An eternity alone would be a lonely thing, indeed. But with the companionship of another - namely, a sister - an eternity becomes so much more endurable.
A one-shot collection about the Royal Pony Sisters.
~ ~ ~
A/N Well, I need to get a feel for writing pony fics somehow! I hope you enjoy these. Constructive criticism is welcome!
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Not a bad attempt. I'm waiting to finish my own story as well. Just a couple things you need to fix like the coding issue with the italics.
I'm gunna follow you now. Everywhere...
So cute!
Just one thing, I got a bit confused and wondered if this was in present Equestria when you mentioned Nightmare Night, it broke the immersion for a moment.
So, you are going to write several stories like this about Celestia and Luna? Have All my Favorite.
This is great. I love it.
2429763 Thanks! I knew there was something I forgot to fix… I'll go do that!
2429830 Sorry about that. The scene where she's trying to get Celestia to watch the stars is a memory of Luna's, though I probably should have done more to separate the memory from the scene at the end, which takes place in present time.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, though! Yes, I will be making more stories about the sisters. (All of my ideas seem to concern them anyway!)
2429926 Thanks! Glad you liked it!
This is a nice little piece, though I'm having a bit of a hard time piecing together much comment on it.
Your prose shows a lot of promise. There are a couple issues that another editing pass could fix (one or two word errors, a few spots of close word repetition), but overall the flow of the language is very nice. There's not a whole lot of surprise in your sentences, though, so as good as the flow is, it often doesn't really grab my attention. My instinct says that the best solution to that would be richer action and/or richer description.
I'm going to agree with 2429830 that the first paragraph feels out of place. It's temporally disconnected from the rest of the early passage, and it's also directly revising canon. I'm largely fine with revising canon as needed for story purposes, but I do think it's a bit dangerous to do it so openly and so early (although I can see a bit of advantage to just getting the issue out of the way). That said, I think the more important issue inre Luna's attitude toward Nightmare Night is that it really doesn't require reinterpretation in the context of this story. Celestia's fear comes off as very nearly crippling. That makes it all the more believable that Luna wouldn't be able to recognize that other ponies actually enjoyed being scared.
Overall, I really enjoyed the story itself. It was a very sweet vignette, and I like both the big sister / little sister interplay between them and the little touches with Celestia: her love of sweets, how mane-brushing has a calming effect, etc. I don't think Luna gets quite as much of this little characterization here, which is a shame since the little characterization is quite beautiful. Her thoughts in the first paragraph with the canon revision are really the only thing that stood out to me on the characterization side. I always like seeing authors' visions of Celestia and Luna in the pre-rulership years, and I think you have a very nice image of that.
All in all, quite enjoyable and I'm glad I dropped in to read this. Thumbs up.
It was a fairly nice story, it feels a bit rushed and it is a bit hard for me to imagine Celestia acting in such a manner in the early part of the fic, but later she seemed perfectly in character. Have a thumbs up.