Ponywatching

by ThunderTempest

Prompt #465-Everything Is Better In Space

Scootaloo proudly stood on the bridge of her ship, the S.S. Rainbow Dash. She knew that she was one of the younger space captains, and that naming your ship after a living pony was considered bad luck, but Scootaloo had never truly believed in all that junk. And besides, Rainbow Dash was the most awesome space pirate who had ever lived, and deserved a ship named after her. Scootaloo hoped that by naming her ship after Rainbow, she’d absorb some of that awesomeness by proxy. Her engineer, Apple Bloom, just thought it was a bit stupid.

“Scoot...” began Apple Bloom, walking onto the bridge, covered in grease and oil.

“Captain Scootaloo,” corrected Scootaloo, interrupting Apple Bloom.

“Right. Captain Scootaloo, our thrusters can’t take much more. They were bad when we got ‘em, and they’re only gettin’ worse.”

“Right. After we finish this raid on the planet, we’ll use our loot and plunder and go and get new ones. Navigator Sweetie Belle!” Finished Scootaloo, barking the final sentence out in what she hoped was a voice with authority, “How’s our course look?”

“We’re all locked in, Captain. Jumping to hyperspace in three, two, one...” As Sweetie Belle finished her countdown, she pushed a button on the console in front of her, and the three young pirates’ view of the space outside their ship distorted, stars extending out into glowing lines, and the whole ship shook and shuddered as it pushed past light speed, and stuck its tongue out at Neighstein’s Relativity.

********

Several minutes and lightyears later, the rickety ship warped back into a universe that made sense, with the occupants shaken, but otherwise unharmed.

“Ugh...Engineer Apple Bloom? Remind me to invest in a new hyperspace stabilizer when we finish this job.”

“Got it, Captain Scootaloo,” said Apple Bloom, clutching her stomach.

“But hay, fortune and riches await!” said Scootaloo, striking what she thought was a suitably dramatic pose, “Let’s go and rob these wealthy space ponies!”

“Yeah!” enthused both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, and as one, all three uttered the cry which struck fear and dread into anypony who heard it.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SPACE PIRATES, YAY!” Unbeknownst to the young pirates, a much larger ship was approaching their beloved pile of metal and bolts.

“Uh, girls? We might have some trouble,” Said Sweetie Belle, once she was back at her navigator station, and seeing the approaching red blip on her scanners.

“Hail that ship, Navigator Sweetie.”

“Yes, Captain,” said Sweetie, pushing several buttons, and then speaking into a microphone, “This is the S.S. Rainbow Dash. State your intentions, or we’ll blow you out of the sky.”

Behind her, Captain Scootaloo nodded. That had been perfect.

“This is Applejack,” Apple Bloom gasped, but the other pushed on, “And y’all have been out here long enough. It’s time to come in.”

[Time]

“Engineer Apple Bloom? Do you know her?”

“Aye, Captain. She’s my sister, the best space law enforcer in this here region. Ah wondered why this all looked so familiar. We got no hope of beatin’ her, Captain, or runnin’ away. We’re done.”

“But real space pirates, like Rainbow Dash, would never just give up, Engineer Apple Bloom! They’d find a way to keep being awesome, and escape!” declared Scootaloo.

*******

“Girls! Time for dinner!” called Applejack, from outside the Crusaders’ clubhouse, “You be down here in four shakes of a pony’s tail, or ah’ll pull y’all out by yer tails!”

“Coming!” The Crusaders all tried to exit the clubhouse at once, not overly eager to test Applejack’s patience much more. They got stuck for a brief moment, but eventually popped out, and landed in a pile at Applejacks’ hooves. Applejack let a grin slip onto her face at the three fillies’ antics, and then began walking back to the homestead on Sweet Apple Acres, the three blank flanks trailing behind her, talking in hushed tones.

“Well, darn it. I thought fer shore we’d get our cutie marks in Pretending from that,” said Apple Bloom, kicking a clod of dirt on the ground.

“Even if we didn’t, it was still kinda fun. We should do that again next week,” replied Sweetie Belle, and getting a nod of agreement from both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom, “But next time, ah wanna be the captain!”

Author's Note:

Written for Prompt #465-“Rocket Mare” (Theme Week, Day Seven)
The Prompt: Applejack in space
...
...
...
...SPAAAAAACEE!

Comments

[RoMS]

Hi, as you ask by posting your collection of short-stories in the group « I just want a comment ». Here I am. My comment is based on your entries #321, #322, #325, #326, #327.

First the idea itself of short-stories written within a thirty minutes limit is very interesting. First for you, as you can see how you’re doing under pressure; and second, for the readers who see how you’re doing when you’re creating a “sketch”. Indeed, a half-an-hour challenge gives you not much time to make editions and reread.

For you to know, I ain’t a native English speaker (I’m French D: ), therefore I’m not very entitled to point our mistakes and give advice to writers on stuff like grammar or orthography. But be sure that I haven’t noticed flaws.

entry #321
The idea is simple. Yet, it really fit well for such a short-story and it is interesting to have two points of view on the quasi-same question. And well, Lyra is one of my preferred OCs ^^. We also have to see one of Twilight’s inner questions.
It’s a good normal, average and common slice of life prompt.

+

entry #322

Rainbow Apple Pie!
A good one, a very good prompt. I’ve got to smile during it. It’s very good because you completely change your writing style from the precedent prompt to this one.

++

entry #325
This story could be the prologue to an [ADVENTURE], [DARK], whatever tale featuring Ditzy Doo. I love it. I’ve already seen that concept in other fictions (not especially pony related fiction). If you like this kind of story, go take a look to Dino Buzzati. He has some good short-stories.

+++

entry #326
The chicken is afraid for her wings and that’s understandable. The only thing maybe wrong with that prompt is the shortness I didn’t feel suspense and “ill-at-ease” feeling as it is too short. It is due to the fact you only had thirty minutes to do it.
But I like it a lot.

+

entry #327
Kos Pley ^^, that’s interesting. Are they humans? D:
Well, I think it is the story I’ve the less appreciated. I don’t know why. Maybe it is because I don’t especially like Rarity. But yeah, if I keep in mind the thirty minutes challenge. You’re still impressing me with how fast and how good you can write.

+

PROS
- The Pros is that it is a challenge you chose to do for yourself. It’s praiseworthy. And good for you as a writer. You can enhance yourself and your writing with this ideas.
- It is well-written
- you change of writing style each prompt you do, that’s really good.

CONS
-All the cons are a consequence of the “thirty minutes challenge”, therefore I haven’t things to report as ‘cons’ for these prompts.
- The only thing that could interest you is to get an artwork, even simple. It’s marketing. Having an image on a description is an eye-catcher. With one you’ll get an increase of your ratio readers/word.
- Where are the 320 first prompts D:?

Verdict: KEEP GOING

cmi.memecdn.com/423/1309423.jpg

Enjoy my comment! Please help me by giving me a comment on my story:
Beneath an Endless Dusk. It’s for the moment only a prologue for a [DARK], [ADVENTURE] story featuring a brand new universe, a twisted future where Equestria sunk into darkness and self-destruction.

[ThunderTempest]

3174280 Firstly, let me say thank you for taking the time to say what you liked about each story.
I will agree with you on many of the prompts that the 30-minute time limit perhaps prevents me from fully exploring whatever concept I come up with, and there are some pieces in here that I KNOW suck. (Another thing to perhaps keep in mind, and this is by no means an excuse, is that due to time zones, these stories are usually written between about 5:30 and 7 am. because that's when the prompt goes up.)

The point of doing these is to one, improve my writing speed and ability, and two, to get used to putting ideas down on virtual paper as quickly as possible, something which I have always had trouble doing.

But I'm glad that you have liked what you read.

The first 320 Prompts are coming-it's an ongoing project.

[Themaskedferret]

Very cute. Bravo.