• Member Since 24th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 9th, 2020

Dry Monkey

Hello and welcome. I aim to please and I won't bite your fingers off.


With each painful and haunting step, Silver Shield only received more questions than answers. He knows that with every step, ponies lives are lost. He'd be a fool to think he's getting out of this alive.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )
Comment posted by Dry Monkey deleted Apr 21st, 2013
Comment posted by Dry Monkey deleted May 13th, 2013

Just post the link you want to use in the normal story then copy and paste in the AN, after then deleate the original from the story.

wow, interesting story so far. if you don't mind me saying, there is one thing that I noticed. you keep calling them fillies during your flashbacks, which is a young female pony, when I feel that you mean to call them foals, which is a young pony, and non gender orientated. but other than that, interesting story. I will keep reading it :)

2569584 Thanks. Didn't know that. I'll change it. :twilightblush:

Whenever I see a fic with no downvotes, I take a look at it. It's shaping up to be a very good story, but it needs some proofreading. For example, "I don't like your tone Four-Eyes," needs a comma: "I don't like your tone, Four-Eyes."

I think it may also benefit from some more descriptive detail. If I may offer a suggestion as to how this scene could be made more military:

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" a voice demanded.

It was none other than the knight in 'Shining Armor' here to save the day, but with no damsel in distress at his side and no dragon to slay either.

I'm a veteran and in the military it could look something like this when the commander comes into the chow hall as a fight going on:


One of the recruits near the door, a young pegasus, shouted, "ATTENTION!" at the top of his squeaky voice. The room went dead quiet as the three guards immediately stopped and spun around, their heads held up, backs straight, tails down and hooves clicking together at the regulation 45 degree angle as they assumed an erect but slightly relaxed posture. All the recruits did the same, with varying degrees of success.

Captain Shining Armor strode into the mess, his face frighteningly indifferent. "Sergeant Storm Spear, I don't believe combatives training is on the schedule today," he said in a mild tone. "There will be a meeting in my office in five minutes and we can go over the schedule then. Dismissed."

"Yes sir!" responded Storm Spear, his fear only showing in his eyes. The three guards walked very briskly to the door, and we could hear them gallop away as soon as they were outside. The officer looked at Ace and me and cocked his head. "You're platoon guide," he said to me as my eyes bugged out. The he turned his head to Ace. "You're platoon sergeant. You two have fifteen minutes to get these recruits fed and assembled and out front ready for drill."

"Yes sir!" we both called out in utter horror.

Shining Armor turned on his heels and strode out of the mess, yelling "As you were!" as he departed.


A good officer will punish you for having leadership qualities by saddling you with responsibilities. He also would never publicly scold an NCO, particularly in front of recruits. Neither would he be friendly with recruits in front of other recruits, but how he deals with them behind closed doors could be another matter.

I hope you don't mind, but you did ask for criticism. Liked and faved.

2684294 Thanks for the info. I'm glad you like my story. Hell, I feel ecstatic. Criticism is greatly appreciated for this story seeing as how it's my first.

2685253 That's how I feel. Tell me what I can do better, not what I've done well. Well, actually, throw a little bit of that in too... :pinkiehappy:

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