Trixie, The Great and Powerful Meister

by Jet Edge

You Broke Provision Number BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

Excalibur stood where they had come through the portal, happily swinging his tail from side to side, humming with glee! His upbeat attitude however, was getting to Trixie, she had gone through all this work to have a strange little annoyance stand there humming, paying no attention to the one who had summoned him, this was just truly outrageous in the eyes of Trixie!

“Fool! Have you already forgotten provision number fifty eight? Never talk to me when I am humming to myself!” He snaps himself back to his original position, smacking Trixie in the face with his... ‘tail’, in the process. This angered Trixie, how can someone, of this world or not, treat someone as great, and powerful as herself so lowly?

{And I thought Twilight Sparkle was bad, I have only been with this guy for forty five minutes and I already want to gut him!} Trixie thought to herself as she forced a smile onto her face and put a hoof on his mouth to signal him to silence. Before she even opened her mouth, a hoof came across her cheek accompanied by the same tired line of.

“Fool! Don’t you know provision number four hundred and fifty five!? It clearly states to keep all hands, elbows, fingers, and any matter of body part off of my beautiful face unless specifically told to do so! Your filthy hooves won’t get within 2 feet of me unless I ask of it!” He has now completely stopped his humming, giving Trixie a window of opportunity to talk.

trying to make me upset woman!? Provision number six hundred and five; never speak to me when I am happy, sad, or any emotion other than glory!” Trixie’s mouth was now agape, really? How can she even communicate with this thing if even the tiniest word can break a provision. Her face twisted in disbelief, it turned red with anger and yet, Trixie showed constraint. She didn’t go with her first instinct and turn him into a bunny rabbit or something out of anger, even though that most likely would break yet another provision. She just accepted it, one of the more mature decisions she has made over her time in life. For once, Trixie complied, accepting defeat like a lower life form, accepting her place as a servant like she was a... like she was a Snails! The runt of all servants, she accepted she was now basically a smarter, more beautiful, and all around more amazing Snails.

Trixie bowed her head in defeat as a small tear rolled off of her face from the realization of defeat. She sat there silently until an idea formed, if she couldn’t speak to the little nuisance, is there anything wrong with sign language, or any other form of communication for that matter, as her sign language was very weak, and who even knew if he knew how to read any body language due to his ego most likely interfering. {Trixie you sly pony you!} She thought to herself as she had conjured up a pen and paper through her magic and started happily writing a letter to Excalibur. {Heh heh heh, he’ll never see this coming! Oh Trixie, once this is all over, you really deserve to treat yourself to a spa day!}

She finished off the letter and poofed it over to Excalibur, a sly look on her face the whole time. Excalibur picked the note up and began to read through it, then a few short seconds later came another cane to Trixie’s nose, “You really think you can apologize for breaking two provisions by breaking yet another one?!”

blue ink, from the finest tipped ballpoint pen on the finest cotton made paper like you would print a formal letter on, accompanied by a tray of vanilla cupcakes with chocolate icing made from exactly half a stick of butter and no sprinkles! Your apology is certainly lacking a certain delicious treat and formality!”

Trixie gritted her teeth at this guy. How can anyone be that specific for anything! She began to hit her head on the ground as Excalibur seemed to break character and walked up to her, “You didn’t know though, but if you keep breaking provision, you will never be my meister! I am willing to take this apology if you make it up later with a massage, and a chocolate cake, made from the finest ingredients in this land, coated with a thick layer of non fat, sugar free vanilla icing and the words, “You’re the greatest, Sir Excalibur!” on it!”

Trixie couldn’t help but facehoof herself, not only does she have to deal with this guy, but she has to bake for him too? “Now, time for the five hour story telling session as part of provision number four hundred and fifty two! Shall we begin?” He tapped his tail, cane thing on Trixie’s horn and without Trixie even thinking, a burst of magic flowed out, and in front of her, an auditorium stood with Excalibur’s face plastered all over it. Fireworks shot into the air, lively music coursed throughout the forest, inviting any and all to come join them. A red carpet had rolled out from the auditorium all the way to Ponyville, which invited many curious souls, or shall I say soon to be miserable souls, into the event.

On top of Excalibur making it a grand event, it was also a paid event, that all the curious citizens had paid to enter. The sad fact of the matter being that this was the first time ever in all of Equestria’s history that any soul, let alone hundreds of souls, had ever paid for their own torture! Excalibur tapped Trixie’s horn yet again and they poofed into the auditorium, Excalibur up on a stage in a high chair and Trixie in the front row, closest to Excalibur. The curious murmuring of all the ponies can be heard as Trixie tried to shrink herself down and hide behind her cape to keep from noticing, but nopony even gave her a glance, they were all too busy with this new pony. The lights in the room dimmed as a spotlight graced Excalibur, and he started.

“As you all may have noticed, I am not a usual resident in your land, but that does not make my life any less important for you to all know!” This had stirred up some more murmuring among the crowd. Various ponies in the audience could be seen rolling their eyes, mocking, laughing, and doing all sorts of actions other than amazements. Twilight Sparkle in particular was in the audience, coincidentally pretty close in the audience to Trixie, as Trixie could hear her utter the words, “Oh great! Another Trixie!” Which had brought fire to Trixie’s eyes as her hatred flowed through her, but she decided to just calm down, as her revenge would be soon anyways, or at least so she hoped.

“Fools! It is a must that you hear all about my travels to the most amazing and exotic places in my world. I have seen countless things you couldn’t even dream to see! I have travelled my world, defeating legendary beasts, meeting gods and goddesses!” As he said this the audience grew quiet, the only noise being gasps of astonishment and a random voice from somewhere in the crowd called out, “Please! Tell us more! It sounds amazing!”

Excalibur chuckled at this gesture, “Well then, you must know that I, Excalibur, do those things as sort of side projects, they’re nothing compared to my usual daily routines!” Another gasp of astonishment from the crowd, “First I must share with you the day I learned my true talents!” Of course this being Equestria, that was easily mistaken for his cutie mark, which was a heart with a disgusted face that Trixie finally noticed, and unfortunately knew why this was it.

From the crowd you could here Applebloom call out, “Ya mean yer gonna tell us how ya got yer cutie mark?! Oh boy!”

To which Excalibur replied, “Well I guess that’s one way to put it my little admirer! Well, it all started with the birth of myself, and as some of you may know, it had to have been a grand event! As soon as I was birthed from my mother’s egg pouch, I was a happy, beautiful little boy, complete with streamers, confetti, and fireworks in my egg!” Confused whispers ran throughout the crowd, “From the moment my mother hatched me, I knew that I had only one goal in life; to dance!” Excalibur had gone up to Trixie and tapped her horn again which shot out a magical blast, causing a projector and screen to appear. He switched the projector on to reveal a picture of himself as a baby in a seventies style afro and disco attire, with him standing in a dancing position with one finger pointed up in the air.

“Trixie?!” Gasped Twilight from within the audience, “So, this is your plan? To use this pony to get back at me?! Why do you try to challenge me anyway?! I am just trying to live my life like everypony here!”

“You don’t get it Twilight Sparkle, you steal all the limelight, not caring for even one minute that there are greater and more deserving beings for it!”

Twilight looked at Trixie baffled, “I am not trying to steal your ‘limelight’! You just assume that since you’re so stuck up and everypony runs from you, that the ponies to challenge you to keep peace are trying to steal your spotlight!”

“Whatever, you will not fool me Twilight Sparkle! Come along Excalibur!” She stomped a hoof on the ground in unison of Excalibur’s cane coming down on her forehead.

“Fool! Don’t you know-”

“Yeah yeah, breaking provision number who cares! Let’s go! I don’t want to be in the presence of such a lower being for much longer!” Here came the cane again, but this time Trixie grabbed it with her mouth and dragged Excalibur out of the auditorium and back to the Everfree Forest.

“Agh! What are you doing?! You should know full well that-” A hoof slapped Excalibur across the face as Trixie stood there breathing heavily., She then had cast a spell that had tied him up and duck taped his mouth.

“The fact that you must be so difficult towards somepony makes you almost as bad as her! Trixie had summoned you for the sole purpose of helping her get back at Twilight, but you have yet to show a single sign of wanting to do such a thing! All it has been since you have arrived is ‘Break provision number blah blah blah!’” For the first time in Trixie’s life, she had truly felt like she had gone insane, as if she were being punished for something. {How could something so powerful had gon so wrong?!} She asked herself as Excalibur had changed into a sword to slip out of his restraints and he had jumped on her back and whipped the back of her head with his cane tail.

“Fool! You were the one who had summoned me! Yo had been forewarned that not following the provisions would result in me not helping you, and that was way out line and the terms we had agreed upon, and since you have broken the terms, I must bid you farewell madam!” Excalibur had jumped off Trixie’s back with his cane smacking her in the face on the way down. She rubbed her now red cheeks, which were red partly from anger and frustration, and scoffed.

“Fine! The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t need somepony such as yourself to help her out anyway!” They had both started walking in different directions, Trixie further into the Everfree, and Excalibur back towards the auditorium to finish the story telling session for the residents of the town. He had just walked through the forest as if nothing happened, already putting the whole thing behind him and just thinking ahead for a possible other meister.

{Oh the cute little one with the big red bow seemed interested! She may enjoy being graced with my presence as a weapon partner!} He had arrived inside the auditorium with his eyes shut as he hummed peacefully, “Now then! Shall we continue!” He announced, but to his surprise it was empty, and he just stood there with his big abnormal eye blinking slowly, “Ah well, they were all wasting my time anyway!” He chuckled to himself as he had walked out the exit and towards the rest of the town.

He had walked around the town, humming to himself as almost everypony he walked by had stared at him in amazement from his eccentric form. Excalibur had just chuckled to himself from the attention he had recieved and eventually made his way to Sugarcube Corner, where Mr. Cake was already helping a group in front of him.

*ding*

“Yes? How may I help you?” Asked Mr. Cake as he finished up with the previous group.

“Hello lad, I have come for a cupcake made of your finest ingredients! What I request is a vanilla cupcake, topped with your finest chocolate icing which has been made with exactly half a stick of butter!” Excalibur announced to the baker happily.

“Uh... You sure are... specific...” The now confused Mr. Cake had replied while scratching his head. The bell on the door had rung again as another customer had walked in, “Ah hello Ms. Twilight Sparkle, have you come to pick up your order?”

“Yes I-” She paused as she saw Excalibur, “Oh, you’re the new pony who was with Trixie earlier, may I ask why you are involved with somepony such as herself?”

“Just as soon as I get my order! Then we can go find a place to talk!” He sat down as Mr. Cake had left the room to go start baking Excalibur’s order, just thinking to himself, {Gee, never a dull moment when new ponies come around huh?}

He had come back about fifteen minutes later with Twilight’s order of cupcakes and gave them to her, and informed Excalibur of his order being placed, “Just go enjoy the town for a bit, it should be done in about an hour or two, I had to make a full batch, so it’ll take longer than just making one.” He waved the two off and they had walked towards Twilight’s home. They stayed silent pretty much the whole way there except for a small growl from Excalibur’s stomach.

“Hungry, eh?” Twi said as they reached her door and she let the new pony in. As soon as they had entered though, Spike had come running out, bumping into Twi’s leg,.

“Twilight hurry! One of the books is missing! You remember, the incredibly rare one in the case, it’s gone!” He had panicked as he ran back upstairs to wait for Twilight.

~

Back in the Forest, Trixie had returned to her usual spot which is where she kept the book she had used to get Excalibur, “Wow, Trixie can’t believe her plan backfired so bad... Trixie had summoned him so that she could get back at Twilight Sparkle, To have him as a lackey amongst other things... Hmph! Who needs him! Trixie definitely doesn’t, that’s for sure!” She told herself as she had looked through the book again for some sort of spell to get Excalibur back in his world quickly and efficiently, but to no avail as the only one to do that, was the initial spell she had used to retrieve him, and who knows when the next portal will open! Trixie sighed and layed her head down, “Great... what else could go wrong...”

Author's Note:

Sorry it's not as long, been kinda pre occupied with other things, and I only do a tiny bit of work on this every so often, but I hope anyone who read this enjoyed and could forgive some of my horrible attempts at comedy...

Comments

[Husqvarnic]

INNUENDO!!!

[C197]

3053326 Where!?! :D

[Husqvarnic]

3562384
I just said this in a past story, but I think I was obsessed with borderlands when I wrote that, as Mr. Torgue shouted that on occasion.

[Karna]

Oh, you've definitely gotten back at Twilight Sparkle.

After all, you've successfully left Excaibur with her and forced him to be her problem instead. What punishment could be more fitting?

[hypershadic98]

Oh the pain that Twilight Sparkle has to suffer from the Evil Excalibur.Trixie needs pitty......I will be the fisrt but not the last

[Jet Edge]

3562351 Hmmm nice catch, I should go back and... wait no, THAT WAS TOTES INTENTIONAL!!! Excalibur is just that annoying! *cough* what line... *cough* *cough*