• Member Since 13th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen March 6th


Hello, I'm an Australian brony. My favourite show is Doctor Who, then My Little Pony, and then nothing. I do nothing else.

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After a misadventure with a new pony, Rainbow Dash accidentally lets her jealousy get the best of her. Through pure shame, she runs away from home with no intention of returning. After a few days of wandering aimlessly across Equestria, she comes across the city of Manehattan.
When a mare is weak, sore, and alone, what does she have to lose?

(Inspired by Double Rainboom.)
(Don't ask me how.:derpytongue2:)

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 155 )

Yes, this looks interesting.
I can totally picture Dash doing that.
Please continue.

:twilightsmile: This is great, I love it. Could use a little editing on some parts though, I think you meant to say the but had some typo's and said she instead.

Author's Note:
The next chapter continues on from this one.

yeah...that's not really necessary, it's usually pretty easy to figure out if a chapter is continuous of part of a different time-period

I shall await further chapters of this fable:moustache:

do please, continue

This is worth faving this story. Please continue! :twilightsmile:

God, I actually had something like that happen to me. I got laid off because the manager decided to give his nephew my job. It's total horseshit. Seriously, fuck Spitfire for doing that. I don't exactly hate Amber, because there's no reason to, but she's so clueless.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Mane 5 and Amber come looking for her and start berating her for running off

Hmm, who could this new pony be?

Pinkie Pie had a huge grin on her face, which seemed to stretch from ear to ear. "Since you're new, I'm gonna through you a huge party to welcome you to Ponyville. It'll be great fun!"

I fixed that... Not sure why it changed back...

Plz continue this is getting good :rainbowderp:

hmm rainbow dash bruised ego would manifest it like this:moustache:. a little slow at first but those goddam cliffhangers.:derpytongue2:

Every time i see a Rainbow dash fic on homepage I have to click it:pinkiehappy: time to read

This looks really good, but I swear to god, if the others find Dash and make her the bad guy for running off, I'm going to be so pissed.

You have captured my interest. This probably isn't a good thing since I'm trying to study for finals!

For some reason, my guess is that this mysterious character is going to be Amber.

I don't think so sir... may very well be NOT a mare :trollestia:


Then again. Its speculation, it may not be true. We just have to wait and see.

Watch it be, like, Rainbow Dash's mom. That would be epic! :rainbowkiss:

I wanted to cry reading this, you HAVE to add more chapters and parts or I will die, :fluttercry:

This story does have potential, albeit the plot is a little rushed, and it looks interesting as a whole. I think this Amber pony may actually be a huge fan of Rainbow Dash since Spitfire must've said a lot about her and wanted to be as good as her, but went a little too far. I do hope that Twilight and her friends realize they were too harsh on Rainbow and should've handled the situation differently. I also hope Amber realizes she was one upping Rainbow a lot and pretty much stealing Rainbow's friends from her.

Does anyone else automatically imagine themselves in the same situation as these stories? Because now I'm all depressed :fluttershysad:


I had something like this happen to me, people got SO pissed. Suicide was contemplated many times.

After a misadventure with a new pony, it seems Rainbow Dash is the most hated pony in town. Through pure shame, she leaves Ponyville with no intention of returning. After a few days of wandering aimlessly across Equestria, she comes across the city of Manehattan.

We're talking about Rainbow Dash, right? The pegasus that helped defeat Nightmare Moon? The one that's personal friends with Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's student? The pony who is the Element of Loyalty? The pony who helped defeat Discord? The pony who stood up to Chrysalis? The pony who helped save the Crystal Empire and defeat Sombra? That Rainbow Dash? Because this Rainbow Dash sounds nothing like her, so I'm very confused.

Someone please enlighten me. Who exactly is this character masquerading as Rainbow Dash? For this story looks interesting, but this is very off-putting. :unsuresweetie:

Okay I need some explanations here.

OC pegasus comes to town and befriends the Mane 6. She's good enough to impress Rainbow the first time they fly together, happens to be Spitfire's niece and the wonderbolts bend the rules for her after very clearly not doing it for Rainbow?

Rainbow is the savior of Equestria, crowned Best Young Flyer, and a good enough flyer to give a solo performance at a Royal Wedding. Excuse me for being skeptical but at what point does being Spitfire's niece trump everything that Rainbow has done? This seems like simply lazy writing.

On the topic of lazy writing, how does Rainbow get mad enough to physically harm this new pony because of some minor perceived slights? Rainbow is the embodiment of /Loyalty/ and while shown to have fits of jealousy keeps her temper under control unless someone is under threats of physical harm. Yet, she hauls off and punches this new OC because... reasons?

Even if all of this is somehow fine, how does this translate into Rainbow being hated by the entire town? Have all of the friendship lessons been unlearned? Nopony is capable of listening to Rainbow, asking her why, or even giving her another chance?

This all adds up to your OC coming off as very Sue, and the plot itself is weakly constructed. Why should I be interested in the rest of your story at this point?

Please advise.

I'm sorry, but I have to give this a thumbs down. I don't want to just mark it down without saying why though, that's not fair to you.:ajsleepy:

I feel you and the story have a lot of promise (I really like the concept), but I feel you could use an editor to help you smooth things out. The fact you also break to a new paragraph every few sentences also makes it hard for me to read.:pinkiesick:

Another criticism is that as Rainbow Dash went around introducing Amber, each of the other Mane 6 felt like an extreme cliche version of themselves. It felt like what you'd have if the Mane 6 were impersonating each other at a sleepover.:twilightsheepish:

Your prologue was pretty good (too short!), so I think you can do it. I'll still follow and hope the coming chapters are a bit more polished. I'd love to change it to a thumbs up!:raritywink:

Jealousy, dude. She thinks she's the fastest motherfucker alive and then this Amber comes and upstages her not only in work, but at being a wonderbolt, too. She also befriends Rainbow's friends, and Dash think they're gonna like Amber moar than her

Comment posted by Macho Madness deleted May 9th, 2013

i think it is an ok story to start i'm not into sad rainbow stories so hopefully the next chapter will be a little more brighter

Okay, jealousy? With Rainbow Dash? Sure, maybe she'd be jealous of this newcomer, but all that would do is make her push herself harder and try to improve as much as possible, until she beats the newcomer, because that's who Rainbow Dash is. She's competitive to the core and has an unquenchable desire to be the best of the best.

As for the friend thing... Isn't practically everyone in Ponyville friends with each other? Zecora is friends with all of the Mane 6, and before that, they were all afraid of her because of the rumors surrounding her. Never did any of the Mane 6 fear that Zecora would be "liked more" by the other five. This extends to the entire history of the show. They are constantly loyal to each other (with the exception of the discord fiasco), and have shown time after time again that they are close, and chances of them growing distant are small. There's no point in worrying about her friends and whether or not they like her more or not, because she trusts them ultimately and they're close enough they're more like sisters than friends. Those fears indicate trust issues and fear of disloyalty from the other friends, and I'll just say this: while all the friends tend to overwhelmingly display the trait that matches with their element, they all exhibit them. Applejack, for example, is almost as loyal as she is honest. Pinkie Pie is practically as kind as Fluttershy. Fluttershy is very generous, in many ways. The six friends' loyalty to each other is as strong as that found between comrades-in-arms and family members. Even after that, worrying that someone is going to be "liked more" by your other friends is petty and immature. It's one thing to be worried that someone is going to turn all your friends against you, but to worry about someone else being liked more means that you're very insecure, something I would not call Rainbow, at least not relating to her friendships.

If, in the story, her fears prove to be true, then the new character in the mix is a definite Mary Sue, which is one of the easiest ways a fic can effectively shoot itself in the head.

amber got in the wonder bolt's academy for being spitefire's niece?HORCE SHIT.FUCKING HORCE SHIT!and i swar that the mare 5 and amber make her the bad guy.i will be so fucking pissed

I'm not angry at Amber

I'm angry at the rest of Rainbow's friends. And Spitfire. And the town of Ponyville

When Rainbow punched Amber, all everyone saw was Amber's bloody nose. No one thought that Rainbow was hurting too; no one considered that there might have been a deeper reason than hatred for Rainbow's actions. In short, everyone just suddenly abandoned Rainbow and now they're angry because Rainbow got upset over this

So now everyone is angry at Rainbow and Rainbow is feeling ashamed. It should be the other way around

Rainbow Dash though it was Spitfire for a moment,

This story seems interesting, in some ways, but in others not quite. Unless Amber is a changeling or some sort of monster thing that is going out of its way to 'replace' Rainbow Dash via magically inducing ponies to like it, Amber is simply a Mary-Sue. Enough others 2550025 and 2550332 have made the main points that don't really need repeating. If Rainbow Dash is made out to be the bad guy after everything and Amber turns out to be just better than her, despite coming from no-where, she's a Mary-Sue. That said if you went a bit slower and Amber turns out to be said magical villain who is basically infiltrating everything Rainbow Dash is a part of to replace her (presumably to break up the Elements or Harmony - unless you're planning on Amber being more loyal than Dash next, which would cement it as a Mary-Sue - or some other evil end) I think this would be a better story.

Regardless, keep writing and always improving, because that's what we all need to do. Take note of criticism and advice to improve.

I seriously hope everypony sees that Amber is at fault and makes up with Rainbow Dash.

Congrats on getting featured Sunny!

Ok, so the story isn't bad, but a lot of the plot only makes sense if this took place, say... in early S1.
I don't consider Amber to be a Mary Sue just because she's very likable and has skills on par with Dash. We have seen in canon that there are ponies who are better than the mane 6 at what they are good at.
On the other hand, there is no way in hell Spitfire would let her niece into the academy with any special consideration. This is because the Wonderbolts are MILITARY.
As for Dash's actions, they are believable to a degree (Mare DO well and her reaction to being upstaged and overshadowed) but the problem is unless this fic takes place before Mare DO Well, she already learned that lesson. She would not make the same mistake twice, and she was shown to have matured greatly by the Wonderbolts Academy episode.
Plus, Dash would never hit a relative of a Wonderbolt unless they were actively a threat.
Now as for Dash's actions turning all her friends and her town against her, that is utter BS. That is like saying that if Twilight had gotten on stage and pwned Trixie immediately, Twilight would have been seen in a negative light. The entire point of Boast Busters was to show that that was an unfounded fear of Twilight's.
If this was 1st person, I would assume Dash was an unreliable narrator, that is how outlandish this concept is.
Which brings me to another point. Dash's friends know her very well. They would be intuitive enough to realize that a new pegasus with the credentials Amber has would be someone Dash would want to make friends with, but also possibly someone Dash might have a bit of a rivalry with and could get jealous. But instead they all act completely oblivious, as if they haven't been close friends for years.
Hopefully the story that this premise has set in motion turns out to be rewarding, because the premise itself is too contrived to be worth a mediocre storyline.
If this turns out to be a jealousy and redemption fic and little more, I have to say that Surprise, Surprise already handled this concept much more believably.

GO AMBER GO! :yay:

-prepares for the thumbs down barrage- :rainbowderp:

Well, in the next chapter, RD's friends try to apologise for reacting how they did, before they realise that she isn't there anymore.

I will certainly look forward to the rest of this!

My attention. You have captured it.

I hope you'll be factoring our criticism into your future chapters. Also, it might not be a bad idea to re-write some of the first chapter to portray more people in character.

Best RD fanfic I've read! Can't wait for the next chapter! :rainbowwild:

That... Was really out of character. For everyone. Dash didn't break into violence when Rarity was outshining her during that one race thing, why would she do it now? She wouldn't just ditch Ponyville like that, no matter how mad everybody was. And I very highly doubt that all of her friends would be so quick to start 'looking at Dash in contempt.' This story had promise, but this chapter really crushed it. Twilight wouldn't forget about plans with a friend so easily. Fluttershy wouldn't be angrily staring at Dash, she would be hiding somewhere, or not be in the crowd at all. Fluttershy hates crowds, if you haven't noticed. Furthermore, a hoof to the face wouldn't get THAT much of a reaction, or at least that angry of a reaction.

Sorry, but with all of this, I have to provide a thumbs-down. It's not like I hated the story itself, I just can't stand how you portrayed the characters.

Well guess what. IT BUCKING WORKED!

Dash is pretty immature, considering her pranks with pinkie and on Gilda

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