Of Blades and Magic wands: Sorcerer's Stone

by -Twilight

Role Call

"Um.... Hi" you say. You couldn't think of anything better to say as your mind is still trying to put together the situation at hand.
I mean, talking ponies? how should you react to that? The ponies, or more specifically the purple one is probably thinking the same as your are, if these things even think at all. Maybe you were wrong about their talking abilities. Either way you try,.to communicate.

"Your a pony..... with a horn... a unicorn?" you stretch out the last word a little.
The purple pony nods slowly and cautiously.
"~So it does understand me, that must be all that magic I'm sensing, she must be very careful, I should be careful. " you whisper.

"And your a human! ohmycelstia you really are! I cant believe it! what do you eat? where do you live? what is you culture like? tell... me.... everything! " another pony, a green one said, she was now in front of the purple pony and now nearly a couple inches away from your face, she sprung up and down in the air to make eye contact with you.

Cautiously, you back up until you cant anymore, you fall on you butt by a hollow log in which point you hear a quiet but familiar humming in the dead trunk.

"~That must be my wand, thank god. I can grab it and cast a spell, any spell. and get out of here." you think to yourself

Without looking away from the weird talking technicolor ponies in front of you, you stick your hand in the log slowly as to not startle the ponies. In the log you feel several things. some soft and others bristly you shiver as your imagination tries to piece together what you are touching.

~what if its a big ugly hairy bug?

You recoil your hand a little only to dig it in faster when you see a certain green pony approaching.

Your having one of those moments again, when time slows down, danger is approaching again.... I think.
You feel something unnatural in the log and grab at it, silently praying in your mind it isn't a disgusting insect.
As you pull out the object, the humming gets louder and a red light appears from the log along with the rest of your hand.

Pulling out the wand along with some disgusting slime and some small bugs; you point it at the approaching psyco-pony who
immediately stops seeing the what you pulled out.

The pony cocks her head, confusion clearly visible on her face.
"What Is that? is that some sort of super alien ray gun" she sudden gasps with a hoof over her mouth.
"Are you here to suck our brains out through bendy straws?!?" she shouts. Now it was your turn to be confused.
"WHAT? bendy straws? brain sucking? what am I to you? an alien? Last time I checked your still a talking pony! you shouldn't be doing that!" you snap.

"Just s-stay away from me" you say, cowering behind your pointed wand.

Your usually not a skeptical person, you accept things as you see them, but this... this is just madness.
Having a minor case of Equinophobia since you were a child, you tend to stay away from ponies and horses.
it wasn't that difficult considering you live in the city. Now, you are sitting by a log, surrounded by weird creatures that take the form of talking Technicolor Ponies with horns.

The green pony looked back at her companions who were just now recovering from whatever frightened state they were in before and were now approaching you as well. You raise the wand again to ward them back.

~I guess threatening them with the wand wont work if they don't know what it does, still. I sense magic all around the area, just like home. Maybe they have a stone somewhere and know of magic. I should really be careful.

You sat there and tried to consider all the ways you could even BE here. Maybe this is all fake, maybe I'm still unconscious, convulsing on the ground and foaming from the mouth like a fish out of water.

"Listen" you say. You point the wand to the ground, the wand sparks up and shoots a red beam across the dirt making a straight burning line between you and them .
"Unless you want a burning hole through your head, you stay behind that line, got it? "

The green unicorn, being closest to the line; nodded her head nervously.

"Now..." you say after getting your mind back on track.

"Where am I? and what are your names, I mean, if you even have any."

A orange pony from farther back was the first to approach.

"I'm applejack pleasure is al' mine" she said, removing a stetson from the purple pony's head

"And I'M LYRA!" Lyra shouted, almost breaking the boundary in the process.

you look over to the cream hornless pony who was silent this entire time.

"And your name is?" you ask.

She remains silent.

"....okie well th-"

"Her name is bonbon, she my roommate and for the longest time shes been calling me crazy for believing in humans but now your here! and I have so many questions! oh and my name is Lyra, in case your wondering."

My name is Twilight Sparkle and its an honor to meet a extraterrestrial such as yourself." The purple pony, the last of the ponies said.

"AND MY NAME IS- "

"Lyra, yes, I know." you deadpan

"And as for where you are; you are in Equestria." Twilight Sparkle said.

"Equestria... hm, I never heard of such a pla-"

You were interrupted by the gushing wind coming from the portal you and everyone else forgot about.

"Ugh not again" the purple pony said. Twilights horn lit up with a lavender glow followed by a thin beam that shot from it and hit the portal's center.

~So these horned ponies really are magic, Its weird how they can do all that even without a wand. I should help her.

You point your wand towards the portal, you had no idea what she was trying to do but you try to mimic her spell anyways. Twilight and the other ponies gasped, seeing you use your magic on the portal.

The portal expanded and out of it came another object. you had no time to figure out what is was because it was now heading right for you! Almost as if the pressure of the portal shot the figure at you; the large clump of... thing came flying at you at an incredible speed.

"Wait is that... the guy from earlier?!?!" you say before catching him with you magic, unfortunately the force of the teenager made you knock your head against the log you were backed up against.

you fall over, your eyesight begins to blacken as the last thing you see is a emblem sewn on the coat belonging to the body

MPR

Author's Note:

GAH grammar why do I have none!
; <------ how do you use it ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
I keep using it but admittedly I don't even think I'm using it right so pleeeease forgive me.
My terrible grammar is nothing new to the people who have read other stories from me.
as long as you can read my stories and enjoy is all that matters.... right?
ok no.... that's a terrible excuse. trust me I'm getting better and im constantly looking for editors.
but what i really need from you now is your opinions down below! I have the tendency to mess up stories big time! please keep me from derailing!

Comments

[BluPony]

Well, that was fast. Second chapter already and it looks pretty good plot-wise.

That ; thing is called a semi-colon. It's basically a sentence connector. Like if you were to put: "He ran as fast as Rainbow Dash. She wouldn't see him coming." You'd put a semi-colon instead of a period to compress two shorter sentences into one more impressive longer one. Don't get too carried away with it though.

It's good to keep your formatting consistent as well. Like if you italicize his thoughts once, they should be italicized throughout the story as well. Along with that, keep your paragraphs organized. Mainly, make sure the readers know if there's another character speaking. I'll try to show you what I mean.

{The pony cocks her head, confusion clearly visible on her face.
"What Is that? is that some sort of super alien ray gun" she sudden gasps with a hoof over her mouth.
"Are you here to suck our brains out through bendy straws?!?" she shouts. Now it was your turn to be confused.
"WHAT? bendy straws? brain sucking? what am I to you? an alien? Last time I checked your still a talking pony! you shouldn't be doing that!" you snap.}

First line is good. Second and third line should be combined a bit like this:
"What is that? Is that some sort of super alien ray gun?" she suddenly gasps with a hoof over her mouth. "Are you here to suck our brains out through bendy straws?!" she rose to a shout.

Then combine the last bit of that line onto the fourth line:
Now it was your turn to be confused. "What?! Bendy straws? Brain sucking? What am I to you, an alien?! Last time I checked, you're still a talking pony! You shouldn't be doing that!" you snap.

Another thing I just realized is that you have to make sure you stick with your format. Since the story is 2nd-person view style (with "you" being the main character), you'll have to put in a bit more effort into actually enabling the reader to imagine themselves in the story. Fixing up the grammatical errors should help greatly with that, but also put in a few more senses, like smelling, feeling, hearing, that type of thing.

I've probably missed a few things here and there but they'll most likely be covered upon with more critique from another commenter. I'll just add in one last thing. With a good couple of grammar lessons, a sharp eye, and a helpful reader that points out a small mistake here or there, you won't need an editor to take care of all those small errors. It's best to give your story a few extra looks in case you spot something that you would have missed otherwise. It'd be good to fix up your first chapter as well after you finish editing these. First impressions are important; I learned that the hard way.

Anyway, that's enough stuff to look over for now, so I hope I helped and I'll keep this story in my favorites so I can check up on it to see how you're doing. Enjoy your writing!

[Mecha G]

I normally avoid first/second person fics, but this one looks promising.

[-Twilight]

Finally found it, I just want to say. with the wand Its not much of a actually wand you would see in like harry potter or something like that, no . Its somewhat like the sonic screwdriver from doctor who.

Its metal and its hm..... Just look at this
waterhawkcreations.com/images/red%20coral%20crystal%20wand%20276.jpg

Its something like that

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