The Dusk Zone
Joined 24th Mar, 2013 ·
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Brest expansion?
Dis gun be GUD
Edit:
Dis was GUD.
In all honestly it was very erotic so nice job. Not exactly my taste but ya know, good on ya. Keep working on your grammer and the such to help flow. Umm, I cant say much else because it was a first but keep at it, I see you got more potential to show. Hope to see more soon. Sexual and non sexual hahaa!
~~dezi94
2428611
*grammar
I'm sorry, I'm a terrible Grammar Nazi.
ACTUAL COMMENT:
I would recommend finding someone like a prereader or an editor to fix some of the mistakes.
Totally willing to do it. I'm just sayin'.
2428706
Its all good. Hard to get good comments going on my phone.
Edit: there are prereaders all over the place here haha! Just ask an author, worst thing they can do is say no.
Interesting story concept, rushed a bit in this first chapter. I would definitely think about getting a proofreader or editor to work with. Otherwise, well done indeed.
I want to see some serious mind control!!!
I can live with this
I dong understand thuis
I noticed my cock was slowly making its way out of its hiding place in my sheath, as well as feel my marehood puff out some
Ehh wast the best but wasn't the worst as well.Keep trying.
AND I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THE REST OF THE STORY FOLKS
2442483
Glad to see someone INSTANTLY got the reference! Good work, soldier!
Decent story concept but please work on your grammar and spelling.
huh. thats a thought. Equestria seems like the gender ratio is so off but really there are three genders. male, female, and futa. so half of all mares you see could actually be futas, thus making the gender ratio a bit more average!
P.S. Me Gusta
P.P.S. the part in third person kinda detracts from the story.
2650467
Well, if you read the Authro's comment, it IS my first time with a clopfic.
2655914
Oh. I don't really read Authro comments
Is this meant to be anthro? Should include the AU tag if so.