Fluttershy and Twilight have caught a disease which regress them into foals
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 4th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 11th, 2022
ToxicZpony
I Am ToxicZpony! I Have come here to read stories and post mine... and I've already posted mine.
ToxicZpony
Joined 4th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- WindDance123 · 3.1k words · 16 1 · 1.4k views
- Mystic_Hooves · 3.2k words · 29 3 · 2.5k views
- Super-Stallion · 8.9k words · 33 3 · 2k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
960 users online
1,475,381 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You might want to give credit where credit is due, to the Source
A part that I wrote is here too
2726391
To be honest I never knew that you were a part of it I got permission from some guy gave me the permission to finish and edit the story.
I'm really sorry, I had no idea.
This is amazing I like I think this is going to be huge if you need a editor PM me and I will help
although what is with the slight raridash relationship? they both care for each other more than they do to the others and they seem to do anything for each other.
2726570 I wrote a really small part of it, this part
"Thank you." Twilight snuffled out with a higher-pitched voice as she reached out and grabbed the plush. Squeezing the stuffed toy made her feel safe.
"There we go, no more tears from here on." Pinkie smiled gleefully at her friend's newly-found happiness. "Yeah…" Twilight sniffled. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what's happening to me… I feel so… strange." The lilac filly sighed.
"It passes." Fluttershy smiled as she clasped onto a stuffed bunny.
Twilight's crying seemed to have drawn the nurse's attention though, as the medical mare came trotting towards the bed.
"Is everything alright? Are these two mares upsetting you?" Nurse Red Heart glared at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. "No, no." Twilight quickly said. "I was just scared of what's happening to me… but I'm okay now."
Seems like you didn't know it was from another site, didn't they tell you? Plenty of people worked on this story. It's one of those 'choose your own adventure' things.
2726611
The one guy gave me an unfinished story and said "you finish it im done" never mentioned it was from multiple people. And the guy was on a diffrent website.
2726789 Wow, that's uncool. though now that I think about it, you're not the first one to use something from writing.com in their story. The other guy just placed a link to the source and continued writing on the story. What are you going to do, if I may ask?
You go girl! yeeeeeeeeee hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wow that was a long one.
I did enjoy it though, I would have preferred if it had been chopped up in a few chapters. But that is your own decision to make.
So far the story have been enjoyable, even though some thing almost drove me to the brink if inanity, but no worries that tend to happen a little now and then.
I don't know why, but to me it felt like everything happened way to fast, but perhaps that is the way you intended it to be.
Celestia seemed a bit to cruel, and how did she no get informed about the fact that her student was affected by the epidemic going on?
But W/E.
Keep the awesome work coming and always remember that your awesome!
With love Asabrasa.
2727211
I'm not finished. But ok.
I put most my time in this story
And thank you.
2726809
Well I plan on finishing it.
What i have posted here is not finished .
2727455 Okay then, just make sure to add the source somewhere.
Learn to format. Learn how to punctuate dialogue. Know now that children and babies do not, in fact, replace half of their alphabet in speech with the letter "w".
This story is amazing
I love this storyline
more 4 m3
2727455 When is the next chapter?
4897491 I really have no clue I have rarely had a chance to write fanfics due to school work.
But im trying to get it done.
4900267 It would be funny if Fluttershy had said,
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQdI5ua_EOC86tTsx_5gmT2dhZEiLm_siMlEBz_uejn5PwbX0L1MA
YAY AN UPDATE!
It LIVES so cool cant wait for more
5841954
An update that is a Work in progress mind you...
Getting to some more this weekend.
5845401 yay!
5843324
Yes! IT LIVES! MY CREATION! MY STORY! ITS ALIVE!
okay, i'm going to try and be gentle about this.
This was really difficult to read. The story is good, the idea itself is wonderful and i love it... but the execution is... horrendous to put it bluntly. Sentences are all over the place, the grammar feels disjointed and mashed, things don't feel genuine for the most part because not enough detail is done and when detail is done, it's done too much.
When Celestia was keeping rainbow from the foals... i just didn't feel it. It felt tacted on at best. Despite this being over 17000 words long, it felt longer because i just couldn't properly enjoy it.
I'm willing to offer my services to edit this, but... i honestly would have no idea how long that would take, because of all the reasons i mentioned before. Not to mention you make it really confusing at times in the beginning as to just how old twilight and fluttershy are once they've regressed. Sometimes they appeared to be written as babies, at other times toddlers, other times kindergarten age, not to mention the thing with applejack and fluttershy seeing her as her mother.
We're never really given a reason why AJ can't take fluttershy and raise her like a daughter. It just gets glossed over and they're never told why, they just force fluttershy to see dash as her mother, like a lot of stuff within this. Even spike got glossed over, he got mentioned ONCE after he woke up to find twilight in pain and that was it.
And what about shining armour? We never hear from him at any point, just the mention of him smashing his hoof into rainbow's face.
And why wasn't celestia ever informed? Surely someone, most likely spike, since he can send letters to her, would have informed the princess about what was going on.
The story needs more flushing out and i will try to give it that while editing if you wish me to. I hate to see a story that is really good be overlooked because of the way it's written.
I am sorry if i offended you, but i am speaking truthfully. I really like this story but it needs help to make it easier to read and make more sense as well.
okay. remember how i said the story needs to be flushed out in my comment on the last chapter? Well, i hate to say it, but again it's happened.
Everything just happened way too fast in this chapter. The plots introduced are interesting, but it goes by so fast it's hard to really enjoy it. Celestia and Luna's brother comes the hell out of nowhere, Discord seems kinda downplayed and the reactions all around are just bland.
I really want to help you now, because this story could be SO GOOD if not for how it is currently written out. Please get back to me and i will see about helping this story shine like the gem it can be
not bad but you you might want to think of braking this chapter up into 3 diffrent chapters to help with the flow and so it's not just a wall of text.
It started out with a wedding, and went so bad so quick
7570106
Like a certain wedding.
I'm just say... WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO DANG SAD!?!?
gah my heart!