A Fetch Quest for My Drink

by RayneTheSkunk

Ch.2

A Fetch Quest for My Drink

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Berry and Derpy roosted on the roof of a building overlooking Trixie’s tent and caravan. Two guards had been rotating shifts around the caravan for about an hour. Trixie was already inside; they just needed to sneak in, tie her or something, and jack the caravan. “Hey Berry, does your head still hurt from getting smashed with that hammer?” Derpy asked as she tapped the earth pony’s skull.

Berry pushed the pony’s hooves away. “It does now that you made me think of it again.” She massaged her now aching head. “How did it feel to get shot in the plot with arrows a lot?”

Derpy checked her rump. “It really hurt at the time, but once everything went black I only felt cold and then I saw Dinky.” A tear rolled down the pegasus’ face, but she didn't stop smiling. “But I’m all fine now and Dinky’s fine too! So everything's okay. Now remind me, why are we on this roof again?”

Berry opened a small piece of folded paper illustrated with intricate doodles. “When we tried to just take her and run the police killed us. Remember?” Derpy responded with a nod. “Well, Ruby drew up a better plan... one that shouldn’t end with us dying. We’re supposed to watch the guards around Trixie’s caravan so we can let the others know when it’s clear. Braeburn is supposed to snatch her while Cheerilee keeps the guards distracted.”

“What does Ruby do?”

Berry looked for the doodle of Ruby on the paper. “She’s supposed to steal the keys from the guards so we can jack the caravan and drive away.”

“You can drive a caravan? Ruby can drive a caravan?!”

“Duh, it is called a car-a-van. Ruby plays her driving simulator stuff on the computer all the time. I’m sure she can handle it.”

“Wow, Ruby’s a pretty smart girl. My Dinky is a bit like me; she’s pretty smart , but her head isn’t always in the right place.” Derpy presented a small wallet photo of her foal. Her hair was curled for that picture.

“Your eyes aren't even in the right place Blondy,” Berry said as she derped her own eyes for a moment, “but yeah I’ve seen your kid. She’s fine, not as much of a smart ass. I know Ruby cares about me-or at least I think she does, but I never get that mother daughter connection with her. She always treats me as if she were an adult too. Hell, sometimes I’m the damn kid.”

“Ruby seems like a grown up to me. She doesn't seem to act like a kid much when she plays with Dinky. She cooks, always stays on top of her grades, and keeps the other foals out of trouble. At least that’s what Dinky tells me about her. When I see Ruby in town it actually makes me sad. She’s the only kid not acting like a kid. I see her play games with the others but her smile isn't like the other kids. She really seems to love fireworks though.” Derpy pointed to the extra fireworks that still burst and sparkled from Trixie’s previous show. “So there's that..”

Berry laughed as she relaxed over the roof’s edge. “Jeez Blondy, when’d you become a child psychiatrist? How does Dinky treat you?”

“My muffin always looks up to me. She asks me to kiss her when she gets hurt, she always comes to me when she’s curious, she watches everything I do and tries to imitate me. I’m like the world to her and she’s the world to me. We care for each other.” She hugged the little photo as close to her body as she could. “I think that's what it means to be family.”

“Hmmm, how much does she care for me?” Berry mumbled to herself.

“Umm, Berry? I think the guards are leaving,” Derpy said, leaning halfway of the edge of the roof. The two guard ponies went inside a nearby tavern. “What do we do now?”

“We discreetly let the others know it’s time for them to get rolling.” Berry walked to the other side of the roof. Braeburn , Cheerilee, and Ruby rested on bench down below. “Hey sis! They’re taking a break in the tavern! Move your asses!”

“Kay, we’re on it! And ya should really talk nicer to your sister ya know!” Braeburn replied from the streets.

“I’ll talk nicer to her when I’m dead,” Berry snapped. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I was having a conversation with Blondy!” She flicked her tail and trotted off, kicking some pebbles at her sister's head.

“You’re just jealous that I have a job,” Cheerilee retorted. “Now let’s go, team!”

Cheerilee, Breaburn and Ruby snuck through the alley on the building's side. They had the perfect strategic position behind Trixie’s caravan. The back window was wide open and it had plenty of room for Braeburn to squeeze through. All Cheerilee and Ruby had to do was walk into the tavern and work their skills while the stallion contained Trixie by any means. “Okay big guy,” Cheerilee nudged Braeburn’s side, “go up there and see what she’s doing.”

“I’m really starting to have second thoughts about this,” Braeburn said as he made tiny little baby steps toward the window. “Why are we kidnapping a pony? It’s wrong, isn’t it? A unicorn made me explode for it a couple hours ago.”

“Pfft, try being frozen and then shattering to a thousand sparkling pieces. It hurts a lot more! Now go on, we promise we won’t let you die again. My plan is perfect!” Ruby boasted.

“It was drawn in doodles!” Braeburn displayed his own wrinkled copy of the plan. “Doodles!”

“And those doodles are perfect!” Ruby turned to her aunt. “Auntie Cheerilee says so.”

“Yep, I’m going to put it on the fridge at home. Now just play your role, Braeburn. You’ll do great. I’ll give you a gold star.” Cheerilee said with a sticker sheet of golden stars in her mouth, each reading “good job” or some variation thereof.

“Gold... oh, never mind. Fine, I’ll do it; just hold you horses.” The reluctant stallion crept over to the window. He approached the caravan on the tips of his hooves. His eyes just reached over the window. The inside was was decorated like the night sky. Breaking through the blue were various bursts of colour resembling the sparks of fireworks.Trixie had her back turned to him, admiring herself in a vanity.

“Oh, Trixie! You dazzled the audience yet again. Tonight’s mare was very familiar, but where was she from? Oh right, Trixie remembers now; she was standing next to those hecklers in Ponyville. Hmmph, she was a pretty filly though. Of course there’s no mare prettier than you, Trixie.” The unicorn winked at herself in the mirror. Four pictures were wedged into the top of the vanity’s frame. The largest was of Trixie herself, one was of a purple unicorn, and other two were a pair of blue unicorns. “One day you will defeat an ursa major. You’ll go back to that town and show them all and she will respect you. Then I can become a star in the sky happily. Hell, I already make a beautiful star. Kiss me!” Trixie threw her face at the mirror, engaging in an extreme make out session … with herself. Braeburn shuddered and shielded his innocent eyes.

He trotted back over to the girls. “So, what’s she doing?” asked Cheerilee.

“She’s uhhhh, doin’ stuff. I reckon she’ll be a while.” Braeburn said with an expression somewhere between fear and disgust. “So, how exactly do you want me to get her?”

“You just need to restrain her. You can phase out a unicorn’s magic by tapping their horn.” Ruby pointed to the tip of her own horn.

Braburn’s head tilted. “Does it really work like that? It seems sorta... stupid.”

“Just try it. Force her down and tap her horn real hard. Trust me, I do it to Sweetie Belle all the time when she’s practicing telekinesis. We’re going to go get the keys. We should be only be five minutes. When you get Trixie just open this bottle.” Ruby pulled a small black bottle from her bag then levitated it over to Braeburn. “That’s going to signal mom and Derpy.”

“Good luck. Don’t hurt her too much,” Cheerilee said as she took Ruby with her to the tavern.

“Good luck? This is all the help I get, some advice and good luck? Can’t I at least have some rope or something?” The stallion mumbled to himself. Braeburn looked through the window again. Trixie’s mind was still immersed in making out with herself. He scanned the room for anything that could be of use. He’d need something to tie her with and something to keep her mouth shut. “Let’s see. There’s a case of pinecones and some capes. I’m gonna have to work some ingenuity here.” Braeburn climbed through the window like a squirrel. He took one of the pinecones from the case and crept behind the distracted unicorn. “Ah darn it I’m too nice to do this,” he muttered to himself with his muffled mouth. He spit the pinecone out his mouth, straightened his hat, and stood straight. “Howdy there.”

Trixie shrieked, pulling an immediate one-eighty degree turn. “You didn’t see Trixie kissing herself! She was merely trying to clean her mirror!”

“You were moaning, heck your slobber’s all over the dang thing.”

“Cleaning is a very difficult process.” The unicorn folded her forelegs defensively “Now why are you in Trixie’s caravan?”

“I uh, wanted your autograph personally,” Braeburn said thinking off the top of his head. He held out his hat towards Trixie. “Please sign it, please! Your show was the most amazing thing I bet I’ll ever see!”

“Oh, of course, Trixie thought you were going to kidnap her or something.” Trixie signed her name and title in exaggerated cursive. “Anything else the wonderful Trixie can do for you?”

“Uh well I was wondering, maybe you could do a show in Appleloosa! I can tell ya all about it. There’s hardly any unicorns there. Everypony would love to watch you.”

“Appleloosa? Trixie doesn’t know about this place. She’ll listen and consider the possibilities.”

Meanwhile, Ruby and Cheerilee looked for the guards in the tavern. The Bird’s Nest Tavern was as average as average could be. Normal wooden tables, normal stained glasses, and normal half burned candles. It was completely unremarkable in every way possible. “Hey, I found them over there.” Ruby pointed to the two red coated guards who had been throwing darts on the other side of the room. One had a blue mane while the other guard’s was green.

“Actually Ruby, I was thinking.” Cheerilee scratched her chin with her hoof as she tried to piece the idea together. “If I’m the thief class why is the white mage doing the stealing?”

“Because they need to be distracted and I just thought a beautiful grown mare like you will get their attention better than an itty bitty little girl” the filly said wearing the biggest pair of puppydog eyes imaginable.

“Darn it, I should have never taught you how to do that. Fine, go over there. I’ll try … something.” Cheerilee waltzed towards the two guards with a certain sway in her hips. “Hello there. I’m new to this town. The place I’m from isn’t so big.”

“A small town girl, huh? We’re from Canterlot, but big cities are our specialty. What sort of help do you need, miss?” said the green maned guard

“Not much I just need a place to have some fun.” She winked.

The green haired pony winked back. “You’re in luck, me and my friend here know plenty of fun places in Manehatten. There’s a lot for a mare like you to do in this town... if you catch my drift.”

“Oh, really. What is your drift?” The mare said, stroking the blue maned guard’s side.

Both guards jumped. “The arcade, the comic book store, the giant Internet cafe with free world of arts and crafts. And there’s even a huge costume shop!” The two said in unison.

“Dude, they have cosplay outfits for Ragna the Bloodpony there. I so need to get one!” the blue maned guard exclaimed. “Oh, hey! I bet you’d look great in a Hsien-po costume. You should go there with us.” He gripped her hoof. “Miss Trixie is letting us off soon.”

“Well if you really think I’d look good in it.” Cheerilee’s eyes darted across the room looking for her small unicorn. “I mean I’ve definitely heard of the character before, but I don’t play games much.” Ruby snuck up behind the guards unnoticed. The keys to Trixie’s caravan dangled from the waist of the blue maned pony. She started levitating the keys off of him with her magic. She made sure not to accidentally jingle them as evil jingly keys always tempted her to. Click. They were off now; she just needed to get them into her pouch nice and safe.

“Hi little Ruby! What are you doing in Manehatten? Is Berry here?” said the familiar voice of a mare. The surprise snapped Ruby’s concentration in half. The keys fell straight to the floor, making a jingle loud enough to alert everyone in the building. Ruby spun herself around to see the exact mare she thought it was: Minuette.

The guard ponies turned around immediately. “Ladies, why are our keys on the ground?”

“I think these two were trying to steal our keys. Jump ‘em!” The guards threw themselves at the thieves.

“Slow!” Minuette shouted as her horn shot out a spell. A blue image of a slowed down clock formed in front of the guards like a magic seal; the two were stuck in a state of slow motion.

“Romana, snatch the keys and follow me!” Cheerilee bit the skin on Ruby’s back and ran off with her; Minuette ran behind her with the keys around her horn. The three mares forced their way through the caravan window. “Braeburn signal Berry! we-”

“Shhhh. She’s asleep,” Brabeurn said as he tucked the loud and snoring Trixie into her bed. “I was telling her all about Appeloosa and she just darn fell asleep on me.” Braeburn popped open the black bottle from earlier. “Wow this stuff is strong. I can’t believe you carry it on you.”

“It’s the best way to get mom to actually come when you need her. She gave these bottles to me years ago and said ‘If you ever need me open up one of these and I’ll come running’. She didn’t lie. It always works. Even when-” Bang bang bang! Ruby was cut off by the sound of something slamming against the vehicle. “Crap, are they back to normal speed already?”

Loud bangs came from the door followed by a well known angry voice. “Let me in, damn it! I can smell the Vodka!”

“Oh thank goodness it’s just her.” Cheerilee pulled Berry and Derpy inside. “Be quiet. We have to go, now! Trixie’s asleep and her guards will be after us any moment.”

“Okay just- “ Berry’s eye’s landed on Minuette. “Wait a sec. Why is she here?”

“I had to handle a special appointment and-”

“No time!” Cheerilee interrupted.“Ruby, drive!” The filly plopped herself in the driver’s seat at the front of the caravan. She jammed the keys into the ignition and slammed down the pedal as hard as telekinesis would let her.

Minuette helped herself to a seat at the vanity. "Well we’re on the road now. There’s no way those two are catching up to us. So Berry, what’s going on? I mean jacking a caravan is a pretty big deal. And who’s the pretty boy with the hat?”

“Well I’m Braeburn. I’m not from Ponyville, just sorta along for the ride.” He gave the new unicorn a powerful hoofshake. “Glad to meet ya, miss.”

“Nice to meet you too.” she said giving him an even stronger hoofshake. “ I’m Romana Minuette: expert dentist. Here’s my card.” The card read ‘Romana Minuette: expert dentist.’

“And I’m Ditzy Doo,” Derpy boasted. “But you probably remember me as Derpy, Dinky’s momma,” the wall-eyed pegasus yawned. “And if you excuse me I’m gonna take a nap. Night.” She snuggled up next to Trixie under the covers and rested her head on the unicorn’s belly.

Colgate stared at them for a bit. “That’s sorta adorable.” She remembered the warm feeling from the last time she slept with Berry like that. The warmth covered her fur like a blanket. “Berry, I’ll snuggle up with you tonight if you tell me why you’re in trouble.”

“I’m not in trouble,” Berry pouted. “I swear none of you have any faith in me.”

“Sis, it’s been twenty-three years and you still haven’t given me a single reason to have faith in you. Anyway, Romana, we’re on a big adventure. We’ve found the recipe for the greatest wine in the world. We just got sorta sidetracked and decided to kidnap Trixie,” Cheerilee said, pointing to the sleeping unicorn. "Wait a second."Her smile crumbled as a rush of shame and confusion came over her.

Colgate’s eyes twitched in disbelief. “Wha- why? You? That’s something I’d expect Berry to do when she’s unsupervised.” Berry flicked her tail at Colgate’s comment, which was pretty much the most obscene gesture any earth pony could do.

“Well uh, because … umm,” Cheerilee’s head hung sheepishly as she looked for a lie. “ uhh, because we needed help killing monsters. Mentioning monsters, Ruby if you see any giraffes run them over!”

“We’re in the city, auntie.” the filly replied.

“Then keep an eye out, they’re crafty! So do you want us to drop you off anywhere, Romana?”

“Nah, I wanna hear more about this Recipe.” Colgate stretched her muscles and reclined. “So how exactly do you brew up the world’s best wine?” She munched on one of Trixie’s pinecones as the sisters listed off all the ingredients on cue. “Wait, wait, wait-” Before she could object to the idea the recipe’s spell worked its ways on her submissive little brain. The image of the drink was so fantastic she almost choked on her pine cone. “You guys didn’t call me about this! I can’t believe you would try to keep me from knowing.” She folded her forelegs and spat a half-eaten pinecone at Berry's head.

“Hey!” Berry barely ducked under the projectile. “I wasn’t trying to keep you from knowing! I just was a bit too ahead of myself. I’d much rather have you here than,” Berry growled, “Cheerilee. Please, I wouldn’t want to have the best wine in the world without the best mare in the world. Come on Minnie.”

“Wait, best mare in the, actually never mind. None of my business. I’m a pretend I ain’t hear anything.” Braeburn tiptoed to the front with Ruby. “Just go ahead and do whatever.”

“You’re adorable when you’re sorry, you know that Punchy?” Minuette whispered as she kissed Berry on the nose. “Sure I’ll help out. It finally gives me a chance to use my PSI.”

“PSI,” Cheerile inquired “I’ve never heard of that before. Is it a unicorn ability?”

“Not really. It’s a psychic ability. Any kind of pony could do it, ya know, if they’re psychic. My mom was psychic but she only taught me PSI, Psychically Stolen Incantations. I can steal the spells right out of something else’s brain. Certain spells anyway.”

Cheerilee winced. “Sounds painful for the victim.” She massaged her own head just thinking about how that would hurt.

“It’s better not to think of it.” Minuette turned to Berry. “So where are we going next, Punchy?”

“I have no idea,” said the ever blunt ‘Punchy’, "We don’t really know where anything is. All we got is a map that can point out things once we already know what we’re looking for.”

“Well I think I know where we can get singing cherries. There’s a big city called Gallopolis that has a monster hunting contest each year. It’s got three prizes. The trophy, singing cherries, and the third is whatever you want. Within reason of course.”

“Minnie, you really are the best mare in the world!” Berry tackled the unicorn into a surprise snuggle. “Ruby, mark Gallopolis on the map! We’re competing in a hunting festival!”

“On it!”
_________________________________________________________________________

“Prince, I honestly have no reason to believe your cousin would have been the one to poison all those ponies. He even showed me the evidence that his waiter was the conspirator. He came to it about me earlier. “ Celestia looked down upon the prince from her throne. “Blueblood, you must be tired. I understand what you saw must have been awful. Please take a rest, that should clear your head.”

Blueblood bowed his head “But, Celestia, grandest mother please. He’s lying; he told me! He’s out to overthrow your rule.” He looked up, staring desperately into Celestia’s unbelieving eyes. “Why can’t you see it? He has a mare going on a journ-”

“You’ve told me, Blueblood!” Celestia interrupted him with scarcely used royal Canterlot voice. “I'm sorry but your story is ridiculous. First, how could a wine of all things possibly turn him into an alicorn? Second, if there ever was such a thing like that I would know about it. Third, you haven't the slightest bit of evidence it was him. Blueblood please rest, I'm growing very concerned for your health."

“Yes, you're right. I should rest,” the prince hung his head, hair draping his eyes. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.” He trudged down the hallway to his personal bedchamber when he was stopped by two black guards with bat wings. These ponies were known as ‘Luna’s Children’. Each one was treated as a member of the royal family and Luna herself treated them as her own offspring. Celestia said they were the result of a relationship Luna had shortly before the Nightmare Moon incident. They were sent to another country while she was trapped in the moon to keep the public from questioning where these mutant ponies came from. “Aether, Moros, why are you blocking my path to my own bedchamber? I grow tired of your pranks.”

“Oh there’s no prank here, cousin. Our mother just wants to have a word with you about your meeting with Celestia,” Aether, the shorter and sleeker of the two brothers, said.

“You see. she doesn’t exactly buy into Dionysus’ pathetic excuse of a lie like Celestia does.” Moros waved his hoof in front of the wall. A dark door manifested behind him. Even without horns the Luna’s children had their own form of mostly dark magic. “Please step inside. Mom is waiting to see her grand nephew.”

Blueblood was hesitant to even touch the door considering it was practically flaming with darkness and had not existed for less than two seconds ago. Shaking, he pushed the door open. Black winds quickly swallowed the the prince into the ghastly green depths of the door’s dimension. Blueblood found himself on a green,but incredibly fluffy, throw pillow. It was as soft as a sheep. Before him was Luna sitting on her throne that seemed to be made of what Blueblood could only guess was space itself. Aside from the pillow and the throne nothing else seemed to exist. The two were dead in the middle of space. Stars decorated every direction and comets whooshed by every few minutes, but the most beautiful thing was the elegant shining moon that floated behind Luna’s head like a halo.

“Prince, I believe you have to something to tell me about Dionysus.” Luna clopped her hoof against her throne. On command all twenty one of her children appeared in a circle around Blueblood. Each in their own personally designed throne.

“Grandest aunt, where exactly are we?” His body quaked in fear and shock. Drops of the Prince’s nervous sweat fell into the abyss of space.

“We’re in my own personal dimension. It’s something I crafted up with an old invention Star Swirl made. Anypony can make their own dimensional room. I was planning to sell them to the public soon. They’re excellent for reducing stress.” Luna crackled her bones and stretched. “Now tell me what your cousin is up to, child. Out of every family member Celestia has shown me, the moon trusts him the least.”

Blueblood went over the duke’s plan in full detail or at least all the details he had. “You see, that’s why he has to be stopped. If he’s already killing off nobles before he’s in control you can only imagine the incredible chaos he’ll unleash when he’s an alicorn.”

Luna closed her eyes for a few moments. “I've heard rumors of such a wine but never believed it existed.. Celestia was never interested much in alcohol, but I always kept my eye out. I don't know if magic like that is real but I'm not willing to take risks. I can think of a few solutions. First, we could dissuade his pony from seaking out the ingrediants. Second, we could kill his errand lady. I’d hate to have to kill a subject, but that’s likely the easiest method. Lastly we could execute the duke. However killing him would not be easy he's likely suspcious of all of us. Besides one of us would have to be punished for it. I can put Thanatos in charge of contemplating a murder method just in the event that we have to use that option.” Thanatos, the tallest stallion who sat atop a throne of coffins, manifested a sketch pad and started marking up plans. One of the batponies hovers over to Blueblood holding a shimmering blade in their hooves. “That sword is named Selena. It’s made of pure solid moon rock and enchanted with the power of Ice. You have all of my children at your disposal. I trust you to handle this problem, grand nephew. I’ll do my best to work from the sidelines.”

Blueblood bowed, levitating his new sword high. “Grandest Aunt Luna. You have my word that I will remedy this stain of a royal.”

“I trust you. Now go rest.” Luna assaulted the Prince with the same black winds that had forced the Prince into her dimension. The wind blasted Blueblood into the emptiness of space. The prince woke up on the floor of his bedchamber with his new sword next to him. A new black save crystal floated in the center of the chamber.

Do you want to save your life?

->Yes No

Which file would you like to save in?

-> 2- Empty

Saving your life. Please don’t open your eyes during this process.

….... ….. ….
Save Successful!

Comments

Berry Quen has convinced me of reading this fic.

[beepboop]

Final fantasy 9 and ponies. Well you've just become one of my favourite authors

[RayneTheSkunk]

41236
It's not really FF9 but JRPGs in general. It's just FF9 and 10 probably get referenced the most.

[beepboop]

41259 granted, it's still a nice story and I'm defintley gonna eagerly read these.(sidenote; the music you added is actually really nice in adding some texture and colour to the story)

[Balancer]

(track)

[Tonto the Trotter]

There's one error I noticed in the story (I enjoy this story a lot by the way being a big FFIX Fan ) You said Braeburn not Blueblood explained the duke's plan to Luna., a quick fix and this chapter will be perfect for me again

[Carnivorous M.]

Saw the image on the scroll-bar, recognized it instantly, started reading. Was not disappointed.

So far, my favorite line would have to be 'Guys I think my mom has finally went full blown retarded. She’s shouting about a pilgrimage for alcohol.' I lol'd until tears ran down my face, and then I got to the part with the Save Crystal, and then they became loltears so manly they came into the world pre-equipped with chest hair, beer bottles, and shotguns.

Definitely tracking this one!

[NotABrony1]

I just finished replaying FFIX
I'm loving all the references