Bubbles

by Multi Personas

Chapter 5 (edited)

Bubbles

An Anthropomorphic MLP fan fiction
The six mares and the one baby dragon fell to there knees. You look at them and back to the deity standing before you. “Uh,” you say, not sure what to do.
“You're suppose to bow, idiot,” Rainbow whispered to you.
“There is no need to bow. I take it you have not met a monarch before?,” she asks in a very motherly voice.
“Er, no, sorry.”
“There is no need to apologies. From what I have heard in Twilight's letter you are not from this world, so I understand, however would you tell me about your world so I may have a better understanding of your world?” Celestia asked kindly.
“Sure,” you say as you nod your head.
“Oh! I'll make some tea,” Twilight said as she disappeared to the kitchen. You sit down on the couch, and Celestia sits down next to you, everybody pulls up chairs and Pinkie pulls popcorn and a pink beanbag chair out of nowhere, and sits in front of you. You think about questioning it, but decide against it. Twilight returns with a tray of tea and she grabs a seat as well.
“Do you mind if I write this down?” Twilight asked as she grabbed a scroll and quill with ink.
“Not at all,” you say, “so, where would you like me to begin?”
“How about the beginning?” Celestia suggested.
“Now that's going to be hard, well, I suppose it all begins a few different ways, nobody really knows. Some say it was a big bang, while others say it was an act of God, I'm not sure how it all started...” you begin. You tell them all about the dinosaurs, suspicions to evolution, you tell them as much as you can, but with your limited amount of knowledge, and the habit of falling asleep in history classes, you can't give them much
“I am intrigued with this life you have lived. If you could, I would like to see what a human looks like,” Celestia says.
“Sure,” you say as you pull out your phone, you open the photo album and scroll to one of the only pictures that had somebody in it, the five hundred others were filled with demotivational posters, random memes, and cool looking wallpaper, it was you with kids all around you, all laying on the ground with huge smiles on everybody’s faces. You get a sudden flash back to that memory, it was your sixteenth birthday and you really wanted to be somewhere else, but you still stayed and played with the kids. You snap back to reality and hand your phone to Celestia.
“It seems you are great with young ones, I’m sure your parents are happy to have a son like you,” she says with a kind smile.
“Yeah, well I will never know. I'm an orphan,” you say.
“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,” Celestia said, her eyes have softened quite a bit.
“It's fine. Would you like to hear about it also?” you ask.
“Are y'all sure you want to tell us, you don't have too,” Applejack asks.
“Why wouldn't I?” you ask. Once everyone was seated you begin your story. “Well I suppose I shall give you all the short version. My mother and father, had decided that they didn't want me. They dropped me off at Melody's Orphanage. It was a two story house, with tons of rooms, giant backyard. It was never in the best of shapes but it was home. I lived there till I was 16. I helped out when help was needed. Momma Melody was old and she wasn't getting any younger, and with twenty plus kids at one time, she needed all the help she could get. She took in kids who got kicked out, put in foster homes, or who didn't even have a home. Every month at least one kid got adopted, and two took their place. I helped out as much as I could, but I could only do so much. I guess it didn't help when I got in trouble with the police, but those days are long behind me. Anyway, around the age of 90 or so, she passed away. With nobody to legally be able to take over the orphanage, it was shut down. Me and all the remaining kids were sent to a federal government orphanage and that was that. I helped kids get adopted as much as I could, till I aged out at 18. I found an apartment, got a job, and for four years I lived alone. Then I came here obviously,” you finish. The mares around you only listen in silence. “Well that is the sum of my life, sooo,” you say, not sure of what to do next. It was Celestia who spoke first.
“Well, we need to find some type of spell that will send you back to your own world,” Celestia stated, “however, in the mean time, you will need some place to live, now we-” Celestia was saying but she got interrupted my Pinkie.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! He can stay with me and the Cakes! He will just absolutely love it!” Pinkie said with a gleam in her eye.
“Um, Pinkie? I don't think the Cakes will be ok with that,” Rarity said. Pinkie tapped her chin in thought.
“One moment,” she said. You blinked and she was gone.
“Uh,” you say, looking at her friends for some type of confirmation or something. By the looks on their faces, this was something that happened quite often. You blink again and your vision is filled with pink, once more. You get startled but you don't move back or anything.
“Sorry it took longer than expected, the Cakes weren't at Sugarcube Corner, but they said yes!” she said excitedly, grinning from ear to ear.
“Well, it is his decision,” Celestia said, she turned to you. “Do you want to go with Miss Pie?”
“Sure why not?” you say, you are suddenly hugged by Pinkie Pie, she let go and looks at you with a gleam in her eye. Needless to say, you can feel a disturbance in the force and are you start to think this was a bad idea.

Comments

[spetsnaz pinkie pie]

Wooooooooooooooo.

[Innocuous]

I feel like I dont know the main character at all. His reaction to Celestia was a little lack luster and out of no where. The way he just out right refused her "majesty" (for lack of a better word) without a second thought felt out of place, as though his past had prepared him for it though that doesnt seem the case. Also, everything going off without a hitch or worry and everyone's 'meh' kind of attitude is wrather dry. Even Pinkie seemed off. Im sure though that with time some kind of conflict will arise to break this 'straight line' feeling. Hope this helps. Looking forward to more. /)

[Fucks Ungiven]

I like your music but your story meh. If you want me to elaborate then ask.

[Multi Personas]

2617247 Could you elaborate so i can make the next chapters better?

[Fucks Ungiven]

2619701 well other then a few grammar errors every now and then (like in chapter four "xtremely" should be extremely) you sentences are a little bit choppy when you start to describe the characters action. Such as in chapter four when the character helps fluttershy over. You started with "you" to many times, along with the way you wrote the movements out seemed a bit weird to read (not the motion them self). Some people are angry about how your character stood up to Celestia but in all honesty I believe I would as well. And plus its your character so he acts how his personality is presented. To me the only thing that would make it bettor if there was more jokes haha, but that's me I love my comedy.

[Fucks Ungiven]

2619701 oh one last thing I do agree with Cameron Ostendorf about not knowing the guy really yeah you have his life story but we don't really know his personality that well.

[Multi Personas]

2621204 I am currently rewriting chapter 5 so it seems a little more "believable" i guess as to how somebody would react to the Princess, instead of standing up to her (I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but now that i has reread it i can see it). I will fix any mistakes that have been made and i should have chapter 6 out hopefully by tomorrow, and in it it will give the main character's personality.

[Fucks Ungiven]

2621308 that's good. You do a pretty good job grammar wise but if you wanna proof reader I'd gladly help.

[Multi Personas]

2621356 i might take you up on that offer

[Fucks Ungiven]

2623389 If you are going to, pm the story or ask me threw pm for my email (kinda prefer email)

[The True Observer]

The force is pink with this one.

[Icy Creation]

Pinkie pulls popcorn and a pink beanbag chair out of nowhere, and sits in front of you. You think about questioning it, but decide against it.

One of these days, I will find an OC that actually does question McPinkerton's beep.