CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BOGAN
Three days later the Hermes, belting along at time warp factor eight, was on the verge of crossing the official boundaries of Federation Space. The Mission Profile stated that we would, after making the crossing, throttle back to warp five and cruise with all sensors active and investigate anything that looked interesting. Star-mapping, observation, and good, old-fashioned scouting all on our own. Contact with Starfleet was already a matter of hours. Later on, it would be days and even months. The prospects were a little daunting but this is why we were in Starfleet, wasn’t it? Besides, the Ponies who established Equestris and the other colonies had it rougher. They were, after all, on one-way trips!
It had been a hectic week and I was looking forward to the dull routine of data gathering for a while. Our new guests were settling in with surprisingly little trouble. Sekkack, by nature, wasn’t much trouble. His performance in Astronomy was letter-perfect and he wasn’t above assisting other Departments when called upon. He seemed genuinely appreciative of the chance to use our state-of-art equipment, spending the vast majority of his free time on his own research. He wasn’t very sociable, but he was never rude. He ate alone, rarely initiated conversation, and seemed to get by on a mere three hours of sleep a day! Sunny, having reviewed her Vulcan Medical Database, assured me that this was perfectly safe so I didn’t bother to interfere. The rest of the crew seemed happy to indulge him so all was well in that regard.
Bogan, though…
Now Celestia knows I’m not one to indulge in stereotypes… having to live down the exploits of the megalomaniac Khan and Company… but Bogan was turning out to be the living embodiment of every bad thing you’ve ever heard about Tellarites. He was rude, arrogant, and generally obnoxious all around. He continuously demanded more computer time (Time he spent, I might add, playing elaborate role-playing game programs!), offered unsolicited and uninformed opinions on other ponies research to the point of driving a promising young filly in Geology to the point of tears. I needed to put a hoof down… and I wanted sooo much to put it down square on his noggin! The trouble was that the good Ponies who dictate policy in the Federation maintain that me all must exercise ‘Tolerance and understanding in the name of interspecies Friendship‘. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful idea… but I know Tellarites, damnit! If you don’t establish a sense of authority over them they’ll run out of control. Once you show them who’s boss they’re the some of the greatest, most productive people in the known Galaxy. … The trouble was getting them to that point!
Sunny and Xantippe and I were having lunch one afternoon and I was venting my frustrations on the subject. We’d put our dishes away and were having a cup of tea until our break was over.
“I dinna ken what you’re a-goin’ on about. Sure an’ th’ laddie has some rough edges but he’s always been naught but pleasant t’ me.” She said smugly.
“You have an unfair advantage.” I said sourly. “I wish you could teach me that eye trick!”
“Pfeh!” My Darling picked up her mug and took a delicate sip. … I love her but sometimes I just want to paste her with a pie!
Xantippe, who was drinking pale green tea out of a shallow bowl instead of a mug, paused with her drink nearly to her lips. “I know that I do not have the facts there are to be had, but surely he cannot be that bad!”
“He is an albatross around my neck.” I growled, knocking half my tea back like bad apple whiskey.
Sunny, an avid fan of ancient sketch comedy, chose that instant to have a flashback to a routine she liked from something called Mounted Python’s Flying Circus. (I had to see them all, of course. The bit about the pony who was sold a dead parrot was pretty funny... but I wasn’t in the mood just then!)
“Al-batross! Al-batross!” She caroled, causing ponies at the nearest table to give her an odd look.
I sighed. “Sunny! She probably doesn’t even get the reference how I meant it much less what you’re going on about! You see, it’s a reference to an ancient poem…”
But Xantippe held up a hoof to politely cut me off and began to recite in her exotic voice…
“And I had done a hellish thing,
And it would work ‘em woe.
For all averred, I’d killed the bird
That made the breeze to blow.
Ah, wretch! Said they, the bird to slay
That made the winds to blow!”
…Of course a Zebra would know rhyming poetry! I hung my head. “I stand corrected.”
Sunny patted my hoof. “A wretch ye may be, but ye’re my wretch!”
I couldn’t help but to giggle, it made me feel better!
Xantippe picked up her bowl and sipped. “So now instead of a Celestial Cross from your neck to wear, you now sport a truculent piggy-bear.” Then she tipped us a wink. “ Now you see that I am not just another pretty face, I have knowledge from all over the place!” Her lips sipped while her eyes smiled and we all shared a laugh that went a long way toward dispelling the Shadow That Came Out Of Tellar.
“Thanks, you two… I really needed that!”
Sunny patted my hoof again and Xantippe closed her eyes, clasped her hoofs with interlaced fingers and bowed her head to me. How could you not love friends like this?
“D’ye want me t’ have a word wi’ the wee Laddie?” Sunny asked. “I’m sure I could get through to him.” She winked.
I shook my head. “No. Thank you, but no. For the same reason I’m not going to Caper. It’s my Department so it’s my problem. I know I’m being an Earth Pony, but if my ancestors could take on an unfriendly and uncaring planet I should be able to manage one Tellarite, right?”
Xantippe tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps I could find a way to locate an empty module in the cargo bay…”
I chucked a napkin at her and we all enjoyed a therapeutic chuckle. We were distracted a moment later by the Quartermaster Chief, a light brown and cedar-red Earth Pony name Apple Bob, who ambled up with three servings of his Hermes-famous apple crisp.
“G’day, Ladies!” He drawled in his reedy, Horsetralian voice. “I was wundrin’ if you spare me a moment ‘r two?”
“Sure, Bob! But if you just wanted to talk you didn’t have to bring us apple crisp!”
“Sure an’ we’re not complainin’, mind!”
“For a treat such as this I would grant whole minutes!” …It wasn’t her greatest rhyme but then, Xantippe's eyes weren’t on the apple crisp either!
Bob gave her a crooked smile and set the biggest piece in front of the smitten Zebra before snagging a chair and serving the rest of us. “The tucker ain’t fer talkin’. It’s fer butterin’ up! Y’ see, Oi got a favor to ask the Boss Lady ‘ere.” He pulled his hazel eyes away from Xantippe and gave me a level look.
“Then I get all three pieces! Gimme!”
“Th’ Hell you say!” Sunny snatched up a plate to herself while Xantippe just shoved hers in my direction, never taking her eyes off Bob. “If ye were t’ eat all that I’d have t’ be puttin’ ye on water n’ vitamins for a week t’ make it up!”
“One piece?” I offered. She had a valid point. I simply didn’t need all those calories living in this low gravity. But Bob’s crisp is good!
“A quarter!”
“A third?” I countered.
Sunny chewed the inside of her lip a moment. “Done! But ye’ll need t’ do extra calisthenics on yon grav plate today!”
“Sold! What do you need, Bob?” Sunny, the old softie, cut me closer to three-fifths of a piece and piled the rest onto her plate. Xantippe’s she scooted back to her where it sat sadfully ignored.
Bob leaned in conspiratorially then hesitated. Then he lounged back in his seat, tossing us a wink before addressing the rest of the dining hall over his shoulder.
“’Ere, you lot! There’s fresh apple crisp up there! Best get some ‘fore it’s gone. Get it while it’s ‘ot!”
While the rest of the room filed to the serving counter he leaned back in.
“Oi got a bit of a sitchation Oy’m tryin’ to keep ‘ush-‘ush in Food Prep.” He whispered.
I’d cut a morsel off and had it halfway to my mouth. As tempting as it was to eat, though, I stopped. “Oh…?”
Sunny gave her own, much heavier laden forkful (I noticed, wistfully.) a sudden, dubious look. Xantippe… was somewhere else.
“Nah, nah, nah!” Bob waved a hoof at her reassuringly. “Food’s all good!” He leaned in closer. “But we may be runnin’ short faster than we planned if this keeps up!”
I perked my ears up. “If what keeps up? What’s happening?”
Bob looked around covertly before continuing.
“Oi think we got a vermin sitchation onboard. Been goin’ on a few days now. Sumpin’s been rummagin’ ‘round in food stores. Always at night. Oy come in ta git breakfast goin’ just ta find some o’ the foods been eaten on. Got me in a roight proper lather, it does! Oy run a clean kitchen an’ Oy don’t need some little pest a-muckin’ it up!”
I put my fork down, the treat forgotten. “That… doesn’t make sense! Our supplies come packed and sealed. The cargo containers are stored in vacuum prior to coming on board just to keep this sort of thing from happening. Hell, we haven’t taken any food on since Earth!”
“Roight! Oi think it came on at Centauri. Started right after we left. If Oy gotta keep tossin’ good food inta th’ recyclers we’ll be down ta mealpacks n’ synthetics in no time!” To somepony who had to live on mealpacks, let alone synthetics, the prospect was daunting. And to have to leave part of the crew to grow hydroponics somewhere would restrict the range of the ship…
“I can see where you’re coming from! So you want help finding and catching the thing without an ‘official’ investigation. I can do that. Hell, I’ll do anything to cut down on unnecessary red tape!” I was keeping my voice low since other ponies were resuming their seats nearby.
“Oy knew Oi could count on ya! We been mates a long time, ol‘ Starry an‘ me!”
I shot Sunny a worried look, knowing her propensity towards jealousy. She, apparently, was familiar with the idiom and was snacking away happily. Xantippe, who was not, gave me a stricken look.
“He means we’re friends.” I assured her. I hooked a thumb at the Chief. “He’s been on half the ships I’ve served on!”
“Too roight! Starry ‘ere taught me ‘ow ta make them ‘Rockfarmer’ cookies like they make on ‘Questris. Gotta run up a batch o’ them sometime soon… while we still ‘ave the makins’, that is.” He settled back in his chair and gave our resident Zebra a crooked grin. “No worries, eh?” The Captain’s Yoemare dropped her eyes and blushed daintily while the Mare in my head ‘Dawwed’!
I scooped my portion of apple crisp up and popped it into my mouth. It really didn’t deserve to get gobbled up like that but I wanted to get started on this before I had to go back on station.
“Right then! Let’s go to your office and you can fill me in on the particulars before I have to get back to work.”
Bob shook his head. “No need ta hurry. Nuthin’ ever comes up missin’ till morning anyway. Come back at end of watch n’ we’ll put our ‘eads together then. All roight?”
“Fair enough.” I stood up. Sunny dabbed her muzzle with a napkin and belched almost inaudibly.
“Ah should be getting’ back, meself. Thank ye, Bob, for th’ excellent treat. Now I have t’ find a way t’ burn up excess calories!”
“I’ll see you in the gym later!” I teased.
Sunny gave me a knowing look. “I’ve got a better way t’ burn ‘em away. I’ll see you later in private!” She went tippy-hoof and planted a smooch on my cheek and it was my turn to blush as she trotted out!
“Blimey! You two!” Bob shook his head before turning to Xantippe. “What about you, Missy? You leavin’ or d’ye ‘ave time fer another cuppa?”
“Fortunately there is nowhere that I absolutely have to be.” Xantippe leaned her head on one hoof and gave Bob a, frankly, captivating look. Poor buck never stood a chance…
“Roight! G’day ta ya, Starry an’ Oi’ll seeya later then!”
“I’m gone! I’m gone! I can take a hint”
The accents made for a bit of rough reading for me in chapters 5 and 6 but now that they're in space and don't have their apostrophes set to overload, it hasn't been a problem.
I can already guess what vermin might be into the food supplies, though. Unless he's a red herring, I think someone's been going to market after hours...
Hmm, the Wee Folk analog is hungry, ay? Called it; trouble comes in small packages, too.
Bogan's going to get the soon-to-be-patented Starry Treatment again? This should be fun ... to watch.
Hey, Starry, what say we switch his games for the entire Silent Hill series; that should stop him.
SOME of us hear a variant of Checkov in the captian...for obvious reasons (and Walk Koenig wasn't faking too hard, he grew up on the borders)
nice nod to the lithium/dilithium problem from TOS
the warp speed variant I can deal with. remember that the NXprise ran warp 5 regularly. mabey the unicorns managed to find out how to optimize the designs of warp coils on top of enhancing the dilithium.
did that just sound trek geeky, or what?
btw, I was curious to know if the livery for the ship would be the same as the regulat trek verse, or if some small details would have changed.
2552356 That was in the books or the animated series. Sehlats were never seen in the original show. Doubt they had the budget for it...
2552430 Come now! Aren't all Trek Fans geeky at heart? It's part of our essential charm!
I did a little fiddling w/Paint and came up with a United Federation of Pastures emblem... bless me if I can figure out how to upload it here! It consists of an upright horseshoe with a circular representation of the star systems of the founding members!
The Hermes uniform insignia is a winged horseshoe with the appropriate Department symbol inside it. It was my understanding that, in the days of TOS, all the Heavy Cruisers had their own insignia. Given the momentous nature of the Hermes cruise I didn't think it too out of line that they would have their own.
I had my own version of the United Federation of Pastures logo... but I can't seem to paste it here. Sorry 'bout that!
2552245 Silent Hill? Is that a good or really bad game?
Rest assured! The Bogan situation is gonna be resolved by good. old-fashioned Equestrin Diplomacy! *sinister chuckle*
2554527 Actually Sehlats were mentioned in TOS. In Journey to Babel the crew met Spocks folks. His Mom let on that Spock had a 'sort of Teddy Bear' that he was fond of. (Remember how McCoy's face lit up?) Spock informed the Good Doctor that on Vulcan the Teddy Bears have 6-inch fangs!
That's a reference in my book! *Puff up w/pride in his Trek Trivia!*
2552181 Oh, Dear! I was afraid that the accents would eclipse/overrun the characters themselves If you can live with it maybe you can get an apostrophe booster shot for future chapters. Sunny isn't nearly done talking yet!
I have to admit that that darn rhyming Zebra is giving me gray hairs! I don't know how Dr. Suess did it!
You're thinking Bogan is the food theif? I'm not saying he is and I'm not saying he's not... I'm just curious about how transparent I am.
2557002
I am -- sorry, should've put that in spoilerese, but didn't know how so I tried being subtle instead -- and apparently came across about as subtle as Applejack with a tree.
It's just one of them thar edjumaketed guesses, on the grounds that he's going to cause trouble for dramatic purposes. It's not an open-and-shut case.
But, well, if there's anyone on-board who's apt to make a pig of themselves... Yeah, I went there. I'll feel awful about it tomorrow, I promise.
2556969 Mentioned, but not shown. That was in TAS, and they managed to make Ay-Chaya (sp?) look like a great big teddy bear - until the fight started.
2556951 It's grim-dark, bleak, bloody and a psychological ride-on-a-rail, literally directed at the game's protagonist. I'm not sure Tellarites would be quite ready for that.
So, in other words, a hoof-to-the-head.
2557024 Oy! Just... Oy! *Gulps antipun pills!* That's what I gets fer tanglin' words wit one of them thae ejemacated types
2558613 Wow! You remembered his name! *deflates visibly, his Trek Trivia obviously of an inferior quality*
2556942
yeah, you remembered right. pre-TOS to the V-Ger crisis every ship (and starbase, for that matter) used their own "device". what I meant was the Livery for the ship. in this case, the paint scheme, like used on businesses (UPS's The Brown™),millitaires ( the US army's old trade-mark olive drab, etc) and sports teams (footballer's kits, Mercedes' trademark silver, etc.) What little details on the ships in THIS trek are different from Trek Prime, as it's now called, thanks to the JJ reboot.
2558613
"E-Chaya", i've seen it spelled. Imagine the Pooper-scooper they had to carry around!
2560180 Dammit, we need a "twilightsmug" emoticon; guess I'll just have to go with this one:
Liars and writers (same thing?) need good memories, but that can have its draw-backs, too.
2561280 Uh, no.
I heard it spoken, so I went with that. Meh.
I kinda like the accents you're giving the characters. Gives me a chance to try some when I read this to myself out loud.