A False World

by Distrance

Chapter 1

A False World
By Distrance

(*Authors Note: This is my first fan-fiction, therefore it is prone to errors/inconsistences/pony terminology. If you spot any errors, feel free to let me know*)

Chapter 1

All was quiet in the early mornings in Ponyville. Animals and ponies alike still nestled within their homes, silently sleeping. Within the veil of silence, an unknown force bares its way, bringing with it an unlikely victim…

Briiiiiiiing the clock whirred as a disheveled Twilight slowly awoke, slamming her hoof to shut it off. “Morning already?” she lazily exclaimed, pulling herself from her comfortable sheets. Spike, also awakened, stretched and then resumed his slumber. Twilight, agitated, nudged the green dragon from wading back to sleep.

“No sleeping in today Spike, we have plans with the girls this afternoon.” Spike forced an eye open and complained, “I know YOU do, but why do I have to go?” Twilight made her way to her bedroom mirror and began brushing her mane back to its usual style. “Because Spike, I need you to keep everything organized while we’re out and about.” Spike grunted in frustration, sitting up from his bed.

He exclaimed, “Fine, just don’t make me go on your girly shopping sprees.” Twilight giggled and looked back towards Spike. “Deal…” she replied, walking down the stairs to the main living room. Spike followed behind and made his way into the kitchen. “The usual?” echoed from the kitchen to Twilight, as Spike rustled in the pantry for ingredients. “You bet.”

***

“Up, up… keep going up… don’t look down, DON’T LOOK DOWN.”
High above the land below, an earth pony traces himself along a narrow passage. Above him lay salvation, but below him a decaying world.

The stallion began panting. “Only a little bit further, keep cool… it’s only a...” he gulped, “…thousand or so foot drop…” Every step felt uneasy, as if the rocks were to give way at any moment. Inching further and further, the top of the chasm was in view.

“A few more steps…” he told himself. With a final heave he threw himself to the end of the path. Behind him the ground crumbled and crashed into the edges of the chasm, hitting the ground with a thud.

He breathed a sigh of relief, and looked forward. The stallion only stood and stared at the view in front of him. A beautiful view of….. dirt… and sand. He slumped down to the ground. “No…. no… NO, NO NO NO!” he shouted in frustration. “My LAST hope to get out of this hell and there is NOTHING! NOTHING HERE!” he slung the pack from his back to the ground. To his surprise, it hit the ground with a metallic THUNK! He looked back towards the pack in confusion. He carefully walked over to where it lay disheveled on the ground. He hoofed at the ground. What caught his eye was a glimmer of light.

“An old building maybe? Made of metal? No… maybe glass?” he pondered, continuing to hoof at the mystery below him. After minutes of work, he stood back and scoffed. A large metallic floor was hidden amongst the sand and dirt, and the stallion eyed a separation in the ground. Reaching down, he picked at the edges with his hooves, nothing. He continued to rub the ground free of dirt, revealing a rusted lock attached to a part of the floor.

“This… is a trapdoor.” He told himself. He quickly rummaged through his bag and pulled a hammer out from it. Turning to the pointed end, he hacked at the rusty lock, to which it quickly broke in two and kicked to the side.
Unable to contain his excitement, he let out a wide grin and held his breath. He opened the trap door, to which a puff of dust blew into his face.

Pff! cough! hack!

He wiped the dust from his face and looked below. He could see an eerie green glow below. To the side he noticed a ladder, and carefully and quietly he grabbed his pack and made his way down.

***

“So Twi what kind of super-duper amazing things were we going to day today huh?” Pinkie Pie said bouncing ecstatically. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash walked in unison towards Carousel Boutique to pick up Rarity for the fun Twilight had planned for today. Twilight showed agitation towards the question. “Pinkie Pie I thought I already told you, we’re going to attend Ponyville’s annual Salespony Extravaganza.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the response. She replied unenthusiastically, “Couldn’t we do something more…. Awesome?” Twilight shot Rainbow Dash and look and continued down the road. Her mind drifted off into thought. I wonder if there will be some exotic book collectors at the festival? Twilight became giddy at the thought of new reading material for her library.

Pinkie Pie bounded ahead of the group. "But Dashie it IS going to be awesome, I bet there's going to be lots of neat-o stuff like candies and oooh" Pinkie gasped at the realization. "Maybe there will confetti ooh and balloons oh oh andgamesandsweetsohmygoshishouldbringmypartycan-" Pinkie's mouth was abruptly brought with a hoof from Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, I just hope I can find something nice to bring back home for Angel..." said Fluttershy, sidestepping Pinkie's bouncing. "I'm sure it's going to be a blast." said Twilight, making a swinging motion with her hoof. After a few side conversations and a walk down Ponyville's side streets, they approached Carousel Boutique. Twilight made her way to the door and knocked lightly. "Raaaarity, it's Twilight and the girls, are you ready?" she called out. Nopony answered the door, and there was no response.

"Think she went to join Applejack in that Sales-whatchya-ma-call-it?" asked Rainbow Dash. "No, I don't think so, Rarity said she would rather be out here with us to shop. I'm sure she would have told us." Twilight rubbed her forehead. "...Right?" she tried to ensure.

Twilight approached the door once again and creaked it open, putting one hoof inside. "Rarity? Are you in here?" Still no response. Oh I hope Rarity won't mind us sneaking in. Twilight told herself.

Twilight motioned for the others to follow in behind her. Walking into the main 'lobby' of the shop, her ears perked up at a faint noise. It was coming from upstairs. It was.... sobbing? "ohmygosh!" said Twilight, "Rarity, are you okay up there?" Still no response, but the faint sobbing seized. Twilight and the girls inched their way to Rarity's bedroom, and opened the door. Inside, Rarity sat upon her bed, her eyes were red and puffy, and tears stained her normally pure-white coat. Rarity cringed upon seeing her friends enter. "Oh my, Twilight darling. I-I'm so sorry you have see me like this." Rarity said, rubbing her eyes. "...I must look d-dreadful. I just couldn't show up looking so... distraught." She explained.

Her friends worries were shown upon their faces. "Rarity, what's wrong? What happened?" questioned Twilight. Rarity looked down towards the box of tissues and the mess strewn on the bed. "A letter came today.... I got... t-terrible news." Rarity hesitated to continue. Fluttershy approached Rarity and nudged at her side. "Oh Rarity, we're your friends, you can tell us anything." The usual ecstatic Pinkie Pie carried a warm, but also worried smile on her face. "Talking makes everypony feel better, I know it makes me!" she exclaimed. Rarity took in a deep breath and continued. "My mother.... she passed mysteriously away in Manehatten... just a couple hours ago."

***

The soot-covered stallion couldn't help but leave his mouth agape at what was ahead. After climbing down the long and slightly rusted ladder, he approached the faint green glow. Beyond him, was hundreds, no... THOUSANDS of strange looking, metallic pods, stretched as far down the corridors as he could see. Besides the few stains of rust and dust piled around everything, the place was practically in perfect condition, which only baffled him.

How could anything like THIS survive The Great Cataclysm? he thought to himself. A quick scan of his surroundings and a elevator and stairs were in view to his right. He descended down the stairs to become closer to the unknown objects that populated it's base. halfway down the steps, he noticed a rather large sign draped across the wall ahead of him. He stopped to observe it. It was a directional map, which said:
__________________________________________
Floor 3: Thermal Reactors and Emergency Escape
Floor 2: Offices and Living Stations
Floor 1: Experimentation and Hibernation Chambers
__________________________________________

"Experimentation and Hibernation Chambers." he read to himself once more. "Just what was this place anyways?" he thought. This was a place of science no doubt. After the Magi Wars a near 100 years ago, magic was at a decline due to it's negative use and views towards it. Earth ponies started to get creative, they started to build amazing new machines... new weapons... and soon surpassed both the Unicorns and Pegasus's natural abilities. No doubt some sort of secret Equestrian facilities were built somewhere along the line. He shook his head, he never liked reading so much about that damned war.

he sighed in exhaustion and rubbed the dirt from his mane, when it suddenly occurred to him. "THERE'S AIR CONDITIONING?"

At this point he would call himself the luckiest stallion in Equestria. Something like air conditioning vanished along with the rest of civilization after past events. "Someone here obviously wanted to preserve this place, but what for?" He continued to ponder. He dismissed his thoughts for the moment and continued down the stairs, finally approaching Floor 1. Pushing open the doors the the floor, he viewed his now present surroundings. It was a security checkpoint.

"No telling if these work or not." he questioned to himself, as he slipped around the metal detectors. Walking down a rather long hallway, he came to a fork in the path, a sign neatly displayed, pointing towards Experimental or Hibernation Chambers. "Either path should explain something going on here," he concluded. Taking a right into "Hibernation Chambers," he made his way into a circular room with at least 20 branching hallways to it. Each hallway was categorized neatly. He traced his eyes through the different categories: Profession, High Threat, Governmental, Staff.

"Staff... that would work, maybe some documents or scriptures I can use." he exclaimed, proceeding down the hall. At last he got a good look at what he saw during his first encounter. The metallic, oval pods sat in the edges of the room. There were at least 20 of them, to what he could count. Before he could approach one more closely, something else caught his eye.

There was a desk near the pods. On that desk was a TV, left on and stuck in static. The stallion cautiously walked towards the TV. He accidentally kicked something on the ground, to which he looked down to observe what it was. It was a simple black tape, on it, it read: "HIGH PRIORITY: WATCH IMMEDIATELY" He looked to his sides in paranoia. He took the tape and pushed it into the player connected to the TV. A picture appeared on the screen:

The surroundings appeared to be in the same room he was standing in. After a short moment, the camera shook and focused onto a short, brown coated stallion with an unkempt, short mane. He was wearing a lab coat that covered his flank, which made it Impossible to see his cutie mark.

The stallion cleared his throat, and began to speak. "To whomever this may concern, my name is Doctor Whooves, my first name is not important. Me and a small team of scientists have managed to keep this facility is as best of condition as we can, but it means nothing now.... Solar Corporation has ordered the dismantling of this place. This, this is something me and my fellow ponies cannot comply to. I tried to explain to them, decommissioning this project could have devastating effects on the residents here. Some would die of lack of their normal nutrients, or simply fall into a depression."

he shuffled in his seat. "Unknowing to them, we have received a shipment of F35 Destabilizers.We- we're going to sink this whole facility under the sands. We've had a few employees 'opt' out, to which we let them peacefully leave, impossible to alert Solar Corporation in time. Me and the few who remain are going into hibernation. If your watching this, you'll find me in the pods located near here. I fear the worst for this world, and that's why I'm going into the next..."

He paused the tape and stared in momentary shock. What does this all mean? Going into the next world? Residents? I have to find out. resuming the playing of the tape, the doctor continued.

"These, are the hibernation pods." he motioned his hoof towards the oval contraptions. "They induce a deep, and... hallucinogenic sleep." He cleared his throat and continued."A fascinating device really. Developed by the most brilliant minds in the world, well.... the remaining world."

Doctor Whooves made his way to the back next to the first pod in the line. "This, hallucinogen is like... an alternate reality. Everypony in these pods are connected through mind, yet their bodies remain here, within these fiberglass containers." The doctor tapped against the side of the pod with his hoof, then continued. "We have attempted extraction of a patient of these pods before. All the kinks have yet to be fixed, if ever..."

The doctor moved back to his original seat in front of the camera. "...The patient had no recollection of this world, only the 'other' one. Memory loss was apparent. Not only this, but we had to undergo emergency care in order to... rejuvenate the patients body." the doctor dragged his hoof through his mane. "The patient sadly passed away shortly after. Their bodies natural adjustment to the nutrient tubes rejected our own solvent." He sighed in exhaustion. "I'm only glad that.... that they died with a peace of mind."

Doctor Whooves looked back towards the pod and then back into the camera. "So that's it then. I'm going in... Soon, I'll be in a peaceful land... no war, no starvation... and no damn sand."

He continued, "But with that I take my mind... I suspect in a period of a month all past memories will cease, and I will continue life in a state of... unknown denial." His head drooped at the thought. "So... Goodbye my friend...." Doctor Whooves reached to switch off the recording then stopped. "oh... and if do happen to be the first to receive this tape, we've left something... just for you." he showed a faint smile. "3rd row, 4th pod." he exclaimed, taking a moment to salute, then finally shutting it off.

with those words, the TV resumed to it's normal static.

He only sat there.... dumbstruck. This.... doctor, threw so much to my mind to consider. It was almost impossible to wrap his mind around a world away from this, away from this... hell. he thought to himself quietly. He stood up from where he sat, his legs wobbled momentarily. Slowly, he approached the pods left in the corner of the room. "If he is telling the truth, then the doctor... and the other scientists are in there..." He immediately thought of the doctor's last words.

"we've left something... just for you." "3rd row, 4th pod."

He scanned his eyes around the collection of pods. "row 3..... pod 4..." he said aloud. Walking through the aisles, he stopped. Who were some of these mysterious ponies who had assisted the doctor? He looked to his side. A pod sat next to him, the faint sound of pumping tubes could be heard. He wiped his hoof across the viewing portion of the pod...

He looked at the pony before him, sleeping in peaceful silence, as if untouched by time itself.

It was a mare, and a unicorn at that. She was a light violet color, with a neatly combed, moderately long mane. A single dash of pink and purple streaked across it. He traced his eyes along her body and gazed upon her flank, her cutie mark. It was a large, pink star, accompanied by 4 or 5 little white stars.

he crouched and stared intently at the mare's closed eyes.

"Twilight Sparkle." he breathed...

Comments

[Distrance]

Whelp here we go... my first MLP fan-fiction and one of the few stories I've ever wrote 'for fun.'

feedback is gold guys. I want to hear from you all!

oh and expect Chapter 2 to get a lot more... saucy.

[LewisClarke]

I don't see why this story doesn't have a higher rating. The premise alone is cool! Here, I don't usually give out stars til the end of a story, but it needs some, so I'll send them in early!

[Distrance]

197360
only joking

I'm never good with romance.

[Zobeid]

If this is really your first fic, then you're off to a strong start. I'll be tracking and see what happens with it.

[CosmicAfro]

Just a few things I picked up on while reading and thought they could use the attention:

High above the land below, a earth pony
>an earth pony

Inching further and further, the top of the chasm was in view.
>I'd reccomend "inching further and further, the top of the chasm came into view."

Turning to the pointed end, he hacked at the rusty lock, to which it quickly broke in two and fell to the ground.
>I'd say that's a little inconsistant seeing as, if I read this right, the door is already in the ground. Really, you could say the lock split in two and then he threw the chunks into the giant chasm he just climbed out of.

Maybe there there will confetti ooh and balloons oh oh
>the oh ohs can stay, but the double there (also you should put "be" after there).

I'm sure she would of told us..."
>Would have

Oh I hope Rarity won't mind us sneaking in... Twilight questioned to herself.
>She's not questioning herself here.

he sighed in exhaustion and rubbed the sweat from his mane, when it suddenly occurred to him. "THERE'S AIR CONDITIONING?"
>This part is unclear; if you could show us that it was hot or cold, or some kind of temperature related difference, that would be useful.

He was wearing a lab coat that covered his flank. Impossible to see his cutie mark.
>I would reccomend here either
A) Getting rid of that second sentence completely
B) combine the two sentences. "He was wearing a lab coat that covered his flank, making it impossible to see his cutie mark.

Also, a ton of ellipsi (is that the singular of ellipses?) abuse. Not everything has to have a dramatic pause.

Other than those listed above, and a few misc. grammar errors, you're doing tremendously well. You're building up an amazing world with a lot of mystery and suspense, not to mention cool science! I wonder how these two vastly different worlds will come into play... For this, you've captured my attention and have earned a tracker. Keep writing and try and find a person to look over your chapters with you. Chances are, he/she will find some errors you missed and help your story look even more fantastic than it already is.

[Distrance]

210544

Yea, i get carried away with the whole "..." thing. In my mind I think of them pondering their next words, so there is a short pause.

Still, much obliged, my boy. I shall make some adjustments, maybe find a pre-reader. BACK TO WORK!