The Diary of Crankshaft and his Mechanical Misadventures

by BLT185

Introduction

The Diary of Crankshaft: Unicorn Engineer

Discalimer: I do not own Hasbro nor do I own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Foreword

This is my first story (you have probably read that in the Description) so critique is appreciated as is any other advice you may wish to give. I only ask one thing of anyone who read this little story I’m writing, I would like you to please limit the amount of swearing in your comments for this story please, I find it rather offensive (though if you do I won’t delete them so long as the comment doesn’t merely consist of swear words)

Introduction

Before I begin writing in this journal I should probably introduce and describe myself. My name is Crankshaft. To briefly describe myself I would say that I am a tad bit short for my age my body is fairly stocky. My coat is light grey, my eyes are dark grey and my tail and main are brown. My cutie mark consists of three cogwheels, which denotes both my special talent and profession.

I live in the mountains in the northern region of Equestria. It’s a long hike to many of the nearby villages so I generally don’t bother unless I’m running my shop or I need supplies such as food. It gets very lonely up here sometimes. I don’t get many visitors, mainly because no one wants to hike this far up the mountain for a day hike (it’s not that bad once you get used to it) usually the only ponies who visit me are family members, who normally come on holidays, or the occasional amateur mountaineer who got lost, but they generally only stay long enough for me to point their way home.

As I stated earlier I am an engineer, I like to build and invent. The reason I live in the mountains is because it gives me easy access to ores that I can smelt to create my machines. I generally sell my prototypes and schematics to companies in Manehattan and Fillydelphia, it’s my main source of income and at times it can earn me a fair amount of bits, but generally I only make a little over enough cover my basic expenses every year. I hope that one day I can build something that will truly change how ponies live.

When I’m not working on a project for a company, I run a little shop in the nearby town of Ponyville. The sign reads Crankshaft’s Machine Shop; some ponies think I should change it to something catchier to drum up business, but I am a simple colt with simple tastes. Most of my wares are my own inventions, but I also have a vast supply of spare parts for the prototypes I sold. My favorite part of running the store is when a customer enlists my services to repair a broken, I can’t help but think of ways improve the machines I work on and that gives me inspiration.

My work doesn’t give me much time to travel outside of the trip between my house and Ponyville. Occasionally I do travel to Manehattan and Fillydelphia, but only if the prototype I sent through the Ponyville Post Office got lost by a certain grey mailmare, but those occurrences are extremely rare, even with her eye condition Ms. Derpy is extremely reliable.

My family consists of me, my older brother and my parents. Shiny Badge was born a Pegasus, exactly four years, one month and one day before I was born. Our personalities couldn’t be more different, I tended to stay inside and study while he was a little more sociable and active, He now works in the Royal Guard. His wife, Final Exam, is a teacher and they both live in Canterlot. My Father has recently retired from the guard and my Mother worked as a landlord in an apartment complex in Trottingham. I usually see them on Heath’s Warming but other than that I rarely do.

I only know a few ponies here in Ponyville. High Fever is one of my foalhood friends; he works as a pediatrician at the local clinic. I consider Ms. Derpy to be a good friend but to be honest; we only make light conversation when I come to the post office to mail a prototype. I don’t know Ms. Applejack well but she generally knows how many apples I normally buy, but her younger sister scares me. Ms. Pinkie Pie once pulled a practical joke me during April Foal’s Day by rigging a steam engine I was building, so that it would spray whipped cream out of the exhaust pipes, Celestia knows how she did that. I know Ms. Twilight Sparkle because as an avid reader I frequent the library.

My home is a fairly simple cabin with only a few things that make it abnormal. It has two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. The only other rooms in my house are the basement, which has an entrance to a small mine I use to harvest ore, and a forge which I use to craft my machines and their components. My only real hobbies, other than building, are reading, playing music, cooking, cleaning and writing in this journal.

My brother is often concerned when he visits and sees how little ad changed since his last visit. He claims I need excitement in my life. I agree with him, my life is quite dull even though I live fairly close to Ponyville I live too far away to be a part of the exciting events that transpire there most of the time. I know my boring life will change one day, something deep inside me knows that something exciting is just waiting to happen, I just hope that I am not to oblivious to seize the opportunity when it comes. I would write more but it is almost time for me to go to bed, I hatched an idea while writing this entry and I need to get up early tomorrow if I am to make it to Ponyville at an early hour.

Author's Note:

To anyone who reads this, thank you for reading my little story, I hope you enjoy it

Comments

[BLT185]

2480706 Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate the help. I've been looking into writing as a possible career path so its nice to get help from others.

I will try to add excitement to future chapters, I hope I will be successful. Sorry the intro was a little longwinded. Also could I ask for some pointers when writing in the third person, I tend to write in first person due to some difficulties I have writing compelling dialogue.

I only have a little bit already planned out.
I plan on having him make mostly steam driven or magitech devices.

I also agree that OC stories tend to not get many readers and thats a shame, I wrote this story because I both enjoy writing and I wanted to see if I could write something that would be entertaining to others, to "spread my wings" as it were.

[Kolwynia]

Your writing style is not bad. You have good grammar and formatting. Crankshaft seems like a cool character. There are a few issues that you could address to make this even better.

You need a cover picture, even if it's only a screenshot from the show. This will draw in more viewers.

Your title is appropriate for a slice-of-life story, but it doesn't sound very exciting.

This really is just an introduction to the character, so not a lot happens in the first chapter. If you want more readers, you need to capture them right away. (I'm not saying you need to somehow cram explosions and romantic mysteries into a story about a unicorn's daily life, but something to grab the reader's attention so that he/she feels like he needs to come back for chapter two.)

Anyway, I really liked your OC character, but I don't know what to expect from later chapters. Are exciting things going to happen to him? (Also, I should warn you that I've noticed a bit of a bias against this kind of slice-of-life storytelling for OCs. I know of at least two other well-written stories in this vein that just don't get many readers. If this ends up happening to you, don't get discouraged.)

Hope my comments were at least somewhat helpful. (Want even more feedback on your work? I find participating in this group to be very helpful.) Keep writing, my friend.