons share a bond, and now so dost thou, Mind-Dragon. Bear thy new title with pride, and wield thy power with responsibility.
Strength is in numbers. Insight is in communication. A mind is better shared.
White looked up from the scroll and into the King's face. His wide smile showed his many large teeth.
"This same scroll was presented to Princess Celestia five hundred years ago," he said. "Along with her and three others, you are now a Mind-Dragon. Do not abuse your position."
"I won't, your Majesty," White replied gravely, dropping down into a very low bow.
"Good." The Dragon King seemed pleased with White's response. "Now, is there anything else you require of me?"
White was about to reply that there wasn't when he suddenly remembered something, and chastised himself for almost letting it go unsaid. "Umm, yes, your Highness. There is one thing... to do with the Lunar Republic."
"The Lunar Republic?" asked the King. "Is that on the moon?"
"No, your Majesty, it's an island – around halfway between the Zebrican and Equestrian shores, I think. Anyway, it's been having a, uh, a bit of a... 'dragon problem'."
The King raised an eyebrow. "A 'dragon problem'? How do you mean, young Mind-Dragon?"
White told the Dragon King all about the dragon who had been burning up farms all around the Lunar Republic, how Sibwashie had failed to reason with him, and how they'd had to organise a more antagonistic solution to the problem.
"...and so we'd really like to be able to deal with the dragon without choking him with dirt, but he's burning down crops that ponies need to live," White concluded.
"Interesting. I must admit that I had no idea there were any dragons living on that island. I do try to monitor as many members of my species as possible, but the ones in Dragonia simply must take priority." The Dragon King put a clawed hand to his chin and got a far-off look in his eyes. "I am going to cast my mind towards this island and take a look at the mind of this dragon."
"Towards the island?" White asked "But, you told me that telepathy works along the lines of relationships, not physical locations. I don't understand."
"I'm glad you've been listening," the King replied. "Geography-based telepathy isn't something many of us use often, but it's necessary in this case because you haven't given me a name. I can't make use of the standard spells without a name. Now, let me concentrate."
The room went quiet as the Dragon King receded into his own mind, and White stood patiently waiting. After a few minutes, a sudden twitch in the King's face made it clear that he'd gotten through to the dragon.
"Ahh!" The King gripped his head in pain, and his eyes snapped open. "I've found him! The dragon... the dragon in the Lunar Republic is in great pain! He has lost his mind and become an unthinking monster! It hurts to watch the crude machinations of his broken mind!"
White gasped as the Dragon King jerked his head up to the ceiling of the cavern.
"White Noise," boomed the King. "Thou must make haste to the Lunar shore to rescue this poor soul from himself! Our subject Ms Venkra shall fly thee and thy companions there! Now go!"
Having given his orders, the King looked down at White, made a shooing motion with his claws, and pulled his neck away, hiding himself from view in his collection of treasure.
"But how will I...?"
You are a dragon in the mind now! Limitless are your resources! When you arrive, you shall know what to do.
"Bye, then," whispered White, rubbing his temples with a forehoof as the doors creaked open behind him. He still didn't feel very confident. "Thank you, your Majesty."
***
White's friends swarmed around him as he left the throneroom, their faces eager with questions. Before any of them could ask him anything, however, he held up and forehoof for silence. "Guess where Venkra's taking us and what we're going to do when we get there."
"First question, The Lunar Republic. Second question, we're going to help that dragon out," Sky replied.
White stared at her. "How did you know?"
"The King's voice is pretty loud, and these doors aren't that thick," she said matter-of-factly.
"Wait, I'm taking you somewhere?" Venkra asked incredulously. "Why would I" – she glared at the closed double doors – "Okay, okay, I'm taking them somewhere! Keep your scales on, Uncle Kasdar!"
Venkra shrugged towards her friends, and the four of them made their slow way back through the tunnels and out of the cave.
"Alright, ponies, hop on," Venkra ordered, once the travellers were standing on a jutting out ledge of Mount Olym once more. "Sky, you can fly alongside me for as long as you feel you're able, but there ain't gonna be any rest stops on this journey. My bedtime isn't for another thirty years."
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Did you just make up the word Gafcomp? Google returns very few possible outside origins.
327040
Yeah, guilty as charged. All of the strange-sounding words/names in this story are made up.
318483>>318392
So basically I feel like bold text is more appropriate for deep voiced dragons who speak fairly loudly naturally, and that random capitalised words are suited to Luna's shoutiness, which always sounded (and I think is meant to sound) a little forced and strained to me.
I'm committing a grave typographical sin by using bold text in narrative, but I really think it works in this case, and it's pretty necessary for one particular section of this chapter.
Hello everypony! Stalin the Stallion is here to give his thoughts about this story! I shall call it "Stalinview". Stalinview is my real-time thoughts and analysis of each chapter of the story. Stalin is currently interested in this story, but everypony can expect to get a Stalinview, but with some non-commercial feedback to Stalin's own story.
Right, here we go!
*****
First thing Stalin should mention: Stalin recognizes Lauren Faust's sketch of female dragon. Coloring is great!
This sapphire dragon quickly caught Stalin's attention.
Fillydelphia? Nice. Stalin knows that Philadelphia is one of Uncle Sam's towns, but still when he hears that word, he thinks about Philadelphia roll. Maybe because Stalin just likes suishi? Who knows?
White Noise, huh. Cool name! But too long to remember. Stalin thinks he shall call this pony as x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5) from now on. Yes, that's defenetely easier to remember.
Overall, x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5) have interesting, creative design. Stalin likes that!
Also, ponies have comic books? Interesting. Stalin is pretty sure that there must be a Mysterious Mare comic series.
Dragonfire delivery, huh. Stalin wonder what their slogan is. Stalin hopes it's not "We guarantee that your parcel shall be charred"
Hmmm... x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5) have light blue mane and white coat? Why Stalin sees Vinyl in his head all of the sudden?..
Description of sunrise is a bit too clumsy and fast.
Heh, it's always good for Celestia to have a complete control over her artifical sun, eh? Good thing she have sence of taste and not making engless summer.
Overall Sky Wave's design is little bit weaker, than White Noise's.
Oh, very interesting! A zebra! And talking just like Zecora. Stalin likes that!
Sibwashie, eh... Stalin just wonders what is he doing in Equestria, while he is so much homesick.
Hmm. That was interesting meeting with our heroes. Pretty neat move with that radio of yours, Stalin should say.Stalin rarely see
something like that.
Wow, very interesting idea about jarred dragonfire! That explains a lot. Although Stalin don't understand, how did they making these.
Is it synthesyzed? Did they caught a dragon and made him to breath into a tube or something?
AHA! That's how! Female dragon! Dohvakiin, dohvakiin, na-na-na-na-na-na...
Although her shortened name reminds Stalin of Final Fantasy 7 Turks. And a Turkey...
Hmm. Sky's personality begans to build. This is good. Although shy lover is a little bit clished (Hinata, for example), let's see what will you, autor, show us later on Sky's personality.
"Exotic (but pony-like) shadow" sounds too clumsy.
Man, it must be hard rhytming Sibwashie's quotes.
“By travelling deep into pony country and living among you
I hope to understand, and discover what is true.”
Stalin is interested in this characters. Stalin always liked black peo... er i mean Zebras.
Heh, Stalin hopes they shall never thought about sending spam all over the world.
"Cut for a mare"..... Cleavage? Stilin don't think ponies need one... Or is minds are just to perverted.
"There was Ivy, the dark green filly who could make flowers grow and dance in front of her!"
na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batm... er Mysterious Mare!
"And Steady Stand, the big red unicorn who knew a spell that made walls and carriages practically unbreakable!"
This guy really should have served Stalin. He would be a great help with Berlin wall...
Yay! Twilight!
Also, how did White Noise passed entrance exam?
Suddenly, Stalin remembers some gifted boy... Wonder what is his name... Larry... Barry?... Stalin do remember, that his work was of making pots...
"Dragonfire is breathed by dragons, you know?"
You dont say!
Dragonia, eh? Dohvakiin, Dohva_ *cough!* *cough!*
“I just got fired,” she said in response to White’s question. “The powers-that-be decided my cutie mark wasn’t ‘appropriate for a mail-carrier’.”
0_0. What a dicks, seriously. "Cutie mark is not appropriate" my flank. Wait a second...
- Ivan, find them and shoot them down!
- Aww, but Master! I haven't finished eating my ikra and drinking my vodka!
- Give your vodka to your bear! This is an order!
- Oh, okay...
Khm, exuse me, was out making justice. Where did Stalin stopped?
Sky wave: smug mode ON
“I’m a leaf on the wind, White,” said Sky Wave dramatically. “Where-ever destiny takes me, that’s where I go.”
Ok, seems like an end of chapter one! Let us give them overall, Tovarisch Stalin! Hmmm... I wonder why am i talking to myself...
---------------OVERALL---------------
Pretty interesting idea, a unique story is always good.
Characters are original and good, designs are fine.
x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5) - his personality is still undefined as much. Stalin thinks, that he shall see more of his personality in later chapters.Cool design.
Sibwashie - love this guy!
Sky - there isn a personality, but Stalin shall wait for more to see.
STALINVIEW OF CHAPTER TWO COMING SOON!
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That was freakin' awesome, bro! I was smiling the whole way through. I'm looking forward to rest of these (but it may be better for us all if you could post them on the individual chapters rather than the collected comments box).
I'm pretty focused on finishing the rest of this story right now, but I'll certainly take what you've said into account when I get around to fixing up the hokey bits of the earlier chapters. I've improved as a writer because of this story, that much is obvious from the disparity between chapters 1 and 13.
Well, I guess it would be smaller and more form-fitting.
Sky's design is probably the one I'm least satisfied with, yeah. She was originally some horrid shades of green or something, though, so this is a bit of an improvement from that.
And I sometimes wish I'd gone with the more pleasant-sounding "Draconia" ala Off the Edge of the Map.
Very cool chapter, seriously one of the better ones.
There were a couple of points where the dialogue felt a little strangely put-together (particularly with the "angel"), but apart from that - so much plot development! It was lovely... I particularly like your history of the dragons. Now you have two species' backgrounds covered originally, and I'm wondering if we're going to see any more stories like those.
That spell sounds pretty neat, although perhaps a little over-powered for a unicorn like White. Kind of seems slightly convenient that the dragon king would teach him, but hay - I don't mind. I like it.
One thing I would like to see a bit more of before the end is character focus. There was a fair amount early on in the story, but the last few chapters have been almost entirely plot-driven. I think it'd be nice to have the three friends' relationship explored a little further, with some introspection or what-have-you, but then again, that's just my opinion as a reader.
Looking forward to 14, whenever we may see it
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How in Discord's name did I overlook that Serenity reference.
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Hmm, yeah, I'll try to fit in more character moments in the next arc. The last four or so chapters have been very tight and plot-heavy, so it's probably about time to loosen up a bit - peaks and troughs of pacing and all that. The next arc's going to be longer, and there'll be some quiet moments and character interaction and whatnot.
White's telepathy certainly isn't anything near the power of the Dragon King's. He can't use that geographical spell, so he'll only be able to do the kind of thought-redirection we've seen up to this point and be able to communicate with dragons he knows. Further caveats will be explained in later chapters, so suffice it to say I'm being very careful about making him OP.
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'Specially since it's the only pop-cultural reference this fic contains (if I remember correctly).
Hi everypony! Stain the Stallion is here again, bringing you second installation of Stalinview, Long distance: chapter 2
Atmospheric entry. That kind of things are what drew reader into the story.
Hmmm. So Manehattan and Hoofington are connected with a forest...
Run to fun? Stalin doesn't understand how running trough the forest might be fun... But Stalin is not so athletic, so he probably
doesnt understand all joy of tripping on the roots.
“Thank you for your thought, but I’m afraid I must decline
Your flowers disagree with me, and I find the grass quite fine,”
Eh, what? Flower disagree with him? Does Sibwashie have a voodoo spell to talk with flowers?
Also, a little out of topic. Ponies doesn't eat meat... But then why are they breeding pigs? Pigs can be breed
only for meat, so whole pig breeding job in the Show Stoppers is ridiculous. Much like when in new Tron
main characters ate roast pig... IN COMPUTER WORLD! Does that world generates Pig programs?... Seems like Stalin been carried away.
Back to the story.
Wait, WHAT? Nige-er Zebrica has a radio stations before Equestria? Is Equestria soo deep conservated itself that it is not keeping up
with the rest of a world?
I am sorry, but Stalin still hard to imagine radios in Zebrica. Stalin is not racist,
but still Equestria suppose to be equivalent of America, while Zebrica - equivalent of Nigeria, isn't it?
"Squeeze magic from poison joke" isnt poison joke suppose to be chemical, not magical? Or is it...
Well, it does things that can't be done with simple chemistry (changing size, reversing wings),
and it seems to read victim's thoughts to have most devastating effect on them... So yeah,
poison joke is magic. That means that idea of extracting magic from it is AWESOME.
Oh, Gypsies! Stalin didnt thought pony world had them.
Or are they not gypsies... They are the revolutioneers! Interesting...
"seas beyond Equestria" isnt Equestria suppose to be a valley? Stalin dont know of any seas, hume masses of water has never been shown in the show.
Hmm... is this all is written on the flyer? Well, then it's a beast of a flyer must be. OR the text is
very small.
"“For what it’s worth, they can’t be that harmful if this is the first we’ve heard of them,” Sky replied, cracking a smile. “I’m okay with them so long as they don’t decide to replace their instruments with weapons and their marching bands with army platoons.”"
Ehh, world shall be perfect if terrorrists shall change their weapons to musical instruments...
"made it obvious that the sign had been painted by a mouth rather than a horn."
....wut? Is ponies cover their lips/tongues with paint and drawing?... If they using brushes with mouths, that kinda makes sence,
but first impression of this sentence is exatly "...wut?"
x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5):“We should find an inn to stay the night at"
Sky: "Yeah, my hp dropped a lot, and i need to restore my mana too"
Sibwashie:"I had been poisoned by the bees
To rest in in i clearly see"
Sky: "Wait, did u hear something, guys?"
bzzzzzzzzzz
x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5):"AHHH THAT'S A LOT OF BEES! A LOT OF BEES!!!"
“My name is Sibwashie, kind keeper of this fine inn
I am happy to hear such kind words about my kin,”
Hilarious line! Stalin likes it!
Ummmm how is the name "Grassfire" linked with him? He got brown coat, orange mane and lemonade glass as
a cutie mark. Nothing green in his color pallete. Maybe "Lemonadefire" shall be more accurate?
“The greatest mistake for which a traveller can ever take the blame
Is assuming that all members of one race are exactly the same" - said the guys with similliar personality as Zecora.
Seriously, they had some minor differences in personalities, but still it is similliar.
"Princess Celestia and her sister Luna sat in their private drawing room"
Oh, Stalin doesnt knew that Celestia and Luna are artists.
Stalin dont sure that Luna shall call Celestia "Celly", but whatever.
Allright, time for Overall!
Nothing major is happening in this chapter and not much to rant on. Only major fact of story we found here is that cult of Luna is plotting something.
Stalin guess, that they shall be villians, or at least they shall do something nasty. Luna's purple moon story in nicely made and logic, and i see
their motivations and why they blame Celestia. Also, when you began to describe traveling band, Stalin thought this is a traveling band of Mysterious Mares.
Somehow, Stalin couldn't made many jokes on that one, partially because almost nothing happens (as stated above). So Stalin made a little bit conservative Stalinview, focusing on reviewing instead of making fun.
Characters:
x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5): well, Stalin can see his personality partially, but still he hasn't have much lines to completely understand it
Sky: her personality is kinda inconistent. Stalin thought she shall be like Hinata, but here she isn't shy around x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5). Let's see how you shall develope her.
Sibwashie: LOVE THIS GUY! Although his personality is almost similliar to Zecora's, he is still an interesting and enjoyable character. Let's see how you shall develope him further.
Chapter 3 coming soon!
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Thanks again for the review, friend! Great stuff.
Some responses:
Well, they are horses. And a good run is exhilarating, I think.
Word of Faust says that ponies breed pigs to find truffles for them. Ponies love truffles.
In my headcanon, yeah, kind of.
One of my big reasons for making things this way is that I don't want to directly conflate MLP nations with real-world ones. For one thing, I don't think the ponies of Equestria would ever have taken zebras as slaves, so that would make a lot of things rather different. In my version of this world, a zebra invented radio. It's not really far-fetched, I don't think.
Well, I theorise that if Manehattan is anything like the real Manhattan, Equestria must have a coastline.
Did I say flyer? I should probably have said pamphlet instead. One of those ones that folds out. And yeah, the text is pretty small.
I'll admit that I chose that because I call her Celly and prefer the word to "Tia".
A lot of it is caused by the rhyming speech. I touch on this later on in the story, but basically having to rhyme their speech makes zebras very thoughtful and Zecora-like folk.
Yeah, I think this is the least eventful chapter in this story. It's basically just setup with padding.
Hello again everypony! Stalin the Stallion here with yet another installation of Stalinview! I remind you, that anypony can get their own Stalinview, but it requires some feedback to Stalin's own sotory. Check Stalin's last blog entry for details.
"“Alright Melvin, we’re going to be opening the Hoofington shop a little earlier than I originally planned,” White Noise said to the young, bespectacled blue dragon in front of him. “I hope you’re prepared.”"
WHOA! A flashback beginning?
This intro is utterly confusing... It came out of nowhere, and makes reader think that he/she missed a chapter...
"“You there!” came a loud cry."
This summons something in Stalin's mind...
Stop right there, you criminal scum! Pay the court of fine or serve your setence!
Brrrrrrr...
“Nope, you sure as anything ain’t no fool. So I’m sure you’re aware of just how important it is to be protected from curses! Only a fool would let themselves wander around all open to being cursed by anypony with the know-how!”
I'm with mustashe
I'm world famouse blue pony brother!
Traveling sales
Pony nompare!
"Before Sibwashie could give a retort, the salespony had pulled a number of bottles and jars of strange-coloured liquid out from under his table, all with hastily scrawled labels."
Reminds me of Emperor's new Groove
Whole next fragment reminds Stalin of Mosqow markets. Same eager salesmen who are a loittle too eager to sell their useless stuff.
Whoa, black gu-er Zebra playing football! Interesting. Also, good job that they are not playing basketball.
Ehhhh no offence, but Stalin isnt interested to read hot hoofball action...
"Free salads as an apology"
Ok...
Oh, another blue pony brother. This town is flooded with them!
Policepony? I don't know... It's not fitting well with all Fantasy theme or even Wild West theme.
Oh, mayor, eh? It resembles Stalin something, but i cant remember what exatly.
Hmm, very logical behavior of mayor ect. Nice.
Thirty bits? Too damn expensive! You can buy 45 tomatoes on this money!
Ok, that wraps up that chapter.
OVERALL:
again, nothing major is happening in this chapter. Things that reader knows from this chapter are:
Town was racist, but now - uber anti-racist
It has a lot of Flim-Flam brother-like salesmans.
Sibwashie likes to play football.
Nothing much changed in character's personalities, nothing much to say.
Stalin hopes that next chapter shall provide more plot!
CHAPTER 4: COMING SOON
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Umm, nope. The chapter starts a little while after the end of the last chapter. No weird time nonsense here...
Can't say I've had that complaint before. The characters arrived in Hoofington in the last chapter and checked into an inn for the night. The next day, White set about sorting out and opening up the Hoofington branch of his business. I skipped stuff like them waking up and having breakfast because it wasn't relevant.
That would be rather difficult without hands. =)
Heh, I guess my salesponies are a little like Flim and Flam. I wrote this chapter such a long time before that episode that I didn't even make that connection.
Neither are DJs or fashion photographers. My favourite thing about Equestria has always been how it manages to blend so many different themes and motifs while still staying totally consistent and whole. That makes it a very fun setting to write for, especially because I've never cared for vanilla Fantasy or vanilla Western. I like to mix stuff up in my original fiction, and Equestria allows me to do that same with my fanfic.
You're probably the only person I've got feedback from who hasn't said anything about Melvin. I'm surprised.
I'll warn you that the first few chapters of this story are a lot of setup at a rather meandering pace. Things do speed up later though, and I think you'll find the next chapter to have a fairly different tone from this one.
As always, I thank you for reading and providing commentary.
Hello again everypony! Stalin the Stallion here with yet another installation of Stalinview! I remind you, that anypony can get their own Stalinview, but it requires some feedback to Stalin's own sotory. Check Stalin's last blog entry for details.
-----------------------------
"“Celestia! Celestia, good news!”"
Stalin don't think thats how Luna shall say that. I think more approppiate shall be
"“Sister! Sister, good news!”"
Also
Good news, everyone!
Lunar republic, eh? Finally, plot is moving.
Nice bit of Luna's imprisontment outcome here.
"“No Ditzy,” came an exasperated voice from the first pony, an orange mare. “You can’t grow carrots faster by burying food with their seeds. Seeds cannot eat.”"
Hilarius
Carrot top... Lets see... carrot top...Do you mean Golden Harvest? Why call her Carrot Top?
I really hope that you dont mean Derpy as Ditzy doo. I know that Faust stated that if Ditzy appear, she would have Derpy's design, and i also know that how Faust wanted to call Derpy, but Derp eyes are Derpy's copyrighted property. Also, this Ditzy's and Derpy's personalities are mismatched here. At least from what Stalin saw in Derpy's tribute episode. This Ditzy have a personality, close to Pinkie's with a little less brain.
If Ponyville have another dragon, it's a little illogical, mconcidering upcoming episode. Spike would know that guy. And this Spaug's personality is just like Spike's
No, you DO mean Derpy as Ditzy doo. Why? She's Derpy! Do you wrote that chapter beforeDerpy's tribute episode?
Cart... washing? Why would someone need to wash his/her cart? I know, it suppose to represent car washing, but still seems a little illogical. Wood doesnt like soap and water, you know...
Wild Pinkie Pie appears!
Wild Zecora appears!
"Good mother"
Is Zecora THAT old?
" short while later, Ditzy and Sky had become the two newest employees of Ponyville Cart Washers"
Sorry. Stalin still not buying "Cart Wash". Carts bare made out of wood, and wood ROT out of water.
After this messages, after these messages, after these messages “I’ll be right baaaaaaaaaaack”
This whole miniplot with Derpy is mirrored Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Dragons were not, as a rule, very sociable creatures, and although many parent dragons had been sending their children (some as mere eggs!) to live, learn and work in Equestria in recent years, their contact with ponies was still very minimal."
Guess that red and green dragons have learned nothing in Equestria
"White Noise’s eyes widened – the lilac mane – the purple hair and eyes – the bookish demeanour. It couldn’t be..."
Hmmmm... Isn't x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5) only HEARD of TS when he was studying? You said nothing about him actually seen her.
Ah, here's the answer. Forget what i wrote above.
"Sky frowned. Ditzy frowned. The two pegasi lay prostrate on the grass, their manes tangled and their coats covered in tree sap."
I see what you did here.
"“Not always, girls,” she said to the three little fillies. “Cutie marks are just pictures – they don’t come with instruction manuals.”"
Nice line
"Spike-made glasses of lemonade" sounds a little clumsy, don'cha think? Maybe "glasses with Spike-made lemonade" shall be more appropriate? Firts Stalin's thought is that Spike made Glasses, not lemonade.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders hydra slayers"
How... the hell.. are they hoped to do that? They even don't have any weapons. Maybe tamers, not slayers?
"“Help! A hydra’s chasing me!” shouted Ditzy Doo. “The bubbles didn’t listen when I told them to defend me!”"
0_0
"Sky put on a cocky expression and glanced back at the knot she’d made of the hydra - except there was no knot. The hydra’s heads bobbed up and down on its untangled necks, and she could have sworn one of them smiled viciously at her."
Heh, FAIL!
"“Maybe if we could cut off some of its heads to-”"
With what? What can possibly CUT OFF hydra's heads?
CERBERUS?! Are you an oracle or what? How did you predicted Cerberus's existence?
Ok, this wraps up this chapter. Time for Overall
OVERALL:
Finally, an action! Good action (not counting thoughts about cutting off/slaying hydra). This action scene is fast-paced and interesting.
Stalin understands that you wrote this chapter long before Derpy's episode, yet still maybe you concider renaming Ditzy into Derpy? That shall make more sence.
Stalin finally starting to understand Sky's personality.
x = 2 * ((rand()/((double)RAND_MAX)) — 0.5)'s personality is starting to reveal too
Pinkie's personality is perfectly matching the original.
Twilight's is matching partially, bun no major mistakes. Good job with familliar characters!
Overall, you did pretty good job on this one. Congratulations! This chapter is better than 2 previous.
Derpy's and Sky's miniplot is good (with exception of cart washing), and some quotes are hilarius.
This wraps up chapter four.
Chapter 5 coming soon!
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Taken into consideration.
Damn you! =D
Because Golden Harvest is a terrible name. I wrote this before the blindbag Golden Harvest was released, and I've never considered blindbag pony names to be canon, because they're not really related to the show at all. I mean, blindbag Big Mac is said to be female in some of the languages on his box!
I wrote this chapter just before Luna's episode, so yeah, ages ago. I know that my Ditzy is a canon violation, but I'm not really sure what to do about it. Maybe I'll just change her name to Derpy once I get around to editing these early chapters, but to be honest I rather prefer the name Ditzy AND the personality I've given this character doesn't totally fit what we've seen of Derpy in canon.
Yeah, I guess you're right. Thing is, I didn't want Spike to work for White Noise because he's already got a job as Twilight's assistant. So this is one of those places where I kinda have to strain believability for the sake of the plot.
You got me there. I guess I'll make the carts be made out of metal or something instead.
She is in my headcanon.
Yeah, it rather does.
Those dragons were certainly antisocial jerks, just sitting in their caves and sleeping instead of mingling or whatever.
I guess Spike could have made the glasses with his firebreath... but no. I'll reword this, thanks.
That's a good idea, thanks!
And that's why they abandoned that particular plan.
I am a wizard.
You don't know how much I squeed when Cerberus appeared in last week's episode.
Thanks. Getting ponies in-character was my biggest worry back when I wrote this chapter.
You should have seen the first version of this chapter... it would melt your brain with its unnecessary weirdness and plotting problems.
Thanks for that! I'm making a list of all the changes I'm going to make to these early chapters once I'm closer to finishing this story, and you've helped me add quite a bit to that list. Rest assured that I will see to the problems you've pointed out, but that it may take some time.
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Don't worry, i'll continew to make Stalinviews on your story... If you gonna edit mine chapters
Also, did you get that letter with my plead to edit 1st chapter?
Stalin here with another installation of Stalinview!
"White Noise tried to remember his dream, but only small snatches of it came to mind. Standing on a mountain, with the world stretched out beneath me. Shouting into the wind... it changed colour as my voice got louder and softer. Darkness... a voice... a scream!"
Intriguing!
This whole fragment has a very warm atnosphere. Well done!
Wow. Two characters of three are seasick. Unusual.
"Once she had finished emptying her guts, Sky suddenly got an idea that she felt she could kick herself for not coming up with earlier. She smiled as she extended her wings and lifted off the deck, feeling better as soon as her hooves left the swaying floor."
Makes sense
"Molaro"
Molars are the rearmost and most complicated kind of tooth in most mammals. In many mammals they grind food; hence the Latin name mola, "millstone".
Adult humans have twelve molars, in four groups of three at the back of the mouth. The third, rearmost molar in each group is called a wisdom tooth. It is the last tooth to appear, breaking through the surface of the gum at about the age of twenty, although this varies from individual to individual. Ethnicity can also have an impact on the age at which this occurs, with statistical variations between groups.
"The zebra smiled, and replied after a period of thought:
“As soon as I could walk, I learnt how to swim and how to sail
The coastal town of Molaro, conveniently, is from whence I hail."
Ok. Zebrika is defenetely not nigeria now. Radios and seagliding. Well, point for originality here, autor.
Ewwww. Seaweed. Stalin hates seaweed.
"all thanks to the fertilizing magic of the Princess’s moon - which this island just happens to be in the perfect spot to receive.”"
Stalin don't think that moon can work that way. Even magical one.
"White Noise lifted a hoof to his chin. He knew that there was definitely something about this island that made the plants grow better than they did in Equestria, and he was starting to believe the moon-magic story, despite its inherent absurdity."
Wow, not only Stalin think that way
"The four ponies"
Again. Sibwashie. is. not. a. pony. He is a ZEBRA. Twilight clearly stated that zebras ARE NOT ponies!
"The Giant Salad"
Mother of salad...
"White nearly choked on an olive, but managed to squeeze out a polite smile (or rather, a polite grimace)."
Good fragment.
"Goatish words"
OMG! Iron Will's sidekicks are ANCIENT ROMANS!!!
"Princess Celestia could probably have handled the Nightmare Moon situation a little better"
Well, agreed. Celestia was a moron.
Heh, an election theme! No matter how you guys gonna try, you shall NEVER reach 146% votes for Putin like we did! Ha-ha!
"charcoal-coated earth pony mare"
AAAAAH! MESSENGER OF DARKNESS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
"My name is Vibrant Pattern"
Lol. Just lol.
"“You see, sir, for the past week, a terrible great beast of a dragon has been burning our crops! He comes every night to destroy a part of our fields, and leaves again once the morning comes. "
Man this dragon is a pussy. He's doing what one rabbit can do.
"“Nopony is willing to help us: they are all too afraid of the dragon to chase him away, be it by coercion or by force. "
Aw, what's the problem? Just put a scarecrow. I am sure that dragon shall run if he shall see one.
And if scarecrow won't help, just call a dragonborn. Sure he'll agree to help for patch of fresh cabbage.
"Using his mouth, White Noise angled the toothpaste tube towards his toothbrush and gave it a gentle squeeze. "
Now THIS thing is impossible to use by everyone except unicorns.
"“Did we tell you that Sky Wave’s an aerial dancer?”"
Sounds a little bit final fantasy-ish
Ok, it wraps up this chapter
OVERALL:
First time there shall be more than one chapter in single place. Good. Stalin was afraid that each new episode shall be new place.
Although port Welcome needs a little more descriptions. Stalin is interested in black dragon though. To be continued in next chapter!
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Every story needs its setup.
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Neither are accustomed to ships.
As I said in a comment above, I make up all these words. Similarity to other words is entirely coincidental. Perhaps with my next story I'll play amateur linguist...
I did kinda go into this back in chapter two with the info on the pamphlet. Suffice it to say, the moon working this way is important for the story later on; I figure if folk can accept that the princesses move the sun and moon and that the ponies change the seasons, they can accept this.
Thanks for the catch. Writing about a mixed group of equines is a little annoying. Guess I'll change it to "the four equines" and then hang myself for sounding pretentious.
Won't be a one-candidate election like in Zimbabwe a little while back either. Stuff's gonna be legit democracy.
Think Velvet Remedy from Fallout: Equestria. Probably not the most show-accurate colour for a pony though.
The story does an Avatar The Last Airbender-style continuity creep as it goes on - this was intentional.
I'm not great at description, I'll admit that. As a reader, my eyes glaze over descriptive passages that are too long, so I have a bit of a distaste for the whole business. I am trying to be more descriptive, but I can't imagine my writing's never going to be florid or visually-stimulating. I'd much rather write about character interaction and world-building.
Thanks again for all of your input!
Stalin the stallion here with another installation of Stalinview!
_______________________________________-
"Glowing red eyes", eh? Is this dragon corrupted by some kind of dark magic?
"There was a flash of light"
A little clumsy. It feels like "Flash of light was a long time ago". Maybe "Flash of light emerged" or something like this shall be more appropriate?
"There was fire to his left, to his right, in front of him, and behind him. To his horror, Sibwashie realised that the dragon was trapping him in a ring of fire"
Smart move for a crops-burning dragon.
Is quagball equivalent of american handegg, which they are calling "football" for some reason?
Yep. Sibwashie defeated this dragon by throwing mud in his mouth. PUSSIEST DRAGON EVAH!
"“I do hope that his mediation abilities are good enough show that dragon the error of his ways.”"
Yep. Super meditation technique: Mud in the Mouth!
"Sky marvelled at her zebra friend’s ability to rhyme his words even in the most stressful of circumstances, and zoomed off to find a raincloud as he had instructed."
Stalin had exact same thoughts
"farming couple"
I am sorry, but every time i hear that i think about MMORPG's
"Grain Harvest"
Sooooo you don't like the name "Golden Harvest", but using "Grain Harvest"? Why?
Stalin DONT understand WHY Luna DOING Canterlot VOICE on RANDOM words, instead of ALL.
"We forgo the formality when dealing with close friends and family.”"
Stalin forgo what world "forgo" means.
"Hack magic" eh? Seems a little too SMT'ish to mee
"“Opposition? Votes?” Princess Luna asked. “Is there a war here? Thou speakest in riddles, governor!”"
Not war, silly Luna, elections.
BTW: Haa-haa! 146%!
"“Although I tried to reason with the dragon and my words fell short
I found another way of dealing with him – a method of a more violent sort."
"I have used my secret Meditation Technique! A muddy ball!
Shin-tetsu dirt-hadouken it is called.!"
Or "Quagball", whatever.
"“Yeah, busy burning ponies’ farms for no personal benefit. It makes no sense!”"
Maybe he want to eat some roasted cabbages!
"“Ha, perhaps so,” Joy replied jovially,
and also, we have recovered your pokemon for full health! We hope to see you again!"
Oh, back to Ponyville!
Ok, that wraps up this chapter.
OVERALL: nice action (just a little anti-climactic with dirt hadouken), relationship between our heroes began to increase in quality, new relationships forged.
Some look at our possible villian, so far so good.
Chapter 8 coming soon!
AND HERE STALIN PRESENTING YOUUUU (*Drumming*) HIS SPECIAL GIFT!
s019.radikal.ru/i614/1203/4a/031e2ccb4327t.jpg
344917
That's some awesome art, thank you so very much! I'mma send it to the EqD page next time the story updates.
Noted. My action scenes have a bad habit of loading themselves with too many words that destroy everything's flow.
Far as I know, they call it "football" because they play it on their feet (as opposed to, say, polo, which is played on horseback). I've always imagined quagball as being similar to rugby, but I've never really sat down and thought about it much.
My ways are fickle. =P
PUTTING EVERYTHING IN CAPSLOCK KINDA MAKES IT IRRITATING TO READ ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE CAPSLOCKING LONG PASSAGES OF DIALOGUE. I wanted to have some visual indication of the ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE, but didn't want to force readers to dig through too much CAPS. You'd be the second person to complain about this... hmm...
for·go/fôrˈgō/
Verb:
1. Omit or decline to take (something pleasant or valuable); go without.
2. Refrain from.
Synonyms:
renounce - forego - relinquish - waive - resign
It doesn't come up very much, but I thought it was clever at the time.
Very true. Of all the chapters in this story, this is the one I'm least satisfied with. I've considered going back and revising it, but every time I think about doing that I end up just working on a new chapter instead. Regardless, I'll be addressing this plot thread again in the upcoming chapters.
Hello folks! This is blah-blah-blah, you know it all already, so lets get going!
Melvin came into Port Welcome, eh? Interesting.
“Correspondence, sir.”"
Lol. Just lol. Maybe you might add another word to his name? Just "correspondence" sounds silly.
“I think I’ll call you Corr, for short. Have a good day, Corr.”"
Lol
"“Thank you again for agreeing to take us here,” White Noise said to Ocean Glider. “I mean, I know it’s quite out of your way, and I’m sure a trip back to Port Anchor could’ve been far more profitable.”"
Sooooo they have arrived on another continent without adventures? This is a hell lot of a way. I thought kraken shall attack them or something :)
"Sky Wave noticed a dryness in the air, and was also struck by the town’s lack of trees. Staring up at the sky, she couldn’t see any clouds."
Well, duh! Africa!
"made of tightly packed dirt"
No matter how tightly packed dirt is, it shall be washed by rain. Zebstrika has a little of rains it seems, but still it would be more logical if houses were built below ground level. It could've add a little chilling.
Also, why dirt hasnt dried up? Do they wash their walls?
"marble tower or two"
Marble and dry weather are worst enemies, Noisy
"“<That you, bro?>”"
Only Stalin imagening stereotypical black rapper's voice?
"Walene"
Oh, is this guy holding this website? : http://www.walene-voyages.com/
"Sibwashie rapped a hoof"
Yo yo yo! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Bro in town! Yo yo yo! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Also, ponies are eating not only plants. All food you have descripted so far is grass or seaweed. Add some muffins! Or truffels! And apples! It's just unappetizing to read for human.
Does Ponli never seen wings? Zebrika dont have birds?
"and our magic changes the seasons, but that’s all"
Ummm zebras dont posess such magic to change seasons... I think its possible for them to call a rain, but change season is more fantasy-based magic that their shamanism-based.
"A niggling voice at the back of White’s mind reminded him of an article in the Canterlotian he read a few months prior."
Oh, a timing scene! Let's analyze!
Since 1st episode of 1st season of mlp: fim have passed at least one full year (many characters had birthdays, PLUS two whinter seasons was shown (one in Whinter Wrap-up and one in Heath's warming eve), while dragon incindent happened before
whinter wrap-up, so "few months prior" points that now your story takes place somewhere in first season or at 2nd season beginning.
"“Sounds like a good idea,” began Sky, her polite smile growing a little too wide, “I really like... the sky!”"
ROFL
"“Uuh... me neither,” Sky replied, shifting under her duvet. “Everything’s so strange here - I swear there’s a different smell to the air and everything.”"
Hope you guys won't get T-virus here.
"
The floor beneath him turned green, and then blue, followed by red."
TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
"“<Just don’t go getting any ideas about marriage or something like that! She’s not that good.>”"
Wonder what crossbreed will look like...
You know, RANDOM caps on CANTERLOT voice is STILL annoying. Maybe you can write Canterlot voice by bolding it?
Next chapter coming soon!
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Yeah, that's basically correct. The story starts the day after the Grand Galloping Gala Twilight and co ruined, so it happens between seasons.
It's times like these that I regret making up so many words.
Well, there's other stuff going on in the architecture and with the building materials, but what you see from the outside is mostly the mud/dirt. Like this house I guess. I can revise this description a bit though. Built below ground level? Thanks, I'll look into that...
Noted. I'm not really the kind of guy who gets very excited by food, so that's probably why.
She hasn't seen wings on an equine before. I'd be surprised if I met a winged human.
Going into the exact nature of how I imagine zebras change the season is far outside of the scope of this story, but I figure they must do it somehow, seeing as ponies have to. I'll give the matter some more thought, though.
Magic pastel zebroids, bro.
For reasons of tone that become obvious later, I really can't bold it. I'm honestly not certain what I should do about this.
Thanks for the input!
349444
Well, since Zebstrika is based on Africa, you can tell that they arent changing the seasons. Cuz it is always summer in africa. For the most part.
Winged zebroid, eh?
"rapped a hoof"
Do word "rapped" mean something beside singed rap?
"“Old zebra hospitality custom,” he told them. “It’s very useful if you have got a good story to tell.”"
And if not, go to hell, guys. We won't feed you
"white-and-brown-spotted paint pony"
Mooooo!
"“You can be ‘of service’ by tellin’ me wha’ this is all abou’,” the stallion replied. “It’s no’ everyday a new shop opens up in Por’ Welcome"
DUDE! Look at the walls!
"For a price between forty and sixty bits"
Still too damn expensive! 3 tomatoes = 2 bits, so 60 bits = 90 tomatoes!(Hope my mathematics arent wrong) You can live few weeks on these!
Still you're doing a pretty amazing job with rhytming!
"“Yeah, but if they hadn’t fired me, I wouldn’t be here right now. That would be quite sad.”"
Sooo you telling Stalin that he shouldn't order Ivan to shoot them down?..... Too Late!
"“The word ‘oranges’ does not have any perfect rhymes.”"
Heh, looks like you DID checked rhytm zone for it. Good.
“Very well. It all began over a thousand years ago, long before ponies and zebras ever made contact...”
Time for backstory!
"The land of Zebrica was not always united under one government. In ancient times, herds of zebra living in close proximity to one another built self-governing villages, with their own customs, hierarchies and chiefs – becoming individual tribes."
Make sense. But lemme ask a question to you. Who was changing seasons at these times? :stalinface:
"Mumbaro"
This one? http://ke.linkedin.com/pub/rogerio-mumbaro/37/86/1a8
"Eventually, Shano died – he was stabbed in the back by Dishaka, his power-hungry younger brother"
With what? If with sharpm weapon then
a) How can zebra make a sharp weapon without fingers or magic? Even stone weapons requires sharpening
b) How did he stabbed him? By holding weapon in mouth? You know, even Stalin shall suspect something if his brother shall meet him with DAGGER in mouth, and since zebras are naked, they have no place to hid the blade, and theyy can't quickdraw weapons with mouths.
Overall, this backstory is logic and interesting
"one-hundred and fifty-nine bits"
OMG! SO MUCH TOMATOES! THIS IS NOT BUISINESS, THIS IS PILLAGE!
"The mare’s eyes widened in horror. “Daylight robbery!”"
Girl, run! You can buy a house on this money! Don't let this brigang rob you!
"“Look at that!” he exclaimed. “There’s a train station here! Maybe we can take a train to the Dragonian border!”"
Trains too? They don't fit wery well with mud houses, you know...
"“This is a strike,” he said. “The train-pullers do not feel that they are receiving adequate compensation for their work.”"
Train.... pullers. Don't tell me you based them on this STUPID episode with buffalos? I am disappoint. Seriously. TRAINS are not trains if they are pulled. What's the point in railroad if cars are pulled by horses?
"Corr told him.
Melvin glanced down at his private stash of bits. “I can double that.”"
Stalin dont like you, Melvin. You seems like a stereotypical greedy jew
Still Luna's Canterlot voice seems like she have mental problems.
Ok, that wraps up this chapter.
OVERALL:
There was an interesting backstory for Zebra's rhytming, well done with that.
Also in this chapter you have shown how much like stereotypical jew Melvin is.
Next chapter coming soon
349464>>352517>>353529
Love the new style with the pictures! It's very entertaining to read.
Okay, here's a bit of personal information: I live in Africa. We do have trees and we do have winters (well, no Russian would consider our winters cold, but the point is that the tempratures goes down at some points during the year).
My mind automatically filled in the details of the trees being small, low to the ground things (stuff like baobabs and other stuff from here) and the whole scene is basically the veld. But I probably shouldn't have expected everyone to get that, so I'll sprinkle some more description here and there.
Well, yeah, holding a knife in your mouth and moving your neck around isn't a great way of doing things, but ponies don't really have much choice in the matter. I figure Dishaka must have snuck up on him from behind.
Oh crap, yeah. Nice catch. I live in Africa, as I said above, and our currencies tend to be worth a little less than dollars or pounds, so what seems cheap to me doesn't mesh well with the American-made MLP.
It's my favourite as well.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Hello folks! Well, i guess we can skip the introduction this time.
-----------------------------
"somedragon"
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Nnnnnnnnope. There is no word "somedragon" in pony language.
In some episodes non-ponies was called by this verb. Somepony=sombode by 100%, it's like to say "somedog" or "somecat"
Such a kind dragon.
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg *hic* yeah! Usually it is wise to put a jerk on your country's border! Like boss did...
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg I thought we have agreed to never speak of this again. Wanna me to take all your vodka?
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg No-no-no! *hic* nehorosho! Sorry!
"My father would call it uncivilised. He does not believe that anyone who lives in a cave can be anything but an animal."
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg Hey! Haw dare you to insult Dwarves and Gnomes?
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg He don't know about them.
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg Wrong universe, girl
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg Oh...
"Sibwashie chuckled. "I always wondered why I had never seen a unicorn try that.""
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Only Cauterium can, but only because his abnormal magical energy
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg Watcha talking about *hic* boss?
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Nothing. Just my story.
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg Boss, we are not here for propaganding our story.
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Are we not?
"Before White or Sibwashie could protest, Sky shot up into the air like a bullet"
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg Heh, and where is her favorite paced, balanced non-speedy flight she liked so much?
"She was the size of five ponies"
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg Dwarf dragon? Normal dragons are size of at least twenty ponies.
"You should see the looks on your faces!"
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Discord! How dare you to posess that dragon?!
i40.tinypic.com/262sm4x.png I done nothing. This lizard just stole my phrase, that's all. By the way, SUPRPISE! *puff*
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg He's gone...
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg What happened?
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg My vodka! He turned it into tea! I will kill him!
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg What a troublesome fellow...
"Oh, queen of dragons"
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Why is she so small then? Three ponies for a dragon is like 1,4 metres for men
"Sheepersian"
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Oh, so Rainbow Dash and Winona are holding hostages from Persia? Not bad for a farmpony.
""Wow..." Sky said. "I had a granny who passed away at one-hundred-and-fifty, and we thought she was old! You must have seen so much in your life already!"
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg How old is she to have a 115 years grandma? Or her grandma was posessing the Ring like Bilbo?
""Um, like in comic books?""
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg How do she knows about comic books? And how dragon can read one?
"Green dragonfire, you mean."
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Yeah. Like blue. And yellow. And orange. THis story is a little outdated now -_-'
"Oh!" White asked excitedly. "You will? That's great! But I simply can't allow you to do something so kind without recompense! What's your fee?"
i43.tinypic.com/dq3w35.jpg You have a terrible memory, Noisy.
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Dragons are despising greed? When greed makes Spike grow and is the main feelings of 2 adult dragons?
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Ok! That wraps this chapter!
OVERVIEW:
i41.tinypic.com/25umlgw.jpg Venkra is amazing as a character. Dragon's country is atmospheric, plot is interesting. Next!
i40.tinypic.com/262sm4x.png Bravo!
i42.tinypic.com/1ev3as.jpg I'll KILL YOU!!!
357163
They did call Zecora "somezebra" once. It seems to depend on the writer. Nonetheless, I may change this.
So can Pumpkin Cake. In the later chapters of Fallout: Equestria, Littlepip also learns the ability.
She's excited to get into the air!
Well, sizes do vary. More on my thoughts on that later in the story.
Me thinks I should add a "great" or two. Thanks.
I rushed to get these last three chapters out before the Dragon Quest episode, and I like to think that the belching contest actually reinforced my conjecture about different colours of dragonfire. That episode didn't murder my fic like I thought it would.
More on this later.
Thanks for the thoughts. List of fixes to make updated with Chapter 11.
NEW STALINVIEW!
"Mount Olym"
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg Hey, Ezn. You forgot to add -pus here :pioneerface:
"Crude, wooden torches"
i44.tinypic.com/2j2uc0m.jpg Here we go again. Are torches made out of giant logs? Where dragons are getting resin and cloth for torches?
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg How are they changing it? Why do they even need it?
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg Maybe "bonfires" shall be more plausable than torches?
"GERONIMO!"
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg Wow. Dragons knows about indeans.
"...and landed right in the middle of a pile of golden coins, cackling with glee."
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg Duck tales! Woo-hoo!
""It's sucking everything in!" exclaimed Sky. "And look – the sucking is getting faster!"
Resembles on of early Duck Tales episodes, where golden temple's traps was activated by Scrouge and El'Capitano's greed, almost killing them.
"Somepony has to try to save Venkra," Sky replied. "We can't just leave her there."
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg Oh, and how are you thinking to save her? By dragging dragon 4 time larger than you out?
"How are you going to do it?" asked Sibwashie. "I mean no insult, but you're not strong enough to carry such a heavy dragon."
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg You're reading my mind
"Except it's evil. Magic like this was never meant to be used by mere mortals."
i40.tinypic.com/16hj0uc.jpg Evil, good, what's the difference? Succumb to darkness!
i44.tinypic.com/2j2uc0m.jpg Get out of our review!!!
i40.tinypic.com/16hj0uc.jpg Make me! Ha-ha!
""Treasure! Treasure! Riches! Gold! So shiny! What a sight to behold!" Venkra chanted, not even noticing White or Sky."
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg Yep. Still Duck Tales. El'Capitano's chanting "Gold! Gold!" And willing to die for it.
"Like, if ponies are all about love and friendship, then dragons are all about greed. It's our central instinct. The desire to own more pretty and valuable things is the desire to be a better dragon, and that is our great curse and our heaviest burden."
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg Misha like where it going!
"The first guard's frown softened. "However... you did come out of it, and neither you nor your companions stole anything from the treasury. Additionally, your companions displayed great courage and empathy in coming to your rescue.""
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg Remind me, why Dragon King holds potential death trap for all dragon near the entrance?
i44.tinypic.com/2j2uc0m.jpg Ummmmm... He want to have an excuse to kill his subordinates, maby?
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg You're so evil!
"Well met, outsiders," boomed the deep, old voice of the Dragon King. "Please, introduce thyselves!"
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg Oh, hello there, Bahamut! Nice to meet you!
OVERVIEW:
i44.tinypic.com/2j2uc0m.jpg Stalin likes the idea of dragon's dilemmas. It makes sense, and
i42.tinypic.com/xfc8jm.jpg We want to read more about it!
i43.tinypic.com/akkf1d.jpg By the way, here's the special gift for you, Ezn:
s019.radikal.ru/i611/1203/3e/43c01f760440t.jpg
361411
Awesome pic! That's going Chapter 10 for sure! Thanks so much!
Not my best made-up word...
This chapter was probably subconsciously influenced by DuckTales – freakin' loved that show as a kid.
Bonfires? Mounted on the walls? Eh...
Testin' their worth.
Thanks!
Hello folks! We are here again!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg This time we are looking at currently last chapter of great story of Long Distance, written by Ezn!
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg *sob*
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Don't worry, Misha. It is not the end.
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Let's dig into chapter 13!
"White nearly fainted."
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg You're too sensitive, Noisy
"nevermore shall she succumb"
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Nevermore shall succumb them?! AAAAH! EDGAR PO WAS RIGHT!
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg How hero from DotA can succumb them? And who is that Po guy? That panda from kung-fu movie?
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg *Facehoof*
TIME FOR BACKSTORY!
"These stones were dismissed as pretty trinkets at first, after the brief consideration of using them as distractions in battle against the other factions"
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Dafag?
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg JEWEL SLASH!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg ...What?
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Nevermind...
"but he kept growing, up to the point where his great size stopped others from entering his chamber"
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg He ate too much Rastishka!
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Misha, non - Poniet public won't understand
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Let me explain then.
Rastishka (Растишка) lit. "Growie" is a yogurt, which is advertized how a yogurt, that shall make kids grow. It made a ton of commercials when kids used it's amazing growing powers to defeat Doctor Zhluka(Злюка) (lit. Doctor Evilman). This yogurt became a meme in russian community.
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Boss. No one cares.
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Oh, right... Sorry.
"thirty square metres of land "
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg My bathroom is bigger! How thirty square metres can be helpful?
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg Boss, what is "bathroom"
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg It's room when you store your vodka
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg Ah, a Vodka room!
"After some months of complete silence from the dragons, the equines had seen their chance and planned a raid on their caves"
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg ...wut...
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg So much for friendship and harmony
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg These equines had balls to attack dragons underground.
"The leaders of the other factions had surrendered to him, and he wore their tiny crowns as rings on his claws"
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Thanks guys! And now you shall tell your subordinates why the hell did you attacked underground dragons for.
"It's all mine! thought the King. Everything as far as the eye can see... is all mine!"
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Is that magical televisor can show MINDS too? I want one!
"With a flash of blinding-white light, an angel appeared before the King."
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg
0_0 0_0 0_0
"I could not stand by and watch such a thing happen, so I have cursed your people."
i44.tinypic.com/rbmvig.png Thanks a lot, b*tch! So helpful!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg ...Who are you?
i44.tinypic.com/rbmvig.png Are thou blind, mogrels? Dragon King Bahamut is standing before you!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Where did you came from?
i44.tinypic.com/rbmvig.png None of your concern, maggot. Now i shall be on my way. But we shall meet again, mogrels! Just you wait!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Well, that was out of nowhere...
"Black dragonfire allows me to see things,"
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg Drugs. Seriously. If guy who dont know this story shall read this, that's first thing he/she shall think.
"I suspect, from previous experience, that you have been able to manipulate others by planting thoughts in their heads."
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg If Noisy was a little bit more evil, he'd became something like Lelush or Yagami light with this kind of ability.
"...and so we'd really like to be able to deal with the dragon without choking him with dirt, but he's burning down crops that ponies need to live,"
i44.tinypic.com/rbmvig.png Ant this worm called himself a dragon? Eating dirt is only thing that he deserve!
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Hey, i thought you have some sort of duties?
i44.tinypic.com/rbmvig.png Yes, i shall be on my way. Some pesky summoner called me to do my Megaflare.
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg That wraps up this chapter
OVERVIEW:
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg Since this is the last chapter, we shall give overall on your story
i41.tinypic.com/29smdg.jpg To be honest, Stalin don't like this Power Ranger-ish thing with almost no recurring characters. And Stalin likes villians, so he is kinda disappointed to see only 1 group of villians in only one chapter. But still, story is pretty good.
i40.tinypic.com/eg18p.jpg But it seems that NOW story begins for real. This dragon arc was pretty interesting one.
i42.tinypic.com/153u2rc.jpg We shall look forward to the new chapters!
365489
That's the joke. There was an episode of Blackadder Goes Forth that did something similar.
The episodic style of the chapters is very much an experiment in writing the kind of story that it makes sense to release online part by part without any real schedule. I've tried to make most of the chapters their own little stories so that my followers can get some sort of feeling of satisfaction whenever they read a chapter. But it's not to everyone's taste. Nonetheless, the next arc shall bring everything to a conclusion and in doing so reunited us with some old characters.
Expect Chapter 14... whenever it's finished, I guess.
Ooh. This is some good mythology right here. Of course dragons have a word for that thing Spike and Rarity have going on, and of course it's super complicated and affects your role in dragon society to have one... that just makes good sense; I heartily approve.
Hmm. Telepathy- that's interesting? And... White Noise is going to be able to receive dragonfire messages now? That's interesting, but doesn't it contradict what Celestia said about it requiring lots of magic power to keep an ambient spell going like that?
"Mind-Dragon", huh? I might have gone with "Dragon-Mind" or maybe "Dragon-Minded" myself, but still- cool idea! I wonder who else has earned that title over the centuries.
And of course we're going to go see what that guy's problem is. Nobody really thought we were just going to let that thread drop, did they? I like the line about Venkra's bedtime, hehe.