Chapter 6
Warren sat in the waiting room waiting for news with the others. Scootaloo had been in surgery for many hours now. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone since they came in. It hurt more than anything just explaining to the others that her wing was severed in the crash. They could all see clear as day that he blamed himself and had decided to leave him be for now.
He wanted more than anything to apologize to Scootaloo for this happening. If he hadn't been in the glider with the three of them, he doubted Morrigan would have sent the Roc after them. Her parents deserved an apology as well. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and their sisters needed one too.
Looking around, he found no sign of any alarmed parent ponies coming looking for their daughter. Surely word had been sent to them, right? She had to have parents. The question festered in his mind for almost an hour before he broke down and finally asked. Looking up at Fluttershy, sitting beside him with a foreleg holding him close.
“Fluttershy...” he whispered, his voice hoarse from disuse. “Why aren't Scootaloo's parents here?”
Fluttershy looked down at him, a sad look in her eyes. “They're um... Traveling far away.” The look in her eyes betrayed the meaning of her words. Even if she hadn't looked him in the eye, what she'd said brought to mind a phrase he'd once read in a novel, 'Not gone, merely marching far away,' which would have lead him to the same conclusion.
“Oh...” He looked down at his hooves. “But who takes care of her then?”
A hoof gently caressed the side of his face. He looked up to his other side, and saw Sweetie Belle's older sister, Rarity, drawing her hoof back to rest on Sweetie Belle's sleeping head. “We all do, dear.” The look on her was equally sad, but not lacking any of the sincerity that was in her voice. “Everypony in Ponyville tries to help her out whenever possible. She can be a bit stubborn, though.”
“Tha's right, sugar-cube.” Applejack called over from the other side of rarity. “Here in Ponyville, we take care of our own. So what if we aren't blood kin? As far as the lot of us are concerned, friends are honorary family members an' what not.”
Everypony else in the room began to speak up, affirming what had already been said and adding their own spin on it. For the second time today, he felt that he didn't belong in a place where such togetherness is so easy to find. He certainly didn't belong if his very presence meant they were at risk.
- - -
“Miss Twilight, did you ever hear back from Princess Celestia regarding the topic we discussed last night?” he asked, jumping down from the seat he'd been sharing with Fluttershy. Warren walked over to the wall and began to stare.
“Yes, Goldenrod.” She sounded confused. “Is now really the time to talk about that though?”
Cocking his head to one side, he looked at Twilight with one tear-rimmed eye. “Considering that everything that has happened is a direct result of my being here, yes, I do.” Looking away, he spoke very dejectedly, “What did she say about humans?”
He could hear Twilight inhale sharply. “The Princess was very surprised to hear that word, especially in relation to your theory linking humans to the Draconequus. There are records which remain sealed for good reasons. You know things that nopony other than the Princesses should know.” She sighed. “The records she mentions state that humans vanished from this world thousands of years ago, roughly at the same time the Draconequus all but vanished.”
“Apparently, humans crop up from time to time, usually the precursor to war, the appearance of a Draconequus, or both. It could very well be that they are the ones who made humans disappear, and are the ones making them reappear.” He could hear her pacing. “But she said Discord is still-”
“Locked up 'oh so securely' in the Palace Garden. I know.” He turned to face her. “If you can believe it, I saw a different Draconequus tonight. She claims to be Discord's big sister, and she was after me. The Roc and the wolves were both after me. Whatever her plans are, I am a part of them. It may very well be that she's interested as to why I'm a pony.”
A rainbow blur rushed up to stand in front of him. “'Why I'm a pony', you say that like you're not!” Rainbow Dash said in a barely controlled tone. “If you're not a pony, what are you, a spy for the Draconequus?”
“I'm a human!” He looked away.
“Will somepony please explain what a human is?” Applejack spoke up. “Some of us aren't quite in the know.”
Warren sighed. It's now or never. “Humans are tall, mostly hairless, omnivorous beings, long not of this world. Many of my kind are aggressive, war-like, driven to hate each other by one thing or another. Ironically it is faith, something intended to bring people together, that drives them apart. Our kind knows more about killing each-other and devastating the environment. By all rights, my people are barbaric, especially by your standards.”
“The Draconequus I encountered tonight claimed to be responsible for giving my people their own realm, probably to sate her own blood-lust.”
“So you are a spy!” At near shout, Rainbow Dash caused the sleeping fillies nearby to stir.
Warren stared at her angrily. “With all due respect, Miss Dash,” he spoke with an even tone, out of fear that he might shout. “If you found yourself yanked out of your own world and placed elsewhere, would you honestly serve the being that claimed responsibility? No? I thought not!”
He went to sit in a corner, not facing any of them. His brain screamed out for quiet. Nothing more than silent reflection could soothe this screaming. At the very least, he could pass the time until word of Scootaloo's fate.
- - -
After a stretch of time had passed, Warren turned to Applejack and Rarity. “Miss Rarity, Miss Applejack, I'm terribly sorry for the danger my presence has put your sisters in. I intend to apologize to the both of them, as well as Scootaloo, before I depart.” He bowed his head until the tip of his horn touched the floor. “I don't expect forgiveness. I really don't deserve it. It's not like I belong here. I'm not even a real pony.”
“An' where ya gonna go, Goldenrod?” Applejack smiled. “Ya got nowhere else to go. So what if this happened 'cause yer here? Ah don't claim to know much 'bout humans, an' ah can't say ah fully trust ya, but it certainly don't sound like ya wanted any of this.”
“Applejack is quite right.” It was Rarity this time. “If everything you have said is true, you are just as much a victim in all this. It is hardly something you can be blamed for.
“That's right! Those Draconequus are tricky meanie pants!” Without his noticing, Pinkie Pie had managed to come to be right beside him. She was bouncing on the spot. “Don't let them put a frown on your face!”
Rainbow Dash lounged in her seat. Scowling, she looked at him. “Yeah, what they said.” She looked away. “I still don't trust you.”
Tears were freely flowing down his cheeks now. “Why?” All of them stared at him. “Why are all of you being so nice to me? You don't know me, and I've done nothing but deceive you since I got here.”
“What do you mean?” Fluttershy looked at him with puppy-dog eyes. “You've been deceiving us?”
“I never truly asserted I was a human... I just made myself look like some brain-addled little idiot!” He sobbed into his hooves. “I didn't even give you my real name! I- I thought you'd misunderstand, Fluttershy!”
“I don't know what I'd have been named if I'd been born here, as a blissfully happy little unicorn colt like I look. Heck, maybe my name would have been Goldenrod. It isn't.” He laid down, burying his head in his hooves, his eyes screwed shut. “It's Warren Ashland, not Goldenrod. God... I've been acting so damn childish since I woke up here.”
He felt a pair of hooves pick him up and pull him into a tight embrace. He opened his eyes and found Fluttershy hugging him. He felt her patting his back, soothing into his ear. “There there, I understand. You were just scared, in an unfamiliar place. You just wanted to make a good impression.”
- - -
The sun streamed through the curtains. Warren knew even without his glasses that he was back at Fluttershy's cottage. He didn't remember falling asleep in the waiting room at the hospital. It was probably some point after he'd broken down crying in Fluttershy's embrace. He could only guess that they'd been all sent home, and somepony had carried him.
As was almost routine now, he grabbed for his glasses, and pushed them onto his face. It was strange how easily he was able to develop a routine in a place he knew he didn't belong. It would just make it all the harder to leave.
Quietly, he made his way downstairs. Fluttershy was somewhere downstairs talking to a group of animals, probably tending to the injured. He'd seen her tending to the animals regularly over his short time here, and had even helped out during the first evening. It wasn't going to be easy to face her, but he passed the point of no return last night and had to live with the consequences.
All he cared about at that very moment was making sure Scootaloo was okay and ... filling his stomach. There hadn't been the chance to eat anything since lunch the previous day, and he didn't want to make a habit of not eating properly. He still didn't know how long he'd be stuck in this form, or how long he'd be in Equestria. Make the best of things.
“Good morning, Goldenrod.” Fluttershy greeted him, smiling kindly, but there was an undertone of unease present. “Oh, I hope you don't mind. It's just, um...”
“It's okay, Miss Fluttershy.” he responded, spooning some oatmeal from a pot on the stove into a bowl. “I didn't really expect you to be comfortable with my name. That's why I called myself Goldenrod. I kind of prefer it here, being called Goldenrod, I mean. Not to say, I don't like it here.”
She put a hoof on his shoulder as he ate awkwardly with a spoon. It was hard to do without any fingers, but he was managing. “It's okay, I understand.” He could tell she wanted to say more, but something was holding her back. There was a lot he wanted to say too, but he refused to think about anything other than Scootaloo.
Quickly and quietly, his breakfast was finished. It was routine by now to simply wash up the bowl and spoon in the sink and set it aside to dry. He didn't know if dishwashers existed in Equestria or not, but it was a moot point to ponder; Fluttershy didn't have one in her cottage. Almost trotting out the door, he realized that he needed to bathe, as there were still signs of last night's terrible events upon him.
Another amenity he sorely missed was a shower. Again, he didn't know if ponies actually had them or not, but she didn't have one in the cabin, so when it came to bathing, he made do with what was there. Blood and muck came out just as well with a wash-cloth as it did under a jet of water.
Without fingers to pluck the twigs and bramble out of his fur and mane, he could only brush it away. At least with even his limited magical ability, he was able to handle a brush well enough. It also helped that he was close to water when his horn would combust. At least with more practice it was taking longer before the fire caught.
No longer looking like the sole survivor of a horror film, Warren was off. He didn't bother explaining to Fluttershy that he wasn't going to the schoolhouse. It was clear as day that she knew how much he blamed himself for what happened to Scootaloo.
- - -
“Get out.” Scootaloo's expression was grim. “I don't know what to think about you right now. Just go away.”
Goldenrod, or Warren if even that was his real name, had just told her the most absurd story. He told her that he's not really a pony, or at least not one by choice. It was his claim that the Roc that attacked the glider was after him, and that it was sent after him by a Draconequus that knew who he was and knew of his world.
It sounded all too much like some sort of self-centered poor-me tale. Even if he sounded sincere about it, he still sounded like an attention seeker like those two stuck-up fillies, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Nothing hurt like hearing somepony she'd trusted tell her that he had been lying to her.
All of it was just too much for her to take in. If only she could just get on her scooter and clear her mind. The doctors were able to reattach her wing without issue, but in order for it to mend, she was restricted to bed-rest. She wasn't even allowed to get out of bed without a doctor or nurse present; they didn't trust her not to hurt herself.
A surge of pain radiated from her wing joint as she shifted in her bed, blinding agony. If a nurse hadn't come in to administer pain medication, she doubted she'd have even realized she'd been screaming. The downside to the pain medication was that it made her incredibly drowsy.
As her mind filled with haze from the drug she asked for the nurse. “When can I get out of here?”
“You'll be here for at least a week, little one.” She vaguely remembered hearing the nurse say. “Even then, it's going to be a long way for you. There's lots of physical therapy in store for you before you'll be able to fly.” It was the last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep.
- - -
Warren sulked through the streets of Ponyville. He wasn't bothered by being chased off by Scootaloo. That was well within his projected outcomes, since she had every right to be angry with him. What bothered him was what he'd heard on his way out.
Even when doctors and nurses spoke in hushed whispers, all the secrecy in the world couldn't hide their conversation from an unobserved pony passing by. The nurse, notably not the Nurse Redheart who had tended to him during his stay, was saying something about Scootaloo being in for a lot of physical therapy after she got out a week from now. Doctor Freemane, in a serious, yet sad tone had said that he doubted she'd be able to fly even after the therapy.
Spirits dampened by the news, he had no doubt that the ponies out and about town thought he looked like a gloomy Gus. There were certainly an awful lot of eyes turning his way. Then again, he was by all appearances a school-aged colt skipping classes. He just wanted to find a nice place to wallow in his self-loathing.
This all happened because of you. It wasn't his own voice in his mind, but Morrigan's. You should just come with me. You can be a part of my reunion with my dear baby-brother.
'Go away!' he thought back. 'This is your fault, not mine. If you hadn't brought me here, this wouldn't be happening. I want nothing to do with you or your plot.'
Even if you wish for no part in my plans, you will be a big part with or without your consent. Her sensual voice was only serving to curdle his blood. You'll come to find that your fate is set in stone, petty human.
“Get out of my head, foul monster!” he shouted aloud as he walked into a tree. Evidently, it was not an easy feat to have a running conversation inside your mind while wandering aimlessly through the streets. He looked around, embarrassed. Luckily for the wound to his ego, there wasn't anypony else around as far as he could see.
Exasperated, he decided to sit beneath the tree and try to clear his mind. He could make out Sugarcube corner just down the road; the distinctive candle-topped cupcake tower was hard to mistake for anything else. Staring at it, he couldn't help but think about the pink mare he'd met only two nights ago. Everypony said that Pinkie Pie threw the best parties, and Fluttershy said Pinkie threw parties for everypony without hesitation.
A sad smile crossed his face as he found himself realizing that she probably wouldn't throw a party for him. He was a deceiver and not even a real pony, so why would she throw a party for him? It struck him doubly hard that he actually found himself yearning for a party. With all the things going on, a bit of lighthearted fun sounded like the perfect thing to take his mind off things.
Laying his head down in a small patch of flowers, he began to stare up, past the tree, into the sky. He wondered if anyone in his family was looking at the sky back home, wondering where he was. Laughing to himself, of course they wouldn't. That last night on earth wasn't particularly a nice one. That much had come back to him.
Sure, he'd been out to drinks with some of his family. It was hardly a joyous occasion. His older brothers and sisters had called him up after years of not talking to him and asked him out to drinks. It seemed innocent enough at first, until they flat-out told him that they were all getting shafted in their dying father's will. They wanted him, the only one to remain in good graces with their parents, to curry favor in their names so that they might get something when their parents passed on. Needless to say, he wasn't amused, and had stormed out of the bar. From there, his memories of earth pretty much stopped.
Thinking about life back home only served to put a dull ache in the back of his mind. On top of that, he was starting to feel drowsy staring up at the sky. All those clouds drifting about, with the occasional pegasus pony shepherding clouds around, was strangely hypnotic. Without even realizing it, he'd drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
- - -
“Hi!”
A jubilant voice jerked Warren awake. Without a thought, he sat up, looking everywhere, trying to find the source of the voice. He could see the odd pony milling about in the streets, but none close enough to have been the source of the voice. Looking around still, he noticed that the grass he'd been laying in was significantly longer now, almost as if it were a blanket. Behind him, where his head lay only moments before, there was a pillow sized dandelion.
“That's a nice looking bed you've got there.” That voice called out again, seemingly from nowhere. It sounded so joyful that it almost oozed sugar. “Looks like a real nice place to take a nap.”
Hearing a rustling in the tree above him, Warren looked up. With a startled cry, he fell backwards onto the dandelion pillow. Hanging from a tree branch above him by her tail, surely this was impossible, was Pinkie Pie. Grinning down at him, she reminded him of the Cheshire cat. “Oh, uh, hello.”
With a giggle, the party pony dropped down beside him. With bewildered amusement, Warren stared at the mare. As was the case the last few times he'd encountered the mare, she was incredibly perky. She was bouncing on the spot, like some sort of cross between Pepé Le Pew and the baby kangaroo from the Looney Toons classics.
“Why are you so down, Goldenrod?” She chuckled, smiling kindly. “Are you worried that just because you aren't really a pony and think you're to blame for everything that you aren't getting a party? Don't be silly. I throw parties for everypony. I even threw one for a griffon once!” She put a foreleg around him and pulled him close. “Just between you and me,” she spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. “Gilda was kind of a meanie pants.”
“Uh-huh.” He didn't know how to respond to this proclamation. “Actually, Miss Pie, I was hoping you could hold off on the party.”
The pink mare's hair went limp in front of his very eyes. It was as though the implication that he didn't want party had sucked all the happiness out of her world. “You... don't want a party?” She sounded so defeated.
“No, no! I do! I really do!” Warren backpedaled. “It's just... I can't in good conscience go to a party while a friend is holed up in the hospital. So I want you to change my party into something we can use to cheer up Scootaloo.”
Like magic, Pinkie Pie's hair inflated. Her eyes were almost sparkling with devious planning. She hugged him close, and then pulled away, staring him in the eye. “A 'Get well soon party?' Of course! Why didn't I think of that?”
Without another word, the party pony was up and and running off in the direction of Sugarcube corner. “Where are you going?” he shouted after her.
“I've gotta plan!” he could hear her squeal out of excitement. “Oh this is going to be so awesome!”
Staring at Pinkie Pie as she entered the bakery, Warren couldn't help but ponder if he hadn't just done a terrible thing. Would she appreciate us springing a party on her? Would the hospital even allow it? What was with that look in her eyes, anyhow?
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Congratulations for getting to Equestria Daily
Looking forwards to chapter 7
His name is Warren?
God I hope there are some bunny rabbits in this.
Great fan-fiction story right here. Reminds me of "Through the Eyes of Another Pony" (wonder why it hasn't been updated for a few months, hope the author gets around to continuing that D:), only this one takes a different approach. The emotions were easily discerned in the fan-fiction, and the only things I can say are: Keep up the good work, and keep up the writing!
Yaaaay, another favourite fanfic found!!!
This is good and you should feel good.
I have to admit, I was rather disappointed by yet another HiE fic where humanity is portrayed as being the definition of bad/evil
What is so evil about a man who would throw himself on a grenade to save three of his buddies? What is so evil about a man running into a burning building to save someone who he didn't even know? What is so evil about the woman who runs into the middle of a fierce firefight to shield a young kid, who had been caught in the middle of the crossfire, with her own body? What is so bad about the church that sends out its members to pick up homeless people, and bring them back to the church so that they can be fed, with no catch? I bet for every "evil" human out there, I could name five who are good. This has gotten to the point of being beyond cliche and is just being plain stupid. Anyone who just points out that humans are evil, without realizing all of the good humans do, just have their eyes closed and their hands over their ears while saying, "La la la, I can't hear you." It's pathetic 
[/rant]
Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. After reading around ten HiE fics in a row with that, I needed some form of release
Lucky you, no? Onto the better, and more important, portion of the comment. Overall, I like the story. there weren't any noticeable spelling or grammar errors. I feel like I can relate to the MC, somewhat, and so far the characters haven't been noticeably OOC. This is also the first time I've ever seen an OC Draconequus, and a female one at that, so good job on that one.
This is actually very well done. I'm extremely interested in the way this'll all develop and turn out.
And now a word from the Beta-reader and part editor. Hello fillies, colts, mares and gentle-stallions, as you can tell by the name I am the editor and Pre-reader of this fiction.
I would just like to thank you all for the support of this fiction. To begin with it was just me and Seven working on this fiction with very few readers. The first chapter was originally made without me editing it, and once I had read it I became intrigued by the concept as for once the Main character, who was a HiE, was not a fan of the show, had no idea where or what he was, and unlike many others, was fairly weak as an unicorn. This made me want to take up pre-reading of the story and the chapters you see now and the efforts mainly down to Seven. To be honest a lot of the stuff I point out are just little grammar and spelling problems that are fixed within seconds, so even if I were not here the story would still be as awesome as it is now.
Now that, that introduction is out of the way. I will be available to answer any questions you wish to ask and I will try to answer them as long as they do not spoil future events, plots etc.
One of the best HiE stories I had the pleasure to read. Superb idea with a great execution. In short: MOAR!!!!
Love it! more please!
Just keep doing what you do best, and it'll stay successful. Strive to break past goals, and make new goals for yourself to surpass, and you can't go wrong! :3
237399
Oh dear... What chapter is that in? I simply must fix that at once!
237425 If you didn't see it, chapter 3 (The Review was posted from that chapter
)
237544
Sorry... Long night coupled with trying to focus on Chapter 7 left me a bit slow.
I honestly don't know what happened to the italics for that letter in the document. I could have sworn they were there, yet the Google Docs one also reflected a lack. I thank you for bringing it to my attention though. Problem rectified.
237560 Quality over quantity! I'd like too see this story actually end up with an ending. Not suck me into reading and then leave me stranded. THen
It have been said already in a different key, but let me introduce my disappointment with thoughtless "human - bad, pony - good" cliche. You're presenting your protagonist as a low intellect quick to jump to conclusions type. For small villages/towns mutual assistance with occasional outsider inclusion is not a rare phenomenon. It says nothing about general tendency for violence and can't be used as species description reference.
The way you've used this cliche is barely different from a copy and paste sequence. Some poor hurt soul introduces this escapist idea once and everyone proceeds to peruse it on a regular basis. Thankfully your version is negligibly short and I hope you won't return to it without actually devoting a thought to the whole matter.
Just finished reading all 6 chapters today, and I gotta say I like the story so far :)
MOAR!
i really enjoy this, wish you the best of luck with the rest!!!
236508 This is something I've thought a lot about. With few exceptions, historical societies that are nowadays considered "bad" or "evil" have little different from our own. People there are happy, most of the time, they love their families, look out for their friends, and do heroic deeds that are memorialized in poem and song. But take any culture in Earthly memory and you could write volumes about wars, treaties, religions, trade, architecture, good deeds, innovations, bad deeds, crimes, legal systems, injustices, and still just scratch the surface of who the people involved in these events really were.
The whole "HiE" idea is based on the overgeneralities and sensationalism of outsiders.
237703 You make a good point, and I hope our Mr. Ashford is able to look beyond the stereotypes of his culture, and the stereotypes others have of his culture (the actions of his own family notwithstanding). It's something I've discovered, working in Retail: Even though People as a group aren't that impressive, Individuals are amazing.
But everypony think for a moment. You know what else is a "Humanity is Evil" fic? My Little Dashie. I'm just saying there's hope for this tired old world yet.
241790
I think what Ghost was trying to get across, and this is part of my point as well, is that "Humanity is Evil" HiE fics are everywhere, and they're being written for the wrong reason.
This flavor of the genre is very escapist in that because it presents Equestria in a much better light than Earth, it reveals much about the author's fantasies, in that s/he would rather be in Equestria than on Earth. Now, that's not something to really criticize, because we've all fancied that at one point or another; it's what makes us bronies.
Ghost and I are in the same boat, in that we both think Earth is a pretty nice place to live. Yeah, sure we have pollution, murder, rape, theft, domestic violence, famine, vagrancy, etc, but we also have computers, medicine, spaceships, the Internet, you name it. I don't know about you, but I count all of those as pretty good things. In the words of Firewall from Through the Eyes of Another Pony, "You have to take the good with the bad." All we're trying to do is say, "Give Earth a chance."
And personally, I don't think My Little Dashie is directly declaring humanity as "Evil". It is an escapist fantasy; that's the thesis of the story. But it doesn't outright establish such a theme. It doesn't talk about our totalitarian "democratic" government, our smog-choked air, or our crime-infested streets. It talks about a single melancholic human living in a ghetto with other downtrodden humans. It's discussing personal issues like having enough money to feed yourself—not societal issues like our faltering economy. You can imply all you want, but outside of the text, it's all perspective from there.
242058 I'm relatively new to the Herd, so I hadn't thought of your point about Escapism, but that makes a lot of sense. I guess I overshot the point.
My point about My Little Dashie wasn't necessarily the author's view of the world, but rather the ponies' view of the world. Celestia was concerned she'd arrive to find Rainbow Dash corrupted, her spirit broken by the heartlessness she was sure ran rampant on this side of the 4th Wall. And she was so surprised and pleased when she found in the narrator an outstanding example of Goodness and Love. It struck me as a HiE philosophy viewed from the other side.
242164
242058
You should not assume things, at least not at this point in time, as the story is far from over and Warren has only just begun his journey.
I will point out though, that both me and SevenFates don't see Earth as evil and Warren's viewpoints are from his previous experiences, the first you have just witnessed.
I will hope you stay on and continue to read the chapters each week,
242257
I haven't read a single word of this story, as I don't have the time to read anymore. Ghost linked the comment thread to me in chat. I know him well enough that I trust his judgement. I've only inferred from what he's told me as well as from what I've seen in the comments.
FYI, the cover image leads me to believe that the MC is very angsty, and it only makes sense that he is so because of his past (as a human, I'm guessing). Now, because the synopsis provides very little information, one can only assume generalities at this point.
They say, "don't judge the book by its cover", but first impressions are still the hardest to break, and the cover is what sells the book.
I hope that you and the author both see the potential for people to misconstrue the themes of the story, and take this into consideration when developing subsequent chapters.
If I may give a frank word of advice: don't get swelled heads just because you got on EqD. I've seen fics and star ratings die because of chauvanistic authors, and I've almost murdered my own not even on EqD because of all the "OmG this st0ry is gr8!" comments on FiMFiction and enthusiastic reviews on Ponychan's /fic/. I'm doing a full rewrite because I ignored the true criticism until it was too late and I was six messy, hole-filled chapters in.
242322
While we are glad our story passed EQD's standards our heads have not swelled, if anything it has made us want to make this story worthy of EQD's status and thank you for that piece of advice about the image. I will talk to Seven about it later on.
242322
Cheers,
~Seven Fates
241790 Logician was right. The reason I brought it up is that the character felt, to me, that he was saying that all humans are evil. That's why I mentioned it.
I noticed you said that you work in Retail, if anything I have the better reason to be more cynical about humanity. I served in the US Army. I had to deal with some of the worst that humanity had to offer, from the douche fags that think the best way to win an argument is to blow up innocent civilians, to the media whores who look for any little thing that could possibly be taken out of context (or even something that is a tragic accident) to stab you in the back, and to the dumb fucks who use the very rights that we [soldiers/sailors/airmen/Marines] fight, bleed, kill, and die for to demean/degrade and insult us. Yet, I can still see the best of humanity as a whole. I just look at the warrior who stands by my side, and I know that the world will be alright so long as there is on man or woman like the one beside me.
I personally believe that humanity (as a whole) is on the good side of neutral; not straight up evil but not straight up saintly either. It's the refusal to see the (or even admit that there is a) good side of humanity, which was the side that I served with and was willing to fight/kill/bleed/die for, that causes me to get annoyed with all of the "humanity is evil", escapist HiE stories. Note, this is all aimed at the human in the HiE stories, not the ponies. I can't find a fault with the ponies' logic when it comes to judging humanity other than, "You judging us based solely on our evils is like us judging you only based off Nightmare Moon." Like you said, there is a lot more out there than just one side to the moral scale.
As a friend of mine put, "We [humanity] have our assholes, and we have our heroes. Judge us based off both, not just one."
242367 If you see these kinds of comments, it's important to look at them and understand where they are coming from. Especially if that's not what you intended the readers to see. We aren't assuming anything, it's just how we have interpreted what you two have told us, based on our experiences and feelings. And it's those kinds of interpretations that can turn people off of a story (don't look at me, there are enough good points to the story that I want to continue reading
).
242322
HOOAH!
242992
I apologize that Warren was giving off that impression. I suppose in the future released, I'll have to make a point of making sure not to stress humans as evil.
There is actually a planned point where he actually does make a stand for humanity, so don't you worry too much.
243125 I'm not offended, or disappointed, if it serves as a purpose in the plot (there is another story that is doing that). It just currently seems that way, and with how MLP fics are filled with HiE fics that are that way without a reason, it's hard to not jump to its logical conclusion. If this will turn into to a, as the author of the other story coined, "redemption" fic (the human realizes that his hatred for humanity is ill-conceived, "grows up", and moves on from it), then by all means go right ahead and don't apologize for it. It was meant to be like that and it invoked the proper response.
Still, even if not, there are too many good things about this fic for me to just stop reading it over something like this.
245008
I'm almost afraid to ask just how you came to that conclusion. It's almost... Uncanny.
245112
I seriously want to:
28 times for what Pinkie said
245246 still I find it offensive
245038 he said it'd been 10 years since he went to school, so I just guessed>>245047just a good mathematician
251265
I'm sorry you feel that way, good sir. You must understand, however that being a teen-rated Fan-fic where a pony yanked out of his world is involved, we've been more than a little self-restrained with the character's language. I will understand if this is a deal-breaker for you, and you cannot continue reading this fic. I respect your sensibilities and your decisions, but I hope you can look past these liberties we've taken in writing this character, and enjoy the fic.
251796 I'll still read the fic man
I can at least wonder why can't i?
reading the first chapters
>my parents died ten years ago
reading this chapter
>my last night was my siblings trying to get me to get them into my dying father's good books
... what? I spy an error!
294381
eyerg. I know that feel bro. Nothing worse than an early morning followed by dealing with heavy snow or freezing rain. Thank god that winter was mild in Ontari-ari-ario this year.(seriously, our weather was nuts)
Heh. Glad to help. Maybe switch the father to grandfather? Makes more sense with the "one foot in the ground" anyways.
'Not gone, merely marching far away,' as in 'Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la.' ?
Ner Vod?
It's just me, but atmosphere seems to go really like "3rd person camera with dynamic depth of field effects" in this chapter like it does in horror movies, like the camera projects not only the world, but also a layer of dark void, that is... don't know... good?.. That's... I just was reading fics non-stop for too long... and still want to read...
-Ah, this is [Dark][Sad], makes sense now.
I lol'd when he said he didn't want her plot!
"Warren sulked through the streets of Ponyville. He wasn't bothered by being chased off by Scootaloo. That was well within his projected outcomes, since she had every right to be angry with him."
Really? Messed up eyesight from a kick to the head. Glasses...
In those few words, I can clearly see that this 'Warren Ashland' will want to stay in Equestria, and might very well have that wish granted.
What I hate is how a smart, and mature adult (turned into a colt) would describe an entire sentient species by the actions of the violent minority.
Not all humans fit in his description... And by this point, I can imagine that if a human comes in Equestria, that this person will receive hell from the locals of this planet.
If only I had an emote of Megan...
Because of this 'former human', the ones that might come afterwards will be judged as someone judging by the cover of a book.
Great story by the way (character development, vocabulary, metaphors, etc).
But the main character, he just seems to show more and more his dislike to the species he was born from...
Third time I've given this story a legitimate shot, and now I have to stop trying for good. First it was the ambivilance towards the crippling injuries that Scootaloo causes Warren upon exiting the forest ("It's no big deal!"), then it was the sheer level of dismissiveness of all parties involved towards Warren's situation. Now you are going with the 'Humanity is evil!' cliche.
It really says something about how 'emotionally unhealthy' a large chunk of the mlp readership is with how many popular stories use the cliche. In my opinion, disenfranchised individuals attach far too much weight to their own circumstances. It's honestly arrogant to believe that just because your personal circumstances are bad, that it says something about humanity as a whole. To me, it shows those individuals to be rather self-centered. "There's nothing wrong with me - it's everyone else's fault!" I have had a great deal of trouble in my life, but I'm not going to make blanket claims about society as a whole from that.
Many of my kind are aggressive, war-like,
I have seen wording like that in so many fics it kinda pisses me off a bit. FFS the reason we hade world war 1 was because Serbia wanted to be free not because we love war. hell if you watch Extra Credits world war 1: Seminal Tragedy he talks about the many ways we tried preventing the war. ffs we aren't war-like it's just that there are assholes in the world and Hitler and Stalin.
And this chapter broke it for me.... I LOVE when characters hide what they are for as long as possible.
If humans are war-like would you care to share a secret to world peace and harmony.
So many posters disagree yet i can't disagree with Warren. Humans are not just evil; they are monsters. We may pretend we are civil but it's just an illusion.
Honest characters making situations worse for themselves by taking a stressful and bad situation and pouring gasoline all over it because it wasn't bad enough.
Im torn, I really am. This really bugs me, but at the same time, I cant say anything about it because this is what Ive seen people in real life do to themselves all the time.
Massive medical mutilation, but thats not enough for him, he has to tell the world that he is an alien and it's his fault all this happened. Which anyone with the slightest bit of common sense knows that it isn't. Not only is it not appropriate timing, but it has nothing to do with anything. I think the reason why this rubs me this way is because he is an intelligent person up to this point and should know better.
11300398
Well it didn't help anything that everyone assumed that he was brain damaged and instead saying okay but since you are currently a child you are going have live in different way than you are used to.