Cross-Realm Raiding

by Bishibosh the Shaman

Lf ponies?

Cross-Realm Raiding
Chapter Two

Bishibosh and Fayt ran, or galloped rather, through the endless forest, tailing the giant dragon as close as they could. The winged beast was gaining distance fast and Bishibosh was running out of breath. Fayt began to gain distance on the struggling pony before noticing the gap forming between the two of them. Slowing down he made a impatient gesture towards Bishibosh telling him to, in a term he hadn't expected to come from his lips, Giddy the buck up!

"You know... not everyone's... lungs have... collapsed inwards..."
"What's the problem pony boy, you ran with the wolves, cant handle four legs all of a sudden?"
"Paws... wolves have paws... and we tauren... are used to... two hooves... not four..."

The shaman took a moment to catch his breath, and gathered an idea.
"Think our magic still works here? with these new bodies?" Bishibosh asked.

Bishibosh's hooves sunk into the dirt and rose covered with sand from the ground. The sand rose up his legs and covered his body. Eventually his body as a whole was engulfed in sand. Golden crystals began to form out of the sandy form. The sand and crystal formed a thick cocoon and covered the clearing both ponies were standing in. Not a minute later the shell began to crack, and the second after it exploded in sand and crystal. Long golden wings spread across the gap, and the body of a dragon emerged from the cocoon.

"I'm suprised tol'vir magic works here" The dragon Bishibosh stated. "hop on, we got a dragon to catch."
"You're too tired to run as a pony, ok. Lets turn into a dragon and fly instead, genius Bish..."
"Hey, I'm used to this form.

The two flew after the dragon, who they could hear roaring in the distance...

---

It's a late night for the Apple family in Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Jack and Big McIntosh are just closing shop.

"Jeeze big brother, I r'con we stayed up a tad too late. But the apples are picked and the nights done" the tanish pony stated proudly
"Eyup" followed the larger red pony.
"Aint nuttin gonna keep me away from the sack tonight, not no apples, or even a giant dragon!"

The two ponies went off inside to get a good nights rest. The trees beat by sudden bursts of wing, both ponies too tired to think of the intervals between the winds. They fell asleep just as danger swooped onto the farm.

---

The dragon flew straight towards the farm as Bishibosh and Fayt tailed. As they closed the gap, both heros noticed the dragons target. The apple orchards and most likely the neighboring town. Knowing full aware the devastation a single dragon can cause, Bishibosh pushed himself a little more into the fray. The gap was quickly filled allowing Fayt to dismount and gain a foot hold on the back of the dragon. Bishibosh dug his claws into the back as well, releasing a wailing cry from the dragon. Reverting to his pony form, Bishibosh quickly bound the remaining sand to his and Fayts hooves to act as grounding. The beast flailed and flipped and rolled but the shamans magic held strong.

"Climb to the head!" Bishibosh yelled.

Fayt managed to climb up to the mid section of the dragon, but with a swift turn his footing was lost. The undead pony went airborn, just as Bishibosh tried to catch him a dagger flew from its scabbard and into Fayts jaw. Thrusting the blade into the dragons wing as he flew off the dragon, tearing threw the sinew of the dragons wing. Bishibosh watched as Fayt flew downward into the woods but he had little time to worry about his friends safety.

The dragon began to plummet to the ground, and Bishibosh needed to get to the head in hopes of steering it away from civilization. The wind ripped across his mane and face, the sand that once bound him to the dragons back were now dust. He used a remainder of what mana he had left to infuse his hands with lighting, hoping to magnetize his way down the the dragons head. What felt like hours was only seconds until Bishibosh made it to the horns of the dragon, and with what remained of his mana pool he gained control of the winds rushing passed him.

"Ancestors guide me" He whispered to himself as the dragon wailed in attempt to remove the shaman from its crown. The winds succeeded in steering the body into the forrest, but the force from the crash threw Bishibosh from the dragons head and into the ground. Opening his eyes to a blur of darkness, he only saw two bright orange eyes. Unable to pick himself up from exhaustion, the shaman stayed on the ground. The eyes raised and he could smell brimstone and sulfer. Not a day in this new world and he had allready met an end. Bishibosh closed his eyes and was bathed in warmth.

---

Echo's of beeping ring...

"Is he going to be alright?"
"I'm more worried about his friend, look you can see the exposed bone!"
"No way a fall did that to him, he shouldn't even be alive."

Eyes open to a blur of light...

"Hey, he is waking up!"
"Get in here!"
"No! He is still in critical condition!"

Bishibosh's eyes open to a pure white mane turned away from him. He can see tubing going into various parts of his body. He tries to speak but he is too tired. Before closing his eyes, he see's a bright light with many colors. Then black.

---

After hours of waiting, Princess Celestia cannot wait any longer. She makes her way out of the waiting room and into the room were the strange new ponies lay. A doctor stops her.

"I'm sorry my princess, but they are not yet in stable condition."
"Say that to the one standing out of bed."

The doctor turned his head to find the mangled pony crawling from his bed and began to feint as if he had seen a ghost.

"Ah, one of our... heros no doubt. I am Princess Celestia, may I ask your name?"
"You may but it wont do you any good. Tell me where I am."
"It must not be custom in your land to give your name before making demands."
"Oh it is, I was never the sort for customs. Where am I."
"You are in a clinic being cared for after your daring rescue of our village from the dragon. Now may I know your name?"
"Fayt"
"Pardon?"
"Fayt, F-a-y-t. You wanted my name I gave it."
"Ah, very good. Umm, can I get you anything? a bandage maybe?"
"Why? Doesnt do any good to bandage a dead horse"

Fayt chuckled in a morbid way, Celestia became rather disturbed by this hero. Turning her attention to the other hero just now leaning up from bed.

"Ah, and the other hero awakens."

Bishibosh looks up at the regal looking pony, then down at his bandaging, then back at the pony.

"Hello"...

Author's Note:

Hey there, Bishi here. So here is the second chapter of Bishi and Fayt adventure into Equestria. I do apologize for any mis-interpretations of character. I hope this read is worth the time. Again any criticism or praise is welcome, even if its the extreme kind ^.^

Comments

[Viking ZX]

Alright, I said I'd give it a look, and now I have. I was guided to this by your thread asking how you could get more views. So, without further ado, here are my thoughts.

Editing. You probably didn't want to hear that, but this needs editing. Lots of it. You've got tenses flipping around, telling instead of showing, etc. You need to do some editing.

THAT SAID, it's not a write off. Clearly you're putting time into this, clearly you're determined to get the story out there. My advice, find someone who'll be willing to help clean it up and then fix it up. Some people have an acceptable limit of how many errors they'll put up with, and if you're not getting many readers despite following a common crossover (WoW meets ponies? That has fans) my guess would be that it's the errors that are holding them back and keeping them from recommending it to friends.

You have the drive. You just need to do a little tinkering to it so that everyone gets the same view you had when you wrote it.

Good luck!