Chapter 4
The crew stared at Spike in wide-eyed silence for several moments. Then, as if a switch had been flipped, a torrent of questions poured from their mouths. It was nearly impossible to discern who was asking what, but Spike could have sworn he heard Pinkie shout, “She was what?!”
Spike clamped his claws over his ears. “Stop!” His throat was still raw, and he winced when he had to yell. “I’ll explain everything!” The crew quieted almost instantly. “Thank you,” he said, lowering his claws. “We were heading back to the ship from the bookstore, but they caught us by surprise and dragged us into an alley. They had swords.” He rubbed his neck where he’d felt the blade earlier. “Twilight distracted them for a second and we ran for it, but… she didn’t make it.”
Dash took a step toward the baby dragon. “Do you know who attacked you?” she asked.
Spike nodded. “It was the ponies that chased us in Baltimare.”
Rainbow Dash stared at him for several seconds, unblinking. Then, without warning, she kicked the mast as hard as she could. “That just bucking figures!” she yelled. “I knew this was going to come back and bite me in the flank!” Her crew members glanced at each other nervously as she continued to kick the mast, over and over.
“You don’t suppose they could have followed us here, do you?” Rarity asked.
Spike shook his head. “They said they found us by coincidence.”
“I wonder what they’re doing here, anyway…” Pinkie said.
“Who cares what they’re doing here.” Rainbow Dash shouted in response. She’d begun pacing in a circle on the deck.
“I’m just curious about how they were thinkin’ of gettin you guys across town,” said Applejack. “Wouldn’t be much of a kindappin’ if everypony sees em’ haulin’ ya through the streets.”
“They had these crates,” Spike explained. “They were gonna move us in those.”
Rainbow Dash suddenly stopped pacing and raced over to Spike, gripping his face between her hooves. Their noses were inches apart. “Crates? You said they had crates?”
“Yesh,” he replied.
“Did you see what was in them?”
“No. But shomepony shaid shomething about weaponsh. They sheemed really nervoush about it.”
Rainbow Dash held his gaze for a while. Spike could see the gears of her mind going into overdrive behind her eyes. She released her grip on his face, and returned to her pacing.
Spike rubbed his sore cheeks. “You’re going to help, right? You’re going to find Twilight?”
All Rainbow Dash responded with were low mumbles to herself. “Course we are, partner,” Applejack answered for her. She placed a caring hoof on the top of Spike’s head. “We’re gonna go fetch the Marines right now and—”
“No!” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “No Marines.”
Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Cap’n. Can I have a word with you?”
“Not now, I’m—”
Applejack cleared her throat. She was raising an eyebrow when Rainbow Dash looked over at her. Rainbow Dash sighed and jerked her head towards the stern. The two made their way up the small flight of stairs. When they were out of earshot, Applejack turned on Rainbow Dash.
“Are ya outta yer mind?!” she asked in a barely controlled whisper.
“If I had a bit every time somepony asked me that…”
“This ain’t the time for jokes, Cap’n. Our passenger is out in the city somewhere being held captive by a bunch of violent ponies. So tell me, why aren’t we going to the Marines with this?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No.”
“Didn’t you listen to Spike? They had crates of weapons. I know you’ve heard the rumors about them being smugglers. Connect the dots.”
“That seems like more of a reason to involve the authorities.”
“Except that they won’t find her.”
“How do you mean?”
“If the Marines haven’t found any evidence of them being smugglers so far, what makes you think they will now? Chances are, they’re keeping Ms. Sparkle where they keep all the contraband that they bring through the city. That means someplace hidden, someplace only the crew members know about. The Marines will never find it.” Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest, eyes sparkling. “But we can.”
“By doing what, exactly?”
“We can find a crew member, bring them here and… convince them to tell us where Ms. Sparkle is.”
“Ya mean beat it out of em’.”
“You said it, not me.”
Applejack shook her head. “That’s so many kinds of wrong. And against the law.”
Rainbow Dash clapped a hoof on Applejack’s back. A small smirk played across the captain’s face. “Welcome to life on the high seas. So are you with me?”
Applejack sighed. “Don’t got much of a choice. Yer the Cap’n. I follow yer orders.”
“I’d like to hear it anyway.”
They stared at each other for several moments before Applejack finally nodded. “Yeah. I’m with ya.”
“Good,” Rainbow Dash said, her smirk expanding into a grin. Without wasting a second, she took to the air and flew down to the deck, with Applejack following down the stairs. Rainbow Dash floated over to Spike. “Don’t worry, we’re gonna find her. You just stay here and get some rest.”
Spike nodded. “Thank you.”
Rainbow Dash smiled in response, then turned to face her crew. “Alright, girls, let’s go get our pain-in-the-flank passenger back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight felt like she was clawing her way out of a pool of tar when she began to wake up; every time she nearly pulled herself out, a moments break in concentration caused her to be dragged right back under. She had no idea how long she remained like that—trapped in the ethereal realm between consciousness and unconsciousness—but it seemed like an eternity.
In those brief moments of lucidity, the sensation of being moved registered in her brain. Sunlight poured in through a crack above her, warming a small line down her cheek. She was curled up in some sort of box and felt something dig painfully into her side. A rushing noise filled her ears, but behind it was the sound of Seaddle’s street life and, at one point, the ringing of the bell tower.
It was nearly impossible to recall where she was or what she was doing in such a cramped space. Images flickered on the fringes of her mind: the interior of a bookstore, her and Spike walking down an empty street, a dark alleyway, and a flash of metal that sent chills running down her spine. Twilight focused on the images, tried to piece them together.
Whatever she was being carried in suddenly crashed to the ground. She hit her head on the wood plank above her, and the shock of it jolted her awake. A groan bubbled up in her chest but came out muffled. For the first time, Twilight noticed that she had been gagged with a short length of rope, her jaw stuck painfully open as the rough material rubbed against her cheek. The walls of the box seemed now to be much closer than before. She forced back the creeping feeling of claustrophobia.
Somepony shouted from nearby. “Hey! Watch what you’re doin’ with that crate. We still got rifles in there, you know.”
“I didn’t see you lugging it around town,” another pony yelled back. “And keep it down. You want the whole neighborhood to hear you?”
“Both of you shut up,” said a third pony gruffly. “Let’s just get her inside.”
Twilight recognized the voices. Hearing them twisted her stomach into a knot of dread. It all came flooding back to her now—the alleyway, her kidnapping—and panic started to set in. Where is Spike? Did he get away?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a heavy door being swung open. One of the ponies began pushing the crate across the ground. Twilight tried to push the top open, but found her legs tied together. She struggled against the bonds, squirming in the tight space. Hay rustled beneath her as she pulled helplessly at the rope.
“Sounds like she’s awake.”
The rough gravel became smooth cement. “Close the door behind you,” one of the ponies said. The sunlight and sounds from the street faded away as the door slammed shut. More voices could be heard from somewhere in the building. Whoever was pushing the crate stopped.
“I’ll go find the captain,” they said, and trotted off.
Twilight’s mind raced. She needed a way out, and fast. There was only one thing she could think of. It wasn’t dependable, but it was her only choice. Magic began gathering in her horn, causing it to emit a bright light. She concentrated hard on the teleportation spell, praying that it would work. “Hey!” one of the ponies shouted. “She’s tryin’ somethin funny!”
Twilight panicked, and the magic fizzled out just as the top of the crate was ripped open. The scarred earth pony, Blitz, glared down at her. “What was that, huh? What’d you just do?”
The unicorn from the alley, also appearing over her, rolled his eyes. “Like she can answer, ya bucking moron. Besides, whatever it was, it didn’t work.”
Blitz’s mouth twitched. “Whatever.” He pulled out a dagger and reached down into the crate. Twilight tried to wriggle out of his reach, but it was in vain. She cried out when he grabbed her, doing her best to push him away, but he held tight. “Stop moving,” he growled. She didn’t listen. “I said stop!” Blitz roared. Twilight froze in fright for just a second, and in that moment the ropes binding her legs were cut away. Meanwhile, the unicorn undid the knot on the gag with his magic.
Twilight stared questioningly at the stallions. “What?” Blitz asked, his eyes narrowing. “Would you rather I drag you across the floor? Because I’d be glad to.”
“What are you going to do with me?” It took all of Twilight’s will not to sound like a terrified little filly.
“That’s up to the Captain. Now get out.”
Twilight scrambled out of the crate and got her first good look at the building interior. It wasn’t very spacious, and had little in the way of decoration. More crates and some bales of hay were stacked against the stone walls while others were spread out randomly across the filthy floor. Moldy wooden rafters held up the thatch roof. It was stained in spots where rain may have seeped through. The air was damp and smelled of sweat and dust. The sound of water in the bay was not far off. She gasped at the rifles that lay amongst the hay in the crate she was carried in.
Ponies, probably other members of the crew, were spread out in the warehouse. They talked leisurely amongst themselves, though some of them eyed Twilight with confusion and suspicion. She barely noticed; her gaze kept flicking to the exit in the corner of her eye.
Blitz must have seen this, as he took a threatening step towards her. “Don’t even think about it.” He gripped the dagger in his hoof. “You take one step towards that door and this gets buried into your neck. Got it?”
Twilight opened her mouth to respond, but a howl of rage from somewhere within the warehouse cut her off. “He did what!?” The sheer anger in the voice froze Twilight’s blood. Even Blitz and the unicorn jumped when they heard the shout. All conversations in the room ceased, and everypony cast their eyes where the voice had come from.
A stallion earth pony bigger than anypony Twilight had ever seen emerged from behind a stack of crates. He had a tawny colored coat and a short, light brown mane. An eyepatch covered his left eye, barely hiding the scar that ran across it. His good eye, a deep mossy color, was ablaze with anger. A pegasus trailed behind him. Twilight recognized him as one of her attackers. He was carrying her saddlebags on his back.
The earth pony stalked towards them, his gaze affixed not on Twilight, but on Blitz. He was upon them in a matter of seconds. “Captain Bronco, I—” Blitz started.
The other earth pony slugged him in the face.
Blitz collapsed to the floor, clutching his cheek in pain. Twilight, as well as several of the crew members, gasped in surprise. Bronco breathed heavily through his teeth. When he spoke again, spittle flew from his mouth. “What in Tartarus were you thinking?!” His voice carried throughout the warehouse, bouncing off the stone walls.
Blitz picked himself up off the ground. The place where he’d been hit was already turning a light purple, but to his credit he didn’t so much as whimper. “You know what I was thinking, Captain. Aren’t you the one who always talks about getting back at ponies who mess with us?”
“Only when they interfere with our work. And then we do it subtly, without bringing any attention to ourselves. But you,” Bronco continued, his face getting redder by the second, “you kidnapped somepony off the street in broad daylight! Over what? A stupid bar brawl! I told you to let it go! This isn’t even the pony that started the whole thing!”
Blitz shifted nervously on his hooves. “Well, technically she did hit me…”
“I don’t care what she did!” the captain shouted. “I care about the mess you just handed me on a bucking silver platter! Kidnapping is bad enough, but why in Celestia’s name would you bring her here, of all places? What are we supposed to do with her now?!”
“Whaddaya mean?”
“She’s seen too much, you idiot! She can connect us to the weapon smuggling!”
Twilight, who was trying to look as small as possible, swallowed hard. He was right. And if she could attest that they were smuggling weapons, then there was no way she was getting out of there. As if by instinct, she began inching towards the door. Her heart sanl when she saw that the crew—trying to get a good look at the in-fighting—had formed a close circle around them. Meanwhile, Blitz’s eyes had widened. “I’m sorry, Captain. I wasn’t—”
“Thinking. I know,” the captain interrupted. “You seem to have some trouble with that.” He looked to Twilight, who flinched at his gaze, and back to Blitz. “Who is she?”
“I don’t know,” Blitz mumbled. “She said she was a passenger on that rainbow pony’s ship.”
“That’s not a good enough answer.” Bronco stared at his subordinate for several seconds, waiting for an elaboration. When none came, he called out, “Star Bright!”
“Yessir?” the unicorn from the alley squeaked, jumping when he heard his name called.
“Who is she?”
“I-I… We really don’t know, sir,” he answered. He panicked when Bronco switched his glare to him. “B-but the baby dragon with her said that she was Celestia’s student.”
“That’s a load of crap,” Blitz interjected. “He also said they were going to the Forgotten Sea. It’s all a lie.”
“Actually,” the pegasus carrying Twilight’s saddlebags spoke up, a frown on his face, “it might not be.” He was sitting on the ground, with the contents of the bags strewn about him. He held a letter in his hoof..
“Hey!” Twilight exclaimed, stomping a hoof on the ground. “Don’t touch that!”
The pegasus ignored her. “This is addressed to ‘My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle’ from Princess Celestia. And it’s asking her to go to some island past Eternity’s Crossing.”
Horror entered Blitz’s features as Captain Bronco turned to face him once more. “All a lie, huh? Do you realize what you’ve done now? This pony could get an entire battalion of Marines on our flanks with a flick of a hoof.” He waited for Blitz to say something, but there was only silence from the pony coming to grips on how badly he’d screwed up. “And what’s this I hear about a baby dragon?” Blitz flinched upon hearing those words. “Where is he?” No response. “I asked where he was.” More silence.. “Well?” Bronco took a threatening step towards Blitz. “Where. Is. He.”
“He got away,” Star Bright blurted out.
Bronco turned on Star Bright, eye narrowed. “Mind repeating that? I didn’t quite catch it.”
Star Bright gulped. “I-I said that the baby dragon got away.”
Bronco inhaled deeply, then exhaled through his nose. He nodded slowly. “You let him get away...” The sudden calm in his voice unnerved Twilight more than when he was shouting. He faced Blitz. “Get out.”
“W-What?” Blitz asked.
“You heard me. Get out of my sight while I figure out how to fix this mess. Go to a bar. Get wasted. Just stay away from here until we’re ready to leave tomorrow.” Blitz took a step back, as if he’d been struck again. He looked into the eyes of the crewmates surrounding him, but there was no compassion in them. Only anger and pity. Sucking in a breath, he turned on his hooves and walked through the crowd. Twilight heard the door open. “Know that you’re walking a very fine line, Blitz,” Bronco called out. “This is just a warning. Screw up one more time, and I’ll kill you myself. Understand?”
“... yes, Captain,” Blitz said before closing the door behind him.
“As for you two,” Bronco continued, looking at Star Bright and the pegasus, “I expect you won’t be following him around for quite a while.”
“No, sir,” they both said.
“Good.”
“What are we going to do now, Captain?” one of the ponies from the crew asked.
Bronco faced Twilight. His nose wrinkled, as if she smelled bad. “Tie her up and take her to the basement. We’ll figure out what to do with her.”
Before Twilight could protest, two ponies pounced on her from behind and grappled her to the floor. She screamed as loud as she could, despite knowing it would do no good. Soon, her legs were bound together once again. A foul-tasting rag was stuffed into her mouth to silence her. They dragged her across the floor towards the back of the warehouse. She fought the entire way.
When they reached the far right corner, they stopped. One pony shoved a stack of crates out of the way, revealing a wide trap door. They pulled it open and brought Twilight down a flight of rickety wooden steps. The only light source was a lantern that one pony carried with them. Upon reaching the bottom, Twilight was carried over to a far wall and thrown there. Before she could even think Ouch, the ponies went back up the stairs. The trap door swung shut, and Twilight was immersed in total darkness.
She fought the urge to cry, instead focusing on getting into a sitting position with her back to the wall. After several attempts, resulting in her falling hard on her side, she managed to right herself. The smell of mold was stronger here, and it combined with the scent of gunpowder to create a stench that made her sick.
Her mind played tricks with the darkness, making it seem like a living, almost malleable, thing. Twilight’s most basic instincts made her shudder, and she cast an illumination spell hoping it would dispel some of her fear. It didn’t. Light burst forth from the tip of her horn, but it only made he shadowy objects at the fringes of the light twist into shapes reminiscent of creatures from nightmares long forgotten. Biting her lip, Twilight focused on a single point on the floor.
Time lost meaning for her. Seconds ticked by at an agonizing pace. All she could think of was what was in store for her next, and every logical answer she came up with filled her with dread. She slumped against the wall, her head hanging. What would Spike do once she was gone? Would Captain Dash and her crew bring him back to Canterlot to deliver the news to Celestia?
At the thought of Rainbow Dash, Twilight grit her teeth and tensed. This is all her fault! she screamed internally. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. It felt good to be angry, to blame somepony for her situation.
But the anger soon faded, making way for rational thought. Who am I kidding? There was no way she could’ve known this would happen. She can’t be blamed for bad luck.
Twilight was so consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t know the trap door had opened until she heard the creak of the old wood stairs. She looked up at the wide staircase and saw Captain Bronco there, carrying a lantern and her saddlebags, followed by another pony—a pegasus carrying a flintlock rifle. Bronco walked to the center of the room, hanging the lantern from a rope and tossing her bags into a corner, while the pegasus leaned against the wall to Twilight's right, the gun cradled against his shoulder.
The new light allowed Twilight to get a good look at the basement. It was bigger than she first thought. Crates lined most of the wall space. Some of them were open, and she caught glimpses of rifle stocks. More rifles lay heaped in piles. Several cannons were in there as well. Twilight’s gut twisted into the same knot it had when she was in the gun store.
“Twilight Sparkle,” Bronco said, walking over to her. Slowly, he removed the rag from her mouth. “That is your name, right?” Twilight didn’t say a word. Bronco’s lips twitched, but he continued. “Doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is that you pose a problem for me. If you were in my situation, what would you do?”
“Let me go,” Twilight replied.
“Haha. Very clever. We both know I can’t take that chance.”
“So what are you going to do, then? Kill me?”
“It’s tempting, but I think I have a cleaner solution. And a more profitable one.” Bronco sat on his haunches in front of Twilight, a wicked grin on his face. “Ever heard of stories about griffon raiders in the northeast part of the sea?” Twilight shook her head, fearful of where this was going. “Nasty stuff, that is. Some of it true, some of it not. One thing they have a habit of doing is keeping ponies as slaves, ‘specially on the big ships. Give them drugs to keep them complacent. And you know what I think? They’d pay a pretty hefty pile of bits for Celestia’s personal student.”
Twilight’s pupils shrank to pinpricks. She tried to keep her voice calm. “You think you can get away with that?”
“Who’s gonna stop me? The Marines? They won’t find you down here, or in our ship. And if that rainbow pony and her crew come looking for you? Well… a few more bits could never hurt.” He laughed coldly. “You know what the funniest thing is? None of this would’ve happened to you if you just chose your friends better.”
“We aren’t friends,” Twilight mumbled.
“For their sake, I hope you aren’t. I take no pleasure in this kind of business.” He cracked a small smile. “Well, maybe a little. But I don’t want to send a whole group of ponies to the griffons. That’s a fate I wouldn’t wish even on my worst enemies.”
With that, Bronco stood up and walked over to the pegasus. "Keep an eye on her. If she tries anything, if her horn makes so much as a spark, shoot her," he whispered just loudly enough for Twilight to hear. The pegasus nodded in response. The stairs creaked as Bronco left. “Oh, and don’t bother calling for help," he said to Twilight. "The only ponies that can hear you are my crew, and you’d only be getting on their nerves. That’s something I’d highly suggest against.”
The trap door slammed shut, and Twilight was left with nothing but despair. She ignored the watchful eye of the pegasus, instead slumping further down the wall and holding back the tears that threatened in her eyes.
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Well this is a bit of a predicament.
And to think, you're only just getting started, Twilight. Things can only get worse here on in. Good luck with that!
i.imgur.com/o7MczYzl.jpg
now I want to hug her and comfort her.
Poor Twilight,
Yay! Glad you finished this awesome chapter of your awesome story! Now don't procrastinate no more.
3220437
Working on that
Very nice. This is shaping up to be quite the story.
This is going to end in explosions.
Seriously, though. Twilight starts this story and headstrong and capable and now she's fallen head first into the damsel in distress trope. If the captors are competent that's one thing, but these idiots couldn't keep an alcoholic in a bar.
3220914
I'm curious, what would you have her do? Seriously, I want to know, because I couldn't think of anything given the established canon combined with what I'd already written.
I certainly can't have her pull off a kamehameha/hadouken thing and blast her way through an entire crew of ponies. As of right now, she can't even teleport. While the Twilight I have portrayed in this is on the headstrong side, I've also made it clear that she isn't the end-all, be-all of magical talent. Sure, she may be like that in the show, but this is an alternate take on the universe we know. I was curious about what kind of internal struggle Twilight would go through if she wasn't as talented at magic as she is in the show and how she would grow because of her travels with the crew. And, on a side note, even headstrong people break down when faced with a life threatening situation they are unprepared for and unfamiliar with. It's also been established in the story that, while she acts capable in front of others, she's kind of a nervous wreck on the inside. We see this even in the first chapter, after she fails to find anyone willing to take her to Haven.
Don't get me wrong, I like Twilight. A lot. She's my favorite character in the show. And nerfing her was a decision I did not take lightly. But it was done for a purpose, to show just how much she's grown and learned by the time the story ends. I thought it would be an interesting way to proceed through the story. I'm sorry you don't see it the same way.
3221197
What would I have her do?
Anything! Even a failed attempt is better than lying there and crying. However, for anyone with an ounce of brains escaping wouldn't be that hard. Even if she can't untie the ropes with telekinesis (which is surprising) she could at least look around for something to cut the rope with. A shard of glass, a sharp piece of wood, there's plenty of things possible. At the very least she could disassemble, or just plain break, one of the rifles and use a piece of that.
That done, she is in a room full of rifles and cannons. And she said said she smelled gunpowder. You need don't much magic to prep a cannon and blast your way out, not when the sound will draw every pony in town towards the source. Especially not when the marines on the island are on the lookout for smugglers.
That took me maybe ten minutes to think up, and I'm not the brightest knife in the box. A low power Twilight is perfectly fine, that's a good story-telling device. Weakness is about more than just physical or magical strength, and this story's Twilight is weak.
3221301
... These are all valid points, but you didn't have to insult my intelligence.
I could point out some things that are in favor of her being unable to escape, but I'm not going to turn this into a pissing contest. I'm not forcing you to read the story. If it really bugs you that much, just stop following it.
3221361
Shrug. Fair enough. Although, I rather like logical arguments, or pissing contests apparently, there's no sense staying where you aren't welcome.
One thing to note however, I never insulted your intelligence. I made the point that Twilight is an intelligent character (more intelligent than me certainly) and therefore she should be more than capable of creating a good plan of escape.
3221415
I thought this was referring to me, not Twilight.
Maybe I'm just overreacting. I can say this much: I've had a long day and I'm tired as hell. Looking over your comments, I can see that I've misinterpreted more than a couple things. For that, I apologize. I never meant to make it seem like you weren't welcome. To me, it merely seemed like you had a big problem with what I had done in the story, in which case I would assume you would stop reading it. That's probably what I'd do.
I'm going to break a rule of mine and go back to change one thing in the chapter that, hopefully, will make things a little better. Or at least more believable.
I do hope you continue to read the story.
I can see where psychic is coming from. I kept waiting to find out what the smugglers had done to bind Twilight’s magic, and was rather surprised to find out that the answer was nothing. Even if there really is nothing that Twilight in this story has been setup as capable of doing in order to escape, I would have expected the bad guys to take more care with a captive unicorn.
3223989
I can also see where he is coming from now. And since he's picked apart my characterization of our favorite ponies in each chapter, I asked him to be a pre-reader so I wouldn't completely botch things again in future chapters. As a testament to my luck, he agreed. Quite happily, in fact (or at least it seemed that way). Hopefully the story will benefit from his input. I'm fairly certain it will.
In the meantime, I would like to point out that I did change things and give her a guard now. It doesn't make things 100% better, but it fixes things a little. I don't know if you read the chapter before the edit or not, though.
3225715 Honestly though i can see where your comming and state with full pride that it is a very valid launch pad. We do have to remember Twilight wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box when we first met her even in the prime storyline, to say nothing of the fact this is a brand spanking new universe with new details, new character backstories, and new developmental imput. Beside there's no fun in having a truely OP character at story's start, the fun is developing the character.
To be dead honest with you also, Psychic wasn't insulting your intellegence either. it was criticism, constructive maybe a stretch, but criticism nonetheless. The true merit of a writer comes from accepting that criticism and moving on.
Final point, my only quarrel with this story is that it seems like your moving at a snails pace even when your doing action scenes. I don't know i may have red them wrong but from what i've read the past four chapters it seems even that way. My recomendation is when you continue with action, make it....action-y....idk use flash or something. Describing how to make things action-y is very tough even for skilled writers (to which i am far from
). anyway you got my fave for this story and my support for a continued long run.
3226200
I realize now that Psychic wasn't insulting me. When he said that he came up with all the things Twilight could have done to try and escape in less than than 10 minutes when he wasn't the "brightest knife in the box", I thought he was saying that I must have been even more stupid for not coming up with it at all. I was wrong. He was referring to how Twilight is supposed to be smart, and therefore should have been able to think of ways to escape fairly quick.
What a way to end a chapter
("Party of One" spike interrogation) and applejack good cop
. sure Rainbow could also be bad cop but give pinkie a chance. 
The end was just one big pity party for Twilight. :(
Can't wait to see what hair-brained scheme Rainbow Dash has cooked up though.
Speaking of which, is kidnapping one of Bronco's Lackeys to find out where Twilight is really the best answer?
I can't think of anything better, but it just seems a touch extreme to me (no mater how inept his lackeys turn out to be). If they just followed one of Bronco's crew back to their bace it would seem like the Marines were not doing their job.Then again in this alternate universe I suppose they can be more extreme. I hope that Pinkie gets to be bad copI don't mean to tell you how to wright the next chapter I just wanted to get these thoughts out there.
Good luck on the next chapter I am sure it will get better and better.
The whole good-cop, bad-cop routine with Applejack and Pinkie would be great. I'm just afraid the hilariousness of the moment would contrast too much with the seriousness of the situation. I'll see what I can do, though.
Glad you like the story so far
I have a feeling that the quality of the chapters are going to improve a lot with psychicscubadiver on board now. Hopefully he'll prevent any further pity parties.
This was honestly the funniest comment I've received so far. I was in stitches. My sister had to come check if I was dying or something.
There's a blog post that I made if you guys are curious about updates. Also some Youmacon stuff. You can find it here: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/224841/an-update-of-sorts
I don't know why FimFiction got rid of that option to tag everyone who faved your story on your blog. That was really convenient.
I'm liking this story so far just as much as Mares of Tomorrow!
Glad I finally found time to read it.
I could see the opportunity for Twilight to turn this situation around on her own, and make them allies instead of enemies, though knowing what she knows about how they handle things she's extremely unlikely to go that route now. It's just I've thought in the past about what I would do if I found myself in a situation like this, and I'm pretty hopeful I'd be able to talk my way out of it. If you're curious how, keep reading! Incoming weird logic/rewrite:
“Let me go,” Twilight replied.
“Haha. Very clever. We both know I can’t take that chance.”
Twilight stared at him for just a moment. "There really is no risk involved here for you", she spoke up thoughtfully. gauging the captain's skeptical expression. "Hear me out. All I want is to just get out of here and forget any of this ever happened. Just give back my belongings, blindfold me, and release me somewhere in the city. I don't know where this is, and I can't prove I've seen any of the things I've seen, it'd just be hearsay." she trailed off a moment, letting that sink in before she continued, forcing a wry smile and hoping she looked convincing. "There's already plenty of rumors going around about your crew being smugglers. If that was enough for the Marines to act on, you'd be in irons already."
Bronco glowered down at his captive with his good eye, snorting back a laugh. "Oh just like that, all better, hmm? Not too likely, I'd say! One word to your princess and we'd be fugitives for the rest of our days. I doubt she'd care much about proof when it's the word of her 'faithful student' against mine."
Twilight huffed, her insides trembling. Choosing her next words carefully, she somehow managed to force her exterior into an eerily calm expression. "Listen, Captain.. why would I do something like that? I'm about to go on a journey into dangerous, almost completely unexplored territory. The last thing I need is an enemy as powerful as you out there looking for revenge while I'm at it." She leaned in as close as she could without risking falling over awkwardly in her tied up state. "I'd rather have you as an ally, one that would owe me a favor should we happen to cross paths again at some point."
With that, Bronco sat back on his haunches, raising a hoof to tap his chin. The mirth had drained from his expression, leaving a thoughtful look in its place. Maybe I'm getting through to him!, Twilight dared to hope, spurring her on to continue speaking before he could reply.
"Listen, you got put in a bad position because of a bad decision of one of your crew, I understand that. There's no need for either of us to make it worse than it is. I know how things work out here," No I don't! "and I'm not going to let something as silly as what kind of cargo you have get in the way of that." Wrap it up, Twilight, before you blow it!! "Turning you in would be like throwing away a bag of bits because I didn't like how a few pieces were tarnished."
The captain stared quietly at her for several long minutes, which seemed to stretch into an eternity. Finally, he turned to the pegasus guarding the exit walking up and giving a quiet order, to which the crewman nodded and quickly left the room to follow. Bronco turned back to Twilight, walking over to the lantern as he stared her in the eyes. Slowly, a smile crept onto his face.
"You've got yourself a deal. But if we're going to owe you a favor, you'll owe us a favor in return."
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I can see where you're coming from. Really I do, and it opens a lot of interesting doors. But, on the other hand, this is a Twilight who has barely stepped foot (hoof) out of Canterlot palace. Even this journey she's going on is stressful for her. As smart as she is, I don't think she'd be able to talk her way out of it; to her, sailors are so different they might as well be a completely different race. Dealing with them is a total culture shock.
Besides, if I did it your way we wouldn't be able to see Rainbow Dash's daring plan
True, true.
She would require a good deal more street smarts than she's been showing, and knowing Twilight in general she'd never be able to collect herself enough to do that. I just got hit by a muse and decided to write something out after reading it. Maybe this means there's hope for me yet of getting off my duff and writing something of my own! 
Hehe.
I do have a habit of playing manipulative characters in RPGs, after all.
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Let me know if you upload it to the site. Judging from that little snippet of your writing, it's bound to be pretty good.
Just realized I haven't favourited this
*Remedied*
Also, do you have an ETA on that update?
(So I won't have to keep coming back every day leaving an annoying amount of comments)